All language subtitles for Schitts Creek - 04x03 - Asbestos Fest.WebRip-XVid-AFG.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,157 --> 00:00:01,556 _ 2 00:00:01,556 --> 00:00:03,501 Moira, I'm sorry I couldn't be more available 3 00:00:03,527 --> 00:00:05,567 for you today, it's just that my sister was supposed 4 00:00:05,591 --> 00:00:06,992 to organize this with me, 5 00:00:07,017 --> 00:00:09,018 and her husband has come down with gout for the third time. 6 00:00:09,021 --> 00:00:10,596 But I still think this is gonna be the best 7 00:00:10,621 --> 00:00:12,086 - Asbestos Fest yet! - You know, 8 00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:15,002 I know all about being left in the lurch for a fundraiser. 9 00:00:15,026 --> 00:00:17,426 Eva Longoria and I were supposed to perform 10 00:00:17,428 --> 00:00:20,797 our ventriloquist act for the "Everybody Nose" benefit 11 00:00:20,864 --> 00:00:22,498 for juvenile rhinoplasty, 12 00:00:22,501 --> 00:00:25,846 when she suddenly drops out due to exhaustion. 13 00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:28,471 I had to be both puppet, and puppeteer. 14 00:00:28,539 --> 00:00:29,940 Okay, you know what, Moira? 15 00:00:30,207 --> 00:00:31,807 There's just a lot going on right now. 16 00:00:31,876 --> 00:00:33,643 I've got a list of three different numbers 17 00:00:33,710 --> 00:00:35,011 that you're choosing from, 18 00:00:35,079 --> 00:00:36,723 and what would really be helpful to everyone, 19 00:00:36,747 --> 00:00:38,180 and when I say everyone, I mean me, 20 00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:40,350 is if you could just nail down which one 21 00:00:40,417 --> 00:00:41,756 you're gonna perform tonight. 22 00:00:41,781 --> 00:00:45,265 I did get the set list from the children's choir two weeks ago. 23 00:00:45,557 --> 00:00:49,475 I... the easiest to go with is probably 24 00:00:49,661 --> 00:00:52,362 "Shoes, Glorious Shoes, the Imelda Marcos Story." 25 00:00:52,811 --> 00:00:54,564 - Okay. - Never mind. 26 00:00:54,631 --> 00:00:58,368 I am going to dust off... "Two Heads are Better". 27 00:00:58,890 --> 00:01:00,369 The one woman Siamese twin play. 28 00:01:00,438 --> 00:01:01,569 Yes-no! 29 00:01:02,082 --> 00:01:03,561 No, you know what? 30 00:01:04,134 --> 00:01:05,819 I am going to resurrect... 31 00:01:06,611 --> 00:01:09,478 "One Crazy Summer, The Patty Hearst Story." 32 00:01:09,548 --> 00:01:11,715 It's a tale of perseverance, much like your quest 33 00:01:11,783 --> 00:01:13,817 to bring asbestos back to the town. 34 00:01:13,885 --> 00:01:15,844 Okay, well first of all, we're trying to get rid 35 00:01:15,887 --> 00:01:17,319 of the asbestos, Moira, 36 00:01:17,388 --> 00:01:19,295 and we really just need you to make a decision, now. 37 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,057 - Okay! - Now! 38 00:01:21,125 --> 00:01:24,894 Well, let me think! Uh... "Two Heads" it is. 39 00:01:24,962 --> 00:01:27,287 The Foxwood Casino Gazette did say 40 00:01:27,311 --> 00:01:29,765 it was a performance they'd never seen before. 41 00:01:29,835 --> 00:01:31,801 - Don't write that down. - Okay Moira, 42 00:01:31,870 --> 00:01:34,137 I just wanna slap you right across the face. 43 00:01:34,204 --> 00:01:36,084 Patty it is! Patty. 44 00:01:39,075 --> 00:01:41,811 Although Jocelyn, I'm wondering, 45 00:01:41,879 --> 00:01:44,911 does "TV's Moira Rose" send a different message 46 00:01:44,936 --> 00:01:47,545 than "television's Moira Rose?" 47 00:01:49,554 --> 00:01:51,716 Something to think about? 48 00:01:52,456 --> 00:01:54,558 I said, something to think about! 49 00:01:58,037 --> 00:01:59,472 Hello, you. 50 00:02:00,131 --> 00:02:04,334 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com -- 51 00:02:09,841 --> 00:02:12,275 - Oh hi, David. - Hi. 52 00:02:12,343 --> 00:02:14,320 I believe you said I could have your room for the day, 53 00:02:14,344 --> 00:02:16,805 to rehearse my act for the fundraiser. 54 00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,718 Oh, you meant like, like right now? 55 00:02:20,050 --> 00:02:23,151 Okay. Um... what did you decide on? 56 00:02:23,155 --> 00:02:26,122 Well, at this very moment it's 1974, 57 00:02:26,191 --> 00:02:29,558 and this room is a San Franciscan bank. 58 00:02:29,627 --> 00:02:31,193 You're going with the Patty Hearst story? 59 00:02:31,195 --> 00:02:32,514 Yes, I am. 60 00:02:33,965 --> 00:02:35,098 And what's wrong with that? 61 00:02:35,165 --> 00:02:37,332 Well, didn't it have an ensemble cast of 30? 62 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,536 Uh huh, and what was your father's review? 63 00:02:39,561 --> 00:02:41,403 29 dead weights! 64 00:02:41,472 --> 00:02:42,938 So I trimmed the fat. 65 00:02:42,941 --> 00:02:45,040 You didn't even play Patty, though. 66 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:46,742 You know I did! 67 00:02:46,811 --> 00:02:50,379 The night Patricia Lupone ate that pre-show shwarma, 68 00:02:50,448 --> 00:02:52,355 and I was asked to step in. 69 00:02:52,997 --> 00:02:55,057 I've always wanted to reprise the role! 70 00:02:55,082 --> 00:02:57,721 I just recall that that show was very heavy on the footwork 71 00:02:57,788 --> 00:03:00,191 and at one point you yelled, "Line!" 72 00:03:00,216 --> 00:03:01,390 in the middle of a dance break. 73 00:03:01,393 --> 00:03:03,293 Okay, some of these townspeople 74 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,861 are going to experience my triad of threats 75 00:03:05,931 --> 00:03:07,530 for the first time, David. 76 00:03:07,532 --> 00:03:10,706 Nothing less than spectacular can do for them! 77 00:03:10,731 --> 00:03:14,112 Okay. I just remember you practicing every day 78 00:03:14,138 --> 00:03:15,705 for seven months with that dance instructor 79 00:03:15,772 --> 00:03:17,539 that I ended up dating. 80 00:03:17,608 --> 00:03:20,004 Are you sure you remember it all? 81 00:03:20,745 --> 00:03:23,413 Skip Fosse once told me that when it comes to choreo, 82 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:26,038 always leave some room for spontaneity. 83 00:03:26,818 --> 00:03:29,051 - Okay. - Okay, you know what? 84 00:03:29,054 --> 00:03:30,453 If you feel it's necessary, fine, 85 00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:32,066 I won't stand in the way of you spotting. 86 00:03:32,090 --> 00:03:34,223 Well unfortunately, I can't spot you now, 87 00:03:34,292 --> 00:03:35,658 because now I have to go to work. 88 00:03:35,661 --> 00:03:39,027 - Oh, then go to work! - Okay. Good luck. 89 00:03:39,031 --> 00:03:40,462 No, you say, "break a leg." 90 00:03:40,531 --> 00:03:42,331 - Okay, that, too. - Say "break a leg!" 91 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,719 Break a leg! 92 00:03:45,828 --> 00:03:47,828 Okay, here. Ahem! We're going to ease in... 93 00:03:49,039 --> 00:03:50,694 with a machine gun ballet. 94 00:03:57,783 --> 00:03:58,981 - Hi, sorry. - Hey! This guy! 95 00:03:58,984 --> 00:04:02,050 - Excuse me, hey. - Hey, yeah. - What's up. Yeah... 96 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,054 And we mark up the retail price. 97 00:04:04,122 --> 00:04:06,188 - Okay. - What are you doing here? 98 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,134 Patrick has offered to help me with this school assignment 99 00:04:08,158 --> 00:04:10,592 - I told you that, David. - Hey. 100 00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:12,194 Um, you did not tell me that. 101 00:04:12,263 --> 00:04:14,216 Yeah, how are your friends doing outside? 102 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,665 - They're harmless, thanks. - Are they? Cool. 103 00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:18,266 Um, we're actually just in the middle of something, 104 00:04:18,269 --> 00:04:20,636 - so if you wouldn't mind... - I would mind, but... 105 00:04:20,639 --> 00:04:23,538 - Okay, so, profit margins. - Mhmm? 106 00:04:23,542 --> 00:04:25,774 Um, how do you get more of those? 107 00:04:25,776 --> 00:04:28,459 Well, you'd start by telling the group of teens 108 00:04:28,483 --> 00:04:30,346 that hang out outside your store every afternoon 109 00:04:30,415 --> 00:04:33,000 to leave because they're scaring off actual customers. 110 00:04:33,350 --> 00:04:36,593 Okay, they're not scaring off customers, 111 00:04:36,617 --> 00:04:39,055 there was one that looked meth-y. 112 00:04:39,122 --> 00:04:40,956 And I don't know where he went. 113 00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:42,891 See, your brother doesn't wanna tell them off. 114 00:04:42,894 --> 00:04:44,526 Which is, and you can write this down, 115 00:04:44,596 --> 00:04:46,461 - a financial liability. - Liability. 116 00:04:46,689 --> 00:04:50,298 Incorrect! The fact that we have youths 117 00:04:50,302 --> 00:04:53,269 minding their own business in front of our store 118 00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,437 builds, and you can write this down... 119 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,540 - No. - Street cred. 120 00:04:57,608 --> 00:05:00,119 Okay, are they actually buying anything? 121 00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:04,312 Yes! They're coming in, and they're buying gum. 122 00:05:04,315 --> 00:05:06,173 And what else are they doing, David? 123 00:05:06,851 --> 00:05:09,853 They're coming in, they're looking around, 124 00:05:10,024 --> 00:05:12,889 and they're buying gum. 125 00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:14,856 And maybe complimenting my outfits. 126 00:05:14,860 --> 00:05:17,326 - There it is! - No, there what is? 127 00:05:17,394 --> 00:05:20,930 I'm sorry that you connect with a more mature clientele, 128 00:05:20,997 --> 00:05:23,432 whereas I vibe with a much younger crowd. 129 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,269 Oh. 130 00:05:27,605 --> 00:05:31,250 - Nice sweater, bro! - Um... God, I... 131 00:05:31,276 --> 00:05:33,875 This is so old, and I can't even remember where I got it. 132 00:05:33,879 --> 00:05:37,050 Do you guys remember-sorry, where I got this sweater? 133 00:05:38,016 --> 00:05:39,749 - What just happened to you? - Huh? 134 00:05:39,750 --> 00:05:41,519 Like, breathe it out. 135 00:05:43,620 --> 00:05:45,187 Hey there, Johnny! 136 00:05:45,255 --> 00:05:47,757 Just so you know, I'm obviously a beer guy, 137 00:05:47,826 --> 00:05:50,382 but I've never been known to turn down 138 00:05:50,408 --> 00:05:52,360 a fresh bouquet of flowers... 139 00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:54,129 Roland, what are you talking about? 140 00:05:54,197 --> 00:05:56,365 Well, you are gonna be thanking me pretty soon 141 00:05:56,367 --> 00:05:58,266 for saving your bacon, so I just thought 142 00:05:58,336 --> 00:06:01,771 - I'd give you some gift ideas. - I'm kinda busy right now. 143 00:06:01,838 --> 00:06:04,706 Yeah, I can see that. Very busy, right, Johnny? 144 00:06:04,776 --> 00:06:07,348 Apparently too busy to change the bulb 145 00:06:07,374 --> 00:06:09,144 that's burned out over room three. 146 00:06:09,213 --> 00:06:11,480 Roland, I fail to see how pointing out problems here 147 00:06:11,548 --> 00:06:13,550 is saving my bacon. 148 00:06:13,617 --> 00:06:15,218 I know a guy who needs some work, 149 00:06:15,286 --> 00:06:16,786 and I told him I'd do him a favour, 150 00:06:16,853 --> 00:06:19,689 and get him a job right here in the motel, so... 151 00:06:19,757 --> 00:06:21,790 Uh huh. And why does it sound like I'd be the one 152 00:06:21,793 --> 00:06:23,593 doing your friend the favour? 153 00:06:23,661 --> 00:06:24,838 Well Johnny, I'm the middle man, 154 00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:27,598 I'm the one that kind of made this all happen. 155 00:06:28,199 --> 00:06:30,399 Well, nothing's happened, so you can tell your friend 156 00:06:30,401 --> 00:06:32,502 we can't afford him. 157 00:06:32,569 --> 00:06:35,403 You know, when I started Rose Video we had one employee 158 00:06:35,449 --> 00:06:37,884 per store working start to close, 159 00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:39,808 so keeping an eye on the bottom line, 160 00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:41,677 that's how a young business grows. 161 00:06:41,745 --> 00:06:43,213 - Uh huh... - Besides, 162 00:06:43,281 --> 00:06:45,648 Stevie and I are managing just fine on our own. 163 00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:47,983 All I'm saying is keep an open mind, okay? 164 00:06:48,052 --> 00:06:49,975 It might be nice to have a guy around here 165 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,454 who has some basic skills for a change. 166 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:56,490 And I'm sorry, but we all know how Rose Video turned out! 167 00:06:56,927 --> 00:06:59,629 You know, Rose Video was the second largest video chain in- 168 00:06:59,697 --> 00:07:01,363 Oohhh! 169 00:07:01,432 --> 00:07:03,771 Did you ask him why he's been wandering around with a notepad, 170 00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:05,334 it's really starting to creep out the guests. 171 00:07:05,403 --> 00:07:07,213 Yeah, he's pitching a guy he knows to help out 172 00:07:07,237 --> 00:07:08,937 around the motel, but don't worry, 173 00:07:09,005 --> 00:07:12,709 I told him that we're a well oiled machine at this point. 174 00:07:12,776 --> 00:07:14,843 Yeah, that I've been greasing. 175 00:07:15,245 --> 00:07:17,814 Your new policy about helping the guests with the bags... 176 00:07:17,882 --> 00:07:19,826 Yeah, and you know, we're getting very good feedback 177 00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:21,550 about that on the comment cards. 178 00:07:21,619 --> 00:07:23,451 But I've been the one carrying them, 179 00:07:23,521 --> 00:07:25,788 because "somebody" has a bad back. 180 00:07:25,855 --> 00:07:28,137 Well Stevie, if I lift a roll of toilet paper, you know, 181 00:07:28,192 --> 00:07:30,125 it... flares up. 182 00:07:30,127 --> 00:07:31,370 Okay well, I'm starting to look like 183 00:07:31,394 --> 00:07:34,795 a Slovakian shot putter, so I'm with Roland. 184 00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,487 We're gonna be hiring someone else. 185 00:07:43,341 --> 00:07:44,483 Thanks, bro. 186 00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:47,191 Come back again soon, guys. 187 00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,146 Great sale, bro. 188 00:07:50,215 --> 00:07:52,648 Four teens, one pack of gum, which you gift wrapped. 189 00:07:52,716 --> 00:07:54,483 Hey, why don't we just close the store up, 190 00:07:54,552 --> 00:07:56,485 and celebrate for the rest of the day? 191 00:07:56,487 --> 00:07:58,860 I'll have you know that it was one pack of gum, 192 00:07:58,886 --> 00:08:00,855 - and one lip balm. - Oh! 193 00:08:00,925 --> 00:08:02,783 Well, that'll make up for all the stuff 194 00:08:02,807 --> 00:08:04,487 they've been stealing. 195 00:08:04,795 --> 00:08:06,795 - I'm sorry? - What do you mean, stealing? 196 00:08:06,863 --> 00:08:09,718 Those kids are one hundred percent stealing from you. 197 00:08:10,268 --> 00:08:11,634 I don't think so. 198 00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:14,737 Okay. They split up into four different directions, 199 00:08:14,738 --> 00:08:17,807 one takes the back left corner, one takes the right, 200 00:08:17,875 --> 00:08:20,343 one of them asks you if you have those wool hoodies 201 00:08:20,411 --> 00:08:21,744 in a different size, 202 00:08:21,812 --> 00:08:24,379 while the last one compliments you on your cuticle game. 203 00:08:24,449 --> 00:08:26,115 And while you're lapping all that up, 204 00:08:26,184 --> 00:08:27,884 the two in the back corner are filling their backpacks 205 00:08:27,910 --> 00:08:29,750 full of facial cleanser. 206 00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:32,740 It's the exact same move that I used with my klepto friends 207 00:08:32,789 --> 00:08:34,389 in the Hamptons. 208 00:08:34,457 --> 00:08:36,024 I-I feel like I would've sent that. 209 00:08:36,092 --> 00:08:38,038 Yeah, I mean, maybe that's what you and your burnout 210 00:08:38,062 --> 00:08:40,350 friends did at the Miss Sixty store, 211 00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:42,030 but that's not what's happening here. 212 00:08:42,033 --> 00:08:45,467 Okay. Why don't you go check, then? 213 00:08:54,611 --> 00:08:56,115 I can't tell if there's product missing, 214 00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:58,040 or if we just haven't replenished. 215 00:08:58,213 --> 00:08:59,826 I feel like if someone were robbing our store 216 00:08:59,850 --> 00:09:03,385 - we would know about it, right? - Uh yeah, we would know. 217 00:09:03,453 --> 00:09:05,921 Though this would explain the compliments. 218 00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:07,188 - That's... - What? 219 00:09:07,258 --> 00:09:09,581 Give it an hour, they'll be back. 220 00:09:09,605 --> 00:09:11,527 They only took the toner and the cleanser, 221 00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:13,139 and if they're not selling it on the black market, 222 00:09:13,163 --> 00:09:14,764 then they'll need to come back and get the moisturizer, 223 00:09:14,765 --> 00:09:16,730 or their t-zones are going to be like, 224 00:09:17,038 --> 00:09:18,938 super effed! 225 00:09:22,297 --> 00:09:23,972 Johnny, I gotta say, uh, 226 00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:25,640 I'm glad you came around to your senses, 227 00:09:25,644 --> 00:09:26,842 and may I tell you something, 228 00:09:26,911 --> 00:09:29,052 I don't feel like you're less of a man 229 00:09:29,077 --> 00:09:30,624 because you need a little help with your business. 230 00:09:30,648 --> 00:09:32,148 Yeah, that's good to know, Roland. 231 00:09:32,216 --> 00:09:33,783 So where's the guy? 232 00:09:33,784 --> 00:09:36,251 Oh he'll be here, don't you worry. 233 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,398 Mr. Worry! 234 00:09:39,423 --> 00:09:41,100 And I think you're really going to like him, 235 00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:44,691 he's very smart, he's devilishly handsome, 236 00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:46,629 and he stands about yay tall, 237 00:09:47,063 --> 00:09:48,563 maybe a little bit more like that. 238 00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,566 Okay, I see where this is going. 239 00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:53,135 - Or do you? - Roland, what are we doing here? 240 00:09:53,203 --> 00:09:56,081 Johnny, it's me! I'm the guy! 241 00:09:56,106 --> 00:09:57,340 I know you're the guy, 242 00:09:57,408 --> 00:09:59,575 I got that as soon as I said where's the guy? 243 00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:01,943 Oh my god, you should see the look on your face! 244 00:10:02,013 --> 00:10:04,279 Impatience, that's the look! 245 00:10:04,349 --> 00:10:07,383 All right, we do need help at the motel, we do need someone, 246 00:10:07,451 --> 00:10:08,861 but someone who is going to pitch in, 247 00:10:08,885 --> 00:10:10,285 and do some of the grunt work. 248 00:10:10,354 --> 00:10:12,355 And I am willing to roll up my sleeves, 249 00:10:12,423 --> 00:10:14,389 and help out my best friend! 250 00:10:14,457 --> 00:10:15,758 Okay, I gotta go. 251 00:10:15,826 --> 00:10:17,360 Whoa, whoa, whoa! No, no, no, no! 252 00:10:17,427 --> 00:10:19,570 Now I wasn't joking about my skills, pal! 253 00:10:19,595 --> 00:10:21,163 Come on, what do you say we give it a shot? 254 00:10:21,166 --> 00:10:22,743 - I don't think so, no. - Huh? Going once. 255 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:23,698 - Going twice. - No. 256 00:10:23,701 --> 00:10:24,945 - Going 3 times. - Roland! All right. 257 00:10:24,969 --> 00:10:26,235 Going 4 times. Going 5 times... 258 00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:30,005 All right, all right, all right. All right. Fine. 259 00:10:30,073 --> 00:10:33,211 But only because we could actually use some help. 260 00:10:33,443 --> 00:10:36,645 - That's a smart move, Johnny. - But consider this a trial. 261 00:10:36,713 --> 00:10:37,857 Yeah, that's probably a good idea, 262 00:10:37,881 --> 00:10:40,082 I don't wanna commit until I know I like it. 263 00:10:46,957 --> 00:10:49,725 Stick 'em up. It's a hold up. 264 00:10:49,793 --> 00:10:53,740 ♪ Nobody move but me-me-me-me! ♪ 265 00:10:54,599 --> 00:10:56,399 ♪ But me! ♪ 266 00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:58,433 ♪ Who goes there? ♪ 267 00:10:58,501 --> 00:11:01,336 - It's Jocelyn. - Oh! 268 00:11:01,339 --> 00:11:03,038 Good news, Moira, don't ask me why, 269 00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:05,541 but Gwen had a hunting rifle in her basement, 270 00:11:05,609 --> 00:11:07,388 and I'm hoping this is good for your act! 271 00:11:07,812 --> 00:11:10,708 Um, it was a machine gun. 272 00:11:11,182 --> 00:11:15,216 So I need a machine gun for the machine gun ballet! 273 00:11:15,285 --> 00:11:17,163 Okay Moira, you've got to meet me halfway here, 274 00:11:17,187 --> 00:11:20,288 - this is a real gun! - What? 275 00:11:20,356 --> 00:11:22,357 And I got you extra performance time, 276 00:11:22,427 --> 00:11:25,461 I got the children's choir down to one song! 277 00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:28,630 Some of the kids cried. Oh, Jocelyn. 278 00:11:28,633 --> 00:11:30,932 Jocelyn, why? Why, why, why, would you do that? 279 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:33,134 Because you asked for more time, Moira! 280 00:11:33,203 --> 00:11:35,327 But... Jocelyn! 281 00:11:36,606 --> 00:11:38,573 Did you know that rehearsal, 282 00:11:38,643 --> 00:11:40,609 it can be the most enlightening 283 00:11:40,677 --> 00:11:42,913 and even heuristic exercise. 284 00:11:43,346 --> 00:11:44,758 What are you saying? 285 00:11:45,783 --> 00:11:49,493 I'm saying I am stepping out of the limelight, Jocelyn. 286 00:11:50,288 --> 00:11:52,587 But we already re-printed the posters 287 00:11:52,655 --> 00:11:56,591 from "TV's Moira Rose," to "Television's Moira Rose!" 288 00:11:56,661 --> 00:11:58,661 And that's great, that will get them in the door 289 00:11:58,729 --> 00:12:00,863 and then the kids take over from there! 290 00:12:00,865 --> 00:12:03,032 - That's... - Okay. 291 00:12:04,096 --> 00:12:06,118 I see what's going on here. 292 00:12:06,937 --> 00:12:09,672 - Somebody's got cold feet. - Ha ha. 293 00:12:09,740 --> 00:12:12,207 Blocks of ice. Mhmm. 294 00:12:12,283 --> 00:12:13,883 I bit off more than I could chew. 295 00:12:13,943 --> 00:12:17,480 You know what, Moira, we have all been there. 296 00:12:17,481 --> 00:12:20,081 Yeah. On my wedding day, I thought, 297 00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:22,784 what if I just got in my car and drove to New Mexico, 298 00:12:22,852 --> 00:12:25,879 and left Roland at the altar at the Elmdale Bingo Hall? 299 00:12:26,256 --> 00:12:28,389 Bottom line, I got cold feet too, 300 00:12:28,458 --> 00:12:31,226 and I faced my fears, and now look at us! 301 00:12:31,294 --> 00:12:32,981 27 years of bliss. 302 00:12:33,596 --> 00:12:36,631 Was I to perceive something encouraging within that... 303 00:12:36,634 --> 00:12:38,067 little anecdote? 304 00:12:39,203 --> 00:12:42,013 Okay, you know what, Moira, pull it together. 305 00:12:42,373 --> 00:12:44,206 I'm taking this gun. 306 00:12:46,876 --> 00:12:49,278 Okay, Patty, come on, Patty! 307 00:12:49,357 --> 00:12:52,585 Patty, the eyes of the lonely world are on you! 308 00:12:54,652 --> 00:12:57,318 So, five, six, seven, eight, Patty! 309 00:12:59,557 --> 00:13:01,423 Five, six, seven, eight! 310 00:13:03,126 --> 00:13:05,094 Nine, ten-nine... 311 00:13:05,162 --> 00:13:06,995 Nine, ten, eleven, twelve! 312 00:13:07,063 --> 00:13:09,567 ♪♪♪ 313 00:13:11,836 --> 00:13:14,769 Like clockwork, David. 314 00:13:15,972 --> 00:13:18,006 - Hey! - Yeah. 315 00:13:18,075 --> 00:13:21,076 Hey! Can I help you guys with anything, or... ? 316 00:13:21,144 --> 00:13:22,559 No, we're just looking. 317 00:13:23,179 --> 00:13:25,213 Okay, cool. Cool, cool, yeah, yeah. 318 00:13:25,216 --> 00:13:28,460 Look around. You do you. 319 00:13:28,485 --> 00:13:31,086 Uh, hey, do you have this in like, 320 00:13:31,154 --> 00:13:32,788 a larger size, maybe? 321 00:13:32,789 --> 00:13:34,623 I don't know, I'll have to go all the way 322 00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,380 into the back to check. 323 00:13:40,364 --> 00:13:42,264 Hey, man! 324 00:13:42,332 --> 00:13:43,665 I like your shoes, where'd you get them? 325 00:13:43,668 --> 00:13:46,467 - Oh! Oh... - Oh! Um, these? 326 00:13:46,537 --> 00:13:48,836 I got these at a boutique in Prague 327 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:51,383 that's only open on Sunday nights. 328 00:13:51,408 --> 00:13:53,042 - Cool. - Is it? 329 00:13:53,043 --> 00:13:56,044 Uh hey, I think we're gonna head. 330 00:13:56,113 --> 00:13:59,864 Oh, um wait, but-you forgot something, though. 331 00:14:01,245 --> 00:14:03,013 What?! 332 00:14:03,254 --> 00:14:04,397 Look, please don't do anything crazy, 333 00:14:04,421 --> 00:14:05,955 it took me so long to make that. 334 00:14:06,023 --> 00:14:07,722 Well, I'll be happy to give it back, 335 00:14:07,791 --> 00:14:09,958 when you and your skid mark friends give back 336 00:14:10,027 --> 00:14:11,726 all of the products that you've stolen. 337 00:14:11,794 --> 00:14:12,995 And if I'm being honest, 338 00:14:13,062 --> 00:14:14,763 someone with your combination of skin 339 00:14:14,831 --> 00:14:16,999 should really be using product with tea tree oil in it. 340 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,225 I... 341 00:14:22,072 --> 00:14:23,672 Hand it over. 342 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:25,407 I thought she was too cool to work here. 343 00:14:25,475 --> 00:14:28,701 I don't work here, and I am really cool, so. 344 00:14:29,145 --> 00:14:31,147 Don't do it again, and I won't call the Po Po. 345 00:14:31,215 --> 00:14:34,015 - Did she say Po Po? - Okay! Okay! 346 00:14:34,085 --> 00:14:35,317 I think we're done here. 347 00:14:35,385 --> 00:14:36,885 Okay, I just have one more question. 348 00:14:36,953 --> 00:14:39,955 All those compliments, and fist pumps... 349 00:14:40,024 --> 00:14:41,456 - Bumps. - Shut up. 350 00:14:41,459 --> 00:14:43,692 Was that just part of the big scheme? 351 00:14:43,695 --> 00:14:46,562 - No, you have cool style. - I like your shoes. 352 00:14:46,630 --> 00:14:48,802 They're lying to you, David, they're lying, they're lying. 353 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,466 Okay, get out. 354 00:14:51,534 --> 00:14:54,235 Right, so... 355 00:14:57,557 --> 00:14:59,774 - Ugh... - What? Why me? 356 00:14:59,777 --> 00:15:01,899 - I just feel really gross. - Why did I get one? 357 00:15:03,681 --> 00:15:05,847 Okay, so there's window repair in room four. 358 00:15:05,916 --> 00:15:07,249 Mhmm... 359 00:15:07,317 --> 00:15:09,361 And then the bathroom in room 5 still needs to be done. 360 00:15:09,385 --> 00:15:10,985 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 361 00:15:11,054 --> 00:15:13,956 - Can you handle that? - No, I am just waiting to hear 362 00:15:14,024 --> 00:15:16,625 something that's in my wheelhouse. 363 00:15:16,693 --> 00:15:20,663 Okay uh, why don't you just start by changing the sheets? 364 00:15:20,664 --> 00:15:23,331 Honey, that kinda sounds like a Johnny job to me. 365 00:15:23,399 --> 00:15:26,034 Why don't we just put a "J" next to that. 366 00:15:26,037 --> 00:15:28,937 No, no, no! We're putting an "R" next to that, 367 00:15:29,005 --> 00:15:33,177 Roland, I thought you said you had no problem doing grunt work. 368 00:15:33,202 --> 00:15:34,888 Well Johnny, how's it going to look to have the mayor 369 00:15:34,912 --> 00:15:37,023 of the town changing sheets? 370 00:15:37,381 --> 00:15:39,648 Uh, we change sheets! 371 00:15:39,650 --> 00:15:41,193 Well great, so then, you've got it covered, 372 00:15:41,217 --> 00:15:42,761 let's put a big, fat "J" next to that one. 373 00:15:42,786 --> 00:15:45,821 No, no, we're not putting a "J," we're putting an "R!" 374 00:15:45,889 --> 00:15:48,590 Or better yet, Roland, why not just get to work? 375 00:15:48,658 --> 00:15:50,178 This isn't exactly what I had in mind 376 00:15:50,226 --> 00:15:53,629 - when I said I needed help. - Yeah, I know. 377 00:15:53,697 --> 00:15:56,032 No, guys, look, I just need to find something 378 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,700 that caters to my expertise. 379 00:15:57,768 --> 00:15:59,235 That's all, you know what I can do? 380 00:15:59,302 --> 00:16:01,102 I can restock the soda machine. 381 00:16:01,172 --> 00:16:02,937 Yeah, the soda machines are fine, Roland. 382 00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:06,041 What would actually help is if you could clean a toilet or two, 383 00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:08,538 but obviously, you're too good for that. 384 00:16:08,562 --> 00:16:10,645 - No, I can clean a toilet. - You know what, 385 00:16:10,715 --> 00:16:12,181 - I think we made a mistake, Stevie. - Mhmm. 386 00:16:12,182 --> 00:16:14,450 - No! I wanna clean a toilet. - We'll hire somebody else. 387 00:16:14,518 --> 00:16:16,500 No, I need to clean a toilet! 388 00:16:18,221 --> 00:16:20,188 You need to clean a toilet? 389 00:16:20,256 --> 00:16:22,191 Yeah, I need to Johnny, 390 00:16:22,259 --> 00:16:25,394 I... I mean, with the new baby coming, 391 00:16:25,395 --> 00:16:26,928 things are a little tight. 392 00:16:26,931 --> 00:16:28,629 Joc and I have been trying to save, 393 00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:31,466 but we've been living off cold cuts and waffles. 394 00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:33,902 And Jocelyn had to sell her Beanie Baby collection. 395 00:16:33,971 --> 00:16:36,739 And she didn't get half what that Diana bear was worth. 396 00:16:36,807 --> 00:16:39,674 And now she's working nights down at the gas station. 397 00:16:39,744 --> 00:16:41,509 - She's working nights? - No, she's not, 398 00:16:41,577 --> 00:16:45,380 but she will have to if things get really bad. 399 00:16:49,820 --> 00:16:51,787 All right. 400 00:16:51,855 --> 00:16:53,489 - Here's what we're gonna do. - Hmm? 401 00:16:53,557 --> 00:16:54,990 We're putting an "R" beside 402 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,825 every single thing on this list. 403 00:16:56,894 --> 00:16:59,461 Got it. Okay. Now when you say "R," 404 00:16:59,529 --> 00:17:01,529 does that stand for Rose, as in Johnny Rose... 405 00:17:01,597 --> 00:17:03,532 - Roland! It stands for Roland! - Okay. 406 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:06,234 And you can start by taking those sheets over to room two. 407 00:17:06,303 --> 00:17:07,548 You got it. 408 00:17:18,949 --> 00:17:21,150 Ew! What are you doing in my bed? 409 00:17:21,218 --> 00:17:23,384 Oh, David please, I couldn't possibly make it 410 00:17:23,453 --> 00:17:25,554 all the way to my own bed. 411 00:17:25,622 --> 00:17:27,836 I'm-I'm just uh... 412 00:17:28,592 --> 00:17:30,526 I'm exhausted! 413 00:17:31,796 --> 00:17:34,695 - Was it the footwork? - Oh, it was the footwork. 414 00:17:34,765 --> 00:17:36,898 It was the score, it was the book, 415 00:17:36,967 --> 00:17:38,875 it was all of that, David. 416 00:17:39,336 --> 00:17:42,471 But most severely lacking... was me. 417 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,740 You were right, my dear. 418 00:17:45,742 --> 00:17:49,454 I've had my time, and it's over now. 419 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,613 Um, I don't think I said that. 420 00:17:51,682 --> 00:17:54,027 There is an elephant in the room David, 421 00:17:54,384 --> 00:17:57,019 and he's whispering, "retire!" 422 00:17:57,086 --> 00:17:59,288 Run David, go to Jocelyn, 423 00:17:59,355 --> 00:18:01,690 and tell her to cancel the evening. 424 00:18:01,758 --> 00:18:04,615 Okay... um well, I won't be doing that, 425 00:18:05,895 --> 00:18:08,230 but... 426 00:18:08,298 --> 00:18:11,388 there is one other option. 427 00:18:11,814 --> 00:18:13,263 What? 428 00:18:14,438 --> 00:18:17,008 What if we did... 429 00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:19,444 the number? 430 00:18:20,978 --> 00:18:22,376 - The number? - Yeah, I know, 431 00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:25,141 it was stupid, it was dumb. It was a dumb idea. 432 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:30,258 David, you would do that for me? 433 00:18:31,733 --> 00:18:33,788 I thought you used to hate it when I'd trot you out 434 00:18:33,790 --> 00:18:35,691 in front of my friends? 435 00:18:35,759 --> 00:18:40,394 I still do, it's just that I'm finding this situation 436 00:18:40,397 --> 00:18:42,316 to be incredibly disturbing, 437 00:18:42,532 --> 00:18:45,996 and I will eventually need my bed back. 438 00:18:46,536 --> 00:18:49,404 Do you think people would find it strange, 439 00:18:49,430 --> 00:18:53,358 - or even inappropriate? - Probably. 440 00:18:53,676 --> 00:18:56,612 And do you think we still have it? 441 00:18:57,914 --> 00:19:00,781 I'll go plug in my hair straightener. 442 00:19:00,851 --> 00:19:02,672 I hope you're not wearing your shoes. 443 00:19:11,494 --> 00:19:13,073 Okay, let's have another round of applause 444 00:19:13,096 --> 00:19:14,563 for the children's choir, 445 00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:16,030 and their Kylie Minogue medley! 446 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,035 Those were some racy lyrics! 447 00:19:20,103 --> 00:19:22,037 Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, 448 00:19:22,038 --> 00:19:25,574 I know that your headliner tonight is gonna surprise you, 449 00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:27,342 because she certainly surprised me 450 00:19:27,411 --> 00:19:28,943 when she told me just moments ago 451 00:19:29,011 --> 00:19:30,679 that she'd switched up her entire act, 452 00:19:30,747 --> 00:19:33,015 even though somebody put down a really hefty deposit 453 00:19:33,083 --> 00:19:34,855 on a wall of mirrors! 454 00:19:38,189 --> 00:19:42,691 Okay anyways, without further ado, the main event! 455 00:19:48,332 --> 00:19:50,999 Oh, thank you so much. 456 00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:53,067 Um, is this the number? 457 00:19:53,135 --> 00:19:55,295 It's the middle of summer. 458 00:19:56,539 --> 00:19:59,607 Brr! It's awfully cold out there. 459 00:19:59,609 --> 00:20:00,875 Um, they used to do this act 460 00:20:00,943 --> 00:20:02,810 every year at our Christmas party, 461 00:20:02,813 --> 00:20:04,712 and you can't unsee something like this. 462 00:20:06,383 --> 00:20:07,848 Ahem! 463 00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:10,409 Oh, I wonder who that could be! 464 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,888 It's television's Moira Rose! 465 00:20:15,259 --> 00:20:17,392 That's television's mom, to you. 466 00:20:18,761 --> 00:20:22,029 You know, nothing is colder than the chill I get 467 00:20:22,098 --> 00:20:25,166 when I think of the dangers of asbestos poisoning. 468 00:20:25,234 --> 00:20:26,769 Mhmm. 469 00:20:26,836 --> 00:20:28,971 Luckily, a little birdie told me 470 00:20:29,038 --> 00:20:31,073 that with enough funds raised, 471 00:20:31,141 --> 00:20:34,550 this town could be asbestos free by... 472 00:20:35,046 --> 00:20:37,945 Christmas! 473 00:20:43,386 --> 00:20:44,720 - ♪ Ding! ♪ - ♪ Dong! ♪ 474 00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:46,355 - ♪ Ding! ♪ - ♪ Dong! ♪ 475 00:20:46,423 --> 00:20:47,622 - ♪ Ding! ♪ - ♪ Dong! ♪ 476 00:20:47,691 --> 00:20:48,824 - ♪ Ding! ♪ - ♪ Dong! ♪ 477 00:20:48,892 --> 00:20:50,459 ♪ On the first day of Christmas, ♪ 478 00:20:50,527 --> 00:20:52,094 ♪ My true love gave to me, ♪ 479 00:20:52,162 --> 00:20:54,730 ♪ The keys to a Lamborghini ♪ 480 00:20:54,798 --> 00:20:57,365 - ♪ On the... - Oh come all ye faithful... ♪ 481 00:20:57,433 --> 00:21:00,935 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly... ♪ 482 00:21:01,005 --> 00:21:04,772 Yes, I said faithful, which rules out all of you! 483 00:21:13,215 --> 00:21:15,718 ♪ God rest ye, merry gentlemen ♪ 484 00:21:15,786 --> 00:21:20,529 ♪ Let nothing you dismay may-may-may ♪ 485 00:21:20,554 --> 00:21:25,029 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com -- 36985

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