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1
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:43,745
Look at me, mommy.
2
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:45,245
I'm running, yeah!
3
00:00:49,116 --> 00:00:50,618
Woooo, yeah!
4
00:00:50,652 --> 00:00:53,086
I found my ball, mommy, yeah!
5
00:00:55,690 --> 00:00:56,490
Fuck this!
6
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,760
Mommy, get over here, yeah!
7
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,462
Oh, my goodness!
8
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,330
Good job!
9
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,368
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
10
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,905
Throw it super far this time,
mommy.
11
00:01:10,939 --> 00:01:11,839
Okay.
12
00:01:11,873 --> 00:01:14,308
I'm gonna lose this darn
weight, yeah.
13
00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,342
I know you are, honey.
14
00:01:15,375 --> 00:01:16,443
Okay, last one.
15
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,012
It might rain, okay.
16
00:01:18,046 --> 00:01:19,547
Okay, ready?
17
00:01:19,581 --> 00:01:21,649
Wait, it went that way.
18
00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:47,508
Hi, mister.
19
00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:49,777
What's your name?
20
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:54,348
Hey, why is your mouth so wet?
21
00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:56,784
Oh, god!
22
00:01:56,818 --> 00:01:57,819
No!
23
00:01:57,852 --> 00:01:58,820
Oh, my god!
24
00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:00,722
He just ate my fucking leg!
25
00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:02,657
Oh, Honey Bear!
26
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,560
Why is it taking too
long to die?
27
00:02:05,593 --> 00:02:06,894
Honey Bear!
28
00:02:06,928 --> 00:02:07,795
Honey Bear!
29
00:02:07,829 --> 00:02:10,098
Oh, my Honey Bear!
30
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,065
Oh, my god!
31
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:12,967
Oh, no!
32
00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:17,270
Oh, god!
33
00:02:49,971 --> 00:02:53,273
With us now is our
Doggone News correspondent,
34
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:54,374
Zoey Spencer.
35
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,443
Zoey, what do you know?
36
00:02:56,476 --> 00:03:00,081
Well, the competition is
refusing to roll over, Brett,
37
00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,116
and it's been a rough start
38
00:03:02,150 --> 00:03:04,052
for the highly favored Chester
Pinscher.
39
00:03:04,085 --> 00:03:06,486
He's not keeping his knees up,
Zoey.
40
00:03:06,521 --> 00:03:07,889
IF Chester keeps those knees up,
41
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:09,389
he's best in show this year.
42
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,125
We'll be right back
after this.
43
00:03:11,159 --> 00:03:12,627
Calloway dog treats.
44
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,227
Is this heaven?
45
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:15,797
Oh, man.
46
00:03:15,830 --> 00:03:18,432
I would wreck that face.
47
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,732
Well, you're all set Mrs. H.
48
00:03:50,765 --> 00:03:52,365
Oh, thanks,
Matt.
49
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,434
I wish I can afford new shocks.
50
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,803
Ah, don't sweat.
51
00:03:55,837 --> 00:03:57,171
I patched him up like new.
52
00:03:57,205 --> 00:04:01,274
Oh, you are such a lifesaver,
as always.
53
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:04,545
And to thank you, I wish I
could,
54
00:04:04,579 --> 00:04:08,516
I wish I could patch you
up like new.
55
00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:09,517
Oh, wow.
56
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,986
That's, that's, that's
all right, Mrs. Higgins.
57
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:15,089
No, it was, it was, it was my
pleasure.
58
00:04:15,123 --> 00:04:17,859
It sure could be your
pleasure.
59
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:20,128
Boom.
60
00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,364
Just saying...
61
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:30,403
Full disclosure, I like to hit.
62
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:38,880
What?
63
00:04:40,515 --> 00:04:41,783
Well, the course trot
64
00:04:41,816 --> 00:04:44,085
is where our front runner is
struggling.
65
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:47,088
Chester needs to raise those
knees, Brett.
66
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,222
See?
67
00:04:48,256 --> 00:04:50,091
Knees up, ass out.
68
00:04:50,124 --> 00:04:52,392
How many times did I
tell you that growing up?
69
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:53,761
Goddammit, dude.
70
00:04:55,196 --> 00:04:55,997
Hey, Matt.
71
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:56,831
Check out my new baby.
72
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:57,999
Whoa, is this it?
73
00:04:58,032 --> 00:04:58,833
Yeah.
74
00:04:58,866 --> 00:04:59,967
She's beautiful, man.
75
00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:01,068
Oh, thanks.
76
00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:04,806
6.4-liter engine,
eight-speed transmission.
77
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,439
She'll bring in more
than the '88 Corvette.
78
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:07,975
Oh, she better.
79
00:05:08,009 --> 00:05:11,045
I love the garage, man,
but business is so slow.
80
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,048
It doesn't help that you
give away free shocks, Matt.
81
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,382
I'm sorry, man.
82
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:16,217
She's an old lady.
83
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,450
I'll make it up to you.
84
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,221
You're a terrible businessman,
but a promising mechanic.
85
00:05:20,254 --> 00:05:22,355
Hell, the best gear-head I've
seen
86
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:25,259
in over 10 years in the yard.
87
00:05:25,293 --> 00:05:26,093
Thanks, man.
88
00:05:26,127 --> 00:05:27,195
That means a lot.
89
00:05:27,228 --> 00:05:29,030
That's the kind of talent
you don't throw away.
90
00:05:29,063 --> 00:05:32,033
It's the kind you partner up
with.
91
00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:33,768
Wait, are you saying
what I think you're saying?
92
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:37,738
Yeah, running the garage,
you and me as co-owners,
93
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:38,873
turning this place around.
94
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:40,908
What do you think, Matt?
95
00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:43,476
Let me think on it.
96
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,312
Okay.
97
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,681
Don't make me wait too long.
98
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:08,970
What's up, Brenda?
99
00:06:09,003 --> 00:06:09,804
Mike?
100
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,371
Yeah, no, no, this is Matt.
101
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:12,405
The mechanic?
102
00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:14,008
Yes, yes the mechanic.
103
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,877
No, I was just calling to say
how much,
104
00:06:15,910 --> 00:06:17,410
I had so much fun.
105
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,548
It was fun the other night,
right?
106
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,583
Uh-huh.
107
00:06:22,617 --> 00:06:24,218
Sorry, I heard you say uh-huh
108
00:06:24,252 --> 00:06:26,120
but then I didn't hear
you say anything else.
109
00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,289
That's all I said.
110
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:29,290
No, I got it.
111
00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:30,390
That's all you said.
112
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,458
Okay, that's great.
113
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:32,560
That's great.
114
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:38,299
Well, anyways, do you wanna
go for like a hike sometime?
115
00:06:38,332 --> 00:06:40,301
I know you mentioned your
weight.
116
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:43,004
You were trying to lose some.
117
00:06:43,037 --> 00:06:44,205
Are you calling me
fat?
118
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:45,940
No, I'm not saying
you need to lose weight.
119
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:48,309
I just, you said you
wanted to go on a diet.
120
00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:51,012
And anyways, no, hike's a bad
idea.
121
00:06:51,045 --> 00:06:52,713
So, well, listen.
122
00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:55,249
You have a have a blessed day.
123
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:57,919
Okay.
124
00:06:57,952 --> 00:06:58,786
Bye, Mark.
125
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,221
All right, bye.
126
00:07:01,222 --> 00:07:03,024
God, I'm off my game.
127
00:07:03,057 --> 00:07:03,925
Your game?
128
00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:04,759
Brenda?
129
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,627
Oh, yeah, no, you're still
there.
130
00:07:06,661 --> 00:07:07,929
That's, that's great.
131
00:07:07,962 --> 00:07:09,931
We should totally hang.
132
00:07:09,964 --> 00:07:11,732
Oh, Jesus Christ!
133
00:07:11,766 --> 00:07:13,935
Although Chester has yet to
win
134
00:07:13,968 --> 00:07:17,138
his first blue ribbon,
the Pinscher brothers
135
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:20,808
have dominated dog show
competitions for years.
136
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:21,809
That's right, Brett.
137
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,978
And as you know, Chester
is following the path
138
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:26,514
of older brothers Brutus and
Aurelius,
139
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:28,382
all blue ribbon champions.
140
00:07:28,416 --> 00:07:31,018
A remarkable family.
141
00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:32,520
Well, and Brett,
here is some trivia for you.
142
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,989
There's actually a
fourth Pinscher brother,
143
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,625
but he was the runt of the
litter
144
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,794
and he ran away at a young age.
145
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:41,494
Very fascinating,
Zoey.
146
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,999
Well, I guess we can't
all be superstars, can we?
147
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,000
Hmm.
148
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:48,402
In other news, another
vicious coyote attack
149
00:07:48,436 --> 00:07:50,504
has shaken Los Angeles.
150
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:54,709
Incredibly, somehow, the
latest victim survived.
151
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:57,645
I may have had my legs taken
from me.
152
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:58,478
But guess what.
153
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,348
You don't love with your legs.
154
00:08:00,381 --> 00:08:02,183
You love with your heart.
155
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:05,886
And I still have that, so
I'm gonna be just fine.
156
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:07,722
Allan, let's do this,
buddy!
157
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,523
Yes!
158
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,225
It's showtime, baby!
159
00:08:13,194 --> 00:08:14,261
I missed you, buddy.
160
00:08:14,295 --> 00:08:17,164
I missed you, dude.
161
00:08:17,198 --> 00:08:18,933
So how was your date last
night, amigo?
162
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,234
I didn't hear you come in.
163
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:22,803
Well, I guess it wasn't a
date.
164
00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:23,637
When I dropped her off,
165
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:25,639
Brenda thanked me for the friend
day.
166
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:26,874
What the hell is a friend day?
167
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:27,908
Apparently, it's the
combination
168
00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:30,177
of the words friend and day.
169
00:08:30,211 --> 00:08:31,012
Goddammit.
170
00:08:31,045 --> 00:08:32,179
She actually said that?
171
00:08:32,213 --> 00:08:33,247
Yeah.
172
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,716
It didn't exactly set the
mood for our first kiss,
173
00:08:35,750 --> 00:08:38,185
so I just proceeded to give
her the most awkward high five
174
00:08:38,219 --> 00:08:40,287
in the history of the world and
left.
175
00:08:40,321 --> 00:08:41,589
Forget her, man.
176
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,258
We're focusing on our
shit right now anyway.
177
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,893
You're not gonna be a
grease monkey forever, yo.
178
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:46,727
Come on, Allan.
179
00:08:46,761 --> 00:08:48,229
I like working on cars though.
180
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:51,365
Besides, we gotta eat, right?
181
00:08:51,399 --> 00:08:52,700
Wow.
182
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,736
Hey, Matt, what's the
first thing you're gonna do
183
00:08:55,770 --> 00:08:57,805
when we're rich and famous?
184
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,474
Well, life isn't all
about cash and fame.
185
00:09:00,509 --> 00:09:02,743
I mean, sure, those are
great things to think about.
186
00:09:02,777 --> 00:09:04,945
But being happy and having each
other
187
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:06,881
is more important than showbiz.
188
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,349
Exactly.
189
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,852
It's gonna be wall to wall sex
for me too.
190
00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:12,686
Pah, pah.
191
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:13,687
Yeah, work those Ps.
192
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:17,291
Peter Pan pumped it up
with the P. Diddy jams.
193
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,125
That's what he does.
194
00:09:18,159 --> 00:09:19,126
Yeah.
195
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,729
Peter Pan pumps it up
with the P, Diddy jams.
196
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:22,563
You know what else?
197
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,764
What's that?
198
00:09:23,798 --> 00:09:26,834
P. Diddy and Peter Pan are
doing pushups in Kazakhstan.
199
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:27,668
Ooh, I like that.
200
00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:29,538
Yeah, say it with me now.
201
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,439
P. Diddy and
Peter Pan
202
00:09:31,472 --> 00:09:34,041
are doing pushups in Kazakhstan.
203
00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:35,810
And we are ready.
204
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,645
That was good.
205
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:38,712
Yeah, yeah.
206
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:39,548
All right.
207
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:40,381
All right, come on.
208
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:41,215
All right.
209
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:42,049
Oh, wait, listen, Allan.
210
00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:42,983
Uh-huh.
211
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:45,520
Before we go in there,
212
00:09:45,554 --> 00:09:48,355
look, if things go south in
there,
213
00:09:48,389 --> 00:09:50,057
just take it easy, okay?
214
00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:51,225
We don't need another episode
215
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,393
- where you scream at the...
- Oh, dude.
216
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,228
Not a chance, buddy, for real.
217
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:58,399
Got my emotions under
control, like a eunuch.
218
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,947
What is this?
219
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,249
It's a river otter!
220
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,684
That sucks.
221
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,819
You're welcome!
222
00:10:18,853 --> 00:10:23,390
And so this big elephant
gets super pissed at the zebra
223
00:10:23,424 --> 00:10:26,927
and says, "That was a terrible
call, ref."
224
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,835
That was the punchline, kids.
225
00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:37,071
Don't lock the joy inside.
226
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,874
That was a terrible call, ref,
227
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:40,975
like referee,
228
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:46,347
because zebras and refs both
have white and black stripes.
229
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,149
You know, with like.
230
00:10:48,182 --> 00:10:51,185
You know, they kinda look
similar.
231
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,786
What the hell, parents!
232
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,022
They don't know their animals
yet?
233
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:57,158
Go home and get your piano,
Rowlf.
234
00:10:58,459 --> 00:10:59,528
Seriously?
235
00:10:59,561 --> 00:11:01,662
You think if I was a muppet,
I'd be doing this gig?
236
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:04,498
You're either Rowlf or a
bear took a shit on Snoopy.
237
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:06,901
Oh, laughter.
238
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:08,869
Maybe you and me should trade
places.
239
00:11:10,204 --> 00:11:11,438
Allan, calm down.
240
00:11:11,472 --> 00:11:12,273
Screw this.
241
00:11:12,306 --> 00:11:14,208
I wanna pet his anus with my
thumb.
242
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:17,178
What do his eyes feel
like?
243
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,146
No, no, no, no, not the
shakes.
244
00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:21,348
Allan, Allan, Allan.
245
00:11:21,382 --> 00:11:22,183
It's okay.
246
00:11:22,216 --> 00:11:23,585
It's okay, it's okay.
247
00:11:23,618 --> 00:11:25,352
Allan, it's okay.
248
00:11:25,386 --> 00:11:27,154
It's okay, it's okay.
249
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,128
So he was telling this joke,
250
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:35,930
but the kids, they
weren't really laughing.
251
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,064
And I think it just was really...
252
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,300
They weren't laughing.
253
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:40,701
They weren't laughing.
254
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,136
Hey, shh.
255
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,438
I'm writing a prescription
for Allan's anxiety.
256
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,006
But Allan is on the edge.
257
00:11:47,942 --> 00:11:50,444
Call me immediately if this
happens again.
258
00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,912
I will.
259
00:11:51,946 --> 00:11:53,682
Thank you, Dr. Williams.
260
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:54,516
Okay.
261
00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:57,751
And listen, I was thinking,
262
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,954
maybe we shouldn't perform
anymore.
263
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,956
Allan puts so much pressure on
himself.
264
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:02,923
It can't be healthy.
265
00:12:02,957 --> 00:12:04,391
This is my dream.
266
00:12:04,425 --> 00:12:06,360
Laugh, you little fuckers.
267
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,063
You know about his family
being famous show dogs
268
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,599
and him being the runt of the
litter.
269
00:12:10,632 --> 00:12:12,634
I just, I wanna be encouraging,
270
00:12:12,667 --> 00:12:14,603
but I'm worried about
his hopes being crushed.
271
00:12:14,636 --> 00:12:16,270
You can't pet my anus.
272
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:17,171
Hey.
273
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:17,972
Shh.
274
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:19,039
You're doing great, Matt.
275
00:12:19,073 --> 00:12:20,609
Don't beat yourself up over
this.
276
00:12:20,642 --> 00:12:23,578
You and Allan are fantastic
together.
277
00:12:23,612 --> 00:12:26,947
Look, Allan is gonna take
one pill twice a day.
278
00:12:26,981 --> 00:12:28,482
And he needs to exercise more.
279
00:12:28,516 --> 00:12:30,884
I just wanna be rich and
famous.
280
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,787
Ellie, she walks Mr. Wrinkles,
281
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,289
you know, my little Chinese
Shar-Pei.
282
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,591
You'll both love her.
283
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:37,424
Thank you.
284
00:12:37,458 --> 00:12:38,259
Where am I?
285
00:12:38,292 --> 00:12:39,326
Shh.
286
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,295
Allan, you are in my
office, and you are safe.
287
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:42,997
How are you feeling?
288
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,365
Okay, I guess.
289
00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,535
It happened again?
290
00:12:47,569 --> 00:12:49,270
Oh, it sure did, buddy.
291
00:12:49,303 --> 00:12:50,237
But don't you worry.
292
00:12:50,271 --> 00:12:52,540
We're gonna get you
fixed up like new, okay?
293
00:12:52,574 --> 00:12:54,208
I love you, Matt.
294
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:55,976
I love you, pal.
295
00:12:56,010 --> 00:12:57,411
And Dr. Williams,
296
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,514
one more question while
I have you real quick.
297
00:12:59,547 --> 00:13:00,481
Of course.
298
00:13:00,515 --> 00:13:01,949
Yeah.
299
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:05,419
Medically speaking, is
my dick still growing?
300
00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,920
Or is this pretty much
what I have to work with?
301
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:07,756
Allan!
302
00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:08,956
- I'm sorry.
- What?
303
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,625
I'm not a puppy anymore, you
know.
304
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:11,726
Hey, does that scale still work?
305
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,027
I'm getting little Allan
up there and just...
306
00:13:13,060 --> 00:13:13,994
Oh, that's enough, Allan.
307
00:13:14,028 --> 00:13:14,962
Take care of business.
308
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:15,796
Okay, sorry, Dr. Williams.
309
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:16,631
Allan.
310
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:19,166
There are streets out there.
311
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,403
So what gives, dude?
312
00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:24,773
I come in from the doghouse
last night to snuggle
313
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,675
and I get the cold shoulder?
314
00:13:26,708 --> 00:13:28,242
I didn't give you the
cold shoulder, Allan.
315
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:31,746
Hmm, interesting theory,
because it was your shoulder,
316
00:13:31,780 --> 00:13:34,348
it was cold, and it nudged me
away.
317
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,785
Allan, I nudge you because
you laid across my face
318
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,986
in the middle of the night
and I couldn't breathe.
319
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:41,355
Nudges are walls people build
around their hearts, Matt.
320
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,057
Allan, I couldn't breathe!
321
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,158
I thought I might die.
322
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,393
That's a perfectly good
reason for a nudge.
323
00:13:46,427 --> 00:13:47,261
Well, I need,
324
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:48,228
thank you, sir.
325
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:50,699
I need a human companion
who would rather die
326
00:13:50,732 --> 00:13:53,200
than interrupt even a moment
of my innocent slumber.
327
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,935
That's ridiculous.
328
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:55,969
Wait.
329
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:57,639
Are you still annoyed I asked
Dr. Williams
330
00:13:57,672 --> 00:13:59,507
to use her scale to weigh my
dog-hood?
331
00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:02,309
Well, now that you mention it,
332
00:14:02,343 --> 00:14:03,578
in what world do you think it's
okay
333
00:14:03,611 --> 00:14:05,747
to ask another person to weigh
your junk?
334
00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:07,981
She's a doctor, god.
335
00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,651
Just tracking my progress, dude.
336
00:14:09,684 --> 00:14:10,585
Excuse me?
337
00:14:10,618 --> 00:14:12,486
I said I'm just tracking my
progress.
338
00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,888
Why don't you just use a
ruler like everyone else does?
339
00:14:14,922 --> 00:14:16,890
The ruler method is flawed,
dude.
340
00:14:16,924 --> 00:14:19,794
If I shove the end into my
groin, I can force an extra inch.
341
00:14:20,662 --> 00:14:21,995
Ooh, that must be Ellie.
342
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:22,831
Who?
343
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:24,131
Your new dog walker.
344
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,366
But why?
345
00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:26,467
Because you need someone
346
00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:27,868
to get you to take your anxiety
pill
347
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:28,837
in the middle of the day,
348
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,739
and an extra walk will do you
some good.
349
00:14:30,772 --> 00:14:31,840
I already hate her knock.
350
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:32,674
Allan.
351
00:14:32,707 --> 00:14:33,508
Oh, I'm great.
352
00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:34,341
I'm wearing my fox onesie.
353
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:35,844
Perf.
354
00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:36,711
Be nice.
355
00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:41,716
Hi, I'm Matt.
356
00:14:42,784 --> 00:14:43,984
Ellie.
357
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:44,853
Yeah.
358
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:50,457
Oh, you wanna come in?
359
00:14:50,491 --> 00:14:51,291
Yes.
360
00:14:51,325 --> 00:14:52,126
Yeah, come on in.
361
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:55,195
And you must be Allan.
362
00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:56,765
I'm full grown, you know.
363
00:14:56,798 --> 00:14:57,599
Oh.
364
00:14:57,632 --> 00:14:59,366
Yeah, you you look it.
365
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,635
Damn straight.
366
00:15:00,668 --> 00:15:01,636
I only mention it
367
00:15:01,669 --> 00:15:03,838
in case the pajamas gave
you the wrong impresh.
368
00:15:03,872 --> 00:15:06,974
I wear them for both
comfort and nerd hipness.
369
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,543
No, the onesie's clutch.
370
00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:10,779
It takes a confident
male to rock a onesie.
371
00:15:10,812 --> 00:15:11,613
Respect.
372
00:15:11,646 --> 00:15:12,814
Mm, yeah.
373
00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:14,816
Respect backsies to the maxies.
374
00:15:14,849 --> 00:15:16,885
Flattery will get you
everywhere, mah lady.
375
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:17,719
Oh.
376
00:15:17,752 --> 00:15:19,521
Anyway, Matt is running very
late
377
00:15:19,554 --> 00:15:20,954
and has to leave immediately.
378
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,825
So that'll give us a chance
to see if we're a good match.
379
00:15:23,858 --> 00:15:26,994
Hey, who's nudging who now,
huh, buddy?
380
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,831
It was great meeting
you, Ellie, really great.
381
00:15:29,864 --> 00:15:30,665
You too.
382
00:15:30,698 --> 00:15:31,733
I like your glasses, by the
way.
383
00:15:31,766 --> 00:15:32,567
- Yeah.
- Oh.
384
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:33,400
They're cool.
385
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:34,401
Do they
386
00:15:34,435 --> 00:15:35,469
help you see?
387
00:15:35,503 --> 00:15:36,671
Oh, yeah.
388
00:15:36,704 --> 00:15:39,440
They are not just worn
for style.
389
00:15:39,473 --> 00:15:40,441
Cool.
390
00:15:40,474 --> 00:15:41,543
I like your sideburns.
391
00:15:41,576 --> 00:15:42,911
Do they keep your face warm?
392
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,612
Thanks.
393
00:15:44,646 --> 00:15:46,113
Yeah, they do.
394
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,916
This one got burned off a
couple of years ago though.
395
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,818
Allan and I were camping,
got in a food fight,
396
00:15:49,851 --> 00:15:52,219
and I got hit by a
burning hot marshmallow.
397
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,053
Gah.
398
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,354
Not exactly a brush with death
399
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,056
but the story lives on somehow.
400
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,157
All right, my man, I know you
gotta run.
401
00:15:57,191 --> 00:15:57,991
I guess I gotta...
402
00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:58,793
Have a great day.
403
00:15:58,827 --> 00:15:59,627
Yeah, all right.
404
00:15:59,661 --> 00:16:00,461
Get outta here.
405
00:16:00,494 --> 00:16:01,295
- All right.
- Bye, Allan.
406
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:02,129
Hey, Ellie, it was really nice...
407
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,731
Yeah, you, oh.
408
00:16:03,765 --> 00:16:04,998
Okay.
409
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:08,402
Why don't you take off your
jacket and step into my lair?
410
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:11,739
All right, let the interrogaysh
commence.
411
00:16:11,773 --> 00:16:15,175
That's shortsies for
interrogation.
412
00:16:15,209 --> 00:16:17,077
So official.
413
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:17,912
Let's start.
414
00:16:17,946 --> 00:16:18,813
All right.
415
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:20,882
Let's get down to biz.
416
00:16:20,915 --> 00:16:23,317
That's short for biznasty.
417
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,854
But you're got a hip
Silverlakey kind of girl.
418
00:16:25,887 --> 00:16:27,889
I bet you're down with
the abbrevs, mah lady.
419
00:16:27,922 --> 00:16:29,891
Oh, I love the abbrevs.
420
00:16:29,924 --> 00:16:33,060
But you do seem to say mah lady
a lot.
421
00:16:34,696 --> 00:16:36,363
Do you not like it, mah lady?
422
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,833
Oh, no, it's fine.
423
00:16:38,867 --> 00:16:40,067
I mean, I could see it
424
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:43,638
getting a little annoying after
a while.
425
00:16:43,671 --> 00:16:46,306
Well, I don't wish to call you
mah lady
426
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,676
if mah lady does not like it.
427
00:16:48,710 --> 00:16:50,678
Every now and then is perf.
428
00:16:50,712 --> 00:16:51,546
Okay.
429
00:16:51,579 --> 00:16:52,847
First quesh.
430
00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:55,550
That's a question, and
it's a pretty big one.
431
00:16:55,583 --> 00:16:57,451
Are you a sociopath?
432
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,586
No.
433
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:01,923
Every time I murder somebody,
I feel terribly guilty.
434
00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:04,324
Witty banter, check.
435
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:05,459
Ha, that's great.
436
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:06,961
All right, second quesh.
437
00:17:06,995 --> 00:17:07,829
That's question.
438
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:08,730
Wait, real quicksies.
439
00:17:08,763 --> 00:17:09,731
Uh-huh.
440
00:17:09,764 --> 00:17:12,199
Do you always say the
abbrev version of a word
441
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:14,401
and then follow it up with the
full word?
442
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:18,006
Because that kinda defeats
the point of the abbrevs.
443
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:18,873
PTML.
444
00:17:20,608 --> 00:17:22,510
Point taken, mah lady.
445
00:17:23,511 --> 00:17:24,311
- Okay.
- Okay,
446
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,412
question number two.
447
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,446
Oh, yeah.
448
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,815
So we're on a walk.
449
00:17:27,849 --> 00:17:28,950
It's a hypothetical.
450
00:17:28,983 --> 00:17:31,351
We're on a walk and, you
know, I see a burden in a bush
451
00:17:31,385 --> 00:17:34,722
or something like that,
and I just go nuts.
452
00:17:34,756 --> 00:17:37,992
Now, do you panic and drop the
leash?
453
00:17:38,026 --> 00:17:41,763
Or do you kinda take control a
little bit?
454
00:17:41,796 --> 00:17:43,430
Oh.
455
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:47,367
Well, I guess I would
take control, rein it in.
456
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:50,370
Ooh.
457
00:17:50,404 --> 00:17:53,206
Yeah, just, you know,
a gentle tug on the leash
458
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,043
to remind you who's in control.
459
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,811
Ooh, message received!
460
00:17:56,844 --> 00:17:59,581
Yeah, and if things
got really out of hand,
461
00:17:59,614 --> 00:18:01,649
maybe a firm pat on the butt
462
00:18:01,683 --> 00:18:04,786
with an, "Allan, no," thrown in.
463
00:18:04,819 --> 00:18:05,620
O,
464
00:18:05,653 --> 00:18:06,821
M,
465
00:18:06,854 --> 00:18:08,355
G.
466
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:11,059
I could hug your face forever.
467
00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,326
Oh.
468
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,029
Well, you know, I think we're
done here.
469
00:18:15,063 --> 00:18:17,532
Anything you wanna tell
me before a trial rub?
470
00:18:17,565 --> 00:18:19,099
Run, trial run.
471
00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:19,934
Sorry.
472
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:21,168
Trial run?
473
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:24,939
Actually, there is something
I like to be upfront about.
474
00:18:24,973 --> 00:18:26,040
Oh, please.
475
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,644
This is an indica vape pen.
476
00:18:29,677 --> 00:18:30,511
Mm-hmm.
477
00:18:30,545 --> 00:18:32,446
This strain is called Death
Star.
478
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,282
And while I am totally anti dark
side,
479
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:39,053
if I smoke this all day, I
sleep like a baby all night.
480
00:18:39,087 --> 00:18:40,088
Oh.
481
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,823
You know, I'm all for
national legalizache,
482
00:18:41,856 --> 00:18:43,825
but Matt and I, honestly, you
know,
483
00:18:43,858 --> 00:18:46,961
we've barely dabbled with
the Mary Jane ourselves.
484
00:18:50,197 --> 00:18:52,100
Blow that fucker in my eye!
485
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:52,967
Oh, shit!
486
00:18:55,703 --> 00:18:56,537
Oh, yeah!
487
00:18:57,471 --> 00:18:58,305
I love you, man!
488
00:18:58,338 --> 00:18:59,107
I love you,
my man!
489
00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:01,042
I love you!
490
00:19:08,716 --> 00:19:10,350
All finished?
491
00:19:10,384 --> 00:19:11,218
No.
492
00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:18,893
Well, you're obviously hired.
493
00:19:18,926 --> 00:19:19,894
Oh.
494
00:19:19,927 --> 00:19:22,130
You give me a sense of
control,
495
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,632
and yet, I never forget who's
boss.
496
00:19:24,666 --> 00:19:27,702
Yeah, yeah, it felt natural.
497
00:19:27,735 --> 00:19:29,504
You're very pretty, you know.
498
00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:30,638
Oh.
499
00:19:30,672 --> 00:19:32,573
Well, thank you, Allan.
500
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:36,878
Oh, is that you and Matt there?
501
00:19:36,911 --> 00:19:38,513
Yep, that's him.
502
00:19:38,546 --> 00:19:39,547
Hmm, cute.
503
00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:42,382
Oh.
504
00:19:42,416 --> 00:19:46,754
Well, hey, you know, Matt's
great, but spoiler alert,
505
00:19:46,788 --> 00:19:49,489
he's a bit of a boozer and
a registered sex offender.
506
00:19:49,524 --> 00:19:50,825
Oh.
507
00:19:50,858 --> 00:19:54,162
Well, that's only two strikes, I
guess.
508
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:55,262
Could be worse.
509
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,131
Oh, yeah, it's not a big deal.
510
00:19:57,165 --> 00:19:59,567
I mean, you know, he was
caught masturbating in a,
511
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,201
you know, a movie theater or an
airplane.
512
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:04,138
I can't remember, but
water under the bridge.
513
00:20:04,172 --> 00:20:04,972
Right.
514
00:20:05,006 --> 00:20:06,140
Oh, you know what?
515
00:20:06,174 --> 00:20:08,643
After a successful walk, I
usually like to take a nap,
516
00:20:08,676 --> 00:20:12,212
but I would love to watch the
movie Rocky for the 65th time.
517
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,582
Oh, big fan, huh?
518
00:20:14,615 --> 00:20:15,750
Are you kidding me?
519
00:20:15,783 --> 00:20:17,384
Sly wrote the script in two
weeks.
520
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,218
That's redonk!
521
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,088
That is redonkulous.
522
00:20:20,121 --> 00:20:20,922
And you know what?
523
00:20:20,955 --> 00:20:21,889
I would love to join you,
524
00:20:21,923 --> 00:20:23,858
but my boyfriend's about to pick
me up.
525
00:20:25,827 --> 00:20:28,730
Oh, but you would love him,
mm-hmm.
526
00:20:29,564 --> 00:20:31,065
And you know what?
527
00:20:31,099 --> 00:20:32,365
You should meet my dog.
528
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,669
She's a big fan of Rocky too.
529
00:20:34,702 --> 00:20:39,006
I mean, Rocky as well,
not Rocky 2, the sequel.
530
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,307
Solid film, sure,
531
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:43,878
but it doesn't hold a
candle to the orig feech,
532
00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:46,881
which is short for original
feature.
533
00:20:51,986 --> 00:20:53,286
We have more candidates to
interview,
534
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,123
but thank you so much.
535
00:20:56,090 --> 00:20:58,693
Allan.
536
00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:08,102
Ellie!
537
00:21:09,070 --> 00:21:11,338
Do you really like the movie
Rocky?
538
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,608
People forget how gritty and
real it is.
539
00:21:13,641 --> 00:21:15,042
And it has turtles.
540
00:21:15,076 --> 00:21:16,343
Cuff and Link.
541
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:18,613
And I bet your boyfriend's
super cool, huh?
542
00:21:18,646 --> 00:21:20,915
Like a total alpha male badass?
543
00:21:20,948 --> 00:21:23,483
Hmm, somewhere in that
ballpark.
544
00:21:23,518 --> 00:21:25,418
His name is Steve.
545
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:27,155
Sounds like a dick.
546
00:21:27,188 --> 00:21:28,421
Well, that's okay.
547
00:21:28,455 --> 00:21:29,791
You're hired if you still want
the job.
548
00:21:29,824 --> 00:21:30,658
Oh.
549
00:21:31,759 --> 00:21:33,493
Yeah, I'll take it.
550
00:21:33,528 --> 00:21:34,629
Fantastic!
551
00:21:34,662 --> 00:21:35,863
Friendsies?
552
00:21:35,897 --> 00:21:37,265
Friendsies.
553
00:21:41,836 --> 00:21:42,670
Ooh.
554
00:21:43,771 --> 00:21:45,106
Fuck you, Steve.
555
00:21:55,516 --> 00:21:57,384
Mail man.
556
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,352
Neither rain nor snow?
557
00:21:59,386 --> 00:22:01,956
Fuck you, man!
558
00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:02,990
Allan, no!
559
00:22:04,091 --> 00:22:05,893
Yeah, set me straight, baby
girl.
560
00:22:05,927 --> 00:22:07,394
I'm so naughty.
561
00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:09,630
I'm so sorry.
562
00:22:09,664 --> 00:22:11,866
Allan, drink your milkshake.
563
00:22:11,899 --> 00:22:14,168
All right, I'm chilling out.
564
00:22:23,443 --> 00:22:24,344
Oh, shit.
565
00:22:44,198 --> 00:22:45,032
Dude.
566
00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:48,603
Where do you think you're
going?
567
00:22:52,139 --> 00:22:54,609
Oh, little dude, you touch that
ball,
568
00:22:54,642 --> 00:22:58,411
I will eat you whole, poop
you out and eat you again.
569
00:22:58,445 --> 00:22:59,680
Yeah, beat it!
570
00:22:59,714 --> 00:23:01,215
There you go.
571
00:23:01,249 --> 00:23:02,316
That's right.
572
00:23:03,718 --> 00:23:05,019
Tough guy, huh?
573
00:23:05,052 --> 00:23:07,420
Let's see how tough you
are when your number's up.
574
00:23:07,454 --> 00:23:09,090
Right, Kev?
575
00:23:09,123 --> 00:23:10,558
Food goes in here.
576
00:23:10,591 --> 00:23:12,026
Oh, geez, Kevin.
577
00:23:12,059 --> 00:23:12,860
What?
578
00:23:12,894 --> 00:23:13,694
That's where it goes.
579
00:23:13,728 --> 00:23:14,662
Shut up, Kevin!
580
00:23:14,695 --> 00:23:15,830
We need to move!
581
00:23:15,863 --> 00:23:16,998
Now!
582
00:23:17,031 --> 00:23:18,799
I swear, if you're
weren't my sister's kid,
583
00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:20,701
I'd have you for breakfast.
584
00:23:20,735 --> 00:23:22,469
I can play ball if I wanna.
585
00:23:22,503 --> 00:23:23,838
Big dogs are just jelly.
586
00:23:28,843 --> 00:23:29,777
You got this, Matt.
587
00:23:29,810 --> 00:23:31,545
Come on, you got this.
588
00:23:31,579 --> 00:23:32,580
Fuck, here they come.
589
00:23:32,613 --> 00:23:34,481
I don't act on those impulses.
590
00:23:34,515 --> 00:23:36,416
Sure, you know, I'd love to
kill a squirrel, you know,
591
00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:39,253
but that's somebody's
mother or brother or sister.
592
00:23:39,287 --> 00:23:40,087
And I'm not a dick.
593
00:23:40,121 --> 00:23:40,922
You know what I'm saying?
594
00:23:40,955 --> 00:23:42,156
Oh, hey, guys.
595
00:23:42,189 --> 00:23:43,257
What are you doing
here, man?
596
00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:46,294
Oh, work was slow, so Stan cut
me loose.
597
00:23:46,327 --> 00:23:48,095
I was thinking maybe
we'd go by the lagoon,
598
00:23:48,129 --> 00:23:49,931
check out some ducks.
599
00:23:51,032 --> 00:23:53,301
Do you wanna come, Ellie?
600
00:23:53,334 --> 00:23:55,403
That sounds great
601
00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:56,837
This day sucks.
602
00:24:01,175 --> 00:24:03,744
The sun's reflection
in the water is really pretty.
603
00:24:03,778 --> 00:24:04,679
Totes.
604
00:24:06,881 --> 00:24:08,182
The inherent beauty all around
us
605
00:24:08,215 --> 00:24:09,850
implies an underlying conscience
606
00:24:09,884 --> 00:24:14,355
or even creator who loves
us and wants us to be happy.
607
00:24:14,388 --> 00:24:15,957
Or you're a nerd.
608
00:24:15,990 --> 00:24:17,490
One or the other, I guess.
609
00:24:17,525 --> 00:24:18,726
Hey, non-sequitur,
610
00:24:18,759 --> 00:24:21,494
but Matt and I have a comedy
show tonight,
611
00:24:21,529 --> 00:24:23,898
if you're not hanging
out with your boyfriend.
612
00:24:23,931 --> 00:24:25,333
What, you have a boyfriend?
613
00:24:25,366 --> 00:24:28,703
I, I mean, of course you have a
boyfriend.
614
00:24:28,736 --> 00:24:29,971
You're amazing.
615
00:24:32,006 --> 00:24:32,807
What does he do?
616
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,241
Is he in a dangerous line of
work?
617
00:24:34,275 --> 00:24:35,576
Good thinking, dude.
618
00:24:35,609 --> 00:24:37,778
He does drive a motorcycle.
619
00:24:37,812 --> 00:24:39,981
Well, I don't know how
dangerous it is
620
00:24:40,014 --> 00:24:42,683
being a green juice barista but,
621
00:24:43,818 --> 00:24:45,720
it doesn't matter, guys.
622
00:24:45,753 --> 00:24:46,754
We broke up.
623
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:49,991
I'm so sorry, Ellie.
624
00:24:50,024 --> 00:24:51,192
Oh, it's okay.
625
00:24:51,225 --> 00:24:53,027
We were struggling for a while.
626
00:24:53,060 --> 00:24:54,762
Nobody's to blame.
627
00:24:54,795 --> 00:24:59,499
Well, Steve's lack of
communication is to blame.
628
00:24:59,533 --> 00:25:00,501
That and the fact that he sent
629
00:25:00,534 --> 00:25:03,871
a dick pic collage to his
neighbor.
630
00:25:03,904 --> 00:25:05,072
A collage?
631
00:25:05,106 --> 00:25:06,307
Yeah.
632
00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:09,043
A lot of time and effort went
into this.
633
00:25:09,076 --> 00:25:12,313
It was a bunch of pics of
his dick wearing tiny hats,
634
00:25:12,346 --> 00:25:14,448
Indiana Jones's fedora,
635
00:25:14,482 --> 00:25:17,718
one of those jester hats with
the little bells on the end,
636
00:25:17,752 --> 00:25:18,753
Santa's hat.
637
00:25:18,786 --> 00:25:19,587
No!
638
00:25:19,620 --> 00:25:20,421
I'm getting off track.
639
00:25:20,454 --> 00:25:22,957
The point is I'm totally fine.
640
00:25:27,628 --> 00:25:29,296
Oh, why am I crying?
641
00:25:30,264 --> 00:25:32,400
Oh, it was the sorting
hat from the Harry Potter
642
00:25:32,433 --> 00:25:34,101
that really put me over the
edge.
643
00:25:34,135 --> 00:25:34,935
Oh, no.
644
00:25:34,969 --> 00:25:35,936
No, no, no, no.
645
00:25:35,970 --> 00:25:36,771
It's okay, Ellie.
646
00:25:36,804 --> 00:25:38,739
Everybody has a tipping point.
647
00:25:38,773 --> 00:25:41,375
Terrible choice of words, my
man.
648
00:25:41,409 --> 00:25:44,311
But I know something that might
help.
649
00:25:44,345 --> 00:25:46,480
A hug from a super cute dog.
650
00:25:46,515 --> 00:25:49,216
- Oh.
- If only we had one handy.
651
00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:50,918
Oh, thanks, Allan.
652
00:25:52,086 --> 00:25:54,722
Yeah.
653
00:25:54,755 --> 00:25:57,725
And Ellie, if you don't
wanna be alone tonight,
654
00:25:57,758 --> 00:25:59,727
you should come to our show.
655
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:01,195
Yeah.
656
00:26:01,228 --> 00:26:05,933
I'd love to, guys, but I
have my OPKC meeting tonight.
657
00:26:05,966 --> 00:26:06,801
Oh.
658
00:26:09,003 --> 00:26:10,471
OPKC?
659
00:26:10,505 --> 00:26:12,940
Owl pillow knitting club.
660
00:26:12,973 --> 00:26:14,041
My therapist said I should focus
661
00:26:14,075 --> 00:26:15,510
on what makes me happy right
now.
662
00:26:15,544 --> 00:26:20,549
And frankly, I love getting
high and knitting owls on shit.
663
00:26:20,748 --> 00:26:21,550
I got nothing.
664
00:26:21,582 --> 00:26:22,383
You?
665
00:26:22,416 --> 00:26:23,684
No, I'm good.
666
00:26:27,154 --> 00:26:29,690
Oh!
667
00:26:29,723 --> 00:26:32,059
Vanilla Ice likes spicy rice!
668
00:26:32,093 --> 00:26:34,462
Vanilla Ice likes spicy fucking
rice!
669
00:26:34,495 --> 00:26:35,296
Boom!
670
00:26:35,329 --> 00:26:36,130
Yeah!
671
00:26:36,163 --> 00:26:37,064
We are ready!
672
00:26:37,098 --> 00:26:38,265
Yes, we are!
673
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,970
By the way, dude, owl
pillow knitting club?
674
00:26:43,003 --> 00:26:44,105
Oh, god, what was that?
675
00:26:44,138 --> 00:26:46,107
I mean, at least you
know the excuse is real.
676
00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:47,408
Who would make something like
that up?
677
00:26:47,441 --> 00:26:48,876
I don't know.
678
00:26:48,909 --> 00:26:50,778
Speaking of making shit up,
679
00:26:50,811 --> 00:26:53,747
I told Ellie that you're
a registered sex offender.
680
00:26:53,781 --> 00:26:54,982
All right, let's have a great
show now.
681
00:26:55,015 --> 00:26:55,816
Wait, wait a minute.
682
00:26:55,850 --> 00:26:56,750
What?
683
00:26:56,784 --> 00:26:57,885
Why would you make up something
like that?
684
00:26:57,918 --> 00:27:00,221
So I look amazing by
comparison, dude.
685
00:27:00,254 --> 00:27:01,889
God, it's called being a good
wing man.
686
00:27:01,922 --> 00:27:04,391
God, that bums me out, Allan.
687
00:27:04,425 --> 00:27:05,826
I don't want Ellie thinking
that.
688
00:27:05,860 --> 00:27:06,660
Calm down.
689
00:27:06,694 --> 00:27:08,195
It's not a big deal.
690
00:27:08,229 --> 00:27:11,365
I said you were caught
masturbating on a plane one time.
691
00:27:11,398 --> 00:27:12,233
Geez.
692
00:27:13,267 --> 00:27:14,068
Dude!
693
00:27:14,101 --> 00:27:14,935
What?
694
00:27:15,870 --> 00:27:16,770
Hey, man.
695
00:27:18,372 --> 00:27:20,374
What's going on, Tommy?
696
00:27:20,407 --> 00:27:22,443
Henry's hanging it up.
697
00:27:22,476 --> 00:27:23,277
What?
698
00:27:23,310 --> 00:27:24,579
All right, all right, all
right.
699
00:27:24,613 --> 00:27:25,412
What's up?
700
00:27:25,446 --> 00:27:26,380
Listen up.
701
00:27:26,413 --> 00:27:28,482
After 30 years of running this
club,
702
00:27:28,517 --> 00:27:31,986
one of the things I
learned is to make sure
703
00:27:32,019 --> 00:27:34,556
that you love the journey,
704
00:27:34,589 --> 00:27:36,690
no matter what happens on stage
or off,
705
00:27:36,724 --> 00:27:39,793
because life is about the road,
guys,
706
00:27:42,163 --> 00:27:43,797
not the destination.
707
00:27:44,798 --> 00:27:45,799
I don't like change, Matt.
708
00:27:45,833 --> 00:27:46,834
- Shh.
- And while I still have
709
00:27:46,867 --> 00:27:51,872
a little bit of road left in me,
710
00:27:52,673 --> 00:27:57,478
I'm turning the reins over to
my brother-in-law, Barrick.
711
00:27:57,512 --> 00:27:59,413
And I'm hoping some fresh blood
712
00:27:59,446 --> 00:28:02,917
will breathe new life
into this whole place.
713
00:28:02,950 --> 00:28:04,952
Henry, this is crazy, man.
714
00:28:04,985 --> 00:28:05,953
You can't retire.
715
00:28:05,986 --> 00:28:09,290
You mean too much to us,
to the whole community.
716
00:28:09,323 --> 00:28:11,859
Ah, it's just it's gotten
so competitive, Matt.
717
00:28:11,892 --> 00:28:14,762
I mean, people can get
everything they want
718
00:28:14,795 --> 00:28:16,830
right on the internet.
719
00:28:16,864 --> 00:28:20,502
Why leave the house when you
can sit in your underwear
720
00:28:20,535 --> 00:28:23,103
and watch high definition porn?
721
00:28:25,540 --> 00:28:28,275
Yeah, but people still
need to socialize, man.
722
00:28:28,309 --> 00:28:32,479
You can only masturbate so
many times in a day, right?
723
00:28:32,514 --> 00:28:34,583
You haven't met my
brother-in-law, Barrick.
724
00:28:35,449 --> 00:28:37,051
Barrick.
725
00:28:37,084 --> 00:28:38,752
Take the floor.
726
00:28:46,193 --> 00:28:47,596
Now, listen up.
727
00:28:49,930 --> 00:28:52,099
As the new boss, obviously
728
00:28:52,132 --> 00:28:53,934
I'm gonna be changing shit up
everywhere.
729
00:28:53,968 --> 00:28:57,137
So if you don't like change, you
know,
730
00:28:58,372 --> 00:28:59,473
get the hell out now.
731
00:28:59,507 --> 00:29:00,341
Church!
732
00:29:00,374 --> 00:29:01,576
Change is the shit!
733
00:29:01,610 --> 00:29:02,776
Allan.
734
00:29:02,810 --> 00:29:07,414
And there's only one opinion
that matters from now on,
735
00:29:07,448 --> 00:29:09,551
and that's mine.
736
00:29:09,584 --> 00:29:11,720
FYI, this is me laughing.
737
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:13,722
Ha-hee!
738
00:29:17,391 --> 00:29:19,628
This isn't me not laughing.
739
00:29:22,530 --> 00:29:23,964
Okay?
740
00:29:23,998 --> 00:29:26,433
Are you grokking the difference?
741
00:29:26,467 --> 00:29:31,472
If you stop getting stage
time, there ain't no mystery.
742
00:29:31,839 --> 00:29:35,242
It's because you're not seeing
enough of.
743
00:29:36,143 --> 00:29:37,177
Huh?
744
00:29:37,211 --> 00:29:38,045
Comprende?
745
00:29:39,079 --> 00:29:42,416
All right, I got some
mind-blowing news.
746
00:29:43,551 --> 00:29:47,821
The Booker himself is gonna
be coming to this club,
747
00:29:49,724 --> 00:29:52,493
this very club next Friday
night.
748
00:29:54,795 --> 00:29:58,165
Judging by your impressed
murmuring,
749
00:29:58,198 --> 00:30:01,603
you all know how the Booker got
his name.
750
00:30:02,936 --> 00:30:06,006
You get managed by this guy,
751
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:09,043
hey, you're as good as booked.
752
00:30:09,076 --> 00:30:11,412
His clients appear on Live
Tonight with Kenny Baker
753
00:30:11,445 --> 00:30:13,748
all the fucking time,
754
00:30:13,782 --> 00:30:16,283
but you gots to make me first,
755
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:20,755
first.
756
00:30:22,590 --> 00:30:24,425
Break a leg, assholes.
757
00:30:31,865 --> 00:30:33,133
What a prick.
758
00:30:33,167 --> 00:30:34,168
Good pep talk.
759
00:30:37,772 --> 00:30:39,541
I know guys like this.
760
00:30:39,574 --> 00:30:42,209
Deep down, all they need is a
hug.
761
00:30:42,242 --> 00:30:43,377
Yeah, I don't know, Allan.
762
00:30:43,410 --> 00:30:45,179
This guy seems like a tough
cookie.
763
00:30:45,212 --> 00:30:49,183
My man, never underestimate
the cuteness of this face.
764
00:30:49,216 --> 00:30:50,150
What?
765
00:30:50,184 --> 00:30:52,152
I'm gonna go schmooze this
hurting soul.
766
00:30:52,186 --> 00:30:53,755
Now, Allan, wait!
767
00:30:56,558 --> 00:30:59,326
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa.
768
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,596
That is far enough, Garfield.
769
00:31:01,629 --> 00:31:02,731
Garfield?
770
00:31:02,764 --> 00:31:04,198
That's, that's not even a dog.
771
00:31:04,231 --> 00:31:07,000
Yeah, not another step.
772
00:31:07,034 --> 00:31:09,436
I got a serious medical condish
over here.
773
00:31:09,470 --> 00:31:10,839
You like abbrevs, dude?
774
00:31:10,871 --> 00:31:11,740
I like to abbrevs!
775
00:31:11,773 --> 00:31:13,907
And I don't give a shit.
776
00:31:13,941 --> 00:31:15,976
I'm allergic to flea-ridden
mutts.
777
00:31:16,009 --> 00:31:18,580
Your fur touches my skin,
778
00:31:18,613 --> 00:31:19,980
I could die.
779
00:31:20,013 --> 00:31:23,217
But you haven't lived until
a puppy's licked your face.
780
00:31:23,250 --> 00:31:24,318
Yeah, pass.
781
00:31:25,252 --> 00:31:28,489
Look at you, completely
disgusting.
782
00:31:28,523 --> 00:31:31,425
The fleas on you, fucking,
pooping.
783
00:31:33,127 --> 00:31:36,063
Picture that, fleas pooping and
fucking,
784
00:31:36,096 --> 00:31:38,132
rolling around in the poop.
785
00:31:38,165 --> 00:31:39,634
It makes me sick.
786
00:31:39,667 --> 00:31:42,336
Now, scram, Rick and Morty!
787
00:31:42,369 --> 00:31:43,170
The cartoon?
788
00:31:43,203 --> 00:31:44,004
I'm not sure...
789
00:31:44,037 --> 00:31:44,839
I said scram!
790
00:31:44,873 --> 00:31:45,807
All good.
791
00:31:50,712 --> 00:31:53,313
I know what you're thinking
right now.
792
00:31:53,347 --> 00:31:55,683
Is this a little dude neutered
or not?
793
00:31:55,717 --> 00:31:59,420
Well, I'm happy to report
that my sack is intact,
794
00:31:59,453 --> 00:32:00,722
all thanks to this guy.
795
00:32:00,755 --> 00:32:02,356
He let me keep my balls, people.
796
00:32:02,389 --> 00:32:03,558
I sure don't want him licking
mine.
797
00:32:04,425 --> 00:32:05,325
Good thing he's a heavy
sleeper.
798
00:32:05,359 --> 00:32:06,393
What?
799
00:32:06,427 --> 00:32:08,462
And now that you know
I still have my dog-hood,
800
00:32:08,495 --> 00:32:11,098
I feel obligated to warn
the ladies out there
801
00:32:11,131 --> 00:32:12,567
that once you to go furry,
802
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,035
oh, you'll never worry again.
803
00:32:17,539 --> 00:32:19,841
What's the next joke?
804
00:32:19,874 --> 00:32:21,175
Something about my dick.
805
00:32:21,208 --> 00:32:22,476
Oh, yes.
806
00:32:22,510 --> 00:32:24,178
So my dick walks into a bar.
807
00:32:32,219 --> 00:32:34,188
This is bullshit.
808
00:32:34,221 --> 00:32:36,356
We were funny tonight, Matt.
809
00:32:36,390 --> 00:32:39,393
Yeah, well, funny is in the
eye of the beholder, Allan.
810
00:32:39,426 --> 00:32:41,995
If Barrick doesn't think
we're funny, we're not funny.
811
00:32:42,029 --> 00:32:44,566
That's why the comedy
business is so risky.
812
00:32:44,599 --> 00:32:46,768
What's that got to do with
anything?
813
00:32:46,801 --> 00:32:47,936
I don't know.
814
00:32:47,968 --> 00:32:48,937
Sometimes I think
815
00:32:48,969 --> 00:32:51,305
it's better to think of
our thing as a hobby,
816
00:32:51,338 --> 00:32:53,541
take some of the pressure
out of the situation.
817
00:32:55,577 --> 00:32:56,878
What's wrong?
818
00:32:56,911 --> 00:32:57,946
Oh, nothing.
819
00:32:57,978 --> 00:32:59,980
You just said I give up
a million different ways.
820
00:33:00,013 --> 00:33:01,048
I'm not giving up.
821
00:33:01,081 --> 00:33:03,383
I'm just trying to be realistic.
822
00:33:03,417 --> 00:33:05,452
What's going on with you,
dude?
823
00:33:05,486 --> 00:33:07,522
That's crazy talk.
824
00:33:07,555 --> 00:33:09,389
Seriously, what is up?
825
00:33:11,391 --> 00:33:12,392
Okay.
826
00:33:12,426 --> 00:33:13,260
Look,
827
00:33:14,529 --> 00:33:17,799
Stan offered me co-ownership
of the junkyard.
828
00:33:17,832 --> 00:33:21,368
It'd mean more
responsibility, longer hours,
829
00:33:21,401 --> 00:33:23,203
maybe even some weekends.
830
00:33:23,237 --> 00:33:25,940
Oh, so kiss our hobby goodbye.
831
00:33:25,974 --> 00:33:28,075
No, no, I'm not saying that.
832
00:33:28,108 --> 00:33:29,544
We can still perform now and
then.
833
00:33:29,577 --> 00:33:33,815
It's just the junkyard
puts a roof over our heads.
834
00:33:33,848 --> 00:33:34,849
Fuck that!
835
00:33:34,883 --> 00:33:36,551
Dude, we'll live on the streets
836
00:33:36,584 --> 00:33:38,318
and drink our own urine if we
have to.
837
00:33:38,352 --> 00:33:41,255
Matt, I was born to make
people laugh.
838
00:33:41,288 --> 00:33:43,490
If that gets taken away, I'm
nothing.
839
00:33:43,525 --> 00:33:44,424
Hey, come on.
840
00:33:44,458 --> 00:33:45,627
No, not now.
841
00:33:47,529 --> 00:33:49,496
I haven't made any decisions
yet, Allan,
842
00:33:49,531 --> 00:33:52,901
because no matter what, we're a
team.
843
00:33:52,934 --> 00:33:53,835
It's you and me, pal.
844
00:33:53,868 --> 00:33:55,703
We're partners.
845
00:33:55,737 --> 00:34:00,542
You are such a pussy, it
blows my mind, dude.
846
00:34:00,575 --> 00:34:02,442
At least I have my date
with Ellie tomorrow.
847
00:34:02,476 --> 00:34:03,310
A date?
848
00:34:04,512 --> 00:34:05,680
Don't get carried away, Allan.
849
00:34:05,713 --> 00:34:08,048
She's your dog walker.
850
00:34:08,081 --> 00:34:09,483
No, buddy.
851
00:34:09,517 --> 00:34:11,351
She's more than that.
852
00:34:11,385 --> 00:34:13,186
Ellie is special.
853
00:34:13,220 --> 00:34:14,054
Yeah.
854
00:34:18,125 --> 00:34:20,360
You know, it's funny.
855
00:34:20,394 --> 00:34:22,162
I always get a little
pleasure out of my walkers
856
00:34:22,195 --> 00:34:23,330
watching me go number one.
857
00:34:23,363 --> 00:34:25,265
Goodnight, Allan.
858
00:34:25,299 --> 00:34:27,167
Hell, even number two.
859
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,003
Oh, Jesus Christ.
860
00:34:29,037 --> 00:34:32,640
But I don't know if I
want that with me and Ellie.
861
00:34:32,674 --> 00:34:33,942
She's too pure.
862
00:34:37,110 --> 00:34:39,747
Goodnight, Allan.
863
00:34:39,781 --> 00:34:41,281
Goodnight, dick.
864
00:34:44,552 --> 00:34:47,689
Ooh, dressed up a little bit
today.
865
00:34:47,722 --> 00:34:48,990
Ooh, very nice.
866
00:34:50,457 --> 00:34:53,126
All right, game face, game face.
867
00:34:55,763 --> 00:34:57,431
Oh, hello, mah la...
868
00:34:58,432 --> 00:34:59,266
Buzz kill.
869
00:35:00,702 --> 00:35:01,703
Who is this?
870
00:35:03,037 --> 00:35:05,205
Allan, be nice.
871
00:35:05,238 --> 00:35:07,441
This is Princess Leia.
872
00:35:07,474 --> 00:35:09,142
I thought you two might like to
meet.
873
00:35:09,176 --> 00:35:11,111
Is she of drinking age?
874
00:35:11,144 --> 00:35:13,648
She's 21 in human years.
875
00:35:13,681 --> 00:35:14,849
Why?
876
00:35:14,882 --> 00:35:18,285
So she can have a drink
while she does her intruding.
877
00:35:18,318 --> 00:35:20,655
Do you like booze, Princess?
878
00:35:22,456 --> 00:35:23,357
Uh, yes.
879
00:35:28,261 --> 00:35:29,564
He's cute
880
00:35:29,597 --> 00:35:30,865
but kind of a dick.
881
00:35:30,898 --> 00:35:32,499
Hmm, right up your alley.
882
00:35:32,533 --> 00:35:34,035
Hmm, touche.
883
00:35:34,068 --> 00:35:36,638
But we can't all have loving
fathers
884
00:35:36,671 --> 00:35:37,505
Hmm, no.
885
00:35:38,740 --> 00:35:42,043
All right, P. Leia, feel free
to get comfortable anywhere
886
00:35:42,076 --> 00:35:44,344
on the floor and out of the way.
887
00:35:44,378 --> 00:35:45,379
Allan!
888
00:35:45,412 --> 00:35:46,714
You're being a dick.
889
00:35:46,748 --> 00:35:48,415
Apologize to Princess Leia.
890
00:35:48,448 --> 00:35:49,249
What?
891
00:35:49,282 --> 00:35:51,284
This is me being nice.
892
00:35:51,318 --> 00:35:56,423
All right, let's let the
wine and conversation flow.
893
00:35:56,456 --> 00:35:59,292
Allan, I'm your dog walker.
894
00:35:59,326 --> 00:36:01,763
This isn't an appropriate friend
day.
895
00:36:01,796 --> 00:36:02,630
Oh.
896
00:36:03,931 --> 00:36:06,233
I see what's going on here.
897
00:36:06,266 --> 00:36:09,737
You wanted me to meet Princess
Leia.
898
00:36:09,771 --> 00:36:12,807
Translation, let's see
if the mutts hit it off
899
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,009
because you're too good for a
dog.
900
00:36:15,043 --> 00:36:19,479
Wait, unless this is a
menage a paw type of thing.
901
00:36:19,514 --> 00:36:21,015
Allan, no!
902
00:36:21,049 --> 00:36:21,883
That's it.
903
00:36:21,916 --> 00:36:23,417
This walk is over!
904
00:36:24,484 --> 00:36:25,987
I'll urinate on the carpet.
905
00:36:26,020 --> 00:36:28,856
And you can forget about my
goddamn anxiety pill, lady.
906
00:36:28,890 --> 00:36:32,827
I'm kind of in the mood for a
life-threatening panic attack.
907
00:36:32,860 --> 00:36:34,896
This is my goodbye dance.
908
00:36:34,929 --> 00:36:37,832
I know it looks like the robot,
but it's totally original.
909
00:36:37,865 --> 00:36:38,966
Oh, yeah.
910
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,268
It's how I celebrate the
removal of poison in my life.
911
00:36:41,301 --> 00:36:42,870
Goodbye, poison.
912
00:36:42,904 --> 00:36:43,971
Bee boo beep.
913
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,141
Du du di du di du.
914
00:36:51,012 --> 00:36:52,180
Ellie, wait!
915
00:36:55,616 --> 00:36:57,217
Ellie, Ellie.
916
00:36:57,250 --> 00:36:59,954
Look, whatever Allan
just did, I'm so sorry.
917
00:36:59,987 --> 00:37:01,622
It's okay, Matt.
918
00:37:01,656 --> 00:37:03,423
I just wanted to introduce
him to Princess Leia
919
00:37:03,457 --> 00:37:05,026
because I thought they'd hit it
off.
920
00:37:05,059 --> 00:37:06,828
I guess I was wrong.
921
00:37:06,861 --> 00:37:08,361
Hi, Princess Leia.
922
00:37:08,395 --> 00:37:09,731
Hey.
923
00:37:09,764 --> 00:37:10,798
You're right.
924
00:37:10,832 --> 00:37:11,799
He is cute.
925
00:37:11,833 --> 00:37:14,001
Shh.
926
00:37:14,035 --> 00:37:17,138
Look, Allan's a sweetheart,
most of the time.
927
00:37:17,171 --> 00:37:18,072
Sure.
928
00:37:18,106 --> 00:37:19,372
Allan always gets along with
pretty girls
929
00:37:19,406 --> 00:37:22,143
until he feels spurned,
but that's not fair.
930
00:37:22,176 --> 00:37:23,477
Oh.
931
00:37:23,511 --> 00:37:25,012
Thanks.
932
00:37:25,046 --> 00:37:26,080
What?
933
00:37:26,114 --> 00:37:28,281
You just said I'm pretty.
934
00:37:28,315 --> 00:37:29,751
Oh.
935
00:37:29,784 --> 00:37:31,018
Yeah, yeah.
936
00:37:31,052 --> 00:37:32,486
Sure, I was just,
937
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:34,155
it's not a compliment.
938
00:37:34,188 --> 00:37:37,158
I was just stating it as
relevant fact.
939
00:37:37,191 --> 00:37:42,262
Oh, wow, he's a smooth one.
940
00:37:42,295 --> 00:37:43,898
Look, don't sweat it.
941
00:37:43,931 --> 00:37:45,199
Allan's just a little emotional.
942
00:37:45,233 --> 00:37:46,433
It's okay.
943
00:37:46,466 --> 00:37:49,237
It's like he has something big
to prove.
944
00:37:49,269 --> 00:37:50,905
Have you ever noticed that?
945
00:37:50,938 --> 00:37:52,974
He did pretend to take a phone
call
946
00:37:53,007 --> 00:37:55,042
from Lena Dunham yesterday.
947
00:37:55,076 --> 00:37:55,977
Exactly.
948
00:37:56,010 --> 00:37:57,979
Yeah, why does he do stuff
like that?
949
00:37:58,012 --> 00:38:00,948
Allan comes from this
big famous dog show family,
950
00:38:00,982 --> 00:38:02,884
but he's the runt of the litter.
951
00:38:02,917 --> 00:38:05,418
And I think he's insecure about
it
952
00:38:05,452 --> 00:38:07,121
because he never hit it big
himself.
953
00:38:07,155 --> 00:38:08,055
Oh.
954
00:38:08,089 --> 00:38:10,390
Well, that does explain a lot.
955
00:38:10,423 --> 00:38:12,160
Well, look, nobody's perfect.
956
00:38:12,193 --> 00:38:14,695
I mean, who hasn't been
arrested once or twice
957
00:38:14,729 --> 00:38:17,330
for indecent exposure?
958
00:38:17,364 --> 00:38:19,233
Allan told you I'm a
registered sex offender.
959
00:38:19,267 --> 00:38:21,434
Registered, so no
big.
960
00:38:22,804 --> 00:38:23,738
You know he was kidding,
right?
961
00:38:23,771 --> 00:38:25,273
Oh, yeah, Matt, we know.
962
00:38:25,305 --> 00:38:28,341
Well, look, can I make
it up to you sometime?
963
00:38:28,375 --> 00:38:30,443
Maybe take you out for a meal
964
00:38:30,477 --> 00:38:33,614
when you're not busy
knitting owls and stuff?
965
00:38:33,648 --> 00:38:34,816
Yeah, maybe.
966
00:38:36,651 --> 00:38:38,052
Hmm.
967
00:38:38,085 --> 00:38:39,486
FYI, Matt.
968
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:40,521
She's allergic to latex.
969
00:38:40,555 --> 00:38:41,388
Leia!
970
00:38:42,590 --> 00:38:43,456
I'm gonna go.
971
00:38:43,490 --> 00:38:44,292
Okay.
972
00:38:44,324 --> 00:38:45,325
Yeah, great.
973
00:38:49,197 --> 00:38:51,732
It's too hard, Sly.
974
00:38:51,766 --> 00:38:52,600
Talk to me.
975
00:38:52,633 --> 00:38:54,135
What should I do?
976
00:38:54,168 --> 00:38:57,238
Kid, life ain't
about how hard you hit.
977
00:38:57,271 --> 00:38:59,640
It's about how hard you can get
hit
978
00:38:59,674 --> 00:39:01,441
and keep moving forward.
979
00:39:01,474 --> 00:39:03,277
That's how winning is done.
980
00:39:03,311 --> 00:39:06,047
I hear you loud and clear,
Sly.
981
00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:07,380
Fuck her!
982
00:39:07,414 --> 00:39:09,650
Yo, Allan,
that's not what I'm saying.
983
00:39:09,684 --> 00:39:10,483
No, no, no.
984
00:39:10,518 --> 00:39:11,319
I got this, Sly.
985
00:39:11,351 --> 00:39:13,221
You don't have to tell me twice.
986
00:39:13,254 --> 00:39:14,288
Fuck her!
987
00:39:14,322 --> 00:39:15,990
Damn it, Allan.
988
00:39:16,023 --> 00:39:18,659
You were so rude just now, I'm
speechless.
989
00:39:18,693 --> 00:39:20,161
Then don't speak with your
words.
990
00:39:20,194 --> 00:39:22,429
Speak with your fists.
991
00:39:22,462 --> 00:39:23,664
What?
992
00:39:23,698 --> 00:39:26,534
Just spank me like you did
that fateful day on March 19th.
993
00:39:26,567 --> 00:39:27,434
Never forget.
994
00:39:27,467 --> 00:39:29,270
Never forget!
995
00:39:30,204 --> 00:39:31,339
Oh, yeah.
996
00:39:31,371 --> 00:39:33,307
This is how it's done.
997
00:39:33,341 --> 00:39:34,141
Hey, bro dog.
998
00:39:34,175 --> 00:39:34,976
Allan.
999
00:39:35,009 --> 00:39:35,977
What did I say
1000
00:39:36,010 --> 00:39:37,778
about not pissing on the bed!
1001
00:39:37,812 --> 00:39:39,780
I'm gonna put you down, you
little fucker!
1002
00:39:42,016 --> 00:39:43,184
Die, you fuck!
1003
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,455
That's not what happened and you
know it.
1004
00:39:48,488 --> 00:39:49,857
Yeah.
1005
00:39:49,891 --> 00:39:51,726
This is how it's done.
1006
00:39:53,460 --> 00:39:54,295
Allan.
1007
00:39:54,328 --> 00:39:55,529
Hey, what's up, bro dog?
1008
00:39:55,563 --> 00:39:56,364
Come on, man.
1009
00:39:56,396 --> 00:39:57,365
Don't pee on the bed.
1010
00:39:57,397 --> 00:39:58,232
Jesus!
1011
00:40:01,969 --> 00:40:03,004
Oh, yeah.
1012
00:40:03,037 --> 00:40:05,239
Yeah, I was mad, but I
never laid a hand on you.
1013
00:40:05,273 --> 00:40:07,675
Oh, but you wanted to, pal.
1014
00:40:08,709 --> 00:40:10,410
I could see it in your eyes,
1015
00:40:10,443 --> 00:40:12,947
just like the time you were
upset over the cable bill.
1016
00:40:12,980 --> 00:40:13,781
Oh, god!
1017
00:40:13,814 --> 00:40:14,849
That again?
1018
00:40:14,882 --> 00:40:16,651
I was out of a job and you
signed us up
1019
00:40:16,684 --> 00:40:18,586
for a year's subscription to
Hustler TV.
1020
00:40:18,619 --> 00:40:19,921
Do you know how expensive that
is?
1021
00:40:19,954 --> 00:40:23,124
I've seen you watching
Reservoir Doggy Style
1022
00:40:23,157 --> 00:40:24,424
more than once.
1023
00:40:25,559 --> 00:40:26,360
Well, I mean, yeah.
1024
00:40:26,394 --> 00:40:27,762
I already, I already paid for
it.
1025
00:40:27,795 --> 00:40:29,297
Of course I'm gonna watch it.
1026
00:40:29,330 --> 00:40:30,798
Perv.
1027
00:40:30,831 --> 00:40:32,033
Listen, Matt.
1028
00:40:32,066 --> 00:40:33,634
My eyes are open.
1029
00:40:33,668 --> 00:40:35,468
Ellie was just a distraction.
1030
00:40:35,503 --> 00:40:36,771
I say good riddance.
1031
00:40:36,804 --> 00:40:38,806
Allan, you can't be mad at
somebody
1032
00:40:38,839 --> 00:40:41,809
just because they don't like you
back.
1033
00:40:41,842 --> 00:40:42,677
Hmm.
1034
00:40:43,544 --> 00:40:45,947
I'm sorry, buddy.
1035
00:40:45,980 --> 00:40:48,749
That was harsher than I meant
it.
1036
00:40:50,418 --> 00:40:51,919
Oh, come on, dude.
1037
00:40:54,487 --> 00:40:56,724
Dude, say something.
1038
00:40:56,757 --> 00:40:57,725
Forget it.
1039
00:40:57,758 --> 00:40:59,327
But you can make it up to me.
1040
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:00,795
Anything, name it.
1041
00:41:00,828 --> 00:41:01,729
Road trip.
1042
00:41:01,762 --> 00:41:02,630
Where are we going?
1043
00:41:02,663 --> 00:41:03,864
Barrick's.
1044
00:41:03,898 --> 00:41:06,667
But grab your phone, because
we have an errand to run first.
1045
00:41:06,701 --> 00:41:10,705
Google radiation suit,
midget, Hollywood, cheap.
1046
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:13,074
Oh, god.
1047
00:41:17,578 --> 00:41:19,013
Allan, I just want you to know
1048
00:41:19,046 --> 00:41:21,882
that I am completely against
this.
1049
00:41:23,050 --> 00:41:25,152
You do what you gotta do.
1050
00:41:28,556 --> 00:41:29,957
Hello, Barrick.
1051
00:41:31,192 --> 00:41:32,026
Got a sec?
1052
00:41:34,295 --> 00:41:35,596
What the hell is this?
1053
00:41:35,629 --> 00:41:38,132
You, sir, are getting a hug.
1054
00:41:39,734 --> 00:41:41,702
Is that you, Grumpy Cat?
1055
00:41:41,736 --> 00:41:42,536
Come on, dude.
1056
00:41:42,570 --> 00:41:44,071
Yeah, it is you, isn't it?
1057
00:41:44,105 --> 00:41:45,639
What are you, insane?
1058
00:41:45,673 --> 00:41:47,742
Insane for hogs.
1059
00:41:47,775 --> 00:41:50,444
I have the right to refuse
service to anyone, you know.
1060
00:41:50,478 --> 00:41:53,981
You don't have the right to
refuse hugs.
1061
00:41:55,616 --> 00:41:56,817
Tommy!
1062
00:41:56,851 --> 00:42:00,721
Tommy, will you remove this
thing from the premises, please?
1063
00:42:00,755 --> 00:42:02,256
Knock knock, Barrick.
1064
00:42:02,289 --> 00:42:04,592
Can I talk to the hurt
little boy inside you?
1065
00:42:04,625 --> 00:42:07,995
I know he's home, and
I know he wants a hug.
1066
00:42:08,029 --> 00:42:08,929
No.
1067
00:42:08,963 --> 00:42:10,364
All right, look.
1068
00:42:10,398 --> 00:42:13,234
You, you stop saying hugs.
1069
00:42:13,267 --> 00:42:14,068
Hugs.
1070
00:42:14,101 --> 00:42:14,902
Hugs, Barrick.
1071
00:42:14,935 --> 00:42:15,736
Hugs!
1072
00:42:15,770 --> 00:42:16,570
Whoa.
1073
00:42:16,604 --> 00:42:17,405
Hugs, hugs, hugs!
1074
00:42:17,438 --> 00:42:19,006
Oh, no.
1075
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,808
That's not great, Allan!
1076
00:42:20,841 --> 00:42:22,243
Give me a hug!
1077
00:42:22,276 --> 00:42:23,277
No!
1078
00:42:23,310 --> 00:42:24,612
Hugs.
1079
00:42:24,645 --> 00:42:25,613
Okay!
1080
00:42:25,646 --> 00:42:27,314
Your allergies are safe,
Barrick.
1081
00:42:27,348 --> 00:42:29,717
But love, love gets through the
suit!
1082
00:42:29,750 --> 00:42:31,485
Get away from me.
1083
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:32,586
You're crazy!
1084
00:42:34,255 --> 00:42:35,856
I'm sorry, Allan.
1085
00:42:37,124 --> 00:42:37,958
Oops.
1086
00:42:39,326 --> 00:42:40,161
No!
1087
00:42:45,666 --> 00:42:47,001
You're fine, dude.
1088
00:42:47,034 --> 00:42:47,868
No!
1089
00:42:47,902 --> 00:42:51,372
You're not even allergic to
dogs.
1090
00:42:51,405 --> 00:42:52,541
Oh.
1091
00:42:52,573 --> 00:42:53,542
Oh, wait.
1092
00:42:53,574 --> 00:42:54,642
No, I see it.
1093
00:42:56,210 --> 00:42:57,044
Oh, boy.
1094
00:42:58,612 --> 00:43:01,048
Tell my mother I love her.
1095
00:43:03,851 --> 00:43:04,685
Oh.
1096
00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:06,787
You okay, pal?
1097
00:43:10,424 --> 00:43:11,859
Sounds congested.
1098
00:43:11,892 --> 00:43:13,661
It might be a clogged fuel line.
1099
00:43:13,694 --> 00:43:14,995
All right, I'll take a
look.
1100
00:43:15,029 --> 00:43:16,130
Ooh!
1101
00:43:16,163 --> 00:43:17,031
Hey.
1102
00:43:17,064 --> 00:43:18,567
No, oh!
1103
00:43:18,599 --> 00:43:19,400
Gosh, guys.
1104
00:43:19,433 --> 00:43:20,234
Ellie?
1105
00:43:20,267 --> 00:43:21,068
Oh, god, Chuck.
1106
00:43:21,102 --> 00:43:21,936
Hey, Matt.
1107
00:43:21,969 --> 00:43:23,637
Please don't die on
me, bud.
1108
00:43:23,671 --> 00:43:24,438
- Ellie, hey.
- Oh!
1109
00:43:24,472 --> 00:43:26,107
What's going on here?
1110
00:43:26,140 --> 00:43:27,542
Matt, hi.
1111
00:43:27,576 --> 00:43:29,376
I would like to confirm that
everyone is still breathing,
1112
00:43:29,410 --> 00:43:31,112
- if you could.
- Oh, my god, yeah.
1113
00:43:31,145 --> 00:43:32,146
Good god.
1114
00:43:32,179 --> 00:43:32,980
- Why did we go this way?
- Great, here.
1115
00:43:33,013 --> 00:43:34,014
Here you go, buddy.
1116
00:43:34,048 --> 00:43:35,382
Oh, dear lord.
1117
00:43:35,416 --> 00:43:36,951
She'll kill us all.
1118
00:43:36,984 --> 00:43:39,453
You're all right,
dude.
1119
00:43:39,487 --> 00:43:40,621
What a gentleman.
1120
00:43:40,654 --> 00:43:41,722
Hmm, yes.
1121
00:43:41,755 --> 00:43:43,657
Yes, you may pet me, good sir.
1122
00:43:43,691 --> 00:43:45,392
Yeah, ah, yeah.
1123
00:43:45,426 --> 00:43:48,796
Please tell me this young
man is a romantic suitor.
1124
00:43:48,829 --> 00:43:52,032
Oh, he beats the hell out
of that loser you're dating.
1125
00:43:52,066 --> 00:43:54,368
Was dating, Chuck, past tense.
1126
00:43:54,401 --> 00:43:55,936
She'll go back to him.
1127
00:43:55,970 --> 00:43:57,972
The weak ones always do.
1128
00:43:59,608 --> 00:44:01,576
They know too much.
1129
00:44:01,610 --> 00:44:03,512
Well, you're all clear.
1130
00:44:03,545 --> 00:44:04,778
Thanks.
1131
00:44:04,812 --> 00:44:08,550
I swear I'm not normally
endangering their lives like this.
1132
00:44:08,583 --> 00:44:10,017
So,
1133
00:44:10,050 --> 00:44:11,586
this is where you work?
1134
00:44:11,620 --> 00:44:12,554
Oh.
1135
00:44:12,587 --> 00:44:13,921
Yeah, yeah.
1136
00:44:13,954 --> 00:44:15,590
I might actually become
co-owner.
1137
00:44:15,624 --> 00:44:18,859
But Allan's not too big on the
idea.
1138
00:44:18,893 --> 00:44:19,693
Look, about the other day,
1139
00:44:19,727 --> 00:44:22,096
I feel so bad about what
happened.
1140
00:44:22,129 --> 00:44:23,130
No, don't.
1141
00:44:24,098 --> 00:44:24,899
It's okay.
1142
00:44:24,932 --> 00:44:26,767
It's partly my fault.
1143
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:28,369
When I realized Allan had a
crush on me,
1144
00:44:28,402 --> 00:44:30,437
I should have just talked to all
about it.
1145
00:44:30,471 --> 00:44:31,540
I shouldn't have tried to
deflect
1146
00:44:31,573 --> 00:44:33,908
by setting him up with Princess
Leia.
1147
00:44:33,941 --> 00:44:35,376
I'm bummed though.
1148
00:44:35,409 --> 00:44:37,512
I really thought they would hit
it off.
1149
00:44:37,546 --> 00:44:39,013
Please fall.
1150
00:44:39,046 --> 00:44:40,447
Please fall.
1151
00:44:40,481 --> 00:44:41,949
I won't kill you.
1152
00:44:41,982 --> 00:44:43,384
Please fall.
1153
00:44:50,659 --> 00:44:52,426
Oh, daddy likey!
1154
00:44:52,459 --> 00:44:57,566
But daddy has to be patient.
1155
00:44:57,599 --> 00:45:00,000
A lotta future poop out there,
boss.
1156
00:45:00,034 --> 00:45:02,303
Kevin!
1157
00:45:02,336 --> 00:45:03,137
I was in a mood!
1158
00:45:03,170 --> 00:45:04,104
You pulled me right out.
1159
00:45:04,138 --> 00:45:05,306
Damn it!
1160
00:45:05,339 --> 00:45:10,144
When things cool off, maybe
you can walk Allan again.
1161
00:45:10,177 --> 00:45:11,912
I would love that.
1162
00:45:11,946 --> 00:45:14,748
And hey, was I super high the
other day,
1163
00:45:14,782 --> 00:45:16,618
or did you ask me out?
1164
00:45:17,785 --> 00:45:18,786
Oh.
1165
00:45:18,819 --> 00:45:19,920
No, you're right on both.
1166
00:45:19,954 --> 00:45:22,557
You were super high, and I
definitely asked you out.
1167
00:45:24,758 --> 00:45:28,597
Look, why don't we just start
over, hmm?
1168
00:45:28,630 --> 00:45:30,030
Why don't Princess Leia and I
1169
00:45:30,064 --> 00:45:33,968
have you and Allan over
for a little tea party?
1170
00:45:34,001 --> 00:45:35,336
Like biscuits?
1171
00:45:35,369 --> 00:45:38,272
Yeah, that's what a tea party
is.
1172
00:45:38,305 --> 00:45:39,206
Yeah.
1173
00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:40,040
Yeah.
1174
00:45:40,074 --> 00:45:42,343
That's, I love. I'd love that.
1175
00:45:42,376 --> 00:45:43,944
But yeah, that sounds great.
1176
00:45:43,978 --> 00:45:44,778
Great.
1177
00:45:44,812 --> 00:45:45,680
Cool, awesome.
1178
00:45:45,714 --> 00:45:46,514
I'll say then.
1179
00:45:46,548 --> 00:45:47,348
- Great, yeah.
- All right.
1180
00:45:47,381 --> 00:45:48,249
Bye, Matt.
1181
00:45:48,282 --> 00:45:49,618
Bye.
1182
00:45:49,651 --> 00:45:50,451
Oh.
1183
00:45:50,484 --> 00:45:51,285
Ow!
1184
00:45:51,318 --> 00:45:53,320
Sorry, I just hit you.
1185
00:45:54,221 --> 00:45:55,022
Sorry.
1186
00:45:55,055 --> 00:45:55,856
Yeah, I'll see you later.
1187
00:45:55,889 --> 00:45:57,057
Okay.
1188
00:45:57,091 --> 00:45:57,925
Bye.
1189
00:45:59,860 --> 00:46:01,195
Are we on, Tommy?
1190
00:46:01,228 --> 00:46:04,398
Matt and I need our big
break, now more than ever.
1191
00:46:04,431 --> 00:46:05,232
Confirmed.
1192
00:46:05,266 --> 00:46:06,166
The Booker will be at the club
1193
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:08,235
scouting fresh meat tomorrow
night.
1194
00:46:08,269 --> 00:46:10,672
So I can get you into
the green room, Allan,
1195
00:46:10,705 --> 00:46:13,107
but after that, things get
hairy.
1196
00:46:13,140 --> 00:46:15,042
Oh, I wouldn't worry.
1197
00:46:15,075 --> 00:46:17,244
I'm a little hairy myself.
1198
00:46:18,479 --> 00:46:20,515
Get in here, big spoonsies.
1199
00:46:20,548 --> 00:46:21,482
Oh, right there.
1200
00:46:21,516 --> 00:46:22,416
Get in there.
1201
00:46:22,449 --> 00:46:23,250
Nice.
1202
00:46:25,819 --> 00:46:27,722
It's now or never, Matt.
1203
00:46:27,756 --> 00:46:29,957
Tomorrow's show is everything.
1204
00:46:29,990 --> 00:46:32,426
Allan, you're doing it again,
my man,
1205
00:46:32,459 --> 00:46:35,195
putting way too much
pressure on this thing.
1206
00:46:35,229 --> 00:46:36,564
Besides, we're probably
gonna get kicked out
1207
00:46:36,598 --> 00:46:38,633
the second Barrick sees us
anyways.
1208
00:46:38,667 --> 00:46:41,402
Just vibing some
positive thinking, broseph.
1209
00:46:41,435 --> 00:46:44,872
I say we both think super
positive stuff
1210
00:46:44,905 --> 00:46:48,475
while we go to sleep in the
spoons posish.
1211
00:46:48,510 --> 00:46:50,679
We can do that, Allan.
1212
00:46:50,712 --> 00:46:52,781
But no matter what, we got each
other.
1213
00:46:52,813 --> 00:46:54,783
Don't forget that.
1214
00:46:54,815 --> 00:46:55,650
I know.
1215
00:46:57,017 --> 00:46:58,919
You remember the last
time I told you that?
1216
00:46:58,952 --> 00:47:02,356
Oh, the day we became
furry buddy champions.
1217
00:47:02,389 --> 00:47:04,058
Ninth annual, baby!
1218
00:47:04,091 --> 00:47:04,925
Baby!
1219
00:47:12,132 --> 00:47:13,802
Mm-hmm.
1220
00:47:26,514 --> 00:47:30,084
Did I mention I ran into Ellie
today?
1221
00:47:30,117 --> 00:47:31,185
Oh, yeah?
1222
00:47:31,218 --> 00:47:32,319
Yeah.
1223
00:47:32,353 --> 00:47:33,788
It was cool.
1224
00:47:33,822 --> 00:47:35,889
She wants to hang out with us,
1225
00:47:35,923 --> 00:47:37,458
with her and Princess Leia.
1226
00:47:37,491 --> 00:47:39,627
Re-he-he-heally?
1227
00:47:39,661 --> 00:47:43,163
Yeah, nothing profesh,
just over at their place,
1228
00:47:43,197 --> 00:47:45,199
maybe before Operation Booker
tomorrow.
1229
00:47:45,232 --> 00:47:46,735
Re-he-he-heally?
1230
00:47:48,268 --> 00:47:49,704
Why do you
keep doing that, Allan?
1231
00:47:49,738 --> 00:47:51,171
Because she digs me, dude.
1232
00:47:51,205 --> 00:47:52,507
I knew she'd come running back.
1233
00:47:52,540 --> 00:47:55,109
Allan, you can't do that, bro.
1234
00:47:55,142 --> 00:47:56,076
If you're gonna act like that,
1235
00:47:56,110 --> 00:47:57,378
then we're not going over there.
1236
00:47:57,411 --> 00:47:58,212
Okay, okay.
1237
00:47:58,245 --> 00:48:00,414
Don't get biz-zay with the
tis-zay.
1238
00:48:00,447 --> 00:48:01,850
I'm cool.
1239
00:48:01,882 --> 00:48:03,317
All right, cool,
1240
00:48:03,350 --> 00:48:06,987
because you need to apologize,
especially to Princess Leia.
1241
00:48:07,020 --> 00:48:08,590
She digs you, dude.
1242
00:48:09,923 --> 00:48:12,126
She's cool, and she's cute.
1243
00:48:12,159 --> 00:48:15,062
But Matt, the heart wants
what the heart wants.
1244
00:48:15,095 --> 00:48:16,798
And if I don't wanna wreck your
face,
1245
00:48:16,831 --> 00:48:19,333
I don't wanna wreck your face.
1246
00:48:21,770 --> 00:48:23,036
Goodnight, Allan.
1247
00:48:23,070 --> 00:48:24,606
Goodnight, buddy.
1248
00:48:28,576 --> 00:48:29,744
Hey, guys.
1249
00:48:29,778 --> 00:48:31,178
Mah lady.
1250
00:48:31,211 --> 00:48:32,045
Ellie.
1251
00:48:34,181 --> 00:48:35,149
Hi, guys,
1252
00:48:35,182 --> 00:48:36,785
Princess.
1253
00:48:38,185 --> 00:48:40,588
Would you two like some tea?
1254
00:48:40,622 --> 00:48:41,689
Oh.
1255
00:48:41,723 --> 00:48:42,524
Sure.
1256
00:48:42,557 --> 00:48:43,725
Yeah.
1257
00:48:43,758 --> 00:48:44,859
Weed scone?
1258
00:48:47,394 --> 00:48:48,663
- Not for me.
- I don't really like scones.
1259
00:48:48,696 --> 00:48:49,496
I'm watching my glutes.
1260
00:48:49,531 --> 00:48:50,330
Yeah.
1261
00:48:50,364 --> 00:48:52,933
Low dose marijuana gummy bear?
1262
00:48:52,966 --> 00:48:54,569
Yeah, that sounds great.
1263
00:48:54,602 --> 00:48:55,703
You know what?
1264
00:48:55,737 --> 00:49:00,207
Before we enjoy tea and whatever
drugs are laying around.
1265
00:49:01,676 --> 00:49:04,978
can I please address the
elephant in the room?
1266
00:49:05,012 --> 00:49:06,180
Absolutely.
1267
00:49:06,213 --> 00:49:07,549
Great.
1268
00:49:07,582 --> 00:49:12,019
I would like to form apol,
that's formally apologize,
1269
00:49:12,052 --> 00:49:13,922
for my behavior the other day.
1270
00:49:13,954 --> 00:49:14,955
I was hurt.
1271
00:49:14,988 --> 00:49:17,659
And you know, my emotions
got the best of me.
1272
00:49:17,692 --> 00:49:18,893
And look, I get it.
1273
00:49:18,927 --> 00:49:21,328
You know, dogs and humans, they
don't make the best couples.
1274
00:49:21,361 --> 00:49:24,231
But just FYI, I was doing some
googling
1275
00:49:24,264 --> 00:49:26,166
and there actually was a case
1276
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:30,003
of a canine-human marriage
in Australia in 1907.
1277
00:49:30,037 --> 00:49:32,574
And apparently, they
were terrific together.
1278
00:49:32,607 --> 00:49:34,408
But hey, it doesn't apply here,
1279
00:49:34,441 --> 00:49:37,377
but yeah, I just found
it interesting, yeah.
1280
00:49:37,411 --> 00:49:40,447
Hmm, well, thank you
for the form apol, Allan.
1281
00:49:40,481 --> 00:49:42,282
That's very big view.
1282
00:49:42,316 --> 00:49:43,350
Oh, well, thanks.
1283
00:49:43,383 --> 00:49:46,987
But, you know, I actually
owe a special apology
1284
00:49:47,020 --> 00:49:49,089
to the Princess here.
1285
00:49:49,122 --> 00:49:51,759
Mah lady, could we have a word
in private?
1286
00:49:51,793 --> 00:49:52,794
Um, sure.
1287
00:49:57,364 --> 00:49:59,868
What is it
with this girl and owls?
1288
00:49:59,901 --> 00:50:01,669
Tell me about it.
1289
00:50:01,703 --> 00:50:02,704
Every month or so,
1290
00:50:02,737 --> 00:50:05,372
I utterly destroy something
with an owl on it.
1291
00:50:05,405 --> 00:50:08,108
Keeps me sane.
1292
00:50:08,141 --> 00:50:11,445
And look, I am sorry for
being a jerk the other day,
1293
00:50:11,478 --> 00:50:12,514
but I can't deny it.
1294
00:50:12,547 --> 00:50:14,481
I'm in love with Ellie.
1295
00:50:15,917 --> 00:50:16,718
What?
1296
00:50:16,751 --> 00:50:18,720
Why do you even care?
1297
00:50:18,753 --> 00:50:22,757
You know, for such a smart
dog, you're really dumb.
1298
00:50:22,790 --> 00:50:24,358
She's human.
1299
00:50:24,391 --> 00:50:27,160
And I'm the runt of the
litter.
1300
00:50:27,194 --> 00:50:28,161
I get it.
1301
00:50:28,195 --> 00:50:30,865
But this runt is gonna be big
someday.
1302
00:50:30,899 --> 00:50:33,400
Fame doesn't make you special,
Allan.
1303
00:50:33,433 --> 00:50:38,105
What makes you special is who
you are and who loves you.
1304
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:42,744
If you don't know that, you're
in trouble.
1305
00:50:45,580 --> 00:50:46,681
Whatcha thinking?
1306
00:50:46,714 --> 00:50:47,515
Oh.
1307
00:50:47,549 --> 00:50:48,348
Oh, nothing.
1308
00:50:48,382 --> 00:50:49,584
Just that it's no use to argue
1309
00:50:49,617 --> 00:50:52,620
because I don't care what you
think.
1310
00:50:56,524 --> 00:50:57,457
I'm glad you guys came
over.
1311
00:50:57,491 --> 00:50:58,292
Yeah, me too.
1312
00:50:58,325 --> 00:50:59,794
Yeah, cool.
1313
00:50:59,827 --> 00:51:00,828
Yeah.
1314
00:51:00,862 --> 00:51:01,663
Oh.
1315
00:51:01,696 --> 00:51:02,530
Oh.
1316
00:51:11,639 --> 00:51:12,807
Not tongue.
1317
00:51:18,145 --> 00:51:20,882
Oh, god.
1318
00:51:22,282 --> 00:51:23,585
No, why?
1319
00:51:23,618 --> 00:51:24,451
That dick!
1320
00:51:26,153 --> 00:51:29,023
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
1321
00:51:29,057 --> 00:51:30,058
I'll kill him.
1322
00:51:30,123 --> 00:51:31,358
Yeah, I'm gonna kill him.
1323
00:51:31,391 --> 00:51:32,225
It's okay.
1324
00:51:40,568 --> 00:51:42,570
They've been in there a while.
1325
00:51:42,604 --> 00:51:46,774
Think they're hooking up?
1326
00:51:46,808 --> 00:51:48,076
I don't know.
1327
00:51:49,744 --> 00:51:51,746
Is Allan neutered?
1328
00:51:53,347 --> 00:51:54,414
Oh!
1329
00:51:54,448 --> 00:51:55,282
Leia!
1330
00:51:56,249 --> 00:51:57,852
Honey, what's wrong?
1331
00:51:57,885 --> 00:51:59,554
What's wrong?
1332
00:51:59,587 --> 00:52:01,623
I've been in here crying for 10
minutes,
1333
00:52:01,656 --> 00:52:06,561
waiting to be held and consoled!
1334
00:52:06,594 --> 00:52:07,862
I'm so sorry, honey.
1335
00:52:07,895 --> 00:52:10,130
We thought you were in here with
Allan.
1336
00:52:10,163 --> 00:52:12,066
Yeah, where is Allan?
1337
00:52:13,568 --> 00:52:14,702
Wait a minute.
1338
00:52:15,903 --> 00:52:16,971
Oh, my god.
1339
00:52:17,005 --> 00:52:19,473
You don't think he saw...
1340
00:52:19,507 --> 00:52:20,307
Oh.
1341
00:52:20,340 --> 00:52:21,109
Fuck.
1342
00:52:21,141 --> 00:52:21,943
Allan?
1343
00:52:21,976 --> 00:52:23,745
Where are you, buddy?
1344
00:52:27,515 --> 00:52:29,984
Keep it together, Allan.
1345
00:52:30,018 --> 00:52:32,020
Don't do anything brash.
1346
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,023
All right, buckaroo.
1347
00:52:35,056 --> 00:52:37,224
You got a lot going on right
now.
1348
00:52:37,257 --> 00:52:39,426
Just concentrate on the task at
hand.
1349
00:52:39,459 --> 00:52:40,260
Everything's gonna be good.
1350
00:52:40,293 --> 00:52:41,562
Just think about it.
1351
00:52:41,596 --> 00:52:45,265
When you're famous and your
face is on all those magazines
1352
00:52:45,298 --> 00:52:46,934
and you're gonna have money
coming out...
1353
00:52:50,705 --> 00:52:51,539
Success.
1354
00:52:52,472 --> 00:52:53,306
Allan?
1355
00:52:55,342 --> 00:52:56,644
Hello, Matt.
1356
00:52:56,678 --> 00:52:58,478
If you're listening to this
message,
1357
00:52:58,513 --> 00:53:00,915
you've either found or will soon
find
1358
00:53:00,948 --> 00:53:03,618
the present I left on the bed.
1359
00:53:03,651 --> 00:53:04,919
I'm sooo sorry.
1360
00:53:06,854 --> 00:53:07,789
I didn't know what I was doing.
1361
00:53:07,822 --> 00:53:10,658
I was just feeling so confused
and anxious
1362
00:53:10,692 --> 00:53:14,227
after seeing you mouth
rape the love of my life.
1363
00:53:14,261 --> 00:53:16,798
And don't bother coming
to the show tonight, dude.
1364
00:53:16,831 --> 00:53:19,366
Your heart was never
into performing anyway.
1365
00:53:19,399 --> 00:53:21,769
It's all good, because I don't
need you.
1366
00:53:21,803 --> 00:53:23,638
I don't need anybody.
1367
00:53:46,661 --> 00:53:48,428
Indians, we deal with
stereotypes, you know,
1368
00:53:48,462 --> 00:53:49,997
just like any other ethnic
group.
1369
00:53:50,031 --> 00:53:51,231
My friends tell me, you know,
1370
00:53:51,264 --> 00:53:54,301
"Hey, but Indians, you guys
got some positive stereotypes.
1371
00:53:54,334 --> 00:53:56,236
"So that's a good thing, right?"
1372
00:53:56,269 --> 00:53:58,506
I go, "Well, it's not positive
1373
00:53:58,539 --> 00:53:59,974
"if you're not living up to
them."
1374
00:54:00,875 --> 00:54:01,909
I go, "People come up to me and
be like,
1375
00:54:01,943 --> 00:54:03,477
'So what are you, like
a doctor or something?'"
1376
00:54:03,511 --> 00:54:05,079
No, absolutely not.
1377
00:54:06,446 --> 00:54:07,648
Thanks for bringing that shit
up.
1378
00:54:09,617 --> 00:54:11,719
Any baby comics you got your
eye on?
1379
00:54:11,753 --> 00:54:13,020
Eh, one or two.
1380
00:54:13,054 --> 00:54:14,454
Somebody will surprise you
tonight.
1381
00:54:14,488 --> 00:54:18,291
And I got you and I a couple of
dates.
1382
00:54:18,325 --> 00:54:19,127
Oh, okay.
1383
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:19,961
Yeah.
1384
00:54:19,994 --> 00:54:20,795
All right.
1385
00:54:20,828 --> 00:54:21,896
Whoa whoa whoa, hey.
1386
00:54:21,929 --> 00:54:23,030
Big man, big man.
1387
00:54:23,064 --> 00:54:26,934
Say, after your set, maybe
you'll favor us
1388
00:54:26,968 --> 00:54:30,071
with a round of the famous
Manhattan, sir.
1389
00:54:30,104 --> 00:54:32,540
You got it,
Barrick.
1390
00:54:37,377 --> 00:54:38,246
Excuse me, fellas.
1391
00:54:38,278 --> 00:54:39,412
It seems my lunch is...
1392
00:54:43,283 --> 00:54:44,552
Enjoy the show.
1393
00:54:45,787 --> 00:54:48,523
You might wanna
check that out, bruh.
1394
00:54:48,556 --> 00:54:50,024
I think it's the altitude.
1395
00:54:50,057 --> 00:54:52,794
♪ And she likes my taste in art ♪
1396
00:54:52,827 --> 00:54:54,327
♪ She can cook a mean roast ♪
1397
00:54:54,361 --> 00:54:55,663
♪ She lets me suck her toes ♪
1398
00:54:55,696 --> 00:54:58,533
♪ And she likes to have sex in
cars ♪
1399
00:54:58,566 --> 00:55:02,469
♪ She's perfect, except
that the bitch has cats ♪
1400
00:55:02,503 --> 00:55:05,173
♪ And I hate fucking cats ♪
1401
00:55:05,206 --> 00:55:07,875
♪ Cue up the asthma attack ♪
1402
00:55:07,909 --> 00:55:11,279
♪ All 'cause the bitch has cats ♪
1403
00:55:11,311 --> 00:55:13,681
♪ Oh, the bitch has cats ♪
1404
00:55:13,714 --> 00:55:14,549
Okay.
1405
00:55:19,319 --> 00:55:21,722
Oh, chicken taquitos!
1406
00:55:21,756 --> 00:55:23,024
I'm sorry, Tommy.
1407
00:55:23,057 --> 00:55:25,358
I get flatulent when I get
nervous.
1408
00:55:25,392 --> 00:55:26,426
So what's the plan?
1409
00:55:26,459 --> 00:55:27,895
When they introduce my set,
1410
00:55:27,929 --> 00:55:31,132
you stroll out like it's
Sunday afternoon, take the mic.
1411
00:55:31,165 --> 00:55:33,901
You know, Barrick is not gonna
like it.
1412
00:55:33,935 --> 00:55:35,269
I guess we'll see how far
he's willing to take it
1413
00:55:35,303 --> 00:55:37,104
in front of a packed house.
1414
00:55:37,138 --> 00:55:37,972
Is,
1415
00:55:38,806 --> 00:55:39,874
is Matt ready?
1416
00:55:39,907 --> 00:55:41,441
Oh, change of plans.
1417
00:55:41,474 --> 00:55:43,911
Matt won't be joining us
tonight.
1418
00:55:43,945 --> 00:55:44,812
What?
1419
00:55:44,846 --> 00:55:45,847
What are you,
1420
00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:47,849
but guys are a duo.
1421
00:55:47,882 --> 00:55:49,016
Where is he?
1422
00:55:49,050 --> 00:55:50,585
Oh, you know, he's dead.
1423
00:55:50,618 --> 00:55:51,418
What?
1424
00:55:51,451 --> 00:55:52,253
Yep, yep.
1425
00:55:52,286 --> 00:55:53,888
No, long story, but he's dead
1426
00:55:53,921 --> 00:55:55,256
and you can just post it
on your Facebook page.
1427
00:55:55,289 --> 00:55:56,090
We're good.
1428
00:55:56,123 --> 00:55:57,058
What happened?
1429
00:55:57,091 --> 00:55:58,793
You know, it's unclear.
1430
00:55:58,826 --> 00:56:01,361
But yeah, you don't have to
think about Matt ever again.
1431
00:56:01,394 --> 00:56:03,030
My god, when is the autopsy?
1432
00:56:03,064 --> 00:56:05,600
Oh, you know, I don't know
but...
1433
00:56:05,633 --> 00:56:06,567
You don't even know?
1434
00:56:06,601 --> 00:56:07,400
No.
1435
00:56:07,434 --> 00:56:08,236
What do you know?
1436
00:56:08,269 --> 00:56:09,070
You know what?
1437
00:56:09,103 --> 00:56:09,937
I'm getting game face for my
set,
1438
00:56:09,971 --> 00:56:11,739
so it's kinda hard to like focus
on the,
1439
00:56:11,772 --> 00:56:13,708
- on the past.
- That's a fast turn, Allan.
1440
00:56:13,741 --> 00:56:14,542
Oh.
1441
00:56:14,575 --> 00:56:15,375
Well, it's a little brutal.
1442
00:56:15,408 --> 00:56:16,210
That's dark, man.
1443
00:56:16,244 --> 00:56:17,044
Yeah, yeah.
1444
00:56:17,078 --> 00:56:19,013
♪ And I'd give anything ♪
1445
00:56:19,046 --> 00:56:22,316
♪ Just to get between her thighs ♪
1446
00:56:22,350 --> 00:56:25,119
♪ Oh, but she ♪
1447
00:56:25,152 --> 00:56:28,356
♪ She only likes black guys ♪
1448
00:56:28,388 --> 00:56:29,456
All right, thank you.
1449
00:56:29,489 --> 00:56:30,490
I'm Brian Ports.
1450
00:56:30,524 --> 00:56:32,326
Let's keep it going for your
next comic,
1451
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:35,529
the very funny and well-endowed,
Tommy!
1452
00:56:41,903 --> 00:56:45,405
I took a shit on my owner's
bed tonight.
1453
00:56:46,340 --> 00:56:50,177
Yeah, like the horse head in
Godfather.
1454
00:56:50,211 --> 00:56:51,679
Message sent.
1455
00:56:54,982 --> 00:56:55,883
Stop the show!
1456
00:56:55,917 --> 00:56:57,151
Stop the show!
1457
00:56:57,184 --> 00:56:57,985
You!
1458
00:56:58,019 --> 00:56:59,587
You get off the stage!
1459
00:56:59,620 --> 00:57:02,757
This thing is not supposed
to be in the lineup.
1460
00:57:02,790 --> 00:57:04,692
Dude, what are you doing?
1461
00:57:04,725 --> 00:57:07,061
That was the biggest laugh so
far tonight.
1462
00:57:07,094 --> 00:57:08,896
Booker, I'm allergic.
1463
00:57:08,930 --> 00:57:10,831
If he touches me, I could die!
1464
00:57:10,865 --> 00:57:12,533
He won't touch you.
1465
00:57:12,566 --> 00:57:15,435
Come on, let the dog have his
day.
1466
00:57:15,468 --> 00:57:16,737
Relax.
1467
00:57:16,771 --> 00:57:18,438
Well, make up your mind,
Barrick.
1468
00:57:18,471 --> 00:57:20,841
I got some dick jokes
that people need to hear.
1469
00:57:22,243 --> 00:57:23,044
I could die.
1470
00:57:23,077 --> 00:57:24,178
So what, right?
1471
00:57:24,211 --> 00:57:27,748
Yeah, I'm gonna be making
pushy pushy bouncy bouncy
1472
00:57:27,782 --> 00:57:29,449
with one of these young
ladies later anyway,
1473
00:57:29,482 --> 00:57:31,484
so difference does it make?
1474
00:57:31,519 --> 00:57:32,954
Carry on!
1475
00:57:32,987 --> 00:57:35,890
Puss in boots.
1476
00:57:35,923 --> 00:57:36,757
Huh?
1477
00:57:36,791 --> 00:57:38,893
Well, okay then.
1478
00:57:38,926 --> 00:57:41,329
Let's talk about my furry dick.
1479
00:57:44,398 --> 00:57:47,969
Why do I even care?
1480
00:57:48,002 --> 00:57:50,438
This is what I get for
lowering my emotional walls
1481
00:57:50,470 --> 00:57:53,074
for another self-centered jerk!
1482
00:57:54,742 --> 00:57:55,576
Oh.
1483
00:57:56,777 --> 00:57:58,980
May I destroy an owl pillow?
1484
00:57:59,013 --> 00:58:01,481
You know, to get my mind off
things.
1485
00:58:01,515 --> 00:58:03,718
Oh, of course, honey.
1486
00:58:03,751 --> 00:58:06,954
Here, you can destroy this one.
1487
00:58:06,988 --> 00:58:07,822
Uh, no.
1488
00:58:08,823 --> 00:58:11,859
It kinda needs to be one
you really care about.
1489
00:58:11,892 --> 00:58:13,027
Oh.
1490
00:58:13,060 --> 00:58:14,662
Okay.
1491
00:58:14,695 --> 00:58:15,495
Why?
1492
00:58:15,529 --> 00:58:17,531
I can't explain it, okay?
1493
00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:20,868
Just, I'm just, not a shitty
one, okay?
1494
00:58:20,901 --> 00:58:24,739
I'm very, I'm very emotional
right now.
1495
00:58:24,772 --> 00:58:25,573
Okay, okay.
1496
00:58:25,606 --> 00:58:26,474
Here, here you go.
1497
00:58:26,507 --> 00:58:29,677
You know, I like this one quite
a lot.
1498
00:58:30,544 --> 00:58:31,679
- You can, you can destroy this.
- Oh, yes.
1499
00:58:31,712 --> 00:58:32,913
Oh, perfect.
1500
00:58:32,947 --> 00:58:34,448
Thank you so much.
1501
00:58:35,716 --> 00:58:40,021
You better check yourself
before you wreck yourself!
1502
00:58:46,394 --> 00:58:48,929
And then the elephant gets
pissed
1503
00:58:48,963 --> 00:58:51,232
and turns to the zebra and goes,
1504
00:58:51,265 --> 00:58:53,000
"That was a terrible call, ref."
1505
00:58:54,935 --> 00:58:55,903
All right, that's my time.
1506
00:58:55,936 --> 00:58:56,737
Peace!
1507
00:59:00,408 --> 00:59:01,942
Hey, Allan, hold up.
1508
00:59:01,976 --> 00:59:03,644
I like your stuff, dude.
1509
00:59:03,677 --> 00:59:06,213
Hey, it's the infamous Booker.
1510
00:59:06,247 --> 00:59:07,081
Thanks, man.
1511
00:59:07,114 --> 00:59:08,849
You know, I saw you on stage
tonight
1512
00:59:08,883 --> 00:59:09,784
and I said to myself,
1513
00:59:09,817 --> 00:59:12,720
that dog deserves a much larger
audience.
1514
00:59:12,753 --> 00:59:16,824
I want you on Live Tonight with
Kenny Baker tomorrow night.
1515
00:59:16,857 --> 00:59:18,492
Your life's about to change,
Allan.
1516
00:59:18,527 --> 00:59:19,593
Are you ready for this?
1517
00:59:19,627 --> 00:59:22,363
I was adopted ready.
1518
00:59:22,396 --> 00:59:23,898
Hey, Allan, you got a
place to stay tonight?
1519
00:59:23,931 --> 00:59:24,732
No, man.
1520
00:59:24,765 --> 00:59:25,699
No worries.
1521
00:59:25,733 --> 00:59:26,535
I'll send my car.
1522
00:59:26,567 --> 00:59:27,635
You can stay with me.
1523
00:59:27,668 --> 00:59:28,469
Sweet!
1524
00:59:28,503 --> 00:59:29,303
All right, brother.
1525
00:59:29,336 --> 00:59:32,106
Thanks, Booker.
1526
00:59:40,081 --> 00:59:41,082
Now, ladies and
gentlemen,
1527
00:59:41,115 --> 00:59:45,786
we have a real treat
coming up, which is ironic
1528
00:59:45,820 --> 00:59:49,990
because our next guest
absolutely loves treats.
1529
00:59:50,024 --> 00:59:51,425
Allan, the dog.
1530
00:59:53,060 --> 00:59:54,328
Who here likes cats?
1531
00:59:54,361 --> 00:59:55,463
And I want honesty.
1532
00:59:55,496 --> 00:59:57,665
With a show of hands, just
go ahead and raise 'em up.
1533
00:59:57,698 --> 00:59:58,499
It's okay.
1534
00:59:58,533 --> 00:59:59,733
Who here likes cats?
1535
00:59:59,767 --> 01:00:01,735
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
1536
01:00:01,769 --> 01:00:02,837
Now get the fuck out.
1537
01:00:06,273 --> 01:00:07,708
Welcome back, everyone.
1538
01:00:07,741 --> 01:00:10,177
Allan, so great to talk with
you.
1539
01:00:10,211 --> 01:00:12,813
You are a really funny dog.
1540
01:00:12,847 --> 01:00:14,415
Oh, well, thank you, Kenny.
1541
01:00:14,448 --> 01:00:15,616
You're a funny human.
1542
01:00:17,451 --> 01:00:22,223
Well, before I forget,
unbelievable guest coming up next.
1543
01:00:22,256 --> 01:00:25,426
The Italian stallion himself,
1544
01:00:25,459 --> 01:00:27,795
Mr. Sylvester Stallone will be
with us.
1545
01:00:27,828 --> 01:00:30,164
Are you kidding me?
1546
01:00:30,197 --> 01:00:31,932
Oh, you must be a big fan.
1547
01:00:31,966 --> 01:00:34,101
Happy boners don't lie, Kenny.
1548
01:00:34,135 --> 01:00:35,169
Hello.
1549
01:00:35,202 --> 01:00:37,705
I guess we're gonna need
the old black strip, huh?
1550
01:00:37,738 --> 01:00:38,573
Stay with us.
1551
01:00:38,607 --> 01:00:40,674
Sylvester Stallone, coming up
next.
1552
01:00:40,708 --> 01:00:42,743
Is he coming out right now?
1553
01:00:42,776 --> 01:00:43,578
Sly!
1554
01:00:43,612 --> 01:00:44,445
Sly!
1555
01:00:47,314 --> 01:00:50,718
I gotta be at the garage early
tomorrow.
1556
01:00:50,751 --> 01:00:52,554
I'm gonna accept Stan's offer.
1557
01:00:52,587 --> 01:00:53,988
There's nothing holding me back
now.
1558
01:00:54,021 --> 01:00:55,689
Will you talk to me, Matt?
1559
01:00:55,723 --> 01:00:57,057
I can practically hear the walls
1560
01:00:57,091 --> 01:00:59,528
being constructed around your
heart.
1561
01:00:59,561 --> 01:01:03,397
Matt, communication is
very important to Ellie,
1562
01:01:03,430 --> 01:01:06,333
and I noticed a lack of it
recently.
1563
01:01:06,367 --> 01:01:07,468
Ever since Allan left,
1564
01:01:07,502 --> 01:01:09,737
you've become increasingly
distant and moody.
1565
01:01:09,770 --> 01:01:11,939
Look, I'm happy for him.
1566
01:01:11,972 --> 01:01:13,542
It's just hard because I always
thought
1567
01:01:13,575 --> 01:01:15,876
I was the one keeping Allan
grounded,
1568
01:01:15,910 --> 01:01:18,012
reminding him of the
important things in life.
1569
01:01:18,045 --> 01:01:19,548
But all this time,
1570
01:01:21,081 --> 01:01:23,417
I was just holding him back.
1571
01:01:25,886 --> 01:01:28,322
Right now, I need to be alone.
1572
01:01:28,355 --> 01:01:29,190
I'm sorry.
1573
01:01:31,926 --> 01:01:33,260
Princess Leia.
1574
01:01:36,864 --> 01:01:39,266
I feel a cry sesh coming on.
1575
01:01:39,300 --> 01:01:40,201
Oh.
1576
01:01:40,234 --> 01:01:41,202
Okay.
1577
01:01:41,235 --> 01:01:44,606
I'll go get our blankie
and our Lisa Loeb CD.
1578
01:01:44,639 --> 01:01:46,106
- Okay, thank you.
- Okay?
1579
01:01:46,140 --> 01:01:48,809
Okay.
1580
01:01:48,842 --> 01:01:51,513
♪ You say ♪
1581
01:01:51,546 --> 01:01:53,781
♪ I only hear what I want to ♪
1582
01:01:53,814 --> 01:01:55,416
♪ I don't listen hard ♪
1583
01:01:55,449 --> 01:01:58,419
♪ Don't pay attention to the
distance that you're running ♪
1584
01:01:58,452 --> 01:02:00,087
♪ To anyone, anywhere ♪
1585
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:03,190
♪ I don't understand if you
really care ♪
1586
01:02:03,224 --> 01:02:04,858
♪ I'm only hearing negative ♪
1587
01:02:04,892 --> 01:02:07,795
♪ No, no, no, no ♪
1588
01:02:13,167 --> 01:02:14,735
Cats are so dumb.
1589
01:02:16,470 --> 01:02:17,271
I don't have a joke.
1590
01:02:17,304 --> 01:02:18,607
I just thought that was
interesting.
1591
01:02:21,742 --> 01:02:24,178
It's really great to be here.
1592
01:02:24,211 --> 01:02:25,112
But I have to admit,
1593
01:02:25,145 --> 01:02:27,314
I did not realize this was a
strip club.
1594
01:02:28,182 --> 01:02:29,250
Daisy, nice work.
1595
01:02:43,464 --> 01:02:44,566
Meow means no.
1596
01:02:44,599 --> 01:02:45,399
It does.
1597
01:02:45,432 --> 01:02:46,367
Meow means no.
1598
01:02:46,400 --> 01:02:48,503
That's why I use duct tape.
1599
01:03:33,548 --> 01:03:34,381
Oh.
1600
01:03:36,817 --> 01:03:37,652
Hey.
1601
01:03:38,753 --> 01:03:39,587
Hey.
1602
01:03:41,488 --> 01:03:42,289
Good talk.
1603
01:03:42,323 --> 01:03:43,123
- See you later.
- No, no.
1604
01:03:43,157 --> 01:03:44,659
Wait, Allan, look.
1605
01:03:45,627 --> 01:03:48,095
I saw you on Live Tonight.
1606
01:03:48,128 --> 01:03:49,764
You kicked ass, man.
1607
01:03:49,798 --> 01:03:51,131
Thanks.
1608
01:03:51,165 --> 01:03:53,267
I'm really excited for you
1609
01:03:53,300 --> 01:03:54,134
and proud.
1610
01:03:55,102 --> 01:03:55,936
Thanks.
1611
01:03:57,338 --> 01:03:59,440
I met Sylvester Stallone.
1612
01:03:59,473 --> 01:04:01,942
They had a black bar on my happy
boner.
1613
01:04:01,975 --> 01:04:02,777
I know.
1614
01:04:02,811 --> 01:04:04,713
I'm super jelly, man.
1615
01:04:04,746 --> 01:04:07,047
So dude, the furry buddy
games are this week.
1616
01:04:07,081 --> 01:04:07,948
What do you say you and I
1617
01:04:07,981 --> 01:04:10,084
go for back to back
championships huh?
1618
01:04:10,117 --> 01:04:11,385
Ooh.
1619
01:04:11,418 --> 01:04:13,921
Unfortunately, this week is bad.
1620
01:04:13,954 --> 01:04:17,358
Besides the furry buddy
thing, it's a little low rat.
1621
01:04:17,391 --> 01:04:19,794
Booker says I'm big time now.
1622
01:04:19,828 --> 01:04:20,829
Seriously?
1623
01:04:21,929 --> 01:04:23,263
That's how you're gonna play
this?
1624
01:04:23,297 --> 01:04:24,733
For reals, dude.
1625
01:04:24,766 --> 01:04:26,233
Lots of auditions.
1626
01:04:26,266 --> 01:04:27,434
Gotta strike while the iron's
hot.
1627
01:04:27,468 --> 01:04:28,268
Yeah, all right.
1628
01:04:28,302 --> 01:04:29,504
Whatever, Allan, fine.
1629
01:04:29,537 --> 01:04:31,372
Just make sure you're there
for the award ceremony Friday.
1630
01:04:31,405 --> 01:04:32,674
It's tradition for the reigning
champs
1631
01:04:32,707 --> 01:04:33,842
to hand over the trophy.
1632
01:04:33,874 --> 01:04:37,478
Or are you too busy having
drinks with Sly that day?
1633
01:04:37,512 --> 01:04:40,515
LB, brother, LB.
1634
01:04:40,548 --> 01:04:42,149
LB?
1635
01:04:42,182 --> 01:04:43,016
YBAD.
1636
01:04:44,284 --> 01:04:45,119
I BAD?
1637
01:04:46,621 --> 01:04:48,422
YBAD if anything.
1638
01:04:48,455 --> 01:04:49,256
What?
1639
01:04:49,289 --> 01:04:50,090
How am I being a dick?
1640
01:04:50,124 --> 01:04:51,492
You're the one who's LHFM.
1641
01:04:51,526 --> 01:04:53,360
Oh, oh, oh, for having
the balls to go out
1642
01:04:53,394 --> 01:04:54,962
and get the success I deserve?
1643
01:04:54,995 --> 01:04:56,029
At least I'm not a BS.
1644
01:04:56,063 --> 01:04:57,131
LB, brother.
1645
01:04:57,164 --> 01:04:58,867
That's an N effing F!
1646
01:04:58,899 --> 01:05:00,735
SBAOTP, brother man.
1647
01:05:01,803 --> 01:05:02,604
What?
1648
01:05:02,637 --> 01:05:04,004
Wait. SBAOTP.
1649
01:05:04,037 --> 01:05:06,340
Oh, yeah, that's right, stabbing
backs all over the place!
1650
01:05:06,373 --> 01:05:08,942
How am I stabbing
you in the back, Allan?
1651
01:05:08,976 --> 01:05:11,513
She's a human, and you're a dog,
okay?
1652
01:05:11,546 --> 01:05:13,280
You're not right for Ellie,
dude.
1653
01:05:13,313 --> 01:05:15,082
She's hot and she's
smart and she loves owls,
1654
01:05:15,115 --> 01:05:16,785
and you're just an idiot
1655
01:05:16,818 --> 01:05:19,353
who's using our jokes to get
famous!
1656
01:05:19,386 --> 01:05:20,454
What?
1657
01:05:20,487 --> 01:05:22,356
Dude, my stuff is brand new.
1658
01:05:22,389 --> 01:05:24,391
But if you wanna L up, let's L
up.
1659
01:05:24,425 --> 01:05:26,594
You don't care about
anyone, do you, Allan?
1660
01:05:26,628 --> 01:05:27,928
You've already bailed on two
families
1661
01:05:27,961 --> 01:05:29,396
because the only thing you
love more than yourself
1662
01:05:29,430 --> 01:05:32,534
is the spotlight, and that's
SAF.
1663
01:05:32,567 --> 01:05:34,001
You're SAF.
1664
01:05:34,034 --> 01:05:36,303
Not as sad as being the ROTL.
1665
01:05:37,572 --> 01:05:39,339
You go there?
1666
01:05:39,373 --> 01:05:40,809
FU!
1667
01:05:40,842 --> 01:05:41,643
No.
1668
01:05:41,676 --> 01:05:42,510
Fuck you!
1669
01:05:42,544 --> 01:05:45,847
Oh, speaking of fucking, how's
the DW?
1670
01:05:46,848 --> 01:05:48,182
You been inside her vagina yet?
1671
01:05:48,215 --> 01:05:50,083
FYIFI, asshole,
1672
01:05:50,117 --> 01:05:52,085
I haven't spoken to
Ellie in a while, okay?
1673
01:05:52,119 --> 01:05:54,388
On your way out the door,
you ruined that too!
1674
01:05:54,421 --> 01:05:55,623
FU, Matt.
1675
01:05:55,657 --> 01:05:57,659
Fu the fucking fuck you!
1676
01:05:58,793 --> 01:06:00,695
Wait, that's good news.
1677
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:08,168
What up, El?
1678
01:06:10,070 --> 01:06:11,004
Not much.
1679
01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:13,942
Can I come in?
1680
01:06:15,142 --> 01:06:17,846
You completely bailed on me,
Matt.
1681
01:06:17,879 --> 01:06:20,481
I mean, total radio silence.
1682
01:06:20,515 --> 01:06:24,485
And now you're swinging
by unannounced to what?
1683
01:06:24,519 --> 01:06:26,053
What's going on with you?
1684
01:06:26,086 --> 01:06:27,755
You have any beer?
1685
01:06:29,524 --> 01:06:31,693
I have a six pack of The
Hemperor,
1686
01:06:31,726 --> 01:06:34,696
a doseist vape pen and THC
eyedrops.
1687
01:06:34,729 --> 01:06:35,830
Eyedrops?
1688
01:06:35,864 --> 01:06:37,431
Jesus, Ellie.
1689
01:06:37,464 --> 01:06:38,566
Yeah, well, it looks like
1690
01:06:38,600 --> 01:06:40,802
you've had enough to drink
already.
1691
01:06:42,269 --> 01:06:44,204
what's going on, Matt?
1692
01:06:44,238 --> 01:06:45,072
Oh.
1693
01:06:46,006 --> 01:06:47,509
I saw Allan today.
1694
01:06:49,076 --> 01:06:50,143
How is he?
1695
01:06:50,177 --> 01:06:52,614
Oh, just, you know, living his
best life
1696
01:06:52,647 --> 01:06:55,215
now that I'm not holding him
back anymore.
1697
01:06:55,249 --> 01:06:57,050
Matt, that's ridiculous.
1698
01:06:57,084 --> 01:07:00,220
The fact is Allan's gone for
good.
1699
01:07:00,254 --> 01:07:03,223
I really lost my little buddy,
you know.
1700
01:07:03,257 --> 01:07:06,594
And that, that really just hit
me today.
1701
01:07:13,066 --> 01:07:15,402
Oh, haven't seen her, huh?
1702
01:07:16,403 --> 01:07:18,405
Lying sack of shit much?
1703
01:07:19,607 --> 01:07:21,876
I'm sorry, Matt.
1704
01:07:21,910 --> 01:07:22,810
I really am.
1705
01:07:22,844 --> 01:07:24,478
I mean, if I lost Princess Leia,
1706
01:07:24,512 --> 01:07:27,080
I don't know what I would do.
1707
01:07:27,114 --> 01:07:29,216
But why are you here?
1708
01:07:29,249 --> 01:07:30,083
Look, I,
1709
01:07:32,520 --> 01:07:35,489
I don't know why I'm
here, Ellie.
1710
01:07:35,523 --> 01:07:36,791
I don't know, you know.
1711
01:07:36,824 --> 01:07:41,763
One, one second, I have everything
going for me, everything.
1712
01:07:42,597 --> 01:07:44,799
I mean, I got the best
little buddy in the world
1713
01:07:44,832 --> 01:07:46,734
and I meet this cool ass chick
1714
01:07:46,768 --> 01:07:49,571
and I feel that excitement
again in my life.
1715
01:07:49,604 --> 01:07:50,437
And,
1716
01:07:56,243 --> 01:07:57,812
I'm here because I lost Allan
1717
01:07:57,845 --> 01:08:01,749
and I can't bear the
thought of losing you too.
1718
01:08:03,751 --> 01:08:04,586
Ellie, I,
1719
01:08:05,787 --> 01:08:06,621
oh, fuck.
1720
01:08:11,491 --> 01:08:14,929
I know I'm not some
dangerous green juice barista
1721
01:08:14,963 --> 01:08:18,800
who rides motorcycles
and makes dick collages.
1722
01:08:19,968 --> 01:08:22,369
I'm just a simple guy
1723
01:08:22,402 --> 01:08:24,171
who likes fixing cars
1724
01:08:24,204 --> 01:08:28,776
and watching the sunset with
his best buddy, you know.
1725
01:08:29,711 --> 01:08:33,113
I promise I will always be there
for you.
1726
01:08:33,146 --> 01:08:35,115
I'll even put THC eyedrops in my
eyes.
1727
01:08:35,148 --> 01:08:37,317
Fucking crazy, but I'll do it,
1728
01:08:37,351 --> 01:08:40,655
because you are the smartest,
coolest,
1729
01:08:40,688 --> 01:08:45,425
sexiest, owliest, best dog-owning,
best kissing, loving...
1730
01:08:46,761 --> 01:08:47,562
Shut up.
1731
01:08:47,595 --> 01:08:48,663
Just shut up.
1732
01:08:51,431 --> 01:08:53,601
You had me at what up, El.
1733
01:08:58,338 --> 01:09:01,341
From hell's heart, I stab at
thee.
1734
01:09:02,175 --> 01:09:06,080
For hate's sake, I spit
my last breath at thee.
1735
01:09:07,414 --> 01:09:08,215
Whoa.
1736
01:09:08,248 --> 01:09:09,050
Whoa.
1737
01:09:09,083 --> 01:09:10,183
Whoa!
1738
01:09:10,217 --> 01:09:13,320
Oh, I'll find a way inside,
and I'll kill you, Matt.
1739
01:09:13,353 --> 01:09:14,287
Hey, creeper.
1740
01:09:14,321 --> 01:09:15,123
Oh,
1741
01:09:15,155 --> 01:09:16,456
Well, hi, Princess.
1742
01:09:16,490 --> 01:09:18,225
Hey, nice job on TV.
1743
01:09:18,258 --> 01:09:19,594
Well, thank you.
1744
01:09:19,627 --> 01:09:23,397
I like when you go off
on cat lovers.
1745
01:09:23,430 --> 01:09:28,468
It's funny, because cats
suck so bad.
1746
01:09:28,503 --> 01:09:31,438
So yeah, it's a nuanced like
that.
1747
01:09:31,471 --> 01:09:32,372
Totes.
1748
01:09:32,406 --> 01:09:34,441
Oh, what was Sly like?
1749
01:09:34,474 --> 01:09:36,410
Does he smell like victory?
1750
01:09:36,443 --> 01:09:38,345
Well, well, yes.
1751
01:09:38,378 --> 01:09:39,947
That's exactly what he smells
like.
1752
01:09:39,981 --> 01:09:41,582
Are you, are you a Sly fan?
1753
01:09:41,616 --> 01:09:43,818
Oh, are you kidding?
1754
01:09:43,851 --> 01:09:45,953
Look, I know I sound
like a crazy psychopath,
1755
01:09:45,987 --> 01:09:47,922
but Rocky V is my fave.
1756
01:09:48,756 --> 01:09:51,458
Like when Rocky is beating
the crap out of Tommy Gunn
1757
01:09:51,491 --> 01:09:55,963
in the alley, well, it's
more art than movie.
1758
01:09:55,997 --> 01:09:56,831
Wow.
1759
01:09:58,498 --> 01:09:59,332
Allan?
1760
01:10:00,267 --> 01:10:01,201
You okay?
1761
01:10:01,234 --> 01:10:02,837
Well, yeah.
1762
01:10:02,870 --> 01:10:04,105
I just,
1763
01:10:04,138 --> 01:10:05,372
geez, Princess.
1764
01:10:06,339 --> 01:10:09,342
Would you like to watch the
original Rocky sometime?
1765
01:10:09,376 --> 01:10:12,013
I've seen it like 64 times with
Matt,
1766
01:10:12,046 --> 01:10:14,882
but you know, he's dead to me
now.
1767
01:10:16,249 --> 01:10:17,852
Yeah, sure, okay.
1768
01:10:18,786 --> 01:10:19,587
Awesome.
1769
01:10:19,620 --> 01:10:20,454
How about tonight?
1770
01:10:20,487 --> 01:10:21,488
We can watch it at the Booker's
house.
1771
01:10:21,522 --> 01:10:22,523
Oh, great.
1772
01:10:22,557 --> 01:10:23,958
I can send a car for you.
1773
01:10:23,991 --> 01:10:26,393
Ooh, fancy.
1774
01:10:26,426 --> 01:10:27,695
Oh, but Allan.
1775
01:10:27,729 --> 01:10:28,529
Huh?
1776
01:10:28,563 --> 01:10:31,431
Is this a date or a friend
day?
1777
01:10:31,465 --> 01:10:35,837
Oh, well, you know, we don't
have to put labels on it,
1778
01:10:35,870 --> 01:10:38,305
but I'll take a bath.
1779
01:10:38,338 --> 01:10:39,173
Hmm.
1780
01:10:40,340 --> 01:10:41,374
Lei-lei.
1781
01:10:41,408 --> 01:10:43,544
Matt's taking me out for
makeup drinks.
1782
01:10:43,578 --> 01:10:45,479
Yeah, I didn't know it was a
thing either.
1783
01:10:45,513 --> 01:10:46,313
You good?
1784
01:10:46,346 --> 01:10:47,548
Yeah, you go, girl.
1785
01:10:47,582 --> 01:10:48,816
Yep, nothing to see here.
1786
01:10:48,850 --> 01:10:51,753
Just relaxing on the couch.
1787
01:10:51,786 --> 01:10:52,920
Okay, bye-bye.
1788
01:10:53,988 --> 01:10:55,455
Okay.
1789
01:10:55,489 --> 01:10:56,824
Catch you later.
1790
01:11:07,769 --> 01:11:08,803
Hmm.
1791
01:11:08,836 --> 01:11:09,904
I'd fuck me.
1792
01:11:16,544 --> 01:11:20,014
Are you gonna ask me
in?
1793
01:11:20,047 --> 01:11:21,616
Oh, of course, I'm sorry.
1794
01:11:21,649 --> 01:11:23,151
Sure, come on in.
1795
01:11:23,184 --> 01:11:25,352
I got Rocky all queued up.
1796
01:11:25,385 --> 01:11:27,889
I just need to finish
something up in the kitch-yeon.
1797
01:11:27,922 --> 01:11:28,756
Okay.
1798
01:11:34,128 --> 01:11:35,229
Yo, I'm telling you.
1799
01:11:35,263 --> 01:11:36,329
This never fails.
1800
01:11:36,363 --> 01:11:37,965
But I don't wanna burn you,
dude.
1801
01:11:37,999 --> 01:11:39,066
Oh, don't worry about it,
dude.
1802
01:11:39,100 --> 01:11:40,101
I got a high tolerance for pain.
1803
01:11:40,134 --> 01:11:41,002
Go for it.
1804
01:11:41,035 --> 01:11:42,036
All right.
1805
01:11:43,704 --> 01:11:48,709
Hot, hot, hot,
hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.
1806
01:11:49,442 --> 01:11:50,578
Let's do this.
1807
01:11:50,611 --> 01:11:51,779
All right, player.
1808
01:11:51,813 --> 01:11:53,080
Go ahead and do your business.
1809
01:11:53,114 --> 01:11:54,882
Oh, business.
1810
01:11:54,916 --> 01:11:56,551
Consider it handled!
1811
01:11:58,186 --> 01:12:00,655
What are you doing
here?
1812
01:12:00,688 --> 01:12:02,523
Yeah, get in there.
1813
01:12:02,557 --> 01:12:04,158
Mm-hmm.
1814
01:12:04,192 --> 01:12:05,860
You're hungry.
1815
01:12:05,893 --> 01:12:06,727
Oh, yep.
1816
01:12:07,695 --> 01:12:09,063
Uh-huh.
1817
01:12:09,096 --> 01:12:09,931
Oh, yeah.
1818
01:12:12,266 --> 01:12:14,769
Say hello to my little friend.
1819
01:12:16,270 --> 01:12:17,672
I'm sorry, Princess Leia.
1820
01:12:17,705 --> 01:12:19,240
At least let me call you an Ubs.
1821
01:12:19,273 --> 01:12:20,473
Already on the way.
1822
01:12:20,508 --> 01:12:23,211
You ruined something
really special here, Allan.
1823
01:12:23,244 --> 01:12:26,747
I was even gonna dress up like
Adrian and let you spank me,
1824
01:12:26,781 --> 01:12:30,117
because I may be shy, but I've
been bad.
1825
01:12:33,353 --> 01:12:34,822
Booker, she didn't go
1826
01:12:34,856 --> 01:12:37,357
for the whole dick in the bucket
thing.
1827
01:12:37,390 --> 01:12:39,994
Yo, you got way bigger
problems, bruh.
1828
01:12:40,027 --> 01:12:41,529
Your shit is cooked!
1829
01:12:41,562 --> 01:12:42,730
Let's take another look
1830
01:12:42,763 --> 01:12:46,033
at this shocking video breaking
tonight.
1831
01:12:46,067 --> 01:12:47,068
Do you know who I am?
1832
01:12:47,101 --> 01:12:47,902
Dude, is that Allan the
dog?
1833
01:12:47,935 --> 01:12:49,537
Do you know who I am?
1834
01:12:49,570 --> 01:12:50,872
Look, I don't care who you
are.
1835
01:12:50,905 --> 01:12:52,006
You're not coming in this bar.
1836
01:12:52,039 --> 01:12:53,140
You're too drunk.
1837
01:12:53,174 --> 01:12:54,407
You're really not gonna
let me drink in this bar.
1838
01:12:54,441 --> 01:12:56,077
No, I'm not gonna tell you
again.
1839
01:12:56,110 --> 01:12:57,144
Get outta here.
1840
01:12:57,178 --> 01:12:58,145
All right, all good
1841
01:12:58,179 --> 01:12:59,446
'Cause guess what.
1842
01:12:59,479 --> 01:13:01,115
Now, this is happening.
1843
01:13:01,148 --> 01:13:02,382
You see that squirrel right
there?
1844
01:13:02,415 --> 01:13:03,317
Yeah.
1845
01:13:03,351 --> 01:13:05,286
This is on you.
1846
01:13:05,319 --> 01:13:06,721
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
1847
01:13:06,754 --> 01:13:09,557
Whoa, whoa whoa, let go, let go!
1848
01:13:09,590 --> 01:13:11,592
Doggone busted.
1849
01:13:11,626 --> 01:13:15,395
Exclusive tonight, we are
confirming here on Doggone News
1850
01:13:15,428 --> 01:13:18,465
that Allan the dog is
the long lost brother
1851
01:13:18,498 --> 01:13:21,702
of the world famous,
award-winning Pinscher brothers.
1852
01:13:21,736 --> 01:13:24,972
We go live right now to our
correspondent, Zoey Spencer,
1853
01:13:25,006 --> 01:13:27,375
standing by in the field
with Allan's brother,
1854
01:13:27,407 --> 01:13:31,212
blue ribbon champion,
the magnificent Chester.
1855
01:13:32,479 --> 01:13:33,915
Chester, what do you
have to say
1856
01:13:33,948 --> 01:13:36,951
about your estranged brother's
recent fall from grace?
1857
01:13:36,984 --> 01:13:38,686
Yeah, we feel sorry for him.
1858
01:13:38,719 --> 01:13:40,621
If this is what Allan ran away
to become,
1859
01:13:40,655 --> 01:13:42,189
we don't understand it.
1860
01:13:42,223 --> 01:13:43,557
I will say this.
1861
01:13:43,591 --> 01:13:45,660
He was right about keeping my
knees up.
1862
01:13:45,693 --> 01:13:47,929
And what does Allan's
original comedy partner
1863
01:13:47,962 --> 01:13:51,198
think of Allan's fall from fame?
1864
01:13:51,232 --> 01:13:53,668
The whole abbrevs
thing is so played out.
1865
01:13:53,701 --> 01:13:56,137
Get some new material, Allan.
1866
01:13:57,305 --> 01:13:58,471
Do you still talk to him?
1867
01:13:58,506 --> 01:13:59,774
No!
1868
01:13:59,807 --> 01:14:00,775
No, no!
1869
01:14:00,808 --> 01:14:03,377
Allan, because Allan's not a
real friend.
1870
01:14:03,411 --> 01:14:05,646
All Allan cares about is
attention
1871
01:14:05,680 --> 01:14:07,281
and getting people to love him.
1872
01:14:07,315 --> 01:14:09,216
And he's got that now, which is
great.
1873
01:14:09,250 --> 01:14:10,751
So (BLEEP) him, okay?
1874
01:14:14,454 --> 01:14:15,323
Hey!
1875
01:14:15,356 --> 01:14:16,489
Hey, no filming in here!
1876
01:14:16,524 --> 01:14:17,325
(BLEEP) you!
1877
01:14:17,358 --> 01:14:18,326
Give me that!
1878
01:14:18,359 --> 01:14:19,160
- You piece of (BLEEP)!
- Damn.
1879
01:14:19,193 --> 01:14:21,228
Charlie Sheen ain't got shit on
you!
1880
01:14:21,262 --> 01:14:22,330
Oh, man.
1881
01:14:22,363 --> 01:14:23,664
Come on, Booker.
1882
01:14:23,698 --> 01:14:25,199
We can beat this.
1883
01:14:25,232 --> 01:14:27,868
You, me and that bag of coke
over there,
1884
01:14:27,902 --> 01:14:28,703
we can do it.
1885
01:14:28,736 --> 01:14:29,904
Together, man.
1886
01:14:30,905 --> 01:14:32,340
Good luck, Allan.
1887
01:14:32,373 --> 01:14:33,941
Man, if we ever pull your
way back up to the top,
1888
01:14:33,975 --> 01:14:35,142
call me, bruh.
1889
01:14:38,879 --> 01:14:39,780
But, but.
1890
01:14:42,750 --> 01:14:43,584
Hmm.
1891
01:14:57,999 --> 01:14:58,833
Hello?
1892
01:15:02,269 --> 01:15:03,838
Allan, is that you?
1893
01:15:05,473 --> 01:15:06,307
Allan?
1894
01:15:35,803 --> 01:15:38,205
Time to crown the winners,
Matt.
1895
01:15:38,239 --> 01:15:40,307
When do we expect Allan?
1896
01:15:40,341 --> 01:15:41,709
Oh, I'm sorry, man,
1897
01:15:41,742 --> 01:15:44,812
but Allan and I had kind of a
falling out.
1898
01:15:44,845 --> 01:15:46,647
I think I'm just gonna have
to crown the winner myself.
1899
01:15:46,680 --> 01:15:48,549
Ah, shucks.
1900
01:15:48,582 --> 01:15:50,684
That's a bummer.
1901
01:15:50,718 --> 01:15:51,552
Yeah.
1902
01:16:01,662 --> 01:16:02,897
Will you hold this furry
buddy?
1903
01:16:02,930 --> 01:16:06,300
Just for the photo op after
we announce the winners.
1904
01:16:06,333 --> 01:16:07,468
All right.
1905
01:16:07,502 --> 01:16:08,903
She's adorable.
1906
01:16:08,936 --> 01:16:10,271
Really?
1907
01:16:10,304 --> 01:16:12,239
You seriously missed the giant
balls
1908
01:16:12,273 --> 01:16:14,075
at the base of this great
pecker?
1909
01:16:14,108 --> 01:16:15,810
Oh, I'm sorry, dude.
1910
01:16:15,843 --> 01:16:17,244
Oh, yeah, they're they,
1911
01:16:17,278 --> 01:16:18,513
ww, those are not small.
1912
01:16:18,547 --> 01:16:19,814
You can look.
1913
01:16:19,847 --> 01:16:20,648
I like it.
1914
01:16:20,681 --> 01:16:21,482
Take a selfie.
1915
01:16:21,516 --> 01:16:24,452
Just use the hashtag my baby
girls.
1916
01:16:35,396 --> 01:16:39,900
A true friend is somebody
who thinks you're a good egg
1917
01:16:39,934 --> 01:16:43,505
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
1918
01:16:43,538 --> 01:16:48,543
Come on, who
writes this cheese?
1919
01:16:49,743 --> 01:16:51,245
He let me keep my balls, people.
1920
01:16:51,278 --> 01:16:53,948
I sure don't want him licking
mine.
1921
01:16:53,981 --> 01:16:56,050
Vanilla
Ice likes spicy fucking rice!
1922
01:16:56,083 --> 01:16:56,917
Boom!
1923
01:16:58,285 --> 01:16:59,787
I love you, my man!
1924
01:16:59,820 --> 01:17:02,256
I love you!
1925
01:17:02,289 --> 01:17:04,391
Oh, god!
1926
01:17:04,425 --> 01:17:05,826
Yeah, all right.
1927
01:17:05,860 --> 01:17:08,162
All right.
1928
01:17:08,195 --> 01:17:12,099
Hey, I remember that.
1929
01:17:16,871 --> 01:17:17,705
Today?
1930
01:17:18,806 --> 01:17:20,274
I'm coming for you, Matt.
1931
01:17:20,307 --> 01:17:22,343
I'm gonna be there for you!
1932
01:17:22,376 --> 01:17:26,680
And now, for the moment
you've all been waiting for.
1933
01:17:26,714 --> 01:17:31,685
The winner of the 10th annual
furry buddy championship is...
1934
01:17:33,154 --> 01:17:34,421
Matt!
1935
01:17:34,455 --> 01:17:35,289
Matt!
1936
01:17:36,457 --> 01:17:38,926
Matt, it's me, Allan.
1937
01:17:38,959 --> 01:17:41,596
Chuck and Indiana Dan.
1938
01:17:41,630 --> 01:17:44,798
No!
1939
01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:55,610
Welcome back, welcome back.
1940
01:17:55,644 --> 01:17:57,278
You're listening to Chuey
Martinez,
1941
01:17:57,311 --> 01:17:59,747
and this is a new
segment we'd like to call
1942
01:17:59,780 --> 01:18:01,448
where are they now.
1943
01:18:01,482 --> 01:18:03,417
We've been talking to Matt and
Ellie,
1944
01:18:03,450 --> 01:18:06,954
to people who care very,
very much about Allan,
1945
01:18:06,987 --> 01:18:09,223
the dog, not the celebrity.
1946
01:18:10,124 --> 01:18:11,926
So I'm gonna ask both of you
right now.
1947
01:18:11,959 --> 01:18:13,928
If Allan's listening, what
do you wanna say to him?
1948
01:18:13,961 --> 01:18:15,896
Oh, thanks, Chuey.
1949
01:18:15,930 --> 01:18:17,731
Look, I just wanna say,
1950
01:18:17,765 --> 01:18:20,935
hey, Allan, please come home,
buddy.
1951
01:18:20,968 --> 01:18:23,538
I didn't mean to call
you the ROTL, all right?
1952
01:18:23,572 --> 01:18:25,039
It was messed up.
1953
01:18:25,072 --> 01:18:26,675
You're the best dog I've ever
had.
1954
01:18:26,707 --> 01:18:28,375
You're the best dog in the
entire world!
1955
01:18:28,409 --> 01:18:30,545
I just, I love you.
1956
01:18:30,579 --> 01:18:31,845
We miss you, Allan.
1957
01:18:31,879 --> 01:18:33,447
And I love you too.
1958
01:18:34,281 --> 01:18:35,783
Just not that way.
1959
01:18:36,917 --> 01:18:40,120
You know, I love you like a
friend, 'cause we're friends.
1960
01:18:40,154 --> 01:18:41,855
Friendsies!
1961
01:18:41,889 --> 01:18:42,957
I'm sorry.
1962
01:18:42,990 --> 01:18:44,825
Hey, Princess,
I know you're there too.
1963
01:18:44,858 --> 01:18:46,193
And
I guess I forgive you
1964
01:18:46,227 --> 01:18:48,395
for the whole popcorn sitch.
1965
01:18:48,429 --> 01:18:50,164
I was just surprised, that's
all.
1966
01:18:50,197 --> 01:18:52,366
It's not like I'm not DTF.
1967
01:18:56,837 --> 01:18:57,738
Don't be shy.
1968
01:18:57,771 --> 01:18:59,273
Come on by.
1969
01:18:59,306 --> 01:19:01,141
Pet a former celeb.
1970
01:19:01,175 --> 01:19:03,444
What happens at the
pier stays at the pier.
1971
01:19:03,477 --> 01:19:04,613
Anybody?
1972
01:19:04,646 --> 01:19:08,717
Hmm, I wonder what washed
up celebrity tastes like.
1973
01:19:11,118 --> 01:19:15,155
You can smell the desperation.
1974
01:19:15,189 --> 01:19:16,257
Ooh, I bet desperation
1975
01:19:16,290 --> 01:19:17,758
tastes good, boss.
1976
01:19:17,791 --> 01:19:18,926
Patience, Kevin.
1977
01:19:18,959 --> 01:19:21,462
Too many people around.
1978
01:19:21,495 --> 01:19:22,930
Can anybody help a dog out?
1979
01:19:22,963 --> 01:19:24,666
Hey, isn't that Allan the dog?
1980
01:19:24,699 --> 01:19:25,634
Oh, shit.
1981
01:19:26,701 --> 01:19:28,302
It's that birthday brat.
1982
01:19:28,335 --> 01:19:29,504
That is him.
1983
01:19:29,537 --> 01:19:30,672
You wanna pet him?
1984
01:19:30,705 --> 01:19:31,839
He looks kinda dirty.
1985
01:19:31,872 --> 01:19:32,973
Please.
1986
01:19:33,007 --> 01:19:35,409
You want me like quiet?
1987
01:19:35,442 --> 01:19:38,580
Like I'm sorta resisting
but secretly like it?
1988
01:19:38,613 --> 01:19:39,880
Or just all in?
1989
01:19:39,913 --> 01:19:41,015
Resisting.
1990
01:19:41,048 --> 01:19:43,284
All right, let's do this.
1991
01:19:46,053 --> 01:19:47,321
Oh, no.
1992
01:19:47,354 --> 01:19:49,390
The 'gram is gonna love this.
1993
01:19:49,423 --> 01:19:50,224
No.
1994
01:19:50,257 --> 01:19:51,191
Really get in there.
1995
01:19:51,225 --> 01:19:53,294
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's five bucks, dad.
1996
01:19:53,327 --> 01:19:54,161
Here you go.
1997
01:19:54,194 --> 01:19:56,463
This should cover whatever that
was.
1998
01:19:56,497 --> 01:19:58,165
Just don't tell your mom about
this.
1999
01:19:58,198 --> 01:19:59,967
All right.
2000
01:20:11,211 --> 01:20:12,313
Great job on the sign, dude.
2001
01:20:12,346 --> 01:20:13,581
How much you make out?
2002
01:20:13,615 --> 01:20:15,349
Oh, Fred, slow day.
2003
01:20:16,618 --> 01:20:17,885
I mean, do you,
2004
01:20:20,054 --> 01:20:23,390
do you know how much
like a gun would cost?
2005
01:20:23,424 --> 01:20:24,425
Actually, you know what?
2006
01:20:24,458 --> 01:20:25,426
I think it's just cheaper
if you just walk out
2007
01:20:25,459 --> 01:20:27,828
into the ocean with all your
clothes on.
2008
01:20:27,861 --> 01:20:30,732
Let Poseidon sort out the rest.
2009
01:20:30,765 --> 01:20:32,032
Jesus Christ.
2010
01:20:36,203 --> 01:20:37,706
I don't know, Fred.
2011
01:20:37,739 --> 01:20:40,474
I guess, I guess I'll see you
tomorrow.
2012
01:20:40,508 --> 01:20:41,442
Okay.
2013
01:20:41,475 --> 01:20:42,610
See you tomorrow, Allan.
2014
01:20:42,644 --> 01:20:43,444
Trust.
2015
01:20:43,477 --> 01:20:44,378
Hey, Allan.
2016
01:20:44,411 --> 01:20:45,245
Uh-huh.
2017
01:20:46,581 --> 01:20:47,816
If you do make it up to
heaven,
2018
01:20:47,848 --> 01:20:51,118
will you ask my ex-girlfriend
what the Netflix password is?
2019
01:20:51,151 --> 01:20:54,888
That's fucking crazy,
Fred, but I'll do it.
2020
01:21:09,903 --> 01:21:10,739
Hmm.
2021
01:21:37,131 --> 01:21:39,967
I think he went that a-way
dude.
2022
01:21:40,835 --> 01:21:41,969
Thanks, man.
2023
01:21:46,106 --> 01:21:50,010
Looky here, fellas.
2024
01:21:55,315 --> 01:22:00,320
I love it when I catch dinner
eating dinner.
2025
01:22:04,291 --> 01:22:05,092
Yeah.
2026
01:22:06,493 --> 01:22:08,128
Don't worry, Princess Leia.
2027
01:22:08,162 --> 01:22:08,962
Once we find Allan, we're
gonna...
2028
01:22:08,996 --> 01:22:09,798
Wait, wait, there he is!
2029
01:22:09,831 --> 01:22:10,632
Stop the car!
2030
01:22:10,665 --> 01:22:11,465
Oh, my god.
2031
01:22:11,498 --> 01:22:12,534
Oh, my god.
2032
01:22:12,567 --> 01:22:13,967
Princess Leia, wait!
2033
01:22:14,001 --> 01:22:14,803
Allan!
2034
01:22:14,836 --> 01:22:15,637
Ah.
2035
01:22:15,670 --> 01:22:16,504
Allan!
2036
01:22:16,538 --> 01:22:19,440
This day just keeps getting
better.
2037
01:22:19,473 --> 01:22:21,041
No, Princess Leia, don't come
over here!
2038
01:22:21,074 --> 01:22:21,876
Oh, god.
2039
01:22:21,910 --> 01:22:22,710
Come here!
2040
01:22:22,744 --> 01:22:23,678
Got you!
2041
01:22:23,711 --> 01:22:27,549
You lay one paw on
her, and I swear to...
2042
01:22:27,582 --> 01:22:29,183
You were saying?
2043
01:22:31,719 --> 01:22:32,554
Oh, I see.
2044
01:22:34,188 --> 01:22:36,190
Is this your girlfriend?
2045
01:22:38,425 --> 01:22:39,493
How adorable.
2046
01:22:40,427 --> 01:22:42,329
Well, don't worry.
2047
01:22:42,362 --> 01:22:44,965
This will be a romantic ending.
2048
01:22:46,568 --> 01:22:47,802
Oh, yes.
2049
01:22:47,836 --> 01:22:50,437
You'll be together as one
2050
01:22:50,471 --> 01:22:53,373
in my poop!
2051
01:22:53,407 --> 01:22:55,309
Beautifully expressed, boss.
2052
01:22:55,342 --> 01:22:56,611
Leia!
2053
01:22:57,812 --> 01:23:01,014
Deal with her, boys.
2054
01:23:01,048 --> 01:23:02,617
I love an audience!
2055
01:23:05,720 --> 01:23:07,589
I love an audience too.
2056
01:23:07,622 --> 01:23:10,023
In fact, the more, the merrier.
2057
01:23:10,057 --> 01:23:10,859
Huh?
2058
01:23:10,892 --> 01:23:12,760
Princess Leia, go for the
popcorn.
2059
01:23:12,794 --> 01:23:13,828
Give it all you've got!
2060
01:23:13,862 --> 01:23:14,696
Huh?
2061
01:23:17,030 --> 01:23:18,833
Oh, man,
we're gonna get you now.
2062
01:23:18,867 --> 01:23:20,334
You better check yourself
2063
01:23:20,367 --> 01:23:23,070
before you go and wreck
yourself.
2064
01:23:23,103 --> 01:23:25,472
Whoa, bitch!
2065
01:23:25,507 --> 01:23:27,174
Ooh, you go, girl.
2066
01:23:29,076 --> 01:23:29,911
Huh.
2067
01:23:34,816 --> 01:23:36,483
That's gonna leave a mark.
2068
01:23:36,518 --> 01:23:38,686
Boss, are you okay?
2069
01:23:38,720 --> 01:23:40,287
I don't think so.
2070
01:23:41,623 --> 01:23:43,791
Ain't gonna be no rematch.
2071
01:23:45,158 --> 01:23:45,960
Buddy.
2072
01:23:45,994 --> 01:23:46,794
Oh, god.
2073
01:23:46,828 --> 01:23:47,795
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, buddy.
2074
01:23:47,829 --> 01:23:48,863
- Are you okay, buddy?
- Oh, my god, I'm okay.
2075
01:23:48,897 --> 01:23:49,697
I'm so sorry.
2076
01:23:49,731 --> 01:23:50,532
I'm sorry.
2077
01:23:50,565 --> 01:23:51,365
No, it's my fault.
2078
01:23:51,398 --> 01:23:52,199
No, it's my fault.
2079
01:23:52,232 --> 01:23:53,033
Oh, god, Matt.
2080
01:23:53,066 --> 01:23:53,868
I was so scared.
2081
01:23:53,902 --> 01:23:54,702
Me too.
2082
01:23:54,736 --> 01:23:56,804
And I'm pretty sure I peed
myself.
2083
01:23:56,838 --> 01:23:57,906
Oh.
2084
01:23:57,939 --> 01:23:59,007
Oh, yeah.
2085
01:23:59,039 --> 01:24:00,942
Oh, I'm soaking wet.
2086
01:24:00,975 --> 01:24:05,312
Oh, is Ellie and Princess
Leia standing right there?
2087
01:24:06,981 --> 01:24:08,550
- Yeah.
- Goddammit.
2088
01:24:08,583 --> 01:24:10,585
Oh, man.
2089
01:24:10,618 --> 01:24:12,620
That was crazy, Allan.
2090
01:24:17,025 --> 01:24:19,928
We kinda fucked those
coyotes up, didn't we?
2091
01:24:19,961 --> 01:24:20,995
We sure did.
2092
01:24:21,029 --> 01:24:23,598
And you know, I was all man
2093
01:24:23,631 --> 01:24:25,465
up until the moment I wet
myself.
2094
01:24:25,499 --> 01:24:26,968
Oh, 100%.
2095
01:24:27,001 --> 01:24:27,835
Good.
2096
01:24:28,836 --> 01:24:31,171
I missed you, buddy.
2097
01:24:31,204 --> 01:24:32,807
I missed you too.
2098
01:24:34,776 --> 01:24:35,710
You know what?
2099
01:24:35,743 --> 01:24:39,446
It was, it was more
than that though, Allan.
2100
01:24:39,479 --> 01:24:41,983
Being away, I realized that I,
2101
01:24:43,283 --> 01:24:44,619
I need you, pal.
2102
01:24:45,620 --> 01:24:47,055
I need you too.
2103
01:24:52,026 --> 01:24:54,963
So how are things at the shop?
2104
01:24:54,996 --> 01:24:56,496
Ah, same old.
2105
01:24:56,531 --> 01:24:57,331
They're good though.
2106
01:24:57,364 --> 01:24:59,266
You know, Stan made me full
partner.
2107
01:24:59,299 --> 01:25:00,935
Oh, dude, that's awesome,
dude.
2108
01:25:00,969 --> 01:25:02,003
I'm proud of you.
2109
01:25:02,036 --> 01:25:03,071
Thanks.
2110
01:25:03,103 --> 01:25:04,237
What about you?
2111
01:25:04,271 --> 01:25:05,339
What do you have next?
2112
01:25:05,372 --> 01:25:06,373
Oh, man.
2113
01:25:06,406 --> 01:25:09,811
I might have a few reality
TV shows left in me,
2114
01:25:09,844 --> 01:25:11,646
washed up celeb type stuff.
2115
01:25:11,679 --> 01:25:13,915
But, oh, bro, I'm finished.
2116
01:25:15,750 --> 01:25:16,684
Finished?
2117
01:25:17,619 --> 01:25:19,152
Come on, Allan.
2118
01:25:19,186 --> 01:25:20,989
You know better than anyone,
2119
01:25:21,022 --> 01:25:22,991
life isn't about how hard you
hit.
2120
01:25:23,024 --> 01:25:25,693
It's about how hard you get
hit and keep moving forward.
2121
01:25:25,727 --> 01:25:28,161
That's what winning is about.
2122
01:25:30,031 --> 01:25:32,100
Rocky Balboa, part six.
2123
01:25:34,068 --> 01:25:36,470
Well, okay, whatcha thinking?
2124
01:25:42,209 --> 01:25:44,946
Comeback
show.
2125
01:25:51,886 --> 01:25:53,054
Oh, god, no.
2126
01:25:54,589 --> 01:25:55,355
All right, first day.
2127
01:25:55,389 --> 01:25:56,189
Take it easy, all right.
2128
01:25:56,223 --> 01:25:57,025
We got this.
2129
01:25:57,058 --> 01:25:57,859
I got this.
2130
01:25:57,892 --> 01:25:58,693
I'm killing it.
2131
01:25:58,726 --> 01:25:59,527
Three, two, one, go!
2132
01:25:59,560 --> 01:26:00,762
- Come on!
- Oh!
2133
01:26:00,795 --> 01:26:02,362
Pulled a hammy, dude.
2134
01:26:02,396 --> 01:26:03,196
Pulled a hammy.
2135
01:26:03,230 --> 01:26:04,398
Come on, Allan!
2136
01:26:04,431 --> 01:26:06,768
Apollo
Creed can't criticize Kanye...
2137
01:26:06,801 --> 01:26:07,669
For being a cool, cold,
calculating...
2138
01:26:07,702 --> 01:26:08,836
Kanye is a cat!
2139
01:26:08,870 --> 01:26:09,671
No, he's not!
2140
01:26:09,704 --> 01:26:10,505
I suck!
2141
01:26:10,538 --> 01:26:11,338
Come on, Allan,
2142
01:26:11,371 --> 01:26:12,172
- you got this.
- I can't do it.
2143
01:26:12,205 --> 01:26:13,007
- It's too hard.
- Ready?
2144
01:26:13,041 --> 01:26:13,841
Go, start from the beginning.
2145
01:26:13,875 --> 01:26:14,842
Here we go, when I'm done with
you,
2146
01:26:14,876 --> 01:26:18,378
you're gonna eat lightning
and crap thunder!
2147
01:26:18,412 --> 01:26:19,246
Hmm.
2148
01:26:24,018 --> 01:26:28,255
For the love of god, can we
please scramble these fuckers?
2149
01:26:28,288 --> 01:26:29,090
We got this!
2150
01:26:29,123 --> 01:26:30,058
We got this!
2151
01:26:30,091 --> 01:26:31,324
Yeah!
2152
01:26:31,358 --> 01:26:32,560
Oh, god, can you hold on a
second?
2153
01:26:32,593 --> 01:26:34,962
I think I've got a boo-boo on my
knee.
2154
01:26:36,864 --> 01:26:37,799
One.
2155
01:26:37,832 --> 01:26:38,498
- Go, go, push!
- You always do this thing.
2156
01:26:38,533 --> 01:26:39,332
Come on!
2157
01:26:39,366 --> 01:26:40,902
Don't be such a little bitch!
2158
01:26:40,935 --> 01:26:41,736
Too far.
2159
01:26:41,769 --> 01:26:42,570
Sorry, yeah, that was too
much.
2160
01:26:42,603 --> 01:26:43,403
Too far.
2161
01:26:43,437 --> 01:26:44,237
All right.
2162
01:26:44,271 --> 01:26:45,073
Yeah, hi.
2163
01:26:45,106 --> 01:26:46,641
Is the patient in 7B still
alive?
2164
01:26:46,674 --> 01:26:48,208
Yeah, according to my
record.
2165
01:26:48,241 --> 01:26:49,276
Oh, oh, great.
2166
01:26:49,309 --> 01:26:50,978
That is a relief.
2167
01:26:51,012 --> 01:26:52,780
I have a gift for the little
guy.
2168
01:26:52,814 --> 01:26:53,614
Come on, three more!
2169
01:26:53,648 --> 01:26:54,682
Three!
2170
01:26:54,716 --> 01:26:55,783
Go, keep going!
2171
01:26:55,817 --> 01:26:56,718
49.
2172
01:26:56,751 --> 01:26:57,585
Come on, Allan!
2173
01:26:57,618 --> 01:26:58,418
50!
2174
01:26:58,452 --> 01:26:59,587
Yeah!
2175
01:26:59,620 --> 01:27:01,022
Apollo
Creed can't criticize Kanye
2176
01:27:01,055 --> 01:27:03,423
for being a cool, cold,
calculated cat.
2177
01:27:03,457 --> 01:27:04,324
Yeah!
2178
01:27:04,357 --> 01:27:05,193
Go!
2179
01:27:06,994 --> 01:27:07,795
You did it!
2180
01:27:07,829 --> 01:27:09,362
Yeah, my man, yeah!
2181
01:27:09,396 --> 01:27:10,464
Yeah!
2182
01:27:10,497 --> 01:27:11,331
Woo-hoo!
2183
01:27:12,166 --> 01:27:13,501
Let's go, Allan!
2184
01:27:15,103 --> 01:27:15,937
Yeah!
2185
01:27:20,273 --> 01:27:22,476
Thank you so much for
coming out tonight, everybody.
2186
01:27:22,510 --> 01:27:25,012
And now, without further fucking
ado,
2187
01:27:25,046 --> 01:27:29,083
are you ready for a
comedy resurrection, huh?
2188
01:27:29,117 --> 01:27:30,685
Yeah!
2189
01:27:30,718 --> 01:27:31,519
All right.
2190
01:27:31,552 --> 01:27:34,522
Well then, I give you Allan the
dog.
2191
01:27:34,555 --> 01:27:37,324
Oh, yeah!
2192
01:27:37,357 --> 01:27:38,159
Awesome.
2193
01:27:38,192 --> 01:27:40,094
Thank you so much.
2194
01:27:40,128 --> 01:27:42,262
Thank you, thank you.
2195
01:27:42,295 --> 01:27:43,064
I love it.
2196
01:27:43,097 --> 01:27:44,132
Thank you.
2197
01:27:44,165 --> 01:27:47,835
I have a big surprise for
everyone here tonight.
2198
01:27:49,302 --> 01:27:50,638
Yeah, no, let it out.
2199
01:27:50,671 --> 01:27:51,839
It's all good.
2200
01:27:52,807 --> 01:27:54,307
I forgive Allan.
2201
01:27:56,010 --> 01:27:57,377
Give it up for Blinky, yo.
2202
01:27:59,647 --> 01:28:00,748
He's doing all right there.
2203
01:28:00,782 --> 01:28:02,150
And I've got great news.
2204
01:28:02,183 --> 01:28:07,188
100% of tonight's proceeds are
going to Blinky's recovery,
2205
01:28:07,755 --> 01:28:08,823
so that's fantastic.
2206
01:28:08,856 --> 01:28:11,458
In just two short weeks,
they're gonna remove the rod
2207
01:28:11,491 --> 01:28:12,627
holding his brain together.
2208
01:28:12,660 --> 01:28:13,460
Yeah, give it up for him.
2209
01:28:13,493 --> 01:28:15,696
Yeah.
2210
01:28:15,730 --> 01:28:16,697
Thanks, Blinky.
2211
01:28:16,731 --> 01:28:20,802
You are an inspiraysh
to us all, for reals.
2212
01:28:20,835 --> 01:28:23,971
Holy schnikies, my
brothers are here tonight.
2213
01:28:24,005 --> 01:28:25,106
Chester, wow.
2214
01:28:25,139 --> 01:28:27,407
Dude, congrats on the blue
ribbon, my man, for real.
2215
01:28:27,440 --> 01:28:28,776
That's awesome, dude.
2216
01:28:28,810 --> 01:28:31,879
And how many times have I
told you growing up knees up?
2217
01:28:31,913 --> 01:28:33,281
Yeah, nice work.
2218
01:28:33,313 --> 01:28:38,385
And guys, I owe you all a form
apol for bailing on the fam.
2219
01:28:38,418 --> 01:28:41,789
You know, and from the heart,
all I can really say is
2220
01:28:41,823 --> 01:28:44,091
now that I'm more famous than
you guys, we're all good.
2221
01:28:45,960 --> 01:28:47,360
No, no, no, I'm just kidding,
man.
2222
01:28:47,394 --> 01:28:49,630
You know, it's not about fame.
2223
01:28:49,664 --> 01:28:51,833
No, man, it's not about fame at
all.
2224
01:28:51,866 --> 01:28:54,268
And there's way more
important things in life.
2225
01:28:54,302 --> 01:28:58,206
And someone here that's very
special to me taught me that,
2226
01:28:58,239 --> 01:28:59,040
my best friend, Matt.
2227
01:28:59,073 --> 01:28:59,907
Can you give him a hand?
2228
01:28:59,941 --> 01:29:00,741
He's right here in the front row
here.
2229
01:29:00,775 --> 01:29:02,877
Yeah.
2230
01:29:02,910 --> 01:29:04,245
Love you, dude.
2231
01:29:04,278 --> 01:29:06,547
I, I've had sex with this guy's
leg.
2232
01:29:08,649 --> 01:29:11,319
Yeah, if only it was
consensual.
2233
01:29:11,351 --> 01:29:13,020
Thank god leg rape isn't a
thing.
2234
01:29:15,488 --> 01:29:18,759
Yo, this dog just pulled
up the PR job of the century.
2235
01:29:18,793 --> 01:29:21,596
Prepare a standard two-year
and get down here now.
2236
01:29:21,629 --> 01:29:23,731
Wow, you guys have been
such a great audience.
2237
01:29:24,599 --> 01:29:26,701
Yeah, thank you so much.
2238
01:29:26,734 --> 01:29:28,169
Thank you, Barrick, for having
us.
2239
01:29:28,202 --> 01:29:29,337
Thank you, Blinky.
2240
01:29:29,369 --> 01:29:30,338
Peace!
2241
01:29:30,370 --> 01:29:31,806
We love you, Allan.
2242
01:29:31,839 --> 01:29:32,673
Whoo!
2243
01:29:37,044 --> 01:29:38,378
Oh, thank you, buddy.
2244
01:29:38,411 --> 01:29:39,247
Yeah!
2245
01:29:40,480 --> 01:29:41,649
I know you could do it.
2246
01:29:41,682 --> 01:29:43,317
Get ready for the next level, my
friend.
2247
01:29:43,351 --> 01:29:44,752
Bang out an X right here
2248
01:29:44,785 --> 01:29:46,554
and you will be the most famous
dog
2249
01:29:46,587 --> 01:29:48,623
that ever walked the earth.
2250
01:29:48,656 --> 01:29:49,757
Bigger than Snoopy?
2251
01:29:49,790 --> 01:29:50,992
Snoopy who?
2252
01:29:51,025 --> 01:29:53,628
Leave here with me tonight,
Allan, and your life changes.
2253
01:29:53,661 --> 01:29:54,629
What about Matt?
2254
01:29:54,662 --> 01:29:55,563
What about him?
2255
01:29:55,596 --> 01:29:57,031
We'll throw some oil changes his
way,
2256
01:29:57,064 --> 01:29:59,066
but we've got the world to
conquer.
2257
01:29:59,100 --> 01:29:59,934
Come on.
2258
01:30:01,468 --> 01:30:02,803
Let's see here.
2259
01:30:09,844 --> 01:30:11,512
You know what, Booker?
2260
01:30:11,545 --> 01:30:12,647
I'll pass.
2261
01:30:12,680 --> 01:30:13,915
I'm gonna stick with the guy
2262
01:30:13,948 --> 01:30:16,017
who stands by me no matter what.
2263
01:30:16,050 --> 01:30:19,086
That's love, and there's nothing
more important than that.
2264
01:30:19,120 --> 01:30:19,921
Damn.
2265
01:30:19,954 --> 01:30:20,755
Allan!
2266
01:30:20,788 --> 01:30:22,089
Excuse me, excuse me.
2267
01:30:22,123 --> 01:30:23,557
Allan!
2268
01:30:23,591 --> 01:30:24,457
Allan!
2269
01:30:24,491 --> 01:30:25,826
Princess Leia.
2270
01:30:27,427 --> 01:30:28,329
I love you.
2271
01:30:29,697 --> 01:30:31,232
I know.
2272
01:30:33,768 --> 01:30:34,635
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2273
01:30:34,669 --> 01:30:36,537
I write pretty much all the
jokes, so.
2274
01:30:36,570 --> 01:30:37,805
Matt!
2275
01:30:39,273 --> 01:30:40,541
Hey.
2276
01:30:40,574 --> 01:30:41,375
Ow!
2277
01:30:41,409 --> 01:30:42,243
Oh!
2278
01:30:44,345 --> 01:30:48,481
I gotta admit, Allan's
pretty damn funny.
2279
01:30:48,516 --> 01:30:49,350
I
2280
01:30:50,284 --> 01:30:51,118
forgive
2281
01:30:52,186 --> 01:30:53,020
Allan.
2282
01:30:54,689 --> 01:30:56,090
Yeah.
2283
01:30:56,123 --> 01:30:56,958
Me too.
2284
01:30:59,492 --> 01:31:00,995
Ugh.
2285
01:31:01,028 --> 01:31:02,363
Oh, fuck!
140830
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