Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:09,772
D'oh!
2
00:00:11,347 --> 00:00:14,845
Subtitles by explosiveskull
3
00:00:20,386 --> 00:00:22,620
- Here's your raise.
- D'oh!
4
00:00:32,065 --> 00:00:34,965
Light! Light! Light...!
5
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:35,999
Light!
6
00:00:36,035 --> 00:00:37,801
- It's your turn to get up.
- Light.
7
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,271
Oh. I'll never understand
how something
8
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:43,874
that came from inside of you
became my responsibility.
9
00:00:45,178 --> 00:00:47,710
- Mm.
- Out!
10
00:00:47,746 --> 00:00:49,380
Light!
11
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,715
Daddy. Breakfast.
12
00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:53,783
Geez, this kid's kind of smart.
13
00:00:53,819 --> 00:00:55,185
Tuesday.
14
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:56,320
Au-Autumn.
15
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,354
- She's a genius.
- Foliage.
16
00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:01,024
Like the guy who invented
shoes with lights in them.
17
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,826
Cornucopia?
18
00:01:04,096 --> 00:01:07,363
Aw, sweetie, it's no surprise
you're awesome.
19
00:01:07,399 --> 00:01:10,633
We didn't have to pull you out
by the elbow, like the boy.
20
00:01:10,669 --> 00:01:12,136
Mwah.
21
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:15,472
D'oh!
22
00:01:20,913 --> 00:01:23,047
Harvard College,
admissions essay.
23
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,982
Lisa M. Simpson.
24
00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:27,417
I was born with one
great advantage in life...
25
00:01:27,453 --> 00:01:30,053
A voice that would make a rhino
stick its horn up its butt?
26
00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:32,255
Rhinos are extinct, nimrod.
27
00:01:32,291 --> 00:01:35,059
Not hippos. I just saw one
in smelly, blue pants.
28
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,193
Why you little...
29
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:39,062
I'm not little.
I'm 20, and I live at home.
30
00:01:39,098 --> 00:01:41,164
- Oh, man.
- Why you disappointing...
31
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,399
You know you're choking
someone who can vote.
32
00:01:43,435 --> 00:01:45,268
- But did you vote?
- No.
33
00:01:45,304 --> 00:01:47,238
- Why you little...
- Oh, come on, man.
34
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,607
...not voting
fascist-enabling...
35
00:01:50,976 --> 00:01:54,244
Must stop
President Kid Rock.
36
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:57,181
I was born with
one great advantage,
37
00:01:57,217 --> 00:02:00,250
a family that never made
anything easy.
38
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,853
Never more than
on my seventh birthday.
39
00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:08,459
It's my birthday!
40
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:09,893
Seven years old!
41
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:13,096
I'll wear
my favorite blue dress.
42
00:02:13,132 --> 00:02:15,265
I'll wear red, just for today.
43
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,767
It's my birthday.
44
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,869
I want bacon!
45
00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:22,072
Shh!
46
00:02:22,108 --> 00:02:24,073
I can't get Maggie to sleep.
47
00:02:24,109 --> 00:02:27,543
I guess I'll just have
to start using these.
48
00:02:29,081 --> 00:02:32,549
Whoa, okay, okay.
That's enough for now.
49
00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:35,818
Geez, come on.
50
00:02:38,191 --> 00:02:40,693
Don't make me put you
under warm water.
51
00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:43,464
I give up.
52
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,299
Anyone have anything
to say to me?
53
00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:52,136
Well, of course, honey.
54
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,670
Get ready for school
or you'll be late.
55
00:02:54,973 --> 00:02:57,073
Oy, this baby.
56
00:02:57,109 --> 00:03:00,244
Lisa, sweetie, I know
why you're excited.
57
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,279
This is a very big day.
58
00:03:02,315 --> 00:03:03,781
Happy...
59
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:06,449
...hour at Moe's
was extended by an hour.
60
00:03:06,485 --> 00:03:08,185
- Wh-What?
- Mwah.
61
00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:10,586
♪ Happy hour at Moe's ♪
62
00:03:10,622 --> 00:03:12,322
♪ Now he'll never close. ♪
63
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:26,136
Class, today is
a very special day.
64
00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,104
It's someone's birthday.
65
00:03:28,140 --> 00:03:30,674
Someone whose parents
pretended to forget.
66
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,941
Yes.
67
00:03:31,977 --> 00:03:35,112
And that someone is...
Hubert Wong.
68
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:37,114
Happy birthday, superstar.
69
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:42,519
Lisa, please don't ruin
Hubert's birthday.
70
00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:44,854
You wouldn't like it
if someone ruined yours.
71
00:03:46,692 --> 00:03:50,526
I am sorry, but if you
can't control yourself,
72
00:03:50,562 --> 00:03:52,363
I'll have to send you
to the office.
73
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:57,133
But you saying that makes me
wants to cry more.
74
00:04:04,443 --> 00:04:05,876
Mmm!
75
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,949
No, Hubert.
No cupcake for her.
76
00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:16,686
Lisa, school is a place
for sitting quietly.
77
00:04:16,722 --> 00:04:18,088
What about learning?
78
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:20,224
No longer part of our mandate.
79
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,393
Did your mom ever
disappoint you?
80
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,193
This isn't about mother,
81
00:04:24,229 --> 00:04:26,095
so don't say
a mother word about her.
82
00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:28,331
Don't you dare, Mother,
don't you dare.
83
00:04:28,367 --> 00:04:30,400
Ah. It's just me, a student.
84
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,874
I can't hear you, Mother.
85
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:39,042
She's everywhere and everyone.
86
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:42,448
I'm everywhere
because you're nothing.
87
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,049
Thanks for getting me
out of work, sweetie.
88
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,285
- Want the rest of my donut?
- No, sir.
89
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:49,886
What?
90
00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:51,888
Aw, please tell me what's wrong.
91
00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:54,891
I can't tell you.
You just have to know.
92
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:57,261
- Would tickling help matters?
- No.
93
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,296
Well, that's really
all I have in my toolbox.
94
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:02,232
Okay, let me think.
What's today? Tuesday?
95
00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:03,299
Yes.
96
00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:08,405
That would make you six years
and 365 days old.
97
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:09,405
Yes.
98
00:05:09,441 --> 00:05:11,275
It's your birthday!
99
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,544
And you forgot it, Lisa.
100
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:16,145
But because it's your birthday,
I forgive you.
101
00:05:16,181 --> 00:05:18,448
And you're gonna have
the best day ever.
102
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,119
Optimism, you're back.
103
00:05:23,155 --> 00:05:25,054
Attention, world.
104
00:05:25,090 --> 00:05:28,991
It's little Lisa's birthday,
and you all forgot.
105
00:05:29,027 --> 00:05:30,727
Not me.
106
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:33,229
Now I suppose I got to get
your kid something.
107
00:05:33,265 --> 00:05:35,068
Just remember them
in your prayers.
108
00:05:35,104 --> 00:05:37,167
Both of them? Fine.
109
00:05:37,203 --> 00:05:42,806
♪ Happy birthday, dear Lisa ♪
110
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:47,477
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
111
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,184
♪ We all forgot. ♪
112
00:05:53,285 --> 00:05:56,152
And all was well,
until the next year,
113
00:05:56,188 --> 00:05:57,688
when they forgot again.
114
00:05:57,724 --> 00:05:59,155
I mean, really, two in a row?
115
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:01,357
Even Luigi remembers it.
116
00:06:01,393 --> 00:06:03,527
Well, we have-a
the same-a birthday.
117
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:06,892
Makes it easy.
You, me, and Hubert Wong.
118
00:06:06,928 --> 00:06:10,970
That's a-right, Hubert.
Cupcake for her.
119
00:06:13,633 --> 00:06:15,665
As I got older,
120
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:18,669
I realized, as all must,
121
00:06:18,705 --> 00:06:21,508
that my parents
were not demigods.
122
00:06:22,941 --> 00:06:24,741
You are going to die soon.
123
00:06:24,777 --> 00:06:25,943
Shut up.
124
00:06:25,979 --> 00:06:27,410
You are going to die soon.
125
00:06:27,446 --> 00:06:28,612
Shut up.
126
00:06:28,648 --> 00:06:30,280
Blood pressure spiking.
127
00:06:30,316 --> 00:06:31,681
Shut up!
128
00:06:31,717 --> 00:06:34,350
Calling your doctor.
129
00:06:34,386 --> 00:06:36,119
Hello?
130
00:06:36,155 --> 00:06:37,487
Shut up!
131
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:39,155
No, they are a man and a woman
132
00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:41,458
trapped in a fragile marriage
133
00:06:41,494 --> 00:06:44,965
that nearly fell apart
when I turned 14.
134
00:06:46,700 --> 00:06:48,698
Happy birthday! Happy birthday!
135
00:06:48,734 --> 00:06:51,100
I remembered!
Don't tell your therapist.
136
00:06:51,136 --> 00:06:54,171
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪
137
00:06:54,207 --> 00:06:57,607
♪ Here's five brand-new verses ♪
138
00:06:57,643 --> 00:07:01,177
♪ Soon you'll be a woman ♪
139
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:03,980
♪ Soon you'll be in love ♪
140
00:07:04,016 --> 00:07:07,316
♪ Who'd be better
to take advice from ♪
141
00:07:07,352 --> 00:07:10,220
♪ Than a man who wears
one glove? ♪
142
00:07:10,256 --> 00:07:11,220
Hee-hee!
143
00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:14,657
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪
144
00:07:14,693 --> 00:07:18,227
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa ♪
145
00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:21,364
♪ Lisa, it's your birthday ♪
146
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,835
♪ Happy birthday, Lisa. ♪
147
00:07:24,871 --> 00:07:26,569
- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
148
00:07:26,605 --> 00:07:29,205
Thank you.
It's a wonderful cake, Dad,
149
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,474
but I'm 14.
150
00:07:30,510 --> 00:07:31,512
D'oh!
151
00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:35,044
Happy birthday, Lisa.
152
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,246
We miss you in second grade.
153
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:40,217
Oh, someday you'll
get out of there, Ralph.
154
00:07:40,253 --> 00:07:42,386
I don't want to.
I'm bigger than teacher.
155
00:07:42,422 --> 00:07:44,987
I broke my desk.
Teacher cry.
156
00:07:45,023 --> 00:07:48,261
I'm growing a mustache
under my long nose.
157
00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:53,466
Better use Mom's closet.
158
00:07:55,734 --> 00:07:58,571
Oof. It's full?
159
00:08:02,407 --> 00:08:05,174
Read me. Read me.
160
00:08:05,210 --> 00:08:06,410
Come on, help a letter out.
161
00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:10,246
"Dear Homer,
162
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:12,181
By the time you read this..."
163
00:08:12,217 --> 00:08:13,350
I will be gone.
164
00:08:13,386 --> 00:08:15,551
Since we married,
you've changed.
165
00:08:15,587 --> 00:08:17,287
Not once for the better.
166
00:08:17,323 --> 00:08:19,355
What's it say? I can't read.
167
00:08:19,391 --> 00:08:21,859
So I'm taking
the kids and opening
168
00:08:21,895 --> 00:08:23,426
a bed-and-breakfast.
169
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,433
Bitterly, Marge.
170
00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:33,106
Is Mom really leaving Dad?
171
00:08:38,411 --> 00:08:40,910
So, you finally left him.
172
00:08:40,946 --> 00:08:43,713
Well, good for me
and good for you.
173
00:08:43,749 --> 00:08:47,217
I finally learned how
to unhook a bra with one hand.
174
00:08:47,253 --> 00:08:49,486
Lisa, I know what you're doing.
175
00:08:52,691 --> 00:08:54,558
You're hiding when you're
supposed to help me
176
00:08:54,594 --> 00:08:55,925
give the dog a bath.
177
00:08:55,961 --> 00:08:58,562
Mom, Mom!
178
00:08:58,598 --> 00:09:01,497
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
I'm not going anywhere.
179
00:09:01,533 --> 00:09:03,333
Oh, God bless you, inertia.
180
00:09:03,369 --> 00:09:05,973
Not until I wash this dog.
181
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,173
Bart, Mom's leaving Dad.
182
00:09:09,209 --> 00:09:10,439
Oh, the poor guy.
183
00:09:10,475 --> 00:09:12,976
Please let me tell him, please.
184
00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:14,178
Pass the gravy.
185
00:09:14,214 --> 00:09:17,514
We used to call it "grave,"
but that was too scary.
186
00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:20,950
So we modified it to "gravy,"
unless it had meat chunks.
187
00:09:20,986 --> 00:09:25,588
In which case, it was "gravier,"
but the war changed everything.
188
00:09:25,624 --> 00:09:27,591
Ugh.
189
00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:30,928
I wish you wouldn't drink
so much in front of the kids.
190
00:09:30,964 --> 00:09:33,597
Marge, I tried to drink
in the pantry,
191
00:09:33,633 --> 00:09:35,933
but you claim
that's antisocial.
192
00:09:35,969 --> 00:09:38,267
Ugh. Why don't you
just go to Moe's?
193
00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:42,171
You want me to go to a bar
on my daughter's birthday?
194
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,373
That is so messed up.
195
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:47,443
I'm going, of course,
but it is so messed up.
196
00:09:47,479 --> 00:09:48,612
Happy birthday.
197
00:09:55,321 --> 00:09:58,191
Harvard will save me.
Harvard will save me.
198
00:10:00,259 --> 00:10:04,227
Kiss me, Lisa, in front of
the hall my grandfather endowed.
199
00:10:04,263 --> 00:10:08,799
He made his money in opium,
but we said it was molasses.
200
00:10:10,436 --> 00:10:12,501
First, I have to save
my parents' marriage.
201
00:10:12,537 --> 00:10:14,237
Wait here in this fantasy?
202
00:10:14,273 --> 00:10:17,341
Yeah, can we, um, you know,
see other people?
203
00:10:17,377 --> 00:10:18,378
Sure.
204
00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:37,593
Man, Moe, you sure are spry.
205
00:10:37,629 --> 00:10:40,100
The job keeps me young, eh.
206
00:10:45,305 --> 00:10:47,570
Dad! Mom is gonna leave you.
207
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:50,406
Sweetie, marriages
are like water heaters...
208
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,174
they sit peacefully for years
209
00:10:52,210 --> 00:10:56,246
until they explode in a fireball
ruining everything you own.
210
00:10:56,282 --> 00:10:57,747
Mom packed her bags.
211
00:10:57,783 --> 00:11:00,416
Which suitcase?
The one with the broken wheel?
212
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:03,020
Because she won't get more than
a block away with that.
213
00:11:03,056 --> 00:11:04,353
She fixed the wheel.
214
00:11:04,389 --> 00:11:05,554
Oh, God!
215
00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,892
- Dad, you've got to shape up.
- Hmm?
216
00:11:09,928 --> 00:11:11,461
I'm 14-years-old.
217
00:11:11,497 --> 00:11:14,298
These next four years
are the last memories I'll have
218
00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:16,098
of all of us together.
219
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,601
I'll do anything
you say, sweetie.
220
00:11:17,637 --> 00:11:19,636
I want you to stop drinking.
221
00:11:19,672 --> 00:11:20,904
Stop drinking?
222
00:11:20,940 --> 00:11:23,807
But that's like asking a golfer
to stop drinking.
223
00:11:24,744 --> 00:11:26,142
I never thought I'd say this,
224
00:11:26,178 --> 00:11:28,211
but I'd better text my sponsor.
225
00:11:28,247 --> 00:11:29,612
Homer's got a sponsor?
226
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:32,482
Uh, what idiot would lean
into that buzz saw?
227
00:11:32,518 --> 00:11:35,251
Hey, hey!
I'm the man from A-diddly-A!
228
00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:37,654
Ned, I have
to quit drinking. Now!
229
00:11:37,690 --> 00:11:40,589
All right, soberino,
it's just 12 simple steps.
230
00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,159
Oh, 12?
231
00:11:42,195 --> 00:11:43,260
Fine. Nine.
232
00:11:43,296 --> 00:11:44,828
Oh!
233
00:11:44,864 --> 00:11:47,164
Okay, step one:
Admit you're powerless.
234
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,299
I'm powerless.
Boom! Done.
235
00:11:49,335 --> 00:11:52,836
Step two: Admit there is a power
greater than yourself.
236
00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:56,238
Um, if I'm powerless, isn't
every power greater than myself?
237
00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:58,507
This is the 12 steps,
not 20 questions.
238
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:01,511
Now, make a decision
to turn your life to God.
239
00:12:01,547 --> 00:12:05,247
God. He's in every
deal, like undercoating. Fine.
240
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:07,416
Make a searching
moral inventory of yourself.
241
00:12:07,452 --> 00:12:11,254
If I have one tiny flaw, it's
that I have many enormous flaws.
242
00:12:11,290 --> 00:12:12,756
Admit the nature of your wrongs.
243
00:12:12,792 --> 00:12:15,424
Well, I'm not
the best parallel parker.
244
00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:18,929
Are you ready for God
to remove these defects?
245
00:12:18,965 --> 00:12:20,863
Dear Lord, the Satan of Heaven,
246
00:12:20,899 --> 00:12:22,765
I order you to fix me.
247
00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:24,467
Okay, I'm just gonna
fast-forward through this.
248
00:12:24,503 --> 00:12:25,935
- Make amends.
- Here's your wallet.
249
00:12:25,971 --> 00:12:27,838
- Engage in prayer.
- I pray you're not mad.
250
00:12:27,874 --> 00:12:29,909
And have a spiritual awakening.
251
00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:33,776
Things that cost $9.99
252
00:12:33,812 --> 00:12:36,313
are really ten dollars!
253
00:12:36,349 --> 00:12:39,315
The Lord has spoken,
and it is good!
254
00:12:39,351 --> 00:12:41,217
That's it.
No more drinking.
255
00:12:41,253 --> 00:12:43,453
Look at those, guys.
256
00:12:43,489 --> 00:12:45,521
I used to be like them.
257
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,457
Oh, I'm overjoyed for thee.
258
00:12:47,493 --> 00:12:50,293
Call me anytime you hear
the devil's seductive voice.
259
00:12:50,329 --> 00:12:51,727
Homer?
260
00:12:51,763 --> 00:12:53,163
Homer...
261
00:12:53,199 --> 00:12:55,664
Homer...
262
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:59,302
How's about a Flaming Moe?
263
00:13:00,873 --> 00:13:02,572
Drink me!
264
00:13:02,608 --> 00:13:06,342
I'm the most overpriced thing
at Universal Studios!
265
00:13:06,378 --> 00:13:08,382
No! I won't do it!
266
00:13:12,384 --> 00:13:16,086
Lisa, sweetie,
let's celebrate your birthday!
267
00:13:16,122 --> 00:13:17,254
Yes!
268
00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:19,021
Ah, honey.
269
00:13:19,057 --> 00:13:20,256
I'm so sorry.
270
00:13:20,292 --> 00:13:21,861
I miss you so much.
271
00:13:23,229 --> 00:13:25,828
He did quit, for good,
272
00:13:25,864 --> 00:13:29,533
and it was the best
birthday present I ever got.
273
00:13:29,569 --> 00:13:32,102
Well, the essay is pretty trite.
274
00:13:32,138 --> 00:13:34,938
But her grades are perfect,
her extracurricular's stellar,
275
00:13:34,974 --> 00:13:37,573
and she'll be the first
from her state, ever.
276
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,910
Admit! And now
for our instantaneous letter
277
00:13:39,946 --> 00:13:41,511
of acceptance.
278
00:13:45,417 --> 00:13:48,821
I'm in! And I accept!
279
00:14:03,689 --> 00:14:08,189
I'm here! And it's Ivy-er
than my Ivy-est dreams.
280
00:14:08,225 --> 00:14:10,585
- Lisa Simpson.
- Lisa Simpson?
281
00:14:10,621 --> 00:14:13,627
Hmm, I'm sorry,
but there must be some mistake.
282
00:14:13,663 --> 00:14:15,796
- Oh, no!
- Ha! Gotcha!
283
00:14:15,832 --> 00:14:17,799
My one moment of superiority
284
00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:20,468
before a lifetime
of begging you for money.
285
00:14:27,010 --> 00:14:29,877
Come on, sweetie, let me
carry you over the threshold.
286
00:14:29,913 --> 00:14:33,281
Dad! That's for weddings.
287
00:14:33,317 --> 00:14:35,049
I think Dad's
turning into Grampa.
288
00:14:35,085 --> 00:14:36,284
Hey, I don't need
289
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,051
to listen to that hooey!
290
00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:40,655
Because I make tie clips
out of maple syrup,
291
00:14:40,691 --> 00:14:43,424
but only for Flag Day!
292
00:14:43,460 --> 00:14:45,260
♪ By the sea, by the sea ♪
293
00:14:45,296 --> 00:14:47,228
♪ By the beautiful sea... ♪
294
00:14:47,264 --> 00:14:50,297
This is great... we don't have
to visit Grampa anymore.
295
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,809
Chug, chug, chug.
296
00:15:00,845 --> 00:15:03,178
Really, man, I've had enough.
297
00:15:03,214 --> 00:15:06,680
The hazing
ends when we say it ends.
298
00:15:06,716 --> 00:15:08,816
Do you need any help unpacking?
299
00:15:08,852 --> 00:15:12,189
Mom, I need to learn
to do these things for myself.
300
00:15:18,361 --> 00:15:19,761
Sorry, friend,
301
00:15:19,797 --> 00:15:22,033
you can't pahk your cah
in Hahvahd Yahd.
302
00:15:23,967 --> 00:15:25,967
I can't what my what
in what what what?
303
00:15:26,003 --> 00:15:27,502
You can't pahk...
304
00:15:27,538 --> 00:15:29,603
- Yes...?
- in Hahvahd Yahd.
305
00:15:29,639 --> 00:15:32,339
- Are you on Novocain?
- Yes, but recreationally.
306
00:15:32,375 --> 00:15:34,508
Now, move your craptastic cah.
307
00:15:36,547 --> 00:15:38,112
Hi. I'm Caitlyn.
308
00:15:38,148 --> 00:15:40,013
My roommate.
309
00:15:40,049 --> 00:15:41,983
So, you play an instrument?
310
00:15:42,019 --> 00:15:43,617
Bari sax.
311
00:15:43,653 --> 00:15:46,387
- Are you good?
- I played at Kenny G's funeral.
312
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,555
Ooh, she's pretty impressive.
313
00:15:48,591 --> 00:15:51,659
Uh... any childhood heartbreak?
314
00:15:51,695 --> 00:15:54,061
My parents forgot my birthday
three times.
315
00:15:54,097 --> 00:15:55,829
She beats me at everything!
316
00:15:55,865 --> 00:15:57,531
I don't belong here.
317
00:15:57,567 --> 00:16:00,034
While you were feeling inferior,
I took the top bunk.
318
00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:04,738
Stroke, stroke,
319
00:16:04,774 --> 00:16:05,906
stroke...
320
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:08,041
I'm not even gonna make it
321
00:16:08,077 --> 00:16:09,544
through freshman week.
322
00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:11,579
- Hey, little sister.
- Well!
323
00:16:11,615 --> 00:16:13,915
At least you're having
a good time.
324
00:16:13,951 --> 00:16:15,883
Yeah, these girls want me
to piss off their parents
325
00:16:15,919 --> 00:16:17,484
before they head home.
326
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:21,089
Get away from him, Mandy!
327
00:16:21,125 --> 00:16:22,589
I'll pay! I'll pay!
328
00:16:22,625 --> 00:16:24,324
Tell him I have two kids.
329
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,965
The beauty part is,
it's not a lie.
330
00:16:28,399 --> 00:16:30,864
You always know
what to say, Bart.
331
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:33,100
Well, try this.
I've known you all your life,
332
00:16:33,136 --> 00:16:36,404
and if there's one thing I know,
it's that you belong here.
333
00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:37,839
You're gonna study harder,
334
00:16:37,875 --> 00:16:39,574
you're gonna ask
better questions,
335
00:16:39,610 --> 00:16:41,876
you're gonna get into
their brains like an earworm
336
00:16:41,912 --> 00:16:44,045
and chew, chew, chew!
337
00:16:44,981 --> 00:16:46,414
Now, make Mom and Dad proud.
338
00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:47,848
And then I'll make 'em proud.
339
00:16:47,884 --> 00:16:49,754
- But you first.
- Thank you.
340
00:16:57,961 --> 00:16:59,526
This is it.
341
00:16:59,562 --> 00:17:02,297
I'm on my own
for the rest of my life.
342
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:06,067
Huh? Are you my roommate, too?
343
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,736
For now.
Till they kick me out.
344
00:17:09,772 --> 00:17:12,040
Everyone thinks
they're not gonna make it.
345
00:17:12,076 --> 00:17:14,041
I already got kicked out
of a psycho single
346
00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:17,044
'cause my roommate
didn't like me.
347
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,147
She used all the "shampoo"!
348
00:17:20,183 --> 00:17:22,116
I just think you're funny.
349
00:17:22,152 --> 00:17:25,954
So I suppose
you want to tell me your SATs.
350
00:17:25,990 --> 00:17:27,789
Very much. But I won't.
351
00:17:27,825 --> 00:17:29,089
Tell me about you.
352
00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:30,325
I'm already homesick.
353
00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:32,260
I was always the kid
that didn't fit in.
354
00:17:32,296 --> 00:17:33,498
Middle child.
355
00:17:34,431 --> 00:17:35,996
Artsy. And I play
356
00:17:36,032 --> 00:17:38,598
the most unpopular
instrument there is:
357
00:17:38,634 --> 00:17:40,635
the jazz clarinet.
358
00:17:40,671 --> 00:17:41,706
Hmm!
359
00:17:51,347 --> 00:17:53,947
You know your way
around a licorice stick, kid.
360
00:17:53,983 --> 00:17:56,917
You blow a mean fish hook
yourself, sister!
361
00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:59,987
- Let's talk normal now.
- Thank you.
362
00:18:00,023 --> 00:18:02,255
You know, today
I was hoping I would meet...
363
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,125
- A lifelong friend?
- Yes!
364
00:18:04,161 --> 00:18:06,159
Here I am.
365
00:18:07,297 --> 00:18:09,262
730 verbal, 790 math,
366
00:18:09,298 --> 00:18:10,932
800 telekinesis.
367
00:18:13,069 --> 00:18:14,868
740 verbal, 780 math,
368
00:18:14,904 --> 00:18:16,971
and I speak fluent cat!
369
00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:20,545
I have a friend!
370
00:18:21,577 --> 00:18:23,977
Oh. Maybe more than a friend.
371
00:18:24,013 --> 00:18:25,980
After that day,
I never looked back...
372
00:18:26,016 --> 00:18:28,683
except for all the time
I just spent looking back.
373
00:18:28,719 --> 00:18:30,685
But I never doubted
374
00:18:30,721 --> 00:18:33,120
that who I am was good enough.
375
00:18:56,079 --> 00:18:57,878
Light! Light...!
376
00:18:57,914 --> 00:18:59,813
Sweetie, you're one year old,
377
00:18:59,849 --> 00:19:03,184
and you're already the most
amazing thing I ever did.
378
00:19:03,220 --> 00:19:04,918
Daddy happy.
379
00:19:04,954 --> 00:19:06,921
Daddy very happy.
380
00:19:06,957 --> 00:19:10,295
Daddy euphoric!
381
00:19:10,331 --> 00:19:12,800
Aw. She's making up words.
382
00:19:13,872 --> 00:19:17,094
♪ Boy, the way Nirvana played ♪
383
00:19:17,130 --> 00:19:20,547
♪ Steroids caused a hit parade ♪
384
00:19:20,583 --> 00:19:23,997
♪ Beanie Babies had it made ♪
385
00:19:24,033 --> 00:19:27,167
♪ Those were the days ♪
386
00:19:27,203 --> 00:19:30,971
♪ And we had real heroes then ♪
387
00:19:31,007 --> 00:19:34,975
♪ Like Jar Jar Binks
and Qui-Gon Jinn ♪
388
00:19:35,011 --> 00:19:37,777
♪ Mister, we could use a man ♪
389
00:19:37,813 --> 00:19:41,814
♪ Like Richard Simmons again ♪
390
00:19:41,850 --> 00:19:44,784
♪ Watching films
like Gilbert Grape ♪
391
00:19:44,820 --> 00:19:48,187
♪ Then rewinding all the tape ♪
392
00:19:48,223 --> 00:19:52,959
♪ Gee, our modem
dialed up great ♪
393
00:19:56,866 --> 00:20:01,901
♪ Those were the days... ♪
394
00:20:01,937 --> 00:20:04,838
Very nice.
See you in court.
395
00:20:04,874 --> 00:20:07,474
Light! Light! Light...!
396
00:20:07,510 --> 00:20:10,010
Au-Autumn.
397
00:20:34,162 --> 00:20:39,162
Subtitles by explosiveskull
398
00:20:54,890 --> 00:20:56,392
Shh!
28099
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
