All language subtitles for Plaza Suite

Oh, uh, Mrs. Sam Nash,
suite 719.

Uh, the house phones

are on the other side
of the elevators.

Oh, I'm Mrs. Nash.
I'm checking in.

-Oh.
-suite 719.

Uh, one moment, Mrs. Nash.

Oh, l-I phoned in Thursday
morning for a reservation.

719, it has to be 719.

Yes, Mrs. Nash, here it is.

Does it say 719?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

Front.

It's our 23th anniversary.

That's where we spent
our honeymoon-- suite 719.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

Uh, would you show Mrs. Nash
to her room, please?

Yes, sir.

Oh, it's suite 719.

May I take that, ma'am?

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

It's this way, right?

Yes, ma'am.

See? I remembered.

You like working here?

Yes, ma'am.

Anything new about those rumors?

What rumors?

That the Plaza's
being torn down.

This Plaza?

I didn't hear that.

They probably want to
keep it quiet from the staff,

but the story is

they're going to
tear down the Plaza

and put up a 52-story
luxury hotel.

Why?
This is a luxury hotel.

Yeah, but it's an
old luxury hotel.

Today it's got to be new.

Old is no good anymore.

All I really care about
is tonight.

Yes, ma'am.

This is it-- suite 719.

Oh, my God!

Where's the Savoy hotel?

Ma'am?

The Savoy hotel?

They tore down the Savoy
a few years ago.

Well...

it shows you how often
I get in the city.

That's the way
they do things today.

If it's old and it's beautiful,
it's not there in the morning.

Will that be all, ma'am?

Yes, tha... Oh, no!

Oh, wait a minute!

Oh, dear, I'm sorry.

Just a minute.

Uh... wait, wait.

Oh...

here you are.

Thank you, ma'am.

I don't usually give
dollar tips,

but this is my anniversary,
so I can be a sport.

Oh, well, congratulations.

Thank you, dear.

23 years ago tonight,

I spent my honeymoon
in this room.

I bet you weren't even born
23 years ago.

No, I was born.

You know what I was? 25.

You know
what that makes me today?

Some old lady.

Well, you certainly don't
look like an old lady.

Well, have a pleasant
stay, ma'am,

and happy anniversary.

Thank you, dear.

And take my advice--

don't rush,
but look around for another job.

Uh, yes, ma'am.

Oh, you are definitely
some old lady.

Oh!

Operator?

Could I have room service,
please?

Oh, no, operator.

I was just groaning to myself,
I'm sorry.

hello, room service,

this is Mrs. Sam Nash
in suite 719,

and I would like a cold bottle
of imported French champagne

and a tray of hors d'oeuvres.

Oh, listen, room service,

don't give me any anchovies,
please.

Uh, I can't stand anchovies.

Could you put anything else
you have on there, and...

and no anchovies.

Right.

Mrs. Sam Nash, 719,
no anchovies.

Right.

They'll give me anchovies.

Mrs. Sam Nash, please.

Nash. Right.

All right, we've still got
a fighting chance.

hello?

hello?

Sam!

When'd you get here?

Did anyone call?

Look, do me a favor, will you?

I haven't eaten
since this morning.

Will you call room service
for me?

I want a plate
of cold roast beef,

medium rare, very lean.

have you got that?

Yes, sir, I've got it--
very lean, no fat.

Sam, guess what room we're in?

Guess.

Suite 71 9.

Remember? 719.

That's right. 719.

he doesn't remember.

hello?

hello?

Oh, hello, Miss McCormack.

No, he isn't here.

he's on his way up.

Oh.

I was hoping
he wouldn't have to think

about work tonight.

he seems so tired lately.

We... Oh, my God--
I still have my galoshes on.

Yes, I will, dear.

As soon as he comes in, okay?

All right.

Good-bye, dear.

Oh.

Operator, could I have
room service again, please?

Watch your step, please.

Thank you.
Oh, uh, 719 this way?

That way, sir.

This way. Thank you.

And please, for my sake--
make it very lean roast beef.

Thank you.

Oh, damn it!

Just a minute.

Oh! You had to wear galoshes
today, didn't you?

Oh, all right.

Oh, look at that.

My 23th anniversary.

Oh. hello, Sam.

An hour and 15 minutes

I was in
the goddamn dentist's chair.

how do you feel, Sam?

Between the Muzak
and his lousy dirty jokes,

I got some headache.

Sam, do you remember this room?

Two more caps and I'm through.

What do you think?

Oh, they're dazzling.

huh? You don't think
they're too white, do you?

They look too white to you?

No, no, they're perfect.

Very nice
with the blue shirt.

3:30 already.
The meeting must be over.

Anybody call?

Uh... Oh, Miss McCormack
from the office.

I told her you'd
call her back.

Why didn't you tell me?

We were busy talking
about your white teeth.

happy anniversary, Sam.

-huh?
-Forget it.

Uh, Columbus 5-3-5-9-8, please.

What's the matter with your leg?

One is shorter than the other.

Didn't you ever notice that?

Lorraine? Mr. Nash.

Let me have Miss McCormack,
please.

Well, that kills my barber's
appointment for today.

Boy, could I use five minutes
under a sun lamp.

Miss McCormack,
did henderson call?

Did he sign the contracts?

Uh-huh.

Right.
What about Nizer?

I see.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Well, what does it look like?

Uh-huh.

Right. Right.

Pencil,

a pencil!

All right, all right,
give me the figures.

Right, right, right.

Uh-uh, well,
it sounds right, uh,

but I'll have to go
over the estimates.

Tomorrow morning?

That doesn't give us much time.

Karen, for God's sakes,
a pencil.

Uh, wait a minute,

would you give me
the figures again?

Karen, a pencil.

$1 75,000, escalating up
to three and a quarter.

One-seven-five...
hold it.

One-seven-five up to 325.

This is a lipstick.

I don't have a pencil.

Then why did you give me
your lipstick?

Because I don't have a pencil.

Do you want to go around again?

All right, Miss McCormack,
I'll go over the figures here.

If henderson calls
or the contracts come in,

bring them right over.

What's that?

Yeah, well, it's like

we were saying the other night--

it's the old badger game.

"The old badger game."

ho-ho-ho, Miss McCormack.

All right,
I'll speak to you later,

and, uh, thank you very much,
Miss McCormack.

$1 75,000 contract,
and you give me your lipstick.

I'm giving you blood,
but it isn't blue.

All right, Karen,

don't test me

because I've got
enough of a headache.

I'm sorry, Sam.

And for God's sakes,
stop hobbling around.

I don't feel like listening
to "thump, thump, thump."

happy anniversary to you.

-What?
-Forget it.

What are you talking about?

It's not our anniversary.

Today is November 13,
isn't it?

Yeah.

So, we're married
23 years today.

Are you serious?

We're not married
23 years today?

No.

We're not married 23 years?

No.

We're not married?

Tomorrow is our anniversary,

and we're married

23 years.

Are you sure?

What do you mean, am I sure?

Of course I'm sure.

November the 15th
is our anniversary,

and we're married 23 years.

Now, how can you make
a mistake like that?

Don't get so excited.

Anyway,
it's not such a big mistake

because I didn't get you
a present.

I go through this with you
every year.

When it comes to money
or dates or ages,

you are absolutely impossible.

-how old are you?
-What?

how old are you?

A simple question.

I don't want to play.

I can't believe it.

You really don't know
how old you are.

Of course I know how old I am.

You make me nervous.

Promise you won't leave me
if I'm wrong.

I'll be 39 in April.

Isn't that right?

No, but you're close.

I won't be 39?

Not this April.

This April, you're
going to be 38.

how the hell can you make
a mistake like that?

Can't you add?

Don't talk to me
like I'm a child.

I'm a 38-year-old woman.

The thing that infuriates me
about you

is that you make
the mistake the wrong way.

Why don't you make yourself
younger instead of older,

the way other women do?

Okay.

I'm 37.

So how do I look to you now?

I've got work to do.

I've got an important meeting
at 8:00 in the morning.

Karen!

What?

What the hell is that?

Look at my eyes.

Do you see any pupils?

Come here, look
at this. huh?

Do you see any pupils?

Yeah, I see two
gorgeous pupils.

Where? Where?

I don't have a pupil
left in my head.

Get my eyedrops out
of the case, will you?

I think you've been overworking.

I haven't seen you
two nights this month.

I haven't seen you
two nights any month.

Where the hell
is that roast beef?

Did you call room service?

I called, I called.

Lie down.

I'll put your
pupils back in.

here, I can do it myself.

I know you can do it,

but I like to put
your eyedrops in.

It's the only time lately
you look at me.

I'm sorry.

You are?

Last couple of weeks,
I haven't been nice to anyone.

Oh, you sounded swell
to Miss McCormack.

Just put the eyedrops in.

First give
an old lady a kiss.

Eight months I've been
working on this deal,

and then suddenly today,
my top two men in the office

come down with the flu,

and I've got to do
everything myself.

What's the matter?

You drop them in,
you don't push them in!

I'm sorry.
You moved your head.

I moved my head

because you were stabbing
my eyeball, damn it.

Well, don't panic, I'm sorry.

Why do you think
they call it a dropper?

If they wanted you
to stab people with it,

they'd call it a stabber.

here, give it to me.

I'll do it myself.

Is that the end
of being nice to each other?

I don't know what we're
doing in a hotel anyway.

I've got a lot
of work to do tonight.

how am I going
to concentrate?

Well, you got
to sleep someplace tonight.

The painter said the house
won't be dry for two days.

Why now?

Do it in the spring.

This is my busy time
of the year.

It's not the painters'
busy time of the year.

In the spring, he doesn't
want to know you.

Of all nights.

Did you bring my things--
my toothbrush, my pajamas?

I brought your toothbrush.

You forgot my pajamas?

I didn't forget.
I just didn't bring them.

Why not?

Because it's suite 719
at the Plaza,

and I didn't think
you'd want your pajamas.

Well, you know I can't
sleep without pajamas.

I took that
into consideration.

I don't understand you.

One lousy little bag is
all I asked you to pack.

Forgive me,
it's my busy time of the year.

Do me a favor, Karen,
don't get brittle.

I'm very shaky right now,

and one crack and I go
right to the dry cleaners.

Boy, could I use a nice, big,
cold double martini.

Can I make a suggestion?

Why don't you have a nice,
big, cold double martini?

Are you serious?

Do you know how many calories
there are in a double martini?

Four or five million.

You know my metabolism--

one double martini,
and right in front of your eyes

I get flabby.

You used to get sexy.

Yeah, well, now I get flabby...

unless I watch myself
like a hawk,

which I think I manage to do.

Well, a man your age
ought to have

a couple of pounds of skin
hanging over his belt.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

I'm not disappointed.

I'm uncomfortable.

I watch you when
you get undressed at night.

Nothing moves.

It's like
you're vacuum-packed.

When you open your belt,
I expect you to go

Iike a can of coffee--
psssst!

Can we drop the subject?

Like a baked potato.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

Karen?

Yes, Sam?

Let's not fight.

That's all right with me, Sam.

Let's be nice to each other.

Okay.

Who goes first?

Karen...

Yes, Sam?

Oh, nothing.
I'd better work on these papers.

You don't even remember
this room, you louse.

What's that?

Well, I may not know
how old I am,

but I sure as hell remember

we spent our honeymoon
in Suite 719 at the Plaza.

This is definitely 719.

Tell me you remember
Suite 719.

Was this the room?

Oh, Christ.

Wait a minute.

I think you're right.

719.

And we had dinner
in the bedroom.

Remember what we had?

For dinner 23 years ago?

I remember.

We had a bottle of champagne,

a tray of hors d'oeuvres,

and we left all the anchovies
in the drawer.

Oh.

Oh. See? It's coming
back to you.

If you're looking for the Savoy,
it isn't there.

I was looking at the Pierre.

Well, there it is.

Karen?

Uh-huh?

It was 819.

We were in 819,
not 719.

-You're wrong.
-No, I'm not wrong, I'm right.

It was 819. I'm right.

Stop saying you're
right like you're right.

You're wrong.

Now, look, I'll prove it to you.

Remember I had
my binoculars?

We were watching that couple

getting undressed
in the Pierre.

We were
on the eighth floor.

I remember we were looking
for them the next night.

We called them "the couple
on the eighth floor."

I don't know what
you call them.

I call them "the couple
on the seventh floor."

Well, it's pointless to argue
about it.

-It's not important.
-lf it's pointless,

why are you
pointing it out?

Because you made
an issue of it.

I may have made an issue
of saying we were in 71 9.

You made an issue
out of proving to me

we weren't in 71 9.

All right, Karen.

Don't tell me,
"All right, Karen."

If I thought it was 719,

why didn't have the decency

to let me go on
in my ignorance

thinking it was 719?

Couldn't you have done
that much for me?

As a matter of fact,
Karen, I just remembered.

You're absolutely right--
it was 719.

I don't want it to be 719!

I want it to be 819!

Why don't you go inside
and lose some weight?

Shut up, Karen.

Keep your stupid mouth shut.

I'm sorry.

Oh.

We're some lousy couple,
aren't we?

Mm.

"Mm," what?

Mm, yes,
we're some lousy couple.

That's what I say.

It's the first thing
we agreed on today.

Karen, I don't mean to be rude,

but I've got to go over
these estimates tonight.

-You understand.
-Yes, I always understand, Sam.

-Karen, please.
-Oh, come on.

Forget your crummy papers.

Take me to a dirty movie.

-Karen, stop...
-Sam, you know what's playing

on 6th Avenue?

Uh, freddie the fruit
and Ursula the Slut.

I swear on my mother's life.

You want to go, go yourself.

What happens if I get picked up?

Call me.
I won't wait up for you.

Sam!

Oh, you got
your sense of humor back.

Come on, take me for a walk.

One little ten-minute walk.

Then I'll leave you alone.

Maybe later.
We'll see.

Don't you have anything
to read?

hmm.

"The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.

he maketh me to lie down
in green pastures."

I read it.

I read the ceiling, too.

Feel like going
back to the house

and watching the paint dry?

I was just trying to think
of something

we could do together.

Shall I get that,
or is that something

you'd like for us
to do together?

I'll even take nastiness.

It's not much, but it's a start.

Please, God,
let the roast beef be lean.

-Good evening.
-hello.

Would you like the table
near the window?

Oh, Sam, would you like
the table near the window?

-lt doesn't make any difference.
-Doesn't make any difference.

-I'll leave it here, then.
-Oh, Sam,

should he leave it here?

Leave it anywhere...

here, there, anywhere--

-doesn't make any difference.
-Yes, ma'am.

You don't have to
set up the chairs.

-Don't bother setting up...
-Leave it.

Yes, you did it already,
that's fine.

Can I see the bill, please?

Yes, sir.

hope I didn't get any anchovies.

Yep, I got anchovies.

Oh, you didn't want no anchovy?

It doesn't make any difference.

You get 'em anyway.

That'll be all, thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, the champagne.

Where's the champagne?

No champagne?

You're right--
they forgot the champagne.

The anchovies they remembered.

What'd you order champagne for?

I got a lot of work to do.

It's our anniversary!

It's our anniversary.

Oh, congratulations.

Thank you.

We're married 23 or 23 years

today or tomorrow.

Oh, then you want
the champagne?

Oh, yeah.

W-With two grown children
in college.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, you think so?

he's flunking out.

She's majoring
in dirty clothes.

he is not flunking out.

Why do you say
he's flunking out?

That'll be all, thank you.

Well, if you don't want
the champagne,

-I'll cross it off.
-She doesn't want the champagne.

-Cross it off.
-I want the champagne.

Don't cross it off the bill.

Bring me a bottle and one glass.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, when you want me
to take the table,

just ring.

I'll ring when I want you
to take the table.

Oh, again--
congratulations.

Thank you.

Did you hear that?

he congratulated us

on being married
to each other.

I asked for lean roast beef.

This is not lean roast beef.

Do you know how
many people we know

who are still married
as long as us?

One other couple--
the Shellys.

Most boring people I ever met
in my life.

Why do you talk to the waiter
like that?

Like what?

Like you've known him
for 20 years.

You just met him.

he walked in here
two minutes ago

with fatty roast beef.

It's none of his damn business

what our son is doing in school.

I'm sorry, I did
another bad thing.

When he comes back
with the champagne,

-I'll hide behind the drapes.
-You don't have to hide.

Just don't tell him
our personal problems,

that's all.

What should I do, lie?

Certainly lie.
Everyone else does.

Tell him you got

a beautiful
and devoted daughter.

Tell him you got a brilliant son
on the Dean's List.

Tell him you're only
32 years old.

Why?

I'm not insane
about growing older,

but it happens to everybody.

happened to you.

You're 51.

hmm.

Well, that's the difference
between us.

I don't have to accept it.

I don't have to accept
being 51 years old.

I don't accept getting older.

Good luck to you.

You'll be the youngest one
in the cemetery.

Can't even have a normal
conversation with you anymore.

Accept being 51, we'll have
a normal conversation.

You blew it again.

Sam?

Aren't you going
to eat your dinner?

Oh! Sam, look!

I found a very lean piece
of roast beef.

hey!

Come on out,
see how thin I'm getting.

Oh! Oh!

Sam, it's the champagne.

If you don't come out, I'll tell
the waiter you wear dentures.

Oh, Miss McCormack.

hello, Mrs. Nash.
I hope I'm not disturbing you.

No, no, no.

Mr. Nash and I were just sitting
around joking.

Come on in.
Thank you.

I hate to barge in this way,
but I have some papers

that need Mr. Nash's
signature immediately and...

Certainly.
Sit down.

Thank you.

Sam! It's Miss McCormack.

It is Miss McCormack now,
isn't it?

Ah, it was Mrs. Colby
last year.

This year
it's Miss McCormack again.

Well, you're lucky
you can remember.

I've been married so long,

if I ever got divorced, I'd have
to make up a maiden name.

have you had your dinner?

No, but it's all right.

Oh, hello. You got 'em, huh?

-Did henderson call?
-No, not yet.

I think you ought
to look at page three.

Would you like some hot coffee?

The Plaza makes very hot coffee.

Coffee will be fine, thank you.

One hot coffee coming up.

Sam, some hot coffee?

No, thanks.

That's no hot coffee
and one hot coffee.

Why is there an adjustment
on this figure?

There was a clerical omission
on the Cincinnati tabulation.

It didn't show up in the 1300s,

so I rechecked it with my own
files and made the correction.

So that item 1 7b
should read "$300,000"

and disregard
the figures in 1 7a.

Cream and sugar?

No, thank you.

But this should've
been caught on the lBM.

It should have, but it wasn't.

Obviously,
it wasn't fed properly.

No cream and no sugar,
or no cream and yes, sugar?

No cream and no sugar.

So it's yes,
no cream and no sugar.

Did you call this
to howard's attention?

he said it happened
once before this month,

but that he couldn't pin it down

till he rechecked
the whole 68 file.

Damn it, of all nights
to have this happen.

Would you like
some anchovies?

-Well...
-We've got tons of anchovies.

I'm just going to have
to go over

the whole thing
tonight with howard.

Well, I told him I thought
that might be a possibility,

so he made plans
to stay in town tonight.

Well, tell howard I'll meet him

at the office between
6:15 and 6:30.

Tell him I want to see every one
of last year's 1300 forms.

You're not going
to the office?

-I'm sorry, Karen.
-Tonight?

It can't be helped.

We're having
that same damn trouble

with the computer again.

I could go with you.

Maybe all it needs
is a little dusting.

Well, something in that office

sure in hell
needs a little dusting.

All right, Miss McCormack,

why don't you just
hop in a cab now

and get started
on the files with howard.

I'll clean up, and I'll see you
in about 20 minutes.

Yes, sir.

Oh, it's a pity you
can't stay two more minutes.

I ordered champagne.
Can I tell her why, Sam?

Oh, well.

I'm not supposed to go around
blurting these things out,

but it's our
23rd anniversary.

Oh, I didn't know.
Congratulations.

Thank you, dear.

Oh, yes, life has been
very good to me.

I've a beautiful
devoted daughter,

brilliant son
on the Dean's list,

and I'm 32 years old.

What more can I ask?
Karen, Miss McCormack's

got to get back to the office.

I'm sorry.

Don't let him work you
too late, dear.

That's all right.
I'm used to it by now.

Best wishes again, Mrs. Nash.
Thank you.

And see that he buys me
a nice gift.

I definitely will.

What a sweet girl.

That's a sweet girl, Sam.

Sorry about tonight, Karen.
Can't be helped.

That's a sweet, young,
skinny girl.

Thing is, if I leave now,

maybe I can still
get back in time

for us to have
a late dinner.

Oh, that's all right.

Don't worry about me,
I understand.

I just feel badly about you.

You could have really
relaxed tonight.

Instead, you'll be cooped up
at the stuffy old office

till all hours
with Miss McCormack,

pouring over
those boring contracts

with your smooth-shaven face.

Well, I can't very well walk

through the lobby
of the Plaza hotel

with a stubbly chin.

They wouldn't let you
in the elevator.

Don't forget your cologne.

My what?

Your cologne.

The doorman won't
get you a cab

unless you smell good.

What are you doing, Karen?

I'm joking.

What's the matter?

Can't you tell
when I'm kidding around anymore?

No, I can't.

Oh.

Well, I am.

I'm just teasing you.

I'm intimating
that you're having an affair

with your secretary.

I see.
Are you?

Is, uh, sweet, skinny
Miss McCormack your mistress?

Oh, for God's sake, Karen,

what kind of a thing
is that to say?

Well, if she's not,
it's a lousy thing to say.

If she is,
it's a hell of a question.

Well, I'm not even going
to dignify that with an answer.

Oh, come on, dignify it,
Sam, please.

I'm dying to know.

Are you having an affair
with her or not?

And you'll believe me?

Cross my heart.

No, I'm not having
an affair with her.

Yes, you are.

Curses!
Trapped again.

Looks like snow.

hope I can get a cab.

It's all right if you are, Sam.

I approve of Miss McCormack.

She's a nice girl.

Oh. Thank you.
She'll be pleased to know.

Look, Karen, I could
call downstairs,

get you a ticket
for a show tonight.

No reason for you to
sit alone here like this.

Something you'd like to see?

Yeah. What you and Miss
McCormack will be doing later.

Really, Karen, I find
this in very poor taste.

Why? I'm just being honest
again, Sam.

I'm just saying,
at this stage of your life,

you wanted a nice, quiet affair
with a young, skinny woman,

I'd understand.

What do you mean,
"at this stage of my life"?

Well, you're blankety-years old.

I'd say the number
but I know you don't accept it,

and I realize, when a man
is blankety-one or blankety-two,

he's feeling insecure,
that he's losing his virility.

Sometimes a nice, quiet fling
is the best thing for him.

I know.
I read the Reader's Digest.

I'm glad to know
I have their permission.

Look, Karen, I have a hard
night's work ahead of me.

I'll be back about 1 2:00.

Sam?

I know that...

we haven't been very happy
together lately.

You've been busy.

You may not have noticed it,

but we definitely
have not been very happy.

I've noticed it, Karen,

I've noticed it.

Well...
well, what's wrong?

Well, we have a 1 2-room house
in the country,

two sweet kids,
a maid that doesn't drink.

Is there something
we're missing?

I don't know.

Well... could you
at least think about it?

I need hints, Sam.

Is there something else
that you want?

Is there something
I could give you

that I'm not giving you?

Could you please speak up?

We're closing in ten minutes.

It's me, Karen, it's not you.

Well, I'll buy that.

Well, what's wrong
with you, Sam?

I don't know.

I don't know if you
can understand this, Karen,

but, uh...

when I came home
after the war,

I had my whole life
in front of me,

and all I wanted was
to get married and have kids,

and... make a success
of my life.

Well, I was very lucky.

I got it all--
good marriage, the kids,

more money than
I ever dreamed of making.

Then... what is it
that you want?

I just want to do it
all over again.

I'd like to start
the whole damn thing

right from the beginning.

Oh.

Yes, I see.

Oh.

Well, l...

Frankly, Sam, I don't think
the Navy'd take you again.

Yeah.

Well, it won't be because
I can't pass the physical.

I told you it was stupid
talking about it.

It'll work itself out.

You know what I think?

I think you want to get out,

and you don't know how
to tell me.

That's not true.

Which isn't?

That you want to get out

or you don't know how
to tell me?

Why do you always start
the most serious discussions

in our life
when I'm halfway out the door?

No, 'cause if that's true,

why don't you come right out
and say it?

Just say, "Karen, there's
no point in our going on."

I mean, I'd rather hear it
from you personally

than get a message
on our service.

Look, we'll talk about it
when I get back.

No!

Goddamn it,
we'll talk about it now!

I am not going to sit around
a hotel room half the night,

waiting to find out
how my life's going to turn out.

If you have something to say,
have the decency to say it

before you walk out that door.

Is there any coffee left?

It's that bad?

Oh, all right,
I'll pour you a cup of coffee.

Oh.

Look at that,
I'm shaking like a leaf.

I think you better
pour it yourself.

I have a feeling
in a few minutes

I'm not going
to be too crazy about you.

No matter what, Karen,
in 23 years,

my feelings for you
have never changed.

You're my wife,
I still love you.

Oh, God...

am I in trouble.

It has nothing to do
with you, Karen.

It's something
that just happened.

It's true.
I am having an affair with her.

It's been going on
about six months now.

I tried stopping it
a few times.

It didn't work.

After a couple of days,
I'd start in again, and then...

Well, what's the point
of going on with this?

You wanted honesty,
I'm giving it to you.

I'm having an affair with Jean,
that's all there is to it.

I'm not very good at this.

I don't know what
I'm supposed to say now.

Don't worry about it.

You're doing fine.

Would you like that
cup of coffee now?

I stopped shaking.

Well, what are
we going to do?

Well, you're taken care of.

You're having an affair.

I'm the one that needs
an activity.

I'll do whatever you want.

Whatever I want?

I'll leave.

I-I'll get out tonight,
or I'll, uh...

I'll stop seeing her.

I'll get rid of her
in the office.

I'll try it any way you want.

Oh, okay.

I pick get rid of Jean.

Gee, that was easy.

Now we can go back
to our old normal life,

and live happily ever after.

Oh, boy.

It's not my day.

Even the coffee's cold.

Oh, come on, Karen.

Stop playing,
"Aren't We Civilized?"

Call me a bastard,

throw the coffee at me.

You're a bastard!
Do you want cream and sugar?

It's funny how our attitudes

have suddenly changed.

What happened to,

"l think a man your age
should have an affair"?

Oh, it looked good
in the window;

terrible when I got it home.

Well, if it's
any solace to you,

I never thought it
would go this far.

I don't even remember
how it started.

Think! It'll come back to you.

There, she worked in
the office for two years,

I never even batted
an eye at her.

Good for you, Sam!

Come on, Karen.

No, I want to hear about it.

You worked next to
her for two years,

you didn't know her
first name was Jean.

One night you're
both working late,

suddenly you let
down your hair,

you took off your glasses,

she said, "Mr. Nash,
you're beautiful."

That's it, word-for-word.

You must've been hiding

in the closet.

No. You want to know
when I think

the exact date your crummy
little affair started?

I'll tell you.

It was June 19.
It was your birthday.

You just turned 50 years old.

5-0-- count 'em, folks--

and you were feeling
good and sorry

for yourself, right?

If you say so.

And the only reason you
picked on Miss McCormack,

she was the first one
you saw that morning.

If she'd been out sick,

you would have had an affair
with the elevator operator.

Nah, he's 52 years old,
and I don't go for older men.

You're right.
You're right.

We'll talk about it
later tonight.

No, no, no,

we've opened this up.

Let's bring it all out.
I told you the truth, Karen.

I'm involved with another woman.

I'm not proud of it,
but those are the facts.

Now, what am I supposed to do

about it?

I would suggest
committing suicide,

but I'm afraid you might think
I meant me.

I have one other suggestion--
forget it.

Forget it?

Yes. Forget it. It's...

I understand.

It's not your fault, it's...

I don't know.

I don't know, maybe I can learn
to live with it till it's over.

I don't know what else to do!

I'm attached to you!

So go on out,
have a good time tonight,

and bring me back
some chocolate ice cream.

If I lived with you
another 23 years,

I don't think
I'd ever understand you.

If that's a proposition,
I accept.

Damn it, Karen,

stop accepting everything
in life that's thrown at you.

Fight back once in a while.

Don't understand me,
hate me.

I'm not going through
a middle-aged adjustment.

I'm having an affair--

a cheating, sneaking,
sordid affair.

If it helps you to romanticize
it, Sam, all right.

I happen to know better.

You didn't know better
at all.

You didn't even know
I was having an affair.

I suspected it.

You were working
three nights a week.

We weren't getting any richer.

I see, and now that you know
the truth, I have your blessing.

No!

My permission.

I'm your wife, not your mother.

Your permission?

I'm sorry, Karen,
I don't follow you.

What's the matter, Sam?

Am I robbing you of all
those delicious guilt feelings?

Would you feel better
if I went to pieces?

Tried to lash out at you?

At least I would understand it.

It would be normal.

I don't know why
you're not having hysterics

and screaming for a lawyer.

All right,
if it makes you feel better,

I think you stink!

I think you're a vain,
self-pitying, deceiving,

ten-pound box of rancid,
no-cal cottage cheese.

how am I doing?

Swell. Now we're finally
getting somewhere.

Oh, yeah,
you like it, don't you?

It makes everything
nice and simple for you.

Now you can go out of here the
martyred, misunderstood husband.

I won't give you
that satisfaction!

I take it all back.

You're a pussycat.

I'll have milk and cookies
waiting for you

when you get home.

No, no, no, finish
what you were saying, Karen.

Get it off your chest.

It's been building up
for 23 years.

I want to hear everything.

"Vain, self-pitying..."
What else?

Go on, what else?

You're adorable.

Eat your heart out.

Karen, don't do this to me.

I'm sorry,
I just can't help myself.

I'm a forgiving woman.

You're driving me
right out of here,

you know that, don't you?

Don't keep her waiting.

If I walk out that door,
I don't come back.

Oh, I think you will.

What makes you
so sure?

You forgot to take
your eyedrops.

Before I go, Karen,
I just want to say one thing.

Whatever you may think
of me is probably true.

No, not probably,
definitely.

I have been a bastard
right from the beginning.

and I don't expect
you to forgive me...

Oh, but I do.

Will you let me finish, please?

I don't expect you
to forgive me,

but I ask you with
all conscience,

with all your
understanding,

not to blame Jean
for any of this.

I'll send her a nice gift.

For crying out loud, Karen,

you're not making this
any easier.

That's the way you like things.

You like things easy.

You don't even have an affair
the hard way.

Meaning what?

Meaning you could've at least
taken the trouble

to look outside your office
for a girl.

"Miss McCormack,
would you please come inside

and take an affair?"

honestly, Sam.

Karen, don't force me to say
nice things about her to you.

I can't help it!

I'm disappointed in you!

It's so damned unoriginal.

Well, what'd you want her to be,

a fighter pilot
with the lsraeli Air Force?

Everyone cheats
with their secretaries.

I expected more from my husband!

I never saw you like this.

Live with a person
your whole life,

-you don't really know them.
-Go on. Please, go on.

Go on out.

have your affair.

You're 51.

In an hour, it'll be too late.

My God,
you are something.

You are really
something special, Karen.

23 years I'm married to you,
and I still can't make you out.

You don't look much different
than the ordinary woman,

but I promise you,

there is nothing walking around
on two legs

that compares in any way, shape
or form with the likes of you.

If I'm so special,

what're you carrying on
with secretaries for?

I'll be goddamned if I know.

Sam!

Uh...

Sam...

do I still have my, uh,
two choices?

Because if I do, l... choose
get rid of Miss McCormack.

I pick stay here
and work it out with me,

because the other way
I think I'm going to lose.

Don't go to the office tonight.

Stay with me, please.

I swear I wish we could go back
to the way it was before.

Well, maybe we still can.

We'll do what you said before.

We'll lie.

We'll tell each other
everything's all right.

There's nothing wrong
at the office tonight.

There is no Miss McCormack,
and I'm 27 goddamn years old.

What do you say, Sam?

Maybe tomorrow, Karen.

I... can't tonight.

I'll see ya.

When?

Never mind.

I love surprises.

Champagne.

I brought you two glasses,
just in case.

Is he coming back?

Funny you should ask that.

Welcome back to the Plaza,
Mr. Kiplinger.

hi, Ernie.

how are things going?

Always a little
quiet without you,

Mr. Kiplinger.

The screening
is at 9:00 tonight

at the Coronet Theater.
Yeah.

The car will be here at 8:30,

and there's a small
press reception afterward

at the Cote Basque.
Yeah.

Now, The Tonight Show--

just to remind you--
is Thursday night.

They tape at 6:30, but they
would like you there at 6:00.

Well, I'm afraid the only
free time you're going to have

is between 2:00 and 3:00
tomorrow afternoon.

Is there anything
you'd like me to arrange?

Yeah. have you got a
good-looking sister?

I'm afraid not.

Not even a
pretty girlfriend

willing to sacrifice
herself for your future?

Well, if I did, she would.

Well, good-bye, Mr. Kiplinger,

it's been a pleasure
meeting you.

Excuse me.

Please forgive
my brash audacity,

but I would
never forgive myself

if I let this opportunity
slip by without telling you

that you are the most
attractive girl I've seen

since I've arrived
in New York.

No ulterior motives.

I just wanted you
to know that.

Thank you and good-bye.

Tell her who I am.

Okay.

hello, operator?

Uh, Mr. Kiplinger in suite 719.

7-1-9. Right.

Would you get me
Butterfield 9-1-0-9-9, please?

Well, thank you.

hello, Evelyn? Jesse.

Is-is he there?

Oh, just got in town.

No, till Friday.

Listen, Evelyn,
I'd love to see you, any time.

Say between 2:00 and 3:00
tomorrow afternoon?

Oh. Can't you break it, Evelyn?

I'm on a very tight schedule.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Sure, Ev, sure.

Well, maybe next trip.

Yeah, bye.

Sweetheart, would you get me

Mount Sinai hospital
on Fifth Avenue?

I don't have the number.

Well, thank you.

Uh, ni... uh, 9th floor, please.

Nurse Melnick.

Dr. Kiplinger.

Giselle?

Mr. Kiplinger.

That's right.
The ulcer attack last June.

Well, didn't I say I'd call?

Look, I never was able
to thank you properly.

I was wondering,
are you, by any chance,

off duty tomorrow afternoon
between 2:00 and 3:00?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I see.

All right, I'll call you.

Bye.

Pussycat, would you get me
Tenafly, New Jersey,

2-7-8-9-9-7-0?

Well, thank you.

hello?

Is this Muriel?

Muriel Tate?

My God, you sound wonderful.

Jesse. Jesse Kiplinger.

Well, of course I'm serious.

Yes, after 15 years.

No, in New York.

how's Larry and the kids?

Good, good.

Listen, Muriel,
you're the first one I called.

You see,
I've been dying to see you.

I've been thinking about you.

Well, I've got
a personal problem,

uh, Muriel, and you're
the only left who can help me.

Well, do you think
you can drop over to the Plaza

tomorrow afternoon
for a drink from 2:00 to 3:00?

There's nothing wrong.

I'm just going to have
one quick drink with him.

Just a drink and then I'll go.

What's wrong with that?

I'll stay five minutes.

I've... got a lot
of shopping to do, anyway.

One quick drink, then I'll go.

My God, what's wrong with that?

how long you going to be, ma'am?

Yeah, one quick drink,
then l-I'm going.

Good, good.

Gracias.

Prego, prego.

Can I help you, ma'am?

Oh, no.

No, I'm just, uh... I'm looking.

Can I make your bed up now, sir?

Uh, 3:00.
You can make it up at 3:00.

3:00. Thank you.

Uh, he... Uh, uh...
Mr. Jesse Kiplinger, please.

hello, Jesse.

It's Muriel.

From New Jersey.

I can't hear you.

Well, speak up, dear.

Well, where are you?

Well, come on up.

Yes, I'm positive
it's all right.

Muriel, do you want me
to come down and get you?

Well, then, take the elevator
and come up to suite 719,

and stop being so silly.

I'm dying to see you.

Right.

Operator, uh, Mr. Kiplinger
here in suite 719.

Please hold all calls
until 3:00.

I'm going to be in conference.

My God, what are you
doing here?!

Nothing!

Bess, how nice to see you.

I just got in this morning.

Really? Why are you here?

Muriel.

Jesse.

It's not.

It is.

Muriel, I can't believe it.

Is it really you?

It's me, Muriel.

Well, come on in,
for Pete's sakes.

Come on in.

Five minutes,
Jesse, that's all.

I really can't stay.

My God, it's good to see you.

I-I just dropped by
to say hello.

I really can't stay.

I'm parked
in a one-hour zone.

hey, Muriel, hello?

Same old Muriel, eh?

What do you mean,
"Same old Muriel"?

Come here, let me take

a good look at you.

Don't, Jesse, don't look at me.

It's been 15 years,
and I haven't had my hair done.

Don't look at me.

What time is it?

Tell me when it's 3:00.

I can't stay, l...

Muriel!

I can't get over it.

You look absolutely wonderful!

Well, I feel
absolutely wonderful.

No, I really mean that.

You look
incredibly fantastic.

Well, I feel
incredibly fantastic.

Well, you look it.

Well... I feel it.

And how are you?

Uh...

I'm all right.

I don't know why
I'm so nervous, do you?

I think it's charming.

My goodness,
little Muriel Tate,

all grown up and married.

Mm-hmm.

how many kids you got now?

Three.

-No kidding?
-Mmm.

Three kids.
What are they?

A boy and a girl.

A boy and a girl?

And another boy
who's away at camp.

I... I can't even
think straight.

Isn't this terrible?

What's wrong?

Well, it's you.

That's the simple explanation.

I'm nervous about meeting you,
Mr. Famous hollywood Producer.

"Mr. Famous hollywood Producer"?

Muriel, you know me
better than that.

I haven't changed
since I left Tenafly.

I made a couple of pictures,
that's all.

"A couple of pictures?"

The Easter show
at the Radio City Music hall?

A couple pictures, huh?

I stood in line with my children

for three hours in the rain.

Why did you do that, Muriel?

You could've called
my New York office.

My girl would've gotten you
right in.

Anytime you want to see
one of my pictures,

-call the office...
-Oh, I couldn't do that.

-Why not?
-I couldn't.

I couldn't impose like that.

You're not imposing.

-I am.
-But I want you to.

What's the number?

I'll give it to you
before you go.

But first, let's sit down,

have a little drink.

There's a million things
I'm dying to ask you.

Uh, no, no.

No drinks for me, thank you.

You don't drink?

Oh, I haven't had a drink
in years.

Besides, I have a 5:00
hairdresser's appointment.

Come on, one little drink.

Oh, no, no, no.

I've got to get home.

I shouldn't even be in the city.

No, the children will be home
from school soon,

and I've got
to get Larry's dinner.

Besides, I haven't even done
my shopping in Bonwit's.

No, no, I just dropped by
to say hello.

What'll you have?

A vodka stinger.

Coming right up.

And then I've got to go.

Oh... I finally took a breath.

That felt good.

Muriel, will you relax, please?

Will you please relax?

Oh, I just feel funny

sitting here
and drinking in a hotel room

with a famous
hollywood producer, that's all.

I mean, I am a married woman.

Well, would you feel better,
Muriel, if we went downstairs

and had our drinks
in the Palm Court?

We're here.
We might as well stay.

Well, then, sit back and relax.

Just for a few minutes.

I have a 6:00

hairdresser's appointment.

Oh, I thought
it was at 5:00.

It's flexible.

Gee, it's good to see you again,
Muriel.

I've thought about us so often.

have you?

Oh, it's been ages

since we saw each other, Jesse.

I haven't thought very much
about it.

1 5 years, isn't it?

August 23.

You remember that?

I still have the matchbook cover
from Ruby Foo's restaurant.

I remember a lot
about that night.

It was the first time
I ever had a vodka stinger,

It was the first time
I ever stayed out

till 3:00 a.m. with a boy,
it was the first time I ev...

how long are you going
to be in New York, Jesse?

Possibly just till Friday.

I have to sign an actor
for my new picture.

Lee Marvin.

Yes. how did you know that?

Oh, we keep up on things
in Tenafly,

Mr. hollywood producer
with a house in Laurel Canyon,

who drives
a silver-gray Maserati,

plays tennis
with Charlton heston,

who sleeps
in the tops of his pajamas

in a circular bed.

I might stay over
another few days.

It depends on what develops.

Uh, I've never been
in the Plaza before.

Beautiful.

What's in there?

Oh, that's the bedroom.

You can go in.

It's all right.

I take your word for it.

Is this where you're going
to meet with Lee Marvin?

I mean, do you know him
personally to talk to?

Yes. We usually talk
when we meet.

Is he...

Is he a regular person,
or is he kind of stuck up?

Regular-- hair, nails, teeth--
just like a person.

Muriel... what's with
the hollywood talk?

This is me, Jesse, from Tenafly.

Who is now living in
the old humphrey Bogart house.

how'd you know that?

Maybe I haven't seen you
in 1 5 years,

but I know an awful lot
about you, Mr. Jesse Kiplinger.

Pooch.

"Pooch?"

Isn't that what you call you
in hollywood?

Your nickname-- Pooch?

Gooch.

I thought they called you Pooch.

Nah, it's Gooch.

But I thought I read that, uh,
you have all your shirts

specially made by Poochy
in Florence,

so they call you Pooch.

No, no, I have all my shoes
made up in Gucci's in Rome,

so they call me Gooch.

Ah... oh.

That's a silly thing.

I don't know why they print
stories like that.

Well, because people like me
like to read them.

Well, I'm bored with me.

I'm much more interested in you.

But first,
let's have our drinks.

And then I've got to go.

To the girl I left behind.

Who-Who was that?

You, Muriel.

You're the girl.

Ah, oh. Well, thank you.

In many ways, Muriel,
I've regretted it.

In many ways, I think we
would've been good together.

You think so, Jesse?

Uh, I don't know anyone
in hollywood.

In many ways, Muriel,

I think we could've
made a go of it.

Oh, oh, l-I just took up tennis.

I'm not very good at it yet.

Muriel...

Muriel, how often
I've thought of you.

But I have three children,

and I'm very happy, and, uh,

I have a wonderful life.

Larry and I have...

...a wonderful marriage.

I wanted to do that very much.

Are-are you going
to do it again?

Yes, I'm going to do it again.

Mm-hmm. Well, then I must go.

That will be enough of that,

Mr. Jesse Kiplinger...

Mr. Famous
hollywood Producer.

I shouldn't have let you
give me this vodka stinger,

and I shouldn't have let you
kiss me.

I'm not a drinker,
and I'm not a kisser.

It was a wonderful kiss, Muriel.

It wasn't wonderful.

I don't kiss wonderfully.

I'm a plain, average
New Jersey housewife kisser.

Anyway, I'm not interested.

I don't believe you
and I have to go.

Ah, what a pity.

What time does that
Lee Marvin get here?

3:00. Would you like
to stay and meet him?

In person? Lee Marvin?

Oh, no, no.

Thank you, Jesse,
but I think I'm past the age

when I get excited
meeting a movie star.

Maybe my 1 3-year-old daughter
might get a thrill, but, uh...

I'm a little past that now.

What would I say to him?

hello, Lee.

What would he say to me?

hello, Muriel.

Really? Lee Marvin?

Well, it's silly
even talking about it.

As I said, I have this
3:00 hairdresser's appointment.

My God! Look at my lipstick.

I would never even get past
the house detective.

What time is it?

Ten after 3:00.

Already?

I've got to go!

Not yet.

I must!

Ten more minutes.

I'll stay five.

I'll just freshen your drink,
okay?

Just half a glass.

I have a PTA meeting tonight.

Jesse...
why did you call me yesterday?

I had no ulterior motives,
Muriel.

I just wanted to spend
a few quiet hours

with the kind of woman
I never meet anymore.

Well, we're very proud of you
in Tenafly, Jesse.

Even my husband
always talks about you.

he always says, "Jesse
Kiplinger, Jesse Kiplinger."

That's all I ever hear
around this house.

Do you know
I remember exactly

what you were wearing

the day I left
for California?

Oh?

You had on a tan raincoat,
tweed skirt, a brown sweater

and a little locket right here

that your grandmother
had given you.

Last June the Tenafly drive-in

had a Jesse Kiplinger
festival.

They showed all
of your great films.

I went both nights.

Do you know, Muriel...

that even then,
you had about you

a quality that was
sort of untouched.

You were the only girl I knew

who gave me pleasure
in just holding her hand.

A lot of the girls
still kid me about you.

I mean, when they see
your name in a column or your...

your, um, picture
with Jill St. John

or Stella Stevens or...

I didn't expect to see
it anymore, Muriel--

that quality of honesty
and frankness that...

that ability to cut through

deceit and phoniness
with just one look

through those big, wide-open
unsuspecting eyes.

Oh, they tease me,
and they say

if I'd married you
instead of Larry,

I'd be living in hollywood now,

going to parties
with Duke Wayne,

playing charades with...

Julie Andrews, and...

You don't know what you are.

You really don't know
what you are.

Well, I'll tell you
what you are, Muriel.

You're something
very special...

You're something very special.

Something.

Something very special,
Muriel, I know.

Don't ever change, Muriel.

Don't ever change the sweet,
simple way that you are.

Jesse?

Yes, Muriel?

Do you know Frank Sinatra?

Who?

Frank Sinatra.

have you ever met him?

Yes.

Yes, I know Frank.

What's he like?

-Frank?
-Uh-huh.

Well, I don't really
know him that well.

I just had dinner with him
a few times.

Oh, where?
In his house?

Well, once in a restaurant,
once I think in his house.

I really don't remember.

I see.

They say he's very generous.

Is that true?

Is he as generous
as they say?

I guess so.

he served very large portions.

Jesus, who the hell cares
about Frank Sinatra?

Well, I'm sorry,

I was just curious.

I didn't mean to pry
into your personal life.

Well, I've got to be going now.

Wait, Muriel.

No, I've got to get home
before the traffic starts.

If I'm late for Larry's dinner,

he'll want to know where I was,
and I don't lie very well.

Oh, God, why did I come here
in the first place?

What have I done?

You haven't done anything,
Muriel.

Oh, haven't done anything?

I let you kiss me and grope me.

I must've been out of my mind

to come to the Plaza hotel
in the middle of the week.

I've got to be going.
Good-bye, Jesse.

Muriel...

Muriel, will you
wait a minute, please?

There's no reason
to get so upset.

I didn't do anything worse
than give you a friendly kiss.

It's not the kiss,

it's where you were kissing me.

Where was I kissing you?

In a hotel room.

Suppose someone saw us
through the window?

Who? A couple of pigeons?

It's Central Park.

Muriel, you're just being silly.

Will you lower your voice?

Suppose someone hears my name?

Who's going to know you?

There's nobody here
but Shriners from Cincinnati.

Now will you please
come back inside?

I suppose you'll go
back to hollywood

and have a big laugh

with Jill St. John over this.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Say it.

Say, "l will not go back
to hollywood and have

a big laugh with
Jill St. John over this."

"l will not go
back to hollywood

and have a big laugh
with Jill St. John over this."

Muriel, I have nothing

but the greatest respect
and admiration for you.

Now will you please
come back inside?

There's, uh, there's something
I want to show you.

What? What is it?

Come inside
and I'll show you.

Well, can't you show
it to me out here?

I can't show it to you
out in the hall.

I have to show it
to you inside.

Then I've got to go.

Well? What-What is it?

What is it... what is it
you've got to show me?

You're looking at it, Muriel--
me.

I want to show you
the kind of man I really am.

I want to rip off this phony,
tinsel exterior you see

and reveal what's underneath.

To bare before you
the real Jesse Kiplinger.

I wouldn't do that
if I were you, Jesse.

I'm going to make myself
another drink,

and then I'm going
to tell you a story.

All the things you read
in the paper, Muriel,

about me being witty,
charming, the boy genius?

That's only part of the story.

Okay, so I am the hottest
producer in hollywood.

So I never made a picture
that lost money.

Maybe I got the magic touch.

Call it talent,
whatever you want.

I don't know.

Yes, I've got
humphrey Bogart's house,

and a silver-gray Maserati,

a Picasso, a Degas,

and seven percent
of the Los Angeles Rams.

But I'll tell you
what I haven't got.

I haven't got love.

I haven't got happiness.

I've got a 360-degree bed,
and 1 80 degrees of it are empty.

Do you know how many times
I've been married, Muriel?

Three.

Three times.
You know who they were?

Dolores Fazar, Carlotta Costello
and BeBe Bookerman.

Three beautiful women,

three intelligent women,

and three of the worst bitches
you'd ever want to meet.

They took me for every cent
I had,

but I don't even
give a damn about the money.

Screw it!

Oh, excuse me, Muriel.

That's all right.

What hurts is they took
the guts out of me.

I mean, they were phony,
unfaithful, all of them.

You know I caught my first wife
Dolores in bed with a jockey?

-Mm.
-A jockey.

You know what it does
to a man's self-respect

to find his wife in the sack

with a four-foot-eight shrimp,
weighs 1 1 2 pounds?

But as I said before, Muriel,
screw it.

Oh, uh, tell me
if I'm shocking you.

I'll let
you know.

All right.

My second wife, Carlotta.

She was keeping her Spanish
guitar teacher-- keeping him.

I never caught her,
but she didn't fool me.

No one takes $28,000 worth
of guitar lessons in one year.

That does seem a little high.

It does.

All right.

I'm going to tell you
something now

about my third wife
I've never told a living soul.

You give me your word
you'll never repeat it.

May my husband Larry
be struck by lightning.

Do you know who her lover was?

You know a famous movie actor
whose initials are "A.W."?

Oh, my gosh. him?

his wife.

Oh, my God.

I married a faggot.

I gave her all the love
I had in the world,

and she cheated on me
with the woman next door.

Are you sure, Jesse?

What do you mean, am I sure?

They went to San Francisco
together for three days

to go shopping,

and all they came back with
was a hotel ashtray.

Is it any wonder
that I'm in a bad way?

Is it any wonder that l
lost my faith and belief

that there is anything left
in the world

resembling an uncorrupt woman?

Is it any wonder
that I live alone now,

despondent, dejected,
disillusioned?

Until last week,
when my mother...

...who still gets
the Tenafly newspaper,

sends me a picture
of the annual PTA outing

at Palisades Park.

And who is there
on the front page...

coming in first in the mother
and daughter potato race,

Iooking every bit
as young and lovely and as sweet

as she did that night 1 5 years
ago in Ruby Foo's restaurant...

...was my last salvation:

Muriel Tate.

That's why I had to see you,
Muriel.

Just to talk to you,

to have a drink,

to spend five minutes,

to reaffirm my faith

that there are decent women
in this world.

Even if it is only one,

even if you are the last
of a dying species.

If somebody like you
still exists, Muriel,

then maybe there's
still somebody

Ieft for me.

That's why

I called you yesterday.

I had no idea, Jesse.

God, how you
must have suffered.

I don't know who to turn to
anymore, Muriel,

but listen, I didn't ask you
up here to depress you.

You finish your vodka stinger

and then I'm going
to let you go.

Oh...

no, no, I have plenty of time.

Larry's never home till 7:00.

how are you, Muriel?

Are you happy?

Oh, yes, happy.

If I'm one thing, it's happy.

I'm glad.

You deserve happiness,
Muriel.

And-and I've got it.

I've got happiness.

I've got a barrelful of it.

Isn't that wonderful?

It hasn't been all good,

mind you.

Larry and I have had
our ups and downs.

It hasn't been easy.

he's not an easy man
to live with.

I'm the only one
who could do it.

That's why we're so happy.

I couldn't be more pleased,
Muriel.

Well, listen,
I've always liked Larry.

I know, Jesse.

You and l-- we're the only ones.

Of course, people don't know him
the way we do.

I'm out of stinger.

Are you sure you're going
to be all right?

I mean, driving?

Oh, if I had to worry
about getting home

every time I had
four or five stingers,

I'd give up driving.

Is he doing well in business?

Oh, in business,
you don't have to worry.

In that department,
he's doing great.

I mean, he's really got
a wonderful business there.

Of course it was good
when my father gave it to him.

In what department
isn't he doing well?

he's doing well
in every department.

Are you sure?

-I'm positive.
-then I'm glad.

Why? What do you hear?

Why, I haven't heard a thing,

except what you're telling me.

Well, I'm telling you
we have a happy marriage.

Are you trying to infer
we don't have a happy marriage?

No.

No, you're wrong,
we have a happy marriage.

A goddamned happy marriage.

I'm sorry.

I should've had lunch.

Muriel, you... you
drank those too quickly.

Yes, I'm sorry, Jesse.

Can I have another one?

I will drink it slower.

Wouldn't you
like to lie down

-for a little while?
-What's the point--

you're going back
to California tomorrow.

Oh, God, what am I saying?

What am I thinking?

What is it, Muriel?

What is it with you and Larry?

Nothing, I told you.

We have... We're happy.

We have tiny little differences

Iike any normal couple,
but basically,

we're enormously happy
together.

I couldn't ask
for a better life.

You shouldn't have done
that, Jesse.

I'm very vulnerable right now,

and you must not
take advantage of me.

I'm going;
I've got to go.

Muriel, I didn't know.

No, don't, please!

Muriel, I never suspected
for a minute.

I never dreamed...

No, Jesse,
I've got to go, you...

God, how I thought about you

on the plane all the way
to New York.

No, Jesse,

I've got to pick
something up in Bonwit's

and get dinner for Larry.

Don't bite my neck.

It'll leave marks.

Empty-- my life is empty,

but you can fill it
for me, Muriel.

I know you can.

I can't fill your life for you.

Jesse, I've got to get home.

Larry will kill me.

Stay an hour.

-Just till 3:00.
-No!

Oh, no. Tomorrow I'll be alone

with my regrets,

and you'll be out there
with Dino and Groucho.

52 minutes, Muriel.

What we lost all these years

we can make up for
in 52 minutes.

No, please, Jesse, please.

I've got to go pick
up my lamb chops.

51 minutes, Muriel.

51 minutes-- the world
can change for us.

Uh, can it, Jesse?
Can it, really?

It can for me;
it can for you.

I don't know.

I just don't know.

I don't know.

All right.

Okay, we'll just talk.

All right?

Listen, no one ever
got hurt

just talking, did they?

Oh, I suppose... not.

Of course not.

Well...

what-what will
we talk about?

Whatever you say.

Whatever you want.

Oh.

Did you, uh, go to
the Academy Awards last year?

Certainly.
I go every year.

-Really?
-Really.

Who did you sit next to?

Well, let me see.

At the theater, I sat next
to Steve McQueen on one side,

and, uh, Liza Minelli
on the other.

Oh, she's adorable, isn't she?

A real pixie.

Who-who did you sit next to
at the dinner?

At the dinner...
Let me see...

At my table, there
was Warren Beatty,

and Julie Christie,

and, uh, Gregory Peck
and his wife,

and Natalie Wood
and her husband.

Oh, she's-she's cute.

-She's a real...
-Did you talk to her?

Yes, a terrific conversation.

And then, uh, at the next table,

there was Anthony Quinn and
Verna Lisi

and Paul Newman
and Joanne, um...

-Woodward. Yes.
-Woodward.

And, uh, Dean Jones
and Yvette Mimieux.

Together?

-Together.
-Oh.

And then behind us,
there was Troy Donahue

and Stella Stevens

and Sammy Davis, Jr.

and Vanessa Redgrave

and Joan Crawford
and Peter Fonda,

and Alfred hitchcock
and Lena horne.

Well, good-bye, Mr. Kiplinger.

It was very nice
having you back here again.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Come back real soon.

You really liven up a place.

It's twenty after.

What's keeping them?

They're probably
on their way down.

Stop worrying, Walter.

Oh, how nice.

If I were running
this wedding,

it would've
started on time.

You mean,
if you were paying for it,

but you're not,
so stop worrying.

I'm sure the hubleys
have everything arranged.

I don't care what it says
in the contract.

All I know is I'm paying
for six musicians,

and I'm only getting five.

Now, where's my other musician?

There's only five in the band,
Mr. hubley.

But the caterer told me
it was a six-piece orchestra.

Six instruments and five men.

Sax man doubles
on the clarinet.

Well, why should I pay
for a clarinet

when the man is a
saxophone player?

You are not paying
for a clarinet.

You're paying for a band.

I'm not paying for anything

unless I get a man
who plays a clarinet

and a man who plays
a saxophone.

Champagne, sir?

What are you serving
champagne now for?

After the wedding,
not before.

I was told inside...

I don't care
what you were told inside.

I'm not paying
for any pre-wedding champagne.

Bring it back.

They've already opened
a bottle, sir.

Not my bottles--
they haven't opened.

They've opened their bottles.

My bottles are opened
after the wedding.

Yes, sir.

You tell them
to start playing.

I'll be over there listening,

and I'm only paying
for those instruments

I can hear.

Everything under control,
hubley?

Yeah, yeah,
it's going fine, Walt,

Iike clockwork.

Come in, it's open.

hello, operator,

I want the hubley-Eisler wedding

in the Baroque Room.

Operator, hurry--
it's an emergency.

Just put it with the rest
of the things, thank you.

Uh, is this
the hubley-Eisler wedding?

I'd like to speak
to Mr. hubley, please.

Mrs. hubley.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Eisler.

No, everything's fine.

Yes, we'll be right down.

Oh, well, I'd like to wish you
the best of luck, too.

Borden's a wonderful boy.

Yes, my Mimsey's a very,
very lucky girl.

Oh, uh...

No, no, she's as calm
as a cucumber.

But, Mr. hubley...

I don't want
any apologies.

All I want is my name
spelled right

on the match covers here.

Look at this-- you got
200 books of matches.

There's no "e" in hubley.

Well, there's nothing
I can do about it now.

Well, you had six weeks

-to put one lousy "e" in hubley.
-Mr. hubley?

Yeah, what the hell do you want?

Mrs. Eisler says
that your wife is on the phone.

She said it's important.

All right.

Look, if there's no
"e" in the napkins,

I ain't paying for the
napkins or the matches.

Well, they're both
wonderful kids.

Oh, we do, we do-- we have a lot
to be thankful for.

Yes, we'll be down
in five minutes.

It certainly is.

It's going beautifully so far.

Roy...

Roy, you better get up here
right away.

We're in big trouble.

Don't ask questions--
just get up here.

Roy, I hope you're not drunk.

I can't handle this alone.

Don't say anything.

Just smile, walk leisurely
out the door,

and get the hell up here
as fast as you can.

All right, all right, Mimsey.

Your father's on his way up.

Now I want you
to unlock that door,

come out of that bathroom,
and get married.

Did you hear me, Mimsey?

I've had enough
of this nonsense.

Unlock this door!

I know what you're
going through, Mimsey.

You're just nervous, darling.

Everybody goes through that
on their wedding day.

Everything's going to be
all right.

You love Borden;
Borden loves you.

You're going to have
a wonderful,

wonderful life together,

but you can't have it
until you come out

of the bathroom, darling.

Mimsey, you're got to come
out of the bathroom.

You know your father's temper.

If you don't care about your
life, think about mine.

Your father will kill me.

Oh, God, he's here.

Mimsey, Mimsey,
please spare me this.

Just come out
and get married now.

If you want, I'll have it
annulled next week.

Come on, we've got a wedding
in five minutes.

All right.

All right,
I'm letting your father in.

heaven help the three of us.

Why are you standing here?

There are 68 people down there
drinking my liquor.

Are we going to have a wedding
or not? Come on!

Did you hear what I said?

There's another couple waiting
to use the Baroque Room.

-Now, come on. Let's go.
-Roy...

Roy, could you sit down
a minute?

I want to talk to you
about something.

You want to talk now?

You had 21 years to talk
while she was growing up.

We'll talk when
they're in Bermuda.

Can we please have a wedding?

We can't a wedding
until you and I have a talk.

Are you crazy?

While you and I are talking,

there are five musicians
down there

getting $85 an hour.

I'll talk to you later
when we're dancing.

Now, come on,
get Mimsey and let's go.

That's what I want
to talk to you about.

Mimsey?

Roy, sit down.

You're not going to like this.

Is she sick?

She's not sick...

exactly.

What do you mean,
she's not sick, exactly?

Either she's sick
or she's not sick.

-ls she sick?
-She's not sick.

Then let's have a wedding.

Mimsey.

There's $200 worth

of cocktail frankfurters
getting cold downstairs.

Mimsey?

Where's Mimsey?

You promise you're not
going to blame me.

Blame you for what?
What did you do?

I didn't do anything!

I just don't want
to be blamed for it!

What's going on here?

Are you going to tell me
where Mimsey is?

Are you going to take an oath

you're not going to blame me?

I take it, I take it!

Now where the hell is she?!

She's locked herself
in the bathroom.

She's not coming out,
and she's not getting married.

No kidding, where is she?

he doesn't believe me.

I'll kill myself.

Mimsey?

Mimsey?

Mimsey?

All right,
what'd you say to her?

I knew it!
I knew you'd blame me.

You took an oath.

God will punish you.

I'm not blaming you,
I'm not blaming you.

I just want to know

what stupid thing
you said to her

to make her do this.

I didn't say a word.

I was putting
on my lipstick.

She was in the bathroom.

I heard the door go "click."
It was locked.

My whole life was over.
What do you want from me?

I see.

And you didn't say a word?

Nothing.

You're trying to tell me
that a normal, healthy,

intelligent,
21-year-old college graduate

who has driven me crazy
the last nine months

with wedding lists,
floral arrangements

and choices
of assorted hors d'oeuvres

has suddenly decided
to spend this,

the most important day
of her life,

Iocked in the Plaza hotel john?!

Yes. Yes! Yes!
Yes! Yes! Yes!

You must've said something!

Roy.

Roy.

What are you going to do?

Well, first I'm going
to get the college graduate

out of the bathroom.

Then we're going
to have a wedding,

and then you and l
are going to have a big talk.

Mimsey?

Mimsey?

I want you
and your $300 wedding dress

out of there in five seconds.

Roy... Roy, will you please
lower your voice?

Everybody will hear us.

Well, how long do you think
we can keep this a secret?

As soon as that boy
down there says, "l do,"

and there's nobody
standing next to him,

they're going to suspect
something.

Mimsey! You can't
stay in there forever.

We only have the room
until 6:00,

do you hear me?

Roy, will you please
try to control yourself?

All right, all right,

I'll stay here
and control myself.

You can go down there and marry
the tall, skinny kid...

What the hell
is the matter with you?

Don't you know what's happening?

Mimsey!
Get out of there!

I paid for my sister
to come here

all the way from California!

Now open the door!

Open the door!

Maybe she's not
even in there.

She's in there!

God, I think I'm having
a heart attack.

Of all days
to have a heart attack.

I don't hear a peep out of her.

Is there a window in there?

Maybe she tried something crazy.

That's right, tell a woman
who's having a heart attack

that her daughter
jumped out the window.

Well, take a look in there.

Take a look through the keyhole.

I want to make sure
that she's in there.

She's in there,
she's in there!

Look at this.

Look at this, my hand
keeps bouncing off my chest.

Are you going
to look to see

what your daughter is
doing in the bathroom,

or do I hire a bellhop?!

I'll look, I'll look.

Oh, my God!

What?
What is it?!

I ripped my stockings!

I-ls she in there?

She's in there, she's in there.

Where am I going to get

another pair of stockings now?

how am I going to go
to the wedding

with torn stockings?

Well, if she doesn't show up,
who's going to look at you?

There she is.

I can see you, Mimsey.

Do you hear me?

Don't turn away from me
when I'm talking to you!

The only one in my family

to have a daughter
married at the Plaza,

I've got torn stockings.

Do you want me
to break the door down, Mimsey?

Is that what you want?

Because that's what
I'm going to do

if you're not out of there
in five seconds.

Stop crying on your dress!

Use the towel!

Maybe I could run across
to Bergdorf's.

They have nice stockings.

Give me four dollars.

I'll be back in ten minutes.

In ten minutes, she's going
to be a married woman,

because I've had enough
of this nonsense.

All right, Mimsey,
stand in the shower

because I'm breaking down
the door!

Roy, don't get crazy.

Get out of my way.

Roy, she'll come out.

Just talk nicely to her.

We've already had nice talking.

Now we're going
to have door breaking.

Get out of the way.

All right, Mimsey,
I'm coming in!

Roy... Don't, don't,

don't!

Ah...

Get a doctor.

I knew it.

I knew it.

Don't tell me you knew it.

Just get a doctor, will you?

I'm not coming in, Mimsey,
'cause my arm's broken.

Roy...

Roy, let me see it.

Let me see it.

Can you move the fingers?

Are you happy now?

Your mother's
got torn stockings,

your father's got a broken arm.

how much longer
is this going to go on?

Roy, it's not broken.

You can move the fingers.

Give me four dollars
with your other hand.

I have to get stockings.

Are you crazy,
moving a broken arm?

Two dollars.
I'll get a cheap pair.

I ain't carrying any cash today.

Everything is rented, rented.

I can't rent stockings.

Don't you even have
a charge plate?

Wait in the Baroque Room,
will you?

You're of no use to me here.

Go wait
in the Baroque Room.

With torn stockings?!

Something's going on up there.

Walter...

I'd better find out.

Maybe her zipper broke.

For 20 minutes?

Suite 719, please.

They're going to be calling
from downstairs

any second now,

asking where the bride is.

And I'm the one that's going
to have to talk to them.

Me! Me! Me!

That's them.
You speak to them.

What happened
to "Me, me, me"?!

Answer it.
Come on, answer it!

What am I going to say?!

Tell them everything's
all right.

They'll know I'm lying.

They'll know
by the panic in my voice.

hello?

Oh, hello, Mr. Eisler.

No, no, everything's fine.

Shh! Stall him, stall him.

Just keep stalling him.

Whatever you do, stall him!

Yes, yes, we'll be down
in two minutes.

Are you crazy?!

What did you say that for?!

I told you to stall him!

I stalled him.
You got two minutes.

What do you want from me?

You always panic.

The minute there's
a little crisis,

you always go to pieces,
and you panic.

Don't you wave
your broken arm at me!

Why don't you use it

to get your daughter
out of the bathroom?!

I could say something
to you right now.

Why don't you go ahead
and say it?

Because it would
lead to a fight,

and I don't want to
spoil this day for you.

I don't want
to rush anyone,

but I have another wedding
at the pier at 3:30.

Oh.

Mimsey, this is
your father speaking.

I think you know
that I am not a violent man.

I can be stern and strict,

but I have never once
been violent.

Except when I'm angry,

and I'm really angry now,
Mimsey.

You can ask your mother.

Mimsey, this is
your mother speaking.

It's true, darling.

Your father is very angry.

Mimsey, this is
your father again.

If you have a problem
you would like to discuss,

unlock the door
and we'll discuss it.

I'm not going
to ask you this again, Mimsey.

I've reached
the end of my patience.

I'm going to count to three,

and by God,
I'm warning you, young lady,

by the time I reach three,
this door better be open!

One...

two...

three!

Where did we fail her?

Don't say that, Roy.

We didn't fail her.

They're playing "here Comes
the Bride" downstairs,

and she's barricaded
in the toilet.

We must have failed her.

All right, if it
makes you any happier,

we failed her.

You work, you hope
and you dream

and you save your whole life
for this one day,

and in one click of a door,
suddenly everything crumbles.

Why? What's the answer?

It's not your fault, Roy.

Stop blaming yourself.

I'm not blaming myself.

I know I've done my best.

What does that mean?

It means that we're not perfect,
that's all.

We all make mistakes.

We're only human.

I've done my best,
and we failed her.

Meaning I didn't do my best?

I didn't say that.

I don't know
what your best is.

Only you know
what your best is.

Did you do your best?

-Yes, I did my best.
-And I did my best.

Then we both did our best.

So, it's not our fault.

That's what I said before.

Unless one of us
didn't do our best.

I don't want to discuss it
anymore.

Then what are we going
to do?

You come up with something!

I'm having a heart attack!

All right,
I'll just have to go down

and tell them, that's all.

Tell them?

What are you going to tell them?

Well, I don't know.

Those people down there

deserve some kind
of an explanation.

They got all dressed up,
didn't they?

What are you going
to tell them?

Are you going to say

that my daughter is not
going to marry their son,

and that she's locked herself
in a bathroom?

What do you want me
to do,

start off with a couple
of good jokes?

They're going to find out
soon enough.

There's only
enough hors d'oeuvres

for two more hours.

I'll tell you what
you're going to do.

If she's not out of
there in five minutes,

we're going to go
out the back door

and move to Seattle, Washington.

You don't think
I'm going to be able

to show my face in this
city again, do you?

Roy.

Roy!

You know what that chair
is going to cost me?

Almost as much as that
door is going to cost me.

I'm glad my father's not alive
to see this day.

Would you believe it?

Last night, I cried.

Oh, yes.

I turned my head
into the pillow,

and I lay there
in the dark crying

because today
I was losing my little girl.

Some stranger was coming

and taking my little Mimsey
away from me.

So, I turned my back
away from you, and I cried.

Wait till you hear
what goes on tonight.

I should have invited
your cousin Lily.

She wished this on me,
I know it.

You find something funny
about this?

Yes, I find something funny
about this.

I find it funny that I hired
a photographer for $300.

I find it hysterical

that the wedding pictures
are going to be you and me

in front of
a locked bathroom door.

Well, I'm through sitting around
waiting for that door to open.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?!

What do you think
I'm doing?

If you're jumping,
I'm going with you.

You're not leaving me
here alone.

I'm going to crawl out
along that ledge

and get in there
through the bathroom window.

Are you crazy? It's
seven stories high.

You'll kill yourself!

Come on, would you let go of me?

Roy! Roy!

I know what I'm doing.
Don't do this.

Roy, we'll leave her
in the bathroom.

Let the hotel worry about her.

You're going to rip my coat.

Now, will you let go of me
or you'll rip my coat.

Roy, please!

hey, you in there.

You happy now?

Your mother's got
torn stockings.

Your father's got
a rented, ripped coat.

Go on.
Look at your mother and father.

You proud?

You happy to see your parents

Iook like a couple
of run-over gypsies?

I'm coming after you, Mimsey!

I'm coming after you
with my one good arm!

Get out of my way.

I'm dizzy.
Roy, I'm dizzy.

I'm going to pass out.

You can pass out
after the wedding.

I'm dizzy.

Call room service.

The minute I get back,
I want a double scotch

and some needle and thread.

I mean it, Roy.
Roy, l...

Roy!

Roy, come back.

Please, God.

Please... Iet him be all right.

Please, God.

Roy. Roy!

Roy. Roy, ah, ah, ah...

Ah...

he'll kill himself.

he'll fall and kill himself.

That's the way my luck's
been going all day.

Go away.

Go away, pigeons.

Come on, pigeons, move.

Get the hell out of there,
you goddamn pigeons.

I won't look.
I won't look.

I'll wait until I hear
the scream.

Oh, God.

God, I thought it was him.

What am I going to say?
What am I going to say?

hello?

Oh, Mr. Eisler.

No, no, everything's fine.

Are you sure?

We're starting to get worried
down here.

Is Mr. hubley with you?

Roy? No, h-he just stepped out
for a second.

he's coming right down.

have some more hors d'oeuvres.

It stopped.

It stopped beating, I knew it.

I knew it.

I knew it!

It had to happen.

It had... Roy!

Roy, where are you?!

Roy!

he fell.

he fell, he fell.
I know he fell.

he's... he's laying there
in a puddle

in front of Trader Vic's.

I'm passing out.

I'm really passing out.

I'm coming.

I'm coming. help me.

Please, somebody help me.

She locked
the bathroom window, too.

I had to go in
through a strange bedroom.

There may be a lawsuit.

Don't yell at her.

Don't get her
any more upset.

Don't get her upset?

I'm hanging seven
stories from a gargoyle

in the pouring rain,

and you want me
to worry about her?

Do you know what
she's doing in there?

She's playing with
her false eyelashes.

I'm out there fighting
for my life with pigeons,

and she's playing
with eyelashes!

I made up my mind.

The minute I get my hands
on her,

I'm going to kill her.

Once I show them
the wedding bills,

no jury on earth
will convict me.

No. No, no, l
changed my mind.

Killing's too good for her.

She can go into a convent.

Let her become a librarian

with thick glasses and
a pencil in her hair.

Let her become the first
spinster on the moon.

I'm not paying for any
more canceled weddings.

Tell her!
Go ahead, tell her!

Never mind.
I'll tell her myself.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?!

I'm going
to smoke her out of there.

No, no.

I don't care
if the whole hotel goes up.

No, I'll get her out.

I'll get her out.
I'll get her out.

I'll get her out.
I will.

Mimsey. Mimsey,
do you want to destroy a family?

You want a scandal?

You want a story
in The Daily News?

Is that what you want? Is it?

You open this door.

Open this door!

Promise you won't
get hysterical.

What did you do?

I broke my diamond ring.

Your good diamond ring?

how many do I have?

hey, you in there with
the false eyelashes!

You want to see a
broken diamond ring?

You want to see $1,800
worth of crushed baguettes?

here. here, look
through the keyhole.

There's a worthless
family heirloom.

There's a wooden
diamond cutter.

Do you know what I'm going
to do now?

Do you have any idea?

I'm going to wash my hands

of the entire
Eisler-hubley wedding.

You can take
all your Eislers

and all your hubleys and
all your hors d'oeuvres

and go to Central Park

and have yourselves
an $8,000 picnic.

And then
youse can wipe your faces

on 200 misspelled napkins.

I'm going down to the Oak Room

with my broken arm
and my ripped suit,

and I'm going to get blind.

I don't mean drunk,
I mean totally blind

because I don't care

if I ever see you
or your crazy daughter again

if I live to be a thousand!

That's right, run out on me!

Run out on your daughter!

Run out on everybody
just when they need you!

You don't need me.

You need a rhinoceros
with a blowtorch

because no one else can
get into that bathroom.

I'll tell you who can
get into that bathroom.

Somebody with love
and understanding.

Somebody who cares
about that poor kid

who's going through some
terrible decision in there

and needs help.

help that only
you can give her,

and that I can give her.

That's who can get
into that bathroom now!

Mimsey, this is Daddy.

Is there something wrong, dear?

I want to help you, darling,
Mother and I both do,

but how can we help you
if you won't talk to us?

Mimsey, can you hear me?

hey.

Well, what does it say?

"l would like
to talk to Daddy."

I'll try not to be too long.

"l would like to talk to Daddy."

Did she have to write it
on this kind of paper?

Well, maybe I didn't do my best.

I thought we had such
a good relationship. Friends.

Everybody said we were friends,
not mother and daughter.

I tried to teach her there
could be more than just love

between mother and daughter.

There could be trust...

...respect, friendship,
understanding.

Just because I don't speak
to my mother

doesn't mean
we can't be different.

Uh, the Baroque Room, please.

Yes, uh, Mr. Borden Eisler.

Right, thank you.

I'm going to have to guess.
Is that it?

It's so bad
you can't even tell me?

Words can't form
in your mouth,

it's so horrible.

Come on, Roy,
I'm a strong person.

Tell me quickly,
I'll get over it.

Borden, this is Mr. hubley.

Can you come up
to 719 right away?

Right away, thank you.

She wanted to talk to me because
she couldn't bear

to tell us both
at the same time.

The reason she's locked
herself in the bathroom

is that she's afraid.

Afraid? What is she afraid of?

That Borden doesn't love her?

Not that Borden
doesn't love her.

That she doesn't love Borden?

Not that she
doesn't love Borden.

What is she afraid of?

She's afraid of what
they're going to become.

I don't understand.

Well, think about it.

What is there
to think about?

They love each other!

They'll get married,
they'll have children,

they'll grow older,
they'll become like us.

I never thought about that.

Makes you stop and wonder,
doesn't it?

Well, I don't think
we're so bad, do you?

huh?

All right, so we yell
and scream a little.

So we fight and curse
and aggravate each other.

So you blame me
for being a lousy mother.

I accuse you
of being a rotten husband.

That doesn't mean
we're not happy, does it?

Does it?

She wants something better.

-hello, Borden.
-hi.

-hello, darling.
-hello.

Listen, Borden, you're
an intelligent young man.

I'm not going to beat
around the bush with you.

We got a serious problem
on our hands.

Like what?

I'll tell you like what.

Mimsey is worried.

She's worried about
your future together,

she's worried about the whole
institution of marriage.

Now we have tried
to allay her fears,

but obviously, we haven't been
a very good example.

It seems that you are
the only one

who can communicate
with her now, Bords.

She's locked herself
in the bathroom in there,

and she will not come out.

It's up to you now.

Mimsey?
This is Borden.

Cool it!

See you downstairs.

I'm ready now.

Now you're ready, huh?

Now you come out.

Roy, please.

I break every bone in my body,

and you come out
for "Cool it"?

You're beautiful, darling.

Walk.
Walk with your father.

I want to look at
the two of you together.

That's how
he communicates, huh?

That's the brilliant
understanding

between two people?

"Cool it"?

Walk-- Roy, will you walk?

In five minutes he'll marry
one of the flower girls.

Four years he went
to law school,

and all he learned
how to say is "Cool it"?

They'll be all right,
won't they, Roy?

She was better off
in the bathroom,

you hear me?

Better off in the bathroom.