All language subtitles for American Dad (2005) S17E06

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,219 --> 00:00:04,047 Costa Rica is so amazing, Hayles. 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:07,877 And building houses for the poor is super amazing. 3 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,314 [ Whispering ] I am so bummed I couldn't join you, 4 00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:13,187 but I'm just about to break in to this factory farm 5 00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,189 to free the oppressed cows. 6 00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:16,842 My intel says the cows' rights 7 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:19,280 are totally gonna be violated tomorrow, 8 00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:20,846 so time is of the essence. 9 00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,500 You're thereal hero, Hayley. 10 00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:24,111 ♪ Happy, happy birthday 11 00:00:24,154 --> 00:00:25,938 ♪ Your birthday is today 12 00:00:25,982 --> 00:00:27,070 ♪ Happy, happy birthday 13 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,985 ♪ Enjoy your birthday cake 14 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,204 Whoa, Babe! 15 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,075 This nice family brought you a cake. 16 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:34,860 What the hell?! You aren't saving animals! 17 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,949 You're at a cool-casual dining spot! 18 00:00:36,993 --> 00:00:40,301 You don't care about anyone but yourself. Oh, come on. 19 00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:42,477 I take my birthdayoff from helping people 20 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,001 and suddenly I "don't care about anyone?" 21 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,699 Wait, your birthday's not for three months. 22 00:00:47,743 --> 00:00:49,223 [ Waiters gasp ] 23 00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:51,138 ♪ You lied about your birthday 24 00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:52,226 ♪ Give us back our cake 25 00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:53,662 ♪ You lied about your birthday 26 00:00:53,705 --> 00:00:55,272 ♪ Please go drown in a lake 27 00:00:55,316 --> 00:00:57,100 [ Blows ] [ Clapping ] 28 00:00:57,144 --> 00:01:00,103 Babe, why don't we just tell them it was my birthday? 29 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:01,974 It actually is my birthday. 30 00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,586 [ Whining ] 'Cause I wanted themto sing to me! 31 00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:09,243 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 32 00:01:09,286 --> 00:01:13,508 ♪ I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪ 33 00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:16,554 ♪ The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ♪ 34 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:21,646 ♪ And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ♪ 35 00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:26,173 ♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say 36 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:28,784 ♪ Good -- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 37 00:01:28,827 --> 00:01:29,959 Aah! 38 00:01:31,221 --> 00:01:34,572 ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. 39 00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:39,316 Danuta saysI don't help people?! 40 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,275 I help peopleall the time, right?! 41 00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,581 Sure, Babe. You helped me get married. 42 00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:46,280 [ Door opens ]Oh, man. 43 00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:48,195 My fins are killingme. 44 00:01:48,238 --> 00:01:50,719 It took me five hours to scoot to Tuttle's house, 45 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:53,504 and it turns out he's anti-94! 46 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,854 Is Prop 94 that sex move where the lady 47 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:58,205 talks into the guy's dong like a microphone? 48 00:01:58,248 --> 00:01:59,641 No, that's "the Vin Scully." 49 00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,512 Langley has a law that prohibits vaping 50 00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:04,211 within 500 feet of parks and schools. 51 00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:05,821 But if Prop 94 passes, 52 00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:08,954 it will reduce that to just five feet. 53 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:10,173 And that's...good? 54 00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:11,522 Of course it is! 55 00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:13,524 Teachers need to vape the most! 56 00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,526 Plus, I enjoy vaping by the park, 57 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:17,180 watching the children play. 58 00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:18,529 Good on you, Klaus. 59 00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,401 Be the change you wantto see in the world. 60 00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:23,230 Hey, would you guys mind helping me out and vote for Prop 94? 61 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:25,536 You know, since voting's one of those things I can't do 62 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,798 'cause I'm not a citizen? 63 00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:28,191 How are you not a citizen? 64 00:02:28,235 --> 00:02:29,584 You've been here for six Presidents 65 00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:31,281 and four"Tonight Show" hosts. 66 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,805 Well, the CIA kind of put me in a fish body and forgot. 67 00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,807 No biggie. Just means I can't vote 68 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:38,810 or go to airports or buy guns at gun shops. 69 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:41,900 I can still buy them online, though, and at gun shows 70 00:02:41,944 --> 00:02:43,902 and from shady dudes on Langley Boulevard. 71 00:02:43,946 --> 00:02:46,775 Trust me, I have a lotof guns. 72 00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:49,212 Hmm... Are you getting an idea, Babe, 73 00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,258 or do you have to fart? 74 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,389 The faces look the same. 75 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,348 Idea. Well, both, really, 76 00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,219 but the idea's the onlyone you'll hear. 77 00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,353 I am gonna help Klausbecome a citizen. 78 00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,006 That'll show Danuta.Okay, cool. 79 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,226 Let's do the citizenship thing. 80 00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:05,446 Wait. You've been talking to Danuta? 81 00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,491 She told me she was dead! 82 00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:15,630 Who's excited for our trip to the supermarket, gang?! 83 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,936 -I am! -Me, too! -Wowee! 84 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:21,462 I'm gonna buy freshly-slicedcold cuts from the deli counter. 85 00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:22,419 I'm gonna buy something chilly 86 00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:24,160 from the frozen foodaisle. 87 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,031 -Brrr! -Huh. 88 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,294 "Farmers Market." 89 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:28,817 I wonder what that'sall about? 90 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,298 Pass. That's where the farmersshop. 91 00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:33,517 Actually, Dad, farmers markets 92 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:36,607 are where farmers sell fresh produce directly to the public. 93 00:03:36,651 --> 00:03:37,695 [ Tires screech ][ Shouting ] 94 00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:39,393 Cutting out the middleman? 95 00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,525 The one thing I hate more than farmers 96 00:03:41,569 --> 00:03:43,875 is...middlemen. 97 00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,269 It's settled.We're trying the farmers market. 98 00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,184 [ Tires squeal ][ Grunts ] 99 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,055 Don't worry about him. Crossing guards 100 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:52,449 are the middlemen of the streets. 101 00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,845 I am so pumped to be a citizen. 102 00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:59,761 I've already picked outmy new American name -- 103 00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:01,415 Ace McNasty. 104 00:04:01,458 --> 00:04:03,460 That's not how this works, Klaus. 105 00:04:03,504 --> 00:04:05,288 Just follow my lead. 106 00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:07,551 One citizenship please. 107 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,074 Helping accomplished. 108 00:04:09,118 --> 00:04:12,556 Mr. Heissler,you speak basic English. 109 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,079 Good.You have the body of a fish, 110 00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:16,952 but the consciousnessof a man, so that's fine. 111 00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:20,390 But you've been hereillegally for 20 years?! 112 00:04:20,434 --> 00:04:21,870 That's a huge red flag. 113 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:22,958 Red flag? 114 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,439 Take that commie shit back to China. 115 00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:28,311 I'mall about the stars and stripes, baby. 116 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,357 I know all the words to Kid Rock's version 117 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,968 of "Sweet Home Alabama." I've wantedto see 118 00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:36,188 Criss Angel's Vegas magic act over 50 times. 119 00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,539 I've watched all the "American Pie" movies. 120 00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,454 Did you know Stifler has a brother? 121 00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:42,673 TwoStiffmeisters?! 122 00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:45,372 I wouldn't want to be those parents. 123 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,158 You're in this countryillegally. 124 00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:51,465 I'm sorry, sir.Your days are numbered. 125 00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:54,903 And you'rea true American hero. 126 00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:58,123 Thank you for snitchingon this illegal alien. 127 00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,603 I wasn't snitching. 128 00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:01,126 I was helping my friend! 129 00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:02,519 I'm a helpful person! 130 00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:03,912 ♪ Happy, happy snitch day 131 00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:05,522 ♪ You sold out your friend 132 00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:06,828 ♪ Happy, happy snitch day 133 00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,699 ♪ His time here's near its end ♪ 134 00:05:08,743 --> 00:05:10,222 All y'all,get out of here! 135 00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,528 Get! 136 00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:13,965 I don't know wherethey come from. 137 00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:18,056 "Papaya." 138 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,189 That's not a word I say every day. 139 00:05:20,232 --> 00:05:22,626 "Kumquat?" really? 140 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,498 Got a real wiseacre running the fruits here. 141 00:05:24,541 --> 00:05:26,761 Wow. "Kiwis." 142 00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:28,545 Finally someone invented a fruit 143 00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:32,375 that feels like ballsshaved exactly a week ago. 144 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:35,247 [ Gasps ] What is that?! 145 00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,162 [ Slurping ] 146 00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:39,948 Can you guys imagine putting a straw 147 00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:42,951 in one of those things and drinking right out of it? 148 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:46,171 I'm hearing steel drum music just thinking about it. 149 00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:48,391 An instant vacation. 150 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:49,958 Excuse me, sir? 151 00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,526 We'd like to purchase one of your coco-nuts. 152 00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,441 Great! You know, for $1 more, 153 00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:55,833 I could open it up for -- 154 00:05:55,877 --> 00:05:57,661 Not so fast with the ripoffs, pal. 155 00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:59,663 We can open it ourselves. -Yeah. 156 00:05:59,707 --> 00:06:01,404 Remember when we lost 20 bucks 157 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,928 having that guy open our bananas? 158 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:08,280 Thanks to Hayley's "help," 159 00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:11,762 I have to go undercover to hide from immigration. 160 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:15,418 Should I be a silly rabbi or a serious bumblebee? 161 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,203 The costumes cost the same on Amazon.[ Door closes ] 162 00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:20,031 Sorry about that little setback, Klaus. 163 00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:22,556 But when Hayley Smith says she's gonna help, 164 00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:23,861 she's gonna help. 165 00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,559 No! No more helping. 166 00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,474 Can't stop helping. Won't stop helping. 167 00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,085 I've got a new plan that'll guarantee you citizenship. 168 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,609 You and I are getting married! 169 00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:35,830 But, Babe... aren't wemarried? 170 00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,135 Not anymore! 171 00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:39,703 I went down to the courthouse and got us divorced. 172 00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,618 Don't you needmy signature for that? 173 00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:43,228 No. I'm your legal guardian. 174 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,708 Oh, yeah. 175 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:45,796 And Klaus, 176 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,017 I'm your legal wife! I already sent a copy 177 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,498 of our marriage certificate to immigration.What?! 178 00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:54,239 The government will never believe we're married! 179 00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:57,373 Look at me! I'm a player for life! 180 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,505 Treat her well, man. 181 00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,463 She's a special lady. 182 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:08,645 [ Sobbing loudly ] 183 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,605 [ Lighter switches ][ Bong gurgles ] 184 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:17,045 [ Crying, coughing ] 185 00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:21,528 Babe...do you rememberwhy I'm crying? 186 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,622 I can't believe you told immigration we're married. 187 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:29,623 That's fraud! 188 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,146 And not even cool fraud, 189 00:07:31,189 --> 00:07:33,583 like buying a Mercedes hood ornament on Etsy 190 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:34,758 and gluing it to my Saturn. 191 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,499 They're not gonna deport you,Klaus. 192 00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,719 We just need to be convincingin this interview. 193 00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:41,286 Interview?! When?![ Doorbell rings ] 194 00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,636 Quick, they expect married people 195 00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,289 to know everything about each other. 196 00:07:44,333 --> 00:07:47,902 My favorite food is white rice with lots of butter. 197 00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:50,382 Hello, I'm here from theUnited States Immigration Office 198 00:07:50,426 --> 00:07:52,733 to discuss your marriage.We would love 199 00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,517 to talk about that at length 200 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,085 andprovide supporting documents. 201 00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:58,695 [ Irish accent ] Isn't that right, me love? 202 00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:01,306 Her accents have alwaysdelighted me and we're married. 203 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,179 That's for sure.[ Russian accent ] Come for to kiss. 204 00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:06,094 [ Both smooch ] 205 00:08:06,137 --> 00:08:09,184 Okay, let's startwith some easy ones.How old is Hayley? 206 00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:11,795 -19. -47. 207 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,884 What is Klaus'favorite kind of music? 208 00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:16,757 -Dixieland jazz? -East Coast hip-hop. 209 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,323 What's Klaus' favorite food? 210 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:20,108 Ooh! White rice with lots of butter. 211 00:08:20,151 --> 00:08:22,023 Hot dogs.What the hell, Klaus?! 212 00:08:22,066 --> 00:08:23,677 [ Whispering ] I panicked. 213 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,156 Look, I can tell you're nervous, 214 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,680 so I'm gonna cut to the chase. 215 00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,769 You're human and you're a fish. 216 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:30,727 It's weird.We'll continue the process, 217 00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,034 but to be honest,I'd prepare for the worst. 218 00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:35,427 Well, I thought this might happen. 219 00:08:35,471 --> 00:08:38,343 Don't worry about me. I'll leave the country. 220 00:08:38,387 --> 00:08:40,781 In fact, I've already rented outmy alcove 221 00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:41,782 to a silly rabbi -- 222 00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:44,088 Schlomo McHanukkahface. 223 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,746 Dear Lord, thank youfor providing us 224 00:08:49,790 --> 00:08:51,574 with this island bounty. 225 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:53,794 Mahalo. 226 00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:56,623 Hmm. Must be a bad knife. 227 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,625 Another bad knife. 228 00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:01,018 Anotherbad knife. 229 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,978 Anotherbad knife! -Step aside 230 00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:06,546 and let old Frannie work her magic. 231 00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:10,767 I don't get it. That always works with pickle jars. 232 00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,900 Out of my way. I got this. 233 00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,598 Oh! Ow! 234 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:18,645 Perhaps we should consult the classic Harry Nilsson song, 235 00:09:18,688 --> 00:09:20,864 "Lime in the Coconut," for tips.[ Cellphone clicking ] 236 00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:24,825 "She put the lime in the coconut, drank 'em both up. 237 00:09:24,868 --> 00:09:26,304 Bellyache. Call the doctor." 238 00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:28,263 Hesays, "Put the lime in the coconut." 239 00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:30,961 Bullshit! Doesn't say anything about how to open it! 240 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,311 Andthe doctors cure is the exact same thing 241 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,618 that upset the guy's stomach in the first place. 242 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:38,012 What a wackadoo.Language! 243 00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:41,624 Guys, don't let thiscoconut drive usnuts. 244 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:42,799 That's what it wants. 245 00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:44,409 Wh-- Wh-Wh-What are we gonna do? 246 00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,847 Howare we gonna open this coconut?! 247 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:50,851 [ Tense music plays ] 248 00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:52,853 Well, Klaus, you're being deported 249 00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,898 and you cannot take everything. 250 00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:59,686 Goodbye, lanyard from the 1997 AVN Awards. 251 00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:03,777 Goodbye, VHS rewinder in the shape of a Corvette. 252 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,431 [ Sighs ] That's everything. 253 00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,782 And my suitcase is empty. 254 00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,697 Goodbye, suitcase. 255 00:10:10,740 --> 00:10:12,655 Hayley: Keep your suitcase, Klaus. 256 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:15,136 You again? I have had en-- 257 00:10:15,179 --> 00:10:17,442 No one's getting deported. 258 00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:19,314 Hayley? Is that you? 259 00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,664 Does this answer your question? 260 00:10:21,708 --> 00:10:23,666 [ Groans ] 261 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:26,930 Yes... Yes, it does. 262 00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:28,932 I'll let you two lovebirds talk. 263 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:32,283 [ Screaming, sobbing ] 264 00:10:32,327 --> 00:10:33,850 What the hell is happening?! 265 00:10:33,894 --> 00:10:36,113 I went to the CIA and had Dr. Weitzman 266 00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:38,550 put me into a fish body. You know, to make our marriage 267 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,335 more believable to the immigration lady. 268 00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:42,859 Why didn't you just make me a human?! Wow. 269 00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:44,469 That would've been a great idea. 270 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,689 If you'd mentioned it to me yesterday! 271 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:50,475 But you didn't! So now we got to do the married fish thing. 272 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:53,391 And married fish live in the same bowl. 273 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:55,959 Wait, where'smy deep-sea diver guy? 274 00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:58,570 Oh, I got rid of that old thing to make space for a trash can 275 00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:00,921 so I have somewhere to put the rest of your dumb shit. 276 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,705 Perhaps we should havea conversation 277 00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:05,142 before we throw away thingsthat gave me decades 278 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:07,492 of companionshipand sexual triumphs! 279 00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:11,148 Okay, sorry. Hey, by the way, fish question? 280 00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:13,063 I was napping in the treasure chest yesterday 281 00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:14,891 and all of these little pellets fell out of me. 282 00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:16,937 Is that normal? What?! 283 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:18,808 [ Cheering ] 284 00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:21,768 Why didn't you tell meyou laid eggs?!Why didn't youtell me 285 00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:25,380 you jerk it in the treasure chest?!It's called milting. 286 00:11:25,423 --> 00:11:29,079 It's totallynaturaland I will notbe shamed![ Door opens ] 287 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,734 [ Voice breaking ]Beautiful children, Babe. 288 00:11:31,778 --> 00:11:33,997 They all have your eyes. 289 00:11:34,041 --> 00:11:38,610 [ Muffled screaming ] 290 00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:44,878 [ Engine revving ] 291 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,097 [ Yelling ] Ah! 292 00:11:47,141 --> 00:11:50,535 I think it just grazed me... 293 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:51,972 [ Sighs, thuds ] 294 00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:55,149 Damn you, coconuuut! 295 00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:58,761 [ Francine and Stan crying ] 296 00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,632 Is it even worth it anymore? 297 00:12:00,676 --> 00:12:03,897 The carnage. The shattered lives.[ Crying ] 298 00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,942 We all remember how happy that woman looked 299 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:08,162 when she was drinking from that coconut, don't we? 300 00:12:08,205 --> 00:12:09,816 We want to be like her, don't we?! 301 00:12:09,859 --> 00:12:11,818 Of course.What kind of a question is that?! 302 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:14,429 Then we're gonna have to think outside the box. 303 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,780 We're gonna smoke it out. 304 00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:20,391 This might take some time,so we need to be patient. 305 00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:25,353 Be right back. 306 00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:31,925 [ Gunfire ] 307 00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:33,927 [ Sizzling ] 308 00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:36,016 [ Bells chime ] 309 00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:38,018 Stupid coconut.[ Strains ] 310 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:40,107 [ Gunshots ][ Grunting ] 311 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,241 Ugh, can we go home now? 312 00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:47,418 Doing errands in public makesour fish marriage seem real. 313 00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:49,377 And so does buying a new aquarium. 314 00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:52,597 Did I hear somebody say"Buying a new aquarium?" 315 00:12:52,641 --> 00:12:53,903 That's a real question. 316 00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:56,819 I'm listening to a sound effectCD of a woman vacuuming. 317 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,169 Why, yes. We did say "aquarium." 318 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:01,998 Now that my husbandand I are legally married, 319 00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:04,044 we need to buy one. 320 00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,176 Sir, if you truly loveyour wife, 321 00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:09,049 you won't settle for anythingless than the Atlantis. 322 00:13:09,092 --> 00:13:12,182 This one was LeBron's, so it'sfilled with Sprite right now. 323 00:13:12,226 --> 00:13:14,184 I'm not made of money. 324 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,012 Besides, I'm a 7UP man. 325 00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,406 Klaus, this is how helping works. 326 00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:20,408 Well, then I don't wantyour help. 327 00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:23,541 My life was fine before. You're making it worse! 328 00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:25,500 I am doing this for you, idiot! 329 00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:29,069 You are suffocating me! I can't stand you! 330 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:32,333 [ Monotone ] I think I've heardeverything I need to hear.[ Hayley and Klaus gasp ] 331 00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,509 It's obvious you two hate each other, 332 00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:38,948 which means your marriageis definitelyreal! 333 00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:40,645 Congratulations, sir. 334 00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:42,778 You're gonna bea United States citizen. 335 00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,084 It's happening. 336 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:47,043 I'm gonna be Ace McNasty. 337 00:13:49,611 --> 00:13:52,570 Sign there and there. 338 00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,486 Welcome to America. 339 00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,445 You have 20 days to become obese. 340 00:13:57,488 --> 00:14:00,013 Honey? Hurry up with the champagne! 341 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:03,233 I probably shouldn't say this, but to be honest, 342 00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:07,020 I was kind of hopingthis wasa sham marriage. 343 00:14:07,063 --> 00:14:09,457 [ Quietly ] I have been thinkingabout you a lot. 344 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,677 Wait? You're... attracted to me? 345 00:14:12,721 --> 00:14:14,157 Sexually?! 346 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:15,898 Let's bone, baby! 347 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,945 But... [chuckles] your wife? 348 00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:21,382 What wife? My marriage isa sham. 349 00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,253 Not real in the slightest. 350 00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:25,038 It's go time. Um. 351 00:14:25,081 --> 00:14:27,779 Actually, I need about 10 minutes for my pill to kick in. 352 00:14:27,823 --> 00:14:29,390 [ Guns cocking ]You fell 353 00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:31,914 for the oldest trick in the book -- 354 00:14:31,958 --> 00:14:34,047 a lie. 355 00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,918 You're outta here. 356 00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,050 And you're going with him. 357 00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:38,486 Wait,you can't deport me! 358 00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,053 I am a U.S. citizen! 359 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,054 Deported-fish-says-what. 360 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,186 Huh?You're still going. 361 00:14:43,230 --> 00:14:45,014 What? Gotcha! 362 00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:46,624 Freeze! 363 00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,931 Wait, if I'vegot the banana, 364 00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,846 that means... 365 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,153 Oh, no... 366 00:14:53,196 --> 00:14:57,157 [ Monkey screeching ][ Gunshots ] 367 00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,944 [ Mexican music plays ] 368 00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:05,165 Buenos días, Juan Pablo. 369 00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,384 Hola, Señor McNasty. 370 00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:10,039 I made some special guacamole 371 00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:13,173 for my favorite deportee. 372 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,523 Mmm.I'll never figure out 373 00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:18,569 how you get a chest hair in each bite. 374 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,745 My darling Rosita. 375 00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:24,010 You are not the mostbeautiful prostitute in Mexico, 376 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:26,664 but you arethe most affordable. 377 00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:29,145 And I lovethat you cut my hair. 378 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,544 I love itwhen you talk dirty. 379 00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:38,198 [ Smooches ] 380 00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:46,032 Honey, I'm home with frrresh guaaac! 381 00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:48,817 Shove your guac up your ass, Klaus. 382 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:51,080 Why are we even here anyway?Shouldn't they have deported you 383 00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:52,821 to Germany? You know ICE. 384 00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:55,650 They hear an accent -- they assume you're from Mexico. 385 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:58,392 Well, I'm sick of guac.I'm sick of being a fish. 386 00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,785 And I'm verynervousabout what Dr. Weitzman 387 00:16:00,829 --> 00:16:03,614 is doing to my humanbody back at the CIA. 388 00:16:03,658 --> 00:16:06,574 Just gonna take out a little loan 389 00:16:06,617 --> 00:16:09,446 and put a hotel on Park Place. 390 00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:17,672 [ Voice breaking ] I can't takeit here anymore, Klaus. 391 00:16:17,715 --> 00:16:21,719 You can't see my tears becauseI'm underwater, but I'm sobbing. 392 00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:26,376 I need to get outof Mexicoand back inmy body. 393 00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:29,379 [ Sighs ] Listen, I know a guy in town 394 00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,816 who can smuggle us back into the U.S. 395 00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:34,080 He's super chill. 396 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:38,258 [ Screaming metal plays ] 397 00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:40,825 [ Bottle shatters ]Excuse me, señor? 398 00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:42,305 [ Tires screech ] 399 00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,046 Gimme all your money, or I'll shoot you 400 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,308 in the [bleep] heads. 401 00:16:45,352 --> 00:16:46,396 I-I don't have any. 402 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,617 Maybe we can work outsome sort of deal? 403 00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,314 [ Whispering ]Hayley, seduce him. 404 00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:54,448 Show him that crazy holeyour eggs come out of. 405 00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:58,626 [ Glass shatters ][ Tires squeal ] 406 00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:01,324 We're two fish in the middle of the desert. 407 00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:04,849 We're dead. Adiós, Meh-hico. 408 00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:09,463 Rosita, you taught me so muchabout the art of lovemaking. 409 00:17:09,506 --> 00:17:12,988 And you talked me out of that perm. 410 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,424 And guacamole, 411 00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:17,123 I don't know where to start.Wait, wait, wait, 412 00:17:17,166 --> 00:17:20,996 Klaus, did you actually like it in Mexico? 413 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,085 Well, if I had to pick, 414 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:25,087 it'd be in the top... 415 00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:26,958 one place I've ever been. 416 00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:30,353 But you need your real bodyand your real husband. 417 00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:31,659 Oh, my God. 418 00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:35,010 You didn't want to leave, but you did it for me. 419 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,099 I was helping you to prove Danuto wrong, 420 00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:40,494 but you were helping me because I needed it. 421 00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:46,239 Thank you, Klaus.Oh, we're gonna get out of this yet. 422 00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:47,675 You'll see. Ah! 423 00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,764 [ Scorpion hissing ][ Screaming ] Help! 424 00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,766 Help me! Oh, no. 425 00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:53,507 Hayley Smith has learned her lesson. 426 00:17:53,550 --> 00:17:56,379 [ Screaming continues ]My helping days are over. 427 00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:59,121 [ Engine approaches ]Wait, what's that? 428 00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:00,688 It's a truck![ Brakes squeal ] 429 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:02,820 [ Garbled ] We are saved. 430 00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,043 There it is -- America. 431 00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,699 Home of the Bronx Zooand many other wonderful things. 432 00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:13,483 Including, of course, the amazing 433 00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,920 aforementioned Bronx Zoo. 434 00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:16,965 [ Brakes squeal ] 435 00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:19,533 Sir, please step out of the vehicle. 436 00:18:23,841 --> 00:18:26,366 Quick, hide in the fruit.But we need water, don't we? 437 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:29,020 Trust me. I have an idea. 438 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,981 Well, if loving soda was a crime, 439 00:18:33,024 --> 00:18:36,158 this gentleman would be in deep bubbles. 440 00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,986 [ Chuckles ] Hey... 441 00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:41,859 I should save my best ha-ha's for when I'm feeling blue. 442 00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,992 Yeah. I'll put 'em in a notebook 443 00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:46,168 called, "Lem's Gems." 444 00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,127 I'm Lem, by the way. 445 00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:54,655 We've exhausted all conventionalcoconut opening options. 446 00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,571 It's time to embrace the Dark Arts.[ Motorcycle revs ] 447 00:18:57,614 --> 00:19:01,357 Criss Angel: ♪ I am the Mindfreak...Mindfreak...♪ 448 00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:03,185 ♪ Mindfreak... 449 00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:05,535 TheCriss Angel. 450 00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:08,538 The freakiest magicianon the planet. 451 00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:11,454 [ Engine whirring ] 452 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,413 ♪ Are you ready...are you ready...are you ready? ♪ 453 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:18,461 [ Shouting ] Who's ready to get their minds bloooooown?! 454 00:19:18,505 --> 00:19:20,202 Me, me. I am. 455 00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,335 [ Oohing ] 456 00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:25,642 Sir, please inspect the box. 457 00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,818 It's solid. No trapdoors. 458 00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:29,690 Nothing underneath. Correct? 459 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:34,260 It's a regular box, Criss with two S's. 460 00:19:34,303 --> 00:19:37,915 Now let's see what happens when we put a regular coconut 461 00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:39,917 in this regular box. 462 00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,876 ♪♪ 463 00:19:41,919 --> 00:19:45,271 And slice through it with a regular blade! 464 00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:50,363 [ "Mindfreak" theme music continues ][ Monitor beeping ] 465 00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,234 [ Gasping ] 466 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,803 [ Monitor beeping quickly ] 467 00:19:55,846 --> 00:19:57,239 [ Cheering ] 468 00:19:57,283 --> 00:20:00,111 Francine: Coco-nut! 469 00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:01,591 That's right everybody. 470 00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,637 The entire Hayley and Klaus story 471 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,118 took place beforethe coconut story. 472 00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:10,513 And Hayley and Klaus were insidethe coconut 473 00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:12,298 the whole time! 474 00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:16,476 [ Shouting ] Mindfreeeaaak! 475 00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:17,955 -Wowza. -Holy moly! 476 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:20,088 Good thing the steamroller didn't work. 477 00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:22,395 Oh, yeah! 478 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,527 Mindfreak, baby! 479 00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:26,268 [ Cheering ] 480 00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,270 [ Engine revving ] 481 00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:31,839 [ Theme music continues ]Criss Angel: Mindfreeeaaak! 482 00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:35,973 Off he goes to Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, where he lives. 483 00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:39,107 And under the terms of his contract, 484 00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:40,282 will die. 485 00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:42,502 But I am happy to be home, 486 00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,634 even if I am not a citizen. 487 00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,636 You want to be a citizen? Why didn't you ask me? 488 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,552 CIA agents can grant anyone citizenship. 489 00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,293 Ace McNasty, 490 00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,904 I hereby dub you an American. 491 00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:55,906 [ Cheering ] 492 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:58,866 Excuse me, has, uh, anybody seen my eyeliner? 493 00:20:58,909 --> 00:21:02,173 I think it fell out of my pocketwhile I was Mindfreaking. 494 00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:03,958 Bye-bye. See you soon. 36090

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