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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:07,941 >> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT AS "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE," WITH GUEST 2 00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:11,411 HOST, SEAN HAYES. TONIGHT, JASON BATEMAN, AND OUR 3 00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:14,548 HEALTH CARE HERO OF THE WEEK. AND NOW, SEAN HAYES. 4 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:19,686 >> PERSON, WOMAN, MAN, CAMERA, TV, PERSON, WOMAN, MAN, CAMERA, 5 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:27,427 TV ‐‐ OH SORRY, JUST DOING MY 6 00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:29,997 WARM UP EXERCISES. HI, I'M SEAN HAYES LIVE AND 7 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,832 WELCOME TO "JIMMY KIMMEL." I'M YOUR GUEST HOST FOR THE 8 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,868 EVENING, BUT I'M PROBABLY BEST KNOWN AS "THE CHARACTER FROM 9 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:38,772 'WILL & GRACE' THAT EVEN YOUR HOMOPHOBIC GRANDMA LOVED." 10 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:42,175 NOW I KNOW I'M JUST YOUR SUBSTITUTE FOR THE NIGHT, BUT I 11 00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:43,577 EXPECT YOU TO BEHAVE JUST LIKE YOU WOULD IF YOUR REGULAR HOST 12 00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:47,648 WERE HERE. SO, TURN DOWN THE VOLUME AND 13 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:51,919 START HUMPIN'. I'M SO EXCITED TO BE DOING THIS. 14 00:00:51,919 --> 00:00:55,255 I'LL NEVER FORGET WHEN JIMMY CALLED MY AGENT ABOUT THIS GIG. 15 00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:57,424 MY AGENT SAID "THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL ADAM DRIVER WILL DO THIS, 16 00:00:57,424 --> 00:01:04,898 BUT I ALSO REPRESENT SEAN HAYES." AND I WANT TO TAKE A SECOND TO 17 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:10,671 SAY HI TO MY HUSBAND WHO'S BACK AT HOME SUPPORTING ME RIGHT NOW. 18 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,639 HI, SCOTTY, I LOVE YOU. AND IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT 19 00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,508 TOUCHING THE HORSE PUZZLE WITHOUT ME, I'LL SUFFOCATE YOU 20 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,976 IN YOUR SLEEP. NOW THAT WE'RE ALL HAVING FUN, 21 00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:19,112 I'M GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING THAT WILL RUIN YOUR MONTH. 22 00:01:19,112 --> 00:01:21,415 IT TURNS OUT THAT CORONAVIRUS MIGHT BE SPREAD THROUGH AIR 23 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,684 CONDITIONING. EXPERTS SAY AC CAN SPREAD 24 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,653 CORONAVIRUS "BY CREATING STRONG AIR CURRENTS THAT CAN MOVE THE 25 00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:29,990 DROPLETS AND CONTRIBUTE TO INCREASED RISK." 26 00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:34,861 THIS IS WHY I STAY COOL THE OLD FASHIONED WAY, BY GETTING DRUNK 27 00:01:34,861 --> 00:01:40,033 AND FALLING DOWN A WELL. WOW, REMEMBER 2019 WHEN AIR 28 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,469 CONDITIONERS WERE ONLY KILLING US BY MELTING POLAR ICE CAPS AND 29 00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:43,270 FALLING OUT OF APARTMENT WINDOWS? 30 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:51,712 THAT WAS QUAINT, WASN'T IT? 31 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:52,879 REMEMBER HA? I WILL SAY THIS, IF GIANT 32 00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:54,648 WIND‐BLOWING FANS ARE TO BLAME, WE MAY NEED TO QUARANTINE 33 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:57,117 BEYONCE FOR ANOTHER YEAR. SHE HAS ABOUT 70 HORSEPOWER ON 34 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,986 HER AT ALL TIMES. DURING QUARANTINE, WE SHOULD ALL 35 00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:02,289 BE READING MORE, ESPECIALLY OUR KIDS. 36 00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,057 BUT GROWING UP AS A GAY KID IN THE SUBURBS OF CHICAGO, I DIDN'T 37 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,059 HAVE MANY BOOKS THAT SPOKE TO ME. 38 00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:11,698 I MEAN, "CURIOUS GEORGE" WAS NOT CURIOUS ABOUT THE SAME THINGS I 39 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,534 WAS, AND OF COURSE, "WHERE'S WALDO." 40 00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:19,306 WHO WANTS TO FIND THAT GUY? HE'S GOT GLASSES AND A PASSPORT. 41 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,408 THAT NERD CAN FIND HIMSELF. SO TO HELP OUT KIDS LIKE ME WHO 42 00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:27,347 WANT TO READ, I'M LAUNCHING MY NEW BOOK SERIES "WHERE'S CHER?" 43 00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:28,582 YOU AND YOUR GAY FAMILY CAN LOCATE THE OSCAR‐WINNING 44 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:31,585 SUPERSTAR IN A NUMBER OF EXCITING ENVIRONMENTS. 45 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:36,990 OK, FIRST LET'S FIND CHER AT THE BEACH. KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED. 46 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:40,994 I'M NOT SURE WHAT CHER WEARS TO THE BEACH, BUT I GUARANTEE IT 47 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:49,436 WOULD BLOW WALDO'S MIND. 48 00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:50,437 THERE CHER IS. I SHOULD'VE KNOWN, HEAD‐TO‐TOE 49 00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:53,507 BOB MACKIE. GOOD WORK, EVERYONE. OKAY, NEXT PAGE. THE AIRPORT. 50 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:56,009 CHER IS PROBABLY IN A RUSH TO GET BACK TO MALIBU, SO WE HAVE 51 00:02:56,009 --> 00:03:00,247 TO ACT QUICKLY. WHERE COULD SHE BE? FOUND HER. 52 00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:05,118 SHE'S STUCK IN LINE. CHER'S FLYING COACH? 53 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:07,988 HER POOR MANAGER'S GOING TO GET AN EARFUL. 54 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,023 ISN'T THIS SO MUCH MORE FUN THAN LOOKING FOR WALDO AND HIS RABID 55 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,692 DOG? FINALLY, LET'S FIND CHER AT THE 56 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:14,761 CARNIVAL. AND DON'T PRETEND CHER WOULDN'T 57 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,464 GO TO A CARNIVAL. IF YOU REMEMBER "GYPSIES, TRAMPS 58 00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:18,799 AND THIEVES," CHER WAS BORN IN THE WAGON OF A TRAVELLING SHOW. 59 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:21,601 THIS IS HER ORIGIN STORY. THIS IS A TOUGH ONE. 60 00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:25,806 WOULD CHER ENJOY A MERRY‐GO‐ROUND? 61 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:28,341 TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST, I'VE PONDERED THIS QUESTION BEFORE. 62 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:35,649 THERE CHER IS ‐‐ WAIT, THAT'S NOT CHER. IT'S WALDO, AS A CHER 63 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:39,252 IMPERSONATOR. HANG IT UP, WALDO, YOU CAN'T 64 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:43,724 PULL IT OFF. THERE SHE IS. SOAKED IN THE BACK OF A LOG 65 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:47,694 FLUME, AND DOING A TERRIBLE JOB OF SOCIAL DISTANCING. 66 00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:51,465 AT LEAST PUT ON A MASK, CHER. DON'T YOU LOVE TO READ? 67 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:54,668 THIS IS FUN. IT'S A CLIP OF SOME CONSTRUCTION 68 00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:59,673 WORKERS, PULLING A CABLE OUT OF THE GROUND. OR SO IT APPEARS. 69 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:03,376 ACTUALLY, I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. CAN WE TURN UP THE SOUND? 70 00:04:03,376 --> 00:04:07,647 HEY JOE, TONY, HELP ME WITH THIS CABLE. IT'S SO BIG. 71 00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:11,318 IT SURE IS FRANK. ALL THREE OF US NEED TO USE OUR 72 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:17,691 RIPPLING THIGHS TO GET IT OUT OF THIS HOLE. YEAH, YEAH. 73 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:23,697 SORRY, I'VE BEEN QUARANTINED A LONG TIME. 74 00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:27,300 YOU KNOW, THERE'S SO MUCH MISINFORMATION REGARDING 75 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,937 CORONAVIRUS AND IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHO TO TRUST FOR HONEST AND 76 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,473 ACCURATE MEDICAL INFORMATION. WELL, YOU SHOULD TRUST DOCTORS. 77 00:04:33,473 --> 00:04:39,312 LIKE ME, DOCTOR SEAN, BECAUSE I'M NOT JUST ANY DOCTOR. 78 00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,948 I'M AN HONORARY DOCTOR. SEE, ILLINOIS STATE UNIVERSITY, 79 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:45,519 THE SCHOOL I DROPPED OUT OF EVEN THOUGH IT'S ONE OF THE BEST FINE 80 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,155 ARTS SCHOOLS IN THE MIDWEST, GAVE ME AN HONORARY DOCTORATE, 81 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:51,525 WHICH MEANS I AM QUALIFIED TO ANSWER ALL OF THE MOST COMMON 82 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:55,695 QUESTIONS ABOUT THE VIRUS. SO IT'S TIME NOW FOR "DOCTOR 83 00:04:55,695 --> 00:05:03,503 SEAN'S COVID CORNER." 84 00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,172 HELLO. FIRST, THE MOST HOTLY DEBATED 85 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,340 QUESTION RIGHT NOW IS: SHOULD I WEAR A MASK? 86 00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:09,476 FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES, AND HERE'S WHY. 87 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:13,113 IN THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY, WE KNOW FOR A FACT THAT THE 88 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,448 CORONAVIRUS IS ATTRACTED TO MUSTACHES, BOTH MEN'S AND 89 00:05:15,448 --> 00:05:17,684 WOMEN'S. IF YOU'RE WEARING A MASK, THE 90 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:19,719 COVID BEETLES CAN'T BUILD THEIR NESTS AND POISON YOUR 91 00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:23,523 BLOODSTREAM WITH THEIR FECES. MAKES SENSE? THOUGHT SO. 92 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:29,396 OK, HERE'S ONE PEOPLE ASK A LOT, HOW IMPORTANT IS HAND WASHING? 93 00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:31,731 FREQUENT HAND WASHING IS CRITICAL. 94 00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:35,101 THE MORE FREQUENT, THE BETTER. WHY? 95 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:38,104 BECAUSE THE VIRUS IS CREEPED OUT BY OCD. 96 00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,906 IF YOU WASH YOUR HANDS EVERY FIVE MINUTES, THE VIRUS WILL BE 97 00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:43,643 ALL "GET ME AWAY FROM THIS FREAK." 98 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:44,911 SO WASH YOUR HANDS, ALPHABETIZE YOUR CONDIMENTS, MAKE SURE YOU 99 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:47,681 HAVE AN EVEN NUMBER OF COAT HANGERS, THEN TREAT YOURSELF TO 100 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,918 FOUR YELLOW SKITTLES. HERE'S ONE I SEE ONLINE 101 00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:57,524 SOMETIMES, CAN I GET CORONAVIRUS FROM DRINKING CORONA BEER? 102 00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:01,161 THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS. YOU CANNOT GET CORONAVIRUS FROM 103 00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,229 DRINKING CORONA BEER. THEY'RE JUST SIMILAR SOUNDING 104 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:07,701 WORDS. ALTHOUGH EATING CLAMS DOES GIVE 105 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:11,671 YOU CHLAMYDIA. THIS ONE IS ABOUT SYMPTOMS, DOES 106 00:06:11,671 --> 00:06:15,575 CORONAVIRUS REALLY MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR SENSE OF TASTE? 107 00:06:15,575 --> 00:06:19,079 YES, THAT'S TRUE. BUT IT'S NOT JUST TASTE IN FOOD. 108 00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:21,581 YOU LOSE YOUR TASTE IN MUSIC, MOVIES, AND HOME DECOR. 109 00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:24,584 WE FOUND OUT MY COUSIN WAS SICK WHEN SHE STARTED LISTENING TO 110 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:31,191 CHUMBAWUMBA AND CARPETED HER UPSTAIRS BATHROOM. 111 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,126 THAT WAS ROUGH. AND THE LAST QUESTION IS, WHAT 112 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,695 IF I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A MASK? THAT'S EASY. 113 00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,565 IF EVERYONE WORE MASKS FOR 4‐6 WEEKS, WE COULD CONTROL THIS 114 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,201 PANDEMIC, BECAUSE THE REAL PROBLEM IS PEOPLE BREATHING ON 115 00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,670 EACH OTHER. SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO WEAR A 116 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:47,307 MASK, FINE, JUST DON'T BREATHE FOR FOUR‐ SIX WEEKS. 117 00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:50,510 IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR BRAIN WAS GETTING OXYGEN BEFORE. 118 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:58,551 TRUST ME, I'M DOCTOR SEAN. 119 00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:01,888 >> TONIGHT ON THE SHOW, WE'LL HONOR OUR HEALTHCARE HERO OF THE 120 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,623 WEEK, AND WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK 121 00:07:03,623 --> 00:07:10,397 WITH JASON BATEMAN. 122 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:10,964 ♪ 123 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:14,367 I'M STILL DEAD INSIDE. 124 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:22,275 ♪ 125 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:23,877 >>> WELCOME BACK TO "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE," I'M YOUR HOST FOR 126 00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:27,480 THE EVENING, SEAN HAYES. IN JUST A LITTLE BIT, WE WILL 127 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,481 SALUTE OUR HEALTHCARE HERO OF THE WEEK. 128 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:31,918 BUT FIRST, MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A VERY TALENTED ACTOR, AND GREAT 129 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:38,024 FRIEND OF MINE WHO IS THE SWEETEST, FUNNIEST, SMARTEST 130 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,726 FELLAS I KNOW. HE AND I, ALONG WITH OUR GOOD 131 00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:41,461 PAL WILL ARNETT HOST THE JUST‐HATCHED PODCAST CALLED 132 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,596 "SMARTLESS," WHICH YOU CAN LISTEN TO FOR FREE ON APPLE 133 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:45,298 PODCASTS. PLEASE WELCOME AMERICA'S 134 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:50,737 SWEETHEART JASON BATEMAN. 135 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:57,410 >> OH, YOU KNOW, I'LL GLADLY TAKE THAT THRONE FROM SANDY 136 00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:05,085 DUNCAN. SHE WAS ALWAYS AMERICA'S SWEETHEART, I HAD THE GOOD FORNG 137 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:10,590 F FORTUNE OF WORKING WITH HER. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT 138 00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:16,329 SWEETHEART. LOOK AT YOU. YOU LOOK GORGEOUS THERE. 139 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:24,304 THIS IS THE GUEST HOST VERSION OF SEAN HAYES. 140 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:27,574 FIRST OF ALL, DID THEY RENT YOU THAT HAIR? 141 00:08:27,574 --> 00:08:30,777 >> IT'S AN ACTUAL HELMET. IT PEELS OFF. 142 00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:31,945 IT'S ACTUALLY TAPED ON. 143 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:35,448 >> AND THE SUIT AND THE SET BEHIND YOU. 144 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,051 >> IT'S INCREDIBLE. THIS IS MY HOUSE. 145 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:41,988 NO, PLEASE PROMISE ME AND TELL ME THAT YOU HAVE THOSE PANTS ON 146 00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,923 THAT I LOVE SO MUCH. 147 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:47,560 >> YOU MEAN MY COVID UNIFORM? 148 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:47,894 >> PLAID. 149 00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:52,699 >> YEAH, THOSE ARE MY PJs, AND THIS IS MY. 150 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,600 >> PICNIC TABLE COVER. 151 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:58,038 >> IN A PINCH, YEAH. SO, IF YOU'RE SNACKY, JUST LOOK 152 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,074 FOR MY KNEES. 153 00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:01,441 >> SO. 154 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,344 >> BETTER WAY TO SAY THAT. ARE WE STILL ROLLING? 155 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,712 CAN WE GO BACK? 156 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,180 [ LAUGHTER ] 157 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:11,718 >> WAIT, YOU REALLY ARE ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER 158 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,988 KNOWN. LISTEN, DO YOU REMEMBER HOW WE 159 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:15,588 FIRST MET? 160 00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:18,758 >> I'M GONNA LET YOU TELL THIS STORY. 161 00:09:18,758 --> 00:09:22,328 AMERICA, THAT'S THE WAY YOU AVOID HURTING SOMEBODY'S 162 00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:23,430 FEELINGS, WHEN YOU DON'T REMEMBER. 163 00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:29,636 >> I THINK I ACTUALLY MET YOU THROUGH WILL ARNETT ABOUT 20 164 00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:33,006 YEARS AGO WHEN WE USED TO PLAY POKER TOGETHER. 165 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,208 >> WAS IT KYLE'S POKER GAME? 166 00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:39,212 >> YES, HOW FUN WAS THAT? EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT, I BROUGHT 167 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,915 THE PIZZA, YOU REMEMBER THAT? 168 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:46,052 >> AS PEOPLE CAN RELATE, AT A POKER NIGHT, YOU USUALLY ARE NOT 169 00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,756 GOING TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING. I'M SO HAPPY I MET YOU THAT 170 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,724 NIGHT. WHAT ABOUT THE FRIENDSHIP THAT 171 00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:52,592 BLOSSOMED FROM THERE. 172 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:58,765 >> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. YOU'VE BEEN DOING TALK SHOWS 173 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:02,535 SINCE YOUR FAMILY FORTUNCED YOU INTO THE BUSINESS AFTER THE 174 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,571 DELIVERY ROOM. 175 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:10,477 >> YEAH, DELIVERY WAS MUCH MORE EX‐PE EXPENSIVE BACK THEN. 176 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:13,513 >> I WOULD LIKE TO RUN DOWN A LIST OF QUESTIONS THAT HOPEFULLY 177 00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:17,484 YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ASKED BEFORE. I KNOW YOU, BUT SOME THINGS I 178 00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:19,185 STILL DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU. 179 00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:19,586 >> YES. 180 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:24,557 >> IN 1994, YOU CO‐STARRED IN A MOVIE WITH KATHARINE HEPBURN. 181 00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:29,662 WHAT WAS THE FILTHIEST THING SHE EVER SAID OR DID TO YOU? 182 00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:33,833 >> WELL, THERE WASN'T ANYTHING FILTHY THAT SHE SAID OR DID, BUT 183 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:37,871 THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT WAS SORT OF FILTHY LOOKING THAT 184 00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,540 WASN'T AFTER YOU KIND OF FIND OUT ABOUT IT. 185 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:46,546 SHE DOESN'T, SHE WORE REEBOK HIGH TOPS 100% OF THE TIME. 186 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:52,852 BUT, WHEN SHE HAD TO WEAR A DRESSY OUTFIT, SHE WOULD SIMPLY 187 00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:55,321 PULL BLACK SOCKS OVER THE TOP OF THESE HIGH TOPS. 188 00:10:55,321 --> 00:11:00,493 SO THAT WOULD SEEM FILTHY AND GROSS KIND OF IN A WEIRD, IF 189 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,929 YOU'RE A SICKO LIKE ME, BUT ONCE YOU UNDERSTOOD HER MADNESS, I 190 00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:10,670 THOUGHT SHE JUST HAD HORRIBLY SWOLLEN FEET. 191 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:14,541 >> JASON EYES UP HERE. IS THAT WHAT IT WAS? 192 00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,310 >> YEAH. TO WORK WITH HER WAS SOMETHING 193 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,180 PRETTY REMARKABLE. SHE DID TELL ME TO STOP ACTING 194 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:25,151 DURING ONE OF THE SCENES, SHE DIDN'T MEAN AS A CAREER BUT IN 195 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:31,124 THAT PARTICULAR SCENE I WAS DOING TOO MUCH. 196 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:34,027 >> IN TRUE BATEMAN FORM, I HAD MORE QUESTIONS, BUT WE'RE GOING 197 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:37,263 TO MOVE ON. ARE YOU AWARE, CO‐HOST THAT WE 198 00:11:37,263 --> 00:11:41,968 ARE NUMBER SEVEN TODAY AS OF APPLE PODCAST, WHICH IS ONE 199 00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:42,202 EPISODE. 200 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:47,373 >> VERY, VERY EXCITING AND HUMBLING AND LET'S GET TO NUMBER 201 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:51,711 ONE, DAMN IT, AFTER THIS SHOW. COME ON, AMERICA. 202 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:56,015 >> NOW TELL ME WHAT'S ONE OF THE MOST FASCINATING, INTERESTING 203 00:11:56,015 --> 00:12:00,520 THINGS ABOUT OUR FIRST EPISODE, WHICH WE INTERVIEW DAX SHEPHERD 204 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,989 FOR, ANYTHING YOU WANT TO RECALL? 205 00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:09,929 >> LEARNING THAT HE GRADUATED SU 206 00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:17,036 SUMMA CUM LAUDE, AND THAT WILL IS EVEN A MORE COLD‐HEARTED 207 00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:20,173 [ BLEEP ] THAN A NEW BABY BOY, I 208 00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:24,143 THINK HE WAS NOT YET FULLY DONE GIVING BIRTH TO THE CHILD, MAYBE 209 00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:29,882 SHE HAD JUST FINISHED. HE LEFT THE HOSPITAL AND GOT TO 210 00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:33,219 HIS HOUSE TO RECORD THE VERY FIRST EPISODE, I DON'T THINK 211 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:36,689 THEY HAD YET CUT THE CORD. I THINK HE RETURNED AFTER THE 212 00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:39,792 EPISODE TO CUT THE CORD. ANYTHING FOR A GIG, THIS GUY. 213 00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:43,763 >> I DON'T THINK IT'S STILL CUT. I THINK IT'S STILL ON THERE. 214 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:49,002 >> OH, GOSH, YEAH, NO, HE'S VERY COMMITTED TO THE SHOW, MORE SO 215 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:51,204 THAN HIS FAMILY, AND WE LOVE HIM FOR IT. 216 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:55,275 >> WE, DO AND I HAVE TO CUT US OFF BEFORE WE GET TOO BORING 217 00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:58,344 LIKE WE ARE IN OUR PODCAST. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING 218 00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:01,981 HERE, AND I'M SO GLAD THAT WE'RE WORKING TOGETHER ON A PROJECT. 219 00:13:01,981 --> 00:13:04,250 I FEEL VERY, VERY FULFILLED. 220 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,586 >> LOVE YOU, SEAN HAYES. 221 00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:09,922 >> LOVE YOU. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH OUR 222 00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:14,027 HEALTH CARE HERO OF THE WEEK. 223 00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:20,767 ♪ 224 00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,936 >> WELCOME BACK TO "JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE." I'M JIMMY'S SEAT FILLER, 225 00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:26,039 SEAN HAYES. OUR HEALTHCARE HERO TONIGHT 226 00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:29,509 COMES TO US ALL THE WAY FROM SANTA MARIA, CALIFORNIA. 227 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:34,447 PLEASE WELCOME NURSE LUCIO ARGUIJO. 228 00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,483 >> HI! 229 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:42,488 >> LUCIO, DID I SAY THAT RIGHT? 230 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:48,828 >> YES. I'M SUCH A BIG FAN. WILL & GRACE. 231 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,830 THANKS FOR BEING HERE. WHAT IS THE SITUATION AT YOUR 232 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,933 HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW? 233 00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:58,771 >> SINCE THE STATE OPENED UP, WE HAVE TO MOVE INTO NEW SPACES, 234 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:01,874 BUT WE'RE DOING GOOD. 235 00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:07,580 >> YOU GUYS SLEEP LIKE, HOW OFTEN, HOW LONG IS YOUR SHIFT? 236 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:11,284 >> WE WORK 12 HOURS, BUT DEFINITELY, SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO 237 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:15,788 WORK A LITTLE OVERTIME BECAUSE IT'S CRAZY WITH ALL THE NUMBERS 238 00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:16,556 GOING UP WITH COVID. 239 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:20,159 >> I WORK AS LONG AS THAT, I WORK TWO HOURS. 240 00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:23,796 BUT IF THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, I HEARD ALL YOU'RE GOING THROUGH, 241 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,933 I HEARD YOUR WEDDING PLANS GOT POSTPONED, IS THAT RIGHT? 242 00:14:26,933 --> 00:14:30,436 >> YEAH, I MEAN, WE WANTED TO GO TRAVELING THIS YEAR, WHICH 243 00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:33,573 DIDN'T HAPPEN, WE WANTED TO GET MARRIED THIS YEAR, WE'RE LIVING 244 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,175 WITH MY PARENTS RIGHT NOW, ACTUALLY, SO. 245 00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:37,377 >> HOW'S THAT GOING? 246 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,078 >> UM, IT'S OKAY. 247 00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:41,547 >> OKAY. SO THEY'RE GOING TO WATCH US AND 248 00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:42,315 LOVE THAT RESPONSE. 249 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,785 >> OH, YEAH. I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THEM. THEY'RE AMAZING. 250 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:49,989 >> I LOVE THEM, TOO. AND I'D LOVE TO MEET YOUR 251 00:14:49,989 --> 00:14:51,724 FIANCE, IAN, IS HE THERE? 252 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:56,696 >> SO THIS IS IAN. 253 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:56,996 >> HI, SEAN. 254 00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,164 >> HI, IAN, HOW ARE YOU? 255 00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,533 >> I'M GOOD. NICE TO SEE YOU. 256 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,770 >> NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO. GUYS, I HAVE A PROPOSAL FOR BOTH 257 00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:04,570 OF YOU. 258 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,104 >> OKAY. 259 00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:10,276 >> I HAVE SOME FREE TIME BELIEVE IT OR NOT DURING QUARANTINE AND 260 00:15:10,276 --> 00:15:13,646 DECIDED TO GET ORDAINED AS AN INTERNET MINISTER, AND IF YOU 261 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:17,850 WANTED, I COULD MARRY YOU TWO RIGHT NOW WITH AMERICA AS YOUR 262 00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,186 WITNESS, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 263 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:20,420 >> OKAY. 264 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:24,924 >> THANK GOD YOU SAID YES, BECAUSE WHEN I HAD THIS IDEA 265 00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:30,129 YESTERDAY, I OVERNIGHTED A WOODEN BOX TO YOUR HOUSE JUST IN 266 00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,397 CASE. SO GO AHEAD AND OPEN THAT RIGHT 267 00:15:31,397 --> 00:15:32,131 NOW. 268 00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:32,532 >> OKAY. 269 00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:36,536 >> OPEN IT UP MANY. 270 00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:37,003 >> AH. NO! 271 00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:39,372 >> KEEP OPENING. KEEP OPENING. 272 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:39,572 >> NO! 273 00:15:39,572 --> 00:15:42,175 >> KEEP GOING. 274 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:46,212 >> OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD, OH, MY GOD. 275 00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,547 >> AREN'T THOSE BEAUTIFUL? 276 00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:50,683 >> OH, MY GOD, THESE ARE GORGEOUS. 277 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,586 >> I GOT THEM IN FOR FREE. NO, I DIDN'T. 278 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:58,491 I PAID A FORTUNE FOR THEM. WE'VE GOT THE DREAM RINGS AND 279 00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:03,563 THE DREAMY MINISTER. LET'S DO IT. READY? 280 00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:07,533 DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY IN ACCORDANCE WITH 281 00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:13,105 STRICT CDC GUIDELINES TO JOIN LUCIO AND IAN IN MATRIMONY. 282 00:16:13,105 --> 00:16:17,510 THEY MET SIX YEARS AGO IN HAWAII ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT WHERE THEY 283 00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,645 COINCIDENTLY WERE BOTH DRESSED AS CATS. 284 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:24,417 YEAH, ONE WAS JUDI DENCH AND THE OTHER TAYLOR SWIFT, RIGHT? 285 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:30,456 THEY GOT ENGAGED IN 2018 BUT DECIDED TO WAIT TWO YEARS UNTIL 286 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:33,459 THE WORLDCO CALMED DOWN A LITTL SO THAT'S A GOOD CHOICE. 287 00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:42,101 IF I COULD GIVE YOU ONE PIECE OF 288 00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:48,107 ADVICE, GUICE, IYS, NEVER GO TO ANGRY. NOW TIME FOR THE VOWS. 289 00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:52,812 PLEASE PLACE YOUR RINGS ON ONE ANOTHER'S FINGERS, YEAH, NICE. 290 00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:56,983 LUCIO AND IAN, DO YOU BOTH PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR AND 291 00:16:56,983 --> 00:17:00,686 CHERISH ONE ANOTHER, TO LAUGH TOGETHER AND CRY TOGETHER AND TO 292 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:04,757 NEVER, EVER, EVER TURN OFF THE 293 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:10,997 KARAOKE MACHINE WHEN MARIAH CAREY'S "HERO " COMES ON? 294 00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:11,430 >> I DO. 295 00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:12,899 >> I DO. 296 00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:17,236 >> I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MARRIED. YOU MAY NOW KISS. 297 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,640 ENJOY YOUR HONEYMOON IN THE GARAGE. CONGRATULATIONS, GUYS. 298 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,174 ROSE PETALS FOR YOU. SO COOL! 299 00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:22,975 >> THANK YOU. 300 00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,010 >> THANK YOU. 301 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:28,014 >> AND LUCIO, WE HAVE ONE MORE SURPRISE FOR YOU. 302 00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:31,851 IN THE SPIRIT OF SPREADING OPTIMISM, OUR FRIENDS AT LIFE IS 303 00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:35,755 GOOD WANT TO SEND YOU $10,000 TO SPEND HOWEVER YOU'D LIKE. 304 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:39,025 THEIR NEW TEASE FOR THE TIMES COLLECTION HIGHLIGHTS THE GOOD 305 00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:42,261 IN LIFE WHILE HONORING HEALTH CARE HEROES LIKE YOURSELF. 306 00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:47,400 THEY ARE ALSO GOING TO SEND GIFT PACKAGES TO THE OTHER NURSES IN 307 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,337 YOUR UNIT TO HELP AND HONOR THEM. 308 00:17:51,337 --> 00:17:54,140 THANK YOU, AND THANK YOU TO LIFE IS GOOD. 309 00:17:54,140 --> 00:18:01,714 AND TO SEND YOU TWO INTO A LIFE OF WEDDED BLISS WE INVITED YOUR 310 00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:05,117 FAVORITE MUSIC GUEST, CAM. 311 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:06,586 >> WE LOVE YOUR NEW SONG! 312 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:10,790 >> I LOVE YOU! I FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE A CLASSIC 313 00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,925 LOVE. I CAN SEE IT, THE WAY YOU'RE 314 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,962 LOOKING AT EACH OTHER, JUST MAKES ME SO HAPPY. 315 00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:25,071 SO WE'RE GOING TO SING FOR YOU. 316 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,139 ♪ SOME LUCKY SKY 317 00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:29,475 ♪ LEANIN' ON THE WALL OUTSIDE 318 00:18:29,475 --> 00:18:32,845 ♪ THEY DON'T MAKE'EM LIKE THAT 319 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:33,112 ANYMORE ♪ 320 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:36,082 ♪ I'M TALKIN' DOWN AT THE CORNER 321 00:18:36,082 --> 00:18:36,449 STORE ♪ 322 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:39,518 ♪ SHUT THE LINES WHEN THEY CLOSE 323 00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:40,019 THEIR DOOR ♪ 324 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,254 ♪ THEY DON'T MAKE'EM LIKE THAT 325 00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:42,521 ANYMORE ♪ 326 00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:50,463 ♪ BUT YOU AND I ARE CLASSIC 327 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:50,863 ♪ MM, 328 00:18:50,863 --> 00:18:53,733 ♪ BIG LIMO AND A PROM DATE 329 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:56,168 ♪ AIN'T NOTHING NEW I'M WAITIN' 330 00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,938 FOR, BECAUSE THEY DON'T MAKE'EM LIKE THIS ANYMORE ♪ 331 00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,574 ♪ I WANT TO HIT REWIND 332 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:04,677 ♪ BABY 333 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,713 ♪ TAKE OUR TIME 334 00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:12,818 ♪ I WANT TO HIT REWIND 335 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:13,119 ♪ BABY 336 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,722 ♪ AND TAKE OUR TIME 337 00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:19,325 THEY DON'T MAKE'EM LIKE THIS ANYMORE ♪ 338 00:19:26,565 --> 00:19:26,766 ♪ 339 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,568 >> THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE TONIGHT. 340 00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:32,672 I'D LIKE TO THANK JASON BATEMAN, LUCIO AND IAN, CAM, AND MY 341 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,440 GUIDING LIGHT, JIMMY KIMMEL. BE SURE TO CHECK OUT MY NEW 342 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:37,243 PODCAST, "SMARTLESS" WITH JASON BATEMAN AND WILL ARNETT 343 00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:38,310 AVAILABLE NOW ON APPLE PODCASTS. "NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT. 344 00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:43,082 TIME TO GO WASH MY HANDS UNTIL I CRY. GOODNIGHT. 345 00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:43,249 ♪ 28935

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