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[theme music]
2
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[indistinct chatter]
3
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Hey! Look, everybody!
4
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:16,102
I got my letter of acceptance
from Caltech!
5
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[all cheering]
6
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I got my orientation packet,
my class roster
7
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my dorm assignment
and a pocket protector
8
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with a Caltech beaver on it!
9
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:24,692
[all cheering]
10
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I mean, think of it.
I'm a Beaver!
11
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I mean, I-I-I'm so happy,
I must be dreaming.
12
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,993
- 'Oh..'
- Quick, somebody pinch me.
13
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,294
Ow!
14
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- 'Oh!'
- Oh-oh..
15
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,463
The last time Dennis showed up
to school with a tool box
16
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Cheese Whiz came out
of the girls' showers.
17
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,503
Alright, so what's going on,
Dennis?
18
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:47,836
- What's going on?
- What is this?
19
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,171
Let's just say
that the next time
20
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:51,585
Dr. Samuels reaches out to
touch someone
21
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he'll be using my Blunden.
22
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- Oh!
- 'Dennis..'
23
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Dennis, one of these days
all that bad karma you put out
24
00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:00,136
is gonna come right back to you.
25
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:02,265
Yeah, next time you take a
shower in the girls' locker room
26
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,152
you better be
wearing crackers, babe.
27
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,149
Whoo!
28
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[bell ringing]
29
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Good morning, geniuses!
30
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- Good morning, Billy!
- Good morning!
31
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My new map, huh?
32
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Look at that!
33
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:22,709
A brand-new Rand McNally 429.
34
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,709
Feast your eyes on this.
35
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And about time, too. I mean,
the last one had Atlantis on it.
36
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The Red Sea
was still part of them.
37
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Just below Long Island here,
it said
38
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"Here be monsters."
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And how wonderful to see
little Scotland sitting there
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like a precious jewel
in a silvery sea.
41
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,651
Now, what were we discussin'?
42
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Washington's defeat at
the Battle of Brooklyn Heights
43
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I do believe.
44
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Washington escaped with his men
across the East River
45
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into Manhattan.
46
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Surrounded by general's
housemen, he then discovered
47
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,910
that the waiting list
for tickets
48
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:06,075
to "Phantom Of The Opera"
was at least 215 years.
49
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:10,166
So he switched to plan B
and headed due north.
50
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,383
[dial tone]
51
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:12,722
What the hell was that?
52
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,587
B-Billy, it's coming
from the speaker.
53
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- From the intercom.
- Hey, Dennis, is this it?
54
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,140
Why, Jasper,
whatever are you talking about?
55
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,851
- 'Hello?'
- 'Hello, dear.'
56
00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,891
(Samuels on intercom)
'Ms. Meara said you called.'
57
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,015
- That's Dr. Samuels, isn't it?
- Yeah.
58
00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:28,942
I spliced his private phone line
into the school intercom system.
59
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,232
Is that great or what?
Wait, wait. Shh, shh, shh.
60
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(woman on intercom)
'Harold,
I was doing the laundry.'
61
00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:37,907
'Did you buy a pair
of lavender bikini briefs?'
62
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,529
[laughing]
63
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,196
Yeah, I just bought 'em
because I thought
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they'd turn you on, sugar bunny.
65
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,998
[laughing]
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00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,835
(woman on intercom)
'Stop it, honey bear.'
67
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,128
'What if someone heard you?'
68
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(Samuels)
'Uh, don't be silly.'
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00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,301
'Uh, just a minute.'
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00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,380
'Yes, Ms. Meara?'
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'You can hear what?'
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[laughing]
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00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:03,224
Blunden!
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00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,726
[laughing]
75
00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:08,808
And I thought he'd have
a sense of humor about this.
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00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,355
Dennis, I think your bad karma
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is on its way
over here right now.
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00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,612
Hey, and what goes around,
comes around.
79
00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:17,702
Yup, and in your case,
that's quite a trip.
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00:03:17,739 --> 00:03:19,449
Relax, guys, I'm a senior,
in a couple of weeks
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00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:22,120
I'm gonna be out of here.
What can he do to me?
82
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,080
Blunden, this time
you've gone too far.
83
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:28,831
Now, don't be a grouchy,
honey bear.
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00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,375
In a couple of months I'm gonna
be at MIT and out of your hair.
85
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,221
Oh, yeah?
Well, don't be so sure.
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I can withhold your final grades
87
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:38,221
and delay
your getting into college!
88
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,259
Hey, hey, hey, I've been
working to get into MIT
89
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,013
ever since I was a kid,
you can't do that.
90
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,675
Yeah, well, you just watch.
91
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,933
I'll call the dean of admissions
and tell them
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00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,475
to withhold my lukewarm
letter of recommendation.
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I'll bury you so deep, son
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00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:52,229
that you-you'll have to repeat
pre-school!
95
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:54,233
Oh, well, actually, Dr. Samuels
96
00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:57,355
it wasn't Dennis
who pulled that dastardly deed.
97
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,533
- It wasn't?
- No.
98
00:03:58,571 --> 00:03:59,951
I have it in very,
very good authority
99
00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,319
it was someone else.
Is that right, class?
100
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,906
(all)
Oh, yeah.
101
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,661
- Now, who, w-who was it?
- Uh, who, uh, uh..
102
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:08,083
Ra-Randy McNally.
103
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:12,214
- Hm, Randy McNally?
- That's him.
104
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,052
I-I-I never heard of him.
105
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,547
Uh, uh, he's-he's a new kid,
Dr. Samuels.
106
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,839
- Yeah!
- Yeah, he's right. Uh..
107
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You've seen him,
red hair, lots of freckles.
108
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[indistinct chatter]
109
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I don't recall anyone like that.
110
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- H-he just moved here.
- From where?
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- Seattle.
- Chicago.
112
00:04:27,892 --> 00:04:29,232
- Chicago.
- Sea..
113
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Well, it was, it was
a divorce joint custody.
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A really messy affair,
now can we forget
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this whole ugly incident?
116
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Forget it? Wait till I get
my hands on this McNally kid.
117
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Wait till I get him
into my office!
118
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I'll nail his hide to the wall!
119
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[instrumental music]
120
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,616
Okay, Randy McNally
121
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you are about to become
one of Fillmore's finest.
122
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,671
Okay, what kind of grades
do we give him?
123
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,379
- Bs and Cs?
- Are you kidding?
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00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,169
Anybody who could pull
a practical joke like that
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00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,962
has got to have straight As.
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Hey, Aristotle,
while I'm at it, you want
127
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:01,925
a couple of airline tickets
to Bermuda?
128
00:05:03,511 --> 00:05:04,681
First class?
129
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,721
[instrumental music]
130
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[instrumental music]
131
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Hey, Alan, how you doin'?
Is that from Harvard?
132
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Yes. No. Uh, well, maybe.
Who cares?
133
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Bye, Alan.
134
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,243
Hey, Billy, can I talk to you?
135
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,906
Sure, Eric, it'll be a pleasure
to talk to a student
136
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:32,075
who actually exists.
137
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,503
Yeah, well,
I almost wish I didn't.
138
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,002
I applied
to the University of Iowa
139
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:38,304
'cause they have this great
writing program, right?
140
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,008
And I sent them
this sample of my writing..
141
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:42,719
- Turned you down?
- Yeah, well..
142
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Can you just read
the short story I sent them
143
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,141
and let me know
if it's as bad as they say.
144
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,770
And be brutally honest with me.
145
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:52,387
- I can take it.
- Sure, I'll be delighted.
146
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:56,555
"The Innocent Bystander."
Yeah, that's interest..
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- Interesting?
- Yeah.
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You hate it. Great!
149
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:05,074
Hey, Billy, Billy,
I got to hand it to ya.
150
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,914
This Randy McNally bit
you thought of is perfect!
151
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,950
From now on, any prank
I wanna pull around here
152
00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,164
"Hey, it was
Randy McNally's fault."
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00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,825
I love it! I love you!
154
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,543
Hey, Dr. Samuels,
you're not gonna believe this.
155
00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:19,054
Randy McNally
just broke into the biology lab
156
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and glued all the frogs
back together.
157
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Yeah, well, I can overlook it
with a record like his.
158
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,675
- This kid is a genius!
- He is?
159
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,100
Why isn't this kid
in the IHP? Look.
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00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:31,969
Well, actually,
I-I was gonna recommend him
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00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:33,676
but, uh, we don't have
enough desks.
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I mean, where's he gonna sit,
on a globe?
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Well, no matter,
Randy McNally is gonna be
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a credit to Fillmore
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and I'm gonna see that this kid
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has every opportunity to shine!
167
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:47,622
Glued the frogs together.
Ha-ha. Now that's funny.
168
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:50,237
[laughing]
169
00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:53,124
Why can't you think
of something like that, huh?
170
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:54,582
But..
171
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[laughing]
172
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:59,208
Yeah, this Randy McNally guy
is gettin' on my nerves now.
173
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,969
- Oh..
- Hey, Alan, did you hear?
174
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:06,296
Leave me alone about Harvard,
alright?
175
00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:07,722
Man, Harvard, Harvard, Harvard!
176
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,470
Is that all you guys
can talk about?
177
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,262
'I don't even wanna hear
the word Harvard.'
178
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:13,015
Hey, relax, Alan,
all I was gonna say was
179
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did you hear the one about
the parrot and the gorilla?
180
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:19,649
- Dang!
- I'm sorry, Alex. No, I didn't.
181
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,819
Okay, okay, okay,
here-here is how it goes.
182
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:23,358
See, there's this parrot
a-and a gorilla
183
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:24,991
and they both get accepted
to Harvard.
184
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:27,907
Oh, ha-ha, very funny, Alex.
Very funny.
185
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,406
Very funny.
186
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,334
Hey, Alan.
187
00:07:32,368 --> 00:07:33,868
Look, it's understandable
you're a bit worried
188
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,791
about not getting into Harvard
and all that.
189
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,750
But you must remember,
no news is good news.
190
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:42,171
Oh, yeah?
Does this look like no news?
191
00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,801
- Hey, it's from Harvard.
- I know that.
192
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:48,929
- You haven't even opened it.
- I know that, too.
193
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:53,558
It's nice and heavy, it can
only mean one thing, my friend.
194
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:54,768
You've been accepted.
195
00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,227
[scoffs]
Well, of course,
I've been accepted.
196
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:59,898
I never doubted
I'd been accepted.
197
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:03,817
Doesn't matter, Billy.
I'm not going to Harvard.
198
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,648
[instrumental music]
199
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:12,491
[indistinct chatter]
200
00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:15,503
- Good morning, geniuses!
- 'Hi, Billy!'
201
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:18,076
Hey, Billy, aren't you gonna
congratulate Viki?
202
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,372
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
203
00:08:19,415 --> 00:08:21,745
Stand back and let the dog
see the rabbit.
204
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:25,672
Congratulations, Viki,
my heartiest congratulations.
205
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:27,723
It couldn't have happened
to a more deserving person.
206
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:31,717
You must be so proud and happy.
I know I certainly am.
207
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,261
Thanks, Billy.
How did you find out?
208
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:36,474
I didn't. I have no idea
what they're talking about.
209
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,144
I got accepted to MIT.
210
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,055
I got my notification yesterday
in the mail.
211
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:43,563
- Oh, yeah!
- This is wonderful.
212
00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:46,936
I'm going to Sarah Lawrence,
Jasper just got into Princeton
213
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,404
Alex is going to Vassar.
214
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:49,574
It look like all this hard work
215
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,322
is finally paying off
for everyone.
216
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,204
- You are right.
- Right.
217
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:59,406
This is the worst day
of my life.
218
00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,825
- Dennis, what happened?
- What happened?
219
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,964
I got this yesterday.
220
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,006
"Dear Mr. Blunden.
221
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,129
[humming]
222
00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:14,506
"While your credentials
are impressive
223
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,104
"we've already selected
two students from Fillmore
224
00:09:17,139 --> 00:09:21,229
to attend MIT
this next school year."
225
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:25,269
It's impossible. Who could have
beat me out at this school?
226
00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:27,984
Do you wanna tell him
your good news, Viki?
227
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,275
[screaming]
228
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,663
I knew you'd be happy for her.
229
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:40,291
Alright, alright, that's one.
Who's the other one, huh?
230
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,539
Which one of you traitors
went behind my back
231
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,042
and applied to MIT?
232
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:48,503
- Not me, Dennis. I'm a Beaver.
- 'Me, either, Dennis.'
233
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,126
[indistinct chatter]
234
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:53,383
Viki, I heard the news!
235
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,716
- I just wanna congratulate you.
- Thanks, Dr. Samuels.
236
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:59,602
Boy, MIT,
it's a little intimidating.
237
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,180
Oh, you'll do just fine.
238
00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,595
And at least you'll have
one friend at MIT
239
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,444
that you already know.
240
00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:06,309
Do I?
241
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:09,275
Randy McNally got accepted, too!
242
00:10:11,527 --> 00:10:12,817
Randy McNally?
243
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:16,072
Yeah, I have an old buddy
in admissions. We go way back.
244
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,655
Uh, he said it was okay
if I send in
245
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,580
a late application on Randy.
246
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,619
'Boy, was he impressed.'
247
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,877
Something wrong, Dennis?
248
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:28,747
- No, I'm fine.
- Good, fine.
249
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,924
Well, okay. Carry on!
250
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:33,223
I.. It's..
251
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:35,797
[indistinct chatter]
252
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:39,260
It's alright, Dennis, go ahead.
253
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,175
[screaming]
254
00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,941
Hate to be the one
to tell you, Dennis
255
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,517
class finished
five minutes ago.
256
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:50,613
All my life..
257
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,360
All my life,
ever since I was a little boy
258
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:57,283
I've always wanted
to go to MIT.
259
00:10:57,323 --> 00:11:00,743
And now when I was so close
260
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:05,205
so close that...I could
practically taste the beefaroni
261
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:07,247
in the dorm cafeteria..
262
00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:11,919
...it's just not meant to be.
263
00:11:11,962 --> 00:11:16,972
Uh, uh, maybe Viki was right
about all the karma crapola.
264
00:11:17,009 --> 00:11:20,639
Yeah, maybe you should have
sat under a pyramid.
265
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,720
A ruined one. Ha-ha.
266
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:26,101
You know, Billy,
I keep asking myself.
267
00:11:26,143 --> 00:11:30,153
Am-am I such a terrible person?
Is this whole thing my fault?
268
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,149
Hard question to ask.
269
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:33,281
No, it's not.
270
00:11:33,317 --> 00:11:35,817
- It's your fault.
- My fault?
271
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,531
Yeah, you're the guy
who invented
272
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,991
this whole Randy McNally thing
in the first place.
273
00:11:40,032 --> 00:11:42,452
And you lied to Dr. Samuels,
that's low.
274
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,373
I only did it to save your hide.
275
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:47,042
Well, who asked you
to save my hide?
276
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,828
You did.
277
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,285
Oh, well, now I'm asking you
to butt out.
278
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:54,376
Oh, it's a bit late for that,
maybe we should have told
279
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,172
Dr. Samuels the truth
in the first place.
280
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:58,675
- Well, maybe we should have.
- Okay, fine.
281
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:02,048
I'll go right now
and tell Dr. Samuels the truth.
282
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,636
No, no, wait, wait, wait.
Come on, Billy.
283
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,021
Let's think about this
for a second.
284
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,727
Alright, alright, on the one
hand, if you tell Dr. Samuels
285
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:09,978
he'll probably tell his buddy
at MIT what a jerk I am
286
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,020
and then I'll never get in.
287
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,573
- That's likely.
- Yeah.
288
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:15,066
But on the other hand,
if we don't tell him
289
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,529
if we don't tell him,
when Randy McNally
290
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,909
never shows up in MIT this fall,
I could still get in.
291
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,317
- That's possible.
- Yeah, but on the other hand--
292
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,696
Hey, hold on.
I've only got two hands.
293
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,164
Now, would you like me
to use one of them
294
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,253
to knock Dr. Samuels door?
295
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,618
[sighs]
Oh, Billy, I need to think.
296
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,878
[instrumental music]
297
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,046
Why don't you want
to go to Harvard?
298
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,760
[sighs]
Because..
299
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:43,968
...I don't wanna be a guppy.
300
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,063
Don't blame yourself
for what they call themselves.
301
00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,768
Harvard guppies.
302
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,062
No.
303
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,692
I mean, here at Fillmore
304
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,979
I've always been...a big fish
305
00:12:55,024 --> 00:12:58,074
even if Fillmore
is a relatively small pond.
306
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:00,110
But at Harvard
I'm gonna be this little fish
307
00:13:00,154 --> 00:13:02,664
trying to survive
in an enormous pond.
308
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,618
Well, that's gonna happen to you
more and more.
309
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,788
You're gonna meet
all sorts of fish.
310
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,657
Sharks, jellyfish
311
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:11,834
blowfish, gefilte fish
312
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,214
even those weird fish
you normally only see
313
00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:15,421
in Jacques Cousteau films
314
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:18,421
with wee lights
at the ends of the noses.
315
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,010
I guess the truth is..
316
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,675
...I'm afraid.
317
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,852
There's gonna be so many
intelligent students at Harvard.
318
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:32,482
The best and the brightest
in the country.
319
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,192
What if I can't cut it?
320
00:13:37,233 --> 00:13:39,823
It's a chance
you'll have to take, Alan.
321
00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:42,821
Not if I don't go there.
322
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:48,616
Well?
323
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,121
- Oh, hey, I read your story.
- And?
324
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,753
I don't know what these people
in Iowa are talkin' about.
325
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,251
I thought it was brilliant!
326
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:58,092
I've always thought
it was brilliant.
327
00:13:58,128 --> 00:13:59,168
Beg your pardon?
328
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,173
Well, when I first read it,
it had a different title
329
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:03,425
you know, it was called
"The Ox-Bow Incident"
330
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:04,507
in those days.
331
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,682
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
332
00:14:05,719 --> 00:14:06,639
"The Ox-Bow Incident."
333
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,099
I've read that one years ago.
334
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:13,521
Oh, my God, I re-wrote
"The Ox-Bow Incident?"
335
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,481
[laughs]
Well, more or less.
336
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,811
You've written
your version of it.
337
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,686
Like, you've used
the Lower East Side
338
00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:19,822
instead of the Old West.
339
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,489
And some of those
street gangs were on horses.
340
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,897
Well, it's pretty much
the same thing, isn't it?
341
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,236
Oh, man! I never meant to..
342
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,412
Billy, you know
I would never plagiarize.
343
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,580
Of course, I do.
344
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:32,198
And so does the man in charge
of the writing program
345
00:14:32,246 --> 00:14:35,286
over there in Iowa.
There's his number.
346
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:38,002
Why don't you fax him
one of your other stories?
347
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,213
Oh, this is great, Billy.
348
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:42,423
Look, I'm gonna send them
my best story.
349
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:44,474
"Huckleberry Finn," huh?
350
00:14:45,092 --> 00:14:46,722
[chuckles]
351
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,930
[knocking on door]
352
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,010
Yeah, come in.
353
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:52,524
Dr. Samuels, hey, Dennis
has something to tell you.
354
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,475
Hey, come on. In.
355
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,149
Come on, Dennis, get in here.
356
00:14:57,187 --> 00:15:01,067
[clears throat]
Uh, yes, Dr. Samuels.
357
00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:04,818
Uh, it's about Randy McNally
and the intercom incident.
358
00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,202
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry that
the one time I thought I had you
359
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:10,119
it turned out to be
someone else. Heh-heh.
360
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,199
But you haven't graduated yet.
361
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:15,164
Yeah,
you're gonna screw up again
362
00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:17,825
and I'm gonna be there waiting.
363
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,705
[sighs]
You're not making this
any easier, sir.
364
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,212
Now, about Randy McNally--
365
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,593
Yeah, well, what about him?
366
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:26,680
Well, Dr. Samuels,
actually, the truth..
367
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,217
He's dead.
368
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:31,810
What? Ho-how?
369
00:15:31,847 --> 00:15:35,727
Uh, Randy suffered from
a terrible allergy, Dr. Samuels
370
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,898
to, uh, to-to feathers.
371
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,358
Feathers.
372
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,154
Are you saying he was killed
with a feather duster?
373
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:48,203
No, no. I mean, that would be
absurd, wouldn't it?
374
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,778
- Yes.
- Yes, well..
375
00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:54,584
It would appear that Randy, uh,
he-he went to t-the zoo
376
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,500
he-he was, and he walked
into the-the bird aviary.
377
00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:00,709
And he was no sooner in than
the wind blew the door shut.
378
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,211
Did I mention
it was a very windy day?
379
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,302
No, you didn't. No.
380
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,458
And it was a very windy day
381
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:09,676
and the-the door slammed shut
behind him, locked
382
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:13,808
and it was the, uh,
zookeeper's day off.
383
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,557
And, uh, anyway
384
00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:20,059
they fou-found his body
this morning.
385
00:16:20,104 --> 00:16:22,404
[sobbing]
386
00:16:25,442 --> 00:16:27,862
The birds attacked him?
387
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:30,991
- Yes.
- No.
388
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:32,871
- No.
- 'No..'
389
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,580
Apparently, he, uh,
he sneezed to death.
390
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,634
- Is that possible?
- Yeah.
391
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,173
Well, apparently,
when you sneeze
392
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,636
every time you sneeze,
your heart misses a beat.
393
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,637
Now, if you,
if you sneeze enough sneezes
394
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,970
together one after the other
395
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,926
it can, you know, flat line.
396
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:02,266
[imitating beeping]
397
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,192
That's the saddest thing
I ever heard.
398
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:09,494
Yes, and the weirdest.
399
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:13,197
God, I'm gonna miss that kid.
400
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,950
Yeah, me, too.
401
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,452
Alright, come on, Billy,
let's go.
402
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:17,753
Yeah.
403
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,916
Yes! Yes! Yes!
404
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:23,417
With Randy McNally
dead and buried
405
00:17:23,459 --> 00:17:25,209
I am next in line for MIT.
406
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:27,632
All we gotta do is make sure
Dr. Samuels doesn't find out
407
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:29,591
and I am home free!
408
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,261
Wait, I know what we'll do.
409
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:34,050
We'll have a memorial service
after school.
410
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:36,184
- Uh..
- You okay, Dennis?
411
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,601
I-I think Dennis needs
to be alone for a wee while.
412
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,180
- He wants..
- Just, just..
413
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:42,845
[instrumental music]
414
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:44,979
Oh..
415
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,698
You know, I, I never
got a chance to meet him.
416
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:55,908
Bernadette,
there is no Randy McNally.
417
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:58,619
It's hard to accept,
isn't it, Billy?
418
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:02,747
Fellow Fillmorians
419
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,290
We are gathered here today
420
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:07,293
to pay our respects
to Randy McNally.
421
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:11,876
In the short time he was with
us, he left an indelible mark.
422
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,974
And now I'd like to call on
his favorite teacher
423
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,720
Billy MacGregor,
to say a few words.
424
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:19,183
Billy.
425
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,100
For those of you
who didn't know Randy
426
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:25,943
and I'm sure
there must be a few of you..
427
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,284
...he was
a remarkable young man.
428
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,357
And if there's one thing
we can learn
429
00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:35,362
from his untimely passing
430
00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:40,155
it's that we should seize
the opportunities as they arise.
431
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:42,662
Oh, sure,
it's a big pond out there
432
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,294
and sometimes you'll feel like
433
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:47,672
'perhaps
you're only a little fish.'
434
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:51,509
But if you trust in yourself
435
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:53,877
'you'll grow, and sure enough'
436
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:57,934
the pond gets
amazingly smaller.
437
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,930
And I know
you must be saying to yourself
438
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,972
"What's this got to do
with Randy McNally?"
439
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,095
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
440
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,942
Well, there's a little bit
of Randy McNally
441
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:06,848
in everything.
442
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:10,975
The fish, the pond...the map.
443
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:13,284
[laughing]
444
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,492
That was very beautiful, Billy.
445
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:19,831
Thank you, Bernadette.
446
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,027
Yes, I'm gonna do it!
447
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,946
This is the happiest day
of my life.
448
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,205
(Viki)
'Hey, Alan,
what are you talking about?'
449
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:28,747
Oh, uh, sorry, I-I'm just happy
because I'm going to Harvard.
450
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:32,002
A-and Randy is going to heaven,
which is almost as good.
451
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:34,338
Sorry.
452
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,259
[clears throat]
453
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,051
Thank you, uh, Mr. MacGregor.
454
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:43,305
And now I would like
to call upon a student
455
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:47,638
who obviously knew Randy
better than anyone else, uh
456
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,476
to say a few words.
457
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,822
Dennis Blunden. Come up.
458
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:55,188
Oh! I, uh, I..
459
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:57,145
[indistinct chatter]
460
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:00,320
[clearing throat]
461
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:02,985
I'm sorry.
462
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,455
Uh, yes, uh, well..
463
00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:11,876
[sighs]
What can you say
about Randy McNally?
464
00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:15,256
[sobbing]
465
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:18,547
He was a hard guy
to get to know.
466
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,100
[sobbing]
I'm sorry, I can't go on.
I just can't.
467
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:26,137
No, no, no, no, no.
Tell, tell us more.
468
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:29,483
You must have
a lot of funny stories, um
469
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:33,019
personal anecdotes,
uh, fond memories
470
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,525
'that you could share
with us all.'
471
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:39,817
Uh, what were his likes,
his passions, his hobbies?
472
00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:44,658
Bungee-cord jumping.
473
00:20:44,701 --> 00:20:47,701
In fact, that was the way
I always thought he'd go.
474
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:50,036
[students laughing]
475
00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:52,002
Are they laughing, Billy?
476
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:53,592
Well, different people
have different ways
477
00:20:53,627 --> 00:20:55,337
of showing grief, Bernadette.
478
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:58,919
Oh! They must have loved him
very much.
479
00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:02,758
Yeah, yes, yes, yes, well..
480
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,183
I would like to take
this sad opportunity
481
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:09,602
to say, uh, something I've been
needing to say for a long time
482
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,563
and that is, um..
483
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:15,396
...I got you, Blunden.
484
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,360
- Huh?
- Huh?
485
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:25,034
- What?
- Randy McNally, my eye.
486
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:28,695
You knew? You knew..
487
00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:29,995
Billy, you knew he knew?
488
00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:33,128
He got to the computer files
before you, I had to tell him.
489
00:21:33,166 --> 00:21:34,416
Why didn't you..
490
00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,629
[indistinct chatter]
491
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:39,760
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
492
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,548
You let me think
that he had a friend in MIT
493
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:43,761
and that, and that I got
a rejection letter and the..
494
00:21:43,802 --> 00:21:45,722
Oh, man,
I made a fool out of myself!
495
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:49,222
That's the way it goes, Dennis.
It was your karma.
496
00:21:49,266 --> 00:21:50,636
[laughing]
497
00:21:50,684 --> 00:21:52,984
Dennis,
I do have a friend at MIT.
498
00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:56,570
In fact, I had him
send you that first letter.
499
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:59,356
Here's the real letter, son.
500
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:00,861
What does it say?
501
00:22:03,363 --> 00:22:04,663
I'm in! I'm in!
502
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:06,908
[cheering]
503
00:22:06,950 --> 00:22:09,910
[instrumental music]
504
00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:11,583
- Yes!
- Yes!
505
00:22:17,794 --> 00:22:20,424
[theme music]
506
00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:42,898
[music continues]
37281
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