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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:21,572 --> 00:01:22,607 - Okay. 2 00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:47,193 - Christian is running a few minutes late. 3 00:01:47,296 --> 00:01:48,469 Thank you for your patience. 4 00:01:48,572 --> 00:01:50,124 We will start the meeting once he arrives. 5 00:01:51,848 --> 00:01:53,089 - My mom is calling. 6 00:01:53,193 --> 00:01:54,365 That's weird, she never calls. 7 00:01:54,469 --> 00:01:56,021 - Can I talk to Linda? I love her. 8 00:01:56,124 --> 00:01:57,883 - Jake, stay away from my mom. 9 00:01:57,986 --> 00:01:59,227 - Matt, first of all, 10 00:01:59,331 --> 00:02:00,193 it's not sexual. 11 00:02:00,296 --> 00:02:01,779 Secondly, love is love, 12 00:02:01,883 --> 00:02:03,124 and when you know, you know. 13 00:02:03,227 --> 00:02:05,089 I feel like in another lifetime, I could've married Linda. 14 00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,124 Then I would've been your dad. 15 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,400 - What game are you playing, Daddy? 16 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:09,952 - It's called "2071." 17 00:02:10,055 --> 00:02:11,262 It's set in a dystopian future 18 00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:13,158 where you get to murder people with a sword. 19 00:02:13,262 --> 00:02:15,089 It's extremely violent, and it soothes my soul. 20 00:02:15,193 --> 00:02:16,400 I was supposed to 21 00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,124 take the day off and go on an ayahuasca trip 22 00:02:18,227 --> 00:02:19,434 with my best friends, 23 00:02:19,538 --> 00:02:20,986 but I'm sure this meeting will send me on 24 00:02:21,089 --> 00:02:24,021 an equally terrifying, introspective anxiety cyclone. 25 00:02:24,124 --> 00:02:26,538 - I feel like I'm wasting my life at meetings like this. 26 00:02:26,641 --> 00:02:28,089 - That's absolutely what's happening... 27 00:02:28,193 --> 00:02:29,400 but if it makes you feel any better, 28 00:02:29,503 --> 00:02:30,572 there's no way not to waste your life. 29 00:02:30,676 --> 00:02:32,296 The best you can do is find something you love, 30 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,193 and work so hard and so long at it that it eventually 31 00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:37,193 becomes something you mostly complain about. 32 00:02:37,296 --> 00:02:39,331 - All I want out of life is to lose my mind 33 00:02:39,434 --> 00:02:41,193 on a drug I don't understand 34 00:02:41,296 --> 00:02:43,469 and then justify it as a spiritual awakening. 35 00:02:43,572 --> 00:02:45,641 - Fuck this fucking game. 36 00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:50,710 - My mom is calling again. 37 00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,296 - Can you believe they called this meeting 38 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,227 on the exact day Adele tickets went on sale? 39 00:02:54,331 --> 00:02:56,676 - Adele is what sent me into, but got me out of 40 00:02:56,779 --> 00:02:58,400 my last three bouts of clinical depression. 41 00:02:58,503 --> 00:03:00,676 - I never took you for an Adele fan, Baron. 42 00:03:00,779 --> 00:03:02,296 - Well, I'm not. 43 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,158 I'm gonna buy as many tickets as possible online 44 00:03:04,262 --> 00:03:05,055 and sell them at a massive markup. 45 00:03:05,158 --> 00:03:07,262 People will give 46 00:03:07,365 --> 00:03:09,641 their first born child to see Adele, 47 00:03:09,745 --> 00:03:11,434 and her music is so powerful, 48 00:03:11,538 --> 00:03:12,641 it'll help them get over the loss. 49 00:03:13,538 --> 00:03:15,262 - Now my dad is calling? 50 00:03:15,365 --> 00:03:16,779 My parents are divorced. 51 00:03:16,883 --> 00:03:18,434 The last time I got this many calls from them 52 00:03:18,538 --> 00:03:20,400 at the same time was when my grandpa stole a car 53 00:03:20,503 --> 00:03:22,193 and drove it off a cliff on purpose. 54 00:03:22,296 --> 00:03:23,779 - Just go call your parents. 55 00:03:23,883 --> 00:03:25,779 The meeting won't start till Christian gets here. 56 00:03:25,883 --> 00:03:27,227 - Okay. 57 00:03:30,158 --> 00:03:31,469 - He was cursing like a sailor, so then I said to him... 58 00:03:31,572 --> 00:03:33,503 "Frank, I got news for you. 59 00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:36,296 Wives are bad." 60 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,572 Women: can't live with them. 61 00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:39,986 And that's the end of that saying. 62 00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:44,331 Uh, Bill, let's try to keep that kind of talk 63 00:03:44,434 --> 00:03:45,676 to a minimum today. 64 00:03:45,779 --> 00:03:47,538 I mean, these lawsuits against you are getting expensive. 65 00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:50,124 - Hello, everyone. 66 00:03:50,227 --> 00:03:51,986 I'd like to introduce you to Bill Hathaway, 67 00:03:52,089 --> 00:03:53,227 who's been with Hampton DeVille for over 30 years, 68 00:03:53,331 --> 00:03:56,469 and currently sits on our board of directions. 69 00:03:56,572 --> 00:03:59,469 - Hampton DeVille is my middle name. 70 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,124 Just kidding. It's Margaret. 71 00:04:01,227 --> 00:04:02,641 - Just kidding! 72 00:04:02,745 --> 00:04:05,055 That's a woman's name. 73 00:04:05,158 --> 00:04:06,676 Anyway, here we go. 74 00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:08,365 - Bill Hathaway is a nightmare. 75 00:04:08,469 --> 00:04:10,021 He thinks it's 1975. 76 00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:11,917 The last time he talked to me, he said I would look prettier 77 00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:13,400 if I were massaging his groin. 78 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,814 - He said the exact same thing to me. 79 00:04:14,917 --> 00:04:16,469 - Which brings me to the reason why I called 80 00:04:16,572 --> 00:04:17,745 all of you here today: 81 00:04:17,848 --> 00:04:19,814 to discuss five new ideas that I-- 82 00:04:20,676 --> 00:04:22,296 One moment. 83 00:04:24,193 --> 00:04:24,952 Oh, wow. I have to take this call. 84 00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:27,021 I might be a minute. 85 00:04:28,641 --> 00:04:31,331 I need you to take charge until I get back. 86 00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:32,400 I'm counting on you. 87 00:04:35,641 --> 00:04:36,538 - All right, everyone. - All right. 88 00:04:36,641 --> 00:04:37,538 both: So let's get started. 89 00:04:37,641 --> 00:04:38,607 - Oh! - Oh, Christian put... 90 00:04:38,710 --> 00:04:40,331 - Me. - No, well, he pointed at... 91 00:04:40,434 --> 00:04:41,331 both: Me. - Me. 92 00:04:41,434 --> 00:04:42,434 - Me. - Mimi? 93 00:04:42,538 --> 00:04:43,917 both: I'm in charge. 94 00:04:44,021 --> 00:04:45,193 - Why would Christian point to you when I'm his-- 95 00:04:45,296 --> 00:04:46,572 Can somebody pour 96 00:04:46,676 --> 00:04:48,124 hot coffee all over my face? 97 00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,331 - John... both: I have been waiting 98 00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:50,814 for the chance to take the lead for my entire... 99 00:04:50,917 --> 00:04:52,193 - Life, including when I was... - Professional career... 100 00:04:52,296 --> 00:04:53,572 - A sinless baby in heaven... - But nobody will let me... 101 00:04:53,676 --> 00:04:54,917 - Before I was born! - Because I have a vagina! 102 00:04:55,021 --> 00:04:56,503 And you wear glasses, you have inferior vision. 103 00:04:56,607 --> 00:04:57,641 - Okay, everyone, 104 00:04:57,745 --> 00:04:59,021 let's just take two... - Yeah. 105 00:04:59,124 --> 00:05:00,331 - While John and I have... - Everyone, take two. 106 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,262 - A quick convo. - Sidebar convo here. 107 00:05:03,986 --> 00:05:05,883 - Now my sister's texting asking why I haven't called Mom and Dad 108 00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:07,883 about Grandma Dorothy? 109 00:05:07,986 --> 00:05:09,572 Oh, my God. 110 00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:10,986 Is Grandma Dorothy dead? 111 00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:13,641 - Okay, since we don't know who he pointed at, 112 00:05:13,745 --> 00:05:16,503 let's just run the meeting together. 113 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:17,538 Now what five ideas was he talking about? 114 00:05:17,641 --> 00:05:20,745 - No clue. All I know is I'm scared 115 00:05:20,848 --> 00:05:22,676 and I need to pee, but the nervous energy 116 00:05:22,779 --> 00:05:25,296 from holding it in is what's fueling me right now. 117 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,607 - Okay. 118 00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:28,055 Let's just do something so that senile lump 119 00:05:28,158 --> 00:05:29,055 doesn't report to Christian that we dropped the ball. 120 00:05:29,158 --> 00:05:31,089 - Yeah. Hey. - Yeah? 121 00:05:31,193 --> 00:05:32,193 - We're a team. 122 00:05:32,296 --> 00:05:34,883 - Hey, you, the one without the hair. 123 00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:37,089 Come on, let's get this thing rolling. 124 00:05:37,193 --> 00:05:38,262 - He knows my name? 125 00:05:38,365 --> 00:05:41,089 - Be a man and take charge. 126 00:05:41,193 --> 00:05:42,400 - Absolutely, Bill. 127 00:05:42,503 --> 00:05:44,400 Thank you for the vote of confidence. 128 00:05:44,503 --> 00:05:45,331 Okay, everyone. 129 00:05:45,434 --> 00:05:46,676 Enough dillydally. 130 00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:48,365 I'm gonna get things started. 131 00:05:48,469 --> 00:05:49,917 - John and Kate have definitely had sex. 132 00:05:50,021 --> 00:05:52,262 - How do you know? 133 00:05:52,365 --> 00:05:54,193 - Working in HR, I've developed a sixth sense 134 00:05:54,296 --> 00:05:55,745 for people's sex lives. 135 00:05:55,848 --> 00:05:57,607 I'll bet there's a crazy Venn diagram 136 00:05:57,710 --> 00:05:59,124 of sexual encounters in this room. 137 00:05:59,227 --> 00:06:02,434 - It is weird to think that all these people wearing nice suits, 138 00:06:02,538 --> 00:06:04,745 drinking coffee, talking calmly, 139 00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:06,952 have all had penises and vaginas in their mouths. 140 00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:09,227 Literally, all of them. 141 00:06:09,331 --> 00:06:10,917 - Tailored suit's the only thing hiding the fact that 142 00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:13,469 we're all hairy mammals with horrifying genitalia. 143 00:06:13,572 --> 00:06:15,434 - I mean, yeah, my genitalia is fine, 144 00:06:15,538 --> 00:06:16,952 but I understand what you're saying. 145 00:06:17,055 --> 00:06:19,193 - My genitalia is horrifying. - So... 146 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,400 let's get... 147 00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:23,400 Ha-ha-ha. 148 00:06:23,503 --> 00:06:25,296 L-O-L. L-O-L. 149 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,331 Very funny, guys. 150 00:06:27,434 --> 00:06:28,710 And blastoff! 151 00:06:28,814 --> 00:06:32,193 Let's start by asking a simple question: 152 00:06:32,296 --> 00:06:36,331 why are we here? 153 00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:38,331 - Shouldn't you know the answer to that? 154 00:06:38,434 --> 00:06:39,538 - Of course, Baron. 155 00:06:39,641 --> 00:06:40,848 Because that was a rhetorical question. 156 00:06:40,952 --> 00:06:42,986 - Okay. 157 00:06:43,089 --> 00:06:45,538 We just need to brainstorm five ideas. 158 00:06:45,641 --> 00:06:47,434 - But to be safe, let's come up with 50. 159 00:06:47,538 --> 00:06:48,262 - Let's make it 100! - Any idea is welcome 160 00:06:48,365 --> 00:06:50,365 when brainstorming. 161 00:06:50,469 --> 00:06:51,779 Literally anything you say will be discussed 162 00:06:51,883 --> 00:06:53,227 in detail without criticism. 163 00:06:53,331 --> 00:06:55,641 - My brain just stormed an idea. 164 00:06:55,745 --> 00:06:56,538 How about we call off this meeting 165 00:06:56,641 --> 00:06:58,296 until Christian gets back? 166 00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,641 - Come on, that's a bad idea. 167 00:06:59,745 --> 00:07:02,021 - I thought we weren't gonna criticize ideas. 168 00:07:02,124 --> 00:07:03,434 - Fine. Yeah. Let's put it on the board. 169 00:07:03,538 --> 00:07:05,986 - Any other ideas? 170 00:07:06,089 --> 00:07:07,469 - We're going into a brainstorm hole. 171 00:07:07,572 --> 00:07:09,400 I can literally say anything right now. 172 00:07:09,503 --> 00:07:11,055 Racism. - Racism. 173 00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:12,055 Great idea. - Nice. 174 00:07:12,158 --> 00:07:13,641 - Jesus Christ, this is a nightmare. 175 00:07:13,745 --> 00:07:15,021 - What's that, Matt? 176 00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:17,227 - Oh, I just said that this is a nightmare. 177 00:07:17,331 --> 00:07:19,089 - This is a nightmare. Great. 178 00:07:19,193 --> 00:07:20,779 - You know, this reminds me of when I was selling 179 00:07:20,883 --> 00:07:23,572 cigarettes wholesale to health food stores 180 00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:25,158 back in the '70s. 181 00:07:25,262 --> 00:07:26,676 At the time, we didn't know they were bad for you. 182 00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,986 Or, actually, we did know, but we kept a lid on it. 183 00:07:30,089 --> 00:07:32,469 Back then, you were allowed to have secrets. 184 00:07:32,572 --> 00:07:34,124 Secrets from the government, from your wife. 185 00:07:34,227 --> 00:07:36,538 It didn't matter! 186 00:07:36,641 --> 00:07:38,883 - I hope my grandma died doing what she loved most: 187 00:07:38,986 --> 00:07:41,262 sitting in her chair, worrying that I'm gay. 188 00:07:41,365 --> 00:07:42,641 - Your grandma's lucky. 189 00:07:42,745 --> 00:07:44,607 When you're dead, nobody expects anything from you. 190 00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:46,124 Death is the retirement package you get 191 00:07:46,227 --> 00:07:47,814 for a lifetime full of pain and suffering. 192 00:07:47,917 --> 00:07:49,986 - That's why I say you should always bring a gun 193 00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:51,055 to a knife fight, 194 00:07:51,158 --> 00:07:52,676 or a knife to a gun fight, if you wish. 195 00:07:52,779 --> 00:07:55,158 Now, you might die, but at least no one can say 196 00:07:55,262 --> 00:07:57,952 you weren't interesting. 197 00:07:58,055 --> 00:07:59,021 - Thank you... 198 00:07:59,124 --> 00:08:01,193 so much, Bill. 199 00:08:01,296 --> 00:08:02,262 Very helpful. 200 00:08:02,365 --> 00:08:03,883 Does anyone have a coherent idea? 201 00:08:07,124 --> 00:08:08,986 - Hey, guys? 202 00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,089 Guys! 203 00:08:11,193 --> 00:08:12,952 Can we get off our phones and focus up? 204 00:08:13,055 --> 00:08:15,779 - You know, we didn't used to have phones in meetings. 205 00:08:15,883 --> 00:08:17,917 Back then, if you wanted to send someone a nudie pic, 206 00:08:18,021 --> 00:08:21,710 you had to show up at their door wearing just a trench coat 207 00:08:21,814 --> 00:08:24,227 and show them what you got! 208 00:08:24,331 --> 00:08:25,676 Your thoughts? 209 00:08:25,779 --> 00:08:27,848 - Yeah, well, Bill makes a good point here. 210 00:08:27,952 --> 00:08:28,848 Um... 211 00:08:28,952 --> 00:08:30,400 Oh. 212 00:08:30,503 --> 00:08:31,572 Here's an idea. 213 00:08:31,676 --> 00:08:32,883 How about we try something new 214 00:08:32,986 --> 00:08:35,365 and have everyone in the room 215 00:08:35,469 --> 00:08:37,158 put their phones 216 00:08:37,262 --> 00:08:38,262 in this box. 217 00:08:38,365 --> 00:08:39,572 - No! 218 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,745 - Thank you. You'll get it back at the end of the semester. 219 00:08:44,848 --> 00:08:46,538 - Having your phone taken away from you is like having 220 00:08:46,641 --> 00:08:48,021 a civil liberty stripped away. 221 00:08:48,124 --> 00:08:49,710 It's just inhumane. 222 00:08:49,814 --> 00:08:52,641 - Baron. 223 00:08:54,331 --> 00:08:55,227 Baron? 224 00:08:59,262 --> 00:09:01,365 Yeah. 225 00:09:01,469 --> 00:09:02,986 Thank you. 226 00:09:03,089 --> 00:09:03,986 Back pocket. 227 00:09:04,089 --> 00:09:06,917 And the other. 228 00:09:11,331 --> 00:09:12,262 Okay. 229 00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:17,089 Stand up. 230 00:09:18,848 --> 00:09:20,779 - Sorry I have to do this, but... 231 00:09:20,883 --> 00:09:23,089 just want to a have a nice, focused meeting. 232 00:09:23,193 --> 00:09:25,952 Oh? 233 00:09:29,158 --> 00:09:31,400 That's mine. 234 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,331 - My dad's finally responding. 235 00:09:33,434 --> 00:09:35,400 Oh. 236 00:09:40,089 --> 00:09:42,227 - Thank you. 237 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:43,193 Now! 238 00:09:43,296 --> 00:09:45,469 Where were we? 239 00:09:45,572 --> 00:09:46,779 Bill, you were saying something. 240 00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:49,400 - Actually, uh, I was gonna say something. 241 00:09:49,503 --> 00:09:52,469 - Yet here I am, saying something. 242 00:09:52,572 --> 00:09:54,745 This reminds me of a time I was a child... 243 00:09:54,848 --> 00:09:55,883 - And my mother said, 244 00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:57,365 "You'll never amount to anything," 245 00:09:57,469 --> 00:10:00,917 and I felt hurt till I realized she was talking to my father. 246 00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:02,917 There he stood with his party dress on... 247 00:10:04,055 --> 00:10:06,193 Anyway... 248 00:10:06,296 --> 00:10:07,676 - How long have we been here? 249 00:10:07,779 --> 00:10:08,469 - Without our phones, there's no way to measure 250 00:10:08,572 --> 00:10:09,469 the passage of time. 251 00:10:09,572 --> 00:10:12,572 It could be years, decades even. 252 00:10:12,676 --> 00:10:13,848 - Okay! I think we're really starting to get... 253 00:10:13,952 --> 00:10:15,538 somewhere. 254 00:10:15,641 --> 00:10:19,331 Christian should be back any minute, so... 255 00:10:19,434 --> 00:10:20,676 let's just keep going. 256 00:10:20,779 --> 00:10:22,710 - Maybe I'll kill him. 257 00:10:22,814 --> 00:10:26,021 Could I handle it emotionally, though? 258 00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:27,676 Yes. 259 00:10:27,779 --> 00:10:29,331 But how would I do it? 260 00:10:29,434 --> 00:10:30,676 Strangling. 261 00:10:30,779 --> 00:10:32,400 But why would I kill him? 262 00:10:32,503 --> 00:10:33,296 Because nature is a brutal mother, 263 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,469 and everyone must die. 264 00:10:35,572 --> 00:10:36,814 Hm! 265 00:10:36,917 --> 00:10:38,538 - There was so much I wanted to say 266 00:10:38,641 --> 00:10:40,848 to my grandma before she died. 267 00:10:40,952 --> 00:10:41,779 Actually, that's not true. 268 00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:43,779 We had nothing in common. 269 00:10:43,883 --> 00:10:46,434 Wait, am I even sad she's dead? 270 00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:48,434 Yes...I am. 271 00:10:48,538 --> 00:10:49,814 Okay, good. 272 00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,365 - If anyone knew the horrible thoughts 273 00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:53,641 in my head, I would 100% be in jail. 274 00:10:53,745 --> 00:10:55,676 Thank God nobody knows my thoughts. 275 00:10:55,779 --> 00:10:57,158 But I guess on some level it also means 276 00:10:57,262 --> 00:10:58,848 I'll always be alone. 277 00:10:58,952 --> 00:10:59,676 Oh, well. 278 00:10:59,779 --> 00:11:01,676 - This meeting is bullshit 279 00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,193 and I deserve better than this. 280 00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,055 Maybe I don't. 281 00:11:05,158 --> 00:11:08,365 Maybe I'm a loser and this is exactly what I deserve. 282 00:11:08,469 --> 00:11:11,745 No, I'm not a loser. 283 00:11:11,848 --> 00:11:14,400 That's why I needed to do ayahuasca this weekend: 284 00:11:14,503 --> 00:11:16,607 to learn that I'm not a loser. 285 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:17,814 - Why did I lie about the reason 286 00:11:17,917 --> 00:11:19,193 I'm getting Adele tickets? 287 00:11:19,296 --> 00:11:20,434 I love Adele. 288 00:11:20,538 --> 00:11:23,021 She sings directly to my soul. 289 00:11:23,124 --> 00:11:24,986 Why can't I admit the music I like? 290 00:11:25,089 --> 00:11:25,883 I'm in my 30s. 291 00:11:25,986 --> 00:11:27,641 It's time to be myself. 292 00:11:27,745 --> 00:11:30,331 I'm buying those tickets for me, God damn it! 293 00:11:30,434 --> 00:11:33,745 I gotta get out of this meeting. 294 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,538 - It's crazy that I can have thoughts 295 00:11:41,641 --> 00:11:43,848 while speaking out loud. 296 00:11:43,952 --> 00:11:46,021 But wait, who am I speaking to right now? 297 00:11:46,124 --> 00:11:48,158 Myself? 298 00:11:48,262 --> 00:11:50,952 Because if I'm speaking to myself, 299 00:11:51,055 --> 00:11:52,469 who's doing the speaking? 300 00:11:52,572 --> 00:11:55,296 If I do propose, 301 00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,021 I'm going to do something romantic, like... 302 00:11:59,124 --> 00:12:02,055 have a blunt conversation about the bleak realities of marriage. 303 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:04,883 I don't know how I started talking about that. 304 00:12:04,986 --> 00:12:06,227 Did someone even... 305 00:12:06,331 --> 00:12:07,365 who said marriage? 306 00:12:07,469 --> 00:12:08,538 - Absolutely. 307 00:12:08,641 --> 00:12:09,503 - Okay, everyone. 308 00:12:09,607 --> 00:12:11,331 Let's get back on track 309 00:12:11,434 --> 00:12:13,227 and discuss the five ideas 310 00:12:13,331 --> 00:12:14,262 that Christian asked for. 311 00:12:14,365 --> 00:12:15,986 - Kate, I gotta stop you right there 312 00:12:16,089 --> 00:12:18,227 'cause I have something to say, and my voice is deeper 313 00:12:18,331 --> 00:12:19,572 and louder than yours. 314 00:12:19,676 --> 00:12:21,193 So here we go! 315 00:12:21,296 --> 00:12:23,158 - I'm sad the only dating options for my grandma 316 00:12:23,262 --> 00:12:24,641 were men like Bill. 317 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,158 - It hasn't gotten much better. 318 00:12:26,262 --> 00:12:28,676 Now the options are men like you and Jake. 319 00:12:28,779 --> 00:12:29,883 - Great point. - So then I said to him, 320 00:12:29,986 --> 00:12:33,710 "Son, your mother and I are getting a divorce, 321 00:12:33,814 --> 00:12:37,227 and it is your fault, so please apologize to us." 322 00:12:37,331 --> 00:12:38,710 And to his credit, he did. 323 00:12:38,814 --> 00:12:41,365 I haven't talked to him in years. 324 00:12:42,607 --> 00:12:43,986 Often wondered what happened to him... 325 00:13:08,469 --> 00:13:10,710 - Okay, I think I figured out 326 00:13:10,814 --> 00:13:12,400 who all has had sex in this room. 327 00:13:12,503 --> 00:13:13,607 - Who? 328 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,503 - Those two are currently having sex, 329 00:13:14,607 --> 00:13:16,779 but trying to play it cool. 330 00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,193 - The point is that marriage... 331 00:13:18,296 --> 00:13:19,538 - Who else? 332 00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:22,193 - She wants to have sex with... 333 00:13:22,296 --> 00:13:23,952 something... 334 00:13:24,055 --> 00:13:26,779 and he wants to have sex with me. 335 00:13:26,883 --> 00:13:28,848 - And connect the dots previous, 336 00:13:28,952 --> 00:13:30,883 and it's not just the ideas that live within, 337 00:13:30,986 --> 00:13:34,503 ideas that are critical to examine in a deep way, 338 00:13:34,607 --> 00:13:36,883 but it's also the peripheral ideas 339 00:13:36,986 --> 00:13:39,917 that kind of live next to the main idea, 340 00:13:40,021 --> 00:13:40,814 if you know what I mean. 341 00:13:42,779 --> 00:13:44,021 If you think of the main ideas being a city, 342 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:45,400 the other ideas are suburbs, 343 00:13:45,503 --> 00:13:47,710 or sub-ideas, in a way, 344 00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:50,193 and to unpack that notion just a bit... 345 00:13:50,296 --> 00:13:51,848 You have to kind of unpack 346 00:13:51,952 --> 00:13:53,262 the term "unpack." 347 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,676 - Hi there, Matt. 348 00:14:00,779 --> 00:14:01,607 Just to give you a heads up, 349 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,710 I'm dead and in heaven. 350 00:14:03,814 --> 00:14:06,400 Ah, just kidding. 351 00:14:06,503 --> 00:14:08,607 Heaven isn't real. 352 00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:10,434 Anyway, I came here to tell you 353 00:14:10,538 --> 00:14:12,917 you are wasting your life, 354 00:14:13,021 --> 00:14:15,124 but more importantly, honey, 355 00:14:15,227 --> 00:14:16,607 your hair is a mess. 356 00:14:16,710 --> 00:14:18,952 I wish you'd comb your hair. 357 00:14:19,055 --> 00:14:22,917 You look so much nicer when you comb your hair. 358 00:14:23,021 --> 00:14:24,952 Maybe if you combed your hair, 359 00:14:25,055 --> 00:14:26,745 you'd be able to get laid. 360 00:14:26,848 --> 00:14:29,952 Don't you want to get laid, Matt? 361 00:14:30,055 --> 00:14:33,469 - So that concludes the story of how I got laid 362 00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,331 by Margaret Thatcher. 363 00:14:35,434 --> 00:14:37,365 Great at sex, but... 364 00:14:37,469 --> 00:14:39,055 terrible at politics. 365 00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:43,331 - Freedom is... 366 00:14:43,434 --> 00:14:44,503 slavery. 367 00:14:44,607 --> 00:14:46,158 Okay. 368 00:14:46,262 --> 00:14:47,814 I think we're finally starting to make some progress here. 369 00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:50,055 - It's cruel to keep us here in this room. 370 00:14:50,158 --> 00:14:51,745 - I gotta get out of here 371 00:14:51,848 --> 00:14:53,089 and call my family. 372 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,296 Why are they keeping us trapped in here? 373 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,193 Why? 374 00:14:58,434 --> 00:15:01,986 Why are we here? 375 00:15:02,089 --> 00:15:03,848 Why are we pretending 376 00:15:03,952 --> 00:15:07,089 all this is not a total waste of time? 377 00:15:07,193 --> 00:15:08,952 What are we doing with our lives? 378 00:15:09,055 --> 00:15:11,917 We're alive for a blink of an eye, 379 00:15:12,021 --> 00:15:15,986 and yet we spend it working in jobs we hate 380 00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:18,538 to fill the pockets of rich megalomaniacs 381 00:15:18,641 --> 00:15:20,607 who treat us like cattle! 382 00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:23,676 We're all just fucking cattle! 383 00:15:23,779 --> 00:15:26,055 Just eating grass and shitting 384 00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:28,745 and--and waiting to be slaughtered. 385 00:15:28,848 --> 00:15:29,986 Fuck that. 386 00:15:30,089 --> 00:15:30,814 - Can we please get some security in here? 387 00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:32,296 - Fucking fuck that. 388 00:15:35,572 --> 00:15:37,158 Quit your job... 389 00:15:37,262 --> 00:15:40,331 sell your home, and live in the woods! 390 00:15:40,434 --> 00:15:42,365 You'll probably die because you don't know survival skills, 391 00:15:42,469 --> 00:15:43,089 but who cares? 392 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,193 You're gonna die anyway. 393 00:15:46,469 --> 00:15:48,227 Am I the only one who thinks that? 394 00:15:48,331 --> 00:15:49,193 Am I crazy? 395 00:15:49,296 --> 00:15:51,538 No! 396 00:15:51,641 --> 00:15:53,848 I think, in fact, I am the only sane one here. 397 00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:56,158 Am I wrong, or am I right? 398 00:15:56,262 --> 00:15:57,538 - What happened? You could've left. 399 00:15:57,641 --> 00:15:59,331 You were free. - I realized I have no idea 400 00:15:59,434 --> 00:16:00,986 what my parents' numbers are without being able to 401 00:16:01,089 --> 00:16:02,434 look them up on my phone. 402 00:16:02,538 --> 00:16:03,641 Why? 403 00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:05,021 Why? 404 00:16:09,952 --> 00:16:10,917 - Okay then! 405 00:16:11,021 --> 00:16:12,227 I have an idea. 406 00:16:12,331 --> 00:16:14,089 How about we take a little mental break 407 00:16:14,193 --> 00:16:16,089 and watch a funny YouTube? 408 00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:18,883 - I'm a little cucumber. 409 00:16:18,986 --> 00:16:20,883 I'm a little cucumber. 410 00:16:20,986 --> 00:16:22,883 I'm a little cucumber. 411 00:16:22,986 --> 00:16:24,538 I'm a little cucumber. 412 00:16:24,641 --> 00:16:25,883 I'm a little cucumber. 413 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,055 Oh, me? I'm a little cucumber. 414 00:16:27,158 --> 00:16:30,193 I'm a little cucumber. 415 00:16:30,296 --> 00:16:32,883 I'm a little cucumber. 416 00:16:32,986 --> 00:16:35,883 I'm a little cucumber! 417 00:16:38,124 --> 00:16:39,710 - I'm a little cucumber. - I'm a little cucumber. 418 00:16:39,814 --> 00:16:42,193 - I'm a little cucumber. 419 00:16:42,296 --> 00:16:43,055 I'm a cucumber. 420 00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:44,296 - I'm a little cucumber. 421 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,193 - How long have we been watching YouTube videos? 422 00:16:47,296 --> 00:16:48,262 - A lifetime. - I'm a little cucumber. 423 00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:50,917 - I think I'm having an anxiety attack. 424 00:16:51,021 --> 00:16:52,883 - Try taking a deep breath. 425 00:16:52,986 --> 00:16:54,710 I still feel the same. 426 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,400 - Oh, well, I guess that's just what your life is now. 427 00:16:57,503 --> 00:16:58,469 - Oh, my God. 428 00:16:58,572 --> 00:17:00,434 What if I did go on that ayahuasca trip 429 00:17:00,538 --> 00:17:03,469 and this is how it's manifesting itself in my mind? 430 00:17:03,572 --> 00:17:05,158 - I'm a little cucumber, I'm a little cucumber, 431 00:17:05,262 --> 00:17:07,676 I'm a little cucumber. Ho-ho-ho! 432 00:17:07,779 --> 00:17:09,710 - Is this even real? - I'm a little cucumber. 433 00:17:09,814 --> 00:17:12,572 - Are you even real? 434 00:17:12,676 --> 00:17:15,227 - I'm a little cucumber. 435 00:17:15,331 --> 00:17:16,710 Hey, it's me, Little Cucumber. 436 00:17:16,814 --> 00:17:17,814 Thank you so much for watching. 437 00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:19,814 Don't forget to subscribe! 438 00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:22,193 - That's it? 439 00:17:22,296 --> 00:17:24,848 What the fuck was that? 440 00:17:24,952 --> 00:17:27,365 Who suggested that video? 441 00:17:27,469 --> 00:17:29,538 Mary! 442 00:17:29,641 --> 00:17:31,710 What was supposed to be funny about that? 443 00:17:31,814 --> 00:17:34,296 Can you explain to me what was funny about that video? 444 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,814 - Ooh! I have one more we have to watch. 445 00:17:35,917 --> 00:17:36,986 - No, John! 446 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,503 No more YouTube videos. 447 00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:39,641 - I was trying to give us a break. 448 00:17:39,745 --> 00:17:41,262 - We don't need a break. 449 00:17:41,365 --> 00:17:43,124 We need to get back to work before Christian gets here. 450 00:17:43,227 --> 00:17:44,952 - That's what I've been saying this entire time. 451 00:17:45,055 --> 00:17:45,917 Right, Bill? Oh. 452 00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,814 - This is incredible. 453 00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:49,124 Okay, John, with all due respect, 454 00:17:49,227 --> 00:17:50,745 you have zero leadership abilities. 455 00:17:50,848 --> 00:17:52,986 - Oh, is that right? Here it comes. 456 00:17:53,089 --> 00:17:54,227 I have no leadership abilities? - Yeah. 457 00:17:54,331 --> 00:17:56,952 - You were put in charge of this meeting, too, Kate, 458 00:17:57,055 --> 00:17:58,262 and look where we're at. 459 00:17:58,365 --> 00:17:59,952 The word "racism" is written on the board twice! 460 00:18:00,055 --> 00:18:01,745 - That's right, I was put in charge and you stepped over. 461 00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,572 - Did I step over, or was it more like a step up to the plate 462 00:18:04,676 --> 00:18:06,607 to lead a dominating meeting? - You stepped on that plate, 463 00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,227 and you crushed it. - Did I crush the plate, or was 464 00:18:08,331 --> 00:18:09,883 the plate meant to be crushed? - You smashed it. 465 00:18:10,986 --> 00:18:13,021 - What the? 466 00:18:13,124 --> 00:18:14,089 - I did it. 467 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:15,296 - Jesus Christ, Baron. 468 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,193 - Go home and take care of yourself. 469 00:18:19,883 --> 00:18:21,641 - It's okay, it's okay. 470 00:18:21,745 --> 00:18:24,021 Adele... 471 00:18:24,124 --> 00:18:26,021 Come on, guys, let's... 472 00:18:26,124 --> 00:18:27,434 - Genius. 473 00:18:27,538 --> 00:18:28,572 - Let's get back to work, please. 474 00:18:28,676 --> 00:18:31,400 Where's the marker? 475 00:18:31,503 --> 00:18:33,986 - Who has the marker? - Who stole the marker? 476 00:18:34,089 --> 00:18:35,434 - Guys, this isn't funny. 477 00:18:35,538 --> 00:18:37,400 - Morgan, did you take the marker? 478 00:18:37,503 --> 00:18:39,434 - Morgan, why is your hand in your pocket? 479 00:18:39,538 --> 00:18:43,745 both: Morgan, take your hand out of your pocket right now! 480 00:18:45,538 --> 00:18:46,986 - Oh, my God. It's a bird. 481 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,227 Hi, bird. 482 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,641 How did it get in here? 483 00:18:51,745 --> 00:18:53,607 - It must have flown in when Baron left. 484 00:18:53,710 --> 00:18:55,124 Should we do something? - Maybe it's hungry. 485 00:18:55,227 --> 00:18:58,262 - No, it's okay. It knows what to do. 486 00:18:58,365 --> 00:19:01,021 It got in here, it can get back out if it wants. 487 00:19:01,124 --> 00:19:02,607 - It's amazing. 488 00:19:02,710 --> 00:19:03,917 I feel like we're experiencing something really special. 489 00:19:06,986 --> 00:19:07,917 What? 490 00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:08,883 - Got him. 491 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,055 - That bird is so lucky. 492 00:19:14,158 --> 00:19:15,227 It only had to be in this meeting for a minute, 493 00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:16,158 and then it got to die. 494 00:19:16,262 --> 00:19:19,676 - Grandma Dorothy loved birds. 495 00:19:19,779 --> 00:19:20,814 Oh, wait, no, she didn't. That was my other grandma. 496 00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:22,952 Grandma Dorothy hated birds. 497 00:19:24,227 --> 00:19:25,917 God, I wish she was here to see this. 498 00:19:27,883 --> 00:19:30,021 - Ever since that bird died one minute ago... 499 00:19:30,124 --> 00:19:30,883 - Hm. - I started thinking about 500 00:19:30,986 --> 00:19:33,400 my own mortality, 501 00:19:33,503 --> 00:19:34,745 and... 502 00:19:34,848 --> 00:19:37,227 I'm just really sorry that I acted the way I did. 503 00:19:37,331 --> 00:19:38,745 - Why not we just do what we do best: 504 00:19:38,848 --> 00:19:41,227 suppress our emotions 505 00:19:41,331 --> 00:19:43,538 and pretend like this never happened? 506 00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:49,572 - Sorry I was out for so long. 507 00:19:49,676 --> 00:19:51,503 Bill... 508 00:19:53,124 --> 00:19:53,848 I didn't expect you to stay this late. 509 00:19:53,952 --> 00:19:55,710 How're you holding up? 510 00:19:55,814 --> 00:19:58,055 - I killed a big bug. 511 00:19:58,158 --> 00:19:59,607 - Excellent work, Bill. - Thank you. 512 00:19:59,710 --> 00:20:01,710 - So! 513 00:20:01,814 --> 00:20:04,158 Let's see what you guys came up with. 514 00:20:04,262 --> 00:20:05,365 Ah... 515 00:20:05,469 --> 00:20:06,572 a lot of ideas here. 516 00:20:06,676 --> 00:20:07,572 Uh... 517 00:20:07,676 --> 00:20:08,572 huh... 518 00:20:11,779 --> 00:20:13,296 You know, I don't like any of them. 519 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,814 We'll pick up tomorrow where we left off. 520 00:20:15,917 --> 00:20:17,227 Bill, let's go to dinner. 521 00:20:17,331 --> 00:20:18,158 - Yeah, I could eat dinner. 522 00:20:18,262 --> 00:20:19,986 Then after, I know a place 523 00:20:20,089 --> 00:20:21,848 that gives great groin massages. 524 00:20:21,952 --> 00:20:23,848 It's called a public library. 525 00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:25,848 - Anyway, here we go! 526 00:20:25,952 --> 00:20:27,193 - So... 527 00:20:27,296 --> 00:20:29,021 I guess everyone can have their phones back now. 528 00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:36,572 - So let me get this straight, Grandma Dorothy. 529 00:20:36,676 --> 00:20:38,262 You wanted me to watch a funny YouTube video, 530 00:20:38,365 --> 00:20:41,296 so you told my mom and dad to call me? 531 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,745 Why didn't you just send them the link? 532 00:20:44,434 --> 00:20:46,607 You were gonna have them spell it out on the phone to me? 533 00:20:47,676 --> 00:20:49,296 What's the video? 534 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,503 I've already seen "I'm a little cucumber." 535 00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:54,848 No, I don't know if the woman in the video is single. 536 00:20:56,814 --> 00:20:57,676 No, I'm not going to ask her out on a date. 537 00:20:59,917 --> 00:21:01,469 It's none of your business how much I'm getting laid. 538 00:21:01,572 --> 00:21:02,331 How much are you getting laid? 539 00:21:02,434 --> 00:21:03,848 That's my question. 540 00:21:04,952 --> 00:21:05,883 Well, then, don't ask me! 541 00:21:10,848 --> 00:21:12,434 - And you guys know I'm a language guy. 542 00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:14,158 And a math guy. Um... 543 00:21:14,262 --> 00:21:16,503 I don't know--I know that-- 544 00:21:16,607 --> 00:21:17,641 Kate knows that I went to Yale. 545 00:21:17,745 --> 00:21:21,262 Uh, and I know Larry knows I went to Yale. 546 00:21:21,365 --> 00:21:23,124 Bill, uh, I don't know if I've told you this, 547 00:21:23,227 --> 00:21:24,572 but I actually went to Yale. 38647

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