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1
00:00:06,917 --> 00:00:08,227
Hey, what are you doing
tonight?
2
00:00:08,331 --> 00:00:10,089
It's a weeknight,
so nothing.
3
00:00:10,193 --> 00:00:12,365
Cool. Well, my college buddy
Todd is in town,
4
00:00:12,469 --> 00:00:14,538
and you should come hang out
with us.
5
00:00:14,641 --> 00:00:15,745
You don't understand.
6
00:00:15,848 --> 00:00:17,158
Nothing is
what I'm doing.
7
00:00:17,262 --> 00:00:18,607
I literally have "nothing"
in my calendar
8
00:00:18,710 --> 00:00:20,089
every night this week,
and it's the only thing
9
00:00:20,193 --> 00:00:21,538
getting me
through the day.
10
00:00:21,641 --> 00:00:23,986
Now drive me home
to my cat daughter.
11
00:00:24,089 --> 00:00:27,296
♪♪
12
00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:30,124
Jake, I'm going to tell you
something,
13
00:00:30,227 --> 00:00:32,400
and I don't want you
to freak out.
14
00:00:32,503 --> 00:00:33,883
I'm driving us
to the bar.
15
00:00:33,986 --> 00:00:34,917
Matt, no.
16
00:00:35,021 --> 00:00:36,193
It's for your own good.
17
00:00:36,296 --> 00:00:38,021
You need to have more fun
with your life.
18
00:00:38,124 --> 00:00:39,779
Nothing you can say
will stop me.
19
00:00:39,883 --> 00:00:41,296
Also, earlier
I stole your phone,
20
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:42,538
and I hid it,
and I'm not giving it
21
00:00:42,641 --> 00:00:44,089
back to you until the end
of the night.
22
00:00:44,193 --> 00:00:45,745
Matt,
we agreed to carpool,
23
00:00:45,848 --> 00:00:46,986
which is a sacred contract
24
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:49,021
upheld by
the American legal system.
25
00:00:49,124 --> 00:00:50,365
We're almost
at my street.
26
00:00:50,469 --> 00:00:51,986
If you don't turn right,
this is kidnapping,
27
00:00:52,089 --> 00:00:53,296
and you're going to jail.
28
00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,021
♪ We don't know, we don't care
29
00:00:56,124 --> 00:00:59,124
Okay. You want to play games?
I'll play games.
30
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,262
You've vastly overestimated
my will to live.
31
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,538
I'll grab that wheel
and kill us both -- easy.
32
00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:05,158
The cops are gonna find
our cold, dead bodies
33
00:01:05,262 --> 00:01:06,538
in a ditch somewhere,
Matt.
34
00:01:06,641 --> 00:01:07,986
Think about how sad
your parents will be.
35
00:01:08,089 --> 00:01:09,331
Matt, turn right!
36
00:01:09,434 --> 00:01:11,158
Matt,
turn right right now!
37
00:01:11,262 --> 00:01:13,089
Matt, turn right,
turn right!
38
00:01:13,193 --> 00:01:16,710
Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt,
Matt, Matt!
39
00:01:17,779 --> 00:01:18,952
[ Sighs ]
40
00:01:19,055 --> 00:01:20,814
Goddamn it,
you used to fear me more.
41
00:01:20,917 --> 00:01:30,641
♪♪
42
00:01:30,745 --> 00:01:40,262
♪♪
43
00:01:40,365 --> 00:01:41,434
[ Indistinct conversations ]
44
00:01:41,538 --> 00:01:43,331
This is so Todd,
to be late.
45
00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:45,193
I've ended lifelong friendships
over people
46
00:01:45,296 --> 00:01:46,607
being five minutes late --
47
00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:49,021
people I love,
blood relatives I've abandoned
48
00:01:49,124 --> 00:01:50,331
and never spoken to again.
49
00:01:50,434 --> 00:01:51,917
40 minutes late
without a text.
50
00:01:52,021 --> 00:01:53,089
Kill this person.
51
00:01:53,193 --> 00:01:55,434
Dude, you are going
to love Todd.
52
00:01:55,538 --> 00:01:57,883
[ Sighs ]We used to do so much
crazy shit together in college.
53
00:01:57,986 --> 00:02:01,227
We'd get drunk and throw things
out our dorm window --
54
00:02:01,331 --> 00:02:03,814
water balloons,
textbooks,
55
00:02:03,917 --> 00:02:05,158
stuff we really needed.
56
00:02:05,262 --> 00:02:06,710
One time Todd got drunk
and almost threw
57
00:02:06,814 --> 00:02:08,986
a cat out the window,
but I was like, "Todd, don't,"
58
00:02:09,089 --> 00:02:12,158
but he almost did
and it was so funny.
59
00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:13,883
Boy, we really needed
all that stuff, though.
60
00:02:13,986 --> 00:02:15,641
You should never meet people
from your friend's past.
61
00:02:15,745 --> 00:02:18,158
They're like a time capsule
of bad personality traits.
62
00:02:18,262 --> 00:02:19,607
Jake,
you need to lighten up.
63
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:21,055
When you get to the end
of your life,
64
00:02:21,158 --> 00:02:22,227
you're gonna look back
65
00:02:22,331 --> 00:02:24,055
and wish
that you had more fun.
66
00:02:24,158 --> 00:02:25,158
At the end of my life,
I'll be dead.
67
00:02:25,262 --> 00:02:26,365
[ Women cheering ]
68
00:02:26,469 --> 00:02:28,193
Look.
They're having a good time.
69
00:02:28,296 --> 00:02:29,434
They're young and dumb,
70
00:02:29,538 --> 00:02:30,986
so they still think
this is what fun is.
71
00:02:31,089 --> 00:02:33,331
They have no idea they're
actually having a terrible time.
72
00:02:33,434 --> 00:02:34,434
It's honestly tragic.
73
00:02:34,538 --> 00:02:35,814
Now give me back
my phone.
74
00:02:35,917 --> 00:02:37,745
It's not on me,
and you'll never find it.
75
00:02:37,848 --> 00:02:41,227
Fatty Matty,
my good dude!
76
00:02:41,331 --> 00:02:42,952
Tee-Oh-Double-Dee!
77
00:02:43,055 --> 00:02:44,227
[ Both laughing ]
78
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,917
How the hell are you,
man?
79
00:02:46,021 --> 00:02:49,124
Dude,
crazy night so far.
80
00:02:49,227 --> 00:02:50,469
Who's the suit?
-Okay.
81
00:02:50,572 --> 00:02:52,538
Who is this Hertz
Rent a Car associate?
82
00:02:52,641 --> 00:02:53,952
-[ Laughs ]
-What is it,
83
00:02:54,055 --> 00:02:55,158
"Take your boss
to the bar night"
84
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:56,227
or something?
85
00:02:56,331 --> 00:02:57,331
Yeah,
I am his boss.
86
00:02:57,434 --> 00:02:58,607
And you just
got him fired.
87
00:02:58,710 --> 00:02:59,710
Ooh!
88
00:02:59,814 --> 00:03:01,021
[ Laughs ] All right.
89
00:03:01,124 --> 00:03:03,503
Jake, this is Todd.
Todd, Jake.
90
00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:06,814
You're both my dudes, and
now you're each other's dudes.
91
00:03:06,917 --> 00:03:08,124
Oh!
92
00:03:08,227 --> 00:03:11,917
Pleased to meet you,
Mr. Handshake Sir.
93
00:03:12,021 --> 00:03:14,745
I hope your finances
are business.
94
00:03:14,848 --> 00:03:16,538
I'm only playing
with you, dude.
95
00:03:16,641 --> 00:03:18,331
Any friend of the fat one
is a brother of mine.
96
00:03:18,434 --> 00:03:21,607
All right. I'm gonna go
get us some shots.
97
00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:23,365
Uh, Matt, you cool
if I put it on your tab?
98
00:03:23,469 --> 00:03:25,365
I stopped using credit cards
'cause of banks.
99
00:03:25,469 --> 00:03:26,848
Yeah, yeah,
no problem.
100
00:03:26,952 --> 00:03:28,641
Cool.
101
00:03:28,745 --> 00:03:31,883
Guys, let's drink
to this moment right now.
102
00:03:31,986 --> 00:03:33,227
The past -- fuck that.
103
00:03:33,331 --> 00:03:35,952
The future,
mm, okay, maybe.
104
00:03:36,055 --> 00:03:37,710
But right now?
105
00:03:37,814 --> 00:03:38,848
Yes, please.
106
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,883
-Amen.
-Cheers.
107
00:03:43,331 --> 00:03:44,710
[ Groaning ]
108
00:03:44,814 --> 00:03:46,089
Ouch!
109
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:47,503
Aw, man,
super wet table.
110
00:03:47,607 --> 00:03:49,952
Dude. So, bro,
how's it been going, man?
111
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:51,021
It's been forever.
112
00:03:51,124 --> 00:03:55,986
Dudes, I have been traveling.
113
00:03:56,089 --> 00:03:58,331
Went to Paris --
Did so much molly.
114
00:03:58,434 --> 00:04:00,469
Cut to me on a fjord
in Norway
115
00:04:00,572 --> 00:04:02,710
stoned out of my mind --
I don't know much,
116
00:04:02,814 --> 00:04:04,503
but I do know
that I'm on molly.
117
00:04:04,607 --> 00:04:06,641
Spent Friendsgiving
in Zermatt
118
00:04:06,745 --> 00:04:09,538
with Beck microdosing
on an alpine slide --
119
00:04:09,641 --> 00:04:12,193
I go to Guadalajara --
I did everything but
120
00:04:12,296 --> 00:04:14,296
with an heiress
to the guacamole fortune.
121
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,365
You haven't experienced
the 'mids --
122
00:04:16,469 --> 00:04:18,434
And when I say "the 'mids,"
I mean the pyramids --
123
00:04:18,538 --> 00:04:20,262
until you've seen them
on Adderall.
124
00:04:20,365 --> 00:04:22,434
If you mix peyote
and mimosas,
125
00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:25,469
it gives you sonar --
like a bat or a dolphin.
126
00:04:25,572 --> 00:04:30,158
Then I did ayahuasca in SoCal
and vommed on my sham.
127
00:04:30,262 --> 00:04:31,365
[ Groans ]
128
00:04:31,469 --> 00:04:32,952
She was pissed,
but we're cool.
129
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,607
By the way, Fatty, if you are
ever looking for a shaman,
130
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:36,814
I could totally hook you up.
131
00:04:36,917 --> 00:04:38,227
Oh, yeah,
I'd love to get her info.
132
00:04:38,331 --> 00:04:40,021
What are you up to,
fat one?
133
00:04:40,124 --> 00:04:42,400
Last time I saw you, you were
housing a whole pizza
134
00:04:42,503 --> 00:04:43,848
and now you're working
some corporate gig?
135
00:04:43,952 --> 00:04:47,158
Yeah. It sucks,
but it's actually pretty cool.
136
00:04:47,262 --> 00:04:49,745
Uh, my bosses are super chill,
and they let me do whatever.
137
00:04:49,848 --> 00:04:51,227
Also, if I stay there
long enough,
138
00:04:51,331 --> 00:04:52,572
I'll rise up
in the company,
139
00:04:52,676 --> 00:04:54,021
be able to take it down
from the inside.
140
00:04:54,124 --> 00:04:55,193
Yeah,
Matt's right on the verge
141
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:56,572
of becoming
a domestic terrorist.
142
00:04:56,676 --> 00:04:58,745
By the way, Todd,
how do you make money?
143
00:04:58,848 --> 00:05:00,607
I'm actually king of
in between gigs right now.
144
00:05:00,710 --> 00:05:03,158
My last boss fired me because
he totally had it out for me
145
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,434
because his wife was, like,
in love with me, which --
146
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:06,710
not my fault,
you know?
147
00:05:06,814 --> 00:05:08,331
She was hot, though.
We fucked.
148
00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:10,296
I mean, we didn't, but we did.
You know what I'm talking about.
149
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,021
-Yeah.
-Hey!
150
00:05:12,124 --> 00:05:14,745
How's your night
going?
151
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,952
Oh, my God.
152
00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:21,331
There are a bunch of goddesses
roaming around here tonight.
153
00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:22,676
-[ Chuckles ]
-Ah!
154
00:05:22,779 --> 00:05:24,469
You should go talk
to her.
155
00:05:24,572 --> 00:05:25,469
I'm a coyote.
156
00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:26,676
[ Hand smacks ]
157
00:05:26,779 --> 00:05:27,883
[ Laughs ]
158
00:05:27,986 --> 00:05:29,917
I hate him so much.You're just jealous
159
00:05:30,021 --> 00:05:31,572
'cause he's still having fun
with his life.
160
00:05:31,676 --> 00:05:32,848
You could learn a lot
from Todd.
161
00:05:32,952 --> 00:05:34,365
Todd is a drifter
and a drug dealer.
162
00:05:34,469 --> 00:05:35,572
No, he's not.
163
00:05:35,676 --> 00:05:37,469
He's dealing someone drugs
right now.
164
00:05:39,365 --> 00:05:40,400
Okay, narc.
165
00:05:40,503 --> 00:05:42,021
Your entire personality
has reverted
166
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:43,021
back to being
in college.
167
00:05:43,124 --> 00:05:44,331
How is that
a bad thing?
168
00:05:44,434 --> 00:05:46,262
College are the best years
of your life.
169
00:05:46,365 --> 00:05:47,814
-Smoke?
-Hell yeah.
170
00:05:47,917 --> 00:05:49,469
Jesus, Matt.
171
00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:52,710
We should collaborate
on something.
172
00:05:52,814 --> 00:05:54,262
Dude,
I would love to collab.
173
00:05:54,365 --> 00:05:55,262
What are you thinking?
174
00:05:55,365 --> 00:05:57,296
Mm, art?
Maybe an app?
175
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,538
Oh, dude -- art app!
176
00:05:59,641 --> 00:06:02,296
Oh! Dude, I've always wanted
to start my own record label.
177
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,331
Oh, yeah?
178
00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:06,400
Dude. Check it out.
179
00:06:06,503 --> 00:06:09,021
Parking ticket.
180
00:06:09,124 --> 00:06:10,986
Do you remember
what we used to do?[ Laughing ] Yeah.
181
00:06:11,089 --> 00:06:12,952
Do you remember what we used
to fucking do?
182
00:06:13,055 --> 00:06:15,607
Mr. Handshake Man,
check this shit out --
183
00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,779
the old switcheroo.
184
00:06:20,124 --> 00:06:21,469
Fuck the system!
185
00:06:21,572 --> 00:06:22,745
[ Normal voice ]
Fuck the system!
186
00:06:22,848 --> 00:06:23,848
[ Laughs ]
187
00:06:23,952 --> 00:06:25,986
I'll bet his dad
is a district attorney.
188
00:06:26,089 --> 00:06:27,124
Whoa.
How'd you know that?
189
00:06:27,227 --> 00:06:28,883
My name is Todd!
190
00:06:28,986 --> 00:06:31,917
Todd! You maniac.
191
00:06:32,021 --> 00:06:37,917
♪ I could tell the minute
that I saw him ♪
192
00:06:38,021 --> 00:06:44,676
♪ He was nothing
but the troublemakin' kind ♪
193
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:47,814
♪ His hair was much too long
194
00:06:47,917 --> 00:06:51,124
♪ And his motley group
of friends ♪
195
00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:56,917
♪ Had nothing but rebellion
on their minds ♪
196
00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:58,469
[ Gunshot ]
197
00:06:58,572 --> 00:07:04,641
♪ He's rejected
the establishment completely ♪
198
00:07:04,745 --> 00:07:10,986
♪ And I know for sure
he's never had a job ♪
199
00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:15,434
♪ He just goes
from place to place ♪
200
00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:17,779
♪ Stirring up the young folk
201
00:07:17,883 --> 00:07:23,641
♪ Till they're nothing
but a disrespectful mob ♪
202
00:07:24,572 --> 00:07:25,952
Oh, dude.
[ Clears throat ]
203
00:07:26,055 --> 00:07:27,710
I'm in town for one more night
tomorrow night
204
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:30,055
to see this really sick band,
Honeyscratch.
205
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,986
I'm sort of like really
good friends of the band.
206
00:07:32,089 --> 00:07:33,331
I could totally get you
in for free
207
00:07:33,434 --> 00:07:34,572
if you pay me
for the ticket.
208
00:07:34,676 --> 00:07:36,676
Cool.
Yeah, I would love to.
209
00:07:36,779 --> 00:07:38,745
Mr. Handshake Man,
you in?
210
00:07:38,848 --> 00:07:40,538
No, you're never gonna
see me again.
211
00:07:40,641 --> 00:07:42,331
Todd: [ Laughs ]
212
00:07:42,434 --> 00:07:43,883
I love this guy!
Hilarious.
213
00:07:43,986 --> 00:07:45,227
All right. I'll see you
tomorrow night,
214
00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:46,503
Fat Matthew, okay?
215
00:07:46,607 --> 00:07:48,572
Peace money.
216
00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:52,745
[ Groans ]
I might be too drunk to drive.
217
00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:54,710
Really? That's crazy, because
you've only been drinking
218
00:07:54,814 --> 00:07:56,572
for four straight hours.
219
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:01,503
[ Distorted white noise ]
220
00:08:05,055 --> 00:08:07,607
[ Loud crunching ]
221
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:15,607
[ Explosions ]
222
00:08:17,434 --> 00:08:19,607
[ Crashing, glass shattering ]
223
00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:22,227
[ Thunder crashes, rumbles ]
224
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:29,572
[ Discordant white noise,
indistinct growling ]
225
00:08:34,021 --> 00:08:36,503
What?I said, "There's no way
226
00:08:36,607 --> 00:08:38,365
you're going to that concert
tonight."
227
00:08:38,469 --> 00:08:39,572
I'm definitely going.
228
00:08:39,676 --> 00:08:40,883
I just need to drink
plenty of fluids,
229
00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:43,262
caffeinate,
and wait out this headache.
230
00:08:43,365 --> 00:08:45,641
I used to do this all the time
when I was hungover in college.
231
00:08:45,745 --> 00:08:47,193
Those days
are long gone.
232
00:08:47,296 --> 00:08:50,917
Once you turn 30, hangovers
last an average of 83 hours.
233
00:08:51,021 --> 00:08:52,124
[ Winces ]
234
00:08:52,227 --> 00:08:55,400
[ Keyboard clacking ]
235
00:08:55,503 --> 00:08:56,779
[ Music plays loudly ]
236
00:08:56,883 --> 00:08:58,779
[ Loudly ]
Dude, what is this shit?
237
00:08:58,883 --> 00:09:00,331
[ Loudly ]
It's Honeyscratch,
238
00:09:00,434 --> 00:09:02,158
the band
you're seeing tonight.
239
00:09:02,262 --> 00:09:04,676
But I can turn it off
if you don't like it.
240
00:09:04,779 --> 00:09:06,331
Oh. No, no, no, no.
241
00:09:06,434 --> 00:09:07,296
I-I'm starting
to get into it.
242
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,641
Yeah. Yeah.
243
00:09:09,745 --> 00:09:11,779
[ Laughing ] Okay.
244
00:09:11,883 --> 00:09:13,986
[ Normal voice ]
It's definitely cool --
245
00:09:14,089 --> 00:09:15,848
sonically rich.
246
00:09:15,952 --> 00:09:17,848
Now I get what Pitchfork
was saying
247
00:09:17,952 --> 00:09:19,538
when they said that
about them.
248
00:09:19,641 --> 00:09:21,710
[ Music continues ]
249
00:09:21,814 --> 00:09:23,952
Oh. Here's the hook.
250
00:09:25,814 --> 00:09:27,227
Wait a minute,
hold on.
251
00:09:27,331 --> 00:09:28,365
Is that the hook?
No, no, no.
252
00:09:28,469 --> 00:09:29,607
H-Hold on.
253
00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:31,503
Here we go.
Here's the hook.
254
00:09:31,607 --> 00:09:33,538
You can just admit
it sucks.
255
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,227
I would admit it sucked
if it sucked,
256
00:09:35,331 --> 00:09:36,607
but it doesn't.
257
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,848
They're probably just
better live anyway.
258
00:09:38,952 --> 00:09:41,021
Yeah.
259
00:09:41,124 --> 00:09:42,676
I love live music.
260
00:09:42,779 --> 00:09:44,503
I'm gonna start going
to more shows --
261
00:09:44,607 --> 00:09:46,883
one concert a month.
262
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,296
No.
263
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,848
One concert a week,
264
00:09:50,952 --> 00:09:51,986
maybe even --
265
00:09:53,917 --> 00:09:55,779
That sounds tight,
dude.
266
00:09:55,883 --> 00:09:58,538
Hey, Grace, have you heard
of Honeyscratch?
267
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,745
Is that an STI?
If so, yes.
268
00:10:00,848 --> 00:10:03,400
No, no, no. They're this
really good noise rock band
269
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:04,400
that I'm gonna see tonight.
270
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:05,710
Matt got wasted last night
271
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,365
and thinks he's still
going out tonight.
272
00:10:07,469 --> 00:10:08,883
[ Laughs ]
273
00:10:08,986 --> 00:10:11,503
Oh, Matt,
you naive little bitch.
274
00:10:11,607 --> 00:10:13,469
Concerts being fun is one
of the greatest lies
275
00:10:13,572 --> 00:10:15,089
perpetuated
by American media.
276
00:10:15,193 --> 00:10:16,331
You guys are nuts.
277
00:10:16,434 --> 00:10:17,710
We're still young.
278
00:10:17,814 --> 00:10:19,572
We should be out
doing things.
279
00:10:19,676 --> 00:10:21,917
Tell that to the moths
in my underwear.
280
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:24,124
All right, what are
your big plans tonight
281
00:10:24,227 --> 00:10:26,917
if you're not gonna go out
and enjoy your life?
282
00:10:27,021 --> 00:10:28,779
I'm doing what I do
every night --
283
00:10:28,883 --> 00:10:30,365
cocooning myself
in fleece,
284
00:10:30,469 --> 00:10:31,572
eating a cookie,
285
00:10:31,676 --> 00:10:32,848
and reading
historical fiction.
286
00:10:32,952 --> 00:10:34,400
-I'm gonna masturbate.
-[ Sighs ]
287
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:35,503
Oh, yeah, me, too.
288
00:10:35,607 --> 00:10:37,538
You both sound depressed.
289
00:10:37,641 --> 00:10:38,883
Yeah, we're adults.
290
00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:40,710
Living life to the fullest
is a con.
291
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,676
It's like having a second job
you waste all of the money
292
00:10:42,779 --> 00:10:43,883
from your first job on.
293
00:10:43,986 --> 00:10:45,641
Do you remember the joy
you first felt
294
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:49,814
the moment you decided to stop
living life to the fullest?
295
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,503
Best moment of my life.
296
00:10:52,607 --> 00:10:54,021
♪♪
297
00:10:54,124 --> 00:10:56,400
October 17, 2010.
298
00:10:56,503 --> 00:11:00,089
I was at some art opening,
surrounded by liberal fascists.
299
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:03,469
I had no clue what
the performance art piece meant.
300
00:11:03,572 --> 00:11:06,227
All I knew was
that it sucked.
301
00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,986
And then it hit me --
302
00:11:09,089 --> 00:11:15,607
I could just give up, go home,
be free.
303
00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:17,021
And I never looked back.
304
00:11:17,124 --> 00:11:18,572
Mm.
305
00:11:18,676 --> 00:11:22,021
August 13, 2014.
306
00:11:22,124 --> 00:11:24,917
I was dancing in a field
at a music festival,
307
00:11:25,021 --> 00:11:27,607
surrounded by women
dressed in various forms
308
00:11:27,710 --> 00:11:30,021
of cultural appropriation.
309
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,124
I had eaten too much
of a weed brownie,
310
00:11:32,227 --> 00:11:35,434
and a drunk guy
started grinding on me.
311
00:11:35,538 --> 00:11:38,089
Then it hit me...
312
00:11:38,193 --> 00:11:43,883
I would much rather be
at home...alone.
313
00:11:43,986 --> 00:11:47,434
[ Sighs ]
Life-changing.
314
00:11:47,538 --> 00:11:48,503
You guys are lame.
315
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:49,779
Lame but wise.
316
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,124
Matt,
just embrace giving up.
317
00:11:51,227 --> 00:11:52,917
You have no idea
how good it feels.
318
00:11:53,021 --> 00:11:55,538
No.
I am not like you guys, okay?
319
00:11:55,641 --> 00:11:58,089
I am young
and full of life!
320
00:11:58,193 --> 00:11:59,986
[ Keyboard clacking ]
321
00:12:00,089 --> 00:12:05,503
♪♪
322
00:12:05,607 --> 00:12:06,572
No.
323
00:12:06,676 --> 00:12:07,538
[ Keyboard clacking ]
324
00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:09,710
[ Groans ]
325
00:12:09,814 --> 00:12:12,365
[ Keyboard clacking ]
326
00:12:12,469 --> 00:12:14,089
No!
327
00:12:14,193 --> 00:12:15,331
[ Sighs ]
328
00:12:17,883 --> 00:12:19,848
Oh, hey, Matt.
What are you doing tonight?
329
00:12:19,952 --> 00:12:21,952
Uh, I'm going to see
this band Honeyscratch.
330
00:12:22,055 --> 00:12:24,021
[ Gasps ]
Dude! Me, too!
331
00:12:24,124 --> 00:12:26,021
I love them.[ Scoffs ] Oh, really?
332
00:12:26,124 --> 00:12:27,986
You know, my buddy Todd's
actually really tight
333
00:12:28,089 --> 00:12:30,158
with the band so we're sort of
getting VIP treatment.
334
00:12:30,262 --> 00:12:32,917
Hell yeah. I'm not gonna be
there till later in the night
335
00:12:33,021 --> 00:12:34,400
because after work,
I have Cardio Barre,
336
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:36,607
then a sample sale,
three art gallery openings,
337
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:38,021
dinner at this
brand-new pop-up --
338
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,917
...a sort-of-friend's
half-birthday party,
339
00:12:40,021 --> 00:12:42,193
gonna catch up with a
real friend at a new speakeasy,
340
00:12:42,296 --> 00:12:44,055
then Honeyscratch.
341
00:12:44,158 --> 00:12:47,158
Whoa. How do you have the energy
to do all that?
342
00:12:47,262 --> 00:12:48,676
I'm 24.
[ Scoffs ]
343
00:12:48,779 --> 00:12:50,607
You got to let me know
when you do stuff after work,
344
00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:52,883
'cause I also do stuff
constantly.
345
00:12:52,986 --> 00:12:55,676
I honestly didn't know
you, like, do stuff.
346
00:12:55,779 --> 00:12:58,193
[ Scoffs ]
Yeah. I do stuff.
347
00:12:58,296 --> 00:12:59,469
Sick.
348
00:12:59,572 --> 00:13:00,814
So, when are you getting
to the show?
349
00:13:00,917 --> 00:13:03,055
Not sure --
Atrocity Algebra is opening,
350
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:05,021
but thankfully Honeyscratch
is going on pretty early.
351
00:13:05,124 --> 00:13:07,538
Oh, good.
What time?
352
00:13:07,641 --> 00:13:08,779
I think about 1:00 A.M.
353
00:13:08,883 --> 00:13:10,952
[ Coughs, wheezes ]
354
00:13:11,055 --> 00:13:13,124
Cool.
That -- Yeah, that works for me.
355
00:13:16,021 --> 00:13:19,676
[ Inhales, exhales sharply ]
356
00:13:21,641 --> 00:13:23,193
[ Exhales sharply ]
357
00:13:26,641 --> 00:13:28,296
[ Elevator chimes ]
358
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,469
Any exciting plans
tonight?
359
00:13:34,572 --> 00:13:36,331
Uh, yeah,
I'm going to this concert.
360
00:13:36,434 --> 00:13:38,814
Ooh, a concert.
Yeah, um,
361
00:13:38,917 --> 00:13:40,607
but the band I want to see
doesn't go on till 1:00 A.M.,
362
00:13:40,710 --> 00:13:42,607
so I'm gonna stop at home
for a bit first.
363
00:13:42,710 --> 00:13:44,503
[ Chuckles ]
364
00:13:44,607 --> 00:13:46,503
Here's my prediction --
365
00:13:46,607 --> 00:13:48,848
you're not going
to that concert.
366
00:13:48,952 --> 00:13:51,400
The moment you cross the
threshold of your front door,
367
00:13:51,503 --> 00:13:52,676
you're done.
368
00:13:52,779 --> 00:13:53,986
It's happened to me
more than once.
369
00:13:54,089 --> 00:13:55,779
I have some gala
to get to,
370
00:13:55,883 --> 00:13:57,917
and I tell myself
I'm just going to stop at home
371
00:13:58,021 --> 00:14:00,124
and take a quick shower, and
then the next thing I know,
372
00:14:00,227 --> 00:14:02,572
[inhales] I am luxuriating
in my robe
373
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:03,848
and eating corn chips
374
00:14:03,952 --> 00:14:06,400
while catching up
on "Society Tomorrow."
375
00:14:06,503 --> 00:14:09,021
Have you seen the new season?
It's pretty good.
376
00:14:09,124 --> 00:14:10,158
I binged it.
377
00:14:10,262 --> 00:14:11,055
Oh, yeah.
378
00:14:11,158 --> 00:14:12,331
I'll have
to check it out.
379
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,434
[ Elevator chimes ]
380
00:14:13,538 --> 00:14:16,193
I bet you will...
381
00:14:16,296 --> 00:14:17,641
tonight --
382
00:14:17,745 --> 00:14:20,021
while you're not
at that concert.
383
00:14:20,124 --> 00:14:21,676
[ Chuckles ]
384
00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:25,572
♪♪
385
00:14:25,676 --> 00:14:27,538
[ Wind blows, dogs barking ]
386
00:14:27,641 --> 00:14:29,745
[ Siren wails in distance ]
387
00:14:31,572 --> 00:14:34,055
[ Soothing music plays ]
388
00:14:34,158 --> 00:14:36,365
[ Sighs ]
389
00:14:36,469 --> 00:14:40,262
♪♪
390
00:14:40,365 --> 00:14:42,227
[ Sighs ]
391
00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:49,676
♪♪
392
00:14:49,779 --> 00:14:53,538
[ Inhales sharply, sighs ]
393
00:14:53,641 --> 00:14:55,538
Oh, yeah.
394
00:14:55,641 --> 00:15:00,503
Oh, God damn.
395
00:15:00,607 --> 00:15:03,262
[ Moans ]
396
00:15:03,365 --> 00:15:05,538
[ Groans ]
397
00:15:05,641 --> 00:15:10,469
♪♪
398
00:15:10,572 --> 00:15:12,641
No!
399
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,572
Whoo-hoo!
400
00:15:14,676 --> 00:15:16,365
♪♪
401
00:15:16,469 --> 00:15:17,710
[ Groans ]
402
00:15:17,814 --> 00:15:24,055
♪♪
403
00:15:24,158 --> 00:15:25,469
Hey, Mom.
404
00:15:25,572 --> 00:15:26,779
No. I was just calling to chat.
405
00:15:26,883 --> 00:15:28,262
Nothing's wrong.
406
00:15:29,572 --> 00:15:31,158
How's the garden doing?
407
00:15:31,262 --> 00:15:32,331
Vroom!
408
00:15:32,434 --> 00:15:34,331
Yes, I do care
how the garden is doing, Mom.
409
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,641
Pew!
410
00:15:36,745 --> 00:15:38,607
[ Cellphone beeps ]
411
00:15:38,710 --> 00:15:40,607
[ Scoffs ]
412
00:15:40,710 --> 00:15:42,814
Mom, why would you say that
I'm not going to the concert,
413
00:15:42,917 --> 00:15:44,572
because I am going!
414
00:15:44,676 --> 00:15:50,262
♪♪
415
00:15:50,365 --> 00:15:52,814
Goddamn it!
416
00:15:57,296 --> 00:15:59,986
Announcer: Previously on
"Society Tomorrow"...
417
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:01,193
Man: The President's
been hacked!
418
00:16:01,296 --> 00:16:03,021
Woman:
Technology's bad!
419
00:16:03,124 --> 00:16:05,331
Our only chance for survival
is to embrace the nihilists.
420
00:16:05,434 --> 00:16:06,538
But they hate
to be hugged.
421
00:16:06,641 --> 00:16:07,848
I'm having an affair --
422
00:16:07,952 --> 00:16:10,021
but nobody seems to care.
423
00:16:12,641 --> 00:16:13,779
[ Zap!]
424
00:16:13,883 --> 00:16:15,917
You shot the nihilist.
He's dead!
425
00:16:16,021 --> 00:16:17,055
Man #2:
I was the nihilist --
426
00:16:17,158 --> 00:16:18,193
Matt:
Oh, I can still make it.
427
00:16:18,296 --> 00:16:20,055
And now you're gonna die,
428
00:16:20,158 --> 00:16:22,745
because you represent
organized religion.
429
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:25,331
[ Rock music playing within ]
430
00:16:28,434 --> 00:16:31,503
Hey, I think I'm the list --
Matt Engelbertson?
431
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:34,227
Nope.
432
00:16:34,331 --> 00:16:37,158
Uh, it might be
under "Fatty Matty"?
433
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:38,469
Nah.
434
00:16:38,572 --> 00:16:39,917
Uh, well,
do you know Todd?
435
00:16:40,021 --> 00:16:41,158
He's friends
with the band.
436
00:16:41,262 --> 00:16:43,227
We're all friends
with the band.
437
00:16:43,331 --> 00:16:44,779
Oh.
438
00:16:44,883 --> 00:16:47,021
[ Laughing ] Fatty Matty!
439
00:16:47,124 --> 00:16:48,503
I got your tickets
right here.
440
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,227
We're going backstage.
441
00:16:50,331 --> 00:16:51,607
[ Groans ]
442
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,538
Tee-Oh-Double-Dee!
443
00:16:53,641 --> 00:16:55,641
All right.
Guys, guys, guys,
444
00:16:55,745 --> 00:16:57,779
this is Fatty Matty,
445
00:16:57,883 --> 00:16:59,193
my buddy from college
I was telling you about.
446
00:16:59,296 --> 00:17:00,848
'Sup, Matt?
Todd was telling us about
447
00:17:00,952 --> 00:17:02,607
all that fucked-up shit
you guys you used to do.
448
00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:03,917
-[ Laughs ]
-Sounds hilarious.
449
00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:05,572
Yeah,
it was pretty crazy.
450
00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:08,262
Um, dude, I love your music --
so many hooks.
451
00:17:08,365 --> 00:17:09,572
How do you guys
know Todd?
452
00:17:09,676 --> 00:17:10,745
He's our drug dealer.
453
00:17:10,848 --> 00:17:12,158
Whoopsies.
454
00:17:12,262 --> 00:17:14,158
Todd says you have
some corporate sell-out job,
455
00:17:14,262 --> 00:17:16,262
but you still made it out
to see us on a work night.
456
00:17:16,365 --> 00:17:18,779
We really appreciate that,
man. You're cool.
457
00:17:18,883 --> 00:17:20,503
Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty tired
from work,
458
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:23,021
but supporting live music
is really important to me.
459
00:17:23,124 --> 00:17:25,331
Hey, Matt, real quick,
can you do me a favor?
460
00:17:25,434 --> 00:17:29,365
Could you throw Jake's cat
out the window?
461
00:17:29,469 --> 00:17:30,331
[ Cat purrs ]
462
00:17:30,434 --> 00:17:31,779
Wait,
what's Pebbles doing here?
463
00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:32,883
Exactly.
464
00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:35,262
She shouldn't be here.
It's rude.
465
00:17:35,365 --> 00:17:37,262
So we need you to throw her
out the window.
466
00:17:37,365 --> 00:17:40,158
Otherwise,
we can't play our music.
467
00:17:40,262 --> 00:17:43,814
Do it, Matt.
Throw Pebbles out the window.
468
00:17:43,917 --> 00:17:45,503
[ Thunder rumbles ]
469
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,227
Unless you're too tired.
470
00:17:47,331 --> 00:17:49,193
Yeah,
unless you're too tired.
471
00:17:49,296 --> 00:17:51,262
N-No,
I'm not too tired.
472
00:17:51,365 --> 00:17:52,572
Cool.
473
00:17:52,676 --> 00:17:54,779
[ Thunder rumbles, wind blows ]
474
00:17:54,883 --> 00:17:56,365
If you really support
live music,
475
00:17:56,469 --> 00:17:57,883
you'll throw Pebbles
out the window.
476
00:17:57,986 --> 00:17:59,745
Do it, Fat One!
477
00:17:59,848 --> 00:18:02,021
[ Laughing ]
478
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:03,400
Pebbles, I'm sorry!
479
00:18:03,503 --> 00:18:06,055
Woman: Social media
killed my family.
480
00:18:06,158 --> 00:18:07,710
I can't stop using it.
481
00:18:07,814 --> 00:18:09,193
God damn it.
482
00:18:11,848 --> 00:18:14,365
[ Inhales sharply ]
483
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:15,917
[ Exhales ]
484
00:18:18,745 --> 00:18:20,158
♪♪
485
00:18:20,262 --> 00:18:22,124
Hey there,
Fatty Matty.
486
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,917
You know, there's a carton
of ice cream in the freezer.
487
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,434
Why don't you put me on.
488
00:18:26,538 --> 00:18:28,434
We can get cozy.
489
00:18:28,538 --> 00:18:31,262
Shut up, koala pajamas.
490
00:18:31,365 --> 00:18:38,676
♪♪
491
00:18:38,779 --> 00:18:46,055
♪♪
492
00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:49,814
[ Wind blows, dogs barking,
car alarm chirping ]
493
00:18:49,917 --> 00:18:55,710
♪♪
494
00:18:55,814 --> 00:18:57,538
[ Engine starts ]
495
00:18:57,641 --> 00:19:04,193
♪♪
496
00:19:07,986 --> 00:19:16,779
♪♪
497
00:19:16,883 --> 00:19:25,710
♪♪
498
00:19:25,814 --> 00:19:30,848
♪ I could be a better person
499
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:34,883
♪ By spreading my wings
500
00:19:34,986 --> 00:19:41,745
♪ And learning to fly
501
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:49,503
♪ But it hurts to fall
502
00:19:49,607 --> 00:19:54,538
♪ So why fly at all?
503
00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:58,469
♪ Just give up
504
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:03,331
♪ Just give up
505
00:20:03,434 --> 00:20:10,400
♪ Deep down inside,
even birds hate to fly ♪
506
00:20:10,503 --> 00:20:13,952
♪ Just give up
507
00:20:14,055 --> 00:20:18,986
♪ Just give up
508
00:20:19,089 --> 00:20:21,848
♪ It feels good
509
00:20:21,952 --> 00:20:28,434
♪ Yeah, you'll land
in your own life ♪
510
00:20:28,538 --> 00:20:36,883
♪♪
511
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:45,607
♪♪
512
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:54,296
♪♪
513
00:20:54,400 --> 00:21:02,848
♪♪
514
00:21:02,952 --> 00:21:04,745
[ Sighs ]
515
00:21:10,124 --> 00:21:12,089
There's the hook
right there!
516
00:21:12,193 --> 00:21:14,021
Here comes the hook!
517
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,883
No. Hold on.
518
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:19,779
I think we missed the hook
a long time ago.
519
00:21:19,883 --> 00:21:21,055
Just rewind the song.
520
00:21:21,158 --> 00:21:23,089
We got to go back
and find that hook.
521
00:21:23,193 --> 00:21:24,469
Where's the
fucking hook at?!
35947
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