All language subtitles for Round Planet S01E06 Penguins 1080p NF WEB-DL DD+2 0 x264-AJP69_Subtitles01.ENG

♪♪

Of all the billions of planets
in the universe,

this planet, the Earth planet,
is the only one with cameras.

Here and possibly only here,

the struggle of planet against planet

is enriched by the struggle of life.

This planet is our planet,

and this is its story.

This... is Round Planet:

The Story Of Everything.

How was that

♪♪

Penguins... the natural world’s
answer to Charlie Chaplin.

They only have to waddle about
and children smile...

...and so do I,
because they look like sozzled nuns.

While the rest of nature
is chock full of murder and mayhem,

penguins are on an island of sweet-natured
tap dancing, adorable cuteness.

Right?

Wrong!

These waddling tough nuts
are some of the hardest squid botherers

on this whole darn planet.

Of the 17 species that exist,

most endure conditions that would kill
any other bird you could name,

like a chicken or a woody woodpecker. Putting up with the windiest waves...

...and the waviest winds,

the gnarliest neighbours,
and the powerfullest predators,

this incredibly adaptable family
of half bird, half fish things,

have colonised swathes of the Southern
Hemisphere against all the odds.

"Penguins... Born Survivors."

Huh, I know how they feel.
The BBC haven’t killed me off yet,

hmm, not for want of trying.

Anyway, where were we?

Mmm...

The Antarctic...
the loveliest place I’ve ever lost a toe.

It wasn’t frostbite. Cameraman Garth
De La Spong dropped an ice pick on it,

cut it clean off.

♪♪

It’s autumn, and the sea ice is expanding

at up to 150,000 square kilometres a day.

But not that fast...
We’ve sped that up obviously.

We have, haven’t we, Tabitha? Uh...

Anyway, it’s now so arse-numbingly,
ball-achingly cold

that most of the animals who live here in
summer have wimped off to warmer climes.

But one sub-zero superhero
is staying right here to tough it out.

♪♪

These hard nuts are the emperor penguins,

just when king penguins
thought they had the best name.

At over a metre tall,

the emperors are the largest penguins
on the round planet,

♪♪

weighing up to 40 kilograms,
half the weight of an average man...

...like myself.

No laughing, Tabitha.

No, I can’t hear through the glass,
but I saw your shoulders move.

The penguin’s paunch is essential
if he is to survive the winter.

♪♪

But gaining the grams
has given this gentleman mobility issues.

Don’t worry. Nobody saw, mate...

...well, except me, Tabitha,

and a surprising number
of cable subscribers in Brazil.

Ola to you all.

♪♪

The emperors are heading inland
to their breeding grounds

up to 120 kilometres away,

which is a long way
when you walk like a wind-up toy...

...rather like me with my nine toes.
Still, I just muddle on.

This is their destination,

which is handy
because that’s where we put the cameras.

As soon as they arrive,
these likely lads swagger off on the pull.

Their technique is best described
as fast and efficient.

No shame in that, I say.

A short time later, the egg arrives.

Incubation is not the female’s job.

She passes the egg to the male,

thereby crushing
his hopes, dreams, and feet.

Which reminds me... the toe.

Luckily, it was a clean cut

and we had just enough morphine and brandy
to kill the pain and serve it up.

They actually saved it
in the BBC tape box.

And then we staggered on
making Empire Of The Cod.

The emperor mums
are heading off for a long lunch,

whilst the dads are about to endure
two months of continuous night

in the coldest, darkest,
windiest place on our round planet.

It’s their job to babysit the eggs
until the missus gets back.

She hopes she can trust him
to remember that one thing.

They huddle together
like an oversized rugby scrum.

But luckily, they won’t have to stick
their heads between each other’s legs

or drink a pint of their own urine.

Never did me any harm!

Two long months later,
and here’s the sun.

♪♪

They’ve forgotten what it looks like...

...as have I,
trapped in this tiny voiceover prison...

for seven hours, trapped, snackless.

No, I don’t think it is off topic,
Tabitha.

Anyway, right behind the sun
are the ladies.

They soar towards the surface
like they’ve got a rocket up the jacksy.

It’s almost like cameraman Garth
was floating at the bottom

making angry whale noises
to get a good shot...

...not that we’d dream of it, obviously.

With a belly full of seafood,

it’s time for Mrs. Emperor to nip home
and see what hubby’s been up to.

He’s been through the ringer,
to be honest,

but chin up, lads. Your missus is back.

This is what he’s been dreaming of

through the long, long winter months
that were ever so long.

A graceful waddle. A charming beak.

The pair greet each other
with ecstatic head nodding.

He has not seen an adult female
in months.

Making one from snow was no substitute.

♪♪

And there’s someone
he’d like the female to meet...

A baby! A little baby.
Oh, that is so cute. Oh, look at that!

Dad has spent the whole winter
sitting on him.

And don’t write in because for penguins,
that counts as excellent parenting.

It’s time for mum to take over childcare.

Dad’s got his ways
of doing things... routines.

Would mum like him to explain?
No, she can handle it.

Little Bubba is ready
to move on to solids, and luckily, mum’s prepared
a delicious feast

of regurgitated krill, fish, and squid.

Yes, uh... not bad,
once you get used to it.

It’s all about
managing expectations, really.

While the emperor males have sat through
the Antarctic winter,

and they’re busy telling
anyone who listens just how tough it was,

another species of flipperised birds
is only now returning to land.

♪♪

These Adélie penguins
have spent the last few months

freezing their feathery behinds off
on ice floes far out at sea.

But now, they’re back, to spend some time

freezing their feathery behinds off
on land instead.

Well, a change is as good as a rest.

They’re in a hurry
to get their breeding season underway.

Unlike the emperors,
these clever clogs don’t keep the egg warm

by sticking it under their shorts.

They build nests.

It’s all about
location, location, location.

And what could be more desirable

than this barren stretch
of featureless no mans’ land?

South facing garden, plenty of light,
all original materials...

Everything’s perfect.

Just don’t mention the neighbours.

Huh, did you see that? Blatant theft.

But this honest nest builder
doesn’t suspect a thing.

Yeah, I’d watch him up there
on the horizon if I were you, mate.

Guard your...
Oh... Too late, he’s off again.

Get your own stones,
you lazy so and so!

Think your wife is proud of you, do you?

It’s the penguin version
of Neighbours From Hell,

and just like a row in Surbiton
over the placement of a leylandii,

things soon escalate.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.
Look at them... proper little slap fight.

But you may imagine
some scary fight music there,

but come on, scrapping penguins
are just even more adorable, aren’t they?

Look at them.
I could watch hours of this.

But it’s time for these gents
to cool off...

...not just metaphorically,
because violence solves nothing,

but also literally, because
there’s a massive storm coming in...

...with a wind chill factor of...
Cripes! I can no longer feel my face.

These winds are the coldest
and most ferocious on the planet.

I don’t know how they cope,
I really don’t.

I can still feel the cold from my
trip there, even in my missing toe.

I get what they call phantom chilblains,

but it’s nothing compared to
what these guys put up with.

Oh, we’ve got a spare bit of time.

Mmm, might have a drop of sherry.

Eventually the storm subsides,

and just in time.
The girls are back in town.

Way hey!

And now it’s time for a little bit
of How’s Your Feather.

Uh, uh, uh, you can have that.
You can use that.

And before you can say "nuns on the run,"
eggs are laid and left with the males,

while the females scarper.

Yes, they’re off
for another long lunch and a dip.

Unfortunately, someone else
is joining them...

...the rather aptly named killer whale.

Except they’re not whales,
they’re technically dolphins,

but the killer part is true.

The penguins are out of that sea
quicker than you can say,

"Oh no, it’s a whale."

They know what’s what,
and they’re not mucking about.

Well, it looks as if they’re
mucking about, but trust me, they’re not.

This penguin
has been separated from the others,

So, she tries a clever plan...

...hiding from the whale
by diving in the water...

...where the whale is.

But not to worry...

These orcas are looking
for something bigger and tastier.

We saw some killer whales
when we went filming Empire Of The Cod,

the same day the tape box
containing my toe went missing

and I couldn’t find it anywhere.

These a-list predators know
how to up the ante when working as a team.

They create a kind of
Mexican Antarctic wave

to knock this Weddell seal off its perch.

And it works.

One of them tries to grab the seal
by the tail and drown it

while the rest of his mates
blow bubbles for cover.

Ooh... Ooh, I can hardly watch,
but I have to, you see.

It’s my job.

Our film crew didn’t want to intervene,

not just because of their deep respect
for nature’s ways,

but because they didn’t want
to get eaten by a killer whale.

Nor does this exhausted seal. Gut-wrenchingly sad, I know.

But if Disney’s classic The Lion King
has taught us anything,

it’s that the circle of life
keeps turning.

The Lion King Two, the straight-to-video
one, I didn’t really care for.

These Adélie chicks are hatching.

If only they knew
what kind of a life they were in for,

they’d probably crawl back in.

There are now about 500,000
penguins in their colony,

which means as a whole, they have a
better chance of survival.

This also leaves
the individual penguin struggling

against feelings of insignificance.

Who are they

Should they spend their
premium bond windfall on a conservatory,

or blow it on a bottle
of 1787 Chateau Lafite?

Life is so complicated.

Meanwhile, or possibly later,

and maybe even earlier, further north
on the island of South Georgia,

the king penguin is emerging
from its own winter.

Everyone gets out in the end...
just not me.

Tabitha, are you listening? Ugh...

A quick time lapse later,

and finally, spring is here.

The king penguins hit the beach
looking to match and hatch.

South Georgia’s answer to Miami
comes to life,

packed with pingoos walking on the beaches
looking at the peaches.

But this beach, like Miami,
draws in all sorts,

Including these rather large
elephant seals.

This well-stuffed fella
is known as the beach master.

I rather like that term.

His harem contains 50 females,

meaning he’s constantly challenged
by other jealous males.

I wonder if people have ever called me
beach master?

Tabitha, don’t shake your head! Oh...

First, they size each other up.

Then, It’s time
to take the conversation outside...

...or, to the other bit of outside.

Each elephant seal weighs about four tons,
about the same as an elephant elephant.

They face off like two slugs...

...if slugs stood up,
which they absolutely do not.

Then, bam!

The two lumbering blubbernauts
do their best

to get the better
of their rival wobbleslob.

This is not what the king penguins
were hoping for on their beach holiday,

but in an almost British way, they
studiously ignore the rather unseemly spat

and politely talk about the weather.

With a mighty bellow,
he sees off his rival.

The beach master has proven his mettle
and gets the last laugh.

♪♪

With the fight over, the king penguins
drift away to get their fun elsewhere.

And what fun they must have had,

because by summer, the beach is covered
in fuzzy little king penguin chicks,

chirping like good ‘uns.

Returning with food, each parent
must recognise the cry of its offspring

in a crowd of 400,000.

♪♪

No creature looks better in crowds...

...like the bird version
of a shoal of fish,

or the fish version of a flock of birds.

I wonder if it’ll make a big picture
of a penguin or something.

No... No, just scribble.

I might see something in Arabic,
but I’m not really au fait.

Anyway, now we’re up in the air.

Let’s drift across the ocean to another
perilous, penguinous place.

Here, just off the coast
of the Falkland Islands,

there’s a bunch of penguins
who have to brave the wildest seas

on our round planet.

But the gentoo
make riding these bodacious waves

look like water off a penguin’s back.

Nothing, and I mean nothing,
is going to spoil their fun...

...apart, maybe,
from this hungry sea lion.

Maybe he just wants to play...
with his food.

Buoyed up by a breaking wave,

the sea lion chases the gentoo onto the
shore like a blubber-seeking missile...

...just a very slow one.

There’s no way this little fellow
is going to get out of this.

Oh, he has!
Ah, I knew he would.

Well, there’s absolutely no way
this chap’s going to catch him again.

Oh, he has. Sorry, little fellow.
It’s game over now.

There’s no way on earth
you’re going to get away this time.

Oh, he’s escaped!
I knew he would!

Yes, I... I’ve got a real feel
for this stuff, yeah.

This creature has got
more lives than a cat...

...which has used up seven
of its nine lives.

Whenever I think of me with my nine toes,
I think... I think of the penguin, Tabby,

and, um, what they put up with on a
daily basis, and I find strength in that.

Mmm, I finally managed
to find my toe, you know?

Yeah, Garth was using it
to level his tripod,

and now it resides on my mantelpiece
pickled in a jar,

a reminder of
just how hard things can get.

The penguins know
what I’m talking about.

They know life’s a tall order,

but they’re taller.

They’ve colonised the Southern Hemisphere,
and they can’t even fly.

I mean, really they should learn,
but give them time.

♪♪

Versatile, cunning,
and tough as old boots,

they are clearly not as daft as they look.

Yes, they wear the clown’s mask,
and his feet too,

but they’re waddling to victory.