All language subtitles for The Simpsons S25E21 Pay Pal

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,041 D'oh! (tires screeching) 2 00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:10,710 (grunts) 3 00:00:10,712 --> 00:00:12,011 What the...?! 4 00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:17,517 Well, this is a no-brainer. 5 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:20,920 Woo-hoo! 6 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:23,856 D'oh! 7 00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:26,959 D'oh! 8 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,562 D'oh! 9 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,298 D'oh! 10 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:37,069 D'oh! D'oh! 11 00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:38,604 D'oh! 12 00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:41,707 D'oh! D'oh! 13 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:43,142 D'oh! 14 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,081 (groans) now what? 15 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,483 (screams) 16 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,092 (marge humming) 17 00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:07,266 � � 18 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:10,970 (laughing) 19 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,764 � � 20 00:01:52,245 --> 00:01:52,945 (whirring) 21 00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:54,947 Mom, it's not funny 22 00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,916 If I can't hear the cats drown in their own barf. 23 00:01:56,918 --> 00:01:59,151 (screaming) 24 00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:01,587 (whirring louder) 25 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,456 (retching continues louder) 26 00:02:03,458 --> 00:02:07,126 Why can't kids still watch captain kangaroo?! 27 00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,461 Culture's in decline. Deal with it. 28 00:02:08,463 --> 00:02:09,762 (groans): Oh! 29 00:02:09,764 --> 00:02:12,164 (whirring louder) 30 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:14,233 (laughs) yay! A mess! 31 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,569 Ooh! Can I lick the ceiling? (groans): Oh. 32 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:19,672 I was making that cake for the block party today. 33 00:02:19,674 --> 00:02:21,807 Now there's no choice but to go... 34 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,576 Store-bought. 35 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,879 (humming) 36 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,421 (over p.A.): I need a price check on 37 00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:37,923 Gramma shortcut's store-bought bundt cake. 38 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,258 (crowd gasps) 39 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,329 Keep it! 40 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,197 Let's go! 41 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,833 We've got some put-backs. 42 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,535 Roger dodger, boss. 43 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,937 Hey, don't turn old man on me. 44 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,773 You know, I used to be the buyer 45 00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:55,508 For the whole chain-- 71 stores. 46 00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:56,976 You heard of the a&p? 47 00:02:56,978 --> 00:02:58,811 Well, we used to be the j&g. 48 00:02:58,813 --> 00:03:02,281 � you like what you see at the j&g � 49 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:05,484 � they're used to be three, but we lost the "z" and... � 50 00:03:05,486 --> 00:03:07,887 If I make out with you, will you shut up? 51 00:03:07,889 --> 00:03:09,955 Ah, give it a shot. (moans) 52 00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,224 You know, we used to give out gray stamps. 53 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,726 Remember green stamps? 54 00:03:13,728 --> 00:03:15,027 Ours was gray. 55 00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,568 Attention block party losers! 56 00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,970 We are ear poison! 57 00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:28,174 (electric guitar riff plays) 58 00:03:28,176 --> 00:03:32,011 � there were bells on a hill � 59 00:03:32,013 --> 00:03:36,248 � but I never heard them ringing � 60 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,316 � no, I never... � 61 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:40,519 (gasps) 62 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,154 (british accent): We must have the same recipe. 63 00:03:42,156 --> 00:03:43,856 Drive to store, buy cheap cake, 64 00:03:43,858 --> 00:03:45,091 Serves them right. 65 00:03:45,093 --> 00:03:46,592 Booth wilkes-john. 66 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,828 My wife and I just moved here from london. 67 00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:50,429 Marge simpson. 68 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:53,032 Congratulations on little king george. 69 00:03:53,034 --> 00:03:56,235 Well, marge, my wife and I are hosting a get-to-know-you 70 00:03:56,237 --> 00:04:00,005 Game night on Saturday next-- or as you call it, next Saturday. 71 00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,041 Ooh! Game night? 72 00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:03,709 You know? Adult games. 73 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:07,613 Well, not "adult games," fun games, like charades-- 74 00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:09,582 Or as you call it, pictionary. 75 00:04:09,584 --> 00:04:11,250 It sounds like fun. 76 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:13,185 I'll just tell homer and... 77 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,722 Homer, for the last time, 78 00:04:16,724 --> 00:04:18,057 Do not drink the yahtzee dice. 79 00:04:18,059 --> 00:04:19,125 Fine. 80 00:04:19,127 --> 00:04:20,893 (grunts) 81 00:04:20,895 --> 00:04:22,294 Ooh! Doubles. 82 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,563 Mm, I don't know. 83 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,633 We have church the next morning, starts at 11:00. 84 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:29,535 Oh, we're going to the game night. 85 00:04:29,537 --> 00:04:31,704 Moving church to Monday afternoon. 86 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,239 (groans) 87 00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:35,941 Well, if you change your mind, please let us know. 88 00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,777 We could become "couples friends." 89 00:04:37,779 --> 00:04:41,080 Now, let me try some of ned flanders' no alarm chili. 90 00:04:41,082 --> 00:04:42,982 You'll only taste the spoon. 91 00:04:42,984 --> 00:04:44,116 Brilliant. 92 00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,654 Why don't we have any couples friends? 93 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:49,889 (groans) 94 00:04:49,891 --> 00:04:53,325 Because... Couples friends are a myth, 95 00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,961 Started by restaurants with tables for four. 96 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,730 I want friends! 97 00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,064 Any friends. 98 00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,266 Okay, sweetie. 99 00:05:00,268 --> 00:05:01,500 I'll call the van houtens. 100 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,102 Not the van houtens. But... 101 00:05:03,104 --> 00:05:05,437 They're always bragging about their trip to rome. 102 00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,240 It was 12 years ago, and it was a layover. 103 00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:10,109 I want new friends. 104 00:05:10,111 --> 00:05:11,777 Lisa: Can I make an observation? 105 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,679 I'm okay with no friends. 106 00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,447 It's easier to focus, 107 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:19,018 And it'll give me great material for whatever art form I choose. 108 00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:21,587 Right now, I'm thinking long novella. 109 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:22,588 Good night. 110 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:25,825 Okay with no friends? 111 00:05:25,827 --> 00:05:27,760 That's the saddest thing I can imagine 112 00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:29,328 My daughter saying to me. 113 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,696 Bart: I can think of worse. 114 00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,198 The saddest thing would be 115 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,933 If you were driving and texting lisa 116 00:05:33,935 --> 00:05:35,434 And you hit her. 117 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:38,204 And the last thing she texted before she died was, 118 00:05:38,206 --> 00:05:40,206 "I got your message." 119 00:05:40,208 --> 00:05:41,774 Good night. 120 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,845 Well, they all make good points. 121 00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:49,114 Announcer: And now, the moment of truth 122 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,683 On topiary wars. 123 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:04,029 This taj mahal should be floated down the ganges. 124 00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,364 I'm sorry, cathy. 125 00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:06,799 Turn in your shears and ladders. 126 00:06:06,801 --> 00:06:09,702 Come and get 'em! (laughs maniacally) 127 00:06:09,704 --> 00:06:10,903 (grunting) 128 00:06:10,905 --> 00:06:12,738 Oh! Thank you. 129 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:15,241 Why was that on the military history channel? 130 00:06:15,243 --> 00:06:17,076 We're going to that game party, 131 00:06:17,078 --> 00:06:19,378 And we're going to be charming and witty. 132 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,380 You're not going to eat too much, 133 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,816 And we're not going to stay too late. 134 00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:26,886 Marge: You will not sing unless there's a sing-along, 135 00:06:26,888 --> 00:06:30,422 And never take the tray out of the caterer's hand. 136 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:33,058 Don't be too loud, and don't be too quiet. 137 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,995 When you're too quiet, you get that psycho look. 138 00:06:35,997 --> 00:06:37,229 (jittering) 139 00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:38,764 And stay in the living room. 140 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:41,767 Don't go to their kids' room and watch a basketball game. 141 00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,269 Can I check out what toys they have? 142 00:06:43,271 --> 00:06:44,370 No. 143 00:06:44,372 --> 00:06:45,404 (groans) 144 00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,573 Dinner party at the neighbors'. 145 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,241 At least I can drink. 146 00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:50,609 One drink. 147 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:53,445 Wha...?! Walking distance, marge! 148 00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:56,515 I've been looking forward to this all week. 149 00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,585 Duffman: Don't show your wife this app! 150 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:00,753 Powering down! 151 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,758 You were charming enough to win me, 152 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,460 And that day you didn't have a drink in you. 153 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,702 Marge! Homer! 154 00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:19,238 Mwah! Mwah! 155 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,206 (quietly): Homer. 156 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:24,310 You know, I have more cheeks. (chuckles) 157 00:07:24,312 --> 00:07:26,612 I'd like you to meet my wife wallis. 158 00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,047 (deep voice): How ya doin'? 159 00:07:28,049 --> 00:07:30,916 Wallis has unearthed the most delightful entertainment 160 00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,985 To thrill us for hours on end. 161 00:07:32,987 --> 00:07:36,288 It's a murder mystery, and we're all suspects. 162 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:37,723 (crowd gasps) 163 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:41,560 Great! I've always wanted to try and solve a crime. 164 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,962 (crowd gasps) 165 00:07:42,964 --> 00:07:45,230 Please, everyone, read your bio. 166 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:46,632 (gasps) 167 00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:49,902 I am a humble farmer from yorkshire. 168 00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:52,604 Humble I can be! 169 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,139 That's the spirit! 170 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,308 Wallis and I have found this game to provide 171 00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,978 A full evening of divertissement, 172 00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:01,580 Building in suspense to a masterful climax. 173 00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,082 We've rented costumes 174 00:08:03,084 --> 00:08:06,285 You'll find accurate to period and conducive to character. 175 00:08:06,287 --> 00:08:08,454 We will serve food and wine 176 00:08:08,456 --> 00:08:11,090 Appropriate to period and palette. 177 00:08:11,092 --> 00:08:12,491 (excited murmuring) 178 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:15,928 We've programmed music to cover every dramatic event. 179 00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:17,596 Hired a foley artist. 180 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,431 (steady galloping) 181 00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:21,967 I believe the mare has a slight limp. 182 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,936 (erratic galloping) 183 00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:25,938 Yes. Yes! 184 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:30,709 So, for the next three hours, I welcome you to the moors of... 185 00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:31,844 Question. 186 00:08:31,846 --> 00:08:33,012 Uh, it says here 187 00:08:33,014 --> 00:08:34,680 The murderer is admiral wainsworth. 188 00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:35,781 Who's that? 189 00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,116 (crowd groaning, murmuring) 190 00:08:37,118 --> 00:08:39,785 You've... You-you've given away the game! 191 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:41,186 Well, you know... 192 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,388 Why you...! 193 00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:44,023 (both grunting) 194 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,960 Thank you so much! 195 00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:51,563 Now wallis will once again withdraw into melancholia! 196 00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:54,166 (monotonous): Birth, school, work, death. 197 00:08:54,168 --> 00:08:56,902 Worth, drool, shirk, breath. 198 00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:59,405 Mirth, cruel, quirk, meth. 199 00:08:59,407 --> 00:09:02,241 Just so you know, homer, you were going to be 200 00:09:02,243 --> 00:09:05,144 A dashing russian count with multiple lovers! 201 00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:08,147 Well, as we say in russia, 202 00:09:08,149 --> 00:09:09,681 "good-bye in russian!" 203 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,250 Do svidaniya! 204 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:21,093 Uh, nice night for a walk. 205 00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:22,261 (sighs) 206 00:09:22,263 --> 00:09:25,697 I'd like to be alone for a while. 207 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,499 You want to be more alone? 208 00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:28,834 Yes. 209 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,174 More? Mm-hmm. 210 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,578 What the...?! D'oh! 211 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,080 (groaning) 212 00:09:41,082 --> 00:09:43,482 That's good. 213 00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:48,087 Okay, I slept on the couch 214 00:09:48,089 --> 00:09:50,122 And I flipped the sweaty cushions over. 215 00:09:50,124 --> 00:09:52,124 What else can I do? It's okay. 216 00:09:52,126 --> 00:09:54,460 I mean, those people didn't even want us at that party 217 00:09:54,462 --> 00:09:56,261 In the first place. 218 00:09:56,263 --> 00:10:00,432 I think it's time we learn to live with being ostracized. 219 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,800 Mmm... 220 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,970 Don't you dare say "ostrich eyes"! 221 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,139 Because... Uh... 222 00:10:07,141 --> 00:10:08,607 Oh! Oh, okay, okay! 223 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:09,875 What should we do? 224 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,477 Nothing. I give up. 225 00:10:11,479 --> 00:10:13,378 No more dinner parties. 226 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,648 Our whole social life will be us watching tv 227 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:18,484 And you going to moe's. 228 00:10:18,486 --> 00:10:20,986 I see. 229 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:23,422 (quietly): Woo-hoo! 230 00:10:23,424 --> 00:10:24,656 (rattles) 231 00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:28,627 Well, if that's how you think it has to be. 232 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,162 Yes, for us. 233 00:10:30,164 --> 00:10:31,830 But not for lisa. 234 00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,332 Never for lisa. 235 00:10:33,334 --> 00:10:35,734 We're going to help her make friends. 236 00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,169 It might be easier with maggie. 237 00:10:37,171 --> 00:10:39,972 She's always getting letters from the day care center. 238 00:10:39,974 --> 00:10:41,507 Those are past-due bills. 239 00:10:41,509 --> 00:10:44,143 They'll get their blood money. 240 00:10:44,145 --> 00:10:47,513 And lisa will get a friend. 241 00:10:47,515 --> 00:10:49,515 After this, we'll do makeovers. 242 00:10:49,517 --> 00:10:51,183 (groans) 243 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:56,455 So where are all the friends? 244 00:10:56,457 --> 00:10:57,923 I don't know. 245 00:10:57,925 --> 00:11:00,826 I invited everyone that lisa's ever met. 246 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,495 Who are you? Gus huebner. 247 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:06,665 I was on lisa's coed soccer team two years ago. 248 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,268 Well, lisa's gonna be here in five minutes, 249 00:11:09,270 --> 00:11:12,104 And the only kid who showed up is gus freakin' huebner. 250 00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,772 Watch your mouth. (groans) 251 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,441 Oh, no, you're right, homer. Abort! 252 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,010 Abort! Oh, no. 253 00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:20,846 I was the only chump who showed up at this train wreck. 254 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,948 Well, I'm not leaving till I get a party. 255 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,951 Fine, fine. Homer, give him a party. 256 00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:29,188 (the streets of san francisco theme playing) 257 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,970 (homer shouts) 258 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,582 Gus huebner? 259 00:11:56,584 --> 00:11:58,450 Is that you? 260 00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,587 (chuckles): I wish. 261 00:12:01,589 --> 00:12:03,822 That kid can play youth soccer. 262 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,262 Are you guys okay? 263 00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:11,997 Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I'm fine. 264 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:13,599 Yeah. That's... Nothing's going on. 265 00:12:13,601 --> 00:12:15,400 Right, right. Nothing. 266 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:16,201 What's for dinner? 267 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,936 Pizza. Mmm. 268 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,238 Lots of pizza. 269 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:32,351 So, as her teacher, I was wondering if you could tell me 270 00:12:32,353 --> 00:12:35,787 Why lisa has such trouble making friends. 271 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,457 Marge, this is when I normally eat lunch. 272 00:12:38,459 --> 00:12:42,127 So I'll just tell you lisa is... Unique. 273 00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:44,196 And we're done. 274 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,269 All right. For some reason, 275 00:12:50,271 --> 00:12:53,538 Square dancing is a part of the gym curriculum. 276 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:55,941 Now, I'm gonna open the divider to the girls' gym, 277 00:12:55,943 --> 00:13:00,212 And if you don't find a dance partner within ten seconds, 278 00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:04,316 There is something very wrong with you! 279 00:13:04,318 --> 00:13:06,451 � � 280 00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,729 Hmm. 281 00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:18,797 (groans) 282 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:20,866 Aw. 283 00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:23,835 That's tough luck, lisa. 284 00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,071 Looks like you're dancing with groundskeeper willie. 285 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,739 Careful of your toes. 286 00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:29,274 I got me cleats on! 287 00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,243 I'll dance with lisa. 288 00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:33,812 Tumi? But you're from the other second grade. 289 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,548 We only come together for tornado drills. 290 00:13:38,785 --> 00:13:40,786 (groans) god, I hate square dancing. 291 00:13:40,788 --> 00:13:43,588 It ain't gym class if a fat kid's not crying. 292 00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:44,923 Let's do this thing. 293 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,858 (plucking notes) 294 00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:49,361 (playing lively music) 295 00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,466 � swing your partner, swing her hard � 296 00:13:54,468 --> 00:13:56,335 � do-si-do while I bombard � 297 00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:58,637 Hey! Ha! Ho! Ha! 298 00:13:58,639 --> 00:14:00,972 � do-si-do while I bombard � 299 00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,808 � oh, thank god, the clock says 3:00 � 300 00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:04,643 � 'cause I have to take a pee. � 301 00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:05,977 (school bell ringing) 302 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,312 Finally. 303 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,648 That was fun. Yeah, it kind of was. 304 00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:12,384 But I won't push it, I promise. See ya. 305 00:14:12,386 --> 00:14:14,553 Oh, wait, wait, wait. Um, I was going 306 00:14:14,555 --> 00:14:16,955 To all sales vinyl after school. 307 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,290 The vintage record store? 308 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,125 Yeah. You want to come with me? 309 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,294 At the risk of sounding like a broken record, 310 00:14:22,296 --> 00:14:24,162 Yes, yes, yes! 311 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,465 ("stolen moments" by oliver nelson playing) 312 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:31,036 (strained): They will fit. They will fit. 313 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:32,938 (grunts) yes! 314 00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,411 Hmm. Nobody likes jazz that much. 315 00:14:39,413 --> 00:14:41,913 Even the guy playing it had to take drugs. 316 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,648 It's so much fun 317 00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,484 To finally have a friend who likes the npr show 318 00:14:45,486 --> 00:14:48,253 Wait wait... Don't tell me! As much as I do. 319 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:51,089 Peter sagal: So, carl kasell, how did the house minority whip 320 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,924 Do on our news quiz? 321 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,260 Carl kasell: Well, peter, he got two out of three right, 322 00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:58,263 So he wins me recording his outgoing message. 323 00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,265 Man: Oh, that's okay. Really. No, no, no. Please don't. 324 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:02,033 Kasell: It's not optional. 325 00:15:02,035 --> 00:15:04,002 (both giggling) 326 00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,606 See, marge? 327 00:15:07,608 --> 00:15:09,674 Problems will work themselves out 328 00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,376 If you just leave them alone. 329 00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:12,544 Mm-hmm. 330 00:15:12,546 --> 00:15:13,745 Want some more smoothie? 331 00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:16,815 As long as you load up on the kale and chia. 332 00:15:18,951 --> 00:15:21,953 Oh, no one likes veggie smoothies that much. 333 00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:23,522 Or at all. Hmm. 334 00:15:23,524 --> 00:15:25,424 Something's fishy about that girl, 335 00:15:25,426 --> 00:15:27,692 And I'm gonna follow her till I find out what. 336 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,594 And I'm gonna help you. 337 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,397 I think I'll need you back at headquarters manning the phones. 338 00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,466 Great. What do I say? 339 00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:35,467 Just let 'em ring. 340 00:15:35,469 --> 00:15:36,635 Got it! 341 00:15:36,637 --> 00:15:38,637 � they smile in your face � 342 00:15:38,639 --> 00:15:40,572 � all the time they want to take your place � 343 00:15:40,574 --> 00:15:42,574 � the backstabbers � 344 00:15:42,576 --> 00:15:44,976 � backstabbers � 345 00:15:44,978 --> 00:15:46,278 � they smile in your face � 346 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,480 � all the time they want to take your place � 347 00:15:48,482 --> 00:15:50,882 � the backstabbers � 348 00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,717 � backstabbers � 349 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,120 � all you fellas who have someone � 350 00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:57,456 � and you really care � 351 00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:59,558 � yeah, yeah � 352 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,894 � then it's all of you fellas... � 353 00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:12,170 � low-down, dirty. � 354 00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:18,243 What do you want? 355 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:19,611 I've got two things for you. 356 00:16:19,613 --> 00:16:21,279 This envelope will change your life 357 00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,281 For the low, low price of five dollars, 358 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,784 And I'll throw in a piece of great advice. 359 00:16:25,786 --> 00:16:27,853 Tempted? 360 00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,289 What's the advice? 361 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:32,991 Don't open the envelope. 362 00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,060 (snickers) 363 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,732 Oh, god, I'm gonna be sick. 364 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:47,873 (gasps) 365 00:16:47,875 --> 00:16:49,875 Mom paid her to be my friend? 366 00:16:49,877 --> 00:16:51,943 (crying) 367 00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:56,781 That's mine. 368 00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,783 It's for my library card. 369 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,619 (groans) 370 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,792 You don't want to be here. 371 00:17:07,794 --> 00:17:09,461 (whimpers) neither do you! 372 00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:10,896 (whimpers) 373 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:18,236 Mom, how could you pay someone to be my friend? 374 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,739 Answer me! 375 00:17:20,741 --> 00:17:24,376 Oh, I wouldn't say I paid someone to be your friend. 376 00:17:24,378 --> 00:17:27,245 I just gave her money for records and ice cream. 377 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,247 Homer: You gave away ice cream?! 378 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,516 I would've found a friend eventually. 379 00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:35,253 You couldn't wait a damn decade until I got into college? 380 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,588 (crying) 381 00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:39,591 Oh, lisa. Lisa, wait! 382 00:17:39,593 --> 00:17:41,226 (crying) 383 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,594 Oh, god, oh, god. 384 00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:45,063 I'm the smart parent. 385 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:50,368 I'm sorry she rejected your "I'm sorry" cake, 386 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,703 But, in a way, I'm not. 387 00:17:51,705 --> 00:17:55,106 I guess what I'm trying to say is I like cake. 388 00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:56,775 Marge, don't feel bad. 389 00:17:56,777 --> 00:17:59,411 You did what any parent would do. 390 00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:01,580 No, I think I went too far. 391 00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:03,548 Let me tell you a little story 392 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:07,252 About a chubby unpopular boy named homer. 393 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,754 Is that the boy you named me after? 394 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,590 It is you, you idiot! 395 00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:12,958 Whoa. Little homer had 396 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,859 A devil of a time making friends. 397 00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:16,928 No one wanted to come visit him. 398 00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:20,231 So I decided to take matters into my own hands. 399 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,400 I paid a couple of boys, 400 00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:26,905 Lenny and carl, to make my homer feel loved. 401 00:18:26,907 --> 00:18:30,475 A relationship I continued to this day. 402 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,044 You pay lenny and carl to be my friends?! 403 00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:35,981 Yes, but barney's yours for nothing. 404 00:18:35,983 --> 00:18:37,482 Aw. Hmm. 405 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,551 Well, that makes me feel better. 406 00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:40,919 (lock clicks) 407 00:18:40,921 --> 00:18:42,554 Lisa's door is unlocked! 408 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:46,091 Dad, is that story really true? 409 00:18:46,093 --> 00:18:47,425 (laughs) 410 00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,260 I wouldn't pay ten cents to a lion 411 00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,096 To stop him from eating you! 412 00:18:51,098 --> 00:18:52,163 (groans) 413 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,069 Lisa, just say something to me. 414 00:18:58,071 --> 00:18:59,571 I'm gonna tell every psychiatrist 415 00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,606 I ever go to what you did. 416 00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:04,576 (voice breaking): A mother's greatest fear. 417 00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,778 (crying) 418 00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:09,447 Lisa: Wow, I made mom cry. 419 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,650 What unimaginable power. 420 00:19:11,652 --> 00:19:14,152 I can use this to get anything I want. 421 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,821 But right now, all I want 422 00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:20,258 Is for mom to stop crying. 423 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,793 Mom, stop! Stop! 424 00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:25,030 Stop. I'm sorry. 425 00:19:25,032 --> 00:19:26,031 Oh... 426 00:19:26,033 --> 00:19:27,599 Please stop! 427 00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,467 (cries, snorts) 428 00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,036 (sighs) 429 00:19:31,038 --> 00:19:33,038 You're not mad anymore? 430 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,606 I'm fine. Fine. 431 00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,774 It's funny, but... 432 00:19:35,776 --> 00:19:38,610 Hurting your feelings made me feel better. 433 00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:40,545 Mm, try to forget that. 434 00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,814 But when I grow up, I'll find other weird kids, 435 00:19:42,816 --> 00:19:46,117 And we will have the most intense relationships ever. 436 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:48,553 And I'll always love you. 437 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,821 Aw. 438 00:19:49,823 --> 00:19:51,690 Happy mother's day. 439 00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:54,392 Mother's day?! Mother's day?! Crap! 440 00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,798 Okay, 441 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,666 Initially I was just gonna be your friend 442 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:03,334 Till I could afford a nice belt. 443 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:04,836 But I like you, lisa, 444 00:20:04,838 --> 00:20:07,072 And I want to keep being friends with you. 445 00:20:07,074 --> 00:20:08,640 Great. But from now on, 446 00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:11,376 We have to be totally honest with each other. 447 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,044 You're absolutely right. 448 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,046 I'm not really a vegetarian. 449 00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,748 Have you ever tried horse meat? 450 00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,817 They eat it raw in japan, and... 451 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:29,494 Captioned by media access group at wgbh access.Wgbh.Org 452 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:08,600 Shh! 30847

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