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1
00:00:01,937 --> 00:00:06,702
(gentle instrumental music)
2
00:00:49,125 --> 00:00:53,208
(waves crashing softly)
3
00:01:20,042 --> 00:01:23,708
(tapping softly)
4
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:36,648
(singing in foreign language)
5
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:57,750
(upbeat band music)
6
00:02:59,417 --> 00:03:01,411
- [Radio Announcer] Well,
that's all from me, housewives.
7
00:03:01,417 --> 00:03:03,536
I've really enjoyed
my fortnight with you.
8
00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:06,123
Next week I'm off to
entertain the lads in Kenya
9
00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:09,078
So if any of you have sons
out there drop me a line.
10
00:03:09,083 --> 00:03:12,702
On Monday, my old mate Jerry Bishop
will Be here to play your requests.
11
00:03:12,708 --> 00:03:14,873
So don't forget be
nice to each other,
12
00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:18,753
Don't drive too fast
and keep smiling.
13
00:03:18,833 --> 00:03:23,410
(cheery instrumental music)
14
00:03:26,135 --> 00:03:28,321
- [Radio Announcer]
It's five to 10.
15
00:03:28,887 --> 00:03:32,336
Thou visiteth and
blesseth the earth
16
00:03:32,565 --> 00:03:35,809
Thou makest it very plenteous
17
00:03:36,042 --> 00:03:39,873
Thou crownest the
year with thy goodness
18
00:03:39,875 --> 00:03:44,078
And thy clouds drop fatness
19
00:03:44,083 --> 00:03:48,179
They shall drop upon the
dwellings of the wilderness
20
00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:53,250
And the little hills shall
rejoice on every side
21
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,953
The folds shall
be full of sheep
22
00:03:56,958 --> 00:04:01,161
The valleys also shall
stand so thick with corn
23
00:04:01,167 --> 00:04:06,329
That they shall laugh and sing
24
00:04:06,417 --> 00:04:08,164
- [Radio Announcer] And one
day there came a traveller
25
00:04:08,245 --> 00:04:09,980
To the city of Jericho and
26
00:04:10,061 --> 00:04:12,572
he sat beneath a fig tree.
27
00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,606
He asked for a drink,
but the women told him
28
00:04:15,708 --> 00:04:19,545
"There is enough for
our needs but no more".
29
00:04:19,625 --> 00:04:21,652
The shade of the fig tree was cool,
30
00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:23,932
but the guardians
of the law told him,
31
00:04:24,042 --> 00:04:27,785
"You did not plant the fig tree
"neither did you nurture it
32
00:04:27,866 --> 00:04:31,009
"and the shade is not for you."
33
00:04:31,414 --> 00:04:33,487
The traveller moved on.
34
00:04:33,568 --> 00:04:35,933
In the wilderness he spread his rug
35
00:04:36,074 --> 00:04:38,023
And pressed his face to the sand.
36
00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,757
Far away he heard the
music of the water
37
00:04:41,838 --> 00:04:44,203
and saw the fig tree's shade,
38
00:04:44,292 --> 00:04:49,972
and he murmured,
"I understand, I understand."
39
00:04:50,422 --> 00:04:54,999
(dramatic orchestral music)
40
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:04,083
(soft beeping)
41
00:05:06,208 --> 00:05:10,862
(upbeat rock and roll music)
42
00:05:12,375 --> 00:05:16,123
- [Radio Announcer] Hello, me old mates. For
all of you from Bethnal Green to Brighton,
43
00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:19,660
Here's Vince Groyne and the Peers.
44
00:05:19,667 --> 00:05:21,121
(radio clicks)
- Good luck.
45
00:05:26,417 --> 00:05:30,083
(utensil tinging)
46
00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:38,199
(pot clatters)
47
00:05:51,109 --> 00:05:52,949
(lid clatters)
48
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:59,667
(newspaper rustles)
49
00:06:09,015 --> 00:06:12,682
(cereal clattering)
50
00:06:25,997 --> 00:06:27,964
(toy thuds)
51
00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:32,394
(milk splashing)
52
00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:50,250
(cereal crackles)
53
00:06:52,917 --> 00:06:56,167
(spoon rattles)
54
00:07:08,023 --> 00:07:11,690
(knife scraping)
55
00:07:21,893 --> 00:07:25,559
(teeth crunching)
56
00:07:32,742 --> 00:07:34,347
- Oh!
57
00:07:35,683 --> 00:07:38,687
I see Lord Purley's
getting married again.
58
00:07:38,767 --> 00:07:42,292
I like the way he walks with
his hands behind his back.
59
00:07:43,183 --> 00:07:44,635
- Who, Lord Purley?
60
00:07:44,642 --> 00:07:45,973
- No, him.
61
00:07:45,975 --> 00:07:47,316
I think it's ever so neat.
62
00:07:47,397 --> 00:07:50,113
The little boy does it too.
Do you suppose he has lessons?
63
00:07:50,392 --> 00:07:52,332
- I haven't the faintest idea.
64
00:07:52,626 --> 00:07:55,876
(Delia laughs)
65
00:07:57,017 --> 00:07:58,007
What's the joke?
66
00:07:58,017 --> 00:08:00,969
- It's not a joke, but they
do have such a good time.
67
00:08:00,975 --> 00:08:04,389
"Dublin rained bread
rolls last night.
68
00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:08,848
"While corks popped beneath the chandeliers,
"debs and their escorts pelted their partners
69
00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:10,718
"Across the dance floor.
70
00:08:10,725 --> 00:08:12,923
"Champagne cascaded
from the balcony
71
00:08:12,933 --> 00:08:15,469
"And brought the
cabaret to a full stop.
72
00:08:15,475 --> 00:08:19,921
"Said John Biffy Lauderdale, second
cousin "to the Countess of Digbeth,
73
00:08:20,017 --> 00:08:24,011
"We thought the artists should get
"their fair share of the champers."
74
00:08:24,017 --> 00:08:27,267
(Delia laughs)
75
00:08:30,323 --> 00:08:33,772
- What would you say if I
was to behave like that?
76
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:35,970
- You never would.
77
00:08:38,808 --> 00:08:45,098
Oh, Lady Jane Caterham was grounded at London
airport yesterday when the bus carrying passengers
78
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:49,132
From the Paris plane broke
down 20 yards from reception.
79
00:08:49,142 --> 00:08:53,098
Nothing daunted, the controversial
Lady Jane Got out and walked.
80
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,387
- No!
81
00:08:54,725 --> 00:08:56,844
What, you mean she actually
got out and walked?
82
00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:57,681
- Yes.
83
00:08:57,683 --> 00:08:59,931
- What do you mean putting one foot
in front of the other and all that?
84
00:08:59,933 --> 00:09:02,423
Isn't that marvellous,
I am deeply moved.
85
00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:03,764
- Well, it's different for her.
86
00:09:03,767 --> 00:09:04,928
She's a very busy woman.
87
00:09:04,933 --> 00:09:06,590
- Yeah, I'm sure.
- And a very nice woman too.
88
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,844
- [Wally] I have no doubt.
- She's not a big stickup either.
89
00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:12,465
We asked her to turn on the illumination.
She, she wrote back herself.
90
00:09:12,546 --> 00:09:13,377
- Really?
91
00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:16,574
Well, I'm sure we're all
highly honoured. I can't wait.
92
00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:19,683
- Going to work then?
- It's time.
93
00:09:20,975 --> 00:09:23,931
- You haven't folded your napkin.
94
00:09:26,962 --> 00:09:30,628
(fingers thudding)
95
00:09:35,267 --> 00:09:39,264
(dramatic instrumental music)
96
00:09:39,267 --> 00:09:42,517
(lips smack)
97
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:47,600
(Wally sighs)
98
00:10:13,183 --> 00:10:14,931
(bell ringing)
99
00:10:14,933 --> 00:10:17,767
(chuckles)
100
00:10:29,267 --> 00:10:32,933
(bicycle bell rings)
101
00:10:35,642 --> 00:10:37,918
(door slams)
102
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,598
- That's two more teeth gone.
103
00:10:44,433 --> 00:10:47,264
How do you expect an artist to work
with material like this?
104
00:10:47,267 --> 00:10:49,135
- Not just now, please, Edward.
105
00:10:49,142 --> 00:10:50,553
- Oh.
106
00:10:50,558 --> 00:10:53,558
It's like that again, is it?
- Like what?
107
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:58,100
- There's a trough of
low pressure coming up.
108
00:10:58,399 --> 00:11:02,163
- Yes, I heard.
- There's a gale warning too.
109
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,352
- Really?
110
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:04,594
- All right for some though.
111
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,812
Bournemouth had six point five
hours of sunshine yesterday.
112
00:11:08,892 --> 00:11:09,848
- Did it?
113
00:11:09,850 --> 00:11:12,135
- Yeah,
and it was up to 73 at Ramsgate.
114
00:11:12,142 --> 00:11:13,582
In the shade, that is.
115
00:11:13,663 --> 00:11:16,119
Very unusual for the time of year.
116
00:11:16,267 --> 00:11:18,014
- How absolutely fascinating.
117
00:11:18,017 --> 00:11:21,632
- Yes, you see it's all to do with this
cold front Coming in from the Atlantic.
118
00:11:21,642 --> 00:11:23,636
- Get in the car.
119
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:26,923
- But I'm waiting for these teeth to set.
- Get in the car.
120
00:11:27,975 --> 00:11:29,340
- But I'm an artist.
121
00:11:29,350 --> 00:11:33,139
- And your public is waiting.
Now will you please get in the car!
122
00:11:33,142 --> 00:11:34,719
- It's not loaded.
123
00:11:34,725 --> 00:11:36,011
- Well, why isn't it loaded?
124
00:11:36,017 --> 00:11:38,056
- Because I have these
teeth to stick in.
125
00:11:38,058 --> 00:11:39,344
- Well, who cares about the teeth?
126
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,007
- I care.
- Well, I don't. I've got other things to worry about.
127
00:11:42,017 --> 00:11:45,543
- I was only speaking as an artist.
128
00:11:46,683 --> 00:11:51,257
- Edward, I have the greatest
respect for you as an artist.
129
00:11:51,267 --> 00:11:59,312
I appreciate that a temperament such as yours
Must be treated with tact and delicacy.
130
00:11:59,392 --> 00:12:02,344
Now will you please
load up the car!
131
00:12:02,350 --> 00:12:04,427
- There's no need to shout.
132
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:05,889
You only had to ask.
133
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:10,469
(cheery instrumental music)
134
00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:43,132
We really must get this
tuned, up you know.
135
00:12:43,142 --> 00:12:47,225
(bicycle bell ringing)
136
00:12:53,267 --> 00:12:56,933
(dramatic music)
137
00:13:00,642 --> 00:13:03,058
- Morning, Mr. Mayor!
138
00:13:05,642 --> 00:13:09,181
- That was Pinner, wasn't it?
- I believe it was, Mr. Mayor.
139
00:13:09,183 --> 00:13:12,777
- We'll have to do
something about him.
140
00:13:14,392 --> 00:13:18,058
(men chattering)
141
00:13:18,534 --> 00:13:20,534
Are we all present?
142
00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:25,436
- Mr. Collins isn't here.
- Never mind him. Is everyone else here?
143
00:13:25,517 --> 00:13:28,014
-1 think so.
- All right then.
144
00:13:28,017 --> 00:13:29,178
(bell dinging)
145
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,183
- Gentlemen.
146
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,100
Mr. Mayor.
147
00:13:35,183 --> 00:13:36,715
- Good morning, gentlemen.
148
00:13:36,725 --> 00:13:37,931
- [Men] Good morning, Mr. Mayor.
149
00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:42,639
- I'd just like to say a few words
About next week's great gala occasion.
150
00:13:42,642 --> 00:13:43,757
(men mutter softly)
151
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:48,325
As you all know, that distinguished
personality, Lady Jane Caterham,
152
00:13:48,467 --> 00:13:51,708
has kindly consented to switch
on the illuminations.
153
00:13:51,897 --> 00:13:56,442
And, though far from desiring
the glare of publicity,
154
00:13:56,651 --> 00:13:59,880
I feel her gracious presence
will help
155
00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:04,436
to put Piltdown on the map where it has rightly
belonged for so many years.
156
00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,094
- [Men] Hear, hear.
157
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:09,584
- Ah, but how much
is it going to cost?
158
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:13,639
- Mr. Edwards, this is no
time for penny pinching.
159
00:14:13,642 --> 00:14:16,719
We've got 60 years of
Piltdown to celebrate.
160
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,998
And, if I may say
so,
161
00:14:19,079 --> 00:14:22,135
I don't think any of us will
come too badly out of it.
162
00:14:22,142 --> 00:14:24,306
- I think you've done
very well, Mr. Mayor.
163
00:14:24,308 --> 00:14:26,978
- That's very nice of you, Fred.
164
00:14:27,058 --> 00:14:30,037
I feel we've all played our
part although,
165
00:14:30,193 --> 00:14:33,306
of course, I can't say that for
every element in the town.
166
00:14:33,308 --> 00:14:36,010
We've got a few people
we could well do without.
167
00:14:36,017 --> 00:14:40,594
(cheery instrumental music)
168
00:14:41,392 --> 00:14:42,923
- What's it gonna do, Wal?
169
00:14:42,933 --> 00:14:43,764
- Rain!
170
00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:45,594
There's a drop of low
pressure coming up!
171
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:46,886
- How's the glass?
172
00:14:46,892 --> 00:14:48,178
- Going down!
173
00:14:48,183 --> 00:14:49,806
- It's coming from the West!
174
00:14:49,808 --> 00:14:51,962
- We'll have it by tea time!
175
00:14:54,725 --> 00:14:56,798
Hello, Dollie,
anything for the 3:307?
176
00:14:56,808 --> 00:14:58,094
- Oh, go on.
177
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,933
(laughing)
178
00:15:20,892 --> 00:15:26,594
- It was at 13:25 hours that Nelson was mortally
wounded by a musket ball from the French ship
179
00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:30,806
as depicted in the scene and made, I
might add, Entirely from sand and water.
180
00:15:30,808 --> 00:15:32,973
The French then attempted to board,
181
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,454
but were driven back
182
00:15:34,535 --> 00:15:38,478
by officers and men who rushed
up from the lower deck.
183
00:15:38,558 --> 00:15:42,437
Not long afterwards,
the French ship...
184
00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:44,517
surrendered.
185
00:15:46,558 --> 00:15:49,260
The Victory was now
little more than a wreck.
186
00:15:49,267 --> 00:15:51,215
Her hull severely damaged.
187
00:15:51,225 --> 00:15:54,343
Her rigging badly cut and
few of her spars intact.
188
00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:55,306
Go away, will you,
go away, go away!
189
00:15:55,308 --> 00:15:56,173
(dog snorts)
190
00:15:56,183 --> 00:15:57,469
Go on!
(dog barks)
191
00:15:57,475 --> 00:16:01,843
Now, up to 15:50 hours, when
he lost his power of speech,
192
00:16:01,850 --> 00:16:04,342
Nelson continued to receive
reports of the battle
193
00:16:04,423 --> 00:16:08,053
and one of the last instructions To
Captain Hardy was to anchor the fleet.
194
00:16:08,058 --> 00:16:10,975
Go on, now, would you please?
Go away, go on, be off!
195
00:16:12,808 --> 00:16:16,687
This was also the occasion
when the great admiral,
196
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,639
mortally wounded and
about to breathe his last,
197
00:16:19,642 --> 00:16:23,562
Called Captain Hardy to his
side and whispered in his ear.
198
00:16:23,642 --> 00:16:26,178
Now some authorities have
it that what he said was,
199
00:16:26,183 --> 00:16:30,639
"Kismet Hardy," which as the classical
scholars Have it means fate.
200
00:16:30,642 --> 00:16:34,581
Others believe that what he actually
said was, "Kiss me, Hardy."
201
00:16:34,662 --> 00:16:36,719
Which, of course,
is quite another matter.
202
00:16:36,725 --> 00:16:39,558
(laughs)
203
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:44,428
Well, at any rate, Admiral
Nelson died at 16:40 hours.
204
00:16:44,433 --> 00:16:46,678
- Oh, he's really got 'em today.
205
00:16:46,683 --> 00:16:50,215
- Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you care to show
your appreciation, you'll find a receptacle
206
00:16:50,225 --> 00:16:54,770
For coins just in
front of the sculpture.
207
00:16:54,850 --> 00:16:56,136
Thank you very much.
208
00:16:56,142 --> 00:16:58,142
Thank you.
209
00:17:05,017 --> 00:17:08,437
- Madam, would you kindly
remove that animal?
210
00:17:08,517 --> 00:17:10,517
Thank you very much.
211
00:17:13,308 --> 00:17:15,308
- Good morning!
212
00:17:15,433 --> 00:17:16,264
- Well, hello.
213
00:17:17,475 --> 00:17:20,046
- Force nine in the channel.
214
00:17:22,644 --> 00:17:25,814
Horatio's lookin'
a bit rough today.
215
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:28,593
You ought to shove Lady Hamilton
in there. Brighten it up a bit.
216
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,885
- That is hardly in keeping.
217
00:17:30,892 --> 00:17:32,343
- All right, please yourself.
218
00:17:32,350 --> 00:17:36,070
- Ah, sir, Madam, what about a little picture
of the three of you with the little girl.
219
00:17:36,151 --> 00:17:38,681
What a lovely little kid she is.
Bless her.
220
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,340
That's right, big smile, sir.
221
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:43,225
Memories of Piltdown.
Shan't be a second.
222
00:17:49,892 --> 00:17:51,303
A little closer together.
223
00:17:51,308 --> 00:17:52,965
That's right, and smile, darling.
224
00:17:52,975 --> 00:17:54,553
You'll like Piltdown.
225
00:17:54,558 --> 00:17:56,136
I won't be a second now.
226
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:59,844
Smile, darling, smile.
That's it, any second now.
227
00:17:59,850 --> 00:18:01,473
Here we go.
228
00:18:01,475 --> 00:18:02,681
Oy, Ted!
229
00:18:02,683 --> 00:18:05,177
- Edward if you don't mind.
230
00:18:06,725 --> 00:18:09,215
- Would you mind getting that
tent of yours out of the way?
231
00:18:09,225 --> 00:18:10,056
- Tent?
232
00:18:10,058 --> 00:18:12,840
Are you referring to this
piece of theatrical equipment?
233
00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:14,215
- That thing you're carrying!
234
00:18:14,225 --> 00:18:16,225
It's ruining my sitting!
235
00:18:16,392 --> 00:18:17,223
- Sitting?
236
00:18:17,225 --> 00:18:19,093
You mean those snapshots?
237
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,014
- Only amateurs take snapshots.
238
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:23,507
I offer my customers
a living likeness.
239
00:18:23,517 --> 00:18:24,552
Memories to cherish.
240
00:18:24,558 --> 00:18:27,437
Carefree days by the
sea captured forever.
241
00:18:27,517 --> 00:18:28,507
- Come on, love.
242
00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:29,598
- Now look what you've done!
243
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,600
Madam!
244
00:18:32,058 --> 00:18:33,264
Will you get out of the
way, will you?
245
00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:35,968
Madam, sir,
what about the little girl?
246
00:18:35,975 --> 00:18:39,533
Now don't be like that, Madam.
247
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,600
- Am I bothering you?
248
00:18:43,267 --> 00:18:44,507
- No.
249
00:18:44,517 --> 00:18:45,803
- If you could see your way clear,
250
00:18:45,808 --> 00:18:48,389
Do you think we could
possibly proceed to the beach?
251
00:18:48,392 --> 00:18:50,139
- All right then.
252
00:18:50,142 --> 00:18:52,142
- Thank you.
253
00:18:59,850 --> 00:19:03,517
(mallet banging)
254
00:19:17,558 --> 00:19:21,225
(mallet banging)
255
00:19:22,475 --> 00:19:24,469
- He's here again.
256
00:19:24,475 --> 00:19:28,142
(dramatic music)
257
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:30,011
- Oh no!
258
00:19:30,017 --> 00:19:32,741
Not again, that's all we need!
259
00:19:37,475 --> 00:19:38,886
Come on, come on.
260
00:19:38,892 --> 00:19:40,892
Come on.
261
00:19:48,683 --> 00:19:50,181
Got the new swazzle.
262
00:19:50,183 --> 00:19:52,183
- How is it?
263
00:19:57,558 --> 00:19:59,770
- (high-pitched) What a pity,
what a pity, what a pity!
264
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,850
- Sounds all right.
265
00:20:03,683 --> 00:20:04,969
- Nothing like the old
one, you know.
266
00:20:04,975 --> 00:20:05,806
- It's all right.
267
00:20:05,808 --> 00:20:07,306
- Yes.
- Yes.
268
00:20:07,308 --> 00:20:09,308
- Oh well.
269
00:20:09,517 --> 00:20:10,348
Time?
270
00:20:10,350 --> 00:20:11,590
- It's almost time.
271
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,600
- Overture.
272
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:21,011
(cheery instrumental music)
273
00:20:21,017 --> 00:20:22,132
Right.
274
00:20:22,142 --> 00:20:24,142
Curtain.
275
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,600
Here we are again!
276
00:20:33,392 --> 00:20:34,257
Hello!
277
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,889
- [Children] Hello.
278
00:20:35,892 --> 00:20:37,007
- Hello.
279
00:20:37,017 --> 00:20:39,136
- [Children] Hello.
280
00:20:39,142 --> 00:20:39,973
Goodbye!
281
00:20:39,975 --> 00:20:41,803
(children laugh)
282
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:49,353
My name is Joey the Clown and
I'm very squeezed to meet you!
283
00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:50,844
Pleased to meet you.
284
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:52,136
Would you like to see Mr. Punch?
285
00:20:52,142 --> 00:20:54,056
- [Children] Yes!
286
00:20:54,058 --> 00:20:55,469
- Mr. Punch?
287
00:20:55,475 --> 00:20:56,973
- [Punch] Yes?
288
00:20:56,975 --> 00:20:58,553
- Will you come upstairs?
289
00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,548
(squeaking)
290
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:01,558
- Hello!
291
00:21:01,850 --> 00:21:02,681
Hello!
292
00:21:03,558 --> 00:21:04,798
- Hello, Mr. Punch.
293
00:21:04,808 --> 00:21:06,511
- Hello, Joey, hello!
294
00:21:06,517 --> 00:21:10,428
- Now I've got to go
downstairs for a glass
295
00:21:10,433 --> 00:21:12,433
of bread and dripping.
296
00:21:12,808 --> 00:21:13,798
You stay here...
297
00:21:13,808 --> 00:21:14,923
(banging)
298
00:21:14,933 --> 00:21:16,636
And don't you go away.
299
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:17,723
- All right!
300
00:21:17,725 --> 00:21:18,590
- Goodbye.
301
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:19,886
(squeaking)
302
00:21:19,892 --> 00:21:21,892
- Goodbye!
303
00:21:22,142 --> 00:21:26,225
(Punch sings in squeaks)
304
00:21:27,517 --> 00:21:28,348
Hello!
305
00:21:28,350 --> 00:21:30,053
- [Children] Hello.
306
00:21:30,058 --> 00:21:31,681
- Judy?
307
00:21:31,683 --> 00:21:33,048
- [Judy] Yes?
308
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:34,389
- Come on!
309
00:21:34,392 --> 00:21:36,392
- Here I am.
310
00:21:36,850 --> 00:21:39,267
- Oh, there's Judy!
311
00:21:40,517 --> 00:21:42,933
Judy, give us a kiss.
312
00:21:43,392 --> 00:21:46,950
- All right, stand over there.
313
00:21:47,683 --> 00:21:49,014
One.
314
00:21:49,017 --> 00:21:50,844
(Punch laughs)
315
00:21:50,850 --> 00:21:53,431
- Suppose you've seen quite
a few changes in your time.
316
00:21:53,433 --> 00:21:57,562
- Yes, it's not the same you know.
317
00:21:57,642 --> 00:21:59,298
We used to do 10 shows a day.
318
00:21:59,308 --> 00:22:00,139
- Get away.
319
00:22:00,142 --> 00:22:00,973
- Mm.
320
00:22:02,142 --> 00:22:04,306
- Course,
television killed it really.
321
00:22:04,308 --> 00:22:05,548
- (high-pitched)
Oh, that was lovely!
322
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:07,010
Just like having the tooth out!
323
00:22:07,017 --> 00:22:10,386
Mr. Punch,
would you look after the baby?
324
00:22:10,392 --> 00:22:12,392
- What?
325
00:22:14,058 --> 00:22:15,973
- There you are.
326
00:22:15,975 --> 00:22:19,456
- Ooh, what a beautiful baby.
327
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:25,053
- Now, Mr. Punch, would
you nurse the baby for me?
328
00:22:25,058 --> 00:22:25,889
- Huh?
329
00:22:25,892 --> 00:22:27,007
- Be a good boy.
330
00:22:27,017 --> 00:22:27,848
- Huh?
331
00:22:27,850 --> 00:22:29,181
- [Judy] Bye-bye.
332
00:22:29,183 --> 00:22:31,600
- [Punch] Bye-bye.
333
00:22:33,933 --> 00:22:36,931
(Punch squeaks)
334
00:22:36,933 --> 00:22:38,761
- Watch it much?
335
00:22:38,767 --> 00:22:39,598
- What?
336
00:22:40,683 --> 00:22:42,431
- Television?
337
00:22:42,433 --> 00:22:43,931
- No, too much violence.
338
00:22:43,933 --> 00:22:44,843
Very bad for the kids.
339
00:22:44,850 --> 00:22:47,598
(stick banging)
(Punch laughing)
340
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:48,465
(people laughing)
341
00:22:48,475 --> 00:22:50,007
- [Punch] That's the way to do it.
342
00:22:50,017 --> 00:22:52,215
That's the way to do it.
343
00:22:52,225 --> 00:22:53,386
(Punch laughs)
344
00:22:53,392 --> 00:22:55,803
- There's no two ways
about as far I can see.
345
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:57,014
We've gotta move with the times.
346
00:22:57,017 --> 00:22:58,052
- [Men] Hear, hear.
347
00:22:58,058 --> 00:23:00,760
- Now then,
is there any further business?
348
00:23:00,767 --> 00:23:02,635
- There's the question
of decorations.
349
00:23:02,642 --> 00:23:04,840
- No question,
surely they'll be worn.
350
00:23:04,850 --> 00:23:07,803
- Isn't it a little invidious?
351
00:23:07,808 --> 00:23:09,590
- What do you mean invidious?
352
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,098
If you've won 'em you wear 'em.
353
00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:14,594
- Yes, well, they didn't pin
them on everyone, you know.
354
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,178
Some of us had to stay at home.
355
00:23:16,183 --> 00:23:18,098
- No one's getting at you, Jack.
356
00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:21,007
- Ah, there was a job
of work to be done.
357
00:23:21,017 --> 00:23:22,594
I remember Winston coming down...
358
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,223
- Alright, Jack, we all know.
359
00:23:24,225 --> 00:23:26,636
You're one of the unsung heroes.
360
00:23:26,642 --> 00:23:29,132
- Well,
if it hadn't been for my leg.
361
00:23:29,142 --> 00:23:30,348
(men mutter)
362
00:23:30,350 --> 00:23:32,635
I can feel it now, just
a touch of the East wind
363
00:23:32,642 --> 00:23:34,298
And it doesn't half give me gyp.
364
00:23:34,308 --> 00:23:35,343
- Yes, I don't know how you manage
365
00:23:35,350 --> 00:23:37,298
To get around those
36 holes every Sunday.
366
00:23:37,308 --> 00:23:38,139
(men laugh)
367
00:23:38,142 --> 00:23:40,010
Well, the doctor said
I've got to keep moving.
368
00:23:40,017 --> 00:23:41,885
- You've always had
to, haven't you, Jack?
369
00:23:41,892 --> 00:23:44,257
- I don't know what
decorations you can put up,
370
00:23:44,267 --> 00:23:46,465
but I reckon if they'd known
about your contribution
371
00:23:46,475 --> 00:23:48,719
To the war effort, they'd
have sent you the iron cross!
372
00:23:48,725 --> 00:23:50,428
(men laugh)
- Now look here, Jack!
373
00:23:50,433 --> 00:23:51,264
- [Mayor] All right, that's enough.
374
00:23:51,267 --> 00:23:52,632
- It's all very well, Arthur.
375
00:23:52,642 --> 00:23:54,761
- I said, that's enough.
376
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:57,052
We've almost run
into drinking time.
377
00:23:57,058 --> 00:23:58,173
- Yes.
378
00:23:58,183 --> 00:24:00,548
(Punch squeaks)
- Come along, here we are.
379
00:24:00,558 --> 00:24:01,673
Three for, here we are.
380
00:24:01,683 --> 00:24:02,718
Three for.
381
00:24:02,725 --> 00:24:04,382
Ready in 24 hours,
three for half a crown.
382
00:24:04,392 --> 00:24:05,632
Now come along now.
383
00:24:05,642 --> 00:24:06,632
Ah, you, sir.
384
00:24:06,642 --> 00:24:08,642
Smile!
385
00:24:10,975 --> 00:24:12,553
- Who killed Mr. Punch?
386
00:24:12,558 --> 00:24:14,889
- [Children] A skeleton.
387
00:24:14,892 --> 00:24:15,848
- A skellybones?
388
00:24:15,850 --> 00:24:17,428
- [Children] Yes, yes.
389
00:24:17,433 --> 00:24:19,473
- Oh, I don't like scallywagses.
390
00:24:19,475 --> 00:24:21,965
You won't ever get me.
(squeaking)
391
00:24:21,975 --> 00:24:23,181
Where?
392
00:24:23,183 --> 00:24:24,965
(children shout)
Too far.
393
00:24:24,975 --> 00:24:26,803
- Come along now,
three for half crown.
394
00:24:26,808 --> 00:24:27,639
Ready in 24 hours.
395
00:24:27,642 --> 00:24:29,389
Get your photographs
taken over here.
396
00:24:29,392 --> 00:24:30,427
- He's out there.
397
00:24:30,433 --> 00:24:31,343
- Who is?
398
00:24:31,350 --> 00:24:32,465
- Nevil.
399
00:24:32,475 --> 00:24:33,927
- Come along now,
three for half a crown.
400
00:24:33,933 --> 00:24:35,219
- Go and get rid of him!
401
00:24:35,225 --> 00:24:36,056
I'll take that.
402
00:24:36,058 --> 00:24:37,173
- All right.
- Fine, fine.
403
00:24:37,183 --> 00:24:38,014
All right.
404
00:24:38,850 --> 00:24:39,715
- [Child] Hello.
405
00:24:39,725 --> 00:24:40,760
- [Nevil] Here we are, Madam.
406
00:24:40,767 --> 00:24:42,886
Here we are, get your
photographs taken here.
407
00:24:42,892 --> 00:24:43,723
Come along now.
408
00:24:43,725 --> 00:24:45,056
- He's out!
409
00:24:45,058 --> 00:24:45,923
(children shout)
410
00:24:45,933 --> 00:24:46,889
Where?
411
00:24:46,892 --> 00:24:48,639
- Come alone now.
- A skallybone?
412
00:24:48,642 --> 00:24:50,469
- [Children] Yes!
413
00:24:50,475 --> 00:24:51,840
- Ah, here we are, Madam.
414
00:24:51,850 --> 00:24:52,806
Ready in 24 hours.
415
00:24:52,808 --> 00:24:53,843
Get your photographs
taken over here.
416
00:24:53,850 --> 00:24:56,267
- Scallydog?
- Yes!
417
00:24:57,517 --> 00:24:59,556
- Always here,
memories of Piltdown.
418
00:24:59,558 --> 00:25:01,056
Get your photographs taken here.
419
00:25:01,058 --> 00:25:03,098
Come along, sir and madam.
420
00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:04,306
Why, look at that
baby you've got there.
421
00:25:04,308 --> 00:25:11,719
- Look here, you're interrupting
a public performance!
422
00:25:15,142 --> 00:25:15,973
- I'm not afraid of him!
- Ready in 24 hours.
423
00:25:15,975 --> 00:25:17,090
Memories to cherish.
424
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,344
- [Joey] You know what
I'd do if I saw him?
425
00:25:19,350 --> 00:25:20,340
- [Children] No!
426
00:25:20,350 --> 00:25:21,465
- [Joey] I'd look him
straight in the face
427
00:25:21,475 --> 00:25:23,806
And I'd say, now look here.
428
00:25:23,808 --> 00:25:25,808
- Ooooh!
429
00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:29,973
- Oh, he looks like
a lump of ice cream.
430
00:25:29,975 --> 00:25:32,048
Here comes the coffin!
(children laugh)
431
00:25:32,058 --> 00:25:33,761
There we are.
432
00:25:33,767 --> 00:25:35,264
Come on, Mr. Punch.
433
00:25:35,267 --> 00:25:36,632
In you go.
434
00:25:36,642 --> 00:25:39,389
Get your tootsie-wootsies in.
435
00:25:39,392 --> 00:25:42,139
Take him to the
semitootery and we'll
436
00:25:42,142 --> 00:25:45,590
Sing a sad song to take him away.
437
00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,683
(Wally sings happily)
438
00:25:52,933 --> 00:25:56,600
(crowd applauding)
439
00:26:02,892 --> 00:26:06,340
(in high-pitched
squeaks) What about that?
440
00:26:06,350 --> 00:26:07,928
What about that?
441
00:26:07,933 --> 00:26:09,139
Have you ever seen a worse example
442
00:26:09,142 --> 00:26:11,215
Of unprofessional
behaviour in your life?
443
00:26:11,225 --> 00:26:14,257
Wandering about, hanging
out cards like soap coupons.
444
00:26:14,267 --> 00:26:15,098
I'll kill the...
445
00:26:15,100 --> 00:26:15,931
- Hello there.
446
00:26:15,933 --> 00:26:16,889
How's it going at Trafalgar?
447
00:26:16,892 --> 00:26:19,616
- I don't like the look of it.
448
00:26:23,642 --> 00:26:25,510
(coins rattles)
449
00:26:25,517 --> 00:26:27,517
How did we do?
450
00:26:33,975 --> 00:26:36,848
Nevil Shanks, society photographer.
451
00:26:36,850 --> 00:26:39,261
Portraits by appointment
or while you wait.
452
00:26:39,267 --> 00:26:41,267
I'll sort him out later.
453
00:26:42,850 --> 00:26:43,681
They all gone?
454
00:26:43,683 --> 00:26:44,548
- Think so.
455
00:26:44,558 --> 00:26:46,975
- I'll have a look.
456
00:26:47,725 --> 00:26:49,639
(playful music)
457
00:26:49,642 --> 00:26:51,642
Oh no!
458
00:26:53,933 --> 00:26:55,933
Trouble.
459
00:26:57,058 --> 00:26:58,886
- I'll have that.
460
00:26:58,892 --> 00:27:00,892
- Thank you.
461
00:27:05,308 --> 00:27:08,975
Well, what do you want?
462
00:27:10,100 --> 00:27:13,581
- You left the crocodile out.
463
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:15,761
- Who did?
464
00:27:15,767 --> 00:27:16,757
- You left it out.
465
00:27:17,725 --> 00:27:20,010
- Well, who says he has to be in?
466
00:27:20,017 --> 00:27:22,017
- He's always in.
467
00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:24,389
- Well, he wasn't in this time.
468
00:27:24,392 --> 00:27:25,348
- Why not?
469
00:27:26,225 --> 00:27:30,520
- Because it has been
a very difficult day!
470
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,382
- Will he be in this afternoon?
471
00:27:32,392 --> 00:27:34,048
- If I want him to be in.
472
00:27:34,058 --> 00:27:36,514
- Well, I want him to be in.
473
00:27:36,517 --> 00:27:38,802
- Well, he probably will be in.
474
00:27:38,808 --> 00:27:40,808
- Good!
475
00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:53,132
- Well, er, I suggest we
adjourn to the Trident.
476
00:27:53,142 --> 00:27:54,257
- Yes.
477
00:27:54,267 --> 00:27:57,431
Not for long, I told Delia
I'd be back for lunch.
478
00:27:57,433 --> 00:27:58,548
(bell ringing)
479
00:27:58,558 --> 00:28:00,558
- Good morning.
480
00:28:00,767 --> 00:28:02,767
- Oh.
481
00:28:03,475 --> 00:28:06,348
Good morning, Mrs. Palmer.
482
00:28:06,350 --> 00:28:09,062
Irene, a chair for the Mayoress.
483
00:28:09,142 --> 00:28:11,386
- Now, it's about the gala night.
484
00:28:11,392 --> 00:28:14,093
There was something
I meant to ask you.
485
00:28:14,100 --> 00:28:16,139
Now, what was it?
486
00:28:16,142 --> 00:28:19,340
- You thought I might be able
to help with the tableaux.
487
00:28:19,350 --> 00:28:22,844
- Yes, well, I'm afraid
that's all been arranged.
488
00:28:22,850 --> 00:28:24,969
- Oh, but you promised.
489
00:28:24,975 --> 00:28:27,431
- I'm sorry, my dear,
but we had to get on
490
00:28:27,433 --> 00:28:28,965
with things and the Committee felt,
491
00:28:28,975 --> 00:28:31,094
in view of her experience,
Miss Ripper should
492
00:28:31,100 --> 00:28:32,215
arrange the tableaux.
493
00:28:32,225 --> 00:28:34,423
She's very good at that
sort of thing, you know.
494
00:28:34,433 --> 00:28:36,136
- Well, of course,
if it's been arranged.
495
00:28:36,142 --> 00:28:40,162
- But I did have
another suggestion.
496
00:28:44,142 --> 00:28:44,973
- Yes?
497
00:28:44,975 --> 00:28:48,007
- Well, I wondered if your husband
498
00:28:48,017 --> 00:28:49,468
Would care to entertain us.
499
00:28:49,475 --> 00:28:51,343
I mean, we are a seaside
resort and it would
500
00:28:51,350 --> 00:28:56,270
Be so nice to have something
of the spirit of the place.
501
00:28:56,350 --> 00:29:00,718
- Yes, well, I, I don't know.
502
00:29:00,725 --> 00:29:03,975
I'll have to ask him.
503
00:29:04,642 --> 00:29:05,757
- Must you?
504
00:29:05,767 --> 00:29:08,178
(sighs) What a pity.
505
00:29:08,183 --> 00:29:09,681
I've my list to
finish today and I'm
506
00:29:09,683 --> 00:29:11,340
Afraid I really must know now.
507
00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:13,344
- Well, I, I really don't know.
508
00:29:13,350 --> 00:29:14,761
You see, he's very...
509
00:29:14,767 --> 00:29:17,764
- After all, my dear,
it's quite an honour.
510
00:29:17,767 --> 00:29:20,098
We're having some very
distinguished company.
511
00:29:20,100 --> 00:29:22,298
- Yes, I know, Lady Caterham.
512
00:29:22,308 --> 00:29:23,965
Oh, I think she's marvellous.
513
00:29:23,975 --> 00:29:25,136
I should love to meet her.
514
00:29:25,142 --> 00:29:28,386
- Well,
I daresay that could be arranged
515
00:29:28,392 --> 00:29:30,469
if you speak to Mr. Pinner.
516
00:29:32,183 --> 00:29:34,183
- Well,...
517
00:29:35,183 --> 00:29:36,635
Yes, he'll do it.
518
00:29:36,642 --> 00:29:38,344
He'll be delighted to do it.
519
00:29:38,350 --> 00:29:42,302
- Gala Week, September
the Fifth to the 12th.
520
00:29:42,308 --> 00:29:45,757
Carnivals,
tableaux and illuminations.
521
00:29:45,767 --> 00:29:47,218
What a load of rubbish.
522
00:29:47,225 --> 00:29:49,927
I wouldn't be seen
dead near that lot.
523
00:29:49,933 --> 00:29:51,802
- I think it might be rather gay.
524
00:29:51,808 --> 00:29:52,639
- Gay?
525
00:29:52,642 --> 00:29:53,757
Are you out of your mind?
526
00:29:53,767 --> 00:29:56,844
This is Piltdown Bay, the
pearl of the Dogger Bank.
527
00:29:56,850 --> 00:29:58,261
You'll get no gaiety here.
528
00:29:58,267 --> 00:30:00,928
(men laugh)
529
00:30:00,933 --> 00:30:03,594
I'll lay you six to four that's
the one about the Eskimo.
530
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:07,228
- So the girl said
to this Eskimo...
531
00:30:07,308 --> 00:30:09,923
(men laugh)
532
00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,715
Well, come on now, Fred.
533
00:30:11,725 --> 00:30:13,428
How did the meeting
go this morning?
534
00:30:13,433 --> 00:30:15,598
- Well, I'm sworn to
secrecy, of course,
535
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,181
but between you and
me and the cake post
536
00:30:18,183 --> 00:30:21,228
I think we should
all do very nicely.
537
00:30:21,308 --> 00:30:22,218
- What'll you have?
538
00:30:22,225 --> 00:30:27,014
- Oh, I'll have another
large pink gin, please.
539
00:30:27,975 --> 00:30:29,678
- If he must water the
beer, I do wish he
540
00:30:29,683 --> 00:30:30,923
wouldn't use seawater.
541
00:30:30,933 --> 00:30:33,264
- I can't think why we come here.
542
00:30:33,267 --> 00:30:36,145
- All the best people come here.
543
00:30:38,683 --> 00:30:39,969
Ah.
544
00:30:39,975 --> 00:30:42,014
The society photographer.
545
00:30:42,017 --> 00:30:44,017
- Nice weather for ducks.
546
00:30:45,475 --> 00:30:47,098
Well, it's raining.
547
00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:49,100
- We know it's raining.
548
00:30:49,850 --> 00:30:51,181
- You all covered up?
549
00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,183
- Quite adequately.
550
00:30:54,850 --> 00:30:57,386
- Well, that's all right
then, isn't it?
551
00:30:57,392 --> 00:30:58,427
- I'm surprised
you've got the nerve
552
00:30:58,433 --> 00:30:59,468
to show your face in here after
553
00:30:59,475 --> 00:31:00,927
That little exhibition
this morning.
554
00:31:00,933 --> 00:31:01,889
- Well, I'm temperamental.
555
00:31:01,892 --> 00:31:03,806
And it's all your fault anyway.
556
00:31:03,808 --> 00:31:04,639
- My fault?
557
00:31:04,642 --> 00:31:05,507
- You interfered with my pose.
558
00:31:05,517 --> 00:31:06,348
- I did not interfere
with your pose.
559
00:31:06,350 --> 00:31:07,973
- Oh yes, you did.
- Oh no, I didn't.
560
00:31:07,975 --> 00:31:09,723
- You and that tent of yours.
561
00:31:09,725 --> 00:31:10,931
- It is not a tent.
562
00:31:10,933 --> 00:31:13,635
- Well, whatever it is,
it destroyed the mood.
563
00:31:13,642 --> 00:31:16,098
(tapping)
564
00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:18,728
- Are you buying the drinks then?
565
00:31:18,808 --> 00:31:20,465
- Well, of course.
566
00:31:20,475 --> 00:31:22,475
Good grief.
567
00:31:26,683 --> 00:31:27,514
(clears throat)
568
00:31:27,517 --> 00:31:28,348
- Service.
569
00:31:28,350 --> 00:31:30,812
- Be careful, he might hear you.
570
00:31:33,808 --> 00:31:37,058
(clears throat)
571
00:31:37,850 --> 00:31:40,431
(clears throat)
572
00:31:40,433 --> 00:31:42,598
Without wishing to interrupt
your intellectual conversation,
573
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:43,806
I wonder if you could
see your way clear
574
00:31:43,808 --> 00:31:46,173
To providing a little
service this side of the bar.
575
00:31:46,183 --> 00:31:49,818
- I'll be with you in a minute.
576
00:31:52,683 --> 00:31:53,514
- Do you mind?
577
00:31:53,517 --> 00:31:56,318
This is a private conversation.
578
00:31:57,308 --> 00:31:58,173
- Come here often?
579
00:31:58,183 --> 00:32:00,052
(shutter slams)
580
00:32:00,058 --> 00:32:03,168
Cheap dry return, workman's please.
581
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:07,937
Normal service will be
resumed as soon as possible.
582
00:32:08,017 --> 00:32:10,017
Seats at all prices.
583
00:32:12,975 --> 00:32:13,931
Try using your feet.
584
00:32:13,933 --> 00:32:15,933
- I'll get it!
585
00:32:17,850 --> 00:32:20,914
- Any more for the wall game?
586
00:32:21,892 --> 00:32:23,178
- All right,
you've had your little joke.
587
00:32:23,183 --> 00:32:25,514
Standing on the furniture
is not permitted!
588
00:32:25,517 --> 00:32:26,968
- Ah, mine host.
589
00:32:26,975 --> 00:32:30,093
Come landlord, fill the flowing
bowl, the cup of good cheer.
590
00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:31,056
Let joy be un...
591
00:32:31,058 --> 00:32:32,344
- Never mind about that.
592
00:32:32,350 --> 00:32:34,469
Let us have you down.
593
00:32:34,475 --> 00:32:35,306
- If you insist.
594
00:32:35,308 --> 00:32:37,308
- I do insist.
595
00:32:39,350 --> 00:32:43,568
Interfering with the
comfort of my clientele.
596
00:32:45,892 --> 00:32:49,373
Well, what's it to be anyway?
597
00:32:53,850 --> 00:32:55,923
- (stammers) What's
it gonna be then?
598
00:32:55,933 --> 00:32:57,344
- A large whiskey.
599
00:32:57,350 --> 00:32:59,007
- I'll have a bitter.
600
00:32:59,017 --> 00:33:00,303
- A large whiskey, a small bitter.
601
00:33:00,308 --> 00:33:02,136
- A large bitter.
602
00:33:02,142 --> 00:33:04,923
- And I'll have a glass of Superb.
603
00:33:04,933 --> 00:33:06,556
- A large whiskey, a large bitter,
604
00:33:06,558 --> 00:33:10,312
A large glass of Superb, and
half a pint of mild, please.
605
00:33:10,392 --> 00:33:11,473
I don't mind paying for your drink,
606
00:33:11,475 --> 00:33:13,760
But there's no need
to go raving mad.
607
00:33:13,767 --> 00:33:15,344
- Under the circumstances,
I think you've
608
00:33:15,350 --> 00:33:16,590
got off this very lightly.
609
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:17,510
- Very lightly.
610
00:33:17,517 --> 00:33:18,348
- Oh yeah?
611
00:33:18,350 --> 00:33:19,465
Well, I've never seen
you drink a whole pint
612
00:33:19,475 --> 00:33:20,306
of bitter before.
613
00:33:20,308 --> 00:33:21,389
- Well, you will now.
614
00:33:22,267 --> 00:33:24,598
- That'll be 10 and
threepence if you please.
615
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:27,718
(bell ringing)
616
00:33:27,725 --> 00:33:29,764
- Pelting down out there.
617
00:33:29,767 --> 00:33:32,348
Took me 10 minutes to get on a bus.
618
00:33:32,350 --> 00:33:33,181
- Oh.
619
00:33:33,183 --> 00:33:35,052
Oh, well, I suppose Mr.
Pinner will be late.
620
00:33:35,058 --> 00:33:37,594
I better go and turn the oven down.
621
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,261
- No, he can't be working.
622
00:33:40,267 --> 00:33:42,267
Not a soul on the front.
623
00:33:42,683 --> 00:33:44,094
- Oh.
624
00:33:44,100 --> 00:33:46,385
No, well, I suppose he's
sheltering somewhere.
625
00:33:47,225 --> 00:33:49,469
Mr. Pinner knows how to
take care of himself.
626
00:33:49,475 --> 00:33:51,673
- Well, cheerio then.
627
00:33:51,683 --> 00:33:53,683
- [Nevil] Cheers.
628
00:33:55,183 --> 00:33:57,965
(register dinging)
629
00:33:57,975 --> 00:34:00,306
(men chattering)
630
00:34:00,308 --> 00:34:02,593
- Well,
what would you gentlemen like?
631
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,132
- I'll have a pound out the till!
632
00:34:04,142 --> 00:34:07,392
(men laugh)
633
00:34:08,725 --> 00:34:11,386
- Hello,
the Yaks are with us again.
634
00:34:11,392 --> 00:34:12,223
- The Yaks?
635
00:34:12,225 --> 00:34:13,306
- It's an organisation, Edward.
636
00:34:13,308 --> 00:34:14,173
- I've never met one.
637
00:34:14,183 --> 00:34:18,261
- Of course, you have, the
place is stiff with them.
638
00:34:18,267 --> 00:34:20,267
Hang on.
639
00:34:24,642 --> 00:34:28,308
(knocking softly)
640
00:34:31,392 --> 00:34:34,225
(knocking)
641
00:34:43,517 --> 00:34:46,594
- Pardon me, is the Monarch
of the Glen at home?
642
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,594
(glass shattering)
643
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,850
(men laugh)
644
00:34:53,183 --> 00:34:54,715
- That's nice, isn't it?
645
00:34:54,725 --> 00:34:56,969
Nice class of clientele
you've got here.
646
00:34:56,975 --> 00:34:58,678
Breaking the place up.
647
00:34:58,683 --> 00:35:01,562
You wanna tell them to watch it.
648
00:35:02,767 --> 00:35:06,017
(men chuckle)
649
00:35:07,558 --> 00:35:08,389
Oh dear.
650
00:35:09,558 --> 00:35:10,389
Mm.
651
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:12,806
Delicious.
652
00:35:12,808 --> 00:35:16,145
Well, I'd like to
return the compliment.
653
00:35:16,225 --> 00:35:19,366
Unfortunately, I have to dash.
654
00:35:23,808 --> 00:35:26,173
Don't forget, up the Yaks!
655
00:35:26,183 --> 00:35:28,719
(whistling)
656
00:35:28,725 --> 00:35:30,593
- You know.
657
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,382
- He really is a
most amusing fellow.
658
00:35:33,392 --> 00:35:36,053
- Oh yes, very droll.
659
00:35:36,058 --> 00:35:39,308
(storm rages)
660
00:35:42,267 --> 00:35:46,635
(gentle instrumental music)
661
00:35:46,642 --> 00:35:52,604
- There's no point in
hanging about, you know!
662
00:35:54,100 --> 00:35:55,215
You can't expect a performance
663
00:35:55,225 --> 00:35:58,937
When it's coming down like this.
664
00:35:59,850 --> 00:36:01,850
Well, can you?
665
00:36:04,142 --> 00:36:06,789
You better get off home then!
666
00:36:09,433 --> 00:36:12,081
All right, come on over here.
667
00:36:13,308 --> 00:36:16,110
Well, come on, I won't eat you.
668
00:36:27,892 --> 00:36:28,723
Why aren't you at home?
669
00:36:28,725 --> 00:36:31,373
- I'm waiting for it to stop.
670
00:36:32,433 --> 00:36:33,343
- Where do you live?
671
00:36:33,350 --> 00:36:35,635
- 42 Banjo Road.
672
00:36:35,642 --> 00:36:36,473
- That's on the bus route.
673
00:36:36,475 --> 00:36:38,892
- I haven't got any money.
674
00:36:41,892 --> 00:36:43,303
- How much is it?
675
00:36:43,308 --> 00:36:45,725
- Threepence, half price.
676
00:36:48,308 --> 00:36:50,308
- Here you are.
677
00:36:50,975 --> 00:36:51,806
Why not?
678
00:36:51,808 --> 00:36:55,853
- Mum said I wasn't to take
money from strange men.
679
00:36:55,933 --> 00:36:57,385
- But I'm not a strange man.
680
00:36:57,392 --> 00:36:58,507
You see me every day of the week.
681
00:36:58,517 --> 00:37:00,517
This is ridiculous.
682
00:37:04,850 --> 00:37:06,718
- I'll give it to you back.
683
00:37:06,725 --> 00:37:08,725
- I should hope so.
684
00:37:10,850 --> 00:37:12,090
- Where's the bus stop?
685
00:37:12,100 --> 00:37:14,100
- In Market Street.
686
00:37:15,392 --> 00:37:16,223
- All right, I'll take you there.
687
00:37:16,225 --> 00:37:18,642
- There's no need!
688
00:37:19,058 --> 00:37:22,395
- I know there isn't,
it's on my way.
689
00:37:22,475 --> 00:37:24,475
- All right then.
690
00:37:27,267 --> 00:37:30,517
(gentle music)
691
00:37:40,392 --> 00:37:43,219
- He is late, isn't he, Mrs.
Pinner?
692
00:37:43,225 --> 00:37:44,056
Wouldn't have thought
it would have taken him
693
00:37:44,058 --> 00:37:46,806
As long as this to
get up from the front.
694
00:37:46,808 --> 00:37:49,806
- No, well, I expect
he's discussing business.
695
00:37:49,808 --> 00:37:54,245
- Still,
he might have let you know.
696
00:37:55,433 --> 00:37:57,764
- Have you brought those boxes up
697
00:37:57,767 --> 00:38:00,011
From the basement yet, Miss Foster?
698
00:38:00,017 --> 00:38:00,848
- No, Madam.
699
00:38:00,850 --> 00:38:02,348
- Well, would you do it?
700
00:38:02,350 --> 00:38:04,350
Now, please.
701
00:38:09,558 --> 00:38:15,462
(storm raging)
(wind howling)
702
00:38:18,017 --> 00:38:19,428
- What's the matter, you hungry?
703
00:38:19,433 --> 00:38:21,433
- Yes.
704
00:38:22,058 --> 00:38:25,662
- All right,
won't last long anyway.
705
00:38:30,100 --> 00:38:32,100
- Good afternoon.
706
00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:41,600
(hat slapping)
707
00:39:00,267 --> 00:39:02,267
Good afternoon.
708
00:39:02,683 --> 00:39:03,514
What's it to be?
709
00:39:03,517 --> 00:39:06,812
Shepherd's Delight, Sunset Special?
710
00:39:06,892 --> 00:39:09,382
Rainbow Treat or Hopskotch Dainty?
711
00:39:09,392 --> 00:39:11,723
- Oh, I'll just have a bowl
of hot soup, I think, please.
712
00:39:11,725 --> 00:39:14,142
- We don't do soup, sir.
713
00:39:14,642 --> 00:39:17,366
- I'll just have a cup of tea.
714
00:39:18,100 --> 00:39:20,431
- We don't do tea either, sir.
715
00:39:20,433 --> 00:39:21,264
- Oh.
716
00:39:22,142 --> 00:39:23,889
Well, what would you like?
717
00:39:23,892 --> 00:39:26,011
- I'll have a Piltdown Glory.
718
00:39:26,017 --> 00:39:28,056
Two scoops of luscious vanilla.
719
00:39:28,058 --> 00:39:30,223
Two scoops of toasty chocolate.
720
00:39:30,225 --> 00:39:34,382
Succulent sliced banana, juicy
peach fingers in pure cane
721
00:39:34,392 --> 00:39:38,223
Syrup swimming in
super-smooth butter fat cream.
722
00:39:38,225 --> 00:39:39,803
Ooh, and a cherry!
723
00:39:39,808 --> 00:39:41,808
- And a cherry.
724
00:39:46,475 --> 00:39:49,308
And for you, sir?
725
00:39:53,183 --> 00:39:57,350
- The same.
726
00:40:19,350 --> 00:40:23,017
(spoon clatters)
727
00:41:44,100 --> 00:41:47,767
(contents rattle)
728
00:42:36,392 --> 00:42:39,642
(clears throat)
729
00:43:09,183 --> 00:43:10,389
(cheery instrumental music)
730
00:43:10,392 --> 00:43:14,058
(teeth crunching)
731
00:45:32,725 --> 00:45:34,725
- Straw please.
732
00:46:14,850 --> 00:46:17,683
(popping)
733
00:46:18,475 --> 00:46:21,308
- That's the way to do it.
734
00:46:26,267 --> 00:46:28,267
- Just a minute.
735
00:46:29,642 --> 00:46:31,642
Five shillings.
736
00:46:40,308 --> 00:46:43,975
(Wally chuckles)
737
00:46:48,808 --> 00:46:49,843
- [Man] There's only a few of you.
738
00:46:49,850 --> 00:46:50,931
Now's the time to get in.
739
00:46:50,933 --> 00:46:52,298
There's only a few of you.
740
00:46:52,308 --> 00:46:55,181
Bingo, now's the time to get in.
741
00:46:55,183 --> 00:46:56,093
Now drowning.
742
00:46:56,100 --> 00:46:57,678
Play it again, one line any way
743
00:46:57,683 --> 00:47:00,385
Or one on each in four
corners, all right?
744
00:47:00,392 --> 00:47:02,465
Are you going to locate
the first tunnel?
745
00:47:02,475 --> 00:47:05,725
(bell dinging)
746
00:47:06,308 --> 00:47:08,308
- Strong.
747
00:47:08,683 --> 00:47:13,478
- [Man] On the white
56, 56 on the white.
748
00:47:13,558 --> 00:47:15,975
On the green line, 31.
749
00:47:16,808 --> 00:47:17,639
- Any luck?
750
00:47:17,642 --> 00:47:18,677
- No.
- Oh.
751
00:47:18,683 --> 00:47:19,514
- How about you?
752
00:47:20,642 --> 00:47:21,973
- Strong.
753
00:47:21,975 --> 00:47:23,975
- Oh, very good.
754
00:47:24,642 --> 00:47:25,882
Have a sweet.
755
00:47:25,892 --> 00:47:27,892
- Thank you.
756
00:47:29,725 --> 00:47:31,798
- [Man] On the red, number nine.
757
00:47:31,808 --> 00:47:33,808
Nine on the red.
758
00:47:34,142 --> 00:47:37,808
(machine clatters)
759
00:47:47,892 --> 00:47:51,427
(machine clatters)
760
00:47:51,433 --> 00:47:53,261
That's awfully good,
Nevil, awfully good.
761
00:47:53,267 --> 00:47:55,882
Look, er, a little
fresh air, I think, you?
762
00:47:55,892 --> 00:47:56,723
Come on.
763
00:47:56,725 --> 00:48:00,014
- [Man] Any moment now, it's
gonna go back to the winner.
764
00:48:00,017 --> 00:48:00,848
- Here we are.
765
00:48:00,850 --> 00:48:02,090
- Thank you very much.
766
00:48:02,100 --> 00:48:02,931
- Afternoon.
767
00:48:02,933 --> 00:48:03,764
- Bye-bye.
768
00:48:04,975 --> 00:48:08,225
(bell rings)
769
00:48:11,850 --> 00:48:14,511
- Oh, we were wondering
what happened to you?
770
00:48:14,517 --> 00:48:16,882
- Yes, I got held up.
771
00:48:16,892 --> 00:48:19,223
How is Mrs. Pinner?
772
00:48:19,225 --> 00:48:20,511
- Waiting.
773
00:48:20,517 --> 00:48:24,600
(dramatic music)
- Mm-hmm.
774
00:48:27,350 --> 00:48:31,017
(suspenseful music)
775
00:48:33,058 --> 00:48:35,058
- Ooh!
776
00:48:38,683 --> 00:48:40,683
- Hello.
777
00:48:40,975 --> 00:48:42,306
- Do you know the time?
778
00:48:42,308 --> 00:48:43,139
- Yeah, I'm a bit late.
779
00:48:43,142 --> 00:48:43,973
I'm sorry.
780
00:48:43,975 --> 00:48:46,848
- You are precisely one
hour and 10 minutes late.
781
00:48:46,850 --> 00:48:49,094
I suppose they haven't got
clocks in your part of the town.
782
00:48:49,100 --> 00:48:51,298
- Yes, but I got a bit tied
up, you know.
783
00:48:51,308 --> 00:48:52,469
- And you can tell the time?
784
00:48:52,475 --> 00:48:54,098
- Yes, I can tell the time.
785
00:48:54,100 --> 00:48:55,386
- Well, then, what happened?
786
00:48:55,392 --> 00:48:57,757
You were supposed to
be back for lunch.
787
00:48:57,767 --> 00:48:59,344
I've been cooking
there all morning.
788
00:48:59,350 --> 00:49:01,178
You've got no consideration.
789
00:49:01,183 --> 00:49:02,014
Not good manners.
790
00:49:02,017 --> 00:49:03,257
- Oh, yes, we know about manners.
791
00:49:03,267 --> 00:49:05,267
- You don't!
792
00:49:05,725 --> 00:49:06,556
- Of course,
we don't all have the benefit
793
00:49:06,558 --> 00:49:09,360
Of your social contacts, do we?
794
00:49:11,183 --> 00:49:13,382
Is the wine quite chill
enough, Madam?
795
00:49:13,392 --> 00:49:15,677
Is it quite satisfactory
to the duchess?
796
00:49:15,683 --> 00:49:17,683
- Very funny.
797
00:49:20,142 --> 00:49:21,428
- How about a touch of pate?
798
00:49:21,433 --> 00:49:23,011
Nothing like it after
a day on the moors.
799
00:49:23,017 --> 00:49:25,017
- When you're ready.
800
00:49:52,350 --> 00:49:55,229
Well, what's the matter with it?
801
00:49:56,725 --> 00:49:58,844
- Nothing, I just can't
eat it, that's all.
802
00:49:58,850 --> 00:50:00,850
- Why not?
803
00:50:02,267 --> 00:50:03,889
- I just had a Piltdown Glory.
804
00:50:03,892 --> 00:50:04,973
- A what?
805
00:50:04,975 --> 00:50:06,507
- A Piltdown Glory.
806
00:50:06,517 --> 00:50:08,344
It's two scoops of
luscious vanilla.
807
00:50:08,350 --> 00:50:10,218
Two scoops of flaky chocolate.
808
00:50:10,225 --> 00:50:12,139
Succulent sliced
bananas all swimming
809
00:50:12,142 --> 00:50:14,340
In super-smooth butterfat cream.
810
00:50:14,350 --> 00:50:16,344
- I suppose I should ask why.
811
00:50:16,350 --> 00:50:17,465
- Yeah, well,
there was this boy, you see,
812
00:50:17,475 --> 00:50:19,840
And he hadn't got his bus
fare and it was raining.
813
00:50:19,850 --> 00:50:21,598
And there was a
shop and we went in.
814
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,402
- And you had a Piltdown Glory.
815
00:50:24,642 --> 00:50:27,548
You're supposed to be a
grown man, responsible.
816
00:50:27,558 --> 00:50:28,844
When I married you, I
thought you were gonna
817
00:50:28,850 --> 00:50:31,014
Make something of yourself,
but you never did.
818
00:50:31,017 --> 00:50:32,257
We've traipsed around
all these years.
819
00:50:32,267 --> 00:50:33,798
I've lost count of the
furnished rooms we've
820
00:50:33,808 --> 00:50:35,340
Lived in with those
dreadful theatricals.
821
00:50:35,350 --> 00:50:36,802
And now we've got a chance to put
822
00:50:36,808 --> 00:50:39,298
Down some roots among
a nice class of people.
823
00:50:39,308 --> 00:50:41,348
Oh, don't you understand!
824
00:50:41,350 --> 00:50:42,973
If you want to get on in the world
825
00:50:42,975 --> 00:50:44,090
you've got to fit in with people.
826
00:50:44,100 --> 00:50:46,928
But you don't do anything,
you leave it all to me.
827
00:50:46,933 --> 00:50:48,973
It's only because of me
they put up with you at all.
828
00:50:48,975 --> 00:50:50,215
- Have my own friends.
829
00:50:50,225 --> 00:50:51,973
- Oh, that's not what I mean.
830
00:50:51,975 --> 00:50:53,427
I mean, the people that
count in this town.
831
00:50:53,433 --> 00:50:54,343
It's only because of
me they've asked you
832
00:50:54,350 --> 00:50:56,350
to do this gala night.
833
00:50:57,183 --> 00:50:58,139
- Gala night?
834
00:50:58,142 --> 00:51:01,103
I shouldn't think so,
I wouldn't touch it.
835
00:51:01,183 --> 00:51:03,183
- Well, it's...
836
00:51:03,350 --> 00:51:05,350
It's too late now.
837
00:51:05,517 --> 00:51:06,348
I said you would.
838
00:51:07,433 --> 00:51:09,181
- You're joking.
839
00:51:09,183 --> 00:51:10,014
- No, I'm not.
840
00:51:10,017 --> 00:51:11,428
The Mayoress has
put your name down.
841
00:51:11,433 --> 00:51:13,261
- Well, she can just
rub it right out again.
842
00:51:13,267 --> 00:51:15,552
- But I promised.
843
00:51:15,558 --> 00:51:17,598
- I don't care what you promised.
844
00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:18,431
I have no intention whatsoever of
845
00:51:18,433 --> 00:51:21,048
Appearing in that little function.
846
00:51:21,058 --> 00:51:24,322
- Do you want to
make me look a fool?
847
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:26,673
- Would you really
like me to answer that?
848
00:51:26,683 --> 00:51:27,639
- No.
849
00:51:27,642 --> 00:51:28,803
- No, I should think not.
850
00:51:28,808 --> 00:51:29,889
I can just hear you
with the Mayoress.
851
00:51:29,892 --> 00:51:31,007
"Oh, yes, Mrs. Palmer.
852
00:51:31,017 --> 00:51:32,178
"Oh, no, Mrs. Palmer.
853
00:51:32,183 --> 00:51:33,093
"Oh, certainly, he'd be delighted
854
00:51:33,100 --> 00:51:35,048
"To do the gala night, Mrs. Palmer.
855
00:51:35,058 --> 00:51:38,520
"Oh, yeah, three bags full, Mrs.
Palmer."
856
00:51:38,600 --> 00:51:39,556
You may inform anyone
that's interested
857
00:51:39,558 --> 00:51:42,139
That Mr. Pinner
declines the invitation.
858
00:51:42,142 --> 00:51:43,889
- It's all arranged.
859
00:51:43,892 --> 00:51:46,382
They'll be delivering
the menus this afternoon.
860
00:51:46,392 --> 00:51:49,556
I've ordered the flowers and
I've worked out the seating.
861
00:51:49,558 --> 00:51:50,389
Good afternoon.
862
00:51:50,392 --> 00:51:52,386
- (together) Good afternoon, Mrs.
Palmer.
863
00:51:52,392 --> 00:51:54,882
- Oh, and I had another idea.
864
00:51:54,892 --> 00:51:57,056
I've got that Punch and
Judy man to come along.
865
00:51:57,058 --> 00:51:57,923
- Punch and Judy man?
866
00:51:57,933 --> 00:51:58,923
- Yes, what's his name?
867
00:51:58,933 --> 00:51:59,923
Mr. um...
868
00:51:59,933 --> 00:52:01,173
- Not Pinner?
869
00:52:01,183 --> 00:52:02,014
- Yes.
870
00:52:02,850 --> 00:52:04,090
- Very well, gentlemen,
we'll continue
871
00:52:04,100 --> 00:52:05,803
With our discussion in 15 minutes.
872
00:52:05,808 --> 00:52:08,681
- All right, Arthur.
- All right, Mr Mayor.
873
00:52:08,683 --> 00:52:10,181
- (together) Good afternoon, Mrs.
Palmer.
874
00:52:10,183 --> 00:52:12,548
- [Mayoress] Good afternoon.
875
00:52:12,558 --> 00:52:14,889
- What do you mean by
bringing that wastrel into it?
876
00:52:14,892 --> 00:52:17,889
- Well, you told me to go
ahead with the arrangements.
877
00:52:17,892 --> 00:52:21,340
I thought we ought to stick
to the spirit of the occasion.
878
00:52:21,350 --> 00:52:23,098
- Spirit of the occasion?
879
00:52:23,100 --> 00:52:24,723
- That's what I said.
880
00:52:24,725 --> 00:52:26,011
After all, we are supposed to be
881
00:52:26,017 --> 00:52:28,181
Celebrating 60 years of Piltdown.
882
00:52:28,183 --> 00:52:30,844
- And this is your
idea of a celebration?
883
00:52:30,850 --> 00:52:32,181
Pinner?
884
00:52:32,183 --> 00:52:34,098
He's just the type that's
holding the town back
885
00:52:34,100 --> 00:52:35,431
and you encourage him?
886
00:52:35,433 --> 00:52:38,135
- I haven't encouraged anybody.
887
00:52:38,142 --> 00:52:40,843
I've simply arranged with his
wife for him to come along.
888
00:52:40,850 --> 00:52:42,382
- Well,
you can just go straight back
889
00:52:42,392 --> 00:52:43,923
And arrange for him to stay away.
890
00:52:43,933 --> 00:52:45,385
- I can't do that.
891
00:52:45,392 --> 00:52:49,303
You're not the only one with
responsibilities, you know.
892
00:52:49,308 --> 00:52:50,218
- All right, all right.
893
00:52:50,225 --> 00:52:51,848
If it's done, it's done.
894
00:52:51,850 --> 00:52:54,340
But mark my words, they're
just trouble that lot.
895
00:52:54,350 --> 00:52:56,350
Nothing but trouble.
896
00:52:59,058 --> 00:53:00,139
- Have you got a minute?
897
00:53:00,142 --> 00:53:01,382
- Oh, hello.
898
00:53:01,392 --> 00:53:02,923
Certainly, what is it?
899
00:53:02,933 --> 00:53:04,385
- Just a quick word,
but it's important.
900
00:53:04,392 --> 00:53:06,048
- Oh, I see.
901
00:53:06,058 --> 00:53:08,058
Just a moment.
902
00:53:11,308 --> 00:53:13,844
I always have a cup
of tea at this hour.
903
00:53:13,850 --> 00:53:14,681
Shall we go?
904
00:53:14,683 --> 00:53:16,683
- Yes.
905
00:53:17,142 --> 00:53:20,392
(dog barking)
906
00:53:31,892 --> 00:53:35,373
- Oh, er, come along in then.
907
00:53:40,558 --> 00:53:42,056
- Do you know I've never
been in here before?
908
00:53:42,058 --> 00:53:43,681
- Mm?
909
00:53:43,683 --> 00:53:46,517
Good lord, nor you have.
910
00:53:51,225 --> 00:53:53,225
- Mm-hmm.
911
00:54:00,392 --> 00:54:02,590
I never knew your name was Charles.
912
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:04,257
- Oh, yes, yes.
913
00:54:04,267 --> 00:54:07,812
After my uncle,
on my mother's side.
914
00:54:07,892 --> 00:54:09,223
He was a master mariner.
915
00:54:09,225 --> 00:54:11,225
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, yes, yes.
916
00:54:11,725 --> 00:54:12,806
Would you like to sit?
917
00:54:13,725 --> 00:54:14,590
- Oh, that's fine.
918
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:16,132
- Oh, good, good, good.
919
00:54:16,142 --> 00:54:18,843
Now I think you're gonna like this.
920
00:54:18,850 --> 00:54:21,632
It's the same blend that
we used to have at home.
921
00:54:21,642 --> 00:54:24,639
Darjeeling with a
trace of Soochong.
922
00:54:24,642 --> 00:54:26,642
- Very nice.
923
00:54:26,975 --> 00:54:28,678
Well,
you're pretty well set up here.
924
00:54:28,683 --> 00:54:30,465
- Oh, yes, it's quite comfortable.
925
00:54:30,475 --> 00:54:32,931
Of course, it's not
quite like a home, but...
926
00:54:32,933 --> 00:54:35,645
Well, it has its compensations.
927
00:54:35,725 --> 00:54:36,715
- You're very lucky.
928
00:54:37,558 --> 00:54:39,558
You want to hang on to it.
929
00:54:42,183 --> 00:54:43,344
Do you know what
happened to me today?
930
00:54:43,350 --> 00:54:44,340
- No.
931
00:54:44,350 --> 00:54:45,802
- I went home to lunch
and I was a little late,
932
00:54:45,808 --> 00:54:47,677
I'll admit that, but I
was unavoidably detained.
933
00:54:47,683 --> 00:54:48,548
- Yeah.
934
00:54:48,558 --> 00:54:50,678
- Before I can open me
mouth, I find that I
935
00:54:50,683 --> 00:54:52,968
Am put down for the Piltdown Gala.
936
00:54:52,975 --> 00:54:54,340
- Oh no.
937
00:54:54,350 --> 00:54:55,590
- Yeah.
938
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:57,639
Delia fixed it behind me back.
939
00:54:57,642 --> 00:54:58,473
- Oh.
940
00:54:59,433 --> 00:55:01,889
- Got to get in with a nice
class of people she says.
941
00:55:01,892 --> 00:55:03,423
No more of these
dreadful theatricals.
942
00:55:03,433 --> 00:55:04,673
You've got to get on in the world.
943
00:55:04,683 --> 00:55:05,764
- Milk?
944
00:55:05,767 --> 00:55:06,598
- Yes, please.
945
00:55:07,725 --> 00:55:08,556
We've got to make
something of ourselves.
946
00:55:08,558 --> 00:55:09,639
No more of this traipsing around.
947
00:55:09,642 --> 00:55:11,389
We've got to put down roots.
948
00:55:11,392 --> 00:55:12,889
- Sugar?
949
00:55:12,892 --> 00:55:14,892
- Two, please.
950
00:55:15,017 --> 00:55:18,632
I ask you, can you imagine me stuck
951
00:55:18,642 --> 00:55:23,520
Between Lady Jane Caterham and
the Mayoress of Piltdown Bay?
952
00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:25,600
It's not funny.
953
00:55:26,058 --> 00:55:27,423
It's not my idea of a night out.
954
00:55:27,433 --> 00:55:28,423
Is it yours?
955
00:55:28,433 --> 00:55:30,433
- Good grief, no.
956
00:55:35,517 --> 00:55:37,933
- This is very good.
957
00:55:38,850 --> 00:55:40,844
Oh, you'll never get
lumbered like this.
958
00:55:40,850 --> 00:55:42,850
You're on your own.
959
00:55:42,933 --> 00:55:44,933
- Yes.
960
00:55:45,058 --> 00:55:45,889
- [Wally] You don't
know how lucky you are.
961
00:55:45,892 --> 00:55:48,889
- Well, that's a matter of opinion.
962
00:55:48,892 --> 00:55:50,389
It can be rather lonely.
963
00:55:50,392 --> 00:55:51,757
- Surely you don't get lonely.
964
00:55:51,767 --> 00:55:53,469
[ tell you this, I'd change places
965
00:55:53,475 --> 00:55:55,007
With you any day of the week.
966
00:55:55,017 --> 00:55:57,017
- Really?
967
00:55:57,183 --> 00:55:58,681
- You've got your freedom.
968
00:55:58,683 --> 00:56:00,683
- Oh, yes.
969
00:56:00,892 --> 00:56:03,056
- Nobody nagging you to
make something of yourself.
970
00:56:03,058 --> 00:56:05,058
- Oh, no, certainly not.
971
00:56:07,058 --> 00:56:09,389
- You made a very wise
decision to stay single.
972
00:56:10,350 --> 00:56:11,882
- Yes, well...
973
00:56:11,892 --> 00:56:14,693
Actually it wasn't my decision.
974
00:56:15,350 --> 00:56:17,350
The lady said no.
975
00:56:18,725 --> 00:56:19,760
- I see.
976
00:56:19,767 --> 00:56:22,011
- Well,
it's probably all for the best.
977
00:56:22,017 --> 00:56:25,937
As I understand it, marriage
is a matter of give and take.
978
00:56:26,017 --> 00:56:29,020
Not all of us are equipped
for that sort of thing.
979
00:56:29,100 --> 00:56:30,181
Another cup?
980
00:56:30,183 --> 00:56:32,183
- No, thank you.
981
00:56:35,642 --> 00:56:38,751
What am I gonna do about this gala?
982
00:56:38,850 --> 00:56:41,652
After all, it is Delia's fault.
983
00:56:41,892 --> 00:56:43,514
Nobody can blame me
if I turned it in.
984
00:56:43,517 --> 00:56:46,549
- Oh no, nobody's gonna blame you.
985
00:56:46,642 --> 00:56:50,812
- I can simply tell them
I'm not gonna do it.
986
00:56:50,892 --> 00:56:54,136
I can tell Delia that I'm
not going through with it.
987
00:56:54,142 --> 00:56:55,098
I could, couldn't I7?
988
00:56:55,100 --> 00:56:56,135
- Yes, you could.
989
00:56:56,142 --> 00:56:59,882
But you know I can't help
feeling it's really a matter
990
00:56:59,892 --> 00:57:02,645
Of your own conscience, isn't it?
991
00:57:02,725 --> 00:57:04,725
- Conscience.
992
00:57:04,808 --> 00:57:07,039
Thanks very much for the tea.
993
00:57:08,767 --> 00:57:11,645
I'll give your regards to Delia.
994
00:57:12,725 --> 00:57:16,556
(fast-paced, cheery music)
(Punch squeaking)
995
00:57:16,558 --> 00:57:19,822
- I say,
you're going it a bit today.
996
00:57:25,058 --> 00:57:25,889
Steady on.
997
00:57:25,892 --> 00:57:26,973
Have you gone raving mad?
998
00:57:26,975 --> 00:57:28,056
What's the matter with you?
999
00:57:28,058 --> 00:57:29,806
It's the policeman now.
1000
00:57:29,808 --> 00:57:31,219
- Put her back!
1001
00:57:31,225 --> 00:57:34,639
(Punch squeaking)
1002
00:57:34,642 --> 00:57:36,642
Put her back!
1003
00:57:38,225 --> 00:57:41,892
(Punch laughing)
1004
00:57:44,517 --> 00:57:46,928
- Well, I don't see what's
so terrible about it.
1005
00:57:46,933 --> 00:57:50,767
You appear before
the public every day.
1006
00:57:51,850 --> 00:57:52,965
- Not that public.
1007
00:57:52,975 --> 00:57:54,010
- There's nothing wrong with them.
1008
00:57:54,017 --> 00:57:55,132
- Oh, I know.
1009
00:57:55,142 --> 00:57:56,303
They're a very nice
class of people.
1010
00:57:56,308 --> 00:57:57,298
- Well, so they are.
1011
00:57:57,308 --> 00:57:59,303
You've never even spoken to them.
1012
00:58:00,183 --> 00:58:02,985
You don't give anyone a chance.
1013
00:58:04,142 --> 00:58:05,639
- I never give anybody a chance?
1014
00:58:05,642 --> 00:58:07,053
You're fine one to talk.
1015
00:58:07,058 --> 00:58:09,098
You fixed me up for this
high class brawl tomorrow
1016
00:58:09,100 --> 00:58:10,848
Without even consulting me?
1017
00:58:10,850 --> 00:58:13,048
How do you know I didn't have
another social engagement?
1018
00:58:13,058 --> 00:58:13,889
- You?
1019
00:58:13,892 --> 00:58:16,011
When did you ever have
a social engagement?
1020
00:58:16,017 --> 00:58:17,844
- I get around a bit.
1021
00:58:17,850 --> 00:58:19,598
- The public bar of
the Trident I suppose
1022
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:21,514
With all those other
influential citizens.
1023
00:58:21,517 --> 00:58:23,761
- No need to adopt
that tone of voice.
1024
00:58:23,767 --> 00:58:27,831
They're a lot better
than the mob you like.
1025
00:58:28,558 --> 00:58:29,764
Hmm.
1026
00:58:29,767 --> 00:58:31,806
So much for the undercoat.
1027
00:58:31,808 --> 00:58:33,973
- It wouldn't do any harm
if some other people I knew
1028
00:58:33,975 --> 00:58:37,239
Took an interest in
their appearance.
1029
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:38,840
- How many pots of
that stuff do you
1030
00:58:38,850 --> 00:58:41,094
Manage to get through in a year?
1031
00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:43,173
Let's see,
there's one every two weeks
1032
00:58:43,183 --> 00:58:46,302
and there's 52 weeks in the year
1033
00:58:46,308 --> 00:58:48,257
At five bob a time.
1034
00:58:48,267 --> 00:58:51,048
That's about six
pounds two shillings
1035
00:58:51,058 --> 00:58:52,636
Per annum you're
spending on that stuff.
1036
00:58:52,642 --> 00:58:55,931
That works out at
about half a dollar
1037
00:58:55,933 --> 00:58:57,590
A square inch I say.
1038
00:58:57,600 --> 00:58:59,600
- You don't pay for it.
1039
00:59:03,850 --> 00:59:04,681
- Hello.
1040
00:59:05,683 --> 00:59:07,552
What's all this then?
1041
00:59:07,558 --> 00:59:08,593
Etiquette For All.
1042
00:59:08,600 --> 00:59:10,885
Common Courtesy For Everyday Use.
1043
00:59:11,767 --> 00:59:13,298
Let's have a look at
this then, where are we?
1044
00:59:13,308 --> 00:59:14,139
Ah.
1045
00:59:14,142 --> 00:59:16,889
"In writing to an Archbishop,
a correspondent would begin
1046
00:59:16,892 --> 00:59:21,431
"My Lord Archbishop, and end,
I remain, My Lord Archbishop,
1047
00:59:21,433 --> 00:59:24,181
"Your Grace's most
obedient servant.”
1048
00:59:24,183 --> 00:59:25,423
Now, that's very useful.
1049
00:59:25,433 --> 00:59:27,473
I've been meaning to
write to him for ages.
1050
00:59:27,475 --> 00:59:29,475
- Ha ha.
1051
00:59:30,642 --> 00:59:31,473
- Ah.
1052
00:59:31,475 --> 00:59:33,594
Here's a valuable
piece of information.
1053
00:59:33,600 --> 00:59:36,261
"Women servants should
wear muslin aprons,
1054
00:59:36,267 --> 00:59:39,761
"White, in brackets, and
collar, cap and cuffs.
1055
00:59:39,767 --> 00:59:41,681
"They should be
quick-sighted, deft-handed
1056
00:59:41,683 --> 00:59:43,683
"and soft of foot."
1057
00:59:44,642 --> 00:59:46,139
It's no good, Maud,
you'll have to go.
1058
00:59:46,142 --> 00:59:48,056
We can't have those great plates
1059
00:59:48,058 --> 00:59:50,343
Banging round the furniture.
1060
00:59:50,350 --> 00:59:51,511
- I should read on
a bit if I were you.
1061
00:59:51,517 --> 00:59:53,385
You might pick up
a few useful tips.
1062
00:59:53,392 --> 00:59:55,723
- Yeah, I think at the
worst it's marvellous.
1063
00:59:55,725 --> 00:59:59,603
Let's see now,
what else have we got here?
1064
00:59:59,683 --> 01:00:00,639
Oh, now, ah.
1065
01:00:00,642 --> 01:00:02,806
What about this?
1066
01:00:02,808 --> 01:00:05,264
"Cocktail parties depend
for their success mainly
1067
01:00:05,267 --> 01:00:08,219
"on the personality
of the hostess."
1068
01:00:08,225 --> 01:00:10,053
Darling, how absolutely
divine of you to come.
1069
01:00:10,058 --> 01:00:13,312
Do sit down,
I must mix you a camel's leg.
1070
01:00:13,392 --> 01:00:17,072
- At least it's not
a Piltdown Glory.
1071
01:00:23,808 --> 01:00:24,639
- Hm.
1072
01:00:25,850 --> 01:00:27,850
The invisible man!
1073
01:00:28,558 --> 01:00:30,507
- Do you really find it so funny?
1074
01:00:30,517 --> 01:00:31,348
- No, it's not.
1075
01:00:32,267 --> 01:00:33,507
- I do try, you know.
1076
01:00:33,517 --> 01:00:35,385
You don't make it very easy for me.
1077
01:00:35,392 --> 01:00:36,553
- What do you want me to do?
1078
01:00:36,558 --> 01:00:38,306
- I want you to
come tomorrow night.
1079
01:00:38,308 --> 01:00:39,139
[t's not much to ask.
1080
01:00:39,142 --> 01:00:41,553
It would mean a lot to me.
1081
01:00:41,558 --> 01:00:43,306
- Oh, I don't know, I've
seen some of these things.
1082
01:00:43,308 --> 01:00:44,264
They're not all they're
cracked up to be, you know.
1083
01:00:44,267 --> 01:00:46,215
You might be disappointed.
1084
01:00:46,225 --> 01:00:47,306
- I'll take a chance on that.
1085
01:00:47,308 --> 01:00:48,965
It would make such a difference.
1086
01:00:48,975 --> 01:00:53,764
You don't know what a
difference it would make.
1087
01:00:53,975 --> 01:00:56,931
- All right, I'll think about it.
1088
01:01:05,767 --> 01:01:10,094
- It could make such
a difference to us.
1089
01:01:10,183 --> 01:01:13,062
- I've said I'll think about it.
1090
01:01:14,808 --> 01:01:16,885
- You will come, won't you?
1091
01:01:19,475 --> 01:01:21,475
- Go to sleep.
1092
01:01:23,017 --> 01:01:25,587
- But you'll think about it.
1093
01:01:25,725 --> 01:01:26,886
- I've said I'll think about it.
1094
01:01:26,892 --> 01:01:29,046
Now could we get some sleep?
1095
01:01:30,017 --> 01:01:32,382
(gentle instrumental music)
1096
01:01:32,392 --> 01:01:35,642
(switch clicks)
1097
01:01:37,225 --> 01:01:40,475
(Delia sighs)
1098
01:01:53,642 --> 01:01:57,308
(cereal clatters)
1099
01:01:59,433 --> 01:02:01,433
- Let me.
1100
01:02:14,100 --> 01:02:17,767
(water splashes)
1101
01:02:38,142 --> 01:02:41,808
(knife scratches)
1102
01:02:44,267 --> 01:02:46,431
Tea all right, dear?
1103
01:02:46,433 --> 01:02:47,798
- Yes.
1104
01:02:47,808 --> 01:02:50,225
- It's a new kind.
1105
01:02:50,725 --> 01:02:53,507
- Darjeeling with a
touch of Soochong.
1106
01:02:53,517 --> 01:02:55,802
- How did you know?
1107
01:02:55,808 --> 01:02:57,173
-1 had some yesterday.
1108
01:02:57,183 --> 01:02:59,183
- Oh, where?
1109
01:02:59,308 --> 01:03:00,806
- Down at...
1110
01:03:00,808 --> 01:03:02,386
Does it matter?
1111
01:03:02,392 --> 01:03:04,808
- I only wondered.
1112
01:03:12,808 --> 01:03:15,225
You will do it, won't you?
1113
01:03:18,308 --> 01:03:20,177
- Yes, yes, all right then.
1114
01:03:20,183 --> 01:03:21,218
I'll do it.
1115
01:03:21,225 --> 01:03:22,803
- Oh, thank you.
1116
01:03:22,808 --> 01:03:23,718
(lips smack)
1117
01:03:23,725 --> 01:03:26,598
It'll be a wonderful
evening, you'll see.
1118
01:03:26,600 --> 01:03:28,600
- I hope so.
1119
01:03:29,350 --> 01:03:31,886
(Wally sighs)
1120
01:03:31,892 --> 01:03:37,642
I'll see you tonight then.
1121
01:03:42,017 --> 01:03:44,017
- There we are.
1122
01:03:58,558 --> 01:04:00,558
See you tonight!
1123
01:04:03,225 --> 01:04:06,475
(bell rings)
1124
01:04:08,058 --> 01:04:12,010
(dramatic instrumental music)
1125
01:04:12,017 --> 01:04:15,340
- [Wally Voiceover] I
must be stark raving mad!
1126
01:04:15,350 --> 01:04:17,389
Yes, mad.
1127
01:04:17,392 --> 01:04:19,094
I can't explain it.
1128
01:04:19,100 --> 01:04:21,298
I wonder if I've got a temperature.
1129
01:04:21,308 --> 01:04:23,308
I wouldn't be surprised.
1130
01:04:23,517 --> 01:04:26,053
Gala night at Piltdown Bay!
1131
01:04:26,058 --> 01:04:28,840
60 years of sheer misery!
1132
01:04:28,850 --> 01:04:31,723
Rain, rain, that might stop it.
1133
01:04:31,725 --> 01:04:32,806
No.
1134
01:04:32,808 --> 01:04:34,757
No, not a hope.
1135
01:04:34,767 --> 01:04:37,600
No, not that lot.
1136
01:04:42,017 --> 01:04:44,017
You...
1137
01:04:44,392 --> 01:04:47,225
Fool, fool, fool, fool!
1138
01:04:48,517 --> 01:04:51,087
And that didn't help either.
1139
01:04:53,642 --> 01:04:56,475
(sighs)
1140
01:04:56,808 --> 01:04:58,848
Oh, good day, Lady Mayoress.
1141
01:04:58,850 --> 01:05:00,850
Yes, Mrs. Palmer.
1142
01:05:01,267 --> 01:05:03,267
Of course, Mrs. Palmer.
1143
01:05:04,850 --> 01:05:07,267
Good luck, Mrs. Palmer.
1144
01:05:11,183 --> 01:05:12,635
Some tea?
1145
01:05:12,642 --> 01:05:14,173
China, of course.
1146
01:05:14,183 --> 01:05:15,014
How charming.
1147
01:05:15,933 --> 01:05:17,973
How very delightful.
1148
01:05:17,975 --> 01:05:20,808
(whimpers)
1149
01:05:24,767 --> 01:05:30,173
Drop your litter in the bin.
1150
01:05:30,183 --> 01:05:32,132
Otherwise it would be a sin.
1151
01:05:32,142 --> 01:05:34,427
She looked very sweet as
she walked down the street.
1152
01:05:34,433 --> 01:05:37,312
And that's why darkies are born.
1153
01:05:51,892 --> 01:05:53,389
- Good morning, sir.
1154
01:05:53,392 --> 01:05:55,392
May I help you?
1155
01:06:15,933 --> 01:06:18,735
- I want to buy a handkerchief.
1156
01:06:18,975 --> 01:06:20,598
- Certainly, sir.
1157
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:21,431
What kind?
1158
01:06:21,433 --> 01:06:22,764
- This one will do, that's fine.
1159
01:06:22,767 --> 01:06:24,132
- Would you like me to...
1160
01:06:24,142 --> 01:06:26,261
- No, no, that's all
right, that's all right.
1161
01:06:26,267 --> 01:06:29,048
- That one is one guinea.
1162
01:06:29,058 --> 01:06:31,058
- Is it?
1163
01:06:31,433 --> 01:06:33,433
One guinea.
1164
01:06:33,558 --> 01:06:34,889
Thank you.
1165
01:06:34,892 --> 01:06:36,892
- Thank you.
1166
01:06:37,225 --> 01:06:40,335
- Il imagine this is fully insured?
1167
01:06:42,933 --> 01:06:46,183
(lady sighs)
1168
01:07:04,350 --> 01:07:08,017
(engine revving)
1169
01:07:10,892 --> 01:07:14,142
(horn honks)
1170
01:07:15,017 --> 01:07:19,264
(playful instrumental music)
1171
01:07:19,267 --> 01:07:21,267
Why not one?
1172
01:07:22,558 --> 01:07:25,556
What about a light Moselle?
1173
01:07:25,558 --> 01:07:27,975
Slightly triangular.
1174
01:07:28,683 --> 01:07:31,100
Or a little diagonal.
1175
01:07:32,517 --> 01:07:34,933
Light and flowery.
1176
01:07:35,267 --> 01:07:42,280
Or would you like
a big red Burgundy?
1177
01:07:42,475 --> 01:07:45,725
(grunts softly)
1178
01:07:46,850 --> 01:07:48,090
Diagonal.
1179
01:07:48,100 --> 01:07:54,312
Big red Burgundy.
(tyres screech)
1180
01:08:03,183 --> 01:08:06,382
(drums banging)
1181
01:08:06,392 --> 01:08:09,007
(dog barking)
1182
01:08:09,017 --> 01:08:11,850
It's all right for you!
1183
01:08:12,808 --> 01:08:14,808
And he's only a dog.
1184
01:08:16,933 --> 01:08:20,798
At the moment, I wouldn't
mind being a dog.
1185
01:08:20,808 --> 01:08:24,475
(Wally barks softly)
1186
01:08:39,683 --> 01:08:40,514
Ah.
1187
01:08:41,433 --> 01:08:42,639
Er.
1188
01:08:42,642 --> 01:08:47,687
I seem to have lost
me swazzle somewhere.
1189
01:08:47,767 --> 01:08:48,598
Er.
1190
01:08:49,808 --> 01:08:50,639
Yes.
1191
01:08:51,850 --> 01:08:54,478
Er, probably left it in the hut.
1192
01:08:54,558 --> 01:08:56,635
Somewhere about, I suppose.
1193
01:08:57,808 --> 01:08:58,798
It was the best one, you know.
1194
01:08:58,808 --> 01:09:01,225
The one I usually use.
1195
01:09:02,767 --> 01:09:04,767
Um.
1196
01:09:08,725 --> 01:09:11,681
Yes, probably left it in the hut.
1197
01:09:12,350 --> 01:09:14,514
Incidentally, I'm doing the gala.
1198
01:09:14,517 --> 01:09:16,264
- I'm sure Delia will be pleased.
1199
01:09:16,267 --> 01:09:17,302
- Delighted.
1200
01:09:17,308 --> 01:09:20,090
- Oh, these things have a way
of turning out quite well.
1201
01:09:20,100 --> 01:09:21,261
- Do they?
1202
01:09:21,267 --> 01:09:22,098
- Hm?
1203
01:09:22,100 --> 01:09:23,968
Oh, yes, quite well.
1204
01:09:23,975 --> 01:09:25,803
- You wouldn't mind
going yourself then?
1205
01:09:25,808 --> 01:09:27,808
- I've not been invited.
1206
01:09:28,433 --> 01:09:29,639
- Well, you have now.
1207
01:09:29,642 --> 01:09:30,928
I shall be working,
you can take Delia.
1208
01:09:30,933 --> 01:09:32,681
Yep, yep, yep.
- Black tie.
1209
01:09:32,683 --> 01:09:35,331
- But, Wally.
- Seven o'clock.
1210
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:39,510
- All right, if you insist.
1211
01:09:40,142 --> 01:09:43,219
- Well,
it's really a matter for one's
1212
01:09:43,225 --> 01:09:45,225
own conscience, isn't it?
1213
01:09:52,350 --> 01:09:56,017
(people cheering)
1214
01:09:59,058 --> 01:10:02,308
(man whistles)
1215
01:10:07,058 --> 01:10:11,142
(people cheer loudly)
1216
01:10:22,225 --> 01:10:24,636
- Stop it, Wally, stop it!
1217
01:10:24,642 --> 01:10:25,757
Oh, stop it!
1218
01:10:25,767 --> 01:10:30,280
It's not for you,
it's for Lady Jane.
1219
01:10:31,267 --> 01:10:33,683
You do embarrass me.
1220
01:10:36,475 --> 01:10:37,761
- My ticket.
- All right.
1221
01:10:37,767 --> 01:10:38,598
All right?
- All right.
1222
01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:39,510
- Take her in with that.
1223
01:10:39,517 --> 01:10:40,348
- Good.
1224
01:10:40,350 --> 01:10:42,350
- I'll see you later.
1225
01:10:44,058 --> 01:10:46,053
- Why does he have to
carry on like that?
1226
01:10:46,058 --> 01:10:48,058
- My good man.
1227
01:10:50,892 --> 01:10:53,011
Where is the artist's
entrance, please?
1228
01:10:53,017 --> 01:10:55,017
- Round the back.
1229
01:10:59,850 --> 01:11:01,598
- That's a good start, isn't it?
1230
01:11:01,600 --> 01:11:04,433
(chuckles)
1231
01:11:06,517 --> 01:11:07,848
(smooth band music)
1232
01:11:07,850 --> 01:11:10,632
- [Announcer] My Lord
and Lady Plowright.
1233
01:11:10,642 --> 01:11:11,507
- So glad you could come.
1234
01:11:11,517 --> 01:11:12,507
- Thank you.
1235
01:11:12,517 --> 01:11:13,552
- How do you do?
1236
01:11:13,558 --> 01:11:15,090
- Meet my town clerk.
1237
01:11:15,100 --> 01:11:15,931
- Good evening, my lord.
1238
01:11:15,933 --> 01:11:17,933
- Good evening to you.
1239
01:11:19,600 --> 01:11:21,600
- This way, please.
1240
01:11:27,683 --> 01:11:31,164
- Mr. and Mrs. Walter Pinner.
1241
01:11:34,475 --> 01:11:40,931
Mrs. Walter Pinner and
Mr. Charles Alfred Ford.
1242
01:11:46,475 --> 01:11:52,020
Mrs. Walter Pinner and
Mr. Charles Arthur Ford.
1243
01:11:52,100 --> 01:11:54,100
- Hello.
1244
01:12:00,183 --> 01:12:01,014
Oh, I say.
1245
01:12:01,017 --> 01:12:02,514
- Over there, please.
1246
01:12:02,517 --> 01:12:03,348
- Delia.
1247
01:12:03,350 --> 01:12:06,568
- Excuse me, I beg your pardon.
1248
01:12:12,517 --> 01:12:13,348
But she's over there.
1249
01:12:13,350 --> 01:12:14,882
- Yes, I know, I know.
1250
01:12:14,892 --> 01:12:16,098
- I'm supposed to meet her.
1251
01:12:16,100 --> 01:12:18,748
- Come on, I'm sure you will.
1252
01:12:19,767 --> 01:12:21,681
- The Lady Mayoress said to
me I'm definitely meeting her.
1253
01:12:21,683 --> 01:12:22,514
She promised.
1254
01:12:22,517 --> 01:12:23,382
- I do appreciate that.
1255
01:12:23,392 --> 01:12:25,590
It's rather crowded here.
1256
01:12:25,600 --> 01:12:28,056
Excuse me, so sorry.
1257
01:12:28,058 --> 01:12:29,556
Try and get in.
1258
01:12:29,558 --> 01:12:31,340
Would you mind just?
1259
01:12:31,350 --> 01:12:33,344
Yes, now what would you like?
1260
01:12:33,350 --> 01:12:34,715
- I don't know.
1261
01:12:34,725 --> 01:12:38,340
- Well, a glass of sherry perhaps?
1262
01:12:38,350 --> 01:12:39,215
- No, no, thank you.
1263
01:12:39,225 --> 01:12:44,802
[, I think I'll have a
gin, a large one!
1264
01:12:45,475 --> 01:12:47,886
- What we all say is it's a
grand place for the family.
1265
01:12:47,892 --> 01:12:50,798
You know, a nice homely place
for mum, dad and the kids.
1266
01:12:50,808 --> 01:12:52,431
I don't know why folks
bother flocking off
1267
01:12:52,433 --> 01:12:53,594
to these foreign parts.
1268
01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:55,764
Whatever they've got,
Piltdown can provide.
1269
01:12:55,767 --> 01:12:57,681
- Can't wait to see the casino.
1270
01:12:57,683 --> 01:12:59,340
- The bowling green
and the promenade
1271
01:12:59,350 --> 01:13:01,840
And the garden of remembrance,
very peaceful there.
1272
01:13:01,850 --> 01:13:04,135
- Ah, they looking
after you all right?
1273
01:13:04,142 --> 01:13:05,553
- Yes, yes, splendidly.
1274
01:13:05,558 --> 01:13:06,389
- Good.
1275
01:13:06,392 --> 01:13:07,302
- Another glass of champagne?
1276
01:13:07,308 --> 01:13:09,719
- Yes, that would be nice.
- Waiter.
1277
01:13:09,725 --> 01:13:11,639
I chose it myself, you know.
1278
01:13:11,642 --> 01:13:13,642
Nothing but the best.
1279
01:13:18,017 --> 01:13:19,257
- Where's the dressing room please?
1280
01:13:19,267 --> 01:13:20,348
- Third floor.
1281
01:13:20,350 --> 01:13:22,350
- Ah.
1282
01:13:23,975 --> 01:13:25,632
(chuckles)
1283
01:13:25,642 --> 01:13:26,973
Isn't that typical?
1284
01:13:26,975 --> 01:13:28,803
We'll have to walk.
1285
01:13:28,808 --> 01:13:30,340
- But I've got all this stuff.
1286
01:13:30,350 --> 01:13:32,423
- Oh, stop complaining.
1287
01:13:32,433 --> 01:13:34,510
It'll do you good, come on.
1288
01:13:36,600 --> 01:13:38,011
Watch it, watch it now.
1289
01:13:38,017 --> 01:13:39,098
Come on.
1290
01:13:39,100 --> 01:13:41,100
That's it, that's it.
1291
01:13:41,350 --> 01:13:43,389
(laughing)
1292
01:13:43,392 --> 01:13:47,058
(people chattering)
1293
01:13:51,683 --> 01:13:54,590
- [Announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen, your attention please.
1294
01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:57,728
The time is nearly eight o'clock.
1295
01:13:57,808 --> 01:14:01,007
In a few moments,
His Worship, the Mayor,
1296
01:14:01,017 --> 01:14:03,382
will proceed to the balcony to
1297
01:14:03,392 --> 01:14:05,340
Introduce our guest of honour!
1298
01:14:05,350 --> 01:14:08,600
(people cheer)
1299
01:14:08,892 --> 01:14:10,053
- Lady Mayoress.
1300
01:14:10,058 --> 01:14:10,968
- Over here.
1301
01:14:10,975 --> 01:14:16,725
- Lady Mayoress!
1302
01:14:20,392 --> 01:14:24,058
(crowd applauds)
1303
01:14:27,975 --> 01:14:31,469
- Haven't you pawned
your chain yet, Arthur?
1304
01:14:31,475 --> 01:14:33,343
- He will tomorrow!
1305
01:14:33,350 --> 01:14:35,218
(laughing)
1306
01:14:35,225 --> 01:14:39,431
- My friends and fellow citizens,
1307
01:14:40,142 --> 01:14:43,803
Tonight is the 60th
anniversary or our fair town.
1308
01:14:43,808 --> 01:14:48,223
And as your mayor, I consider
it to be a great honour
1309
01:14:48,225 --> 01:14:54,145
and privilege to welcome on
your behalf our distinguished,
1310
01:14:54,225 --> 01:14:57,806
and if I may say so,
very lovely guest
1311
01:14:57,808 --> 01:15:01,103
Of honour to join our festivities.
1312
01:15:01,183 --> 01:15:04,850
(crowd applauds)
1313
01:15:04,933 --> 01:15:09,473
In a few moments, I will
ask her to throw the switch,
1314
01:15:09,475 --> 01:15:12,507
which will light up
the illuminations,
1315
01:15:12,517 --> 01:15:17,348
a magnificent display
especially designed by the head
1316
01:15:17,350 --> 01:15:21,770
Of our carnival committee,
Mr. Reginald Fletcher.
1317
01:15:21,850 --> 01:15:23,136
(applauding)
1318
01:15:23,142 --> 01:15:29,770
But before she does so, I will
ask her to say a few words.
1319
01:15:29,850 --> 01:15:32,882
Lady Jane Caterham.
1320
01:15:32,892 --> 01:15:38,950
(crowd applauds)
(crowd cheers)
1321
01:15:40,058 --> 01:15:41,510
- Good evening.
1322
01:15:41,517 --> 01:15:44,767
(crowd cheers)
1323
01:15:46,933 --> 01:15:50,223
- When your mayor
invited me to visit you
1324
01:15:50,225 --> 01:15:56,677
In your famous old town,
I was deeply honoured.
1325
01:15:57,392 --> 01:15:58,723
(razor buzzes)
All of us can
1326
01:15:58,725 --> 01:16:04,520
Recall the happy days we
spent as children, by the sea.
1327
01:16:04,600 --> 01:16:08,928
And the sea, as we all
know, is a deep part
1328
01:16:08,933 --> 01:16:12,052
Of our island heritage.
1329
01:16:12,058 --> 01:16:14,931
We are a nation of sailors.
1330
01:16:14,933 --> 01:16:18,639
Salt water runs in our blood.
1331
01:16:18,642 --> 01:16:24,645
Drake, Raleigh, and Nelson,
these names which we cherish,
1332
01:16:24,725 --> 01:16:29,645
They were the guardians
of our sea-girt isle.
1333
01:16:29,725 --> 01:16:36,366
And here in Piltdown,
the tradition lingers,
1334
01:16:36,808 --> 01:16:38,431
Still flourishes.
1335
01:16:38,433 --> 01:16:39,264
- Hear, hear.
1336
01:16:39,267 --> 01:16:42,933
(crowd applauds)
1337
01:16:44,642 --> 01:16:49,632
- We of us who live in the
great cities of this land
1338
01:16:49,642 --> 01:16:54,598
seldom think of the
hardships and the discomforts
1339
01:16:54,600 --> 01:16:59,937
Which are the daily lot
of you brave fisher folk.
1340
01:17:00,017 --> 01:17:03,386
But true to the spirit
of Merrie England,
1341
01:17:03,392 --> 01:17:08,354
You well know how to make merry.
1342
01:17:09,350 --> 01:17:12,600
(applauding)
1343
01:17:14,100 --> 01:17:17,806
And it is in this
spirit that I am happy
1344
01:17:17,808 --> 01:17:20,895
To join with you here tonight.
1345
01:17:20,975 --> 01:17:27,395
60 years of Piltdown is
indeed something to celebrate.
1346
01:17:27,475 --> 01:17:32,937
May your next 60 years
be as happy as the last.
1347
01:17:33,017 --> 01:17:35,718
May the trade winds forever waft
1348
01:17:35,725 --> 01:17:38,632
Gently over your golden beaches.
1349
01:17:38,642 --> 01:17:41,673
And may your nets continue to bulge
1350
01:17:41,683 --> 01:17:44,511
With the silver harvest of the sea.
1351
01:17:44,517 --> 01:17:45,348
- Bravo.
1352
01:17:45,350 --> 01:17:50,340
(crowd applauds)
(crowd cheers)
1353
01:17:50,892 --> 01:17:55,094
- And now I take great
pleasure in switching
1354
01:17:55,100 --> 01:17:58,658
On the Piltdown illuminations.
1355
01:17:58,975 --> 01:18:02,761
(crowd applauds)
(crowd cheers)
1356
01:18:02,767 --> 01:18:04,806
Switch, switch.
1357
01:18:04,808 --> 01:18:07,098
Switch.
1358
01:18:07,100 --> 01:18:09,928
- Hand the lady the switch.
1359
01:18:09,933 --> 01:18:11,014
(switch clicks)
1360
01:18:11,017 --> 01:18:12,257
(crowd gasps)
1361
01:18:12,267 --> 01:18:15,933
(majestic music)
1362
01:18:24,267 --> 01:18:27,748
- Hooray, more, more, encore!
1363
01:18:28,017 --> 01:18:29,468
Hup, hup!
1364
01:18:29,475 --> 01:18:32,725
(razor buzzes)
1365
01:18:34,725 --> 01:18:37,975
(man whistles)
1366
01:18:40,267 --> 01:18:43,517
(man whistles)
1367
01:18:47,767 --> 01:18:51,017
(fist knocking)
1368
01:18:52,142 --> 01:18:52,973
- What's going on?
1369
01:18:52,975 --> 01:18:54,181
- It was all right this afternoon.
1370
01:18:54,183 --> 01:18:55,344
- Well, it's not all right now.
1371
01:18:55,350 --> 01:18:57,053
It's sheer incompetence.
1372
01:18:57,058 --> 01:19:00,056
I wouldn't trust
you to mend a fuse.
1373
01:19:00,058 --> 01:19:02,469
Can't you hear them
laughing out there?
1374
01:19:02,475 --> 01:19:06,770
It's your fault,
do something about it.
1375
01:19:06,850 --> 01:19:12,353
- I told you to stick to
your fireworks, Arthur!
1376
01:19:12,433 --> 01:19:13,548
- Very pretty.
1377
01:19:13,558 --> 01:19:14,844
- Thanks.
1378
01:19:14,850 --> 01:19:16,969
I think we might have a drink now.
1379
01:19:16,975 --> 01:19:18,975
- Drink, yes.
1380
01:19:27,517 --> 01:19:30,965
(people chattering)
1381
01:19:30,975 --> 01:19:34,379
- Ah, Mrs. Peele, number 40.
1382
01:19:35,433 --> 01:19:39,947
- Er, Lord Taylor,
number eight, sir.
1383
01:19:46,225 --> 01:19:47,511
- Number 14.
1384
01:19:47,517 --> 01:19:49,517
- 147
- Number 14.
1385
01:19:50,350 --> 01:19:53,908
- I believe we're number nine.
1386
01:19:57,933 --> 01:19:59,139
- I'm sorry about this, Delia.
1387
01:19:59,142 --> 01:20:01,142
- Oh, don't worry.
1388
01:20:01,558 --> 01:20:02,844
- I expect there's
been some mistake.
1389
01:20:02,850 --> 01:20:08,902
- Yes, I know, but seated near
this we can't see anything.
1390
01:20:11,308 --> 01:20:12,264
- Hey, Wal.
1391
01:20:12,267 --> 01:20:14,340
They didn't half make a
mess of the illuminations.
1392
01:20:14,350 --> 01:20:15,590
- Really?
(chuckling)
1393
01:20:15,600 --> 01:20:17,257
I'm not a bit surprised,
it's typical Piltdown.
1394
01:20:17,267 --> 01:20:18,132
- Yes.
1395
01:20:18,142 --> 01:20:19,007
Don't forget to lay
up that other place.
1396
01:20:19,017 --> 01:20:21,017
- No, run on.
1397
01:20:23,933 --> 01:20:24,764
- Here he is.
1398
01:20:24,767 --> 01:20:25,598
- It's all right.
1399
01:20:26,808 --> 01:20:30,645
Well, this is cosy, isn't it?
1400
01:20:30,725 --> 01:20:32,223
How was Lady Jane then?
1401
01:20:32,225 --> 01:20:34,510
Well, if you were with us
you would know, wouldn't you?
1402
01:20:34,517 --> 01:20:38,722
- Well, I had other things to do.
1403
01:20:39,933 --> 01:20:41,933
- Wally.
1404
01:20:43,642 --> 01:20:44,473
- Well.
1405
01:20:45,350 --> 01:20:48,183
How was she?
What did she say to you?
1406
01:20:49,517 --> 01:20:51,933
- I wasn't introduced.
1407
01:20:52,892 --> 01:20:54,007
- Why not?
1408
01:20:54,017 --> 01:20:56,056
- Diverted, I believe.
1409
01:20:56,058 --> 01:20:57,761
Not on the list.
1410
01:20:57,767 --> 01:20:59,761
It's all right, it doesn't matter.
1411
01:20:59,767 --> 01:21:02,968
- It matters for you.
This is the main reason you wanted to come here.
1412
01:21:02,975 --> 01:21:04,553
Well, that's it, we're off.
1413
01:21:04,558 --> 01:21:06,969
- Don't make a scene.
Sit down.
1414
01:21:06,975 --> 01:21:08,261
- I wouldn't advise it.
1415
01:21:08,267 --> 01:21:09,348
- Why not?
1416
01:21:09,350 --> 01:21:11,139
- The chair's gone.
- Gone?
1417
01:21:12,183 --> 01:21:14,183
- Got your irons, Wal.
1418
01:21:14,267 --> 01:21:15,824
- Oh, get us a chair, will you?
1419
01:21:15,905 --> 01:21:17,764
- You'll get me the sack, you will.
1420
01:21:17,767 --> 01:21:19,469
(gavel banging)
1421
01:21:19,475 --> 01:21:22,593
- My lords, ladies and gentlemen.
1422
01:21:22,600 --> 01:21:26,465
Please be upstanding to
receive His Worship, The Mayor,
1423
01:21:26,475 --> 01:21:28,423
And his charming guest of honour.
1424
01:21:28,433 --> 01:21:32,100
(crowd applauds)
1425
01:21:51,308 --> 01:21:53,308
- Oh.
1426
01:21:59,642 --> 01:22:01,806
- Well, as we're staying,
let's see what we're having.
1427
01:22:01,808 --> 01:22:04,225
- It's lovely, look.
1428
01:22:05,850 --> 01:22:09,331
- Le Delice de Sole Piltdown.
1429
01:22:10,058 --> 01:22:12,058
A chat from the Mayor.
1430
01:22:13,267 --> 01:22:16,882
And the Punch and Judy
presented by W. Pinner.
1431
01:22:16,892 --> 01:22:19,046
I'm looking forward to that.
1432
01:22:21,058 --> 01:22:23,303
How do you set these things out?
1433
01:22:23,308 --> 01:22:24,173
- Delia.
1434
01:22:24,183 --> 01:22:25,389
- [Delia] No, no, not for me.
1435
01:22:25,392 --> 01:22:27,392
Thank you.
- No?
1436
01:22:29,808 --> 01:22:31,340
(gavel banging)
1437
01:22:31,350 --> 01:22:35,632
- My lords, Reverend sir,
ladies and gentlemen,
1438
01:22:35,642 --> 01:22:39,303
Pray silence for your chairman,
His Worship, the Mayor.
1439
01:22:39,308 --> 01:22:40,389
- You know what he is, don't you?
1440
01:22:40,392 --> 01:22:43,642
(applauding)
1441
01:22:46,850 --> 01:22:52,937
- My Lords, Reverend sir,
ladies and gentlemen,
1442
01:22:53,017 --> 01:22:55,798
I don't propose to detain you long.
1443
01:22:56,683 --> 01:22:59,298
Now that we've wined and dined,
1444
01:22:59,308 --> 01:23:01,223
very handsomely if I may say so,
1445
01:23:02,100 --> 01:23:03,968
I think we should consider what has
1446
01:23:03,975 --> 01:23:06,677
Made the evening such a success.
1447
01:23:06,683 --> 01:23:09,431
The secret is good citizenship.
1448
01:23:09,433 --> 01:23:13,590
And in Piltdown, that also
means good fellowship.
1449
01:23:13,600 --> 01:23:18,014
We meet here as friends,
friendly rivals perhaps
1450
01:23:18,017 --> 01:23:21,340
in the field of commerce,
but certain allies
1451
01:23:21,350 --> 01:23:24,223
In the fight for a
greater Piltdown.
1452
01:23:24,225 --> 01:23:26,423
60 years is what we celebrate.
1453
01:23:26,433 --> 01:23:30,385
60 even more glorious years
is what we anticipate.
1454
01:23:30,392 --> 01:23:31,598
- [Audience] Hear, hear.
1455
01:23:31,600 --> 01:23:34,553
- But we mustn't forget
this is a gala occasion.
1456
01:23:34,558 --> 01:23:38,062
So I'll ask you all
to take the floor
1457
01:23:38,142 --> 01:23:42,219
To the music of our own
Percy Barlow and the Rebels.
1458
01:23:42,225 --> 01:23:44,510
(applauding)
1459
01:23:44,517 --> 01:23:49,507
And, if she'll oblige,
I'll open the festivities
1460
01:23:49,850 --> 01:23:51,844
With our delightful guest.
1461
01:23:51,850 --> 01:23:55,014
- [Fletcher] Good old Arthur.
1462
01:23:55,017 --> 01:23:58,683
(cheery band music)
1463
01:24:04,350 --> 01:24:05,802
- Do you wanna dance?
1464
01:24:05,808 --> 01:24:08,225
- Oh, yes, please.
1465
01:24:10,975 --> 01:24:13,386
- I must say,
I expected an older man.
1466
01:24:13,392 --> 01:24:17,978
- We're very progressive
here, you know.
1467
01:24:18,058 --> 01:24:20,469
- You had a couple drinks
tonight, didn't you?
1468
01:24:20,475 --> 01:24:21,840
- No, why?
1469
01:24:21,850 --> 01:24:22,715
- Yes, you did, I can tell.
1470
01:24:22,725 --> 01:24:24,844
- Well, I was nervous.
1471
01:24:24,850 --> 01:24:26,011
Does it show?
1472
01:24:26,017 --> 01:24:27,303
- No, no, only to me.
1473
01:24:27,308 --> 01:24:28,139
- Are you sure?
1474
01:24:28,142 --> 01:24:29,257
- Yes, of course I'm
sure, you're fine.
1475
01:24:29,267 --> 01:24:30,473
What does it matter anyway?
1476
01:24:30,475 --> 01:24:32,343
- Well, wouldn't like
anyone 10 think I was...
1477
01:24:32,350 --> 01:24:35,537
- Who cares about
them, look at 'em.
1478
01:24:37,517 --> 01:24:39,636
- I like a man who leads.
1479
01:24:39,642 --> 01:24:42,366
- I wouldn't mind leading you.
1480
01:24:43,225 --> 01:24:45,225
- Oh.
- Sorry.
1481
01:24:45,350 --> 01:24:47,264
- Look at you.
1482
01:24:47,267 --> 01:24:49,757
Ah, you never could
dance, could you?
1483
01:24:49,767 --> 01:24:52,348
- Madam, have you never
experienced the rare delight
1484
01:24:52,350 --> 01:24:55,468
Of the Pinner left-hand
down feather reverse turn?
1485
01:24:55,475 --> 01:24:57,594
- I don't believe
I've had that honour.
1486
01:24:57,600 --> 01:24:59,600
- Then you're in, kid.
1487
01:25:04,308 --> 01:25:10,353
- Oh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
you clumsy bloody fool!
1488
01:25:10,433 --> 01:25:11,931
Why don't you look
where you're going?
1489
01:25:11,933 --> 01:25:14,344
You've ruined my stockings.
1490
01:25:14,350 --> 01:25:16,178
- I'm terribly sorry.
1491
01:25:16,183 --> 01:25:17,093
It was an accident.
1492
01:25:17,100 --> 01:25:19,264
- Yes, well everything
is an accident here.
1493
01:25:19,267 --> 01:25:21,511
I wouldn't trust anyone
in this ghastly town
1494
01:25:21,517 --> 01:25:23,048
To do anything right.
1495
01:25:23,058 --> 01:25:24,886
- [Wally] If you'd been
looking where you were going...
1496
01:25:24,892 --> 01:25:26,343
- This is entirely your fault.
1497
01:25:26,350 --> 01:25:27,181
I hold you responsible.
1498
01:25:27,183 --> 01:25:30,428
Charging about the floor
with no consideration.
1499
01:25:30,433 --> 01:25:32,261
- Ah, the voice of Piltdown!
1500
01:25:32,267 --> 01:25:33,718
I'm terribly sorry to
have to prise you apart
1501
01:25:33,725 --> 01:25:35,593
In the middle of your civic duties.
1502
01:25:35,600 --> 01:25:38,764
- Don't you dare
talk to me like that!
1503
01:25:38,767 --> 01:25:44,437
- Would you mind taking
me away from this rabble?
1504
01:25:44,517 --> 01:25:45,678
- Charming.
1505
01:25:45,683 --> 01:25:50,428
- Oh, you insulted her,
you insulted the Mayor!
1506
01:25:50,558 --> 01:25:53,340
You, you ruined everything!
1507
01:25:53,392 --> 01:25:56,225
(sobbing)
1508
01:26:14,683 --> 01:26:15,889
- Mr. Drummer, please.
1509
01:26:15,892 --> 01:26:16,848
(fast-paced drum banging)
1510
01:26:16,850 --> 01:26:18,798
(cymbals banging)
1511
01:26:18,808 --> 01:26:23,090
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's cabaret time!
1512
01:26:23,100 --> 01:26:25,173
(applauding)
1513
01:26:25,183 --> 01:26:26,594
- It's all homegrown talent.
1514
01:26:26,600 --> 01:26:28,132
They're really excellent, you know.
1515
01:26:28,142 --> 01:26:31,048
- But here at Piltdown we
like it a little different,
1516
01:26:31,058 --> 01:26:33,343
As the bishop said, to the actress.
1517
01:26:33,350 --> 01:26:35,178
(laughing)
1518
01:26:35,183 --> 01:26:37,132
But seriously,
ladies and gentlemen,
1519
01:26:37,142 --> 01:26:40,094
And I would like to be
serious, for a moment.
1520
01:26:40,100 --> 01:26:42,431
We are here to celebrate
60 glorious years
1521
01:26:42,433 --> 01:26:44,261
in the history of our own town,
1522
01:26:44,267 --> 01:26:46,306
and I say our town,
ladies and gentlemen,
1523
01:26:46,308 --> 01:26:48,473
because after 15 years amongst you,
1524
01:26:48,475 --> 01:26:50,840
I feel that I belong here.
1525
01:26:51,725 --> 01:26:54,758
- Two more large brandies, please.
1526
01:26:55,142 --> 01:26:57,473
- Hey, bring the bottle.
1527
01:26:57,475 --> 01:26:58,306
- [Announcer] It's a happy time...
1528
01:26:58,308 --> 01:26:59,719
- Very good, sir.
- Ladies and gentlemen.
1529
01:26:59,725 --> 01:27:02,507
And now just to show you
how things used to be,
1530
01:27:02,517 --> 01:27:06,764
We turn back the clock for
the Punch and Judy Man.
1531
01:27:06,767 --> 01:27:11,340
W. Pinner assisted by E. Cox.
1532
01:27:11,350 --> 01:27:13,548
(applauding)
1533
01:27:13,558 --> 01:27:17,225
(cheery band music)
1534
01:27:20,350 --> 01:27:25,437
- Don't tell me you actually
employ people like that here.
1535
01:27:25,517 --> 01:27:27,219
- Here we go then.
1536
01:27:27,225 --> 01:27:28,803
Into the valley of death.
1537
01:27:28,808 --> 01:27:32,475
(light applauding)
1538
01:27:37,600 --> 01:27:39,600
Evening, Percy.
1539
01:27:45,142 --> 01:27:46,177
All right then.
1540
01:27:46,183 --> 01:27:47,806
Let's get it over with.
1541
01:27:47,808 --> 01:27:48,969
- That's a charming group.
1542
01:27:48,975 --> 01:27:50,757
Hold it now, smile.
1543
01:27:50,767 --> 01:27:51,598
Thank you.
1544
01:27:51,600 --> 01:27:52,431
Here you go.
1545
01:27:52,433 --> 01:27:54,090
Seven and six for three copies.
1546
01:27:54,100 --> 01:27:56,100
Moments to cherish.
1547
01:28:02,600 --> 01:28:03,715
Here we are, gents.
1548
01:28:03,725 --> 01:28:04,806
Three copies for 15 shillings.
1549
01:28:04,808 --> 01:28:06,014
Memories to cherish.
1550
01:28:06,017 --> 01:28:07,178
Thank you.
1551
01:28:07,183 --> 01:28:10,433
(paper ripping)
1552
01:28:11,558 --> 01:28:12,673
Well, that's nice, isn't it?
1553
01:28:12,683 --> 01:28:14,683
- Go away.
1554
01:28:16,350 --> 01:28:18,350
- Oy, right oh!
1555
01:28:25,058 --> 01:28:27,223
- Dobedobedobedo!
1556
01:28:27,225 --> 01:28:30,806
Dobedobedobedo, here we are again!
1557
01:28:30,808 --> 01:28:32,048
Hello!
1558
01:28:32,058 --> 01:28:36,058
- Hello!
1559
01:28:36,308 --> 01:28:37,343
- Hello.
1560
01:28:37,350 --> 01:28:38,181
Goodbye.
1561
01:28:39,142 --> 01:28:40,553
- Seriously?
1562
01:28:40,558 --> 01:28:42,507
That's a short show.
1563
01:28:42,517 --> 01:28:43,803
I want my money back.
1564
01:28:43,808 --> 01:28:45,014
- Be quiet, George.
1565
01:28:45,017 --> 01:28:47,017
- [George] Well!
1566
01:28:48,725 --> 01:28:52,260
- My name is Joey the
Clown and I'm very
1567
01:28:52,267 --> 01:28:53,798
Squeezed to meet you.
1568
01:28:54,683 --> 01:28:57,139
(people chattering)
1569
01:28:57,142 --> 01:28:59,558
Squeezed to meet you!
1570
01:29:00,142 --> 01:29:02,507
We've got the cream of
society here tonight.
1571
01:29:02,517 --> 01:29:05,178
Would you like to see Mr. Punch?
1572
01:29:05,183 --> 01:29:06,014
- No!
1573
01:29:06,892 --> 01:29:08,469
- Well, you're going to.
1574
01:29:08,475 --> 01:29:09,510
- It's all going wrong.
1575
01:29:09,517 --> 01:29:10,348
- Mr. Punch?
1576
01:29:10,350 --> 01:29:11,181
- Huh?
1577
01:29:11,183 --> 01:29:12,840
- Hello, Mr. Punch.
1578
01:29:12,850 --> 01:29:14,011
- Hello, Joey.
1579
01:29:14,892 --> 01:29:16,840
- Now, I've got to go downstairs
1580
01:29:16,850 --> 01:29:19,431
For a glass of bread and dripping.
1581
01:29:19,433 --> 01:29:21,433
- I'd like one too.
1582
01:29:21,767 --> 01:29:22,598
(Punch squeaks)
1583
01:29:22,600 --> 01:29:24,600
- Hello!
1584
01:29:25,142 --> 01:29:26,507
- Judy!
1585
01:29:26,517 --> 01:29:27,928
- [Judy] Yes?
1586
01:29:27,933 --> 01:29:28,764
- Come up!
1587
01:29:29,850 --> 01:29:31,598
- [Judy] Here I am.
1588
01:29:31,600 --> 01:29:33,514
- Here's Judy.
1589
01:29:33,517 --> 01:29:34,928
Give us a kiss!
1590
01:29:34,933 --> 01:29:35,764
- [Judy] No.
1591
01:29:35,767 --> 01:29:37,098
- I want a kiss.
1592
01:29:37,100 --> 01:29:38,465
(laughing)
1593
01:29:38,475 --> 01:29:41,090
- I'd go and claim your
rights, old boy, if I were you.
1594
01:29:41,100 --> 01:29:42,928
Faint heart and all that.
1595
01:29:42,933 --> 01:29:44,590
(laughing)
1596
01:29:44,600 --> 01:29:46,257
(Punch laughs)
1597
01:29:46,267 --> 01:29:47,969
- Wait for it, here he comes.
1598
01:29:47,975 --> 01:29:49,632
- No.
1599
01:29:49,642 --> 01:29:52,892
- I want a kiss.
1600
01:29:53,142 --> 01:29:54,132
- What's he doing?
1601
01:29:54,142 --> 01:29:56,056
He's put his glass on the stage.
1602
01:29:56,058 --> 01:30:01,062
- Has he, well,
we'll soon deal with that.
1603
01:30:01,142 --> 01:30:02,098
Good health.
1604
01:30:02,100 --> 01:30:03,511
- Where's it gone?
1605
01:30:03,517 --> 01:30:06,514
Someone's stolen my drink.
1606
01:30:06,517 --> 01:30:07,678
- I'll do him in a minute.
1607
01:30:07,683 --> 01:30:09,511
- No, let me.
1608
01:30:09,517 --> 01:30:11,802
- [George] Take my drink.
1609
01:30:11,808 --> 01:30:13,219
(crunching)
Oh!
1610
01:30:13,225 --> 01:30:16,469
(Punch squeaks)
(stick banging)
1611
01:30:16,475 --> 01:30:19,308
(laughing)
1612
01:30:21,808 --> 01:30:24,298
- No idea how to behave.
1613
01:30:24,308 --> 01:30:27,427
Where I come from we'd
have thrown things at him.
1614
01:30:27,433 --> 01:30:29,011
- Really?
1615
01:30:29,017 --> 01:30:31,850
(belches)
1616
01:30:34,433 --> 01:30:36,598
- What's this for?
1617
01:30:36,600 --> 01:30:38,600
- Ammunition.
1618
01:30:42,642 --> 01:30:45,892
(Punch laughs)
1619
01:30:52,100 --> 01:30:54,100
- [Man] Oh, yes!
1620
01:30:57,683 --> 01:31:01,806
(glasses clinging)
(people chattering)
1621
01:31:01,808 --> 01:31:04,264
- Well, that's nice, isn't it?
1622
01:31:04,267 --> 01:31:06,261
(people chattering)
(man laughing)
1623
01:31:06,267 --> 01:31:07,678
- All right, that's it.
1624
01:31:07,683 --> 01:31:08,514
I am leaving.
1625
01:31:08,517 --> 01:31:09,552
- You can't!
1626
01:31:09,558 --> 01:31:11,136
- Just watch me.
1627
01:31:11,142 --> 01:31:11,973
- You can't leave like this.
1628
01:31:11,975 --> 01:31:13,553
- I most certainly can.
1629
01:31:13,558 --> 01:31:16,677
- Please, please,
this is most unseemly.
1630
01:31:16,683 --> 01:31:19,100
Most un-Christian!
1631
01:31:19,558 --> 01:31:21,261
(plates crash)
1632
01:31:21,267 --> 01:31:22,632
- What is going on?
1633
01:31:22,642 --> 01:31:26,308
(guests laughing)
1634
01:31:27,933 --> 01:31:31,594
(water squirting)
1635
01:31:31,600 --> 01:31:33,600
That is the end.
1636
01:31:34,767 --> 01:31:36,840
I wouldn't bother
about a collection.
1637
01:31:36,850 --> 01:31:38,969
Come on, we're off, and
I hope she's satisfied.
1638
01:31:38,975 --> 01:31:41,392
- One final volley.
1639
01:31:44,725 --> 01:31:47,558
- He's still got my drink.
1640
01:31:48,392 --> 01:31:50,306
- [Man] George, George.
1641
01:31:50,308 --> 01:31:51,548
- Well, what about my committee?
1642
01:31:51,558 --> 01:31:52,889
- I don't care about
your committee.
1643
01:31:52,892 --> 01:31:55,764
I don't care about Piltdown,
and I don't care about you.
1644
01:31:55,767 --> 01:31:58,965
Now get out of my way, please.
1645
01:31:58,975 --> 01:32:01,219
- Hang on, what's this?
1646
01:32:01,225 --> 01:32:03,225
Hang on.
1647
01:32:05,808 --> 01:32:07,808
- Oh, really.
1648
01:32:07,892 --> 01:32:10,473
Would you mind getting
out of my way, please?
1649
01:32:10,475 --> 01:32:11,806
- Nothing would delight me
more, Madam,
1650
01:32:11,808 --> 01:32:14,007
But at the moment it's
a trifle inconvenient.
1651
01:32:14,017 --> 01:32:15,382
- I really ought to go and help.
1652
01:32:15,392 --> 01:32:18,139
- Oh good, Jolly D!
(man clapping)
1653
01:32:18,142 --> 01:32:18,973
- All right, all right.
1654
01:32:18,975 --> 01:32:20,598
They don't need your encouragement.
1655
01:32:20,600 --> 01:32:21,465
- Oh, what's it got
to do with you, eh?
1656
01:32:21,475 --> 01:32:22,927
Why don't you sit down?
1657
01:32:22,933 --> 01:32:25,264
Oh!
(fist smashing)
1658
01:32:25,267 --> 01:32:27,386
(woman gasps)
1659
01:32:27,392 --> 01:32:28,223
- Strong.
1660
01:32:29,350 --> 01:32:30,181
- Memories to cherish.
1661
01:32:30,183 --> 01:32:31,014
Ready tomorrow morning.
1662
01:32:31,017 --> 01:32:31,973
- Nevil, Nevil do you think I could
1663
01:32:31,975 --> 01:32:33,181
have three of those, please?
1664
01:32:33,183 --> 01:32:34,344
- Of course.
1665
01:32:34,350 --> 01:32:36,007
- Come on, Pinner, move yourself!
1666
01:32:36,017 --> 01:32:38,181
We've had enough trouble
with you for one evening!
1667
01:32:38,183 --> 01:32:39,635
- Might I remind
you I was requested
1668
01:32:39,642 --> 01:32:41,344
To appear at this little function?
1669
01:32:41,350 --> 01:32:42,802
It's turned out a treat, hasn't it?
1670
01:32:42,808 --> 01:32:45,344
- I'm not interested in
what you have to say.
1671
01:32:45,350 --> 01:32:49,812
Or you, either, you, you creature.
1672
01:32:49,892 --> 01:32:51,007
- Charming.
1673
01:32:51,017 --> 01:32:52,178
Are you ready to leave?
1674
01:32:52,183 --> 01:32:53,469
- Never mind about her.
1675
01:32:53,475 --> 01:32:55,343
Will you please get out of my way!
1676
01:32:55,350 --> 01:32:58,183
- All in good time, Madam!
1677
01:33:02,350 --> 01:33:03,681
- Hey, no, you don't!
1678
01:33:03,683 --> 01:33:05,135
- Leave me alone!
1679
01:33:05,142 --> 01:33:07,261
- Oh you can't do that to Wally!
1680
01:33:07,267 --> 01:33:09,135
- Get out of my way!
1681
01:33:09,142 --> 01:33:10,098
(hand slaps)
1682
01:33:10,100 --> 01:33:10,931
- [Mayor] Lady Jane.
1683
01:33:10,933 --> 01:33:12,465
- And you too.
1684
01:33:12,475 --> 01:33:13,385
(fist smashes)
1685
01:33:13,392 --> 01:33:16,298
(crowd gasps)
1686
01:33:16,308 --> 01:33:19,558
(Delia groans)
1687
01:33:20,558 --> 01:33:22,553
(Delia cries)
1688
01:33:22,558 --> 01:33:27,389
- (high-pitched) What a pity,
what a pity, what a pity.
1689
01:33:27,392 --> 01:33:31,969
(gentle instrumental music)
1690
01:34:05,183 --> 01:34:06,806
Does it hurt?
1691
01:34:06,808 --> 01:34:08,808
- No.
1692
01:34:12,975 --> 01:34:13,806
- Mm.
1693
01:34:13,808 --> 01:34:14,718
Looks a bit rough.
1694
01:34:14,725 --> 01:34:16,348
- Think so?
1695
01:34:16,350 --> 01:34:18,218
Take a look at this.
1696
01:34:18,225 --> 01:34:20,642
The Lady takes the count.
1697
01:34:21,725 --> 01:34:25,928
(Delia sighs)
(dramatic music)
1698
01:34:25,933 --> 01:34:27,048
- Mm.
1699
01:34:27,058 --> 01:34:30,308
(tongue clicks)
1700
01:34:36,975 --> 01:34:38,340
Pretty serious.
1701
01:34:38,350 --> 01:34:40,761
- She was going for you.
1702
01:34:40,767 --> 01:34:43,303
- Yeah, I can't help that.
1703
01:34:43,308 --> 01:34:44,840
Brawling in public.
1704
01:34:45,683 --> 01:34:47,094
It's like those
dreadful theatricals.
1705
01:34:47,100 --> 01:34:50,626
- But you said it was a good thing.
1706
01:34:50,933 --> 01:34:51,764
- Yes, but.
1707
01:34:52,683 --> 01:34:56,218
After all, I have a
reputation to consider.
1708
01:34:56,225 --> 01:34:58,007
- Reputation?
1709
01:34:58,017 --> 01:34:59,348
- Well, yes.
1710
01:34:59,350 --> 01:35:01,931
I mean, they'll never
have me in after this.
1711
01:35:01,933 --> 01:35:03,933
- Who won't?
1712
01:35:04,808 --> 01:35:06,808
- Them.
1713
01:35:07,183 --> 01:35:10,017
(laughing)
1714
01:35:11,600 --> 01:35:13,600
- Oh.
1715
01:35:14,517 --> 01:35:16,933
- Yes, still.
1716
01:35:18,933 --> 01:35:20,385
I think you'd better
start packing the begs.
1717
01:35:20,392 --> 01:35:21,348
- Think so?
1718
01:35:21,350 --> 01:35:22,181
- Mm-hm.
1719
01:35:23,267 --> 01:35:24,553
- Do you mind very much?
1720
01:35:24,558 --> 01:35:26,473
- Well, I mean, there's
the shop and everything.
1721
01:35:26,475 --> 01:35:29,011
- Do you want to stay here?
1722
01:35:29,017 --> 01:35:31,382
- I don't think we can after that.
1723
01:35:31,392 --> 01:35:36,303
- But do you want to?
1724
01:35:36,308 --> 01:35:38,308
- No, not really.
1725
01:35:40,600 --> 01:35:42,673
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
1726
01:35:42,683 --> 01:35:44,683
No, I'm going.
1727
01:35:45,350 --> 01:35:49,978
I've got a few things I'd
like to straighten out.
1728
01:35:50,058 --> 01:35:51,139
- It's all right.
1729
01:35:52,017 --> 01:35:54,017
I'll do it.
1730
01:35:55,267 --> 01:35:56,132
(lips smack softly)
1731
01:35:56,142 --> 01:35:58,181
See you tonight.
1732
01:35:58,183 --> 01:36:00,132
- Yes, all right.
1733
01:36:00,142 --> 01:36:02,558
I'll see you tonight.
1734
01:36:07,808 --> 01:36:11,058
(sombre music)
1735
01:36:20,225 --> 01:36:24,956
(majestic instrumental music)
1736
01:36:54,100 --> 01:36:58,831
(singing in foreign language)
118745
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