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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:17,951 --> 00:00:20,749 - [Video Game Noises] - Hah! Kick him in the stomach. 1 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:24,415 Boy, it trip me out how their bodies just fall apart like that. 2 00:00:24,524 --> 00:00:27,084 Boy, these video games... I love 'em. 3 00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:29,423 It's a great way to work off your aggression... 4 00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:32,430 and Bernie Mac got a lot of aggression. 5 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:35,092 You know Bernie Mac's situation. My sister. 6 00:00:35,201 --> 00:00:37,761 She's taking a state-sponsored vacation. 7 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,771 She got a little problem with drugs. 8 00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:43,274 Now my wife Wanda and I, we're taking care of her kids. 9 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:46,777 Don't remind me. Them doggone kids. 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,780 I'd like to tear their doggone heads off. 11 00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,874 Blast them to a million pieces! Shut 'em up for good! 12 00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,680 Hyah! Hah! 13 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,846 [Grunting] 14 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,120 [Chuckles] Now, hold on, America. 15 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,955 I know what you're thinkin', and you're wrong. 16 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,223 Bernie Mac is not a violent man. 17 00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:06,560 This is what Bernie Mac does to relax. 18 00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:08,566 Because in real life... 19 00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:10,829 we don't settle our differences this way. 20 00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:14,839 That would be wrong. We're not animals. 21 00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:18,240 [Woman Narrating] Despite a reputation for being solitary... 22 00:01:18,344 --> 00:01:20,335 wolves are seldom without company... 23 00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,642 and when they hunt, they hunt in packs. 24 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:24,842 Jordan. 25 00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:26,919 What you doin' in the house watching TV? 26 00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:30,979 It's beautiful outside. You think we live in Los Angeles for the culture? 27 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,925 - I'm watching the Discovery Channel. - You can watch this crap anytime. 28 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:38,794 - Now go outside and meet some of the boys. - No. I wanna see what happens. 29 00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:42,493 The lion eats the hyena. Now, give me this glass and go outside. Enjoy yourself. 30 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,797 Awww. 31 00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:48,032 Man, these young kids. Man, you couldn't get us to stay in no doggone house. 32 00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:51,269 - [Exotic Birds Squawking] - [Elephant Trumpets] 33 00:01:51,377 --> 00:01:53,345 [Monkeys Chittering] 34 00:01:57,584 --> 00:02:00,348 [Jungle Animal Noises Continue] 35 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:08,052 [Woman Narrating] When the wolf pack spies a prospective prey... 36 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:13,326 it moves in unison, cautiously surrounding it, searching for signs of weakness. 37 00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,333 - [Inhales Deeply] - Sensing an opening... 38 00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:19,371 the pack works as a unit to keep the prey confused and off-balance. 39 00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,702 When ready to move in for the kill... 40 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:24,402 the first attack is made by the strongest member of the pack. 41 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:26,979 This is the alpha wolf! 42 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,810 Okay. Hold it right there. 43 00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:32,976 - [Sobs] - Man, those kids gonna wind up being your best friends. 44 00:02:33,086 --> 00:02:35,316 - You watch and see. You watch. - [Crying] 45 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,890 A fight? 46 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,892 Damn. 47 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:44,430 Man, was he hurt? No, no. Just tell him I'm on my way. 48 00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:47,500 [Bell Rings] 49 00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:53,763 [Sniffling] 50 00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,602 See, the problem is Jordan, my nephew... 51 00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:02,544 he's small for his age. 52 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:06,210 And like most small kids where I come from, they constantly get picked on. 53 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:09,083 But I'm gonna tell you something. You ain't got to be big to be tough. 54 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,955 You look at one of the all-time boxing greats: Sugar Ray Leonard. 55 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,927 Over here! 56 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,224 [Clears Throat] What's up, Ray, baby? 57 00:03:18,331 --> 00:03:20,231 How ya doin'? Now, my man, Ray... 58 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:22,233 he was small, but he was wiry. 59 00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:24,235 He was like those littleJapanese cars... 60 00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:27,238 compact, agile, built for speed, and had endurance. 61 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,900 And I can bet you if someone called him a sissy... 62 00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:32,910 - I'd hand him a dollar and make change out of his ass. - Attaboy. 63 00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:35,071 [Laughing] 64 00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:37,240 Let me. [Clears Throat] I'm excited. Move... 65 00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:39,250 Let's move on. Let's move on. [Clears Throat] 66 00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:42,913 Now, Ray, seriously speaking, from a champion perspective... 67 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:45,456 how would you assess my nephew's skills? 68 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:48,925 - Bernie, it seems to me thatJordan lacks speed. - Uh-huh. 69 00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:51,861 - This man has zero self-confidence... - Mm. 70 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,195 And is totally lacking in the fundamentals that make a great fighter. 71 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:56,495 I mean, he's... he... he's the loser. 72 00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,935 So he's definitely gonna get his ass whupped, huh? 73 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,440 Oh, I would seriously consider homeschooling. 74 00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:12,379 Jordan says that he's sick and doesn't wanna go to school tomorrow. 75 00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:14,453 Is something going on with him? 76 00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,119 Mm. Baby, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it, okay? 77 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,722 - I don't wanna learn how to fight. - You gonna learn how to fight. 78 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,730 Get up. Quit being so difficult. 79 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,732 But I'm working on my magic trick. 80 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:29,734 Gimme that doggone magic trick. 81 00:04:29,836 --> 00:04:32,805 What you gonna do if somebody start picking on you? You gonna disappear? 82 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,873 - But I don't want to. - Well, you have to! 83 00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:38,239 Now, listen. The first thing you need to know about defending yourself... 84 00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,505 is to avoid a fight in the first place. 85 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:45,312 And what I mean by that, if somebody start picking on you, you got to show you can take it. 86 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,682 You gotta come right back and start picking on them. 87 00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,687 - How do I do that? - Well, um... 88 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:52,553 you can start by insulting their mama. 89 00:04:52,659 --> 00:04:54,650 What I if don't know his mama? 90 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,661 We're talking about universal mamas here, Jordan. 91 00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:58,628 It applies to all mamas. You gotta be inventive. 92 00:04:58,731 --> 00:05:01,928 Doggone now, Jordan. If you start hitting on somebody's mama... 93 00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,196 you gotta hit 'em where it hurt, go for the jugular. 94 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,363 If their mama's fat, you gotta say something like... 95 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,532 "Your mama's so fat, I poured a half a cup of water in the bathtub... 96 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,633 and when she sat down, it overflowed." 97 00:05:11,744 --> 00:05:15,737 - [Chuckles] - Uncle Bernie, that's mean. What if I like his mama? 98 00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,373 You don't know his mama, Jordan. How you gonna like somebody you don't know? 99 00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:20,816 What if his mama's dead? 100 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,218 His mama being dead ain't got nothin' to do with it. 101 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,416 What you talking about his mama's dead for? 102 00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:27,891 Look here. [Sighs] 103 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:30,394 Forget about it, okay? Forget about it. 104 00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:33,465 We're gonna move on. We'll go to plan "B": 105 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:36,165 Acting crazy. 106 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:39,295 - [Screaming] - [Growling] 107 00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:42,374 - [Coughing] No! - [Growling] 108 00:05:42,475 --> 00:05:45,569 - [Wheezing] - No, no. Relax. Relax. Jordan, it's just whipped cream. 109 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,909 I'm trying to make a point. See, you gotta make people think you're crazy. 110 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,382 - Don't nobody mess with you when you foaming. - [Coughs, Inhales Deeply] 111 00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,454 [Breathing Heavily] 112 00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:58,922 Jordan, listen. You gotta get loud, man. You gotta act weird. 113 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:02,859 Somebody get in your face, you gotta make 'em think like you crazy. 114 00:06:02,962 --> 00:06:05,897 - How? - By your body language, your voice, man. 115 00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:08,899 Man, you gotta... When people step to you, man, tell them, "You better back off." 116 00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,868 - [Softly] You better back off. - No, no. Listen to my voice, man. 117 00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,735 - Don't mess with me, man! - Don't mess with me, man. 118 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:17,071 - I don't play! - I don't play. 119 00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:19,644 - You better back off! - You better back off! 120 00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:22,806 - Don't mess with me, man! - Don't mess with me, man! 121 00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:25,110 I don't play! Don't mess with me, man! 122 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,550 - Best back off! - You best back off! 123 00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:30,053 - I don't play! Back off. - I don't play! Don't mess with me! 124 00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:32,386 - Get back! [Growling] - [Growling] 125 00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:34,892 Hey! Don't mess with me, man! I don't play! 126 00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:37,087 You best back off! I don't play! 127 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:40,097 - Don't mess with me, man! - That's a dead boy walkin' right there. 128 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:44,568 Bernie, teaching that boy that violence is the answer is just wrong. 129 00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,570 Sweetheart, I'm not teaching that boy no violence. 130 00:06:46,672 --> 00:06:49,232 I'm trying to give him some, uh, school yard diplomacy... 131 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:53,244 give him some tactics, man, to keep him from fighting. 132 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,906 Baby, I know you. 133 00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:58,245 What you mean by that? You... 134 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,683 You know that boy needs something, Wanda. He's soft. 135 00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:02,687 - He is not soft. - He is. 136 00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:06,418 Jordan is a gentle soul. He doesn't like fighting. He likes magic tricks. 137 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,858 What is it with these dumb ol' magic tricks? 138 00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:11,862 That's what happened to Houdini. That's how he died. 139 00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:15,365 He got his ass kicked over there at the magic shop. The man hit him in the doggone stomach. 140 00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:18,494 If he knew some "Your Mama" jokes, he might still be alive today. 141 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:20,936 [Jordan Sobbing] 142 00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,909 - [Clears Throat] - [Sobbing Continues] 143 00:07:25,011 --> 00:07:28,310 Wish I knew some magic. Poof! 144 00:07:28,414 --> 00:07:30,382 [Sobbing Continues] 145 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:33,281 What? What? Jordan! 146 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:36,947 - [Sobbing] She took it! - It's your car! Take it back! 147 00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:39,456 [Sobbing] She took it! She took it! 148 00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,720 Jordan. Jordan. Jordan, listen to me. Come on now. Come on. 149 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,728 You mean after everything I showed you... 150 00:07:43,830 --> 00:07:46,799 you can't take a toy car from a four-year-old girl? 151 00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:48,560 - [Sobbing] - She's four years old! 152 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:51,330 Now, relax. Do what I showed you. 153 00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:54,531 Don't mess with me! I don't play! 154 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,540 Hey! Give it back! 155 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,302 - [Sobbing] - Punk. 156 00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,278 [Sobbing Continues] 157 00:08:02,381 --> 00:08:04,440 Oh, Lord. 158 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:12,352 Ray, the boy's real soft. I mean soft. He's like liquid, you know. 159 00:08:12,458 --> 00:08:14,358 He needs more than fundamentals. 160 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:17,861 He needs something like divine intervention, and that's why I come here. 161 00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:22,025 I was teaching my nephew a few playground moves, man, in case he get in trouble. 162 00:08:22,134 --> 00:08:25,535 First thing I taught him is if somebody is messing with you, pick up some sand. 163 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:28,198 Then you throw it in their face and you take off running! 164 00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,208 That always worked for me when I was little, you know? Or you can improvise... 165 00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,710 especially if you're around some objects. 166 00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:35,713 - Let me see that book. - This one here? 167 00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,874 Like this book I was reading. See? I'm reading. 168 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,475 I'm reading, casually minding your business. ?? [Whistling] 169 00:08:40,586 --> 00:08:43,885 Somebody come at you. Bam! Hit them right in the throat. [Coughs] 170 00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,151 Drop the book, start running. 171 00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:49,387 Oh, boy, I was dangerous when I was growing up, Ray. I'm telling you. 172 00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:51,395 Now, now, Ray, be honest. 173 00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:54,057 The few techniques that I just showed you and the people... 174 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:56,566 what do you think my nephew's chances are right now? 175 00:08:56,669 --> 00:08:59,570 Don't get too attached to the boy. 176 00:08:59,672 --> 00:09:03,665 - He's still gonna have trouble. - Yes. Big trouble. 177 00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:05,744 [Chattering] 178 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:12,013 - [Grunts] - Hey! Why'd you do that? 179 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:14,143 'Cause it's ugly, like you. 180 00:09:14,253 --> 00:09:16,016 Stop! 181 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:19,091 "Stop!" What are you gonna do, cry, baby? 182 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:23,685 No. No, but... but your mama cried when you were born. 183 00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:25,388 [Onlookers "Oohing"] 184 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:31,899 - [Derisive Laughter] - Look at that little sissy! 185 00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:36,407 - Ow! My eye! - Sorry, Byron. 186 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,272 [Laughter Continues] 187 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:40,937 [Onlookers "Oohing"] 188 00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:44,181 [Silence Ensues] 189 00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:49,144 ?? [Funk] 190 00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,895 I don't play! I don't play! 191 00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:01,033 ?? [Continues] 192 00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:04,659 ?? [Ends] 193 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,635 Don't mess with me, man! I don't play! 194 00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:09,503 - How'd it go today, son? - Okay. 195 00:10:11,243 --> 00:10:14,144 - Anybody pick on you? - Nope. Nobody. 196 00:10:14,246 --> 00:10:18,239 I just did what you told me and acted like you and now nobody bothers me. 197 00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,313 That's my boy. 198 00:10:22,421 --> 00:10:24,912 - [Snapping Fingers] - [Chuckles] Know what I'm saying? 199 00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:27,254 Guess who had a good day in school today, baby? 200 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,921 Little Harry Potter himself and his magic tricks. 201 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:34,966 The boy managed to conjure up some self-confidence! 202 00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:38,594 I told you, baby. All the boy had to do was go to school and act like Bernie Mac... 203 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,604 and I bet nobody would mess with him. 204 00:10:40,706 --> 00:10:43,436 I told him that. He did it too. B... 205 00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:45,601 What? 206 00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:52,843 Hello? Who? 207 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:58,215 Uh, yeah, this is Bernie Mac. 208 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,656 Now, ho-ho-hold on. Hold on. Hold on. 209 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,389 How you know your son wasn't picking on him... 210 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,398 and he wasn't defending himself? 211 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,400 No, I ain't calling you no liar! 212 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:13,233 But I'm saying you do sound a little hot-tempered right now. 213 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:17,503 And if your son acts anything the way you acting right now, I can s... Hello? 214 00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,874 [Dial Tone] 215 00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,043 People trip. They be calling the wrong number and tripping. 216 00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:27,142 - Come on. Raise up. - Hey. I was listening. 217 00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:30,518 Jordan, I want you to listen and listen well... 218 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,148 because I'm only gonna ask you this one time. 219 00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:36,888 - Did you pick a fight in school today? - No. 220 00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:40,397 Because I've just got off the phone with the father of the boy who said you did. 221 00:11:40,499 --> 00:11:43,400 I didn't start it. He was picking on me. 222 00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:46,494 - So you were sticking up for yourself, right? - Mm-hmm. 223 00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:51,508 - You're not lying, are you? - Uncle Bernie, I promise I'm not lying to you. 224 00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:54,773 [Irish Accent] He's lying. He's lying through his flippin' teeth. 225 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,348 It's to be expected. The boy's a bad seed. 226 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,715 Hey, hey. Father Cronin, I don't believe that. 227 00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,516 I mean, Jordan's just too soft to lie to my face. 228 00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:07,388 People rarely want to believe their child is the problem. 229 00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,723 Don't you think it was hard for the apostles to believe... 230 00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:12,389 that one of their own would betray Christ? 231 00:12:12,498 --> 00:12:16,161 And yet there he was... Judas... 232 00:12:16,268 --> 00:12:19,931 sitting there eating his body and drinking his blood. 233 00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:23,099 ?? [Somber Organ] 234 00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:27,578 Mr. Mac, come take a look-see at your own littleJudas. 235 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:35,753 [Shouting, Growling] 236 00:12:35,855 --> 00:12:38,653 The nuns refer to him as the "Holy Terror." 237 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,719 [Growling] 238 00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,729 Owww! 239 00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:47,765 - What's gotten into you, Jordan? - Ow. Ow. Ow. 240 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:50,802 You don't go around picking fights like that! Who told you to act like that? 241 00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:54,566 - You did! - Me? I didn't tell you to act like no doggone bully! 242 00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,470 You told me to act like you! 243 00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:59,635 You sayin' I'm a bully? I ain't no bully! 244 00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:01,940 I'm gonna show you a doggone bully! You come here! 245 00:13:05,317 --> 00:13:07,547 [Fight Bell Rings] 246 00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:11,054 Welcome back. When you think of boxing's biggest bullies... 247 00:13:11,157 --> 00:13:13,387 you think of men with menacing icy stares... 248 00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:15,392 that could freeze their opponents cold. 249 00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:18,725 Brutes who beat their foes into submission. 250 00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:22,892 Men whose very names struck fear in the hearts of giants. 251 00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:26,062 Men like Sonny Liston, Big George Foreman... 252 00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,902 Mike Tyson, Bernie Mac. 253 00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:32,409 - These bullies... - Hold on. Hey, hey. Hey, Ray. Hold on now. 254 00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:35,071 - What? - I ain't no bully. 255 00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:38,582 - What are you saying? - I'm saying I don't know where you think I'm a bully from. 256 00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:40,584 Well, Bernie, if you check your record out, it's clear. 257 00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:43,917 - You've always been a bully. - That's not true. That ain't true. 258 00:13:44,023 --> 00:13:45,752 - Not true? - No. 259 00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:47,758 Okay. Let's go to videotape. 260 00:13:47,860 --> 00:13:49,760 - [Fight Bell Rings] - ?? [Children Singing In French] 261 00:13:49,862 --> 00:13:52,262 Hey, baby girl. Can I watch the TVwith you? 262 00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:54,423 - Okay. - Okay. Thank you. 263 00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,433 - [Click] - [Sports Announcer, Indistinct] 264 00:13:56,535 --> 00:13:58,435 - Hey! - Hey. 265 00:13:58,537 --> 00:14:00,937 [Crying] 266 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:04,203 Oh, don't cry, Bryana. 267 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,210 Bears gonna win. Watch. 268 00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:08,212 - [TV Volume Rises] - They gonna win. 269 00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,612 [Crying Continues] 270 00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:12,707 What a terrible mismatch. 271 00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:15,218 A heavyweight versus a flyweight... 272 00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:17,949 picking on a little girl. 273 00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:19,957 I don't wanna do this no more, Ray. 274 00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:24,220 And now the main event. 275 00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,560 We'll be profiling a series of bouts between Bernie... 276 00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:30,362 and his greatest rival, Little "Magic Man" Jordan. 277 00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:33,536 Yeah. Fine. 278 00:14:33,639 --> 00:14:35,903 - [Fight Bell Rings] - [Video Game Blows Landing] 279 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:39,910 I won! I got the high score! 280 00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:42,344 I beat your record! 281 00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:48,482 J-O-R-D... 282 00:14:48,587 --> 00:14:52,250 Oh, man! Heh. Look what happened. 283 00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,588 It just came out. It just came out. 284 00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:56,160 It just came out. 285 00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:59,254 - [Fight Bell Rings] - [Bernie] Get in there before I throw you in! 286 00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:02,061 - [Jordan] I don't wanna take a bath! - Shut up! 287 00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,931 - I don't wanna take a... - [Large Splash] 288 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:07,528 [Fight Bell Rings] 289 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,541 - Hey. That was my brownie. - No, it wasn't. 290 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,203 - Yes, it was. - No, it wasn't. 291 00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,712 - Yes, it was. - Mm-mmm. 292 00:15:15,814 --> 00:15:18,874 - Yes, it was. - Mm. 293 00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:21,509 It was in a bag with my name on it. 294 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,455 Mm. Yeah. 295 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,457 We family. 296 00:15:27,559 --> 00:15:29,459 Mm? 297 00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,552 I want you to leave. 298 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,224 Okay. 299 00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:36,392 Bully. 300 00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,230 I ain't no bully. 301 00:15:43,342 --> 00:15:45,401 I know you all don't think I'm no bully, do you? 302 00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,906 Y'�ll can get out of my house too! 303 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,245 He lucky he left when he did. 304 00:15:52,351 --> 00:15:56,082 Humph. Sugar. He retired. He ain't got it like that no more. 305 00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:59,954 [Chuckles] He gone, ain't he? 306 00:16:01,093 --> 00:16:02,993 [Screaming] 307 00:16:09,335 --> 00:16:11,235 Jordan, I wanna talk to you for a minute. 308 00:16:11,337 --> 00:16:14,329 Move, Uncle Bernie! I don't play! 309 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,868 That's exactly what I want to talk to you about. 310 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,880 Jordan, look. I apologize to you, okay? 311 00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,041 Because, first of all, you're right. 312 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,050 I am a bully. 313 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:30,053 And worse than that, man, I've been teaching you to be a bully. 314 00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,453 Oh, that's okay, Uncle Bernie. It works for me. 315 00:16:32,558 --> 00:16:34,458 Now you can turn on the TV. 316 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,619 Mm. 317 00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:40,221 Son, you're not listening to me. 318 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,960 I'm trying to teach you that being a bully is wrong. 319 00:16:43,068 --> 00:16:45,195 But I was getting picked on before. 320 00:16:45,304 --> 00:16:47,568 Now nobody picks on me. 321 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:51,302 I get what I want and I even get extra stuff. 322 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,878 Look. I took this pen off of Eugene. 323 00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:56,379 - It has a naked lady on it. Look. - Give me this. 324 00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:58,780 It's not funny. 325 00:16:58,884 --> 00:17:00,909 And this is going back. 326 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:04,717 And I want you to promise me that you're gonna stop being a bully at school, Jordan. 327 00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:07,690 - Okay. - Don't "okay" me. 328 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,887 Look at me and tell me that you will stop being a bully. 329 00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:16,298 Okay, Uncle Bernie. I promise I won't be a bully at school. 330 00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:19,804 Thank you. 331 00:17:27,646 --> 00:17:29,807 Hey. That's mine. 332 00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:33,112 - So? Get another one. - That's the last one. 333 00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,791 What is wrong with you? 334 00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:41,918 Ugh! 335 00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:43,927 Aunt Wanda, I wanna go to the mall! 336 00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,929 - Aunt Wanda! - Jordan, honey, I'm on the phone. 337 00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:48,898 - Talk later. I wanna go to the mall! - What did I just say? 338 00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:51,731 - No. I'm listening. - I said I want to go to the mall. 339 00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:53,737 - That would be okay. - Now, come on! 340 00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:56,069 - I don't play! - "I don't play"? Ooh. 341 00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,575 Boy must be out of his mind to talk to me like that. 342 00:17:58,677 --> 00:18:01,407 - Now, I'm sorry. I'm listening. What... - Today! 343 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:04,107 Ooh. Oh, my God. 344 00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:08,676 Give it back! Give me back my crazy string! 345 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:12,587 [Yelling] You want your crazy string back? You want your crazy string back? 346 00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:15,660 - Yeah! - Here's your crazy string. 347 00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:18,890 Jordan, no! Aaaah! 348 00:18:18,997 --> 00:18:20,897 Jordan, no! 349 00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,627 [Bryana Screaming] 350 00:18:23,735 --> 00:18:26,533 - Oh. What? - Maybe we can kinda burn it out. 351 00:18:26,638 --> 00:18:30,199 - What's going on in there? - It's Jordan. He's terrorizing the whole house. 352 00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,539 Uh... Look what he did to Bryana. 353 00:18:33,645 --> 00:18:35,078 It won't come out. 354 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:38,911 You've got to do something. You made this mess. You fix it. 355 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,885 - You know what to do. - Vanessa. 356 00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:45,047 We don't really need a brother. 357 00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,557 Go ahead. Do your thing. 358 00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:49,559 Uh, wait. 359 00:18:49,661 --> 00:18:52,824 - You can't. - Humph. 360 00:18:52,931 --> 00:18:55,297 Now that's the problem, America. 361 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,561 You can beat some of the people some of the time... 362 00:18:57,669 --> 00:18:59,569 but you can't beat your kids. 363 00:18:59,671 --> 00:19:03,573 But, see, this is my fault. I led by a bad example... 364 00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:05,506 and I created a monster. 365 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,341 Now I have to destroy the monster. 366 00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:11,348 Now, see, with Dracula, you use a wooden stake. 367 00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,782 Wolf Man... a silver bullet. 368 00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:16,184 And with little boys... 369 00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:18,188 you use the belt. 370 00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,690 But I've been stripped of my weapons... 371 00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,090 so how am I gonna protect the villagers? 372 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,928 Bernie Mac doesn't need a belt. 373 00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:29,000 - Bernie. - Jordan! 374 00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:32,528 - Jordan! - You can't hurt him. 375 00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:34,868 - What kind of message would that send? - I'm gonna show you... 376 00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:37,601 I can't find him anywhere. I don't think he's in the house. 377 00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:40,535 There he is! 378 00:19:40,646 --> 00:19:42,773 - Get him, Uncle Bernie! - I'm gonna get him too, baby. 379 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,554 Bernie, it looks like he's gonna pick a fight with the kids. 380 00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,624 - I see it, baby. I see. - We should stop him. 381 00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:56,990 No, no, no, no, no, no! This just might be the lesson he deserves. Come on back. 382 00:19:57,095 --> 00:19:59,620 [Jungle Animal Noises] 383 00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:05,069 [Inhales Deeply] 384 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,764 [Woman Narrating] Sometimes when an animal is wounded... 385 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,171 it is at its most dangerous. 386 00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:14,143 - [Animal Snarling] - [Dog Whimper] 387 00:20:14,246 --> 00:20:17,181 Upper cut, Jordan! Jor! That's it! 388 00:20:17,282 --> 00:20:20,376 Bernie Mac! I don't know who's worse, you or... 389 00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:22,385 Jordan, look out! There's one behind you! 390 00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:23,977 [Dog Whimper] 391 00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:26,387 Yeah! 392 00:20:29,828 --> 00:20:31,989 [Animal Snarling] 393 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:36,691 [Dog Whimper] 394 00:20:36,802 --> 00:20:38,702 [Woman Narrating] Tasting blood... 395 00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,568 an animal's natural instinct is to finish off its prey... 396 00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:45,006 except the human animal, which has a conscience. 397 00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:49,443 [Animal Snarling] 398 00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:55,546 Son, I am really proud of you. 399 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,849 Why? I got beat up by a girl. 400 00:20:57,956 --> 00:21:01,585 You had her down on the ground. You did the right thing. You stopped yourself. 401 00:21:01,693 --> 00:21:04,924 She looked really afraid. I mean, it made me feel bad. 402 00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:07,430 That's good. You know what that tells you? 403 00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:11,058 - You're not a bully. - Yeah. I guess. 404 00:21:11,169 --> 00:21:13,194 - Uncle Bernie. - Mm-hmm? 405 00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:15,432 I should give Eugene back his pen. 406 00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:19,000 You think so? 407 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:24,407 No, son. I think Eugene need to learn a lesson too. 408 00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:28,578 Uh, you ain't been looking at this, have you? 409 00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:31,155 [Jungle Animal Noises] 410 00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:33,156 It's disgusting. 411 00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:35,317 [Lion Roars] 412 00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:41,223 Hey. Wanna show me a magic trick? 413 00:21:41,333 --> 00:21:45,201 Okay. Um, okay. I can make a dollar disappear. 414 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,738 I got a twenty. All right. Let me see it. 415 00:21:47,839 --> 00:21:49,602 - One. - One. 416 00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:52,575 Two. Three! 417 00:21:52,678 --> 00:21:55,272 Why, you little... I'm sorry, America. 418 00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:58,611 I did the best I could. A man gotta be who he is. 419 00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:01,277 Jordan! Jordan! 420 00:22:01,386 --> 00:22:03,547 - [Period Bell Rings] - Watch out, watch out. 421 00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,555 Sister, look out. Excuse me! 422 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:09,093 Excuse me. Excuse me. Jordan! 33925

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