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[Cheery singing from TV]
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SINGERS: "When life is getting to you
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"put some fresh in your life
Let Mintos freshen up your life
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"Life is just a breeze
when you stay fresh and cool
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"Because Mintos puts the fresh in life
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"Taste that freshness
Just can't beat it
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"Mintos freshness
Let Mintos freshen your life"
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Mintos, the Freshmaker.
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These commercials are stupid.
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They certainly don't make me want
a Minto.
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Totally ineffective.
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Must kill Lincoln.
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LOIS: [Singing]
"It seems today that all you see
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"is violence in movies and sex on TV
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"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values
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"on which we used to rely?
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"Lucky there's a family guy
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"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you
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"all the things that make us
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"laugh 'n' cry
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"He's a family guy"
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[Lois playing classical piano music]
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[Stops playing]
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[Cheering and applause]
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[Blows kiss]
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[Lois cries out in pain]
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STEWIE: Blast you, woman!
Awake from your damnable reverie!
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Honey, I'm doing the dishes.
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A thousand pardons for disrupting
your flatware sanitation ritual.
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But you see, I'm in searing pain!
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You're just teething, Stewie.
It's a normal part of a baby's life.
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Very well then,
I order you to kill me at once!
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Honey, I know you're hurting.
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But Mommy has to clean up the house,
all right?
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No, it's not all right!
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For the love of God, shake me!
Shake me like a British nanny!
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Oh, man. This is the life.
Hand me another one of them...
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...Pawtucket Patriots.
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Guys, I want to say a toast to you,
Quagmire, Cleveland...
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Brian.
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00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,700
Yeah. If you guys were beers,
I would drink every one of you.
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And I wish you were because we're out.
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[Giggling]
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That's funny. That's even more humorous
than that joke you told us last night.
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Okay, so a Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
walk into a bar, right?
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Wait a second.
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Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
walk into a bar.
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And there's a naked priest sitting there.
And he...
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Oh, sorry, Father.
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No, I've heard them all.
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Look at the time.
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I promised Loretta I was gonna trim
the hedges and be tender with her.
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Believe me, Cleveland. Our wives need
some time off as much as we do.
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This is when Lois does all those
little things that women like to do.
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[Grunting]
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[Car honking, Lois sighs]
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I'll be on your bed. No calls.
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PETER: Hey, Lois.
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You've been busy all day.
So I took care of dinner.
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Really?
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All you gotta do is gut it, clean it,
scale it, and cook it.
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LOIS: I spent all morning
cleaning up the house.
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And in five seconds,
you turn it into low tide at the pier.
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Jeez. I'm sorry, honey.
I'd help you clean it up.
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But you know how lousy
I am with housework.
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Remember when I tried doing the laundry?
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Let's see. Shirts, pants...
I'm missing another sock.
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Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnus.
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Give me back my sock, you goat bastard!
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PETER: Hey!
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You're right. It's better if I do it.
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STEWIE: Damn it to the bowels
of bloody hell!
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The baby's up. Can you get him?
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Okay. I hope he doesn't need changing.
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I'm a little gun-shy
after what happened last time.
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No, you imbecile!
That's not talc! That's paprika!
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Take that!
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All right, I'll do that, too!
Can you at least take Chris to his game?
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Jeez, Lois. I spent all morning on a boat...
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...drinking beer, telling jokes,
and screwing around.
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00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,100
How about a little me time?
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Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...
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...and come right home.
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I need you to look after Stewie
while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!
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All right! You know I spoil you.
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CHRIS: Thanks for the ride, Dad.
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All right. Have fun, Chris.
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Hey, Petey!
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Quagmire? What are you doing here?
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Soccer moms!
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[Soccer moms giggle]
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All right.
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I'd like to hang around with you.
But Lois needs me at home.
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I got beer.
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PETER: Boo, Lois! Yay, beer!
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[Playing classical music]
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[Lois shushing]
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It's okay, Stewie. Where the hell's Peter?
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That was good, Reuben.
Now play Brahms' Lullaby.
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[Sings] "Lullaby and good night"
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Enough! The only thing worse
than the wretched pain...
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...in my mouth is the excrement
spewing from yours!
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I wish I could make the pain
go away sooner.
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But I can't turn time forward.
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00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:09,200
Oh, no! Perhaps I can! Of course!
I'll simply build a machine...
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...that can move time!
I shall call it a time machine.
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E-flat, Salieri! E-flat!
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PETER: Go, Chris! Daddy loves you!
I mean in a platonic way. I'm married.
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[Whistle]
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Hand ball! Penalty kick, blue!
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That's the 10th time today!
Nice grab, orca.
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Get Moby Dick off the field
before he burps up a license plate!
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Easy, fella. That's my kid. Now apologize.
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Okay. I'm sorry your kid's a brain dead
stinking blue cheese feta!
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That's it!
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Way to go, Dad!
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You hit my mom!
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No, I hit your dad.
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Stand back. Give her some air.
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You mean, "Give him some air."
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Call an ambulance. She's going into labor.
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You mean, "He's going into labor."
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[Baby crying]
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Whoops.
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PETER: I can't believe I punched a woman.
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A pregnant woman.
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I just hope she accepts my peace offering.
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I sent her a little something for the baby.
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[Melodic strumming from box]
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I would've brought it over myself
if I wasn't under house arrest.
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You're just fortunate
this is your first offense, Peter.
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Could've been a lot worse if the cops...
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...knew about the other times
I broke the law.
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And there was that time
I took a whiz in public.
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And that time I snuck into Wimbledon.
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And that time I snuck into Wimbledon.
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00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,100
Me and Cleveland are gonna "amscray."
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Wait. You guys can't leave me here alone.
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Why don't you come with us?
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I can't leave the premises.
They're monitoring my every move.
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[Electronic beeping]
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PETER: I gotta get out of here!
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There's my little house husband.
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It's been so wonderful
having you home all week.
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Thanks, honey.
But I don't know how you...
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...stand it here all day.
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I mean, I'm so bored,
I can't even watch TV anymore.
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All the shows are starting to run together.
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NARRATOR: This contains adult content
and is brought to you by the letter "H".
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00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,300
[Phone ringing]
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BERT: Hello?
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Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
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Some poor bastard got his head
blown off down at a place called Hooper's.
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Bert, I wish
you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.
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00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:31,500
Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat
cookies in the damn bed!
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Bert, you're shouting again, Bert!
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[Comedic instrumental music]
158
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I know you can't understand
what I'm going through.
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All the stuff that makes you happy...
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...like cooking and cleaning,
is right in the house just waiting for you.
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- You are one lucky...
- Stop now.
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Peter, I don't do those things
because I enjoy them.
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I do them because I love my family.
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[Giggling]
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Lois loves her family. Lois loves her family.
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"Lois and the family sitting in a tree"
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00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,700
See, Lois, the guys would've
found that hilarious.
168
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,600
Why don't I go buy some groceries
and make us a nice romantic dinner?
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00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:11,700
Like when we were dating.
That oughta take your mind off the guys.
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It already has.
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I wonder what the guys are up to?
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That's nasty.
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Where's the damn pull string?
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[Yells]
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You never know what you're gonna
find down here.
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[Dog barking, Peter yells]
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PATRIOT: Peter!
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PETER: You're the Pawtucket Patriot.
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Verily. Come hither and give heed.
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Whoa. I don't swing that way, pal.
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Look, I got a date with my female wife.
I just came down to get some beers.
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PATRIOT: Why spend time with your wife?
If you build a bar in this basement...
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00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:56,300
...and stock it with plenty
of frosty Pawtucket Patriots...
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00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:59,600
...your friends will come down here
for a beer as well.
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00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:02,100
Build a bar! That's a great idea.
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00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:05,600
Wait. One last question.
187
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,300
If I walk through you,
does that mean, like, we've done it?
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00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,900
PATRIOT: Jeez.
What's with you and the gay jokes?
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00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:16,900
[Cheerful instrumental music]
190
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,900
[Snoring]
191
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,000
[Lnstrumental music slows down]
192
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:47,800
[Sighs]
193
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:49,100
[Door opening]
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00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:52,100
LOIS: Where the hell have you been?
We had a date.
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00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,500
Sorry, honey.
I must've lost track of the time.
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00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,600
What do you say?
You think the guys will like it?
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00:09:56,700 --> 00:10:00,400
This is why you missed our dinner?
To make a bar for your friends?
198
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:03,400
Yeah, isn't it great?
Oh, boy, I feel just like Tim Allen.
199
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,700
I build stuff and I have a criminal record.
200
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:06,900
[Macho grunting]
201
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,000
[Sniffing]
202
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:09,500
[Guys laughing]
203
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,900
Okay, guys. I got another one.
204
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,200
What's the difference
between pornography and art?
205
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,700
[Chuckling] Here it comes.
206
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,500
A government grant.
207
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,700
Peter, you are in the zone.
208
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,300
You know those little clam cakes
you make whenever...
209
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,500
...we have company? I need about a dozen.
210
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,000
Actually, better make it like 600.
211
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,000
That's it, Peter! I'm not a servant.
212
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,800
And I'm through taking care of you
and your bar buddies!
213
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:38,700
Jeez. Where the hell did that come from?
214
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:42,100
LOIS: Watch the kids.
I'm taking a hot bath.
215
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,600
Put me down, you blunderbuss!
216
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,000
He's a little cranky from teething.
217
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,300
I can fix that.
218
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,400
[Mumbling]
219
00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,800
Good God, man!
220
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:54,700
One can only imagine what foul regions
that finger has erstwhile probed!
221
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,700
There you go.
222
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,900
My mother used to use whiskey
whenever I had a toothache.
223
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,500
My tooth hurts!
224
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,100
PETER: There. How's that feel?
225
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:06,800
It's delightful.
226
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,100
[Bathwater running]
227
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,300
[Applause]
228
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,900
Thank you. Thank you very much.
229
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,200
Lois, you are a wonderful woman.
230
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:21,300
Words cannot express the depth
of my appreciation and love for you.
231
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,600
Peter!
232
00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:31,300
You must be Lois.
233
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,100
No, not silicone. Silicon.
And the design of the device...
234
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:42,000
...is quite ingenious
if I do say so myself, Misty.
235
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,300
What a delightful moniker.
236
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:47,000
You see, Misty...
237
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:48,200
[Stewie giggles]
238
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:50,700
...my time manipulator employs axioms...
239
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:54,100
...from the quantum theory
of molecular propulsion.
240
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,100
I've broken my pencil!
241
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:58,600
I have a Barney pen in my purse.
242
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,100
You are spectacular!
243
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:06,900
Chris, what are you doing here?
244
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,700
Sorry, Mom.
I'm gonna need to see some ID.
245
00:12:09,900 --> 00:12:11,800
Chris, go to your room!
246
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,800
Hello, Mother. Care to partake in one...
247
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:18,400
...of your oh-so-exhilarating games
of peekaboo?
248
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:21,100
Oh, my God! My baby is drunk!
249
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,600
PETER: No, I'm not!
250
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,500
Him? Yeah. He's a real lightweight.
251
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:26,600
Meg, take Stewie upstairs.
252
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,800
[Sings] "Show me the way to go home"
Everybody!
253
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,500
"I'm tired and I want to go to bed"
Just the women!
254
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,700
Peter, in the 17 years
that we've been married...
255
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,300
...I have never been as angry as I...
256
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,200
What is my piano doing down here?
257
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:43,500
It was supposed to be a clam cake buffet,
but... Never mind.
258
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,100
That does it, Peter.
Either this bar goes or I do!
259
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:51,000
PETER: I haven't even told you
the other reason your piano's down here.
260
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,200
I wanted you to play it.
261
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:58,800
Like it was an instrument.
I'm telling you the truth. Right, guys?
262
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,800
Come on!
263
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:02,100
I couldn't.
264
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,500
Come on!
265
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,400
Maybe one song.
266
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,800
Pretend you like it
no matter how bad it stinks.
267
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,100
[Lois chuckles]
268
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,100
[Starts playing piano]
269
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,800
[Sings] "You'll never know just how much
270
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:20,100
"I love you
271
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:27,600
"You'll never know just how much I care"
272
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,200
Yeah!
273
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,900
"And if I try, I still
274
00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:39,100
"couldn't hide my love for you
275
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,400
"You oughta know
for haven't I told you so?"
276
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:46,800
Okay, guys. Thank you.
You can stop pretending now.
277
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,100
GUY: All right!
278
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:53,200
"If there is some other way
to prove that I love you
279
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,100
"I swear I don't know how"
280
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:57,400
MAN: Sing it.
281
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:58,800
Something troubling you, Peter?
282
00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:01,700
Nothing. Just all my friends
are eye-humping my wife.
283
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:07,100
"You'll never know if you don't know now"
284
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,000
[Applause]
285
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,500
GUYS: Wonderful! Wow!
286
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:15,500
[Cheery instrumental music]
287
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,800
It was absolutely amazing.
288
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:21,300
The second that spotlight hit me,
I became a whole different person!
289
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,100
Silence, you contemptible shrew!
290
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,500
I bet your gums are still sore.
291
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:29,000
You're so observant, aren't you?
Are you a detective?
292
00:14:29,300 --> 00:14:32,000
Yes, my gums are sore! Enough of this!
293
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:36,700
I must complete my time machine,
move time forward, and end this agony!
294
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:38,300
CHRIS: Hey, Dad.
295
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,900
Mom says she was really on last night.
296
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,600
Yeah. About that.
Lois, see, the guys were just being polite.
297
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:47,000
They thought your singing was too...
298
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:49,800
I was just nervous. Tonight'll be better.
299
00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:53,000
Tonight? Honey, I don't think
anyone's gonna come back tonight.
300
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:56,500
LOIS: [Sings] "Gimme, gimme, gimme
what I cry for
301
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,700
"You know you got the brand of kisses
302
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:00,400
"that I die for"
303
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,400
This one takes me back.
304
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:03,900
Now that's a woman!
305
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,100
That's a house. That's a fish. That's a bee!
306
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,200
"You know you made me love you"
307
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:14,200
I love you.
308
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,500
Thank you. Thank you.
Johnny Muldoon, ladies and gentlemen.
309
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:20,500
[Band strikes up]
310
00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:24,300
I was born in a little town called Quahog.
311
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,200
FAN: We love you, Lois!
312
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:27,500
[Lois laughs]
313
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:32,100
Let me finish the story, fellas.
You don't want to be up all night.
314
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,700
Or do you?
315
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:34,900
"Or do you?"
316
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,200
She's a smokin' little pistol, isn't she?
317
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:38,200
Are you a woman?
318
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,300
No.
319
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,200
My house arrest is over, Brian.
Round up the guys.
320
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:47,300
Now that I'm a free man,
we can do anything we want.
321
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,900
The guys only want to do one thing.
322
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,000
And that's ogle your wife.
323
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,400
If Lois were my woman,
I'd keep an eye on her.
324
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,100
Then again, I'm the jealous type.
325
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,000
Wow! Lois Griffin! I love your act.
Nice melons.
326
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,200
Listen, pal...
327
00:16:03,300 --> 00:16:05,300
Peter, I'm holding melons.
328
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,100
And her hooters ain't bad either!
329
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,700
Now hang on a second there!
330
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,900
Peter, I'm holding hooters.
331
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:11,800
Sorry.
332
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:13,200
No problem.
333
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:14,500
Your wife's hot!
334
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,600
PETER: That's it!
Your singing days are over.
335
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:19,300
If I wanted to marry Lola Falana,
I would have.
336
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,700
Look, Lola. This whole thing
is just going way too fast for me.
337
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,000
For the last time, I'm not Lola!
I'm Leslie Uggams!
338
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:29,200
Peter, having me sing was your idea
in the first place.
339
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:31,300
I just wanted to keep my bar.
340
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,900
I built that thing so my friends...
341
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,700
...would come to see me, not you.
342
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,400
Is that so? Let me tell you something.
343
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,500
I love singing! And I will continue to sing!
344
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,700
How dare you upset me
this close to showtime!
345
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,000
Lois.
346
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,100
Watch where you're going, buddy.
347
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,800
Griffin, I got a bone to pick with you.
348
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:51,800
Listen, I don't want any more trouble.
349
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:52,900
Thanks to your wife...
350
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,000
...my husband hasn't been home all week!
351
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,400
That singing hussy is destroying
our marriages!
352
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,300
[Women murmuring]
353
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,800
Yeah, then do something about it.
354
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,800
Come to my basement tonight and
drag your husbands out of there.
355
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,200
Maybe we will.
356
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:06,300
Yeah!
357
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,500
Jeez, fella. Can't you take that outside?
358
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,300
LOIS: This next number is dedicated
to my very supportive husband, Peter.
359
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,300
Hit it!
360
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,100
[Sings] "Don't tell me not to fly
I've simply gotta
361
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,200
"If someone takes a spill
it's me and not you
362
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:31,000
"Don't bring around a cloud
to rain on my parade"
363
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,800
Oh, boy. Lois is pretty pissed, huh?
364
00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,500
Yes, your judgment lately
has been rather...
365
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,700
You have crappy judgment anyway.
366
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,400
STEWIE: This is intolerable!
367
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:43,200
This foolishness is preventing me
from completing work on...
368
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,900
Egads! The blueprints
for my time machine!
369
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,400
Those are for my eyes only!
370
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,800
Thank you.
371
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:53,100
Look everyone,
Stewie drew a picture for his mommy.
372
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:54,700
No!
373
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:57,800
[Fan whistling]
374
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,000
Hold up the picture. Let's see.
375
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,800
No! Nothing to see here.
376
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,500
GUY: How cute. It's a time machine!
377
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,700
No! It's a...
Blast, what the devil do children draw?
378
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:08,600
It's a pheasant!
379
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:11,700
A time machine. Sure.
Here's where the flux capacitor goes.
380
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,800
I can't wait to build
one of these of my own.
381
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,600
I'll not stand idly by
while you abrogate my plans.
382
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:19,600
You shall rue this day. Go on! Start ruing!
383
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:24,700
Bye-bye, Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs
to kiss you good night.
384
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,200
Burn in hell!
385
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,400
Hell. Hell has fire.
And you know what else?
386
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:34,500
[Sings] "It's got steam heat
387
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,900
"I got steam heat
388
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:46,200
"But I need your love to keep away the cold
I got..."
389
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,200
ANGRY PARENT: All right, break it up!
390
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:49,700
What's going on here?
391
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,100
Your little peep show is over!
We're taking back our men!
392
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:58,100
Peep show? I just do this for fun.
Look, all day long I scrub and cook...
393
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,200
...and take care of my kids.
And nobody cheers.
394
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:04,800
No one even says thank you.
But when the band starts playing and...
395
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,200
...the music's flowing through me,
I feel, I don't know, special.
396
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,200
I guess you all think that's pretty silly.
397
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:14,200
Not at all.
398
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,500
You didn't tell us that part!
399
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,300
Peter, you're behind all this?
400
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,300
Yes. And you'll never catch me!
401
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:23,200
[Giggles maniacally]
402
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,000
[Screams repeatedly]
403
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:29,500
I bet he also didn't tell you he never
helps me around the house.
404
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:33,400
Or takes me out to dinner.
Or notices when I get my hair done.
405
00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:36,400
- Oh, no, that's just...
- My husband's the same way.
406
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,800
So's mine.
407
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:39,100
[People chattering]
408
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:43,900
Wow, this place is full of dead pigeons.
I'm gonna go grab some ozone.
409
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,800
Peter! There's a king in the cards!
410
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:52,500
They saw my blueprints!
What a grievous breach of security!
411
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:57,600
Damn! What do to? Wait for it... Yes!
412
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:02,000
Instead of moving time forward
to bypass this wretched teething...
413
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,300
...it might just be possible to reverse
time's heady flow...
414
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,200
...and undo ever having drawn
those damnable blueprints.
415
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:10,800
- You'll never get away with this!
- Silence!
416
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:13,700
Lois, you make it sound
like I don't appreciate you at all.
417
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,000
Peter, when was the last time
you told me you love me?
418
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:18,400
You know I do.
419
00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:20,000
I want to hear it!
420
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,500
Is that what this is all about?
421
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,300
Run for your lives!
422
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,500
Holy crap!
423
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,200
Hot!
424
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,300
[Explosion]
425
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:30,500
[Screaming]
426
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:31,800
LOIS: There's no way out!
427
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:36,200
At last! My time device is complete!
Just one final adjustment. There.
428
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:41,100
Now I shall negate ever having drawn
those damnable blueprints.
429
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:42,400
Blast!
430
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:46,200
Jeez. We're screwed!
Look, I promise if we get out of this alive...
431
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:49,800
...l'm gonna help out around the house
and say "I love you" every day.
432
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:50,700
You mean it?
433
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,300
I'm a changed man, Lois. A better man.
434
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,300
And to think,
if I hadn't taken Chris to his soccer game...
435
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,500
...I never would've learned
this valuable lesson.
436
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,900
[People talking backwards]
437
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,500
[Mystical instrumental music]
438
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,400
[Backwards speech slowing]
439
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,400
Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...
440
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:12,600
...and come right home.
441
00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:16,200
I need you to look after Stewie
while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!
442
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:19,700
All right! You know I spoil you.
443
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:25,500
My foot! I can't walk!
I guess you'll have to take Chris yourself.
444
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:26,600
[Giggles]
445
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:31,500
- My device! My teeth!
- I'm free! Free!
446
00:21:32,100 --> 00:21:35,400
I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor!
447
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,100
I think not!
448
00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:39,700
Bicuspid! We meet again.
449
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,600
- Have at you!
- En garde!
450
00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:46,300
Shall we bite the tongue then?
451
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,300
On three. One, two...
452
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:50,000
[Screams]
453
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,200
[Theme music]
34533
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