All language subtitles for Alice.in.Wonderland.1933.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG.eng

May I go out now, Miss Simpson?

Has it stopped snowing?

MISS SIMPSON: Not quite.

If it has stopped
when your sister returns,

perhaps she will take you out.

(SIGHS) Oh, dear.

Here, kitty.

Suppose it never stops.

Suppose the man in charge
of the snow has
forgotten how to stop it.

Don't you think you
had better work a while
at your sampler?

No, thank you.

(SIGHS) Oh, dear.

Hello, Sir Turtle.

You really must stop that,
Your Majesty.
Stop it, I say!

MISS SIMPSON: Stop what?

The White Queen
just knocked over
the White King.

She never does look
where she's going.

Alice, you know you are
not supposed to play with
your father's chessmen.

But I wasn't playing.

She deliberately bumped
into His Majesty and
knocked him off his feet.

Alice, are you sure
that that is true?

Well, I saw it.

Alice.

Yes, Miss Simpson.

At any rate, Your Majesty,

stop bumping into
your husband.
And you might tidy up a bit.

(GASPS) A white rabbit!

All dressed up in
a muffler and overcoat
and big woolly shoes.

There. It's gone into
its nice warm rabbit hole.

It looked so funny
all dressed up.

Alice, I am sure
you know that there is
no such thing as a rabbit

dressed up in a muffler
and an overcoat.

You must not say
what is not true.

Well, it...
It wasn't untrue exactly.

I think you had better
finish your tea.

There is another
egg for you to eat.

I did eat both eggs,
but I put one of them
all back together again.

Alice!

Yes, Miss Simpson.

The looking-glass room.

You see, Dinah,
as soon as I hold you up,

the little girl in
the looking-glass room

holds up another
cat just like you.

Oh, Dinah, wouldn't you
like to see

what the looking-glass
house is like?

(DINAH MEOWING)

You know, Dinah,
there is a
looking-glass house.

First,
there's the room you can
see through the glass.

That's just the same
as our sitting room,

only the things
go the other way.

You'd love living there.

But, of course, I don't know
whether looking-glass
milk is good to drink.

Well, anyway, then we would
come to the hallway.

It is very like
our own hallway
as far as you can see,

only it may be quite
different beyond that.

Oh, Dinah,

wouldn't it be nice
if we could get through to...

(DOOR CLOSING)

I can see all of
the looking-glass room
from here, all but a bit.

I would so like to see
that little bit just
behind the fireplace.

Do you think, Dinah,
that if I pressed
very, very hard

and tried to look
straight down,
that I might...

Why, why...

Well, I knew
this part of the room
would be different.

But I do wish the
looking-glass chair had
moved when I moved ours.

There seems no other way.

If I could only fall
like that all the time!

(EXCLAIMS)

(READING)

Can't be English.

(CHUCKLES) Of course.
It's the looking-glass room.

Why, it's Uncle and Aunt!

I knew that if you could
really get behind a picture,

you'd see the backs of people.

Poor Uncle Gilbert.
His trousers are all patched.

My dear niece,
how would you like
being framed

in one pair of trousers
for 20 years
without being patched?

It must be very difficult.

It is.

But after all,
it's only the front of
a picture that counts, really.

Of course.

That is all.

(CLOCK DINGING)

CLOCK: 8:00.

What did you say?

(DINGING) 8:00.

But your hands say
20 minutes to 4:00.

I never let my left hand know
what my right hand is doing.

This side of
the looking glass
has me all confused.

That's because everything
is backward on your side.

Why, I...
I never...

(CLAMORING)

BABY PAWN: (CRYING)
Mama! Mama! Mama!

Mama! Mama!

WHITE KING: What's that?

WHITE QUEEN:
It's the voice of my child!

Your child!

Oh, my precious lily!
My imperial kitten!

I must be with my child.

Let me help you.

(EXCLAIMS)

Mama! Mama!

(EXCLAIMS) Dear me.

There, there, my royal pawn.

Poor thing.

(GASPS)

Watch out for the volcano.

It blew me up!
Be sure you come
up the regular way.

Don't get blown up.

You'll be hours
and hours getting to
the table at that rate.

I'd far better help you.

No, no!

The King's men!
Somebody call
out the King's men!

I assure you, my dear,
I shall never, never forget
the horror of this moment.

Well, you will forget,
unless you make
a memorandum of it.

I shall be very
happy to remind you.

We will not be
reminded by a volcano.

I'm not a volcano,
and I'm not a cyclone,
either.

Then you're either
a cyclano or a volcone.

(DINGING)

And...

Well, what time was that?

I really haven't any idea,
but it's very late.

(GASPS) I must hurry or
I shall have to go back
through the looking glass

before I've seen
what the rest of
the house is like.

My, what a strange way
to walk about the garden.

The Duchess! The Duchess!
Won't she be savage if
I've kept her waiting!

Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
I shall be too late!

My ears and whiskers,
how late it is getting!

Well, after such a fall as this,

I shall think nothing
of tumbling downstairs.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

I wish Dinah were here.
That's such pretty music.

Oh, dear.

(GROANING) Ouch.

Goodbye, dear feet.

(SOBBING)

Oh, will I ever get to
the beautiful garden?

Oh!

Oh, Mouse!

Do you know the way
out of this pool, oh, Mouse?

I'm very tired of
swimming about here.

Perhaps you don't
understand English.

I daresay you're a French mouse.

(SPEAKING FRENCH)

That's French for,
"Where is my cat?"

I beg your pardon.
I quite forgot you
didn't like cats.

ALICE: Wait, oh, Mouse!

Oh, Mouse!

Not like cats?

Would you like cats
if you were me?

Don't be angry.
I wish I could show
you our cat Dinah.

You'd take quite a fancy to her.

She's such a dear,
quiet thing, and so good
at catching mice.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

I hate you!
I hate cats!

My whole family hates cats.
Nasty, low, vulgar things!

Oh, dear!

Wait, oh, Mouse!

Cats! Cats!

Cats!

William the Conqueror,
whose cause was
favored by the pope,

was soon submitted
to by the English,
who wanted leaders,

and had been of late
much accustomed to
usurpation and conquest.

Who are you, please?

I am a dodo.

How do you do?
My name is Alice.

And you are very wet.

I'm afraid I am,
but there isn't much
I can do about getting dry.

History is the driest
thing I know.

Shall we dry you with history?

I'd be much obliged
if you could.

Listen well.
Edwin and Morcar,

the earls of
Mercia and Northumbria,

found it advisable
to go with Edgar Aetheling

to meet William and
offer him the crown.

William's conduct at
first was moderate,

but the insolence
of his Normans...

How are you getting on, my dear?

Beautifully, thank you.

Shall I put you to sleep now?

No, thank you!

Then you'd best run along.

I'm about to recite some dates.

Yes, sir.
Thank you. Goodbye.

1585, Shakespeare was born,
1616, Shakespeare died...

(FROGS CROAKING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Who are you?

I hardly know, sir,
just at present.

At least, I know who I was
when I got up this morning,

but I must have
changed several times
since then.

What do you mean by that?
Explain yourself.

I can't explain myself,
because I'm not myself,
you see.

I don't see!

I can't put it more clearly,

for I can't understand it
myself to begin with.

And being so many
different sizes in
one day is confusing.

It isn't.

Well, when some day
you turn into a chrysalis,

and after that into a butterfly,

you'll find it
a bit queer, won't you?

Not a bit!

Well, maybe you wouldn't,
but it would certainly
feel very queer to me.

You? Who are you?

I think you ought to tell me
who you are first.

Why?
Good day, sir.

Come back.
I have something
important to say.

Yes?

Keep your temper.

Is that all?

No.

So you think
you've changed,
do you?

I'm afraid I have, sir.

What size do you want to be?

I should like to be
a little larger, sir,
if you wouldn't mind.

Three inches is such
a horrid height to be.

I am three inches high!
It's a very
good height to be!

I'm sure it must be, sir,
but you see,
I'm not used to it.

You'll get used to it in time.

One side will
make you grow taller.

The other side will
make you grow shorter.

One side of...
Of what?

The mushroom.

Which side will
make me grow larger?

The large-making side,
of course.

I'll take a little
of both to make sure.

Oh, dear, now I'm too
big again, oh, Caterpillar.

Mr. Caterpillar,
sir, where are you?

(QUACKING)

Whoever lives here,
it would never do
to come upon them this size.

Why, I should frighten them
out of their wits.

(STUTTERS) For the Duchess.

An invitation from the Queen
to play croquet.

My compliments to the Queen.

(STUTTERS) My compliments
to the Duchess.

There's no sort of
use in your knocking.

(CLATTERING)

Please, sir, how am I to get in?

I shall sit here till tomorrow.

I'm sorry you were hit,
but how am I to get in?

I shall sit here
for days and days.

But what am I to do?

Anything you like.

(FLY BUZZING)

(BABY CRYING)

Please watch out for the baby!

She nearly killed
the poor little thing.

If everybody minded
their own business,

the world would go round
much faster than it does.

* Speak roughly to
your little boy
And beat him when he sneezes

* He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases

* Wow! Wow! Wow!

* Wow!
* Wow!

* Wow!

* He only does it to annoy
Because he knows it teases *

Here, you can nurse
it a bit if you like.

Now, I must go and get
ready to play croquet
with the Queen.

(BABY CRYING)

(BABY GRUNTING)

Don't grunt. That's
not at all a proper way
of expressing yourself.

What am I going to
do with this creature
when I get it home?

(GRUNTING)

If you're going to
turn into a pig, my dear,

I'll have nothing
more to do with you.
Mind now!

(GASPS)

There's no mistake
about you now.
You're a pig!

(EXCLAIMS)

You would have
grown up to be
a dreadfully ugly child,

but you do make
a handsome pig,
I think.

(CAT MEOWING)

Why do you grin, oh, cat?

Because I'm
a Cheshire Cat,
that's why.

Well, then, Cheshire puss,

would you tell me, please,
which way I ought
to go from here?

That depends a good deal
on where you want to get to.

I don't care much where.

Then it doesn't matter
which way you go.

So long as I get somewhere.

You're sure to do that,
if you only walk long enough.

Do you play croquet
with the Queen today?

I should like it very much,
but I haven't
been invited yet.

You'll see me there.

Must you go so soon?

By the by, what became
of the baby?

I'd nearly forgotten to ask.

It turned into a pig.

I thought it would.

Did you say pig or fig?

I said pig

and I wish you wouldn't
keep appearing and
vanishing so suddenly.

You make one quite giddy.

All right.

Don't you wish
you could do this?

Well, I've often seen
a cat without a grin,
but a grin without a cat?

(LAUGHS)

No room! No room!
No room! No room!

No room! No room!
No room! No room!

There's plenty of room!

Have some wine?

I don't see any wine.

(SCOFFS) There isn't any.

It wasn't very civil
of you to offer it.

(GASPS)

Your hair needs cutting.

You should not make
personal remarks.
It's very rude.

(LAUGHING)

Why is a raven
like a writing desk?

I believe I can answer that.

Do you mean you can
find the answer to it?

Exactly so.

You should say what you mean.

What day of the month is it?

Fourth.

Ah! Two days wrong.

I told you that butter
wouldn't suit the works.

Oh!

Some crumbs must
have got in it as well.

Hmm. I put it in
with a bread knife.

It was the best butter,
you know.

What a funny watch!
It tells the days
of the month,

but doesn't tell
what "o'clock" it is.

Have you guessed the riddle yet?

Why... Why, no. I give it up.
What is the answer?

I haven't the slightest idea!

Nor I!

I think you might
do something better
with time

than wasting it
asking a lot of riddles
that have no answers.

Don't you speak about Time.
I daresay you've
never even spoken to him.

Perhaps not.

Time and I quarreled last March,

just before he went
mad, you know.

(LAUGHS)

It was at a great concert
given by the Queen of Hearts,

and I had to sing,
"Twinkle, twinkle, little bat
How I wonder what you're at"

You know the song, perhaps?

I've heard something like it.

It goes on, you know, like this.

* Twinkle, twinkle, little bat

* How I wonder what you're at

* Up above the world you fly
Like a tea tray in the sky

* Up above the world you fly

* Like a tea tray in the sky

* Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle...

BOTH: * Twinkle,
twinkle, little bat

* How I wonder what you're at

* Up above the world you fly

* Like a tea tray in the sky

* Up above the world you fly

* Like a tea tray in the sky

* Twinkle, twinkle,
twinkle, twinkle

* Twinkle, twinkle,
twinkle, twinkle

* Twinkle, twinkle,
twinkle, twinkle

* Twinkle, twinkle,
twinkle, twinkle

* Twinkle, twinkle...

Well, I'd hardly
finished the first verse
when the Queen bawled,

"He's murdering the Time!
Off with his head!"

And ever since that,
he won't do a thing I ask.

It's always 6:00 now.

Is that why all
the tea things
are out here?

Yes, that's it.

It's always teatime,
and we have no time

to wash the tea
things in between.

Take some more tea.

I haven't had any yet,
so I can't take more.

You mean you can't take less.
It is very easy to
take more than nothing.

I want a clean cup.

(LAUGHING)

It's the stupidest
tea party I ever was at
in all my life!

Very curious!

Would you please
tell me why are you
painting those roses?

I...

Well, as a matter of fact, Miss,

this tree should have
been a red rose tree

and we put in
a white one by mistake,

and if the Queen
should find out,

we'll all have
our heads cut off.

So, you see, Miss,
we're doing our best

before she comes
back to paint...

The Queen!
The Queen!

The Queen!

(DRUMS ROLLING)

Come, come, get up!

ANNOUNCERS: Her Majesty,
the Queen of Hearts.

(TRUMPET BLOWING)

ANNOUNCERS: Her Majesty,
the Queen!

Off with his head!
Off with his head!

What is your name, child?

My name is Alice,
so please Your Majesty.

Off with her head!
Off with her head!

Nonsense!

Off with her head!
Off with her head!

Consider, my dear.
She's only a child.

Off with her head!
Off with her head!

(GASPS)

And besides, this is
the executioners' day off.

It is, is it?
Well, they shall lose
their heads for this!

Can you play croquet?

Yes.

Then let the game begin at once.

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
Must I behead you all?

Here, take it. Play.
Off with some heads.

You're pointing
the wrong way for a mallet!

Pardon me.
My back hurts.

Well!

Don't look at me.
I'm as mixed up as you are!

This game's slowing up.
Off with some heads!

Where are my victims?
Search the hedges.

Thrash the bushes.
Shake the trees!

(GROWLS)

How glad I am
to see you again,
you dear old thing.

How did you like your game?

Well, it was very exciting.

Of course it is.
And the moral of that is,

"Be what you would like to be."

Or, to put it more simply,
"Never imagine yourself
not to be otherwise

"than what it might appear
to others that what you
were or might have been

"wasn't otherwise
than what you had been

"would have appeared
to them to be otherwise."

I should understand
that better if it
were written down.

I can't quite follow it
as you say it.

That's nothing to
what I could say,
if I chose.

And the moral of that is...

(GASPS)

It's a fine day, Your Majesty.

(GROWLS)

I give you fair warning.
Either you or your head
must be off at once!

(GRYPHON GROWLING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Please, Your Majesty,
could you make it go away?

Queen! Queen!
Where are you, Queen?

(LAUGHING)

What fun!

What is the fun?

The Queen.

They never really execute
anybody she condemns,
you know.

The King...

(LAUGHS) The King
pardons everybody.

I'm very happy to
know that, I'm sure.

(SIGHS)

Have you seen
the Mock Turtle yet?

Why... Why, no.
I don't even know
what a Mock Turtle is.

It's what mock turtle
soup's made from.

(LAUGHING)

(MOCK TURTLE CRYING)

Come here, will you,
Mock Turtle, old thing?

(SOBBING)

What is his sorrow?

It's all his fancy.
He hasn't got no sorrow.

No sorrow, indeed.

Mine are the sorrows
of a sorrowful sorrow.

Mine are the woes
of a woeful woe.

Mine are the...
This here young lady,

she wants for to know
your history, she do.

I'll tell it her.

Sit down, both of you,
and don't speak a word
till I've finished.

Once I was a real turtle.

Oh, dear!

Oh, dear!

When we were little,
we went to school in the sea.

The master was an old turtle.
We used to call him Tortoise.

Why did you
call him Tortoise
if he wasn't one?

We called him Tortoise
because he taught us.

You ought to be ashamed
of yourself for asking
such a simple question.

We went to school in the sea,
though you mayn't believe it.

I never said
I didn't.
You did.

Hold your tongue!

We had the best of educations.

In fact, we went to
school every day.

I've been to a day school, too.

We learned French and music.

I only took the regular course.

What was that?

Reeling and writhing
to begin with.

And then the different
branches of arithmetic,

ambition, distraction,
uglification and derision.

And how many hours a day
did you do lessons?

Ten hours the first day
and nine the next and so on.

That's why
they're called lessons,

because they lessen
from day to day.

Then the 11th day
must have been a holiday.

MOCK TURTLE: Of course.

And how did you
manage on the 12th day?

(CRYING)

Well, that's enough
about lessons.

Shall we play games,
or shall the Mock Turtle sing?

Oh, a song, please,
if the Mock Turtle
would be so kind.

No accounting for tastes.

Sing her Turtle Soup,
will you, old fellow?

In a moment.

(CRYING)

* Beautiful soup
Who cares for fish

* Game, or any other dish?

* Who would not give
all else for two

* Pennyworth only
of beautiful soup?

* Pennyworth only
of beautiful soup

* Beautiful soup, beautiful soup

* Soup of the evening

* Beautiful soup, beautiful... *

(CRYING LOUDLY)

(HORN TOOTING)

Faster! Faster!

Faster! Faster!
Faster! Much faster!

Are we nearly there?

Nearly there?

Why, we passed it
10 minutes ago. Faster!

It's all marked out
like a chessboard.

Of course it's a chessboard,

and life is a chessboard,
and you are a Queen's pawn.

You will go immediately
to the fourth square,

which you should reach
in exactly no time.

Did you remark something?

I didn't know I had
to make one just then.

You should have
told me how kind it is
of me to tell you all this.

No questions?
Very well, then,
no answers.

Open your mouth
wide when you speak,
and always speak in French

if you can't
think of the English
for something.

Turn out your toes as you walk

and always say
"Your Majesty,"
and so forth.

If you think we're waxworks,
you ought to pay, you know.

Waxworks weren't
made to be looked at
for nothing, nohow.

Contrary-wise,
if you think we're alive,
you ought to speak.

I'm sure I'm very sorry.

I was wondering
which is the best way
out of this wood.

Would you tell me, please?

(LAUGHS)

You've begun wrong.

The first thing in
a visit is to say,

"How do you do?"
And shake hands.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

I hope you're not much tired.

(PANTING)

Why, nohow, but thank you
very much for asking.

So much obliged.
You like poetry?

Yes, pretty well.
Some poetry.

But would you tell me first
which road leads
out of the woods?

What shall I repeat to her?

The Walrus and
the Carpenter
is the longest.

"The sun was
shining on the sea
Shining with all his might

"He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright

"And this was odd
because it was
The middle of the night

(MUSIC PLAYING)

"The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand

"They wept like
anything to see
Such quantities of sand

"'If this were only
cleared away' They said,
'it would be grand'

"'If seven maids
with seven mops
Swept it for half a year

"'Do you suppose,'
the Walrus said

"'That they could
get it clear?'"

"'I doubt it,'
said the Carpenter
And shed a bitter tear"

TWEEDLEDUM: "'Oh, oyster,
come and walk with us,'
The Walrus did beseech

"'A pleasant walk,
a pleasant talk
Along the briny beach'

"They could not do
with more than four
To give a hand to each

"The eldest oyster
looked at him
But never a word he said

"The eldest oyster
winked his eye
And shook his heavy head

"Meaning to say
he did not choose
To leave the oyster bed

"But younger oysters
hurried up
All eager for the treat

"Their coats were brushed
Their faces washed

"Their shoes were clean and neat

"And this was odd
because, you know
They hadn't any feet

"'The time has come,'
the Walrus said
'To talk of many things

"'Of shoes and ships
and sealing wax
Of cabbages and kings"

"'And why the sea
is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings'"

"'A loaf of bread,'
the Walrus said
'Is what we chiefly need

"'Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed

"'Now, if you're ready,
oysters dear
We can begin to feed'

"'But not on us,'
the oysters cried
Turning a little blue

"'After such kindness
that would be
A dismal thing to do!'

"'The night is fine,'
the Walrus said
'Do you admire the view?'

"'I weep for you,'
the Walrus said
'I deeply sympathize'

"With sobs and tears
he sorted out
Those of the largest size

"Holding his
pocket handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes

"'Oh, oyster,'
said the Carpenter
'You've had a pleasant run

"'Shall we be
trotting home again?'
But answer came there none

"And this was
scarcely odd because
They'd eaten every one"

Well, they were both
very unpleasant characters.

But at any rate,
I'd better be
leaving the wood

because it's really
getting very dark.
Well, goodbye.

Look!
Do you see that?

ALICE: It's only a rattle.

(EXCLAIMS)

Only an old rattle,
quite old and broken.

TWEEDLEDEE: I knew it was.
It's spoiled, of course.

(SOBBING)

(RATTLING)

My nice new rattle.

Of course, you agree
to have a battle?

I suppose so.

Only she must
help us to dress up,
you know.

Of course!

"Tweedledee and Tweedledum
Agreed to have a battle

"For Tweedledee said Tweedledum

"Had spoiled his nice new rattle

"Just then down
flew a monstrous crow
As black as a tar barrel

"Which frightened
both the heroes so

"They quite
forgot their quarrel"

I hope you're good
at pinning and
tying string.

All this has got to
go on somehow or other.

This is to keep my head
from being cut off.

You know, one of the most
serious things that can
happen to one in a battle

is to get one's head cut off.

Do I look very pale?

Well, yes, a little.

I'm very brave generally,

only today I happen
to have a headache.

Well, I've got a toothache.
I'm far worse than you.

Then you'd both
better not fight today.

We must have a bit of a fight.

Let's fight till 6:00
and then have dinner.

There's only one sword,
but you can have the umbrella.
It's sharper.

Only we must begin quick.
It's getting very, very dark.

And darker and darker.

What a thick
black cloud that is,
and how fast it comes!

Why, I do believe
it's got wings.

It's the crow!
The crow!

(SCREAMING)

(WHOOSHING)

May I put your
shawl straight for you?

I don't know what's
the matter with it.

It's out of temper, I think.

I've pinned it here
and I've pinned it there,
but there's no pleasing it.

It can't go on
straight, you know,

if you put all
the pins on one side.

And dear me,
what a state
your hair is in!

Oh, the brush has got
entangled in it.

(CRYING) And I lost
the comb yesterday.

There, now you look better.

(SCREAMING)

My finger's bleeding.

(EXCLAIMING)

What's the matter?
Have you pricked your finger?

I haven't pricked it yet,
but I soon shall.

When do you expect to do it?

When I fasten my shawl again,
the broach will come undone.

Watch out,
you're holding it
all wrong.

(CHUCKLING)

Now you understand
the way things happen here.

But why don't you scream now?

Why, I've done all
the screaming already.

Now, what would be the good
of doing it all over again?

I suppose so.

Well, it's a bit lighter now.
I'm glad that crow is gone.

I hope your finger's better now.

Much better.
Better, better,

better.

(BLEATING)

What is it you want to buy?

I should like to
buy an egg, please.

I never put things
into people's hands.

That would never do.

You must get it for yourself.

What a strange egg!

It keeps growing much
faster than it should!
Curiouser and curiouser!

It's bigger than a chicken!

Why, it's...
It's Humpty-Dumpty!

(ALICE GASPS)

Don't stand there
staring at me
as if I were an egg.

Tell me your name
and your business.

My name is Alice.

It's a stupid enough name.
What does it mean?

Must a name mean something?

Of course it must.
My name means the shape I am,

and a right handsome
shape it is.

With your name,
you might be any shape.

Why do you sit
out here all alone?

Because there's nobody with me.

Did you think
I couldn't answer that?

Ask another.

Don't you think
you'd be safer
on the ground?

That wall is so very narrow.

Of course I don't think so.
Why, if I ever did fall off,

which there's no
chance of, but if I did...

If I did fall,
the King has promised me...

To send all his horses
and all his men.

Ah, so, you know.
All his horses
and all his men.

They'd pick me up
again in a minute,
they would.

However, this conversation
is going on a little too fast.

Let's go back to
the last remark but one.

I'm afraid I can't
quite remember it.

In that case, we start afresh,

and it's my turn
to choose a subject.

How old did you say you were?

Twelve years and four months.

Wrong. You never
said a word like it.

I thought you meant,
"How old are you?"

If I'd meant that,
I'd have said that.

Twelve years and four months.
An uncomfortable sort of age.

Now, my advice would have
been to leave off at 12,
but it's too late now.

What a beautiful belt!

Or is it a beautiful collar?

It is a most provoking thing
when a person doesn't know
a collar from a belt.

I know it's very ignorant of me.

It's a collar, child,
and a beautiful one,
as you say.

It's a present from
the White King and Queen.

Is it really?

They gave it to me
for an un-birthday present.

I beg your pardon?

I am not offended,
and it isn't
respectable to beg.

I mean, what is
an un-birthday present?

A present given when
it isn't your birthday,
of course.

I like birthday presents best.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

How many days are
there in a year?

Three hundred and sixty-five.

And how many birthdays have you?

One.

And if you take that
from 365, what remains?

Three hundred and
sixty-four, of course.

Well then, there are 364 days
when you might get
un-birthday presents.

Certainly.

And only one for
birthday presents.

That's glory for you!

I don't know what
you mean by glory.

Of course you don't,
till I tell you.

I meant there's a nice
knock-down argument for you.

But glory doesn't mean that.

When I use a word,
it means what
I choose it to mean,

neither more or less.

The question is whether
you can make words
mean different things.

The question is,
which is to be the master,
you or the word? That's all.

However, I can manage
the whole lot.

Impenetrability,
that's what I say.

Would you tell me,
please, what that means?

I meant by impenetrability
that we've had
enough of the subject,

and it would be just as well

if you would mention what
you mean to do next,

as I suppose you
don't mean to stop here
all the rest of your life.

Fancy it meaning all that.

You seem very clever at
explaining words, sir.

Would you kindly tell me
the meaning of a poem
called Jabberwocky?

I read it a long time ago.

I can, but I won't.
That's all. Goodbye.

Goodbye, till we meet again.

I shouldn't know you
if we did meet.

You're so exactly
like other people.

The face is what
one generally goes by.

That's just it.
Your face is the same
as everybody's.

The two eyes, so.

Nose in the middle, mouth under.

Now, if your two eyes
were on the same side
of your nose,

or your mouth on the top,
that would be some help.

It wouldn't look nice.

Wait till you've tried.

(LAUGHING)

Watch out!

Help! Help! I'm falling!
Tell the King!

Tell him to bring
his horses and his men!

Help!

(HUMPTY-DUMPTY SHATTERING)

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(PANTING)

What happened?

We ran into each other,
Your Majesty.

Good. I rather fancied
something like
that had happened.

(GASPS) Oh, Your Majesty,
Humpty-Dumpty
fell off the wall!

I know, I know.

Four-thousand, two-hundred
and seven of my soldiers are
on the way.

Two without horses.

If all this King's
horses and men

can't put him back
together again,
nobody can.

I'm glad Humpty
will be all right.
I was worried.

Well, don't be.

Look along the road and tell me

if you can see either of
my three messengers.

I see nobody on the road.

Oh, I only wish I had such eyes!

To be able to see nobody,
and at that distance!

(GASPS) Oh!

(GROANS)

It's too, too bad!

Can I help you, sir?

On or off?

You are on.

In a short time
I shall be off again.

I'm so sorry.
Are you the
King's messenger?

I am the White Knight.

I see you're admiring
my little box.

It's my own invention,
to keep clothes
and sandwiches in.

You see,
I carry it upside down
so the rain can't come in.

But the things can get out.
Do you know the lid is open?

Then if all the things
have fallen out,

the box is no use without them.

Can you guess why I did that?

I can't imagine.

In hopes some bees
may make a nest in it.
Then I should get the honey.

But you've got a beehive,
or something like one,
fastened to the saddle.

It's a very good beehive, too.
One of the best kind,

but not a single bee
has come near it yet.

That other thing's a mousetrap.

I suppose the mice
keep the bees out

or the bees
keep the mice out.
I don't know which.

It isn't very likely
there would be any mice
on a horse's back.

Not very likely, perhaps,

but I don't choose
to have them
running all about.

You see, I'm well
provided for everything.

That's the reason
the horse has those
anklets around his feet.

What are they for?

To guard against
the bites of sharks.
It's my own invention.

(SIGHS)

But let's go on.
I'll go with you to
the edge of the wood.

I hope you've got your
hair well-fastened on.

Only the usual way.

That's hardly enough.
You see, the wind is
so strong here.

It's strong as soup.

Have you invented
a plan for keeping

the hair from being blown off?

Not yet,

but I have a plan
for keeping the hair
from falling off.

I should like to
hear it very much.

First, you take
an upright stick,

then you make
your hair creep up it
like a vine.

Now, the reason
hair falls off is
because it hangs down.

Things never fall
upward, you know.
It's my own invention.

You may try it if you like.

I'm a great hand
at inventing things.

Now, I daresay you noticed
the last time
you picked me up,

I was looking rather thoughtful.

You were a little grave.

Well, just then I was
inventing a new way
of getting over a gate.

Would you like to hear it?

Very much, indeed.

Well, I'll tell you how
I came to think of it.
I said to myself,

"The only difficulty
is with the feet.

"The head's high
enough already."

Now, first I put my
head on top of the gate,
then my head's high enough,

then I stand on my head,
then my feet are high enough.

Then I'm over.

Sir Knight!

If there were only
a gate down here,

I'd be in excellent
position to cross it.

How can you go on
talking so quietly
with your head in a ditch?

What does it matter
where my body happens to be?

My mind goes on
working all the same.

In fact,
I once invented a new pudding
during the meat course.

In time to have it cooked
for the next course? Hmm.

That was quick work.

Well, not the next course.

In fact, I don't believe
that pudding ever was cooked.

What did you mean
it to be made of?

Well, it began
with blotting paper.

That wouldn't be
very nice, I'm afraid.

Not very nice alone,
but imagine how
good it would be

mixed with other things,
such as gunpowder
and sealing wax.

(SIGHS)

And here I must leave you.
This is the end of the wood.

You've only a few yards to go.

Down the hill,
across that little brook,
and then you'll be a queen.

At last!

But you'll stay
and see me off first?

I shan't be long.
You'll wait?

Of course I'll wait.

I think it'll encourage me.

Thank you very much
for coming so far
out of your way.

For that, I shall
expect you to cry
a good deal as I go.

The poor, dear Knight.
He's the nicest person yet.

(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)

(SIGHS)

Well, here I am.

What's this?

(GASPS)

A crown! A golden crown!

I'm a queen!
I'm a queen!

RED QUEEN: How dare you say
that you're a queen.

What right have you
to call yourself so?

You can't be a queen, you know,

till you've passed
the proper examination,

and the sooner we
begin it, the better.
Be seated.

Yes, Your Majesty.

I'm ready, Your Majesties.

Can you do addition?

Now what's one and one
and one and one and one
and one, one and one?

I don't know.
I lost count.

She can't do addition.

Can you answer any
useful questions?
How is bread made?

I know that.
You take some flour...

Where do you pick the flower,
in a garden or in the hedges?

It isn't picked at all,
it's ground.

But how many acres of ground?

I wish you
wouldn't leave out
so many things!

Oh, dear.

You know any languages?

What's the French
for "fiddle-de-dee"?

Fiddle-de-dee's not English.

Whoever said it was?

Well, if you'll tell me
what language
fiddle-de-dee is,

I'll tell you the French for it.

Queens never make bargains!

(YAWNING)
I'm so sleepy.

She's tired, poor thing.

So, smooth her hair,

lend her your nightcap
and sing her
a soothing lullaby.

I haven't any nightcap,
and I don't know any
soothing lullabies.

I'll have to do it myself.

* Hush-a-bye lady in Alice's lap

* When the feast's ready
we've time for a nap

* When the feast's over
we'll go to the ball

* Red Queen and White Queen
and Alice and all *

Now that you know the words,
sing it through to me.
I'm sleepy, too.

Now what am I to do?
Do wake up.

(PEOPLE SINGING)
* To the looking-glass world

* It was Alice that said

* "I've a scepter in hand

* "I've a crown on my head"

No admittance
until week after next.

Why... Why, how dare you!

* Fill up the glasses
as quick as you can

* And sprinkle the table
With buttons and bran

* Put cats in the coffee
and mice in the tea

* And welcome Queen Alice
with 30 times three

* Put cats in the coffee
and mice in the tea

* And welcome Queen Alice
With 30 times three *

(ALL CHEERING)

* Then put in the glasses,
molasses and ink

* And anything else
that is pleasant to drink

* Mix sand with the cider
And wool with the wine

* And welcome Queen Alice
With 90 times nine

* Mix sand with the cider
And wool with the wine

* And welcome Queen Alice

* With 90 times 90 times
90 times nine *

(ALL LAUGHING)

You've missed
the soup and fish!
Serve the roast!

You seem a little shy.
Let me introduce you
to that leg of mutton.

Alice, Leg of Mutton.
Leg of Mutton, Alice.

How do you do?

(LAUGHING)

May I give you a slice?

Certainly not!

It isn't etiquette
to cut somebody
you've been introduced to.

Remove the roast!

(SINGING CONTINUES)
* Will you,
won't you, will you,

Please don't introduce
the Pudding,

or we shall get
no dinner at all.

May I give you some?

Pudding, Alice.
Alice, Pudding.

What impertinence!

How would you like it if
I were to cut a slice out
of you, you creature?

Make a remark.

It's ridiculous to leave
all the conversation
to the Pudding.

Well...

You'd better prepare.

We're about to
drink to your health.
Queen Alice's health!

Queen Alice's health!

Queen Alice!

Queen Alice!

Queen Alice!

Queen Alice!

Queen Alice!

She ought to
make a speech.
A speech!

So she ought!
A speech! A speech!

A speech!
A speech!

Speech!
Speech!

I rise to return thanks.

(EXCLAIMING)

Take care!
Something's going to happen!
Something's going to happen!

(HOOTING)

(LAUGHING) Here I am!

(GURGLING)

(CLAMORING)

(PANTING)

There was a
looking-glass room,
and you were the Red Queen.

There was a whole
looking-glass country.