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1
00:00:06,779 --> 00:00:10,503
- [somber music plays]
2
00:00:10,607 --> 00:00:13,676
- [indistinct chatter]
3
00:00:13,779 --> 00:00:17,641
- [copier whirring]
4
00:00:19,365 --> 00:00:20,641
- [crying in distance]
5
00:00:20,745 --> 00:00:26,089
- [keyboard banging]
6
00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:30,676
- [upbeat music plays]
7
00:00:33,814 --> 00:00:35,021
♪ I found love
8
00:00:35,124 --> 00:00:37,676
♪ Didn't even know I needed it
9
00:00:37,779 --> 00:00:39,262
♪ But I found love
10
00:00:39,365 --> 00:00:42,021
♪ Never even crossed my mind
11
00:00:42,124 --> 00:00:43,779
♪ I found love
12
00:00:43,883 --> 00:00:46,262
♪ Had a garden,
never weeded it ♪
13
00:00:46,365 --> 00:00:47,986
♪ But I found love
14
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:51,296
♪ Took an apple just in time
15
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:55,193
♪ I found love in the fall ♪
16
00:00:57,193 --> 00:00:59,021
- Dogs are disgusting creatures.
17
00:00:59,124 --> 00:01:00,676
They smell,
their mouths are too wet,
18
00:01:00,779 --> 00:01:02,158
and they constantly demand
your attention
19
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:04,469
like dumb, slutty babies.
20
00:01:04,572 --> 00:01:06,538
People think they're cute when
really they're just overbred
21
00:01:06,641 --> 00:01:08,917
mutants too stupid
to beg for death.
22
00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:11,089
They turn people
into complete idiots.
23
00:01:11,193 --> 00:01:12,952
- [in slow-motion]
There's a dog?
24
00:01:13,055 --> 00:01:17,227
- ♪ I found love
in this world ♪
25
00:01:17,331 --> 00:01:21,814
♪ And my heartstrings
just unfurled ♪
26
00:01:21,917 --> 00:01:25,158
♪ I found love in the spring
27
00:01:25,262 --> 00:01:27,710
- [in slow-motion]
I'm your mommy.
28
00:01:27,814 --> 00:01:33,676
- ♪
29
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:46,193
♪♪
30
00:01:50,227 --> 00:01:52,503
- [keyboard banging]
31
00:01:52,607 --> 00:01:54,848
- My exclamation point
key broke.
32
00:01:54,952 --> 00:01:56,158
That feels like a metaphor.
33
00:01:56,262 --> 00:01:57,710
- It'll never get fixed.
34
00:01:57,814 --> 00:02:00,331
I submitted a work ticket to get
my chair fixed three months ago.
35
00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:02,021
- Lloyd gets to things
eventually.
36
00:02:02,124 --> 00:02:03,814
- Lloyd should be fired,
and you know it.
37
00:02:03,917 --> 00:02:06,055
The only reason you're defending
him is because of that damn dog.
38
00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:08,952
- [gasps]
Edie!
39
00:02:09,055 --> 00:02:11,400
- You fucking
motherfucking fuck.
40
00:02:11,503 --> 00:02:12,952
- Does Edie want some granola?
41
00:02:13,055 --> 00:02:14,296
- Do not feed it.
42
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,021
It'll associate this office
with food.
43
00:02:16,124 --> 00:02:17,193
- She's a she.
44
00:02:17,296 --> 00:02:19,055
And her name is Edie.
45
00:02:19,158 --> 00:02:20,607
Isn't that right, Edie?
46
00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:21,814
You're all girl.
47
00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:23,193
And I'm your mommy.
48
00:02:23,296 --> 00:02:25,400
- If the apocalypse came, you'd
eat that dog in a second.
49
00:02:25,503 --> 00:02:26,779
- Well, then we'd eat
Pebbles, too.
50
00:02:26,883 --> 00:02:27,883
- No, we would not.
51
00:02:27,986 --> 00:02:29,538
I'd kill us both,
and she'd eat our bodies,
52
00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:31,262
and we'd live
inside of Pebbles forever.
53
00:02:31,365 --> 00:02:32,814
- I'm not going inside Pebbles.
54
00:02:32,917 --> 00:02:34,434
- You're getting in there.
55
00:02:34,538 --> 00:02:36,158
- G...
56
00:02:36,262 --> 00:02:39,089
O-O-D.
57
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,227
Where is that exclamation point?
58
00:02:40,331 --> 00:02:41,365
- Hey, Lloyd.
59
00:02:41,469 --> 00:02:42,641
I believe this is your mongrel.
60
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,365
- Oh, Edie.
61
00:02:44,469 --> 00:02:46,814
Did you go a-wandering again?
62
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,124
- Lloyd, you know dogs
aren't allowed in the office.
63
00:02:49,227 --> 00:02:50,986
- Yeah, well,
she's a little outlaw.
64
00:02:51,089 --> 00:02:53,055
Aren't you a little outlaw?
- Urgh!
65
00:02:53,158 --> 00:02:55,296
- Yeah, we gonna put you
in the puppy jail.
66
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,745
- Also, I wanted to check
on the status of my chair.
67
00:02:57,848 --> 00:02:58,779
I put in a ticket.
68
00:02:58,883 --> 00:03:01,193
- Uh, okay, did you
put in a ticket?
69
00:03:01,296 --> 00:03:03,503
- Yes. I've actually
put in eight tickets.
70
00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:06,055
- Mm. They must have
canceled each other out.
71
00:03:06,158 --> 00:03:08,227
The system doesn't like it
72
00:03:08,331 --> 00:03:09,779
when you send it
more than one ticket.
73
00:03:09,883 --> 00:03:10,986
- It's been three months.
74
00:03:11,089 --> 00:03:12,158
I have a bad back.
75
00:03:12,262 --> 00:03:13,227
I'm suffering, Lloyd.
76
00:03:13,331 --> 00:03:15,434
- Listen, I am on your side.
77
00:03:15,538 --> 00:03:18,158
But it's just--ugh--I gotta
do the tickets in order.
78
00:03:18,262 --> 00:03:19,883
- What ticket are you
working on right now?
79
00:03:19,986 --> 00:03:22,848
- The fax machine is broken,
so I contacted the fax company.
80
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:26,158
And now I am waiting for them
to fax me back.
81
00:03:26,262 --> 00:03:27,400
- They can't fax you back,
82
00:03:27,503 --> 00:03:29,158
because the fax machine
is broken.
83
00:03:29,262 --> 00:03:30,710
- I know.
84
00:03:30,814 --> 00:03:33,503
It is frustrating.
85
00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:35,814
- Now he's fixated on the stupid
fax machine while that
86
00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:38,262
untamed beast floods the office
with its slobber.
87
00:03:38,365 --> 00:03:39,952
He needs to be fired ASAP.
88
00:03:40,055 --> 00:03:43,848
- Ah, Jake, one thing you're
gonna learn as an executive
89
00:03:43,952 --> 00:03:47,124
is that you don't get to fire
everyone you want.
90
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,365
- It's true.
91
00:03:48,469 --> 00:03:50,883
If John and I got to fire
everyone we wanted,
92
00:03:50,986 --> 00:03:53,124
you wouldn't be standing here
right now.
93
00:03:53,227 --> 00:03:54,641
- Lloyd's been
at Hampton DeVille for--
94
00:03:54,745 --> 00:03:55,986
what--20 years?
95
00:03:56,089 --> 00:03:58,676
I mean, the employment contracts
back then were ironclad.
96
00:03:58,779 --> 00:04:00,469
- Luckily, we've since fixed
those errors.
97
00:04:00,572 --> 00:04:02,469
New employee contracts are
at will,
98
00:04:02,572 --> 00:04:04,296
meaning recent hires,
like Matt,
99
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,158
we can fire at any time
for any reason.
100
00:04:06,262 --> 00:04:08,400
- Matt is chum.
- More like chum bait.
101
00:04:08,503 --> 00:04:10,779
- He's the chum we use
to catch the chum.
102
00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:13,158
- In the food chain of chum,
he's like not even food.
103
00:04:13,262 --> 00:04:15,158
- Sub-chum.
He's like the chum's turd
104
00:04:15,262 --> 00:04:16,917
that just floats
to the bottom of the sea.
105
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:19,331
- That doesn't change the fact
that Lloyd sucks at his job.
106
00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:21,331
- If you can gather
a body of evidence of Lloyd
107
00:04:21,434 --> 00:04:23,710
causing egregious harm
to the company,
108
00:04:23,814 --> 00:04:25,021
we'll fire him.
109
00:04:25,124 --> 00:04:27,055
But, you're gonna need
a lot more than a cute doggy
110
00:04:27,158 --> 00:04:28,227
wandering into your office.
111
00:04:28,331 --> 00:04:31,986
- [gasps]
Speak of the doggy devil.
112
00:04:32,089 --> 00:04:33,021
- Who's my little cutie?
113
00:04:33,124 --> 00:04:34,538
- You're my little cutie,
aren't you?
114
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:37,021
- No, you're my little cutie.
Say it!
115
00:04:37,124 --> 00:04:38,262
- [dog whimpers]
116
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,055
- And now he's fixated on
a stupid fax machine
117
00:04:40,158 --> 00:04:42,986
while that untamed beast floods
the office with its slobber.
118
00:04:43,089 --> 00:04:44,365
He needs to be fired ASAP.
119
00:04:44,469 --> 00:04:45,676
- What the hell?
120
00:04:45,779 --> 00:04:48,124
Somebody keeps stealing
all the pinkies.
121
00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:50,158
Pinkies are everyone's favorite.
122
00:04:50,262 --> 00:04:52,745
Whoever did this is a criminal.
123
00:04:52,848 --> 00:04:54,986
And not a criminal
born from a broken system.
124
00:04:55,089 --> 00:04:58,055
Someone who is pure evil.
125
00:04:58,158 --> 00:04:59,641
Born a devil.
126
00:04:59,745 --> 00:05:01,917
- Grace, help me get
Lloyd fired.
127
00:05:02,021 --> 00:05:03,055
- No!
128
00:05:03,158 --> 00:05:04,883
Firing someone feels awful.
129
00:05:04,986 --> 00:05:06,848
The only reason I would
fire someone is if they did
130
00:05:06,952 --> 00:05:10,469
something monstrous
and unforgivable.
131
00:05:10,572 --> 00:05:13,262
Like picking out the pinkies.
132
00:05:13,365 --> 00:05:14,607
Worthless!
133
00:05:16,572 --> 00:05:19,503
- MATT: Hey.
Oooh.
134
00:05:19,607 --> 00:05:21,503
[gasps]
Edie came back.
135
00:05:21,607 --> 00:05:23,158
- Is that oven-roasted turkey?
136
00:05:23,262 --> 00:05:24,331
- Yeah.
137
00:05:24,434 --> 00:05:26,469
- Out!
- [dog whimpers]
138
00:05:28,021 --> 00:05:29,952
- You know, ever since
my exclamation point broke,
139
00:05:30,055 --> 00:05:32,331
I realized how much
I overuse it in emails.
140
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:34,124
I used to add it
to almost every sentence.
141
00:05:34,227 --> 00:05:35,193
I feel like I sound like:
142
00:05:35,296 --> 00:05:36,848
[yelling]
143
00:05:41,538 --> 00:05:42,572
- And yet you love dogs,
144
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,986
the exclamation point
of animals.
145
00:05:44,089 --> 00:05:46,262
- Listen to this email
and tell me if it sounds okay
146
00:05:46,365 --> 00:05:47,434
without exclamation points.
147
00:05:56,296 --> 00:05:58,158
- You just used periods?
- MATT: Yeah.
148
00:05:58,262 --> 00:05:59,607
- Should be fine.
149
00:05:59,710 --> 00:06:01,986
- [in stern tone] "I have
attached the docs you asked for.
150
00:06:02,089 --> 00:06:03,296
"I sent them last week.
151
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,986
"I guess they got lost
in your inbox.
152
00:06:06,089 --> 00:06:08,365
"Anyway, let me know if
there's anything else
153
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,021
you need help with.
Thanks."
154
00:06:11,124 --> 00:06:12,193
- Did you get Matt's email?
155
00:06:12,296 --> 00:06:13,676
- This is an attack.
156
00:06:13,779 --> 00:06:15,710
- It's assault and battery.
- It's both.
157
00:06:15,814 --> 00:06:17,710
Should we confront him?
- No.
158
00:06:17,814 --> 00:06:19,848
He's the one with the problem,
he needs to fix it.
159
00:06:19,952 --> 00:06:22,193
- Because that email
was truly twisted.
160
00:06:22,296 --> 00:06:25,434
- Did it also seem--I know
this sounds a little crazy,
161
00:06:25,538 --> 00:06:26,917
but--
- Racist.
162
00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,641
Yeah, 1,000%.
163
00:06:29,745 --> 00:06:31,986
There's a racist in our midst.
- He's so racist.
164
00:06:34,296 --> 00:06:39,262
- ♪
165
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,641
- [sighs]
166
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,262
You want a pinkie?
167
00:06:44,365 --> 00:06:48,089
And for Edie
'cause she's a good girl.
168
00:06:48,193 --> 00:06:52,227
[indistinct mumbling]
169
00:06:52,331 --> 00:06:53,365
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
170
00:06:53,469 --> 00:06:56,193
- ♪
171
00:06:56,296 --> 00:06:58,779
- [whistling]
172
00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:03,021
- ♪
173
00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:04,262
- [sighs]
174
00:07:10,124 --> 00:07:13,158
- [angelic music plays]
175
00:07:14,572 --> 00:07:15,676
- Ow.
176
00:07:15,779 --> 00:07:16,848
- Where did you get this?
177
00:07:16,952 --> 00:07:18,503
- I'll give you
one guess.
178
00:07:18,607 --> 00:07:19,745
- Fred.
- It's Lloyd.
179
00:07:19,848 --> 00:07:21,814
He's been stockpiling them
in his desk.
180
00:07:21,917 --> 00:07:23,607
- ♪
181
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:26,572
- I sentence him to death.
182
00:07:29,331 --> 00:07:30,538
- This email is an act
of terrorism.
183
00:07:30,641 --> 00:07:31,952
- This is emasculating.
184
00:07:32,055 --> 00:07:34,227
It reminds me of talking
to my auto mechanic.
185
00:07:34,331 --> 00:07:36,124
- Matt's clearly
not in his right mind.
186
00:07:36,227 --> 00:07:39,331
- It might as well say,
subject line: "Fuck off."
187
00:07:39,434 --> 00:07:41,055
Body: "And die."
188
00:07:41,158 --> 00:07:43,917
- Alright, I'm just gonna shoot
him a levelheaded response
189
00:07:44,021 --> 00:07:45,538
and see if he comes
to his senses.
190
00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:48,331
- Yeah.
- [sighs]
191
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,883
"Hey, Matt."
- Good.
192
00:07:49,986 --> 00:07:51,917
- "Let us know if you're okay
with helping us with
193
00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:54,021
the presentation next week."
- JOHN: Yes.
194
00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:56,021
- "Please let us know
if you have any questions."
195
00:07:56,124 --> 00:07:57,538
- Yep.
- "Thanks."
196
00:07:57,641 --> 00:07:59,814
- Exclamation point.
- Of course.
197
00:07:59,917 --> 00:08:03,848
- "Best, Kate."
- JOHN: [sighs]
198
00:08:03,952 --> 00:08:06,572
- Let's just take a few minutes
to calm down
199
00:08:06,676 --> 00:08:09,503
and see if he responds.
- Yeah, God.
200
00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:12,676
And by the way,
you are such a good writer.
201
00:08:12,779 --> 00:08:15,400
Anytime you send me an email,
I can't wait to click on it.
202
00:08:15,503 --> 00:08:16,848
- Really?
203
00:08:16,952 --> 00:08:19,262
Because sometimes I feel like
I use too many commas.
204
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:20,434
- No, no, no.
205
00:08:20,538 --> 00:08:22,434
I always appreciate the pause.
206
00:08:22,538 --> 00:08:23,641
It's a moment to breathe.
207
00:08:23,745 --> 00:08:25,193
But--
- [computer beeps]
208
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,917
- ♪
209
00:08:34,193 --> 00:08:35,814
- What the fuck?
210
00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:37,296
- He's replying way too fast.
211
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,676
- He just basically took
a big, old shit in our inbox.
212
00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:40,848
- He just slapped us
213
00:08:40,952 --> 00:08:42,848
across the face
with a hot fish.
214
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,641
- My new thing is I just
respond to emails right away.
215
00:08:46,745 --> 00:08:48,089
And I've stripped out
all the niceties
216
00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:49,262
that just waste time.
217
00:08:49,365 --> 00:08:51,055
I feel like I've finally
gotten good at my job.
218
00:08:51,158 --> 00:08:52,365
- [crash]
219
00:08:52,469 --> 00:08:53,296
- Great job, Matt.
220
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,779
Good for you, buddy.
221
00:08:54,883 --> 00:08:56,503
- You ready to nail
this [bleep]
222
00:08:56,607 --> 00:08:59,296
dog-loving [bleep]
looking piece of shit?
223
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,538
- ♪
224
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,021
- [dog barks]
225
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:05,469
- So, how long has the light
been a hazard like this?
226
00:09:05,572 --> 00:09:08,089
- Well, my daughter
turns two in January.
227
00:09:08,193 --> 00:09:09,503
So...
228
00:09:09,607 --> 00:09:10,710
four years.
229
00:09:10,814 --> 00:09:12,055
- And you submitted a ticket?
230
00:09:12,158 --> 00:09:13,124
- Yep.
231
00:09:13,227 --> 00:09:14,883
Lloyd just hasn't gotten
around to it yet.
232
00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:16,469
- Why are you covering for him?
233
00:09:16,572 --> 00:09:17,538
- You a dog lover?
234
00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:18,952
- You like doggies?
235
00:09:19,055 --> 00:09:24,917
- ♪
236
00:09:32,021 --> 00:09:33,572
- [dog barks]
237
00:09:33,676 --> 00:09:36,331
- All you need to do is sign
this formal complaint
238
00:09:36,434 --> 00:09:37,572
against Lloyd.
239
00:09:37,676 --> 00:09:39,262
- He's deadweight in the office,
and you know it.
240
00:09:39,365 --> 00:09:41,676
- All you're doing is making
this hard on yourself.
241
00:09:41,779 --> 00:09:44,814
And I'm gonna crack you open
like an Easter egg.
242
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,262
- You should listen to her.
She's fucked up, man.
243
00:09:47,365 --> 00:09:49,538
- ♪
244
00:09:49,641 --> 00:09:51,572
- [pot shatters]
- [camera clicks]
245
00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,710
- Anybody asked, you didn't
see shit, Perry!
246
00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:55,641
I know some fucked up people,
and I'm one of them.
247
00:09:55,745 --> 00:09:57,676
And you don't wanna meet up!
248
00:09:57,779 --> 00:09:59,503
Perry's cool.
He won't say shit.
249
00:09:59,607 --> 00:10:02,331
- Uh, these dog treats?
250
00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:03,986
- No.
251
00:10:04,089 --> 00:10:05,400
Those are for me.
252
00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:07,400
- Well, why don't you
have one then?
253
00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:10,434
- No, thank you.
I'm not hungry.
254
00:10:10,538 --> 00:10:11,434
- Here we go.
255
00:10:11,538 --> 00:10:12,607
- Open up.
256
00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:14,469
You've been a bad girl.
257
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,917
You deserve a treat. Eat it!
- No!
258
00:10:17,021 --> 00:10:18,227
- Eat it!
259
00:10:20,089 --> 00:10:21,089
Eat it!
260
00:10:21,193 --> 00:10:22,572
- Okay, so to summarize,
261
00:10:22,676 --> 00:10:24,193
Hampton DeVille Toys'
top earner,
262
00:10:24,296 --> 00:10:27,710
Skankz dolls, is facing
a boycott led by one
263
00:10:27,814 --> 00:10:31,952
of the nation's most powerful
and litigious groups--
264
00:10:32,055 --> 00:10:34,158
Moms Against
Adolescent Horniness.
265
00:10:34,262 --> 00:10:36,469
- So, they claim that the size
of the Skankzs' breasts
266
00:10:36,572 --> 00:10:38,848
are arousing children
of all ages.
267
00:10:38,952 --> 00:10:40,745
- Bottom line, kids are
horned out of their mind.
268
00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,021
- JOHN: Yes.
- So, we've been going back and
269
00:10:43,124 --> 00:10:44,814
forth with the toy division
about possible solutions.
270
00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:48,262
At first, we suggested adding
areolae to make the toys
271
00:10:48,365 --> 00:10:49,848
more anatomically correct.
272
00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:52,124
But this just made children
hornier.
273
00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:53,124
- Horny as hell.
274
00:10:53,227 --> 00:10:54,745
The children
were borderline rabid.
275
00:10:54,848 --> 00:10:58,538
So, we told the team to remove
the areolae, but instead,
276
00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:01,676
they have somehow
tripled in size,
277
00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,434
which was never the goal.
278
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,331
- At this point, communication
with the toy division
279
00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:06,710
has become toxic.
280
00:11:06,814 --> 00:11:08,538
- I'd be happy
to jump in as a liaison
281
00:11:08,641 --> 00:11:09,503
to try to resolve this.
282
00:11:09,607 --> 00:11:10,607
I'm a good communicator.
283
00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:12,745
Plus, moms love me.
284
00:11:12,848 --> 00:11:14,296
- MAN: [laughs]
285
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,124
- Okay, Mama's Boy.
286
00:11:16,227 --> 00:11:17,331
You want it, you got it.
287
00:11:17,434 --> 00:11:19,089
- I'm just happy to take
something off your plate.
288
00:11:19,193 --> 00:11:21,814
- Just don't forget
that it's my plate, Matt.
289
00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:24,158
My plate.
- John's plate.
290
00:11:24,262 --> 00:11:25,572
- That's Johnny's plate.
291
00:11:25,676 --> 00:11:27,676
- Yeah, it's your plate.
No problem.
292
00:11:27,779 --> 00:11:31,124
- KATE: Uh. Ew.
- JOHN: Ugh.
293
00:11:31,227 --> 00:11:33,814
- As you can see,
Lloyd violated common decency
294
00:11:33,917 --> 00:11:35,538
by not washing his hands.
295
00:11:35,641 --> 00:11:37,814
He then proceeded
to the break room.
296
00:11:37,917 --> 00:11:41,883
- Which brings us to Exhibit B
for bagels.
297
00:11:41,986 --> 00:11:45,193
These were
perfectly edible bagels before
298
00:11:45,296 --> 00:11:49,745
Lloyd put his grimy fingers
on each and every one of them
299
00:11:49,848 --> 00:11:54,745
before choosing
to eat a doughnut instead.
300
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,227
We rest our case.
301
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,331
- Unfortunately, all this proves
is that you've been spending
302
00:12:01,434 --> 00:12:03,848
all your time doing this
303
00:12:03,952 --> 00:12:05,365
and not your jobs.
- Listen, guys,
304
00:12:05,469 --> 00:12:08,365
no one is saying Lloyd's
not terrible at his job.
305
00:12:08,469 --> 00:12:09,572
He's a bad boy.
306
00:12:09,676 --> 00:12:11,779
But if we fired him
without a smoking gun,
307
00:12:11,883 --> 00:12:15,503
then he'll sue us
for reverse racism or--
308
00:12:15,607 --> 00:12:16,986
- Upside-down ageism.
309
00:12:17,089 --> 00:12:19,400
- And it will cost the company
more money than if we just
310
00:12:19,503 --> 00:12:20,572
let him keep working here.
311
00:12:20,676 --> 00:12:22,262
- Even a literal smoking gun
won't cut it.
312
00:12:22,365 --> 00:12:24,952
Unless you can also provide
a bleeding body.
313
00:12:25,055 --> 00:12:26,538
- [chuckles] That's right.
- [computer beeps]
314
00:12:26,641 --> 00:12:27,952
- ♪
315
00:12:28,055 --> 00:12:30,193
- We have a Code Red situation
we need to deal with.
316
00:12:30,296 --> 00:12:32,021
- Out!
317
00:12:32,124 --> 00:12:33,193
- ♪
318
00:12:33,296 --> 00:12:34,400
- "Just looping you in."
319
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,538
- Now he's accusing us
of being out of the loop.
320
00:12:36,641 --> 00:12:39,193
- There's gonna be a loop around
his neck the way he's going.
321
00:12:39,296 --> 00:12:40,572
- [growls]
- [barks]
322
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:43,779
- Here's our smoking gun.
323
00:12:43,883 --> 00:12:45,331
Ow!
324
00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:48,089
- A piece of confetti?
- It's LSD.
325
00:12:48,193 --> 00:12:49,952
I've been keeping it
in my freezer for eight years,
326
00:12:50,055 --> 00:12:51,779
but I just haven't found
a free day to have
327
00:12:51,883 --> 00:12:53,745
a life-changing experience.
328
00:12:53,848 --> 00:12:55,917
- Is this who we are now,
Jake?
329
00:12:56,021 --> 00:12:57,848
Dirty cops planting evidence
330
00:12:57,952 --> 00:13:00,676
and force-feeding
our coworkers dog treats?
331
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:02,469
- Don't you get
soft on me now.
332
00:13:02,572 --> 00:13:05,469
Society is crumbling because
we give people like Lloyd
333
00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:07,952
a pass and allow
mediocrity to flourish.
334
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,745
Not firing him means
more superhero movies,
335
00:13:10,848 --> 00:13:13,089
more sitcoms
about struggling comedians,
336
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,365
and more people who don't decide
what they're gonna order
337
00:13:15,469 --> 00:13:17,055
until they get to the cashier!
338
00:13:17,158 --> 00:13:20,503
- Sometimes I wanna know
what the cashier likes.
339
00:13:20,607 --> 00:13:22,503
- Is this how you wanna live,
Grace?
340
00:13:22,607 --> 00:13:25,262
Eating yellows
like evolutionary chum?
341
00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:30,262
- The drugs alone
might not do it.
342
00:13:30,365 --> 00:13:35,434
If we're gonna get dirty,
then let's get fucking filthy.
343
00:13:35,538 --> 00:13:37,917
I confiscated these a while ago.
344
00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:41,158
Hardcore drugs
and soft-core porn--
345
00:13:41,262 --> 00:13:43,124
a lethal combination.
346
00:13:43,227 --> 00:13:44,538
- ♪
347
00:13:44,641 --> 00:13:45,917
- Are these
from the same person?
348
00:13:46,021 --> 00:13:48,124
- Sexuality is fluid, Jake.
349
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,331
- Oh, right, I forgot.
350
00:13:52,952 --> 00:13:57,124
- ♪
351
00:14:06,434 --> 00:14:11,365
- [angelic music plays]
352
00:14:11,469 --> 00:14:14,848
- ♪
353
00:14:14,952 --> 00:14:16,227
- [dog panting]
354
00:14:16,331 --> 00:14:18,262
- Oh, Edie.
355
00:14:18,365 --> 00:14:19,641
You're not gonna be
around much longer,
356
00:14:19,745 --> 00:14:21,262
you little freak of nature.
357
00:14:21,365 --> 00:14:24,814
You're a low-run wolf who isn't
fit to sniff a cat's asshole.
358
00:14:24,917 --> 00:14:27,193
And pinkies are for people.
359
00:14:27,296 --> 00:14:28,089
- [dog barks]
360
00:14:28,193 --> 00:14:30,469
- Ow! Ow!
361
00:14:30,572 --> 00:14:32,227
Edie, my arm!
362
00:14:32,331 --> 00:14:36,538
[yelling]
363
00:14:36,641 --> 00:14:38,917
[groaning]
364
00:14:39,021 --> 00:14:41,365
- [angelic music plays]
365
00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:45,089
- Hampton DeVille took no action
when Lloyd illegally
366
00:14:45,193 --> 00:14:46,814
and continuously
367
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:49,710
brought his monstrous dog
into the office.
368
00:14:49,814 --> 00:14:53,883
And now his dog has attacked
and severely wounded
369
00:14:53,986 --> 00:14:57,641
a Jewish employee.
370
00:14:57,745 --> 00:15:00,917
Which brings us to Exhibit B.
371
00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:03,814
This time for blood.
372
00:15:03,917 --> 00:15:04,986
- If you don't fire Lloyd,
373
00:15:05,089 --> 00:15:06,641
I'll sue this company
into the ground.
374
00:15:06,745 --> 00:15:08,848
- Ah, now you're speaking
our language.
375
00:15:08,952 --> 00:15:10,745
- This bleeding wound is
definitely something we can
376
00:15:10,848 --> 00:15:12,365
work with. I love it.
- KATE: Love it.
377
00:15:12,469 --> 00:15:14,227
- Lloyd is chum.
378
00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:16,089
Please, do not
drip on the carpet.
379
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,089
- But it's Jewish blood.
- Oh, it's Jewish blood.
380
00:15:19,193 --> 00:15:20,158
It's a blessing then.
Leave it.
381
00:15:20,262 --> 00:15:22,262
- And so, what I've landed on--
382
00:15:22,365 --> 00:15:23,883
and I think
you're gonna like this--
383
00:15:23,986 --> 00:15:27,779
is removable
choose-your-own-size breasts.
384
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:31,434
The breast sizes will range
from AA to DD.
385
00:15:31,538 --> 00:15:35,158
We've also developed
optional areolae stickers,
386
00:15:35,262 --> 00:15:37,021
which will come
in different shades and sizes,
387
00:15:37,124 --> 00:15:40,469
and can be applied
to the breasts if you choose.
388
00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:41,952
Do you have any questions?
389
00:15:42,055 --> 00:15:44,952
- With the removable breasts
be included with the dolls?
390
00:15:45,055 --> 00:15:46,538
- Good question.
No.
391
00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:47,641
They'll be sold separately,
392
00:15:47,745 --> 00:15:49,331
which will just
increase profit margins.
393
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:52,503
- Well, I guess you just have
all the answers, Matt.
394
00:15:52,607 --> 00:15:53,676
- Thanks, Kate.
395
00:15:53,779 --> 00:15:55,572
Now, I hopped on the phone
with a few moms.
396
00:15:55,676 --> 00:15:56,676
Turns out, they still love me.
397
00:15:56,779 --> 00:15:58,089
- MAN: [laughing]
398
00:15:58,193 --> 00:16:00,262
- And they really seemed jazzed
about this idea, so--
399
00:16:00,365 --> 00:16:02,986
- I am at the end of my rope
with him.
400
00:16:03,089 --> 00:16:04,745
- He's really cut my goat.
401
00:16:04,848 --> 00:16:06,158
He's tied it up
with your rope,
402
00:16:06,262 --> 00:16:09,469
and now he's at the end of it
just a-yanking.
403
00:16:09,572 --> 00:16:10,779
- It's complicated because,
404
00:16:10,883 --> 00:16:12,400
technically,
he's doing a good job.
405
00:16:12,503 --> 00:16:14,400
- Well, technically,
Hitler did a good job.
406
00:16:14,503 --> 00:16:17,641
And we all know how complicated
that got.
407
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:18,986
- Now, initially, we tried
408
00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:21,227
putting the dolls
in turtlenecks.
409
00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:23,124
Now, unfortunately,
testing showed that
410
00:16:23,227 --> 00:16:24,952
that just made
the dolls seem insecure,
411
00:16:25,055 --> 00:16:27,089
which shot horniness levels
through the roof.
412
00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:28,400
You learn something new
every day,
413
00:16:28,503 --> 00:16:29,986
and that's what I learned
last Tuesday.
414
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,883
Now on Wednesday
what I learned was that
415
00:16:31,986 --> 00:16:34,055
my mom had a husband
before my dad,
416
00:16:34,158 --> 00:16:36,572
and his name was Steve.
417
00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:39,434
- You've been a bad boy,
Lloyd.
418
00:16:39,538 --> 00:16:41,676
You ate the forbidden fruit.
419
00:16:41,779 --> 00:16:47,158
Now you shall be...cast into
the valley of employment.
420
00:16:47,262 --> 00:16:48,296
Bye-bye.
421
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,331
- Harsher, Grace.
422
00:16:49,434 --> 00:16:51,227
I want this to hurt him
personally.
423
00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:52,745
- [sighs]
424
00:16:52,848 --> 00:16:54,676
You fucked up, Lloyd!
425
00:16:54,779 --> 00:16:58,400
You got greedy
with the fucking pinkies.
426
00:16:58,503 --> 00:17:01,814
[bleep] fired.
427
00:17:01,917 --> 00:17:04,021
- Alright,
we're getting somewhere.
428
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,676
- Should we reward ourselves?
429
00:17:05,779 --> 00:17:08,021
- To justice being served.
430
00:17:08,124 --> 00:17:11,296
- Some people are weak,
and I say let 'em die.
431
00:17:14,021 --> 00:17:18,262
[gagging]
432
00:17:18,365 --> 00:17:20,434
- Mm. So good.
433
00:17:22,469 --> 00:17:24,365
Are you choking?
434
00:17:24,469 --> 00:17:25,710
I don't know CPR.
435
00:17:27,158 --> 00:17:29,227
Um, I'm gonna Google it.
436
00:17:30,331 --> 00:17:31,676
- [grunts]
437
00:17:31,779 --> 00:17:33,745
- Uh, the Wi-Fi is being shitty.
438
00:17:33,848 --> 00:17:35,745
- ♪
439
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,055
- I'm just gonna film this.
440
00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:41,089
- [heartbeat pounding]
441
00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:42,952
- GRACE: [muffled]
Jake.
442
00:17:43,055 --> 00:17:44,745
Don't make that face.
443
00:17:44,848 --> 00:17:46,434
- [camera clicks]
444
00:17:46,538 --> 00:17:50,952
- [heartbeat pounding]
445
00:17:51,055 --> 00:17:52,262
- ♪ I found love
446
00:17:52,365 --> 00:17:54,952
♪ Didn't even know
I needed it ♪
447
00:17:55,055 --> 00:17:56,710
♪ But I found love
448
00:17:56,814 --> 00:18:00,814
♪ Never even
crossed my mind ♪
449
00:18:00,917 --> 00:18:04,365
- You gotta be careful
with those pinkies.
450
00:18:04,469 --> 00:18:05,641
I get it though.
451
00:18:05,745 --> 00:18:08,607
They're the best ones.
452
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,158
Take it easy.
453
00:18:13,848 --> 00:18:15,434
- It's not CPR.
It's the Heimlich.
454
00:18:15,538 --> 00:18:17,055
- Oh yeah.
455
00:18:17,158 --> 00:18:19,538
I don't know how
to do that one either.
456
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:20,745
- Fuck you, Matt!
457
00:18:20,848 --> 00:18:23,021
You fucking emotional terrorist!
458
00:18:23,124 --> 00:18:24,365
You're fired!
459
00:18:24,469 --> 00:18:27,779
And I hope your father
gets something incurable.
460
00:18:27,883 --> 00:18:28,952
- KATE: Harsher, John.
461
00:18:29,055 --> 00:18:30,745
I want this to hurt him
personally.
462
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:31,986
- [heavy breathing]
463
00:18:32,089 --> 00:18:33,365
- You can't fire Lloyd.
464
00:18:34,503 --> 00:18:35,469
- Why not?
465
00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,021
- Long story,
but he saved my life.
466
00:18:37,124 --> 00:18:38,262
And now you can't fire him.
467
00:18:38,365 --> 00:18:39,883
- We already started
the paperwork.
468
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,469
- Are you sure?
469
00:18:41,572 --> 00:18:43,848
- [heavy breathing]
470
00:18:43,952 --> 00:18:45,021
Uh, nah.
471
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,538
Go ahead and fire him.
472
00:18:46,641 --> 00:18:47,641
Thanks, guys.
473
00:18:47,745 --> 00:18:49,986
Wow. Life is wild.
474
00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:51,572
- Mm, how 'bout
"your mom's a harlot"?
475
00:18:51,676 --> 00:18:52,641
- JOHN: That's nice.
476
00:18:52,745 --> 00:18:55,400
Like an old-timey whore.
477
00:18:55,503 --> 00:18:56,779
- Come on, pinkies.
478
00:18:56,883 --> 00:18:59,089
Where's mama's pinkies?
479
00:18:59,193 --> 00:19:02,021
- ♪
480
00:19:03,986 --> 00:19:05,193
- Devil!
481
00:19:07,331 --> 00:19:09,296
- I'm sad Lloyd's gone.
482
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,538
I miss Edie.
483
00:19:10,641 --> 00:19:12,089
- She attacked Jake.
484
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,676
- Hey, I'm on Edie's side.
485
00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:16,469
I guess I could
take his keyboard.
486
00:19:17,917 --> 00:19:19,296
- You say, "Matt."
I'll say, "You're."
487
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,676
And then we'll both say,
"Fired."
488
00:19:20,779 --> 00:19:21,986
- Maybe we can harmonize.
- Oh!
489
00:19:22,089 --> 00:19:23,503
- ♪ Matt
- ♪ You're
490
00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:24,952
- BOTH: ♪ Fired
491
00:19:25,055 --> 00:19:26,710
- [phone dings]
- Ooh.
492
00:19:26,814 --> 00:19:29,089
Well,
speak of the email devil.
493
00:19:29,193 --> 00:19:30,848
- Let's see what he chose
for his last words.
494
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:32,503
- Yeah.
495
00:19:32,607 --> 00:19:34,193
- "Just wanted to say."
496
00:19:34,296 --> 00:19:35,400
- Oh God.
497
00:19:35,503 --> 00:19:38,158
- "I really...
498
00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:42,469
"appreciate you bringing me
on board the Skankz project.
499
00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:47,262
"This has been
an incredible opportunity.
500
00:19:47,365 --> 00:19:48,469
Thanks!"
501
00:19:48,572 --> 00:19:50,055
- Exclamation point.
502
00:19:50,158 --> 00:19:52,055
- "Best, Matt."
503
00:19:54,331 --> 00:19:57,676
- Um...that was incredible.
504
00:19:57,779 --> 00:20:00,021
- In a word, eloquent.
- In another word, exquisite.
505
00:20:00,124 --> 00:20:01,745
- It's almost like an email
I would have written.
506
00:20:01,848 --> 00:20:04,262
- Let's not get carried away.
You're a true talent.
507
00:20:04,365 --> 00:20:08,193
- It's like all his toxic energy
just got washed away
508
00:20:08,296 --> 00:20:10,469
in the warm rain
of that exclamation point.
509
00:20:10,572 --> 00:20:12,814
- Anyone who can write an email
like that
510
00:20:12,917 --> 00:20:14,710
deserves to keep their job.
511
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:17,158
- BOTH: [laughs]
512
00:20:17,262 --> 00:20:19,400
- MATT: Don't you feel bad
about getting Lloyd fired?
513
00:20:19,503 --> 00:20:21,917
- No, he prevented me from
accomplishing my dream,
514
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,158
which is to die.
515
00:20:23,262 --> 00:20:25,469
- You hate dogs,
you wanna die,
516
00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:28,641
and you're the person I feel
closest to in this world.
517
00:20:28,745 --> 00:20:30,124
Life is wild.
518
00:20:40,986 --> 00:20:43,055
- ♪
519
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:45,021
- ♪ She's flirty,
she's cute ♪
520
00:20:45,124 --> 00:20:46,883
♪ She's got removable breasts
to boot ♪
521
00:20:46,986 --> 00:20:48,538
♪ She's a Skankz
522
00:20:48,641 --> 00:20:50,779
- MALE ANNOUNCER: Removable
breasts sold separately.
523
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:54,124
- MALE NARRATOR: Uh-oh,
these boys have gone bonkers.
524
00:20:54,227 --> 00:20:57,055
Some people have it together,
not these boys.
525
00:20:57,158 --> 00:20:59,227
Should they be
on anti-psychotic medication?
526
00:20:59,331 --> 00:21:01,779
Definitely, but we stole
their meds.
527
00:21:01,883 --> 00:21:05,193
- Who's a good girl who got
daddy a severance package, huh?
528
00:21:05,296 --> 00:21:07,572
- ♪
529
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,296
- And they really seem jazzed
about this idea.
530
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,124
They really seemed jazzed
about this idea,
531
00:21:16,227 --> 00:21:18,296
and so that made me jazzed.
532
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,296
When I was talking to the moms,
we really got into it
533
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,158
about gender politics,
and that made me jazzed.
37818
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