All language subtitles for My.Favorite.Martian.S01E05.Man.or.Amoeba.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTb

(playful music)

(audience laughing)

- Little late with dinner
tonight, aren't you Tim?

- Well, I had to
work late tonight,

and dinner doesn't cook itself.

- On Mars it does.

Have I ever told you how
much more intelligently

we handle this business
of eating back home?

- No, but you will.

- For your own good.

The only person who
knows I'm a martian

is you so why not--

- Will you please
turn that finger off?!

(audience laughing)

- Sorry.

As I was saying, why not learn

something about
civilized living.

- At the moment, I am a little
too busy being uncivilized.

- That's what I mean.

All that drudgery just
to prepare us a meal.

On Mars I never do that.

- You don't do it
on earth either.

(audience laughing)

(knocking)

- Come in.

Angela, how's our good neighbor?

- Not so good.

I need a favor.

Could you help me with my
homework after dinner, Martin?

- Well, it would be my pleasure.

What's the subject?

- I have to write a report
on the new discovery

by Professor Newton Jennings,

the space scientist.

- Oh yes, I read about
it in today's paper.

- Hi Ann, what new discovery?

- Well, you're a reporter
didn't you read today's news?

- Well, no I was too busy
writing tomorrow's news,

and I didn't have
a spare minute.

- It's right there
on the front page.

- Oh, yeah.

Scientist proves
that there is no life

on Mars as we know it.

Professor Newton
Jennings declares that

if life does exist,

it is on the lowest and
most primitive level.

- Makes you stop and
think, doesn't it Tim?

- It certainly does.

(audience laughing)

(beeping)

(beeping)

("My Favorite Martian Theme")

(cheerful music)

And Professor Jennings
calculations have

established conclusively
that the atmospheric pressure

on Mars precludes
any form of life

higher than the
one-celled amoeba,

or at least some
form of jellyfish.

Are you sure you're from Mars?

- Positive.

- All right.

What's the atmospheric
pressure up there?

- 17 pounds per square foot.

- Wrong.

It says here--

- Stop worrying about it Tim.

On my word as a martian,

I am a martian.

- Then how come you're
not a jellyfish?

- I come from a good family.

How much evidence do
you need to believe me?

You saw me crash
in my spaceship.

You know that I can read minds.

- Tricks! Tricks! All tricks!

It's like, well like pulling
a rabbit out of a hat.

- All right.

I hate to show off,
but now watch closely.

(audience laughing)

And now, with one
hand behind my back.

Any questions?

- Well, yes as a matter of fact,

how do I know you haven't
got me hypnotized?

How do I know you haven't
put me into some--

- [Martin] Tim, it's
impolite to talk to people

with your back to them.

I'm sitting here in the chair.

- Oh, well, how do I know you
haven't got me hypnotized?

Now, for all I know
you're not even

standing in the same room.

I could be standing here
talking to an empty chair.

Oh, I'm standing here
talking to an empty chair.

- Yeah, I noticed.

If it's anything personal
I can come back later.

- Oh no, no, I was just
sort of thinking out loud.

Would you like a cup of coffee?

- No, no, don't bother.

I'm only staying for a minute.

- No, no, don't!

Don't sit in that chair.

That chair is too hard.

This is a lot more
comfortable over here.

See, it's a lot softer.

- [Martin] Ow!

- What was that?

- I said, ow.

Come to think of it
this is too hard,

you'd better sit over here
it's more comfortable.

- I think I'll just
stand, thank you.

I only came up to find
out if your Uncle Martin

would help Angela
with her report.

Can I see him?

- Not at the moment.

I mean, he's out.

But I'll be glad to tell
him when he gets back.

- Tell me what?

- Oh, there he is.

I thought you said he went out.

- Yes, well frankly
Mrs. Brown I never

know just exactly where he is.

I mean, that's Uncle
Martin for you.

Now you see him, now you don't.

- Oh you poor man.

What happened to your eye?

- I got something in it.

- Oh, probably a speck of dust.

- It felt more like a fist.

You wanted to see me?

- Yes, about Angela's report.

- I haven't forgotten.

Tell her I'll be down
in about 10 minutes.

- Oh, that's so
sweet of you, Martin.

She'll appreciate it very much.

You know, I'm not much
help when it comes

to things like outer
space, or spelling.

(audience laughing)

- Are you convinced
now that I'm a martian?

Or do you still think
I hypnotized you?

- Well--

- I had no chance to
hypnotize Mrs. Brown.

She didn't see me either.

- But how do I know you were
in the room when she was here?

- Well, who do you think
you punched in the eye?

Topper?

(audience laughing)

- Well, okay.

You win.

You're a martian.

But that means
Professor Jennings

is talking through
his telescope.

- Something like that.

- Hey, hey this has
great possibilities.

I mean, if this guy can get all

these headlines by being wrong,

imagine the headlines
that I can get

by proving that he's wrong.

- You think you can?

- Well sure, just give
me the information.

- Aren't you
forgetting something?

- Oh, please give
me the information?

(audience laughing)

- I'm not discussing
your manners, Tim.

Suppose I did tell
you what to write,

how could you back it
up without involving me?

And you know I can't
afford to be involved.

- Well, I'm sure
between the two of us

we can figure out something.

- Maybe, but it would
be looking for trouble,

and I'd rather not risk it.

- Oh, I thought
you were my friend.

- I am.

That's exactly why
I'm pointing out

the mess you'd be
blundering into.

As Ben Franklin used to say,

look before or you'll
find yourself behind.

You see what I'm
getting at, don't you?

- Sure.

You don't wanna help me.

All right fine, then
don't do me any favors.

I mean, let Professor
Jennings get away with murder,

and go and help Angela
write how the people on Mars

are nothing but jellyfish.

But you're gonna have an
awful lot of explaining

to do when you go back and
have to face your jellyfish.

(audience laughing)

I mean your friends.

(cheerful music)

- I've read this article
a dozen times, Martin,

but I just can't seem
to understand it.

- I did whatever I could.

Those are some
books I got together

that I thought
might help Angela.

- Oh, background material
that's a good idea.

Strange and Fantastic Tales.

Weird Adventures.

Space Rabbit?

- If I listened to
Mom, I'd be writing

that Professor
Jennings is all wrong.

- Well, it's not impossible.

I've seen some very
convincing evidence

that there might
be people on Mars.

- You have?

Where?

- On The Twilight Zone.

(audience laughing)

- Mom, how can you
mention Twilight Zone

in the same breath with
a brilliant scientist

like Professor Newton Jennings?

- Well, Rod Serling is no dope.

He's got a very high rating.

(audience laughing)

- Well, let's at least start
with Professor Jennings.

Briefly, what all
this means is that

the atmosphere on
Mars is unbreathable.

- Except for amoeba
and jellyfish.

- According to
Professor Jennings,

but he can be wrong.

People are very adaptable.

Given time enough,
people can learn to live

under the most
difficult conditions.

- Then, you think there
are people on Mars?

- Definitely.

And because it's
an older planet,

I'm convinced they have a much
more advanced civilization.

- Oh, I'll buy that.

Well, don't just
sit there, Angela,

start writing it down.

- But that contradicts
what the professor says,

and he's a famous scientist.

- Angela, I may not be as
prominent as Newton Jennings,

but being famous is not
the same as being right.

- I know just what
you mean, Martin.

Isn't it frustrating?

- Frustrating?

- Waiting for the
rest of the world

to catch up with progressive
thinkers like you and me.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful music)

- Oh, hi Uncle Martin.

How's the work on
the spaceship coming?

You gonna get it fixed?

- It's a slow job.

That crack up did an
awful lot of damage.

It's a pity too,

because it was hardly
broken in when I got it.

Only had 385
million miles on it.

- Oh, got it from a little
old lady from Venus, huh?

(laughs)

- My big headaches are the
parts that need to be replaced.

They haven't been
invented down here yet.

- That's the trouble with
these foreign spaceships,

it's very hard to get parts.

(audience laughing)

- Oh Martin.

Martin, I just
wanted to tell you.

- Mother, please.

- Well, now why
shouldn't I tell him?

He's the one that helped you
write the report, didn't he?

- Oh, the homework assignment.

I'll bet it was the most
outstanding report in the class.

- It was.

I was the only one who failed.

- Isn't it awful?

I can't understand that
teacher's criticism.

Those things you
talked about last night

didn't sound like
scatterbrained rubbish to me.

- Your teacher said that?

- In front of the whole class.

- I wish I had been
there to hear it.

- Well, maybe you can
go and speak to her.

- Me?

Waste my time on that
narrow-minded woman.

What for?

Her opinions don't
disturb one bit.

- Well, why should they?

You're not the one
who was embarrassed

in front of the whole class.

- Oh.

I'm sorry about that Angela.

- Well, that's all right.

It's not your fault.

I asked you to help me.

- You mustn't blame yourself,

I'm sure you did your best.

Come on dear, I'll
fix you a snack.

- [Martin] Just a minute Angela.

- Yes?

- What's the best time
to talk to your teacher?

- You mean--

- I just got a powerful
urge to discuss

that report with her.

- Oh Martin.

Did you hear that, Mother,
he's gonna speak to my teacher.

- Well, you never failed at
anything until he helped you,

it's only right that
he should help you.

(audience laughing)

- Once you speak to my teacher,

she'll have to pass me.

I know it.

Oh Martin, you're the most!

- Well, for another one of those

I'll get you on the honor roll.

(audience laughing)

- Martin, you've
got yourself a deal.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful music)

- Good afternoon, Miss Weaver.

This is Mr. O'Hara.

- Oh yes, the man with
a vivid imagination.

- That's what I wanted
to see you about.

As the one who helped
Angela with her report,

I don't think she should
be penalized for it.

- Well, neither do I,

but I can't flunk you you're
not one of my students.

(audience laughing)

Please sit down.

Please.

I've told Angela how she
can get a passing grade.

- How?

- Well, simply to
rewrite the report

so that it makes sense.

- I think it does make sense.

- It not only makes sense,
it's very scientific.

- Oh really now.

People on Mars with a
higher civilization.

You want me to believe that?

- My dear lady, I don't care
what you believe, personally.

As far as I'm concerned,

you can think Mars is inhabited
by dragons and unicorns.

- You do have a vivid
imagination, don't you?

- I'm only asking that
you consider Angela's

point of view with an open mind.

- There is a difference
between an open mind,

and an empty head.

(audience laughing)

And that report
was pure fantasy.

- Many things that science
once considered fantasy

are now proven fact.

- When science proves that there

is a higher
civilization on Mars,

I will give Angela
a passing grade.

- Well, that may
take many years.

How long do you expect Angela
to stay in this school?

- That depends entirely upon
how much outside help she gets.

(audience laughing)

- I'm only interested
in discussing this
matter logically.

- Fair enough.

But as long as you're
going to do that,

I'd like to ask you
a logical question.

What scientific institution
are you connected with?

- I'm not connected with any.

- But you do have a degree
from an accredited university.

- Well, uh no.

- [Miss Weaver] Junior college?

- No.

- High school?

(audience laughing)

Well, it was very nice of you
to come in today, Mr. O'Hara,

and I appreciate it very much,

and I'm really quite
busy this afternoon

preparing an experiment
where we're synthesizing H2O.

That's water, you know.

(audience laughing)

- H2O.

That's water, you know.

Who does she thing
she's talking to?

- Martin.

- She's not getting
away with this.

I'm going to--

- Martin.

- What is it, Angela?

- I think I'd better
rewrite the report.

- How do you like that teacher?

Explaining to me
that H2O is water.

Me, who worked with some of
your greatest scientists.

Bobby Fulton,
Tommy Edison, Bell.

I was with Alex when he
tested the original telephone.

You may not know it,
Tim, but you're looking

at the first man in history
who ever got a wrong number.

(audience laughing)

- Well, you shouldn't have gone

to school in the first place,

you're not even a
member of the PTA.

- I had to go.

You saw how Angela felt.

What do you suppose
she would've thought

of me if I'd turned her down?

- Well, what do you
suppose she thinks now?

As far as she's concerned,

you barely squeezed
through kindergarten.

- You don't imagine Angela's
influenced by that nonsense.

- Oh?

She's rewriting her
report, isn't she?

Professor Jennings's way.

- Anybody home?

- Oh, hello Mrs. Brown.

- [Tim] Hi, come on in.

- I'm not interrupting
anything, am I?

- No, no, as a matter
of fact we were

just talking about Angela.

I suppose she's rewriting
the report tonight?

- No, she's not.

- A sensible girl.

- She's rewriting it tomorrow.

Tonight, she's studying
for a geometry exam.

As a matter of fact,
that's why I'm here.

She needs a little coaching.

- Yes?

And she was wondering
if you could come down,

and help her, Tim.

(audience laughing)

- Me?

Oh, c'mon Mrs. Brown geometry
was my worst subject.

To this day, I don't know a
right angle from a wrong angle.

- I'd be glad to help her.

Next to science, mathematics
is my strongest field.

- Oh, it's too much
of an imposition.

Why, Angela's embarrassed
by all the help

you've given her already.

On second thought, I don't see
why I can't coach her myself.

It can't be too hard,
it's only plane geometry

nothing fancy.

(audience laughing)

- How do you like that?

I'm a thousand years
ahead of this planet,

and a high school
girl won't even trust

me with an isosceles triangle.

How did I get into
this situation anyway?

- Ah, that's easy.

I can answer that
for you in two words.

Professor Newton Jennings.

- That's three words.

- I told you I was
rotten at math.

- Newton Jennings.

Newton Jennings.

Tim, I was just thinking--

- That's a great idea!

- What's a great idea?

- To expose Professor Jennings.

Now why should you take the rap,

and look bad in front of Angela?

- How did you know
what I was thinking?

- Well, I may have
been rotten in math,

but I was just
great in psychology.

(audience laughing)

(dramatic music)

- To begin with, you
pretend to interview him

while I go through his notes.

- Okay, but don't take all day.

- I'm not a fast reader,

but if I concentrate I can
do eight pages a second.

(audience laughing)

(knocking)

- Come in.

Oh, you must be those
newspaper fellas.

Make yourselves comfortable.

I'll be right with you.

(suspenseful music)

(audience laughing)

Oh, here taste it.

No, go ahead. It won't
turn you into a werewolf.

- What is it?

- Chicken soup, homemade.

I was preparing my lunch.

(audience laughing)

So, you wanna interview me.

I might as well tell you,

you're wasting your time.

- Well, I know you're a
very busy man, professor,

but I promise this
won't take long.

- Oh, I've got plenty of time.

It's just that I'm not
a very exciting person.

Frankly, you'd do much
better with Elizabeth Taylor.

- That's very nice
of you to say so.

- Are these the
equations on which

you base your theory, professor?

- Mm-hm.

You see what I mean?

To me, that's the most
fascinating thing in the world.

You'll probably
think it's very dull.

- On the contrary, I
find it very interesting.

Very interesting.

- He's being nice
to me, isn't he?

Well, you don't
have to wade through

that stuff just to
make me feel good.

- Oh, I really do
want to read it.

- Believe me, professor,
he's not doing it

just to make you feel good.

- Oh, I know how it is.

Friends show me pictures
of their babies,

and expect me to be interested.

Well, this is my baby,

but I'm not gonna
bore you with it.

- Well, professor let's get
started with the interview.

Now, when did you first
become interested in science?

- It wasn't until I
was six years old.

(audience laughing)

- Well, that's pretty young.

- Oh, I know, but I
figured what good was

understanding calculus
if I couldn't put

it to some practical use.

(audience laughing)

- [Tim] Yeah, no
sense wasting it.

How about other areas?

You know, hobbies, sports?

- Oh, I love sports.

I remember when I
was 10 years old,

how disappointed I
was that I couldn't

play football with the
other fellas in my class.

- What stopped you?

- I was pretty small for
a high school senior.

Something wrong?

- Huh?

Oh, my finger fell asleep.

I was trying to work it out.

- Now, professor I think
this might be interesting

if it was approach from
the women's point of view.

For example, well how
about your first romance?

- Well, when it happens
I'll tell you about it.

(audience laughing)

What's the use in trying
to make me interesting?

I was terrible at sports.

I never got married.

I can't do the Bossa nova.

The only thing I'm
good at is science.

(audience laughing)

You wanna know about my life?

It's all in those notes.

Without that, I guess
I'd be a failure.

- Tim, I think we've taken up

enough of the professor's time.

We'd better go.

- How about the interview?

I mean, we're not finished yet.

Aren't you gonna ask
him about his theory?

- What would you have me say?

- How would I know?

- Well, think about it a second.

- What about Pauli's
exclusion principle?

- Thank you very
much, professor.

- I'm sorry I couldn't
do any better.

- Quite all right,
we understand.

- Pauli's exclusion principle.

- Pauli's exclusion principle?

Where'd I get that?

I don't even know what it means.

- The professor does.

- Oh, what was the big idea?

I didn't even get my story.

- There isn't going
to be a story.

- Well, now that's obvious,

but what am I supposed to write?

Space scientist admits he
can't dance the Bossa nova.

(audience laughing)

- Maybe he can't
dance the Bossa nova,

but he's 50 years
ahead of his time.

Those notes are brilliant.

- Well, now just one
second Uncle Martin,

he is wrong about Mars.

Now you tell me what is so
brilliant about being wrong?

- Tim, sometimes we have to be
wrong before we can be right.

It was because
Columbus was wrong

that he discovered
this continent.

He thought he was
sailing to India.

If you're going to
call Jennings a fraud,

you've got to call
Columbus a fraud too.

- And what about Angela,

now if we don't expose
Professor Jennings,

she's gonna be left
holding the bag.

- Angela's in no trouble.

She's rewriting her report.

So, she walks around
for the rest of her life

thinking that you're a dope.

- I'll have to risk that.

This man's ego is
shaky enough as it is.

I refuse to break the spirit
of a scientific genius

just to pamper my
own personal vanity.

- Well, there goes my exclusive.

- Well, that's the way
the planet plummets.

(audience laughing)

I hope you don't feel
too disappointed.

- No, as a matter of fact
I'm kind of relieved.

You know, that little
guy was awfully sweet.

And you know something?

- What?

- He's not as much of
failure as he thinks.

He makes very good chicken soup.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful music)

(knocking)

- Yoo hoo, anybody home?!

- I am!

- Oh Martin, did
you hear the news?

Tell him Angela.

- I got an A in science.

The highest mark in the class.

- Oh, you rewrote your report?

- No, Professor Jennings
rewrote his theory.

He now says it's possible
there is life on Mars.

Very intelligent life too.

- Well.

- It's in today's paper.

- Well, I haven't
seen the paper yet.

- Hi everybody!

- Tim, Angela tells me that
Jennings revised his theory.

There's a story about
it in today's paper.

Did you read it?

- I wrote it.

Yeah, Professor
Jennings called me

and gave me an
exclusive interview.

- Well, you never mentioned
anything about it to me.

- Well, you already
ruined one interview,

I wasn't taking anymore chances.

- I wonder what made
him change his mind?

- Well, it's all in there.

Something about Pauli's
exclusion principle.

And you know what?

Miss Weaver apologized to me
in front of the whole class.

- That's a pleasant surprise.

- Oh Martin, it doesn't
come as any surprise to me.

You and I knew we
were right all along.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful music)

- Isn't that sweet?

Angela sent me a tie for
helping her with her report.

Well, as I once said
to William Shakespeare,

all's well that ends well.

(audience laughing)

What's all that?

- Well, I dropped in to see

Professor Jennings
this afternoon,

and he let me borrow
some of his equipment.

- What for?

- Now wait a second,
wait a second,

I haven't finished all
the directions yet.

Oh!

- Tim--

- Now, wait, wait, wait,
I'm almost through,

almost through.

- But--

- Wait, wait, please,
please, please, please.

(playful music)

(audience laughing)

Oh!

(audience laughing)

That's the worst chicken
soup I have ever tasted.

Professor Jennings must've
given me the wrong ingredients.

- Well, you've learned
a lesson, my boy.

A scientist is willing to share
his secrets with the world,

but a chef won't share
his recipe with anyone.

(audience laughing)

(cheerful music)

("My Favorite Martian Theme")