Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000
_
2
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,776
Welcome to this very
special rush evening
3
00:00:10,843 --> 00:00:13,345
of the new and improved
Kappa Kappa Tau.
4
00:00:13,412 --> 00:00:14,880
I'm Zayday Williams, president,
5
00:00:14,947 --> 00:00:18,016
and this is my vice
president, Grace Gardner.
6
00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:19,718
We would also like to thank Dean Munsch
7
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:21,920
for allowing us to have a
winter semester rush this year.
8
00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:24,756
Well, now that the unfortunate events
9
00:00:24,824 --> 00:00:26,925
of the fall semester are behind us
10
00:00:26,993 --> 00:00:30,095
and the school is back
open and extremely safe,
11
00:00:30,163 --> 00:00:31,897
I thought, why not?
12
00:00:31,964 --> 00:00:35,567
Especially since the new Kappa
seems to be aligned so clearly
13
00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:37,769
with mine and the rest
of the student body's
14
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:41,173
almost militant commitment
to political correctness
15
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,109
and acceptance of different
and unusual points of view.
16
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,411
As long as they're always left-leaning.
17
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,213
Now, if you'll excuse me,
18
00:00:48,281 --> 00:00:52,984
I'm gonna go disinvite Jerry Seinfeld
from speaking at commencement.
19
00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:55,053
He told a joke about a woman once.
20
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:56,054
Allegedly.
21
00:00:58,357 --> 00:01:00,892
We would also like to introduce
you to our treasurer,
22
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,360
Hester Ulrich.
23
00:01:04,163 --> 00:01:07,532
Excuse me. Is it still true that you
guys take anyone who wants to pledge?
24
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,201
It's actually now written
in the Kappa bylaws.
25
00:01:10,303 --> 00:01:12,404
So today is going to
be filled with us...
26
00:01:12,471 --> 00:01:14,406
Hi. It's me, Hester.
27
00:01:14,473 --> 00:01:16,842
You may have noticed my eye patch.
It's temporary.
28
00:01:16,909 --> 00:01:18,510
The advantage of stabbing
yourself in the eye
29
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,445
with a stiletto heel is that you know
30
00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:23,048
just where to jab it in order
to miss the important organs,
31
00:01:23,115 --> 00:01:24,983
like your optic nerve or your brain.
32
00:01:25,051 --> 00:01:27,285
You might have noticed that
I'm the only Chanel left.
33
00:01:27,353 --> 00:01:29,454
That's because I got away with it.
34
00:01:29,522 --> 00:01:31,289
It was a plan 20 years in the making,
35
00:01:31,357 --> 00:01:33,058
and it worked.
36
00:01:33,082 --> 00:01:36,054
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37
00:01:36,128 --> 00:01:38,063
You probably think that growing up
38
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,664
in a mental institution would be fun.
39
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:42,167
Plenty of cigarettes and Monopoly.
40
00:01:45,705 --> 00:01:47,305
But it was hard at first.
41
00:01:48,507 --> 00:01:50,008
Gigi was pretty bummed out
42
00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:51,977
about her sister killing
herself with laxatives,
43
00:01:52,044 --> 00:01:53,979
- _
- and she cried a lot.
44
00:01:56,148 --> 00:01:58,116
For three years.
45
00:01:59,552 --> 00:02:02,787
But with the help of good doctors
and nurses at the asylum,
46
00:02:02,855 --> 00:02:03,339
_
47
00:02:03,364 --> 00:02:04,814
Gigi was able to turn
her sadness into anger,
48
00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:07,125
and we started planning our revenge.
49
00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:12,597
- _
- Now, this is a hammer.
50
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:16,101
Hammers are good for bashing
people in the skull
51
00:02:16,168 --> 00:02:18,303
and watching them bleed to death, okay?
52
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:20,305
Now, how about this?
53
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:22,507
- Knife!
- Okay.
54
00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:24,142
How about this one?
55
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,644
- Chain saw.
- Great!
56
00:02:25,711 --> 00:02:27,612
Now, what are the
advantages of using this?
57
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,948
Easily cuts through muscle and bone,
58
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:31,516
and has the added
advantage of making sure
59
00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:33,518
your victim's final emotion is terror.
60
00:02:33,586 --> 00:02:34,552
Suck ass!
61
00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,554
That's great, Hester.
62
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:38,056
Now, let's maybe let Boone
answer the next one.
63
00:02:38,124 --> 00:02:40,025
- But he's a moron.
- I know.
64
00:02:40,092 --> 00:02:41,960
I know.
65
00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:43,395
Ow!
66
00:02:47,199 --> 00:02:49,134
We grew. Time passed.
67
00:02:49,201 --> 00:02:50,535
It did get a little lonely there.
68
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,671
Sometimes I made friends,
69
00:02:52,738 --> 00:02:54,172
but then the next thing you know,
70
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,007
they're getting a full
frontal lobotomy.
71
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,049
Gigi said that we would
be headed to Wallace
72
00:03:04,116 --> 00:03:05,850
to finally put our plan into action,
73
00:03:05,918 --> 00:03:08,386
so I needed a persona to hide behind
74
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:09,524
while we murdered people and stuff.
75
00:03:09,730 --> 00:03:11,500
Boone decided that his would
be to pretend to be gay,
76
00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:13,948
which made, like, no sense,
since all that would do is
77
00:03:13,949 --> 00:03:15,618
make him stand out amongst
those frat dudes.
78
00:03:16,495 --> 00:03:18,396
But Boone was never one
for really being smart.
79
00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:19,965
As for me, what I've noticed is that
80
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,700
the more weird and gross you are,
81
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:24,002
the less people want to know about you.
82
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,670
No one asks the kid with terrible acne
83
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:28,373
what their favorite movie
is or where they were born.
84
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:30,008
Even though I only ate asylum food
85
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:31,576
and never really
exercised, I was blessed
86
00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,178
with a super tight bod.
87
00:03:33,245 --> 00:03:35,080
My butt could launch a thousand ships,
88
00:03:35,147 --> 00:03:37,115
and my boobs were
remarkably perky and even.
89
00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,017
Couple that with my BJ lips,
90
00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:41,119
and I was gonna need
something pretty spectacular
91
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:43,688
to keep everyone from wanting
to get all up in this.
92
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:48,560
Once I saw her, I knew I found
my cloak of social invisibility.
93
00:04:02,975 --> 00:04:04,709
We needed a cool costume.
94
00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:06,044
All killers have a cool costume...
95
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,846
Jason with his hockey mask,
96
00:04:07,913 --> 00:04:09,647
Freddy Krueger's sweater and hat,
97
00:04:09,715 --> 00:04:12,884
Cujo's totally realistic dog costume.
98
00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,389
Hey, everyone!
99
00:04:17,456 --> 00:04:19,724
Come down to Jesse
Helms Stadium tonight
100
00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:23,028
to cheer on our very
own Wallace University
101
00:04:23,095 --> 00:04:25,463
Red Devils!
102
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:28,366
Kickoff at 7:00 p.m.!
103
00:04:38,644 --> 00:04:40,111
Kind of ironic
that our first victim
104
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:41,780
was actually the Red Devil,
105
00:04:41,847 --> 00:04:43,014
but when you want to
make an omelet, right?
106
00:04:47,853 --> 00:04:49,621
But the devil outfit was perfect.
107
00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:51,489
Unisex, kind of satanic
108
00:04:51,557 --> 00:04:53,091
but not, like, a giant
goat head satanic.
109
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:55,326
Red and black so it wouldn't stain
110
00:04:55,394 --> 00:04:56,761
when it was covered in blood.
111
00:04:56,829 --> 00:04:58,630
And since it was the school mascot,
112
00:04:58,697 --> 00:05:00,899
we could walk around campus
in it without being noticed.
113
00:05:00,966 --> 00:05:02,600
I think he's dead.
114
00:05:02,668 --> 00:05:04,002
It was time to begin.
115
00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,538
We broke into Kappa and we got busy.
116
00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,608
I don't understand why
117
00:05:10,676 --> 00:05:12,243
we don't just stab this Dorkus girl.
118
00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:13,945
Because this is more dramatic.
119
00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:16,147
I don't know. Stabbing
can be pretty dramatic.
120
00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:20,318
No, this is more poetic. It hits
these girls right in their vanity.
121
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:21,986
Wait, we're spraying
acid on the furniture?
122
00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:23,354
How's that gonna hurt them?
123
00:05:23,422 --> 00:05:26,024
Just pour the acid in!
124
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:28,026
Obvi, I was the
brains of the operation.
125
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:33,098
Boone was the muscle, and Gigi was the
weird and psycho beating black heart.
126
00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:36,067
We did have to get into college
before we could execute our plan.
127
00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:37,469
Hard, since we never
went to high school.
128
00:05:37,536 --> 00:05:39,604
Boone went undercover
year before I did.
129
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,606
never actually rolled in school.
130
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:43,608
Since none of those frat
guys ever went to class,
131
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,243
it was easy to just show up there,
132
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:47,045
say he was a student,
and blend right in.
133
00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,046
But I wanted to do it right.
134
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:49,872
Well, Hester,
135
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,883
your high school transcripts
are clearly faked.
136
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,854
And I'm guessing you
made up your SAT scores,
137
00:05:55,921 --> 00:05:58,022
'cause it's not possible to get
one million percent on them.
138
00:05:58,090 --> 00:05:59,591
Now, that being said,
139
00:05:59,658 --> 00:06:01,860
we do have a new mandate
here at Wallace University
140
00:06:01,927 --> 00:06:03,795
for special needs diversity.
141
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:07,632
And seeing as we have no students
with severe spinal deformities,
142
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:11,870
I... am gonna take a chance on you.
143
00:06:15,074 --> 00:06:16,007
Welcome to Wallace.
144
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:18,209
Thank you, Dean. You won't regret it.
145
00:06:23,215 --> 00:06:23,982
Hi.
146
00:06:25,117 --> 00:06:26,050
Ooh, cool neck brace.
147
00:06:26,118 --> 00:06:26,918
You ever think about decorating it?
148
00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:29,354
I've got a Bedazzler back in my room.
149
00:06:29,421 --> 00:06:31,089
What do you say we spice it up a bit?
150
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,092
Um, no. But that sounds
like a lot of fun.
151
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,027
I hope you guys aren't
freaked out by my appearance
152
00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:37,529
or lack of social skills and money.
153
00:06:37,596 --> 00:06:40,064
Hardly. We're part of a new
wave of Kappa Kappa Tau,
154
00:06:40,132 --> 00:06:42,433
one filled with true
sisterhood and acceptance.
155
00:06:42,501 --> 00:06:44,936
Zayday here is gonna be president
of this place someday.
156
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:46,504
Come on. Let's go mingle, babies.
157
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,106
I'll catch up.
158
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:50,341
By the way, you guys seem really nice.
159
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:53,044
I've always said that being
nice is a really good quality.
160
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:54,913
It could save your life one day.
161
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:56,247
Hmm.
162
00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:57,715
Great.
163
00:06:57,783 --> 00:06:59,884
And so it came to be
164
00:06:59,952 --> 00:07:02,887
that Hester Ulrich,
daughter of Sophia Doyle,
165
00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:05,690
returned to Kappa House
to get her revenge.
166
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,692
And that was the night it all started.
167
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,727
And tonight, it all ends.
168
00:07:09,795 --> 00:07:11,729
Order is restored, as they say.
169
00:07:11,797 --> 00:07:13,531
More than restored... reborn.
170
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,601
Now I have some true
sisters, some real family.
171
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:18,937
The only dad I ever had was the asylum.
172
00:07:19,004 --> 00:07:21,172
My only family were those
nutburgers Gigi and Boone.
173
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,374
But now I know who my real dad is
174
00:07:23,442 --> 00:07:25,710
and my real half-sister,
even if they don't.
175
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,212
And the best part is
176
00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:28,646
that that isn't even the best part.
177
00:07:28,714 --> 00:07:30,582
Well, that isn't the best part either.
178
00:07:30,649 --> 00:07:33,117
The best part is who
isn't up here with us.
179
00:07:33,185 --> 00:07:35,119
Yep. No Chanels.
180
00:07:35,187 --> 00:07:37,422
I mean, someone had to
take all the blame.
181
00:07:37,489 --> 00:07:38,923
Right?
182
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,930
_
183
00:07:44,267 --> 00:07:46,769
You're probably
thinking, what kind of person
184
00:07:46,837 --> 00:07:48,904
could drive a six-inch stiletto
into her own eye socket?
185
00:07:48,972 --> 00:07:50,072
Hester, it's gonna be
okay, it's gonna be okay.
186
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:51,774
Can we save the shoe?
187
00:07:51,842 --> 00:07:53,876
A person who did
her homework, that's who!
188
00:07:55,946 --> 00:07:59,114
First, I had to get an
X-ray of my own skull.
189
00:07:59,182 --> 00:08:02,218
Then, I had to calculate the
proper length of the heel,
190
00:08:02,285 --> 00:08:03,752
the angle of the insertion,
191
00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:05,588
with just the right amount of force
192
00:08:05,655 --> 00:08:08,657
to slip behind the eyeball
without damaging the socket.
193
00:08:08,725 --> 00:08:10,659
Also, it helps to be
completely frickin' insane.
194
00:08:14,264 --> 00:08:15,931
Because for a plan like this to work,
195
00:08:15,999 --> 00:08:19,835
you have to be willing
to totally commit.
196
00:08:21,571 --> 00:08:23,672
I mean, desperate times call
for desperate measures.
197
00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:25,574
This was the price I
had to pay if I wanted
198
00:08:25,642 --> 00:08:28,410
to get away with murder and
pin it all on someone else.
199
00:08:32,849 --> 00:08:33,749
The Red Devil!
200
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:39,755
Because some people don't
deserve to just get murdered.
201
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,757
They need to be truly punished.
202
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:42,958
I didn't do it, I swear!
203
00:08:43,026 --> 00:08:45,060
Oh, please, we all know
the guy from Nickelback
204
00:08:45,128 --> 00:08:47,229
did not, in fact, swipe
right on your profile.
205
00:08:47,297 --> 00:08:50,833
Uh, yes, he did, okay? Nickelback is in
town playing some kid's bat mitzvah.
206
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:52,935
Please! It was clearly a ruse
207
00:08:53,003 --> 00:08:55,804
so you could sneak back into
the house and kill Number Six!
208
00:08:55,872 --> 00:08:57,606
I would never, Chanel!
209
00:08:57,674 --> 00:08:58,674
I'm one of the good guys!
210
00:08:58,742 --> 00:09:00,075
Look, I-I know,
211
00:09:00,143 --> 00:09:01,877
I know that I can be socially awkward
212
00:09:01,945 --> 00:09:04,079
and-and a little bit off-putting
213
00:09:04,147 --> 00:09:06,882
and that most people find it
very difficult to be around me,
214
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:08,217
but you know me, Chanel.
215
00:09:08,285 --> 00:09:10,119
I'm not the killer.
216
00:09:10,186 --> 00:09:12,087
Um, excuse me?
217
00:09:12,155 --> 00:09:13,789
I think you're a serial killer
218
00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:15,324
because I know you, Number Five!
219
00:09:15,392 --> 00:09:16,425
You bite your own toenails.
220
00:09:16,493 --> 00:09:18,127
Okay, I am flexible.
221
00:09:18,194 --> 00:09:20,796
Why would I waste my money
buying toenail clippers
222
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:23,065
when God already blessed
me with toenail clippers
223
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:25,434
in the form of teeth in my mouth?!
224
00:09:25,502 --> 00:09:27,803
It's awfully convenient that
you're the one who noticed
225
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:28,904
Number Two's body went missing.
226
00:09:28,972 --> 00:09:30,472
Maybe you knew it was gone
227
00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:32,441
'cause you'd already taken it
to the house on Shady Lane.
228
00:09:32,509 --> 00:09:34,810
Look, we should all just stay up
229
00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:37,279
and wait until Number Five
gets tired and passes out.
230
00:09:37,347 --> 00:09:39,548
She confesses all sorts of
crazy stuff in her sleep.
231
00:09:39,616 --> 00:09:42,017
She and I were roommates the first
year we lived in the house.
232
00:09:42,085 --> 00:09:43,819
I unlocked the brakes
on Grandma's wheelchair
233
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,721
so that she would slide down
the driveway into the traffic.
234
00:09:45,789 --> 00:09:46,956
Shut up!
235
00:09:47,023 --> 00:09:48,724
Go to sleep!
236
00:09:48,792 --> 00:09:51,694
When I fart, I cup it in
my hand and smell it.
237
00:09:51,761 --> 00:09:54,363
Dear God, shut up!
238
00:09:54,431 --> 00:09:56,799
Wait a minute.
Everybody, shut up!
239
00:09:56,866 --> 00:09:58,167
I know what happened.
240
00:09:58,234 --> 00:09:59,568
You killed Number Two
241
00:09:59,636 --> 00:10:01,537
and confessed it in your
sleep to Roger and Dodger
242
00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:04,340
after a hot night of letting
them Eiffel Tower you.
243
00:10:04,407 --> 00:10:06,742
And once you knew that they both knew,
244
00:10:06,810 --> 00:10:08,243
you realized you'd have to kill them!
245
00:10:08,311 --> 00:10:09,712
Oh.
246
00:10:09,779 --> 00:10:11,880
Oh, I see where this is going.
247
00:10:11,948 --> 00:10:13,782
You're gonna try and pin
all of these murders on me
248
00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:15,351
so I spend the rest
of my life in prison.
249
00:10:15,418 --> 00:10:17,586
Oh, no, my friend.
250
00:10:17,654 --> 00:10:20,189
You... are going to the electric chair.
251
00:10:20,256 --> 00:10:22,758
No!
252
00:10:22,826 --> 00:10:24,927
Do they still use those?
253
00:10:24,995 --> 00:10:26,562
Uh-huh.
254
00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:27,596
Okay.
255
00:10:27,664 --> 00:10:30,599
Well, thank you for letting me know.
256
00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:32,368
Well, well, well.
257
00:10:32,435 --> 00:10:34,136
This just in.
258
00:10:34,204 --> 00:10:37,373
Police Chief Denise
Hemphill just got a call.
259
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,109
A decomposing male body was found
260
00:10:40,176 --> 00:10:43,879
with rippling abs and
a possible gay face
261
00:10:43,947 --> 00:10:48,784
that appears to be a match
for one Boone Clemens.
262
00:10:48,852 --> 00:10:52,187
That's right, y'all! Hot damn, shazam!
263
00:10:52,255 --> 00:10:54,189
Boone is dead.
264
00:10:54,257 --> 00:10:56,759
Excuse me for a second
while I drop the mic.
265
00:10:56,826 --> 00:11:00,129
We already knew Boone was dead.
Pete admitted to killing him.
266
00:11:00,196 --> 00:11:02,031
Okay, well, excuse me
267
00:11:02,098 --> 00:11:04,233
for trying to reiterate the facts
268
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,101
and get us all on the same page.
269
00:11:06,169 --> 00:11:09,938
I mean, after all, I am just the chief
of the whole damn police department.
270
00:11:10,006 --> 00:11:11,940
Okay, look, this is all so insane.
271
00:11:12,008 --> 00:11:15,210
Look, we can all freely admit
that Number Five is fairly odd,
272
00:11:15,278 --> 00:11:16,612
but she is not the killer.
273
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:17,780
The killer is Hester.
274
00:11:17,847 --> 00:11:19,948
Yes, and the proof is in her files.
275
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,789
The only proof you need
is this hole in my head.
276
00:11:28,024 --> 00:11:29,358
Good news.
277
00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:33,429
Chanel #5 didn't insert the heel hard
enough to pierce my orbital socket.
278
00:11:33,496 --> 00:11:34,863
The doctors were able
to save my eyeball,
279
00:11:34,931 --> 00:11:36,832
and they said that I'm gonna
make a full recovery.
280
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:39,034
No, that can't be true.
You're the killer!
281
00:11:39,102 --> 00:11:41,937
Your entire life story
is totally fabricated.
282
00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:45,874
Just look at her insane, obviously
made-up, high school transcript.
283
00:11:45,942 --> 00:11:47,676
I'm very embarrassed about that.
284
00:11:47,744 --> 00:11:50,679
Yes, it's true, I falsified
my high school transcripts,
285
00:11:50,747 --> 00:11:53,515
but only to cover up the fact
that I was homeschooled.
286
00:11:53,583 --> 00:11:54,883
Mm.
287
00:11:54,951 --> 00:11:56,318
I-I was afraid that
if people found out,
288
00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:57,820
they wouldn't ask me
to join a sorority.
289
00:11:57,887 --> 00:12:00,289
Liar! You are the baby in the bathtub.
290
00:12:00,356 --> 00:12:01,924
You look just like Boone.
291
00:12:01,991 --> 00:12:05,461
And Pete told us that your DNA
matched Boone and my dad.
292
00:12:05,528 --> 00:12:08,864
Are you talking about the same Pete who
admitted to being one of the killers?
293
00:12:08,932 --> 00:12:10,365
He's just making that all up
294
00:12:10,433 --> 00:12:13,669
to cover for his real partner
in crime, Chanel #5!
295
00:12:13,737 --> 00:12:14,703
No.
296
00:12:14,771 --> 00:12:16,705
Well, then how do you explain the fact
297
00:12:16,773 --> 00:12:20,109
that there's absolutely no records
on your parents anywhere?
298
00:12:20,176 --> 00:12:21,310
Ugh!
299
00:12:21,377 --> 00:12:23,679
I think the answer to
that is at the door.
300
00:12:27,617 --> 00:12:28,550
What?
301
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,054
- Sweetheart.
- Hester?
302
00:12:32,122 --> 00:12:33,822
Oh, sweetheart, are you okay?
303
00:12:33,890 --> 00:12:35,090
Stepfather.
304
00:12:35,158 --> 00:12:36,558
We came as soon as we heard.
305
00:12:36,626 --> 00:12:38,894
Oh, Mother. Cuddlebear.
306
00:12:38,962 --> 00:12:42,097
Everyone, these are my
parents, Clark and Delight.
307
00:12:42,165 --> 00:12:46,201
Hester is our biological daughter.
She definitely was not adopted.
308
00:12:46,269 --> 00:12:48,103
I have the
stretch marks to prove it.
309
00:12:48,171 --> 00:12:50,539
That's right, we're
prepared to corroborate
310
00:12:50,607 --> 00:12:53,108
everything my stepdaughter,
Hester, has just said.
311
00:12:53,176 --> 00:12:54,710
Do I know you?
312
00:12:54,778 --> 00:12:58,447
Wait, hold on, there's no record
of Hester's parents anywhere.
313
00:12:58,515 --> 00:13:02,184
That's because, until recently, my
husband and I worked for the CIA.
314
00:13:02,252 --> 00:13:04,186
We were forced to
remain deep undercover
315
00:13:04,254 --> 00:13:07,823
to protect Hester and Cuddlebear
and the people who love them.
316
00:13:07,891 --> 00:13:09,391
Wait, I do know! I know
where I know you from.
317
00:13:09,459 --> 00:13:10,993
You're from that prostate commercial.
318
00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:12,928
Can you say that line I love so much?
319
00:13:12,996 --> 00:13:14,696
Uh...
320
00:13:14,764 --> 00:13:17,199
"Thanks, MaxFlow, my stream's
never been stronger."
321
00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:18,734
"Never been stronger," yes!
I love that line!
322
00:13:18,802 --> 00:13:21,737
Well, in order to not blow
their super-secret CIA covers,
323
00:13:21,805 --> 00:13:24,173
my parents sometimes work
as actors in commercials.
324
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,307
Oh, yeah, yeah.
325
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:26,775
Well, I want to talk to my parents,
326
00:13:26,843 --> 00:13:29,378
so they can explain to you how
I am not a serial killer,
327
00:13:29,445 --> 00:13:30,846
nor am I the baby in the bathtub.
328
00:13:30,914 --> 00:13:33,615
Don't worry, I already
called your parents.
329
00:13:34,884 --> 00:13:36,752
Ugh!
330
00:13:37,854 --> 00:13:39,488
Wha...?
331
00:13:40,623 --> 00:13:42,891
Mom and Dad!
332
00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:45,394
Hi!
333
00:13:45,461 --> 00:13:48,964
Can you please tell everybody
how I wasn't adopted,
334
00:13:49,032 --> 00:13:51,133
nor am I a serial killer?
335
00:13:51,201 --> 00:13:54,603
So, we're not Chanel #5's real parents.
336
00:13:54,671 --> 00:13:56,438
A woman named Gigi gave her to us
337
00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:58,607
after a sizable stint in
a mental institution.
338
00:13:58,675 --> 00:13:59,541
What?!
339
00:13:59,609 --> 00:14:01,844
We took her in out of the
kindness of our hearts.
340
00:14:01,911 --> 00:14:03,245
And also for the tax deduction.
341
00:14:04,180 --> 00:14:05,914
That's not true!
342
00:14:05,982 --> 00:14:07,916
All Gigi asked was that
when the time came
343
00:14:07,984 --> 00:14:10,219
that we enroll our daughter
at Wallace University
344
00:14:10,286 --> 00:14:12,221
and encourage her to
pledge Kappa Kappa Tau.
345
00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:14,223
We tried to love her like our own,
346
00:14:14,290 --> 00:14:17,326
but, I mean... she's not great.
347
00:14:17,393 --> 00:14:19,561
And now that the truth is out
that she's probably a murderer,
348
00:14:19,629 --> 00:14:21,129
we don't want to have
anything to do with her.
349
00:14:21,197 --> 00:14:22,731
No!
350
00:14:22,799 --> 00:14:24,900
How could you do this to me?!
351
00:14:24,924 --> 00:14:26,769
_
352
00:14:26,803 --> 00:14:28,804
I have to be honest, we've
actually discussed doing
353
00:14:28,872 --> 00:14:30,772
exactly what you're proposing.
354
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,075
As soon as she learned to
talk, I wanted to disown her.
355
00:14:33,142 --> 00:14:36,745
I mean, maybe she's the killer
on campus, maybe she's not,
356
00:14:36,813 --> 00:14:38,814
- but she probably is, right?
- Yeah.
357
00:14:38,882 --> 00:14:39,815
Yeah. I mean, she just sucks.
358
00:14:39,883 --> 00:14:40,849
Our daughter sucks.
359
00:14:41,951 --> 00:14:43,886
I can't believe what I'm hearing!
360
00:14:43,953 --> 00:14:45,320
Please tell them the truth.
361
00:14:45,388 --> 00:14:47,289
It is the truth, you frumpy monster.
362
00:14:48,124 --> 00:14:50,492
The psychologists said you probably
wouldn't remember the asylum
363
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:51,894
on account of it being so traumatic.
364
00:14:51,961 --> 00:14:54,897
Your mind filled in the
gaps with imagined memories
365
00:14:54,964 --> 00:14:57,799
- of growing up in our house.
- But, sweetie, you're toxic,
366
00:14:57,867 --> 00:14:59,668
and you're bumming us out,
so it's time for you to go.
367
00:14:59,736 --> 00:15:02,304
Okay, okay, I
have heard enough.
368
00:15:02,372 --> 00:15:06,108
Now, I still believe that
Zayday Williams is the killer.
369
00:15:06,175 --> 00:15:07,809
Okay.
370
00:15:07,877 --> 00:15:10,245
But this, this is real suspicious.
371
00:15:11,381 --> 00:15:16,151
So, Chanel #5, you are under arrest.
372
00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:17,452
What?!
373
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:18,854
You can't arrest me... don't you need,
374
00:15:18,922 --> 00:15:20,355
like, a warrant or
something from a judge?
375
00:15:20,423 --> 00:15:21,790
What?!
376
00:15:21,858 --> 00:15:25,861
I'm the chief of the police department,
and I can arrest whoever I want.
377
00:15:25,929 --> 00:15:27,362
And, little girl, you,
378
00:15:27,430 --> 00:15:30,132
you got the right to remain silent.
379
00:15:30,199 --> 00:15:32,834
And you got some other
rights that come after that,
380
00:15:32,902 --> 00:15:34,036
and I don't know what they are,
381
00:15:34,103 --> 00:15:36,338
'cause I don't remember
what I'm supposed to say
382
00:15:36,406 --> 00:15:38,707
after "You got the right to
remain silent," but come on!
383
00:15:38,775 --> 00:15:39,841
Wait, I'm not finished.
384
00:15:40,877 --> 00:15:42,811
She's not the only killer.
385
00:15:42,879 --> 00:15:46,748
You also need to arrest... Chanel #3!
386
00:15:49,829 --> 00:15:51,624
Wait, you think I'm the killer?
387
00:15:51,624 --> 00:15:54,225
I know for a fact that
you're working hand-in-hand
388
00:15:54,293 --> 00:15:56,461
with Chanel #5 and her evil
killing brother Boone,
389
00:15:56,886 --> 00:15:58,887
and that your first victim
was Deaf Taylor Swift.
390
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,459
What? That's impossible.
391
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:03,628
When the pledges were buried up
to their necks in the backyard,
392
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:06,264
I was sipping banana daiquiris
at the White Stallion.
393
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,433
Well, yeah, you came to the
White Stallion with us,
394
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,168
but then you disappeared
as soon as we got there.
395
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:11,603
Care to elaborate, Number Three?
396
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,004
I can explain.
397
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:16,708
When I got to the bar, I realized
my stomach was really bothering me.
398
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:18,142
I thought maybe someone had
put something in my drink
399
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:21,412
because I was tting mad cramps, and
I knew it was gonna be trouble.
400
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,414
I was past needing to go number two.
401
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,483
I needed to go number three.
402
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,588
But the bathrooms at the White
Stallion are freakin' disgusting.
403
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:32,657
There was no way I was gonna
lay down some pipe in there.
404
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:35,927
So I went back to Kappa House and I
destroyed the bathroom upstairs.
405
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,861
But I didn't kill anyone.
406
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:38,263
Hmm, so let me get this straight.
407
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:40,265
You're accusing someone
here in Kappa House
408
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:43,268
of putting laxatives in your cocktail?
409
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:44,435
Messing with somebody's regularity?
410
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,604
That's downright criminal.
411
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,606
I just don't understand how
deep the hole's supposed to be.
412
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,609
Whore deep! What kind
of a question is that?!
413
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,545
Useless.
414
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,047
Hmm, but let's say
415
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:57,682
you aren't lying and that you didn't
416
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,417
mow Deaf Taylor Swift's head off.
417
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:03,321
I know for a fact that you
killed Predatory Lez.
418
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:03,964
No, I didn't.
419
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,715
You know, when you sent
her down there to die
420
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:08,426
because you were too ashamed
of your feelings for her,
421
00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:10,094
I went down there to check on her,
422
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:12,697
when I caught a glimpse of
someone running up the stairs,
423
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,899
and they were wearing earmuffs!
424
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,768
- You're lying!
- That's just what I saw.
425
00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:18,670
Well, just saying you saw
something isn't evidence.
426
00:17:18,737 --> 00:17:21,272
No, you right, it's not evidence.
427
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,907
But it is suspicious.
428
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,309
You know why?
429
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,311
'Cause you the only one
in here wearing earmuffs!
430
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:28,046
Yeah, I know.
431
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:32,317
Let's not forget the
most suspicious fact of all.
432
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,618
You're Charles Manson's daughter.
433
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,219
Uh, say what, now?!
434
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:37,922
And you have a shoebox
full of letters from him
435
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:41,292
giving you advice on how
to kill your friends.
436
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:42,794
Wait, Number Three, is that true?
437
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:44,295
I can explain.
438
00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:47,598
Yes, I've become pen pals with my
biological father, Charles Manson.
439
00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:49,500
I wanted my real dad to help me
440
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,502
with some growing-up stuff,
like how to French-kiss a boy
441
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,439
or how to know when I've met Mr.
or Miss Right.
442
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:56,474
But when he writes back,
his advice is always,
443
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,309
"Maybe you should murder some
of your sorority sisters."
444
00:17:58,377 --> 00:17:59,644
Why don't you go
ahead and read us one?
445
00:17:59,712 --> 00:18:00,978
Mm-hmm.
446
00:18:01,046 --> 00:18:02,380
"Precious daughter,
447
00:18:02,448 --> 00:18:04,916
"I'm sorry I don't know anything
about yeast infections,
448
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:06,417
"but I did see an incredible
story on the news
449
00:18:06,485 --> 00:18:08,553
about, uh, a pizza guy who
had a bomb strapped to him."
450
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:09,721
What?
451
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,289
"I'm totes sad that I can't order
452
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:13,324
"a pizza to the penitentiary and
strap a bomb to the pizza guy,
453
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:15,593
but that doesn't mean y-you can't."
454
00:18:16,395 --> 00:18:19,964
Oh, man. That's real suspicious.
455
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:21,399
I-I'm telling you, I
didn't kill anybody.
456
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:22,767
Well, maybe you didn't,
457
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,335
but your split personality did.
458
00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:26,938
I have a signed letter here
from your psychiatrist.
459
00:18:27,005 --> 00:18:28,339
I've never been to a psychiatrist.
460
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,108
Well, your split personality has.
461
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:31,309
It says right here.
462
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,710
"Dear Hester,
463
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:37,148
"yes, I treated Chanel #3 for
split personality disorder
464
00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:39,317
"over the course of about eight months.
465
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,953
"She showed up at my office
in a leather jacket,
466
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:44,455
"claiming her name was Dirty Helen
467
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:46,124
"and that she was the leader
468
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:48,526
"of a notorious West Coast biker gang.
469
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:50,695
"Dirty Helen made threats
against my family,
470
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:54,932
"and I was forced to move my
practice out of the country.
471
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,435
Signed, Dr. Adam Berkel, MD."
472
00:18:57,503 --> 00:18:59,237
Oh, my God, so you're saying
473
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,439
that Dirty Helen could have
killed Sam and Deaf Taylor Swift
474
00:19:01,507 --> 00:19:04,275
and I would have no memory of killing
them or receiving treatment?
475
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:05,843
That's exactly how a
split personality works.
476
00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,846
Chanel #5 admitted to you that
she was the baby in the bathtub,
477
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:12,383
and then she convinced your split
personality to join her on a killing spree.
478
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:15,386
So, Dirty Helen, I'm the
other baby in the bathtub,
479
00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:17,522
and I want you to join
my killing spree.
480
00:19:17,589 --> 00:19:20,391
Okay, cool. But let's
not tell Chanel #3.
481
00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:22,493
This conversation
never took place!
482
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:24,729
Yeah, but if it did,
I wouldn't remember
483
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:27,465
'cause you were talking to my evil
split personality, Dirty Helen.
484
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:30,668
Okay, Chanel #3, you are under arrest.
485
00:19:31,603 --> 00:19:32,804
Sam, wherever you are,
486
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:35,706
I'm so sorry my split
personality murdered you!
487
00:19:35,774 --> 00:19:37,041
Wait!
488
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:39,410
There's someone else you
need to arrest, too.
489
00:19:39,478 --> 00:19:41,379
Chanel Oberlin!
490
00:19:45,613 --> 00:19:47,687
- What?
- Excuse me.
491
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,656
Uh, if you're gonna just
continue to accuse everyone,
492
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:51,857
could we at least sit down?
493
00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:54,093
Liam, we're gonna lose our reservation.
494
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,095
Uh, it's all really interesting though.
495
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,097
I have proof that you, Chanel Oberlin,
496
00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:00,499
entered a home improvement
store two months ago
497
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,501
and purchased the following items...
498
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:04,903
A garden shear, a riding
mower, three chain saws,
499
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:08,507
a pneumatic nail gun, two
axes, and a crossbow.
500
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,509
Okay, first of all,
501
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,511
I was the one who was
shot with the crossbow!
502
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:15,347
And also they don't sell crossbows
at home improvement centers!
503
00:20:15,415 --> 00:20:18,717
Oh, Chanel, the security
footage begs to differ.
504
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,624
It's also stated right here,
505
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:29,128
in your Diners Club monthly statement.
506
00:20:29,195 --> 00:20:30,496
I'll take that, too.
507
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,830
What?!
508
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,565
I don't have a Diners Club card!
509
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,868
Is Diners Club still even a thing?
510
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,871
- I still keep one in my wallet for backup.
- Mm.
511
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:41,907
I don't know why I'm the one who
always has to bring this up,
512
00:20:41,975 --> 00:20:45,677
but we did all watch Chanel burn Ms.
Bean's face off.
513
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,915
For the last time,
514
00:20:49,983 --> 00:20:52,050
that was a Hell Week prank gone wrong!
515
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:53,786
I didn't know the oil was boiling!
516
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,053
Someone turned on that deep fryer!
517
00:21:01,394 --> 00:21:02,694
- I don't know.
- And I did just
518
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,163
watch you try to murder Melanie Dorkus
519
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,531
with a pair of scissors
earlier this afternoon.
520
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:09,501
I only did that because I
thought she was the killer!
521
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,537
I mean, I'm telling you,
I'm not the Red Devil!
522
00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:16,408
You bitch. What is your game here?
523
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,710
I mean, I'm all for Number
Five being the killer.
524
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:23,415
She's a weird psychopath who would look
like Boone's homely, bloated sister
525
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,717
if she let her horrible
black roots grow out.
526
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,553
She probably is the
baby in the bathtub.
527
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:31,623
And I am 100% not
surprised that Chanel #3
528
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:33,091
is also a psycho with
a split personality,
529
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:36,361
who is helping Number
Five murder everybody!
530
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:39,464
But why me?! I mean, I am a
pillar of this community.
531
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,733
I'm also already hot and rich.
532
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,569
What would I have to
gain by hatching a plan
533
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,704
to knock off a bunch of
nameless dumb whores?
534
00:21:45,772 --> 00:21:47,739
I don't think that you did
hatch the plan, Chanel.
535
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,108
But I think that once the
murders started happening,
536
00:21:50,176 --> 00:21:52,511
you saw it as the perfect
opportunity to knock off
537
00:21:52,579 --> 00:21:54,947
the pledges that you thought
would ruin Kappa Kappa Tau.
538
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:58,050
With each murdered pledge,
this sorority house
539
00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:02,354
got closer to being the Kappa Tau
that you always intended it to be!
540
00:22:02,422 --> 00:22:03,589
Oh, yeah?
541
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,925
Well, then why didn't I kill the
two pledges I actually hate...
542
00:22:06,993 --> 00:22:08,727
dumb-ass Grace and stupid Zayday?
543
00:22:08,795 --> 00:22:10,863
Plausible deniability!
You knew by keeping
544
00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:13,599
these two alive that it would
keep everyone off your scent.
545
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:14,700
No!
546
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:16,568
Come on, Cyclops.
547
00:22:16,636 --> 00:22:20,272
In the sleuthing business, that's
what we call ice-cold logic.
548
00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:23,709
It's obvious when you
look at it, Chanel,
549
00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:26,178
that everything that's
happened on this campus so far
550
00:22:26,246 --> 00:22:29,581
is just the logical next step
for sororities everywhere.
551
00:22:29,649 --> 00:22:33,085
Because what's murder if not the most
perfect, ultimate form of hazing?
552
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:36,822
What better way for you to knock
off everyone that you hate,
553
00:22:36,890 --> 00:22:38,957
because they're different
from you or not as popular
554
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:42,160
or not as pretty, than to
murder them one by one?!
555
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,034
Congratulations, Chanel.
556
00:22:50,337 --> 00:22:53,605
You almost got the Kappa House
that you always dreamed of.
557
00:22:53,673 --> 00:22:58,477
This is what I like to
call first-class entertainment.
558
00:22:58,544 --> 00:22:59,811
And I'd love nothing more
559
00:22:59,879 --> 00:23:01,914
than to stand around
here watching you all
560
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:06,184
descend into a nightmare of
accusation and recrimination.
561
00:23:06,252 --> 00:23:09,821
But I am here to represent the law.
562
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:13,458
And unfortunately for
you, Chanel Oberlin...
563
00:23:13,526 --> 00:23:17,429
aka one of the murderers...
you are under arrest.
564
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:18,797
You'll never take me alive!
565
00:23:19,866 --> 00:23:24,002
Time to call in the po-po. The chief
of police is requesting backup.
566
00:23:39,819 --> 00:23:43,689
- Are these strippers?
- They used to be strippers, okay?
567
00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:49,261
But, uh, super-sleuthing Chief of Police
Denise Hemphill had 'em deputized.
568
00:23:49,329 --> 00:23:50,896
Get 'em, boys!
569
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,716
You rich, dumb hos are going downtown!
570
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:12,150
Get 'em out of here!
571
00:24:12,218 --> 00:24:14,720
You can't! Wait, no!
572
00:24:16,155 --> 00:24:18,090
You can't! Wait, no, no!
573
00:24:20,259 --> 00:24:23,395
I still gots my eye on
you, Zayday Williams!
574
00:24:32,415 --> 00:24:34,235
_
575
00:24:34,746 --> 00:24:37,115
What a difference
five months can make.
576
00:24:37,261 --> 00:24:39,195
Order on campus was restored.
577
00:24:39,594 --> 00:24:41,595
And when the Chanels were denied bail
578
00:24:41,663 --> 00:24:44,197
and sent to jail awaiting trial...
579
00:24:45,667 --> 00:24:48,602
I am holding you in contempt of court.
580
00:24:48,670 --> 00:24:50,303
Bail is revoked!
581
00:24:50,371 --> 00:24:52,439
...justice had been served.
582
00:24:52,507 --> 00:24:54,641
Chad Radwell and Denise Hemphill
583
00:24:54,709 --> 00:24:56,943
continued their torrid love affair.
584
00:24:57,011 --> 00:24:59,212
It ceased to be just a booty call.
585
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,182
When they broke up, he was devastated.
586
00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,383
I'm sorry!
587
00:25:03,451 --> 00:25:05,185
I just don't understand
how you just end it.
588
00:25:05,253 --> 00:25:07,487
Because we're chasing waterfalls!
589
00:25:07,555 --> 00:25:10,924
We got to stick to the rivers
and the lakes that we used to!
590
00:25:10,992 --> 00:25:13,427
I thought we were in the marriage zone.
591
00:25:13,494 --> 00:25:16,063
I don't have a choice is
what I'm telling you.
592
00:25:16,130 --> 00:25:18,198
I got to be in Quantico tomorrow.
593
00:25:18,266 --> 00:25:21,168
I know you need me.
You need all of this.
594
00:25:21,235 --> 00:25:24,204
- But the FBI needs me more.
- The FBI is not gonna have that.
595
00:25:24,272 --> 00:25:25,405
That's mine!
596
00:25:26,340 --> 00:25:28,408
- Denise, you hurt me real bad.
- Don't do that.
597
00:25:28,476 --> 00:25:31,411
Wait, wait! No, no! Baby, please!
598
00:25:31,479 --> 00:25:32,879
Don't let it end like this.
599
00:25:34,248 --> 00:25:35,348
Don't do that to us.
600
00:25:35,416 --> 00:25:38,418
Come on. Come on, baby.
601
00:25:44,392 --> 00:25:46,560
Damn it, Denise.
602
00:25:46,627 --> 00:25:48,495
It was never gonna work out between us.
603
00:25:48,563 --> 00:25:51,264
We got too close to the sun, baby.
604
00:25:51,332 --> 00:25:53,433
We shined too bright.
605
00:25:53,501 --> 00:25:56,369
I promise I will never bang
anyone the way I banged you.
606
00:25:56,437 --> 00:25:58,004
Boy, you gonna make me cry!
607
00:26:06,147 --> 00:26:07,614
Go.
608
00:26:07,682 --> 00:26:09,015
Just go!
609
00:26:09,083 --> 00:26:11,451
You don't want to look back at it?
610
00:26:11,519 --> 00:26:13,086
One more time?
611
00:26:17,325 --> 00:26:19,092
Go!
612
00:26:21,562 --> 00:26:24,097
Press outlets of the world,
613
00:26:24,165 --> 00:26:25,999
on behalf of all the
Dickie Dollar Scholars
614
00:26:26,067 --> 00:26:28,468
who are no longer with us...
615
00:26:28,536 --> 00:26:32,005
I would like to announce
the formation of...
616
00:26:32,073 --> 00:26:33,440
The Dickie Dollar Earl Grey
617
00:26:33,508 --> 00:26:35,609
Roger Dodger Caulfield
Charitable Foundation,
618
00:26:35,676 --> 00:26:39,246
or the DDEGRDCCF.
619
00:26:40,414 --> 00:26:42,249
From henceforth, all proceeds
620
00:26:42,316 --> 00:26:43,884
from every Dollar Scholar kegger,
621
00:26:43,951 --> 00:26:47,387
wet T-shirt contest, coed
mud wrestling tournament
622
00:26:47,455 --> 00:26:48,989
and Jell-O shot gavage
623
00:26:49,056 --> 00:26:51,391
will go... that's right...
624
00:26:51,459 --> 00:26:53,226
to charity.
625
00:26:54,395 --> 00:26:56,163
What's up?
626
00:26:56,230 --> 00:26:59,332
What charity will the Dollar
Scholars be pledging to support?
627
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,403
What do you mean, "what charity"?
Just charity.
628
00:27:03,471 --> 00:27:04,938
All proceeds will go to charity.
629
00:27:05,006 --> 00:27:07,440
Yes, uh, but which charity?
630
00:27:07,508 --> 00:27:11,244
Uh... I-I don't know.
631
00:27:11,312 --> 00:27:13,446
All of them?
632
00:27:13,514 --> 00:27:15,682
Okay, you know, I'm not a big
fan of gotcha questions, dude!
633
00:27:15,750 --> 00:27:17,684
My friends are dead!
I have nothing left!
634
00:27:17,752 --> 00:27:19,486
Nothing!
635
00:27:19,554 --> 00:27:20,954
Next question.
636
00:27:21,022 --> 00:27:25,992
As for me, I wrote up a quick
book and became a media sensation.
637
00:27:26,060 --> 00:27:28,495
I was on the cover of Time, Newsweek
638
00:27:28,563 --> 00:27:30,530
and Men's Health.
639
00:27:30,598 --> 00:27:32,299
Well, I didn't write it.
640
00:27:32,366 --> 00:27:33,967
I had a ghostwriter do it.
641
00:27:34,035 --> 00:27:35,335
Okay, well, there you go.
642
00:27:35,403 --> 00:27:39,139
Dean Munsch, your book is
an absolute revelation.
643
00:27:39,207 --> 00:27:41,408
Is there any way you could
sum up your philosophy
644
00:27:41,475 --> 00:27:44,544
on new new feminism
in just a few words?
645
00:27:44,612 --> 00:27:46,513
Um...
646
00:27:46,581 --> 00:27:50,517
if feminism was about demanding
equal treatment for women,
647
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:52,953
and new feminism was saying
648
00:27:53,020 --> 00:27:56,623
that men and women are integral
complements to one another,
649
00:27:56,691 --> 00:28:00,527
then I guess we could sum
up, uh, new new feminism
650
00:28:00,595 --> 00:28:03,663
really in three simple words...
651
00:28:03,731 --> 00:28:06,032
Women are better.
652
00:28:07,101 --> 00:28:09,970
I mean, the proof... it's
right in front of us.
653
00:28:10,037 --> 00:28:12,405
If you think about all
of human history,
654
00:28:12,473 --> 00:28:15,542
add up the wars and the genocide,
655
00:28:15,610 --> 00:28:18,078
all the oppression, the
violence, the exploitation,
656
00:28:18,145 --> 00:28:22,415
the degradation of the human spirit,
657
00:28:22,483 --> 00:28:24,885
what do all those
things have in common?
658
00:28:26,454 --> 00:28:27,854
Dudes.
659
00:28:27,922 --> 00:28:29,856
They have dudes in common, right?
660
00:28:29,924 --> 00:28:30,957
Yeah.
661
00:28:31,025 --> 00:28:36,096
So maybe, just maybe, it's not just
places like Wallace University
662
00:28:36,163 --> 00:28:38,365
that are better off
with a woman in charge.
663
00:28:38,432 --> 00:28:42,202
Maybe we'd be better off
if a woman was charge...
664
00:28:42,270 --> 00:28:43,270
Everywhere!
665
00:28:43,337 --> 00:28:44,971
Exactly!
666
00:28:47,441 --> 00:28:50,877
Thank you. Thank you.
667
00:28:50,945 --> 00:28:55,849
The culture at this university
has been changed for the better.
668
00:28:55,917 --> 00:28:58,184
It's true, a lot of people had to die
669
00:28:58,252 --> 00:29:01,855
to make that happen, but I
often catch myself thinking,
670
00:29:01,923 --> 00:29:05,058
"You know what? Maybe it was worth it."
671
00:29:05,082 --> 00:29:10,934
_
672
00:29:11,499 --> 00:29:14,234
Girls, I am thrilled
673
00:29:14,302 --> 00:29:15,635
that you've taken the initiative
674
00:29:15,703 --> 00:29:18,305
to do the upkeep for our new memorial.
675
00:29:18,372 --> 00:29:20,807
Well, we decided it was
the least Kappa could do.
676
00:29:20,875 --> 00:29:23,443
Considering Kappa is kind of
the reason they're all dead.
677
00:29:23,511 --> 00:29:24,811
Isn't it so beautiful?
678
00:29:24,879 --> 00:29:26,313
And so nice of the Radwells
679
00:29:26,380 --> 00:29:28,448
to donate the money to commission it
680
00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:29,983
and have it built so quickly?
681
00:29:30,051 --> 00:29:34,788
Yeah, I'm-I'm not sure I'm
fully committed to the design.
682
00:29:34,855 --> 00:29:38,325
Oh, and I should've never let
Chad write the inscription.
683
00:29:38,392 --> 00:29:41,328
But I suppose money still talks.
684
00:29:41,395 --> 00:29:43,697
Yeah, well, we've got to get going
685
00:29:43,764 --> 00:29:46,099
because I am planning a
"get your yummies in
686
00:29:46,167 --> 00:29:47,600
and your feelings out" baking
party at the house tonight.
687
00:29:47,668 --> 00:29:49,302
We're gonna make cookies and brownies,
688
00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:51,604
and eat them while we
talk about our feelings.
689
00:29:51,672 --> 00:29:54,474
Hester, you think you can
finish up the rest of this?
690
00:29:54,542 --> 00:29:55,875
Make sure my boy Earl
gets some extra love.
691
00:29:55,943 --> 00:29:57,944
Yeah.
692
00:29:59,046 --> 00:30:02,549
- Well, that just sounds awful.
- I don't know.
693
00:30:02,616 --> 00:30:04,351
I for one prefer the
saccharine banality of life
694
00:30:04,418 --> 00:30:06,519
under Grace and Zayday
to the toxic sludge
695
00:30:06,587 --> 00:30:09,990
the Chanels force-fed us every
day like we were pâtéd geese.
696
00:30:10,057 --> 00:30:11,925
Yeah, I suppose I agree.
697
00:30:11,993 --> 00:30:15,729
But what happened here to those
poor kids and the others was...
698
00:30:15,796 --> 00:30:17,731
was truly awful.
699
00:30:17,798 --> 00:30:19,432
I mean, it was an American tragedy.
700
00:30:20,835 --> 00:30:23,770
At least some good came
out of all of that evil.
701
00:30:23,838 --> 00:30:25,405
Oh, more than some, Dean.
702
00:30:25,473 --> 00:30:28,541
I-I read your best-selling New
York Times book three times.
703
00:30:28,609 --> 00:30:31,544
Th-These kids were martyrs
for a much bigger cause.
704
00:30:36,050 --> 00:30:39,619
I know it was you, Hester.
705
00:30:39,687 --> 00:30:41,388
I remember that little girl's face
706
00:30:41,455 --> 00:30:43,056
in the bathroom that night.
707
00:30:45,459 --> 00:30:47,394
Burned into my memory,
708
00:30:47,461 --> 00:30:50,563
like Joe Theismann's injury
and Two Girls One Cup.
709
00:30:50,631 --> 00:30:55,268
I remember every detail
of her little face.
710
00:30:55,336 --> 00:30:58,938
And I certainly would know what
she would look like all grown up.
711
00:31:01,475 --> 00:31:04,677
It's not my fault that all
of that happened to me.
712
00:31:04,745 --> 00:31:06,679
You see how awesome Wes is.
713
00:31:08,298 --> 00:31:09,281
He would've been my dad.
714
00:31:10,484 --> 00:31:11,918
I would've had a good life.
715
00:31:11,986 --> 00:31:13,453
Maybe if I would've had a real dad,
716
00:31:13,521 --> 00:31:15,321
my brother wouldn't have
turned into such a douche.
717
00:31:15,389 --> 00:31:18,558
Maybe family trips to ski in
Innsbruck or to Williamstown to see
718
00:31:18,626 --> 00:31:20,760
Tim Daly in Death of a
Salesman would've turned me
719
00:31:20,828 --> 00:31:23,396
into a much more sane young woman.
720
00:31:23,464 --> 00:31:24,898
But that didn't happen.
721
00:31:24,965 --> 00:31:26,399
And I can't be blamed
722
00:31:26,467 --> 00:31:28,568
for the painful circumstances
of my upbringing.
723
00:31:28,636 --> 00:31:30,904
No, but those kids died.
724
00:31:30,971 --> 00:31:34,307
They're dead. And that is your fault.
725
00:31:34,375 --> 00:31:36,009
I didn't kill any of these kids.
726
00:31:36,077 --> 00:31:38,278
Except for Pete, but he's a
killer, so that's allowed.
727
00:31:38,345 --> 00:31:39,913
By the state, Hester.
728
00:31:40,743 --> 00:31:43,550
After a trial and lengthy appeals
729
00:31:43,617 --> 00:31:45,819
and using drugs that
are mostly painless.
730
00:31:45,886 --> 00:31:47,787
It all worked out, Dean.
731
00:31:47,855 --> 00:31:49,322
And I'm never gonna kill again.
732
00:31:49,390 --> 00:31:50,824
As long as I'm not texting and driving.
733
00:31:51,527 --> 00:31:54,160
Everyone got what they wanted.
734
00:31:54,603 --> 00:31:57,430
And even if the Chanels didn't
actually kill any of these people,
735
00:31:57,498 --> 00:31:59,666
they perpetuated the
system that created me
736
00:31:59,733 --> 00:32:02,669
and my brother, Pete and Gigi.
737
00:32:02,736 --> 00:32:05,905
So if anyone should pay for
this, it should be them.
738
00:32:05,973 --> 00:32:08,408
I also have a conscience,
739
00:32:08,476 --> 00:32:12,345
and a responsibility to
all those dead kids,
740
00:32:12,413 --> 00:32:16,282
that their killer be
brought to justice.
741
00:32:16,350 --> 00:32:19,986
So I am gonna turn you in, Hester.
742
00:32:22,123 --> 00:32:24,357
Then I'm gonna turn you in,
743
00:32:24,425 --> 00:32:27,360
for covering up the murder of my mother
744
00:32:27,428 --> 00:32:29,729
and killing your ex-husband.
745
00:32:31,866 --> 00:32:34,734
Or we could
just say we're good...
746
00:32:34,802 --> 00:32:35,969
and move on.
747
00:32:37,638 --> 00:32:41,741
To our very happy and successful
748
00:32:41,809 --> 00:32:43,877
best-selling lives.
749
00:32:49,519 --> 00:32:51,145
- Okay.
- Okay, great.
750
00:32:52,076 --> 00:32:54,621
- Take care.
- You, too. See ya.
751
00:33:03,521 --> 00:33:05,288
This is the "Sophia Doyle
752
00:33:05,356 --> 00:33:08,124
I Just Had a Baby and Don't Know
What to Do" hotline center.
753
00:33:08,192 --> 00:33:11,127
Now, any girl in the situation
that Sophia found herself in
754
00:33:11,195 --> 00:33:13,329
in that bathtub 20 years
ago has a lifeline.
755
00:33:13,397 --> 00:33:14,798
Someone she can call for help.
756
00:33:14,865 --> 00:33:17,467
I mean, of course, the girls who
find her can also call as well.
757
00:33:17,535 --> 00:33:18,902
We just want to make sure
758
00:33:18,969 --> 00:33:21,604
that nothing like this ever
happens on campus again.
759
00:33:21,672 --> 00:33:22,906
Yeah.
760
00:33:22,973 --> 00:33:25,709
Well, it certainly is specific.
761
00:33:25,776 --> 00:33:26,710
Yeah.
762
00:33:26,777 --> 00:33:28,278
How's it going so far?
763
00:33:28,345 --> 00:33:29,612
Um...
764
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,581
not a lot of activity yet.
765
00:33:31,649 --> 00:33:34,384
- Right.
- Yeah.
766
00:33:34,452 --> 00:33:36,119
Well, you know, with all the changes
767
00:33:36,187 --> 00:33:38,288
that you guys have facilitated
all over the campus,
768
00:33:38,355 --> 00:33:42,592
maybe the next girl who has surprise twins
at a party won't have to call for help.
769
00:33:42,660 --> 00:33:45,528
Her friends will just now know
not to let her bleed to death,
770
00:33:45,596 --> 00:33:47,397
because it's the right thing to do.
771
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:51,134
Hey.
772
00:33:51,202 --> 00:33:53,236
Um, I'm really proud of you, Gracie.
773
00:33:55,272 --> 00:33:56,606
I-I want to give you a present.
774
00:33:56,674 --> 00:33:58,074
Something to acknowledge, you know,
775
00:33:58,142 --> 00:33:59,542
all the hard work that
you've done this year.
776
00:33:59,610 --> 00:34:01,611
Wait, Dad.
777
00:34:01,679 --> 00:34:03,546
Are you getting me a car?
778
00:34:03,614 --> 00:34:05,515
What? No.
779
00:34:05,583 --> 00:34:06,616
No.
780
00:34:06,684 --> 00:34:07,617
No, what-what...
781
00:34:07,685 --> 00:34:08,785
are you out of your mind?
782
00:34:08,853 --> 00:34:10,453
No. No. Trust.
783
00:34:10,521 --> 00:34:12,856
Trust, Gracie. I-I'm
giving you my trust.
784
00:34:12,923 --> 00:34:13,957
Oh.
785
00:34:14,024 --> 00:34:16,426
Oh, well, that's cool, too.
786
00:34:16,494 --> 00:34:17,527
Yeah.
787
00:34:17,595 --> 00:34:19,863
You know, I-I just, I-I never...
788
00:34:19,930 --> 00:34:22,599
I never actually gave you the
chance to matriculate here.
789
00:34:22,666 --> 00:34:24,801
I mean, as a student,
sure, but not as a woman.
790
00:34:24,869 --> 00:34:27,270
I mean, I was stalking you
outside of the sorority house,
791
00:34:27,338 --> 00:34:30,607
I got a job in the department
so I could keep my eye on you.
792
00:34:30,674 --> 00:34:34,077
And I never really trusted you
to take care of yourself.
793
00:34:34,145 --> 00:34:38,615
Well, clearly, I was wrong about that.
794
00:34:38,682 --> 00:34:41,751
- So does this mean you're leaving?
- Well, Dean Munsch, um...
795
00:34:43,087 --> 00:34:44,654
...Cathy, uh...
796
00:34:44,722 --> 00:34:46,589
I can't stop calling her
that, especially because
797
00:34:46,657 --> 00:34:48,691
she likes me to call her
"Dean Munsch" in bed.
798
00:34:48,759 --> 00:34:52,061
Uh, anyway, Cathy and I, we're going
to Napa for a couple of weeks.
799
00:34:52,129 --> 00:34:54,097
We're gonna, we're gonna
suck down some deep cabs,
800
00:34:54,165 --> 00:34:57,100
eat some rich blues and...
well, I don't know,
801
00:34:57,168 --> 00:34:59,469
pretend to make, uh, a lot of babies.
802
00:34:59,537 --> 00:35:01,104
Mm.
803
00:35:03,207 --> 00:35:05,909
I think you need your space.
You've earned it.
804
00:35:05,976 --> 00:35:07,710
I love you, Dad.
805
00:35:10,714 --> 00:35:12,682
Should we do one of our
counting good-byes?
806
00:35:12,750 --> 00:35:14,818
No, that's just for sad good-byes.
807
00:35:14,885 --> 00:35:16,519
Okay.
808
00:35:16,587 --> 00:35:17,687
One, two, three.
809
00:35:17,755 --> 00:35:20,023
- One, two, three.
- Dad...
810
00:35:23,761 --> 00:35:25,461
All rise.
811
00:35:29,500 --> 00:35:30,667
Be seated.
812
00:35:31,769 --> 00:35:34,337
Has the jury reached a verdict?
813
00:35:34,405 --> 00:35:35,338
We have, Your Honor.
814
00:35:35,406 --> 00:35:38,908
We, the jury, find the defendants...
815
00:35:38,976 --> 00:35:40,844
Objection!
816
00:35:40,911 --> 00:35:42,712
There is no more objections.
The trial is over.
817
00:35:42,780 --> 00:35:46,316
- What? When did that happen?
- You were asleep.
818
00:35:46,383 --> 00:35:48,651
Judge Joe Brown, we, the Chanels,
819
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:51,321
hereby declare this trial a farce.
820
00:35:51,388 --> 00:35:56,960
I was under the impression that I had the
inalienable right to a jury of my peers.
821
00:35:57,027 --> 00:35:58,294
Look at these hippos.
822
00:35:58,362 --> 00:36:01,130
These are not my peers.
823
00:36:01,198 --> 00:36:03,666
I'm a hot, rich, skinny
chick, which makes me
824
00:36:03,734 --> 00:36:06,469
entitled to a jury of
hot, rich, skinny chicks
825
00:36:06,537 --> 00:36:07,737
to see how awesome I am
826
00:36:07,805 --> 00:36:12,008
and to see that the three
of us are innocent!
827
00:36:12,076 --> 00:36:13,343
Your-Your Honor!
828
00:36:13,410 --> 00:36:15,011
We, the jury,
829
00:36:15,079 --> 00:36:20,383
find that the defendants are
guilty on all 47 counts.
830
00:36:26,590 --> 00:36:27,590
Order in the court!
831
00:36:27,658 --> 00:36:28,691
- Deal with that.
- Order.
832
00:36:28,759 --> 00:36:31,427
This is a travesty, Judge Mathis.
833
00:36:31,495 --> 00:36:33,596
This is a kangaroo court.
834
00:36:33,664 --> 00:36:36,599
And I am choosing to
ignore this verdict.
835
00:36:36,667 --> 00:36:38,201
What? You can't ignore the verdict.
836
00:36:38,269 --> 00:36:39,469
What verdict?
837
00:36:39,536 --> 00:36:41,070
See, this is me ignoring the verdict.
838
00:36:41,138 --> 00:36:43,973
For, like, the millionth time,
839
00:36:44,041 --> 00:36:46,409
my dad is super gross rich.
840
00:36:46,477 --> 00:36:47,810
Like, disgusting rich.
841
00:36:47,878 --> 00:36:50,380
He'll have me out of prison in no time.
842
00:36:50,447 --> 00:36:51,981
Chanel, your parents abandoned you.
843
00:36:52,049 --> 00:36:54,584
They legally disowned
you three weeks ago
844
00:36:54,652 --> 00:36:57,420
and filed an amicus brief
with the prosecution,
845
00:36:57,488 --> 00:37:00,023
stating that they think that
you are a serial killer.
846
00:37:00,090 --> 00:37:02,158
They also want to sue you for the time
847
00:37:02,226 --> 00:37:04,027
that you drove your Range
Rover into their living room
848
00:37:04,094 --> 00:37:06,496
because you didn't want to walk
all the way up the driveway.
849
00:37:06,563 --> 00:37:08,431
It is
such a long driveway.
850
00:37:08,499 --> 00:37:11,868
Don't worry, Ms. Oberlin. You
ladies are not going to prison.
851
00:37:11,936 --> 00:37:13,903
Thank you.
852
00:37:13,971 --> 00:37:16,105
You're going to an asylum.
853
00:37:16,173 --> 00:37:17,307
What?!
854
00:37:19,376 --> 00:37:22,712
You know, you three are
the worst human beings
855
00:37:22,780 --> 00:37:24,647
that I have ever encountered.
856
00:37:24,715 --> 00:37:28,785
You have absolutely no regard
for anyone but yourselves.
857
00:37:28,852 --> 00:37:30,453
You're rude, entitled,
858
00:37:30,521 --> 00:37:33,823
narcissistic, racist and insane.
859
00:37:33,891 --> 00:37:38,428
You elected to represent yourselves
in a capital murder case,
860
00:37:38,495 --> 00:37:41,464
despite lacking even a basic
understanding of the law.
861
00:37:41,532 --> 00:37:45,802
And then, you-you mostly slept
through your own trial.
862
00:37:45,869 --> 00:37:46,703
That's crazy.
863
00:37:46,770 --> 00:37:50,440
Your entire defense consisted
of you screaming at the jury
864
00:37:50,507 --> 00:37:51,808
that you didn't kill anybody
865
00:37:51,875 --> 00:37:53,443
and then threatening to kill them
866
00:37:53,510 --> 00:37:54,711
if they found you guilty.
867
00:37:54,778 --> 00:37:57,747
That is crazy behavior.
868
00:37:57,815 --> 00:37:59,749
Chanel, you're crazy!
869
00:37:59,817 --> 00:38:01,617
Ladies, please stand.
870
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:04,487
Stand up!
871
00:38:06,790 --> 00:38:09,125
Chanel Oberlin, Sadie Swenson,
872
00:38:09,193 --> 00:38:10,126
Libby Putney...
873
00:38:11,962 --> 00:38:14,664
I'm sorry, I keep forgetting
your real name is Libby Putney.
874
00:38:14,732 --> 00:38:20,843
I sentence you to life in prison
at the Palmer Asylum for the Insane!
875
00:38:24,241 --> 00:38:25,408
Court is adjourned.
876
00:38:25,476 --> 00:38:28,378
It was at the very
moment I had an epiphany.
877
00:38:28,445 --> 00:38:30,113
Maybe he had a point.
878
00:38:30,180 --> 00:38:32,348
Maybe we were sociopaths.
879
00:38:32,416 --> 00:38:35,385
Maybe we never cared about
anyone other than ourselves.
880
00:38:35,452 --> 00:38:37,253
Maybe we were crazy,
881
00:38:37,321 --> 00:38:38,788
but we didn't know it because
we made Kappa House crazy,
882
00:38:38,856 --> 00:38:41,991
surrounding ourselves with
girls who had also gone crazy.
883
00:39:01,612 --> 00:39:03,546
And now here we were,
884
00:39:03,614 --> 00:39:05,148
about to spend the rest of our lives
885
00:39:05,215 --> 00:39:07,450
trapped with a bunch of
mentally unstable women
886
00:39:07,518 --> 00:39:09,452
totally divorced from
any sense of reality
887
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,154
and therefore capable of anything.
888
00:39:11,221 --> 00:39:13,890
From the second we set
foot in that asylum,
889
00:39:13,957 --> 00:39:16,492
I knew we were gonna
feel right at home.
890
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,695
Asylum life suited us just fine.
891
00:39:19,763 --> 00:39:21,497
Number Three went full lez
892
00:39:21,565 --> 00:39:23,800
and fell in love with one
of the lesbian nurses.
893
00:39:23,867 --> 00:39:26,769
I mean, in women's prison,
everyone's sort of lesbian,
894
00:39:26,837 --> 00:39:29,172
but Number Three was
really going for it.
895
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,374
I think I'm ready to show you my ears.
896
00:39:33,110 --> 00:39:35,545
The psychiatrist put
Number Five on these meds
897
00:39:35,612 --> 00:39:37,847
that made her actually tolerable.
898
00:39:37,915 --> 00:39:40,550
Believe me, no one was
more shocked than I was
899
00:39:40,617 --> 00:39:43,419
when she became my best friend
in the whole wide world.
900
00:39:43,487 --> 00:39:46,422
I told her all my
deepest, darkest secrets.
901
00:39:46,490 --> 00:39:48,191
Do you want to know my biggest secret?
902
00:39:48,258 --> 00:39:50,560
I love it here! I never want to leave!
903
00:39:50,627 --> 00:39:52,128
I know! Me, too!
904
00:39:54,665 --> 00:39:57,066
I felt totally transformed,
905
00:39:57,134 --> 00:39:59,469
like this enormous weight had
been lifted off my shoulders.
906
00:39:59,536 --> 00:40:02,171
Inside this asylum, there
was no more judgment,
907
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,073
no more popularity contests,
908
00:40:04,141 --> 00:40:06,476
no social media pressure to be
the hottest or the meanest.
909
00:40:06,543 --> 00:40:08,311
And best of all,
910
00:40:08,378 --> 00:40:10,480
there were no boys to stay skinny for.
911
00:40:24,561 --> 00:40:25,495
That's it.
912
00:40:25,562 --> 00:40:26,662
The votes are in.
913
00:40:26,730 --> 00:40:28,531
It's unanimous.
914
00:40:28,599 --> 00:40:30,533
Congratulations, Chanel.
915
00:40:30,601 --> 00:40:32,869
You've been voted house president.
916
00:40:34,972 --> 00:40:37,340
Thank you so much.
917
00:40:38,098 --> 00:40:42,812
Now, let's all raise a Dixie
cup of delicious prune wine
918
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,581
that Number Five so lovingly
brewed for us in the toilet.
919
00:40:47,651 --> 00:40:50,486
To... Chanel.
920
00:40:50,554 --> 00:40:52,488
To Chanel.
921
00:41:58,233 --> 00:42:00,080
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
71998
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.