All language subtitles for Jimmy Kimmel 2020 07 21 Paris Hilton WEB h264 ROBOTS_track3_eng

>> Dicky: FROM HOLLYWOOD, IT'S
"JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE," WITH GUEST

HOST, NIKKI GLASER.
TONIGHT, PARIS HILTON AND PHOEBE

ROBINSON. AND NOW, NIKKI GLASER!

>> WELCOME TO "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE." I'M NIKKI GLASER, YOUR

GUEST‐HOST FOR THE EVENING.
I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE I'M

HOSTING A NETWORK LATE NIGHT
TALK SHOW. ALONE.

INSIDE A WEIRD HOUSE.
WITH NO LAUGHTER.

WOW, THIS IS BOTH THE HIGH AND
LOW POINT OF MY CAREER.

I WANT TO THANK JIMMY FOR
LETTING ME HOST HIS SHOW WHILE

HE'S ON PREGNANCY LEAVE.
I'M REALLY HAPPY HE'S KEEPING

THIS ONE.
THE LAST TIME I SAW JIMMY IN

PERSON WAS ACTUALLY JUST A
COUPLE DAYS BEFORE THE

QUARANTINE WHEN I TAPED AN
EPISODE OF WHO WANTS TO BE A

MILLIONAIRE WHERE I ACCIDENTALLY
LOCKED IN A WRONG ANSWER AND

THIS HAPPENED.

NO! NO! NO!
THE DAY AFTER I TAPED THAT, I

DECIDED THAT INSTEAD OF GOING
BACK TO MY PLACE IN NEW YORK,

I'D GO TO MY PARENTS' HOUSE IN
ST. LOUIS WHERE I COULD STAY FOR

A WEEK OR TWO UNTIL THIS WHOLE
CORONA THING BLEW OVER.

HERE'S FOOTAGE OF MY REACTION
WHEN I REALIZED VIRUSES DON'T

BLOW OVER. NO! NO!

NO! IT'S HONESTLY NOT BEEN SO BAD
BEING STUCK LIVING IN ST. LOUIS

WITH A COUPLE IN THEIR 60s IT
COULD BE WORSE, AT LEAST IT'S

NOT THESE TWO.
MY MOM WOULD NEVER WEAR

HORIZONTAL STRIPES.
I GOTTA SAY THOUGH, NOT MUCH HAS

CHANGED SINCE THE LAST TIME I
LIVED AT HOME.

I STILL SLEEP LATE, MY ROOM IS A
MESS, I STEAL THEIR WEED.

THE MAIN DIFFERENCE IS NOW IF
I'M GOING TO MY ROOM TO

MASTURBATE, I SAY "MOM, DAD, I'M
GOING TO MY ROOM TO MASTURBATE.

I CAN'T WATCH ANY MORE "DOWN TO
EARTH WITH ZAC EFRON" WITH YOU

GUYS.
OL' GLAZ DOG'S GONNA FINISH THIS

EP ALONE.
AS GRATEFUL AS I AM TO HAVE THIS

TIME TO GET REACQUAINTED WITH
BOTH MY PARENTS AND THE ZACK

MORRIS POSTER OVER MY BED, I'M
NOT PRETENDING THAT ANY OF THIS

IS WORTH IT.
I LOVE HOW SO MANY GIRLS ARE

MAKING THIS CRISIS ABOUT
THEMSELVES.

I KEEP HEARING SOME VERSION OF
THIS.

"HONESTLY, THIS PANDEMIC WAS A
SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE THAT I

NEEDED TO SLOW DOWN."
AND IT'S LIKE, NO BECCA, I DON'T

THINK A HALF A MILLION PEOPLE
DIED SO YOU COULD RECOMMIT TO

YOUR YOGA PRACTICE."
I'VE EVEN BEEN GUILTY OF THIS

REASONING.
BEFORE COVID HIT, I WAS GETTING

LASER HAIR REMOVAL.
I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH MY

12 SESSIONS AND HAD TO STOP.
AND I SWEAR THE OTHER DAY I

LOOKED DOWN WAS LIKE, "I GUESS I
WAS NEVER MEANT TO HAVE A

HAIRLESS VAGINA."
THAT WASN'T GOD'S PLAN.

APPARENTLY, HIS PLAN WAS FOR IT
TO LOOK LIKE A SOUTH AMERICAN

SOCCER FIELD.
I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT IT LOOKS

LIKE ANYMORE. WHO CARES?
IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE IS SEEING

IT. AND WHEN THEY DO.
I'M GUESSING I KNOW THEIR

REACTION. NO! NO! NO!

AND DR. DREW WILL BE THERE!
I CAN'T EVEN DATE RIGHT NOW.

IF I MEET UP WITH A GUY, I RISK
EXPOSING MY PARENTS TO COVID.

I DON'T WANT MY MOM GETTING
INTUBATED SO I'M NOT GETTING

INTUBATED.
AND CAN I EVEN TRUST A GUY I

MEET ONLINE TO KEEP SIX FEET
AWAY?

DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT SIX FEET
IS? OR AM I GOING TO SHOW UP AND

IT'S GOING TO BE MORE LIKE
5'8 AND THREE QUARTERS?

AND EVEN IF DATING DIDN'T PUT MY
PARENTS' LIVES AT RISK, EVERY

SOCIAL DISTANCE DATE SOUNDS LIKE
IT'S PUTTING MY LIFE AT RISK.

THEY HAVE THE SAME SETTING AS
EVERY TRUE CRIME PODCAST.

"LET'S GO FOR A HIKE IN THE
WOODS" OR "LET'S MEET UP AT THE

SOUTHEAST CORNER OF THE BEST BUY
PARKING LOT."

"I GUESS I'M DOWN FOR A PICNIC
AT THE ABANDONED QUARRY, BUT WHY

DO I NEED TO BRING ZIP TIES AND
GARBAGE BAGS?"

SO IN ORDER TO DATE DURING
QUARANTINE, I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN

SPEED DATING LIVE ON MY
INSTAGRAM.

WHICH IS DEPRESSING BUT ALSO
HUMILIATING!

AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY
COMING ON AN INTERNET DATE RIDE

ALONG WITH ME, SO IT'S TIME FOR

NIKKI'S QUICKIES.

♪

>> YEAH, LET'S DO THIS. HI!

>> HEY, NIKKI, HOW'S IT GOING?

>> I'M GOOD, HOW ARE YOU?

>> THANK YOU, GREAT TO MEET YOU.

>> HIS BACKGROUND KIND OF
INTIMIDATED ME AT FIRST.

IT LOOKED LOOK HE WAS SHOOTING A
BEHEADING VIDEO FOR AL QAEDA,

THEN HE WAS THE NICEST GUY EVER.
CAN I MEET YOUR MOM?

>> YOU WANT ME TO GET HER RIGHT
NOW?

>> YEAH.

>> I GOT TO GET UP CAREFULLY.
I DON'T HAVE PANTS ON OR

ANYTHING, HOLD ON.

>> OH, MY!

>> NEITHER DO I!

>> THERE WE GO. HEY.

>> HI.

>> HELLO.
WHAT KIND OF GIRL ARE YOU

LOOKING FOR, FOR YOUR SON?

>> A GIRL WHO WOULD TREAT HIM
WELL.

WHO WOULD BE HIS SISTER, HIS
FRIEND, HIS LOVER.

>> I HEAR YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?

>> YEAH, BOOTS.

>> ALL RIGHT, WELL, WHAT DO YOU
LIKE TO DO FOR FUN?

>> I STILL DO A LITTLE RESEARCH
WORK ON THE COMPUTER.

>> INVESTIGATING BIG FOOT?
I LIKE THAT IT LOOKS LIKE BOOTS

HAS BEEN IN QUARANTINE SINCE
1977.

>> ARE YOU READY TO PLAY

[ BLEEP ] MARRY, KILL.

WHICH ONE WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO
TO ME?

>> MARRY.
DOESN'T MARRY APPLY TO THE OTHER

ONE?
IF YOU MARRY THEN I [ BLEEP ].

>> LET'S BE HONEST, A LOT OF
THEM END IN MURDER.

WHAT DO YOU DO BESIDES HANG OUT
IN A BASEMENT?

>> I'M A TEST ENGINEER FOR
PANERA.

THERE ARE A FEW THINGS I'M
LOOKING FOR IN THIS JOB.

ONE, I'M LOOKING FOR THE CHICKEN
SALAD RECIPE.

>> RIGHT.

>> BECAUSE THEY HAVE A CHICKEN
SALAD, FANTASTIC, AND THEN THEY

CHANGED THE RECIPE, AND THEY
ADDED WALNUTS, AND ALMONDS AND

GRAPES, AND I'M LIKE WHAT
MONSTER DID THIS TO ME?

>> WHAT ELSE ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR, OTHER THAN SOMEONE TO STAIN

THE REST OF THAT FENCE?

>> I DON'T KNOW, SOMEONE YOU
COULD BE COMFORTABLE DOING

NOTHING WITH.

>> ARE YOU EVER GOING TO BE IN
L.A.?

>> YEAH, I'M ACTUALLY THERE NEXT
WEEK.

>> WE SHOULD HANG OUT.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> MARK PAUL IS UP NEXT.
LET'S SEE WHO THIS IS.

OH, MY, UH, MARK PAUL GOSSLER?

>> YOU MUST BE NIKKI.

>> HI.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON A DATE

WITH MARK PAUL GOSSLER RIGHT NOW.

>> THAT YOU'RE CALLING THIS A
DATE, THAT'S SO CUTE.

>> THAT'S WHAT THIS IS.
I'M SPEED DATING WITH PEOPLE.

>> WAIT, THIS ISN'T A CHARITY
THING? CAUSE ‐‐

>> NO.

>> THE PRODUCER SAID THAT BY
DOING THIS I WAS GRANTING A WISH

TO A VERY SICK WOMAN, IS THAT
NOT WHAT THIS IS?

>> UM, WELL, YEAH, I GUESS IN A
WAY THAT'S EXACTLY, THAT'S

EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS.

THANKS.

♪

>> WE'VE GOT A GOOD SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. PARIS HILTON IS HERE.

PHOEBE ROBINSON IS WITH US.
AND ALSO MY HOUSE BAND TONIGHT

LITERALLY LIVE FROM THEIR HOUSE
IN ST. LOUIS ARE MY PARENTS EJ

AND JULIE GLASER.
PLAY US OUT, GUYS.

>> A ONE, TWO.

♪ YEAH, YEAH, OH, YEAH, MY

CONDITION, MY CONDITION WAS IN ♪

♪ I WOKE UP THIS MORNING WITH

THE SUNDOWN ♪

♪ POURING IN

♪ YEAH, YEAH, OH, YEAH ♪

>> Nikki: THANK YOU, MOM AND
DAD.

WELCOME BACK TO "JIMMY KIMMEL
LIVE".

I'M YOUR HOST FOR THE NIGHT,
NIKKI GLASER.

TOMORROW, I'LL BE SPENDING EVEN
MORE TIME WITH MY PARENTS, BUT

GEORGE LOPEZ WILL BE HERE
HOSTING WITH HIS GUEST

WILLIE NELSON.
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A HOTEL

HEIRESS‐TURNED‐REALITY‐STAR‐
TURNED‐ BUSINESS‐MOGUL, WITH A

NEW AND UNEXPECTEDLY REVEALING
DOCUMENTARY THAT I CAN'T STOP

THINKING ABOUT.

>> NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHO I AM.
SOMETHING HAPPENED IN MY

CHILDHOOD THAT I'VE NEVER TALKED
ABOUT WITH ANY ONE.

I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT IT.

>> Nikki: "THIS IS PARIS"
PREMIERS SENT 14th ON YOUTUBE.

HI, PARIS.

>> HELLO.
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

>> Nikki: SO GOOD TO SEE YOU,
TOO. HOW ARE YOU FEELING WITH THE

ANTICIPATION OF THIS COMING OUT?
BECAUSE THERE ARE SOME PRETTY

REVELATORY THINGS COMING OUT,
HOW ARE YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW?

>> I'M EXCITED, ALSO VERY
NERVOUS GIVEN THE TOPICS

DISCUSSED IN THIS FILM, BECAUSE
IT'S THINGS I'VE NEVER TALKED

ABOUT.
REALLY PERSON AND TRAUMATIC

EXPERIENCES.
TO TALK ABOUT THAT PUBLICLY IS

OBVIOUSLY VERY HARD.

>> Nikki: IT S IS.
YOU REALLY GO THERE.

AND YOU'VE REALLY GONE THERE IN
REALITY SHOWS AND VERSIONS OF

YOURSELF.
YOU'VE PEEL ED IT BACK FROM "TH

SIMPLE LIFE" WHERE WE WERE FIRST
EXPOSED TO YOU.

WHAT IS IT LIKE BEING ON CAMERA
IN SUCH A REAL WAY?

I REALLY FEEL LIKE WE GOT TO
KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

HOW IS THAT TRANSITIONED FROM
BEING FOLLOWED AROUND ALL DAY

AND BEING YOU?

>> OBVIOUSLY, I'M USED TO BEING
ON CAMERA FROM BEING ON CAMERA

FOR SO LONG, BUT I'VE ALWAYS
BEEN A NATURALLY SHY PERSON, SO

I LOVED INVENTING THIS CHARACTER
AND PLAYING THAT CHARACTER, AND

TO ACTUALLY BE MYSELF WAS A
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE,

BUT ALSO ALMOST THERAPEUTIC IN
SOME WAY, WHERE I LEARNED SO

MUCH ABOUT MYSELF THAT I HAD NO
IDEA OF, YOU KNOW, WHY I AM THE

WAY I AM.
AND NOW I UNDERSTAND MYSELF SO

MUCH MORE.

>> YEAH, I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE
WILL UNDERSTAND YOU MORE.

I FEEL LIKE I WAS ALREADY A HUGE
FAN GOING INTO IT, I WAS LIKE, I

KNOW THE REAL HER, AND THEN I
WAS LIKE, OH, NO, I DID NOT.

IT'S TAKEN ME EVERYTHING NOT TO
SEND MY SECRET LINK TO ALL MY

FRIENDS AND BE LIKE, WE NEED TO
WATCH THIS AND DISCUSS.

I'M SO EXCITED FOR PEOPLE TO SEE
IT. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO IN

QUARANTINE?
YOU ARE AT YOUR MANOR WHICH YOU

CALL YOUR HOUSE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALL DAY?

BECAUSE ARE YOU A WORKAHOLIC,
WHICH WE LEARN IN THE

DOCUMENTARY.
HOW HAS THIS BEEN NOT BEING ABLE

TO WORK AS MUCH?

>> I'M USED TO BEING ON A PLANE

250 DAYS A YEAR AND TRAVELING.
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE

BEING A LITTLE KID THAT I'M
STUCK IN ONE PLACE.

SO JUST BEING HOME, A LOT OF
ART, A LOT OF COOKING, SPENDING

TIME WITH MY PETS AND MY
BOYFRIEND.

STILL MAKING THE MOST OF IT.

>> Nikki: WE GET IT, YOU HAVE A
BOYFRIEND. STOP BRAGGING.

YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE, TELL ME
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE A

BOYFRIEND IN QUARANTINE?

>> CHILL TOGETHER, WE WATCH "THE
SIMPLE LIFE."

HE'S NOT LIKE A REALITY PERSON.
HE'S AN INTELLECTUAL MAN.

TO SEE HIM WATCITH SOMETHING LI

THAT IS FUN.

>> Nikki: YOU'RE SUCH A SEX
SYMBOL TO ME AT LEAST.

I LOVE THAT YOU WERE GIVEN A
NICKNAME IN YOUR LIFE, I'D LOVE

IF YOU'D SHARE THAT WITH US.
BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY EMPOWERED ME.

>> MY NICKNAME IS MS. BLUE
BALLER.

>> Nikki: NOW EXPLAIN THAT AN
ILL WILL BIT.

I THINK WE CAN GET THERE ON OUR
OWN. YOU DON'T GIVE IT UP EASILY.

YOU MAKE THEM WAIT FOR IT.

>> YES, MY MOM ALWAYS TAUGHT ME
SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL GUYS

WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN VERY PRUDE IN

THAT WAY.
YES, I LIKE TO KISS AND MAKE

OUT, BUT THAT'S IT.
SO I FEEL THAT MOST GIRLS ARE

NOT LIKE THAT, SO GUYS ARE NOT
USED TO IT.

BUT I'M SO HAPPY MY MOM TAUGHT
ME THAT, I'M GOING TO TEACH MY

DAUGHTER THE SAME THING.
I THINK IT'S WAY HOTTER.

>> Nikki: I NEEDED YOU TO TEACH
ME THAT. IT'S A STRUGGLE.

GIRLS FEEL PRESSURED TO DO
SOMETHING THEY DON'T WANT TO DO.

SINCE WE'VE HAD THAT
CONVERSATION I'VE BEEN MAKING

OUT AND TRYING TO KEEP IT AT
THAT. I LEARNED HOW TO SURVEIL

BOYFRIENDS.
I LOVE THAT YOU GET A NEW

COMPUTER FOR EVERY GUY YOU DATE.
THAT WAS AWESOME.

YOU HAVE STACKS AND STACKS OF
COMPUTERS, JUST BOUGHT TRUST

ISSUES THAT YOU TALK ABOUT IN
THE DOCUMENTARY, YOU KIND OF

REVEAL.
YOU HAVE A LOT OF FOOTAGE OF

THEM.
YOU WOULD SET UP CAMERAS JUST TO

HAVE THEM IF THEY WERE AT YOUR
PLACE.

DID YOU SIT THERE AND REVIEW
FOOTAGE AND HAVE TO WATCH IT FOR

HOURS AND HOURS?

>> NO, I ACTUALLY ONLY DID THAT
TO ONE PERSON.

I JUST DON'T TRUST CERTAIN
PEOPLE.

IF I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO OUT
AND WORK AND THEY'RE GOING TO BE

ALONE IN MY ROOM, I DON'T WANT
THEN GOING THROUGH ALL MY THINGS.

I WANTED TO SEE WHAT WAS
HAPPENING WHILE I WAS AT WORK

SOY DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.

>> Nikki: I LOVE, LOVE, LOVED
YOUR DOCUMENTARY, "THIS IS

PARIS" ON SEPTEMBER 14 ON
YOUTUBE.

PEOPLE ARE GOING TO FREAK.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING SO

MUCH OF YOURSELF AND BEING YOU.
I LOVE YOU, PARIS.

>> I LOVE YOU.

>> Nikki: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH PHOEBE ROBINSON.

♪

♪ FAIRY TALES CAN COME TRUE

♪ CAN HAPPEN TO YOU

♪

♪ THE BEST PART

♪ YOU HAD A HEAD START

♪ IF YOU ARE AMONG THE VERY

YOUNG AT HEART ♪

>> Nikki: WELCOME BACK TO "JIMMY
KIMMEL LIVE".

I'M TONIGHT'S SUB, NIKKI GLASER.
MY NEXT GUEST IS A COMEDIAN,

BEST‐SELLING AUTHOR AND FORMER
DOPE QUEEN WHO LAUNCHED A

BRAND‐NEW BOOK IMPRINT CALLED
"TINY REPARATIONS BOOKS"

AND STARTING NEXT MONTH, YOU CAN
LISTEN TO HER NEW PODCAST "BLACK

FRASIER."
PLEASE WELCOME PHOEBE ROBINSON.

HI, PHOEBE.

>> NIKKI, HI, QUEEN!

>> Nikki: I'M READING YOUR BOOK
RIGHT NOW, SOY FEEL LIKE I'VE

BEEN TALKING TO YOU LIKE EVERY
DAY.

SO IT'S SO GOOD TO TALK TO YOU.
I WANT TO QUICKLY ASK.

YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH A LOT OF
FAMOUS PEOPLE, PHOEBE.

LITTLE BIT.
I JUST INTERVIEWED PARIS HILTON,

AND I REALLY WANT TO BECOME
FRIENDS WITH HER, HOW DO I GO

ABOUT DOING THAT?
HOW DO YOU TAKE IT TO THE NEXT

LEVEL?

>> I AM VERY LOOSELY FRIENDS
WITH MICHELLE OBAMA, WHICH IS

TRULY WILD TO KNME.
THE KEYS TO THAT ARE DON'T BE

THIRSTY AND HOLD IN EVERY SINGLE
FART WHEN YOU ARE AROUND THEM.

I HAVE ENGAGED MY CORE SO MUCH
WHEN I'M AROUND, IT'S WILD.

>> Nikki: DO YOU, LIKE HOW ARE
YOU FRIENDS WITH HER?

WHAT IS THE FRIENDSHIP?
HOW OFTEN DO YOU GUYS TALK?

>> EVERY FEW MONTHS WE'LL CHECK
IN. WE HAVE EACH OTHER'S PHONE

NUMBERS.
SHE'S IN MY PHONE UNDER LIKE A

CODE NAME, AND I'M ALWAYS SO
TERRIFIED WHEN I TEXT HER.

I PROOFREAD IT.
I DO ALL THE THINGS, YOU KNOW.

IT'S SCARY.

>> Nikki: THE WHOLE THING.
OH, MY GOSH.

IT'S SO, IT'S A DELICATE THING
TO HAVE SOMEONE THAT'S, I'D BE

SO SCARED TO ACCIDENTLY FACE
TIME HER.

I'M READING YOUR BOOK
"EVERYTHING'S TRASH" RIGHT NOW.

IT'S SO FREAKING GOOD.
I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOUR NEW BOOK

IN PRINT THAT YOU ARE ALSO R
RELEASING, YOU'RE WRITING A BOOK

ABOUT QUARANTINE IN QUARANTINE.

>> YEAH, IT'S CALLED "SIX FEET
APART."

I HAVE ESSAYS LIKE WAIVE YOUR
ISSUES LIKE BLACK EXCELLENCE AND

QUARANTINING WITH MY BOYFRIEND
OF THREE YEARS, AND, YOU KNOW,

IT'S GOOD. BUT IT'S A LOT.
YOU KNOW, TO BE IN AN APARTMENT

FOR ALMOST FIVE MONTHS, IT'S
LIKE, THAT'S TOO MUCH.

>> Nikki: IT'S SO MUCH.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE WHAT I AM

LOOKING FORWARD TO FOR THE NEXT
TIME THIS ALL GOES DOWN.

I'D LIKE TO HAVE A PARTNER TO
END UP RESENTING THROUGH IT.

I'M LIVING WITH MY MOM AND DAD
NOW. WHAT IS YOUR WRITING PROCESS

LIKE WITH HIM THERE?
YOU'RE WRITING FROM HOME.

EVERYONE'S TRYING TO WRITE A
BOOK RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY DOING IT.

>> IT'S GREAT.
I STAY HOME, SIT ON THE COUCH,

I'M NOT WEARING PANTS.
THIS IS NOT SEXUAL.

THIS IS PROFESSIONAL.
THIS IS HOW I WRITE, AND I HAVE

MY SNACKS, TONIGHT I WANTED TO
BE NICE FOR YOU, SO I'M WEARING

BIKER SHORTS.

>> Nikki: NO.
YES, YES, AMAZING.

THAT OUTFIT ACTUALLY GOES.
YOU LOOK GREAT.

ISN'T THIS SO GREAT?
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I'VE BEEN

WEARING MAKEUP OR THINK KIND OF
FITTED THING IN MONTHS AND

MONTHS, AND IT'S SO NICE TO GET
A BREAK FROM THAT.

HAVE YOU FOUND IT'S NICE TO
ESCAPE ALL THE PRESSURES OF VYI

TRYING TO LOOK HOT?

>> OH, MY GOSH, I LOOK LIKE
TRASH MOST DAYS.

JUST THROWING IT ALL OUT THERE.

>> Nikki: WE GOT IT TOGETHER FOR
ALL THIS.

>> I ALWAYS HAVE A ZIT PATCH ON
JUST IN CASE. JUST IN CASE.

>> Nikki: PREEMPTIVELY.

>> YEAH.

>> Nikki: YOU HAVE A NEW VICE

POD
ADVICE PRODODCAST CALLED "BLACK

FRASIER."

>> NEVER SEEN IT.
NEVER SEEN IT.

>> Nikki: I MOVE THAT YOU'VE
NEVER SEEN IT, AND IT'S SUCH A

GREAT NAME BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO
INFORMATION ABOUT FRASIER OTHER

THAN THE COVER OF THE DVD.

>> MY BOYFRIEND LOVES THE SHOW,
AND I ALWAYS GIVE ADVICE, SO I'M

LIKE A BLACK FRAS.
GO FOR IT, BABE.

>> Nikki: I WAS ON A FLIGHT
YESTERDAY, MET A CUTE GUY.

THREE HOURS INTO THE FLIGHT OF
TALKING THE WHOLE TIME HE

REVEALS HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND,
THREE HOURS IN.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IN THAT MOMENT?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF HE WAS DRINKING A MOUNTAIN

DEW, I WOULD HAVE POURED IT ON
HIS LAP. THAT IS RUDE AS HELL.

WE ARE IN THE AGE OF CORONA.
EVERYTHING IS WAY STRESSFUL.

IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP, DO
NOT TALK TO ME, I DON'T WANT

FRIENDS RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T WANT THEM. NO THANKS.

>> Nikki: YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?
NOTHING.

I CONTINUED THE CONVERSATION
UNTIL WE LANDED AND WASTED MORE

OF MY TIME.
I COULD HAVE USED YOU.

SINCE READING YOUR BOOK, YOUR
VOICE IS IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME.

YOU'RE SO FREAKIN' FUNNY.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR NEW BOOK.

CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR PODCAST,
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE TONIGHT.

>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
YOU'RE A GEM. I LOVE YOU

♪ I'M GOING TO TAKE MY HORSE TO

♪ I'M GOING TO RIDE UNTIL I

CAN'T NO MORE ♪

>> THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE.
I'D LIKE TO THANK PARIS HILTON,

PHOEBE ROBINSON,
MARC PAUL GOSSELAAR, MY PARENTS

AND OF COURSE, JIMMY KIMMEL.
MY APOLOGIES TO JENNIFER ANISTON

WE RAN OUT OF TIME.
GEORGE LOPEZ WILL HOST TOMORROW.

"NIGHTLINE" IS NEXT.
THANKS FOR WATCHING. GOODNIGHT.