All language subtitles for Alone Together - 01x03 - Fertility.WEBRip.x264-TBS.English.HI.C

Hi. I'm Dr. Anderson, and I'll be...

Oh, all ready to go, huh?

I'm Esther. So nice to meet you.

- Hi, Esther.
- Benji.

Well, it's great that you're here.

It's important for couples to explore

their reproductive options.

[Benji] We're not a couple.

I've been to a gyno with her before.

- I have nothing and nobody.
- Yeah, same.

Okay, so you are interested
in freezing your eggs.

A lot of young, career-minded women

are making this choice nowadays.

Thank you. I am kind of young,

and I'm also very minded
on my career as well.

Like most career-minded women,

she already has her Halloween
costume picked out.

Both Menendez brothers.

I'm gonna by Lyle, then papier-mâché
Eric. [Imitates gunfire]

Great.

Eh... so let's get started.

A little backstory on why I'm here,

since we have a sec.

Basically, I saw an Instagram post

of an ultrasound from Nadia James,

who is, like, the prettiest,
coolest girl at my high school.

Okay, you might feel a little pressure.

Pressure is a really good word for it.

Uh, she was the first girl

to make having a big ass popular.

'Cause for a long time, only
skinny girls were cool,

and her ass was huge.

Anyway, she's having her third kid,

and I haven't had a second
date since high school,

and I'm just not ready
to be a mother, you know?

You get it. We're both working women.

You guys are fun.

So, Esther, I have
some preliminary good news.

Your antral follicles
are in great shape.

[gasps] Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.

Like, would you say
the best you've ever seen?

Sure. See for yourself.

Oh, my God. It's true what they say.

You do love your children
at first sight.

Is this like The Ring?
If I look, do I die in a week?

Do you know who makes this gown?
It's so comfortable.

[theme music playing]

synced & corrected by PopcornAWH
www.addic7ed.com

Ooh.

Do you have orange juice at home?

We should make healthy popsicles.

Dude, I'm not making popsicles
with stolen vagina sticks.

- Stop snooping.
- It's not snooping, okay?

It's not like I'm gonna find her diary.

She probably keeps that in her
office or under her pillow.

Do you know how much
it costs to freeze your eggs?

Yeah, I do.

Do you know how much it costs?

Esther, it's, like, $10,000.

That's twice the cost
of the house you grew up in.

Right, but I actually read
that Google will pay

to freeze young women's eggs.

How cool are the times we're living in?

That's if you work for them, man.

They don't just give you
free family planning

'cause you have a Gmail account.

Man, I really gotta
read the whole article.

Okay, let's get outta here.

I don't want Dr. Anderson
to know that I'm dumb and poor.

I just want her
to remember the good times.

Let's just go home.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, you idiot.

- Dr. Anderson.
- [Benji] What's up?

I had a question. We were just trying
to figure this out on our own,

but maybe you could help us.

Is the vagina self-cleaning?

- It's not, right? You have to use soap.
- Let her talk.

It's part of your body, just like
any part of your body. Use soap.

You're both right.

- Are you sure?
- I told you. You don't listen.

[Dr. Anderson] So, Esther,
I have some good news.

Your ovarian follicles and egg reserves

indicate you'll be a great
candidate for freezing.

I'm hearing the words
"great candidate" repeatedly,

which I'm loving,
and it made me curious.

Is there some sort of financial package

or scholarship for my eggs?

Uh, this isn't college, but, well, yes.

There is a program where,
if you donate your eggs

to a family, it helps defray
the cost of freezing your own.

You just give us some information,

and we make the matches.

Okay. What kind of information?

Yeah, like, does she need to disclose

that she was responsible for
the Jacuzzi diarrhea sign?

Did you graduate from college?

No, I didn't.

But I was breastfed
till I was three and a half.

That wasn't the question. She
asked if you went to college.

I attended college.

I feel like I should know
the answer to this one.

Is there a history of mental
illness in your family?

No. Is that one of the questions?

Do you ever use drugs or alcohol?

No, I don't,

and I am still fun at parties.

Just so you know,
not everyone gets matched.

I get it. I never get picked.
I won't get my hopes up.

Don't let any of that stop you
from filling out the donor form.

You never know what could happen.

That's so true. I do never
know what could happen.

I should have a more positive attitude.

Ugh. This is so many pages.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Sorry to bug you, but...

I've been having, like,
testicular pain.

Is that, like, bad, or is that just
from, like, free-balling at the gym?

Well, there is a vein condition

that causes testicular pain

and can leave men sterile.

I would advise you to
get your sperm checked.

The profile wants to know if I have
healthy teeth. What do you think?

Yeah, yeah, they look great.

I know. I just wanted
the doctor to see.

Wait, wait, wait.

So, like, can I get
my sperm checked right now?

Perhaps. Have you ejaculated
in the past three days?

No.

We FaceTime before bed,
so she knows my patterns.

[Esther screams]

Oh, my God, they found
a match for my eggs,

and the family wants to meet me.

I won. I don't know what to do.

I can't do this.

Wait, what's the big deal?
You were fine at the clinic.

I told you, I didn't think it
was gonna actually happen.

Okay? I never get picked for anything.

I can't even get selected
for jury duty,

and you know how good I am at
judging and punishing people.

Well, I don't know what to tell you.

You don't have $10,000, so you're gonna
have to spend eggs to freeze eggs.

- Right.
- I've got real problems.

I might be sterile.

Yeah, you might be.

You look like a guy whose
sperm just doesn't work.

Like Santa.

Right, like if a woman
fell in love with me,

and then we were married
and struggling to have kids,

I could be, like, "You
knew my sperm was bad"

- "when you did this."
- Yeah.

What about my voice and
personality makes you think

- "that I'm really potent?"
- Yeah.

I guess I'd probably
be a bad dad anyways.

- Yeah.
- I was cross-eyed till I was two.

I couldn't see faces.
Now I don't have empathy.

I thought you don't have empathy

because your mom didn't hold you.

No, that's touch deprivation.
It's why I don't like hugs.

Right, I have that, too. Okay,
this is what worries me, though.

What if my eggs end up in the hands
of someone like your parents,

or worse, my parents?

Your parents seem
so normal on Facebook.

Are you kidding me?

My mom never got me a My Size Barbie.
How messed up is that?

I had no way of practicing sex
positions like the other kids,

and I'm still insecure about that.

There's, like, two important
sex positions. It's fine.

You don't get it, okay?

It's hard to raise a little Esther,

and I don't want this random family

to be in over their head
like my parents were.

Look, this is the first
time in your life ever

that you have something
that someone actually wants.

Oh, are you saying I'm powerful?

No.

Dude, just come with me, okay?

Come on, like...

what if... what if they're
murderer egg harvesters?

And I'm delicate and easily
swayed by a strong opinion.

You know that.

Esther, I'm a J. Crew extra small.

I'm not defending you from anybody.

I don't need you to help me, okay?

I just need you there
in case I get murdered.

I want a friend to get
murdered with me, too.

[sighs]
Fine, I'll go with you,

but if they cut eggs out of your body

and put you in a bathtub full
of ice, I'm not stopping them.

Don't stop them,
and don't tell my story.

Leave it to a professional
movie producer.

And don't let Anne Hathaway play me.
She's too old.

Anne Hathaway is great.

Why is everyone so anti-Anne Hathaway?

What did Anne Hathaway do?

This neighborhood's so goy-ish.

Don't worry about it.
We'll just get in,

we'll realize that only a crazy
person would want my eggs,

we'll get out, we'll go to that
Panera we passed on the way here.

Or the burger stand, your call,
but I want the burger stand.

This place is a mansion.

No mansion has a mansion next
door that looks exactly like it.

What do you know?

This isn't even a good school district.

I love doormats.

"Nice underpants."

How does it know?

- What's happening to you?
- I don't know.

Esther.

I'm Jackie.

You are the answer to my prayers.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I leave a mark on you?

I hope so.

That's my girl. Come on in.

She's so pretty.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You talked so much about
cinnamon rolls on your form.

I made 'em from scratch.

Oh, my God. Honestly, if
I were alone right now,

I'd lock myself in the bathroom

and eat six of these in 30 seconds.

Well, come in.

This place looks like

someone decorated it.

Oh, my God, Jackie,
are you a beauty queen?

You're looking at
Miss Santa Clarita Valley

International World Princess,

- 1995.
- Oh, my God.

I didn't know Santa
Clarita was a monarchy.

Oh, I always dreamed I would
have a daughter one day

that would follow my pageant footsteps.

Or become a scientist you know.

- Whatever she wanted would be good.
- Of course.

So I kept trying, and that's how

I ended up with five boys,

who I love, you know.

I was gonna give it one more try,

but then, you know, my ovaries
have shriveled up and died.

Oh, well, we can't all
have great antral follicles.

That's actually my best feature.

Sweetheart, your best feature

is your pageant-ready bone structure.

Bone structure on my face?

- Yeah.
- Oh... oh my God.

I feel really qualified for this.

I have been dying for some
feminine energy in this house.

Do you wanna see my trophy room?

Okay.

Can I try on your sash?

Sash? Oh, honey,
you can try on my crown.

Want some salad?

No. You're tossing it with your hands.

You think restaurants don't hand toss?

They hand toss.

Get at that fun food, man.
Your mom made cinnamon rolls.

I'm gluten-free. Wheat weighs me down.

Right. That happens to me, too.

Maybe next time your mom bakes,

she can make you
some gluten-free snacks.

My brothers prefer regular dessert,

and I don't need the sugar anyways,

so I eat salad mostly.

Your socks suck.

- Huh?
- See how that ankle's sticking out?

That's 'cause it used to belong
to someone bigger than you,

and you just ended up
with hand-me-downs.

Why do you know so much about my socks?

Because it's really obvious
that you're the neglected baby,

and I was, too.

Like, I bet your underwear is
probably terrible also, right?

Wanna see my underwear?

No. Don't ask people that.

Hey, Jackie and I are gonna
run out and do a nail thing

just to get to know each other better.

Oh, nice. You're just gonna skim
some free stuff off the top.

- That's a good idea.
- Yeah.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Doesn't a nail thing take
40 minutes or something?

No, we're going to a real place,

so it takes, like, two to three hours.

We might grab a snack.

- I'll talk to you.
- Why is it...

Damn it.

They had to go out on
stage like conjoined twins.

Who would've thought?

I know. That's what I said.

Jackie, you have the best stories.

Oh, I know. Thank you.

- Thank you for sharing them with me.
- Sure.

I have to ask you.

What was your talent?

Baton twirling.

- No.
- Yes.

And I was amazing at it.

I always wanted to
learn baton twirling,

but my mom said that
it was the most dangerous game.

She was always afraid
I'd break a window.

Angel, it's never too late.

Look at me.

I always dreamed
I would have a daughter

that can come with me every
week to get our nails done.

Every week?

Yeah.

Jackie, when I was younger,

I was only allowed to wear nail polish

on special occasions,
and the only color

I was allowed to use was... clear.

- I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.

Esther, I really hope you
donate your eggs to my family.

Well, not to my family, but to me.

Forget the boys.

But I know that this
is a really big decision.

It is, but, fortunately,

I act impulsively
and emotionally a lot.

- Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.

I do have to ask you
one final question.

Okay. I'm ready.

Your 12-year-old daughter
steals your credit card.

She buys VIP tickets to the Britney
Spears "Dream Within A Dream" tour,

and she spends $800 on merch.

But she has the best night of her life.

What do you do?

Thank you for your question.

First of all,

my daughter would never
steal my credit card,

because I would've
already bought the tickets.

Can you imagine the look on her face

when I surprise her and five friends

with a limo to go see
her favorite singer?

Experiences like that
are once in a lifetime.

I'm Jackie from Santa Clarita Valley.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Do you have a question for me?
I wanna play pageant.

What are you doing?

Playing catch.

You're not playing catch,
you're playing throw.

Didn't your dad teach you
how to do this?

My dad works on New York market time,

and works long hours to provide
for us and his other family.

Oh, okay. I get that.

My dad worked a lot, too, so...

But look, if you wanna
play catch by yourself,

you gotta throw the ball in the air,

not up against a wall. I can show you.

You're gonna teach me
how to play catch?

No. I'm gonna show you
a YouTube tutorial

that'll show you how to play catch.

To be honest, most people who
are good at playing catch

don't really amount to anything,

so I wouldn't stress about it.

You and your friends probably
play video games anyways, right?

I don't have any friends.

Everyone calls me "Cameltoe."

Right.

Well, friends aren't all
they're cracked up to be.

From my experience, friends
will sleep with your girlfriend

when you go to work, they
don't always split the check,

I think they're using my mouthwash
when they're in my bathroom.

Are you gonna show me a YouTube
video on making friends?

No, bro, but if you
ever wanna make any,

you're gonna have to
stick up for yourself.

No one wants to be friends with
the kid they call "Cameltoe."

- That's the weakest guy.
- But I am the weakest.

Hitler had a micropenis. Just act tough

and people will fall in line.

Okay. Is your friend
gonna give my mom her eggs?

Honestly, she's probably
just gonna, like, use her

for manicures and cinnamon
rolls and break her heart.

Wait, wait, wait. What are you...

You're crying?

No. Pollen counts are just up.

Here, take these. It's the good stuff.

You need a driver's license to buy it.

Are you sure?

They make meth out of them,

and you're kinda small,
so... take half?

We're having a baby. Look at my nails.

What?

Why are you rushing into this?

You've spent more time
picking Pinkberry toppings.

It's kind of just a woman thing.

Like, Jackie's the one.

I guess you just know when you know.

Oh, you know when you know,
'cause this morning,

you thought they were
gonna murder you for eggs.

I was being modest, okay?

It's called humble pie. Have a piece.

Giving someone your eggs is a
life-consuming process, okay?

It's a really big deal.

You're right, it is a big deal.

It's the greatest gift that one
woman can give to another woman,

besides a Diptyque candle;
That's a really good gift.

See, you're not even
taking this seriously.

I've done research.

Did you know that you
have to inject yourself

with pee from a post-menopausal woman?

That sounds great.

Also, you're gonna do, like,

permanent damage to your body.

You're gonna have belly
fat that never goes away.

I get bloated five times a week, okay?

I have belly fat
all the time, and it's cute,

'cause I'm young, and it's unexpected.

Esther, don't do this.

If you give Jackie
the daughter of her dreams,

then Bobby's probably never, ever gonna
have a gluten-free cinnamon roll.

He's gonna die
of pneumonia in a gutter.

Stop trying to fix your
childhood by helping that kid.

- It's weird.
- It's not weird.

I showed him YouTube videos
and gave him amphetamines,

and if he had a decent mom, that
wouldn't even be a big deal.

Just because Jackie wasn't
a "decent mom" for Bobby

doesn't mean she won't be the perfect
mom for a little baby Esther egg, okay?

If Jackie had been my mom,

I'd be the CEO of
Lisa Frank Industries by now,

and you'd be in jail.

There was lotion on my hands,

and now, this tastes like lotion.

Welcome to being a girl. I haven't
tasted real fruit since I was 11.

"Hello gorgeous."

How does it know?

Esther, I'm so glad you could come by.

Come on in.

Oh, Esther, you're
like family to me now,

and I was just so overjoyed
by your decision.

I couldn't wait to show you this.

Okay, open your eyes.

[gasps] Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

A ballet barre!

A full-length mirror, hardwood floors

for practicing tap.

A stage for rehearsing one-woman shows.

And you can even twirl a baton.

The windows are shatterproof glass.

[screams]

Batons!

I thought my youngest
was gonna be a girl,

and when Bobby was born,
I didn't have the heart

to take everything down. I knew someday

the precious angel that this was
all meant for would come along.

And here I am.

Excuse me, honey?

I can move in tomorrow.

I just need to go home
and get my night guard.

Actually, if I'm living here,
I won't grind.

- I can move in today.
- Huh?

You just said that I'm the person
that this room was meant for,

and, you know, I just walked into your
life and solved all your problems.

No, you said that. I said that
this was meant for my daughter.

But you said I was family.

Oh, yeah, I say that to lots of people.

I'm told I'm very warm.

So you lied to me.

You know, I really wanted
this to work for you,

but how can I give my eggs to someone

who's just gonna live vicariously
through their daughter?

That is so creepy.

You're doing the same exact thing.

That's where you're
wrong, Jackie, okay?

I don't want my daughter to have
any of this. I want it for myself.

It was very nice meeting you.

You're very cool and very pretty,

and I'm sure that if we had met
under different circumstances,

we would've been best friends.

Can I take one baton as a goodie bag?

I don't think so. Sorry.

I'll see myself out.

You won't believe this, but Jackie
was in it for the wrong reasons.

Oh, really?

The beauty queen whose child
is slowly dying of asthma

has bad priorities.

What are you gonna do with your eggs?

I'm just not gonna freeze 'em.

Maybe by the time
I'm ready to have kids,

I'll be able to raise
my own little clone.

Aw, look.

He's lonely, but he's making it work.

I taught him that. That's my brand.

Can we just get outta here?

I have a taste for soft serve,
and it's getting serious.

Wait.

- Boo!
- Whoa!

Hey, that's mine.

Lock the doors.

If stuff gets physical,

there's an air horn in the glove box.

Okay, but if it becomes
a West Side Story dance fight,

- I'm joining you.
- I don't know what that is, but okay.

A-five, six, seven, eight.

Hey, guys.

What's going on here? We're
just a bunch of cool dudes,

doing cool dude stuff, right?

All right.

Bobby, you watch
the TED talk I sent you?

Who's this dork, your dad?

It's not my dad. He's just
some weird single guy

who's obsessed with my underwear.

What are you talking about, man?
I'm just trying to help you out.

What's your sock situation like?

You wanna go sock shopping?
You guys wanna come?

Get the hell away from me, Cameltoe.

Whoa. Only the weakest kid gets
called Cameltoe. I told you that.

Ah! Was that necessary, Bobby?

Give me some.

[groans]

Teacher becomes the Cameltoe.

Classic.

You didn't call for back-up.

What's going on?

Great. All right. Thank you.

I got my sperm test results.
Inconclusive.

Okay. Well, I'm not gonna
be able to go back

to the fertility clinic with you,

because, like so many
strong women before her,

Dr. Anderson has
blocked me on Facebook.

I don't wanna go back.
I kinda like not knowing.

Now when I look at my semen,

I can think of an infinite
world of possibilities.

That's exactly how I feel
about my antral follicles.

Dr. Anderson said they're
actually right out of a textbook.

I was there.

But she wasn't.

Speaking of which, your My Size Barbie

is kinda creeping me out.
Can you turn her head around?

Actually, Amabella would
like for you to turn around,

'cause you're making her uncomfortable.

Amabella? What region is that from?

I've never heard of an Amabella.

She's actually from Finland.

Amabella, just a quick question.

Do you think maybe you could, like,

introduce me to, like, a cute friend?

She said that for $500,

you can see her naked.

I'm not... it's weird, I know.

But that's what she said.

That... that's not right.