All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E21.Hitchhike.to.Mars.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(cheerful orchestral music)

(duster whirring magically)
(audience laughing)

(cheerful orchestral music)

(Martin puffs)

- Hello, Uncle Martin!

Now, which section
would you like?

International, national,
state, county, city

or the comic page?

Haha.

(newspaper whirring magically)

- Tim, listen to this.

"Inter-Galaxy Corporation
announced today

"that an
instrument-bearing rocket

"it has perfected for
the Outer Space Agency

"is ready for a
takeoff to Mars."

- Oh Boy, those scientists.

You know, I still have trouble

changing my typewriter ribbon.

(audience laughing)

- A rocket to Mars.

Don't you realize
what this means to me?

A way to get home.

- Oh you're putting me on!

Now come on Uncle Martin.

Hitchhike?

To Mars?

- Well you got to
admit it beats walking.

As soon as the rocket gets
within 1,000 miles of home,

I can hop out and catch
a local space bus.

(audience laughing)

If my calculations are correct,

and the rocket does take off
in the next couple of days,

I'll get home just in time

for Mother and Dad's
golden anniversary.

- Hey, 50 years?

Well that's a long time.

- Tim, on Mars
the first 50 years

couples are still
opening wedding presents.

The golden anniversary
is the 500th.

- Hmm.

Well it must be very
touching to hear a man say,

"Darling, you don't
look a century older

"than the day we met."
(audience laughing)

Hey.

You didn't read all of this.

"However, Inter-Galaxy
Corporation indicated

"the Mars shot may be bypassed

"in favor of a Venus probe."

- Go to Venus instead of Mars?

Unthinkable!

- Well maybe you can just
tell 'em that it's your

parents' anniversary.
(audience laughing)

- No.

I'm not thinking
of myself alone.

That would be selfish.

Your government undoubtedly
has a great deal

of money invested
in this venture.

And besides, there
is nothing on Venus

to justify the
effort to explore it.

- Is Venus that bad?

- There's nothing there
but clouds of dust,

lots of gasses with foul odors,

a little carbon dioxide,

and lots of carbon monoxide.

- Well look!

The Inter-Galaxy Corporation
has one of two choices.

It can go to Mars or
it can go to Venus.

Now you've got a 50/50 chance.

- A 50/50 chance.

(jacket whirring magically)

- Where are we going?

- To see if we can improve
those odds in our favor.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful music)

(beeping)

(dramatic orchestral music)

(beeping)

(cheerful orchestral music)

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Mr. Buckley,

a couple of reporters
from The Los Angeles Sun

are here to see you.

- Oh thank you Miss Maxwell.

Show them in.

(audience laughing)

(audience laughing)

Come in, gentlemen!

- Mr. Buckley, I'm O'Hara
of The Los Angeles Sun

and this is my
photographer, Mr. Martin.

- Sit down, gentlemen.

Always happy to talk to
members of the press.

Oh, take as many
pictures you want.

Just be sure the name,
Inter-Galaxy Corporation,

shows up nice and clear
in anything you take.

- You made the right decision,

sending the first
rocket to Mars.

- Well, I must say there
are many persuasive reasons

for going to Mars.

- An excellent decision.

Well, thanks for the interview!

- On the other hand,

there are just as many
reasons for going to Venus.

(files whirring magically)

(audience laughing)

- Well, almost as many reasons.

(audience laughing)

I've been reading so
many reports lately

my eyes are beginning
to play tricks on me.

- Yes, well I don't know
what those reports say,

but, I have it on good authority

from those who
know their planets,

that it's Mars, nine to one.

- Well as the insiders say,

"Why go to Coney Island when
you can go to the Riviera?"

- Well curiously enough,

that's what many of
our scientists say

in more scientific
language, of course.

(watch dial whirring)

- Uh, that's an
interesting watch

you have there, Mr. Buckley.

- Oh thank you.

I bought it at--

Oh my goodness I didn't
realize it was this late!

Excuse me, gentleman.

I have to rush off
to the 11:15 meeting.

Stay if you like.

(cheerful orchestral music)

- 11:15? I've got a quarter--

- I wanted a little privacy

to check the
accommodations on my trip.

Not that I mind putting up
with a few inconveniences.

- Yeah especially at the
prices you're paying.

- I imagine they keep the
blueprints in that safe.

- Uncle Martin you're not
thinking of blowing the safe!

- With my martian powers,
why go to all that trouble?

Besides, I hate loud noises.
(audience laughing)

(lively orchestral music)

(whirring)

(whirring)

- Do you have a piece of
sandpaper? (audience laughing)

- No.

But I uh, have a nail file.
(audience laughing)

(safe dial whirring magically)
(audience laughing)

(dramatic music)

- Good. Excellent.

Plenty of room if I
don't put on any weight

between now and flight time.
(audience laughing)

I'm surprised they
didn't include

a magnetic oscilloscope.

- Hm. Well as long as it
has a radio and heater,

who cares?
(audience laughing)

- Your association with me

has done absolutely
nothing for you.

It's a pity.

A magnetic oscilloscope
would give you people

invaluable data on
the infrared density

on the Martian surface.

- Uncle Martin I hope you
are not building yourself up

for a big letdown.

You know, Mr. Buckley
hasn't made a decision yet.

- You forget that one of
my minor accomplishments

is the ability to read minds.

Believe me, he made up
his mind a week ago,

to send the rocket to Mars.

- Well why didn't he say so?

Has a cat got his tongue?

(safe dial locking magically)

(cheerful orchestral music)

- No, the cat does
not have his tongue.

But he is afflicted with
an occupational disease

known as executive jitters.

- Well I don't blame him.

You know there's an
old saying which says,

"If you cannot make a decision,

"you cannot make a mistake."

- And if you don't make mistakes
you don't make progress.

Besides, his decision to
send the rocket to Mars

is not a mistake.

- Yeah well I hope he gets
off the dime pretty soon

because if he doesn't, you're
not going to be able to

go back and celebrate with
your folks back on Mars,

with their favorite son
and my favorite martian.

- Ah, sorry gentlemen.

- What's the matter?

Is the meeting over already?

- No, it hasn't
even started yet.

I don't understand my watch
being a half hour fast.

Never happened before.

Well.

Where were we, gentlemen?

- Oh.

Tim was just about to
mention his paper's

Executive of the Year Award.

- I was?
(audience laughing)

- Oh I'm afraid I'm not
acquainted with your

Executive award.

- Well it is an honor
bestowed upon the man

who typifies the
highest ideal of the

American Leader of Industry.
(audience laughing)

- Oh yes, uh.

A man we can look up to.

Strong in personality,

forceful in character,

decisive in action.

A man who can make momentous
decisions like that.

- Unfortunately, the nominations
for the award this year

are about to close.

- Aha. Miss Maxwell.

- [Miss Maxwell] Yes sir?

- Get me the Vandenberg
Airbase immediately.

Gentlemen, this has nothing
whatever to do with any honors

that may be conferred upon me.

But, I have just
made my decision.

- About the rocket?

- Our first shot
will be to Mars.

- Bravo!
(audience laughing)

- Gentlemen, who knows?

Before long our rockets may be
carrying passengers to Mars.

- It may be sooner
than you think.

- Yes, I can just see
the headlines now.

"Top Exec Says Mars or Bust.

"A decision was made
by J.M. Buckley,

"this 13th day of--

- Is today the 13th?
(audience laughing)

- Yes it's Friday the 13th.

- Friday the 13th, oh!

No wonder my watch went haywire.

(speaker buzzes)

- [Miss Maxwell] I have
Vandenberg on the line.

- Um, nevermind nevermind.

Just cancel the call.

- He became a different man

the moment he found
out what day it is.

- I'm not surprised.

- You mean he always come
unglued on Friday the 13th?

- And when he sees a black cat.

And when he walks
under a ladder.

I shudder to think
what would happen

if he ever broke a mirror.
(audience laughing)

- He's a kook.

- Would you believe it, he
goes to the same restaurant

every day for lunch?

A place where the
food is mediocre,

prices outrageous,

and the waiters push you around.

- I'll hate myself
for asking but,

why does he go there?

- Because it's called The
Lucky Shamrock Cafe, why else?

(cheerful music)

- You Earth people.

You've come so far from the cave

and yet in many ways
you're as superstitious

as primitive aborigines.

- Ah well don't look at me,

I haven't got a superstitious
bone in my body.

Bread and butter.
(audience laughing)

Well alright.

But look I didn't crack up

just because it's
Friday the 13th.

As a matter of fact

this is my lucky day.

- Too bad Mr. Buckley
doesn't think it's his.

Right now I'd be pasting
Mars stickers on my luggage.

(audience laughing)

- Tim.

Superstition is all in the mind.

Now what's to stop
him from thinking

that Friday the 13th
is his lucky day?

- Hmm, well that
would be a nice trick,

if you can do it.
(audience laughing)

- How would you care
for a spot of lunch?

I know a wonderful place

where the food is mediocre,

the prices outrageous,

and the waiters push you around.

(audience laughing)

- It was very nice of you to

share your table
with us, Mr. Buckley.

- Oh the pleasure is mine.

But tell me, how did
you happen to find

The Lucky Shamrock?

- Well, uh, you see I--

- He hates to admit it you see,

but he insisted on eating here

because of the
name of the place.

He feels it will bring him luck

next time he goes to the track.

- Oh now Tim that's
not quite true.

I, uh--
(dramatic music)

- Uh oh.

(dramatic music)

- Excuse me.

(playful orchestral music)

(audience laughing)

- You see, Martin won't even
get out of bed in the morning

until he's checked
his horoscope,

just to make sure
that it's safe.

- Well I don't have to
check it this morning.

Today is my lucky day.

- Did I hear you correctly?

You consider Friday
the 13th a lucky day?

- Of course.

Now I know that over the years

it has acquired an
unsavory connotation,

but ancient civilizations
regarded the day

as a symbol of good luck.

- Really?

- In fact, the
Phoenicians had a saying.

"On Friday 13th,
fish for flounder,

"sure to catch
plump 50 pounder."

(audience laughing)

- That must have lost
something in the translation.

(audience laughing)
- Scoffer.

He doesn't even believe

in the Incan
mystique of numbers.

- Well I'm afraid I'm not
acquainted with it myself.

- Oh!

Well let me explain it to you.

You see you're supposed to count

the number of items
on your plate.

Now.

If that coincides with the
day of the of the month,

you're very lucky.
(audience laughing)

- Sounds very interesting.

(counting quietly)
(audience laughing)

11, 12.

13!

(food floating magically)
(audience laughing)

How did this get here?

- Mm. Probably dropped
off the waiter's tray.

But since fate seems to
have meant it for you.

- Well.

"This is your lucky day.

"Big decisions will
turn out well."

- Uncanny.

- Yes, it's almost as though

someone were trying
to tell you something.

- Gentlemen.

If you'll excuse me I have
to return to the office.

But if you care to drop
by about two o'clock

I may have an interesting
announcement to make.

(cheerful orchestral music)

- Well you can alert Mr. B!

We have a two
o'clock appointment.

- Well I'm sorry,
but he's canceled it.

- But he couldn't have.

He said he had an
important announcement.

- Well that was
before he found out

he lost his lucky rabbit's foot.

Excuse me.

- Well that tears it!

- Where is it?

Where is it?
(audience laughing)

It can't be lost!

- Let's see.

He had the rabbit's foot

when he left the
house this morning.

He had it at the corner
of Wilshire and Westwood

when he almost
ran into that bus.

He had it when he walked
around the desk three times.

- Counter-clockwise no doubt.
(audience laughing)

Still had it at the restaurant.

Didn't have it when
he got back here.

Let's go.

Mr. Buckley was
sitting over there

and we think that
he might have lost

his good luck charm here.

- Aw, good luck charm?

Well the busboy swept
right after lunch.

Now you might find
it in the trash,

right through that door.

(cheerful music)

- Any luck?

- No.

I'm afraid that idea is shot.

(cat meowing)

- What did you say?

- I didn't say anything.

- I wasn't talking to you,

I was talking to him.
(audience laughing)

(cat meowing)

- Well hello Herbie.

He says his name is Herbie.

- He says?

Oh that's right, I
keep forgetting you
can talk to animals.

- Well it's really just a matter

of the ear becoming attuned
to their vocal range.

Now cats talk in
delicate shadings

of the diatonic scale.

Very similar to
Mandarin Chinese.

(audience laughing)
- Oh.

Well I knew there
was a catch to it.

- Herbie, I'd like to ask you
a question if you don't mind.

Have you seen a rabbit's
foot around here anywhere?

(cat meowing)

Well, could you
tell us where it is?

(cat meowing comically)
(audience laughing)

Well now Herbie that's not fair.

That's taking advantage
of the situation.

- What'd he say?

- He won't tell us where it is

unless we give him a bribe.

- Well how do you like that.

I've heard of
blackmail, but cat-mail?

That's ridiculous.
(audience laughing)

- Tim.

He may be on a barrel

but he's got us over one.
(cat meowing)

- Waiter!

- Hey did you find what
you were looking for?

- I wonder if I could
ask you to do me a favor.

- Alright. What is it?

- That's a very charming
cat you have there.

I love cats.

Now, simply on a whim of mine,

instead of feeding
the cat raw liver

would you mind sauteing it?

- Sure.
(audience laughing)

Sure.
(cat meows)

(audience laughing)
- With some mushrooms

and a dash of Burgundy?

(cat meowing)

Oh yes and would you stir
in a soupcon of sour cream?

The cat happens to
be quite a gourmet.

- Figures.
(audience laughing)

But does the cat know
how much it's gonna cost?

- Well, will this take
care of it for a month?

- Hey, are you guys on some
kind of an expense account?

Because you sure know
how to spend it. (laughs)

- Uh. You're pretty generous
with my money, Charlie.

- Well now isn't it worth
10 dollars to get rid of me?

Alright Herbie, now where
is the rabbit's foot?

(cat meowing)
(audience laughs)

- Alright Herbie,
that's dirty pool!

Now why didn't you tell us

that you chewed that thing
up before you made the deal?

(cat meowing comically)
(audience laughs)

- He says he may be a cat
but he's not a stupid cat.

Tim.

Did it ever occur to you
that one rabbit's foot

is very similar to another?

- Hey you know,

this is a pretty good paint job.

- Yeah it's a good
thing I was able

to reconstruct the
design from the remains.

Excuse me.

(whirring music)

(typing)

(floating music)

(happy orchestral music)

(rabbit's foot floating)

(dramatic music)

- Miss Maxwell!

It's here!

It's here!

- What is?

Where did you find it?

- Under these papers.

If that fan hadn't
gone berserk, I...

Miss Maxwell, get
Vandenberg Airbase at once.

Alert them for a
launching Sunday morning!

We're shooting to
Mars after all.

(happy orchestral music)

- Mission accomplished?

- A strange question
to ask of a martian.

Naturally!

- Ah, that's a relief.

- And since Inter-Galaxy
Corporation is nice enough

to give me a free ride,

I return the favor.

I've left a suggestion,

to add a magnetic oscilloscope
to their equipment.

(happy orchestral music)

- You sure you can
spare the scarf?

- No, but you be
my guest, you know,

isn't it a little warm
this time of year?

- Well for California
but not for Mars.

By the time I get
there it'll be winter.

I can't wait to see that
lovely emerald green snow.

(audience laughs)

- Green snow?

- Only in the early
part of the winter.

Later on we get
the regular snow.

Orange, mingled with
a beautiful blue.

(audience laughs)

- Well Uncle Martin, look.

I certainly hope you
won't be too disappointed

if it doesn't work out.

You know you tried this
before and it didn't work.

- Yes but that's because I
was trying to do it solo.

This time I've got a
couple of partners.

A multi-million
dollar corporation

and the US Government.
(audience laughs)

- Now hold, hold,
hold it. Hold it.

I, I got a little
something for you here.

Something you always
wanted to wear

but never had the nerve.

(audience laughs)

- I'll be the sharpest
martian on Galaxy Boulevard.

That's like your
Hollywood and Vine

without all the cars
running into each other.

- There's a little
something for you

I want you to have it to
remember your Uncle Martin by.

(audience laughs)

- Aw. Vivalde's Concerti Grosso
for Strings and Clavichord.

- You're not gonna cry are you?

- No!

No, you're not gonna start?

Are you?

- Well I wouldn't dare!

If a martian lets go
it's like opening a dam.

- Well now I thought you told me

that none of your
people were sentimental.

- Well, since I'm leaving
I may as well be truthful.

In interplanetary circles
we're known as the

maudlin martians.

(audience laughs)

(exciting orchestral music)

- Well, thanks for getting
me in here Mr. Buckley.

- Oh my pleasure.

Isn't Mr. Martin covering
this story with you?

- No, no.

Right now he's
practically on his way

to visit his folks.
(audience laughs)

- They live out of town?

- Oh they're out of this world.

Out of this world?

- Oh. Yes well,

if you'd like to
watch the launching

from the control tower with me

I can arrange it
with the general.

- Mm. No no no.

Launchings always
make me emotional.

Well good luck with your shot.

- Aha I'm not worried.

We can't miss.
(audience laughs)

(Ground Control
conversing together)

(door magically opening)

- [Announcer] The terminal
countdown will commence

in 10 seconds.

- Goodbye, Uncle Martin.

- [Announcer] This is it.

- Here we go, Uncle Martin.

Fasten your seatbelt.

- [Announcer] Ten, nine,
eight, seven, six--

- If your ears start
popping, chew gum.

(audience laughs)

- [Announcer] Two, one.

Ignition.

(rocket launching)

- Bon Voyage.

Happy Landing.

- [Reporter] Another
late bulletin

on the successful Mars shot.

The rocket is right on course

and is now 50,000
miles in outer space.

- Good ol' Uncle Martin.

Gone but not forgotten.

(sniffing)

Uncle Martin!

(dramatic music)
(laughter)

Uncle Martin!

You can't be here.

You're 50,000 miles away.

- Correction.

The rocket is.

- But I saw you get on.

- Correction again.

You saw a panel open.

There wasn't enough
room in that rocket

to swing a cat,

if our friend Herbie would
pardon the expression.

- Well you saw the blueprints,

you said there was
plenty of space.

- Well there was.

Until some idiot suggested
that they include

a magnetic oscilloscope.
(audience laughs)

(Tim laughs)

- That is a shame!

Well, wait a minute.

You were the idiot.

Well no, I mean um--

well why did you
suggest it if you knew

it would take up so much room?

- Tim.

On Mars we can put 10 magnetic
oscilloscopes in a peanut.

I keep forgetting
that you Earth people

are still in the stone age.

- Well, Mars' loss is my gain.

Welcome back.

Oh, one thing though,

it's too bad you're
gonna miss your parents'

golden wedding anniversary.

- It is disappointing.

But after all their
diamond anniversary

is practically
around the corner.

Just 250 years away.

(audience laughs)

(cheerful orchestral music)