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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,779 --> 00:00:10,503 - [somber music plays] 2 00:00:10,607 --> 00:00:13,676 - [indistinct chatter] 3 00:00:13,779 --> 00:00:17,641 - [copier whirring] 4 00:00:19,365 --> 00:00:20,641 - [crying in distance] 5 00:00:20,745 --> 00:00:26,089 - [keyboard banging] 6 00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:30,676 - [upbeat music plays] 7 00:00:33,814 --> 00:00:35,021 ♪ I found love 8 00:00:35,124 --> 00:00:37,676 ♪ Didn't even know I needed it 9 00:00:37,779 --> 00:00:39,262 ♪ But I found love 10 00:00:39,365 --> 00:00:42,021 ♪ Never even crossed my mind 11 00:00:42,124 --> 00:00:43,779 ♪ I found love 12 00:00:43,883 --> 00:00:46,262 ♪ Had a garden, never weeded it ♪ 13 00:00:46,365 --> 00:00:47,986 ♪ But I found love 14 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:51,296 ♪ Took an apple just in time 15 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:55,193 ♪ I found love in the fall ♪ 16 00:00:57,193 --> 00:00:59,021 - Dogs are disgusting creatures. 17 00:00:59,124 --> 00:01:00,676 They smell, their mouths are too wet, 18 00:01:00,779 --> 00:01:02,158 and they constantly demand your attention 19 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:04,469 like dumb, slutty babies. 20 00:01:04,572 --> 00:01:06,538 People think they're cute when really they're just overbred 21 00:01:06,641 --> 00:01:08,917 mutants too stupid to beg for death. 22 00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:11,089 They turn people into complete idiots. 23 00:01:11,193 --> 00:01:12,952 - [in slow-motion] There's a dog? 24 00:01:13,055 --> 00:01:17,227 - ♪ I found love in this world ♪ 25 00:01:17,331 --> 00:01:21,814 ♪ And my heartstrings just unfurled ♪ 26 00:01:21,917 --> 00:01:25,158 ♪ I found love in the spring 27 00:01:25,262 --> 00:01:27,710 - [in slow-motion] I'm your mommy. 28 00:01:27,814 --> 00:01:33,676 - ♪ 29 00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:46,193 ♪♪ 30 00:01:50,227 --> 00:01:52,503 - [keyboard banging] 31 00:01:52,607 --> 00:01:54,848 - My exclamation point key broke. 32 00:01:54,952 --> 00:01:56,158 That feels like a metaphor. 33 00:01:56,262 --> 00:01:57,710 - It'll never get fixed. 34 00:01:57,814 --> 00:02:00,331 I submitted a work ticket to get my chair fixed three months ago. 35 00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:02,021 - Lloyd gets to things eventually. 36 00:02:02,124 --> 00:02:03,814 - Lloyd should be fired, and you know it. 37 00:02:03,917 --> 00:02:06,055 The only reason you're defending him is because of that damn dog. 38 00:02:06,158 --> 00:02:08,952 - [gasps] Edie! 39 00:02:09,055 --> 00:02:11,400 - You fucking motherfucking fuck. 40 00:02:11,503 --> 00:02:12,952 - Does Edie want some granola? 41 00:02:13,055 --> 00:02:14,296 - Do not feed it. 42 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,021 It'll associate this office with food. 43 00:02:16,124 --> 00:02:17,193 - She's a she. 44 00:02:17,296 --> 00:02:19,055 And her name is Edie. 45 00:02:19,158 --> 00:02:20,607 Isn't that right, Edie? 46 00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:21,814 You're all girl. 47 00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:23,193 And I'm your mommy. 48 00:02:23,296 --> 00:02:25,400 - If the apocalypse came, you'd eat that dog in a second. 49 00:02:25,503 --> 00:02:26,779 - Well, then we'd eat Pebbles, too. 50 00:02:26,883 --> 00:02:27,883 - No, we would not. 51 00:02:27,986 --> 00:02:29,538 I'd kill us both, and she'd eat our bodies, 52 00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:31,262 and we'd live inside of Pebbles forever. 53 00:02:31,365 --> 00:02:32,814 - I'm not going inside Pebbles. 54 00:02:32,917 --> 00:02:34,434 - You're getting in there. 55 00:02:34,538 --> 00:02:36,158 - G... 56 00:02:36,262 --> 00:02:39,089 O-O-D. 57 00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,227 Where is that exclamation point? 58 00:02:40,331 --> 00:02:41,365 - Hey, Lloyd. 59 00:02:41,469 --> 00:02:42,641 I believe this is your mongrel. 60 00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,365 - Oh, Edie. 61 00:02:44,469 --> 00:02:46,814 Did you go a-wandering again? 62 00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,124 - Lloyd, you know dogs aren't allowed in the office. 63 00:02:49,227 --> 00:02:50,986 - Yeah, well, she's a little outlaw. 64 00:02:51,089 --> 00:02:53,055 Aren't you a little outlaw? - Urgh! 65 00:02:53,158 --> 00:02:55,296 - Yeah, we gonna put you in the puppy jail. 66 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,745 - Also, I wanted to check on the status of my chair. 67 00:02:57,848 --> 00:02:58,779 I put in a ticket. 68 00:02:58,883 --> 00:03:01,193 - Uh, okay, did you put in a ticket? 69 00:03:01,296 --> 00:03:03,503 - Yes. I've actually put in eight tickets. 70 00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:06,055 - Mm. They must have canceled each other out. 71 00:03:06,158 --> 00:03:08,227 The system doesn't like it 72 00:03:08,331 --> 00:03:09,779 when you send it more than one ticket. 73 00:03:09,883 --> 00:03:10,986 - It's been three months. 74 00:03:11,089 --> 00:03:12,158 I have a bad back. 75 00:03:12,262 --> 00:03:13,227 I'm suffering, Lloyd. 76 00:03:13,331 --> 00:03:15,434 - Listen, I am on your side. 77 00:03:15,538 --> 00:03:18,158 But it's just--ugh--I gotta do the tickets in order. 78 00:03:18,262 --> 00:03:19,883 - What ticket are you working on right now? 79 00:03:19,986 --> 00:03:22,848 - The fax machine is broken, so I contacted the fax company. 80 00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:26,158 And now I am waiting for them to fax me back. 81 00:03:26,262 --> 00:03:27,400 - They can't fax you back, 82 00:03:27,503 --> 00:03:29,158 because the fax machine is broken. 83 00:03:29,262 --> 00:03:30,710 - I know. 84 00:03:30,814 --> 00:03:33,503 It is frustrating. 85 00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:35,814 - Now he's fixated on the stupid fax machine while that 86 00:03:35,917 --> 00:03:38,262 untamed beast floods the office with its slobber. 87 00:03:38,365 --> 00:03:39,952 He needs to be fired ASAP. 88 00:03:40,055 --> 00:03:43,848 - Ah, Jake, one thing you're gonna learn as an executive 89 00:03:43,952 --> 00:03:47,124 is that you don't get to fire everyone you want. 90 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,365 - It's true. 91 00:03:48,469 --> 00:03:50,883 If John and I got to fire everyone we wanted, 92 00:03:50,986 --> 00:03:53,124 you wouldn't be standing here right now. 93 00:03:53,227 --> 00:03:54,641 - Lloyd's been at Hampton DeVille for-- 94 00:03:54,745 --> 00:03:55,986 what--20 years? 95 00:03:56,089 --> 00:03:58,676 I mean, the employment contracts back then were ironclad. 96 00:03:58,779 --> 00:04:00,469 - Luckily, we've since fixed those errors. 97 00:04:00,572 --> 00:04:02,469 New employee contracts are at will, 98 00:04:02,572 --> 00:04:04,296 meaning recent hires, like Matt, 99 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,158 we can fire at any time for any reason. 100 00:04:06,262 --> 00:04:08,400 - Matt is chum. - More like chum bait. 101 00:04:08,503 --> 00:04:10,779 - He's the chum we use to catch the chum. 102 00:04:10,883 --> 00:04:13,158 - In the food chain of chum, he's like not even food. 103 00:04:13,262 --> 00:04:15,158 - Sub-chum. He's like the chum's turd 104 00:04:15,262 --> 00:04:16,917 that just floats to the bottom of the sea. 105 00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:19,331 - That doesn't change the fact that Lloyd sucks at his job. 106 00:04:19,434 --> 00:04:21,331 - If you can gather a body of evidence of Lloyd 107 00:04:21,434 --> 00:04:23,710 causing egregious harm to the company, 108 00:04:23,814 --> 00:04:25,021 we'll fire him. 109 00:04:25,124 --> 00:04:27,055 But, you're gonna need a lot more than a cute doggy 110 00:04:27,158 --> 00:04:28,227 wandering into your office. 111 00:04:28,331 --> 00:04:31,986 - [gasps] Speak of the doggy devil. 112 00:04:32,089 --> 00:04:33,021 - Who's my little cutie? 113 00:04:33,124 --> 00:04:34,538 - You're my little cutie, aren't you? 114 00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:37,021 - No, you're my little cutie. Say it! 115 00:04:37,124 --> 00:04:38,262 - [dog whimpers] 116 00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,055 - And now he's fixated on a stupid fax machine 117 00:04:40,158 --> 00:04:42,986 while that untamed beast floods the office with its slobber. 118 00:04:43,089 --> 00:04:44,365 He needs to be fired ASAP. 119 00:04:44,469 --> 00:04:45,676 - What the hell? 120 00:04:45,779 --> 00:04:48,124 Somebody keeps stealing all the pinkies. 121 00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:50,158 Pinkies are everyone's favorite. 122 00:04:50,262 --> 00:04:52,745 Whoever did this is a criminal. 123 00:04:52,848 --> 00:04:54,986 And not a criminal born from a broken system. 124 00:04:55,089 --> 00:04:58,055 Someone who is pure evil. 125 00:04:58,158 --> 00:04:59,641 Born a devil. 126 00:04:59,745 --> 00:05:01,917 - Grace, help me get Lloyd fired. 127 00:05:02,021 --> 00:05:03,055 - No! 128 00:05:03,158 --> 00:05:04,883 Firing someone feels awful. 129 00:05:04,986 --> 00:05:06,848 The only reason I would fire someone is if they did 130 00:05:06,952 --> 00:05:10,469 something monstrous and unforgivable. 131 00:05:10,572 --> 00:05:13,262 Like picking out the pinkies. 132 00:05:13,365 --> 00:05:14,607 Worthless! 133 00:05:16,572 --> 00:05:19,503 - MATT: Hey. Oooh. 134 00:05:19,607 --> 00:05:21,503 [gasps] Edie came back. 135 00:05:21,607 --> 00:05:23,158 - Is that oven-roasted turkey? 136 00:05:23,262 --> 00:05:24,331 - Yeah. 137 00:05:24,434 --> 00:05:26,469 - Out! - [dog whimpers] 138 00:05:28,021 --> 00:05:29,952 - You know, ever since my exclamation point broke, 139 00:05:30,055 --> 00:05:32,331 I realized how much I overuse it in emails. 140 00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:34,124 I used to add it to almost every sentence. 141 00:05:34,227 --> 00:05:35,193 I feel like I sound like: 142 00:05:35,296 --> 00:05:36,848 [yelling] 143 00:05:41,538 --> 00:05:42,572 - And yet you love dogs, 144 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,986 the exclamation point of animals. 145 00:05:44,089 --> 00:05:46,262 - Listen to this email and tell me if it sounds okay 146 00:05:46,365 --> 00:05:47,434 without exclamation points. 147 00:05:56,296 --> 00:05:58,158 - You just used periods? - MATT: Yeah. 148 00:05:58,262 --> 00:05:59,607 - Should be fine. 149 00:05:59,710 --> 00:06:01,986 - [in stern tone] "I have attached the docs you asked for. 150 00:06:02,089 --> 00:06:03,296 "I sent them last week. 151 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,986 "I guess they got lost in your inbox. 152 00:06:06,089 --> 00:06:08,365 "Anyway, let me know if there's anything else 153 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,021 you need help with. Thanks." 154 00:06:11,124 --> 00:06:12,193 - Did you get Matt's email? 155 00:06:12,296 --> 00:06:13,676 - This is an attack. 156 00:06:13,779 --> 00:06:15,710 - It's assault and battery. - It's both. 157 00:06:15,814 --> 00:06:17,710 Should we confront him? - No. 158 00:06:17,814 --> 00:06:19,848 He's the one with the problem, he needs to fix it. 159 00:06:19,952 --> 00:06:22,193 - Because that email was truly twisted. 160 00:06:22,296 --> 00:06:25,434 - Did it also seem--I know this sounds a little crazy, 161 00:06:25,538 --> 00:06:26,917 but-- - Racist. 162 00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,641 Yeah, 1,000%. 163 00:06:29,745 --> 00:06:31,986 There's a racist in our midst. - He's so racist. 164 00:06:34,296 --> 00:06:39,262 - ♪ 165 00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,641 - [sighs] 166 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,262 You want a pinkie? 167 00:06:44,365 --> 00:06:48,089 And for Edie 'cause she's a good girl. 168 00:06:48,193 --> 00:06:52,227 [indistinct mumbling] 169 00:06:52,331 --> 00:06:53,365 Mwah, mwah, mwah. 170 00:06:53,469 --> 00:06:56,193 - ♪ 171 00:06:56,296 --> 00:06:58,779 - [whistling] 172 00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:03,021 - ♪ 173 00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:04,262 - [sighs] 174 00:07:10,124 --> 00:07:13,158 - [angelic music plays] 175 00:07:14,572 --> 00:07:15,676 - Ow. 176 00:07:15,779 --> 00:07:16,848 - Where did you get this? 177 00:07:16,952 --> 00:07:18,503 - I'll give you one guess. 178 00:07:18,607 --> 00:07:19,745 - Fred. - It's Lloyd. 179 00:07:19,848 --> 00:07:21,814 He's been stockpiling them in his desk. 180 00:07:21,917 --> 00:07:23,607 - ♪ 181 00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:26,572 - I sentence him to death. 182 00:07:29,331 --> 00:07:30,538 - This email is an act of terrorism. 183 00:07:30,641 --> 00:07:31,952 - This is emasculating. 184 00:07:32,055 --> 00:07:34,227 It reminds me of talking to my auto mechanic. 185 00:07:34,331 --> 00:07:36,124 - Matt's clearly not in his right mind. 186 00:07:36,227 --> 00:07:39,331 - It might as well say, subject line: "Fuck off." 187 00:07:39,434 --> 00:07:41,055 Body: "And die." 188 00:07:41,158 --> 00:07:43,917 - Alright, I'm just gonna shoot him a levelheaded response 189 00:07:44,021 --> 00:07:45,538 and see if he comes to his senses. 190 00:07:45,641 --> 00:07:48,331 - Yeah. - [sighs] 191 00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,883 "Hey, Matt." - Good. 192 00:07:49,986 --> 00:07:51,917 - "Let us know if you're okay with helping us with 193 00:07:52,021 --> 00:07:54,021 the presentation next week." - JOHN: Yes. 194 00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:56,021 - "Please let us know if you have any questions." 195 00:07:56,124 --> 00:07:57,538 - Yep. - "Thanks." 196 00:07:57,641 --> 00:07:59,814 - Exclamation point. - Of course. 197 00:07:59,917 --> 00:08:03,848 - "Best, Kate." - JOHN: [sighs] 198 00:08:03,952 --> 00:08:06,572 - Let's just take a few minutes to calm down 199 00:08:06,676 --> 00:08:09,503 and see if he responds. - Yeah, God. 200 00:08:09,607 --> 00:08:12,676 And by the way, you are such a good writer. 201 00:08:12,779 --> 00:08:15,400 Anytime you send me an email, I can't wait to click on it. 202 00:08:15,503 --> 00:08:16,848 - Really? 203 00:08:16,952 --> 00:08:19,262 Because sometimes I feel like I use too many commas. 204 00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:20,434 - No, no, no. 205 00:08:20,538 --> 00:08:22,434 I always appreciate the pause. 206 00:08:22,538 --> 00:08:23,641 It's a moment to breathe. 207 00:08:23,745 --> 00:08:25,193 But-- - [computer beeps] 208 00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:27,917 - ♪ 209 00:08:34,193 --> 00:08:35,814 - What the fuck? 210 00:08:35,917 --> 00:08:37,296 - He's replying way too fast. 211 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,676 - He just basically took a big, old shit in our inbox. 212 00:08:39,779 --> 00:08:40,848 - He just slapped us 213 00:08:40,952 --> 00:08:42,848 across the face with a hot fish. 214 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,641 - My new thing is I just respond to emails right away. 215 00:08:46,745 --> 00:08:48,089 And I've stripped out all the niceties 216 00:08:48,193 --> 00:08:49,262 that just waste time. 217 00:08:49,365 --> 00:08:51,055 I feel like I've finally gotten good at my job. 218 00:08:51,158 --> 00:08:52,365 - [crash] 219 00:08:52,469 --> 00:08:53,296 - Great job, Matt. 220 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,779 Good for you, buddy. 221 00:08:54,883 --> 00:08:56,503 - You ready to nail this [bleep] 222 00:08:56,607 --> 00:08:59,296 dog-loving [bleep] looking piece of shit? 223 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,538 - ♪ 224 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,021 - [dog barks] 225 00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:05,469 - So, how long has the light been a hazard like this? 226 00:09:05,572 --> 00:09:08,089 - Well, my daughter turns two in January. 227 00:09:08,193 --> 00:09:09,503 So... 228 00:09:09,607 --> 00:09:10,710 four years. 229 00:09:10,814 --> 00:09:12,055 - And you submitted a ticket? 230 00:09:12,158 --> 00:09:13,124 - Yep. 231 00:09:13,227 --> 00:09:14,883 Lloyd just hasn't gotten around to it yet. 232 00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:16,469 - Why are you covering for him? 233 00:09:16,572 --> 00:09:17,538 - You a dog lover? 234 00:09:17,641 --> 00:09:18,952 - You like doggies? 235 00:09:19,055 --> 00:09:24,917 - ♪ 236 00:09:32,021 --> 00:09:33,572 - [dog barks] 237 00:09:33,676 --> 00:09:36,331 - All you need to do is sign this formal complaint 238 00:09:36,434 --> 00:09:37,572 against Lloyd. 239 00:09:37,676 --> 00:09:39,262 - He's deadweight in the office, and you know it. 240 00:09:39,365 --> 00:09:41,676 - All you're doing is making this hard on yourself. 241 00:09:41,779 --> 00:09:44,814 And I'm gonna crack you open like an Easter egg. 242 00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,262 - You should listen to her. She's fucked up, man. 243 00:09:47,365 --> 00:09:49,538 - ♪ 244 00:09:49,641 --> 00:09:51,572 - [pot shatters] - [camera clicks] 245 00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,710 - Anybody asked, you didn't see shit, Perry! 246 00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:55,641 I know some fucked up people, and I'm one of them. 247 00:09:55,745 --> 00:09:57,676 And you don't wanna meet up! 248 00:09:57,779 --> 00:09:59,503 Perry's cool. He won't say shit. 249 00:09:59,607 --> 00:10:02,331 - Uh, these dog treats? 250 00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:03,986 - No. 251 00:10:04,089 --> 00:10:05,400 Those are for me. 252 00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:07,400 - Well, why don't you have one then? 253 00:10:07,503 --> 00:10:10,434 - No, thank you. I'm not hungry. 254 00:10:10,538 --> 00:10:11,434 - Here we go. 255 00:10:11,538 --> 00:10:12,607 - Open up. 256 00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:14,469 You've been a bad girl. 257 00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:16,917 You deserve a treat. Eat it! - No! 258 00:10:17,021 --> 00:10:18,227 - Eat it! 259 00:10:20,089 --> 00:10:21,089 Eat it! 260 00:10:21,193 --> 00:10:22,572 - Okay, so to summarize, 261 00:10:22,676 --> 00:10:24,193 Hampton DeVille Toys' top earner, 262 00:10:24,296 --> 00:10:27,710 Skankz dolls, is facing a boycott led by one 263 00:10:27,814 --> 00:10:31,952 of the nation's most powerful and litigious groups-- 264 00:10:32,055 --> 00:10:34,158 Moms Against Adolescent Horniness. 265 00:10:34,262 --> 00:10:36,469 - So, they claim that the size of the Skankzs' breasts 266 00:10:36,572 --> 00:10:38,848 are arousing children of all ages. 267 00:10:38,952 --> 00:10:40,745 - Bottom line, kids are horned out of their mind. 268 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:43,021 - JOHN: Yes. - So, we've been going back and 269 00:10:43,124 --> 00:10:44,814 forth with the toy division about possible solutions. 270 00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:48,262 At first, we suggested adding areolae to make the toys 271 00:10:48,365 --> 00:10:49,848 more anatomically correct. 272 00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:52,124 But this just made children hornier. 273 00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:53,124 - Horny as hell. 274 00:10:53,227 --> 00:10:54,745 The children were borderline rabid. 275 00:10:54,848 --> 00:10:58,538 So, we told the team to remove the areolae, but instead, 276 00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:01,676 they have somehow tripled in size, 277 00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,434 which was never the goal. 278 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,331 - At this point, communication with the toy division 279 00:11:05,434 --> 00:11:06,710 has become toxic. 280 00:11:06,814 --> 00:11:08,538 - I'd be happy to jump in as a liaison 281 00:11:08,641 --> 00:11:09,503 to try to resolve this. 282 00:11:09,607 --> 00:11:10,607 I'm a good communicator. 283 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:12,745 Plus, moms love me. 284 00:11:12,848 --> 00:11:14,296 - MAN: [laughs] 285 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,124 - Okay, Mama's Boy. 286 00:11:16,227 --> 00:11:17,331 You want it, you got it. 287 00:11:17,434 --> 00:11:19,089 - I'm just happy to take something off your plate. 288 00:11:19,193 --> 00:11:21,814 - Just don't forget that it's my plate, Matt. 289 00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:24,158 My plate. - John's plate. 290 00:11:24,262 --> 00:11:25,572 - That's Johnny's plate. 291 00:11:25,676 --> 00:11:27,676 - Yeah, it's your plate. No problem. 292 00:11:27,779 --> 00:11:31,124 - KATE: Uh. Ew. - JOHN: Ugh. 293 00:11:31,227 --> 00:11:33,814 - As you can see, Lloyd violated common decency 294 00:11:33,917 --> 00:11:35,538 by not washing his hands. 295 00:11:35,641 --> 00:11:37,814 He then proceeded to the break room. 296 00:11:37,917 --> 00:11:41,883 - Which brings us to Exhibit B for bagels. 297 00:11:41,986 --> 00:11:45,193 These were perfectly edible bagels before 298 00:11:45,296 --> 00:11:49,745 Lloyd put his grimy fingers on each and every one of them 299 00:11:49,848 --> 00:11:54,745 before choosing to eat a doughnut instead. 300 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:57,227 We rest our case. 301 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,331 - Unfortunately, all this proves is that you've been spending 302 00:12:01,434 --> 00:12:03,848 all your time doing this 303 00:12:03,952 --> 00:12:05,365 and not your jobs. - Listen, guys, 304 00:12:05,469 --> 00:12:08,365 no one is saying Lloyd's not terrible at his job. 305 00:12:08,469 --> 00:12:09,572 He's a bad boy. 306 00:12:09,676 --> 00:12:11,779 But if we fired him without a smoking gun, 307 00:12:11,883 --> 00:12:15,503 then he'll sue us for reverse racism or-- 308 00:12:15,607 --> 00:12:16,986 - Upside-down ageism. 309 00:12:17,089 --> 00:12:19,400 - And it will cost the company more money than if we just 310 00:12:19,503 --> 00:12:20,572 let him keep working here. 311 00:12:20,676 --> 00:12:22,262 - Even a literal smoking gun won't cut it. 312 00:12:22,365 --> 00:12:24,952 Unless you can also provide a bleeding body. 313 00:12:25,055 --> 00:12:26,538 - [chuckles] That's right. - [computer beeps] 314 00:12:26,641 --> 00:12:27,952 - ♪ 315 00:12:28,055 --> 00:12:30,193 - We have a Code Red situation we need to deal with. 316 00:12:30,296 --> 00:12:32,021 - Out! 317 00:12:32,124 --> 00:12:33,193 - ♪ 318 00:12:33,296 --> 00:12:34,400 - "Just looping you in." 319 00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,538 - Now he's accusing us of being out of the loop. 320 00:12:36,641 --> 00:12:39,193 - There's gonna be a loop around his neck the way he's going. 321 00:12:39,296 --> 00:12:40,572 - [growls] - [barks] 322 00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:43,779 - Here's our smoking gun. 323 00:12:43,883 --> 00:12:45,331 Ow! 324 00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:48,089 - A piece of confetti? - It's LSD. 325 00:12:48,193 --> 00:12:49,952 I've been keeping it in my freezer for eight years, 326 00:12:50,055 --> 00:12:51,779 but I just haven't found a free day to have 327 00:12:51,883 --> 00:12:53,745 a life-changing experience. 328 00:12:53,848 --> 00:12:55,917 - Is this who we are now, Jake? 329 00:12:56,021 --> 00:12:57,848 Dirty cops planting evidence 330 00:12:57,952 --> 00:13:00,676 and force-feeding our coworkers dog treats? 331 00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:02,469 - Don't you get soft on me now. 332 00:13:02,572 --> 00:13:05,469 Society is crumbling because we give people like Lloyd 333 00:13:05,572 --> 00:13:07,952 a pass and allow mediocrity to flourish. 334 00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,745 Not firing him means more superhero movies, 335 00:13:10,848 --> 00:13:13,089 more sitcoms about struggling comedians, 336 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,365 and more people who don't decide what they're gonna order 337 00:13:15,469 --> 00:13:17,055 until they get to the cashier! 338 00:13:17,158 --> 00:13:20,503 - Sometimes I wanna know what the cashier likes. 339 00:13:20,607 --> 00:13:22,503 - Is this how you wanna live, Grace? 340 00:13:22,607 --> 00:13:25,262 Eating yellows like evolutionary chum? 341 00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:30,262 - The drugs alone might not do it. 342 00:13:30,365 --> 00:13:35,434 If we're gonna get dirty, then let's get fucking filthy. 343 00:13:35,538 --> 00:13:37,917 I confiscated these a while ago. 344 00:13:38,021 --> 00:13:41,158 Hardcore drugs and soft-core porn-- 345 00:13:41,262 --> 00:13:43,124 a lethal combination. 346 00:13:43,227 --> 00:13:44,538 - ♪ 347 00:13:44,641 --> 00:13:45,917 - Are these from the same person? 348 00:13:46,021 --> 00:13:48,124 - Sexuality is fluid, Jake. 349 00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,331 - Oh, right, I forgot. 350 00:13:52,952 --> 00:13:57,124 - ♪ 351 00:14:06,434 --> 00:14:11,365 - [angelic music plays] 352 00:14:11,469 --> 00:14:14,848 - ♪ 353 00:14:14,952 --> 00:14:16,227 - [dog panting] 354 00:14:16,331 --> 00:14:18,262 - Oh, Edie. 355 00:14:18,365 --> 00:14:19,641 You're not gonna be around much longer, 356 00:14:19,745 --> 00:14:21,262 you little freak of nature. 357 00:14:21,365 --> 00:14:24,814 You're a low-run wolf who isn't fit to sniff a cat's asshole. 358 00:14:24,917 --> 00:14:27,193 And pinkies are for people. 359 00:14:27,296 --> 00:14:28,089 - [dog barks] 360 00:14:28,193 --> 00:14:30,469 - Ow! Ow! 361 00:14:30,572 --> 00:14:32,227 Edie, my arm! 362 00:14:32,331 --> 00:14:36,538 [yelling] 363 00:14:36,641 --> 00:14:38,917 [groaning] 364 00:14:39,021 --> 00:14:41,365 - [angelic music plays] 365 00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:45,089 - Hampton DeVille took no action when Lloyd illegally 366 00:14:45,193 --> 00:14:46,814 and continuously 367 00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:49,710 brought his monstrous dog into the office. 368 00:14:49,814 --> 00:14:53,883 And now his dog has attacked and severely wounded 369 00:14:53,986 --> 00:14:57,641 a Jewish employee. 370 00:14:57,745 --> 00:15:00,917 Which brings us to Exhibit B. 371 00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:03,814 This time for blood. 372 00:15:03,917 --> 00:15:04,986 - If you don't fire Lloyd, 373 00:15:05,089 --> 00:15:06,641 I'll sue this company into the ground. 374 00:15:06,745 --> 00:15:08,848 - Ah, now you're speaking our language. 375 00:15:08,952 --> 00:15:10,745 - This bleeding wound is definitely something we can 376 00:15:10,848 --> 00:15:12,365 work with. I love it. - KATE: Love it. 377 00:15:12,469 --> 00:15:14,227 - Lloyd is chum. 378 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:16,089 Please, do not drip on the carpet. 379 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,089 - But it's Jewish blood. - Oh, it's Jewish blood. 380 00:15:19,193 --> 00:15:20,158 It's a blessing then. Leave it. 381 00:15:20,262 --> 00:15:22,262 - And so, what I've landed on-- 382 00:15:22,365 --> 00:15:23,883 and I think you're gonna like this-- 383 00:15:23,986 --> 00:15:27,779 is removable choose-your-own-size breasts. 384 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:31,434 The breast sizes will range from AA to DD. 385 00:15:31,538 --> 00:15:35,158 We've also developed optional areolae stickers, 386 00:15:35,262 --> 00:15:37,021 which will come in different shades and sizes, 387 00:15:37,124 --> 00:15:40,469 and can be applied to the breasts if you choose. 388 00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:41,952 Do you have any questions? 389 00:15:42,055 --> 00:15:44,952 - With the removable breasts be included with the dolls? 390 00:15:45,055 --> 00:15:46,538 - Good question. No. 391 00:15:46,641 --> 00:15:47,641 They'll be sold separately, 392 00:15:47,745 --> 00:15:49,331 which will just increase profit margins. 393 00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:52,503 - Well, I guess you just have all the answers, Matt. 394 00:15:52,607 --> 00:15:53,676 - Thanks, Kate. 395 00:15:53,779 --> 00:15:55,572 Now, I hopped on the phone with a few moms. 396 00:15:55,676 --> 00:15:56,676 Turns out, they still love me. 397 00:15:56,779 --> 00:15:58,089 - MAN: [laughing] 398 00:15:58,193 --> 00:16:00,262 - And they really seemed jazzed about this idea, so-- 399 00:16:00,365 --> 00:16:02,986 - I am at the end of my rope with him. 400 00:16:03,089 --> 00:16:04,745 - He's really cut my goat. 401 00:16:04,848 --> 00:16:06,158 He's tied it up with your rope, 402 00:16:06,262 --> 00:16:09,469 and now he's at the end of it just a-yanking. 403 00:16:09,572 --> 00:16:10,779 - It's complicated because, 404 00:16:10,883 --> 00:16:12,400 technically, he's doing a good job. 405 00:16:12,503 --> 00:16:14,400 - Well, technically, Hitler did a good job. 406 00:16:14,503 --> 00:16:17,641 And we all know how complicated that got. 407 00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:18,986 - Now, initially, we tried 408 00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:21,227 putting the dolls in turtlenecks. 409 00:16:21,331 --> 00:16:23,124 Now, unfortunately, testing showed that 410 00:16:23,227 --> 00:16:24,952 that just made the dolls seem insecure, 411 00:16:25,055 --> 00:16:27,089 which shot horniness levels through the roof. 412 00:16:27,193 --> 00:16:28,400 You learn something new every day, 413 00:16:28,503 --> 00:16:29,986 and that's what I learned last Tuesday. 414 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,883 Now on Wednesday what I learned was that 415 00:16:31,986 --> 00:16:34,055 my mom had a husband before my dad, 416 00:16:34,158 --> 00:16:36,572 and his name was Steve. 417 00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:39,434 - You've been a bad boy, Lloyd. 418 00:16:39,538 --> 00:16:41,676 You ate the forbidden fruit. 419 00:16:41,779 --> 00:16:47,158 Now you shall be...cast into the valley of employment. 420 00:16:47,262 --> 00:16:48,296 Bye-bye. 421 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:49,331 - Harsher, Grace. 422 00:16:49,434 --> 00:16:51,227 I want this to hurt him personally. 423 00:16:51,331 --> 00:16:52,745 - [sighs] 424 00:16:52,848 --> 00:16:54,676 You fucked up, Lloyd! 425 00:16:54,779 --> 00:16:58,400 You got greedy with the fucking pinkies. 426 00:16:58,503 --> 00:17:01,814 [bleep] fired. 427 00:17:01,917 --> 00:17:04,021 - Alright, we're getting somewhere. 428 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,676 - Should we reward ourselves? 429 00:17:05,779 --> 00:17:08,021 - To justice being served. 430 00:17:08,124 --> 00:17:11,296 - Some people are weak, and I say let 'em die. 431 00:17:14,021 --> 00:17:18,262 [gagging] 432 00:17:18,365 --> 00:17:20,434 - Mm. So good. 433 00:17:22,469 --> 00:17:24,365 Are you choking? 434 00:17:24,469 --> 00:17:25,710 I don't know CPR. 435 00:17:27,158 --> 00:17:29,227 Um, I'm gonna Google it. 436 00:17:30,331 --> 00:17:31,676 - [grunts] 437 00:17:31,779 --> 00:17:33,745 - Uh, the Wi-Fi is being shitty. 438 00:17:33,848 --> 00:17:35,745 - ♪ 439 00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,055 - I'm just gonna film this. 440 00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:41,089 - [heartbeat pounding] 441 00:17:41,193 --> 00:17:42,952 - GRACE: [muffled] Jake. 442 00:17:43,055 --> 00:17:44,745 Don't make that face. 443 00:17:44,848 --> 00:17:46,434 - [camera clicks] 444 00:17:46,538 --> 00:17:50,952 - [heartbeat pounding] 445 00:17:51,055 --> 00:17:52,262 - ♪ I found love 446 00:17:52,365 --> 00:17:54,952 ♪ Didn't even know I needed it ♪ 447 00:17:55,055 --> 00:17:56,710 ♪ But I found love 448 00:17:56,814 --> 00:18:00,814 ♪ Never even crossed my mind ♪ 449 00:18:00,917 --> 00:18:04,365 - You gotta be careful with those pinkies. 450 00:18:04,469 --> 00:18:05,641 I get it though. 451 00:18:05,745 --> 00:18:08,607 They're the best ones. 452 00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,158 Take it easy. 453 00:18:13,848 --> 00:18:15,434 - It's not CPR. It's the Heimlich. 454 00:18:15,538 --> 00:18:17,055 - Oh yeah. 455 00:18:17,158 --> 00:18:19,538 I don't know how to do that one either. 456 00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:20,745 - Fuck you, Matt! 457 00:18:20,848 --> 00:18:23,021 You fucking emotional terrorist! 458 00:18:23,124 --> 00:18:24,365 You're fired! 459 00:18:24,469 --> 00:18:27,779 And I hope your father gets something incurable. 460 00:18:27,883 --> 00:18:28,952 - KATE: Harsher, John. 461 00:18:29,055 --> 00:18:30,745 I want this to hurt him personally. 462 00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:31,986 - [heavy breathing] 463 00:18:32,089 --> 00:18:33,365 - You can't fire Lloyd. 464 00:18:34,503 --> 00:18:35,469 - Why not? 465 00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,021 - Long story, but he saved my life. 466 00:18:37,124 --> 00:18:38,262 And now you can't fire him. 467 00:18:38,365 --> 00:18:39,883 - We already started the paperwork. 468 00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,469 - Are you sure? 469 00:18:41,572 --> 00:18:43,848 - [heavy breathing] 470 00:18:43,952 --> 00:18:45,021 Uh, nah. 471 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,538 Go ahead and fire him. 472 00:18:46,641 --> 00:18:47,641 Thanks, guys. 473 00:18:47,745 --> 00:18:49,986 Wow. Life is wild. 474 00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:51,572 - Mm, how 'bout "your mom's a harlot"? 475 00:18:51,676 --> 00:18:52,641 - JOHN: That's nice. 476 00:18:52,745 --> 00:18:55,400 Like an old-timey whore. 477 00:18:55,503 --> 00:18:56,779 - Come on, pinkies. 478 00:18:56,883 --> 00:18:59,089 Where's mama's pinkies? 479 00:18:59,193 --> 00:19:02,021 - ♪ 480 00:19:03,986 --> 00:19:05,193 - Devil! 481 00:19:07,331 --> 00:19:09,296 - I'm sad Lloyd's gone. 482 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:10,538 I miss Edie. 483 00:19:10,641 --> 00:19:12,089 - She attacked Jake. 484 00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,676 - Hey, I'm on Edie's side. 485 00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:16,469 I guess I could take his keyboard. 486 00:19:17,917 --> 00:19:19,296 - You say, "Matt." I'll say, "You're." 487 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:20,676 And then we'll both say, "Fired." 488 00:19:20,779 --> 00:19:21,986 - Maybe we can harmonize. - Oh! 489 00:19:22,089 --> 00:19:23,503 - ♪ Matt - ♪ You're 490 00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:24,952 - BOTH: ♪ Fired 491 00:19:25,055 --> 00:19:26,710 - [phone dings] - Ooh. 492 00:19:26,814 --> 00:19:29,089 Well, speak of the email devil. 493 00:19:29,193 --> 00:19:30,848 - Let's see what he chose for his last words. 494 00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:32,503 - Yeah. 495 00:19:32,607 --> 00:19:34,193 - "Just wanted to say." 496 00:19:34,296 --> 00:19:35,400 - Oh God. 497 00:19:35,503 --> 00:19:38,158 - "I really... 498 00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:42,469 "appreciate you bringing me on board the Skankz project. 499 00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:47,262 "This has been an incredible opportunity. 500 00:19:47,365 --> 00:19:48,469 Thanks!" 501 00:19:48,572 --> 00:19:50,055 - Exclamation point. 502 00:19:50,158 --> 00:19:52,055 - "Best, Matt." 503 00:19:54,331 --> 00:19:57,676 - Um...that was incredible. 504 00:19:57,779 --> 00:20:00,021 - In a word, eloquent. - In another word, exquisite. 505 00:20:00,124 --> 00:20:01,745 - It's almost like an email I would have written. 506 00:20:01,848 --> 00:20:04,262 - Let's not get carried away. You're a true talent. 507 00:20:04,365 --> 00:20:08,193 - It's like all his toxic energy just got washed away 508 00:20:08,296 --> 00:20:10,469 in the warm rain of that exclamation point. 509 00:20:10,572 --> 00:20:12,814 - Anyone who can write an email like that 510 00:20:12,917 --> 00:20:14,710 deserves to keep their job. 511 00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:17,158 - BOTH: [laughs] 512 00:20:17,262 --> 00:20:19,400 - MATT: Don't you feel bad about getting Lloyd fired? 513 00:20:19,503 --> 00:20:21,917 - No, he prevented me from accomplishing my dream, 514 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,158 which is to die. 515 00:20:23,262 --> 00:20:25,469 - You hate dogs, you wanna die, 516 00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:28,641 and you're the person I feel closest to in this world. 517 00:20:28,745 --> 00:20:30,124 Life is wild. 518 00:20:40,986 --> 00:20:43,055 - ♪ 519 00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:45,021 - ♪ She's flirty, she's cute ♪ 520 00:20:45,124 --> 00:20:46,883 ♪ She's got removable breasts to boot ♪ 521 00:20:46,986 --> 00:20:48,538 ♪ She's a Skankz 522 00:20:48,641 --> 00:20:50,779 - MALE ANNOUNCER: Removable breasts sold separately. 523 00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:54,124 - MALE NARRATOR: Uh-oh, these boys have gone bonkers. 524 00:20:54,227 --> 00:20:57,055 Some people have it together, not these boys. 525 00:20:57,158 --> 00:20:59,227 Should they be on anti-psychotic medication? 526 00:20:59,331 --> 00:21:01,779 Definitely, but we stole their meds. 527 00:21:01,883 --> 00:21:05,193 - Who's a good girl who got daddy a severance package, huh? 528 00:21:05,296 --> 00:21:07,572 - ♪ 529 00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,296 - And they really seem jazzed about this idea. 530 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,124 They really seemed jazzed about this idea, 531 00:21:16,227 --> 00:21:18,296 and so that made me jazzed. 532 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,296 When I was talking to the moms, we really got into it 533 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,158 about gender politics, and that made me jazzed. 37818

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