All language subtitles for Trailer.Park.Boys.The.Animated.Series.S02E03.720p.NF.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

Went to the doctor the other day.

Was having some chest pains and sweating

like a camel whore in sand land.

Doc told me I'm okay,
but I've got the high blood pressures

and high "clestrall,"
whatever the fuck that is.

Now I gotta eat this kinda shit.
Got some cabbage here,

some beans, some broccoli,
one of these "egglet" things,

and I got the Brussels sprouts.

Here you go.
Another side of chicken gravy, sir.

Thank you, "gar-sin".

Bit of gravy kills the taste of this shit.

I mean, healthy food
is not too fucking bad.

Huh?

Fuck, I got some power today.

That's the problem with eating this shit.
It gives you tons of gas.

It smells worse
than Satan's sweaty ass-pussy.

Ray fuck! Lord have mercy!

Oh, my God, that stinks!

There's my cue. Okay, everybody,
my name's Tom Peterson.

I work for the fucking city.
Smells like a gas leak.

The place could blow.
I want everybody out now! Move it out.

Everybody out of the fucking restaurant!

Another restaurant, another free meal.
Fuck you, dummies!

613? What in the slut

of my mother's cock is that at?
Who the fuck is this?

CRA?

What the fuck does that mean?

Oh, okay. You're the tax dicks.

Yes, I know

what a fucking felony charge is.

Are you fucking shitting me right now?
I owe 28 grand?

You better fuck off with the threats.
I'll get it, okay?

Listen, fuck face,
I'm not allowed to get angry

'cause of the high blood pressures,

and I'm trying to roll a fucking joint
so I can get high,

so I have to fucking call you back.

Fuck off, CRA,
you government tax fuckheads.

Why in the fuck is the oonaverse

shitting into my mouth and shoving
a watermelon up my ass again? Why?

… 94, 95...

Oh, you fucking hard-packed
son of a whore!

Bubs, can you chill for a sec?
I'm trying to count over here.

Well, I'm fucking sorry.

Do you know how hard this ground's packed?
It's like a diamond that King Kong shit!

Bubs, just relax.
I'll help you out in a minute, okay?

Yeah.

96, 97, 98, 99, 10, 000.

Beautiful. Money well spent. Trust me.

Bubs, you sure you don't want in on this?

I don't want in on your bullshit.

Okay, well,
you're gonna be sorry.

Oh, I've been so sorry in the past

from all your successes
that I missed out on.

Alright. Good doing business with you,
Big Hawk. Thanks, man.

I appreciate this opportunity.

I may have another one of these
coming up in a few weeks.

Interested?

Fuck yeah. You're the man, Hawk.

Big Hawk out.

A few times a year, this trucking company
that delivers booze and beer

to liquor stores has an "accident"
that never really happens.

Big Hawk then pays the trucking company
50 grand for 150 grand worth of booze.

Then they sell it for 100,
doubling their money.

I pawned my Monte Carlo for ten grand,
so, soon, I'm gonna have enough money

to buy fucking 3 of them if I wanted to.

That's perfect

Thanks, Julian. I appreciate it.

I mean, that titanium upper body of yours
sure cut the time in half.

Yeah, real funny, Bubs.

I'm just teasing you.

Holy fuck,
my cats are gonna love this new kitty spa.

I didn't think cats could swim, man.

Cats can swim better than fucking dogs,
I'll have you know.

Oh, baby. Now they're gonna be able
to cool off during this heat wave.

Fucking global warming
can take a big lick on my taint.

Alright, Paul McCatney,
when you're finished cooling off,

I'm gonna give you
a nice blast with the dryer.

Then I'm gonna do a full round
of belly work on you.

Full cat spa treatment for you,
little buddy.

Oh, fuck, Ricky.
What happened to your face?

You look like
you were French-kissing an escalator.

Had a little incident
at the fucking gas station in Spryfield.

What kind of an incident?

Nobody fuckin' move! Give me
all your money and your cigarettes!

Fuck off. You won't shoot me.

Listen, weird hair,
I don't have time for fucking games.

Fuck, myfucking hand! Jesus!

Just fuck out of here, loser!

Fuck off
with the fucking fire extinguisher!

You fucking green-haired bastard bitch!

- Go! Get the fuck out!
- God damn it!

You got the shit beat outta you
with a fire extinguisher.

That's great, Ricky.
You should check your brain.

Yeah, and I had to leave my gun there,
for fuck's sake.

My favorite gun the old man gave me.
Now it's gone forever.

Jesus Christ. Why the fuck would you rob
a gas station anyway? That's greasy.

Because I owe the cock-vacuuming CRA
28 grand in taxes.

If I don't pay it in three days,
I go to jail for a long time.

It's a fuckin' felony offense.

Wait, what do you mean?
They said "felony offense"?

- Yeah.
- Well, that doesn't make sense.

There's no such thing as a felony
in Canada.

- They were fucking scamming you, idiot.
- No, they weren't.

- They were.
- You should've heard the big words

they were using: "grand jury,"
"subpoe-ni-a," "incarcerating."

It's fucked.

You've never worked
a fucking day in your life.

How are they charging you
for back income taxes?

Better not be a fucking scam.

That green-haired ninja witch
beat the shit out of me.

Let me see your phone.
I'm gonna call them. This is bullshit.

Investigation Division,
Canada Revenue Agency.

How may I help you, sir?

Yes, hi there.

Uh, I'm an old man,
and I'm hoping that you can tell me

why I owe you cocksuckers
all this tax money.

One moment, sir. Let me look up your file
using your phone number.

Yes. Yes, here it is, sir.
We did an audit for the last several years

and found errors with your income tax.

Oh, yeah, okay. Well, I might have
to call bull fuckingshit on that,

because I don't pay taxes.

Sir, you need to watch your language.
I'm a CRA officer.

I can have you arrested.
Now, how would you like to pay?

Credit card or transfer the money
to our account?

- Actually, I'd like to pay...
- Jesus.

…using my erect cock. Will that work?

Excuse me? How about I issue you
an affidavit for your arrest?

You'll have to appear before a grand jury.
How would you like that, sir?

Jesus.

Check your fucking holefor a dead rat.

Yeah, listen, bud. I have an idea.
Why don't all you scamming assholes

stop tricking people
out of their goddamn hard-earned money?

And when you're done doing that,
go fuck yourselves!

Now you've done it, sir.
The police are coming to your house,

and they're coming right now. I hope
you're happy with yourself. Goodbye.

That smells like a pile of shit
ate a whole bunch of shit

and then shit it out. Oh, I can taste it.

Jesus Christ, Ricky.
What the fuck is up with your ass, man?

It's my new diet.
It's fucking up my "testine."

Oh, God.

Oh, dear. Oh my God.

Are you okay, Marguerite?
What's going on?

Fucking heartless cocksuckers.

I had to give the CRA nine fucking grand.

How in the fuck
am I going to pay my lot fees now?

Start hanging out at the dock
giving handies to sailors again?

Marguerite, it was a scam.

- A scam?
- You asshole! I just need time!

It's not my fault
the government raped my shit pipe!

Donny, what the fuck is going on?

I'll tell you what's going on,
you muscular cocksucker!

The CRA rammed their 17-foot, slithering,
oiled-up cock

right down my gravellyfucking throat!

Alright, thanks a lot for coming.
I just brought you guys here today

to warn you about a phone scam
that's going on.

Some residents have been conned
out of money.

There's these fucking people
posing as government dicks from the CRA.

You fucking shitting me, man?

They called me, too. That was a scam?

Oh, my God. Julian, they called me!

They said that I owe them four grand.

They called me too, Julian. What the frig?

Oh, for fuck's sakes. Are you kidding me?

How many of you have been contacted
by these people?

Holy shit.
And how many of you guys paid them?

This is fucking bullshit!

Fuck me. They must have targeted
our fucking trailer park.

Julian, we have to call the police.

No police. We get the police involved,
our money's gonna be tied up for months.

Don't worry about a thing.
I'm gonna get your money back, okay?

- For a small fee.
- Nobody fucks with Sunnyvale!

The hardest part is gonna be
trying to find these fuckers,

but I've got Bubs
over there on the computer.

I've got full confidence
he can search something up...

Just did a reverse lookup
on the number, Julian. Nothing.

These guys are fucking good.
I'm telling you.

Oh, for fuck's sakes.

I also sent Randy to the police station

to try to suck some information
out of Ted,

but he came up with nothing.

I'm not sure
where the fuck to go from here.

Ricky says he's got it all figured out,
which basically means we're fucked.

Why does my brain have to be
such an asshole?

It knows how to figure this shit out,
and it won't tell me.

What does that even mean, Dad?

I had the answer
on how to get these tax fuckers,

and then it got gone.

Maybe I need to get more high.
Maybe that'll make it come back.

Okay. I guess anything's worth a try.
Listen, I'm really proud of you.

Ugh, I'm not sure
how you eat this stuff, though.

It's actually not that bad.
Is there any marshmallow-y stuff here

or Cheez Whiz?

I just wish
the fucking cocksucking CRA was a mouse,

'cause I could set a trap.
Put a piece of cheese and snap,

I got the little fuckers.
But no, they're not a mouse.

Well, just wait, Dad.
I think you just figured it out.

- What do you mean?
- That's it, a trap.

But I'd never find a trap that big.
And I don't wanna kill them.

- I wanna catch the fuckers.
- No, I don't mean catch them

in a real trap. You don't wanna kill them.
I just mean set a trap, lure them in,

- and then you'll know who they are.
- A trap. Holy fuck!

That's it, Trin. Holy fuck, you're smart.

I just need to set a fucking trap.
Fuck you, brain. I win again.

I figured it out.
Just needed to be the right level of high.

- Oh, yeah. This should be good.
- It is good. Mousetrap.

Just treat them like a mouse.

Fucking mouse like cheese,
so instead, this time,

the cheese'll be like a cash,
and the mouse's gonna be,

well, it'd be a car,
but someone gets in the car,

and then they'd come
to try to drive to get the cheese...

- Ricky!
- And the cheese would...

Deep breath. What're you talking about?

Fuck! Just tell the lowlife fucks
that I have the money, in cash,

and they need to pick it up,
'cause I'm not taking that cash in public.

- Oh, come on, man.
- These people aren't idiots.

You're not gonna just fucking have them
stroll up to your trailer.

I know. They said they couldn't do that.

What? You called them back?

Yeah, the trap is set.

We're meeting near the old bridge
in four hours.

Wicked, me and Jacob are in 100 percent.

Yeah, we got your backs.

Not happening. We've got one shot here.
We can't risk you two fucking it up.

Yup.

Oh, boys.

They're 15 minutes late here.
I'm telling you, boys,

these people are not dummies.
They're running a sophisticated operation.

They're not just gonna stroll down here
under the dirty, old, goddamn bridge.

Bubs, they're greasy.
They're gonna want the cash.

They're gonna show up.
Don't worry about it.

I am worried about it.

Yo, Big Hawk, what's up, man?

What? What the fuck are you talking about?
What about my money?

Oh, you gotta be kidding me, man. Fuck!

All right. Thanks for the heads up,
I guess.

For fuck's sakes!

The deal got fucked over.
Big Hawk got in a real accident

- with the booze truck.
- What's that mean?

It means that my ten grand's gone.
That's what it fucking means.

Julian, I'm not one to slap a fellow
with a cock when he's down,

but I'm telling you, I believe I told you
that it was too good to be true.

Bubs, not now.

- Thank God I didn't go in on it.
- That's enough.

Fuck. Sorry, boys. Here it comes.

Wait, what? Sorry for what?

- Oh, my fuck, Ricky!
- Ricky!

Are you trying to kill us
with your ass vapor?

There's an actual haze coming out of you.

Fuck, I can't breathe.
Fuck, I can taste it.

It's like a hot rag of stink!

It's not my fault. I can't hold them in.
It'll fuck up my blood pressures.

At least get out of the fucking car
next time.

Show some goddamn mercy to our lungs.

Boys, look. I knew it. I told you guys.

Never underestimate the power of money.

We need to play this smart. Flank the car.
Guy on each side,

one of us comes up from behind.

What about a distraction?
Maybe throw a rock and hit the roof?

Yeah, I like that.
Ricky, I'll signal you whe...

Okay, tit meat, out of the car.

Ricky! Fuck's sakes!

That's an assault on a CRA investigator!

The wig is up, you bottom-feeding bitch.
You're coming with us.

We can do this the easy way
or the hard way.

I like option B,

the hard way.

He just fucked my ass with his foot!

Oh, my God. That was Bruce Lee-type shit.

I'm gonna knock you out, bigger boy,

and then I'm going to fuck those big,
meaty tits of yours!

We need to get the fuck out of here.
Somebody grab his legs.

Ugh, God, I think the tube part of my ass
is bleeding.

Fuck, it hurts.

Fuck, these kale chips
are spicy as a Spanish-anese hooker.

You wipe that smug look
off your fucking face!

Where's the call center?

Know what? You can fuck yourself.

Oh, is that right?

When I get free,
I'm going to break 618 bones in this room.

Um, boys, just so you're aware,
that's precisely the number

of all the bones
in all of our bodies combined.

God damn it. Here we go again.
I can't hold it in.

- Hold it in.
- No!

Hold that fucking thing in.

- Too late.
- Oh, my fuck!

- What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Holy mother of God. I can't breathe.

- Fuck, I feel another one coming on.
- Oh, no, Ricky, please!

Go outside! Ricky!
Holy fuck. Everybody down! Stink rises!

Oh, shit. Another one's comin'...

- Go the fuck outside!
- Please don't drop another one.

Ricky, actually pinch it off! Hold it in!

- I can't hold it in!
- Ricky, hold it in!

- Fuck!
- I have an idea.

Okay, bud, where are you running
your operation out of?

Fuck you, old-lady eyes.

Oh, fuck me, eh? Okay, bud.
Ricky, set your ass to stun.

Gladly.

You like that?
You want another one?

What about the Geneva Convention?
There's rules now.

Okay!

Ready to talk,
or you want another puff of choke juice?

For the love of Shiva,
take this fucking bag off before I die.

It's in Moncton.

I take you there.

Fucking right you will.
Right the fuck now. Let's go, boys.

We don't know who we're dealing with here.

You know, could be the Mafia,
could be bikers.

It could be
the Pakistani equivalent of the Yakuza.

We can't just go there,
just the three of us, with one gun.

Fuck's sakes.

Yo T, I need your help
to take down the scammers

- and get everybody's money back.
- Fuck, man. You mean, like, right now?

Man, I don't think we can do it, dawg.
Pretty fucked up right now.

We need some choppers, too.

- Some choppers?
- Yeah, some choppers.

Not sure if we can go anywhere, man.
We can't move.

What do you mean?

Edibles, man. We high as a motherfucker.

Oh, great.

Green's dumb ass thought they was 50 mg.
Turns out they was 500.

- These are fucking 500?
- Shit's crazy, man.

Yo, Green, grab these ma'fuckers
some of the heavy artillery.

The big guns. Get the big ones.

What the fuck?

- Whoa, fuck.
- Sorry, man. Fuckin' lit.

Green, what the fuck?
You always fucking up, man.

- He's always fucking up.
- Nice going.

You guys are gonna be fucked for, like,
12 hours. I'm jealous.

Pull back on it, Cory!

Jesus fucking Christ!

Who in the fuck just flew
a goddamncocksucking kite

into my living room?

Cunt!

Can't believe I'm thinking this.

Julian, don't you dare.

We have no choice, man.

- Julian!
- Bubs!

Shut the fuck up.

- Why can't we have machine guns?
- Not a fucking chance.

Boys, what's the plan here?

I'm sure they have security and guns

and fuck knows
what other Jackie Chantypes

are lurking around in there.

We gotta surprise them.

Nice going, fucking idiot.

Shit, dude. I'm sorry.

So much for surprise there,
fucking jerk-in-the-box.

Fucking idiots.
Oh, well, fuck it. No choice now.

Cory, Jacob, you guys wait here.
Do you know what that fucking means?

Got it, Julian.

All right, cover us.
Okay, boys. Let's do this.

Everybody on the fucking ground!

Do it, get down! Now!

Give us the fucking money! Now!

Where's your fucking safe?

There's no safe.
The money's in offshore bank accounts.

You fucking pieces of shit.
We should shoot every one of you.

Not our fault. They're forcing us.
We're illegals.

They threaten to call immigration on us.

Oh, my God. That's fucking horrible.

Boys, put the guns down. Put them down.

They pay us 50 dollars a week,

and then they only feed us
if we make them money.

And it's just bread and chicken gravy.

Is it real chicken gravy
or that shit from a can?

Ricky, I don't think
where the gravy comes from is the issue.

They're being treated like slaves in here!

Well, we're fucked then. I don't know
shit-all about offshore bank accounts,

for fuck's sakes.

God damn it.
Well, if we're not getting the money,

we're at least making sure
nobody else gets scammed.

Fuck you!

Ricky, calm down. Your blood pressure.
And you could fart!

Surprise, you fruity, fairy fucks.
Break one more thing,

and you're fucking dead.
Put down your fucking guns,

or we shoot Tweedle Dum
and Tweedle Fucked-in-the-Head!

I don't fucking think so, dickhead.
You guys put down your fucking guns!

Fuck you!

You stole from Sunnyvale,
and we want our money back, Cyrus.

You guys stole my beautiful,
perfect balls. Remember?

- You think I'd just let that go?
- How are your clacker balls, Fonzie?

Shut up. My brand-new synthetic nuts
are bigger and better than ever.

Holy fuck.

They look like two giant, polished pearls,
covered with perfectly-groomed hair.

No, man, they look more
like two fucking cabbages

that've been in the sun,
and a bird shit on 'em.

Is there any particular reason why you two
are analyzing his balls with such detail?

These new balls
added over two feet to my spray,

and Sunnyvale paid for them.

Oh, yeah!

Hey, what the fuck did I say?

Fucking shot!

Give us the money, and we'll leave.
There's no way out of this, Cyrus.

We'll shoot our way out of here
if we have to.

You're not fucking over
my million-dollar business!

Wait, did you say a million?

You made a million fucking dollars
from this, scamming people?

That's right.
The C-man is a fucking millionaire.

I'm driving a fucking Ferrari. Boom!

Right over there in the corner.
Check it out.

A year newer than Magnum P.I.'s!

Holy fuck, boys. Look at that thing.

- He made a million fucking dollars.
- Who cares?

New plan, Cyrus.

Let's stop fucking shooting
before someone gets hurt.

I'm all ears,
you big fucking Adonis wannabe.

How about I don't call the cops,

- and you cut me in?
- Fuck that.

I'm serious.
I could double your profits, man, easily.

Help you expand in other markets,
like the US for instance.

That's where the real money is, man.

Julian, what the fuck are you doing?

Yeah, are you fucking losing it?

Boys, this is a shit-ton of money.
That's what the fuck I'm doing.

Julian, don't you dare cross over
to the dark side because of money.

Fifteen points,
or we start shooting again.

Twenty, and you got a deal.

Fuck's sakes.

Okay, deal.

Okay, just a sec.
I want ten grand up-front,

and I want the keys
to your car for a week.

Not a fucking chance.

Guess I'm calling the cops, then.
You wanna act all tough, Cyrus?

You show me how big those new balls
really are then.

You've got five fucking seconds!

Julian, one last time.

What the flying fuck
are you doing right now?

This ten grand makes up
for the money I lost with Big Hawk,

and I'll be able to get the fucking Carlo
out of pawn.

But you and Cyrus will be partners.

You do get that, right? Without us.

Fuck off.

You heard him. He knows what he's doing.

He wants real business partners,
not gay dummies.

- Julian!
- I'm sorry, but I've never had

an opportunity like this
before in my life.

Are you the real Julian,

or are you some other Julian
that warped in, took the old Julian out,

and now he's here talking
like a different Julian?

Shut the fuck up, Cory.

I can't believe it took this long
for your true colors to shine through.

Through that big, muscly exterior.

Get me the fuck out of here, Ricky,
right now.I am disgusted!

I like money too, man, but this is fucked.
You are fucked.

Well, have fun tonguing Cyrus's new balls

in your yellow Gay-rari. Dick.

Finally, our two great minds
team up together.

Those guys always held you back,
in my opinion.

Really appreciate this opportunity,
brother.

Man, I can't fucking wait to take
that fucking Ferrari for a rip, man.

Fucking insane.
You're gonna fucking love it.

Oh, nice dick mobile!

That fucking asshole!
I can't fucking believe he did this to us.

Good morning, everyone.

I had Randy get everyone together
because I have some good news.

I promised to get your money back,
and I did.

And all the people that were running
the call center are now in jail.

Huh? How?

Julian, what in the fuck happened?

Well, I was talking business with Cyrus,
trying to prove I was on his side,

which was easy because he's stupid.
That's when it all went sideways for him.

Man, the Canadian dollar's worth shit
right now.

We hit the US and England,
we're gonna make way more money.

I don't know.

I think
we're doing fine right here locally.

Yeah, but I feel kinda bad
ripping off Canadians, you know?

Hey, don't you go start growing
a fucking heart here, muscles.

You'll never go anywhere
if you start giving a fuck about people.

Yeah, you're right.
See, what the fuck am I thinking?

I'm gonna be back in a sec.
I gotta rock a piss.

Police!

Dennis, are you fucking nuts?

Fucking hate the fucking cops, man!

Fuck the cops! I can't go back to jail!

Boys, these are fucking cops! Fuck off!
You're going to get us...

Fuck me! They fucked me.

They fucked me hard, man.
Fucking hurts!

Dennis, I'm fucking hit! Fuck!

My brand-new seven-thousand-dollar balls!

- We good?
- Yeah. You should probably

- get the hell out of here.
- Oh, you! Motherfucker!

Not only did I get your money back,
but Cyrus got his new balls shot up.

I can't believe he paid seven grand
for those fucking things.

What a dick.

I always believed in you, Julian.

Shut the fuck up, Randy.

I have ten thousand in cash up-front,
and for the rest of the money,

we're just gonna sell this car.
It's worth close to 100 grand,

more than enough to cover
what everybody lost, okay?

Plus, you know,
I'm gonna take a small commission.

That's fair
'cause I'm selling the fucking thing.

What in the flying ass cocks
is going on right now?

I'll tell you what's going on, Ricky.
The scamm-ee became the scammer.

Julian set Cyrus up.
He fucking fooled all of us.

Way to go, Julian.

Yeah, way to go, Julian.

It's like you gathered up everyone's cock
in Sunnyvale, then you bundled them,

then you shoved that one big super cock
right through Cyrus's nut sack.

- Ricky…
- What?

Don't make analogies anymore.

I'm officially declaring today
Sunnyvale Day! People tried

to fuck with our park, and we won!

I can't believe you guys actually thought
that I might partner up with Cyrus.

You're, like, a really good actor, Julian.

Yeah, maybe all those years of jacking it
to Stallone, and Arnie, and the Swayz,

maybe have paid off.

Yeah, real funny, Bubs.

You better not ever
put me through that again, Julian.

Sorry, boys.

When I found out we were fucked,
I knew it was our only fucking play.

Jesus, I thought you guys
were gonna pick up on it.

No, we didn't have a fucking clue.
It's like you're fucking Robert De Miro.

The important thing is, it all worked out,
we won, and we all kinda did it together.

No, I'm... I'm giving you this one, Julian.
This was all you.

I can't believe I doubted you, actually.
Get over here, you big, muscly bastard.

You too, Ricky.

Oh, fuck. You just jarred something loose.

No, Ricky.

Burnt us, Ricky.

Okay, Ricky.
This diet of yours, it's fucking over!

For fuck'ssakes.

I think the cork finally popped.

Okay, so just so we're clear,
you mean you just shit yourself, correct?

Big time. Mix me up another drink.

Have to get cleaned up.
Bubs, gotta use your hose, man.

No, problem, Ricky. Turn the nozzle
to "jet," and you should be good.

Love you, bud.

Oh, that feels good.
Love you too, buddy!

Oh fuck!

Jesus Christ!

Fuck off.