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Me, yes, I knew it was legal until
very recently.
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Because he told me it was legal.
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00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,880
He read it in the Reader's Digest
that it was legal in marriage,
4
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,480
so he felt confident.
5
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,760
He felt confident. He was confident
he could behave like an animal
6
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,080
at home. He couldn't do that
in the street,
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00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,480
or in someone else's home or if we
separated or in Scotland even,
8
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:44,520
but he could do what he liked at
home, in England,
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00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,680
behind our curtains.
10
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:48,880
Curtains made by moi.
11
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,480
Yes, because I was his wife.
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00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,520
I am his wife.
13
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,920
The problem with all the fuss and
the change in the laws
14
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:04,240
is that before yesterday, before
last week, I was a person,
15
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,080
a woman married to a man.
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00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,520
And twice a week, that man, my
husband, he went to the pub.
17
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,640
And he came home wanting to have sex
18
00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,200
and sometimes there would be a bit
of a tussle - he'd call it a tussle,
19
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a tussling, and eventually he'd
get what he wanted.
20
00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:21,080
He'd make me have oral sex and then
the lying down kind of sex.
21
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,400
If he's trying to have sex with me
and I get bruised by him,
22
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,120
that would have been something I
could've gone to the police about
23
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before but not, not the main event,
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00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,760
not that bit, because that
bit was legal.
25
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:34,040
So a sore arm I could complain
about, but not the main event.
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00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:36,880
Very bureaucratic.
27
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,880
But after he has sex with me,
and I know it isn't me wanting it,
28
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,600
because I say no, I don't want it.
29
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And I'm sleeping in my own room
now for clarity,
30
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it honestly feels that when I
agreed to marry him,
31
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,520
he had a right to access me,
body and soul.
32
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:57,520
And when he hits me or beats me up
a little bit,
33
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I would never feel like crying or
anything like that,
34
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:04,080
but after that kind of sex,
I cry a lot. Because...
35
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:07,320
..I don't know.
36
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:12,600
I think it breaks my heart.
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00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,160
I would say so, yes, but I always
try not to make too much noise
38
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,320
about it, not too much fuss,
39
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,240
because I don't want to wake up
our little girl.
40
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,360
Especially when he drags me
into his room,
41
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,160
that can be a bit noisy and I'm
not...
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I'm not sort of thinking to myself,
43
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,200
"What's happening to me?
44
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,000
"What's going on, why does he do
this to me?"
45
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,040
I'm thinking he's got a point,
this is what I signed up to.
46
00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:37,200
Because it is - legally speaking,
my body does belong to him.
47
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It was in the Reader's Digest.
48
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,400
This is married life.
49
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,520
No wonder my mother is such a
misery guts.
50
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,240
No wonder my neighbour's such a cow.
51
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,760
It was a trick, I fell for a
trick, it's a trick.
52
00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:49,840
They're nice to you and then they
think they own you
53
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because they do, and all these girls
agreeing to sign their rights away.
54
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,360
Silly, isn't it? Isn't it silly?
55
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Ever so silly.
56
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,480
I think if someone sort of grabs you
in an alley
57
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,440
and they force themselves on you,
OK, maybe I can get over that.
58
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:06,120
I think I would get over that quite
quick, but not...not quickly,
59
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,920
but more quickly. I think I would be
over it by now, let's say.
60
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,680
Yeah, I would have preferred that.
61
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,240
If you could choose between the two,
62
00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,840
that would have been my
personal preference.
63
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,480
But when you have to have breakfast
together and do the washing,
64
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,240
wash the sheets, watch the telly
together, go to the park together,
65
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,880
do all that and you can
see his face,
66
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:28,360
and this is a face you used to be
really attracted to.
67
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,600
Or to really like who he is
behind the eyes.
68
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:34,640
We used to sort of make love or
whatever, make love,
69
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:37,080
make love and...
70
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,960
Make love...
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00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,040
And you can see what he's thinking,
and you know what he's thinking,
72
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:47,480
because you know him very well.
73
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,480
He's your husband.
74
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,080
After a while I find it better
to think of him as a pig instead.
75
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:55,440
"Morning, Piggy," I'll say.
76
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:58,200
"It's OK, piggy, you're just a
piggy, you're a pig, aren't you?
77
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,040
You're living a pig life,
you and your pigsty
78
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,440
with your pig snoring, and pig
farting, and pig burping,
79
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,040
and your pig meals, and your pig
drinks, and your piggy friends,
80
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,640
your pig job, and your pig clothes,
and your pig socks and shoes,
81
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,760
and then you have your pig coat,
and your pig lunch,
82
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:11,960
and your pig dinner, and then
he has his pig sex with me
83
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,440
and I'm not so surprised because
I think that's all part of it -
84
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,600
that's pig life. It's not your fault
that you're a pig
85
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,320
and that pigs have pig lives.
Oh, poor piggy wiggy.
86
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:21,400
And I'm just sort of used to it.
87
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:22,760
And now they've changed the law.
88
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:26,800
I have to accept he's not actually
an actual pig, he's my husband.
89
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:31,520
And when he wanted to have pig sex,
it's not actually pig sex, is it?
90
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,280
Ivy, it's rape, and he's been
raping you all this time.
91
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,400
I know, yeah, I do know,
but before the law changed
92
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,480
I didn't have to think -
I could just get on with it.
93
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:53,160
I didn't have to do
anything about it.
94
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,000
Now I have to get on with him being
a rapist, and me being raped.
95
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,600
I've been really worried about that.
96
00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,440
I've been worried about how much it
might cost, getting time off work,
97
00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:01,800
talking to the police.
98
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,160
I've been worried about what people
would say about me
99
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,880
because I work in fashion.
100
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,080
Sometimes people think my
clothes are a bit daffy.
101
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,320
They think, oh, hang on why is
she wearing that?
102
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,880
Who does she think she is? Now it'll
be who does she think she is,
103
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,360
with her rapist husband?
104
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,040
Having a husband who is
a rapist now
105
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,280
is even more for me to sort out.
106
00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:21,800
Now I have to worry about being a
rape victim too,
107
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,960
I have to say, "Oh, OK, that's OK,
I'm a victim of rape.
108
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,360
"More admin, being a rape
victim, admin,
109
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,400
"it's just another task on the
list for muggins, here."
110
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,480
Before I was a victim of marriage,
which sounds quite funny,
111
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:37,920
like a bit of a good joke.
112
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,680
Anyone can laugh at that,
it's quite funny.
113
00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,560
And now I have to prove
he's a rapist.
114
00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:51,920
Instead of just a pig. If I had
told you my husband is a pig,
115
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,640
you'd believe me,
no questions asked.
116
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,920
If I said he's a rapist,
you want it to be wrong.
117
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:58,240
You want me to prove it,
so they sort of made it my problem
118
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,960
to deal with it. It's a risk,
it's another risk
119
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,880
and you just don't know
everything it involves.
120
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,400
I don't want to be a rape victim.
121
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,640
So I'm not. Thank you very much.
122
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:12,960
I'd rather be a wife.
123
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:16,880
Have I been swearing my head off?
124
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,080
I feel as if I've been
screaming my head off.
125
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,640
Have I? Am I?
126
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:25,480
I haven't, have I?
127
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,240
I'm fine.
128
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:32,360
I'm fine.
129
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,760
I could take him to court,
but I couldn't really,
130
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,440
because I just can't face
the pig courts.
131
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,920
And the pig judges,
and the pig police
132
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,880
so I've been thinking I'll move out
and he can keep our house,
133
00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,960
and his job, and all of that
and I'll try to start again
134
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,080
from scratch at my mum's,
which is fine -
135
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,360
it's home from home, really.
136
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,400
Just like home.
137
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,200
A change in the law.
138
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:57,480
Just last week.
139
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,040
Bit too late in the day.
Too late for me,
140
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,600
too late for you too, Ivy.
141
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,320
There was a time when we'd
just got married,
142
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,080
and I wanted to go to Spain.
143
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,480
Said he didn't fancy it.
144
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:19,320
There was this other time when
I wanted to stop eating meat,
145
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:22,400
and he said he just couldn't.
Fair enough.
146
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,840
There was this time I thought
I might grow my hair long,
147
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,680
he said it looks daft when you're
past your 20s.
148
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,800
There was this time when we ate our
dinner in our lap and watched
149
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,840
something, something boring on TV
150
00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:38,120
and there was this time when I
waited all day for the plumber.
151
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:42,720
There was this time when I thought
I put the choc-ices in the...
152
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,680
There was this time
I planted daffodils...
153
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:46,000
This time limes not lemons.
154
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,640
This time, bus quicker than car.
155
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,000
This time the curtains time,
156
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,240
looking bored with no time coming,
having songs, car time.
157
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:59,320
Wake early, cries time, back door
time, waiting here he thinks time,
158
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:00,480
joint decision time.
159
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:06,880
Wake night time, time suck,
time drag, time hush.
160
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:08,120
Time, time, time.
161
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:15,880
Hold still time, take it time,
time over soon, time gone.
162
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,680
Time mine, time mine.
163
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,760
All that lovely time of mine, gone.
164
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,240
Thank you for talking to us, Ivy,
you're welcome, Ivy.
165
00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:30,760
Thank you for taking the time.
You're welcome.
166
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,320
I've got time.
20965
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