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1
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,470
Damn it, Chip! You forgot
to bring him in last night.
2
00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:17,410
- Be gone! Be gone! - Get out of here!
3
00:00:18,610 --> 00:00:19,880
You're the one who wheeled him out here.
4
00:00:19,890 --> 00:00:21,730
Yeah, well, I can't have
him watching me eat.
5
00:00:21,740 --> 00:00:24,049
His skin looks like oatmeal.
It's disgusting.
6
00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:25,889
What the hell'd you guys do the colonel?
7
00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:27,330
Chip left him outside all night.
8
00:00:27,340 --> 00:00:29,449
Don't put this on me! I'm
not his frickin' nurse.
9
00:00:29,450 --> 00:00:31,260
No, you're his family.
10
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,049
You two are unbelievable.
11
00:00:33,050 --> 00:00:34,649
This poor bastard opens up his home to us,
12
00:00:34,650 --> 00:00:36,259
and this is how you repay him?
13
00:00:36,260 --> 00:00:38,129
You're lucky that he's still kind of alive.
14
00:00:38,130 --> 00:00:39,899
Please. If he still had his vocal cords,
15
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:42,459
he'd tell you to get your
lazy ass out of his house.
16
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,700
When I was your age, I shared
a room with my grandfather,
17
00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:46,529
and he used to have
nightmares about the war,
18
00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:48,489
and try and ride me around like his horse.
19
00:00:48,490 --> 00:00:50,579
The least you can do is take
this guy to the groomer.
20
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:51,560
Long hair is in again.
21
00:00:51,561 --> 00:00:53,639
Yeah. If you love him
so much, you take him.
22
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,870
Can't. I got plans.
23
00:00:56,370 --> 00:00:58,440
Really? What plans?
24
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:01,669
Important plans that are
none of your business.
25
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:02,889
Yeah, well, I got plans, too.
26
00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:04,399
The new Kevin Durants are dropping today.
27
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,409
I got to get in line.
28
00:01:05,410 --> 00:01:06,899
They're coke white. So sick.
29
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,419
They make Yeezy Red Octobers
look like Stan Smiths.
30
00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:10,320
You hear that, Colonel?
31
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:13,260
Your grandson's leaving you for footwear.
Excuse me.
32
00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:16,729
I don't know. Maybe he's right.
33
00:01:16,730 --> 00:01:18,039
I mean, we can't leave him like this.
34
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,030
The man looks like a melted candle.
35
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,879
All right, well, tonight, we'll
shave him and hose him down.
36
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,919
Chip, we got to do something now.
37
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,779
- But what about my kicks? - Too bad!
38
00:01:26,780 --> 00:01:29,179
- I can't lug him around by myself.
- He's got wheels.
39
00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:32,140
Great, so you can wheel him to
the car, and I'll get the keys.
40
00:01:46,310 --> 00:01:47,569
What?! No!
41
00:01:47,570 --> 00:01:50,770
No! Who threw this?! No...
42
00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:52,730
So help me, God, I...
43
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,009
I got to get off this bus before I lose it.
44
00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:58,289
The sanitation center was not
nearly as awesome as you promised.
45
00:01:58,290 --> 00:02:00,639
- Yeah, so I lied to you. Get over it.
- I loved it!
46
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:03,730
The floor was all gooey, and
my shoes made a noise like...
47
00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:07,410
- Can you guys come on every
field trip from now on? - No.
48
00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:10,560
Who learns anything at the dump?
It's outrageous.
49
00:02:10,570 --> 00:02:12,799
You have any idea how much
money we give this school?
50
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,880
- How much? - What?
51
00:02:14,940 --> 00:02:17,899
- Money. - I don't know, but
I'm guessing it's a lot.
52
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,119
If I wanted to work in a dump,
53
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,169
I would get in a time machine
54
00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:23,140
and go back to the worse summer of
my life where I worked in a dump.
55
00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:25,389
If Gibbons ever tries to force me
into something like this again,
56
00:02:25,390 --> 00:02:27,649
I will snatch his ass
right out of his pants.
57
00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,410
You forced me to come.
58
00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:31,119
I didn't force you into anything.
59
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:34,010
You said if I don't come,
I will be your enemy.
60
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,659
It's a figure of speech.
61
00:02:35,660 --> 00:02:37,219
You don't treat me like an equal.
62
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:39,170
Shut up, dummy. I treat you fine.
63
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:46,250
No, no, no, no, no! Sit down! Sit down!
64
00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:47,559
Got to do a quick head count.
65
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,450
Two, four, six, eight, ten, four...
Sit down!
66
00:02:51,570 --> 00:02:53,920
- 21? - Yeah, that's what I got.
67
00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:56,490
Two, four, six, eight, ten...
68
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,569
- 21. - Yeah, 21.
69
00:02:58,570 --> 00:02:59,140
- Yeah? - Yeah.
70
00:02:59,141 --> 00:03:01,069
How's that possible? We
left the dump with 20.
71
00:03:01,070 --> 00:03:02,760
- What?
- What, did we pick up an extra kid?
72
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:05,790
- No. - All right, raise your
hand if you go to Lockwood.
73
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,439
You... what's your name?
74
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,770
Hey, Benny, you know this kid?
75
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,160
I've never seen him.
76
00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:17,660
Boy, did you come from the dump?
77
00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:20,760
Hello? Speak to me.
78
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,960
Welcome back.
79
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,469
Did we have fun?
80
00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:27,960
Gosh, what a dump. What a dump.
81
00:03:28,180 --> 00:03:31,330
Nice work. Looks like
everyone made it back alive.
82
00:03:31,590 --> 00:03:33,440
Yeah, and then some.
83
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,000
Hey, Chip, think you forgot something.
84
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:48,810
Sabrina.
85
00:03:48,820 --> 00:03:50,980
Sabrina, wait. No, you
can't leave him here.
86
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:52,910
Take him back. Go.
87
00:03:53,590 --> 00:03:54,780
Chip!
88
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,059
Why do you want to look
like these idiots anyway?
89
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,979
This dude's wearing tights and a tunic.
90
00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:04,590
Sabrina, you know nothing about culture.
91
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,550
- Get him out of here! - No!
92
00:04:10,090 --> 00:04:11,570
Dude, you took my spot.
93
00:04:13,550 --> 00:04:14,470
Damn it, Sabrina.
94
00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:16,399
Now I have to go all the way
to the back of the line.
95
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,300
You've ruined my life!
96
00:04:17,301 --> 00:04:18,469
Chip, you don't even play basketball.
97
00:04:18,470 --> 00:04:20,759
You're four foot two and you
have the legs of a bird.
98
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,239
They're not for basketball.
99
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,070
They're on his lifestyle line.
God, I hate you!
100
00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:26,500
Yo, little man,
101
00:04:26,870 --> 00:04:28,399
go ahead and grab yourself
a pair of Durants
102
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,930
so you can help your grandpa.
103
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,729
- Seriously? - Most def.
104
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:34,240
You shouldn't have to choose
between sneakers and family.
105
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:37,650
My man!
106
00:04:39,050 --> 00:04:41,339
We're going back to the dump....
107
00:04:41,340 --> 00:04:42,559
Okay, relax.
108
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,719
We're just dropping off your friend,
109
00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,510
and then we're going straight home.
110
00:04:45,650 --> 00:04:47,620
It's okay that we're doing this, right?
111
00:04:47,650 --> 00:04:49,209
Of course. We didn't do anything wrong.
112
00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:51,329
If anything, we'll be
celebrated for returning him.
113
00:04:51,330 --> 00:04:52,899
This whole thing is a big misunderstanding.
114
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:55,179
Cops, cops. Drive, drive...
115
00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:57,220
- Go, go, go, go, go. Keep driving.
- Okay, okay.
116
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:00,640
My Aunt Mickey hates cops.
117
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:06,179
Okay, Ben here's some snacks.
118
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,439
Why don't you take Dump and
go show him your room?
119
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,110
Come on, Dump, this way.
120
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:15,349
- His name is Dump now?
- We had to call him something.
121
00:05:15,350 --> 00:05:17,109
Well, can't we do better than Dump?
122
00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:18,499
Sure, Alba. What do you want to call him?
123
00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:20,769
- Ignacio, after my great...
- Cool, sounds good.
124
00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:22,889
- What the hell are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
125
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,339
You're the one that made me drive away.
126
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:26,050
Cops make me nervous.
127
00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:27,819
But I do know that we
just need to stay calm
128
00:05:27,820 --> 00:05:29,640
because we did not do anything wrong.
129
00:05:29,650 --> 00:05:31,069
Well, except we brought him home.
130
00:05:31,070 --> 00:05:32,759
Yeah, yeah, we did that.
131
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,969
Okay, but maybe the cops were
looking for something else.
132
00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:36,990
You know, it's a dump!
133
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,519
People dispose of all kinds of shady stuff.
134
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:40,879
Okay, so, we go back,
135
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,650
and we talk to them, and
we sort it all out.
136
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:43,590
What are you, nuts?
137
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,849
Nah, they-they go poking
around into our business,
138
00:05:45,850 --> 00:05:47,879
and before you know it, I'm doing
hard time, and you're deported.
139
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,309
- Well, I'm a citizen.
- They don't care anymore!
140
00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:52,589
Well... that is true.
141
00:05:52,590 --> 00:05:55,799
But we could call the cops
and find out what they know.
142
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,179
I just said that.
143
00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:59,179
You said talk to them, which is absurd.
144
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,080
I said call them. Much smarter.
145
00:06:01,090 --> 00:06:02,710
Okay, okay, fine, we call them.
146
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,170
Are you insane?! Not from our phone.
147
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:06,559
Are you trying to get us arrested?
148
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,439
Well, you said we were innocent.
149
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,649
We are. Will you just please
listen to me, all right?
150
00:06:10,650 --> 00:06:13,289
- Go grab Ben and Ignacio and
meet me in the car. - Okay.
151
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,359
And do you know what? I got to say,
152
00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,399
after hearing it on its feet,
we're going back to "Dump."
153
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,140
I don't like "Ignacio." It's stupid.
154
00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:25,029
I can't believe they let you cut the line.
155
00:06:25,030 --> 00:06:26,550
This guy's like a celebrity.
156
00:06:26,750 --> 00:06:28,739
And they gave us free kicks.
157
00:06:28,740 --> 00:06:31,459
These are straight fire
and impossible to get.
158
00:06:31,460 --> 00:06:34,150
Kids... they're getting
stomped on over these.
159
00:06:34,450 --> 00:06:36,490
I'm gonna be straight dunking on fools.
160
00:06:36,890 --> 00:06:38,210
Kobe!
161
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,709
Thought they were a lifestyle shoe.
162
00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:42,409
They are, but you can still hoop in 'em.
163
00:06:42,410 --> 00:06:44,290
God, you're so ignorant.
164
00:06:45,270 --> 00:06:47,379
Do you think everybody would
treat the colonel like that?
165
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:49,269
Probably. When I said he was a war hero,
166
00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:51,180
they all looked like they were gonna cry.
167
00:06:51,690 --> 00:06:53,819
What sweet children.
168
00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:55,559
Those are some dope kicks, Gramps.
169
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,759
People are really suckers
for old men in wheelchairs.
170
00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,970
Yo, am I a horrible person
for thinking, like,
171
00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:01,169
what else we could we get out of him?
172
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:04,110
No. This is way better than
getting crapped on by birds.
173
00:07:04,470 --> 00:07:06,370
Yeah, he's out here,
he's getting fresh air,
174
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:07,649
getting the respect he deserves.
175
00:07:07,650 --> 00:07:08,969
Yeah, we're not doing anything wrong.
176
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,579
I mean, last I checked,
this was a free country.
177
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:13,159
Yeah, thanks to him.
178
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,500
Exactly. This is what he fought for.
179
00:07:15,570 --> 00:07:18,060
You know what? I have an idea.
Let's get him cleaned up.
180
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:27,959
Hey, wake up. Sorry, gotta use this phone.
181
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,950
I'm sure you know it's kinda the last
pay phone in the world, so move it...
182
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,159
God, why is it so wet?
183
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,879
- Here. - What? Why do I have to call?
184
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,909
Because I've done literally
everything else.
185
00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:41,200
You want to be equals,
start pulling your weight.
186
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,690
911 emergency.
187
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:47,449
Yo, yo, you jive-ass turkey.
188
00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:49,849
What's the skinny on the
po-po down at the dump?
189
00:07:49,850 --> 00:07:50,700
I'm sorry?
190
00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:53,460
The coppers down at Fairfield
county sanitation,
191
00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:54,749
you mark-ass trick.
192
00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:56,249
Are you calling to report a crime?
193
00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:59,449
You tell me, Jack. Five-O
be buggin' me out!
194
00:07:59,450 --> 00:08:01,550
I'll patch you through to
the detective on the case.
195
00:08:01,870 --> 00:08:02,870
What are you doing?
196
00:08:02,871 --> 00:08:05,069
I disguise my voice to protect my identity.
197
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:06,659
Yeah. Yeah, I got that part.
198
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,369
Did you have to be so racist?
199
00:08:08,370 --> 00:08:09,930
Is that how you think black people talk?
200
00:08:09,940 --> 00:08:13,159
No! Who said anything about
talking like a black person?
201
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,400
That was a cool white lady.
202
00:08:15,450 --> 00:08:19,410
No, you're a racist for thinking
that was a black voice.
203
00:08:21,650 --> 00:08:22,770
Okay.
204
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:24,240
Hello? Hello?
205
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,549
- Yeah? - This is Detective Hurley.
206
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,909
- Who am I talking to?
- Shut your mouth, bacon,
207
00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:31,349
- before I fry your greasy ass.
- All right.
208
00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:35,600
Okay. Do you have information
regarding the kidnapping?
209
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,799
Kidnapping? No! No, no, no, no kidnapping.
210
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,169
We took him by accident.
211
00:08:39,170 --> 00:08:41,120
- What? - So you do have the boy.
212
00:08:42,670 --> 00:08:43,460
What did... What did you do?
213
00:08:43,470 --> 00:08:45,209
Well, he said we kidnapped
him, but we didn't.
214
00:08:45,210 --> 00:08:48,159
Well, now they think we did! You blew it!
215
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:49,419
No. You know what? I call back,
216
00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:51,189
and I go, "Yo, yo, it's just a prank, yo."
217
00:08:51,190 --> 00:08:53,089
It's not a prank! There's a child missing.
218
00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:54,749
And now they probably
already traced the call.
219
00:08:54,750 --> 00:08:56,470
- We gotta move. - Yeah, yeah.
220
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,029
I'm gonna have to see some ID.
221
00:09:03,030 --> 00:09:06,240
No, of course it's not for me,
it's for my dear grandfather.
222
00:09:06,970 --> 00:09:08,569
Yeah, he's a freaking war vet.
223
00:09:08,570 --> 00:09:09,840
He's killed, like, a ton of Germans,
224
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:12,119
and he does not like waiting, so hurry up.
225
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,039
Unless you hate freedom.
226
00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,090
Okay, one lemon drop, coming up.
227
00:09:16,940 --> 00:09:18,349
Holy crap, it actually worked.
228
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:22,389
People are so stupid.
Or patriotic, I guess.
229
00:09:22,390 --> 00:09:25,890
Excuse me, I noticed that your
grandfather has a purple heart.
230
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:29,269
I served in Iraq, and I'd like
to pay for the officer's drink.
231
00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:31,350
Be my guest, soldier.
232
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:35,500
You know, he mentioned wanting
to try the ahi tostada as well.
233
00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:41,109
He'd salute you back,
234
00:09:41,110 --> 00:09:44,740
but his arms are paralyzed from
punching so many Nazis in the dong.
235
00:09:48,780 --> 00:09:49,959
The colonel frickin' rules.
236
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,029
I don't even find him
that disgusting anymore.
237
00:09:52,030 --> 00:09:54,850
For someone so ancient,
he's a pretty legit guy.
238
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,679
Sweet. And you can keep 'em coming.
239
00:09:58,680 --> 00:09:59,889
He might seem like a lightweight,
240
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,059
but those Navy men can really put 'em back.
241
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,290
Alcohol helps with his PTSD.
242
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,120
Where is he?
243
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:07,970
He's right over...
244
00:10:08,540 --> 00:10:10,180
- What the hell? - Where'd he go?
245
00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:11,980
- Colonel? - Wha...
246
00:10:12,010 --> 00:10:13,380
Colonel?
247
00:10:14,290 --> 00:10:15,400
Colonel?
248
00:10:18,470 --> 00:10:20,089
We just gotta figure out
where the kid lives
249
00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:21,419
you know, so we can just drop him off
250
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,019
and wash our hands of this whole mess.
251
00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:24,749
- Check his wallet. - He's seven.
252
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:25,740
He doesn't carry a wallet.
253
00:10:25,741 --> 00:10:26,859
Well, look in his pockets.
254
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,970
I'm not rooting around in some
little boy's pants, all right?
255
00:10:29,990 --> 00:10:31,999
Look, he obviously knows
more than he's telling us.
256
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,150
We just gotta dig it out of him.
257
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,130
Yeah, okay.
258
00:10:34,131 --> 00:10:36,849
- I will be bad cop. Yeah. - No, no cops.
259
00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:38,529
I-I don't, I don't like where
you're headed with that.
260
00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:39,579
Let's not do cop thing.
261
00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:41,740
We'll just talk to him,
have a casual conversation.
262
00:10:45,090 --> 00:10:46,349
Okay, guys,
263
00:10:46,350 --> 00:10:48,439
we're going to take a little break
from the video games for a second.
264
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,769
Hey, I was playing that.
265
00:10:49,770 --> 00:10:52,239
Dump, listen, I'm gonna
ask you some questions,
266
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:54,840
and if you answer those questions...
267
00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:57,769
you get to take all the video games home.
268
00:10:57,770 --> 00:10:58,899
Those are mine.
269
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:02,749
You like golf, Dump? I don't. Never have.
270
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:05,829
It's too slow. And I
don't like slow things.
271
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:08,630
Maybe because I've never
been a very patient person.
272
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,109
Do you think you two could
just be quiet for a second
273
00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:14,139
and let me ask the questions?
274
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:16,099
- It's all yours.
- Yeah, wouldn't that be cool?
275
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,919
- Everyone's cool. - Does that sound nice?
276
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,289
- We're all gonna be cool.
- Okay, you ready for this one?
277
00:11:20,290 --> 00:11:22,200
Where do you live?
278
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,579
What are you doing?
279
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,779
What? You said he could have
the games if he answered.
280
00:11:30,780 --> 00:11:33,159
Well, I didn't say smash
everything to pieces if he didn't.
281
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,799
Well, you didn't have to, it was implied.
282
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,679
No, it wasn't implied. Stop it.
283
00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:39,489
What is wrong with us? He's a little kid.
284
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,829
We should be able to figure this out.
285
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:41,919
Okay, okay.
286
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,810
Yeah. Maybe we don't feed him.
287
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:44,950
No.
288
00:11:44,951 --> 00:11:46,319
Okay, maybe we overfeed him.
289
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,229
No torture. That's what kidnappers do,
290
00:11:48,230 --> 00:11:49,940
and we're not kidnappers.
291
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,490
Well, we kinda are.
292
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:52,809
I mean, we took him.
293
00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:54,779
We established communication
with the police.
294
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,939
We brought him to a second location.
295
00:11:56,940 --> 00:11:58,679
All right, well, when you
list it all out like that,
296
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,519
it sure doesn't sound good.
297
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,799
Mickey, what are we going to do?
298
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,169
I don't know!
299
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:05,629
I don't know what we're gonna do
300
00:12:05,630 --> 00:12:08,230
- because you won't let me think
for two seconds! - Mickey, stop!
301
00:12:10,510 --> 00:12:13,900
You know what, I got an idea.
Let's go find a new pay phone.
302
00:12:14,570 --> 00:12:15,710
All right.
303
00:12:22,970 --> 00:12:24,499
This one smells like someone gave birth.
304
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,759
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
305
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,980
Maybe we don't push our
luck with the police.
306
00:12:28,190 --> 00:12:30,879
Why can't we leave Dump here?
No body, no crime.
307
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,130
No, that's a murderer thing...
We're kidnappers now.
308
00:12:33,140 --> 00:12:34,050
Now, here's the plan.
309
00:12:34,051 --> 00:12:36,259
We're gonna call the police
and give 'em a drop point...
310
00:12:36,260 --> 00:12:37,369
It's kidnapping lingo...
311
00:12:37,370 --> 00:12:39,050
And then when they're off
on a wild goose chase,
312
00:12:39,060 --> 00:12:41,710
we will safely unload Dump
on the other side of town.
313
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:43,169
Okay. Do you think this will work?
314
00:12:43,170 --> 00:12:45,580
We don't have much of a
choice, do we, Huggy Bear?
315
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:48,050
911 emergency.
316
00:12:48,051 --> 00:12:50,989
Yah, I kidnap a from a sanitation center.
317
00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:54,690
I demand speak with most
honorable policeman.
318
00:12:57,390 --> 00:13:00,100
This is Detective Hurley.
Who am I talking to?
319
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,959
You talk to yourself, you
don't shut your mouth.
320
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,959
You listen to me. I have boy you seek.
321
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,639
- Is the child unharmed? - Yes, child fine!
322
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,669
Look, the boy is hearing-impaired,
323
00:13:10,670 --> 00:13:12,379
and his parents are very worried.
324
00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:13,120
Can't hear.
325
00:13:13,130 --> 00:13:15,030
They're prepared to comply
with all of your demands,
326
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,009
they just want him back safely.
327
00:13:17,010 --> 00:13:20,499
You greedy Americans think
everything about money.
328
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,379
Well, I have no demand.
329
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:25,049
No, I seek a peaceful resolution.
330
00:13:25,050 --> 00:13:26,570
- No, wait, wait, wait. - What?
331
00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:30,410
Isn't a kidnapper without
demands just a child molester?
332
00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:34,489
Sorry, no, no, no.
333
00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:37,519
I-I have demand. Big demand.
334
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:41,060
I-I ask one million American dollar.
335
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,589
Mickey, that was very offensive.
336
00:13:48,590 --> 00:13:51,079
Wh-What are you talking about?
That's what you did.
337
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,189
I picked an accent and disguised my voice.
338
00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:55,060
An Asian accent?
339
00:13:56,170 --> 00:13:59,380
You... Alba, who's racist now, huh?
340
00:13:59,390 --> 00:14:01,220
You thought that was Asian?
341
00:14:02,890 --> 00:14:05,349
Y-Yeah, I mean, for authenticity.
342
00:14:05,350 --> 00:14:07,289
And with the u-utmost respect.
343
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:09,669
There is no one more ancient
or mystic than the Chinese.
344
00:14:09,670 --> 00:14:11,400
"Arigato" is Japanese.
345
00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:13,969
Okay...
346
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:16,320
How do you say "good-bye" in Chinese?
"Chow."
347
00:14:16,330 --> 00:14:18,549
- And that is Italian.
- Okay, I'm sorry, all right?
348
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,729
I-I'm... I don't know, I'm
doing my best here. Okay?
349
00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:22,709
I'm sorry. I'm uneducated and I'm ignorant.
350
00:14:22,710 --> 00:14:25,130
Excuse me if nobody bothered
to-to teach me stuff.
351
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:26,239
T-this is your fault.
352
00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,279
This is all your fault.
353
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,499
I could have figured this out
if you had just left me alone,
354
00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:32,299
I could have figured it out, but
no, you insist on being equals.
355
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:32,950
And before I know it,
356
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:36,349
I-I'm a racist kidnapper with a
child being molested in the...
357
00:14:36,350 --> 00:14:37,310
Where'd they go?
358
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:38,610
Ben?
359
00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:42,610
They left a note.
360
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,139
You can't take my new best friend.
361
00:14:45,140 --> 00:14:47,269
We are going to the coolest
place in the world
362
00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:49,070
where you will never find us.
363
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:53,600
Those sons of bitches
went back to the dump.
364
00:14:58,570 --> 00:14:59,949
And what'd he look like?
365
00:14:59,950 --> 00:15:02,089
He's, like, 80 pounds,
366
00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:04,879
three and a half feet tall,
at least a hundred years old.
367
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,679
He's like a human statue on
wheels, dressed like JAG.
368
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,510
Nope, I haven't seen anyone like that.
369
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,119
Maybe he decided to go home.
370
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,609
He can't decide anything,
his brain's a wasteland.
371
00:15:14,610 --> 00:15:16,859
His mind's working overtime just to blink.
372
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:17,860
You know what? Forget it.
373
00:15:17,861 --> 00:15:19,250
This is useless.
374
00:15:20,350 --> 00:15:21,890
I hope he's okay.
375
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,959
Maybe Jimmy was right about us.
376
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,069
Screw Jimmy.
377
00:15:26,070 --> 00:15:27,999
None of this would have happened
it if he hadn't forced us to
378
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,089
hang out with the Colonel
in the first place.
379
00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:32,639
I mean, we shouldn't have to do
anything we don't want to do.
380
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,159
This is a free country.
381
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:35,940
Once again, thanks to him.
382
00:15:35,950 --> 00:15:38,629
He basically fought for our freedom
to not have to hang out with him.
383
00:15:38,630 --> 00:15:41,959
Yeah, plus, we shouldn't be trusted
with this kind of responsibility.
384
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,420
We're just kids.
385
00:15:48,790 --> 00:15:49,929
What?
386
00:15:49,930 --> 00:15:52,249
Where are you? What's that noise?
387
00:15:52,250 --> 00:15:54,450
Chip, I'm in the middle of
something, what do you want?
388
00:15:54,610 --> 00:15:56,259
All right, we need your help.
We lost the colonel.
389
00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:57,569
How the hell did you do that?
390
00:15:57,570 --> 00:15:58,959
I don't know, he just escaped.
391
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,379
Doesn't he have, like, a microchip
in him or something you can track?
392
00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:02,280
No.
393
00:16:02,290 --> 00:16:04,579
There's not a microchip in him.
He is not a dog.
394
00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:05,679
He's a helpless old man.
395
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,759
He's probably out there
getting mugged or raped
396
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,670
or turned into some kind of sex doll...
397
00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:12,170
You there?
398
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:14,550
Reload.
399
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:18,260
Why'd you hang up?
400
00:16:18,261 --> 00:16:20,769
He doesn't have a chip, but I
left my phone in his chair.
401
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,220
We can track that.
402
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:33,840
I hate this place so much.
403
00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:38,540
Are you okay?
404
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,760
Just... big dog.
405
00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:46,090
Okay.
406
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:48,410
Okay.
407
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:49,680
Just stay calm.
408
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,850
If we just relax, he'll leave us alone.
409
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:53,910
Just go.
410
00:16:54,490 --> 00:16:55,680
What?
411
00:16:57,740 --> 00:16:58,830
I will take care of the dog.
412
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:01,520
- Okay. - And if I do this, we are equals?
413
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,650
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
414
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:05,270
Okay, doggie.
415
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:08,570
Okay, I'm ready for you.
416
00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:11,370
Ben!
417
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:14,620
Ben!
418
00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:21,079
Come on, Ben, let's go home.
419
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,499
I am home.
420
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,309
Dump and I are gonna live here forever,
421
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,390
and you can't take him away.
422
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:30,039
Buddy, his parents are
very worried about him.
423
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,489
But he's my friend.
424
00:17:31,490 --> 00:17:32,810
I'm your friend, too.
425
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:34,669
No, you're not, you hate trash,
426
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:37,830
and you said you'd never go on
another field trip with me again.
427
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:40,629
All right, I'm sorry.
428
00:17:40,630 --> 00:17:43,209
I see that that was very selfish, okay?
429
00:17:43,210 --> 00:17:44,609
And I'll make it up to you.
430
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:46,390
Whatever you want, just name it.
431
00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:51,139
I want you to come on every
field trip with me from now on.
432
00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:52,960
Man, that's not gonna happen.
433
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,800
Then I'm not coming down.
434
00:17:56,710 --> 00:17:57,640
Okay, how about this?
435
00:17:57,641 --> 00:18:00,540
I will go on one more field
trip with you, okay?
436
00:18:00,650 --> 00:18:03,590
Every field trip for the next ten years.
437
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,380
What? Have you lost...
438
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,060
All right.
439
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:08,470
I got a great idea.
440
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:09,970
'Cause you drive such a hard bargain.
441
00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:12,279
I will go on one field trip with you
442
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,269
every other year for a hundred years.
443
00:18:15,270 --> 00:18:16,730
100 years?
444
00:18:16,740 --> 00:18:18,539
Yep, a cool century.
445
00:18:18,540 --> 00:18:19,010
Deal.
446
00:18:19,011 --> 00:18:21,220
Yes! Come on.
447
00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:24,380
All right, you guys okay?
448
00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:27,440
Dear God.
449
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:31,000
It's taken care of.
450
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,150
Where the hell are we? This
place looks like Detroit.
451
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,349
Quiet. You're gonna get us jumped.
452
00:18:42,350 --> 00:18:43,959
It says that he's over there.
453
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,240
Grandpa!
454
00:18:45,570 --> 00:18:47,349
No! They took his Durants!
455
00:18:47,350 --> 00:18:48,490
My God.
456
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,789
Thank God, everything's still here.
457
00:18:50,790 --> 00:18:52,370
Except his Durants.
458
00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:55,820
Savages! I told you, people
are going nuts for these.
459
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,049
I'm so sorry, Grandpa.
460
00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:59,019
Dude, I'm not even sure
he felt them on his feet.
461
00:18:59,020 --> 00:19:00,669
Of course he did, they're Durants.
462
00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:02,509
Then give him yours. They're the same size.
463
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:04,239
No frickin' way, I already 'grammed them.
464
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,499
People are gonna be expecting
me to rock them tomorrow.
465
00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:09,040
Whatever, let's just bring him home, okay?
466
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:12,819
Well, we had a great day with you, Grandpa.
467
00:19:12,820 --> 00:19:15,219
- You're the best.
- A genuine American hero.
468
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:18,420
Now I understand when they call
you guys the greatest generation.
469
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,570
You're an all-around chill-ass guy.
470
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:23,000
Good?
471
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:25,830
Come on, Grandpa.
472
00:19:27,550 --> 00:19:28,810
I got it.
473
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:30,510
Great day.
474
00:19:32,510 --> 00:19:34,020
He's over here!
475
00:19:46,730 --> 00:19:48,020
Is he okay?
476
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:00,969
Get any more on my jeans,
477
00:20:00,970 --> 00:20:03,550
and me and you are gonna
have words, understand?
478
00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:07,210
Aunt Mickey, what did you
think of the mustard factory?
479
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,619
It was, not my favorite.
480
00:20:09,620 --> 00:20:13,589
Honestly, that school needs to fully
reimagine its entire field trip program.
481
00:20:13,590 --> 00:20:15,439
Like, what happened to the classics?
482
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,109
Your zoos, your botanical gardens?
483
00:20:17,110 --> 00:20:18,859
Your-your old-timey villages?
484
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:20,619
Well, speak for yourself.
485
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,319
That place delivered.
486
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,589
Yeah, mustard rules.
487
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,700
I can't wait to go back.
488
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:29,400
That's it!
489
00:20:29,401 --> 00:20:31,359
The next person who throws anything at me
490
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,749
is getting drowned in a vat of mustard!
491
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:35,510
Yay!
492
00:20:36,190 --> 00:20:37,140
No! No, no...
493
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:39,189
That's a punishment, not a reward.
494
00:20:39,190 --> 00:20:41,619
What is the matter with you maniacs?
495
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:43,379
Stop it!
496
00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:45,190
Stop it! Stop!
37085
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