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1
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andy:
it is here whereour story begins.
2
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:28,547
a magical land that knewpeace for many, many years.
3
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,283
the sport of larping,also known as
4
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,152
live actionrole playing,
5
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:38,023
was enjoyed across thecountryside by all who played.
6
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,464
but a shadow soonfell over the land.
7
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:50,636
the dark one, derek,began his study of the larp,
8
00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:54,606
twisting its rulesto ensure victory.
9
00:02:57,211 --> 00:03:00,479
his successattracted many admirers,
10
00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:03,649
who easily became acolytesin what was known as
11
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,150
the black crusade.
12
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:15,093
and the spirit of the gamewas lost with their coming.
13
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,429
fear replaced fun.
14
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,800
and treacheryreplaced teamwork.
15
00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:27,839
holy shit.
16
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:33,879
derek's grip grewstronger each year,
17
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:37,649
until nonequestioned his might.
18
00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:41,153
and yet, whispers of changeare heard in the wind.
19
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:47,226
can it be that a champion willstand against the dark one?
20
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:51,663
and if so, is thereany chance of victory?
21
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,231
kicking,
kicking.
22
00:04:26,233 --> 00:04:27,232
kicking.
23
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,233
yes. good job.
good job.
24
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,068
ha, ha, ha.
25
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,770
ha, ha, ha.
26
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,772
ha, ha, ha.
27
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,474
- ha!
- oh!
28
00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:51,189
stop it, patrick,
you're making me lose.
29
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,091
don't blame me
for your suckitude.
30
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,594
oh sweet, i have
a gun in each hand.
31
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,029
hammer brothers.
32
00:04:59,066 --> 00:05:00,299
you made me die.
33
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:02,100
i'm just trying
to help you, oswald,
34
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,468
it's called
negative reinforcement.
35
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,470
look, if you're not
gonna respect me,
36
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,672
at least have some
respect for the game.
37
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,344
so check this out,
on my way home,
38
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:13,545
i happened to pass
where that hot chick
39
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:14,980
teaches kung fu
or whatever.
40
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,548
you just happen to pass
by that place every night,
41
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,050
you creepy bastard.
42
00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:19,685
yeah, but this time i happened
to glance in the window,
43
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,486
and me and her
made eye contact.
44
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,155
i'm 90% sure
she smiled.
45
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,757
like a rye,half smile.
46
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:28,627
wow, that's
like a fairy tale.
47
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,462
you guys
wouldn't understand.
48
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,898
anyway, let's get started
on this presentation.
49
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,032
what presentation?
50
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,001
the beowulf project
for lit class.
51
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,803
i thought that wasn't
due till next week.
52
00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:39,671
it is due in twelve
and a half hours,
53
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,673
and we've completed
approximately zero percent,
54
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,608
so that's literally putting
it off till the last minute.
55
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,877
i'm pretty sure that you
and oswald said that you
two would write it,
56
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,279
and then i would present
it in front of the class.
57
00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:48,280
we did not.
58
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:49,614
i distinctly
remember you saying
59
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:50,816
i didn't have
to write anything.
60
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:51,817
i did not.
61
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,318
we're all
gonna work on it.
62
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,687
we have to present a concise
analysis of an ancient text,
63
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,422
to the harshest
grader at the school
64
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,391
and you guys
are completely-
65
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,859
what is
this oswald?
66
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,028
agent danger iii, die
dangerously, the video game.
67
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,730
i have been waiting
forever to play this game.
68
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,765
it's got multi-player.
69
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:09,000
how about this,
we play one round,
70
00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,235
just to cleanse
our palates,
71
00:06:10,237 --> 00:06:11,336
then we start
working on the project?
72
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:13,138
no, no way.
73
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,506
are you shooting with
a gun in each hand?
74
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:16,007
yeah.
75
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,709
check this out, i'm gonna
shoot this guy in the junk.
76
00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:20,545
video game:
nut shot.
77
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:23,982
sweet.
78
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:27,786
ok, one round, then
that's it, i'm serious.
79
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,613
quit looking
at my screen.
80
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,047
i'm not.
81
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:57,716
how are you finding me
every round and killing me?
82
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,885
that's like asking a
bumble bee how it buzzes.
83
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,086
got ya,got ya, got ya.
84
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,721
i'm not playing
with a screen looker.
85
00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,656
you're a screen
looker, dill hole.
86
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:05,991
it's 4:00 a.m.
87
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:06,992
better hit the sack.
88
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:07,959
me too.
89
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,194
what about
the project?
90
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:10,962
we need a ten minute
report on beowulf.
91
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,097
beowulf?
92
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,032
more like
gay-o-wolf.
93
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,300
oh good, now we
have an opening.
94
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,736
hey, don't stress
about it, lloyd.
95
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:18,970
we'll throw something
together in the morning,
96
00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,440
and i'll draw a
picture for visual aid.
97
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,809
yeah, no sweat.
98
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,544
have you guys
even read it?
99
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,779
patrick has my copy.
100
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,248
it was a little
dry for my taste.
101
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:32,918
we are so screwed.
102
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,393
enter.
103
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,466
dark mage derek,
sovereign of gremloire,
104
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,000
chieftain of
the orc hordes,
105
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,336
i humbly beseech
your audience.
106
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:54,005
granted...
i suppose.
107
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,677
did you have
something to say,
108
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:01,379
or are we just enjoying
each other's company?
109
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,982
it's the grand
larping council.
110
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,084
look, if i'm to have time
to fail all these quizzes
111
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,687
before lunch, i need
you to get to the point.
112
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,490
the grand council has
decreed there will be no
113
00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,758
final battle at the end
of this year's season.
114
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,093
what?
115
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,262
they said there's not
enough teams registered.
116
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:19,431
they said you're
scaring everyone off.
117
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:25,470
oliver, can you explain
to me how i will be
118
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:28,073
declared champion if
there is no tournament?
119
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,842
well you won't, there will
be no champions declared,
120
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,844
as there is
no final battle.
121
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,380
well that is the silliest
thing i've ever heard.
122
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,717
am i to be punished
for excelling
123
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:40,218
in the deadly
art of battle?
124
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,887
yeah.
125
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:45,056
the grand council doesn't
want to see me win again.
126
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,092
they want to stop me
before i break the record
127
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:48,527
of the
white wizard.
128
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:50,195
it's all
gnome politics.
129
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,864
shut up,
stop your groveling.
130
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:57,002
well played grand
council, well played.
131
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,137
but you'll find it takes
more than politicking
132
00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:02,173
to defeat the
lord dark mage.
133
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,042
what we must do is
recruit a few fools
134
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,012
to register under
the forces of light.
135
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,781
but where does one
find such dimwits?
136
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,486
i told you i had
it covered buddy,
137
00:09:14,488 --> 00:09:16,888
just five minutes.
138
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:22,694
derek:
whenever you're ready, ladies.
139
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,463
yes. oh jesus.
140
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:33,305
um, as you can see,
here's beowulf, and he was...
141
00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:36,575
well he was the greatest
warrior in the land.
142
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:40,845
and uh, he wassix foot nine,
143
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:46,017
and had long-
short black hair.
144
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,719
it's not to
scale, but he's-
145
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,588
lloyd:
he swam half the time,
146
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,691
and also
carried a weapon.
147
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,727
the shield
fell off.
148
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:59,297
and uh...
oh, and he killed grendel.
149
00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:05,804
we will nowtake questions.
150
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,772
is this a joke?
151
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:11,009
this is it,
we goofed around too long,
152
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,677
and now we
gotta pay the price.
153
00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:13,945
your negative
attitude is really
154
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,714
bringing me down
right now, lloyd.
155
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:18,283
lloyd, all we have to do is just
take the class next semester.
156
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,551
next semester?
157
00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,019
you guys realize we
lose our financial aid
158
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,921
if our grades drop
below a 'c' average.
159
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,155
so?
160
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,423
i have a 'c' in all
my other classes.
161
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,891
yeah,
we're not idiots.
162
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,059
oh no?
163
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,461
no. not idiots,
are you sure?
164
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,129
if you take the 'c'
from your other classes,
165
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,631
and you add the 'f'
from this class,
166
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,532
that brings you
to a 'd' average.
167
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,267
uh oh.
168
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:39,838
i can't help but feel partially
responsible for this situation.
169
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,339
you guys
always do this.
170
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,341
you have one simple task
you have to accomplish,
171
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,676
and you get distracted
by some dumb--
172
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,078
oh man.
173
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,885
hey, fuck you and
the horse you rode in on!
174
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,387
i know you
don't mean that.
175
00:10:55,389 --> 00:10:57,422
i'm so sorry if
i inconvenienced
your precious day.
176
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:58,757
i'm- i'm sorry,
177
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,592
maybe you have me
confused with somebody else.
178
00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:01,860
i saw the ambulance,
179
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:04,295
and just wanted to
see if everyone was ok.
180
00:11:04,297 --> 00:11:08,266
oh, uh,
sorry about that.
181
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,801
the neighbors always complain
when the ambulance comes.
182
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:10,969
i just thought you
were one of them.
183
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,804
no, i'm not.
184
00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:14,239
lloyd.
185
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,240
cassandra.
186
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,608
anyways,
i better.
187
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,610
hey, do you get a lot
of ambulance visits, or?
188
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,712
well, our training targets
keep getting injured.
189
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:22,047
i teach a woman's
self defense class,
190
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:24,816
sometimes they get
a little enthusiastic.
191
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:27,252
so do you need to
know karate for that, or?
192
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,387
not really, he's mostly
just there for me to
193
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,056
demonstrate different
grappling moves on.
194
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:34,926
so what, he just puts on pads
and you wrestle for an hour?
195
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,394
nothing
too glamorous.
196
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,762
i was just showing
the girls how to
197
00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:39,798
choke out a guy using
only your inner thighs.
198
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,700
um, it's a really weird
coincidence really because
199
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:45,136
i've been wanting to get into
women's self defense for like,
200
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:50,008
as long as i can remember,
and now, you have an opening.
201
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,844
there's no pay,
it's strictly volunteer.
202
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:53,945
it's not
about the money.
203
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:57,449
oh, that's an
attractive quality.
204
00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:59,250
identify a problem,
move in with a solution.
205
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,385
well, you know me.
206
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,586
well, you don't
like know me, but.
207
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,021
ok lloyd, i'll see
you thursday at 8:00.
208
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:07,625
ok, hey, thanks,
see you on thursday.
209
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:10,595
i move in with
a problem, no, i-
210
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,597
i move in
with a solution,
211
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,966
i move in
with a solution.
212
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,935
guys we
have a problem,
213
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,169
if we don't
bring our grades up,
214
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:19,671
we will lose
our financial aid.
215
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:21,606
the solution is
that we go in there
216
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,142
and ask very
politely for a redo.
217
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,944
wow. i really like how
you just took charge,
218
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,046
and clearly stated
what you wanted to do.
219
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:31,116
so we go in there
and be very polite,
220
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:32,817
and ask nicely
for a redo.
221
00:12:32,819 --> 00:12:34,652
if he wants to shave a monkey
and roll it in pine nuts first,
222
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,488
then we do it. ok?
223
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:38,022
alright.
224
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,058
oswald here can give him a
hand job, to sweeten the deal.
225
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,626
- no, i will not.
- you damn well better.
226
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:44,963
if it comes to it, we will
all give derek a hand job.
227
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,397
fine.
228
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,266
are you all
three shaft men,
229
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,335
or will one of you
be working the balls?
230
00:12:55,808 --> 00:12:59,210
just so we're
clear, gentlemen,
231
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,814
the only reason i'm seeing
you is because student bylaws
232
00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:05,049
demand i must provide
all of my students
233
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:08,753
with a minimum of fiveminutes of outside class time.
234
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,589
sir, we were hoping
to talk to you
235
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,825
regarding
yesterday's presentation.
236
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:18,263
these bylaws, however,
state nothing about
237
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,865
actually
having to listen.
238
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:23,902
you now have four
point five minutes.
239
00:13:23,904 --> 00:13:26,771
what is all
this stuff?
240
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,907
pussy
repellant.
241
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:32,677
we need to know if we can have
a redo on the assignment.
242
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:36,214
we really need to
pass this class sir.
243
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:37,982
a redo?
244
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,717
that would
only be fair.
245
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,152
really?
246
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:43,354
well yes, you had two
weeks to do an assignment,
247
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:46,424
and you did no work.
248
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:49,928
aw, come on dude,
it's community college!
249
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,229
what do you
mean by that?
250
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:52,530
it means that you're--
251
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:56,067
i think what patrick
is trying to say is that
252
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,136
we know we made
a huge mistake,
253
00:13:58,138 --> 00:14:00,071
but we are very sorry.
254
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,306
i don't think that's
what he meant lloyd,
255
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:04,042
- i think it's--
- it's not.
256
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,044
there must
be some way.
257
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,347
i think there might
be two ways actually,
258
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,950
slim and none.
259
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,187
we will literally
do whatever it takes.
260
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,722
not whatever it takes,
261
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,424
i mean, there's a few things
we're probably not gonna...
262
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,092
oswald.
263
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,594
whatever
it takes.
264
00:14:23,963 --> 00:14:26,297
there might
be one way.
265
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,966
name it.
266
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,468
the infernal accord.
267
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,580
derek:
no one?
268
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:49,020
a literary device, also known
as making a deal with the devil.
269
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,588
a party makes
a deal with satan,
270
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,891
knowing the odds are
stacked against him,
271
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,726
but his desire
is so great,
272
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,262
he's willing to risk
his immortal soul.
273
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,364
and then he wins
against all odds?
274
00:14:59,366 --> 00:15:02,667
no, in post-victorian
gothic literature,
275
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,936
the protagonist
always fails,
276
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:07,672
and is thus damned to
the eternal fires of hell.
277
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:11,109
you want us to sell
our souls to the devil?
278
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,111
i want you to register
in my larping league
279
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,946
under the
forces of light.
280
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:18,283
do this, i will
supply you dick weeds
281
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:21,653
with enough extra credit
to maintain a passing grade.
282
00:15:21,655 --> 00:15:23,688
and if we win the whole
thing, do we get like an
283
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:26,391
extra, extra credit?
284
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:29,394
you would have to
defeat me to win.
285
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:33,298
yeah, so what do
we get when we win?
286
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,433
if you manage,
by some magic feat,
287
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,635
to win,
i'll give you an 'a+'.
288
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:40,338
that grade, in my
class, gentlemen,
289
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:44,042
is as elusive as the
mythical one thousand sided die.
290
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,677
- we accept.
- what?!
291
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:47,045
lloyd, what
are you doing?
292
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,781
where do
we sign up?
293
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,382
the den of he,
294
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,385
formerly known as
the white wizard.
295
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,458
and is that
a real place?
296
00:16:03,595 --> 00:16:05,897
the sentry box,
in kensington,
297
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:07,699
by the discount
carpet store.
298
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:11,402
the entry
fee is $50.
299
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,340
time's up
gentlemen.
300
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,809
now leave me to
my dark studies,
301
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:20,678
before i
change my mind.
302
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,315
so does this mean that we
still have to come to class?
303
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,950
alright, ok.
304
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,267
patrick:
i hope this isn't what
we're expected to wear.
305
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,403
it's just a painting
for the wall.
306
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,507
it looks
comfortable.
307
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,129
- would you do that orc?
- yes.
308
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,530
with a condom.
309
00:17:17,771 --> 00:17:19,404
i'm sorry sir,
that's not something
310
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:21,139
that we usually
keep in stock,
311
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:26,044
but uh, i can certainly special
order a loin cloth for you.
312
00:17:26,046 --> 00:17:29,881
yeah, oh, i definitely
recommend athletic support.
313
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:32,550
or you could just
tape it to your leg.
314
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,052
yeah, oh yeah.
315
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,154
good day sir.
316
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:39,891
we are well met,
young one.
317
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,093
how may i be of
service to you?
318
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,962
the larping
tournament thing,
319
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,265
can we sign up
for that here?
320
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:50,735
oh, you wish to brave
the ancient lands,
321
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,171
beyond the
galepass shores,
322
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,473
where tribes
of krakentroll
323
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:59,010
slaughter unwary pilgrims
such as yourselves.
324
00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:02,947
if that's where the tournament
is at, then i guess so.
325
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:05,349
actually it's usually
out at the park
326
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:08,319
behind the old elementary
school, but uh...
327
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,054
dagmar:
foulest treachery!
328
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:11,589
yes, no, the
book of rules states
329
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,391
that such a
maneuver is allowed.
330
00:18:13,393 --> 00:18:15,960
you- you side with jorgen
just to gain flavour.
331
00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:19,363
sorry about that.
332
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,632
tempers can get
quite hot around here.
333
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:23,801
yeah, well actually
we're not too familiar
334
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:27,738
with the sport
of larping.
335
00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:31,175
ok, i've seen some pretty
scary stuff in here,
336
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,678
but will someone please give
me a little clarification
337
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,647
in what we're getting
ourselves into.
338
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,717
live action role
playing, or larping,
339
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:42,019
is not easily
summarized,
340
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:43,855
it is many things
to many people.
341
00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:46,190
don't you guys just bang
each other with fake swords?
342
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:49,093
i saw an internet video
where a guy with a wizard's hat
343
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:51,028
threw tin foil
balls at his cat.
344
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:53,097
it's not justabout sword play,
345
00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:56,467
or mysteries of thearcane and incantations.
346
00:18:56,469 --> 00:19:00,004
larping is more pure,
it's about casting aside
347
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:02,340
the shackles
of the mundane,
348
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:04,775
throwing yourselfin harm's way,
349
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:07,011
for the sake ofsomething more noble.
350
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,546
yeah, so like
capture the flag,
351
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:10,715
except with
fake swords.
352
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:13,151
and you could
say that sex is
353
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,886
wrestling
without clothes on.
354
00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:17,054
dude, have you
even had sex?
355
00:19:17,056 --> 00:19:21,526
trust me, i've wrestled
without clothes on.
356
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:25,129
my romantic life is not the
topic of discussion here.
357
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,398
he didn't
mean any harm.
358
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,467
i am not na�ve
as to the way
359
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:33,070
that larping is perceived
by the outside world.
360
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,573
and i will not allow
you to joke about
361
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:38,342
something that
we hold so dearly.
362
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,510
please leave.
363
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,846
no, no, you have
to let us sign up.
364
00:19:42,981 --> 00:19:46,551
i am a
level 80 wizard!
365
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,786
i don't have
to do anything!
366
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:51,722
go.
367
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:56,360
you too moor, go.
368
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,530
thanks a lot man.
369
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,098
you always do this, why do you
always douche out like this?
370
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,268
ok, you know what,
look, just chill,
371
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:06,304
i'm gonna sort it,
alright?
372
00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:13,010
hey, i'm sorry,
i didn't get your name.
373
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,979
i didn't say it.
374
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,182
but i am andy,
son of chester,
375
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:22,053
keeper of this
humble house of games.
376
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,888
it was once known
as the white wizard,
377
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:28,426
but uh, that was
a long time ago.
378
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:32,396
uh, so are you a good wizard,
or a bad wizard?
379
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,565
i serve
the king,
380
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,935
and protect those that
cannot protect themselves.
381
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,971
oh good, because
me and my friends
382
00:20:39,973 --> 00:20:42,840
signed an infernal accord
with an evil warlord,
383
00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:49,680
who has beseeched incredible
injustice upon us.
384
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:50,948
injustice?
385
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:52,383
yeah, horrible.
386
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:56,053
and the only way is for us
to enter this tournament.
387
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:59,924
may i ask the identity
of this dark warlord?
388
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,859
his name's
is derek.
389
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:02,860
derek?
390
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,629
he teaches one
of our classes.
391
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:07,131
i am aware of
derek the unholy,
392
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:09,267
servant of
the gremloire.
393
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:10,568
really,
you know him?
394
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:14,305
yes, and i
can't sign you up.
395
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,740
why not?
396
00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:17,308
for your
own safety.
397
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:19,477
but we
want to join.
398
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:21,946
trust me,
you'll thank me later.
399
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,716
wait, this is like
a public thing, right?
400
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:30,187
i suppose, if you want
to lean on a technicality.
401
00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:32,757
get the forms,
we're not joking around here.
402
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:34,725
are you sure i can't
talk you out of this?
403
00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:35,726
no.
404
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:38,796
i must warn you,
405
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:44,268
your entrance fee
is non-refundable.
406
00:21:49,609 --> 00:21:50,675
well?
407
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:55,680
oh, you mean now?
408
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:56,814
yeah, now
would be fine.
409
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,817
oh, sign this,
i'll be right back.
410
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:00,818
can you believe
this guy?
411
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,386
yeah, i can.
412
00:22:02,388 --> 00:22:03,921
never mind,
oswald.
413
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:07,525
you will need these,
inside is all the information
414
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:12,296
you will need to lead
yourselves to victory, or not.
415
00:22:12,298 --> 00:22:13,297
great, thank you.
416
00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:15,132
your first
match is saturday,
417
00:22:15,134 --> 00:22:18,302
your opponents
are the danes.
418
00:22:18,304 --> 00:22:19,303
what?!
419
00:22:19,305 --> 00:22:20,905
prepare
the camera,
420
00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:23,574
i would like a photo of my
extreme victory for our blog.
421
00:22:23,576 --> 00:22:25,543
they are
mighty warriors,
422
00:22:25,545 --> 00:22:29,347
and you must be prepared
if you plan to defeat them.
423
00:22:30,882 --> 00:22:32,717
awesome.
424
00:22:32,719 --> 00:22:34,919
good luck,
young warriors,
425
00:22:34,921 --> 00:22:38,022
you will need it.
426
00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:40,591
how much
for this?
427
00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:31,876
i'm a man of peace.
428
00:23:42,054 --> 00:23:43,687
come in.
429
00:23:43,689 --> 00:23:44,688
lloyd:
open the door!
430
00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:46,390
i said come in!
431
00:23:46,392 --> 00:23:48,526
my hands are full,open the door!
432
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:49,527
what did he say?
433
00:23:49,529 --> 00:23:50,628
i don't know,
something dumb.
434
00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:56,967
hey... buddy.
435
00:23:58,137 --> 00:24:00,070
we couldn't hear you
over the television!
436
00:24:00,072 --> 00:24:01,138
what's all
that junk?
437
00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:02,773
stuff for our
weapons and armor.
438
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,008
we have to
make our own?
439
00:24:04,010 --> 00:24:05,209
this is already
annoying me.
440
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:06,610
why do we
need armor?
441
00:24:06,612 --> 00:24:07,812
come here,
i'll show you.
442
00:24:08,881 --> 00:24:11,882
ow! that was
really unnecessary.
443
00:24:11,884 --> 00:24:13,250
was it?
444
00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:14,218
what were those warriors
that just fought naked,
445
00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:15,252
i'll just be
one of those.
446
00:24:15,254 --> 00:24:17,388
i think you
have larping
447
00:24:17,390 --> 00:24:18,889
confused with the
dream you had last night.
448
00:24:18,891 --> 00:24:20,357
oh ho ho.
449
00:24:20,359 --> 00:24:21,625
touch�.
450
00:24:23,129 --> 00:24:25,696
been reading these books,
and it says the first thing
451
00:24:25,698 --> 00:24:27,398
we need to do is to come
up with our characters.
452
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,266
oh, i'll be agent danger,
that way i get to
453
00:24:29,268 --> 00:24:31,001
carry a gun
in each hand.
454
00:24:31,003 --> 00:24:32,803
we're gonna be fighting
orcs and krakentrolls,
455
00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:34,271
not ninja terrorists.
456
00:24:34,273 --> 00:24:36,307
what the hell is a
krakentroll anyways?
457
00:24:36,309 --> 00:24:38,042
i don't know,
it's like a
458
00:24:38,044 --> 00:24:39,710
monster or something,
i don't know.
459
00:24:39,712 --> 00:24:41,879
no, no, according to this book,
it says it's a twisted spawn
460
00:24:41,881 --> 00:24:44,949
of an unholy union
between troll and demon.
461
00:24:44,951 --> 00:24:46,717
this just keeps
getting lamer.
462
00:24:46,719 --> 00:24:50,087
i was gonna tell you guys,
i found out that orcs typically
463
00:24:50,089 --> 00:24:52,423
eat their enemies after
they defeat them in battle.
464
00:24:52,425 --> 00:24:53,591
so?
465
00:24:53,593 --> 00:24:56,527
that's some
twisted shit, man!
466
00:24:56,529 --> 00:24:58,963
they eat
people, lloyd!
467
00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:00,231
shhh.
468
00:25:00,233 --> 00:25:02,399
dude, we're not gonna
be fighting real orcs,
469
00:25:02,401 --> 00:25:03,968
just virgins
painted green.
470
00:25:03,970 --> 00:25:05,803
you know if we sit around
making clever jokes all night,
471
00:25:05,805 --> 00:25:07,304
those virgins are
gonna kick our butts,
472
00:25:07,306 --> 00:25:08,772
because we
won't be prepared.
473
00:25:08,774 --> 00:25:10,107
whatever, i'll just
do mine in the morning.
474
00:25:10,109 --> 00:25:12,343
yeah, me too, i wanna
finish this chapter.
475
00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:14,178
but we agreed
we'd do this tonight.
476
00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:15,613
you're the one who
wants us to win so bad,
477
00:25:15,615 --> 00:25:17,648
so it only seems fair that
you make all our armor,
478
00:25:17,650 --> 00:25:19,049
and all
our weapons.
479
00:25:20,086 --> 00:25:22,419
ok, 'a',
that's stupid,
480
00:25:22,421 --> 00:25:24,221
'b', what about
your characters?
481
00:25:24,223 --> 00:25:25,589
just pick
something.
482
00:25:25,591 --> 00:25:27,091
we don't care.
483
00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:30,728
you know what, fine.
484
00:25:30,730 --> 00:25:31,896
i wouldn't want
either of you
485
00:25:31,898 --> 00:25:33,797
to put any effort
into anything ever!
486
00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:38,168
oh, hey lloyd,
487
00:25:38,170 --> 00:25:40,771
can you make my armor
like extra thick?
488
00:25:40,773 --> 00:25:41,772
ugh.
489
00:25:41,774 --> 00:25:42,840
thanks.
490
00:26:00,092 --> 00:26:02,726
what am i
supposed to be?
491
00:26:02,728 --> 00:26:03,928
you're a
fairy wizard,
492
00:26:03,930 --> 00:26:06,297
you cast spells
with your wand.
493
00:26:06,299 --> 00:26:08,132
why do i have
to be the fairy?
494
00:26:08,134 --> 00:26:10,134
i thought you didn't care
what your costume was.
495
00:26:10,136 --> 00:26:13,337
so disappointed
in you right now.
496
00:26:14,941 --> 00:26:16,307
you are
a warrior.
497
00:26:16,309 --> 00:26:17,675
i wanted to
be a hobbit.
498
00:26:19,545 --> 00:26:21,312
be a hobbit
warrior.
499
00:26:21,314 --> 00:26:23,047
i can't even see
out of this thing.
500
00:26:23,049 --> 00:26:24,048
not my problem.
501
00:26:25,818 --> 00:26:30,421
good morning, my young
warriors, and fairy.
502
00:26:30,423 --> 00:26:33,924
hey andy, we haven't
spotted the danes yet.
503
00:26:33,926 --> 00:26:38,295
really, they're
usually very punctual.
504
00:26:47,340 --> 00:26:48,739
orcs have landed.
505
00:26:52,044 --> 00:26:53,143
come on,
let's get them.
506
00:26:53,145 --> 00:26:54,678
prepare for
the horde.
507
00:27:09,695 --> 00:27:12,429
what is the
meaning of this?
508
00:27:12,431 --> 00:27:15,466
we have come to make battle
with the sub creatures,
509
00:27:15,468 --> 00:27:18,268
to teach them the
futility of their quest,
510
00:27:18,270 --> 00:27:19,737
and give them a
taste of the future,
511
00:27:19,739 --> 00:27:22,673
without having to
build a time machine.
512
00:27:22,675 --> 00:27:24,642
the danes were
scheduled for this match,
513
00:27:24,644 --> 00:27:26,343
not your
foul horde.
514
00:27:26,345 --> 00:27:28,479
yes, it was the
strangest thing,
515
00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:30,347
i gave them
exact directions,
516
00:27:30,349 --> 00:27:31,882
but they called
an hour ago,
517
00:27:31,884 --> 00:27:33,350
saying that they
were completely lost,
518
00:27:33,352 --> 00:27:34,752
and going
to be late.
519
00:27:34,754 --> 00:27:39,256
control, we got a
potential situation here.
520
00:27:39,258 --> 00:27:42,459
we are going to
commandeer this steel chariot
521
00:27:42,461 --> 00:27:46,230
to take us to the land
beyond the galepass shores.
522
00:27:49,135 --> 00:27:51,101
we have agreed
to stand in for them,
523
00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:53,270
so they will not
be disqualified.
524
00:27:53,272 --> 00:27:55,005
wait, we have to
fight him already?
525
00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:58,275
i'm afraid so,
it is within the rules.
526
00:27:58,277 --> 00:27:59,710
take your
positions.
527
00:28:01,713 --> 00:28:05,549
on this spot, over
3,000 man years ago,
528
00:28:05,551 --> 00:28:08,752
two armies
collided in battle.
529
00:28:08,754 --> 00:28:09,920
really, right here?
530
00:28:12,758 --> 00:28:16,427
the orc raiders,
led by the dark mage,
531
00:28:16,429 --> 00:28:19,596
derek of gremloire,
attacked the outer
532
00:28:19,598 --> 00:28:22,466
settlements of
the human's empire,
533
00:28:22,468 --> 00:28:26,770
a trail of bloody
corpses marked their path.
534
00:28:29,108 --> 00:28:34,778
the emperor foresaw the green
skin incursion, and dispatched.
535
00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:37,648
who's your leader?
536
00:28:37,650 --> 00:28:41,085
fairy baron patrick
von hugen balls,
537
00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:42,720
slayer of orc scum.
538
00:28:43,756 --> 00:28:46,490
that's really
not necessary.
539
00:28:46,492 --> 00:28:49,193
the emperor's
edict was simple,
540
00:28:49,195 --> 00:28:51,128
protect the
settlement from
541
00:28:51,130 --> 00:28:54,465
the foul stench
of the orcish horde.
542
00:28:54,467 --> 00:28:58,902
humans, to win,
you must prevent the orcs
543
00:28:58,904 --> 00:29:02,906
from reaching the settlement,
and pillaging their women.
544
00:29:04,342 --> 00:29:06,677
or slay them all.
545
00:29:06,679 --> 00:29:08,312
prepare yourselves.
546
00:29:10,316 --> 00:29:16,920
hark, the drums
of war beat loudly.
547
00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:21,859
let the larp begin.
548
00:29:23,094 --> 00:29:25,729
the baron throws
caution to the wind,
549
00:29:25,731 --> 00:29:27,798
and charges
the orc line.
550
00:29:32,138 --> 00:29:33,837
ow, it hit me
in the eye.
551
00:29:33,839 --> 00:29:38,642
the hobbit warrior has been
slain by the cruel orcish arrow.
552
00:29:38,644 --> 00:29:41,011
i'll avenge
you oswald!
553
00:29:41,013 --> 00:29:44,948
i will use your scalp to
make booties for my brood.
554
00:29:44,950 --> 00:29:46,483
you won't.
555
00:29:49,321 --> 00:29:51,088
ow, ow, ow.
556
00:29:51,090 --> 00:29:52,356
patrick:
orc scum.
557
00:29:52,358 --> 00:29:53,590
get away
from me you-
558
00:29:53,592 --> 00:29:55,225
AAAAh!
559
00:29:56,695 --> 00:30:00,430
i will cast resurrection
so oswald may live again.
560
00:30:00,432 --> 00:30:02,633
- thank you lloyd.
- you got it.
561
00:30:02,635 --> 00:30:06,470
erectus obsecuislabitra, pro homo.
562
00:30:09,275 --> 00:30:10,340
a success.
563
00:30:10,342 --> 00:30:11,675
rise young oswald.
564
00:30:11,677 --> 00:30:12,676
is my still
supposed to hurt,
565
00:30:12,678 --> 00:30:14,678
because it does,
a lot.
566
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:17,014
derek:
i will counter
that spell,
567
00:30:17,016 --> 00:30:20,484
nexium, orcana,zethromat, formatta.
568
00:30:22,421 --> 00:30:23,687
and the spell
has been countered.
569
00:30:23,689 --> 00:30:24,688
what?
570
00:30:24,690 --> 00:30:25,889
now please
be seated.
571
00:30:27,259 --> 00:30:28,926
ha. give up.
572
00:30:28,928 --> 00:30:31,728
i shall cast
teleportation on myself.
573
00:30:31,730 --> 00:30:34,631
my destination
is the park bench.
574
00:30:37,503 --> 00:30:41,071
lourdes, bombalus,scenip, valtraxium.
575
00:30:42,340 --> 00:30:45,375
and the spell isa success, unless-
576
00:30:45,377 --> 00:30:46,376
quick, lloyd,
counter it,
577
00:30:46,378 --> 00:30:47,878
otherwise
they'll win.
578
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:50,881
i- shit,
i- i can't find it.
579
00:30:50,883 --> 00:30:54,885
and you never will,
with the basic spell book.
580
00:30:54,887 --> 00:30:58,355
teleportation is only
in the limited edition
581
00:30:58,357 --> 00:31:03,927
twelfth anniversary of
the advanced spell book.
582
00:31:03,929 --> 00:31:05,929
that's the lamest
thing i've ever heard.
583
00:31:05,931 --> 00:31:09,132
you are
calling me lame?!
584
00:31:09,134 --> 00:31:10,834
look at me!
585
00:31:10,836 --> 00:31:14,004
feast your eyes on me,
drink it in,
586
00:31:14,006 --> 00:31:16,306
look at my
cool helmet!
587
00:31:18,878 --> 00:31:21,478
victory to the orcs.
588
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,448
oswald:
no! why?!
589
00:31:39,899 --> 00:31:41,798
well fellas,
what did you think?
590
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,901
you were right, we should
have listened to you
591
00:31:43,903 --> 00:31:45,636
when you were trying to
convince us not to join.
592
00:31:45,638 --> 00:31:46,970
yeah, we suck.
593
00:31:46,972 --> 00:31:48,338
and my eye
still hurts.
594
00:31:48,340 --> 00:31:49,673
i want
my $50 back.
595
00:31:49,675 --> 00:31:50,674
your $50?
596
00:31:50,676 --> 00:31:52,509
no, no, i want
my $50 back.
597
00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:54,711
no, no, no,
$50 is my standard fee
598
00:31:54,713 --> 00:31:56,313
for wearing
a fairy outfit!
599
00:31:56,315 --> 00:31:58,348
hold on
a second.
600
00:31:58,350 --> 00:32:02,552
you know, the elven kingdom
of gorg was not built in a day.
601
00:32:02,554 --> 00:32:05,522
your instincts
were impeccable.
602
00:32:05,524 --> 00:32:09,593
i have not seen newcomers
with so much potential
603
00:32:09,595 --> 00:32:11,929
since beforethe black crusades.
604
00:32:11,931 --> 00:32:14,798
yeah, i think we're
just gonna call it quits.
605
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,936
well, remember, the entrance
fee is still non-refundable.
606
00:32:18,938 --> 00:32:20,404
i tried to
warn all of you.
607
00:32:20,406 --> 00:32:21,405
whatever.
608
00:32:21,407 --> 00:32:23,240
we'll figure
something else out.
609
00:32:23,242 --> 00:32:24,975
there has to
be another way.
610
00:32:24,977 --> 00:32:26,643
you know, i think
you're gonna have to
give derek that hand job.
611
00:32:26,645 --> 00:32:28,145
shut up.
612
00:32:28,147 --> 00:32:30,480
you shouldn't limit yourselves
to the physical realm.
613
00:32:30,482 --> 00:32:35,786
look inside, perchance a
heart job is the solution.
614
00:32:36,888 --> 00:32:39,256
gross.
615
00:32:40,759 --> 00:32:43,593
do you gentlemen know the
story of the two foot mage?
616
00:32:43,595 --> 00:32:44,928
no.
617
00:32:44,930 --> 00:32:47,030
ha ha, it's a
marvelous story.
618
00:32:47,032 --> 00:32:50,567
anyway, the two foot mage
was missing two things.
619
00:32:50,569 --> 00:32:52,769
listen,
i don't care.
620
00:32:52,771 --> 00:32:55,238
you know the details of
the story aren't important,
621
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,774
the moral is
about having fun,
622
00:32:57,776 --> 00:32:59,443
which has been
a rare commodity
623
00:32:59,445 --> 00:33:02,012
since derek and
his black crusades.
624
00:33:02,014 --> 00:33:03,480
lloyd:
listen, maybe it
was kind of fun,
625
00:33:03,482 --> 00:33:07,050
but if we win we get
an 'a' in derek's class.
626
00:33:07,052 --> 00:33:11,088
well, i could come out of
retirement one last time,
627
00:33:11,090 --> 00:33:13,523
and train you.
628
00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:16,259
why are
you retired?
629
00:33:16,261 --> 00:33:17,527
it's a long story,
630
00:33:17,529 --> 00:33:20,764
i swore i'd never
take on another student.
631
00:33:20,766 --> 00:33:23,000
yeah, but you're like a
level 80 wizard, i mean,
632
00:33:23,002 --> 00:33:24,634
that's pretty
good, right?
633
00:33:24,636 --> 00:33:26,837
i can melt faces with
the flick of a finger,
634
00:33:26,839 --> 00:33:30,340
and the role of an eight sided
die, so yeah, yeah pretty good.
635
00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:31,708
wow.
636
00:33:33,612 --> 00:33:35,712
do you really think you
can help us win this thing?
637
00:33:35,714 --> 00:33:38,281
well, it won't be easy.
638
00:33:38,283 --> 00:33:40,684
but by krom,
we'll give it our best.
639
00:33:40,686 --> 00:33:43,487
i demand a
cooler costume!
640
00:33:43,489 --> 00:33:45,055
that can be done.
641
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:46,757
and it wouldn't
be a terrible idea
642
00:33:46,759 --> 00:33:49,926
to think about maybe
adding another team member.
643
00:33:49,928 --> 00:33:53,764
maybe somebody
more uh, warriorly.
644
00:33:53,766 --> 00:33:56,299
i know just
the bad ass.
645
00:33:56,301 --> 00:33:58,335
alright, throw it like
you mean it, rosie.
646
00:34:01,773 --> 00:34:02,806
hiya.
647
00:34:02,808 --> 00:34:04,541
ok, ok, um, ok.
648
00:34:04,543 --> 00:34:07,010
just imagine some dirty
pervert is about to
649
00:34:07,012 --> 00:34:09,279
soil your flower, ok,
he's got his filthy hands
650
00:34:09,281 --> 00:34:11,214
all over you, and the
only way you can stop him
651
00:34:11,216 --> 00:34:13,250
is to crush
his windpipe!
652
00:34:15,219 --> 00:34:16,553
yah.
653
00:34:16,555 --> 00:34:18,255
don't worry,
i'm sure when it happens,
654
00:34:18,257 --> 00:34:20,390
you will have the
eye of the tiger.
655
00:34:20,392 --> 00:34:21,425
alright, girls,
let's partner up
656
00:34:21,427 --> 00:34:24,127
and practice
what we've learned.
657
00:34:24,129 --> 00:34:26,129
you have
a real gift.
658
00:34:26,131 --> 00:34:28,298
oh, for teaching,
yeah i don't know,
659
00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:30,300
i just do it to pass the
time and stay in shape, i guess.
660
00:34:30,302 --> 00:34:31,301
really?
661
00:34:31,303 --> 00:34:33,470
you're such
a natural.
662
00:34:33,472 --> 00:34:35,138
my real passion is
competitive cage fighting,
663
00:34:35,140 --> 00:34:37,007
but i'm banned
from all the circuits
664
00:34:37,009 --> 00:34:38,475
due to
unnecessary cruelty.
665
00:34:38,477 --> 00:34:40,110
what if i
told you i had a
666
00:34:40,112 --> 00:34:41,611
competitive fighting
opportunity for you?
667
00:34:41,613 --> 00:34:43,613
fuck you man, no, i don't do
that russian bullshit, ok,
668
00:34:43,615 --> 00:34:44,881
it's not sanctioned,
you guys have fucking
669
00:34:44,883 --> 00:34:46,216
ripped me off
way too many times.
670
00:34:46,218 --> 00:34:48,685
ok, no,
whatever that is,
671
00:34:48,687 --> 00:34:50,587
this is not that,
this is different.
672
00:34:50,589 --> 00:34:53,423
it may sound weird,
but i actually need some help
673
00:34:53,425 --> 00:34:55,859
fighting some
wizards and elves.
674
00:34:55,861 --> 00:34:58,462
oh, look, hey man,
675
00:34:58,464 --> 00:35:00,063
in another time i
used to hang out in
676
00:35:00,065 --> 00:35:01,898
little tokyo,
walking the street,
677
00:35:01,900 --> 00:35:03,100
looking for every
chance i could to bite
678
00:35:03,102 --> 00:35:04,468
the head off
the golden monkey.
679
00:35:04,470 --> 00:35:06,436
i would have done anything
for just another toke,
680
00:35:06,438 --> 00:35:07,771
i would have
sold my own cousin.
681
00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:09,473
i was sleeping
on the streets,
682
00:35:09,475 --> 00:35:13,276
using my own shoes as
a pillow, but i kicked it.
683
00:35:13,278 --> 00:35:14,444
yeah.
684
00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:17,047
i fucking kicked it,
and i found this,
685
00:35:17,049 --> 00:35:18,215
and you can too.
686
00:35:18,217 --> 00:35:20,684
you can, ok, but i
run a drug free dojo,
687
00:35:20,686 --> 00:35:22,419
so get the fuck out of here
until you get your shit clean.
688
00:35:22,421 --> 00:35:27,524
no, no, i'm not
smoking the smack.
689
00:35:27,526 --> 00:35:30,260
i'm actually talking
about a sporting type thing
690
00:35:30,262 --> 00:35:32,529
my friends and i got
involved in called larping,
691
00:35:32,531 --> 00:35:36,266
and it's where you dress up and
pretend to be wizards and hit
692
00:35:36,268 --> 00:35:40,604
each other with foam swords,
and it's kind of fun, kind of.
693
00:35:40,606 --> 00:35:44,841
and i need it to maintain
my financial aid at school.
694
00:35:44,843 --> 00:35:47,177
hmm. i guess my
mother was right
695
00:35:47,179 --> 00:35:49,179
when she said i'd regret
not going to college.
696
00:35:49,181 --> 00:35:50,514
good one.
697
00:35:50,516 --> 00:35:54,484
but i really could use
your help, volunteering,
698
00:35:54,486 --> 00:35:56,520
in much the same way that
i selflessly volunteered
699
00:35:56,522 --> 00:35:58,755
to help you,
here at the dojo.
700
00:36:00,792 --> 00:36:02,425
ok, i need to
practice on someone.
701
00:36:02,427 --> 00:36:03,593
will it help
you say yes?
702
00:36:03,595 --> 00:36:05,529
practicing
helps me think.
703
00:36:05,531 --> 00:36:07,297
ok.
704
00:36:07,299 --> 00:36:08,298
what do i do?
705
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:09,666
punch me.
706
00:36:09,668 --> 00:36:12,302
ha ha, i'm all into equal
rights and everything,
707
00:36:12,304 --> 00:36:14,237
but remember i'm
a man, and therefore
708
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,306
20 times biologically
stronger than any woman.
709
00:36:16,308 --> 00:36:17,774
just do it.
710
00:36:17,776 --> 00:36:20,844
ok, but only because
you're a professional.
711
00:36:20,846 --> 00:36:22,579
here it comes.
712
00:36:23,648 --> 00:36:25,982
ow, that was
totally awesome.
713
00:36:25,984 --> 00:36:27,250
do you have
to wear costumes?
714
00:36:27,252 --> 00:36:29,019
yeah, i can help you
make one if you want.
715
00:36:29,021 --> 00:36:30,554
ya!
716
00:36:30,556 --> 00:36:31,588
i'll pick
my own costume.
717
00:36:31,590 --> 00:36:32,756
ok, yeah, cool.
718
00:36:35,260 --> 00:36:36,693
lloyd:
and then, she threwme to the ground
719
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:38,228
with somecrazy ninja move.
720
00:36:39,264 --> 00:36:40,764
it was so cool.
721
00:36:40,766 --> 00:36:42,666
you realize you are bragging
you got beat up by a girl?
722
00:36:42,668 --> 00:36:45,735
yeah, but her boob brushed
against me while i was pinned.
723
00:36:45,737 --> 00:36:47,270
- really?
- yes.
724
00:36:47,272 --> 00:36:49,472
well, it might have been her
knee, but i don't think so.
725
00:36:49,474 --> 00:36:52,175
so hold on, you're saying that
if this girl joins our team,
726
00:36:52,177 --> 00:36:53,944
that we all get
the same treatment?
727
00:36:53,946 --> 00:36:56,813
no, but our team is
gonna be so bad ass.
728
00:36:56,815 --> 00:36:59,149
wait a minute,
i'm onto you buddy.
729
00:36:59,151 --> 00:37:00,417
- what?
- what?
730
00:37:00,419 --> 00:37:01,551
this whole larping thing
is just one of your
731
00:37:01,553 --> 00:37:02,886
weird plans to
get with this girl.
732
00:37:02,888 --> 00:37:04,154
no, it isn't.
733
00:37:04,156 --> 00:37:05,488
i read your book you
magnificent bastard.
734
00:37:05,490 --> 00:37:07,390
no, we're doing
this to get the 'c',
735
00:37:07,392 --> 00:37:10,026
so we can keep our financial
aid, and stay in school.
736
00:37:10,028 --> 00:37:11,261
besides, the other day
was kind of fun, right?
737
00:37:11,263 --> 00:37:12,729
yeah, it was ok.
738
00:37:12,731 --> 00:37:14,798
ok, fine, but i want you to
understand something about
739
00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,500
this cassandra chick, you say
she's all into cage fighting,
740
00:37:17,502 --> 00:37:18,768
and seizing the
day and all that.
741
00:37:18,770 --> 00:37:19,769
right.
742
00:37:19,771 --> 00:37:21,304
well, mentally
she's a dude,
743
00:37:21,306 --> 00:37:22,839
so you need to stop
pussyfooting around,
744
00:37:22,841 --> 00:37:24,007
just be
direct with her.
745
00:37:24,009 --> 00:37:25,542
i'm not just gonna
ask her out, man,
746
00:37:25,544 --> 00:37:27,978
i need to lay
some groundwork.
747
00:37:27,980 --> 00:37:29,646
no, don't ask her out,
748
00:37:29,648 --> 00:37:31,715
just start talking dirty
to her, see how she responds.
749
00:37:31,717 --> 00:37:33,383
what?
750
00:37:33,385 --> 00:37:35,852
ok, hey look at me,
say hey, cassandra,
751
00:37:35,854 --> 00:37:37,821
i think your honey pot
needs a hot beef injection,
752
00:37:37,823 --> 00:37:38,922
see how she
reacts to that.
753
00:37:38,924 --> 00:37:41,591
my guess
is positively.
754
00:37:41,593 --> 00:37:43,193
wow.
755
00:37:43,195 --> 00:37:45,962
that's some really good advice,
how can i ever thank you?
756
00:37:47,699 --> 00:37:50,600
hey, patrick, do you think that
would work with my girlfriend.
757
00:37:50,602 --> 00:37:52,235
that dude off the
internet doesn't count.
758
00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:57,507
now that we're all here,
759
00:37:57,509 --> 00:38:00,877
will everyone please make
a circle around me, join hands.
760
00:38:03,015 --> 00:38:06,383
the bond that holds
this circle together
761
00:38:06,385 --> 00:38:09,386
is the same bond
betwixt all those
762
00:38:09,388 --> 00:38:11,688
who take part
in the larp.
763
00:38:11,690 --> 00:38:16,359
now tell me, what force
quickens this band of warriors.
764
00:38:16,361 --> 00:38:19,796
lloyd:
a sort of
moderate commitment?
765
00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:21,531
protein?
766
00:38:21,533 --> 00:38:25,302
lloyd, commitment,
that was an answer.
767
00:38:25,304 --> 00:38:30,507
and yours was also
an answer, sort of.
768
00:38:30,509 --> 00:38:32,442
but there
is a dark side.
769
00:38:32,444 --> 00:38:35,478
king weiner,
aka derek.
770
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:40,884
huh, foolish yes,
but not the darkest, no.
771
00:38:40,886 --> 00:38:45,188
that mantle belongs
to my former prot�ge,
772
00:38:45,190 --> 00:38:49,793
so promising,
so powerful.
773
00:38:51,630 --> 00:38:52,962
andy?
774
00:38:52,964 --> 00:38:55,565
it's still hard
for me to talk about.
775
00:38:55,567 --> 00:38:56,933
what is?
776
00:38:56,935 --> 00:38:57,967
nothing, uh.
777
00:38:57,969 --> 00:38:59,302
release the circle.
778
00:39:01,172 --> 00:39:04,107
it's time for you to
choose your characters.
779
00:39:07,178 --> 00:39:10,714
can i be a robot sent back
in time to battle the orcs?
780
00:39:10,716 --> 00:39:14,884
huh, it appears that my guidance
is needed, young oswald.
781
00:39:16,821 --> 00:39:20,223
give me a word to
describe yourself.
782
00:39:20,225 --> 00:39:24,260
um, deadly,
but happy.
783
00:39:24,262 --> 00:39:26,963
dwarves are the
happiest folk i know,
784
00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:29,466
until roused
to anger.
785
00:39:29,468 --> 00:39:35,805
i'll be berserker barbarian
dwarf warrior, aroo!
786
00:39:35,807 --> 00:39:37,040
excellent.
787
00:39:37,042 --> 00:39:39,442
battle cry needs a little
bit of work, but--
788
00:39:39,444 --> 00:39:40,977
arooo.
789
00:39:40,979 --> 00:39:43,780
oh no, i didn't mean now,
work on it later at home.
790
00:39:43,782 --> 00:39:45,014
later.
791
00:39:45,016 --> 00:39:48,151
patrick, what quality
guides your foot?
792
00:39:48,153 --> 00:39:50,587
my devilishly
handsome face.
793
00:39:50,589 --> 00:39:53,690
perhaps your wits
match your looks.
794
00:39:53,692 --> 00:39:56,926
doth a halfling rogue conceal
himself in your heart?
795
00:39:58,295 --> 00:39:59,729
what?
796
00:39:59,731 --> 00:40:03,333
do you think maybe you
could play a halfling rogue?
797
00:40:03,335 --> 00:40:05,635
- think about it later.
- yeah.
798
00:40:05,637 --> 00:40:06,770
cassandra.
799
00:40:06,772 --> 00:40:08,438
i'm fast, and i
can land a punch.
800
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:11,374
yes, and if you
learn to use a bow,
801
00:40:11,376 --> 00:40:14,644
you would be the spitting
image of an elvish ranger.
802
00:40:14,646 --> 00:40:16,146
cool.
803
00:40:16,148 --> 00:40:17,814
- lloyd.
- huh, yes.
804
00:40:17,816 --> 00:40:20,250
i noticed the other day
that your instincts were to
805
00:40:20,252 --> 00:40:22,819
cast a spell to
protect your friends,
806
00:40:22,821 --> 00:40:25,388
rather than to lash out
at the enemy in anger.
807
00:40:25,390 --> 00:40:29,092
yeah, i guess those paladin
guys are pretty cool.
808
00:40:29,094 --> 00:40:32,462
warrior priests,
indeed,
809
00:40:32,464 --> 00:40:34,798
they're very cool.
810
00:40:36,934 --> 00:40:40,170
well, you have a long
road ahead of you,
811
00:40:40,172 --> 00:40:42,405
it has really
just begun.
812
00:40:42,407 --> 00:40:45,942
there is much work
still to be done here.
813
00:40:45,944 --> 00:40:48,645
we have a little something
to assist us in our training.
814
00:40:48,647 --> 00:40:50,146
oswald.
815
00:40:50,148 --> 00:40:53,149
i did a little research,
and i discovered that
816
00:40:53,151 --> 00:40:55,885
business type groups keep
up their productivity,
817
00:40:55,887 --> 00:40:59,189
by measuring their
overall efficiency,
818
00:40:59,191 --> 00:41:01,791
using charts
and other graphs.
819
00:41:01,793 --> 00:41:03,059
i call it,
820
00:41:03,061 --> 00:41:05,895
lloyd and oswald:
the wall of awesome.
821
00:41:05,897 --> 00:41:07,764
i helped.
822
00:41:07,766 --> 00:41:09,899
lloyd:
agent danger
is at the top,
823
00:41:09,901 --> 00:41:11,835
and lameness
increases exponentially
824
00:41:11,837 --> 00:41:13,503
the further
down you go.
825
00:41:13,505 --> 00:41:16,172
patrick:
who's that guy
at the bottom?
826
00:41:16,174 --> 00:41:18,675
that's george
washington carver.
827
00:41:18,677 --> 00:41:20,109
he was my idea.
828
00:41:20,111 --> 00:41:21,544
isn't that the guy that
invented peanut butter?
829
00:41:21,546 --> 00:41:23,780
why is the father of
peanut butter the most lame?
830
00:41:23,782 --> 00:41:25,748
hey, my granddad
died of a nut allergy.
831
00:41:25,750 --> 00:41:27,484
patrick:
we should put yourgranddad down there.
832
00:41:27,486 --> 00:41:30,053
hey, my ferret was hit by one
of those electric hybrid cars,
833
00:41:30,055 --> 00:41:31,354
so that should
be on there.
834
00:41:31,356 --> 00:41:33,590
i'm not saying the wall
of awesome is perfect,
835
00:41:33,592 --> 00:41:36,092
but it's something.
836
00:41:36,094 --> 00:41:40,129
this fearless tribe of
warriors possesses many gifts,
837
00:41:40,131 --> 00:41:42,899
all of which
you will call upon,
838
00:41:42,901 --> 00:41:45,001
while facing the
dangers ahead of you.
839
00:41:48,006 --> 00:41:50,673
with the creationof your characters,
840
00:41:50,675 --> 00:41:54,010
you've all dedicated
your minds to the larp.
841
00:41:54,012 --> 00:41:59,048
now it is time to dedicate
your bodies, and your hearts.
842
00:41:59,050 --> 00:42:03,920
as we progress, you will
all feel your bodies change,
843
00:42:03,922 --> 00:42:06,723
your hands will
move more surely,
844
00:42:06,725 --> 00:42:09,425
your eyes will
see more clearly.
845
00:42:09,427 --> 00:42:12,695
hair will grow where
it never grew before.
846
00:42:12,697 --> 00:42:17,100
that's actually just a nasty
rumor, patrick, believe me.
847
00:42:17,102 --> 00:42:20,403
shall we continue?
848
00:42:20,405 --> 00:42:23,840
there are two
types of magic,
849
00:42:23,842 --> 00:42:27,877
the first is
precast battle magic.
850
00:42:27,879 --> 00:42:32,882
these are your lightning
bolts, and arctic blasts.
851
00:42:32,884 --> 00:42:34,684
no, what are you doing?
852
00:42:34,686 --> 00:42:37,086
those are live
rounds my friend.
853
00:42:37,088 --> 00:42:41,057
they are to be used in battle,
against an opponent, like this.
854
00:42:42,894 --> 00:42:45,194
please cover
your ears.
855
00:42:45,196 --> 00:42:48,565
please,
for your safety.
856
00:42:48,567 --> 00:42:50,300
lightning bolt.
857
00:42:53,804 --> 00:42:57,674
as you can see,
quite deadly.
858
00:42:57,676 --> 00:43:01,778
the second type of
magic is spell casting.
859
00:43:01,780 --> 00:43:06,249
your comrade has been
struck by a poison arrow,
860
00:43:06,251 --> 00:43:09,652
he will die within one round,
unless he can heal himself.
861
00:43:09,654 --> 00:43:11,421
poison, ok.
862
00:43:11,423 --> 00:43:14,524
ok, here, general
antidote spell.
863
00:43:14,526 --> 00:43:16,292
by odin's beard,
i banish-
864
00:43:18,296 --> 00:43:20,597
how am i supposed
to recite the spell?
865
00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:22,832
this is your
spell book.
866
00:43:27,272 --> 00:43:30,073
your brain.
867
00:43:30,075 --> 00:43:34,344
in hand to hand combat,
your skills are astounding.
868
00:43:34,346 --> 00:43:35,945
i know.
869
00:43:35,947 --> 00:43:40,083
but the elves' first weapon is
the bow, so please, fire away.
870
00:43:43,188 --> 00:43:45,054
by odin's beard,
that was close.
871
00:43:45,056 --> 00:43:46,089
sorry.
872
00:43:46,091 --> 00:43:48,257
try again,
but this time,
873
00:43:48,259 --> 00:43:50,860
focus on the target,
not the weapon.
874
00:43:50,862 --> 00:43:53,763
i have the
highest faith in you.
875
00:43:53,765 --> 00:43:55,465
oh wait,
hold on a second.
876
00:43:58,436 --> 00:43:59,669
fire away.
877
00:44:02,641 --> 00:44:06,209
you truly have a mighty
warrior within your soul.
878
00:44:16,855 --> 00:44:20,223
charge!
879
00:44:20,225 --> 00:44:22,558
what, are you afraid
to fight me with honor?
880
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,862
the arrow takes
ten hit points.
881
00:44:25,864 --> 00:44:28,798
how weak,
i have over 30 hps.
882
00:44:31,002 --> 00:44:32,001
ok.
883
00:44:32,003 --> 00:44:34,671
ah, oh.
884
00:44:35,674 --> 00:44:38,508
get back,
back to the abyss.
885
00:44:38,510 --> 00:44:40,343
no, we are
from copenhagen.
886
00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:41,344
what?
887
00:44:41,346 --> 00:44:42,645
yes, it was
ranked the most
888
00:44:42,647 --> 00:44:44,681
livable city by
monocle magazine.
889
00:44:44,683 --> 00:44:46,249
patrick:
AAh!
890
00:44:46,251 --> 00:44:47,750
a critical hit.
891
00:44:47,752 --> 00:44:50,753
the rogue has
slain his foe.
892
00:44:52,924 --> 00:44:53,923
- ow.
- sorry.
893
00:44:53,925 --> 00:44:55,758
but i have
much left to do.
894
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:57,093
whoa.
895
00:45:03,668 --> 00:45:07,970
jorgen:
you fight not as men do,
more as women and swedes.
896
00:45:13,011 --> 00:45:14,977
guys, i need some
help over here.
897
00:45:14,979 --> 00:45:16,379
can't lloyd,
we're larping.
898
00:45:21,886 --> 00:45:23,853
wait, did you say you
had a larping blog?
899
00:45:23,855 --> 00:45:30,059
yeah, we use it to record
our victories and our wounds,
900
00:45:30,061 --> 00:45:32,628
and to show our
badges of honor.
901
00:45:32,630 --> 00:45:33,930
would you
like the url?
902
00:45:33,932 --> 00:45:35,264
uh sure, do you
have it on you?
903
00:45:35,266 --> 00:45:36,666
on me, uh?
904
00:45:36,668 --> 00:45:39,135
arctic blast, arctic blast,
i arctic blasted you.
905
00:45:39,137 --> 00:45:41,771
you do not
care about my url.
906
00:45:41,773 --> 00:45:44,707
so do you want to
do a counter spell?
907
00:45:44,709 --> 00:45:48,978
magic is for the weak,
i will fight with honor.
908
00:45:48,980 --> 00:45:51,380
jorgen thunder thighs,
909
00:45:51,382 --> 00:45:57,253
you will remain frozen
for the next 15 seconds.
910
00:46:00,458 --> 00:46:04,393
dagmar, you should
document my beating.
911
00:46:05,697 --> 00:46:09,732
maybe it is you who
should record my defeat.
912
00:46:14,839 --> 00:46:16,339
sorry.
913
00:46:18,843 --> 00:46:20,710
victory.
914
00:46:24,649 --> 00:46:26,816
we won,
i think we won.
915
00:46:26,818 --> 00:46:28,684
you can
unfreeze now.
916
00:46:30,755 --> 00:46:34,791
what do you mean that
they defeated the danes
917
00:46:34,793 --> 00:46:38,027
and the white wizard
is training them?!
918
00:46:38,029 --> 00:46:40,630
and don't forget the girl,
she looks really dangerous.
919
00:46:40,632 --> 00:46:43,900
i'm not forgetting
the girl, oliver.
920
00:46:43,902 --> 00:46:45,735
they actually have
a chance at winning,
921
00:46:45,737 --> 00:46:48,004
and foiling my
plans of breaking
922
00:46:48,006 --> 00:46:51,174
the white wizard's
wonderful winning record.
923
00:46:51,176 --> 00:46:54,143
so what are
you going to do?
924
00:46:54,145 --> 00:46:56,179
i'm going to take
a play from your book,
925
00:46:56,181 --> 00:46:58,181
and try to
pussy my way out.
926
00:47:01,385 --> 00:47:03,252
ok.
927
00:47:03,254 --> 00:47:07,356
and he was like, i'll sell your
soul to the twisting nether.
928
00:47:07,358 --> 00:47:12,562
and i was like your
mom's a twisting nether.
929
00:47:12,564 --> 00:47:13,963
oops.
930
00:47:16,134 --> 00:47:17,733
oswald:
i'm ok.
931
00:47:17,735 --> 00:47:19,468
so you really kicked
ass out there today.
932
00:47:19,470 --> 00:47:22,505
yeah, well i'm glad you
invited me to join your army.
933
00:47:22,507 --> 00:47:24,006
you guys are
kind of fun.
934
00:47:24,008 --> 00:47:26,209
they're ok,
but i think the enjoyment
935
00:47:26,211 --> 00:47:29,946
you're feeling is
more lloyd centered.
936
00:47:29,948 --> 00:47:31,547
maybe.
937
00:47:31,549 --> 00:47:35,384
alright, i'm taking off,
keep it clean gentlemen.
938
00:47:35,386 --> 00:47:38,087
maybe i should
walk you home.
939
00:47:38,089 --> 00:47:39,255
i can take
care of myself.
940
00:47:39,257 --> 00:47:40,356
- yeah.
- see you later.
941
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:41,924
ok. see ya.
942
00:47:46,531 --> 00:47:48,531
you should have told
her to slob your knob.
943
00:47:48,533 --> 00:47:51,133
oswald:
why do you guys keep
doing this to me?
944
00:47:51,135 --> 00:47:54,170
patrick:
shhh.
945
00:47:54,172 --> 00:47:56,839
well...
i kind of like it.
946
00:48:05,015 --> 00:48:07,850
oh, hello lloyd,
how are you?
947
00:48:07,852 --> 00:48:09,819
i'm ok,
just heading to class.
948
00:48:09,821 --> 00:48:13,322
great, great, listen, i've
been worried about you boys
949
00:48:13,324 --> 00:48:15,892
getting distracted
from your school work.
950
00:48:15,894 --> 00:48:18,261
uh, no, um,
i think we're fine.
951
00:48:18,263 --> 00:48:20,630
yes, but i would hate for
any of this larping nonsense
952
00:48:20,632 --> 00:48:22,265
to interfere with
your academics,
953
00:48:22,267 --> 00:48:24,767
it is grades first,
you know.
954
00:48:24,769 --> 00:48:28,004
nah, don't worry, it's actually
going better than expected.
955
00:48:28,006 --> 00:48:30,673
oh, fantastic.
956
00:48:30,675 --> 00:48:32,508
how about this,
you withdraw
957
00:48:32,510 --> 00:48:34,377
from the demons
and dwarves league,
958
00:48:34,379 --> 00:48:36,512
and i will give you
and your friends a 'c',
959
00:48:36,514 --> 00:48:38,214
no questions asked.
960
00:48:38,216 --> 00:48:39,649
we can't
withdraw.
961
00:48:39,651 --> 00:48:42,051
i'm offering
to pass you.
962
00:48:42,053 --> 00:48:43,252
just say yes.
963
00:48:43,254 --> 00:48:45,254
well, see there's
this girl,
964
00:48:45,256 --> 00:48:46,589
and i think she
might like me,
965
00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:48,424
but i kind of think we
need more face time, so.
966
00:48:48,426 --> 00:48:50,893
just say yes, lloyd.
967
00:48:50,895 --> 00:48:52,795
i'm sorry
i can't do that.
968
00:48:52,797 --> 00:48:56,132
you think you're so big,
don't you lloyd?
969
00:48:56,134 --> 00:48:57,934
just regular size.
970
00:48:57,936 --> 00:48:59,769
with your
perfect hair.
971
00:48:59,771 --> 00:49:02,939
it's just hair.
972
00:49:02,941 --> 00:49:05,007
do you want
me to fail you?
973
00:49:05,009 --> 00:49:06,509
wait a minute, we have
an infernal accord,
974
00:49:06,511 --> 00:49:08,210
you have to give
us extra credit.
975
00:49:08,212 --> 00:49:10,446
i would never consider
breaking the infernal accord,
976
00:49:10,448 --> 00:49:12,748
but i can grade your
assignments extra critically,
977
00:49:12,750 --> 00:49:15,051
meaning you will
fail this class.
978
00:49:15,053 --> 00:49:16,552
what's your
problem, man?
979
00:49:16,554 --> 00:49:18,521
you wanted us to sign up,
now you want us out, what?
980
00:49:18,523 --> 00:49:20,923
my problem is that you broke
the spirit of the contract
981
00:49:20,925 --> 00:49:23,059
by seeking help
from the white wizard.
982
00:49:23,061 --> 00:49:25,795
drop out now, or
suffer the consequences.
983
00:49:25,797 --> 00:49:27,229
screw you.
984
00:49:27,231 --> 00:49:29,899
we're gonna win the
tournament, and get the 'a+'.
985
00:49:29,901 --> 00:49:31,634
so be it.
986
00:49:31,636 --> 00:49:34,170
you have fealed
your own sate.
987
00:49:34,172 --> 00:49:36,105
you mean,
sealed your own fate?
988
00:49:36,107 --> 00:49:37,340
fuck!
989
00:51:32,690 --> 00:51:37,426
scratch your name from
the dead man's scroll,
990
00:51:37,428 --> 00:51:39,862
command to earth
your eternal soul.
991
00:51:47,638 --> 00:51:50,005
ok remember attackers,
you want to hurt this person.
992
00:51:50,007 --> 00:51:51,240
go.
993
00:51:53,343 --> 00:51:56,378
ok, class, we're gonna
try something new.
994
00:51:56,380 --> 00:51:58,547
i want you each to
choose a character,
995
00:51:58,549 --> 00:52:00,082
somebody whoseabilities you admire,
996
00:52:00,084 --> 00:52:01,717
be it physicalor emotional,
997
00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:03,719
and i want you to
channel their strength.
998
00:52:03,721 --> 00:52:06,856
can i be beth, dog the
bounty hunter's wife?
999
00:52:06,858 --> 00:52:08,157
if it helps.
1000
00:52:13,430 --> 00:52:16,966
say aloha to jesus.
1001
00:52:16,968 --> 00:52:17,967
ha!
1002
00:52:17,969 --> 00:52:18,968
ha!
1003
00:52:18,970 --> 00:52:20,803
- ha!
- oh!
1004
00:52:20,805 --> 00:52:22,338
excellent,
excellent rosie.
1005
00:52:22,340 --> 00:52:23,706
now remember, to keep up
the attack once he goes down,
1006
00:52:23,708 --> 00:52:25,841
you do not want him
getting back up. go.
1007
00:52:25,843 --> 00:52:30,479
ha, ha, ha, ha,
1008
00:52:30,481 --> 00:52:35,484
ha, ha, ha, ha!
1009
00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:37,086
excellent,
excellent.
1010
00:52:37,088 --> 00:52:38,487
alright, next.
1011
00:52:50,567 --> 00:52:56,805
derek:
leopold, i have come forth
to ask for your assistance.
1012
00:52:56,807 --> 00:53:00,509
i'd like you to join
the black crusade.
1013
00:53:00,511 --> 00:53:06,649
we are orcs, your favored
race if i remember correctly.
1014
00:53:06,651 --> 00:53:12,021
the only thing standing between
us and victory, is andy.
1015
00:53:13,591 --> 00:53:15,925
the white wizard
has re-emerged.
1016
00:53:15,927 --> 00:53:17,860
indeed.
1017
00:53:17,862 --> 00:53:20,262
and he has
taken new students.
1018
00:53:20,264 --> 00:53:21,697
i've heard him boast
that they will be
1019
00:53:21,699 --> 00:53:25,267
100 times more powerful
than you ever were.
1020
00:53:25,269 --> 00:53:28,437
revenge will be
yours if you serve me.
1021
00:53:32,677 --> 00:53:34,977
i bow only to
the blood gods.
1022
00:53:34,979 --> 00:53:36,278
of course.
1023
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:38,214
i just meant,
surely your blood gods
1024
00:53:38,216 --> 00:53:41,050
would not want to see
the white wizard return.
1025
00:53:41,052 --> 00:53:44,587
if your destiny
serves their will,
1026
00:53:44,589 --> 00:53:48,257
then i am
yours to command.
1027
00:53:48,259 --> 00:53:51,460
as long as you know
who the boss is.
1028
00:53:54,731 --> 00:53:59,301
that has never
been in question.
1029
00:54:04,675 --> 00:54:05,975
- ah!
- oh!
1030
00:54:05,977 --> 00:54:07,109
oh, ah!
1031
00:54:07,111 --> 00:54:10,012
excellent power rose,
i meant beth,
1032
00:54:10,014 --> 00:54:11,480
dog the bounty
hunter's wife.
1033
00:54:11,482 --> 00:54:12,715
go show them.
1034
00:54:14,718 --> 00:54:16,051
ok.
1035
00:54:16,053 --> 00:54:17,853
steady.
1036
00:54:17,855 --> 00:54:21,023
i think rosie's
really improving.
1037
00:54:21,025 --> 00:54:23,926
i pity the pervert who
tries to take her flower.
1038
00:54:23,928 --> 00:54:26,462
you know lloyd, i need to talk
to you in the back office.
1039
00:54:26,464 --> 00:54:27,463
sure.
1040
00:54:27,465 --> 00:54:29,732
you're gonna
have to help me.
1041
00:54:29,734 --> 00:54:31,233
thank you.
1042
00:54:38,341 --> 00:54:42,211
look, i just, i wanted to
thank you for helping us,
1043
00:54:42,213 --> 00:54:44,313
i know
it's not easy.
1044
00:54:44,315 --> 00:54:45,648
no problem.
1045
00:54:45,650 --> 00:54:47,716
i think i found
my true calling.
1046
00:54:47,718 --> 00:54:49,752
no, but i mean, really,
i don't' want the girls
1047
00:54:49,754 --> 00:54:53,522
to see me get all mushy,
but thank you.
1048
00:54:53,524 --> 00:54:55,891
ok.
1049
00:54:55,893 --> 00:54:58,594
and i wanted to tell
you something too.
1050
00:54:58,596 --> 00:55:03,932
and that is that i think
you're a really cool girl,
1051
00:55:03,934 --> 00:55:08,504
and i was wondering
if you and i could maybe
1052
00:55:08,506 --> 00:55:10,506
hang out sometime?
1053
00:55:10,508 --> 00:55:14,176
mmmph, we hang out
a lot already.
1054
00:55:14,178 --> 00:55:15,544
- ok. ok.
- ok.
1055
00:55:15,546 --> 00:55:16,612
wait!
1056
00:55:16,614 --> 00:55:17,646
yes.
1057
00:55:17,648 --> 00:55:21,183
uh...
1058
00:55:21,185 --> 00:55:22,384
just let me finish.
1059
00:55:22,386 --> 00:55:23,752
ok.
1060
00:55:23,754 --> 00:55:27,423
um, i just wanted
to say that, uh...
1061
00:55:28,626 --> 00:55:31,960
um, i want to...
1062
00:55:34,699 --> 00:55:36,231
i um...
1063
00:55:39,970 --> 00:55:42,538
i want to long dick
your quivering sex hole!
1064
00:55:49,479 --> 00:55:50,879
i am so sorry.
1065
00:55:50,881 --> 00:55:52,047
shut up!
1066
00:55:58,755 --> 00:56:00,956
oswald, are we gonna
practice today, or what?
1067
00:56:00,958 --> 00:56:02,324
gimme a minute.
1068
00:56:09,599 --> 00:56:10,899
come on buddy,
hurry up,
1069
00:56:10,901 --> 00:56:13,068
it's not gonna make
you lose any quicker.
1070
00:56:22,445 --> 00:56:23,679
i didn't mean
to lead you on,
1071
00:56:23,681 --> 00:56:24,880
i don't want to give
you the wrong idea.
1072
00:56:24,882 --> 00:56:26,548
AAAAa!
1073
00:56:26,550 --> 00:56:29,651
ah!
1074
00:56:29,653 --> 00:56:32,421
hey, hey, hey.
oswald, oswald.
1075
00:56:32,423 --> 00:56:34,256
ah!
1076
00:56:34,258 --> 00:56:36,024
AAAAAA!
1077
00:56:37,394 --> 00:56:39,428
AAAAAA!
1078
00:56:39,430 --> 00:56:42,364
1079
00:56:44,067 --> 00:56:45,234
1080
00:56:45,236 --> 00:56:48,404
1081
00:56:48,406 --> 00:56:50,506
that was intense.
1082
00:56:50,508 --> 00:56:51,540
was?
1083
00:56:51,542 --> 00:56:53,509
we're not done yet.
1084
00:56:55,011 --> 00:56:57,613
yes, we are
doing this next.
1085
00:56:57,615 --> 00:57:01,049
uh, i don't think i have the
upper body strength to do that.
1086
00:57:01,051 --> 00:57:02,818
oh, i think with
the right motivation.
1087
00:57:02,820 --> 00:57:04,019
AAh!
1088
00:57:04,021 --> 00:57:06,422
i'll give it
a shot, i mean,
1089
00:57:06,424 --> 00:57:07,823
what's the worst
that can happen?
1090
00:57:16,933 --> 00:57:19,668
i told youi cannot afford that.
1091
00:57:19,670 --> 00:57:23,639
go ahead,
won't hurt to touch it.
1092
00:57:26,543 --> 00:57:28,544
that's it.
1093
00:57:28,546 --> 00:57:31,547
perhaps we can
work something out.
1094
00:57:31,549 --> 00:57:33,315
it's mint.
1095
00:57:33,317 --> 00:57:35,184
all you must do
is make sure your
1096
00:57:35,186 --> 00:57:38,086
new students
fail spectacularly.
1097
00:57:40,356 --> 00:57:43,725
foul temptress,
i refuse thee.
1098
00:57:43,727 --> 00:57:48,664
perhaps twenty ducats
will sweeten the deal.
1099
00:57:48,666 --> 00:57:50,065
never.
1100
00:57:50,067 --> 00:57:53,502
you still don't understand
what it's all about.
1101
00:57:53,504 --> 00:57:56,839
very well.
1102
00:57:59,175 --> 00:58:01,210
save your applause.
1103
00:58:01,212 --> 00:58:03,111
no.
1104
00:58:09,186 --> 00:58:10,919
the white wizard.
1105
00:58:10,921 --> 00:58:14,690
i believe you two
know each other.
1106
00:58:14,692 --> 00:58:18,293
you've grown
old and weak.
1107
00:58:18,295 --> 00:58:21,430
i draw my strength
not from within,
1108
00:58:21,432 --> 00:58:25,601
but from those who larp
and are pure of heart.
1109
00:58:25,603 --> 00:58:28,437
if only you knew the
power of the blood gods.
1110
00:58:28,439 --> 00:58:31,673
if you're its example,
then color me unimpressed.
1111
00:58:33,310 --> 00:58:35,544
i defeated you,
didn't i?
1112
00:58:35,546 --> 00:58:37,513
low blow.
1113
00:58:37,515 --> 00:58:41,550
sometimes it is the lowest
blow that strikes the hardest.
1114
00:58:41,552 --> 00:58:44,486
yeah, i don't have
a comeback for that one.
1115
00:58:44,488 --> 00:58:48,524
but rest assured, i will do
everything within my power
1116
00:58:48,526 --> 00:58:51,793
to make sure that you are
vanquished on the battlefield.
1117
00:58:51,795 --> 00:58:53,629
and i will be sure
to taste the fresh blood
1118
00:58:53,631 --> 00:58:55,664
of your
new students.
1119
00:58:55,666 --> 00:58:58,000
leave them
out of this,
1120
00:58:58,002 --> 00:59:01,436
for this is
between you and me.
1121
00:59:01,438 --> 00:59:03,071
oh?
1122
00:59:03,073 --> 00:59:05,941
or is it between
you and i?
1123
00:59:10,214 --> 00:59:14,883
i'm warning you, they will not
succumb to your dark treats.
1124
00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:16,351
ha.
1125
00:59:16,353 --> 00:59:19,021
you will protect
them from the shadows,
1126
00:59:19,023 --> 00:59:20,589
as you protected me?
1127
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:24,793
you wouldn't dare.
1128
00:59:24,795 --> 00:59:27,963
i would dare.
1129
00:59:27,965 --> 00:59:29,231
no.
1130
00:59:29,233 --> 00:59:30,632
yeah.
1131
00:59:30,634 --> 00:59:31,633
no.
1132
00:59:31,635 --> 00:59:33,435
- yeah.
- nah uh.
1133
00:59:33,437 --> 00:59:34,970
- i'm gonna do it.
- not gonna happen.
1134
00:59:34,972 --> 00:59:35,971
it's happening.
1135
00:59:35,973 --> 00:59:36,972
better not.
1136
00:59:36,974 --> 00:59:38,307
- yeah, i am.
- nah uh.
1137
00:59:38,309 --> 00:59:40,475
i said it, then i
repeated it several time--
1138
00:59:40,477 --> 00:59:44,379
for the love of
odin's sack, enough.
1139
00:59:44,381 --> 00:59:47,015
to think i
almost wasted my
1140
00:59:47,017 --> 00:59:50,919
prince finntor on
a cry baby like you.
1141
00:59:50,921 --> 00:59:52,654
wah.
1142
00:59:52,656 --> 00:59:55,424
wah.
1143
01:00:06,971 --> 01:00:08,904
cruel destiny.
1144
01:00:11,674 --> 01:00:15,310
lloyd:
andy, what's wrong, you
said you had important news?
1145
01:00:15,312 --> 01:00:16,878
i do.
1146
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,081
tell me, what would
you like to hear first,
1147
01:00:19,083 --> 01:00:21,650
the good news,
or the bad news?
1148
01:00:23,020 --> 01:00:24,519
or the
really bad news?
1149
01:00:24,521 --> 01:00:26,021
the good news.
1150
01:00:26,023 --> 01:00:28,123
no, i think we should
listen to the bad news first,
1151
01:00:28,125 --> 01:00:30,025
then the good, then
the really bad news,
1152
01:00:30,027 --> 01:00:31,293
so we break up
the bad things.
1153
01:00:31,295 --> 01:00:32,728
why don't we do
the good last,
1154
01:00:32,730 --> 01:00:34,129
and then we can end the
meeting on an upbeat note?
1155
01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:35,631
yeah, but then we run
the risk of not taking
1156
01:00:35,633 --> 01:00:37,332
the really bad news as
seriously as we should.
1157
01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:39,301
patrick:
why don't we just start
with the really bad news?
1158
01:00:39,303 --> 01:00:41,269
then we'd have the same
problem oswald brought up.
1159
01:00:41,271 --> 01:00:42,504
ok, shut up.
1160
01:00:42,506 --> 01:00:44,272
it's gonna go good,
bad, then really bad.
1161
01:00:44,274 --> 01:00:45,374
no, but lloyd--
1162
01:00:45,376 --> 01:00:47,509
i'm the leader,
and that's my order.
1163
01:00:47,511 --> 01:00:50,045
fine, whatever, it's not
even that big a deal.
1164
01:00:50,047 --> 01:00:51,279
good.
1165
01:00:51,281 --> 01:00:53,382
andy, please continue,
good news first.
1166
01:00:53,384 --> 01:00:55,717
the final scores
for the season are in,
1167
01:00:55,719 --> 01:00:57,919
and lloyd and
the conquerors
1168
01:00:57,921 --> 01:01:02,090
are the highest ranked
team on the side of light.
1169
01:01:02,092 --> 01:01:03,458
yes!
1170
01:01:03,460 --> 01:01:04,559
whoo!
1171
01:01:04,561 --> 01:01:05,761
so we won?
1172
01:01:05,763 --> 01:01:07,095
and we get to pass
derek's stupid class?
1173
01:01:07,097 --> 01:01:08,597
not exactly.
1174
01:01:08,599 --> 01:01:11,299
as the highest ranked
team in your faction,
1175
01:01:11,301 --> 01:01:14,503
it is your duty to
lead the forces of light
1176
01:01:14,505 --> 01:01:16,672
in the finalbattle of the season.
1177
01:01:16,674 --> 01:01:17,873
say what?
1178
01:01:17,875 --> 01:01:19,508
well, each year,
the larping season ends
1179
01:01:19,510 --> 01:01:22,878
with a final battle,
featuring the forces of light
1180
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:25,147
against the
hordes of chaos.
1181
01:01:25,149 --> 01:01:28,817
lloyd, you will be
commanding those forces.
1182
01:01:28,819 --> 01:01:30,252
me?
1183
01:01:30,254 --> 01:01:33,188
and i bet i can guess who's
gonna lead the other side?
1184
01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:34,356
derek.
1185
01:01:34,358 --> 01:01:35,724
unfortunately yes.
1186
01:01:35,726 --> 01:01:37,092
so that's
the bad news?
1187
01:01:37,094 --> 01:01:40,462
oh, young oswald,
if only it were so.
1188
01:01:40,464 --> 01:01:44,132
no. the final battle
takes place this weekend.
1189
01:01:44,134 --> 01:01:47,769
and cassandra will
not be on your side.
1190
01:01:47,771 --> 01:01:49,171
crap in a hat!
1191
01:01:49,173 --> 01:01:50,372
lloyd:
we've seenderek on the field,
1192
01:01:50,374 --> 01:01:51,640
as long as we have
a good game plan,
1193
01:01:51,642 --> 01:01:53,341
and work together,
we have a chance.
1194
01:01:53,343 --> 01:01:58,313
yes, we have a chance,
we have a chance.
1195
01:01:58,315 --> 01:02:00,048
andy, why don't you just
come out of retirement
1196
01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:01,650
and take my
place on the team?
1197
01:02:01,652 --> 01:02:02,651
if you had asked
me this morning,
1198
01:02:02,653 --> 01:02:04,753
i might
have said yes.
1199
01:02:04,755 --> 01:02:09,424
but now i see that it's your
path to follow, not mine.
1200
01:02:09,426 --> 01:02:12,127
does this have something to
do with the really bad news?
1201
01:02:12,129 --> 01:02:14,096
it does.
1202
01:02:14,098 --> 01:02:16,765
this afternoon, derek
presented himself to me.
1203
01:02:16,767 --> 01:02:21,636
he offered me a mint copy
of prince finntor number one.
1204
01:02:21,638 --> 01:02:23,839
that son of a bitch.
1205
01:02:23,841 --> 01:02:26,141
yes, indeed.
1206
01:02:26,143 --> 01:02:29,878
he offered me the book, if
i would ensure your failure.
1207
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:32,547
and you threw it right
back in his face, right?
1208
01:02:32,549 --> 01:02:33,915
never.
1209
01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:36,585
finntor number one is
an important document
1210
01:02:36,587 --> 01:02:39,821
that must be preserved
for posterity's sake.
1211
01:02:39,823 --> 01:02:41,890
but you did turn
him down, right?
1212
01:02:41,892 --> 01:02:44,226
oh, of course.
1213
01:02:44,228 --> 01:02:47,295
it was then that he
revealed his alliance
1214
01:02:47,297 --> 01:02:50,899
with leopold,
my former student.
1215
01:02:50,901 --> 01:02:52,567
my greatest student.
1216
01:02:52,569 --> 01:02:55,737
how did derek get one of your
students to join the bad guys?
1217
01:02:55,739 --> 01:02:57,706
it wasn't through
derek's cunning,
1218
01:02:57,708 --> 01:03:00,008
but more through my
failure as a teacher.
1219
01:03:02,546 --> 01:03:05,380
when leopold first
came under my tutelage,
1220
01:03:05,382 --> 01:03:08,884
he was the most eager
larper i had ever seen.
1221
01:03:08,886 --> 01:03:11,753
he immersed himselfin the fantasy,
1222
01:03:11,755 --> 01:03:15,123
sharpening his mindand body until he became
1223
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:18,293
the greatestwarrior in the land.
1224
01:03:18,295 --> 01:03:21,963
his strength was such that even
the local school children no
1225
01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:26,101
longer harassed us when we used
their playground for larping.
1226
01:03:26,103 --> 01:03:29,004
no one stoodagainst him.
1227
01:03:29,006 --> 01:03:30,872
and i, of course,
encouraged him,
1228
01:03:30,874 --> 01:03:34,009
thinking that he would
remain our champion of light,
1229
01:03:34,011 --> 01:03:38,513
and would forever keep
the forces of evil at bay.
1230
01:03:38,515 --> 01:03:42,250
i should have taught him
temperance and patience,
1231
01:03:42,252 --> 01:03:45,086
for his questfor power led him
1232
01:03:45,088 --> 01:03:51,126
to embrace theblood gods of chaos.
1233
01:03:51,128 --> 01:03:54,796
he fell deeperand deeper,
1234
01:03:54,798 --> 01:03:58,600
until he started to believein his own dark fantasies.
1235
01:03:58,602 --> 01:04:00,936
it all endedone terrible night,
1236
01:04:00,938 --> 01:04:04,339
when he becameconvinced that his family
1237
01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:07,275
was actuallya pack of gnomes
1238
01:04:07,277 --> 01:04:11,313
trying to stealhis magic armor.
1239
01:04:11,315 --> 01:04:14,015
after he set hissister's dog on fire,
1240
01:04:14,017 --> 01:04:17,419
he was deposited in thelocal mental institution,
1241
01:04:17,421 --> 01:04:21,423
where he has
remained until derek
1242
01:04:21,425 --> 01:04:24,459
summoned him
for his dark pact.
1243
01:04:24,461 --> 01:04:26,561
so basically what you're
saying is we have to defeat
1244
01:04:26,563 --> 01:04:29,064
the darth vader
of larping?
1245
01:04:29,066 --> 01:04:31,967
i would never compare
these epic events
1246
01:04:31,969 --> 01:04:35,237
to that crude
space opera.
1247
01:04:35,239 --> 01:04:37,839
but yeah,
basically.
1248
01:04:37,841 --> 01:04:39,774
hmmm...
1249
01:04:43,613 --> 01:04:45,113
that guy's
certainly a virgin.
1250
01:04:45,115 --> 01:04:47,749
maybe there's a way we can
just volunteer, you know?
1251
01:04:47,751 --> 01:04:50,385
we don't have to actually
larp and get killed,
1252
01:04:50,387 --> 01:04:51,586
we canjust help out.
1253
01:04:51,588 --> 01:04:52,754
it's fine,
guys it's fine,
1254
01:04:52,756 --> 01:04:53,955
we'll figure
something out.
1255
01:04:55,758 --> 01:04:58,126
lloyd,
as their leader,
1256
01:04:58,128 --> 01:05:02,297
there's something i must
share with you, alone.
1257
01:05:10,507 --> 01:05:11,973
it's been
a long time,
1258
01:05:11,975 --> 01:05:13,842
but i know it's
in here somewhere.
1259
01:05:13,844 --> 01:05:15,510
[cupboard door creaks open]
1260
01:05:15,512 --> 01:05:19,814
hah, there it is.
1261
01:05:22,386 --> 01:05:24,986
perhaps you can
find a use for this.
1262
01:05:26,857 --> 01:05:29,958
andy, is this what
i think it is?
1263
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:32,627
indeed, it is.
1264
01:05:36,099 --> 01:05:37,666
if i wasn't
out of commission,
1265
01:05:37,668 --> 01:05:39,935
i would take this leopold
clown out in 12 seconds flat.
1266
01:05:39,937 --> 01:05:41,836
believe me,
i wish you could too.
1267
01:05:41,838 --> 01:05:43,238
all you need is
a good strategy,
1268
01:05:43,240 --> 01:05:44,306
i can still help
you with that.
1269
01:05:44,308 --> 01:05:45,840
andy thinks this
guy is dangerous,
1270
01:05:45,842 --> 01:05:47,475
i don't want to be part
of somebody being hurt.
1271
01:05:47,477 --> 01:05:49,778
do you know what i teach the
girls in my self defense class?
1272
01:05:49,780 --> 01:05:51,613
predators prey
on the weak.
1273
01:05:51,615 --> 01:05:53,214
so just use your
perceived weakness
1274
01:05:53,216 --> 01:05:55,016
to catch the
assailant off guard.
1275
01:05:55,018 --> 01:05:58,653
and then you just
remove his testicles
1276
01:05:58,655 --> 01:06:00,655
with a shaolin
tiger grip.
1277
01:06:01,924 --> 01:06:05,894
who knew self defense
could be so hot?
1278
01:06:05,896 --> 01:06:07,028
focus.
1279
01:06:19,176 --> 01:06:21,142
half a moon from now,
1280
01:06:21,144 --> 01:06:24,980
the combined forces of
light will stand before us.
1281
01:06:24,982 --> 01:06:26,815
but theirs is
a hopeless cause,
1282
01:06:26,817 --> 01:06:30,085
their mantra is honor
and righteousness,
1283
01:06:30,087 --> 01:06:33,688
but there's no
honor in defeat.
1284
01:06:33,690 --> 01:06:38,526
and it is the victor who
defines what is righteous.
1285
01:06:38,528 --> 01:06:42,063
every year these weaklings
fall under our blade,
1286
01:06:42,065 --> 01:06:44,632
and this year shall
be no exception.
1287
01:06:46,069 --> 01:06:48,970
half a moon from now,
what time is that exactly?
1288
01:06:48,972 --> 01:06:50,805
just so i can
sync my watch.
1289
01:06:50,807 --> 01:06:54,943
i am not required to
explain what half a moon is.
1290
01:06:54,945 --> 01:06:56,778
if you do not know
what half a moon is,
1291
01:06:56,780 --> 01:06:58,880
you should
not be here.
1292
01:06:58,882 --> 01:07:00,749
there are tales that we
shall face the disciples
1293
01:07:00,751 --> 01:07:03,084
of the prophet
of light,
1294
01:07:03,086 --> 01:07:04,519
the white wizard.
1295
01:07:04,521 --> 01:07:07,956
yes it is true, the
disciples of the white wizard
1296
01:07:07,958 --> 01:07:10,592
lead the forces of light,
and if that concerns you
1297
01:07:10,594 --> 01:07:13,395
or anyone else here,
then fuck off!
1298
01:07:15,432 --> 01:07:19,501
i live by the ancient
krakentroll proverb:
1299
01:07:19,503 --> 01:07:21,669
if your opponent
brandishes a stave,
1300
01:07:21,671 --> 01:07:25,840
then in turn you must
unsheathe your claymore.
1301
01:07:27,310 --> 01:07:29,711
leopold,
step forward.
1302
01:07:29,713 --> 01:07:32,480
those of you
who choose to stay
1303
01:07:32,482 --> 01:07:36,484
will stand shoulder to
shoulder with none other
1304
01:07:36,486 --> 01:07:40,155
than leopoldthe destroyer.
1305
01:07:40,157 --> 01:07:42,791
death to the white wizard!
1306
01:07:42,793 --> 01:07:44,125
death to the white wizard!
1307
01:07:44,127 --> 01:07:46,327
AAhh!
1308
01:07:47,797 --> 01:07:49,731
then you just
come around here,
1309
01:07:49,733 --> 01:07:52,233
and boom,
his balls are yours.
1310
01:07:57,940 --> 01:07:59,507
this could
actually work.
1311
01:08:02,212 --> 01:08:04,712
you leave in pieces.
1312
01:08:04,714 --> 01:08:06,247
look at him.
1313
01:08:06,249 --> 01:08:08,383
i mean, what do guys like
that do in their spare time?
1314
01:08:08,385 --> 01:08:09,984
i mean,
does he cross-stitch,
1315
01:08:09,986 --> 01:08:12,387
work on cars,
or scrapbook?
1316
01:08:12,389 --> 01:08:13,955
really successful guys
like that always have
1317
01:08:13,957 --> 01:08:16,458
some sort of dark secret,
like i bet you he's into
1318
01:08:16,460 --> 01:08:19,461
some weird kind of
porn or something.
1319
01:08:19,463 --> 01:08:20,728
puppet porn?
1320
01:08:20,730 --> 01:08:24,666
yeah, he's definitely
into puppet porn.
1321
01:08:24,668 --> 01:08:25,667
that's sick.
1322
01:08:27,504 --> 01:08:28,803
you guys
ready for this?
1323
01:08:28,805 --> 01:08:31,840
for what, mister i
didn't show up last night.
1324
01:08:31,842 --> 01:08:33,441
to go over
the battle plan.
1325
01:08:33,443 --> 01:08:36,211
oh, i've already got one,
first we get surrounded,
1326
01:08:36,213 --> 01:08:37,879
then leopold beats
the crap out of us,
1327
01:08:37,881 --> 01:08:39,881
then we lose the game
and fail the class.
1328
01:08:39,883 --> 01:08:41,850
your bright outlook
is very inspiring.
1329
01:08:41,852 --> 01:08:43,585
yeah, so is he way
i banged your mom.
1330
01:08:46,489 --> 01:08:49,190
so since you just said
you had sex with my mom,
1331
01:08:49,192 --> 01:08:50,291
i don't feel
nearly as bad
1332
01:08:50,293 --> 01:08:52,227
about the confession
i have to make.
1333
01:08:52,229 --> 01:08:53,695
and what's that?
1334
01:08:53,697 --> 01:08:54,796
derek offered
us an easy out,
1335
01:08:54,798 --> 01:08:56,631
and i told him to
go screw himself.
1336
01:08:56,633 --> 01:08:58,433
what's he talking
about patrick?
1337
01:08:58,435 --> 01:09:00,168
he said if we dropped out of
the demons and dwarves larp,
1338
01:09:00,170 --> 01:09:01,836
he'd go ahead
and give us a 'c'.
1339
01:09:01,838 --> 01:09:03,338
and you refused?
1340
01:09:03,340 --> 01:09:05,039
yeah, i did.
mm-hmm.
1341
01:09:05,041 --> 01:09:08,376
and if we don't win and
get the 'a+', we fail.
1342
01:09:08,378 --> 01:09:09,611
what the f, lloyd?!
1343
01:09:09,613 --> 01:09:11,713
why would
you do that?!
1344
01:09:11,715 --> 01:09:13,348
because i wanted
to show him,
1345
01:09:13,350 --> 01:09:14,716
and all the other
dereks of the world
1346
01:09:14,718 --> 01:09:16,351
that we're not just gonna
roll over and take it.
1347
01:09:16,353 --> 01:09:18,653
we will stand,
and we will conquer.
1348
01:09:18,655 --> 01:09:19,854
no, no, no,
wait a second,
1349
01:09:19,856 --> 01:09:22,357
this has something
to do with cassandra.
1350
01:09:22,359 --> 01:09:23,424
no.
1351
01:09:23,426 --> 01:09:25,360
patrick:
you're right, oswald.
1352
01:09:25,362 --> 01:09:27,629
he puts our grades on the line,
just so he can bang cassandra,
1353
01:09:27,631 --> 01:09:29,464
then he finally bangs her
and he breaks her leg,
1354
01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:32,066
now she can't even
help us get an 'a'.
1355
01:09:32,068 --> 01:09:34,769
it's ok, because
cassandra and i came up
1356
01:09:34,771 --> 01:09:37,005
with a really
great battle plan.
1357
01:09:37,007 --> 01:09:40,008
yeah, does your
plan include this?
1358
01:09:47,217 --> 01:09:50,485
since class has been
disrupted due to my injury,
1359
01:09:50,487 --> 01:09:52,153
i've scheduled a very
special training session
1360
01:09:52,155 --> 01:09:54,055
for this weekend, it will
give you a chance to
1361
01:09:54,057 --> 01:09:56,424
really utilize the skills
you've learned in class.
1362
01:09:56,426 --> 01:09:58,626
male in class:
this isn't
another class where we
1363
01:09:58,628 --> 01:10:00,795
fight the guy in the
padded suit again, is it?
1364
01:10:00,797 --> 01:10:02,897
rosie:
i didn't feel threatened
by that guy at all.
1365
01:10:02,899 --> 01:10:06,100
i just can't wait till a
pervert really comes after me.
1366
01:10:06,102 --> 01:10:08,303
trust me, this will
be the most intense
1367
01:10:08,305 --> 01:10:11,139
training session
you will ever have.
1368
01:10:11,141 --> 01:10:14,809
it'll be just like you're
surrounded by actual perverts.
1369
01:10:29,426 --> 01:10:30,592
?
dick.
1370
01:11:03,092 --> 01:11:06,728
hey elfy,
two questions.
1371
01:11:06,730 --> 01:11:08,296
ok.
1372
01:11:08,298 --> 01:11:10,598
first, i want to
register, second,
1373
01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:13,301
why are you dressed like
a science fiction character,
1374
01:11:13,303 --> 01:11:15,737
when you're at a fantasy
larping tournament?
1375
01:11:15,739 --> 01:11:19,207
for the record,
that was one question, ok?
1376
01:11:19,209 --> 01:11:20,875
and to answer
your one question,
1377
01:11:20,877 --> 01:11:23,878
unlike everyone
else here,
1378
01:11:23,880 --> 01:11:27,582
i like to be creative,
and not follow the crowd.
1379
01:11:27,584 --> 01:11:29,384
my character is
from star fleet,
1380
01:11:29,386 --> 01:11:32,887
i've been sent back
in time to observe
1381
01:11:32,889 --> 01:11:36,090
primitives like
yourself in an effort to
1382
01:11:36,092 --> 01:11:39,093
refine our
cultured way of life.
1383
01:11:39,095 --> 01:11:41,963
so why don't you just
give me your 25 bucks,
1384
01:11:41,965 --> 01:11:43,398
and then you and
your primate friends
1385
01:11:43,400 --> 01:11:45,733
can go in and bash
each other over the head.
1386
01:11:45,735 --> 01:11:46,768
come on.
1387
01:11:46,770 --> 01:11:49,003
you know what,
bite me.
1388
01:11:49,005 --> 01:11:51,839
oh, well,
live long and pro-
1389
01:11:51,841 --> 01:11:54,342
oh wait, my fingers
are falling asleep,
1390
01:11:54,344 --> 01:11:55,877
except for
that one.
1391
01:11:55,879 --> 01:11:57,712
oh.
1392
01:11:57,714 --> 01:12:00,581
go drill a hole
in the wall.
1393
01:12:00,583 --> 01:12:03,584
come on gimbledorf,
let's go, 25 bucks.
1394
01:12:09,758 --> 01:12:11,793
i guess lloyd
left already, huh?
1395
01:12:11,795 --> 01:12:14,028
yeah, tell somebody
who cares.
1396
01:12:14,030 --> 01:12:16,264
oh sweet, you already
passed level eight.
1397
01:12:16,266 --> 01:12:17,999
it was easy,
i just used that map
1398
01:12:18,001 --> 01:12:19,834
that lloyd downloaded
off the internet.
1399
01:12:19,836 --> 01:12:22,770
oh, yeah,
i remember that day.
1400
01:12:22,772 --> 01:12:24,272
that's where we spent
the whole day laughing
1401
01:12:24,274 --> 01:12:26,207
and sharing about our long
forged friendship, right?
1402
01:12:26,209 --> 01:12:28,543
that was a good day,
indeed, huh?
1403
01:12:28,545 --> 01:12:30,011
it was yesterday.
1404
01:12:32,048 --> 01:12:35,383
come on patrick,
we need to help him.
1405
01:12:35,385 --> 01:12:37,085
i mean, remember how
he didn't even get mad
1406
01:12:37,087 --> 01:12:38,820
when you said that
you banged him mom?
1407
01:12:38,822 --> 01:12:39,887
forget it!
1408
01:12:39,889 --> 01:12:41,389
he broke the bros
before hoes code,
1409
01:12:41,391 --> 01:12:42,924
i'll die before i'm ever
guilty of breaking that rule!
1410
01:12:42,926 --> 01:12:44,625
yeah, by punishing him
for this transgression,
1411
01:12:44,627 --> 01:12:46,861
are you not also
breaking that rule?
1412
01:12:46,863 --> 01:12:48,796
you're allowing a
girl to come betwixt
1413
01:12:48,798 --> 01:12:52,367
him and a friend who's
in need of our help.
1414
01:12:53,669 --> 01:12:54,669
what the fuck?!
1415
01:12:54,671 --> 01:12:57,505
dude, are you on
his side or mine?
1416
01:12:57,507 --> 01:12:59,040
i'm on our side.
1417
01:13:10,486 --> 01:13:12,353
i don't think
they're coming.
1418
01:13:12,355 --> 01:13:14,055
what about
cassandra?
1419
01:13:14,057 --> 01:13:15,723
she said
she'd be here.
1420
01:13:15,725 --> 01:13:17,091
i'll wait
here for her,
1421
01:13:17,093 --> 01:13:18,893
but you must get to
the marshalling area.
1422
01:13:18,895 --> 01:13:20,695
your army awaits
their orders.
1423
01:13:20,697 --> 01:13:22,797
alright.
1424
01:13:22,799 --> 01:13:24,232
wish me luck.
1425
01:13:24,234 --> 01:13:28,236
may ullr bless your sword,
and odin your shield.
1426
01:13:30,607 --> 01:13:31,973
thanks.
1427
01:13:33,309 --> 01:13:36,144
i was basically
wishing you luck.
1428
01:13:36,146 --> 01:13:40,548
odin,
father of thor.
1429
01:13:40,550 --> 01:13:42,917
jesus,
read a fucking book.
1430
01:13:53,696 --> 01:13:56,330
what a
beautiful sight,
1431
01:13:56,332 --> 01:13:58,666
my minions have gathered
from across the land
1432
01:13:58,668 --> 01:14:01,002
to come and
crush my foes.
1433
01:14:01,004 --> 01:14:03,671
you seem more interested
in glorifying yourself
1434
01:14:03,673 --> 01:14:06,641
than in serving
the blood gods.
1435
01:14:06,643 --> 01:14:10,344
you seem
like a dick.
1436
01:14:10,346 --> 01:14:13,047
minions,
behold your master.
1437
01:14:14,384 --> 01:14:17,485
today, we wipe the
taint of the white wizard
1438
01:14:17,487 --> 01:14:19,654
from this
land for good.
1439
01:14:19,656 --> 01:14:22,256
the one who
slays his students
1440
01:14:22,258 --> 01:14:25,460
will receive my
personal blessing.
1441
01:14:25,462 --> 01:14:29,230
i spit on the taint
of the white wizard.
1442
01:14:39,541 --> 01:14:41,809
jorgen,
look who it is.
1443
01:14:41,811 --> 01:14:44,045
you guys ready
to kick some ass?
1444
01:14:45,682 --> 01:14:48,082
your optimism
causes my laughter.
1445
01:14:49,252 --> 01:14:51,419
yes, it is
very amusing.
1446
01:14:51,421 --> 01:14:52,820
we are surely
outnumbered,
1447
01:14:52,822 --> 01:14:55,189
and will receive
many massive wounds.
1448
01:14:55,191 --> 01:14:58,593
our blog will overflow with
images of glorious death.
1449
01:14:58,595 --> 01:15:00,294
it is very
impressive.
1450
01:15:00,296 --> 01:15:01,529
would you
like the url?
1451
01:15:01,531 --> 01:15:03,231
maybe later.
1452
01:15:03,233 --> 01:15:06,000
no, here i'll write it on your
arm now, so you won't forget.
1453
01:15:06,002 --> 01:15:08,302
anyhow, i came up
with a battle plan,
1454
01:15:08,304 --> 01:15:11,639
so if everybody could
just gather around,
1455
01:15:11,641 --> 01:15:13,007
we can go over it.
1456
01:15:13,009 --> 01:15:14,509
everyone just-
1457
01:15:14,511 --> 01:15:16,210
he commands
no respect.
1458
01:15:16,212 --> 01:15:19,113
dagmar,
document his pain.
1459
01:15:24,153 --> 01:15:25,586
you know, i've seen
some bullshit before,
1460
01:15:25,588 --> 01:15:27,255
but this
takes the cake!
1461
01:15:28,258 --> 01:15:31,559
fall in,
you filthy fuck faces!
1462
01:15:31,561 --> 01:15:33,794
that's funny, you know,
because i don't think i said
1463
01:15:33,796 --> 01:15:36,797
stand there and look
like idiots, i said fall in,
1464
01:15:36,799 --> 01:15:39,300
before i tear off your heads
and crap down your throats!
1465
01:15:39,302 --> 01:15:40,902
come on,
come on, come on,
1466
01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:43,170
my grandmother moves faster
than you limp wristed fatties!
1467
01:15:43,172 --> 01:15:45,139
fall in, maggots,
and listen up!
1468
01:15:45,141 --> 01:15:46,340
ok, yes.
1469
01:15:46,342 --> 01:15:47,875
i can't hear you.
1470
01:15:47,877 --> 01:15:49,877
yes!
1471
01:15:49,879 --> 01:15:51,445
thanks guys, listen,
i'm sorry about--
1472
01:15:51,447 --> 01:15:55,383
hey lloyd, friendship means
you don't need to say sorry.
1473
01:15:55,385 --> 01:15:58,219
this is lloyd,
the holy paladin,
1474
01:15:58,221 --> 01:16:00,755
commander of the
forces of light.
1475
01:16:00,757 --> 01:16:04,091
you will pay very close
attention to his instructions,
1476
01:16:04,093 --> 01:16:06,260
and you will follow
them to the tee.
1477
01:16:06,262 --> 01:16:07,762
you got that?
1478
01:16:07,764 --> 01:16:09,463
yeah! yes!
1479
01:16:09,465 --> 01:16:11,165
alright.
1480
01:16:11,167 --> 01:16:14,969
our enemy thinks his advantage
in numbers is his strength.
1481
01:16:14,971 --> 01:16:16,604
it's not.
1482
01:16:16,606 --> 01:16:19,106
we shall turn it
into his weakness.
1483
01:16:19,108 --> 01:16:21,008
we will lure
him into our trap,
1484
01:16:21,010 --> 01:16:24,211
his overconfidence
the snare,
1485
01:16:24,213 --> 01:16:26,480
and when we have him
right where we want him,
1486
01:16:26,482 --> 01:16:28,049
we'll grab
his balls.
1487
01:16:28,051 --> 01:16:29,483
what?
1488
01:16:36,058 --> 01:16:37,592
and then we
rip them off!
1489
01:16:41,230 --> 01:16:45,333
every great leader must ride
to battle on a worthy steed.
1490
01:16:45,335 --> 01:16:46,734
what?
1491
01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:49,637
mount him.
1492
01:16:52,308 --> 01:16:54,175
he needs
to be inside.
1493
01:16:54,177 --> 01:16:56,043
yeah.
1494
01:16:56,045 --> 01:16:57,345
our leader.
1495
01:17:00,550 --> 01:17:02,817
you look
powerful lloyd.
1496
01:17:02,819 --> 01:17:04,885
you look like
shakira, oswald.
1497
01:17:04,887 --> 01:17:05,920
thanks.
1498
01:17:08,958 --> 01:17:12,860
sir, i beg you to stay open
just a few more moments.
1499
01:17:12,862 --> 01:17:15,429
i don't understand
your primitive dialect.
1500
01:17:15,431 --> 01:17:16,998
come on,
move along.
1501
01:17:17,000 --> 01:17:18,332
primitive?
1502
01:17:18,334 --> 01:17:21,802
you should know that
i am a level 80 wizard,
1503
01:17:21,804 --> 01:17:25,272
and i will not tolerate
your troll like behavior.
1504
01:17:25,274 --> 01:17:27,341
hey, i said
move along buddy,
1505
01:17:27,343 --> 01:17:29,644
or you're
gonna get cut.
1506
01:17:29,646 --> 01:17:33,214
your empty threats do not
phase the white wizard,
1507
01:17:33,216 --> 01:17:35,383
my pointy eared
space friend.
1508
01:17:35,385 --> 01:17:38,653
ok, i warned you,
back off,
1509
01:17:38,655 --> 01:17:40,588
or i'm gonna have to
break the prime directive.
1510
01:17:40,590 --> 01:17:45,059
hah, just like a vulcan to
bring a phaser to a magic fight.
1511
01:17:46,062 --> 01:17:47,228
andy, we're here.
1512
01:17:47,230 --> 01:17:48,796
where are
the perverts?
1513
01:17:48,798 --> 01:17:50,231
uh, i don't mean to interrupt
whatever's going on here,
1514
01:17:50,233 --> 01:17:51,666
but they need
to register.
1515
01:17:51,668 --> 01:17:53,267
yeah, fat chance.
1516
01:17:53,269 --> 01:17:55,169
your giant
sperm friend here
1517
01:17:55,171 --> 01:17:57,371
with the purse is
threatening my life.
1518
01:17:57,373 --> 01:17:59,206
sir, you pulled
your weapon first.
1519
01:17:59,208 --> 01:18:00,608
ok, everybody
just calm down.
1520
01:18:00,610 --> 01:18:01,609
hey back off.
1521
01:18:01,611 --> 01:18:02,610
hey.
1522
01:18:02,612 --> 01:18:03,978
do not point
that at her.
1523
01:18:03,980 --> 01:18:05,379
i said back off.
1524
01:18:05,381 --> 01:18:06,747
don't point it
at me either.
1525
01:18:06,749 --> 01:18:08,482
i'm pointing it,
aren't it?
1526
01:18:08,484 --> 01:18:10,584
testicles meet
lightning bolt.
1527
01:18:10,586 --> 01:18:12,353
ah!
1528
01:18:12,355 --> 01:18:13,654
ah!
1529
01:18:13,656 --> 01:18:14,622
arctic blast.
1530
01:18:14,624 --> 01:18:16,390
ah! ah!
1531
01:18:30,640 --> 01:18:34,175
bring me the heads
of the man creatures!
1532
01:18:34,177 --> 01:18:35,342
charge!
1533
01:18:58,601 --> 01:18:59,834
down boy.
1534
01:19:09,045 --> 01:19:10,845
let's introduce them
to the hammer brothers,
1535
01:19:10,847 --> 01:19:12,379
jack and sledge.
1536
01:19:33,803 --> 01:19:36,337
archers!
1537
01:19:40,877 --> 01:19:42,309
pathetic.
1538
01:19:42,311 --> 01:19:44,712
go and serve
your blood gods.
1539
01:19:44,714 --> 01:19:49,150
AAAAh!
1540
01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:45,206
dagmar, document
my glorious death.
1541
01:20:45,208 --> 01:20:47,341
and mine.
1542
01:20:47,343 --> 01:20:48,843
AAah!
1543
01:20:48,845 --> 01:20:50,978
ah!
1544
01:20:50,980 --> 01:20:52,046
ugh!
1545
01:20:58,254 --> 01:21:00,588
klaus:
that waswonderful.
1546
01:21:00,590 --> 01:21:03,023
ok, look, all we want to do
is register for the battle,
1547
01:21:03,025 --> 01:21:04,291
preferably
before it's over.
1548
01:21:04,293 --> 01:21:06,260
yeah, well based on
what i'm hearing,
1549
01:21:06,262 --> 01:21:07,962
that's just about to
happen now, isn't it?
1550
01:21:07,964 --> 01:21:09,964
ok, so let's get
this ball rolling.
1551
01:21:09,966 --> 01:21:13,734
excuse me, registration
desk is closed.
1552
01:21:13,736 --> 01:21:15,336
dude, all you have
to do is open the book
1553
01:21:15,338 --> 01:21:16,503
and write
down our names.
1554
01:21:16,505 --> 01:21:18,172
i mean,
we'll even pay extra.
1555
01:21:18,174 --> 01:21:21,308
wait a minute,
you trying to bribe me?
1556
01:21:21,310 --> 01:21:23,010
how about if
we show some skin?
1557
01:21:23,012 --> 01:21:24,178
- what?
- what?
1558
01:21:24,180 --> 01:21:26,714
you register us,
and we flash you.
1559
01:21:26,716 --> 01:21:31,085
i am far beyond the temptations
of the flesh, there avatar.
1560
01:21:32,822 --> 01:21:35,489
sweet fulton potatoes.
1561
01:21:37,225 --> 01:21:40,928
for a thousand nights
i have dreamt of this day.
1562
01:21:40,930 --> 01:21:43,163
make'em jiggle.
1563
01:21:43,165 --> 01:21:44,999
can we
register now?
1564
01:21:45,001 --> 01:21:47,268
vulcan:
yeah, yeah,
come on move,
1565
01:21:47,270 --> 01:21:49,904
put your mark in the book,go, go, go, go.
1566
01:21:53,642 --> 01:21:57,711
i know this
may be illogical,
1567
01:21:57,713 --> 01:22:02,082
but will
you marry me?
1568
01:22:02,084 --> 01:22:05,252
we can start with
a vulcan mind meld
1569
01:22:05,254 --> 01:22:07,221
and work
our way down.
1570
01:22:10,793 --> 01:22:12,860
i can feel
your pussy.
1571
01:22:20,001 --> 01:22:23,504
[agent danger movie theme music]
1572
01:22:50,933 --> 01:22:52,633
i'm a man of peace.
1573
01:23:19,095 --> 01:23:21,295
you, leave in pieces.
1574
01:23:29,071 --> 01:23:31,505
what did i tell you
about doing cocaine?
1575
01:23:37,313 --> 01:23:40,848
i guess cassandra wasn't the
only tough guy on this team.
1576
01:23:40,850 --> 01:23:42,349
ah!
1577
01:23:42,351 --> 01:23:45,586
stand back lloyd, i'll take
care of this knucklehead.
1578
01:23:45,588 --> 01:23:47,054
oswald, he's
gonna kill you.
1579
01:23:47,056 --> 01:23:48,122
well then
avenge me.
1580
01:23:48,124 --> 01:23:51,125
no, wait,
avenge me first.
1581
01:23:52,628 --> 01:23:56,764
i'm a berserker
barbarian dwarf warrior!
1582
01:23:56,766 --> 01:23:59,299
ah! ah! ah!
1583
01:24:08,511 --> 01:24:09,977
ok.
1584
01:24:09,979 --> 01:24:11,378
please.
1585
01:24:19,021 --> 01:24:20,587
we're larping,
we're having fun.
1586
01:24:20,589 --> 01:24:22,523
please. please.
1587
01:24:22,525 --> 01:24:23,524
AAah!
1588
01:24:30,833 --> 01:24:32,466
reinforcements!
1589
01:24:44,046 --> 01:24:45,145
pervert!
1590
01:24:49,385 --> 01:24:51,752
you pervert!
1591
01:25:39,935 --> 01:25:42,970
this is the sexiest
tournament ever.
1592
01:25:58,821 --> 01:26:03,023
derek:
i must admit, you put on
a somewhat believable show.
1593
01:26:03,025 --> 01:26:04,424
just wait
for the encore.
1594
01:26:04,426 --> 01:26:05,893
why don't you
save me the time,
1595
01:26:05,895 --> 01:26:09,263
get on your knees in
front of me, and surrender.
1596
01:26:09,265 --> 01:26:11,465
i think you have me
confused with your mom.
1597
01:26:11,467 --> 01:26:13,834
oh that's it,
that is it.
1598
01:26:13,836 --> 01:26:15,302
charge!
1599
01:26:40,963 --> 01:26:42,629
he's losing.
1600
01:26:42,631 --> 01:26:45,499
lloyd, if you win you can
fuck stick my sugar bowl.
1601
01:26:45,501 --> 01:26:46,800
ah!
1602
01:26:53,375 --> 01:26:54,875
get me out
of this thing.
1603
01:26:59,148 --> 01:27:00,147
give up.
1604
01:27:00,149 --> 01:27:02,149
i could.
1605
01:27:02,151 --> 01:27:05,552
or i could simply
vaporize your sword.
1606
01:27:05,554 --> 01:27:11,892
taum saw, de ecket, flesruar,caforg, swordus, be goneus.
1607
01:27:13,929 --> 01:27:15,662
oh crap.
1608
01:27:15,664 --> 01:27:19,499
well then, do you
have anything to say,
1609
01:27:19,501 --> 01:27:21,635
before i melt your
face with a spell
1610
01:27:21,637 --> 01:27:23,670
straight from
the dark gods.
1611
01:27:23,672 --> 01:27:28,275
well, as a paladin,
i can cast divine exorcism,
1612
01:27:28,277 --> 01:27:30,177
banishing you to
the twisting nether.
1613
01:27:30,179 --> 01:27:33,146
yes, in theory,
you could do that,
1614
01:27:33,148 --> 01:27:35,515
but at
your level,
1615
01:27:35,517 --> 01:27:37,851
you would need the fabled
one thousand sided die
1616
01:27:37,853 --> 01:27:41,755
to cast a spell like that
on an unbelievably awesome
1617
01:27:41,757 --> 01:27:44,258
level 60 dark mage,
as myself.
1618
01:27:45,794 --> 01:27:49,129
you don't mean,
one of these, do you?
1619
01:27:50,799 --> 01:27:52,833
it can't be.
1620
01:27:52,835 --> 01:27:54,334
what is it?
1621
01:27:54,336 --> 01:27:57,371
the thousand sided die is
a rare and powerful item,
1622
01:27:57,373 --> 01:28:00,140
held by only the mostdedicated larpers,
1623
01:28:00,142 --> 01:28:03,510
who even dare to performsuch a powerful spell.
1624
01:28:03,512 --> 01:28:07,147
with it, there is only a
one in one thousand chance
1625
01:28:07,149 --> 01:28:09,916
that lloyd
can lose.
1626
01:28:09,918 --> 01:28:16,923
lactatus, intoleras, pesneris,maxitosis matchus leakus.
1627
01:28:16,925 --> 01:28:18,558
ha!
1628
01:28:21,397 --> 01:28:24,431
a critical miss.
1629
01:28:24,433 --> 01:28:25,799
damn!
1630
01:28:27,603 --> 01:28:30,504
that was the one in
one thousand chance.
1631
01:28:31,807 --> 01:28:35,542
the gods of fate have
pre-ordained my win,
1632
01:28:35,544 --> 01:28:37,511
and your loss.
1633
01:28:37,513 --> 01:28:41,415
you know what,
enough of this bullshit.
1634
01:28:41,417 --> 01:28:43,650
right now,
right here, you and me,
1635
01:28:43,652 --> 01:28:46,186
no spells,
no tricks.
1636
01:28:46,188 --> 01:28:50,857
silence, i have to
decide what type of spell
1637
01:28:50,859 --> 01:28:54,695
would be most humiliating
to end this battle.
1638
01:28:54,697 --> 01:28:57,931
shall i turn you
into a buttercup,
1639
01:28:57,933 --> 01:29:03,403
or perhaps a horrible kitten
with little rotten teeth?
1640
01:29:03,405 --> 01:29:04,604
you scared?
1641
01:29:04,606 --> 01:29:05,872
what?
1642
01:29:05,874 --> 01:29:08,608
are you scared to
fight me man to man?
1643
01:29:08,610 --> 01:29:10,944
if you win by casting
some fruity spell,
1644
01:29:10,946 --> 01:29:14,815
it will be a hallow victory
because everybody here knows
1645
01:29:14,817 --> 01:29:17,017
it's because
you were scared.
1646
01:29:17,019 --> 01:29:21,621
your attempt to bait me
into some type of needless
1647
01:29:21,623 --> 01:29:26,460
physical prowess
combat test, it's futile.
1648
01:29:26,462 --> 01:29:29,796
it's good, i'm glad then,
because, well i had patrick
1649
01:29:29,798 --> 01:29:31,398
break into your
place last night,
1650
01:29:31,400 --> 01:29:36,670
and take a shit on your copy
of prince finntor, number one.
1651
01:29:36,672 --> 01:29:37,971
you liar.
1652
01:29:37,973 --> 01:29:39,339
you liar!
1653
01:29:49,051 --> 01:29:51,084
the student has
become the master.
1654
01:29:53,422 --> 01:29:57,057
blood gods,
why have you forsaken me?!
1655
01:29:57,059 --> 01:30:01,928
well, i guess
the good guys win.
1656
01:30:01,930 --> 01:30:04,464
i have never workedso hard to pass a class.
1657
01:30:04,466 --> 01:30:05,465
lloyd, watch out!
1658
01:30:05,467 --> 01:30:06,500
wha!
1659
01:30:06,502 --> 01:30:07,501
lightning bolt.
1660
01:30:07,503 --> 01:30:12,105
ah! ah, it burns.
1661
01:30:12,107 --> 01:30:14,875
it burns like, ah!
1662
01:30:14,877 --> 01:30:19,346
it burns my
eyes like- like piss!
1663
01:30:19,348 --> 01:30:22,716
AAah!
1664
01:30:27,756 --> 01:30:30,957
i swore i'd never use
my magic in anger again.
1665
01:30:30,959 --> 01:30:33,460
i don't think one
relapse is that bad.
1666
01:30:33,462 --> 01:30:35,829
patrick:
you guys should have seen what
those chicks did to leopold.
1667
01:30:35,831 --> 01:30:37,731
yeah, they kept calling him
a pervert as they beat him,
1668
01:30:37,733 --> 01:30:38,799
and i couldn't
take it anymore,
1669
01:30:38,801 --> 01:30:40,000
i had tostop watching.
1670
01:30:40,002 --> 01:30:41,301
you did it.
1671
01:30:41,303 --> 01:30:42,602
well, you helped
a little.
1672
01:30:42,604 --> 01:30:45,005
hey, where
did derek go?
1673
01:30:45,007 --> 01:30:49,709
oh, he ran off into the woods
after andy melted his face.
1674
01:30:49,711 --> 01:30:53,547
so those cool gnomes are talking
about getting some pizza.
1675
01:30:53,549 --> 01:30:58,151
i'm buying, but don't let that
unicorn shit in my sister's van.
1676
01:31:17,705 --> 01:31:19,873
patrick:
make sure to establishthat you're the one in charge.
1677
01:31:19,875 --> 01:31:21,675
if you let her take control,
it's gonna ruin your life.
1678
01:31:21,677 --> 01:31:23,210
i think they'll
be fine, patrick.
1679
01:31:23,212 --> 01:31:26,880
lloyd, the key to a good
relationship is compromise.
1680
01:31:26,882 --> 01:31:29,549
oh, and don't forget
to sign a sex contract.
1681
01:31:29,551 --> 01:31:30,884
i'll keep
that in mind.
1682
01:31:30,886 --> 01:31:32,853
what the hell's
a sex contract?
1683
01:31:32,855 --> 01:31:34,254
how do you think me and
my internet girlfriend
1684
01:31:34,256 --> 01:31:35,922
have been
together for so long?
1685
01:31:35,924 --> 01:31:38,792
i'm never using
your keyboard again.
1686
01:31:38,794 --> 01:31:39,960
ready to go?
1687
01:31:39,962 --> 01:31:41,127
- are you?
- mm-hmm.
1688
01:31:46,969 --> 01:31:48,101
alright oswald,
take care of this one for me.
1689
01:31:48,103 --> 01:31:49,669
- will do.
- peace out boys.
1690
01:31:49,671 --> 01:31:51,004
bye cassandra.
1691
01:31:51,006 --> 01:31:52,372
hey, make sure to
be back at 8:00,
1692
01:31:52,374 --> 01:31:55,809
we got that new agent danger
movie on pay per view.
1693
01:32:00,148 --> 01:32:04,251
and thus goes the taleof lloyd the conqueror.
1694
01:32:04,253 --> 01:32:07,020
everything in ourworld was set back
1695
01:32:07,022 --> 01:32:09,356
the way it wassupposed to be.
1696
01:32:09,358 --> 01:32:12,792
through hard fought battles,and the bravery of the people,
1697
01:32:12,794 --> 01:32:16,329
our larping league hadfound its balance again.
1698
01:32:18,400 --> 01:32:23,003
fun replaced fear,teamwork replaced treachery.
1699
01:32:23,005 --> 01:32:27,374
the forests and playgroundsreverberated with the whispers
1700
01:32:27,376 --> 01:32:31,878
and wonder of magicand overall good times.
1701
01:32:31,880 --> 01:32:34,714
it was like allthe secrets of the larp
1702
01:32:34,716 --> 01:32:36,983
had somehowremained pure,
1703
01:32:36,985 --> 01:32:40,687
and were able to show themselves
through us, once again.
1704
01:32:40,689 --> 01:32:43,924
that is, until theshadows grow strong,
1705
01:32:43,926 --> 01:32:48,962
and rise to challenge theforces of light, once again.
1706
01:32:48,964 --> 01:32:50,997
to do so, onewould need an object
1707
01:32:50,999 --> 01:32:52,832
of great andterrible magic,
1708
01:32:52,834 --> 01:32:57,103
whose price would beone's soul and sanity.
1709
01:32:57,105 --> 01:32:59,806
no one would dare.
1710
01:32:59,808 --> 01:33:03,944
and so it
is written, by me.
1711
01:33:03,946 --> 01:33:07,047
anyway, i'm old,
and i ramble.
1712
01:33:07,049 --> 01:33:08,848
so do you want to buy
a copy of my new book?
1713
01:33:08,850 --> 01:33:12,385
i don't know, you just
told me the whole thing.
1714
01:33:12,387 --> 01:33:15,388
what if
i signed it?
1715
01:33:15,390 --> 01:33:17,424
look, i'd really just like to
sign up for demons and dwarves,
1716
01:33:17,426 --> 01:33:19,726
and get out of here.
1717
01:33:19,728 --> 01:33:24,264
ok, the registration
fee is $50,
1718
01:33:24,266 --> 01:33:25,732
but i must
warn you,
1719
01:33:27,569 --> 01:33:30,337
it's uh,
non-refundable.
1720
01:34:59,861 --> 01:35:01,995
i must
also warn you,
1721
01:35:01,997 --> 01:35:04,798
don't feed the
unicorn tacos.
1722
01:35:06,835 --> 01:35:07,834
for glory.
1723
01:35:07,836 --> 01:35:10,370
oh yes,
yes, good
1724
01:35:10,372 --> 01:35:11,371
jorgen.
1725
01:35:11,373 --> 01:35:12,872
ooohh ha ha.
1726
01:35:15,877 --> 01:35:17,610
oh, you can do
more than that.
1727
01:35:17,612 --> 01:35:19,145
come on, let's
see what you got.
1728
01:35:19,147 --> 01:35:21,247
oh!
1729
01:35:21,249 --> 01:35:23,183
oh, that was good,
actually.
1730
01:35:23,185 --> 01:35:24,250
hiya!
1731
01:35:24,252 --> 01:35:26,186
oh, you got
me unaware.
1732
01:35:24,252 --> 01:35:26,186
Subs. partly corrected by Lafemme.
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