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1
00:00:09,262 --> 00:00:11,676
Matt: Well, it happened again...[ Keyboard clacking ]
2
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,503
...another tragedy.
3
00:00:13,607 --> 00:00:14,779
Will we ever learn?
4
00:00:14,883 --> 00:00:16,296
Man: On a day like today,
5
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,814
it's pointless to even post
on social media.
6
00:00:18,917 --> 00:00:20,262
Woman: But I absolutely must.
7
00:00:20,365 --> 00:00:22,089
Jessica: I can't, and I won't,
8
00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:25,124
and I cannot,
and I will not stay silent.
9
00:00:25,227 --> 00:00:27,986
Woman #3: As an American...Man: As an amateur stand-up
comedian...
10
00:00:28,089 --> 00:00:29,296
Man #2: As a privileged person
11
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,434
who recognizes
my own privilege...
12
00:00:31,538 --> 00:00:33,262
Matt: ...it is my duty
to speak out.
13
00:00:33,365 --> 00:00:34,883
Jake: Admit it,
you're all just posting
14
00:00:34,986 --> 00:00:36,710
on social media
for the attention.
15
00:00:36,814 --> 00:00:39,676
Jessica: Today is not about me.
16
00:00:39,779 --> 00:00:41,365
Share my post if you agree.
17
00:00:41,469 --> 00:00:43,434
[ Sobbing ]
18
00:00:43,538 --> 00:00:48,400
♪♪
19
00:00:48,503 --> 00:00:50,503
Christian: Today has
deeply affected me
20
00:00:50,607 --> 00:00:52,158
on a personal level.
21
00:00:52,262 --> 00:00:54,262
My thoughts and prayers
are with the victims
22
00:00:54,365 --> 00:00:56,365
of this horrendous tragedy.
23
00:00:56,469 --> 00:01:00,124
Matt: We have to fight fire
with peace fire.
24
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,676
Share my post if you agree.
25
00:01:01,779 --> 00:01:03,124
Jake: Just watch.
26
00:01:03,227 --> 00:01:05,055
Tomorrow, you'll go back
to posting selfies
27
00:01:05,158 --> 00:01:07,607
and forget this tragedy
ever happened.
28
00:01:07,710 --> 00:01:09,572
♪♪
29
00:01:09,676 --> 00:01:11,089
[ Both sigh ]
30
00:01:11,193 --> 00:01:12,745
Feels good
to say something.
31
00:01:12,848 --> 00:01:14,331
It really does.
32
00:01:14,434 --> 00:01:23,469
♪♪
33
00:01:23,572 --> 00:01:34,021
♪♪
34
00:01:34,124 --> 00:01:36,227
By now, we've all heard the news
35
00:01:36,331 --> 00:01:40,745
about the tragedy in our nation
this morning.
36
00:01:40,848 --> 00:01:44,158
Obviously what happened is...
37
00:01:44,262 --> 00:01:46,503
unspeakable.
38
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,331
I don't see how
we could possibly
39
00:01:48,434 --> 00:01:50,641
go ahead with
our scheduled meeting
40
00:01:50,745 --> 00:01:54,262
about this year's
company pullovers...
41
00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:59,262
...but we absolutely must.
42
00:02:01,814 --> 00:02:02,814
Okay.
43
00:02:02,917 --> 00:02:04,434
So let's just dive
right in.
44
00:02:04,538 --> 00:02:09,227
Do we like the polar fleece
or the brushed fleece?
45
00:02:09,331 --> 00:02:11,158
Felicity...
46
00:02:11,262 --> 00:02:13,296
if you need to take a moment,
that's fine.
47
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,848
Just turn around in your chair,
so we don't see you.
48
00:02:16,952 --> 00:02:20,400
[ Chair creaks ]Listen, I know this is tough,
49
00:02:20,503 --> 00:02:22,538
but it's time-consuming
to feel this bad,
50
00:02:22,641 --> 00:02:24,607
and we can't afford that,
not on fleece day.
51
00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:27,745
Also, anyone who needs
grief counseling today
52
00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,296
can talk to Grace.
53
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,331
She's our rock.
54
00:02:33,745 --> 00:02:35,055
Grace?
55
00:02:35,158 --> 00:02:36,779
A little too weepy.
56
00:02:36,883 --> 00:02:39,089
[ Chair creaks ]
57
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,814
Just to get the ball
a-rolling,
58
00:02:40,917 --> 00:02:44,848
I'll share that I actually had
a disgusting experience
59
00:02:44,952 --> 00:02:47,434
with brushed fleece in 2004.
60
00:02:47,538 --> 00:02:49,400
It was August.
I was in Denver.
61
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,089
And it was hot, but I was cold.
62
00:02:51,193 --> 00:02:52,331
The only people
who liked my post
63
00:02:52,434 --> 00:02:53,745
were my mom and Paige.
64
00:02:53,848 --> 00:02:55,538
But I thought you didn't post it
for the likes.
65
00:02:55,641 --> 00:02:57,365
You just want to help society,
right?
66
00:02:57,469 --> 00:03:00,538
But if nobody sees my post,
how can society be helped?
67
00:03:00,641 --> 00:03:02,365
You're a child walking
through this world.
68
00:03:02,469 --> 00:03:04,331
Well, you're just being a drain
to get attention.
69
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:05,572
That's not fair.
70
00:03:05,676 --> 00:03:07,089
I'm also doing it
to hurt people.
71
00:03:07,193 --> 00:03:08,296
[ Scoffs ]
72
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,607
Just to make
a long story short,
73
00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:11,400
if you've can never
had fleece rash,
74
00:03:11,503 --> 00:03:14,262
consider yourself
privileged, really.
75
00:03:14,365 --> 00:03:16,331
Chuck, sit and spin.
76
00:03:16,434 --> 00:03:18,434
How are you not even
a little bit sad?
77
00:03:18,538 --> 00:03:19,572
You're just pretending
to care
78
00:03:19,676 --> 00:03:21,158
about people
you don't even know,
79
00:03:21,262 --> 00:03:23,986
but I bet you haven't even
wished Grace a happy birthday.
80
00:03:24,089 --> 00:03:25,986
[ Whispering ]
It's Grace's birthday?
81
00:03:26,089 --> 00:03:27,538
And look,
I'm not gonna lie to you.
82
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,917
Polar fleece isn't exactly
a picnic, either.
83
00:03:30,021 --> 00:03:33,089
You just want to...Grace, happy birthday.
84
00:03:33,193 --> 00:03:36,089
Also, I'm sorry
it's your birthday.
85
00:03:36,193 --> 00:03:38,227
They killed my cake,
Matt.
86
00:03:38,331 --> 00:03:39,400
[ Chair creaks ]
87
00:03:39,503 --> 00:03:40,262
Who?
88
00:03:40,365 --> 00:03:41,503
In light of the tragedy,
89
00:03:41,607 --> 00:03:45,193
Hampton DeVille canceled
all celebratory cakes.
90
00:03:45,296 --> 00:03:47,434
Grace: A cinnamon-vanilla cake
91
00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:49,572
with horchata-buttercream
frosting
92
00:03:49,676 --> 00:03:53,572
and fresh strawberries
with white chocolate ganache.
93
00:03:53,676 --> 00:03:57,021
It came up as a sponsored ad
on my social media feed once,
94
00:03:57,124 --> 00:04:00,572
and I've lusted after it
ever since.
95
00:04:00,676 --> 00:04:03,055
Then I saw them murder it...
96
00:04:03,158 --> 00:04:04,158
murder it...
97
00:04:04,262 --> 00:04:05,883
murder it.
98
00:04:05,986 --> 00:04:10,572
♪♪
99
00:04:10,676 --> 00:04:12,814
Nooooo!
100
00:04:12,917 --> 00:04:17,469
♪♪
101
00:04:17,572 --> 00:04:19,262
Talk about tragedy.
102
00:04:19,365 --> 00:04:20,538
It's just a cake,
Grace.
103
00:04:20,641 --> 00:04:22,227
Try to keep things
in perspective.
104
00:04:22,331 --> 00:04:24,952
I packed a light lunch
today, Matt.
105
00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:26,607
Do you get that?
106
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:29,193
My blood sugar
is all out of whack.
107
00:04:29,296 --> 00:04:30,365
Hey!
Trinity!
108
00:04:30,469 --> 00:04:31,676
Trin, it's starting to feel
109
00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:33,986
like you're the ringleader
here, right?
110
00:04:34,089 --> 00:04:35,986
Like, you've infected this room
with your sadness.
111
00:04:36,089 --> 00:04:38,779
Like, it's a pandemic,
and you're patient zero.
112
00:04:38,883 --> 00:04:41,296
Do the right thing
and turn your ass around.
113
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,331
[ Chair creaks ]
114
00:04:43,434 --> 00:04:45,572
[ Sighs deeply ]
115
00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:47,779
Okay.
116
00:04:47,883 --> 00:04:49,503
Let's talk zippers.
117
00:04:49,607 --> 00:04:52,538
Subtract the number of victims
who aren't white,
118
00:04:52,641 --> 00:04:54,538
add the number
of victims who are,
119
00:04:54,641 --> 00:04:57,676
carry the seven equals...
120
00:04:57,779 --> 00:05:00,296
♪♪
121
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,607
We have a Category 5 tragedy
on our hands.
122
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:05,641
Yes!All across the nation,
123
00:05:05,745 --> 00:05:07,779
people are sad,
people are scared,
124
00:05:07,883 --> 00:05:09,503
and they are tuning
into this tragedy
125
00:05:09,607 --> 00:05:11,814
like it's the reboot of
their favorite situation comedy.
126
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:13,296
Now, we've been
the third-rated
127
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,089
cable news network
for far too long.
128
00:05:15,193 --> 00:05:18,607
What we need today is
to take BNN to number one.
129
00:05:18,710 --> 00:05:20,262
Karen, what have we
got lined up?
130
00:05:20,365 --> 00:05:21,710
Well, for starters,
we're going to have
131
00:05:21,814 --> 00:05:24,814
an up-to-date victim counter
on screen at all times
132
00:05:24,917 --> 00:05:27,538
and also a countdown clock.What's it counting down to?
133
00:05:27,641 --> 00:05:29,227
Nothing.Perfect.
134
00:05:29,331 --> 00:05:31,331
And let's add a count-up clock,
as well.
135
00:05:31,434 --> 00:05:32,676
Oh, I love that.
136
00:05:32,779 --> 00:05:34,676
[ Indistinct talking ][ Squeaking ]
137
00:05:34,779 --> 00:05:35,676
[ Sighs ]
138
00:05:35,779 --> 00:05:37,641
Cronker...
139
00:05:37,745 --> 00:05:40,814
Do you really need
to be here right now?
140
00:05:44,262 --> 00:05:46,089
[ Thud ]
141
00:05:47,779 --> 00:05:49,538
Now people are going to want
to donate to the victims,
142
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:52,331
so let's make sure they know
that the best place to donate
143
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:54,641
is the DeVille Foundation
for Victims.
144
00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:57,262
Kate, find me some dirt
on competing charities,
145
00:05:57,365 --> 00:05:58,814
and make sure
the Internet knows.On it.
146
00:05:58,917 --> 00:06:01,262
Also, I am setting up
an interview
147
00:06:01,365 --> 00:06:02,538
with a conspiracy theorist
148
00:06:02,641 --> 00:06:04,331
who claims the tragedy
never happened.
149
00:06:04,434 --> 00:06:05,676
Smart.
150
00:06:05,779 --> 00:06:07,745
People need someone
to be mad at today.
151
00:06:07,848 --> 00:06:09,952
Jessica: Jake, your cynicism is
not what we need today.
152
00:06:10,055 --> 00:06:12,296
What we need is
to dismantle the status quo
153
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,779
by tweeting at our senators.Yes.
154
00:06:13,883 --> 00:06:15,434
You know what?
You guys are right.
155
00:06:15,538 --> 00:06:16,848
Just kidding.
You're wrong.
156
00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:18,572
God. He's been acting
like this all day.
157
00:06:18,676 --> 00:06:19,814
[ Ding!]68!
158
00:06:19,917 --> 00:06:21,676
Karen James:
BNN can now confirm
159
00:06:21,779 --> 00:06:24,848
that 68 people have
lost their lives
160
00:06:24,952 --> 00:06:27,158
in today's tragedy.This is absurd.
161
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,469
None of you guys
are even talking
162
00:06:28,572 --> 00:06:30,227
about the earthquake
that killed 500 people
163
00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:31,607
in Pakistan yesterday.
164
00:06:31,710 --> 00:06:33,641
Oh, my God.
I didn't know about Pakistan.
165
00:06:33,745 --> 00:06:34,917
I'm gonna post about it
right now.
166
00:06:35,021 --> 00:06:36,089
Yep.Yeah, me too.
167
00:06:36,193 --> 00:06:37,917
Jake: You're all
just tragedy bandwagoners.
168
00:06:38,021 --> 00:06:39,814
I'm a loyal,
dedicated fan.Man: 69.
169
00:06:39,917 --> 00:06:41,469
There is a lot of pain
in this world,
170
00:06:41,572 --> 00:06:42,814
and I'm aware
of all of it.
171
00:06:42,917 --> 00:06:44,538
I know all
the underground tragedies.
172
00:06:44,641 --> 00:06:46,538
I know the rarities.
I know the B-sides.
173
00:06:46,641 --> 00:06:48,262
This is the Ed Sheeran
of tragedies,
174
00:06:48,365 --> 00:06:50,055
and you all have
pedestrian taste.
175
00:06:50,158 --> 00:06:51,124
Okay, posted.Posted.
176
00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:52,193
I just liked
both your posts.
177
00:06:52,296 --> 00:06:53,538
So insightful.Thanks.
178
00:06:53,641 --> 00:06:55,503
Guys, there was no earthquake
in Pakistan.
179
00:06:55,607 --> 00:06:56,503
Jake!
God...
[ Ding!]
180
00:06:56,607 --> 00:06:58,158
70![ Applause ]
181
00:06:58,262 --> 00:07:00,779
Woman: Oh, my God.
It's Paige.
182
00:07:00,883 --> 00:07:02,745
♪♪
183
00:07:02,848 --> 00:07:04,434
Wait.
Why are we clapping?
184
00:07:04,538 --> 00:07:05,848
Didn't you read
Paige's post?
185
00:07:05,952 --> 00:07:07,193
No.
186
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:10,055
Read Paige's post.
187
00:07:10,158 --> 00:07:14,021
♪♪
188
00:07:14,124 --> 00:07:16,710
"We have to fight fire
with peace fire."
189
00:07:16,814 --> 00:07:18,779
Wait.
This is my post.
190
00:07:18,883 --> 00:07:20,676
And she didn't credit me.
191
00:07:20,779 --> 00:07:24,158
This already has
3,700 likes?
192
00:07:24,262 --> 00:07:25,883
Wait, my mom liked this!
193
00:07:25,986 --> 00:07:28,331
Really, today
is not about me.
194
00:07:28,434 --> 00:07:30,710
Hey, Paige.
I saw your post.
195
00:07:30,814 --> 00:07:32,296
Aw, thank you, Matt.
Well...
196
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,814
Paige, you make me so proud
to be on social media.
197
00:07:34,917 --> 00:07:36,745
[ Sighing ]
Aww. I know.
198
00:07:39,227 --> 00:07:42,227
[ Indistinct talking,
telephone rings in distance ]
199
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,503
Hey, Paige.
Hmm?
200
00:07:43,607 --> 00:07:45,952
Hey, um...
this might seem silly,
201
00:07:46,055 --> 00:07:48,400
and I know this
isn't what we need
202
00:07:48,503 --> 00:07:49,641
on today of all days,
203
00:07:49,745 --> 00:07:52,227
but you kind of
took my post
204
00:07:52,331 --> 00:07:54,227
and didn't
give me credit.
205
00:07:54,331 --> 00:07:56,055
Oh, I'm sorry.
206
00:07:56,158 --> 00:07:57,814
It's really resonating
with people though.
207
00:07:57,917 --> 00:07:59,676
You must be jazzed.
Congrats.
208
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,400
Oh, thanks.
You're welcome.
209
00:08:01,503 --> 00:08:02,745
But I was just thinking
210
00:08:02,848 --> 00:08:04,710
that maybe you
could edit the post
211
00:08:04,814 --> 00:08:07,848
to clarify
that it's mine.
212
00:08:07,952 --> 00:08:10,848
Don't you think reposting
just to say, "Hey, guys.
213
00:08:10,952 --> 00:08:13,469
Matt wants everyone to know
he wrote this,"
214
00:08:13,572 --> 00:08:15,814
distracts from
the real conversation?
215
00:08:15,917 --> 00:08:17,331
Oh, I-I-I would never
want to distract
216
00:08:17,434 --> 00:08:18,779
from the real conversation.Good.
217
00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:21,055
I would maybe just want to add
to the real conversation
218
00:08:21,158 --> 00:08:24,848
that I was the one who sort of
started the conversation.
219
00:08:24,952 --> 00:08:26,193
You know, maybe you
wrote the post,
220
00:08:26,296 --> 00:08:28,021
but you clearly
didn't read it
221
00:08:28,124 --> 00:08:29,883
'cause you're making today
about yourself, Matt.
222
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:31,503
[ Sternly ]
You stole my post.
223
00:08:31,607 --> 00:08:33,193
You're a straight-up
post thief!
224
00:08:33,296 --> 00:08:35,607
I do not steal.
I curate.
225
00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,848
And in times of tragedy,
people turn to curators like me.
226
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,365
You don't even care
about the victims.
227
00:08:39,469 --> 00:08:40,607
You're just doing this
for attention.
228
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:42,538
You know what?
It's millennials...
229
00:08:42,641 --> 00:08:44,469
I can see that you're really
hurting right now, Matt,
230
00:08:44,572 --> 00:08:46,710
and I want you to know
that I understand.
231
00:08:46,814 --> 00:08:48,055
It's okay to cry, Matt.
232
00:08:48,158 --> 00:08:50,538
Hey, guys,
I'm just gonna hop in here.
233
00:08:50,641 --> 00:08:53,089
Ooh! By the way,
Paige, incredible post.
234
00:08:53,193 --> 00:08:54,745
I loved it, liked it,
faved it, shared it.
235
00:08:54,848 --> 00:08:57,124
Thank you so much,
John.
236
00:08:57,227 --> 00:08:59,779
Why is their victim counter
higher than ours?
237
00:08:59,883 --> 00:09:02,676
We should always have
the highest victim counter!
238
00:09:02,779 --> 00:09:04,572
Damn it! We've been given
a golden opportunity,
239
00:09:04,676 --> 00:09:07,089
and we're blowing it.
240
00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:08,952
What do other networks do
when they're desperate
241
00:09:09,055 --> 00:09:11,572
for ratings?
242
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,848
Celebrity guest star?
243
00:09:13,952 --> 00:09:16,262
♪♪
244
00:09:16,365 --> 00:09:18,607
Karen James: But your donations
can make a difference,
245
00:09:18,710 --> 00:09:22,055
and the best place to donate
is the DeVille Foundation.[ Cellphone rings ]
246
00:09:22,158 --> 00:09:24,607
On a day like today,
it is easy...Richter here.
247
00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:27,227
No. I haven't talked to
or seen anyone today.
248
00:09:27,331 --> 00:09:33,469
♪♪
249
00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:39,745
♪♪
250
00:09:39,848 --> 00:09:41,745
Shocking news as BNN has
251
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:43,538
just received
an unconfirmed report
252
00:09:43,641 --> 00:09:47,676
that celebrity Andy Richter
may be among today's victims.
253
00:09:47,779 --> 00:09:50,641
No.
What?
254
00:09:50,745 --> 00:09:52,089
I'm sorry.
I need a moment.
255
00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:53,021
[ Chair creaks ]
256
00:09:53,124 --> 00:09:54,296
-Oh!
-Hug me.
257
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,331
I'm just gonna
get in on this.
258
00:09:56,434 --> 00:10:00,262
[ Hissing ]
259
00:10:01,572 --> 00:10:03,676
[ Hiss ]
260
00:10:03,779 --> 00:10:06,676
[ Hiss ]What the hell are you doing?
261
00:10:06,779 --> 00:10:08,745
Just making a snack.
262
00:10:08,848 --> 00:10:10,848
[ Hissing ]Stop it.
263
00:10:10,952 --> 00:10:13,676
Something might have happened
to a celebrity.
264
00:10:13,779 --> 00:10:14,952
It's my birthday.
265
00:10:15,055 --> 00:10:16,538
Did you ever think about
how it might be
266
00:10:16,641 --> 00:10:19,917
a little problematic for you
to have your birthday on today?
267
00:10:20,021 --> 00:10:21,124
[ Scoffs ]
268
00:10:21,227 --> 00:10:24,986
♪♪
269
00:10:25,089 --> 00:10:26,572
Don't you dare light that.Grace...
270
00:10:26,676 --> 00:10:27,676
Grace, don't light that.Grace.
271
00:10:27,779 --> 00:10:29,400
Grace!
Don't you light that!
272
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:30,365
[ Grace screams ]
273
00:10:30,469 --> 00:10:32,814
[ Sound distorts ]
274
00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:37,262
I brought those sprinkles
from home!
275
00:10:37,365 --> 00:10:39,607
Andy: Well, I'm so flattered
you guys thought of me.
276
00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:41,227
Before we get down
to brass tacks,
277
00:10:41,331 --> 00:10:42,365
let me just say that
278
00:10:42,469 --> 00:10:43,917
"Andy Richter
Controls the Universe"
279
00:10:44,021 --> 00:10:46,607
is a criminally
under-appreciated classic.
280
00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:48,469
You're right about that.
281
00:10:48,572 --> 00:10:49,883
Andy is super jazzed,
282
00:10:49,986 --> 00:10:51,538
and the timing
couldn't be better.
283
00:10:51,641 --> 00:10:53,710
We were looking for
an out-of-the-box way
284
00:10:53,814 --> 00:10:55,952
to promote his directorial
debut next month.
285
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:58,814
It's called
"The Infinity Conundrum."
286
00:10:58,917 --> 00:11:00,883
All the characters
are robots,
287
00:11:00,986 --> 00:11:03,676
but at its heart,
it's really a small story
288
00:11:03,779 --> 00:11:05,434
about a genie.
289
00:11:05,538 --> 00:11:06,779
Hmm.
290
00:11:06,883 --> 00:11:09,917
Well, that sounds
absolutely fascinating.
291
00:11:10,021 --> 00:11:11,124
Kate: So let's get into
the details of what we're...
292
00:11:11,227 --> 00:11:13,745
I am super jazzed
that we got Richter.
293
00:11:13,848 --> 00:11:15,607
Well, I'm jazzed,
as well.
294
00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:16,917
I mean, at first,
I was disappointed
295
00:11:17,021 --> 00:11:18,538
Channing Tatum fell through,
but Richter has
296
00:11:18,641 --> 00:11:20,089
a real boy-next-door quality.Oh, yeah.
297
00:11:20,193 --> 00:11:22,158
I am a little nervous,
though.
298
00:11:22,262 --> 00:11:26,365
I mean, we could get in a lot
of trouble if this got out.
299
00:11:26,469 --> 00:11:27,641
Well...
300
00:11:27,745 --> 00:11:29,089
I won't testify
against you
301
00:11:29,193 --> 00:11:30,814
if you don't testify
against me.
302
00:11:30,917 --> 00:11:32,296
Well, then you
should marry me,
303
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,779
and then we can't testify
against each other.
304
00:11:35,883 --> 00:11:37,814
Good one.
[ Chuckles ]
305
00:11:37,917 --> 00:11:40,883
Molly: When we reveal that
Andy survived the tragedy,
306
00:11:40,986 --> 00:11:42,745
we were thinking
it would be really great
307
00:11:42,848 --> 00:11:44,469
if he could wear
a T-shirt from the movie.
308
00:11:44,572 --> 00:11:45,848
Or a hat.
309
00:11:45,952 --> 00:11:47,124
Kate: He can wear
whatever he wants
310
00:11:47,227 --> 00:11:48,986
as long as it's covered
in blood.
311
00:11:49,089 --> 00:11:51,641
Hi, Andy?
Karen James here.
312
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:53,296
You know, I've always said
"Andy Barker, P.I."
313
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,814
being taken off the air
before it found its audience
314
00:11:55,917 --> 00:11:58,227
was an absolute tragedy.
315
00:11:58,331 --> 00:12:00,331
I like you, Karen.
316
00:12:00,434 --> 00:12:02,779
Jake: So, I just shared you
on the fleece spreadsheet.
317
00:12:02,883 --> 00:12:05,055
How many of each size
do you think we should get?
318
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,710
I honestly would have
preferred brushed.
319
00:12:06,814 --> 00:12:07,952
I should have
spoken up.
320
00:12:08,055 --> 00:12:11,538
Now Paige has 12,000
likes on my post.
321
00:12:11,641 --> 00:12:12,848
Can you at least
now admit that
322
00:12:12,952 --> 00:12:14,193
you don't care
about the victims at all?
323
00:12:14,296 --> 00:12:16,227
Oh, I care about those
fucking victims,
324
00:12:16,331 --> 00:12:18,193
and I'm gonna prove it.
325
00:12:18,296 --> 00:12:20,331
So you're going to leave
all our work to me?
326
00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:22,158
Great.
327
00:12:22,262 --> 00:12:23,676
77!
328
00:12:23,779 --> 00:12:25,710
[ Telephone rings in distance ]
329
00:12:28,745 --> 00:12:31,676
Attention, everyone.
330
00:12:31,779 --> 00:12:34,262
I'm collecting donations
for the Scarlet Cross
331
00:12:34,365 --> 00:12:35,710
on behalf of the victims.
332
00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:38,262
On days like today,
333
00:12:38,365 --> 00:12:41,710
posting on social media
isn't enough.
334
00:12:41,814 --> 00:12:46,400
What we need
is cold hard cash.
335
00:12:46,503 --> 00:12:48,883
I just got back
from the ATM,
336
00:12:48,986 --> 00:12:51,262
where I withdrew
the maximum amount
337
00:12:51,365 --> 00:12:53,365
of $300
338
00:12:53,469 --> 00:12:55,227
plus a $3.50 service fee.
339
00:12:55,331 --> 00:12:57,469
So...
340
00:12:57,572 --> 00:12:59,227
yeah.
341
00:12:59,331 --> 00:13:04,434
♪♪
342
00:13:04,538 --> 00:13:09,676
♪♪
343
00:13:09,779 --> 00:13:11,227
[ Distorted ]
Good job.
344
00:13:11,331 --> 00:13:17,607
♪♪
345
00:13:17,710 --> 00:13:24,331
♪♪
346
00:13:28,227 --> 00:13:29,572
Man: 80 dead.
347
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,572
Hey, Paige,
I don't know if you heard,
348
00:13:32,676 --> 00:13:35,400
but I'm collecting donations
for the victims.
349
00:13:35,503 --> 00:13:36,607
Care to chip in?
350
00:13:36,710 --> 00:13:37,848
No.
351
00:13:37,952 --> 00:13:39,503
Wow.
352
00:13:39,607 --> 00:13:41,434
That's interesting
because I kind of
353
00:13:41,538 --> 00:13:42,952
thought you cared,
Paige,
354
00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:47,021
but now you don't want to donate
to the Scarlet Cross?
355
00:13:47,124 --> 00:13:49,779
I guess you haven't checked
the Internet today.
356
00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:51,917
Hey.Man: 81!
357
00:13:52,021 --> 00:13:54,538
BNN has been breaking
all of these stories
358
00:13:54,641 --> 00:13:57,158
about how problematic
the Scarlet Cross is
359
00:13:57,262 --> 00:13:59,158
and how they're cutting out
the hearts
360
00:13:59,262 --> 00:14:02,710
of poor Jamaican people
or something.
361
00:14:02,814 --> 00:14:04,227
Pretty sure
that's not true.
362
00:14:04,331 --> 00:14:06,227
Well, I posted it,
so it's true now.
363
00:14:06,331 --> 00:14:07,262
82!
Hey.
364
00:14:07,365 --> 00:14:08,607
Oh, and it looks like
a lot of people
365
00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:09,779
have liked my post.
366
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,158
Hey. Hold on.
Hold on a second.
367
00:14:11,262 --> 00:14:13,055
You can't just have
your money back, okay?
368
00:14:13,158 --> 00:14:14,883
This belongs
to the victims now.
369
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:17,227
It's kind of ironic
that you're collecting donations
370
00:14:17,331 --> 00:14:18,572
in a trash can because
371
00:14:18,676 --> 00:14:20,227
giving your money
to the Scarlet Cross
372
00:14:20,331 --> 00:14:22,676
is just like throwing it
in the trash.
373
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:23,917
84!
374
00:14:24,021 --> 00:14:25,917
Well, now hold on.
Oh, my God.
375
00:14:26,021 --> 00:14:27,365
Look at yourselves,
376
00:14:27,469 --> 00:14:28,952
down there fighting
for money on the ground
377
00:14:29,055 --> 00:14:30,331
while people out there...
378
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:32,986
Okay, now, wait a second!
$300 of that is mine.
379
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,814
Man: 85!
380
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,365
Kate, do we have
all the NDAs?
381
00:14:37,469 --> 00:14:39,262
We have a couple of stragglers,
but I'm working on it.
382
00:14:39,365 --> 00:14:40,400
Well, get them.
383
00:14:40,503 --> 00:14:41,607
One whistle-blower,
384
00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,055
and the FCC will
have their hands
385
00:14:43,158 --> 00:14:46,710
so far up our asses,
we'll have fingers for tongues.
386
00:14:46,814 --> 00:14:48,365
Did you get Richter?
387
00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:50,607
Let me talk to him.
388
00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:52,296
Hey.
How's it going?
389
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,262
Andy Richter: Hiya, Chris.
Listen, I got a question.
390
00:14:54,365 --> 00:14:56,503
Would it be okay
if I did some improv?
391
00:14:56,607 --> 00:14:59,710
You know, I'm sort of one of
the better members of my team.
392
00:14:59,814 --> 00:15:02,193
Okay. Well...
you're the talent here, Andy.
393
00:15:02,296 --> 00:15:03,883
I have total faith
in you.
394
00:15:03,986 --> 00:15:06,641
Awesome.
Thanks, Chris. Bye.
395
00:15:06,745 --> 00:15:08,365
Jesus Christ.
Richter is going to blow it.
396
00:15:08,469 --> 00:15:10,227
I knew we should have pushed
harder for Tatum!
397
00:15:10,331 --> 00:15:13,676
Hey, Christian, relax.
This is the news.
398
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,883
We do it every day,
399
00:15:15,986 --> 00:15:18,607
but there is one important thing
that you forgot.
400
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,296
What?
401
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,986
Have fun.
402
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,365
♪♪
403
00:15:25,469 --> 00:15:27,469
Man: 91 dead.
404
00:15:27,572 --> 00:15:28,883
♪♪
405
00:15:28,986 --> 00:15:30,641
Happy birthday,
Grace.
406
00:15:30,745 --> 00:15:31,917
Nobody's doing
any work today,
407
00:15:32,021 --> 00:15:33,296
so I went out and got the cake
you wanted
408
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,089
because I'm secretly
a great friend.
409
00:15:36,503 --> 00:15:38,986
Oh, yeah.
410
00:15:39,089 --> 00:15:41,262
That baker was pretty fucked up
by the tragedy.
411
00:15:41,365 --> 00:15:45,262
That's really sweet,
but no thanks.
412
00:15:45,365 --> 00:15:47,572
All I wanted for my birthday
was a slice of cake,
413
00:15:47,676 --> 00:15:51,124
but now everyone thinks
I'm a horrible, selfish person.
414
00:15:51,227 --> 00:15:52,158
Oh, please.
415
00:15:52,262 --> 00:15:54,779
Everyone is a horrible,
selfish person.
416
00:15:54,883 --> 00:15:56,400
It's just that today,
people feel helpless,
417
00:15:56,503 --> 00:15:58,883
and they're trying
to make themselves feel better,
418
00:15:58,986 --> 00:16:00,365
even though everything
they're doing is
419
00:16:00,469 --> 00:16:01,676
misguided and futile
420
00:16:01,779 --> 00:16:02,952
and might even hurt
other people,
421
00:16:03,055 --> 00:16:04,917
like voting
in a presidential election.
422
00:16:05,021 --> 00:16:07,365
Hey, guys. I just had
another selfless idea.
423
00:16:07,469 --> 00:16:09,538
I'm going to organize
a blood drive.
424
00:16:09,641 --> 00:16:11,572
Like Paige's
blood drive?
425
00:16:11,676 --> 00:16:13,055
How?!
426
00:16:13,158 --> 00:16:14,952
Matt, you're genuinely
a bad person.
427
00:16:15,055 --> 00:16:17,193
No, I'm not!
I'm good!
428
00:16:17,296 --> 00:16:19,710
Out of the way.
Universal donor coming through.
429
00:16:19,814 --> 00:16:22,055
Excuse me!
430
00:16:22,158 --> 00:16:23,814
Did you donate yet?
431
00:16:23,917 --> 00:16:26,710
Oh, I can't.
I have an iron deficiency.
432
00:16:26,814 --> 00:16:27,917
Of course you aren't
donating blood.
433
00:16:28,021 --> 00:16:29,676
You're just curating
everyone else's.
434
00:16:29,779 --> 00:16:31,158
How convenient.
435
00:16:31,262 --> 00:16:33,400
Guess I'll have to donate enough
for the both of us.
436
00:16:33,503 --> 00:16:36,848
Hi! I'd like to donate
a shit-ton of blood.
437
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:39,503
♪♪
438
00:16:39,607 --> 00:16:43,193
Well, aren't you a big boy
with a big heart.
439
00:16:43,296 --> 00:16:44,193
Damn right.
440
00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:48,503
[ Monitor beeping rhythmically ]
441
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:51,055
[ Echoing ] Wow.
442
00:16:51,158 --> 00:16:54,158
Add this to your pile, huh?
443
00:16:54,262 --> 00:16:58,158
It's so crazy how we all have
different types of blood.
444
00:16:58,262 --> 00:16:59,745
[ Chuckles ]
You're funny.
445
00:16:59,848 --> 00:17:01,193
Yeah.
446
00:17:01,296 --> 00:17:03,848
I'm kind of known
of the office class clown.
447
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:05,814
Yeah, I bet you are.
448
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:07,641
You're handsome, too.
449
00:17:07,745 --> 00:17:09,779
I got a haircut
last month.
450
00:17:09,883 --> 00:17:11,641
Wow.
451
00:17:11,745 --> 00:17:13,296
You know...
452
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:17,745
I'm not just collecting blood
for the victims.
453
00:17:17,848 --> 00:17:20,193
We're also collecting
kisses.
454
00:17:20,296 --> 00:17:22,814
Would you like to donate a kiss,
big boy?
455
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:24,021
Of course.
456
00:17:24,124 --> 00:17:26,262
I'd do anything
for the victims.
457
00:17:26,365 --> 00:17:28,469
Well, then kiss me,
you hunk.
458
00:17:28,572 --> 00:17:33,021
♪♪
459
00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:38,883
Sadly, still no word
on the whereabouts of Daytime
460
00:17:38,986 --> 00:17:41,641
Emmy-Award nominee Andy Richter.
461
00:17:41,745 --> 00:17:44,779
[ Sighing ] Oh! America may soon have
to accept that his life
462
00:17:44,883 --> 00:17:47,193
has been tragically cut short,
463
00:17:47,296 --> 00:17:51,572
much like the multiple network
sitcoms that bore his name.
464
00:17:51,676 --> 00:17:55,503
We have breaking news.
465
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:58,331
BNN has just received word
that Andy Richter
466
00:17:58,434 --> 00:18:00,538
has survived the tragedy.[ All cheer ]
467
00:18:00,641 --> 00:18:04,227
He's live on the scene,
and we've got the exclusive.
468
00:18:04,331 --> 00:18:08,365
Andy, first off,
on behalf of all of us at BNN,
469
00:18:08,469 --> 00:18:11,055
I would like to welcome you
back from the dead.
470
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:12,503
It must have been
harrowing.
471
00:18:12,607 --> 00:18:15,607
Yes, and I am grateful
to be alive, Karen.
472
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:19,331
I had to survive on rainwater
and the tears of the fallen.
473
00:18:19,434 --> 00:18:21,883
Incredible.
You must have been so thirsty.
474
00:18:21,986 --> 00:18:23,538
What else
can you tell us?
475
00:18:23,641 --> 00:18:26,779
In the darkest moments,
I found myself contemplating
476
00:18:26,883 --> 00:18:29,262
mortality, selflessness
477
00:18:29,365 --> 00:18:32,296
and the fact
that love conquers all,
478
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,641
which coincidentally
are all themes
479
00:18:34,745 --> 00:18:36,434
in "The Infinity Conundrum."
480
00:18:36,538 --> 00:18:38,883
That is the movie
you have coming out
481
00:18:38,986 --> 00:18:40,365
in theaters nationwide
next month?
482
00:18:40,469 --> 00:18:43,745
And it's also simultaneously
streaming on demand.
483
00:18:43,848 --> 00:18:46,917
Andy Richter,
alive and well,
484
00:18:47,021 --> 00:18:49,676
controlling the universe
once again.
485
00:18:49,779 --> 00:18:52,883
[ All cheering ]
486
00:18:52,986 --> 00:18:54,779
Christian...
487
00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,469
we just got the ratings.
488
00:18:57,572 --> 00:18:58,814
We're number one!
489
00:18:58,917 --> 00:19:03,538
[ All cheer ]
490
00:19:03,641 --> 00:19:05,021
♪♪
491
00:19:05,124 --> 00:19:07,814
I gave blood!
492
00:19:07,917 --> 00:19:09,469
They said I gave
the most blood.
493
00:19:09,572 --> 00:19:11,745
[ All gasp, scream ]
494
00:19:11,848 --> 00:19:13,331
Grace: He donated
too much blood.
495
00:19:13,434 --> 00:19:15,676
We have to get
his blood sugar up.
496
00:19:15,779 --> 00:19:17,469
♪♪
497
00:19:17,572 --> 00:19:24,262
♪ Everybody knows
where the angel lives ♪
498
00:19:24,365 --> 00:19:31,021
♪ Everybody knows
where the angel flies ♪
499
00:19:31,124 --> 00:19:34,124
♪ Everybody sees her face
500
00:19:34,227 --> 00:19:38,089
♪ Brushing up against
their windowpanes ♪
501
00:19:38,193 --> 00:19:39,814
John: Come on, get the fruity.
Get the fruit part in.
502
00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:41,469
What the fuck
are you guys doing?
503
00:19:41,572 --> 00:19:43,779
We're trying to get
his blood sugar back up.
504
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,158
He's choking on the cake!
505
00:19:45,262 --> 00:19:46,434
-[ Gasps ]
-Oh!
506
00:19:46,538 --> 00:19:47,538
-Yeah.
-Damn it!
507
00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:51,158
♪ Everybody knows how
the courageous ♪
508
00:19:51,262 --> 00:19:54,193
Oh
509
00:19:54,296 --> 00:20:01,089
♪ You can feel it in
the birthplace of your heart ♪
510
00:20:01,193 --> 00:20:03,986
♪ Everybody knows inspiration
511
00:20:04,089 --> 00:20:07,676
♪ Even in the wake
of devastation ♪
512
00:20:07,779 --> 00:20:10,745
Bad cake.Paige: Oh, my God.
Grace, you killed him.
513
00:20:10,848 --> 00:20:12,814
Get it out!Come on get it out.
Get it out. Spit it out.
514
00:20:12,917 --> 00:20:14,469
[ Gasps ]
515
00:20:14,572 --> 00:20:16,986
♪ I've been waiting
my whole life ♪
516
00:20:17,089 --> 00:20:21,262
♪ Just to walk with you
517
00:20:21,365 --> 00:20:25,607
♪ And I've been waiting my
whole life to hear your voice ♪
518
00:20:25,710 --> 00:20:29,055
♪ And I know it's gonna
be my choice ♪
519
00:20:29,158 --> 00:20:33,365
♪ It will happen to me,
of course ♪
520
00:20:33,469 --> 00:20:36,400
♪ I will be ready [ Coughs ]
521
00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:40,158
[ All cheer ]
522
00:20:40,262 --> 00:20:46,538
♪ I will be ready
523
00:20:46,641 --> 00:20:55,710
♪♪
524
00:20:55,814 --> 00:20:57,262
[ Ding, ding, ding!]
525
00:20:57,365 --> 00:20:59,641
100!
526
00:21:05,469 --> 00:21:06,469
[ Ding!]
527
00:21:10,848 --> 00:21:11,745
Here is a little slice of hope
528
00:21:11,848 --> 00:21:13,158
on an otherwise dark day.
529
00:21:13,262 --> 00:21:15,883
A group of Hampton DeVille
employees
530
00:21:15,986 --> 00:21:17,710
came together to save a big boy
531
00:21:17,814 --> 00:21:18,710
with a big heart
532
00:21:18,814 --> 00:21:20,296
who passed out after donating
533
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,434
too much blood to the victims.
534
00:21:22,538 --> 00:21:24,503
Oh, my God.
We're heroes.[ Ding! ]
37979
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