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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:03,071 [ Siren wails ] 2 00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,905 Great idea coming out to the van 3 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:06,374 for movie night, babe. 4 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:10,211 Now I can laugh as loud as I want at "Police Academy 3." 5 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:12,480 Police? In school? 6 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:15,083 [ Laughing ] I mean, what the... 7 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:17,885 Plus, we get some actual privacy. 8 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,387 Pipe down. 9 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:22,123 Proctor's about to accidentally enter the Blue Oyster bar. 10 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,229 This is a Channel 3 NewsBlast Ten Million. 11 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,597 Another body has been found 12 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:32,266 wearing an RB Burger bag over its head, 13 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,835 the seventh victim of the RB Burger Killer. 14 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,871 When will the grossly incompetent Langley PD, 15 00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:39,907 long believed to be the inspiration 16 00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,342 for the "Police Academy" movies, 17 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,776 which I'm interrupting now, 18 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,446 bring the RB Burger Killer to justice? 19 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,081 Now back to "Police Academy." 20 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:50,017 [ Gunshots, farting ] 21 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,220 Jeff, there's something I wanted to talk to you about. 22 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,754 [ Laughing ] Oh, yeah? 23 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:57,258 I've been working some heavy part-time hours over at Sub Hub, 24 00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,859 so I have some money, 25 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:02,530 and these crazy murders have really got me thinking. 26 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,266 I shouldn't wait to do nice things for the people I love. 27 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,634 Is it happening? 28 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,703 Are you gonna stop talking during "Police Academy"? 29 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,106 You know how we could never afford wedding rings? 30 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:13,541 Well, I bought you one. 31 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,576 It's imitation Diamondesque, 32 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:18,078 but the ring part is real metal. 33 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:23,251 It looks like a princess's hand. 34 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,786 I feel bad, though. 35 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:27,721 I don't have the money to buy one for you. 36 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:28,922 Don't worry about that. 37 00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:31,559 I don't expect anything from you in return. 38 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,328 You don't expect anything from me? 39 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:36,930 Oh, I didn't mean it like that. 40 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,266 What a relief! 41 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,734 We at RB Burger are stunned and saddened 42 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,571 by this recent rash of senseless killings. 43 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,406 We wish to offer our thoughts and prayers 44 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,441 to the victims and their families. 45 00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:50,744 Plus, for one week, get a free small fry 46 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:55,516 with every mouthwatering RB Western Cheeseburger. 47 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:59,587 Mmm, unforgettable smokiness! 48 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:03,457 Just as those who have been killed will never be forgotten. 49 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,162 * Good morning, U.S.A. 50 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:12,032 * I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day * 51 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:15,135 * The sun in the sky has a smile on his face * 52 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:19,840 * And he's shinin' a salute to the American race * 53 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,811 * Oh, boy, it's swell to say 54 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:27,147 * Now that Dad is gone, I sing my go-to-school song * 55 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,384 * I sing my school song every day * 56 00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:32,486 * La la la-la-la 57 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,955 I'm out, too. Big day at work. 58 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,290 Got to fluff the shredded lettuce 59 00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:38,392 and run the turkey through the dishwasher. 60 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:40,828 I've also got a job, 61 00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,631 fixing phone lines for Langley Bell. 62 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,166 Yep. I'm a pole climber now, 63 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,569 staring down heights and bad weather, 64 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,372 risking my life to keep the lines running. 65 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:54,475 Another unsung blue-collar hero. 66 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,511 Everyone can feel free to leave without talking, too. 67 00:02:57,545 --> 00:03:00,381 Did I miss Hayley leaving for work? 68 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,417 Well, I scared Stan in his car and made him crash. 69 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,152 Should we all go back to bed? 70 00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,789 Oh, my God. That sounds amazing. 71 00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,192 [ Sizzling ] [ Yawns ] 72 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,927 Did I miss "The Price Is Right"? 73 00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:16,864 Yeah, there was a weirdly expensive dish soap. 74 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:17,998 $30. 75 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,667 Even Drew thought it was unfair. 76 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,769 What are you gonna do today, Mrs. S? 77 00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,372 I'm not really taking questions today, Jeff. 78 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:25,673 I wanted to go to Target 79 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,675 to buy the world's shittiest mountain bike, 80 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:31,279 but our front door feels like it's a million miles away. 81 00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:33,414 Wow, Jeff. What is that? 82 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,949 Oh, yeah! It's my new wedding ring. 83 00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,885 My old one was nothing. 84 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,219 Hayley got it for me. 85 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,421 [ Clink ] 86 00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:43,424 Uh, that's a metal sound. 87 00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:44,858 What are you gonna get her? 88 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:45,893 That's the best part. 89 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,462 She said she doesn't expect anything from me. 90 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,198 Free ring, basically. 91 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,934 Uh, Jeff, that's kind of a dig. 92 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,235 Kind of a huge dig. 93 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:56,904 No, no, no, she just means that, like, 94 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,573 I can't do the kind of things that she can do. 95 00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:02,343 That I'm not capable of it. 96 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,648 You know what? That actually really stinks! 97 00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:09,317 It's 'cause she has a job. 98 00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,751 Stan's the same way. 99 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,553 He doesn't think I can pay for things 100 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,221 just because I don't have any money. 101 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:15,556 Same with my Steve. 102 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,558 He doesn't have a job, but he goes to school, 103 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,793 and he just loves to throw that in my face. 104 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,795 Steve's my partner in this situation. 105 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:25,265 I never realized how badly those three treat us! 106 00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,767 I let it slide a lot, 107 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,936 'cause I'm letting a lot more go these days, 108 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:33,140 but it really gets me mad when I think about it. 109 00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,775 I need a drink. 110 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,347 Do they think we can't get jobs?! 111 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:42,115 We can get jobs anytime we want! 112 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:44,284 We could, but I don't want to. 113 00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:46,587 I have a personality type that makes it hard 114 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,822 to work for or with others. 115 00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:52,493 I was tested, came up positive for that personality type. 116 00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,463 Me? I can't work in an office. 117 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,666 What if I want to eat ribs at 10:30 a.m.? 118 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,434 Where would I even get them? 119 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,470 It's just not practical for me. 120 00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,937 And I can't get a job 121 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,775 because legally I'm supposed to be in Afghanistan. 122 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,978 But what if we started our own business? 123 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,114 We'd be bosses. 124 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,449 Like Boss Baby. 125 00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:18,151 We'd be in charge. 126 00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,787 Like Boss Baby! 127 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,222 Are we doing this? Are we starting a business? 128 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:25,693 One, two -- we're gonna say "Boss Baby" -- three! 129 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:32,132 * Good morning, U.S.-- 130 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,801 No! The quiet version. 131 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,969 My head is killing me. 132 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:39,407 [ Quietly ] * I've got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day * 133 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,408 [ Vomiting ] 134 00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,142 You drank a lot yesterday 135 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,143 with Mom and Roger. 136 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,177 What were you doing? 137 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:45,513 I forget. 138 00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:49,016 But I do remember one thing, babe. 139 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,651 You. 140 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,820 [ Vehicle approaches, horn honks ] 141 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,788 [ Air brakes hiss ] What the hell? 142 00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,992 I got a brand-new deluxe tour bus here 143 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,328 for Jeff, Francine, and Roger 144 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,997 Making Their Own Money That'll Show 'Em Incorporated? 145 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,365 You ordered a bus? 146 00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:06,900 Did you -- 147 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:10,704 Oh, did you think you were maybe buying a miniature tour bus? 148 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,072 Nooo? 149 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:15,576 Then why is there a Hot Wheels track set up in the living room? 150 00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:21,882 And, of course, there's the matter of the bill. 151 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:23,417 [ Laughing ] 152 00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:28,856 Stupid scooter, stupid grass. 153 00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:31,492 [ Grunts ] Aye-yi-yi. 154 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,728 Classic drunk idiots. I love it. 155 00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:37,030 These adorable knuckleheads. 156 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,365 [ Laughter ] 157 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,033 It's not funny. 158 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,402 We are starting a business. 159 00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,371 Really? What is it? 160 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,941 Um, it's a business... 161 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:48,942 That's... 162 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,210 Called... 163 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,211 Uhhh... 164 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,980 Uhhh... 165 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,048 Uhhhhh... 166 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,083 [ Bicycle bell rings ] 167 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:03,423 Called the RB Burger Killer... 168 00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,392 Tour bus... 169 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,060 Uh... 170 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:07,995 We... 171 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,229 Are... 172 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,464 Going to... 173 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:12,265 To give tours... 174 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,567 -Of... -Pass. 175 00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:16,236 Tours of the RB Burger murders. 176 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,138 Yes! A murder... 177 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,239 Tour... 178 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,908 Business. Volcano factory. 179 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,944 You all worked together to make a pretty good sentence, 180 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,846 but it takes more than that to run a business. 181 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,848 Oh, we're doing a business. 182 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,583 We can't do a business. 183 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,151 We have to return this thing. 184 00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,953 But that's what they're gonna expect, 185 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:36,657 another screw-up from the adorable knuckleheads. 186 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,326 I say we actually do the murder tour. 187 00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:40,794 Hmm. 188 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,096 Murder tours are a thing. 189 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:46,433 Yeah. When I was in L.A. for "Wheel of Fortune" tryouts -- 190 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,601 didn't get it, it's totally fixed, 191 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:48,802 it's all about how well you do -- 192 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,938 I did the Charles Manson Murder Tour. 193 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:51,939 It was darling! 194 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,641 This is our chance to show them. 195 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,309 We'll need money to pay for the bus, 196 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,478 marketing, fuel, sundries. 197 00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,980 [ Grunts ] It's like you already need 198 00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,849 to have a successful murder tour 199 00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,284 to start a successful murder tour. 200 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,719 This stupid country! 201 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:09,489 [ Sighs ] I know where we can get money. 202 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:13,894 I'll be back for the ring, so don't sell it. 203 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,629 Oh, I wouldn't dream of it. 204 00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,464 Because I can't dream. 205 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,132 Because I can't sleep. 206 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,135 Until I sell that chalice over there. 207 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,171 [ Demonic voices ] 208 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,810 Oh, okay. Thank you. 209 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,044 Bye. 210 00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:37,150 We did it, guys! We're business owners. 211 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,987 Hayley will never underestimate me again. 212 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,655 You got that right, buddy. 213 00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,691 Also, with the purchase of this VOSS water, 214 00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,092 we're officially out of money. 215 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,427 We need each customer to tell 10 people 216 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,362 to come tomorrow, or we're bankrupt. 217 00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:50,363 Wait, what? 218 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,066 Mmm, VOSS. 219 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,335 Here come our customers now. 220 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:56,870 Hello. Hi. 221 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,538 -Oh, man, VOSS! -Welcome. 222 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,841 Yes. Hey, Craig Robinson. 223 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,343 Don't treat me any differently just because I'm me. 224 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,612 Keep movin', numbnuts. 225 00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,680 Thank you. 226 00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,917 Now, I want to direct everyone's attention to your right, 227 00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:13,420 my left, where you'll catch a final tantalizing glimpse 228 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,355 of the parking lot we were just in. 229 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,857 We cannot see anything. 230 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,225 The windows are black. 231 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:21,061 Sun must have gone down fast, is my first reaction. 232 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,197 The windows are tinted, like on a limo. 233 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:25,198 Did it myself. 234 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:27,868 You put the tint on backwards! 235 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,703 No one can see anything! 236 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,639 But Roger saves the day. 237 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,306 I've got pennies for everyone. 238 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:37,878 Just use them to scratch out your own personal eyeholes. 239 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,780 That's right, the tint material comes off 240 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:41,381 just like a lotto scratcher. 241 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,417 Pretty fun to see all the little shavings, huh? 242 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,119 Are we finally ready to start? 243 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,857 Just as soon as all the pennies are passed back to me. 244 00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:57,965 * I am a lineman here in Langley * 245 00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:02,736 * And I'm a fish whose name is Klaus * 246 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:05,605 * Drinking coffee from a thermos * 247 00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:11,344 * That I filled up at my house 248 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,913 [ Slurps ] 249 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,815 Ahh! 250 00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,489 Now, to see where the third RB Burger victim was found, 251 00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,091 look to your left, my right, 252 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,160 or if I turn around also to my left, still to your left. 253 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:28,428 The third victim? 254 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,830 Was that the Latvian backpacker 255 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,765 who brought the case international attention? 256 00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,533 Oh, my God. Dude, I don't know. 257 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,768 This isn't school. 258 00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:35,969 You're not gonna get your dick touched 259 00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,370 for asking a bunch of questions. 260 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,107 All you keep telling us is what number victim it is. 261 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,309 And we're on to number four. 262 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,315 Before our look into Langley's dark side continues, 263 00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,317 we're gonna take a bit of a huge detour 264 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:53,721 to see where our very own Francine went to high school. 265 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,855 Who the hell is Francine? 266 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,957 We want to see murder things! 267 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:57,958 They hate the tour. 268 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,459 Well, I hate them. 269 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,328 It's hard for me to even look at their faces, 270 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,864 as many of them are so terribly ugly. 271 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,132 Your microphone is still on. 272 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,900 See what I was saying, Francine? 273 00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,736 Ugly face, ugly voice. 274 00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:12,005 Ugh, we're seeing basically no good crime scenes. 275 00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,875 I'm gonna leave them the worst review. 276 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,144 I'm Christine S. from Yelp. 277 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,312 Whoa, the Christine S.? 278 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,715 You put my food truck out of business. 279 00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,650 Why'd you do that to him, Christine S.? 280 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,218 Don't worry about me, Craig Robinson. 281 00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,154 My grandpa owns Foot Locker. 282 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,822 I just need him to die. 283 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,091 Christine S. is here. 284 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:34,394 A bad review from her could shut us down forever! 285 00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:36,329 [ Siren wailing ] 286 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:39,767 I'm getting an idea. 287 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,236 How much are your police scanners? 288 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,072 No, just take it. They're going out of business. 289 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,940 We're not going out of business. 290 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,176 Why does everybody think that? 291 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:49,843 [ Beeping ] 292 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,678 One wrecking ball hole 293 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,047 does not a going-out-of-business make. 294 00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,617 What second wrecking ball hole? 295 00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,452 Woman: Ugh, this is so boring. [ Indistinct talking ] 296 00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:00,720 This tour is lame. 297 00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:03,223 You're right, but what if I told you 298 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,626 we could go to the freshest crime scenes there are? 299 00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:08,628 Thanks to this police scanner. 300 00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,898 Officer: Patrol 27, do you copy? 301 00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:13,200 Chimdale dispatch, do you read? Over. 302 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,368 Hopefully someone is killed soon. 303 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,537 Officer #2: Officer Keith and I are stopping for gas. 304 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,940 Officer #3: Copy that. Patrolling Weathervane Lane Estates, 305 00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,142 seeing some really incredible houses here. 306 00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:23,877 The big, big copy on that. 307 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,745 That's basically my dream neighborhood. 308 00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:26,914 We're losing the group. 309 00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,548 Don't worry, I'll vamp. 310 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:31,551 Buhhhhhhh. 311 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,753 Attention all units, deceased adult male discovered 312 00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,389 at the Ogden Heights Complex in East Lanceton. 313 00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:39,059 Recent stab wound. Suspect still at large. 314 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:42,963 There is, I repeat, there is an RB Burger bag. 315 00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,764 Yes! 316 00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:46,466 Whoo! There is a God. 317 00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:47,968 We're on our way. 318 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,503 Who said that? Police only on this channel. 319 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,939 Aah! 320 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:57,744 Now, let's keep this crime scene secure, Officer Blatt. 321 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,512 Everyone thinks we're incompetent 322 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:02,850 because we can't catch this dang RB Burger killer. 323 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,018 No one's getting in or out. 324 00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:07,454 Mmm, now, that's what I like to hear. 325 00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,856 Whoops. 326 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,925 Whoops. 327 00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:14,261 Just ridiculous. 328 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,430 Oh, mama! Need fresh breath. 329 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,599 Aah! 330 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,767 [ Horse neighs ] 331 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,135 [ Grunts ] 332 00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,104 Right this way. Lift the police tape. 333 00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:25,272 That's just to keep out people 334 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,308 who aren't official tour members. 335 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,944 Just fantastic. 336 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,947 Wow. This is so vivid, so real. 337 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,983 "Real" is the password here, my friends. 338 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,450 And don't be afraid to touch. 339 00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,286 Move the body around, look in the mouth. 340 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,788 It's your party, so make it yours. 341 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,456 [ All chuckle ] 342 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:47,494 This body was stabbed to death, but there's no knife. 343 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,796 Well, if I could educate you a little bit here. 344 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:54,167 This killer, like most killers, used an icicle as a knife. 345 00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,370 Wouldn't that leave a puddle where the icicle knife melted? 346 00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:59,639 Today's killers are more sophisticated. 347 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,142 They bring a little towel to mop the puddle up. 348 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,244 -Oh. -Oh, that's interesting. 349 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:05,812 [ Ting! ] 350 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,480 Oh, five stars, no doubt. 351 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,249 I'm telling everyone about this tour. 352 00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,518 I'm calling the guy who played Roy from "The Office" 353 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,519 when I get home. 354 00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,254 Me too! 355 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,757 [ Ringing ] 356 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,226 Hey, gang, Klaus here. 357 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,329 I'm over in Lanceton, strapped in and swapping a lasher. 358 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,332 Thought I'd jack us all in for a little party-line action. 359 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,567 Anyway, the tour's going great. 360 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,868 I don't care. 361 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,837 [ Beep ] 362 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,839 Not so fast, Stan. 363 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:35,175 I control everything from up here. 364 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,278 How -- How did you make me answer the phone? 365 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:42,782 ** 366 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,851 That was a hell of an idea, Jeff. 367 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,853 No one in the family believed in us, 368 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,922 but look at how happy these guys are. 369 00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:51,724 Look at the smiles, the energy. 370 00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,226 That one has a knife. 371 00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:57,097 Wait, what? More good news! 372 00:14:57,130 --> 00:15:01,468 We came with 12 people, but we're leaving with 13. 373 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:02,936 Bonus customer! 374 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,072 And the new guy has a knife! 375 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,040 Could be the missing murder weapon. 376 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,076 Wouldn't that be a coup for the Blood Bus? 377 00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,810 It's the killer, isn't it? 378 00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:15,248 ** 379 00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,649 Maybe. 380 00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:19,119 Let's keep our eye on him, see if he does anything weird. 381 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,993 Jeff: The RB Killer is on our bus. 382 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:28,996 Unless it's not him. 383 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,831 Hey, how big is your head? 384 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,400 Would it fit in this bag? 385 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,235 Why don't we just see if it does? 386 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,104 This is unbelievable. I'll say. 387 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:38,905 Never would've thought that thing would fit. 388 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,274 She has a massive head. 389 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:42,976 Do you guys think I have a massive head? 390 00:15:43,010 --> 00:15:44,744 Yes. [Bleep] you. 391 00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,246 We need to call the cops. 392 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,415 But that'll ruin our reviews. 393 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,118 Let's just drop everyone off safely at their cars, 394 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,485 then call the cops. 395 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,155 But he could just grab a hostage at any moment. 396 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,589 I'll handle the killer. 397 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,426 I'll wrap him up in my smooth tour-guide patter 398 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,195 and keep him nice and calm. 399 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:05,932 Jeff, I got to know, is it hard to drive a bus? 400 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,334 No, it's easy. 401 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:09,869 You just keep the bus above 50 miles per hour 402 00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:11,271 so it doesn't blow up. 403 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,805 Good news and bad news. 404 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,474 The good news is, I'm in love. 405 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,310 I've heard that homicidal maniacs can be very charming, 406 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,046 and that is for real. 407 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,480 I went back there to distract him. 408 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:24,317 He looked right into my eyes, and I just fell. 409 00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:26,953 As for the bad news, why don't you tell them, lover? 410 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,989 You're all coming with me 411 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:33,460 into the sewers to my lair. 412 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,462 You're a killer? Yes. 413 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,796 The RB Killer? 414 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,965 My name is Matthew, but yes. 415 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,068 [ Crowd murmuring ] 416 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:44,071 Everything that's happening is part of the tour. 417 00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:45,638 Yes. Yes! 418 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:49,008 He's just an actor playing the murderer. 419 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,143 Oh, right. 420 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,145 Right, I think I recognize him. 421 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,681 He was in "Terms of Endearment." 422 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,183 It's Jack Nicholson. 423 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,650 "About Schmidt"? 424 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:01,221 Craig: Wow, these are surprisingly roomy sewers. 425 00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,755 Roger: Little historical tidbit -- 426 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,157 They almost made them wider. 427 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,559 [ Indistinct talking ] 428 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,996 [ Brakes squeak, hiss ] 429 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,399 Everybody off. 430 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:15,435 I like the way this looks. 431 00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:16,503 Oh, wow. 432 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:19,506 Every person I kill is a message, 433 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,573 a prayer, 434 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,176 and when that prayer is heard, 435 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:27,680 I believe in my heart that RB Burger will bring back 436 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:32,685 the long-discontinued Big Beef Blopper. 437 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,020 The Big Beef Blopper? 438 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:37,524 Yes, it was a limited-time offering. 439 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:38,725 It's a burger. 440 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,026 Yes. 441 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,794 I really, really want one again, 442 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,396 and it's been 10 years. 443 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,031 I even tried to make my own, 444 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,367 but they use some kind of celery salt 445 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,602 or taco spice or something. 446 00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:50,470 I don't know. 447 00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,540 The meat was, like, tangy. 448 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,709 Can't you just ask them to bring the burger back on Facebook? 449 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,978 Facebook is for racist grandmas. 450 00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,280 Wait a minute. 451 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:02,482 This isn't Jack Nicholson's house. 452 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:07,154 And now to sacrifice all of you one by one 453 00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:10,290 to my important cause! 454 00:18:10,323 --> 00:18:12,159 Jeff: No! Jeff, don't worry. 455 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,261 He can stab me up for days. It won't kill me. 456 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,563 I'm gonna cut your head off. 457 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,565 Uh-oh, Jeff, my one weakness. 458 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,300 I told you that in confidence. 459 00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,601 We're through. 460 00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,404 Help! 461 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,240 My tour has been taken over by the RB Killer! 462 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,308 [ Static hissing ] 463 00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:30,277 It won't work underground. 464 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,512 -Trying to call the cops? -Aah! 465 00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:35,915 Why can't you support me in what I'm doing? 466 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:40,287 Don't you want me to have what I want, eat what I want? 467 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,490 Someone tell my babe, "Bye, babe." 468 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:47,660 RB Burger Corporation, hear my plea 469 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:52,465 and bring back the Blopper you've taken from me. 470 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,234 No! 471 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,205 I'm okay. The knife just stabbed me in my belly. 472 00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:00,106 Everyone, restrain him! 473 00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,841 He can't overpower us all! 474 00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,377 [ Indistinct shouting ] 475 00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:06,813 We're saved! 476 00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:11,718 Alright, that's a little too much restraining. 477 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:14,754 Hey, that's my boyfriend's knife. 478 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,459 Wait, wait, wait! You're killing him! 479 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,227 Stop! 480 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,694 Let this happen. 481 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,032 Oh, my God. They killed him! 482 00:19:26,065 --> 00:19:27,166 Why? 483 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:28,501 Because we're murder fans, 484 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,036 and this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance 485 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,137 to Dexter this guy. 486 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,905 We have to tell the police. 487 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,140 No, we don't. 488 00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,376 He was a bad man, and now he's dead, 489 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,811 and there's not going to be a body. 490 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,313 Anyone have a hacksaw on them? 491 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:43,250 -Yes. -Oh, I do, too. 492 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,818 [ Sawing ] 493 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,987 I'd really like to go home now. 494 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,358 Yeah, let's get out of here. This place reminds me of my ex. 495 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:58,531 I don't know if you noticed my batting glove. 496 00:19:58,565 --> 00:19:59,399 I did. 497 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,734 I lost the ring you gave me. 498 00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,370 Well, I didn't lose it. 499 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,538 I sold it to start a business, 500 00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,274 but then the business failed, 501 00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:10,943 even though nobody got cut to pieces in the sewers 502 00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:15,348 and all the money was gone and the pawnshop sold the ring. 503 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:19,286 Oh, yeah, he, uh, sold it to me, actually. 504 00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:20,687 I went in there to watch some arm wrestling 505 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,089 they were hosting and recognized the ring. 506 00:20:23,122 --> 00:20:25,725 So you bailed me out again? Great. 507 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,560 Honestly, Jeff, I'm impressed 508 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,629 that you didn't just drop it down the toilet. 509 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,230 And I got you something else. 510 00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,933 Another gift I'll never be able to match. 511 00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,068 How wonderful. 512 00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:38,237 Oh, man, how did you know? 513 00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,907 [ Imitating engine revving ] 514 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:45,312 It's been three days without an RB Burger-related murder. 515 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:50,249 So the Langley PD have declared the case officially solved. 516 00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:51,718 And to celebrate, 517 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,921 we are bringing back a discontinued treat -- 518 00:20:54,954 --> 00:20:57,056 our Big Beef Blopper. 519 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,459 Mmm, mmm, mmm! 520 00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,928 To die for! 521 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,796 Have a great night. 37074

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