All language subtitles for To Tell The Truth 2016 - 5x04_track3_eng

Anthony:
Welcome to "To Tell the Truth,"

where fact is stranger
than fiction

and our celebrity guests
are just strange.

Spoilers! What?!

[ Laughs ]

I'm your host,
Anthony Anderson.

And tonight's celebrity panel ‐‐

Kevin Nealon.

Is it true after being
in space for over 600 days,

you lose your hair?

[ Laughter ]

Patti LaBelle.

You can curse
on this show?

Yes, you can curse, Patti.
Haven't you heard my mama?

[Bleep]
[ Laughter ]

Mark Duplass.

So, uh, I only have one
question.

It is in 29 parts.

[ Laughter ]

And Constance Zimmer.

How old were you when you
started swallowing?

[ Laughter ]

Swords.
Swords.

Yes.
Okay.

And the lady who puts the "mom"
in "awkward moment,"

my mama, Doris.

It's time to find out
who's lying...

‐I spent...
‐665...

...days in space.

Anthony: ...and who is sworn
to tell the truth.

Aah!
[ Laughter ]

[ Cheering ]

This is "To Tell the Truth."

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

Welcome to "To Tell the Truth."
I'm your host, Anthony Anderson.

Mama, you feeling good tonight?

You ready to get into
somebody's business?

‐Yes, I can't wait.
‐Alright.

Patti, Patti!

Hey, girl.

[ Laughter ]

Panel, your job throughout
the show is to guess

who is telling the truth.

And if you guess
all five rounds correctly,

you'll leave here
with a mother figure.

I give to you...the Doris.

[ Angelic music plays ]

[ Cheers and applause ]
Whoa!

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Is that solid gold,
that bust?

Solid gold‐plated.

[ Laughter ]

But my mama
is worth her weight in gold.

‐Hey!
‐I believe it. I believe it.

Yes, yes!

Let's get things started
with our first guests.

♪♪

Hmm.

Okay.

Please introduce yourselves.

I spent 665 days in space.

[ Audience murmuring ]
I spent 665 days in space.

I spent 665 days in space.

Here's this person's story
in their own words.

"If you got frequent flyer miles
for going to space,

I'd probably have
a few hundred million by now.

As a NASA astronaut,
your work often takes you

to the International
Space Station,

but it's taken me there
more often than the others,

because I hold the American
record for time spent in space,

an accomplishment that I'd say
is pretty out of this world.

I've spent 665 days in orbit ‐‐
that's nearly two years ‐‐

during which,
I performed 10 space walks.

NASA has honored me with
10 awards and commendations.

But despite my stellar résumé,

I like to think
I'm pretty down to Earth."

[ Cheers and applause ]
Hmm. All right.

Now, one of these Americans
clocked the most time in space

and is the only one who has been
sworn to tell the truth.

Please, take a seat.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Well, I've got a couple
questions, Anthony, if I might.

Oh, sure.

Number 3, is it true
after being in space

for over 600 days,
you lose your hair?

[ Laughter ]
So far, no.

Okay, my follow‐up question
to that is,

what kind of shots
do you need

before you go into space,
Number 3?

We don't really have any
standard shots we have to get.

No shots at all?
Is that true, Number 2?

Well, more importantly
for space is we're quarantined

for two weeks before we travel
so that we can eliminate

any possibility of any illness
while we're traveling in space.

Number 1,
why is he lying?

[ Laughter ]

Number 1:
Actually, he's pretty accurate.

We do quarantine
for 14 days before launch

to make sure there are no
viruses on board.

Constance:
Is there a punch card?

Do you have to punch in
and punch out?

How many steps you've taken,
you know?

Oh, a time card.

How do you keep track,
is what I'm trying to say.

Actually, no,
we log in and out.

How does that work,
exactly?

It counts from time aloft
till the time we return.

Okay.

Number 1, please, how's
the bathroom work up there?

We actually have toilets
on the Space Station,

but when we're outside
of the Space Station,

we have to wear a diaper.

Mm. Number 2?
[ Laughter ]

The toilet inside the ship
basically works with a principle

of a vacuum that sucks in
the waste products.

Number 3?

Nothing to add.
They got it.

Okay, good.

[ Laughter ]

What do you do about food,
Number 2?

Well, primarily,
we have meals ready to eat.

There are foods
that are prepared,

high‐calorie meals, but also
there's dehydrated foods

that we'll add water to
and eat those.

Do you miss pizza?

[ Laughter ]
I do miss pizza.

When I fly in a plane,
there's something in my family

that we call the alti‐toots,
which is we get

a little gassy
in the altitude.
[ Laughter ]

Do you experience
anything similar?

Um,
this is for all of you.

Anthony: Number 1.

Actually, we keep
the pressure constant,

which is not what happens
in an airplane.

Okay.
So there's not much gas.

Anthony: Number 2?

I would add to that the same
inside the space suits.

So, we maintain
C‐level pressure.

‐Okay.
‐Number 3?

Yes, we maintain C‐level
pressure inside the cabin.

[ Laughter ]
Kevin: Number 3,

when you space walk,
is there a safer time

to go during the day,
or do you go at night,

and is there any, like,
dangerous places

in space that you
shouldn't be walking?

[ Laughter ]

We go around the planet
once every 90 minutes,

so half of that time
is in daylight

and half of that
is in the darkness.

Most space walks last
around six to eight hours.

Number 1?
Yes, most space walks
last six to eight hours.

So same question and same
answer, okay.

Same answer, yeah.
[ Laughter ]

What do you miss
most about Earth?

Freedom to move around.

It's pretty spacious up there,
but I like walking

in the woods
and that kind of stuff.

Anthony: Number 2?
I miss my family.

Patti: Aww.

I figured somebody
would say that.

Number 3?
Number 3?

‐Nothing.
‐Nothing?

♪♪

Okay.

Alright.
We're gonna end it right there.

Let's see who our panel thinks
spent 665 days in space ‐‐

1, 2, or 3.

Mama,
who do you think it is?

I'm going
with my girl, 3.

You're going with 3.
[ Applause ]

Audience,
who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

2?

3?

Alright.

Constance, we're going
to start with you.

It's Number 1.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Because you don't seem like you
have anything to prove.

You already know
that you are the person,

whereas I felt
sometimes...

I don't know.
‐Okay, okay, Andy, move on.

She's a talker.

[ Laughter ]

Kevin, who do you think
it is and why?

Well, initially,
I thought it was Number 3.

And then I started thinking
maybe they just threw a woman

in the group just to throw us
off a little bit.

So I'm going
to go with hashtag 2.

[ Applause ]

Mark.

There's a theory that

your first instinct
can be just as trustworthy

as thinking for a whole week
on something.

So I went with Number 2.

Number 2.

[ Applause ]

[ Laughs ]

Patti?

I picked the lady.
You picked the lady?

It's Number 3.

‐Patti picked Number 3.
‐Alright.

Alright, we're locked in.

It's a split vote.

Will the real person
who spent 665 days in space

please stand up?

♪♪

I think it's 2.

Aah!
[ Laughs ]

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Yes!
‐Aah!

Alright, Patti!

Yes!

‐Yeah!
‐Yay!

Yes!
Good one.

Please, introduce
yourself to our panel.

I'm Peggy Whitson.
I've spent 665 days in space.

I commanded
the International Space Station

a couple of times.

I was the chief astronaut,

first female First Commander
of the Station.

[ Cheers and applause ]

There she is right there.

‐Yeah!
‐Bravo!

Aww!

When you're in space
that long, really,

you didn't miss anything when
you were up there that long?

I really like to live
in the moment.

It felt very comfortable
to be there,

and so I just was living
in the moment of being there.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Impostor Number 1, please
introduce yourself to our panel.

My name is Tim Powell,
and I've never been to space,

and I have two daughters at home
to keep me grounded.

[ Laughter ]
Alright.

Impostor Number 2, please
introduce yourself to the panel.

My name's John Hannen, and while
I've never been to space,

I am a retired United States
Air Force officer and pilot.

Alright!
[ Cheers and applause ]

We're gonna take a quick break
so our record‐setting astronaut

can explain to my mama
why the Earth isn't flat.

‐[ Laughs ]
‐We'll be right back.

Kevin: You're off
to a good start, Patti.

You're off to a good start.
‐Patti!

Congratulations to you.

You really are a hero.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to
"To Tell the Truth."

It's time to meet
our next guests.

♪♪

Contestants,
please introduce yourselves.

I'm an English Channel
record swimmer.

I am an English Channel
record swimmer.

I'm an English Channel
record swimmer.

Here is this person's story
in their own words.

"Doing it once is exhausting.

Doing it four times in a row?

Well, that's a world record.

I'm talking about swimming
the English Channel.

And yes, I did it a world‐record
four times without stopping.

[ Audience gasps ]

That's an 84‐mile
double round trip

between England and France.

When life put an unexpected
hurdle in front of me,

I decided I wouldn't let it stop
me from achieving my goals.

The previous world record
was a three‐way trip

across the English Channel.

I floated the idea
to go four times,

and people said
it didn't hold water,

but I did it with hard work

and by channeling my best self."

Wow.
[ Applause ]

One of these people is the
English Channel record swimmer

and is the only one who has been
sworn to tell the truth.

Please, take a seat.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Amazing.

Time to start
the questioning,

and, Kevin,
we're gonna start with you.

Okay. What was the life hurdle
that you faced, Number 1?

I lost my central vision
in two months

when I was 19 years old.

Central vision is what?

It's everything
in the middle.

I have complete
peripheral vision.

I lost everything in the center
due to a rare genetic disorder.

Number 2, same question ‐‐
what was your life hurdle?

I was diagnosed with breast
cancer when I was 35.

And, Number 3?

I lost my eyesight
when in college.

‐In college?
‐Mm‐hmm.

How did that happen?

It was a complication between
epilepsy and Lyme disease.

I want to ask Number 2,

did you have to get
your breasts removed?

Just one.
I had a right‐sided mastectomy.

How soon after the surgery
did you do the Channel swim?

Um, just about a little bit
over a year.

How do you prepare
for this?

I had to build up my training
and try to do six hours a day,

eight hours a day, up to
12 hours a day for training.

Anthony:
Number 1, same question.
How did you prepare?

I did it as a pace swimmer
for a friend

the year before I did it,
and then there's a swim

from California to Catalina,
which is similar distance,

so I did that back and forth
to prepare.

What's your
support system like

as you're swimming
across the Channel?

We have a boat follow alongside
on the right for me.

What kind of boat was it?

It's a fisherman's boat
that's been transferred over

to be able to help me
on the swim.

A fisherman's boat?
Number 2, same question.

Yeah, they convert old fishing
boats to help escort people

across the English Channel.

And, Number 3?

I'm not sure what kind
of boat it was.

It was a big boat.

[ Laughter ]

How long does it take to swim
the Channel four times?

Like, over how many years
or days?

Years?
I'm just saying ‐‐

Did you hear me
in the affidavit?

I said he did it
without stopping.

If he's swimming with his dog
and doing the doggy paddle,

that's gonna take
a long time.

‐Okay.
‐Thanks, Kevin.

Thank you.
How long did it take?

[ Chuckles ]

It took me 55 hours
and 43 minutes.

Number 1?

52 hours and 21 minutes.

How long did it take,
Number 2?

54 hours and 10 minutes.

Question for Number 2 ‐‐
are you able to somehow

listen to music
when you're ‐‐

I like to listen
to music when I work out.

Patti LaBelle has this great
song, "On My Own," you know?

[ Laughter ]
You know, you're out there
on your own a lot.

Can you listen to music?

No, it's against the rules.

What if a boat's coming by
and they're playing music?

You gotta hold
your ears like that?

Yeah, definitely.
[ Laughs ]

‐Number 1?
‐Yeah, it has to be unassisted.

Question for Number 3 ‐‐
directionality for you,

how much of a challenge
is that,

and how much assistance
do you need to make sure

you're swimming
in the right direction?

The people on the boat
have whistles.

Okay.
And I have a pace swimmer.

So directionality
isn't that hard.

Pace swimmers
in front of you?

No, no, the pace swimmer
has to be behind you.

Okay.
You're not allowed
to have anyone

in front of you
to create a draft.

Did you see any sharks?

No, no,
I didn't see anything.

Well ‐‐ [ Laughs ]

♪♪

That was a good one, Kev.

[ Applause ]

This round
is coming to an end.
You're bad.

Let's find out who you think
is telling the truth.

Is it 1, 2, or 3?

Mama,
who do you think it is?

It's girl power today.

Number 2.
[ Applause ]

Audience,
who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

Okay.

Kevin, we're going
to start with you.

Who do you think is the
English Channel record swimmer

and why?

Number 1...
[ Sighs ]

The peripheral vision
thing ‐‐

I mean,
how can you see the shore?

You know, you're just seeing
to the left and the right.

You know?

I mean, if he said he bumped
into the shore,

I'd say, "Yeah, that's the guy,"
you know?

Anyway, I think Number 2
has what it takes

to go back and
forth four times.

If she was strong enough
to beat her breast cancer...
Breast cancer.

...yeah, I think she has
a lot of determination.

Number 2.

Patti.

Well, I'm very impressed
with Number 3.

‐Mm‐hmm.
‐He's cool like that.

I'mma get to the chase ‐‐
Number 3.

Number 3.

[ Applause ]

Mark, who do you think
it is and why?

When this gentleman
said that he did not know

what kind of boat it was
but it was a big boat,

that resonated to me
as someone who was focused

on their swimming,
who didn't need to come up

with a lie to prove
something that wasn't true.

So I'm going
with Number 3.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Constance.

I also thought
it was 3,

but then, I know a lot
of female swimmers.

They're incredibly strong
and can overcome anything.

But then I ‐‐

Number 1...

[ Laughter ]

I don't know, there was
something about

the peripheral vision
that got me to ‐‐

Mama Doris:
Okay, enough is enough.

Alright! I picked 1!

[ Laughter ]

That was just too long,
girl.

That's right.

Anthony:
Alright, we're locked in.

Will the real English Channel
record swimmer please stand up?

...when we come back
after this commercial break.

[ Audience groans ]

It's Number 2.

Patti: You think so?
I don't.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to
"To Tell the Truth."

Now, before the break,
our panel decided

who they thought is the real
English Channel record swimmer.

It's time to find out
who's been telling the truth.

Will the real English Channel
record swimmer please stand up?

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐Yes!
‐Yes.

You and I
are in last place!

God bless you, girl.

Thank you.
Take care.

Thank you.

Whoo!
Oh, my God!

Number 2, please introduce
yourself to our panel.

My name is Sarah Thomas,
and this past summer,

I was the first person
to swim the English Channel

four times in a row
without stopping.

[ Cheers and applause ]
Think we got some footage.

Oh, my God.
Wow.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Anthony:
Alright, as you can see, we've
still got two people with us.

And although neither of them
does the breaststroke,

one of them does have
a mean brushstroke.

It's time to play
"Before You Go."

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Here's this person's story
in their own words.

"To be a great visual artist,

you need to see the world
in a unique way.

And even though I'm blind,
I guarantee

I see the world in a way
that no one else does.

How do I work
when my vision is impaired?

Through touch,
texture, technology,

and, believe it or not, color.

And the best thing is,

I don't even have to
watch paint dry."

[ Laughter ]

It's so beautiful,
whoever did it.

One of these people
is the real visual artist

and is the only one who has been
sworn to tell the truth.

Patti LaBelle, you go first.

Okay, how do you know which
color is which, Number 2?

Well, with acrylic paints,
you can add different types

of mediums to change
the texture of them.

And so I do that
for the different colors.

Okay, Number 3?

I put Braille labels
on the tubes

so I can read the labels.

And then I change the way
the paint feels.

Have you always been artistic,
Number 3?

I've drawn ever since
I could walk.

Number 2?

I've always loved painting,
and I found it as something

to be very therapeutic
post losing my sight.

How much did you change
the way you painted

when you were diagnosed
with the eye...thing?

Yeah, since the eye thing.
I...

[ Laughter ]

I added a lot more color
to my pieces

because of my lack of sight.

Having something pop like that
was really beneficial.

Number 3, do you still paint
the same way you did

when you had your sight?

Whenever I was sighted,
it didn't matter

how thick the paint was.

But after the eyesight,
my hands had to do all the work,

so I had to use
much thicker paint.

We've talked about touch
and texture.

How do you use technology?

2, let's start with you.

Yeah, I use a CCTV,
a closed‐circuit television.

It's a large screen to be able
to put something small

underneath it, zoom in, and make
it larger on the screen.

Number 3?

I have a 3D
printer in my studio,

and I have a Brailler that can
print out raised‐line drawings.

Oh, okay. Alright.

Number 2,
favorite Impressionist painter?

I'm a Rembrandt
fan myself.

Okay. Number 3?

Van Gogh,
'cause of the epilepsy.

Number 3, if I were
to say "vermilion,"

what color would that be?

Oh, my word.
Um, green, I think.

[ Laughs ]
Number 2?

Yeah, green.

[ Laughter ]
Oh, boy.

So, what's the true answer,
Kevin?

Vermilion is a rich red with
a little bit of orange in it.

Okay.

He can't see.

But maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm not
who I say I am.

[ Laughter ]

Alright, what do you add
to the acrylics ‐‐

acrylic paint to make it
a little thinner?

Number 2.

I use a type of gel.

Number 3,
what's that gel called?

It's just called gel thinner.

Is it a thick kind of a gel,
or is it watery?

It's a little watery.
It's a little loose.

Number 2, same question.

Yeah, and that's what
makes it thinner.

[ Laughter ]

So it's a loose gel?

It's not like alcohol
or something? It's a gel?

What are you getting at,
Kevin?

I'm an acrylic painter!

‐Oh!
‐Really?

Share that with us!

I shared it right now!

‐Okay.
‐Are you serious?

He definitely
doesn't paint acrylics.

How do you spell
"acrylics"?

♪♪

We're gonna end it
right there, Kevin.

[ Applause ]

It's time to see who our panel
thinks is telling the truth.

‐I'm going Number 1.
‐Alright.

Mama, who do you think
is telling the truth?

This time,
I'mma go with 2.

Number 2. Audience,
who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

[ Laughs ]
You're so tortured.

It really is.
I love it.

Alright, Patti, we're going
to start with you.

Who do you think is telling
the truth and why?

Do I have
to tell you why?

No, you're Patti LaBelle.
You ain't got to do nothing.

One night only.

‐Alright.
‐[ Laughs ]

I think Number 2.

She chose Number 2.

Don't mess me up, Number 2.

You have to be you.

Mark.

The first question
sold me

when he said "Braille"
and he said "tubes."

It came out quick,
it came out unconsidered.

Number 3.

Alright.

[ Applause ]

Constance?

I chose this person because I
would like it to be true.

Number 3.
Number 3.

[ Applause ]

Kevin.

Number 3 is telling
the truth because,

from here,
I can see paint on his dog.

So I'm gonna go
with Number 3.

‐You're gonna go with Number 3.
‐Whoa! Is that true?

Hang on a second,
Anthony.

That paint I saw
is now a yellow collar.

I'm sorry.
I thought that was paint.

[ Laughter ]

But I'm staying
with Number 3.

Alright, it's time to find out
who's been telling the truth.

Will the real visual artist
please stand up?

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Daggone it!

I'm mad. I'm mad.

We're gonna come over and touch,
'cause you can't see us

all standing up
and hollering for you.

Aww, you're so sweet.
Thank you. Thank you so much.

How are you, brother?
It's Anthony.

Alright. Please, introduce
yourself to our panel.

I'm John Bramblitt, and I'm an
un‐visual visual artist.

‐Alright.
‐Yes!

We have some photos
up here.

‐Love it!
‐Whoo!

‐Beautiful.
‐Beautiful, man. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Impostor Number 2,

please introduce yourself
to our panel here.

My name's Jeremy Poincenot.

Although I'm not a swimmer
or an artist,

I'm an inspirational speaker,

and I'm the world blind
golf champion.

‐Wow!
‐Really?

[ Cheers and applause ]

And we're going to take
a quick break. Be right back.

We got one right.
We got one right!

Sweetheart,
you did great.

That was so much fun.

You're so great.

That was awesome.

♪♪

♪♪

Yoo‐hoo!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to
"To Tell the Truth."

Let's see how tonight's
leaderboard is looking.

Kevin!

I didn't know
you were on top

of the leaderboard ‐‐
with 20 points.

Mark, Constance,
and Patti ‐‐

Patti, you went
from first to last.

I don't care.
I'm still having fun.

‐Okay.
‐That's right, Patti!

Alright, it's time
to meet our next guests.

♪♪

‐Oh.
‐Okay.

Patti: Huh.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Ladies, please introduce
yourselves.

I am a professional
sword swallower.

‐Mm.
‐Ooh!

I am a professional
sword swallower.

Okay.

I am a professional
sword swallower.

Here is this person's story
in their own words.

"I feel blessed
that I get to say this ‐‐

I stick a giant blade
down my throat for a living.

It takes guts to steel yourself
and swallow a sword,

but I've done it so many times,
it feels like second nature.

Now I am an internationally
recognized sword swallower,

and I tour with a group
of sideshow performers.

For me, sword swallowing
isn't just a career ‐‐

it's an all‐consuming passion.

Life without it
would be hard to swallow."

[ Laughter ]
Oh!

One of these people is a
professional sword swallower

and the only one who has been
sworn to tell the truth.

Ladies, please take a seat.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright.

♪♪

Alright, Constance,
you go first.

Number 1,
how old were you when...

you started swallowing?

[ Laughter ]

Is that a pause
or is that it?

Swords.
Swallowing...swords.

Yes.
Okay.

I started training
at 17.

I didn't get
proficient enough

to do it professionally
until I was 19, 20.

Number 3, how old were you
when you started?

22.

Number 2, how old
were you when you started?

24.

Anthony: Patti.

Patti: Okay, ladies,
I'm a singer, right?

So my throat and my voice
is insured.

Number 1?

No, I have
my own health insurance,

but nothing special
for sword swallowing.

Oh. Okay.
Number 2?

I do drink a specific tea
and a shot of whiskey.

Okay.
[ Laughter ]

Alright.
And, Number 3?

I don't have insured
my throat,

but I try to take care of it.
Okay.

What is the oddest scenario

in which you have found
yourself performing?

Starting with Number 2.

A child's birthday party.

A child's birthday party?

What about you, Number 3?

‐A church.
‐A church?

Okay.
Number 1?

I got booked for a low‐budget
burlesque performance

in small‐town
Bible Belt America.

Okay.

Didn't go that well.
[ Chuckles ]

Number 3, what's the shortest
to longest of your swords

that you swallow?

17 inches.

Mm‐hmm.
And where did you start?

Butter‐knife size.

Okay, Number 2,
same question to you.

I started off with a glow stick,
so about 5 inches.

And the longest sword
you've swallowed?

‐16.
‐Number 1?

I also started off
with a butter knife

and worked my way up
through a dowel rod,

and now I swallow
14‐ to 16‐inch blades.

Anthony: Kevin?

Um, I started off
with a, um...

[ Laughter ]

...five‐inch pen.

A pen.

Number 2, when you have
the sword all the way down,

what if you have
to sneeze?

Ohh!

I pull it out real quick.

[ Laughs ]
Alright, Number 3,

you ever pull the sword out
and have an organ on the end?

[ Laughter ]

I had dreams about that.

Number 1, did you ever
accidentally swallow

the whole sword,
where it disappeared?

No. I mean ‐‐
And how would you
get that out?

Well,
you can't do that.

You don't swallow
the whole hilt of the sword.

Just all the way
up to it, so...

So it's not really
swallowing a sword.

It's dipping it in,
like an oil dipstick.

You swallow the whole blade
of the sword.

[ Chuckles ]

Which one of you
have died from this?

♪♪

Alright, let's see
who the panel thinks

is the real
professional "swword" swallower.

Swword swallower.
Swword swallower.

I don't know.
I don't know.
Panelists,
write down your answers ‐‐

1, 2, or 3.

Mama,
who do you think it is?

I'mma go with 2.

You're gonna go with 2.

Alright.

Audience,
who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

Okay.
‐See?

Mark.
Mark: Number 2.

I heard you say something that I
thought was really interesting,

which is that you had practiced
with a glow stick

instead of
a butter knife.

Glow stick felt too unique.

Okay.

‐Number 2.
‐Number 2.

[ Applause ]

Constance?

My first instinct
was Number 1,

and I always overthink
and I second‐guess myself,

so then I went to Number 3
because ‐‐

You overthink
and second‐guess yourself.

Exactly.

So then, instead,
I just said, "Ah, [bleep],"

and I went with 2.

[ Laughter ]

You can curse
on this show?

Anthony:
Yes, you can curse, Patti.

Haven't you heard my mama?
Have you heard me?

I heard her,
but it's real, huh?

‐Yes, it's real.
‐Okay.

Just curse. Just say a curse
word real loud right now, Patti.

Heck.

[ Laughter ]

I don't curse, darling.

Kevin,
who do you think it is?

Initially, like Mark,
I thought Number 2,

um...or possibly Number 3,
'cause, you know...

whatever.

[ Laughter ]
And...

I'm gonna go
with Number 1,

and I know it's Number 1.

Okay.

[ Applause ]

Patti, who do you think is
telling the truth and why?

I sort of think the same way
that Kevin thinks.

That's kind of weird
to hear you say

you think like Kevin Nealon,
but okay.
Just with the choice.

No. No! Shut up.
Just with the ‐‐

[ Laughter ]

Number 1.

Number 1?

Number 1.

[ Applause ]
Alright.

The guesses are locked in.

Will the real professional
sword swallower please stand up?

No!

♪♪

[ Panelists murmuring ]

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

‐We did it!
‐Alright!

Number 2, please introduce
yourself to our panel.

I am Veronica Heaps,

and I am a burlesque performer,
fire eater, and sword swallower.

Yes!

Impostor Number 1, please
introduce yourself to our panel.

My name is Victoria Strange,

and while I've never
swallowed a sword,

I do hula‐hoop and once did so
for four hours straight.

‐Ah!
‐Great actor. Nailed it.

Number 3, please introduce
yourself to our panel.

I am Geisha Montes.

I am not a sword swallower,

but I did get my tonsils
cut off,

and I'm Miss World
Dominican Republic.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright, Veronica,
we didn't bring you here

to not swallow a sword.

Let's see what you got.

Oh, she's gonna use
that one.

Oh, no!

Alright.

Would you like
to assist me?

Of course!

Alright.
Alright.

So, whenever I swallow,
I'm going to bend over...

Okay.
...and I'm gonna
wink at you...

Okay.
...and I want you
to pull it out

very slowly and very steady.
[ Audience groans ]

‐Alright.
‐You got it?

I got it.

Please don't
try this at home!

♪♪

[ Audience groans ]

Oh, no!

Oh, I can't do it!

♪♪

Pull it out!

‐Oh!
‐[ Screaming ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Mark: Crazy.

Wow!

Ladies and gentlemen,
give it up

for our sword swallower,
Veronica!

We're gonna take
a quick break.
Oh, my God.

Stick around.

Constance:
I did not like that.

‐Anthony, Anthony!
‐No!

Give it back!
Okay, my mama
said give it back.

Why I ended up
choosing 2 ‐‐

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Welcome back to
"To Tell the Truth,"

the show where celebrities
read people

and I read a teleprompter.

[ Laughter ]

Let's take a look
at the leaderboard

before we enter
the final round.

Mark, Constance, Kevin ‐‐
20 points.

Patti.
What?

You started out gangbusters.

I know.
No, no, you're losing.

And this is why
I say that.

Why?
The final round
is worth double points.

Ohh!

Yay!
[ Applause ]

So this how this game works.
This is fun.

Let's meet our final guests.

♪♪

Constance: Uh‐huh.

Please introduce yourselves.

I am a psychic detective.

I am a psychic detective.

I am a psychic detective.

Alright, here is this person's
story in their own words.

"I see dead people."

Okay.
I'm leaving.

"My résumé doesn't say that,
but it could.

I'm a psychic detective.

The cases I work on are huge.

When there's a mystery
in the making,

I assist law enforcement
by channeling the dead

to identify killers,
locate missing persons,

and shed new light
on cold cases.

I can't use my abilities
to help you solve this mystery,

but I will answer
your questions truthfully.

It's deceased I can do."
[the least]

[ Laughter ]
Oh!

One of these people
is the real psychic detective

and is the only one who has been
sworn to tell the truth.

Please ‐‐ take a seat.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright.
Constance, go first.

Uh...

What am I thinking?
No, I'm just kidding.

Okay, Number 1,
how old were you

when you first realized
you could talk to the dead?

5.

Number 2,
same question.

I was about 11 or 12.

Number 3?

I was in my late 30s.

Who's the first person
you spoke to, Number 2?

Well, I grew up next
to a graveyard.

It was a woman
who had recently passed away.

Someone left a scarf at her
grave, and I picked it up.

It was a bright‐green scarf.

I touched it,
and I was transported.

What did she say to you?

Well,
it wasn't really saying.

I kind of became her
at the moment of her death.

So, when you channel
someone that's not alive,

you become that person?

That's correct.

Number 1,
when you channel somebody,

how do they
speak to you?

I usually have an object
that they owned,

and I hold on to that object
for quite some time,

and then I go into
a meditative state,

and then I'm able to communicate
with the person.

Number 3, do you have to have
an item to channel the dead?

Yes, I do.

What if you don't
have an item?

I don't talk to anyone.

[ Laughter ]

How important is it
for you, Number 2,

to be in this sort
of conduit state,

or can you just turn it on
and turn it off?

Oh, it's very important.

It takes a while to prepare ‐‐
at least 30 minutes.

I like to meditate.

Mm‐hmm.
Can't just turn it on.

Number 3, what was the biggest
case that you solved?

I found an airplane.

Uh...

Anthony: Nobody else could find
a big‐ass airplane?

[ Laughter ]

I mean, they're huge,
Number 3.

Where was it?

It was in New York area
when I ‐‐

What street?

Not a street.

Number 1,
what's your biggest case?

I worked on
the Casey Anthony case.

[ Audience murmuring ]

Oh, and you found
the murderer?

I didn't find
the murderer.

I found the location
of the body.

‐Oh.
‐Where was that?

It was in Florida
in a forest.

Mm.
You're right.
You're right.

[ Laughter ]

Number 3, how did you know
that you had this ability

to do what you do?

I was meditating,
and something happened,

and I ‐‐ words came out
of my mouth

that I didn't seem
to be speaking,

and it sort of scared me,
so I started doing research,

and trying to figure out
if it was true or not.

Oh.
Number 1?

My mom had the actual
same ability.

She did?
Yes.

Number 1, where you from
and where your mama from?

I'm from Los Angeles, but my
mother is from Louisiana.

‐Thank you.
‐Uh‐huh.

Number 1, if I were
to give you Mark's sweater...

could you tell me where
to find that in my size?

'Cause I like it.

♪♪

Anthony: Alright.

Let's see who the panel thinks
is the real psychic detective.

Panelists, please write down
your answers.

It's 1, 2, or 3.

Mama,
who do you think it is?

I'mma go with black ‐‐
Number 1.

Alright.
[ Laughter ]

Audience,
who do you think it is?

[ Audience shouting ]

Okay.

Constance,
we're going to start with you.

Who do you think is our psychic
detective and why?

Because I believe that we're all
born with psychic abilities

and it's how we nurture them,
I found it a little hard

to believe that you wouldn't
have it until you were 30,

but I'm trying
not to judge.

Oh, you're judging.
[ Laughs ]

The handing it down
from mom to daughter,

I also do believe
it's in the aura.

So, anyways,
I went with 1.

Good choice.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Kevin, who do you think is our
psychic detective and why?

Well, I know
it's not Number 2.

[ Laughter ]

Why not?
Let's talk about that.

Because I think Number 2
was assuming a character

when he came out,
being very mysterious

and intense
and...whatever.

But I got to tell you, Number 3
was so convincing to me.

I mean, everything she said
really hit home for me.

So I voted for Number 1.

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

Patti, who do you think is our
psychic detective and why?

I believe in black power.

Mm‐hmm.
In Louisiana, where?

‐Baton Rouge.
‐Yeah.

That's it.

And it better be you,
'cause I'm losing.

[ Laughter ]

‐Number 1.
‐It has to be you.

Right?

[ Applause ]

Mark, who do you think it is
and why?

Number 2, I felt like

the over‐selling
of the bright‐green scarf

felt like something that someone
who's putting on a lie does ‐‐

they go with details.

So that put you out
for me.

I am from Louisiana,
I felt your energy deeply.

I'm going with Number 1.

Alright.
Patti: Oh, please!

[ Laughs ]

Please be Number 1!

Everybody is locked in.

Will the real psychic detective
please stand up?

...when we come back
after this commercial break.

[ Panelists groan ]

Y'all didn't see
that coming?

I'm not a psychic!

[ Applause ]

‐How are you?
‐How are you, dear?

‐Nice to meet you.
‐Nice to meet you.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Welcome back to
"To Tell the Truth."

Now, before the break,

our celebrities locked in
their guesses

as they tried to identify
the real psychic detective.

Alright, will the real psychic
detective please stand up?

‐Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
‐Oh, no!

No!

Is it?
No. It better not be.

Kevin: It's Number 3.

Oh, my God.
Is it not 1?

Yeah!

No!

Yes!

No!

[ Laughing ] Yeah!

Got to read my book,
"Mind for Murder."

Alright.

Well,
please introduce yourself.

First of all, my name
is Noreen Renier,

and I really am
a psychic detective.

The airplane I found,
I gave longitude and latitude

and lots more information,
and I'm pretty good.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Alright, there you go.
I think we have a photo of you.

Mark: Yes!

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Laughs ]

Liar Number 1.

[ Laughter ]

I mean...

Bravo, bravo!

You did good.

Continue with the lies,
ma'am!

You better be
from Louisiana.

Hi, I'm Lashan Anderson,
and I had a sneaky suspicion

that none of you knew that I was
not a psychic detective.

[ Laughter ]

And my mother really
is from Louisiana.

Liar!

[ Laughter ]

What does she do,
Anthony?

My mother wants to know what is
it that you actually do.

I'm a jewelry designer
and a crystal consultant.

‐Oh!
‐Okay.

‐That's some energy.
‐Okay.

Liar Number 2, please introduce
yourself to the panel.

I'm Alex Pudlin.

I'm not a psychic detective,
but I'm psyched to be here.

‐Alright.
‐There it is.

[ Laughter ]

Let's take a look

and see how that round affects
our final leaderboard.

Constance:
Man, we all got screwed.

Well,
we know how it affects it.

Patti is in last place.

[ Audience groans ]
Aww!

Oh, Patti!

Patti, I can confirm

that you are officially
tonight's worst player.

[ Laughter ]
Good!

You've displayed great
sportsmanship tonight,

which is another way of saying
you tanked out there.

Walk over and go see my mama,
Patti, please.

[ Cheers and applause ]
Okay.

You walk over to my mom.
Mark: Watch your step.

♪♪

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Okay.
Mm‐hmm.

For Patti,
I'm not gonna call her dumb.

Thank you.

She just
was a little dizzy.

[ Laughter ]

‐This is large.
‐Yeah!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Patti, come join me
so everybody can see you.

Patti, is there anything
you'd like to say

to anybody at home
watching?

I would love to say ‐‐
I'm sorry, Patti.
We're out of time.

Oh! Bye!
I'd like to thank all
our guests tonight ‐‐

our record breaking astronaut,

the English Channel swimmer,
the visual artist,

the professional
sword swallower,

and the psychic detective,

and all of our lying impostors.

I'd also like to thank
my celebrity panel ‐‐

tonight's big loser,
Patti LaBelle,

Constance, Kevin, and Mark,

and most importantly,
my beautiful mama, Doris.

We'll see you next time
on "To Tell the Truth."

Hi, Jordan High School,
L. A.!

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪