All language subtitles for Almost Heroes S01 E04

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,366 --> 00:00:06,233 Um, this feels kinda funny. 2 00:00:06,353 --> 00:00:07,501 Well, then I must be doing something wrong. 3 00:00:07,569 --> 00:00:09,503 It should feel hilarious. 4 00:00:09,571 --> 00:00:10,705 (Laughs) 5 00:00:10,772 --> 00:00:12,506 This is all happening so fast. 6 00:00:12,574 --> 00:00:15,099 I know... But it just feels so right. 7 00:00:15,219 --> 00:00:17,711 A magical dinner for two at the finest hotel buffet 8 00:00:17,778 --> 00:00:19,255 in walking distance. 9 00:00:19,375 --> 00:00:21,280 What better way to end "two-for-one Tuesdays" 10 00:00:21,349 --> 00:00:23,718 than two becoming one. 11 00:00:23,838 --> 00:00:25,749 That's beautiful. 12 00:00:25,869 --> 00:00:27,286 More wine? 13 00:00:28,438 --> 00:00:29,630 I'm sorry. 14 00:00:29,939 --> 00:00:31,139 What's wrong? You too cold? 15 00:00:31,207 --> 00:00:32,146 I can warm you up. 16 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,562 No, not cold. Ah! Too warm. 17 00:00:34,682 --> 00:00:36,577 Maybe you're wearing too many bras. 18 00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:37,365 I can help you with that. 19 00:00:37,485 --> 00:00:39,769 I think the problem is that guy. 20 00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:42,916 Peter: Don't mind me, guys. Pretend I'm not even here. 21 00:00:42,984 --> 00:00:44,652 (Crunching cheetos) 22 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,154 Right. I'll take care of it. 23 00:00:47,222 --> 00:00:51,324 Hey, Peter, would you like a very special cupcake? 24 00:00:51,392 --> 00:00:52,678 Pffft! Obviously. 25 00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:55,395 Terry: Don't worry, I drugged his cupcake. 26 00:00:55,463 --> 00:00:56,596 He'll sleep like a baby. 27 00:00:56,664 --> 00:00:58,161 Yeah, but he's still right there. 28 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,511 Right. Sorry. 29 00:01:01,631 --> 00:01:03,110 I'm being insensitive. 30 00:01:08,007 --> 00:01:09,742 Good night, sweet prince. 31 00:01:09,809 --> 00:01:11,910 Sleep now so that I may hump. 32 00:01:11,978 --> 00:01:13,245 Now, where... Denise? 33 00:01:14,447 --> 00:01:16,014 (Door slams) 34 00:01:16,082 --> 00:01:17,215 (Sigh) Damn it! 35 00:01:18,652 --> 00:01:20,952 Peter: (Sleep mumble) Must kill president... 36 00:01:21,020 --> 00:01:22,853 Terry: I probably shouldn't have said hump. 37 00:01:22,921 --> 00:01:32,577 Sync & corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 38 00:01:32,697 --> 00:01:34,098 Hey, Bernie, how're you doing? 39 00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:35,300 I work at Sassitude. 40 00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:37,234 Shoot me in the face and end it now. 41 00:01:37,302 --> 00:01:39,936 But first, I need a cupcake. 42 00:01:40,004 --> 00:01:41,538 Whoa-whoa-whoa! 43 00:01:41,606 --> 00:01:43,206 You can't have those. Terry, it's okay. 44 00:01:43,326 --> 00:01:45,041 I'm on this all cupcake diet. 45 00:01:45,109 --> 00:01:46,476 Okay, that was a lie, 46 00:01:46,544 --> 00:01:47,444 but wouldn't that be awesome? No, no. 47 00:01:47,512 --> 00:01:50,079 You can't eat those cupcakes. 48 00:01:50,147 --> 00:01:51,147 They're drugged - 49 00:01:51,215 --> 00:01:52,549 for when I bring girls home. 50 00:01:52,617 --> 00:01:53,716 I'm sorry, what was that? 51 00:01:53,784 --> 00:01:55,718 Bernie, I don't drug the women. 52 00:01:55,786 --> 00:01:56,885 I'm not a monster. 53 00:01:56,953 --> 00:01:58,153 I drug Peter so I can have sex with women 54 00:01:58,221 --> 00:02:01,757 while he's unconscious on the floor. 55 00:02:01,825 --> 00:02:03,058 I think this idea seems way less creepy 56 00:02:03,126 --> 00:02:04,460 when I don't say it out loud. 57 00:02:04,528 --> 00:02:05,594 Although, I am starting to realize 58 00:02:05,662 --> 00:02:06,762 why it never works. 59 00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:07,930 You're drugging your own brother? 60 00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:09,198 Do you know how dangerous that is? 61 00:02:09,265 --> 00:02:11,966 Don't worry. These are pretty safe. 62 00:02:12,034 --> 00:02:14,035 (Reading) "Side effects include drymouth, persistent erections, 63 00:02:14,102 --> 00:02:15,870 and sleep heroics." 64 00:02:15,938 --> 00:02:16,771 Sleep heroics? 65 00:02:18,941 --> 00:02:21,242 (Super hero music plays) 66 00:02:24,213 --> 00:02:26,146 (Yawns) 67 00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:29,650 Terry: See? Dry mouth. No big deal. 68 00:02:29,718 --> 00:02:30,551 Bernie: Oh! Terry: Whoa! 69 00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,052 That is persistent. 70 00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:34,054 But harmless. No one's getting hurt. 71 00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,657 God, my head is killing me! 72 00:02:36,725 --> 00:02:39,426 Hm... it doesn't say anything about headaches. 73 00:02:39,494 --> 00:02:40,327 (Hard whack) 74 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,997 Wow... that is persistent. 75 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,701 Hey, what are you guys talking about? 76 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,070 Next time, just get a hotel room. 77 00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:53,205 Who can afford a hotel at $10.25 an hour? 78 00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:55,307 Whoa! $10.25 an hour? 79 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,343 I know! That's nothing. 80 00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:58,510 Guess you should've stayed here with us. 81 00:02:58,578 --> 00:02:59,444 You'd be making twenty by now, 82 00:02:59,512 --> 00:03:00,545 like me and Pete. 83 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:01,813 I only make ten! 84 00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:04,249 What? How do you guys live? 85 00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:05,984 Do you make your own clothes? 86 00:03:06,051 --> 00:03:07,118 (Both laugh) 87 00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:08,487 That's ridiculous. 88 00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:10,955 Make our own clothes, eh? 89 00:03:11,023 --> 00:03:12,724 (Sewing machine hums, Peter hums) 90 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:15,726 (Machine jams) Uh-oh. Okay. Uh-huh. Uh. 91 00:03:15,794 --> 00:03:19,296 That's gonna hurt. Okay! All right! 92 00:03:19,364 --> 00:03:21,932 I will just dig it out with these scissors... 93 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,401 Oh, that's much worse. 94 00:03:23,468 --> 00:03:24,535 Just stitch through it, 95 00:03:24,603 --> 00:03:26,069 just stitch through it, Peter, come on! 96 00:03:26,137 --> 00:03:27,237 Ahhhh! Ahhhhhh! 97 00:03:27,305 --> 00:03:29,972 Scissor again. Here we go! Oh! Oh! 98 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,275 I'm ruining my shirt. 99 00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:33,910 That's what's really upsetting! 100 00:03:33,977 --> 00:03:35,278 Terry! 101 00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:37,814 Pete, you know that dad always paid me a quarter more. 102 00:03:37,882 --> 00:03:39,482 Yeah, when we were twelve! 103 00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:40,583 We should make the same. 104 00:03:40,651 --> 00:03:43,119 Wait, your goal is $10.25 an hour? 105 00:03:43,186 --> 00:03:45,288 (Laughs) That's so adorable! 106 00:03:45,355 --> 00:03:47,355 Look, I would love to give you a raise, 107 00:03:47,424 --> 00:03:50,325 but we have to minimize costs to keep prices low. 108 00:03:50,393 --> 00:03:51,894 Remember what dad used to say? 109 00:03:51,961 --> 00:03:54,262 Get your finger out of there? 110 00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:55,964 He also used to say, 111 00:03:56,032 --> 00:04:00,402 "Great comics for great people at great prices." 112 00:04:00,470 --> 00:04:02,036 Bernie: I love watching you guys bond, 113 00:04:02,103 --> 00:04:04,439 but time is money... For me anyway. 114 00:04:04,506 --> 00:04:05,372 (Laughing) 115 00:04:05,441 --> 00:04:07,308 See you at lunch, poorpants! 116 00:04:07,375 --> 00:04:10,023 Poorpants? Really? 117 00:04:10,679 --> 00:04:11,679 Sorry. 118 00:04:11,747 --> 00:04:12,713 It's just so rare 119 00:04:12,781 --> 00:04:14,281 I actually get to feel superior... 120 00:04:14,349 --> 00:04:15,783 To anyone. 121 00:04:15,851 --> 00:04:17,318 All right, knock yourself out. 122 00:04:17,385 --> 00:04:18,752 Why don't you go sell your blood 123 00:04:18,820 --> 00:04:23,156 at the place where they pay you for...your blood! 124 00:04:23,223 --> 00:04:24,090 The blood bank? 125 00:04:24,158 --> 00:04:25,525 I'm on fire! 126 00:04:27,261 --> 00:04:29,228 Hey, maybe I should make $10.25 an hour 127 00:04:29,296 --> 00:04:30,497 and you can make ten, 128 00:04:30,565 --> 00:04:32,799 that way prices stay the same. 129 00:04:32,867 --> 00:04:34,800 No. 130 00:04:34,868 --> 00:04:36,034 And get your finger out of there. 131 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,412 Another coffee break? Really? 132 00:04:49,532 --> 00:04:50,823 Should I say cupcake break? 133 00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:52,658 I'll have you know I didn't have a cupcake 134 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,025 because it was drugged. 135 00:04:54,093 --> 00:04:55,427 Do you know how sad that sounds? 136 00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:56,729 I do, yes. 137 00:04:57,049 --> 00:04:59,183 Look, I know folding's pretty darn complicated 138 00:04:59,251 --> 00:05:00,619 for someone with your wide fingers, 139 00:05:00,686 --> 00:05:04,990 but who is going to buy a wrinkled shirt? 140 00:05:05,057 --> 00:05:07,324 Wow. You're right. That is a huge problem. 141 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:11,261 If only there are some way I could refold it. 142 00:05:11,329 --> 00:05:13,797 Maybe you could refold all of them. 143 00:05:13,865 --> 00:05:15,065 But those ones aren't wrinkled. 144 00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,967 Really? 145 00:05:17,035 --> 00:05:18,035 (Gasps) 146 00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:19,202 Now they are. 147 00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:21,138 Come on! That took me like three minutes! 148 00:05:21,205 --> 00:05:22,605 Nice attitude. 149 00:05:22,673 --> 00:05:24,007 You know, this is why you're never gonna make manager money. 150 00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,574 Why? How much do you make? 151 00:05:25,643 --> 00:05:26,876 Eight dollars an hour. 152 00:05:26,944 --> 00:05:28,978 Ha! Eight dollars an hour? 153 00:05:29,046 --> 00:05:30,880 That's not even half of what I make! 154 00:05:30,948 --> 00:05:33,182 What? You make more money than I do? 155 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,584 Yeah. What do you have to say about that? 156 00:05:35,653 --> 00:05:37,553 Yeah, well... I guess it sounds fair. 157 00:05:37,621 --> 00:05:38,586 Really? 158 00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:39,454 Mm-hm. Because in two years 159 00:05:39,522 --> 00:05:40,488 I'm gonna be married 160 00:05:40,556 --> 00:05:41,790 to a CEO with washboard abs, 161 00:05:41,858 --> 00:05:45,426 and you will still be here, aging. Badly. 162 00:05:45,494 --> 00:05:46,227 You don't know that. 163 00:05:46,295 --> 00:05:47,763 Oh, yes I do know that. 164 00:05:47,830 --> 00:05:49,230 You are gonna die working at Sassitude. 165 00:05:49,298 --> 00:05:52,233 You are gonna be buried in spanx. 166 00:05:52,301 --> 00:05:53,668 Maybe I'll just fold these. 167 00:05:53,735 --> 00:05:54,769 There you go. 168 00:05:54,836 --> 00:05:56,336 See? Even though you make more, 169 00:05:56,404 --> 00:05:58,773 you still have to do what I tell you. 170 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,474 (Singsong) Smile. 171 00:06:01,677 --> 00:06:03,010 I can't believe there are suckers out there 172 00:06:03,078 --> 00:06:05,278 who would do this for half of what I make. 173 00:06:07,014 --> 00:06:07,847 Suckers... 174 00:06:09,449 --> 00:06:10,750 Terry: Thank you very much. 175 00:06:10,818 --> 00:06:13,086 Hey, hey, hey! What're you doing? 176 00:06:13,154 --> 00:06:15,421 I'm evening out the wage disparity in this place. 177 00:06:15,489 --> 00:06:17,523 First of all, great use of the word disparity. 178 00:06:17,591 --> 00:06:18,725 Thank you. 179 00:06:18,793 --> 00:06:20,325 It's on my word of the day calendar. 180 00:06:20,393 --> 00:06:22,327 I thought it was quite perspacacious. 181 00:06:22,395 --> 00:06:23,295 Was that yesterday's word? 182 00:06:23,362 --> 00:06:26,031 No. I just made it up. 183 00:06:26,099 --> 00:06:27,966 Second of all, those aren't wages, 184 00:06:28,034 --> 00:06:30,069 they're tips for my excellent service. 185 00:06:30,136 --> 00:06:31,336 Isn't that right, Boyd? 186 00:06:31,404 --> 00:06:34,940 Oh, sorry, Pete. He's earned every penny. 187 00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:37,474 He made a heart with the foam. 188 00:06:37,542 --> 00:06:39,010 That's because I love you. 189 00:06:39,078 --> 00:06:40,678 Damn, he's good. 190 00:06:41,914 --> 00:06:43,081 Peter: Okay. Well, then... 191 00:06:43,148 --> 00:06:44,381 I'll just take over the coffee counter, right? 192 00:06:44,449 --> 00:06:45,516 How hard could it be? 193 00:06:45,584 --> 00:06:46,851 (Flames whoosh) 194 00:06:46,919 --> 00:06:48,753 Huh. 195 00:06:48,821 --> 00:06:50,254 (Flames whoosh) 196 00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:51,689 Is it supposed to do that? 197 00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:53,857 Is anything supposed to do that? 198 00:06:53,925 --> 00:06:55,558 Fine. You know what? I'll just set up a tip jar 199 00:06:55,626 --> 00:06:56,626 at the comic counter, 200 00:06:56,694 --> 00:06:58,161 and you can't have any of that! 201 00:06:58,229 --> 00:07:00,097 Pfft! How are you going to get tips? 202 00:07:00,164 --> 00:07:01,732 Oh, I've got a few ideas. 203 00:07:01,799 --> 00:07:03,967 Lady: (Cries out) 204 00:07:04,035 --> 00:07:04,935 Oh my God! That poor woman, 205 00:07:05,002 --> 00:07:05,869 she's dead. 206 00:07:07,438 --> 00:07:08,303 Is she? 207 00:07:10,306 --> 00:07:11,707 Peter, that's amazing! 208 00:07:11,775 --> 00:07:12,975 Why do I ever question you? 209 00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:14,210 You're the best. 210 00:07:14,277 --> 00:07:15,911 Thank you, young man. 211 00:07:15,979 --> 00:07:16,812 Ahem. 212 00:07:17,547 --> 00:07:19,414 (Coin clatters) 213 00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:20,515 Fifteen cents? 214 00:07:22,285 --> 00:07:24,385 Keeping in mind you don't have magical powers. 215 00:07:24,453 --> 00:07:25,987 Then I've got nothing. 216 00:07:26,055 --> 00:07:27,255 You've had a rough day. 217 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,823 I'm giving you a ten minute break. 218 00:07:28,891 --> 00:07:31,092 Who made you lord of the breaks? 219 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,593 That's my job as manager. 220 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,062 Manager? What? 221 00:07:34,130 --> 00:07:35,864 I have way more experience than you do. 222 00:07:35,931 --> 00:07:37,665 True, but I went to Harvard Business School. 223 00:07:37,733 --> 00:07:39,667 Uh, you failed out of Harvard Business School! 224 00:07:39,735 --> 00:07:41,468 Yeah? What's the best school you ever failed out of? 225 00:07:41,535 --> 00:07:43,303 The school of life! 226 00:07:43,371 --> 00:07:45,839 You failed out of the school of life? 227 00:07:45,907 --> 00:07:48,642 Well, you failed out of little dick college! 228 00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:50,410 Why? Because I have a big dick? 229 00:07:50,478 --> 00:07:51,945 Shut up! 230 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,080 We're gonna have to discuss 231 00:07:53,148 --> 00:07:54,081 these little outbursts of yours 232 00:07:54,149 --> 00:07:55,282 at your next performance review. 233 00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:57,884 Fine. I'll do your little performance review 234 00:07:57,951 --> 00:08:01,587 and we'll see who's manager after that. 235 00:08:01,655 --> 00:08:03,389 So, tell me... 236 00:08:03,456 --> 00:08:05,057 Peter... 237 00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:08,594 What would you say your greatest weakness is? 238 00:08:09,797 --> 00:08:11,830 Um... well... uh... heh... 239 00:08:13,032 --> 00:08:15,000 I'm not great at dealing with people 240 00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:16,434 or handling money. 241 00:08:17,603 --> 00:08:18,937 And uh... 242 00:08:21,941 --> 00:08:24,509 I'm not so good with "sales," 243 00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,978 or not lighting things on "fire." 244 00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,247 So I guess my greatest weakness would have to be 245 00:08:30,315 --> 00:08:33,017 my inability to rank my weaknesses. 246 00:08:34,828 --> 00:08:35,960 Peter: This is ridiculous! 247 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,715 You can't just come back here after all these years of me in charge of everything. 248 00:08:38,835 --> 00:08:41,992 Well... to be fair, 249 00:08:42,060 --> 00:08:43,560 I wrote "has potential" on your review. 250 00:08:43,628 --> 00:08:45,428 You make more money, you get to be manager, 251 00:08:45,495 --> 00:08:47,130 you have better hair, you're a way better dancer. 252 00:08:47,198 --> 00:08:48,064 Where are you going with this? 253 00:08:48,132 --> 00:08:49,398 Well... (Huffs) I mean... 254 00:08:49,466 --> 00:08:51,267 You make all the decisions without even asking me! 255 00:08:51,335 --> 00:08:52,535 Well, to be fair, 256 00:08:52,602 --> 00:08:53,703 if we're just going to do things my way, 257 00:08:53,770 --> 00:08:55,171 what's the point of asking you? 258 00:08:55,239 --> 00:08:57,506 The point is I know way more about this place than you do. 259 00:08:57,574 --> 00:08:59,408 Okay, I do a lot of things around here 260 00:08:59,476 --> 00:09:01,243 you don't even know about! 261 00:09:01,311 --> 00:09:04,446 All I want is a little respect! 262 00:09:04,513 --> 00:09:07,115 And one of my special cupcakes. 263 00:09:07,183 --> 00:09:08,350 No! 264 00:09:08,417 --> 00:09:10,052 (Groans, thumps on floor) 265 00:09:10,119 --> 00:09:10,953 Damn it! 266 00:09:13,656 --> 00:09:14,823 I've got a date tonight, 267 00:09:14,891 --> 00:09:16,257 so I'm gonna need you to cover for me. 268 00:09:16,325 --> 00:09:18,525 Boyd: Here? Or on your date? 269 00:09:18,593 --> 00:09:19,927 Because I have to meet this fella 270 00:09:19,995 --> 00:09:22,129 before I agree to anything. 271 00:09:22,197 --> 00:09:23,364 Where's Bernie? 272 00:09:23,431 --> 00:09:24,598 Well, she left a couple of hours ago. 273 00:09:24,666 --> 00:09:25,666 She can't do that. 274 00:09:25,734 --> 00:09:27,969 There are clothes to be folded... 275 00:09:28,036 --> 00:09:29,536 Which you're folding. 276 00:09:29,604 --> 00:09:31,138 Well, she hired me to do her job. 277 00:09:31,206 --> 00:09:32,339 What? 278 00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:35,375 Bernie wanted me to mention something... 279 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:38,245 I missed my court date. 280 00:09:38,312 --> 00:09:40,080 That can't be right. 281 00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:43,649 Oh... she's paying me eleven dollars an hour. 282 00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:44,885 Do you realize I'm now making 283 00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,386 more money than you? 284 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:47,320 Jealous? 285 00:09:47,388 --> 00:09:49,288 (Laughs) You can tell Bernie 286 00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,622 that I'm not the slightest bit jealous 287 00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:52,557 of a pathetic loser who lives in his van. 288 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,762 I'll be sure to pass it on. 289 00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,865 Really earning my money today. 290 00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,902 Peter: (Whistling) 291 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,037 Well, look who's feeling better. 292 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,939 Although you're always less cranky after a lie down. 293 00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,208 Uh, Terry, I'm not a little kid. 294 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,310 Juice box? Mmm! Grape! 295 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,212 Mm. 296 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,714 You know, it's not so bad. 297 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,749 I mean, you are better at business than I am, 298 00:10:18,817 --> 00:10:20,350 and all I really care about's the comic book shop 299 00:10:20,418 --> 00:10:22,452 and I'm still master of that domain. 300 00:10:24,255 --> 00:10:25,088 Hey... 301 00:10:26,690 --> 00:10:27,857 What the hell happened to "Pete's picks"? 302 00:10:27,926 --> 00:10:28,825 Pete's picks? 303 00:10:28,893 --> 00:10:30,160 Yeah! Pete's picks. 304 00:10:30,228 --> 00:10:32,362 The shelf dedicated for all my best comics. 305 00:10:32,430 --> 00:10:33,430 I took it down. 306 00:10:33,497 --> 00:10:35,299 (Trying to stay calm) You did what? 307 00:10:35,366 --> 00:10:36,498 I didn't think it was a big deal. 308 00:10:36,566 --> 00:10:37,466 It was taking up valuable wall space, 309 00:10:37,534 --> 00:10:38,467 and they never sold. 310 00:10:38,535 --> 00:10:39,735 Yeah, of course they never sold. 311 00:10:39,803 --> 00:10:41,904 Because Pete's picks aren't for sale, Terry! 312 00:10:41,972 --> 00:10:43,539 Pete's picks are there to show everyone 313 00:10:43,606 --> 00:10:44,640 that I have the best comics 314 00:10:44,707 --> 00:10:46,275 and that they should be jealous of me. 315 00:10:46,343 --> 00:10:48,444 Well, now they can be jealous of our amazing travel mugs. 316 00:10:48,511 --> 00:10:50,446 And better yet... These are for sale. 317 00:10:50,513 --> 00:10:53,181 Pete's picks is the lifeblood of this place 318 00:10:53,249 --> 00:10:55,783 and you're just turning it into a caffeinated whorehouse! 319 00:10:55,851 --> 00:10:56,952 Pete, I think you're overreacting. 320 00:10:57,019 --> 00:10:58,886 Oh, oh... I'll show you overreacting, 321 00:10:58,955 --> 00:11:01,581 okay, Mr. "Manager." 322 00:11:02,024 --> 00:11:03,624 From now on, you're on you're own 323 00:11:03,692 --> 00:11:06,428 'cause I'm on strike! Oh yeah. 324 00:11:12,347 --> 00:11:14,309 Great comics, bad manager! 325 00:11:14,429 --> 00:11:15,930 Great comics, bad manager! 326 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,251 Oh, he won't give me a raise so he can keep prices so low! 327 00:11:18,318 --> 00:11:19,318 Male customer: Hey, great comics. 328 00:11:19,386 --> 00:11:20,754 No! Don't go in there! It's terrible! 329 00:11:20,821 --> 00:11:22,022 It used to just be comics, 330 00:11:22,089 --> 00:11:23,556 now it's got coffee and delicious treats! 331 00:11:23,624 --> 00:11:24,891 Female customers: Ooh! Delicious treats! 332 00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:26,192 Peter: No! The treats, they're not good! 333 00:11:26,260 --> 00:11:29,029 He puts snails in the food. Yuck! 334 00:11:29,096 --> 00:11:31,531 French customer: Oh, les baguette! Escargot! Oh... 335 00:11:31,598 --> 00:11:32,731 Son of a bitch! 336 00:11:34,334 --> 00:11:36,369 Hey, uh... Nice strike there, Peter. 337 00:11:36,436 --> 00:11:37,903 Haven't had this many customers in weeks. 338 00:11:37,971 --> 00:11:39,472 I should have thought of this a long time ago. 339 00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:41,040 Hey, you know what would really teach me a lesson? 340 00:11:41,107 --> 00:11:42,441 Why don't you stand closer to the road 341 00:11:42,509 --> 00:11:43,509 and twirl your sign more? 342 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,177 Oh, I'm twirling it plenty. 343 00:11:45,244 --> 00:11:47,111 Oh, and laugh while you still can because... 344 00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:48,746 You won't find anyone who can do what I can do. 345 00:11:48,814 --> 00:11:50,014 What? Bankrupt the store? 346 00:11:50,082 --> 00:11:52,817 Oh, I am the Scottie of this enterprise! 347 00:11:52,885 --> 00:11:55,487 (Scottish accent) You'll nay go warp speed without me. 348 00:11:55,555 --> 00:11:56,721 I'm irreplaceable. 349 00:11:59,192 --> 00:12:01,458 Terry: Hey, Bernie, you want a job? 350 00:12:01,526 --> 00:12:02,560 Sure. 351 00:12:02,627 --> 00:12:03,360 Terry: Sweet. 352 00:12:04,896 --> 00:12:06,129 Ah, haggis! 353 00:12:10,302 --> 00:12:11,768 How's it going, employee? 354 00:12:11,836 --> 00:12:13,237 Pretty good, boss. 355 00:12:13,305 --> 00:12:14,505 Two soy lattes to go. 356 00:12:14,573 --> 00:12:15,506 Customer: Merci beaucoup. 357 00:12:15,574 --> 00:12:17,140 Uh yeah, we don't have soy milk. 358 00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:18,441 Oh, I know we don't. 359 00:12:18,509 --> 00:12:19,642 I just said that 'cause they're allergic to dairy. 360 00:12:19,710 --> 00:12:21,444 I figure, what's the worst that could happen? 361 00:12:21,512 --> 00:12:22,845 They could die. 362 00:12:22,913 --> 00:12:25,381 Oh. I meant what's the worst that could happen to me. 363 00:12:29,152 --> 00:12:30,786 What happened to the rest of Peter's special cupcakes? 364 00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:31,954 I sold them. 365 00:12:33,156 --> 00:12:36,157 You can't sell these! They're drugged! 366 00:12:36,226 --> 00:12:37,959 Oh, yeah. Whoops. 367 00:12:38,027 --> 00:12:39,160 (Lullaby plays) 368 00:12:41,997 --> 00:12:45,601 Woman: (Screams) Help! Help! I'm being robbed! 369 00:12:45,668 --> 00:12:47,869 Terry: Oh. Sleep heroics. Cool. 370 00:12:47,937 --> 00:12:48,970 Man: Excuse me. 371 00:12:49,038 --> 00:12:51,004 I'm looking for Dark Badger. 372 00:12:51,072 --> 00:12:53,073 Terry: Dark Badger... 373 00:12:53,141 --> 00:12:55,209 Yeah, that should be under "D." 374 00:12:56,411 --> 00:12:58,479 Yeah, I already checked under "D." 375 00:12:58,547 --> 00:13:01,349 Right, then we'll check under "B." 376 00:13:01,416 --> 00:13:02,650 Checked there, too. 377 00:13:02,718 --> 00:13:04,385 Well, you could have told me that before I looked. 378 00:13:04,453 --> 00:13:07,454 You waste my time, I waste yours. 379 00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:13,226 (Phone rings) Hello? 380 00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:15,695 Peter: (On phone) What's wrong, Terry? Can't find Dark Badger? 381 00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:19,065 Did you check under "N" for nocturnal animals? 382 00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:21,433 Because you won't find it there, either. 383 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,568 It's only a matter of time 384 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,637 before your begging me to come back! 385 00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:27,706 No thanks, I'll do just fine on my own. 386 00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,344 (Scary music) Ah! 387 00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,481 What do you want? 388 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:40,117 Why don't I guess... 389 00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:41,452 Dark Badger. 390 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,521 All right, I gotta think like Peter. 391 00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:45,955 Badgers are weasels, weasels like fish, 392 00:13:46,023 --> 00:13:47,457 fish live in the sea. 393 00:13:47,525 --> 00:13:48,792 So, under "C"? 394 00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:51,127 Ha! Here it is. 395 00:13:52,397 --> 00:13:54,063 I can't believe that actually worked. 396 00:13:54,131 --> 00:13:54,964 Yes I can. 397 00:13:56,768 --> 00:13:58,034 Damn it, it's sold out. 398 00:13:59,236 --> 00:14:00,803 (Scary music plays) 399 00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:03,306 Look, if you want to leave your parents phone number, 400 00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:05,374 we can call you when it comes in. 401 00:14:09,546 --> 00:14:13,081 Or you can keep staring at me with your dead shark eyes. 402 00:14:17,986 --> 00:14:19,587 Hey, Mr. Old 'n' Creepy. 403 00:14:19,655 --> 00:14:22,223 You fold pants like a girl with no hands. 404 00:14:22,291 --> 00:14:24,326 Inspirationally? Good for her. 405 00:14:24,393 --> 00:14:25,694 Where's the security perv? 406 00:14:25,761 --> 00:14:27,696 Boyd? Oh, he hired me. 407 00:14:27,763 --> 00:14:29,531 So, Bernie hired him and he hired you? 408 00:14:29,598 --> 00:14:32,266 Yeah, yeah. How long is his shift? 409 00:14:32,334 --> 00:14:33,567 He doesn't have a shift. 410 00:14:33,635 --> 00:14:35,302 He's busy being a full-time loser. 411 00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:36,870 Oh yeah, a full-time loser who's paying me 412 00:14:36,938 --> 00:14:38,238 nine bucks an hour. 413 00:14:38,306 --> 00:14:39,272 What?! 414 00:14:39,341 --> 00:14:41,241 Yeah, he wanted me to let you know 415 00:14:41,309 --> 00:14:42,843 that I'm still making more money than you. 416 00:14:42,910 --> 00:14:44,378 (Laughs) Well... 417 00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:48,715 I just saw more vaginas than you have all year. 418 00:14:48,782 --> 00:14:49,949 Hot. 419 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:54,987 (Exhales, pants) 420 00:14:56,189 --> 00:14:59,492 (Into phone) Okay, I need some copies of the Dark Badger now! 421 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,627 I don't know how many. What's the usual? 422 00:15:01,695 --> 00:15:03,363 (Scary music) 423 00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:04,830 They're multiplying! 424 00:15:04,897 --> 00:15:07,131 Send me everything you've got! 425 00:15:10,903 --> 00:15:13,372 So...who wants a cookie? 426 00:15:15,508 --> 00:15:17,843 C'mon, everyone likes cookies. 427 00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:19,010 Mmm... 428 00:15:19,078 --> 00:15:20,578 Yummy, yummy... 429 00:15:21,847 --> 00:15:24,081 (Phone rings) (Flustered) Hello? 430 00:15:24,148 --> 00:15:25,783 Peter: (On phone) Hello, Terry, it's your brother. 431 00:15:25,851 --> 00:15:27,551 Say hi to the kids for me. 432 00:15:27,619 --> 00:15:30,588 All four of them. (Laughs maniacally) 433 00:15:30,655 --> 00:15:31,822 (Scary music) Oh! 434 00:15:33,958 --> 00:15:36,659 Peter: (On phone) What's the matter, Terry? Is it getting hot in there? 435 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,327 Perhaps a wizard cast a heat spell 436 00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,597 to punish you for your misdeeds. 437 00:15:40,664 --> 00:15:42,231 You stay there! 438 00:15:42,299 --> 00:15:44,868 Peter: (On phone) Misdeeds! Misdeeds! 439 00:15:44,935 --> 00:15:46,569 (Maniacal laugh) 440 00:15:48,439 --> 00:15:49,839 (Maniacal laugh) 441 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,808 What are you doing? 442 00:15:51,876 --> 00:15:52,841 Psychological warfare. 443 00:15:52,909 --> 00:15:54,410 That's my job. 444 00:15:58,848 --> 00:16:01,383 Tell me you brought me a load of Dark Badger. 445 00:16:01,451 --> 00:16:02,651 Of course. Oh, thank God. 446 00:16:02,719 --> 00:16:05,687 But, if the dark badger you wish to see, 447 00:16:05,755 --> 00:16:08,823 first a riddle you must answer me. 448 00:16:08,891 --> 00:16:11,559 Peter: (Maniacal laugh) 449 00:16:11,627 --> 00:16:12,460 Damn it. 450 00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:18,165 Can anybody help me solve a very nerdy riddle? 451 00:16:18,233 --> 00:16:19,594 You... you sir. 452 00:16:19,714 --> 00:16:21,170 This seems right up your alley. 453 00:16:21,290 --> 00:16:22,839 Do you know anything about Dark B- 454 00:16:23,878 --> 00:16:25,939 Ahhh! (Scary music) 455 00:16:26,006 --> 00:16:27,593 Stop doing that! 456 00:16:29,243 --> 00:16:29,984 Bernie... 457 00:16:30,112 --> 00:16:31,680 You want to pour some coffee? 458 00:16:31,747 --> 00:16:33,348 Or, at least, stand next to the machine? 459 00:16:33,416 --> 00:16:35,317 - I'm on break. - Again? 460 00:16:35,384 --> 00:16:36,305 It's way too hot to work. 461 00:16:36,425 --> 00:16:37,819 Do you think you could get me a cold drink? 462 00:16:37,886 --> 00:16:39,087 Break's over. 463 00:16:39,154 --> 00:16:40,387 Terry, come on. 464 00:16:40,455 --> 00:16:42,089 I'm working two jobs right now. 465 00:16:42,156 --> 00:16:45,359 Technically... You're not working any. 466 00:16:45,427 --> 00:16:47,861 Wow. You're a real slave driver. 467 00:16:47,929 --> 00:16:50,464 I don't know how Peter did it. 468 00:16:50,532 --> 00:16:52,633 Comic guy: I have another riddle for you. 469 00:16:52,701 --> 00:16:55,202 Somebody, I shan't say who, 470 00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:59,071 has clogged your toilet with a number two. 471 00:17:00,807 --> 00:17:01,641 Perfect. 472 00:17:04,211 --> 00:17:05,245 (Groans) 473 00:17:05,312 --> 00:17:07,747 (Phone rings) Hello? 474 00:17:07,814 --> 00:17:08,848 Peter: (On phone) Bathroom troubles? 475 00:17:08,915 --> 00:17:10,816 Peter, stop doing this! 476 00:17:10,884 --> 00:17:13,485 If you're not going to help me, just leave me alone! 477 00:17:13,553 --> 00:17:15,086 Peter: (On phone) Fine, I'll help you. 478 00:17:15,154 --> 00:17:18,724 Have you tried jiggling the handle? 479 00:17:18,791 --> 00:17:20,592 (Flames whoosh) Whoa! 480 00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:22,026 How is that even possible? 481 00:17:22,094 --> 00:17:22,728 Peter: (On phone) What happened? What happened? 482 00:17:22,795 --> 00:17:24,996 Fire, Peter! Fire! 483 00:17:25,064 --> 00:17:26,197 Peter: (On phone) Cool... 484 00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:27,366 Is it supposed to do that? 485 00:17:27,433 --> 00:17:29,600 Nothing is supposed to do that. 486 00:17:30,802 --> 00:17:31,835 Candi: You better turn around 487 00:17:31,903 --> 00:17:34,037 and you better be the super-nerd. 488 00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:37,007 (Laughs) Oh, hilarious. And let me guess. 489 00:17:37,075 --> 00:17:39,277 You probably make 8.50 an hour? 490 00:17:39,344 --> 00:17:40,878 Que? Don't you guys get it? 491 00:17:40,945 --> 00:17:42,713 I don't care that you make more money than me. 492 00:17:42,781 --> 00:17:44,314 As long as I get to insult you all day, 493 00:17:44,382 --> 00:17:46,916 I win. Que? 494 00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:48,485 Where are we gonna start with you? 495 00:17:48,552 --> 00:17:50,953 You have worse hair than a prison lesbian. 496 00:17:51,021 --> 00:17:53,156 Que? I'm insulting your hair. 497 00:17:53,223 --> 00:17:55,057 No hablo inglais. 498 00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:58,561 Wait. You don't understand my awesome insults? 499 00:17:58,629 --> 00:18:00,096 How am I supposed to hurt your feelings? 500 00:18:00,164 --> 00:18:01,930 (Realizing gasp) 501 00:18:07,804 --> 00:18:09,137 I've tried everything. 502 00:18:09,205 --> 00:18:10,906 I can't figure out your stupid Dark Badger riddle. 503 00:18:10,973 --> 00:18:13,141 So, unless the answer is actually Dark Badger- 504 00:18:13,209 --> 00:18:14,276 Correct, sir! 505 00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,611 What? Really? 506 00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,078 Hahaha! Excellent work, young one. 507 00:18:18,146 --> 00:18:20,247 I bestow upon thee... 508 00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:23,551 The Laurel of Azmaldian. 509 00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:27,555 Well... I really do it for the Laurels... 510 00:18:27,623 --> 00:18:29,890 These comics are all the reward I need. 511 00:18:29,958 --> 00:18:32,959 And now, riddle the second! 512 00:18:33,027 --> 00:18:35,094 Spiderman is on a train leaving New York City 513 00:18:35,162 --> 00:18:36,996 at 55 miles per hour... 514 00:18:37,064 --> 00:18:38,699 (Screaming) Nooooooo... 515 00:18:38,766 --> 00:18:40,567 (Phone rings) 516 00:18:40,635 --> 00:18:42,336 (Screaming) Helllloooo? 517 00:18:42,403 --> 00:18:43,603 Peter: (On phone) What in the world's wrong, Terry? 518 00:18:43,671 --> 00:18:45,505 I can't take it anymore, Peter. 519 00:18:45,573 --> 00:18:48,074 I need you here. Please come back! 520 00:18:48,142 --> 00:18:51,176 Peter: What? You couldn't make it past riddle the second? 521 00:18:51,244 --> 00:18:52,244 I can't do- 522 00:18:53,413 --> 00:18:55,214 I can't do this. 523 00:18:55,281 --> 00:18:56,716 I can't run the store without you. 524 00:18:56,783 --> 00:18:57,916 Ha! I knew it. 525 00:18:57,984 --> 00:18:58,751 So you'll come back? 526 00:18:58,819 --> 00:19:00,085 Uh, not so fast. 527 00:19:00,153 --> 00:19:02,655 There is the matter of the little wage discrepancy? 528 00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:04,022 Fine, you get a 25 cent raise. 529 00:19:04,090 --> 00:19:05,089 We're even. 530 00:19:05,157 --> 00:19:07,058 As if I'm gonna take the first offer! 531 00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:08,192 All right, how about a ten cent raise? 532 00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:09,927 Done! 533 00:19:09,995 --> 00:19:11,363 No deal. 534 00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:13,631 Fine. 25 cents it is. 535 00:19:13,699 --> 00:19:14,666 Perfect. 536 00:19:14,734 --> 00:19:15,933 Now, I'm gonna head back inside, 537 00:19:16,001 --> 00:19:17,168 you can deal with the riddler here. 538 00:19:17,236 --> 00:19:18,135 See you next year. 539 00:19:18,203 --> 00:19:19,371 Peter: Oh, I won't be long. 540 00:19:19,438 --> 00:19:20,771 I believe I have all the answers 541 00:19:20,839 --> 00:19:23,741 to his riddles right here. 542 00:19:23,808 --> 00:19:26,243 Five bucks? He wanted a bribe? 543 00:19:26,310 --> 00:19:27,944 Yeah. It's business, Terry. 544 00:19:28,012 --> 00:19:30,614 It's how things work in the real world. 545 00:19:30,682 --> 00:19:31,515 I'm keeping this. 546 00:19:34,582 --> 00:19:39,700 Candi: Usted blar ropa como un cobarde. 547 00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:40,657 What are you doing? 548 00:19:40,777 --> 00:19:42,536 (Gasp) Thank God it's you. I mean... 549 00:19:42,758 --> 00:19:45,056 I thought it smelled old in here. 550 00:19:45,521 --> 00:19:48,123 I finally realized just how easy this job is. 551 00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:50,625 Also, I want my full paycheck. 552 00:19:50,692 --> 00:19:52,827 Also, Terry fired me. 553 00:19:52,895 --> 00:19:54,662 You think I'll just take you back? 554 00:19:54,730 --> 00:19:55,863 Think you can find a better employee 555 00:19:55,931 --> 00:19:58,066 who's an easier target? 556 00:19:58,134 --> 00:19:59,699 Welcome back. 557 00:19:59,767 --> 00:20:01,935 You know why dogs like to lick your face, Bernie? 558 00:20:02,003 --> 00:20:03,137 Why? 559 00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:05,372 Because it looks like their balls. 560 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:06,650 It's good to have you back. 561 00:20:08,443 --> 00:20:09,576 Fold this. 562 00:20:14,176 --> 00:20:15,915 Peter: There you go. 563 00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,050 And that is that. 564 00:20:18,101 --> 00:20:20,486 Terry: Why are they still here? They have the comics. 565 00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:23,056 Are they gonna set me on fire with their minds? 566 00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:24,890 Peter: No, but when they form a cluster, 567 00:20:24,958 --> 00:20:28,961 it takes more than mere comics to disperse them. 568 00:20:29,029 --> 00:20:31,796 There's a secret known to only those 569 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:34,699 who sit perched behind the comic book counter. 570 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,169 It's a magical, mystical secret. 571 00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:39,571 Get outta here! 572 00:20:39,638 --> 00:20:40,472 Or I'll hit you with this broom! 573 00:20:40,540 --> 00:20:41,606 Come on! Ya! Ya! 574 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:43,608 A broom. 575 00:20:44,977 --> 00:20:46,844 Well, Peter... 576 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:47,911 You were right, 577 00:20:47,979 --> 00:20:49,547 I can't run this store without you. 578 00:20:49,614 --> 00:20:52,416 From now on, we make the same, okay? 579 00:20:52,484 --> 00:20:53,650 And...? 580 00:20:53,718 --> 00:20:56,653 And I will put Pete's picks back up. 581 00:20:57,822 --> 00:20:59,422 And...? 582 00:20:59,490 --> 00:21:00,356 And... 583 00:21:01,793 --> 00:21:05,662 I bestow upon thee the Laurel of Azmaldian. 584 00:21:06,931 --> 00:21:09,199 And peace returns to the kingdom. 585 00:21:09,266 --> 00:21:10,633 Yes. 586 00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:14,637 And I shall lead us to a new age of prosperity... 587 00:21:15,806 --> 00:21:17,506 A golden age... 588 00:21:17,574 --> 00:21:19,675 Where people will look at me as their leader and say... 589 00:21:19,743 --> 00:21:23,856 Yeah, he is glorious! Terry? 590 00:21:23,976 --> 00:21:34,118 Sync & corrected by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 41621

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