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1
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:32,532
Terrific.
2
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:42,959
What's up, numb-nuts?
3
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,377
Read 'em and weep.
4
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,129
Van Halen at the Centrum.
5
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,296
Third row!
6
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,215
You should take Jolene, man.
7
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,050
I heard she got big nipples.
8
00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:52,802
This is Van freakin' Halen, man.
9
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,387
Get serious.
10
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:57,181
Besides, I'm just not into girls anymore.
11
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,851
Dude, I'm into guys, too!
12
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:01,185
No, no, no, no, no.
13
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:02,478
That's not what I meant.
14
00:01:04,523 --> 00:01:05,690
I'm into women.
15
00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:34,218
Hey, Mary.
16
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,430
I got two tickets to Van Halen this weekend.
17
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,681
What time should I pick you up?
18
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,517
It is Miss McGarricle, Donny.
19
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:45,062
And that's cute,
but I am your teacher, not your girlfriend.
20
00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,607
Whoa, Miss McGarricle,
who said anything about girlfriends?
21
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:49,275
Let's just start with a summer fling,
22
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,485
couple of hand jobs,
23
00:01:50,736 --> 00:01:52,320
no expectations.
24
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,363
Don't get all psycho on me right away.
25
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,033
That is a month's detention.
26
00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:01,287
What's a hand job?
27
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,873
I don't know, but I think I want one.
28
00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:08,795
Can I go to the bathroom?
29
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:11,756
No. No talking in detention, Mr. Berger.
30
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,716
All right, I'm sorry for what I did.
31
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,259
I promise I won't do it again.
32
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,054
You're in a lot of trouble, Donny.
33
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:21,516
Wait, you're not gonna tell my dad, are you?
34
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,810
He'll kick my ass. He's crazy.
35
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,062
What were you trying to do, anyway?
36
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,355
Impress your friends?
37
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:30,942
Well, you know, you're...
38
00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,903
You have a little crush on me?
39
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,321
No.
40
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:38,658
"No." So, you...
41
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,576
You don't want me.
42
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:44,413
No. Yeah.
43
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:47,083
I don't know what
I'm supposed to say right now.
44
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,252
Is that gum in your mouth, Donny?
45
00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:02,265
You know,
I've been watching you all year, Donny.
46
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,517
When you hit that shot to beat Fairfield
47
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:09,230
and you were jumping up and down
in your little Larry Bird short-shorts
48
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,859
and sweating like a jar of pickles
in the hot sun...
49
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:14,694
Oh, God.
50
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,404
That was so hot.
51
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:21,492
Is this really happening?
52
00:03:21,577 --> 00:03:23,703
This is happening.
53
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:26,038
It's happening right now.
54
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,582
In my office.
55
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,584
Okay. Awesome.
56
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,878
So, I'm totally in.
57
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,546
How do you want to do it?
58
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,716
'Cause I made sex before, lots of ways.
59
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,218
So you want to go straight to hand jobs
60
00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:42,346
or eating me out or taking me from behind?
61
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:43,723
I'll teach you.
62
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,600
I'm a virgin.
63
00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:51,063
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
64
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,899
Oh, my God.
65
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:57,194
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
66
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,262
Who? Me?
67
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,319
Hey, Donny, what'd you get?
68
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,993
And if I'm elected
eighth grade class president,
69
00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:47,119
I promise to...
70
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,372
You're getting so good at this!
71
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,964
I promise to do my best to lower prices at
the school stores and...
72
00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:00,800
All of our practice is really paying off!
73
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,469
I like the sound of that.
74
00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,392
Timmy, stop. Hold on a second.
75
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,953
My dad's gonna kick my ass.
76
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,261
Calm down!
77
00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,609
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
78
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:01,861
Who's the man?
79
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:05,531
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
80
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,867
Yeah! You want some of me? Who's the man?
81
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,041
All right, everybody!
82
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:17,376
Enough!
83
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,462
I am aware that a lot of people think
84
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:20,921
that this young man
85
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:23,883
is not really a victim,
but someone that's living
86
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,844
the ultimate teenage boy's fantasy.
87
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,220
Absolutely.
88
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:32,141
But this is a serious crime.
89
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,852
Mary Beth McGarricle, rise for sentencing.
90
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,691
The fact that this relationship
91
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:44,236
has resulted in a pregnancy
and you show absolutely no remorse,
92
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,739
saying, and I quote,
93
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,743
"I would fuck that kid again and again.
94
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:56,165
"He makes me feel like there's a rainbow
coming out of my beaver."
95
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,418
...leaves me absolutely no choice
96
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,837
but to levy the maximum penalty.
97
00:07:02,297 --> 00:07:06,383
Thirty years
in the Massachusetts Women's Penitentiary.
98
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:11,097
And furthermore, the court grants custody
of the unborn child
99
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,640
to Donald Berger's father...
100
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,266
Dumb-ass.
101
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,435
...until Donald turns 1 8,
102
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,480
at which time he will assume full custody.
103
00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,024
Take care of our baby, Donny!
104
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,275
Miss McGarricle!
105
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,319
I'll never stop loving you!
106
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,822
That is just fucking mental.
107
00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:01,313
The kid is young, he's attractive,
108
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,400
he can probably keep a hard-on
longer than this fucking guy.
109
00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:16,996
Made you flinch, pansy.
110
00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:18,747
Go ahead! I don't need you!
111
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,749
l'm Donny freakin' Berger!
112
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,961
l'm wicked famous
and l got a wicked big schlong!
113
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:27,131
Hey, here's something.
Donny Berger's back in the news.
114
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:28,340
That kid who got his teacher pregnant?
115
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,675
-Exactly.
-l love that guy.
116
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,510
Seems Iike he bought a round Iast night.
117
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:32,553
Okay.
118
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,180
For everybody in Boston Garden.
119
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,348
Oh, my God, he's my hero.
120
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:40,561
That kid is burning through that money,
but he's having a good time doing it.
121
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,830
So, guy, how'd we do?
122
00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:02,041
What them fuckers at the IRS say?
123
00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,459
Well, they said a lot of stuff.
124
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:04,919
The thing that really jumped out
125
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,380
-was "three years in prison."
-Three years?
126
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,841
Yeah, you haven't paid taxes
since '94, Donny.
127
00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:13,761
What... I thought they were
taking it out automatically!
128
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,429
I told them that's what you thought,
129
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,431
and they said
it's the stupidest thing they ever heard.
130
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,058
But there is some good news.
131
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:21,685
If you can pay
the balance off by the end of the weekend,
132
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:22,978
they'll suspend the sentence.
133
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,563
Oh, okay, there you go.
134
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,023
What are we talking about? Hit me.
135
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,274
Forty-three thousand.
136
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,567
Forty-three grand?
137
00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:29,818
No!
138
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,905
Come on, Donny!
139
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,615
Don't screw up my Tom Brady poster.
140
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,116
It's my favorite one.
141
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:37,826
Look at that jaw line.
142
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:40,412
Just the right amount of scruff.
143
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,665
I'm sorry! I'm just freaking out here!
144
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,333
I don't got 43 grand!
145
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,168
Well, look, hey, good news.
146
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,836
Monday's Memorial Day,
147
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,755
so you don't need
to get the money till Tuesday.
148
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:53,175
All right. That'll give me time to
sell my diamond Lamborghini!
149
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:55,970
Hey, hey, hey! You're killing me, man!
150
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,013
Don't mess with the genius.
151
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,933
Jimmy, I got $28 to my name.
152
00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,434
Twenty-eight, huh? Okay.
153
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:05,187
I got a hot tip on a long shot
that just might come in.
154
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,689
-What is it, a horse?
-No.
155
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,776
This is Tubby Tuke, fat guy.
156
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,278
Fat guy?
157
00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:15,864
Gonna run the marathon.
Odds on him winning are 8,000-to-1 .
158
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,950
But this cat's got wheels on him.
159
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,952
I think he's gonna win, I really do.
160
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:23,497
All right, I'll put 20 on the fat fuck,
but I can't count on that.
161
00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,624
It's a long shot, you said it yourself.
162
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:26,875
But what about your kid?
163
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,252
Maybe he can come up with the dough.
164
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:29,962
We don't talk no more.
165
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,006
He kind of moved out when he turned 1 8,
166
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,008
and that's the last I seen of him.
167
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,884
-What happened?
-I don't know.
168
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:40,389
I loved that little Han Solo
more than anything in the world, too.
169
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,143
-You named your kid Han Solo?
-Yes, sir.
170
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,644
Han Solo Berger?
171
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,187
Coolest name in the world, right?
172
00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:48,731
Why don't you just Facebook him?
173
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,317
I can't afford that shit.
What am I, a billionaire?
174
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,486
I don't think he wants to be found, anyways.
175
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,572
Especially by me.
176
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,587
Hey, look! It's us!
177
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,839
-On the cover!
-Don't we look great?
178
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,174
Yeah, well, you look good.
179
00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,759
I kind of look like a ventriloquist.
180
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,679
I don't know, it's still kind of weird, right?
181
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,681
I mean, it's got our faces and our names.
182
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,600
It just seems like anyone could find us.
183
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,187
"Find us"?
Honey, did you take your Xanax today?
184
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:29,355
Yeah, two.
185
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,815
I always double down
when your parents are in town.
186
00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,068
Do you have your security undies?
187
00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,527
-Yep, right here.
-Good.
188
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,029
I know that makes you feel better.
189
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,073
There's stranger things than walking around
190
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,575
with an extra pair of underwear
for emergencies.
191
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:45,579
Look, just this once, don't be so weird.
192
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,456
We're gonna have the best wedding ever.
193
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,624
Okay.
194
00:11:56,966 --> 00:12:00,844
Holy shit. What the hell happened
to my Iife, ChampaIe?
195
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:04,306
Don, honey, no way to come up
with that money, huh?
196
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:07,184
No. The only thing
I'm good at is being Donny Berger,
197
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:08,936
and no one wants to pay for that anymore.
198
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,646
Aw, Donny.
199
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,564
Wow!
200
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,400
My face is your toilet!
201
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:17,069
Show some fucking respect
over there, Kenny.
202
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,487
Hey, whoa.
203
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:22,074
Hey, Mom, did you want
some breakfast after you finish your dance?
204
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,492
Give it to me now, honey.
205
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,661
Donny doesn't mind, do you, Donny?
206
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,038
Holy cow, that's my son!
207
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,415
Who, Han Solo?
208
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,708
I thought you said he was a fatty.
209
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:34,169
No, no, no.
He must have lost the weight or something,
210
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,130
'cause I swear to God, that's my boy.
211
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:38,924
It says, "Todd Peterson to
wed Jamie Martin this Sunday
212
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,009
"at All Saints Church on Cape Cod."
213
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,761
Todd Peterson?
214
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,096
He changed his name!
215
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,222
Why?
216
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,767
What was wrong with Han Solo Berger?
217
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:50,936
It's the coolest fucking name of all time.
218
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,396
"Peterson is one of the youngest
219
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,107
"large-cap hedge fund managers
in the financial industry."
220
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:57,067
He got rich on us, huh?
221
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:03,282
"All the more impressive
considering he was orphaned
222
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:06,869
"at age nine, when both his parents died
in a horrific explosion."
223
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,997
He fucking blew me up and his mother?
224
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,291
Donny, maybe your son could
help you, financially.
225
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,835
I don't know. This kid changed his name.
226
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:16,962
He doesn't even want
to be a Berger anymore.
227
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,589
He's not gonna want to talk to me.
228
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:21,842
That was the incomparabIe ChampaIe.
229
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,304
And now, looking hot
and ignoring doctor's orders,
230
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,139
let's welcome Amber.
231
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,516
What the fuck happened to her?
232
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:31,518
Fuck you, Kenny!
233
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,562
Hey, what's up, RoboCop?
234
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,525
This is where your boss lives?
235
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,819
It's actually just his summer home.
236
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:43,572
-Summer home. What a dick.
-Dad!
237
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,616
Oh, my goodness.
238
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:48,911
Todd, it's just breathtaking!
239
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,913
Hey! There he is.
240
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,289
Hey, Mr. Spirou.
241
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,333
There's my golden boy.
242
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:55,709
Come over here, champ.
243
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,336
Come on, get over here.
244
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,545
Hi. Yeah.
245
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,172
Look at you.
246
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:03,425
Look at you, the lovely bride.
247
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,427
What a couple!
248
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,138
Mr. Spirou, it's so amazing
that you're letting us all stay here.
249
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,389
Seriously, thank you so much.
250
00:14:09,474 --> 00:14:11,350
Steve, these are
my parents, Gerald and Helen.
251
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:12,768
-It's a pleasure.
-Hi.
252
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,102
Your daughter's a sweetheart.
253
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,688
You can tell she likes Todd for Todd,
254
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,857
not because he's gonna be rich.
255
00:14:18,942 --> 00:14:21,026
I wouldn't want
my boy to end up with some gold digger
256
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,986
like the last three whores I married, huh?
257
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:28,158
True story. All three? Whores.
258
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:33,121
Well, guys, this weekend, mi casa es su casa.
259
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,457
You know, every member
of my staff are lucky to be in this country,
260
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,335
so feel free to abuse the shit out of 'em.
261
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,296
Go get the fucking bags!
262
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,717
Well, Mrs. Spirou,
I've always said that if the finance game
263
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,053
was an amusement park,
your son would be a roller coaster,
264
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:51,765
and I would just ride him all day long.
265
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:53,892
That came out weird.
266
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,477
Yeah, well, Stevie likes to think
267
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,729
that he's the star of the family.
268
00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:01,441
But before he was born,
I modeled a bathing suit
269
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,152
for a Woolworth advertisement.
270
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,823
Well, you still have
quite a figure on you there, Delores.
271
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:10,492
Yeah, I can see
where Steve got his rocking bod.
272
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,662
Why, thank you.
273
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,081
Chad's here!
274
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,416
-Oh, my God.
-Hooray.
275
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,542
Fantastic.
276
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:21,253
I guess they didn't want to see it.
277
00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:23,463
Yay, Chad!
278
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:25,257
-Come here.
-Mom.
279
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,800
-Sweetheart.
-I'm home.
280
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,260
Dad, how are you, sir?
281
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:29,803
-You look great.
-Thank you, sir.
282
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,013
Hey, Chad, I'm Todd.
283
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,472
Oh, my God.
284
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,725
Oh, God, I missed you, sis.
285
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,184
That's a good hug.
286
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,521
Chad, this is my fiancé, Todd.
287
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,773
Pleasure to meet you, Chadwick.
288
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,025
Are you a soldier?
289
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,693
No.
290
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,445
-Sailor?
-No.
291
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,530
-Airman?
-No.
292
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:49,698
Girl Scout?
293
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,283
No.
294
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,953
Well, then I'd prefer if you take
your fingers away from your forehead
295
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,789
and you shake my hand
like the civilian you are.
296
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:01,001
Yeah, sorry, I'm stupid.
I don't know why I did that.
297
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:03,170
Honest mistake. Come here,
I want to show you this.
298
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:06,381
Look, if you ever do anything
299
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:10,636
to hurt my sister, I will take
my government-issued service revolver,
300
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:14,056
stick it straight up your fuppin' poop chute,
and empty the clip.
301
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,349
Do you feel me?
302
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:19,061
Yes, I totally feel you... Dawg.
303
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,314
Randy Jackson, right?
304
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,317
I've got 1 0 ways
to kill you with my bare hands right now.
305
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:29,112
Don't.
306
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,869
Hi, sweetheart, how are you?
307
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,996
Can I see Randall Morgan possibly?
308
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:39,665
Yeah, you're gonna need an appointment.
309
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,333
I knew you were gonna say that.
310
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,127
But you know what?
Tell him Donny Berger's out here.
311
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,004
He'll be pretty psyched to see an old friend.
312
00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,840
You know what? Mr. Morgan's
on vacation right now. I'm sorry.
313
00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:50,676
-He's on vacation? That son of a...
-Oh, hey!
314
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:51,885
Vanilla Ice.
315
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:54,763
Randall's just getting makeup.
Go ahead to the green room.
316
00:16:57,225 --> 00:16:59,184
Vanilla, what's up, guy?
317
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,937
It's been a long time. How you been?
318
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:06,441
Are you seriously giving me
the silent treatment still?
319
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,734
You know that hurts me.
320
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,152
Yeah? Well, that's why I'm giving it to you.
321
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,278
How's it feel, chump?
322
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,905
It's breaking my heart.
323
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:14,199
We were friends for 20 years, guy.
324
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,034
We were friends until you banged my mother!
325
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,078
I didn't know it was her, I swear to God!
326
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,080
It's not like her last name is Ice.
327
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,582
You should've known by the haircut!
328
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,376
Aw, come on, Vanilla Bean Latte.
329
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:25,794
-Will you just...
-What?
330
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,629
I'm just saying, I'm in big trouble, guy.
331
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,715
This, like, monetary thing.
332
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:33,635
I'm going to prison
if I don't get 43 large, so...
333
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,928
What, do you think I got that kind of money?
334
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:36,430
Of course you got that kind of money.
335
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:39,099
Royalties from Ice Ice Baby,
you must be fucking loaded!
336
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,560
Man, listen, Queen took 50% .
337
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,270
Suge took the other 60%.
338
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:45,105
I fucking owe money when
that shit gets played, man!
339
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:48,316
Dude, come on,
will you please stop, collaborate and listen?
340
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,068
-Oh, here...
-What? No, I love that song.
341
00:17:50,153 --> 00:17:51,236
You know that shit.
342
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:52,821
I was on top of that, fucking day one.
343
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:55,407
Listen, man. I work at a ice rink now.
344
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,325
I deep-fry chicken nuggets, man.
345
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,286
I'll get you a deal on
a barbecue sauce packet.
346
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,620
Fucking A, buddy.
347
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:03,415
Both of us. This sucks.
348
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,500
Broke. Who'd have thought
this would happen to us?
349
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,921
Maybe I should call your mother.
She'll give me the money, I know that.
350
00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,174
-What?
-What? What? What?
351
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:15,969
Hey, dude.
352
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:18,263
Didn't spill my beer, fucker.
353
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:19,473
Fuck you.
354
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:21,141
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
355
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,144
Nobody comes in here
and starts busting up my joint
356
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,313
unless I got cameras rolling.
357
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,857
Look, Donny,
nobody remembers what Tiger Woods did,
358
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,777
let alone something
that happened 25 years ago.
359
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,445
I'm telling you, when I walk down the street,
360
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,946
people are like, "There's that guy!"
361
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:36,573
I'm still fucking big, dude.
362
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:40,452
All right, how about this?
I'm doing a show on '80s train wrecks.
363
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,871
Maybe I slip you in
after that Milli Vanilli guy, all right?
364
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,373
-Who, Fab? He's a fucking buddy of mine.
-Yeah.
365
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,292
That would be huge, dude.
How much money?
366
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,587
Maybe 400 bucks.
367
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:51,963
Four hundred bucks?
368
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:55,467
Dude, I need 43 G-birds.
What are we talking about right now?
369
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,636
You need $43,000?
370
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,137
Are you back on drugs?
371
00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:00,430
-Yeah.
-It's never...
372
00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:02,224
This is never going to happen. Never.
373
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,725
Little bit more blush if you can.
374
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,895
Just like you did that John Wayne Bobbitt
in his penis reunion show.
375
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,985
That's actually a good idea, a reunion.
376
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:19,074
Me and Miss McGarricle, together again,
live from a women's prison.
377
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,454
A women's prison.
378
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,499
Very sexy.
379
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:30,752
We could shoot it this weekend.
You could give me the money.
380
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:32,671
Very sexy.
381
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:35,090
You know, you could eat that ass
after I leave the room,
382
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,050
but I need an answer right now.
What do you think?
383
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,301
What about your kid?
384
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,054
My kid? What about my kid?
385
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,139
He's got to be a walking Gong Show.
386
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,392
No. What are you talking about?
He's doing great.
387
00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:47,185
He's, like, a hot shit now.
He's getting married
388
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,187
-down at the Cape this weekend.
-Wait, wait, wait, wait.
389
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:51,773
"Horny teacher baby makes good."
390
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:55,944
Smell that? Smell it, Donny?
391
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:58,572
What? That's not me.
She probably cut the cheese.
392
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,448
No, no, no. No, ratings.
393
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:02,158
I smell ratings.
394
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:06,454
My kid is very publicity-shy, so I...
You know, to be honest,
395
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,123
I don't think he'd do
a piece of shit show like this.
396
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,624
All right, here's the deal.
397
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,376
You get yourself and your actual kid
398
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:14,170
up to the women's
prison this weekend, I will shoot it,
399
00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,131
I will give you 50 grand in cash.
400
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:19,175
'Cause I'm going to guess, Donny,
you want to be visiting a prison,
401
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:20,927
not living in one.
402
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,225
So, Todd, how does one get into
the hedgehog business anyway?
403
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,352
Oh, it's actually hedge funds.
404
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,104
You think you're better than me?
405
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:32,898
No.
406
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:36,401
Chad, did you know
that Todd is really great with numbers?
407
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:37,819
-You got to see this.
-Jamie, no. Don't make...
408
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,654
What's 452 times 77?
409
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,116
84,304.
410
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,535
Oh, he could just be making that up.
411
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:46,703
No, he's not!
412
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:50,498
There's a calculator on my cell phone.
413
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,583
Okay.
414
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:55,253
What is 94
415
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:58,590
times 31 2, Todd?
416
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:03,053
29,328, Helen.
417
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:04,846
Freaky.
418
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,349
I don't know. It's just something I can do.
419
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:09,392
Are you sure you're not a Chinaman?
420
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,019
Oh, that's inappropriate.
421
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:12,228
White whore.
422
00:21:15,191 --> 00:21:16,524
I'll get it.
423
00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:23,031
Oh, my God. You must be Jamie.
424
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:25,992
You're, like, even hotter
than you looked in the paper.
425
00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:29,454
Look at your hair,
blowing in the wind like Tawny Kitaen
426
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,539
when she was fucking dry-humping that car.
427
00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:33,249
Okay.
428
00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:35,502
And you must be...
429
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,045
Donny.
430
00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:40,674
What's the matter?
Chubby never even mentioned me?
431
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:41,800
Chubby?
432
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,219
Oh, I mean Todd Peterson.
433
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,179
Why do you say it like that?
434
00:21:46,389 --> 00:21:48,056
It just comes out that way.
435
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,432
Where are my manners, right?
436
00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:51,476
Could you hold that?
Take a chug if you'd like.
437
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:53,812
I got you a fucking great gift.
438
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:56,398
Here it is.
439
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,983
I'll take the brew back.
440
00:21:58,067 --> 00:21:59,734
Just, you got to read it, though. It's fucking...
441
00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:04,114
Yeah!
442
00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:06,992
I don't know where they
come up with this shit,
443
00:22:07,076 --> 00:22:08,660
but it's pretty fucking funny.
444
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:10,495
Spencer's Gifts never fucking fails me.
445
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:12,163
I want to meet Mr. Spencer one day and say,
446
00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:13,873
"Thanks, motherfucker, for all the laughs."
447
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,501
Hey, I also made you a mix tape.
448
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:18,336
Who the fuck is rich in this house?
449
00:22:18,421 --> 00:22:19,462
Jeezum, it's huge.
450
00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:23,299
Todd, your old man is here?
451
00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:25,593
Wassup!
452
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,681
Helen, oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.
453
00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:30,765
No, it's...
454
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:31,850
Let me just get that for you.
455
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,018
-That's...
-What? No.
456
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:34,519
Oh, sorry, those are yours. I...
457
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:37,856
Donny, what... What the fuck, man? Sorry.
458
00:22:38,149 --> 00:22:39,941
What are you doing here?
459
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:41,443
What do you mean?
460
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:42,777
I thought you said your parents were dead.
461
00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:45,739
No, they are. Super dead.
462
00:22:45,823 --> 00:22:47,365
He's hilarious.
463
00:22:48,451 --> 00:22:49,659
My old man.
464
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,037
My old man friend.
465
00:22:52,997 --> 00:22:54,205
From...
466
00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:56,291
Wassup!
467
00:22:56,459 --> 00:22:57,459
Right?
468
00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:00,170
Well, aren't you going to introduce us?
469
00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:01,546
-No.
-Yes.
470
00:23:01,672 --> 00:23:03,006
Yes. Here we go.
471
00:23:03,424 --> 00:23:06,301
This is my future father-in-law, Gerald,
472
00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:08,595
and his lovely wife, Helen.
473
00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:10,680
And Jamie's brother, Chad.
474
00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:12,891
-Hey-o!
-Don't. That's...
475
00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,272
What?
476
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:20,398
I like the look of this. Who's this?
477
00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:24,277
Okay. This is my boss Steve's mother,
Delores, who's awake now.
478
00:23:24,361 --> 00:23:27,113
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where you
get all the looks from, huh, sweetie?
479
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:28,615
Yeah, no, we're not related.
480
00:23:28,824 --> 00:23:31,910
Oh, yeah? Well, she wishes,
'cause you got the fucking...
481
00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:33,953
You're stacked pretty good.
482
00:23:34,663 --> 00:23:39,042
Anyhow, Jame, this is my old friend, Donny.
483
00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:40,668
Your best friend.
484
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:42,212
I'm his best friend.
485
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,464
Your best friend.
486
00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:46,966
Yeah, no.
487
00:23:47,051 --> 00:23:49,010
Remember I told you we met...
488
00:23:49,553 --> 00:23:50,553
Where'd we meet?
489
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:52,305
-We met...
-Where?
490
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,349
-Come on.
-It's coming to me.
491
00:23:54,558 --> 00:23:55,642
I saved his life.
492
00:23:56,977 --> 00:23:58,311
Well, more metaphorically.
493
00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:00,355
No, no, no, no, no. Here's what happened.
494
00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:02,857
It was, like,
one of them train track kind of deals.
495
00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:04,651
My man over here, I see him,
496
00:24:04,735 --> 00:24:06,694
he drops his burrito on the tracks.
497
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,530
I'm like, "All right, that happens."
498
00:24:08,989 --> 00:24:11,366
Next thing you know,
homeboy leaps down there,
499
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:13,368
and he tries to retrieve the burrito.
500
00:24:13,828 --> 00:24:16,204
Okay? I see a train whizzing at him.
501
00:24:16,288 --> 00:24:18,790
I'm like, "This guy's about to die,
and he don't know it."
502
00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:21,251
I fucking leap down there myself, right,
503
00:24:21,335 --> 00:24:23,044
and I give him a little shove on the heinie.
504
00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:24,671
"Get out of the way, buddy!"
505
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:26,047
Next thing you know, I realize
506
00:24:26,215 --> 00:24:27,841
this thing's going to hit me.
507
00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:29,509
I fucking remember, though,
508
00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:30,802
I had a kung fu instructor
509
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:33,138
who taught me
how to tighten the diaphragm,
510
00:24:33,222 --> 00:24:35,014
and I bring it in there.
511
00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:36,349
And I feel the train go by.
512
00:24:36,433 --> 00:24:37,475
My eyes are closed.
513
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,311
Rips my shirt off my body, okay?
I open my eyes.
514
00:24:40,396 --> 00:24:43,356
I see all these chicks just kind of looking
at me, going, "What is that?
515
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,941
"That's the fucking
most chiseled guy I've ever seen."
516
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:46,776
I worked out at the time.
517
00:24:46,861 --> 00:24:49,362
Anyways, the place goes bananas for me,
I sign a couple of titties,
518
00:24:49,446 --> 00:24:51,156
and I started hanging out
with this guy ever since.
519
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:52,782
Best friends, right? Here you go, my boy.
520
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:56,452
I just can't believe
I've never heard that story before.
521
00:24:56,912 --> 00:24:59,038
Why wouldn't you just
get another burrito, Todd?
522
00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:02,125
Wouldn't it be dirty?
523
00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:04,127
Great questions.
524
00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:08,006
It's one of the many things about this story
that's pretty hard to believe.
525
00:25:08,382 --> 00:25:09,757
So, where are you staying, Donny?
526
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:11,176
He's not staying.
527
00:25:11,260 --> 00:25:12,260
No.
528
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:16,764
I can't stay. Yeah, no, he's right.
529
00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:20,059
Oh, pshaw. I mean, invite him to stay here.
530
00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:21,561
You have to stay.
531
00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:23,897
He's your best friend. You're his best friend.
532
00:25:23,981 --> 00:25:25,398
Sheesh, I'm not messing with her.
533
00:25:25,482 --> 00:25:27,942
I mean, you are my best friend, guy.
534
00:25:28,027 --> 00:25:30,486
And, Jamie, you can be my breast friend.
535
00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:36,117
Breast, with an "R." With an "R."
536
00:25:38,996 --> 00:25:41,623
By the way, dude, you look fantastic.
537
00:25:41,916 --> 00:25:43,416
You lost all the weight, homeboy.
538
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:44,709
I miss the titties.
539
00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:47,045
You saved my life? Seriously?
540
00:25:47,129 --> 00:25:49,005
What? They ate that up.
541
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:51,758
You came up with a whole lot of nothing.
542
00:25:52,468 --> 00:25:53,718
That's a nice suitcase, by the way.
543
00:25:53,802 --> 00:25:54,844
What is that, Louis Vuitton?
544
00:25:55,471 --> 00:25:56,804
This is a Hefty bag.
545
00:25:57,223 --> 00:25:58,640
What the fuck are you talking about?
546
00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:00,558
What do you want, Donny? Money?
547
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:03,228
You heard I was doing well,
so you came looking for a handout?
548
00:26:03,312 --> 00:26:05,647
I don't want none of your money.
How is that? Okay?
549
00:26:05,731 --> 00:26:07,148
I get it. You don't like me.
550
00:26:07,233 --> 00:26:08,650
I exploded.
551
00:26:08,817 --> 00:26:09,817
I wish you had exploded.
552
00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:12,070
That way, I wouldn't have to
see your stupid face anymore!
553
00:26:12,154 --> 00:26:13,154
Did you happen to notice
554
00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:16,241
I created a whole fake life
just so I could get away from you?
555
00:26:16,659 --> 00:26:17,992
Your mother's sick, by the way.
556
00:26:19,620 --> 00:26:20,662
I don't believe you.
557
00:26:22,164 --> 00:26:23,998
They don't know how long she's got.
558
00:26:24,166 --> 00:26:25,375
What is that, nunchucks?
559
00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:28,878
I told her you would
visit her up at the prison.
560
00:26:31,006 --> 00:26:35,301
I'm kind of thinking you're the kind of guy
who would pull through for Mumsie.
561
00:26:35,386 --> 00:26:37,095
Know what I'm saying?
562
00:26:37,179 --> 00:26:39,180
She'd do the same for you.
563
00:26:39,848 --> 00:26:40,848
Really?
564
00:26:41,183 --> 00:26:44,644
Yeah. Saturday's the last visiting day
before the big surgery, so...
565
00:26:44,979 --> 00:26:46,062
So let me get this straight.
566
00:26:46,146 --> 00:26:48,273
You want me to go visit my "sick mom"
567
00:26:48,357 --> 00:26:50,483
that I haven't talked to in years, in prison,
568
00:26:50,567 --> 00:26:52,026
the day before my wedding.
569
00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:53,361
Correct.
570
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:54,779
Not happening, asshole.
571
00:26:54,863 --> 00:26:56,948
What the fuck did I do to you
572
00:26:57,032 --> 00:26:58,157
to make you hate me so much?
573
00:26:58,242 --> 00:26:59,742
I am fucking baffled right now.
574
00:26:59,827 --> 00:27:02,704
Well, maybe you don't remember,
but you were basically the worst parent ever.
575
00:27:02,788 --> 00:27:04,914
Me? I did everything for you, buddy,
576
00:27:04,999 --> 00:27:07,500
and I never gave you
an ounce of shit about nothing.
577
00:27:07,751 --> 00:27:09,210
You never gave me nothing.
578
00:27:09,295 --> 00:27:10,503
I gave you a snake.
579
00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:13,214
Yeah, and then it died
after it ate all your Quaaludes.
580
00:27:13,507 --> 00:27:17,552
That was the only time
anybody's ever seen a king cobra laugh.
581
00:27:18,387 --> 00:27:20,388
And I take pride in that, so fuck you.
582
00:27:20,973 --> 00:27:22,181
Yeah, great. You know what?
583
00:27:22,266 --> 00:27:24,309
I basically had to raise myself, Donny.
584
00:27:24,393 --> 00:27:25,768
I never learned how to swim.
585
00:27:25,853 --> 00:27:27,312
I don't even know how to ride a bike.
586
00:27:27,396 --> 00:27:28,896
You know how fucking humiliating that is?
587
00:27:29,106 --> 00:27:30,982
What about Mr. Mitty? Remember him?
588
00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:33,318
What? No. What's that?
589
00:27:33,402 --> 00:27:35,361
Mr. Mitty. I used to put
an oven mitt on my hand.
590
00:27:35,446 --> 00:27:37,905
He would cheer you up
all the time when you were sad.
591
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:39,615
"Don't be upset, young man.
592
00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:41,492
"I'm your best friend.
593
00:27:41,577 --> 00:27:43,244
"Even though I'm an oven mitt."
594
00:27:43,746 --> 00:27:45,163
No, I don't remember that, okay?
595
00:27:45,247 --> 00:27:46,247
You know what I do remember?
596
00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:48,541
You making me
drive you home from the beach
597
00:27:48,625 --> 00:27:49,709
'cause you got too drunk.
598
00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:51,252
It makes sense to me.
599
00:27:51,337 --> 00:27:53,629
When somebody's hammered,
they have another guy drive home.
600
00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:55,006
I was eight!
601
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:58,176
Well, you looked 14
'cause you were such a huge fat fuck.
602
00:27:58,260 --> 00:27:59,260
I'm sorry.
603
00:27:59,428 --> 00:28:00,887
You are such an asshole.
604
00:28:01,013 --> 00:28:03,264
Dude, you're a millionaire now,
605
00:28:03,349 --> 00:28:05,391
and you're marrying that hot chick.
606
00:28:05,768 --> 00:28:08,853
I must have done
a pretty decent job as a dad, don't you think?
607
00:28:09,146 --> 00:28:11,689
Oh, yeah? You want to check in
on your pretty decent job?
608
00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:13,149
Oh, my God.
609
00:28:13,734 --> 00:28:15,985
You're a junkie? Who's your supplier?
610
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:17,904
'Cause I'll smack that motherfucker around.
611
00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:19,655
It's insulin, you dick.
612
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:23,284
I'm a diabetic 'cause you let me eat
cake and lollipops for breakfast every day.
613
00:28:23,786 --> 00:28:24,994
But that's what you fucking asked for.
614
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,829
Yeah, you're supposed to say no.
615
00:28:26,997 --> 00:28:30,083
You know, I weighed 400 pounds
by the time I was 1 2.
616
00:28:30,167 --> 00:28:31,959
You know how hard it was
to take that weight off?
617
00:28:32,211 --> 00:28:33,503
All right, all right.
618
00:28:34,380 --> 00:28:36,923
I didn't know what I was doing.
I had no one helping me.
619
00:28:37,257 --> 00:28:39,592
Grandpa was a psycho. You know that.
620
00:28:40,177 --> 00:28:41,969
Han Solo, don't be like this.
621
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,221
I'm a good person.
622
00:28:43,305 --> 00:28:44,764
Okay, don't call me that, all right?
623
00:28:44,848 --> 00:28:45,973
My name's Todd now.
624
00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:48,559
Call yourself Han Solo.
You're dressed like him.
625
00:28:49,853 --> 00:28:51,104
Good one.
626
00:28:51,188 --> 00:28:53,940
I'm just saying, buddy, give me a chance.
627
00:28:54,024 --> 00:28:55,483
Do you have any Axe body spray?
628
00:28:56,610 --> 00:29:00,154
No, Donny, I don't have any Axe body spray.
629
00:29:00,781 --> 00:29:03,366
Because I'm not a fucking douche bag.
630
00:29:05,035 --> 00:29:06,119
That's a douche bag thing?
631
00:29:06,203 --> 00:29:07,954
When did that become a douche bag thing?
632
00:29:08,038 --> 00:29:10,164
Todd, the guests are arriving. Let's go!
633
00:29:10,833 --> 00:29:12,417
All right, can you lighten up a little bit?
634
00:29:12,501 --> 00:29:13,709
We got a party to attend.
635
00:29:13,794 --> 00:29:14,794
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
636
00:29:15,254 --> 00:29:17,630
Good person, how about
you put on a tie, okay?
637
00:29:17,714 --> 00:29:19,799
It's a cocktail party, not a Quiznos opening.
638
00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:24,053
What? I haven't worn a tie
since my mother's funeral when I was three.
639
00:29:24,138 --> 00:29:25,388
I'm not going to start that up again.
640
00:29:25,639 --> 00:29:26,848
That's great. Put on a tie.
641
00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:29,350
-No.
-Put on a tie!
642
00:29:29,518 --> 00:29:30,852
I'll never sell out.
643
00:29:32,271 --> 00:29:33,521
I'll give you 1 00 bucks.
644
00:29:33,772 --> 00:29:34,856
Where's the tie?
645
00:29:35,315 --> 00:29:37,066
Look at this.
646
00:29:37,151 --> 00:29:39,652
Jamie is going to have it all.
647
00:29:42,114 --> 00:29:43,197
By the way, Mr. Spirou,
648
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:45,324
I read the OPEC report, and I was thinking,
649
00:29:45,409 --> 00:29:47,326
if we hedge our position on oil,
we could really...
650
00:29:51,582 --> 00:29:53,916
If we were to short the euro, we could...
651
00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:56,502
Come on, Todd.
This is your wedding weekend.
652
00:29:56,712 --> 00:29:58,880
You are marrying a real workaholic.
You do know that.
653
00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:01,674
Yeah, but isn't that
what you want in a partner?
654
00:30:02,342 --> 00:30:03,843
She's good, this one.
655
00:30:03,927 --> 00:30:05,219
She's good.
656
00:30:07,514 --> 00:30:09,098
All right, all right.
657
00:30:09,183 --> 00:30:10,433
I haven't made that decision yet,
658
00:30:10,851 --> 00:30:11,976
but I love this kid.
659
00:30:12,311 --> 00:30:14,520
You lost your dad in that explosion,
660
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:15,980
and I lost my son.
661
00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:18,399
I thought your son
was a ski instructor in Vail.
662
00:30:18,525 --> 00:30:20,985
He's a pot-smoking bum!
663
00:30:21,278 --> 00:30:23,154
Not like you, Todd. Oh, no.
664
00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:25,072
You're the type of boy
a father can be proud of.
665
00:30:25,449 --> 00:30:26,574
Yeah, we'll never know, will we?
666
00:30:28,410 --> 00:30:30,328
-Who's that?
-I'm not here.
667
00:30:30,871 --> 00:30:33,748
That's Donny.
668
00:30:34,708 --> 00:30:37,210
Donny, come on. Say hi to everyone.
669
00:30:38,128 --> 00:30:39,670
Oh, God, hang on.
670
00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,255
Let me swing these free.
671
00:30:42,758 --> 00:30:44,258
Glad all the children saw that.
672
00:30:44,426 --> 00:30:45,760
Donny,
673
00:30:45,844 --> 00:30:47,261
this is Steve Spirou, Todd's boss.
674
00:30:49,806 --> 00:30:52,099
Wassup!
675
00:30:54,436 --> 00:30:55,603
Is that back?
676
00:30:57,648 --> 00:30:59,732
Because I've been dying
for that to come back.
677
00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:00,858
Wassup!
678
00:31:01,026 --> 00:31:02,193
Yeah!
679
00:31:02,861 --> 00:31:04,028
That's my boy! Look at him!
680
00:31:04,112 --> 00:31:05,321
He ain't a tight-ass.
681
00:31:05,405 --> 00:31:06,489
Wassup!
682
00:31:07,991 --> 00:31:12,286
-Wassup!
-Wassup!
683
00:31:12,663 --> 00:31:14,205
Wassup!
684
00:31:16,959 --> 00:31:18,209
What's up?
685
00:31:21,630 --> 00:31:23,506
Boo!
686
00:31:23,966 --> 00:31:25,925
That was terrible, Todd.
687
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,719
So, I see the train coming,
688
00:31:28,804 --> 00:31:30,846
and something
kind of like takes over me, you know?
689
00:31:32,683 --> 00:31:34,225
-Here you go, Abigail.
-Thank you.
690
00:31:34,309 --> 00:31:37,436
And so, I decide to jump
off the platform, right?
691
00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:39,480
Snaps my legs in two.
692
00:31:40,482 --> 00:31:43,025
What did I expect?
It was a 25-foot drop, you know?
693
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:44,610
Twenty-five feet?
694
00:31:44,861 --> 00:31:46,946
So I grab Burrito Bandito over here,
695
00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,322
and I just roll him out of the way.
696
00:31:48,949 --> 00:31:50,658
The train missed our skulls by inches.
697
00:31:51,285 --> 00:31:52,868
Why would you do
something like that, Todd?
698
00:31:53,328 --> 00:31:54,662
You know, I really don't know, Steve.
699
00:31:54,955 --> 00:31:56,914
I mean, why wouldn't you
just buy another burrito?
700
00:31:57,249 --> 00:31:58,583
Yeah, no, I know.
701
00:31:58,667 --> 00:32:00,334
I don't know what I could have been thinking.
702
00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:03,671
Maybe he was high on the hashish.
703
00:32:05,299 --> 00:32:07,008
Hey, how about I
get you another beer, huh, Donny Boy?
704
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:08,426
Twenty's my limit.
705
00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:10,052
No! No, no.
706
00:32:10,137 --> 00:32:12,888
But, Donny Boy
has got to go to bed, though, right?
707
00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:15,933
Oh, fiddlesnatch.
708
00:32:16,518 --> 00:32:17,602
It's the afternoon.
709
00:32:17,853 --> 00:32:20,563
Remember you told me
you wanted to get to bed early?
710
00:32:21,648 --> 00:32:23,107
Oh, okay. Yeah, no, no, no.
711
00:32:23,191 --> 00:32:24,191
Todd's right.
712
00:32:24,276 --> 00:32:25,276
Oh, my God.
713
00:32:25,611 --> 00:32:26,986
You're right, it is him.
714
00:32:27,070 --> 00:32:28,571
-You're Donny Berger.
-It's him.
715
00:32:28,864 --> 00:32:31,324
Do you remember that kid who got
his teacher pregnant in Somerville?
716
00:32:31,533 --> 00:32:33,034
Wait a minute, that is you.
717
00:32:33,118 --> 00:32:34,285
Donny Berger.
718
00:32:34,494 --> 00:32:36,537
Didn't you and your teacher have a kid?
719
00:32:36,622 --> 00:32:38,039
Wait a minute. What was his name?
720
00:32:38,123 --> 00:32:39,874
Indiana Jones, huh?
721
00:32:40,042 --> 00:32:42,043
It was something fantastic like that.
722
00:32:42,127 --> 00:32:43,419
Yeah, Han Solo Berger.
723
00:32:43,670 --> 00:32:45,713
Yeah, Han Solo, Han Solo.
What ever happened to him?
724
00:32:46,048 --> 00:32:47,131
What happened to him?
725
00:32:47,215 --> 00:32:48,883
He actually became a dick.
726
00:32:50,927 --> 00:32:52,803
A private eye, I mean.
727
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:55,681
One of the biggest
and hairiest dicks in the world.
728
00:32:56,224 --> 00:32:57,224
Okay.
729
00:32:57,601 --> 00:33:00,728
Hey, look, this might seem weird,
but do you think you would ever...
730
00:33:00,937 --> 00:33:03,314
Bone your wife? Yeah, I mean, I'd love to.
731
00:33:03,482 --> 00:33:05,107
She's a hot little number.
732
00:33:06,068 --> 00:33:09,153
Well, you know, I was just
going to ask you for an autograph, but...
733
00:33:09,237 --> 00:33:11,697
Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. On her tits or...
734
00:33:12,157 --> 00:33:14,408
-Or a piece of paper would be fine.
-Yeah, or a photo.
735
00:33:14,785 --> 00:33:16,077
Okay, well, this has been fun.
736
00:33:16,411 --> 00:33:18,371
-But, Donny...
-Not to toot my own horn,
737
00:33:18,455 --> 00:33:20,122
but I got kind of close once.
738
00:33:20,207 --> 00:33:22,541
Mrs. Weiss, freshman geometry.
739
00:33:22,626 --> 00:33:23,959
And I think she would have done it, too.
740
00:33:24,044 --> 00:33:25,795
I just didn't know how to make the move.
741
00:33:26,088 --> 00:33:27,505
You know what? I would have killed
742
00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:30,341
to bang my eighth grade
biology teacher, Mrs. Cohn.
743
00:33:30,425 --> 00:33:33,177
I used to dream of
dissecting her with my penis.
744
00:33:33,261 --> 00:33:37,098
It's so weird what goes on upstairs
when you hit puberty.
745
00:33:37,557 --> 00:33:41,894
I actually stole
my middle school librarian's glasses
746
00:33:41,978 --> 00:33:44,230
to wear while I masturbated.
747
00:33:44,981 --> 00:33:45,981
What is that about?
748
00:33:46,274 --> 00:33:48,651
In my day, when I got into trouble,
749
00:33:48,944 --> 00:33:51,821
the headmaster would
slap your hand with his dick.
750
00:33:53,156 --> 00:33:54,448
She wins.
751
00:33:56,284 --> 00:33:58,536
You know, Todd was working at the cubicle
752
00:33:58,620 --> 00:34:01,997
next to mine one year,
1 2 weeks and one day ago
753
00:34:02,082 --> 00:34:04,417
when he met a pretty girl
at the gym named Jamie.
754
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:07,086
How many days is that, Todd?
755
00:34:07,295 --> 00:34:08,671
Computing, Steve.
756
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:10,881
451 .
757
00:34:13,635 --> 00:34:15,678
It's actually 450.
758
00:34:16,179 --> 00:34:17,638
Battle of the brainiacs!
759
00:34:17,973 --> 00:34:20,266
Yeah, this guy forgot
about leap year, I guess.
760
00:34:22,519 --> 00:34:23,769
He's smarter than Todd!
761
00:34:24,062 --> 00:34:27,481
Okay, we're talking a lot about numbers,
but let's get back to love.
762
00:34:28,108 --> 00:34:29,066
What's the matter, hot stuff?
763
00:34:29,151 --> 00:34:30,192
Where do you think you get it from?
764
00:34:30,318 --> 00:34:31,485
Your mother was a math teacher,
765
00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,362
and I was pretty much a whiz kid myself.
766
00:34:33,989 --> 00:34:36,031
The ability to make a bong
out of a Taco Bell cup
767
00:34:36,116 --> 00:34:37,450
doesn't make you a whiz kid, Donny.
768
00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:40,327
Leap year, motherfucker.
769
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:43,414
I think it's kind of a magical moment.
770
00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:47,084
You know, Todd's oldest friend, Donny,
miraculously appearing like this.
771
00:34:47,169 --> 00:34:48,169
What?
772
00:34:48,253 --> 00:34:51,839
So I am graciously
going to step aside and allow Donny
773
00:34:52,340 --> 00:34:53,841
to take over as the best man.
774
00:34:53,925 --> 00:34:54,967
Give it up for Donny!
775
00:34:55,093 --> 00:34:56,427
Oh, no, no, no.
776
00:34:56,511 --> 00:34:58,095
Phil, you don't have to do that.
777
00:34:58,513 --> 00:35:00,306
No music. No, no, no, no.
778
00:35:00,557 --> 00:35:02,683
Kill the music. Phil, Phil, you...
779
00:35:02,893 --> 00:35:04,477
That's so nice of you,
but you don't have to do that.
780
00:35:04,811 --> 00:35:06,854
Oh, I don't mind. You two are very close.
781
00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:09,231
We are. We are very close,
but you and I are close, too.
782
00:35:09,691 --> 00:35:13,027
Well, we work together,
but I wouldn't call us close.
783
00:35:13,487 --> 00:35:17,364
I mean, I was actually kind of surprised
when you asked me to be your best man.
784
00:35:17,449 --> 00:35:19,074
Made me feel a little sorry for you.
785
00:35:19,701 --> 00:35:21,786
That's true. He had no idea who he was.
786
00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:23,120
No.
787
00:35:23,288 --> 00:35:25,372
I accept. I do. I love it. It's an honor.
788
00:35:25,499 --> 00:35:27,208
-Way to go, Donny!
-Are you kidding me?
789
00:35:27,292 --> 00:35:29,293
You got Fenway Park in your backyard?
790
00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:31,587
I had that built
when my son started Little League.
791
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:32,713
He never used it.
792
00:35:32,881 --> 00:35:35,508
The little douche bag
just sat in his room listening to reggae.
793
00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:38,093
Well, let's lose these ties
and hit some dingers.
794
00:35:38,261 --> 00:35:39,595
What do you say? Come on!
795
00:35:41,932 --> 00:35:44,433
No, no, no.
Please, don't let this be happening.
796
00:35:45,018 --> 00:35:47,603
Don't let this be happening, please.
797
00:35:47,687 --> 00:35:49,104
No sports.
798
00:35:49,397 --> 00:35:50,940
All right, guys,
let's see what we got out there.
799
00:35:51,066 --> 00:35:54,235
Please don't hit it to me. Please don't
hit it to me. Please don't hit it to me.
800
00:35:54,986 --> 00:35:56,070
Get under it, kid.
801
00:36:00,242 --> 00:36:01,408
Yeah!
802
00:36:03,370 --> 00:36:04,370
Moron.
803
00:36:04,830 --> 00:36:06,205
Here we go! Taking down two there!
804
00:36:06,414 --> 00:36:08,290
All right, Gerald, kid! Here we go, guy!
805
00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:09,875
Stay on it!
806
00:36:11,461 --> 00:36:12,837
Oh, my God!
807
00:36:14,214 --> 00:36:17,091
Grandma, what's up, honey?
Are you awake, sweetheart?
808
00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,384
Here we go.
809
00:36:18,969 --> 00:36:20,636
Get under it! Get dirty!
810
00:36:21,263 --> 00:36:22,513
What the fuck?
811
00:36:23,974 --> 00:36:26,100
-Got it.
-Nice catch, Mama!
812
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:28,477
Let's let Todd-o get this one, huh?
813
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:30,104
Oh, no, that's okay.
814
00:36:30,355 --> 00:36:31,730
Todd, come on!
815
00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:33,524
No, no. Hit one to that two-year-old.
816
00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:35,025
He hasn't gotten one yet.
817
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:36,360
Here you go, big man.
818
00:36:38,613 --> 00:36:40,030
-What?
-Quit showing off
819
00:36:40,115 --> 00:36:41,866
for the girls, buddy. They're mine.
820
00:36:43,660 --> 00:36:44,743
Come on, now.
821
00:36:48,164 --> 00:36:49,498
You got it. You got it.
822
00:36:53,378 --> 00:36:54,962
Okay, Todd, you all set, buddy?
823
00:36:55,088 --> 00:36:56,255
Don't hit it to me.
824
00:36:56,381 --> 00:36:57,423
Coming to you, homie.
825
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:05,222
Holy shit.
826
00:37:08,476 --> 00:37:10,477
Oh, my God. Are you all right, guy?
827
00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:13,939
Come on. You're fine.
828
00:37:14,274 --> 00:37:15,566
Throw it in there, guy.
829
00:37:15,817 --> 00:37:17,484
I think the ball's broken.
830
00:37:18,194 --> 00:37:19,194
Throw it in, Todd.
831
00:37:19,321 --> 00:37:20,404
Todd, throw the ball.
832
00:37:20,488 --> 00:37:22,156
Come on, Todd!
833
00:37:22,324 --> 00:37:24,158
Throw it, you big vagina. Do it.
834
00:37:24,409 --> 00:37:26,076
Todd, we want to keep playing, buddy.
835
00:37:26,161 --> 00:37:27,244
We need a ball, kid.
836
00:37:27,329 --> 00:37:28,370
Just throw it.
837
00:37:28,455 --> 00:37:29,496
Such a pussy.
838
00:37:31,833 --> 00:37:32,791
On a rope!
839
00:37:32,876 --> 00:37:34,168
Holy fuck!
840
00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:41,383
We now return to The Donny Berger Story,
starring lan Ziering.
841
00:37:41,635 --> 00:37:42,760
-Yo!
-Donny.
842
00:37:43,011 --> 00:37:45,596
-I'm in a Jacuzzi. Hang on one sec.
-Yeah.
843
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:46,847
Fucking... Here.
844
00:37:46,932 --> 00:37:48,307
-Who'll take the cigar?
-Oh, no.
845
00:37:48,433 --> 00:37:49,433
-Donny.
-Keep that lit for me.
846
00:37:49,517 --> 00:37:50,684
Take my fucking shades.
847
00:37:50,769 --> 00:37:52,019
-Wear them if you want.
-Yeah!
848
00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:53,270
All right. So, hang on.
849
00:37:53,355 --> 00:37:54,313
I want to wear them.
850
00:37:54,397 --> 00:37:55,522
I'll be back.
851
00:37:59,945 --> 00:38:00,945
All right.
852
00:38:01,029 --> 00:38:02,029
My goodness!
853
00:38:02,322 --> 00:38:03,447
Yeah, what's going on?
854
00:38:03,907 --> 00:38:05,282
Guess what's on TV?
855
00:38:05,533 --> 00:38:07,242
Hey, there, little buddy.
856
00:38:07,452 --> 00:38:08,994
l'm Mr. Mitty.
857
00:38:09,871 --> 00:38:13,040
l will always love you.
858
00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:15,292
What is that, The Donny Berger Story?
859
00:38:15,377 --> 00:38:16,377
Hell, yeah.
860
00:38:16,586 --> 00:38:18,671
Don't you get money
every time that shit is shown?
861
00:38:18,755 --> 00:38:20,839
This could be your "get out ofjail free" card.
862
00:38:21,091 --> 00:38:23,884
Last check I got for that was 85 cents.
863
00:38:24,219 --> 00:38:26,553
Is Han Solo gonna do
the show at the women's prison with you?
864
00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:30,349
You know, I haven't
discussed any particulars with him yet.
865
00:38:30,433 --> 00:38:33,394
I am actually just trying
to be a dad right now.
866
00:38:33,895 --> 00:38:35,437
You're gonna go to prison on Tuesday.
867
00:38:35,522 --> 00:38:37,398
You have got to get that money somehow.
868
00:38:39,192 --> 00:38:40,275
Kenny, what the fuck?
869
00:38:40,402 --> 00:38:41,944
I thought this was a bathroom!
870
00:38:42,028 --> 00:38:43,070
Fuck you!
871
00:38:43,571 --> 00:38:45,155
-Honk!
-Oh, nobody squeezes my titty
872
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:46,365
for free, honey!
873
00:38:46,449 --> 00:38:48,158
Okay, good luck with that.
874
00:38:48,493 --> 00:38:50,160
God, you're such an idiot!
875
00:38:50,245 --> 00:38:52,287
Todd, you already messed up my flowers!
876
00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:54,581
-I'm sorry.
-Just get the cake!
877
00:38:54,874 --> 00:38:57,084
No walnuts! No fucking excuses!
878
00:38:57,502 --> 00:38:59,586
I love you! Do you love me?
879
00:39:00,797 --> 00:39:01,922
What?
880
00:39:03,633 --> 00:39:05,509
"You screwed up my cake!
881
00:39:05,593 --> 00:39:06,760
"You screwed up my cake!"
882
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:08,012
What?
883
00:39:08,096 --> 00:39:09,722
It's me, it's me. Can I come in?
884
00:39:09,806 --> 00:39:11,181
-Yeah, sure.
-What's up, buddy?
885
00:39:11,266 --> 00:39:14,184
What was she yelling at?
What'd you do wrong?
886
00:39:14,519 --> 00:39:16,603
She's just stressed out
'cause of the wedding.
887
00:39:16,730 --> 00:39:18,063
Oh, really?
888
00:39:18,148 --> 00:39:20,607
You sure she's not stressed out
about maybe sex or something?
889
00:39:20,692 --> 00:39:22,443
Have you been going down on her?
890
00:39:22,944 --> 00:39:24,361
-What?
-No, I'm just saying,
891
00:39:24,446 --> 00:39:26,530
a lot of times, girls I've met over the years,
892
00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:28,824
when they've been
ragging on me and yelling at me and shit,
893
00:39:28,908 --> 00:39:31,326
if I kiss their pussies, they kind of go,
894
00:39:31,411 --> 00:39:33,537
"You're right, you're a good guy."
895
00:39:34,289 --> 00:39:36,040
Yeah, that's personal, Donny.
896
00:39:36,249 --> 00:39:38,042
Yeah, no, no.
You know her better than me, fine.
897
00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:39,877
So...
898
00:39:41,296 --> 00:39:43,172
You wear a bathing suit in the shower?
899
00:39:43,590 --> 00:39:45,966
-You know that's fucking nuts, right?
-Are you serious?
900
00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:48,635
I can't even take my shirt off
in front of other people because of you.
901
00:39:48,928 --> 00:39:51,096
Because of me. What did I do this time?
902
00:39:51,473 --> 00:39:52,973
Let me jog your memory.
903
00:39:59,064 --> 00:40:00,481
The New Kids on the Block!
904
00:40:00,857 --> 00:40:01,899
Holy shit!
905
00:40:01,983 --> 00:40:04,109
Their heads are all warped now!
906
00:40:04,194 --> 00:40:05,611
Oh, my God!
907
00:40:05,695 --> 00:40:07,905
Yeah, it's 'cause I got it
when I was in third grade.
908
00:40:07,989 --> 00:40:09,073
My body grew.
909
00:40:09,157 --> 00:40:11,241
I'm sorry. It's fine, it's fine.
Let me see it again.
910
00:40:12,827 --> 00:40:14,620
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
911
00:40:14,704 --> 00:40:16,872
You got a back tattoo
912
00:40:16,956 --> 00:40:18,749
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
913
00:40:18,833 --> 00:40:20,584
Their heads are fucking warped
914
00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:23,045
-You suck.
-Come on, dude.
915
00:40:23,129 --> 00:40:24,338
Why you getting so serious?
916
00:40:24,464 --> 00:40:26,507
I still got the tattoo I got when I was...
917
00:40:26,591 --> 00:40:29,343
When I was a teenager.
And I'm fine with it, you know.
918
00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:34,014
"De plane! De plane!"
919
00:40:34,808 --> 00:40:35,891
"De plane!"
920
00:40:36,309 --> 00:40:38,936
Yeah, I remember it.
I still don't know who that is.
921
00:40:39,687 --> 00:40:40,938
It's fucking...
922
00:40:41,022 --> 00:40:43,232
"De plane, de plane" guy
from Fantasy lsland.
923
00:40:43,316 --> 00:40:44,316
Tattoo.
924
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:46,360
I got a tattoo of Tattoo.
I thought that was funny.
925
00:40:46,694 --> 00:40:47,820
Well, it's not.
926
00:40:48,113 --> 00:40:49,404
Lighten up, dude. Come on.
927
00:40:49,489 --> 00:40:50,864
-"De plane!"
-Don't. Donny, don't.
928
00:40:51,282 --> 00:40:52,407
-I'm serious.
-"De plane!"
929
00:40:52,492 --> 00:40:53,492
-No.
-You're still ticklish.
930
00:40:53,576 --> 00:40:55,202
No, I'm not ticklish!
931
00:40:58,039 --> 00:40:59,456
-Come on, now!
-The tickle monster.
932
00:40:59,541 --> 00:41:01,750
-I tickle you like that.
-No.
933
00:41:01,835 --> 00:41:02,960
Stop! No, stop it!
934
00:41:03,044 --> 00:41:04,419
Watch yourself.
935
00:41:04,838 --> 00:41:06,630
Stop it! Stop it, no!
936
00:41:07,715 --> 00:41:08,924
Give me that, Hansie.
937
00:41:09,175 --> 00:41:10,884
Why is your dick in my face?
938
00:41:10,969 --> 00:41:12,678
And why is it kind of hard?
939
00:41:12,804 --> 00:41:15,264
What are you two homos doing?
940
00:41:19,811 --> 00:41:21,061
Just rasslin'.
941
00:41:21,771 --> 00:41:22,813
All right.
942
00:41:22,897 --> 00:41:24,898
'Cause you're looking at an all-state
fucking wrestling champion,
943
00:41:24,983 --> 00:41:26,233
and I got the winner.
944
00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:27,651
Okay. Well, he won.
945
00:41:27,735 --> 00:41:29,111
-No, I didn't.
-Yeah, you did. You won.
946
00:41:29,195 --> 00:41:30,195
What? No, I didn't.
947
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:31,989
You're gonna love it, buddy. Wrestle him.
948
00:41:32,073 --> 00:41:33,574
-Yeah, Chad.
-No, no.
949
00:41:33,741 --> 00:41:35,033
It's actually a funny story.
950
00:41:35,118 --> 00:41:36,243
We were having a tickle fight.
951
00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:37,327
We weren't wrestling at all.
952
00:41:37,412 --> 00:41:39,204
I was losing, admittedly.
953
00:41:39,289 --> 00:41:41,874
Aw, God, I got to start doing
some crunches or something.
954
00:41:41,958 --> 00:41:43,083
Look at this.
955
00:41:44,752 --> 00:41:46,086
Oh, you don't like him?
956
00:41:46,254 --> 00:41:47,713
Oh, we don't like you.
957
00:41:48,423 --> 00:41:50,257
He's talking to his dick, buddy.
958
00:41:52,093 --> 00:41:53,260
Now he's hitting it.
959
00:41:53,887 --> 00:41:54,928
No! Why?
960
00:41:55,096 --> 00:41:57,639
You got to puff that fucker up!
961
00:41:58,057 --> 00:41:59,099
Oh, what? No.
962
00:41:59,184 --> 00:42:01,143
You don't have to puff that fucker up.
963
00:42:01,269 --> 00:42:02,436
Let's do this.
964
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,479
Chad, I'm sure you're very athletic... Okay!
965
00:42:04,564 --> 00:42:05,731
Okay!
966
00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:08,108
I tap out. You win, you win. I tap out.
967
00:42:08,193 --> 00:42:10,652
Do you like fucking my sister, Todd?
968
00:42:11,112 --> 00:42:13,739
I mean, do you like
sticking your dirty booger fingers in her?
969
00:42:14,866 --> 00:42:15,866
Whoa, what was that?
970
00:42:15,950 --> 00:42:17,576
Let's all just keep our heads, okay?
971
00:42:17,660 --> 00:42:18,952
We've all been drinking a lot tonight.
972
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:21,038
I'm gonna skull-fuck you...
973
00:42:23,917 --> 00:42:25,792
And that is the end of that.
974
00:42:28,296 --> 00:42:30,172
What, you're mad at me?
975
00:42:30,715 --> 00:42:32,591
How am I the fucking bad guy right now?
976
00:42:33,134 --> 00:42:36,011
You're gonna fucking give me shit
with that tattoo on your back?
977
00:42:36,095 --> 00:42:38,055
Look at that stupid fucking thing.
978
00:42:38,306 --> 00:42:39,973
Good buddy, he'll be fine.
979
00:42:40,225 --> 00:42:42,893
Yeah, so we got Chad
all tucked in, safe and sound.
980
00:42:43,102 --> 00:42:44,978
I never heard of him
passing out drunk before.
981
00:42:45,146 --> 00:42:46,230
Yeah, it was crazy. It was like,
982
00:42:46,314 --> 00:42:48,523
one second, he was with us, totally awake.
983
00:42:48,608 --> 00:42:50,317
Next thing you know, he's face down,
984
00:42:50,860 --> 00:42:51,985
birds a-chirpin'.
985
00:42:53,821 --> 00:42:55,322
What do you think?
986
00:42:55,990 --> 00:42:57,032
You look amazing.
987
00:42:57,367 --> 00:42:58,617
Oh, wait! Isn't it bad luck
988
00:42:58,701 --> 00:43:00,452
for me to see the dress
before the wedding, though?
989
00:43:00,536 --> 00:43:03,038
This is a $1 2,000 Vera Wang dress.
990
00:43:03,164 --> 00:43:04,331
I'm gonna wear it whenever I want.
991
00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:08,043
You'd look hot in a $1 2 Wang Chung dress.
992
00:43:08,753 --> 00:43:10,337
That sounds like a line Donny would say.
993
00:43:10,505 --> 00:43:11,755
Yeah, except he'd say,
994
00:43:11,839 --> 00:43:15,008
"You'd look friggin' hot
in a Wang Dang Sweet Poontang dress."
995
00:43:15,510 --> 00:43:18,303
Just think he's, like,
trailer park-y or something, you know?
996
00:43:18,513 --> 00:43:20,013
-Yeah.
-That's probably why his son ran off.
997
00:43:20,348 --> 00:43:21,682
His what? What? Who? His son about...
998
00:43:21,849 --> 00:43:23,475
What'd he say?
What did you hear? Did he say something?
999
00:43:23,559 --> 00:43:26,436
Just look at the first page of that book
he's been handing out to everyone.
1000
00:43:26,521 --> 00:43:28,146
He has? What? No.
1001
00:43:29,315 --> 00:43:31,066
Head in the Class?
1002
00:43:31,359 --> 00:43:35,028
He said it's like Head ofthe CIass,
only with blowjobs.
1003
00:43:35,822 --> 00:43:37,072
It's gross.
1004
00:43:37,365 --> 00:43:39,116
Yeah, it's gross. Blowjobs are gross.
1005
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,367
We don't do those.
1006
00:43:40,952 --> 00:43:42,911
"Dear Jamie,
I know you'll make Todd very happy
1007
00:43:42,996 --> 00:43:44,454
"if you bleach your little brown eye."
1008
00:43:44,539 --> 00:43:46,373
Oh, no, not this part.
1009
00:43:56,551 --> 00:43:58,385
Wow, that's sad.
1010
00:44:02,056 --> 00:44:03,724
That weirdly got me.
1011
00:44:03,808 --> 00:44:07,019
I don't know why it got me, but it just got me.
1012
00:44:09,522 --> 00:44:10,772
Can I get a hug right now, or...
1013
00:44:10,982 --> 00:44:13,191
No, no, no, no! We can't wrinkle the dress.
1014
00:44:13,276 --> 00:44:15,152
Hey, if you don't want to wrinkle the dress,
1015
00:44:15,236 --> 00:44:17,112
may I suggest we just remove it?
1016
00:44:17,322 --> 00:44:18,488
Did you take two Xanax?
1017
00:44:18,573 --> 00:44:20,949
I actually took three Xanax.
1018
00:44:21,034 --> 00:44:23,243
And you know that the Xanax makes me
1019
00:44:23,494 --> 00:44:26,663
"H" to the "O" to the "R" To the "N" to the "Y"
1020
00:44:26,748 --> 00:44:27,789
So horny for my fiancée
1021
00:44:27,874 --> 00:44:29,541
No! Down.
1022
00:44:30,418 --> 00:44:32,419
I don't want to have sex
with my family in the house.
1023
00:44:32,754 --> 00:44:33,712
No, I know.
1024
00:44:33,796 --> 00:44:36,173
I don't want to have sex
with your family, either.
1025
00:44:36,257 --> 00:44:37,507
In the house.
1026
00:44:38,092 --> 00:44:39,343
Came out weird.
1027
00:44:40,178 --> 00:44:42,804
Possibly my last night of
spanking the hell out of it
1028
00:44:42,889 --> 00:44:45,557
without having a roommate
watching me, so...
1029
00:44:45,933 --> 00:44:47,434
What do we got to work with here?
1030
00:44:52,774 --> 00:44:54,274
Rich people magazines.
1031
00:44:56,444 --> 00:44:58,403
Let's see what we got.
1032
00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:04,076
If I hadn't partied with her husband
so many times, I would.
1033
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:05,994
But it's disrespectful to him.
1034
00:45:06,913 --> 00:45:08,372
I don't know.
1035
00:45:12,460 --> 00:45:13,460
Hello.
1036
00:45:14,337 --> 00:45:18,006
Jeezum Crow, you really were a model,
weren't you, Grandma?
1037
00:45:18,716 --> 00:45:23,512
Yeah, old Mr. Woolworth really, really knew
how to pick them, didn't he?
1038
00:45:24,639 --> 00:45:27,349
I love that old-time bathing suit.
1039
00:45:28,935 --> 00:45:31,311
I could take you
to the speakeasy, and we could,
1040
00:45:31,604 --> 00:45:33,647
we could do the naked Charleston.
1041
00:45:34,315 --> 00:45:37,401
I have to ship out in the
morning to fight the Nazis,
1042
00:45:37,485 --> 00:45:40,404
so you better give me
something to remember.
1043
00:45:41,406 --> 00:45:42,531
What's that?
1044
00:45:43,324 --> 00:45:44,324
Oh, my God.
1045
00:45:44,909 --> 00:45:48,328
Old lady Grandma wants to
get in on the action, too.
1046
00:45:49,122 --> 00:45:50,414
Should we let her?
1047
00:45:50,498 --> 00:45:52,749
I think we should.
1048
00:45:53,084 --> 00:45:54,459
Oh, my God.
1049
00:45:56,087 --> 00:45:57,671
Why do I like her better right now?
1050
00:45:58,339 --> 00:45:59,589
Oh, you bad...
1051
00:45:59,674 --> 00:46:03,260
What have you done to me?
1052
00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:09,349
We got to go for round two,
but give me a little bit of time.
1053
00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:12,018
Give me a little bit of time.
1054
00:46:15,022 --> 00:46:16,731
Oh, lovely.
1055
00:46:17,316 --> 00:46:18,692
Just lovely.
1056
00:46:26,242 --> 00:46:27,367
Goodness.
1057
00:46:33,708 --> 00:46:34,916
Oh, my word.
1058
00:46:39,005 --> 00:46:42,048
Best man, wedding rehearsal in an hour.
1059
00:46:43,092 --> 00:46:45,051
There's so many tissues.
1060
00:46:49,390 --> 00:46:51,641
Oh, God. You know,
don't touch those, okay? Let's...
1061
00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:53,226
Okay.
1062
00:46:53,394 --> 00:46:54,936
I'm gonna just clean that up.
1063
00:46:55,271 --> 00:46:56,480
Yeah, Donny's sick.
1064
00:46:56,981 --> 00:46:58,773
You don't want to touch these
'cause you'll get sick.
1065
00:46:59,025 --> 00:47:01,067
He's got post-nasal drip, so...
1066
00:47:08,242 --> 00:47:10,660
The tissue's stuck to my picture.
1067
00:47:10,745 --> 00:47:11,912
Here, let me.
1068
00:47:13,915 --> 00:47:15,248
I'll grab that from you. I got it.
1069
00:47:16,417 --> 00:47:19,002
Oh, look at that!
There's a little tissue beard there.
1070
00:47:19,086 --> 00:47:21,213
No, don't touch it, please.
Don't worry about it.
1071
00:47:21,297 --> 00:47:22,756
Oh, that poor dear.
1072
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:25,217
I'll just get him some nice, fresh juice.
1073
00:47:25,635 --> 00:47:27,135
Juice. That's a great idea.
1074
00:47:27,220 --> 00:47:28,762
Thank you, Grandma D. Thanks.
1075
00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:32,766
You know, hon,
if he's really under the weather,
1076
00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:36,102
maybe it's best
if he doesn't masturbate so much.
1077
00:47:37,688 --> 00:47:38,980
That's good advice.
1078
00:47:39,065 --> 00:47:40,607
I'll tell him that, thank you.
1079
00:47:44,529 --> 00:47:46,988
Okay, you can stop
pretending to sleep, Sir Jizz-a-lot.
1080
00:47:47,448 --> 00:47:50,992
The old broad knew I was whacking to
her the whole time, didn't she?
1081
00:47:51,327 --> 00:47:52,369
That's so funny.
1082
00:47:52,453 --> 00:47:55,789
But your improvs were awesome.
"Post-nasal dick," or whatever you said.
1083
00:47:55,998 --> 00:48:00,252
You know, I can't believe
your balls produce that much stuff.
1084
00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:02,337
Dude, at least I got balls.
1085
00:48:02,630 --> 00:48:03,838
What's that supposed to mean?
1086
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:08,176
Let me just crack open
some happiness first, yeah.
1087
00:48:09,303 --> 00:48:10,887
All I'm saying is the Chad thing,
1088
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:12,681
when that dude came at you last night,
1089
00:48:12,974 --> 00:48:14,975
you kind of, like,
looked like a deer in headlights.
1090
00:48:15,393 --> 00:48:18,270
Your whole aura is actually that of a pussy.
1091
00:48:18,354 --> 00:48:19,563
Or a kiss-ass.
1092
00:48:19,647 --> 00:48:20,981
It is not.
1093
00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:23,066
It is, too.
1094
00:48:23,818 --> 00:48:25,277
What the fuck am I doing?
1095
00:48:25,361 --> 00:48:27,654
No, I'm just saying
you got to stand up for yourself
1096
00:48:27,780 --> 00:48:29,990
every once in a while, buddy,
or she's never gonna bang you.
1097
00:48:30,366 --> 00:48:32,951
I'll have you know, she bangs me all the time.
1098
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:34,661
All right? She bangs.
1099
00:48:35,329 --> 00:48:37,789
Does she live the Ia vida Ioca, too, or...
1100
00:48:38,332 --> 00:48:39,374
Very funny.
1101
00:48:44,338 --> 00:48:45,380
Well, good day, everyone.
1102
00:48:45,464 --> 00:48:46,548
Father.
1103
00:48:46,632 --> 00:48:48,883
Father McNally, thank you so much
for coming out to the Cape.
1104
00:48:49,093 --> 00:48:50,093
My honor.
1105
00:48:50,177 --> 00:48:51,219
Very cool.
1106
00:48:51,304 --> 00:48:52,304
Oh, yes.
1107
00:48:52,888 --> 00:48:54,014
Chad.
1108
00:48:54,974 --> 00:48:56,600
You'll excuse me, won't you?
1109
00:48:56,934 --> 00:48:59,227
While you're in this church,
you'll show the proper respect.
1110
00:48:59,645 --> 00:49:01,646
No e-mailing, no texting,
1111
00:49:02,648 --> 00:49:06,276
no Facebooking,
no Skyping and no Angry Birds.
1112
00:49:06,902 --> 00:49:08,236
That one hurts.
1113
00:49:08,988 --> 00:49:10,864
No, no. I get it.
1114
00:49:11,324 --> 00:49:12,866
It's the 201 0s.
1115
00:49:13,242 --> 00:49:15,201
Everyone's having sex and drinking lattes.
1116
00:49:15,411 --> 00:49:16,953
No, Father.
1117
00:49:17,747 --> 00:49:20,040
But, you see, this is my world.
1118
00:49:21,042 --> 00:49:23,043
We'll abide by my rules while we're here.
1119
00:49:24,378 --> 00:49:27,339
Maybe we should start
with the father of the groom.
1120
00:49:30,217 --> 00:49:31,551
His father passed away.
1121
00:49:31,844 --> 00:49:33,511
He died in an explosion.
1122
00:49:34,388 --> 00:49:37,307
Sounds fishy, but it really happened.
1123
00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:42,771
I'm truly sorry to hear that, son.
1124
00:49:43,230 --> 00:49:45,231
Thank you, but it's fine.
1125
00:49:45,900 --> 00:49:46,900
He deserved it.
1126
00:49:47,234 --> 00:49:48,568
So...
1127
00:49:48,653 --> 00:49:50,070
What is that supposed to mean?
1128
00:49:50,404 --> 00:49:52,322
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it.
1129
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:54,532
He just, you know, wasn't a great dad.
1130
00:50:04,377 --> 00:50:06,753
So your father, he abused you, did he?
1131
00:50:07,421 --> 00:50:08,755
No, nothing like that.
1132
00:50:09,131 --> 00:50:11,257
Was he a murderer? Rapist?
1133
00:50:12,885 --> 00:50:14,260
No. Father, I'm sorry, I...
1134
00:50:14,345 --> 00:50:18,264
My father beat me every day with a rake.
1135
00:50:19,934 --> 00:50:23,186
But you don't hear me smack-talking him
like some baby little princess.
1136
00:50:23,270 --> 00:50:25,021
Not here in the house of the Lord.
1137
00:50:36,617 --> 00:50:39,160
You know, I can't hear a word you're saying.
1138
00:50:41,706 --> 00:50:44,374
All I can focus on is your shit breath.
1139
00:50:49,797 --> 00:50:52,882
I'd like to show you the garden for a minute.
1140
00:51:00,433 --> 00:51:01,474
Now, then.
1141
00:51:01,642 --> 00:51:02,892
Okay, you know what? Let's just...
1142
00:51:08,858 --> 00:51:09,899
Fucking old guy's got
1143
00:51:09,984 --> 00:51:11,276
-a cannon on him.
-What happened?
1144
00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:13,361
What happened
is I think he's having a mini-meltdown.
1145
00:51:13,779 --> 00:51:15,572
-Yeah, he's taking his shirt off now.
-Oh, my God.
1146
00:51:15,656 --> 00:51:19,117
And he's pretty ripped for an old fuck,
so we're in trouble right now.
1147
00:51:19,618 --> 00:51:20,827
What is going on here?
1148
00:51:20,953 --> 00:51:22,078
All right, all right.
1149
00:51:22,163 --> 00:51:23,204
Go time, go time.
1150
00:51:23,289 --> 00:51:24,330
No, think about what you're doing!
1151
00:51:24,457 --> 00:51:25,665
Be careful.
1152
00:51:26,125 --> 00:51:27,417
He bit me!
1153
00:51:27,668 --> 00:51:28,835
Did you see that? That was amazing!
1154
00:51:28,961 --> 00:51:29,961
This could get ugly.
1155
00:51:30,045 --> 00:51:32,172
The Father actually killed a guy in the ring.
1156
00:51:32,256 --> 00:51:33,548
That's why he became a priest.
1157
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:35,759
Just keep your hands up, kid!
1158
00:51:35,843 --> 00:51:36,843
Get 'em down!
1159
00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:38,386
Hang in there, guy!
1160
00:51:39,180 --> 00:51:40,513
He keeps punching him!
1161
00:51:42,725 --> 00:51:43,892
Come on, guy.
1162
00:51:45,811 --> 00:51:46,853
That's my boy!
1163
00:51:46,937 --> 00:51:49,856
Why, you came right back
with your own shit. Nice, kid.
1164
00:51:53,652 --> 00:51:54,652
What the fuck is that?
1165
00:51:54,737 --> 00:51:56,780
Okay, he's going to
a whole other place right now.
1166
00:52:00,159 --> 00:52:01,284
You know what? Maybe just run.
1167
00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:03,495
Get the fuck out of here. Go, go, go, go, go.
1168
00:52:04,246 --> 00:52:05,288
No.
1169
00:52:06,081 --> 00:52:07,165
I'm not gonna run.
1170
00:52:07,291 --> 00:52:08,708
Finish him, Father McNally!
1171
00:52:08,793 --> 00:52:10,168
Finish him!
1172
00:52:23,724 --> 00:52:26,851
Geez. He went down
like a sack of potatoes, huh?
1173
00:52:30,397 --> 00:52:32,065
What is the matter with you?
1174
00:52:32,233 --> 00:52:34,567
You know, we've known
Father McNally for 30 years.
1175
00:52:34,652 --> 00:52:36,152
-Thirty years! Thirty years.
-Thirty years.
1176
00:52:36,487 --> 00:52:37,570
I ought to rip off your head!
1177
00:52:39,114 --> 00:52:40,114
Gerald!
1178
00:52:40,199 --> 00:52:41,407
I'm sorry.
1179
00:52:41,492 --> 00:52:44,118
Sorry's not gonna keep you
from burning in hell, Todd.
1180
00:52:44,411 --> 00:52:45,954
Hey, this is all my fault.
1181
00:52:46,038 --> 00:52:47,831
I shouldn't have hit the guy with the bottle.
1182
00:52:47,915 --> 00:52:49,290
I'm, like, a moron over here.
1183
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:51,501
No, now, Donny,
I will not let you take the blame for this.
1184
00:52:51,585 --> 00:52:53,753
You had to do it. You saved his life again.
1185
00:52:54,213 --> 00:52:56,089
And you looked very sexy doing it.
1186
00:52:57,883 --> 00:53:00,260
Why was the sound of that bottle so familiar?
1187
00:53:00,427 --> 00:53:02,262
Todd is such a loser.
1188
00:53:02,763 --> 00:53:03,972
Here comes your girl. Here we go.
1189
00:53:04,723 --> 00:53:05,849
Jame, I'm sorry, but, look,
1190
00:53:05,933 --> 00:53:07,433
you got to admit,
I stood up for myself back there.
1191
00:53:07,643 --> 00:53:09,769
Do you have fucking rocks
in your head, Todd?
1192
00:53:10,271 --> 00:53:11,271
No.
1193
00:53:11,355 --> 00:53:12,355
Well, where are we gonna get married now?
1194
00:53:12,439 --> 00:53:13,773
We got kicked out of the church!
1195
00:53:13,858 --> 00:53:15,066
Jame...
1196
00:53:15,442 --> 00:53:16,568
What is everybody's problem?
1197
00:53:16,652 --> 00:53:18,403
You were awesome out there.
You kicked ass.
1198
00:53:18,487 --> 00:53:20,280
-You should be proud of yourself.
-Proud of myself?
1199
00:53:20,698 --> 00:53:21,865
For what?
1200
00:53:21,949 --> 00:53:24,409
I got my ass kicked,
and everyone's pissed off at me.
1201
00:53:24,493 --> 00:53:26,911
And, by the way,
thanks for the fatherly advice, guy.
1202
00:53:27,538 --> 00:53:29,289
That's the last time I listen to you.
1203
00:53:34,003 --> 00:53:35,086
-I'm gonna choke him out!
-He's an asshole!
1204
00:53:35,212 --> 00:53:36,504
I'm gonna choke him out.
1205
00:53:36,589 --> 00:53:38,089
I'm just gonna choke him out.
1206
00:53:38,299 --> 00:53:39,465
Hey, guys, guys?
1207
00:53:39,550 --> 00:53:42,302
Can I just say
something before we all turn on Todd?
1208
00:53:43,262 --> 00:53:45,054
Churches freak the kid out,
1209
00:53:45,139 --> 00:53:47,015
ever since his father's funeral.
1210
00:53:47,349 --> 00:53:48,808
After the explosion,
1211
00:53:49,393 --> 00:53:55,690
all that was left of his dad was, like,
a kneecap and a little bit of nut sack.
1212
00:53:57,443 --> 00:53:59,694
It was supposed to be a closed casket,
1213
00:53:59,778 --> 00:54:01,946
but there was a foul-up at the mortuary,
1214
00:54:02,031 --> 00:54:04,032
and he actually saw a squirrel
1215
00:54:04,116 --> 00:54:07,201
run into the coffin and kind of
1216
00:54:08,078 --> 00:54:10,455
squeak out of there with his
dad's ball bag in his mouth.
1217
00:54:10,539 --> 00:54:12,624
You know, that's gonna
fuck any of us up, so...
1218
00:54:13,584 --> 00:54:15,209
So you actually knew Todd's father?
1219
00:54:15,586 --> 00:54:17,086
Of course I knew the guy.
1220
00:54:17,171 --> 00:54:19,005
He was handsome, he had fucking great hair,
1221
00:54:19,423 --> 00:54:21,174
a Jedi with the chicks.
1222
00:54:21,884 --> 00:54:24,844
Went down on girls
for a wicked long time 'cause he was a giver
1223
00:54:24,929 --> 00:54:26,471
and he wanted to see others be happy.
1224
00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:28,765
I wish I could have met him.
1225
00:54:30,184 --> 00:54:31,351
Sounds like a gentleman.
1226
00:54:32,728 --> 00:54:34,437
Was he there enough for the kid?
1227
00:54:34,521 --> 00:54:35,813
No, maybe not. But,
1228
00:54:36,065 --> 00:54:38,524
you know, he probably felt bad about it.
1229
00:54:38,901 --> 00:54:41,819
You know, and there's nothing
he can do about it now, so...
1230
00:54:42,863 --> 00:54:43,988
Toddsy.
1231
00:54:44,740 --> 00:54:46,115
Oh, Todd.
1232
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:47,659
I had no idea.
1233
00:54:48,202 --> 00:54:49,327
Poor thing. Are you okay?
1234
00:54:49,411 --> 00:54:50,411
Yeah, yeah.
1235
00:54:50,704 --> 00:54:51,704
It's fine, but
1236
00:54:52,206 --> 00:54:54,082
sometimes I do still have nightmares.
1237
00:54:54,208 --> 00:54:55,208
Oh, boy.
1238
00:54:55,376 --> 00:54:57,961
That squirrel and its demonic eyes.
1239
00:54:58,963 --> 00:55:01,339
Tiny piece of skin flapping in its mouth.
1240
00:55:02,383 --> 00:55:04,258
One lone scraggly hair.
1241
00:55:05,219 --> 00:55:06,719
A pubic hair.
1242
00:55:07,137 --> 00:55:09,222
I mean, maybe this is
a blessing, though, guys.
1243
00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:11,307
Do we really want
Father McNutty to be the one
1244
00:55:11,392 --> 00:55:13,434
who brings these two guys together?
1245
00:55:13,519 --> 00:55:14,769
I mean, I don't think so.
1246
00:55:15,104 --> 00:55:17,271
I'm pretty tied into the church crowd,
1247
00:55:17,356 --> 00:55:19,190
Rageaholics Anonymous and whatnot.
1248
00:55:19,274 --> 00:55:20,650
I could find a priest for you.
1249
00:55:20,734 --> 00:55:22,026
I mean, what type are we looking for?
1250
00:55:22,194 --> 00:55:23,403
Maybe a younger guy.
1251
00:55:23,487 --> 00:55:24,487
Younger guy.
1252
00:55:24,571 --> 00:55:25,655
How about a black guy?
1253
00:55:25,864 --> 00:55:27,323
Now, I like that.
1254
00:55:27,408 --> 00:55:29,283
It's very urban, very street.
1255
00:55:29,618 --> 00:55:30,618
Okay.
1256
00:55:30,786 --> 00:55:32,829
But that still doesn't get us a church.
1257
00:55:33,122 --> 00:55:36,833
Well, I'll tell you where I would tie the knot
if I was these two sexy kids.
1258
00:55:43,048 --> 00:55:44,882
Donny, this is just such a great idea.
1259
00:55:44,967 --> 00:55:46,384
-Thanks.
-Don't you love the pergola?
1260
00:55:46,468 --> 00:55:47,677
They're gorgeous!
1261
00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:50,596
You know what,
maybe a little more girly shit up on the arch.
1262
00:55:50,723 --> 00:55:51,806
You know, you're right.
1263
00:55:51,890 --> 00:55:54,851
Excuse me, sir,
put some more girly shit up there.
1264
00:55:54,935 --> 00:55:56,185
Calling all ladies!
1265
00:55:56,270 --> 00:55:58,229
The bus for the bachelorette party is here!
Come on!
1266
00:55:58,939 --> 00:56:01,274
Honey, you guys have fun
at the bachelor party!
1267
00:56:01,483 --> 00:56:02,525
Okay.
1268
00:56:02,609 --> 00:56:04,318
Don't get too crazy. Know your limits.
1269
00:56:05,112 --> 00:56:07,238
-Okay.
-We're having a bachelor party?
1270
00:56:07,448 --> 00:56:08,573
That's, like, my thing, man.
1271
00:56:09,074 --> 00:56:11,701
Hookers, blow, balloons filled with piss.
1272
00:56:11,785 --> 00:56:13,786
I mean, the sky's the limit, kid.
1273
00:56:14,121 --> 00:56:15,872
No, no, no. Donny, we're all set.
1274
00:56:15,956 --> 00:56:18,791
I have arranged
a very special evening for us tonight.
1275
00:56:19,668 --> 00:56:21,711
This is gonna be awesome!
1276
00:56:22,629 --> 00:56:24,881
I read about this place in Oprah's magazine.
1277
00:56:24,965 --> 00:56:29,093
I don't know if she writes the articles herself,
but there's some real good stuff in it.
1278
00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:31,637
Hi, we're for the Todd Peterson party, please.
1279
00:56:31,930 --> 00:56:33,014
Good evening, gentlemen.
1280
00:56:33,265 --> 00:56:34,807
Mrs. Ravensdale.
1281
00:56:34,892 --> 00:56:36,309
Phil, what a blessing.
1282
00:56:36,935 --> 00:56:41,147
Welcome to your bachelor party package
here at He Time Spa For Men.
1283
00:56:41,356 --> 00:56:43,024
Woo-hoo, motherfucker!
1284
00:56:43,108 --> 00:56:45,234
Okay. All right.
1285
00:56:45,319 --> 00:56:47,528
We're gonna set you up
with some nice plush robes,
1286
00:56:47,613 --> 00:56:49,655
and then we have
a wonderful full evening planned
1287
00:56:49,740 --> 00:56:51,949
with massage, facial and nail treatments,
1288
00:56:52,409 --> 00:56:54,577
and then we're going to send you home
1289
00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:59,415
with a special gift
of our house-made lavender scrub.
1290
00:57:00,667 --> 00:57:03,169
Confucius say,
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
1291
00:57:03,879 --> 00:57:04,962
No, Donny,
1292
00:57:05,506 --> 00:57:07,465
Phil thought
it would be nice before the wedding
1293
00:57:07,549 --> 00:57:10,093
for us to all take a little time
to just chill and mellow.
1294
00:57:10,385 --> 00:57:13,221
My wife and I have been
burning it on both ends all week
1295
00:57:13,305 --> 00:57:14,764
with the preschool applications,
1296
00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:16,599
and I am ready to be pampered!
1297
00:57:19,144 --> 00:57:21,479
All right, all right. Now we're talking.
1298
00:57:21,563 --> 00:57:23,439
Hey, thanks, honey.
What the fuck's your name?
1299
00:57:23,524 --> 00:57:24,941
-Jessica. All right.
-Yeah.
1300
00:57:25,025 --> 00:57:26,275
Hey, come on. Here's to the kid.
1301
00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:29,320
He's fucking getting all fucked up tonight!
1302
00:57:29,404 --> 00:57:30,446
Last night!
1303
00:57:30,531 --> 00:57:32,865
Fucking last night of poontang for this kid.
1304
00:57:37,663 --> 00:57:39,163
What the fuck is this?
1305
00:57:40,666 --> 00:57:43,876
It's water infused with cucumber,
rose petal and harvest sandalwood.
1306
00:57:44,711 --> 00:57:47,672
It tastes like fucking dick infused with balls.
1307
00:57:49,216 --> 00:57:51,467
And a side of fucking Rod Stewart's jizz.
1308
00:57:53,053 --> 00:57:57,098
Wait a minute. What are we drinking
water at a fucking bachelor party for, Phil?
1309
00:57:57,808 --> 00:57:59,767
You got to show my son your tits later.
1310
00:57:59,852 --> 00:58:02,228
Promise me. Promise me.
1311
00:58:05,149 --> 00:58:07,108
That's nice. Yeah, good.
1312
00:58:07,568 --> 00:58:08,943
This is great, sweetheart.
1313
00:58:09,570 --> 00:58:10,653
Really good.
1314
00:58:10,737 --> 00:58:12,405
Nice work. You're going deep on us, huh?
1315
00:58:13,198 --> 00:58:15,116
That's it.
1316
00:58:15,868 --> 00:58:16,909
What's this, sir?
1317
00:58:16,994 --> 00:58:21,330
That's just a little tip, you know,
if you give me a full package.
1318
00:58:21,748 --> 00:58:24,458
Okay. That's a $1 50 additional charge.
1319
00:58:25,294 --> 00:58:26,627
You're talking to the wrong guy.
1320
00:58:26,712 --> 00:58:27,837
That's a little out of my price range.
1321
00:58:27,921 --> 00:58:30,715
It includes scalp treatment, reflexology.
1322
00:58:30,799 --> 00:58:32,675
How much is it to tickle my pickle?
1323
00:58:33,218 --> 00:58:36,262
To yank my crank?
To give me a ho-jo to go?
1324
00:58:37,264 --> 00:58:39,432
Sweetheart, I'm not asking
for a finger up the ass.
1325
00:58:39,516 --> 00:58:41,767
I just want you to just jerk it a little bit.
1326
00:58:42,269 --> 00:58:44,645
Donny, this isn't a brothel.
1327
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:49,025
Then I'm completely confused
what the fuck we're doing here right now!
1328
00:58:49,276 --> 00:58:51,527
So, what, you're just going to
get a hand job in front of all of us?
1329
00:58:52,154 --> 00:58:53,237
I don't know. Am I?
1330
00:58:55,199 --> 00:58:56,616
I guess not!
1331
00:58:57,117 --> 00:59:00,119
You know, I have worked
very hard on this night, Don,
1332
00:59:00,621 --> 00:59:02,371
and you're being just plain rude.
1333
00:59:02,789 --> 00:59:04,874
-Phil, no! Phil!
-No, no. Don't do this.
1334
00:59:07,669 --> 00:59:10,004
Nice. That's nice.
1335
00:59:10,422 --> 00:59:13,466
That's good. That's good.
1336
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:15,676
It tickles.
1337
00:59:15,761 --> 00:59:17,511
Just fight through it, man. It's worth it.
1338
00:59:17,596 --> 00:59:20,223
If you stop, I swear I will kill you.
1339
00:59:26,063 --> 00:59:27,939
You know what,
if I don't see a tit in five minutes,
1340
00:59:28,023 --> 00:59:29,315
I'm going to strangle this motherfucker.
1341
00:59:29,775 --> 00:59:33,319
You should be ashamed of yourself
for fucking arranging this bullshit!
1342
00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:35,363
Well, I feel very relaxed,
1343
00:59:35,447 --> 00:59:37,698
and I think this was
a good use of a Groupon.
1344
00:59:37,991 --> 00:59:39,533
You fucked us, buddy!
1345
00:59:40,202 --> 00:59:42,745
Five more minutes till you
get to choose amongst four
1346
00:59:42,829 --> 00:59:45,164
artisanal house-blended
chocolates, gentlemen.
1347
00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:48,626
We can't let tonight end like this, boys.
1348
00:59:48,710 --> 00:59:49,794
We got to go out.
1349
00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:52,004
I'm telling you, I can't let my son have a...
1350
00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:55,800
My son of a gun best friend
have his bachelor party be this.
1351
00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:58,970
You fucking... You guys got your
face covered in leprechaun shit.
1352
00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:01,264
We should be getting whacked off,
1353
01:00:01,348 --> 01:00:03,349
all of us, as a fucking team!
1354
01:00:04,184 --> 01:00:07,186
Donny, I think
we've had enough excitement for one night.
1355
01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:10,481
Besides, it's not like you can throw
together a whole other party this late.
1356
01:00:10,565 --> 01:00:14,568
I could have six chicks making out
with each other on our laps in 1 0 minutes.
1357
01:00:15,404 --> 01:00:16,821
I could stay out a little later.
1358
01:00:17,447 --> 01:00:18,447
Bam!
1359
01:00:18,907 --> 01:00:21,575
We gonna get our dicks sucked.
1360
01:00:22,494 --> 01:00:23,536
There it is.
1361
01:00:23,662 --> 01:00:26,122
Unless, Mrs. Ravensdale,
you want to whip them knockers out?
1362
01:00:26,206 --> 01:00:27,248
We'd love to see them.
1363
01:00:27,374 --> 01:00:28,416
All right, you know what?
1364
01:00:28,500 --> 01:00:31,502
You are an imbecilic,
immature, asinine, childish,
1365
01:00:31,586 --> 01:00:34,130
caveman-like, hairy-knuckled,
single-chromosomal,
1366
01:00:34,214 --> 01:00:36,674
obnoxious, uneducated, ignorant asshole
1367
01:00:36,758 --> 01:00:39,552
who I would like to fuck hard and long!
1368
01:00:40,929 --> 01:00:42,305
So, I'm going to go put a dent in that.
1369
01:00:42,389 --> 01:00:43,973
You guys get that green jizz off your face.
1370
01:00:44,057 --> 01:00:45,141
I'll be back in 20.
1371
01:00:45,517 --> 01:00:46,600
We're going out, boys!
1372
01:00:47,185 --> 01:00:48,853
Hey, this is the shit,
this place, I'm telling you.
1373
01:00:48,937 --> 01:00:51,272
The hottest chicks, the best Denver omelets.
1374
01:00:51,356 --> 01:00:52,481
-You have to eat one.
-All right.
1375
01:00:52,566 --> 01:00:54,567
-Donny!
-Yeah, this is who I was telling you about!
1376
01:00:54,651 --> 01:00:56,152
-What's up? Give me that.
-I'm so happy to see you.
1377
01:00:56,236 --> 01:00:58,070
-You look so fucking cute!
-I know, right?
1378
01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:02,074
And you brought a military man.
1379
01:01:02,159 --> 01:01:03,743
What's your name, soldier?
1380
01:01:03,910 --> 01:01:06,412
Chad Martin, private first class,
United States Marine Corps.
1381
01:01:06,747 --> 01:01:09,874
You think you can keep that dick
at attention for a couple hours?
1382
01:01:09,958 --> 01:01:11,083
That's an order!
1383
01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:13,294
Already on it.
1384
01:01:14,129 --> 01:01:15,254
Look at my man!
1385
01:01:15,339 --> 01:01:17,631
You guys, let me get in here
and introduce myself.
1386
01:01:17,716 --> 01:01:19,842
Hello. I'm Phil.
I'm married with four children,
1387
01:01:19,926 --> 01:01:22,845
and I have actually
only seen three vaginas in my entire life:
1388
01:01:22,929 --> 01:01:24,138
my wife's, my baby's
1389
01:01:24,222 --> 01:01:27,350
and my aunt's once by accident
on the back of a tandem bike.
1390
01:01:27,809 --> 01:01:29,935
Well, here's number four, baby!
1391
01:01:30,896 --> 01:01:33,439
I'm going to count that
as numbers four and five.
1392
01:01:54,544 --> 01:01:56,712
ChampaIe wouId Iike to dedicate this
1393
01:01:56,797 --> 01:01:58,964
to Mr. Todd Peterson.
1394
01:02:00,717 --> 01:02:02,259
-Yeah, baby. Yeah.
-Here you go.
1395
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:04,762
Oh, hey.
1396
01:02:04,846 --> 01:02:05,930
Do you want any eggs?
1397
01:02:06,014 --> 01:02:08,307
No. I really have to watch what I eat.
1398
01:02:08,392 --> 01:02:10,017
No fatty foods. But thank you.
1399
01:02:10,268 --> 01:02:11,477
I'm Brie.
1400
01:02:11,561 --> 01:02:12,937
I'm Todd. Nice to meet you.
1401
01:02:13,021 --> 01:02:15,898
I know who you are, Han Solo.
1402
01:02:17,275 --> 01:02:18,484
No, you can't...
1403
01:02:18,568 --> 01:02:20,319
Don't worry, your secret's safe.
1404
01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:53,352
Who did that?
1405
01:03:26,094 --> 01:03:27,887
-Gerald, get in the car.
-I love you, Donny!
1406
01:03:27,971 --> 01:03:29,013
Yeah, I love you. Get in there.
1407
01:03:29,097 --> 01:03:30,514
Man, you got to give me the recipe, man.
1408
01:03:30,599 --> 01:03:32,141
Can't buy everything, Spirou!
1409
01:03:32,225 --> 01:03:33,809
Bro, but they use olive oil, not butter.
1410
01:03:33,894 --> 01:03:34,935
That's the big secret.
1411
01:03:35,020 --> 01:03:36,312
Okay, Chris, get him in there.
1412
01:03:36,396 --> 01:03:38,689
Be gentle, he's protecting our country.
1413
01:03:38,773 --> 01:03:39,857
All right, good night, guys!
1414
01:03:41,693 --> 01:03:43,986
Gerald, you're a sick man, buddy!
1415
01:03:44,154 --> 01:03:45,404
Whoa.
1416
01:03:45,530 --> 01:03:47,615
Hey, what... Where's everybody going?
1417
01:03:47,699 --> 01:03:49,241
I sent them home, guy.
1418
01:03:49,326 --> 01:03:51,410
I thought we could have a little
1419
01:03:51,495 --> 01:03:54,205
best man/groom alone time.
1420
01:03:54,664 --> 01:03:55,956
But shouldn't I go with them?
1421
01:03:56,041 --> 01:03:57,875
'Cause Jamie's gonna get mad at me.
1422
01:03:58,251 --> 01:03:59,376
Easy, guy.
1423
01:03:59,461 --> 01:04:03,589
You're gonna have plenty of time
for her to be mad at you when you're married.
1424
01:04:05,175 --> 01:04:08,135
I got you a wedding gift,
and I want to give it to you alone, all right?
1425
01:04:08,220 --> 01:04:09,261
You got me a gift?
1426
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:10,638
Of course I got you.
1427
01:04:10,722 --> 01:04:13,224
And I think you might dig it.
1428
01:04:18,313 --> 01:04:19,355
An earring.
1429
01:04:19,814 --> 01:04:24,193
Yeah, I know, but that's an earring
that your mom gave me,
1430
01:04:24,277 --> 01:04:26,695
and I thought maybe we could
keep it in the family, you know?
1431
01:04:26,780 --> 01:04:30,032
Just kind of keep it going,
generation to generation, actually.
1432
01:04:32,035 --> 01:04:34,286
Yeah, but I don't have a pierced ear, Donny.
1433
01:04:35,121 --> 01:04:36,330
Yeah.
1434
01:04:37,624 --> 01:04:38,707
No.
1435
01:04:39,334 --> 01:04:40,543
Yeah.
1436
01:04:43,588 --> 01:04:44,755
All right, fuck it, fuck it.
1437
01:04:44,839 --> 01:04:46,048
Do it, just do it.
1438
01:04:46,675 --> 01:04:47,716
It's not gonna hurt, buddy.
1439
01:04:47,801 --> 01:04:49,051
You got a nice buzz going.
1440
01:04:49,135 --> 01:04:50,386
Yeah, I got it, I got it.
1441
01:04:50,470 --> 01:04:51,720
Hang on.
1442
01:04:52,013 --> 01:04:53,264
Yeah.
1443
01:04:53,348 --> 01:04:54,348
Liquor it up.
1444
01:04:54,432 --> 01:04:55,724
Fuck!
1445
01:04:55,809 --> 01:04:57,142
Come here. Come here.
1446
01:04:58,395 --> 01:05:00,229
Hang in there! Go ahead, just sit still, homie.
1447
01:05:02,482 --> 01:05:03,691
Yeah!
1448
01:05:05,527 --> 01:05:06,819
How we doing?
1449
01:05:07,195 --> 01:05:08,195
Oh, God.
1450
01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:10,155
That's it. That's the way to man up.
1451
01:05:10,699 --> 01:05:12,449
-That wasn't so bad.
-Let me see it.
1452
01:05:13,034 --> 01:05:14,660
Am I bleeding?
1453
01:05:16,621 --> 01:05:17,871
-I don't think so.
-No?
1454
01:05:18,331 --> 01:05:19,582
Does it look good?
1455
01:05:19,666 --> 01:05:22,418
You look like you could be playing
drums for Foreigner or some shit.
1456
01:05:22,502 --> 01:05:23,586
You look like a bad-ass.
1457
01:05:23,878 --> 01:05:25,421
-Really?
-Yeah.
1458
01:05:25,630 --> 01:05:27,923
'Cause it makes me feel kind of...
1459
01:05:28,883 --> 01:05:30,134
Dangerous.
1460
01:05:32,345 --> 01:05:33,554
There he is, man!
1461
01:05:33,638 --> 01:05:36,348
That's your personality,
like when you were seven years old,
1462
01:05:36,474 --> 01:05:39,685
me and Uncle Vanny used to
laugh our asses off from you.
1463
01:05:40,353 --> 01:05:42,146
Uncle Vanny, that's right.
1464
01:05:42,689 --> 01:05:43,939
What happened to that guy?
1465
01:05:44,608 --> 01:05:46,525
Dude, you know what it's time for?
1466
01:05:46,943 --> 01:05:49,737
To get you back together with the old gang.
1467
01:05:51,031 --> 01:05:52,281
Come on.
1468
01:05:52,365 --> 01:05:54,366
I just hope the guy will talk to me.
1469
01:05:54,826 --> 01:05:55,909
Phil!
1470
01:05:55,994 --> 01:05:58,203
Come on, you're gonna get arrested, buddy.
1471
01:05:58,913 --> 01:06:00,956
I shouldn't be doing this.
1472
01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:03,584
No, don't stop, don't stop.
1473
01:06:16,139 --> 01:06:18,891
All right, look.
I came here to tell you I'm sorry
1474
01:06:18,975 --> 01:06:21,393
about what happened
with me and your mother.
1475
01:06:21,936 --> 01:06:24,772
It was an accident,
and it will never happen again.
1476
01:06:26,650 --> 01:06:29,443
That's all I've been waiting for
all these years, man, a simple apology.
1477
01:06:29,527 --> 01:06:30,694
It's water under the bridge.
1478
01:06:30,779 --> 01:06:32,154
Don't sweat it. Holla.
1479
01:06:33,490 --> 01:06:35,407
Wait, are you Vanilla Ice?
1480
01:06:36,576 --> 01:06:38,869
Was Uncle Vanny Vanilla Ice this whole time?
1481
01:06:39,079 --> 01:06:40,162
Who did you think I was?
1482
01:06:40,246 --> 01:06:43,582
I don't know, a friend of my dad's
that wore a lot of parachute pants?
1483
01:06:44,417 --> 01:06:45,501
Man.
1484
01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:47,169
I want to be honest with you, too.
1485
01:06:47,504 --> 01:06:50,005
I never did knock boots with your mother.
1486
01:06:50,423 --> 01:06:51,507
-No?
-No.
1487
01:06:51,591 --> 01:06:53,175
I think she whacked me off outside the pants.
1488
01:06:53,802 --> 01:06:55,386
-No.
-But I didn't finish.
1489
01:06:55,470 --> 01:06:57,179
-Vanny, I didn't finish. I couldn't.
-Yeah?
1490
01:06:57,430 --> 01:06:59,139
-Mom.
-Yeah.
1491
01:06:59,224 --> 01:07:00,474
You know, she did like to fuck.
1492
01:07:00,934 --> 01:07:02,017
That's fucking... Look at him.
1493
01:07:02,102 --> 01:07:03,769
Back to it. Fuck, yeah.
1494
01:07:04,020 --> 01:07:05,479
Hey, Han Solo, you're looking great, man.
1495
01:07:05,563 --> 01:07:06,563
Thank you.
1496
01:07:06,648 --> 01:07:07,940
-You lost some weight.
-Is this kid all right?
1497
01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:09,817
-You're not a little fat kid no more.
-No, no, no.
1498
01:07:09,901 --> 01:07:11,026
-Remember this one?
-No, no.
1499
01:07:11,111 --> 01:07:12,653
Yeah, we used to do this to you all the time.
1500
01:07:12,737 --> 01:07:14,446
-Remember, back in the day?
-Hey, nugget pocket.
1501
01:07:14,531 --> 01:07:16,323
-Nugget pockets.
-No, I'm not a nugget pocket.
1502
01:07:16,408 --> 01:07:18,283
-What's up, nugget pocket?
-No.
1503
01:07:18,785 --> 01:07:20,077
No, but seriously, Iceberg,
1504
01:07:20,161 --> 01:07:21,870
me and my boy got a little head start on you,
1505
01:07:21,955 --> 01:07:24,581
but you got any desire
to get wasted with us?
1506
01:07:24,666 --> 01:07:26,417
More than life itself.
1507
01:07:26,501 --> 01:07:28,961
In fact, I might have
a little head start on you guys.
1508
01:07:29,963 --> 01:07:31,463
What?
1509
01:07:32,507 --> 01:07:34,049
-Yeah.
-It's so illegal.
1510
01:07:34,384 --> 01:07:36,176
I don't want to do that in front of my kid.
1511
01:07:36,261 --> 01:07:38,137
Turn around for a minute. Just turn around.
1512
01:07:38,388 --> 01:07:39,847
Give me that fucking shit.
1513
01:07:41,266 --> 01:07:42,599
What?
1514
01:07:43,810 --> 01:07:45,519
Hey, let's get out of here.
1515
01:07:45,603 --> 01:07:46,729
I did not do that.
1516
01:07:46,813 --> 01:07:48,731
-Let's go have some fun.
-Hey!
1517
01:07:49,107 --> 01:07:51,150
Hey, where you think you're going,
Mr. Vanilla Ice Cream?
1518
01:07:51,484 --> 01:07:52,735
I'm going out for the night, man.
1519
01:07:52,819 --> 01:07:55,738
Hell no, man! You know I don't know
how to fry no damn chicken nuggets!
1520
01:07:55,822 --> 01:07:56,864
It's Todd Bridges.
1521
01:07:56,948 --> 01:07:58,449
Yeah, yeah, watch this.
1522
01:07:58,533 --> 01:08:00,033
What you talking 'bout, Willis?
1523
01:08:00,201 --> 01:08:01,577
You come back and say that to my face,
1524
01:08:01,661 --> 01:08:03,328
you fake white rapping motherfucker!
1525
01:08:03,538 --> 01:08:04,830
Todd, seriously, though, you look great.
1526
01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:06,582
How's Mr. Drummond doing, huh?
1527
01:08:07,542 --> 01:08:09,084
Mister... Fuck you!
1528
01:08:09,169 --> 01:08:10,544
"Mr. Drummond. Mister..."
1529
01:08:11,337 --> 01:08:13,130
Man, I... What you want?
1530
01:08:13,214 --> 01:08:14,298
Bowl of chili nuggets.
1531
01:08:14,382 --> 01:08:15,382
A what?
1532
01:08:15,467 --> 01:08:17,509
You know, that shit ain't on the menu, man!
1533
01:08:19,095 --> 01:08:20,763
Shit, it is. Damn it.
1534
01:08:21,514 --> 01:08:23,891
Fucking skate! Just fucking skate!
1535
01:08:24,517 --> 01:08:25,934
The Berger boys are here!
1536
01:08:26,019 --> 01:08:27,686
Come on, look out! Look out, now!
1537
01:08:27,771 --> 01:08:28,937
What the fuck?
1538
01:08:32,567 --> 01:08:35,194
Hey! Give me my hat back!
1539
01:08:37,197 --> 01:08:38,989
-Do it, do it!
-Give it back!
1540
01:08:41,367 --> 01:08:43,869
Hey, it's a fucking lovely night, ain't it?
1541
01:08:43,953 --> 01:08:45,078
Oh, my God!
1542
01:08:47,332 --> 01:08:49,166
You fucking assholes!
1543
01:08:55,548 --> 01:08:56,715
Go, go!
1544
01:09:00,470 --> 01:09:01,553
What the... Go!
1545
01:09:02,222 --> 01:09:03,347
Go, go, go!
1546
01:09:03,431 --> 01:09:05,057
What the fuck? Get out of here!
1547
01:09:05,809 --> 01:09:06,892
Holy shit!
1548
01:09:09,479 --> 01:09:12,731
You know, they seem like fun guys.
1549
01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:15,818
We're all gonna dive! Let's go!
1550
01:09:16,986 --> 01:09:18,070
What are you doing?
1551
01:09:26,579 --> 01:09:27,871
Oh, my God!
1552
01:09:27,956 --> 01:09:30,082
I didn't... I didn't spill my beer!
1553
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:31,500
I fucking love it.
1554
01:09:32,919 --> 01:09:34,628
-Fuck!
-You fucking hard-ons!
1555
01:09:49,686 --> 01:09:51,311
"You fucking hard-ons."
1556
01:09:58,736 --> 01:09:59,903
Fucking...
1557
01:10:00,613 --> 01:10:03,156
-What are you doing?
-No, no, no, no!
1558
01:10:05,952 --> 01:10:08,954
-You don't fucking do that, you fucking idiot!
-Yeah!
1559
01:10:09,998 --> 01:10:11,832
Look at this, fuck face. Look at this.
1560
01:10:12,625 --> 01:10:14,209
What the fuck?
1561
01:10:14,794 --> 01:10:15,794
Come on.
1562
01:10:15,879 --> 01:10:17,796
-You fucking guy. I say, take it.
-I can't.
1563
01:10:17,881 --> 01:10:18,881
-Just go, go, go, go, go.
-No, wait, wait.
1564
01:10:18,965 --> 01:10:20,215
Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop.
1565
01:10:20,300 --> 01:10:22,593
I changed my mind. I'm scared.
I don't want to do it.
1566
01:10:22,677 --> 01:10:24,052
-Oh, man.
-I can't do it.
1567
01:10:24,470 --> 01:10:25,929
You're rubbing your underwear.
1568
01:10:26,264 --> 01:10:28,056
What is that? Why are you doing that?
1569
01:10:28,266 --> 01:10:30,017
I suppose I'm the reason.
1570
01:10:30,310 --> 01:10:32,686
Yeah. Yeah. Remember in first grade
1571
01:10:32,770 --> 01:10:34,271
when you were supposed
to pick me up after school,
1572
01:10:34,355 --> 01:10:35,814
you left me waiting for five hours?
1573
01:10:35,899 --> 01:10:38,358
I had detention myself, guy.
1574
01:10:38,443 --> 01:10:39,985
What the fuck was I supposed to do?
1575
01:10:40,278 --> 01:10:42,738
-Yeah, well, I shit in my pants.
-All right.
1576
01:10:42,822 --> 01:10:45,407
-Then I had to walk all the way home alone.
-All right.
1577
01:10:45,491 --> 01:10:46,617
With shit in my pants.
1578
01:10:46,743 --> 01:10:49,661
Dude, I promise you,
I'll never forget you again.
1579
01:10:49,787 --> 01:10:51,121
I swear to God.
1580
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:52,289
Throw the fucking things away.
1581
01:10:52,373 --> 01:10:54,374
-Don't fuck with me.
-Throw them away.
1582
01:10:55,376 --> 01:10:58,670
Throw them away. Throw them away.
1583
01:10:58,755 --> 01:11:00,631
Get rid of the fucking underwear,
you don't need that.
1584
01:11:00,715 --> 01:11:02,007
You're better than that, guy.
1585
01:11:02,467 --> 01:11:03,967
Okay, fuck it. Okay, fuck it.
1586
01:11:04,344 --> 01:11:06,094
Squeeze it out and fucking... Yeah.
1587
01:11:09,641 --> 01:11:10,766
You're a good kid.
1588
01:11:10,850 --> 01:11:13,602
Come on, fucking hit this thing
and let's get it rocking.
1589
01:11:14,103 --> 01:11:15,395
-All right. All right?
-Here we go.
1590
01:11:15,480 --> 01:11:17,064
-Come on. Push, push. I got you.
-Okay.
1591
01:11:17,148 --> 01:11:18,774
-I'm not good at it.
-All right.
1592
01:11:18,858 --> 01:11:20,108
It's balance, it's just balance.
1593
01:11:20,193 --> 01:11:21,735
You got this, kid. You're an athlete.
1594
01:11:21,819 --> 01:11:23,737
You got it. No, it's in you, buddy.
1595
01:11:23,821 --> 01:11:24,821
-Straight.
-I don't know how.
1596
01:11:24,906 --> 01:11:26,073
I got you. I ain't gonna let you fall.
1597
01:11:26,157 --> 01:11:27,783
-Don't let me go.
-I won't let you fall.
1598
01:11:27,867 --> 01:11:29,117
-Don't let go.
-All right, I'm still with you.
1599
01:11:29,202 --> 01:11:30,160
-Okay.
-I'm still with you.
1600
01:11:30,244 --> 01:11:32,371
Let's pick up some speed, though.
I'm with you, guy.
1601
01:11:32,455 --> 01:11:33,747
I'm with you. I'm with you.
1602
01:11:33,831 --> 01:11:34,957
-I'm not letting go.
-Don't let me go.
1603
01:11:35,041 --> 01:11:37,167
I'm not letting go. I'm with you, my boy.
1604
01:11:37,251 --> 01:11:38,794
-Wait...
-I'm with you, my boy!
1605
01:11:38,878 --> 01:11:41,296
-Yeah, that's all you!
-I'm doing it!
1606
01:11:41,673 --> 01:11:43,674
-Yeah! Yeah, yeah, baby!
-I'm doing it!
1607
01:11:45,009 --> 01:11:46,551
Oh, my God!
1608
01:11:49,138 --> 01:11:50,263
Are you...
1609
01:11:50,348 --> 01:11:51,348
Kid, are you...
1610
01:11:51,432 --> 01:11:52,766
Are you all right, buddy?
1611
01:11:52,976 --> 01:11:54,142
Sorry.
1612
01:11:54,227 --> 01:11:56,103
-Dude, I'm trying to make love to my wife!
-What the fuck?
1613
01:11:56,187 --> 01:11:57,938
-No!
-Fucking naked people.
1614
01:11:58,022 --> 01:11:59,606
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
1615
01:11:59,691 --> 01:12:00,983
Oh, my God, they're chasing me!
1616
01:12:01,067 --> 01:12:02,359
What the fuck? Get off him!
1617
01:12:02,610 --> 01:12:03,610
Go!
1618
01:12:03,695 --> 01:12:04,903
-Oh, my God! Look out!
-Go!
1619
01:12:06,698 --> 01:12:08,073
Keep going, guy!
1620
01:12:08,157 --> 01:12:09,616
Donny!
1621
01:12:11,577 --> 01:12:12,786
-Yeah!
-You're the best.
1622
01:12:12,870 --> 01:12:14,079
-You are, Jay.
-Good luck!
1623
01:12:14,163 --> 01:12:15,580
I like your fucking hairdo!
1624
01:12:15,665 --> 01:12:18,125
Good luck with the taxi business!
1625
01:12:18,209 --> 01:12:20,210
-Love that guy.
-Classic. Classic.
1626
01:12:20,461 --> 01:12:21,753
Classic.
1627
01:12:21,838 --> 01:12:23,213
It's a classic night.
1628
01:12:23,297 --> 01:12:25,924
No way! Party's not over!
1629
01:12:26,342 --> 01:12:27,718
Come on!
1630
01:12:30,513 --> 01:12:31,972
Dude, Uncle Vanny's fucked up.
1631
01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:35,600
I love you, son.
1632
01:12:40,189 --> 01:12:41,231
I do.
1633
01:12:41,315 --> 01:12:42,607
I've always loved you, all right?
1634
01:12:44,444 --> 01:12:46,111
Sorry to spring that on you like that.
1635
01:12:46,529 --> 01:12:47,529
It's all right.
1636
01:12:47,613 --> 01:12:49,656
It's cool, Donny. That's nice, thank you.
1637
01:12:49,741 --> 01:12:51,116
Hansie, Hansie.
1638
01:12:52,243 --> 01:12:55,871
Why don't you not call me
"Donny" when no one's around.
1639
01:12:55,955 --> 01:12:57,497
You can call me "Dad."
1640
01:12:58,791 --> 01:13:00,125
Yeah, I know, I know.
1641
01:13:00,209 --> 01:13:01,418
It's...
1642
01:13:02,795 --> 01:13:04,880
I don't know if I'm ready for that, Donny.
1643
01:13:04,964 --> 01:13:06,298
-You know?
-Yeah, yeah.
1644
01:13:08,092 --> 01:13:09,134
No prob.
1645
01:13:22,732 --> 01:13:23,899
Sorry.
1646
01:13:24,317 --> 01:13:26,985
Sorry if you fucking don't like me.
1647
01:13:31,491 --> 01:13:34,451
I probably would've fucked my teacher, too.
1648
01:13:37,580 --> 01:13:38,955
Yeah.
1649
01:13:39,415 --> 01:13:40,749
But...
1650
01:13:51,594 --> 01:13:54,513
So, what time are we gonna
go to the prison tomorrow?
1651
01:13:56,057 --> 01:13:58,141
Wait, you'll go to the prison?
1652
01:13:58,684 --> 01:14:00,352
Yeah, I'll go.
1653
01:14:01,896 --> 01:14:03,647
No. No, no, no, no, no.
1654
01:14:03,731 --> 01:14:06,233
That's... They canceled that.
1655
01:14:06,317 --> 01:14:12,322
I talked to the warden, and he says
that your mother was just pulling our leg.
1656
01:14:12,406 --> 01:14:14,199
She's only got the chicken pox.
1657
01:14:14,867 --> 01:14:16,952
-What?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.
1658
01:14:17,036 --> 01:14:18,954
She said she was dying because
1659
01:14:19,038 --> 01:14:21,790
they give you better food
if you're wicked sick like that,
1660
01:14:21,874 --> 01:14:26,211
like Beefaroni or microwave pizza
or some shit, so...
1661
01:14:27,713 --> 01:14:29,297
That just made me hungry.
1662
01:14:29,924 --> 01:14:31,508
Well, check your pockets.
1663
01:14:38,057 --> 01:14:39,432
A treasure!
1664
01:14:39,934 --> 01:14:40,976
Come on, eat it.
1665
01:14:41,060 --> 01:14:42,602
-No, it's nasty.
-Come on, I'm telling you.
1666
01:14:42,687 --> 01:14:44,646
Fucking Todd Bridges
worked hard on that thing.
1667
01:14:44,730 --> 01:14:46,481
Yeah. You like that.
1668
01:14:46,566 --> 01:14:47,607
Pretty good.
1669
01:14:48,985 --> 01:14:51,486
Look at me, I'm a fountain!
1670
01:14:51,571 --> 01:14:52,946
Throw a penny in here!
1671
01:14:53,030 --> 01:14:55,031
Make a wish, motherfucker!
1672
01:15:12,216 --> 01:15:13,592
What the...
1673
01:15:13,718 --> 01:15:16,261
Grandma D, what's going on?
What are you doing here?
1674
01:15:16,512 --> 01:15:18,597
Well, you've had the fantasy,
1675
01:15:19,432 --> 01:15:22,601
so now it's time that you try the real thing.
1676
01:15:26,856 --> 01:15:29,107
No, no, no, I can't do that.
1677
01:15:29,192 --> 01:15:30,525
I'm sorry.
1678
01:15:30,610 --> 01:15:32,194
I appreciate the offer.
1679
01:15:33,362 --> 01:15:34,821
No, no, no, don't.
1680
01:15:34,906 --> 01:15:37,365
I can't. Don't you... I shouldn't.
1681
01:15:39,285 --> 01:15:41,578
Oh, God.
1682
01:15:42,371 --> 01:15:44,706
You got the old-timey bathing suit on.
1683
01:15:47,585 --> 01:15:48,877
Okay, I'm in.
1684
01:15:49,962 --> 01:15:53,715
I'm going to ride you like a Model T.
1685
01:16:00,890 --> 01:16:02,349
Yeah.
1686
01:16:11,692 --> 01:16:13,235
Jamie.
1687
01:16:14,195 --> 01:16:16,154
You're wearing your dress again.
1688
01:16:17,365 --> 01:16:19,282
You look beautiful.
1689
01:16:20,284 --> 01:16:21,952
I want you so bad.
1690
01:16:22,703 --> 01:16:24,204
Be nice to me.
1691
01:16:24,664 --> 01:16:26,498
Make me feel good.
1692
01:16:31,337 --> 01:16:33,171
All right, all right.
1693
01:16:33,506 --> 01:16:36,758
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
1694
01:16:49,397 --> 01:16:51,356
Oh, my God!
1695
01:16:51,732 --> 01:16:52,899
Help me!
1696
01:16:54,110 --> 01:16:55,110
What happened?
1697
01:16:55,194 --> 01:16:56,236
Are you okay?
1698
01:16:56,654 --> 01:16:58,280
Do I sound okay?
1699
01:16:58,572 --> 01:17:01,074
You puked all over my wedding dress!
1700
01:17:01,826 --> 01:17:03,535
Prepare to get fucked up, motherfuckers!
1701
01:17:05,329 --> 01:17:07,539
Sorry, I heard you scream.
1702
01:17:07,623 --> 01:17:09,457
I thought Jamie was getting murdered,
1703
01:17:09,542 --> 01:17:11,418
so I was gonna fucking
smack someone around.
1704
01:17:11,877 --> 01:17:13,461
-What happened?
-I don't know!
1705
01:17:13,838 --> 01:17:16,298
I just found my wedding dress
covered in barf!
1706
01:17:16,382 --> 01:17:19,676
And something else, something sticky.
1707
01:17:38,154 --> 01:17:39,237
It's jizz.
1708
01:17:41,115 --> 01:17:43,950
You puked on my dress and then fucked it!
1709
01:17:45,911 --> 01:17:47,829
You're a madman.
1710
01:17:47,913 --> 01:17:49,664
No, no, no, no. No.
1711
01:17:49,957 --> 01:17:51,583
-Sweetheart, it wasn't my boy.
-You shut up.
1712
01:17:51,667 --> 01:17:52,709
Donny, just shut up!
1713
01:17:52,793 --> 01:17:54,127
Who wants a piece of this, huh?
1714
01:17:54,211 --> 01:17:55,920
-Who wants a piece?
-Whoa, no, no, no!
1715
01:17:56,088 --> 01:17:57,172
It's okay, buddy.
1716
01:17:57,256 --> 01:17:58,923
Todd just fucked the dress.
1717
01:17:59,342 --> 01:18:00,467
It's under control.
1718
01:18:01,594 --> 01:18:03,345
What is Vanilla Ice doing in our room?
1719
01:18:04,430 --> 01:18:07,766
He's my other best friend.
1720
01:18:08,100 --> 01:18:09,601
Yeah. And a wicked good rapper.
1721
01:18:09,685 --> 01:18:11,394
Give it up for him. Come on, now.
1722
01:18:11,771 --> 01:18:13,813
-Let's give it up.
-My boy.
1723
01:18:14,065 --> 01:18:15,065
I don't know what's going on here,
1724
01:18:15,149 --> 01:18:16,608
but I don't have time to deal with this, so...
1725
01:18:17,568 --> 01:18:19,235
Okay, this is what's gonna happen.
1726
01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:21,321
I'm gonna go take a shower.
I'm gonna go to Pilates.
1727
01:18:21,405 --> 01:18:23,323
You're gonna take that dress
to the dry cleaners!
1728
01:18:23,407 --> 01:18:25,116
And then we're gonna have
rehearsal dinner tonight,
1729
01:18:25,201 --> 01:18:27,118
and you're gonna be
the normal Todd from three days ago, right?
1730
01:18:27,411 --> 01:18:30,789
And you can start by taking out
that stupid Duran Duran earring!
1731
01:18:31,123 --> 01:18:32,457
I was thinking it's more Foreigner.
1732
01:18:32,541 --> 01:18:34,876
No? No, no,
Duran Duran's a good call, though.
1733
01:18:39,131 --> 01:18:41,341
Guess I'm gonna go
finish up with Grandma Delores.
1734
01:18:41,425 --> 01:18:42,467
-Yeah.
-Is that all right?
1735
01:18:42,551 --> 01:18:43,593
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Have fun, buddy. Have fun.
1736
01:18:43,677 --> 01:18:44,803
Not too much, though. Don't hurt her.
1737
01:18:44,887 --> 01:18:46,262
No, no. I get it right and keep it tight.
1738
01:18:46,347 --> 01:18:47,764
Okay.
1739
01:18:48,808 --> 01:18:50,809
Look, I need a couple hours to fix this.
1740
01:18:50,893 --> 01:18:54,396
Hey, we've all been in that situation,
and you'll be fine, kid.
1741
01:18:54,688 --> 01:18:57,107
I'll whip up some pancakes
for everyone else, all right?
1742
01:18:57,191 --> 01:18:58,525
-All right.
-I love it.
1743
01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:02,570
You jizzed on a mannequin.
1744
01:19:02,655 --> 01:19:03,863
Respect it.
1745
01:19:05,658 --> 01:19:07,826
But you were only 1 3.
1746
01:19:08,327 --> 01:19:09,911
She took advantage of you.
1747
01:19:09,995 --> 01:19:12,580
No, all right.
That's what the law says, Su-Jin,
1748
01:19:12,832 --> 01:19:15,417
but I don't know...
We were kind of like soul mates.
1749
01:19:15,501 --> 01:19:17,127
You know, there was...
There was a connection there.
1750
01:19:17,211 --> 01:19:18,711
I never had it with anyone else.
1751
01:19:19,255 --> 01:19:20,964
I'm getting a call. I'm sorry, guys.
1752
01:19:21,048 --> 01:19:23,049
Do not touch these plates. I'm cleaning them.
1753
01:19:23,134 --> 01:19:24,134
Okay, Su-Jin?
1754
01:19:25,177 --> 01:19:26,261
Go for Donny B.
1755
01:19:26,637 --> 01:19:28,012
Wassup!
1756
01:19:28,472 --> 01:19:31,141
Hey, big man. What's going on?
1757
01:19:31,225 --> 01:19:32,225
How'd it go with the lady?
1758
01:19:32,309 --> 01:19:33,810
You patch things up?
1759
01:19:34,186 --> 01:19:35,687
Yeah, pretty much. It was amazing.
1760
01:19:35,771 --> 01:19:39,607
The dry cleaner said they've
definitely seen that combo of fluid before.
1761
01:19:39,692 --> 01:19:42,735
You see? Yeah, those things
go together like gin and tonic.
1762
01:19:43,404 --> 01:19:45,113
Hey, listen, while l got you,
1763
01:19:45,197 --> 01:19:47,490
I left you a little
best man gift on your dresser.
1764
01:19:47,575 --> 01:19:48,825
I think you'll get a kick out of it.
1765
01:19:49,118 --> 01:19:51,453
You did not. Oh, my God.
1766
01:19:51,537 --> 01:19:54,581
My whole body, like,
got a shocked feeling over that.
1767
01:19:54,665 --> 01:19:56,124
Buddy, no one gets me a gift.
1768
01:19:56,333 --> 01:19:58,293
-Where are you, anyways?
-I'm in the car.
1769
01:19:58,377 --> 01:20:00,295
I decided to go see Mom after all.
1770
01:20:01,380 --> 01:20:02,422
You did what?
1771
01:20:03,966 --> 01:20:05,341
Oh, my God. Dukes ofHazzard!
1772
01:20:24,069 --> 01:20:25,320
Hansie.
1773
01:20:25,404 --> 01:20:27,071
Donny, what are you doing here?
1774
01:20:27,156 --> 01:20:28,740
We got to get out of here now.
1775
01:20:29,033 --> 01:20:30,325
What? What are you talking about?
1776
01:20:30,409 --> 01:20:31,826
It's your wedding weekend, dude.
1777
01:20:31,911 --> 01:20:32,869
You come here after the wedding.
1778
01:20:32,953 --> 01:20:34,162
You show your mother your new ring.
1779
01:20:34,246 --> 01:20:35,622
That would make her happy.
1780
01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:37,749
Wait, are you nervous to see her?
1781
01:20:37,958 --> 01:20:41,628
Hansie, can we just blow this place off
and have a beer, please? I'm begging you.
1782
01:20:41,712 --> 01:20:42,795
Look. Is that her?
1783
01:21:12,117 --> 01:21:13,785
Oh, my God.
1784
01:21:14,370 --> 01:21:15,870
There you are.
1785
01:21:16,747 --> 01:21:19,541
My little Hansie, you're all grown up.
1786
01:21:20,209 --> 01:21:21,292
Hi, Mom.
1787
01:21:21,669 --> 01:21:23,419
I didn't know if I'd ever see you again.
1788
01:21:23,837 --> 01:21:25,463
I know. I'm sorry I stopped visiting.
1789
01:21:25,548 --> 01:21:26,548
It just got too hard.
1790
01:21:26,632 --> 01:21:28,800
No, I totally understand.
1791
01:21:29,969 --> 01:21:31,302
Wow.
1792
01:21:31,470 --> 01:21:32,679
You still have my eyes.
1793
01:21:34,014 --> 01:21:38,142
Is that the earring
that I gave you after the Loverboy concert?
1794
01:21:41,355 --> 01:21:43,398
Yes, it is, Miss McGarricle.
1795
01:21:43,649 --> 01:21:46,401
You know, I think about you every day.
1796
01:21:46,485 --> 01:21:49,487
Fuck, I love you so much, Miss McGarricle.
I never stopped.
1797
01:21:50,197 --> 01:21:51,823
I love you, too.
1798
01:21:53,450 --> 01:21:54,576
Do you remember...
1799
01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:56,160
Oh, God, here we go.
1800
01:21:56,662 --> 01:22:00,707
...all the nasty things
that I taught you, Donny?
1801
01:22:02,376 --> 01:22:04,836
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course I do, Miss McGarricle.
1802
01:22:05,170 --> 01:22:07,797
Are you still my dirty boy?
1803
01:22:08,716 --> 01:22:12,677
Yeah, I'm the dirtiest boy
you'll ever know, Miss McGarricle.
1804
01:22:13,470 --> 01:22:14,637
Donny.
1805
01:22:16,515 --> 01:22:17,807
Oh, fuck, yeah.
1806
01:22:24,356 --> 01:22:26,858
I'm hard right now. I'm hard.
1807
01:22:27,359 --> 01:22:29,611
Okay. Yeah, I'm hating that, so...
1808
01:22:30,487 --> 01:22:33,114
But it is really good to see you, Mom. I...
1809
01:22:33,198 --> 01:22:34,365
It's good to see you, too, baby.
1810
01:22:35,200 --> 01:22:37,994
Can you describe
what you're feeling right now, Han?
1811
01:22:38,370 --> 01:22:39,996
TV's Randall Morgan?
1812
01:22:40,706 --> 01:22:42,165
What are you doing here?
1813
01:22:42,249 --> 01:22:45,293
Must be quite emotional
for you to be face-to-face
1814
01:22:45,377 --> 01:22:47,795
with the woman
who molested your father, isn't it?
1815
01:22:48,088 --> 01:22:50,381
-What is going on right now?
-Who is this dude?
1816
01:22:50,466 --> 01:22:52,342
Listen, before you get mad at me...
1817
01:22:52,426 --> 01:22:54,093
This is why you came to see me?
1818
01:22:54,428 --> 01:22:56,304
For some reality TV ambush?
1819
01:22:56,388 --> 01:22:58,181
-No.
-How much they paying you, Donny?
1820
01:22:58,265 --> 01:22:59,849
Nothing, I swear to God. I'm not getting...
1821
01:22:59,933 --> 01:23:03,394
Fifty thousand dollars
to deliver you to this prison.
1822
01:23:03,729 --> 01:23:06,230
All right, it was 50 grand, but I'm not...
I'm not...
1823
01:23:06,315 --> 01:23:07,857
I'm not going to do it. I swear to God.
1824
01:23:07,941 --> 01:23:09,400
I'm not... I would never take his money.
1825
01:23:09,485 --> 01:23:10,693
Donny Berger, what have you done?
1826
01:23:10,986 --> 01:23:12,403
Hansie, dude, it's me.
1827
01:23:12,738 --> 01:23:13,988
It's the guy from last night.
1828
01:23:14,073 --> 01:23:15,406
We had fun. Don't fuck it.
1829
01:23:15,491 --> 01:23:16,574
I'm telling you, this is...
1830
01:23:16,659 --> 01:23:17,742
This is something that can be fixed.
1831
01:23:18,077 --> 01:23:19,369
-You're unreal.
-Hansie.
1832
01:23:20,412 --> 01:23:21,412
What...
1833
01:23:21,497 --> 01:23:23,998
You go after him, Donny,
and you take care of our son.
1834
01:23:24,333 --> 01:23:27,168
-Hansie.
-Come on, he is pissed. Fuck!
1835
01:23:27,503 --> 01:23:29,629
-Take care of our baby, Donny!
-Hansie!
1836
01:23:30,005 --> 01:23:31,839
Hansie, please, let me explain to you...
1837
01:23:31,924 --> 01:23:33,800
I can't believe I let you
back into my life again.
1838
01:23:33,926 --> 01:23:36,177
Guy, guy, just come on. Listen to me.
1839
01:23:36,553 --> 01:23:38,346
I owe the IRS a lot of money.
1840
01:23:38,430 --> 01:23:40,682
-Of course you do.
-I know, I know. I'm a fuck-up.
1841
01:23:40,766 --> 01:23:43,935
But if I don't give them 43 G's by Tuesday,
I'm going to prison.
1842
01:23:44,269 --> 01:23:46,020
Wait, so you're telling me,
1843
01:23:46,105 --> 01:23:48,398
if I give you 43 grand,
you don't have to go to jail?
1844
01:23:49,650 --> 01:23:51,609
I will pay you back, I swear to God.
1845
01:23:51,694 --> 01:23:53,111
Would you loan me the money?
1846
01:23:53,278 --> 01:23:54,862
No! Fuck you!
1847
01:23:54,947 --> 01:23:56,989
-Get your shit out of my boss's house!
-Okay!
1848
01:23:58,033 --> 01:23:59,325
No! Don't do that.
1849
01:23:59,410 --> 01:24:01,369
That's my boy there.
1850
01:24:03,414 --> 01:24:04,580
No.
1851
01:24:04,665 --> 01:24:06,374
I think he just shit his pants.
1852
01:24:06,458 --> 01:24:08,126
Tell me you got that on camera.
1853
01:24:08,419 --> 01:24:10,378
You made me throw out my extra underwear!
1854
01:24:10,462 --> 01:24:13,631
I'm sorry. I didn't know
you were going to shit yourself again.
1855
01:24:13,882 --> 01:24:16,676
That was awesome.
1856
01:24:17,010 --> 01:24:19,262
Donny, couldn't have gone any better.
Loved it.
1857
01:24:19,346 --> 01:24:21,097
You know what I need from you, Todd,
is I need you
1858
01:24:21,181 --> 01:24:23,474
-to sign the release form right...
-Fuck you!
1859
01:24:24,309 --> 01:24:25,393
Get away from me!
1860
01:24:25,477 --> 01:24:26,978
Get those cameras off me!
1861
01:24:28,772 --> 01:24:31,482
I hate you, Dad.
1862
01:24:35,404 --> 01:24:36,779
Hansie!
1863
01:24:37,531 --> 01:24:40,658
I can't pay you a dime
unless I got a release form.
1864
01:24:41,452 --> 01:24:42,869
Fuck.
1865
01:24:42,953 --> 01:24:44,495
Did I get any shit on me?
1866
01:25:13,358 --> 01:25:16,027
Let me off here. Let me off.
Let me get off. I'll fucking run up.
1867
01:25:16,361 --> 01:25:17,570
Keep it running.
1868
01:25:17,654 --> 01:25:19,030
I got to pick my shit up.
1869
01:25:39,718 --> 01:25:41,219
You're so adorable.
1870
01:25:42,179 --> 01:25:44,430
No, I know, but I told you
not to call me on this line.
1871
01:25:44,515 --> 01:25:46,015
What if Todd picks up?
1872
01:25:48,018 --> 01:25:50,645
No, no, no, I want to.
1873
01:25:52,523 --> 01:25:53,689
No, Steve.
1874
01:25:53,774 --> 01:25:55,399
Todd doesn't know anything.
1875
01:25:55,567 --> 01:25:58,069
I don't care if he finds out after the wedding.
1876
01:25:58,195 --> 01:25:59,570
There's nothing he can do
about it then anyway.
1877
01:26:00,739 --> 01:26:02,156
You're so sweet.
1878
01:26:02,241 --> 01:26:03,866
Steve, huh?
1879
01:26:04,993 --> 01:26:08,454
Well, Steve Spirou, I'm going to fuck you up.
1880
01:26:09,206 --> 01:26:12,250
I'm going to fuck you up!
1881
01:26:14,962 --> 01:26:17,004
Well, I got some great news.
1882
01:26:17,256 --> 01:26:19,590
I've made my decision
on who my new partner is.
1883
01:26:21,927 --> 01:26:23,219
Phil!
1884
01:26:23,303 --> 01:26:25,221
Phil, I knew you could do it.
1885
01:26:25,305 --> 01:26:26,764
Look at Phil's face.
1886
01:26:26,849 --> 01:26:29,267
I'm just busting your balls, Phil.
1887
01:26:29,351 --> 01:26:31,018
No, I'd never pick you.
1888
01:26:31,103 --> 01:26:32,311
Oh, no.
1889
01:26:32,437 --> 01:26:34,939
It's you, Todd. Partners.
1890
01:26:36,233 --> 01:26:37,358
Partner.
1891
01:26:37,442 --> 01:26:38,401
Oh, my gosh.
1892
01:26:38,485 --> 01:26:40,778
It's going to be a lot more hours
and a lot more responsibility.
1893
01:26:40,863 --> 01:26:42,029
You know that, right?
1894
01:26:42,114 --> 01:26:44,448
And a lot more money!
1895
01:26:48,287 --> 01:26:49,996
-Somebody's going shopping!
-Yeah!
1896
01:26:51,999 --> 01:26:53,291
I thought he left.
1897
01:26:53,375 --> 01:26:55,042
Yeah, that's what you wish, Steve.
1898
01:26:55,127 --> 01:26:57,169
I need to talk to you, homeboy. Yeah.
1899
01:26:57,254 --> 01:26:58,296
Hey, Jamie.
1900
01:26:58,964 --> 01:27:00,006
Listen. Listen.
1901
01:27:00,090 --> 01:27:02,925
Dude, this is not about you and me, all right?
1902
01:27:03,468 --> 01:27:04,969
You're not marrying the right girl.
1903
01:27:05,053 --> 01:27:06,137
She is cheating on you.
1904
01:27:06,722 --> 01:27:08,055
You are unbelievable.
1905
01:27:08,140 --> 01:27:09,223
Can't you just let it go?
1906
01:27:09,308 --> 01:27:10,558
This is my last chance to be normal.
1907
01:27:10,642 --> 01:27:11,934
Are you determined to ruin my life?
1908
01:27:12,644 --> 01:27:14,395
-Honey, what's going on?
-Nothing.
1909
01:27:14,479 --> 01:27:16,814
Don't "honey" him,
you little snake in the grass.
1910
01:27:17,190 --> 01:27:18,691
I heard your phone call.
1911
01:27:18,775 --> 01:27:21,694
"Steve, why'd you call on this line?
1912
01:27:21,778 --> 01:27:23,154
"Todd could have picked up."
1913
01:27:23,405 --> 01:27:24,447
That's right, sonny boy.
1914
01:27:24,531 --> 01:27:26,407
Your wife-to-be's fucking your boss.
1915
01:27:26,700 --> 01:27:27,783
Right there.
1916
01:27:28,160 --> 01:27:29,243
Fuck you, buddy.
1917
01:27:29,494 --> 01:27:31,370
You are an idiot!
1918
01:27:31,455 --> 01:27:32,580
Is that right, sweetheart?
1919
01:27:32,664 --> 01:27:34,081
-Yes, it is.
-Yeah, yeah. Why?
1920
01:27:34,166 --> 01:27:36,500
I was on the phone with Steve.
1921
01:27:36,793 --> 01:27:40,838
Steve Goldstein,
the Boston HeraId wedding reporter.
1922
01:27:41,173 --> 01:27:44,091
Yeah, he's doing a piece on
the most beautiful places to get married,
1923
01:27:44,176 --> 01:27:46,677
and I didn't want Todd to know
because he doesn't like being in the paper.
1924
01:27:46,803 --> 01:27:49,889
So, I am sorry
that I wanted everyone in the world
1925
01:27:49,973 --> 01:27:51,933
to know I married the perfect guy.
1926
01:27:52,017 --> 01:27:56,187
Honey, do you think you can forgive me
for keeping such a big secret from you?
1927
01:27:58,774 --> 01:28:02,193
Okay, due to this newfound evidence,
1928
01:28:03,195 --> 01:28:06,155
the conclusion might be that I'm an asshole.
1929
01:28:07,199 --> 01:28:08,282
Bye.
1930
01:28:10,369 --> 01:28:11,953
Fine.
1931
01:28:12,037 --> 01:28:13,162
Have a good wedding.
1932
01:28:15,332 --> 01:28:16,874
I'll leave with pride.
1933
01:28:17,417 --> 01:28:18,751
I'm a good person.
1934
01:28:20,963 --> 01:28:23,130
Bye! I'll see you tomorrow!
1935
01:28:28,011 --> 01:28:29,553
Wow, what a stressful day, huh?
1936
01:28:29,972 --> 01:28:31,555
-Can't wait to get back to the beach house.
-Thank you.
1937
01:28:31,640 --> 01:28:33,599
-Bye.
-Just the two of us, you know?
1938
01:28:33,934 --> 01:28:36,268
No, honey.
I'm staying in the city tonight, remember?
1939
01:28:36,520 --> 01:28:38,145
-What? No.
-Yeah, the bride and groom,
1940
01:28:38,230 --> 01:28:40,481
they're supposed to sleep separate
night before the wedding.
1941
01:28:40,565 --> 01:28:41,816
So see you tomorrow, big guy.
1942
01:28:41,900 --> 01:28:43,734
I'm going to drop Jamie
at the Fairmont Copley.
1943
01:28:43,902 --> 01:28:45,903
Mom and Dad,
you guys got the hedgehog. Okay!
1944
01:28:46,238 --> 01:28:47,279
-Love you.
-Watch the door.
1945
01:28:47,364 --> 01:28:49,115
-Love you. Okay.
-Sleep well.
1946
01:28:49,491 --> 01:28:51,242
Wait, but don't they not have a car?
1947
01:28:57,082 --> 01:28:59,166
All right, Donny, go.
There's your chance. Go.
1948
01:28:59,251 --> 01:29:01,168
I ain't got no more chances, buddy.
1949
01:29:01,253 --> 01:29:02,920
The kid hates my guts.
1950
01:29:03,213 --> 01:29:04,797
Right? 'Cause you guys don't have a car.
1951
01:29:04,881 --> 01:29:06,424
I'm not talking about him, Donny.
1952
01:29:07,092 --> 01:29:08,718
-Wake up, man.
-What?
1953
01:29:09,094 --> 01:29:11,220
Jamie's the gatekeeper for your son.
1954
01:29:11,513 --> 01:29:14,932
-Yeah?
-Win her over, then she'll convince Han
1955
01:29:15,267 --> 01:29:17,268
to give you another chance. Boom!
1956
01:29:18,103 --> 01:29:21,689
How am I ever going to get her trust?
She freaking hates me.
1957
01:29:22,190 --> 01:29:24,608
Donny, you want to know
what all women love?
1958
01:29:25,610 --> 01:29:27,028
Ice cream.
1959
01:29:36,121 --> 01:29:37,997
Hi. I'm Todd Peterson.
1960
01:29:38,540 --> 01:29:40,374
No, you're not. You're Donny Berger.
1961
01:29:40,459 --> 01:29:42,376
You fucked your teacher
in the seventh grade.
1962
01:29:45,672 --> 01:29:47,381
Hi. I'm Todd Peterson.
1963
01:29:47,466 --> 01:29:49,175
Hi, Mr. Peterson. What can I do for you?
1964
01:29:49,593 --> 01:29:51,552
What room was my fiancée in again?
1965
01:29:51,678 --> 01:29:53,971
Let me check. 641 .
1966
01:29:54,306 --> 01:29:55,514
You're a fucking stud.
1967
01:29:57,350 --> 01:29:59,268
Hey, when the legendary
Donny Berger comes in here
1968
01:29:59,352 --> 01:30:01,395
using a fake name, you go with it!
1969
01:30:01,480 --> 01:30:03,022
All right, I will.
1970
01:30:08,236 --> 01:30:10,821
641 . 641 .
1971
01:30:10,906 --> 01:30:12,990
All right, come on, sweetheart.
1972
01:30:13,075 --> 01:30:14,950
Oh, yeah!
1973
01:30:17,245 --> 01:30:18,329
What, did Todd come out here?
1974
01:30:18,413 --> 01:30:20,206
You're half the size of Todd,
1975
01:30:20,290 --> 01:30:22,958
but you use it so much better!
1976
01:30:23,043 --> 01:30:25,169
I guess not.
1977
01:30:25,253 --> 01:30:26,295
Oh, my God!
1978
01:30:26,379 --> 01:30:27,838
Oh, my God.
1979
01:30:27,923 --> 01:30:29,256
Oh, my God!
1980
01:30:29,341 --> 01:30:31,050
Oh, my God.
1981
01:30:32,135 --> 01:30:33,719
Fucking shit!
1982
01:30:33,804 --> 01:30:35,096
Fucking shit.
1983
01:30:35,180 --> 01:30:36,222
Fucking shit!
1984
01:30:36,306 --> 01:30:37,348
Fucking shit.
1985
01:30:39,226 --> 01:30:40,601
Yeah. Okay.
1986
01:30:41,061 --> 01:30:42,895
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
1987
01:31:05,377 --> 01:31:06,836
Okay.
1988
01:31:09,422 --> 01:31:11,215
Yeah!
1989
01:31:11,758 --> 01:31:13,843
You do not deserve these treats.
1990
01:31:16,346 --> 01:31:17,429
Are you finished, sweetheart?
1991
01:31:18,265 --> 01:31:19,390
Oh, my God.
1992
01:31:21,309 --> 01:31:22,935
Your fiancé's at home, you know.
1993
01:31:23,395 --> 01:31:24,979
This really gets me upset.
1994
01:31:25,063 --> 01:31:26,480
You know why?
1995
01:31:26,565 --> 01:31:28,190
'Cause he's too good for you.
1996
01:31:28,733 --> 01:31:30,401
He is.
1997
01:31:30,485 --> 01:31:33,404
And you're sitting here gallivanting with...
1998
01:31:33,488 --> 01:31:35,573
I think I know who.
1999
01:31:35,657 --> 01:31:39,160
Don't I, Mr. Steve Goldstein?
2000
01:31:44,457 --> 01:31:46,750
Wait. Are you...
2001
01:31:47,627 --> 01:31:48,961
What am I seeing?
2002
01:31:49,254 --> 01:31:50,963
No... It...
2003
01:31:52,299 --> 01:31:53,382
With each other?
2004
01:31:54,759 --> 01:31:56,552
Am I... This is...
2005
01:31:59,681 --> 01:32:02,474
Is he your stepbrother at least
2006
01:32:02,559 --> 01:32:04,768
or adopted or something?
2007
01:32:06,104 --> 01:32:07,271
No reply.
2008
01:32:07,355 --> 01:32:08,355
So it's real.
2009
01:32:08,440 --> 01:32:09,648
Oh, my God.
2010
01:32:09,733 --> 01:32:11,150
Donny, Donny, you don't...
2011
01:32:11,234 --> 01:32:12,610
You don't understand what's going on here.
2012
01:32:12,694 --> 01:32:16,071
I don't think Charlie Sheen
would understand what's going on here.
2013
01:32:16,406 --> 01:32:20,159
Look, I love Todd,
and we're going to get married,
2014
01:32:20,243 --> 01:32:22,036
and we're going to have a great life together.
2015
01:32:22,120 --> 01:32:25,789
And yes, I've had sex with Chad
from time to time.
2016
01:32:27,209 --> 01:32:28,459
It's what good-looking people do.
2017
01:32:28,543 --> 01:32:30,628
They have sex with
other good-looking people.
2018
01:32:30,962 --> 01:32:32,546
You know? Just so happens that
2019
01:32:32,631 --> 01:32:36,217
this one particular good-looking person
is my little brother.
2020
01:32:36,301 --> 01:32:37,885
Okay.
2021
01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:39,887
It's all making sense to me now.
2022
01:32:42,557 --> 01:32:45,768
I know that sounded bad, but, Donny,
this was going to be the last time.
2023
01:32:45,852 --> 01:32:48,103
I would never carry on
with a married woman.
2024
01:32:48,355 --> 01:32:50,856
I've got better morals than that, Donny.
2025
01:32:52,317 --> 01:32:55,319
Chad, adultery is bad,
2026
01:32:57,239 --> 01:33:00,991
but incest is fucked up!
2027
01:33:02,994 --> 01:33:06,080
Please don't let him tell Mommy
about our secret tickle time.
2028
01:33:06,289 --> 01:33:08,082
"Secret tickle time"?
2029
01:33:08,166 --> 01:33:10,251
You got a name for it?
2030
01:33:11,878 --> 01:33:15,714
And with a United States
military man, no less.
2031
01:33:16,049 --> 01:33:18,592
You are a disgrace to that uniform!
2032
01:33:18,677 --> 01:33:20,094
No, he's not a Marine.
2033
01:33:20,178 --> 01:33:21,428
He buys those uniforms on eBay
2034
01:33:21,513 --> 01:33:24,056
so Dad doesn't find out
he's a modern jazz dancer.
2035
01:33:24,391 --> 01:33:25,516
What?
2036
01:33:25,600 --> 01:33:28,143
That's possibly worse than the incest thing.
2037
01:33:28,645 --> 01:33:31,063
This is an abomination. I'm telling Todd.
2038
01:33:31,147 --> 01:33:33,440
-No, he won't believe you.
-Yeah, he will.
2039
01:33:33,692 --> 01:33:36,694
No, he bought that Steve Goldstein story.
2040
01:33:37,028 --> 01:33:39,905
Come on, you think he got
that partnership on his own?
2041
01:33:39,990 --> 01:33:41,323
With that "beep boop beep" shit?
2042
01:33:41,408 --> 01:33:42,449
No, I gave him a boost.
2043
01:33:43,201 --> 01:33:45,369
How many people have you fucked?
2044
01:33:45,954 --> 01:33:48,038
Well, maybe he'll believe this.
2045
01:33:51,418 --> 01:33:53,294
Nice. Save.
2046
01:33:55,255 --> 01:33:56,797
You two have fun together.
2047
01:33:57,424 --> 01:33:58,590
Sickies.
2048
01:33:58,675 --> 01:34:00,134
All right, how much?
2049
01:34:00,677 --> 01:34:01,844
I'm going to be a very rich woman.
2050
01:34:01,928 --> 01:34:03,470
I can write you a big fat check.
2051
01:34:03,847 --> 01:34:05,723
What's it going to take for this to go away?
2052
01:34:06,182 --> 01:34:09,601
Todd has to pop a Xanax
when he loses a contact lens.
2053
01:34:10,562 --> 01:34:12,980
What do you think he's going to do
when he finds out about this?
2054
01:34:13,648 --> 01:34:15,441
Todd's happy.
2055
01:34:15,525 --> 01:34:17,359
You really want to take that away?
2056
01:34:37,672 --> 01:34:38,922
Hey, buddy.
2057
01:34:40,175 --> 01:34:42,593
I got something to tell you, and...
2058
01:34:43,762 --> 01:34:46,013
I'm not expecting you to believe this, but...
2059
01:34:48,183 --> 01:34:49,725
I got the money.
2060
01:34:49,809 --> 01:34:51,060
That's great, Donny.
2061
01:34:51,436 --> 01:34:53,020
Your son came through for you, didn't he?
2062
01:34:53,229 --> 01:34:57,107
Yeah. His fiancée gave me $50,000
2063
01:34:57,192 --> 01:35:00,569
to keep quiet about her
having sex with her brother.
2064
01:35:00,653 --> 01:35:02,279
Yeah, I've been there.
2065
01:35:02,447 --> 01:35:03,655
We've all been there.
2066
01:35:04,699 --> 01:35:06,658
She said it was her last time, so...
2067
01:35:07,827 --> 01:35:09,078
Maybe things will work out.
2068
01:35:09,829 --> 01:35:11,955
Then how come I feel like shit right now?
2069
01:35:12,791 --> 01:35:14,458
Yeah, it's kind of a moral thicket.
2070
01:35:14,709 --> 01:35:16,043
But the good news is
2071
01:35:16,127 --> 01:35:18,670
you stay out of the slammer, right, Donny?
2072
01:35:20,256 --> 01:35:21,423
Donny?
2073
01:35:33,478 --> 01:35:34,978
"Go do something."
2074
01:35:36,564 --> 01:35:39,983
I don't know, Mr. Mitty.
I don't know if I can fucking handle it.
2075
01:35:41,903 --> 01:35:44,321
"Be a good person."
2076
01:35:46,324 --> 01:35:47,324
Donny?
2077
01:35:54,874 --> 01:35:56,250
-No, no, don't hit me.
-No, no.
2078
01:35:56,334 --> 01:35:59,128
Just give me a moment, please, Todd.
Just a moment. Relax.
2079
01:35:59,754 --> 01:36:01,797
You know, after praying with the monsignor,
2080
01:36:02,257 --> 01:36:06,510
I realize that I committed the sin
of prideful anger in the church,
2081
01:36:07,220 --> 01:36:09,847
and I hope that you'll accept my apology
2082
01:36:09,931 --> 01:36:13,642
and allow me the honor
of being a part of this joyous day.
2083
01:36:14,227 --> 01:36:15,894
Well, what about Father Shakalu?
2084
01:36:17,564 --> 01:36:18,939
Stupid bird.
2085
01:36:19,023 --> 01:36:20,441
Come on, fly!
2086
01:36:21,067 --> 01:36:23,026
Well, he's cool.
2087
01:36:24,028 --> 01:36:25,446
Great. Sounds good.
2088
01:36:26,990 --> 01:36:28,282
By the way, Todd,
2089
01:36:29,242 --> 01:36:31,118
was it you that hit me in the head
with the bottle?
2090
01:36:32,579 --> 01:36:33,662
No.
2091
01:36:34,080 --> 01:36:36,123
Well, then, who, then?
2092
01:36:37,542 --> 01:36:38,584
It was Chad.
2093
01:36:39,377 --> 01:36:40,711
Interesting.
2094
01:36:41,796 --> 01:36:43,380
Two, three, four.
2095
01:36:43,465 --> 01:36:44,590
Fosse, and Fosse,
2096
01:36:45,258 --> 01:36:46,800
-and Fosse.
-Interesting.
2097
01:36:48,887 --> 01:36:50,804
Yo! Donny Berger! All right!
2098
01:36:50,889 --> 01:36:54,057
I'd sign something for you, buddy,
but I got no time right now.
2099
01:36:54,142 --> 01:36:55,476
Ice!
2100
01:36:55,560 --> 01:36:57,060
Ice, you in there, buddy? I need you!
2101
01:36:58,897 --> 01:37:00,022
You still got the 5.0?
2102
01:37:02,358 --> 01:37:04,651
What does that mean? Is that a yes or no?
I don't understand the pose.
2103
01:37:04,736 --> 01:37:06,570
Yeah? Let's go, let's go!
2104
01:37:17,999 --> 01:37:19,333
Go, baby, go!
2105
01:37:52,742 --> 01:37:53,909
No!
2106
01:38:19,477 --> 01:38:20,644
Look at this fucking guy!
2107
01:38:22,647 --> 01:38:23,689
Man!
2108
01:38:36,327 --> 01:38:38,912
No, no, no, no, no! We're stuck! We're stuck!
2109
01:38:38,997 --> 01:38:41,081
To hell with the 5.0. Let's run for it, man.
2110
01:38:41,165 --> 01:38:43,375
-But we need great tunes!
-Come on, let's get them!
2111
01:38:44,335 --> 01:38:45,752
Right here, I got a Walkman.
2112
01:38:45,837 --> 01:38:47,170
-The Walkman!
-Yeah, baby.
2113
01:38:49,299 --> 01:38:50,340
Let's go!
2114
01:38:53,886 --> 01:38:55,345
-Damn it, man!
-Come on! Let's go!
2115
01:38:55,430 --> 01:38:56,513
Oh, my God!
2116
01:38:59,350 --> 01:39:00,851
Hey!
2117
01:39:10,945 --> 01:39:13,363
You forgot to pay!
2118
01:39:13,615 --> 01:39:16,825
So, Jamie, do you promise
to provide Todd here
2119
01:39:16,909 --> 01:39:20,370
with unending empathy,
encouragement and honesty,
2120
01:39:21,205 --> 01:39:22,414
till death do you part?
2121
01:39:22,957 --> 01:39:24,041
I do.
2122
01:39:28,379 --> 01:39:30,172
Hey, Donny. Come on!
2123
01:39:37,138 --> 01:39:38,513
What are you doing, guy?
2124
01:39:38,890 --> 01:39:40,390
You jumped?
2125
01:39:40,475 --> 01:39:42,309
There was a door right here!
2126
01:39:42,393 --> 01:39:44,394
Come on, we got to get there!
2127
01:39:46,898 --> 01:39:48,482
And you, Todd, do you promise to love,
2128
01:39:48,566 --> 01:39:52,235
honor and protect this special lady
for the rest of your life?
2129
01:39:54,489 --> 01:39:56,657
Don't answer that question!
2130
01:40:02,580 --> 01:40:03,747
Oh, shit.
2131
01:40:06,876 --> 01:40:10,128
We ran well over a mile.
2132
01:40:22,934 --> 01:40:25,018
I object to these two getting married.
2133
01:40:26,896 --> 01:40:30,190
No, we're past that part already.
2134
01:40:31,025 --> 01:40:32,192
What are my options, then?
2135
01:40:32,276 --> 01:40:33,318
How about leaving?
2136
01:40:33,444 --> 01:40:36,113
You shut the hell up, you satanic hose-bag!
2137
01:40:36,406 --> 01:40:37,364
Hey!
2138
01:40:37,448 --> 01:40:39,866
Gerald! I'm sorry it sounded so harsh,
2139
01:40:39,951 --> 01:40:42,285
but you'll understand
why I said that in a few minutes.
2140
01:40:42,370 --> 01:40:43,704
There ain't gonna be a few minutes,
2141
01:40:43,788 --> 01:40:45,455
-you goddamn son of a bitch!
-Calm down!
2142
01:40:45,540 --> 01:40:46,623
Calm down!
2143
01:40:48,251 --> 01:40:49,793
Let the boy talk.
2144
01:40:49,877 --> 01:40:51,670
I can't let you marry this chick.
2145
01:40:52,004 --> 01:40:53,046
I can't believe you're doing this.
2146
01:40:53,131 --> 01:40:54,631
Listen to me, buddy.
2147
01:40:55,133 --> 01:40:56,842
You don't love this girl.
2148
01:40:56,926 --> 01:40:59,136
I'm telling you. I had love, it's different.
2149
01:40:59,220 --> 01:41:00,887
It's a different feeling.
2150
01:41:01,222 --> 01:41:02,806
Love is like...
2151
01:41:03,599 --> 01:41:06,309
It just leads you to a special connection.
2152
01:41:06,394 --> 01:41:09,938
It's full of, like, feelings of awesomeness.
2153
01:41:10,022 --> 01:41:13,024
And the feelings you...
2154
01:41:13,109 --> 01:41:14,651
That wrap around you.
2155
01:41:15,194 --> 01:41:17,237
It's deep in your stomach.
2156
01:41:17,321 --> 01:41:19,489
It's in your head.
It's in your fucking nut sack.
2157
01:41:20,658 --> 01:41:22,159
It's in your dick when it gets hard.
2158
01:41:22,243 --> 01:41:23,702
There's still love at the tip.
2159
01:41:23,911 --> 01:41:25,746
And it fucking sprinkles out
2160
01:41:26,539 --> 01:41:29,666
like morning dew
shooting all over the grass.
2161
01:41:30,168 --> 01:41:32,419
Okay, I've had just about enough of this.
2162
01:41:32,545 --> 01:41:35,046
Phil, sit down before I tell your wife
what you did at the strip club.
2163
01:41:35,173 --> 01:41:36,298
Okay.
2164
01:41:38,092 --> 01:41:42,429
Son, I'm sorry, I just...
I can't let you marry this skank.
2165
01:41:42,680 --> 01:41:43,680
"Son?"
2166
01:41:44,140 --> 01:41:45,599
-Your son?
-Son?
2167
01:41:45,850 --> 01:41:47,225
What is he talking about?
2168
01:41:47,685 --> 01:41:50,562
Honey? You can tell me.
2169
01:41:51,397 --> 01:41:53,064
I'll forgive you.
2170
01:41:53,691 --> 01:41:56,318
That's what love's about, right? Forgiveness.
2171
01:41:57,737 --> 01:41:59,112
All right, fine.
2172
01:42:00,865 --> 01:42:02,949
Donny's not my best friend.
2173
01:42:03,534 --> 01:42:04,743
He's my father.
2174
01:42:05,203 --> 01:42:06,244
Oh, my...
2175
01:42:06,329 --> 01:42:09,122
My parents didn't die in an explosion.
2176
01:42:09,207 --> 01:42:10,791
I lied because I'm the product of
2177
01:42:10,875 --> 01:42:13,543
an inappropriate
teacher-student relationship.
2178
01:42:13,628 --> 01:42:15,837
Teacher-student relationship?
2179
01:42:17,507 --> 01:42:18,840
Do you know how gross that sounds?
2180
01:42:18,925 --> 01:42:19,925
You're disgusting!
2181
01:42:20,468 --> 01:42:22,219
Are you fucking kidding me right now?
2182
01:42:22,512 --> 01:42:24,346
She can still cancel that check, Donny!
2183
01:42:24,514 --> 01:42:25,514
Chad.
2184
01:42:25,723 --> 01:42:26,973
Cancel what check?
2185
01:42:27,058 --> 01:42:28,058
I don't...
2186
01:42:28,142 --> 01:42:30,769
She gave me 50 grand
to keep my mouth shut.
2187
01:42:32,146 --> 01:42:33,939
Fifty grand? Jamie.
2188
01:42:34,023 --> 01:42:36,733
Yeah, it was... I was gonna hold on to it,
2189
01:42:36,818 --> 01:42:38,860
you know, to get me out ofjail, but...
2190
01:42:39,737 --> 01:42:41,530
Yeah, yeah. That's what I think of that.
2191
01:42:41,614 --> 01:42:43,323
That's how much I hate this fucking whore.
2192
01:42:43,407 --> 01:42:45,242
Wait. Keep your mouth shut about what?
2193
01:42:45,326 --> 01:42:46,451
Todd, don't listen to him.
2194
01:42:46,702 --> 01:42:48,453
He's a liar and he's crazy!
2195
01:42:48,538 --> 01:42:50,497
Father McNally, please continue.
I promise to do
2196
01:42:50,581 --> 01:42:52,290
all that shit you mentioned
and so does Todd, right?
2197
01:42:52,375 --> 01:42:53,917
Wait, what is going on?
2198
01:42:54,001 --> 01:42:55,043
Tell him.
2199
01:42:56,420 --> 01:42:58,296
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't tell him, don't tell him.
2200
01:42:58,589 --> 01:43:00,841
You tell him or I'll tell everybody here.
It's up to you.
2201
01:43:07,223 --> 01:43:08,265
Come on.
2202
01:43:21,946 --> 01:43:23,363
Okay. Well, that's not that bad.
2203
01:43:23,614 --> 01:43:26,741
What? You didn't tell him,
you fucking lying piece of shit!
2204
01:43:26,826 --> 01:43:29,411
Get on it now or I'll fucking crush you!
2205
01:43:29,495 --> 01:43:30,537
No.
2206
01:43:31,122 --> 01:43:34,040
Jame, you can tell me.
2207
01:43:34,125 --> 01:43:35,750
I mean, how bad could it be?
2208
01:43:59,317 --> 01:44:00,358
What?
2209
01:44:00,443 --> 01:44:01,818
Okay, she told him.
2210
01:44:03,779 --> 01:44:05,322
What?
2211
01:44:10,536 --> 01:44:12,329
You fuck your brother?
2212
01:44:12,663 --> 01:44:14,205
Oh, my God!
2213
01:44:16,167 --> 01:44:18,376
Fucking white people.
2214
01:44:20,922 --> 01:44:23,924
I'm not looking so bad now, am I, Dad?
2215
01:44:24,675 --> 01:44:25,926
I'm out of here.
2216
01:44:26,010 --> 01:44:28,595
Mom, she started all this.
2217
01:44:28,679 --> 01:44:31,097
I didn't want to. I'm still your little soldier, I...
2218
01:44:31,307 --> 01:44:33,433
-Fuck!
-Take that uniform off.
2219
01:44:33,517 --> 01:44:35,352
You're insulting us all.
2220
01:44:35,436 --> 01:44:37,145
No, no, no. Don't you see?
2221
01:44:37,688 --> 01:44:39,189
It's gonna be even better now.
2222
01:44:39,941 --> 01:44:41,816
You're a mess, I'm a mess.
2223
01:44:42,151 --> 01:44:44,945
Come on. Doc Shakalu, get your ass up here!
2224
01:44:45,029 --> 01:44:46,696
I got to be part of this shit?
2225
01:44:46,864 --> 01:44:47,948
Todd?
2226
01:44:48,324 --> 01:44:49,699
Please.
2227
01:44:56,082 --> 01:44:58,416
Come on, baby. Come on, Todd, let's do this.
2228
01:44:58,501 --> 01:44:59,542
Yeah, yeah.
2229
01:44:59,877 --> 01:45:02,712
No! Let's not do this.
2230
01:45:03,130 --> 01:45:04,422
Okay?
2231
01:45:04,882 --> 01:45:08,510
And for the record,
my name's not Todd Peterson.
2232
01:45:09,011 --> 01:45:10,887
It's Han Solo.
2233
01:45:10,972 --> 01:45:14,933
Named after the man who made
the Kessel Run in less than 1 2 parsecs.
2234
01:45:15,017 --> 01:45:18,103
And I am a Berger, like my father before me.
2235
01:45:18,396 --> 01:45:20,855
Also, I want to tell everyone here
that I've got a pretty huge
2236
01:45:20,940 --> 01:45:22,983
New Kids on the Block tattoo on my back.
2237
01:45:23,067 --> 01:45:25,276
The heads are warped,
but fuck you guys, it's funny.
2238
01:45:25,444 --> 01:45:27,153
It is fucking hilarious.
2239
01:45:27,363 --> 01:45:28,405
And Steve?
2240
01:45:28,823 --> 01:45:32,367
Nothing personal, man, but I quit!
2241
01:45:32,743 --> 01:45:35,078
No, no. Come on, Todd, don't be like that.
2242
01:45:36,372 --> 01:45:37,998
We quit, too.
2243
01:45:38,082 --> 01:45:39,165
Fuck you!
2244
01:45:39,583 --> 01:45:40,750
Good call, Han Solo,
2245
01:45:40,835 --> 01:45:42,961
'cause your fiancée banged him, too.
2246
01:45:43,045 --> 01:45:44,004
What?
2247
01:45:44,088 --> 01:45:46,006
I didn't know
about the brother thing, though.
2248
01:45:46,090 --> 01:45:48,425
I am as sickened as you, believe me.
2249
01:45:48,509 --> 01:45:50,260
You know what? It's all right, Steve.
2250
01:45:50,344 --> 01:45:51,469
'Cause guess what?
2251
01:45:51,554 --> 01:45:54,097
Donny and Vanilla Ice fucked your mom!
2252
01:45:55,307 --> 01:45:57,392
Vanilla Ice banged Grandma?
2253
01:45:57,476 --> 01:45:59,769
That's fucking awesome!
2254
01:46:02,440 --> 01:46:03,940
Donny, look out!
2255
01:46:08,195 --> 01:46:09,946
Word to your mother, brotherfucker!
2256
01:46:10,656 --> 01:46:12,574
I'm sorry.
I know I'm not supposed to hit a chick,
2257
01:46:12,658 --> 01:46:14,492
but I got to tell you, it felt good.
2258
01:46:14,577 --> 01:46:16,161
I mean, I wouldn't do it again,
2259
01:46:16,245 --> 01:46:18,455
but with this psycho, you know,
it was warranted.
2260
01:46:18,539 --> 01:46:20,123
Donny! I'm gonna kill you!
2261
01:46:23,961 --> 01:46:25,420
At ease, bitch.
2262
01:46:25,504 --> 01:46:28,048
Dude! That's it! Nice!
2263
01:46:28,132 --> 01:46:29,257
Hang on, though. Hang on.
2264
01:46:29,341 --> 01:46:30,800
No, don't hurt me.
2265
01:46:35,056 --> 01:46:36,556
Even Steven.
2266
01:46:37,099 --> 01:46:39,642
Father, take off the collar.
2267
01:46:40,478 --> 01:46:42,645
That's right. You're not meant for this.
2268
01:46:43,814 --> 01:46:45,190
-Well...
-Yeah.
2269
01:46:45,566 --> 01:46:46,900
Nicely done.
2270
01:46:46,984 --> 01:46:48,401
All right, come on.
2271
01:46:48,986 --> 01:46:50,278
Let's get out of here, Dad.
2272
01:46:51,489 --> 01:46:53,865
Did you hear that? Did you hear that?
2273
01:46:53,949 --> 01:46:55,992
My son called me "Dad!"
2274
01:46:56,619 --> 01:46:57,911
He called me "Dad!"
2275
01:46:57,995 --> 01:47:00,413
That's right!
The Berger boys are back, bitches!
2276
01:47:00,498 --> 01:47:03,792
Wassup?
2277
01:47:04,043 --> 01:47:05,668
Wassup...
2278
01:47:13,844 --> 01:47:15,011
Shut up.
2279
01:47:15,096 --> 01:47:17,388
His boss and her brother?
2280
01:47:17,473 --> 01:47:19,057
It sounds like a Rodney Dangerfield joke,
2281
01:47:19,141 --> 01:47:21,142
but it actually happened to my boy here!
2282
01:47:21,519 --> 01:47:24,104
Now we got to find Han Solo
one of them new girls.
2283
01:47:24,188 --> 01:47:26,106
One that don't care about
all that money he make.
2284
01:47:26,190 --> 01:47:28,608
-No, no.
-Yeah, like a girl version
2285
01:47:28,692 --> 01:47:30,777
-of Todd Bridges would be perfect.
-That's right!
2286
01:47:30,861 --> 01:47:32,153
Female version of me. That's right.
2287
01:47:32,238 --> 01:47:35,073
Well, you know, I actually might be
doing okay in that department, so...
2288
01:47:35,366 --> 01:47:36,366
What's that?
2289
01:47:36,450 --> 01:47:37,617
What the fuck... What the heck?
2290
01:47:37,701 --> 01:47:40,662
Todd and Brie, sitting in a tree.
2291
01:47:40,913 --> 01:47:43,373
I have balls down to my knee!
2292
01:47:43,874 --> 01:47:45,917
-What?
-He said it! Yeah!
2293
01:47:46,377 --> 01:47:48,044
-Donny!
-Yeah, buddy?
2294
01:47:48,379 --> 01:47:50,964
You're my best friend. I'm gonna miss you.
2295
01:47:52,216 --> 01:47:53,633
I know, I know.
2296
01:47:53,717 --> 01:47:54,801
But there's good news.
2297
01:47:54,885 --> 01:47:56,928
You know what,
Miss McGarricle gets out in three years,
2298
01:47:57,012 --> 01:48:00,390
so the timing's kind of perfect
for us to start our lives together.
2299
01:48:00,683 --> 01:48:01,891
Dad, let me just give you the money.
2300
01:48:02,184 --> 01:48:03,977
No. No. I'm not gonna do that.
2301
01:48:04,061 --> 01:48:08,022
It's time for Donny Berger
to take responsibility for his screw-ups.
2302
01:48:08,357 --> 01:48:10,900
I made my bed, now I got to lie in it.
2303
01:48:11,152 --> 01:48:13,153
Donny! Donny! Are you watching?
2304
01:48:13,237 --> 01:48:14,863
Turn on the TV! Turn it on!
2305
01:48:15,114 --> 01:48:18,825
There he is, the fat guy we've been
talking about all day, Tubby Tuke,
2306
01:48:18,909 --> 01:48:22,453
actually gaining on the Ethiopians
here in the final stretch.
2307
01:48:22,538 --> 01:48:24,789
Is this the fat guy I put the money on?
2308
01:48:24,874 --> 01:48:26,791
Twenty bucks at 8,000-to-1 .
2309
01:48:27,918 --> 01:48:29,502
-A hundred and sixty grand?
-A hundred and sixty grand?
2310
01:48:29,587 --> 01:48:31,087
Come on, you fat shit, move it!
2311
01:48:31,255 --> 01:48:32,755
Go, Tubby! Go, Tubby!
2312
01:48:33,174 --> 01:48:34,674
Keep running! Keep running!
2313
01:48:35,593 --> 01:48:37,343
Pass those Ethiopians!
2314
01:48:37,636 --> 01:48:39,762
Pass them skinny fucking Ethiopians!
2315
01:48:41,807 --> 01:48:44,934
This defies every law of science,
but it's happening!
2316
01:48:48,480 --> 01:48:51,482
Get the fuck up!
2317
01:48:54,195 --> 01:48:55,820
He's up! He's up! He's up!
2318
01:48:58,782 --> 01:49:01,367
-That'll replenish him! That'll replenish him!
-No!
2319
01:49:02,536 --> 01:49:03,995
Listen to the roar of that crowd.
2320
01:49:04,079 --> 01:49:07,457
Fat guy! Fat guy!
2321
01:49:07,625 --> 01:49:09,209
Can he possibIy win it?
2322
01:49:09,460 --> 01:49:10,460
He's gonna do it!
2323
01:49:12,504 --> 01:49:13,922
Tubby Tuke has won!
2324
01:49:20,429 --> 01:49:23,056
Tubby Tuke wins! Tubby Tuke wins!
168501
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