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1
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,359
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
2
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:39,413
(SINGING) There's a bunch of birds
in the sky
3
00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:45,502
And some deers just went running by
4
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:48,630
Oh, the snow's pure and white
5
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:53,260
On the earth, rich and brown
6
00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:56,513
Just another Sunday morning
7
00:00:56,598 --> 00:01:01,894
In my quiet mountain town
8
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,189
(GRUNTS)
9
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:07,441
The sun is shining
and the grass is green
10
00:01:07,525 --> 00:01:09,735
Under the three feet of snow, I mean
11
00:01:09,819 --> 00:01:13,238
This is the day
when it's hard to wear a frown
12
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,491
All the happy people stop to say hello
13
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:16,575
Get out of my way!
14
00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,452
Even though the temperature's low
15
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:23,290
It's a perfect Sunday morning
in my quiet little mountain town
16
00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:24,750
Well, good morning, Stan.
17
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,211
- Mom, can I have $8 to see a movie?
- A movie?
18
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:30,130
Yeah, it's gonna be the best movie ever!
It's a foreign film from Canada!
19
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,340
All right, here you go.
20
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:34,051
- But be back for supper.
- Thanks, Mom.
21
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,428
(SINGING) Oh, what
a picture-perfect child
22
00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:38,764
Just like Jesus, he's tender and mild
23
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:42,351
He'd wear a smile
while he wore a thorny crown
24
00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,145
What an angel
with a heart so sweet and sure
25
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,397
And a mind so open and pure
26
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:51,860
Thank God we live in this quiet
redneck mountain town
27
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:54,238
Dude! Dude, wake up!
28
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,784
Kenny, come on!
29
00:01:58,868 --> 00:01:59,952
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
30
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,871
Kenny, the Terrance and Phillip
movie is out. You wanna come?
31
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,123
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
32
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,874
Where do you think you're going?
33
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:06,959
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
34
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,169
You can't! You have to go to church!
35
00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,379
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
36
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,714
Well, fine,
you go ahead and miss church!
37
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,927
And then when you die and go to hell,
you can answer to Satan!
38
00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:18,011
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
39
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:20,389
(SINGING) You can see your breath
hanging in the air
40
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,474
You see homeless people
but you just don't care
41
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:26,145
It's a sea of smiles
in which we'd be glad to drown
42
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:28,230
(MUFFLED SINGING)
43
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,651
That's right
It's Sunday morning
44
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:36,989
ALL: (SINGING) In our quiet little
white-bread redneck mountain town
45
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:38,448
(BABBLING)
46
00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:41,243
- Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!
- Don't kick the baby.
47
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,327
Kick the baby.
48
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,662
(IKE LAUGHING)
49
00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:48,667
Ike, you broke another window!
That's a bad baby! Bad baby!
50
00:02:48,751 --> 00:02:51,378
Kyle, we're going to
the Terrance and Phillip movie!
51
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:52,546
Oh, my God, dude!
52
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:55,507
- Kyle, where are you going?
- Uh... We're going ice skating.
53
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:57,342
Well, take your little brother
out with you.
54
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:59,469
Oh, Mom. He's not even my real brother.
He's adopted!
55
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:00,762
(SHOUTING) Do as I say, Kyle!
56
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,723
Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!
57
00:03:04,267 --> 00:03:06,268
(SINGING) Look at those
frail and fragile boys
58
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,604
It really gets me down
59
00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:13,025
The world is such a rotten place
and city life's a complete disgrace
60
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:15,527
That's why I moved
to this redneck, meshugana
61
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:21,158
Quiet mountain town
62
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,326
Ike! Bad baby!
63
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:23,368
(IKE BABBLING)
64
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,704
ANNOUNCER ON TV: This program
is brought to you by Snacky Smores,
65
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,873
the creamy fun of smores
in a delightful cookie crunch.
66
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,708
Mom! Somebody's at the door!
67
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,169
- Coming, hon.
- I can't see the TV!
68
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,421
It's been six weeks since
Saddam Hussein was killed
69
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:35,714
by a pack of wild boars
70
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,591
and the world is still glad
to be rid of him.
71
00:03:37,675 --> 00:03:40,469
- Oh! Look, Eric, it's your little friends.
- Spider-Man!
72
00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,763
What are you guys doing here?
73
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,641
Oh! Sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!
74
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,560
ALL: (SINGING)
Off to the movies we shall go
75
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,063
Where we learn everything
that we know
76
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:55,317
'Cause the movies teach us
what our parents don't have time to say
77
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,237
And this movie's gonna make
our lives complete
78
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,530
'Cause Terrance and Phillip
are sweet
79
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,615
Super sweet.
80
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:05,911
Thank God we live in the quiet
little redneck, Podunk, white-trash
81
00:04:05,995 --> 00:04:06,995
(MUFFLED SINGING)
82
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:11,291
U.S.A.
83
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:14,920
Can I have five tickets to
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire?
84
00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,088
No.
85
00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,091
What do you mean, no?
86
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,301
Terrance and Phillip Asses of Fire
has been rated R
87
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,303
by the Motion Picture
Association of America.
88
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,389
You have to be accompanied
by a parent or guardian.
89
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,765
- But why?
- Because this movie
90
00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:27,849
has naughty language!
91
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,559
Next, please.
92
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,188
- This can't be happening!
- We have to see this movie, dude!
93
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,107
Screw it!
It probably isn't all that good anyway.
94
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,484
Cartman, what are you talking about?
You love Terrance and Phillip!
95
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:40,237
Yeah, but the animation's all crappy.
96
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:43,407
Wait, I've got an idea!
97
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,119
Hi, I want six tickets to Asses of Fire.
98
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,579
This movie might not be
appropriate for your little ones.
99
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,873
Hey, he says this movie
isn't appropriate for you.
100
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,959
(SOFTLY) Look, Mr. Homeless Guy,
if you don't wanna buy us tickets
101
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,295
and not get your 10 bucks and
not go buy yourself a bottle of vodka,
102
00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:57,379
then be my guest.
103
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,256
Six tickets, please.
104
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,761
- Let me have some candy, Cartman.
- Oh! Let's see.
105
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,388
Nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
106
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:08,140
Like you really need all that
chocolate, fat boy!
107
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:09,224
(BABBLING)
108
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,476
Shh! The movie's starting.
109
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:16,315
CHILDREN: Hooray!
110
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,358
Say, Terrance,
what did the Spanish priest
111
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,277
say to the Iranian gynecologist?
112
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:21,820
I don't know, Phillip. What?
113
00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:22,904
(FARTS)
114
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,489
(LAUGHING)
115
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,158
Where do they come up with this stuff?
116
00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,784
You're such a pig fucker, Phillip!
117
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:28,869
(CHILDREN GASP)
118
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:29,995
What did he say?
119
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,414
Terrance,
why would you call me a pig fucker?
120
00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,958
Let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
121
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,001
Oh, yeah!
122
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,127
(BOTH LAUGHING)
123
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,129
TERRANCE: Yeah.
Fuck my ass and call me a bitch!
124
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:40,756
(BOTH LAUGHING)
125
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,467
- Oh! You shit-faced cockmaster!
- CHILDREN: Wow!
126
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:45,427
"Shit-faced cockmaster. "
127
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:47,179
Listen, you donkey-raping shit-eater!
128
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,472
"Donkey-raping shit-eater. "
129
00:05:48,556 --> 00:05:50,432
(BABBLING)
130
00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:53,769
- You'd fuck your uncle.
- You'd fuck your uncle!
131
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,605
(SINGING) Shut your
fucking face, uncle fucka
132
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,441
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking
uncle fucka
133
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,527
You're an uncle fucka, yes, it's true
Nobody fucks uncles quite like you
134
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:05,030
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
135
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:07,991
You're the one that fucked your uncle
Uncle fucka
136
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:12,704
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn
You just fuck your uncle all day long
137
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,624
(BOTH FARTING IN TUNE)
138
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,297
(ALL LAUGHING)
139
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:23,965
What's going on here?
140
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,592
(BOTH FARTING)
141
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,095
What garbage.
142
00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,722
Well, what do you expect?
They're Canadian.
143
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,140
(FARTING CONTINUES)
144
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:38,397
CHORUS: Uncle fucka!
Uncle fucka! Uncle fucka!
145
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,817
Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka
146
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,611
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
147
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,196
You're an uncle fucka, I must say
148
00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:48,198
You fucked your uncle yesterday
149
00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,491
Uncle fucka
150
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,785
That's U-N-C-L-E
151
00:06:51,869 --> 00:06:54,621
Fuck you, uncle fucka!
152
00:06:54,705 --> 00:06:55,747
Suck my balls.
153
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,254
Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
154
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:04,089
You bet your fucking ass it was!
155
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,924
Fuck, dude, I wanna be
just like Terrance and Phillip.
156
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,300
Hey, wait a minute!
Where's your guardian?
157
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,427
Huh?
158
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:12,305
I knew it! You paid a homeless guy
to get you in, didn't you?
159
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,933
(FARTS) Fuck off,
you donkey-raping shit-eater!
160
00:07:15,017 --> 00:07:16,059
Yeah!
161
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:18,270
KYLE: (SINGING) Shut your
fucking face, uncle fucka
162
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,022
ALL: (SINGING) You're an ass-licking
Ball-sucking uncle fucka
163
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:25,735
(ALL LAUGHING)
164
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,362
Ah!
165
00:07:30,032 --> 00:07:31,700
Hey, where have you guys been all day?
166
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,536
Oh! Nowhere. We just went to go see
the Terrance and Phillip movie.
167
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,912
(ALL GASP)
168
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,414
BOY: You saw it?
CLYDE: How'd you get in?
169
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:40,375
Hey, stop crowding us,
you shit-faced cockmasters!
170
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,626
ALL: Wow.
171
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,129
Yeah. You're all a bunch of
ass-ramming uncle fuckers.
172
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:45,422
ALL: Ooh!
173
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,132
We have got to see this movie, dude.
174
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:50,802
Terrance and Phillip are Canadian,
just like my brother.
175
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,806
STAN: (SINGING) There's the girI
that I like
176
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,975
Hey, Stan, tell them about
when Terrance called Phillip
177
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,643
a testicle-shitting rectal wart.
178
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:02,105
Now more than ever
she gives me butterflies
179
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,859
It makes my stomach queasy
every time she walks by
180
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:07,569
Asshole, I'm talking to you.
181
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:10,780
I know I can be cool if I try
182
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:11,865
Hi, Stan.
183
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:12,949
(VOMITS)
184
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,075
Gross!
185
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,829
Come, Wendy.
Let us try to jump the hilly brush.
186
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,831
- Who are you, kid?
- My name is Gregory.
187
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:23,210
I just transferred from Yardale,
where I had a 4.0 grade point average.
188
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:24,544
Wanna skate with us?
189
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:25,670
We've been skating all morning
190
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:28,632
and laughing
and talking of memories past.
191
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,509
We saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
192
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,593
Uh-huh!
193
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,762
Try and catch me, Wendy.
194
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,097
Bye, Stan.
195
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,853
Yes, yes,
I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
196
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:43,855
Who wants to touch me?
197
00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:46,608
I said who wants to fucking touch me?
198
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:47,692
Ooh!
199
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:51,947
Come on, gang! We've gotta see
the Terrance and Phillip movie, too!
200
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,825
I hate you, Kenny.
201
00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:00,247
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
202
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:02,916
ALL: (SINGING) Shut your
fucking face, uncle fucka
203
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,168
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka...
204
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:06,586
(SHUSHING)
205
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:10,924
Okay, children, let's take our seats.
We have a lot to learn today.
206
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,301
We sure do, Mr. Hat.
207
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:16,721
Okay, children. Let's start the day
with a few new math problems.
208
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:18,723
What is five times two?
209
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:23,770
Come on, children. Don't be shy.
Just give it your best shot.
210
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:25,397
- Yes, Clyde?
- Twelve?
211
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,232
Okay. Now let's try to get an answer
212
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:29,568
from someone
who's not a complete retard.
213
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,987
Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.
214
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,446
I think I know the answer, Mr. Garrison.
215
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:34,573
(MOCKING)
216
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:37,450
- Shut up, fat boy!
- Hey! Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!
217
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,661
Eric, did you just say the "F" word?
218
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,705
- Jew?
- No. He's talking about "fuck. "
219
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,415
You can't say "fuck" in school,
you fucking fat-ass!
220
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:44,958
- Kyle!
- Why the fuck not?
221
00:09:45,042 --> 00:09:46,126
- Eric!
- Dude, you just said "fuck" again!
222
00:09:46,210 --> 00:09:47,210
Stanley!
223
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:48,253
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
224
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,379
- Kenny!
- What's the big deal?
225
00:09:49,463 --> 00:09:51,590
It doesn't hurt anybody.
Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck.
226
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,134
How would you like to go
see the school counselor?
227
00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:56,094
How would you like to suck my balls?
228
00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:57,429
(ALL GASP)
229
00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,139
(SHOUTING) What did you say?
230
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:02,517
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Actually, what I said was...
231
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:07,647
How would you like to suck my balls,
Mr. Garrison?
232
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,066
Holy shit, dude.
233
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,235
(EXCLAIMS)
234
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,989
Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed
in you boys, m'kay?
235
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:17,699
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
236
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,284
And I've already called in
your mothers...
237
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,119
- You called my mom?
- MR. MACKEY: That's right.
238
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,830
- Oh, no, dude!
- Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question?
239
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:24,956
M'kay. What?
240
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:26,916
- What's the big fucking deal, bitch?
- Yeah.
241
00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:31,129
Ah! Now I wanna know where you heard
these horrific obscenities, m'kay?
242
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:32,213
Nowhere.
243
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,215
We heard them from Mr. Garrison
a few times before.
244
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,925
- Yeah.
- Boys, I seriously doubt
245
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:37,969
that Mr. Garrison ever said,
246
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:40,722
"Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker. "
247
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,515
(ALL LAUGHING)
248
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,850
Sweet.
249
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,186
Uh-oh!
250
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,898
Thank you all for coming
on such short notice.
251
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,483
This just isn't like you, Stanley.
252
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,944
What did my son say, Mr. Mackey?
Did he say the "S" word?
253
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,697
- No, it was worse than that.
- The "F" word?
254
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:01,326
Well, here's a short list of the things
they've been saying, m'kay?
255
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:04,329
- Oh! Dear God!
- What the heck is a rim job?
256
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,164
Why that's when you put your legs
behind your head
257
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:08,583
and have someone lick your ass.
258
00:11:10,127 --> 00:11:12,671
Young man, you will tell
Mr. Mackey this instant
259
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,506
where you heard
all these horrible phrases!
260
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,715
I... I...
261
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,175
We can't tell you.
We all took a sacred oath
262
00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,343
and swore ourselves to secrecy.
263
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,011
- It was the Terrance and Phillip movie.
- Dude!
264
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,846
What? Fuck you guys!
I wanna get out of here!
265
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,015
Terrance and Phillip?
Those Canadians?
266
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,184
Excuse me,
what the heck is Terrance and Phillip?
267
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:29,813
Terrance and Phillip are two very
untalented actors from Canada.
268
00:11:29,897 --> 00:11:32,232
Nothing but foul language
and toilet humor.
269
00:11:32,316 --> 00:11:34,818
Well, I guess I'll have to send
a warning letter out to parents
270
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,861
before more children
see Terrance and Phillip.
271
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,571
- Everybody's fucking seen it!
- Eric!
272
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:39,906
I'm sorry, I can't help myself.
273
00:11:39,990 --> 00:11:42,075
That movie has warped
my fragile little mind.
274
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,786
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
275
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:49,374
(INAUDIBLE)
276
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,835
STAN: (SINGING) There's the girI
that I like
277
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,131
Over there laughing
with that smart new...
278
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:59,384
(EXCLAIMS) You're holding up
the goddamn lunch line!
279
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,928
- Hello there, children.
- ALL: Hey, Chef.
280
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:03,346
- How's it going?
- ALL: Bad.
281
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,432
- Why bad?
- We got busted for swearing.
282
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,934
Our moms say we can't ever see
the Terrance and Phillip movie again!
283
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,060
Oh! That's too bad.
284
00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,562
You should've seen Kyle
when his mom showed up.
285
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:12,063
(LAUGHS) He was scared
out of his mind.
286
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,107
- Shut up, Cartman!
- No, dude. I'd be scared, too.
287
00:12:14,191 --> 00:12:15,233
Your mom's a fucking bitch.
288
00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,985
Don't call my mom a bitch, you fat fuck!
289
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,028
Don't call me fat,
you butt-fucking son of a bitch!
290
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,614
Whoa, children,
where did you learn to talk like that?
291
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:23,241
It's pretty fucking sweet, huh?
292
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:26,453
Chef, how do you make a woman
like you more than any other guy?
293
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:27,579
Oh! That's easy.
294
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:29,789
- You just gotta find the clitoris.
- Huh?
295
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:30,915
Whoops!
296
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,001
What does that mean,
"Find the clitoris"?
297
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,294
Forget I said anything.
298
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,463
Move along, children,
you're holding up the line.
299
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,590
You guys, do you know
where I can find the clitoris?
300
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:39,716
The what?
301
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,676
What, is that like finding Jesus
or something?
302
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,844
MR. MACKEY ON PA:
Attention, students.
303
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:46,139
We are now enforcing a new dress code
at South Park Elementary.
304
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:49,392
Terrance and Phillip shirts
are no longer allowed in school.
305
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,352
Anyone wearing
a Terrance and Phillip shirt
306
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:54,063
is to be sent home immediately.
307
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,356
- Hooray!
- ALL: Hooray!
308
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,821
The R-rated Canadian film
Asses of Fire
309
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,364
is number one at the box office.
310
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,617
But is the film
destroying American youth?
311
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,077
Here with a special report
is a midget in a bikini.
312
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:09,913
Thanks, Tom. It appears that the effects
313
00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:12,123
of the Canadian comedy
are far-reaching indeed.
314
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,501
All over America,
children seem to be influenced,
315
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,753
like at this spelling bee in Washington.
316
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:21,299
All right. This is for the silver medal.
Spell "forensics. "
317
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,510
Fuck that! Why should I fucking
have to spell "forensics"?
318
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:24,677
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
319
00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:28,765
Here you go. S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S.
Forensics.
320
00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,976
Tom, the devastating impact
of the Canadian duo
321
00:13:32,061 --> 00:13:36,189
can also be seen with their new hit song
Shut Your Fucking Face, Uncle Fucka.
322
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,108
(SINGING) Shut your
fucking face, uncle fucka
323
00:13:39,193 --> 00:13:42,779
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
324
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:44,447
Thought I told you that
we won't stop
325
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:45,740
Thought I told you that
we won't stop
326
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,326
- Back to you, Tom.
- Thanks, midget.
327
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,369
Shocking report.
328
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:51,996
The controversy began in the small
mountain town of South Park
329
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,499
where the local PTA
is trying to ban the movie.
330
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:57,502
With us tonight is the head of the PTA,
Sheila Broflovski.
331
00:13:57,586 --> 00:14:00,129
- Hello, Tom.
- And the Canadian Minister of Movies.
332
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:01,339
Thanks for having me, buddy.
333
00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:02,799
Minister, parents are concerned
334
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,884
about your country's entertainment.
Your thoughts?
335
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,303
Well, the film is R-rated
and is not intended for children.
336
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:09,347
But of course children are gonna see it!
337
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,015
Can I finish?
The fact is that we Canadians
338
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,058
are quite surprised by your outrage.
339
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,019
- You just don't care!
- Can I finish? Hello? Can I finish?
340
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,856
The United States has graphic violence
on television all the time.
341
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,023
We can't believe that a movie
342
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:20,567
with some foul language
would piss you off so much.
343
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,860
Because it's evil!
344
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,320
(SHOUTING) Can I finish?
Please! Can I finish?
345
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,406
Okay, I'm finished.
346
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:28,366
But, Mr. Minister, it isn't like this film
347
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,326
is the first troublesome thing
to come out of Canada.
348
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,995
Let us not forget Bryan Adams.
349
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:33,663
Now, now. The Canadian government
has apologized
350
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,164
for Bryan Adams on several occasions.
351
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,708
You Canadians are all the same,
352
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:38,877
with your beady little eyes
and flapping heads!
353
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,962
- You're trash.
- I resent that! I find that racist!
354
00:14:41,046 --> 00:14:42,630
Our children are now addicted
to your filth!
355
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,382
You are a racist, ma'am.
You are a racist.
356
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,925
It is going to take us weeks
357
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:49,262
to erase the damage
this film has done to our children!
358
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:55,727
Kids, I wanna welcome you
to rehabilitation, m'kay?
359
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,897
Your mothers insisted that you be taken
from your normal schoolwork
360
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,482
and placed into rehab
to learn not to swear.
361
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,234
I must say, I don't think I belong
with these rogues.
362
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,029
I attended school at Yardale
and had a 4.0 grade point average.
363
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,405
You're a fucking faggot, dude.
364
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,617
M'kay. You see, children?
This is exactly what I'm talking about.
365
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,911
We have to get you off of foul language.
366
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,747
- How are we gonna do that?
- Well, listen here.
367
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,750
(SINGING) There are times
when you get suckered in
368
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:22,295
By drugs and alcohol
and sex with women, m'kay?
369
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:24,923
But it's when you do these things
too much
370
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:29,677
That you've become an addict
and must get back in touch
371
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:33,348
You can do it
It's all up to you, m'kay?
372
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:37,602
With a little plan
you can change your life today
373
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,979
You don't have to spend your life
addicted to smack
374
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:42,273
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for crack
375
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:45,276
Follow my plan
and very soon you will say
376
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,445
"It's easy, m'kay?"
377
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,281
Step one, instead of "ass" say "buns"
378
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,784
Like "Kiss my buns"
or "You're a buns-hole"
379
00:15:52,868 --> 00:15:54,285
Step two, instead of "shit" say "poo"
380
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,871
As in "bull-poo," "poo-head"
and "This poo is cold"
381
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,498
Step three, with "bitch" drop the "T"
382
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:01,125
'Cause "bich" is Latin for "generosity"
383
00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,627
Step four, don't say "fuck" anymore
384
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,796
'Cause "fuck" is the worst word
that you can say
385
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:07,173
So just use the word "m'kay"
386
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,801
ALL: (SINGING) we can do it
It's all up to us, m'kay?
387
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,052
M'kay
388
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,388
With a little plan
we can change our lives today
389
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,973
You can change it today
390
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,350
You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash
391
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,352
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash
392
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:22,522
Follow this plan
and very soon you will say
393
00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:24,899
"It's easy, m'kay?"
394
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,485
- Step one
- Instead of "ass" say "buns"
395
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,946
- Like "Kiss my buns"
- Or "You're a buns-hole"
396
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,531
- Step two
- Instead of "shit" say "poo"
397
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:32,657
- As in "bull-poo"
- "Poo-head"
398
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,075
And "This poo is cold"
399
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,660
- Step three
- With "bitch" drop the "T"
400
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:38,329
'Cause "bich" is Latin for "generosity"
401
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,831
- Step four
- Don't say "fuck" anymore
402
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,166
'Cause "fuck" is the worse word
that you can say
403
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,127
"Fuck" is the worse word
that you can say
404
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:46,671
We shouldn't say "fuck"
No, we shouldn't say "fuck," fuck, no!
405
00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,089
You're cured, you can go
406
00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,425
You don't have to spend your life
shooting up in the trash
407
00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,510
Homeless on the streets
giving hand-jobs for cash
408
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,638
Follow this plan
and very soon you will say
409
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:56,764
"It's easy, m'kay?"
410
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:57,849
CHILDREN: It's easy, m'kay?
411
00:16:57,933 --> 00:17:00,018
MR. MACKEY: It's easy, m'kay?
CHILDREN: It's easy, m'kay?
412
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,061
- It's easy, m'kay?
- CHILDREN: It's easy
413
00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:04,439
It's easy
It's easy, m'kay?
414
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,857
(ALL LAUGHING)
415
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,109
M'kay. M'kay.
416
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,486
Now you're cured.
417
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:14,407
You can take the rest of the afternoon
off for personal reflection, m'kay?
418
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:18,119
Find your own constructive way
to better yourself, m'kay?
419
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,121
(LAUGHING)
420
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:21,748
TERRANCE: Well, Phillip,
I hope you've learned something
421
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:22,874
through this whole experience.
422
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,210
I did, Terrance. I learned that you are
a boner-biting dick-fart fuck-face.
423
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,587
(BOTH LAUGHING)
424
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,590
Want to see the northern lights?
425
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,550
(BOTH LAUGHING)
426
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:35,720
You burned yourself to death
by lighting your fart!
427
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,263
I sure did, Phillip.
428
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:38,389
(BOTH LAUGHING)
429
00:17:38,474 --> 00:17:42,060
BOTH: Uncle fucker! Too tight!
430
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,186
(CHILDREN APPLAUDING)
431
00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:44,979
(WHOOPING)
432
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,150
Man, that movie gets better
every time I see it.
433
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,860
- Hey!
- Yeah, but you know what?
434
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,445
That whole part about
lighting farts is bullshit.
435
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:53,529
You can't do that.
436
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,614
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
437
00:17:54,698 --> 00:17:55,698
No way!
438
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,741
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
439
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,827
Okay, Kenny, I'll bet you $100
you can't light a fart on fire!
440
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,704
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
441
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,792
(KENNY LAUGHING)
442
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:06,918
(SCREAMING)
443
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:09,337
- Holy shit, dude!
- Ahh! Oh, my God!
444
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:12,340
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
445
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,426
- Somebody do something!
- This stick is on fire!
446
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:17,095
(SIREN WAILING)
447
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,516
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
448
00:18:21,809 --> 00:18:24,644
- Oh, my God, you killed Kenny!
- You bastard!
449
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,230
Well, I guess you can light
a fart on fire, huh?
450
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,024
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
451
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:32,401
Load that IV with 70 cc's of
sodium pentothal!
452
00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,487
- We just called the parents.
- Oh, shit, dude!
453
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:35,696
Now our moms
are gonna find out we went
454
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,156
to the Terrance and Phillip movie again!
455
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,407
Vacuum!
456
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,077
Try to untangle his trachea
and esophagus.
457
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,495
- Dude!
- No, that doesn't go there!
458
00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:43,579
(SCREAMING)
459
00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:46,332
(VOMITS) Oh!
460
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,126
- Gross, Stan!
- That's sick.
461
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,461
- Watch his liver.
- I'll get it.
462
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,505
We have precious little time left,
people.
463
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:53,589
We're gonna lose him soon.
464
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:56,134
- Doctor, his heart stopped!
- Let's get it out of there.
465
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,469
We need to zap this quick!
466
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,099
- Who's making a potato?
- My bad, sir. I missed lunch.
467
00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,852
Damn it! I'm not gonna lose this kid!
468
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,229
Close him up. We've done all we can.
469
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,356
The rest is up to God.
470
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,735
Kenny? Kenny, can you hear me?
471
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,362
How are you feeling, son?
472
00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:17,697
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
473
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,074
Great. Son, I have some bad news.
474
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,869
We accidentally replaced your heart
with a baked potato.
475
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,162
You have about three seconds to live.
476
00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:25,621
(EXCLAIMS)
477
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,665
Ah! Fucking weak, dude!
478
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,543
- Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- You bastards!
479
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:34,672
Damn it! It never gets any easier!
480
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,674
(WHISTLING)
481
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:41,512
I bet him he couldn't do it.
I bet him $100.
482
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:43,014
Come on, Cartman, it's not your fault.
483
00:19:43,098 --> 00:19:45,099
No, I know. I'm just fucking stoked
I don't have to pay him.
484
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,603
Oh! That's real nice!
He was your friend, you fat fuck!
485
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,856
So, boys, you saw that movie again?
486
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,275
CHILDREN: Yes.
SHEILA: Well, Kyle, I have had it!
487
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,569
You are grounded for
the next two weeks!
488
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:57,987
(CHILDREN GASP)
489
00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,615
- Grounded?
- And you, Stan. Come on.
490
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,992
And you're grounded
for three weeks, Eric.
491
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,244
Why am I grounded more?
That's fucking bullshit!
492
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,372
What? What? What?
What was that word, young man?
493
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,082
(VOICE ECHOING)
494
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,973
(SINGING) Little boy at peace
495
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,602
What is this place beyond the stars?
496
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,521
Open up your eyes
497
00:20:33,148 --> 00:20:37,068
What are these things
you're moving toward?
498
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:40,154
Head so full of wonder
499
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,573
Worries in the past
500
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,493
Could it be that you are free at last?
501
00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:47,286
(ALARM SOUNDING)
502
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:48,412
MALE VOICE: No!
503
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,622
(EXCLAIMS)
504
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,249
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
505
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:57,922
(SINGING) Little boy
You're going to hell!
506
00:20:58,006 --> 00:20:59,382
You said bad words
Threw rocks at the birds
507
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:00,841
And now this is your hotel
508
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:04,387
You ain't going back
This ain't Disneyland, it's hell!
509
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:08,099
Little boy, it's time for you to pay
510
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,433
For hurting that bird
and not going to church
511
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:10,851
And staring at boobs every day
512
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:14,021
Thought you were in bed
Instead, you're in hell!
513
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,442
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
Hell!
514
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:21,862
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
Hell!
515
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,781
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
516
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:25,533
Hey, fuck-face, have you seen Gracie?
517
00:21:25,617 --> 00:21:29,036
There is orderliness in the universe.
518
00:21:29,663 --> 00:21:31,706
Hell isn't good, hell isn't good
No!
519
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:40,214
(FARTS)
520
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:45,678
Parents, our children are out of control!
521
00:21:45,762 --> 00:21:49,473
This is what happens when toilet humor
is allowed to run rampant!
522
00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:51,642
That's right. Kenny set himself on fire
523
00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:54,645
because he saw Terrance and Phillip
do it in that dirty movie!
524
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:58,065
We must stop dirty language
from getting to our children's ears!
525
00:21:58,150 --> 00:22:00,151
We must go fight the source of it!
526
00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:01,902
But what is the source?
527
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:03,654
Oh! That's easy.
528
00:22:03,947 --> 00:22:06,824
(SINGING) Times have changed
Our kids are getting worse
529
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:10,202
They won't obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse
530
00:22:10,287 --> 00:22:11,579
Should we blame the government?
531
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:13,164
Or blame society?
532
00:22:13,248 --> 00:22:15,624
Or should we blame the images on TV?
533
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:17,668
No! Blame Canada!
534
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,170
ALL: Blame Canada!
535
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:22,340
With all their beady little eyes
and flapping heads so full of lies
536
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:25,384
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
537
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:26,927
We need to form a full assault
538
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,763
It's Canada's fault!
539
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:32,016
Don't blame me for my son Stan
540
00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,186
He saw the darn cartoon
and now he's off to join the Klan
541
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:38,189
And my boy Eric once
had my picture on his shelf
542
00:22:38,273 --> 00:22:40,608
But now when I see him
he tells me to fuck myself
543
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:44,153
Well, Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
544
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:47,406
It seems that everything's gone wrong
since Canada came along
545
00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:50,534
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
546
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,829
They're not even a real country anyway
547
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:56,957
My son could've been a doctor
or a lawyer rich and true
548
00:22:57,042 --> 00:23:00,336
Instead, he burned up like a piggy
on a barbecue
549
00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:03,047
Should we blame the matches?
Should we blame the fire?
550
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:05,341
Or the doctors who allowed him
to expire?
551
00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:06,384
Heck, no!
552
00:23:06,468 --> 00:23:09,220
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
553
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:10,888
With all their hockey hullabaloo
554
00:23:10,972 --> 00:23:12,515
And that bitch Anne Murray, too
555
00:23:12,599 --> 00:23:15,684
Blame Canada! Shame on Canada!
556
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:16,727
For
557
00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:18,229
The smut we must stop
The trash we must bash
558
00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:19,772
The laughter and fun must all be undone
559
00:23:19,856 --> 00:23:21,232
We must blame them and cause a fuss
560
00:23:21,316 --> 00:23:25,236
Before somebody thinks of blaming us!
561
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,160
(LISPING) All right, you turds, listen up!
562
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:37,039
Your moms are away at a meeting
and they put me in charge of you!
563
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,418
But you're still grounded,
so you're not allowed to have any fun!
564
00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:43,671
- Any questions?
- Shelly, where's the clitoris?
565
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:45,589
(GROANS)
566
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:48,300
Now you all just sit there
and keep your mouths shut
567
00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:51,679
while I go listen
to my Britney Spears records.
568
00:23:52,681 --> 00:23:53,722
(DOOR SHUTS)
569
00:23:53,807 --> 00:23:54,849
Okay, it's clear.
570
00:23:56,893 --> 00:23:59,437
Our next guests have the number one
movie in the world right now.
571
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:01,439
Please welcome Terrance and Phillip!
572
00:24:01,523 --> 00:24:02,523
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
573
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:03,732
Hooray!
574
00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:07,611
- Hello, Conan.
- Hello, Brooke Shields.
575
00:24:07,696 --> 00:24:09,905
Now, guys, some people claim
that your Canadian humor
576
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,907
is nothing but immature fart jokes.
577
00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:15,786
That's not true. Take this classic
Canadian joke, for instance.
578
00:24:15,871 --> 00:24:17,288
(CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me, Terrance.
579
00:24:17,372 --> 00:24:18,372
Yes, Phillip?
580
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:19,457
(FARTS)
581
00:24:19,541 --> 00:24:20,541
(LAUGHING)
582
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,625
Gosh darn it!
583
00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:22,960
(LAUGHING)
584
00:24:23,044 --> 00:24:25,087
- Good one, Phillip. Cheers.
- Cheers, fuck-face.
585
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,964
Guys, you can't say that on TV.
586
00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,424
Now Terrance smells like my ass!
587
00:24:28,508 --> 00:24:29,508
(BOTH LAUGHING)
588
00:24:29,593 --> 00:24:32,428
I farted once on the set of Blue Lagoon.
589
00:24:36,641 --> 00:24:39,226
So, guys, does it make you nervous
to be in America?
590
00:24:39,311 --> 00:24:40,603
There are a lot of organizations here
591
00:24:40,687 --> 00:24:42,730
that want you arrested for
destroying children.
592
00:24:42,814 --> 00:24:45,232
- Oh! They'd have to find us first.
- You're right.
593
00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,317
Now!
594
00:24:46,401 --> 00:24:47,443
(SOLDIERS EXCLAIMING)
595
00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:48,569
Terrance and Phillip,
596
00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:52,198
Mothers Against Canada
is placing you under citizen's arrest!
597
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:53,824
- Mom?
- Dude, what the hell is going on?
598
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,160
We have a court order for your arrest!
599
00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:57,828
Phillip, we've been ambushed!
600
00:24:57,913 --> 00:24:59,497
Here you go, Conan.
601
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:01,790
This little scrotum sucker deceived us!
602
00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:04,168
- You are a bad man!
- Don't listen to them, Conan!
603
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:06,837
You loved our movie, Conan!
We watched it together!
604
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:09,965
- Remember? You laughed!
- What have I done?
605
00:25:10,926 --> 00:25:12,343
(CONAN SCREAMING)
606
00:25:15,138 --> 00:25:16,722
(ALARM BLARING)
607
00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:18,349
(ALARM STOPS)
608
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:22,770
Holy crap! Did you see that?
They arrested Terrance and Phillip!
609
00:25:27,108 --> 00:25:28,317
As the Canadian Ambassador,
610
00:25:28,401 --> 00:25:30,486
I hereby condemn the actions
taken by America
611
00:25:30,570 --> 00:25:31,529
in apprehending Terrance and Phillip.
612
00:25:31,613 --> 00:25:32,655
(ALL CLAMORING)
613
00:25:32,739 --> 00:25:33,739
As you can see from this graph,
614
00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:36,283
the entire economy of Canada
relies on Terrance and Phillip!
615
00:25:36,368 --> 00:25:39,119
Without them,
we are doomed to recession.
616
00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:42,373
What say you,
Mr. American Ambassador?
617
00:25:44,626 --> 00:25:46,877
- Fuck Canada!
- Hey, fuck you, buddy!
618
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:48,837
Terrance and Phillip
will not be released!
619
00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:51,924
They're going to be put on trial for
corrupting America's youth.
620
00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:53,551
We don't know
what all the fuss is about.
621
00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,427
The fuss is aboot taking our citizens!
622
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:58,055
It's aboot not censoring our art!
It's aboot... It's aboot...
623
00:25:58,139 --> 00:25:59,390
(ALL LAUGHING)
624
00:25:59,474 --> 00:26:00,975
What's so goddamn funny?
625
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:02,434
Nothing, nothing.
626
00:26:02,519 --> 00:26:05,688
Could you tell us again what your
argument is all about?
627
00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:08,232
This is not aboot diplomacy,
this is aboot dignity!
628
00:26:08,316 --> 00:26:09,275
(ALL LAUGHING)
629
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,027
This is aboot respect!
This is aboot realizing that humor...
630
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:14,363
You guys are dicks!
Release Terrance and Phillip
631
00:26:14,447 --> 00:26:17,157
or we'll give you something
to cry aboot!
632
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:32,214
Pilot to bombardier. Pilot to bombardier.
We're nearing the target.
633
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:33,632
The bomb's ready, buddy.
634
00:26:33,717 --> 00:26:34,758
(PHONE RINGING)
635
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:37,094
Baldwin residence.
No, this is Billy Baldwin.
636
00:26:37,178 --> 00:26:40,931
If you want Daniel Baldwin,
call his extension, stupid!
637
00:26:41,016 --> 00:26:43,684
Hey, Alec, do you know
what sucks about being a Baldwin?
638
00:26:43,768 --> 00:26:46,103
- No, what?
- Nothing! Yeah!
639
00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:47,855
(ALL LAUGHING)
640
00:26:52,277 --> 00:26:53,277
(BILLY LAUGHS)
641
00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:54,945
You missed me!
642
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,115
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
643
00:26:58,617 --> 00:27:00,743
All right, children,
your mothers are all making me
644
00:27:00,827 --> 00:27:03,120
throw away my lesson plan
and teach theirs.
645
00:27:03,204 --> 00:27:05,539
Mr. Garrison, how come our moms
arrested Terrance and Phillip?
646
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:06,957
CHILDREN: Yeah!
BOY: That's gay.
647
00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,043
Well, your moms are just upset.
648
00:27:09,127 --> 00:27:10,753
They're probably all on their
periods or something.
649
00:27:10,837 --> 00:27:11,837
(WHISPERING)
650
00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:15,132
Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I think
that was a sexist statement.
651
00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:16,300
Well, I'm sorry, Wendy,
652
00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:20,054
but I just don't trust anything that
bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
653
00:27:20,138 --> 00:27:23,307
Anyway, children,
let's start off with some vocabulary.
654
00:27:23,391 --> 00:27:25,476
- MR. MACKEY: Attention, students!
- Oh! What now?
655
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,519
MR. MACKEY: Come to the
gymnasium immediately
656
00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:29,938
for a special announcement, m'kay?
657
00:27:32,776 --> 00:27:35,361
- What's going on, Chef?
- Something big, children.
658
00:27:35,445 --> 00:27:37,571
Chef, I can't find the clitoris.
You have to help me.
659
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,031
Stan, the clitoris...
660
00:27:39,115 --> 00:27:43,118
Please take your seats, everyone.
They're about to announce it, m'kay?
661
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:44,703
This is a state of emergency.
662
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:46,497
We go now to the White House
for an announcement
663
00:27:46,581 --> 00:27:48,957
from the President of the United States.
664
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:50,501
My fellow Americans,
665
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:54,755
at 5:00 a. m. today,
a day which will live in infamy,
666
00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:58,801
the Canadians have bombed
the Baldwins.
667
00:27:58,885 --> 00:28:03,305
In response to this,
the U.S. has declared war on Canada.
668
00:28:04,015 --> 00:28:05,349
(ALL GASP)
669
00:28:05,850 --> 00:28:07,559
- Oh, no!
- War?
670
00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:10,688
- No, Gregory! No!
- This is bad, Wendy. Hold on to me.
671
00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:12,439
All the Baldwins are dead?
672
00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:15,609
Now it is the time for us to send
a message to Canadians.
673
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:19,071
In two days time,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip
674
00:28:19,155 --> 00:28:20,906
will be executed.
675
00:28:21,741 --> 00:28:23,033
They're gonna kill them?
676
00:28:23,118 --> 00:28:26,954
And now I'd like to bring up my newly
appointed Secretary of Offense,
677
00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,039
Ms. Sheila Broflovski.
678
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:30,374
Holy shit, dude!
679
00:28:30,458 --> 00:28:31,875
My fellow Americans,
680
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,046
our neighbor to the north
has abused us for the last time!
681
00:28:36,131 --> 00:28:38,257
- I have a plan...
- The Canadians want to fight us
682
00:28:38,341 --> 00:28:40,884
because we won't tolerate
their potty mouths!
683
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:46,056
Well, if it is war they want,
then war they shall have!
684
00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:52,354
- Dude, this is fucking weak.
- How could things be any worse?
685
00:29:00,363 --> 00:29:01,822
(EXCLAIMING)
686
00:29:03,908 --> 00:29:06,994
Fallen one, I am Satan.
687
00:29:07,078 --> 00:29:09,580
I am your god now.
688
00:29:09,664 --> 00:29:11,373
(SCREAMING)
689
00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:14,168
There is no escape.
690
00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:16,336
(CRYING)
691
00:29:17,255 --> 00:29:20,174
Now, feel the delightful pain.
692
00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:24,011
Hey, Satan, did you hear the news?
693
00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:26,680
A war just broke out up on Earth.
694
00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:29,975
Meet Saddam Hussein,
my new partner in evil.
695
00:29:30,059 --> 00:29:31,059
(GASPS)
696
00:29:31,144 --> 00:29:32,853
Move over, Satan,
you're hogging all the fun.
697
00:29:32,937 --> 00:29:36,148
Yeah! Yeah!
Man, this is getting me so hot!
698
00:29:36,232 --> 00:29:37,274
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
699
00:29:37,358 --> 00:29:39,151
Saddam, would you let me
do my job, please?
700
00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:41,779
Come on, rub my nipples
while I torture this little piggy!
701
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:45,115
Saddam, could I talk to you
over here for a second?
702
00:29:46,409 --> 00:29:49,870
I don't see why you have to belittle me
in front of people like that.
703
00:29:49,954 --> 00:29:51,705
Aye! Relax, guy!
704
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:54,708
Well, sometimes I think you don't have
any respect for me.
705
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,835
Hey, come here, guy.
706
00:29:57,754 --> 00:30:00,380
- Who's my cream puff?
- I am.
707
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:01,590
That's right, buddy.
708
00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:02,716
(GASPS)
709
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,805
- Dude, I don't want to be at war.
- You don't think they're really
710
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,139
gonna kill Terrance and Phillip,
do you?
711
00:30:09,224 --> 00:30:11,308
Kyle, you need to stop
being such a chicken shit
712
00:30:11,392 --> 00:30:12,392
and stand up to your mother.
713
00:30:12,477 --> 00:30:13,977
You need to smack her
in the face and say,
714
00:30:14,062 --> 00:30:15,562
"That's enough of your shit,
you fucking bitch!"
715
00:30:15,647 --> 00:30:17,397
Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
716
00:30:17,482 --> 00:30:19,274
You guys stop it! This isn't helping!
717
00:30:19,359 --> 00:30:20,484
We've gotta think here!
718
00:30:20,568 --> 00:30:22,820
Now, let's see,
what would Brian Boitano do?
719
00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:25,405
Yeah, what would Brian Boitano do?
720
00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:29,576
Hey, what's going on over there?
721
00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:32,329
The American government thinks
it has the right to police the world.
722
00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:34,498
Your government is going
to kill two Canadian citizens,
723
00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:38,168
an action condemned by the U. N.
Home of the free, indeed.
724
00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,505
- Let's play tetherball.
- CHILDREN: Yeah.
725
00:30:41,589 --> 00:30:44,216
This is about freedom of speech!
About censorship!
726
00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:45,551
Can't you guys be more political
like Gregory?
727
00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:47,678
STAN: (SINGING) There's the girI
that I like
728
00:30:47,762 --> 00:30:49,137
(INAUDIBLE)
729
00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:53,267
Now it appears
that she likes another guy
730
00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:57,354
It must be because
he's political and stuff
731
00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:01,191
I bet I could be political, too
732
00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:02,234
What do you think, Stan?
733
00:31:02,318 --> 00:31:03,569
(VOMITING)
734
00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:04,945
(SCREAMING)
735
00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:07,698
- Damn it!
- You guys, this is all Kyle's mom's fault!
736
00:31:07,782 --> 00:31:08,740
Shut up, Cartman!
737
00:31:08,825 --> 00:31:10,784
Kyle's mom is the one
that started that damn club,
738
00:31:10,869 --> 00:31:13,036
and all because
she's a big, fat, stupid...
739
00:31:13,121 --> 00:31:14,955
Don't say it, Cartman!
740
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:16,039
(SINGING) well...
741
00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,958
Don't do it, Cartman!
742
00:31:18,293 --> 00:31:19,418
(SINGING) well...
743
00:31:19,502 --> 00:31:21,837
- I'm warning you!
- Okay. Okay.
744
00:31:22,422 --> 00:31:24,131
I'm getting pretty sick of
him calling my mom...
745
00:31:24,215 --> 00:31:25,799
(SINGING) well, Kyle's mom's a bitch
She's a big fat witch
746
00:31:25,884 --> 00:31:27,384
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
747
00:31:27,468 --> 00:31:28,844
She's a stupid bitch
if there ever was a bitch
748
00:31:28,928 --> 00:31:31,305
She's a bitch to all the boys and girls
749
00:31:31,389 --> 00:31:33,599
Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman!
750
00:31:33,683 --> 00:31:35,058
On Monday she's a bitch
On Tuesday she's a bitch
751
00:31:35,143 --> 00:31:36,602
And Wednesday through Saturday
she's a bitch
752
00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:38,228
Then on Sunday, just to be different
753
00:31:38,313 --> 00:31:41,064
She's a super
King Kamehameha bitch!
754
00:31:41,149 --> 00:31:42,733
Come on, you all know the words!
755
00:31:42,817 --> 00:31:44,109
CHILDREN: Have you ever
met my friend Kyle's mom?
756
00:31:44,193 --> 00:31:45,694
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
757
00:31:45,778 --> 00:31:47,237
She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair
758
00:31:47,322 --> 00:31:48,864
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
759
00:31:48,948 --> 00:31:51,909
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch
760
00:31:51,993 --> 00:31:55,037
Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch
761
00:31:55,121 --> 00:31:56,413
Talk to kids around the world
762
00:31:56,497 --> 00:31:58,081
It might go a little bit
something like this
763
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,584
(SINGING IN JAPANESE)
764
00:32:01,002 --> 00:32:03,670
(SINGING IN FRENCH)
765
00:32:04,130 --> 00:32:06,632
(SINGING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE)
766
00:32:07,216 --> 00:32:09,509
(SINGING IN LOCAL LANGUAGE)
767
00:32:10,219 --> 00:32:11,595
Have you ever met
my friend Kyle's mom?
768
00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:13,055
She's the biggest bitch
in the whole wide world
769
00:32:13,139 --> 00:32:14,598
She's a mean old bitch
and she has stupid hair
770
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:15,933
She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
771
00:32:16,017 --> 00:32:16,975
(CHILDREN GASP)
772
00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:18,852
Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch
She's a stupid bitch
773
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:19,937
Cartman...
774
00:32:20,021 --> 00:32:21,980
Kyle's mom's a bitch
and she's just a dirty bitch
775
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:23,398
I really mean it
776
00:32:23,483 --> 00:32:25,359
Kyle's mom
777
00:32:25,777 --> 00:32:30,656
She's a big fat fucking bitch
778
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:33,450
Big, old, fat fucking bitch, Kyle's mom
779
00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:34,660
Yeah!
780
00:32:34,744 --> 00:32:36,078
(EXCLAIMS)
781
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:40,874
What?
782
00:32:42,043 --> 00:32:43,085
Oh!
783
00:32:43,169 --> 00:32:44,211
Fuck.
784
00:32:44,545 --> 00:32:46,964
SHEILA ON MIKE: Okay,
everyone settle down.
785
00:32:47,048 --> 00:32:49,675
As we continue to send troops
into Canada,
786
00:32:49,759 --> 00:32:53,261
M.A.C. is also fighting the war
against potty mouths here at home!
787
00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:56,848
Here to present the V-Chip
is Dr. Vosknocker.
788
00:32:56,933 --> 00:32:58,517
(CLEARS THROAT)
789
00:33:00,311 --> 00:33:02,646
The machinery of the V-Chip
is very simple.
790
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:04,606
It is placed under the child's skin
791
00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:06,692
where it emits a small shock
of electricity
792
00:33:06,776 --> 00:33:08,443
whenever an obscenity is uttered.
793
00:33:08,528 --> 00:33:09,820
Now, wait a minute.
794
00:33:09,904 --> 00:33:12,322
This chip somehow knows
if the child is swearing?
795
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:13,657
It's just like a lie detector.
796
00:33:13,741 --> 00:33:15,534
You see, certain things happen to you
when you swear,
797
00:33:15,618 --> 00:33:16,743
just like when you lie.
798
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:20,330
The chip picks up on this
and gives the subject a little prick.
799
00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:23,250
Patient B5,
would you step out here, please?
800
00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:26,753
Patient B5 here has been fitted
with the new V-Chip.
801
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:28,714
- Ow! My head hurts.
- Don't worry about that.
802
00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:31,091
Now I want you to say "doggy. "
803
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:35,095
- Doggy.
- Notice that nothing happens.
804
00:33:35,179 --> 00:33:38,557
- Now say "Montana. "
- Montana.
805
00:33:38,641 --> 00:33:40,684
Good! Now, "pillow. "
806
00:33:40,768 --> 00:33:42,519
- Pillow.
- All right.
807
00:33:42,603 --> 00:33:45,355
Now I want you to say "horse fucker. "
808
00:33:46,399 --> 00:33:48,483
Go ahead, Eric. It's all right.
809
00:33:48,568 --> 00:33:49,526
Horse...
810
00:33:49,610 --> 00:33:50,861
(GROANS)
811
00:33:51,279 --> 00:33:54,031
That hurt, goddamn... Fuck!
812
00:33:54,115 --> 00:33:57,075
Now I'd like you to say
"big floppy donkey dick. "
813
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:58,660
- No!
- Success!
814
00:33:58,745 --> 00:34:00,787
The child doesn't want to swear!
815
00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:01,997
This isn't fair, you sons of bitches!
816
00:34:02,081 --> 00:34:03,081
(GROANING)
817
00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:07,377
We will start putting V-Chips
in all our children next week!
818
00:34:07,462 --> 00:34:08,962
(ALL CHEERING)
819
00:34:10,173 --> 00:34:13,467
ANNOUNCER ON TV: Snacky Smores
presents The March of War.
820
00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:15,218
Let's hear it for our boys in blue.
821
00:34:15,303 --> 00:34:16,803
President Clinton
has called them to action
822
00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,930
to fight the eviI Canadian scourge.
823
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:21,641
A full-scale attack
has been launched on Toronto
824
00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:23,226
after the Canadians' last bombing
825
00:34:23,311 --> 00:34:26,021
which took a horrible toll
on the Arquette family.
826
00:34:26,105 --> 00:34:28,356
For security measures,
our great American government
827
00:34:28,441 --> 00:34:30,817
is rounding up all citizens
that have any Canadian blood
828
00:34:30,902 --> 00:34:31,985
and putting them into camps.
829
00:34:32,070 --> 00:34:34,071
All Canadian-American
citizens are to report
830
00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:35,781
to one of these death camps right away.
831
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:36,907
Did I say death camps?
832
00:34:36,991 --> 00:34:39,576
I meant happy camps,
where you will eat the finest meals,
833
00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:42,621
have access to fabulous doctors
and be able to exercise regularly.
834
00:34:42,705 --> 00:34:44,664
Meanwhile,
the war criminals Terrance and Phillip
835
00:34:44,749 --> 00:34:46,625
are prepped for their execution.
836
00:34:46,709 --> 00:34:50,295
Their execution will take place
during a fabulous USO show!
837
00:34:50,379 --> 00:34:54,257
With special guests celebrities,
including Big Gay Al and Winona Ryder!
838
00:34:54,342 --> 00:34:56,885
Of course,
the only way to see the USO show
839
00:34:56,969 --> 00:34:58,553
is to sign up for the army!
840
00:34:58,638 --> 00:35:01,139
So join the army
and kill some Canadian scum
841
00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:04,768
as we continue the march of war!
842
00:35:04,852 --> 00:35:05,894
(ANNOUNCER READING)
843
00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:12,692
We must rid ourselves
of anything Canadian!
844
00:35:13,444 --> 00:35:14,444
WOMAN: Bomb them!
845
00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:16,988
Dude, don't you like
Terrance and Phillip anymore?
846
00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:18,240
Course not! My mommy says
847
00:35:18,324 --> 00:35:20,909
I hate Canadians now 'cause they
made me have a dirty mouth!
848
00:35:20,993 --> 00:35:22,661
Burn it all!
849
00:35:23,329 --> 00:35:25,288
- Hey, dudes.
- What's the matter, Cartman?
850
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:28,500
It's this V-Chip. I hate it.
I can't say any dirty words.
851
00:35:28,584 --> 00:35:30,961
- Really? So you can't say "fuck"?
- No.
852
00:35:31,045 --> 00:35:32,963
- And you can't say "shit"?
- No.
853
00:35:33,047 --> 00:35:34,422
So you can't say, "I'm Eric Cartman,
854
00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:35,966
"the fattest fucking piece of shit
in the world"?
855
00:35:36,050 --> 00:35:38,301
- (GROANING) Fuck you...
- Sweet.
856
00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:40,053
Come on, you guys.
This has gone far enough.
857
00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:41,680
It's time we talked to our moms.
858
00:35:41,764 --> 00:35:43,306
We're supposed to be grounded
in our rooms.
859
00:35:43,391 --> 00:35:45,642
Come on, Kyle,
it's time for us to get political.
860
00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:48,812
Canada will no longer corrupt
our children!
861
00:35:48,896 --> 00:35:52,274
- Mom, can I talk to you for a second?
- Kyle, what are you doing here?
862
00:35:52,358 --> 00:35:53,650
You are grounded!
863
00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:55,986
Now get back to the house
and stay there!
864
00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:57,487
You too, Stanley!
865
00:35:57,572 --> 00:36:00,532
Mom, we think you're going too far.
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.
866
00:36:00,616 --> 00:36:02,409
We must fight for
our children's futures...
867
00:36:02,493 --> 00:36:03,493
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
868
00:36:03,578 --> 00:36:04,578
You started a war! You have to stop it!
869
00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:06,663
...to make them safe again!
870
00:36:06,747 --> 00:36:08,999
- Hello?
- Our children are precious!
871
00:36:09,083 --> 00:36:12,169
- Hello!
- We must make a stand now!
872
00:36:12,253 --> 00:36:14,004
Stop at nothing!
873
00:36:14,380 --> 00:36:15,672
I told you my mom wouldn't listen.
874
00:36:15,756 --> 00:36:18,175
Well, then we're just gonna have to
save Terrance and Phillip ourselves!
875
00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:19,801
- BOTH: What?
- Think about it, you guys.
876
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:21,094
What would Brian Boitano do?
877
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,721
He'd figure out a way
to rescue Terrance and Phillip
878
00:36:22,805 --> 00:36:23,847
before they're executed.
879
00:36:23,931 --> 00:36:26,558
We can't do anything.
Our moms' organization is too strong.
880
00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:28,560
Well, then, we'll round up
all the grounded kids in town
881
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:30,020
and start our own organization.
882
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,022
An organization to help save
Terrance and Phillip.
883
00:36:32,106 --> 00:36:34,191
Hey, yeah, our own secret club!
884
00:36:34,275 --> 00:36:37,027
- I guess that could work.
- We have to try.
885
00:36:37,111 --> 00:36:40,197
(SINGING) what would Brian Boitano do
if he was here right now?
886
00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:42,032
He'd make a plan
and he'd follow through
887
00:36:42,116 --> 00:36:43,533
That's what Brian Boitano would do
888
00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:46,870
When Brian Boitano was in
the Olympics skating for the gold
889
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:50,207
He did two salchows and a triple Lutz
while wearing a blindfold
890
00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:53,710
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
fighting grizzly bears
891
00:36:53,794 --> 00:36:57,047
He used his magical fire breath
and saved the maidens fair
892
00:36:57,131 --> 00:37:00,425
So what would Brian Boitano do
if he were here today?
893
00:37:00,509 --> 00:37:04,095
I'm sure he'd kick and ass or two
That's what Brian Boitano would do
894
00:37:04,180 --> 00:37:07,557
I want this V-Chip out of me
895
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:10,685
It has stunted my vocabulary
896
00:37:10,770 --> 00:37:14,147
And I just want my mom
to stop fighting everyone
897
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,024
For Wendy I'll be an activist, too
898
00:37:16,108 --> 00:37:17,692
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
899
00:37:17,777 --> 00:37:20,946
What would Brian Boitano do?
He'd call all the kids in town
900
00:37:21,030 --> 00:37:24,491
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano would do
901
00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:27,535
- Did someone say my name?
- Who are you?
902
00:37:27,620 --> 00:37:29,788
- I'm Brian Dennehy.
- What?
903
00:37:29,872 --> 00:37:32,791
- No, not fucking Brian Dennehy!
- Yeah. Get the fuck out of here!
904
00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:34,584
Oh! Bye.
905
00:37:35,002 --> 00:37:36,670
When Brian Boitano
traveled through time
906
00:37:36,754 --> 00:37:38,255
To the year 3010
907
00:37:38,339 --> 00:37:41,675
He fought the evil robot king
and saved the human race again
908
00:37:41,759 --> 00:37:43,510
And when Brian Boitano
built the pyramids
909
00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:45,053
He beat up Kublai Khan
910
00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:49,975
'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit
from anybody
911
00:37:50,059 --> 00:37:53,520
So let's call all the kids together
and unite to stop our moms
912
00:37:53,604 --> 00:37:55,438
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too
913
00:37:55,523 --> 00:37:57,148
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
914
00:37:57,233 --> 00:37:58,942
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip, too
915
00:37:59,026 --> 00:38:02,195
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
916
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,197
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano
would do
917
00:38:09,578 --> 00:38:11,246
SADDAM: Hey, relax, guy.
918
00:38:11,330 --> 00:38:13,415
SATAN: Oh! There's nothing on.
919
00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:15,292
You just get cranky when you're tired,
that's all.
920
00:38:15,376 --> 00:38:16,418
I'm not cranky.
921
00:38:16,544 --> 00:38:19,421
What started as a spat between
the United States and Canada
922
00:38:19,505 --> 00:38:21,298
is quickly turning into World War lll!
923
00:38:21,382 --> 00:38:22,716
- World War lll?
- Shh!
924
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,342
Terrance and Phillip
are going to be put to death
925
00:38:24,427 --> 00:38:25,635
for crimes against humanity.
926
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:26,720
The time of execution...
927
00:38:26,804 --> 00:38:27,804
(TV SWITCHES OFF)
928
00:38:27,888 --> 00:38:31,433
It has come to be.
The four horsemen are drawing nigh!
929
00:38:31,517 --> 00:38:34,144
The time of prophecy is upon us!
930
00:38:34,228 --> 00:38:36,062
I love when you get all biblical, Satan.
931
00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:37,647
You know exactly how to turn my crank.
932
00:38:37,732 --> 00:38:40,859
No, I'm being serious.
It is the seventh sign.
933
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:42,902
- What?
- SATAN: Behold.
934
00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:45,822
The first signs of my reign
have all come true.
935
00:38:45,906 --> 00:38:48,658
The fall of an empire,
the coming of a comet,
936
00:38:48,743 --> 00:38:53,496
and now, when the blood of these
Canadians touches American soil,
937
00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:55,999
it will be our time to rise.
938
00:38:56,083 --> 00:38:57,083
(GASPS)
939
00:38:57,168 --> 00:39:00,503
Yeah. Yeah, man! I'm getting so hot!
Let's fuck!
940
00:39:00,588 --> 00:39:02,130
Do you always think about sex?
941
00:39:02,214 --> 00:39:04,716
I'm talking about
very important stuff here!
942
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,802
I'm just excited about
taking over the world! Come on!
943
00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:10,305
Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
944
00:39:10,389 --> 00:39:11,765
I love you.
945
00:39:13,059 --> 00:39:14,517
I want to believe that.
946
00:39:14,602 --> 00:39:18,396
So what do you say we shut off that light
and get close, huh?
947
00:39:20,900 --> 00:39:22,359
SATAN: Oh! Ow!
948
00:39:22,443 --> 00:39:24,861
SADDAM: Yeah, you like that,
don't you, bitch?
949
00:39:27,782 --> 00:39:30,700
Okay. We can use my dad's computer
to call all the kids together.
950
00:39:30,785 --> 00:39:33,620
Wait. Before we put a message out,
do a search on the word "clitoris. "
951
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:35,038
Oh! Okay.
952
00:39:36,290 --> 00:39:38,291
Found eight million pages
with the word "clitoris. "
953
00:39:38,376 --> 00:39:39,376
Wow!
954
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,004
I'll just try the first one.
"You must be 18 to enter this website. "
955
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:46,257
Okay.
"Welcome to German sick fetish video. "
956
00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:48,760
"If you are under 18 do not... " Okay.
957
00:39:48,844 --> 00:39:50,387
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
958
00:39:50,471 --> 00:39:52,097
(MAN SPEAKS IN GERMAN)
959
00:39:52,181 --> 00:39:53,723
Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!
960
00:39:53,808 --> 00:39:56,226
- Whoa! Is it Cartman's mom?
- Very funny.
961
00:39:56,310 --> 00:39:57,977
Hey! It is Cartman's mom!
962
00:39:58,062 --> 00:39:59,062
(SPEAKING IN GERMAN)
963
00:39:59,146 --> 00:40:00,397
MRS. CARTMAN: All righty then.
964
00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:01,898
(GROANS) Son of a bitch...
965
00:40:02,233 --> 00:40:03,233
(BABBLING)
966
00:40:03,317 --> 00:40:04,901
Get out of here, Ike.
You're too young for this stuff.
967
00:40:04,985 --> 00:40:05,985
Bullshit.
968
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:07,070
What's she doing now?
969
00:40:07,154 --> 00:40:08,196
(MAN SPEAKS GERMAN)
970
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:09,697
Okey-dokey.
971
00:40:11,033 --> 00:40:12,242
(ALL GROAN)
972
00:40:12,326 --> 00:40:13,368
(VOMITS)
973
00:40:13,452 --> 00:40:14,911
Click it off, dude! Click it off!
974
00:40:14,995 --> 00:40:16,746
Dude, what the fuck is wrong
with German people?
975
00:40:16,831 --> 00:40:18,706
All right. All right.
Let's just do what we came here to do
976
00:40:18,791 --> 00:40:19,958
and put a message out to kids!
977
00:40:20,042 --> 00:40:22,502
Okay. Let's see. I've gotta put out
an all-access e-mail.
978
00:40:22,586 --> 00:40:23,962
Goddamn, your mom sucks, Cartman.
979
00:40:24,046 --> 00:40:25,213
Just get to the message board!
980
00:40:25,297 --> 00:40:28,800
I'm trying. I can't find a Canadian server.
I've got to break into the mainframe.
981
00:40:28,884 --> 00:40:32,595
Damn it, they've got an access code!
I'll try to reroute the encryptions.
982
00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:39,144
Okay. Here we go.
"Want to help Terrance and Phillip?"
983
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:43,148
(KYLE SPEAKING)
984
00:40:43,232 --> 00:40:45,692
- Tell them we'll have punch and pie.
- We're not gonna have punch and pie!
985
00:40:45,776 --> 00:40:49,446
More people will come
if they think we have punch and pie!
986
00:40:49,613 --> 00:40:51,114
(KYLE SPEAKING)
987
00:40:51,198 --> 00:40:54,492
"This is top secret. The password is... "
988
00:40:54,994 --> 00:40:56,703
La R�sistance.
989
00:40:57,538 --> 00:40:59,456
ANNOUNCER ON RADIO:
And so the draft will begin tomorrow
990
00:40:59,540 --> 00:41:02,584
as more and more troops are needed
to invade the Canadian border.
991
00:41:02,668 --> 00:41:04,627
The Canadian government pleads
for a peaceful resolution,
992
00:41:04,712 --> 00:41:07,255
but naturally we're not listening.
993
00:41:07,506 --> 00:41:08,590
Good night, hon.
994
00:41:08,674 --> 00:41:10,967
Mom, when is the war gonna be over?
995
00:41:11,051 --> 00:41:13,344
I don't know, hon. Soon, we hope.
996
00:41:13,429 --> 00:41:15,763
You want it to end quickly, huh?
997
00:41:17,641 --> 00:41:19,601
- Mom?
- Yes, hon?
998
00:41:19,685 --> 00:41:23,646
If you were in a German Schei�e video,
you'd tell me, right?
999
00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,774
Sure, hon. Good night.
1000
00:41:32,698 --> 00:41:33,907
(GASPS)
1001
00:41:34,408 --> 00:41:35,825
(SCREAMING)
1002
00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:37,827
There's a ghost!
1003
00:41:38,037 --> 00:41:39,412
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1004
00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:40,872
Kenny, is that you?
1005
00:41:40,956 --> 00:41:42,749
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1006
00:41:43,334 --> 00:41:44,834
Satan! Satan is coming here?
1007
00:41:44,919 --> 00:41:46,169
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1008
00:41:46,253 --> 00:41:48,713
Saddam Hussein?
That doesn't make sense, Kenny!
1009
00:41:48,797 --> 00:41:49,797
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
1010
00:41:49,882 --> 00:41:51,257
(SCREAMING)
1011
00:41:51,967 --> 00:41:54,677
- Eric, what is it?
- I saw him! I saw Kenny!
1012
00:41:54,762 --> 00:41:58,014
Oh! You poor dear.
You've been through so much.
1013
00:41:58,098 --> 00:42:00,308
I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire
and now he's all pissed off!
1014
00:42:00,392 --> 00:42:01,392
(GROANS)
1015
00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:03,019
(GROANS) I can't say "pissed off"?
1016
00:42:05,105 --> 00:42:07,565
The execution of Terrance and Phillip
is imminent.
1017
00:42:07,650 --> 00:42:10,193
Soon, Saddam and I will rule the world.
1018
00:42:10,277 --> 00:42:11,945
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
1019
00:42:12,446 --> 00:42:15,448
Hi, Satan. I got some new luggage
for our trip up to Earth.
1020
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:16,616
Let's fuck to celebrate.
1021
00:42:16,700 --> 00:42:19,869
What's it like up on Earth, Saddam?
Tell me about it again.
1022
00:42:19,954 --> 00:42:21,996
Let's not talk. Let's get busy.
1023
00:42:22,081 --> 00:42:23,873
Do you remember
when you first got here?
1024
00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:27,043
We used to talk all night long
until the sun came up.
1025
00:42:27,127 --> 00:42:29,796
We would just lie in bed and talk.
1026
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:32,507
Well, yeah, 'cause I was still waiting
to get you in bed, dummy!
1027
00:42:32,591 --> 00:42:35,051
How come you always wanna
make love to me from behind?
1028
00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:37,845
Is it because you want to pretend
I'm somebody else?
1029
00:42:37,930 --> 00:42:40,473
Satan, your ass is gigantic and red.
1030
00:42:40,558 --> 00:42:43,601
Who am I gonna pretend you are,
Liza Minnelli?
1031
00:42:44,979 --> 00:42:47,313
Ah! Don't get all pissy!
1032
00:42:48,983 --> 00:42:50,233
(SIGHS)
1033
00:42:54,446 --> 00:42:57,198
(SINGING) Sometimes I think
1034
00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,909
When I look up real high
1035
00:43:00,578 --> 00:43:03,746
That there's such a big world up there
1036
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,291
I'd like to give it a try
1037
00:43:07,251 --> 00:43:09,419
But then I sink
1038
00:43:09,503 --> 00:43:12,422
'Cause it's here I'm supposed to stay
1039
00:43:12,506 --> 00:43:15,258
But I get so lonely down here
1040
00:43:15,342 --> 00:43:19,512
Tell me why's it have to be that way
1041
00:43:20,347 --> 00:43:22,932
Up there, there is so much room
1042
00:43:23,017 --> 00:43:26,019
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
1043
00:43:26,103 --> 00:43:29,230
Everyone dreams
I can dream, too
1044
00:43:29,315 --> 00:43:34,110
Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue
1045
00:43:34,486 --> 00:43:38,239
I could be safe and live without a care
1046
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:41,326
Up there
1047
00:43:41,744 --> 00:43:44,454
They say I don't belong
1048
00:43:44,538 --> 00:43:47,290
I must stay below alone
1049
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:52,837
Because of my beliefs I'm supposed to
stay where evil is sown
1050
00:43:52,921 --> 00:43:53,963
(HARMONIZING)
1051
00:43:54,048 --> 00:43:59,135
But what is evil anyway?
Is there reason to the rhyme?
1052
00:43:59,511 --> 00:44:01,596
Without evil there could be no good
1053
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:06,184
So it must be good
to be evil sometimes
1054
00:44:07,227 --> 00:44:09,937
Up there, there is so much room
1055
00:44:10,022 --> 00:44:13,107
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
1056
00:44:13,192 --> 00:44:16,110
Everyone dreams
I can dream, too
1057
00:44:16,195 --> 00:44:21,240
Up there
Up where the skies are ocean blue
1058
00:44:21,325 --> 00:44:25,787
I could be safe and live without a care
1059
00:44:25,871 --> 00:44:28,039
Live without a care
1060
00:44:28,707 --> 00:44:32,627
If only I could live up there
1061
00:44:33,629 --> 00:44:36,214
(IN HIGH-PITCH) I wanna live
I wanna live
1062
00:44:36,590 --> 00:44:38,007
(VOCALIZING)
1063
00:44:40,928 --> 00:44:45,098
I want to live up there!
1064
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:58,361
- You're late, Cartman!
- I had to ride my bike here.
1065
00:44:58,445 --> 00:45:00,613
- My behind is killing me!
- Your behind?
1066
00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:02,782
I have to say "behind"
'cause I get shocked if I say "ass"...
1067
00:45:02,866 --> 00:45:03,866
(GROANS)
1068
00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:07,537
- Did you bring the punch and pie?
- No, you guys, something happened.
1069
00:45:07,621 --> 00:45:09,872
- I don't think Kenny's dead.
- What?
1070
00:45:09,957 --> 00:45:10,998
I saw him in my room.
1071
00:45:11,083 --> 00:45:13,376
I know, Cartman, I know.
I see Kenny every day.
1072
00:45:13,460 --> 00:45:16,045
- You do?
- Sure, dude, on the face of every child.
1073
00:45:16,130 --> 00:45:17,088
On the smile of every baby.
1074
00:45:17,172 --> 00:45:18,214
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1075
00:45:18,298 --> 00:45:20,174
Hey, I'm telling you, this was Kenny!
1076
00:45:20,259 --> 00:45:21,968
He said that if Terrance and Phillip die,
1077
00:45:22,052 --> 00:45:25,304
Saddam Hussein and Satan
are gonna come up and rule the world!
1078
00:45:25,389 --> 00:45:26,389
Saddam Hussein?
1079
00:45:26,473 --> 00:45:27,432
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1080
00:45:27,516 --> 00:45:28,558
(EXCLAIMS IN FEAR)
1081
00:45:31,979 --> 00:45:33,020
Who is it?
1082
00:45:33,105 --> 00:45:34,564
BOY: (SOFTLY) I'm here for
la R�sistance.
1083
00:45:34,648 --> 00:45:37,191
- What's the password?
- I don't know.
1084
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:39,819
- Guess.
- Bacon.
1085
00:45:40,654 --> 00:45:41,988
Okay.
1086
00:45:43,532 --> 00:45:45,324
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1087
00:45:45,826 --> 00:45:47,034
Oh, no, it's that kid!
1088
00:45:47,119 --> 00:45:49,412
- This is the place.
- Wendy?
1089
00:45:49,496 --> 00:45:51,497
Stan? You started la R�sistance?
1090
00:45:51,582 --> 00:45:52,582
(VOMITS)
1091
00:45:52,666 --> 00:45:54,792
Well, apparently you're more political
than we thought.
1092
00:45:54,877 --> 00:45:56,878
Let us get this meeting underway.
There are others coming.
1093
00:45:58,255 --> 00:46:00,173
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1094
00:46:00,424 --> 00:46:02,759
Wow, a lot of people showed up.
1095
00:46:04,428 --> 00:46:05,595
Okay.
1096
00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:07,680
Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,
1097
00:46:07,765 --> 00:46:09,891
and we think that sucks ass!
1098
00:46:11,810 --> 00:46:12,810
Yes?
1099
00:46:12,895 --> 00:46:15,438
We were to understand
there'd be pie and punch.
1100
00:46:15,522 --> 00:46:16,522
There isn't any.
1101
00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:17,648
Oh!
1102
00:46:21,153 --> 00:46:23,029
Terrance and Phillip
are supposed to be killed,
1103
00:46:23,113 --> 00:46:25,364
so we think we should prank call
a bunch of policemen
1104
00:46:25,449 --> 00:46:27,825
and have pizza sent to them
that they didn't order!
1105
00:46:27,910 --> 00:46:29,702
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1106
00:46:30,078 --> 00:46:31,370
(SCOFFS)
1107
00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:34,290
- May I?
- What?
1108
00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:36,125
Terrance and Phillip
are currently being held
1109
00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:38,419
at a Canadian internment camp
two kilometers outside of town.
1110
00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:39,712
They're to be executed tomorrow during
1111
00:46:39,797 --> 00:46:41,464
a star-studded USO show
for the troops.
1112
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:42,590
Tomorrow?
1113
00:46:42,674 --> 00:46:44,300
Once the show begins,
we should have about one hour
1114
00:46:44,384 --> 00:46:45,802
to get Terrance and Phillip
out of their cell
1115
00:46:45,886 --> 00:46:46,928
and into this clearing.
1116
00:46:47,012 --> 00:46:48,471
There, we will all rendezvous
and, together,
1117
00:46:48,555 --> 00:46:50,306
take Terrance and Phillip
safely back to Canada.
1118
00:46:50,390 --> 00:46:52,225
Wow, dude, Wendy's new guy is smart.
1119
00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:54,977
You must all meet me at the rendezvous
point at precisely 10:00 p. m.
1120
00:46:55,062 --> 00:46:56,938
Sneaking into the show and breaking out
Terrance and Phillip
1121
00:46:57,022 --> 00:47:00,316
will be the most dangerous part,
so I'll go myself.
1122
00:47:00,567 --> 00:47:01,526
No! We're going!
1123
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:02,652
(CHILDREN GASP)
1124
00:47:02,736 --> 00:47:03,820
We started la R�sistance.
1125
00:47:03,904 --> 00:47:06,155
We'll get Terrance and Phillip
and meet you at the rendezvous point.
1126
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,950
This will be very dangerous.
Are you quite sure?
1127
00:47:09,034 --> 00:47:10,159
(GROANS) Fuck that!
1128
00:47:10,244 --> 00:47:11,828
Cartman, do you want
that V-Chip in you forever?
1129
00:47:11,912 --> 00:47:14,121
We're going.
Now let's run through the plan.
1130
00:47:14,206 --> 00:47:15,581
(INAUDIBLE)
1131
00:47:19,503 --> 00:47:21,754
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
1132
00:47:24,550 --> 00:47:26,759
Oh, boy! Military action, Ned!
1133
00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:29,637
Let's kill us
some goddamn Australians!
1134
00:47:29,721 --> 00:47:31,764
I think we're fighting Canadians.
1135
00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:34,016
Canadians, Australians,
what's the difference?
1136
00:47:34,101 --> 00:47:38,563
Yeah. This uniform makes me feel
like a tough, brute man, Mr. Hat.
1137
00:47:38,647 --> 00:47:40,648
It sure does, Mr. Garrison.
1138
00:47:40,732 --> 00:47:42,900
Oh, boy, I can't wait for
our first shore leave
1139
00:47:42,985 --> 00:47:46,070
so I can get me some fucking poontang.
1140
00:47:46,154 --> 00:47:47,154
Pay attention!
1141
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:50,491
Tomorrow night is the USO show
for all you troops!
1142
00:47:50,576 --> 00:47:54,036
There will be celebrities, followed by
the execution of Terrance and Phillip.
1143
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:55,705
(ALL CHEERING)
1144
00:47:55,789 --> 00:48:00,084
After the show, we will finally be
sending ground troops into Canada.
1145
00:48:00,168 --> 00:48:01,460
So let's strategize.
1146
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:02,795
Map!
1147
00:48:03,589 --> 00:48:05,715
Our sources have told us
that the Canadians
1148
00:48:05,799 --> 00:48:08,676
are preparing for our invasion,
so we must use caution.
1149
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,137
Each battalion has
a specific code name and mission.
1150
00:48:11,221 --> 00:48:13,639
Battalion Five, raise your hands.
1151
00:48:13,724 --> 00:48:16,058
You will be the all-important
first attack wave,
1152
00:48:16,143 --> 00:48:18,895
which we will call
Operation Human Shield.
1153
00:48:18,979 --> 00:48:20,062
Hey, wait a minute!
1154
00:48:20,147 --> 00:48:23,274
Now keep in mind, Operation Human
Shield will suffer heavy losses.
1155
00:48:23,358 --> 00:48:24,859
Battalion Fourteen?
1156
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:28,237
Right. You are
Operation Get Behind the Darkies.
1157
00:48:28,322 --> 00:48:30,072
You will follow Battalion Five here.
1158
00:48:30,157 --> 00:48:33,910
And try not to get killed, for God's sake.
Are there any questions, men?
1159
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:34,994
Yes, soldier?
1160
00:48:35,078 --> 00:48:37,705
Have you ever heard of
the Emancipation Proclamation?
1161
00:48:37,789 --> 00:48:39,373
I don't listen to hip-hop.
1162
00:48:39,458 --> 00:48:42,251
After that, we will march
into the heart of Canada and we will...
1163
00:48:42,336 --> 00:48:43,544
(ELECTRONIC DISTORTIONS)
1164
00:48:43,629 --> 00:48:45,463
I'm coming to get you!
I'm coming to get you!
1165
00:48:45,547 --> 00:48:47,840
What's wrong with this thing?
1166
00:48:48,258 --> 00:48:51,594
It's fucking Windows 98!
Get Bill Gates in here!
1167
00:48:54,848 --> 00:48:57,600
You told us Windows 98 would be faster
and more efficient
1168
00:48:57,684 --> 00:48:59,101
with better access to the Internet.
1169
00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:01,771
It is faster. Over five million...
1170
00:49:02,481 --> 00:49:06,275
All right, men, get lots of rest
and prepare to go into Canada!
1171
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:07,860
(ALL CHEERING)
1172
00:49:10,030 --> 00:49:12,531
After you have Terrance and Phillip,
quietly make your way to this ridge.
1173
00:49:12,616 --> 00:49:14,700
We will be waiting for you there.
We cannot wait for long,
1174
00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:16,619
so if you're not there at 10:00,
we'll have to leave.
1175
00:49:16,703 --> 00:49:18,037
- Got you.
- You are indeed brave,
1176
00:49:18,121 --> 00:49:20,581
but you will need help from someone
who's done this sort of thing before.
1177
00:49:20,666 --> 00:49:23,167
- Here's the address of The Mole.
- The Mole?
1178
00:49:23,251 --> 00:49:25,628
He is an expert in covert operations.
A mercenary for hire.
1179
00:49:25,712 --> 00:49:28,506
Your first task will be obtaining him.
Get lots of sleep.
1180
00:49:28,590 --> 00:49:32,093
Tomorrow, we will all be
risking our lives for freedom.
1181
00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:36,222
(SINGING) God has smiled
upon you this day
1182
00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:41,727
The fate of a nation in your hands
1183
00:49:41,812 --> 00:49:44,480
And blessed be the children
1184
00:49:44,564 --> 00:49:47,316
Who fight with all our bravery
1185
00:49:47,401 --> 00:49:51,612
Till only the righteous stand
1186
00:49:52,364 --> 00:49:55,658
You see the distant flames
They bellow in the night
1187
00:49:55,742 --> 00:49:59,036
You fight in all our names
for what we know is right
1188
00:49:59,121 --> 00:50:02,248
And when you all get shot
and cannot carry on
1189
00:50:02,332 --> 00:50:05,251
Though you die, la R�sistance lives on
1190
00:50:05,752 --> 00:50:08,963
ALL: You may get stabbed
in the head with a dagger or a sword
1191
00:50:09,047 --> 00:50:12,133
You may be burned to death
or skinned alive or worse
1192
00:50:12,217 --> 00:50:15,011
But when they torture you
you will not feel the need to run
1193
00:50:15,095 --> 00:50:18,180
For though you die
la R�sistance lives on
1194
00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:21,225
WOMEN: Blame Canada!
Blame Canada!
1195
00:50:21,309 --> 00:50:25,563
Because the country's gone awry
Tomorrow night these freaks will fry!
1196
00:50:26,106 --> 00:50:29,066
SOLDIERS: Tomorrow night
Our lives will change
1197
00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:31,986
Tomorrow night, we'll be entertained
1198
00:50:32,404 --> 00:50:35,197
An execution
What a sight
1199
00:50:35,282 --> 00:50:36,240
Tomorrow night
1200
00:50:36,324 --> 00:50:38,993
Up there, there is so much room
Where babies burp and flowers bloom
1201
00:50:39,077 --> 00:50:42,204
Tomorrow night, up there is doomed
And so I will be going soon
1202
00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:44,874
BOTH: Shut your fucking face,
uncle fucka
1203
00:50:44,958 --> 00:50:48,335
You're a boner-biting bastard
Uncle fucka
1204
00:50:48,420 --> 00:50:49,795
Looks like we may be out of luck
1205
00:50:49,880 --> 00:50:51,380
Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked
1206
00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:52,882
Why did our mothers start this war?
1207
00:50:52,966 --> 00:50:54,467
What the fuck are they fighting for?
1208
00:50:54,551 --> 00:50:56,469
When did this song
become a marathon?
1209
00:50:56,553 --> 00:50:58,888
- I want to be up there...
- When Canada is dead and gone
1210
00:50:58,972 --> 00:51:00,431
There'll be no more Celine Dion!
1211
00:51:00,515 --> 00:51:03,601
They might cut your dick in half
and serve it to a pig
1212
00:51:03,685 --> 00:51:06,645
And though it hurts
you'll laugh and dance a dickless jig
1213
00:51:06,730 --> 00:51:09,523
But that's the way it goes
In war, you're shat upon
1214
00:51:09,608 --> 00:51:11,484
- Though we die...
- I want to be up there...
1215
00:51:11,568 --> 00:51:15,321
...la R�sistance lives on!
1216
00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:18,741
Blame Canada! Blame Canada!
1217
00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:20,659
- Tomorrow night!
- Tomorrow night!
1218
00:51:25,999 --> 00:51:27,583
Oh, boy, I'm so excited!
1219
00:51:27,667 --> 00:51:29,877
Just one more day
until we can take over the world.
1220
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,463
I don't know if I can sleep,
if you know what I mean.
1221
00:51:32,547 --> 00:51:33,964
This book is really interesting.
1222
00:51:34,049 --> 00:51:36,425
It talks about how people
communicate differently.
1223
00:51:36,510 --> 00:51:39,762
Like, I communicate by wanting you
to ask me questions, and you...
1224
00:51:39,846 --> 00:51:41,430
Hey, that is interesting! Let's fuck!
1225
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:42,556
(SCOFFS)
1226
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:45,643
Saddam, I'm trying to have
a nice conversation with you.
1227
00:51:45,727 --> 00:51:47,353
Hey, Satan.
1228
00:51:47,437 --> 00:51:50,022
Oh! Now that is just not appropriate!
1229
00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:53,067
Come on, I'm just fucking with you!
It's not real!
1230
00:51:53,151 --> 00:51:55,444
- Well, that is still not appropriate.
- Hey, daddy.
1231
00:51:55,529 --> 00:51:56,570
(EXCLAIMS)
1232
00:51:56,655 --> 00:51:59,657
(LAUGHS) It's not real, either!
Come on, guy!
1233
00:51:59,825 --> 00:52:01,117
(SOBBING)
1234
00:52:01,868 --> 00:52:02,952
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1235
00:52:03,036 --> 00:52:04,578
(SNIFFLING) Oh!
1236
00:52:04,955 --> 00:52:06,080
(LAUGHS)
1237
00:52:06,164 --> 00:52:08,749
Soon the world will belong to me!
1238
00:52:09,876 --> 00:52:11,460
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1239
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:14,922
It's Saddam,
he doesn't nurture my emotions.
1240
00:52:15,006 --> 00:52:18,175
He just wants sex
and can't learn to communicate.
1241
00:52:18,468 --> 00:52:19,760
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1242
00:52:19,845 --> 00:52:22,513
You're right, I should leave him!
I'm just gonna tell him,
1243
00:52:22,597 --> 00:52:25,307
"Saddam,
I'm going to Earth to rule alone!"
1244
00:52:25,392 --> 00:52:27,351
I'm strong and I don't need him!
1245
00:52:27,435 --> 00:52:28,435
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
1246
00:52:32,315 --> 00:52:34,650
(SINGING) Today's the day
for the USO show
1247
00:52:34,734 --> 00:52:36,735
SOLDIERS: we're so happy
we get to go
1248
00:52:36,820 --> 00:52:38,779
I don't know but I've been told
1249
00:52:38,864 --> 00:52:40,656
SOLDIERS: Canadian pussy
is mighty cold...
1250
00:52:40,740 --> 00:52:42,992
Ike, you have to stay in the attic
'cause if they find you,
1251
00:52:43,076 --> 00:52:46,287
they'll put you
in a Canadian concentration camp.
1252
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:48,664
Don't worry, Ike,
we're gonna put an end to this.
1253
00:52:48,748 --> 00:52:52,835
And then I'll make Mom come home
and we'll all be a family again.
1254
00:52:56,089 --> 00:52:57,840
IKE: All of that is home.
1255
00:53:05,807 --> 00:53:07,600
(PLAYING HARMONICA)
1256
00:53:12,898 --> 00:53:16,692
- (IN FRENCH ACCENT) Hello?
- Hi. We need to speak with The Mole.
1257
00:53:16,776 --> 00:53:20,487
I'm sorry, The Mole is grounded.
He can't come out and play.
1258
00:53:20,572 --> 00:53:21,655
- What?
- He's a kid?
1259
00:53:21,740 --> 00:53:24,033
He said very naughty things about God.
1260
00:53:24,117 --> 00:53:26,785
Oh! Well, can we just talk to him
for five seconds, please?
1261
00:53:26,870 --> 00:53:29,205
Well, all right. Christophe?
1262
00:53:31,499 --> 00:53:33,751
Hi, we're gonna go rescue
Terrance and Phillip
1263
00:53:33,835 --> 00:53:34,877
from the USO show and...
1264
00:53:34,961 --> 00:53:37,087
- Shh! Who are you? Who sent you?
- That Gregory kid.
1265
00:53:37,172 --> 00:53:38,380
He said you could sneak us in.
1266
00:53:38,465 --> 00:53:41,008
Are you telling me that you intend to
break into the USO show,
1267
00:53:41,092 --> 00:53:44,428
filled with thousands of soldiers,
and break out Terrance and Phillip?
1268
00:53:44,512 --> 00:53:46,263
I thought it was a pretty stupid idea, too.
1269
00:53:46,348 --> 00:53:47,389
We're la R�sistance!
1270
00:53:47,474 --> 00:53:50,017
We wanna save Terrance and Phillip
and stop the war and stuff.
1271
00:53:50,101 --> 00:53:53,187
I can't help you. I'm grounded
in my room for the next three days.
1272
00:53:53,271 --> 00:53:55,314
So are we.
Our parents think we're home right now.
1273
00:53:55,398 --> 00:53:56,398
Why are you grounded?
1274
00:53:56,483 --> 00:53:58,734
Why? Because God hates me,
that's why.
1275
00:53:58,818 --> 00:54:00,361
He has made my life miserable.
1276
00:54:00,445 --> 00:54:03,072
So I call him a cock-sucking asshole
and I get grounded.
1277
00:54:03,156 --> 00:54:05,074
- So will you help us?
- Very well.
1278
00:54:05,158 --> 00:54:07,076
Meet me in the backyard
in five minutes.
1279
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:08,244
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
1280
00:54:08,328 --> 00:54:10,246
We'll show God that we're not gonna
fucking take any more...
1281
00:54:10,330 --> 00:54:11,789
CHRISTOPHE'S MOTHER: What?
Christophe, get in here!
1282
00:54:11,873 --> 00:54:13,457
Coming, Mother.
1283
00:54:14,626 --> 00:54:17,127
I must be strong. I must be strong.
1284
00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:20,297
Saddam, I need to talk to you.
1285
00:54:20,382 --> 00:54:21,590
You better get packing, bitch.
1286
00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:23,550
We have to go.
We're running out of time.
1287
00:54:23,635 --> 00:54:27,388
(SIGHS) Saddam, sometimes
you can love a person very much,
1288
00:54:27,472 --> 00:54:29,306
but still know that they aren't
right for you.
1289
00:54:29,391 --> 00:54:31,100
What the fuck are you talking about?
1290
00:54:31,184 --> 00:54:33,769
You treat me like shit, Saddam!
I'm leaving you!
1291
00:54:33,853 --> 00:54:35,980
I'm going up to Earth to rule alone!
1292
00:54:36,064 --> 00:54:38,565
(GASPS) No. No, you can't do that!
1293
00:54:38,650 --> 00:54:42,528
- I'm sorry, but I have to be strong.
- Satan, please, give me another chance!
1294
00:54:42,612 --> 00:54:45,739
- I have to go to Earth!
- You don't even have respect for me!
1295
00:54:45,824 --> 00:54:48,909
Sure I do, guy. Please, just hear me out.
1296
00:54:52,163 --> 00:54:55,374
(SINGING) Some people say
that I'm a bad guy
1297
00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:58,377
They may be right
They may be right
1298
00:54:59,129 --> 00:55:02,256
But it's not as if I don't try
1299
00:55:02,340 --> 00:55:05,342
I just fuck up, try as I might
1300
00:55:05,552 --> 00:55:08,137
But I can change, I can change
1301
00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:11,307
I can learn to keep my promises
I swear it
1302
00:55:11,391 --> 00:55:16,020
I'll open up my heart and I will share it
Any minute now I will be born again
1303
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:19,440
Yes, I can change, I can change
1304
00:55:19,524 --> 00:55:22,443
I know I've been a dirty little bastard
1305
00:55:22,527 --> 00:55:23,652
I like to kill, I like to maim
1306
00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:26,196
Yes, I'm insane, but it's okay
'cause I can change
1307
00:55:27,574 --> 00:55:31,660
It's not my fault that I'm so evil
It's society
1308
00:55:31,745 --> 00:55:33,120
Society
1309
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:36,123
You see, my parents
were sometimes abusive
1310
00:55:36,207 --> 00:55:38,709
And it made a prick of me
1311
00:55:38,793 --> 00:55:40,919
But I can change, I can change
1312
00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,797
What if you remain
a sandy little butthole?
1313
00:55:43,882 --> 00:55:47,259
Satan, don't be such a twit
Mother Teresa won't have shit on me
1314
00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:48,594
Just watch
Just watch me change
1315
00:55:48,678 --> 00:55:50,512
Here I go
I'm changing
1316
00:55:58,396 --> 00:56:02,441
(EXCLAIMING)
1317
00:56:13,912 --> 00:56:15,871
You see, I've really matured.
1318
00:56:15,955 --> 00:56:17,998
- Oh! All right.
- All right!
1319
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:21,335
- Come on. We have to hurry.
- I love you.
1320
00:56:25,131 --> 00:56:26,173
ANNOUNCER ON PA:
Ladies and gentlemen
1321
00:56:26,257 --> 00:56:27,591
of the American Army,
1322
00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:29,635
welcome to the USO show!
1323
00:56:29,719 --> 00:56:30,719
(SOLDIERS CHEERING)
1324
00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:34,098
Get ready for loads of entertainment
and fabulous celebrities,
1325
00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:38,060
followed immediately by the nasty
execution of Terrance and Phillip!
1326
00:56:43,066 --> 00:56:45,234
This is the USO show
where those military bitches
1327
00:56:45,318 --> 00:56:46,693
intend to kill Terrance and Phillip.
1328
00:56:46,778 --> 00:56:48,570
- Oh, my God!
- God?
1329
00:56:48,655 --> 00:56:50,364
He is the biggest bitch of them all.
1330
00:56:50,448 --> 00:56:54,201
We have to hurry. We rendezvous
with the other kids at 10:00.
1331
00:56:54,661 --> 00:56:56,703
You realize that by doing this,
we could be grounded for two,
1332
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:58,080
perhaps even three weeks.
1333
00:56:58,164 --> 00:57:00,541
- We're willing to take that risk.
- Then let's go.
1334
00:57:00,625 --> 00:57:03,001
ANNOUNCER: And now,
here are your hosts for the evening,
1335
00:57:03,086 --> 00:57:06,338
Sheila Broflovski and Big Gay Al!
1336
00:57:09,008 --> 00:57:11,885
Al, tonight is a very special night,
do you know why?
1337
00:57:11,970 --> 00:57:13,846
Ooh! They're having a sale at Merv's?
1338
00:57:13,930 --> 00:57:14,930
(SOLDIERS LAUGHING)
1339
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:18,434
No, because we're going to abolish
Canadian smut!
1340
00:57:18,518 --> 00:57:21,603
That's right, Sheila!
Bring out the condemned!
1341
00:57:25,817 --> 00:57:28,944
SHEILA: Today is a great
day for democracy!
1342
00:57:29,028 --> 00:57:30,529
(CHEERING)
1343
00:57:31,197 --> 00:57:33,157
Phillip, this is worse than that night
I fell asleep
1344
00:57:33,241 --> 00:57:35,325
and you put your dick in my mouth
and took a picture!
1345
00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:36,952
I know, Terrance. I know.
1346
00:57:37,036 --> 00:57:39,621
Well, Sheila,
while you're getting set up over there,
1347
00:57:39,706 --> 00:57:44,126
let's bring out our first act,
Yippie the back-flipping dog!
1348
00:57:44,210 --> 00:57:45,461
(BARKING)
1349
00:57:56,556 --> 00:57:59,057
Be careful not to touch this wire.
1350
00:57:59,684 --> 00:58:01,226
(GROANING) Motherfucker...
1351
00:58:01,519 --> 00:58:02,728
Fuck...
1352
00:58:03,062 --> 00:58:05,272
(GROANING)
1353
00:58:08,401 --> 00:58:11,904
Shit, the USO show has started!
We are running out of time!
1354
00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:13,322
Do you see Terrance and Phillip?
1355
00:58:13,406 --> 00:58:15,908
Yes, but they are heavily guarded.
1356
00:58:15,992 --> 00:58:17,868
We have to dig from here
so as not to be seen.
1357
00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:19,036
Come on, bitches.
1358
00:58:20,830 --> 00:58:22,873
Hey, Mole,
do you know where the clitoris is?
1359
00:58:22,957 --> 00:58:24,082
- The what?
- The clitoris.
1360
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:26,710
I have to find the clitoris so I can
get this Wendy girl to like me again.
1361
00:58:26,794 --> 00:58:28,504
You need to stop thinking
with your dick!
1362
00:58:28,588 --> 00:58:29,630
You have to be on your toes
1363
00:58:29,714 --> 00:58:31,173
because I am not going to be
grounded again!
1364
00:58:31,257 --> 00:58:32,925
Not for you. Not for anybody.
1365
00:58:33,343 --> 00:58:36,178
Men, when you're out there
in the battlefield
1366
00:58:36,262 --> 00:58:38,680
and you're looking into the beady eyes
of a Canadian
1367
00:58:38,765 --> 00:58:41,725
as he charges you with his hockey stick
or whatever he has
1368
00:58:41,809 --> 00:58:43,894
and people are dying all around you,
1369
00:58:43,978 --> 00:58:46,480
just remember what the M. P.A.A. says.
1370
00:58:46,564 --> 00:58:49,358
"Horrific, deplorable violence is okay,
1371
00:58:49,442 --> 00:58:52,194
"as long as people don't say
any naughty words!"
1372
00:58:52,278 --> 00:58:55,072
That is what this war is all about!
1373
00:58:55,156 --> 00:58:56,657
(LOUD CHEERING)
1374
00:58:56,741 --> 00:58:57,824
What?
1375
00:59:00,078 --> 00:59:01,203
Shit!
1376
00:59:03,248 --> 00:59:04,706
Move, move!
1377
00:59:05,959 --> 00:59:09,461
Okay. We will split up here.
Let's synchronize watches.
1378
00:59:09,879 --> 00:59:11,713
- We don't have watches.
- You don't have watches?
1379
00:59:11,798 --> 00:59:12,881
Dude, you didn't say
anything about watches!
1380
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:14,091
What do you think this is, kid?
1381
00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:15,551
TV kiddie-hour where we all sit around
1382
00:59:15,635 --> 00:59:17,678
and lick Barney
the dinosaur's fucking pussy, huh?
1383
00:59:17,762 --> 00:59:19,763
This is real life, with consequences
you take to the grave!
1384
00:59:19,847 --> 00:59:22,641
- Dude, we don't have watches.
- Shit! Did you bring the mirror?
1385
00:59:22,725 --> 00:59:23,725
- Got it!
- And the rope?
1386
00:59:23,810 --> 00:59:25,435
- Check.
- And the buttfor?
1387
00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:28,230
- What's a buttfor?
- For pooping, silly.
1388
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:32,401
Now, listen carefully.
I will dig under the stage,
1389
00:59:32,485 --> 00:59:33,944
and with that bedrock,
I will need more time.
1390
00:59:34,028 --> 00:59:36,738
Stan and Kyle, get near that stage
and stall the show any way you can.
1391
00:59:36,823 --> 00:59:38,156
Do whatever it takes
to keep that show going
1392
00:59:38,241 --> 00:59:39,950
- until I get to the prisoners.
- Okay.
1393
00:59:40,034 --> 00:59:41,952
THE MOLE: Cartman,
over there is the electrical box.
1394
00:59:42,036 --> 00:59:43,453
You must sneak over there
and shut it off
1395
00:59:43,538 --> 00:59:44,913
before I return with Terrance and Phillip
1396
00:59:44,998 --> 00:59:47,499
or the alarms will sound
and I will be attacked by guard dogs.
1397
00:59:47,584 --> 00:59:48,834
- Got it?
- Okay.
1398
00:59:48,918 --> 00:59:51,378
You must shut off the alarms!
I fucking hate guard dogs!
1399
00:59:51,462 --> 00:59:52,838
I heard you the first time,
you British piece of shit.
1400
00:59:52,922 --> 00:59:53,922
(GROANS)
1401
00:59:54,007 --> 00:59:56,758
If anything goes wrong,
make a sound like a dying giraffe.
1402
00:59:56,843 --> 00:59:58,677
What's a dying giraffe sound like?
1403
00:59:58,761 --> 01:00:01,305
(GROANING)
1404
01:00:02,223 --> 01:00:03,515
- Okay.
- Let's go.
1405
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:05,183
- Be careful, dude.
- Careful?
1406
01:00:05,268 --> 01:00:07,477
Was my mother careful
when she stabbed me in the heart
1407
01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:10,856
with a clothes hanger
while I was still in the womb?
1408
01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:16,445
Damn, dude. That kid is fucked up.
1409
01:00:16,529 --> 01:00:20,324
- How are those chairs coming, Sheila?
- Al, we're minutes away.
1410
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:22,409
Super! In the meantime,
1411
01:00:22,493 --> 01:00:28,165
here's pint-size pixie and darling of
the indie movie scene, Winona Ryder!
1412
01:00:28,374 --> 01:00:29,374
Hi, guys.
1413
01:00:29,459 --> 01:00:30,459
(CHEERING)
1414
01:00:30,543 --> 01:00:32,336
I'm super psyched to be here today.
1415
01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:35,714
What you're doing
for our country is so cool.
1416
01:00:36,257 --> 01:00:40,427
I mean war, man. Wow. War, you know?
1417
01:00:40,803 --> 01:00:42,137
Wow.
1418
01:00:42,221 --> 01:00:46,933
Okay! And now for your enjoyment,
here's my famous ping-pong ball trick!
1419
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:56,568
Oh, my!
1420
01:00:57,362 --> 01:00:59,112
(MOCKING THE MOLE) "Shut off
the power, Cartman.
1421
01:00:59,197 --> 01:01:01,448
"This is very important, Cartman. "
1422
01:01:01,532 --> 01:01:03,325
GUARD: Dude, did you hear
what Winona Ryder's doing?
1423
01:01:03,409 --> 01:01:05,202
We can't miss this.
1424
01:01:08,748 --> 01:01:10,582
There, I didn't miss one!
1425
01:01:10,667 --> 01:01:12,959
That's my ping-pong ball trick!
1426
01:01:14,754 --> 01:01:16,046
(CHUCKLES)
1427
01:01:17,006 --> 01:01:19,508
Well, that's all the acts
we have for you tonight,
1428
01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:21,843
so let's just get on with the execution!
1429
01:01:21,928 --> 01:01:22,969
(CHEERING)
1430
01:01:23,054 --> 01:01:25,681
- Oh, no. We have to stall him.
- More! More!
1431
01:01:25,765 --> 01:01:27,224
SOLDIERS: Yeah, more!
1432
01:01:27,308 --> 01:01:30,185
You big sillies!
You want to see more of me?
1433
01:01:30,269 --> 01:01:32,521
Yeah! Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!
1434
01:01:32,605 --> 01:01:34,648
SOLDIERS: Big Gay Al! Big Gay Al!
1435
01:01:34,732 --> 01:01:38,193
Well, I do have a little song
I wrote about the war.
1436
01:01:38,277 --> 01:01:40,028
But we haven't rehearsed.
1437
01:01:40,113 --> 01:01:42,114
- Sing it!
- SOLDIERS: Yeah, sing it!
1438
01:01:42,198 --> 01:01:45,033
- Oh! I can't.
- KYLE: Sing the fucking song!
1439
01:01:45,118 --> 01:01:47,869
Well, all right, if you insist,
I'll sing my song.
1440
01:01:47,954 --> 01:01:50,414
I believe it goes a little bit like this.
1441
01:01:52,625 --> 01:01:56,712
(SINGING) Bombs are flying
People are dying
1442
01:01:56,879 --> 01:02:00,257
Children are crying
Politicians are lying, too
1443
01:02:01,134 --> 01:02:05,262
Cancer is killing
Texaco's spilling
1444
01:02:05,972 --> 01:02:09,266
The whole world's gone to hell
But how are you?
1445
01:02:09,851 --> 01:02:12,728
I'm super, thanks for asking
1446
01:02:12,812 --> 01:02:15,981
All things considered
I couldn't be better, I must say
1447
01:02:16,065 --> 01:02:19,443
I'm feeling super
No, nothing bugs me
1448
01:02:19,777 --> 01:02:24,489
Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
1449
01:02:25,616 --> 01:02:28,493
I'm so sorry, Mr. Cripple
1450
01:02:28,911 --> 01:02:31,872
But I just can't feel too bad
for you right now
1451
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:34,916
Because I'm feeling
so insanely super
1452
01:02:35,001 --> 01:02:38,295
That even the fact that you can't walk
can't bring me down
1453
01:02:38,379 --> 01:02:41,298
CHORUS: He's super, thanks for asking
1454
01:02:41,382 --> 01:02:44,593
All things considered
he couldn't be better, he must say
1455
01:02:44,677 --> 01:02:47,512
I'm super
No, nothing bugs me
1456
01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:48,597
(WHOOPING)
1457
01:02:48,681 --> 01:02:51,308
Everything is super when you're...
Don't you think I look cute in this hat?
1458
01:02:51,392 --> 01:02:54,144
These little pants
this matching tie that I got at Merv's
1459
01:02:54,228 --> 01:02:55,228
I'm super
1460
01:02:55,313 --> 01:02:57,063
CHORUS: In the barracks
and the trenches as well
1461
01:02:57,148 --> 01:02:58,982
- Stick 'em up!
- CHORUS: Big Gay Al says
1462
01:02:59,066 --> 01:03:01,026
- "Do ask, do tell"
- Skittles
1463
01:03:01,110 --> 01:03:03,361
CHORUS: Yes, he's super
and he's proud to be gay
1464
01:03:03,446 --> 01:03:04,446
Okay?
1465
01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:09,326
CHORUS: Everything
is super when you're gay
1466
01:03:12,038 --> 01:03:13,580
CHORUS: when you're gay!
1467
01:03:14,123 --> 01:03:15,165
(SOLDIERS CHEERING)
1468
01:03:15,249 --> 01:03:16,750
BOTH: Again! Again!
1469
01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:24,382
(BEEPING)
1470
01:03:25,301 --> 01:03:26,593
Who's there?
1471
01:03:26,677 --> 01:03:27,928
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1472
01:03:28,012 --> 01:03:29,221
Son of a gun! Heck!
1473
01:03:29,305 --> 01:03:30,597
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1474
01:03:30,681 --> 01:03:31,640
They're coming?
1475
01:03:31,724 --> 01:03:32,808
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1476
01:03:32,892 --> 01:03:34,351
But our moms won't listen to us!
1477
01:03:34,435 --> 01:03:36,102
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
1478
01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:37,562
(SCREAMING)
1479
01:03:40,858 --> 01:03:43,109
Okay, everybody,
just wanna take a minute here
1480
01:03:43,194 --> 01:03:46,404
to thank all our wonderful sponsors
we had tonight on this USO show.
1481
01:03:46,489 --> 01:03:47,656
- He's almost got them.
- Shh!
1482
01:03:47,740 --> 01:03:48,782
We are here to rescue you.
1483
01:03:48,866 --> 01:03:50,700
After I release you,
follow me through the tunnel.
1484
01:03:50,785 --> 01:03:52,118
- You guys! Seriously!
- What, Cartman?
1485
01:03:52,203 --> 01:03:53,495
Kenny! I saw Kenny again!
1486
01:03:53,579 --> 01:03:56,081
Did you shut the alarm off, Cartman?
1487
01:03:56,374 --> 01:03:57,332
Cartman?
1488
01:03:57,416 --> 01:03:58,458
(ALARM BLARING)
1489
01:03:58,543 --> 01:03:59,668
- Whoops!
- Oh! Shit!
1490
01:03:59,752 --> 01:04:01,294
(BOTH GROANING)
1491
01:04:01,754 --> 01:04:04,381
Hey, did you hear that?
Sounds like a giraffe is dying over there.
1492
01:04:04,465 --> 01:04:05,507
(GASPS)
1493
01:04:05,591 --> 01:04:07,175
- Shit!
- A spy!
1494
01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:08,260
Get him!
1495
01:04:08,344 --> 01:04:09,344
(BARKING)
1496
01:04:09,428 --> 01:04:11,012
Shit! Shit!
1497
01:04:12,139 --> 01:04:13,348
Oh, no!
1498
01:04:14,600 --> 01:04:16,351
Come on, Mole, come on!
1499
01:04:16,435 --> 01:04:19,437
THE MOLE: Shit! Shit!
Fucking guard dogs! Shit!
1500
01:04:19,939 --> 01:04:21,398
The alarms, they went off.
1501
01:04:21,482 --> 01:04:22,899
Yeah, that was my bad. Sorry.
1502
01:04:22,984 --> 01:04:25,902
(COUGHS) Hold me. It's so very cold.
1503
01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:27,863
There is no hope now.
You must get out of here.
1504
01:04:27,947 --> 01:04:30,073
- We can't leave without you!
- It's okay, I'm done for.
1505
01:04:30,157 --> 01:04:32,576
No, we can't leave without you!
We don't know where the hell we are!
1506
01:04:32,660 --> 01:04:34,870
Where is your God
when you need him, huh?
1507
01:04:34,954 --> 01:04:37,205
Where is your beautiful,
merciful faggot now?
1508
01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:38,290
(COUGHS)
1509
01:04:38,374 --> 01:04:41,334
Here I come, God.
Here I come, you fucking rat.
1510
01:04:41,419 --> 01:04:44,170
(SINGING) Now the light, she fades
1511
01:04:44,255 --> 01:04:46,631
And darkness settles in
1512
01:04:47,466 --> 01:04:49,259
But I will find strength
1513
01:04:49,343 --> 01:04:50,343
No, Mole. Hang on.
1514
01:04:50,428 --> 01:04:52,220
I will find pride within
1515
01:04:52,305 --> 01:04:53,346
We'll get you home.
1516
01:04:53,431 --> 01:04:55,015
Because although I die
1517
01:04:55,099 --> 01:04:56,182
I can't face my mother.
1518
01:04:56,267 --> 01:04:57,976
Our freedom will be won
1519
01:04:58,060 --> 01:04:59,311
Not alone.
1520
01:04:59,395 --> 01:05:01,104
Though I die
1521
01:05:01,814 --> 01:05:05,692
La R�sistance lives on
1522
01:05:06,652 --> 01:05:07,944
(GROANS)
1523
01:05:17,872 --> 01:05:19,122
Shit!
1524
01:05:19,206 --> 01:05:22,083
Okay, folks, here it is,
the moment we've all been waiting for,
1525
01:05:22,168 --> 01:05:23,752
the execution!
1526
01:05:23,836 --> 01:05:25,545
(CHEERING)
1527
01:05:28,716 --> 01:05:30,342
The day is ours!
1528
01:05:31,886 --> 01:05:32,886
Oh, no, dude, it's happening!
1529
01:05:32,970 --> 01:05:34,596
We have to tell them
about Saddam Hussein and Satan!
1530
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:36,306
No way, dude!
My mom can't see me here!
1531
01:05:36,390 --> 01:05:38,642
Kyle, you have to stand up
to your mother! Come on!
1532
01:05:38,726 --> 01:05:41,728
Gentlemen, do you have any last words?
1533
01:05:41,812 --> 01:05:44,064
Last words? Let's see. How's aboot...
1534
01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:46,775
Get me the fuck out of this chair!
How's that for last words?
1535
01:05:46,859 --> 01:05:49,653
All right, anonymous, ready the switch.
1536
01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:52,697
- Wait!
- Stanley!
1537
01:05:52,782 --> 01:05:54,366
- Eric!
- Kyle!
1538
01:05:55,534 --> 01:05:58,203
- Go on, dude, tell her.
- I can't.
1539
01:05:58,955 --> 01:06:00,163
You can't kill Terrance and Phillip.
1540
01:06:00,247 --> 01:06:04,709
If they die, Satan and Saddam Hussein
are gonna come take over the world!
1541
01:06:05,086 --> 01:06:06,628
(ALL LAUGHING)
1542
01:06:08,589 --> 01:06:10,715
Throw the switch, Mr. Garrison.
1543
01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,301
Hey, I'm supposed to be anonymous.
1544
01:06:13,386 --> 01:06:14,594
(BOTH YELLING)
1545
01:06:14,679 --> 01:06:16,304
Goodbye, bastards!
1546
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:17,555
No!
1547
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:19,140
(FARTS)
1548
01:06:19,225 --> 01:06:20,767
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1549
01:06:20,851 --> 01:06:21,851
(CHEERING)
1550
01:06:24,897 --> 01:06:28,149
The Canadians are attacking!
Run for your lives!
1551
01:06:28,651 --> 01:06:31,319
Come on.
We have to shut off the power!
1552
01:06:31,404 --> 01:06:32,445
Ow! Fuck!
1553
01:06:32,530 --> 01:06:33,905
(SHUDDERING)
1554
01:06:34,907 --> 01:06:37,409
Hey, some little fat kid saved us!
1555
01:06:42,915 --> 01:06:43,999
Terrance and Phillip, wait!
1556
01:06:44,083 --> 01:06:46,918
We have to get you
to the rendezvous point!
1557
01:06:48,796 --> 01:06:49,838
(SCREAMS)
1558
01:06:49,922 --> 01:06:51,297
Ned, behind you!
1559
01:06:54,593 --> 01:06:55,969
(SOLDIERS EXCLAIMING)
1560
01:06:58,431 --> 01:07:00,348
(YELLING)
1561
01:07:09,859 --> 01:07:12,402
CLITORIS: Be not afraid.
1562
01:07:12,486 --> 01:07:13,570
Oh, my God!
1563
01:07:13,654 --> 01:07:17,157
- Behold my glory.
- What are you?
1564
01:07:17,241 --> 01:07:18,992
I am the clitoris.
1565
01:07:19,326 --> 01:07:21,911
The clitoris? I did it! I found the clitoris!
1566
01:07:21,996 --> 01:07:24,914
Stan, you must not let
Terrance and Phillip's blood
1567
01:07:24,999 --> 01:07:26,541
be spilled on the ground.
1568
01:07:26,625 --> 01:07:28,543
Wait! You're supposed to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me.
1569
01:07:28,627 --> 01:07:30,712
CLITORIS: There are more
important matters right now.
1570
01:07:30,796 --> 01:07:32,505
No way, dude! I looked all over for you
1571
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,507
and now you have to tell me
how to get Wendy to like me!
1572
01:07:34,592 --> 01:07:37,343
Dude, you just have to have
confidence in yourself.
1573
01:07:37,428 --> 01:07:40,013
Believe in yourself
and others will believe in you.
1574
01:07:40,097 --> 01:07:43,058
Chicks love confidence. Now go, hurry!
1575
01:07:43,142 --> 01:07:44,642
The clitoris has spoken.
1576
01:07:44,727 --> 01:07:47,228
Stan! Stan, are you okay?
1577
01:07:47,313 --> 01:07:48,688
I see you failed in your mission.
1578
01:07:48,773 --> 01:07:51,900
I should not have sent a boy
to do a man's job.
1579
01:07:52,443 --> 01:07:55,653
Come on, everyone,
we've got precious little time.
1580
01:07:58,532 --> 01:08:00,825
Die, Canadian, m'kay?
1581
01:08:02,953 --> 01:08:03,953
(FARTS)
1582
01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:07,040
- Did you hear that Terrance? I farted.
- You did? Just now?
1583
01:08:07,124 --> 01:08:08,833
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1584
01:08:08,918 --> 01:08:09,959
Terrance and Phillip!
1585
01:08:10,044 --> 01:08:11,836
We have to get them
to the rendezvous point!
1586
01:08:11,921 --> 01:08:13,213
Hey, it's Mr. Garrison!
1587
01:08:13,297 --> 01:08:16,466
(COUGHS) Children, take Mr. Hat.
1588
01:08:16,550 --> 01:08:18,760
Please, get him out of here.
1589
01:08:19,345 --> 01:08:23,014
Holy shit!
This V-Chip is getting all screwy!
1590
01:08:23,099 --> 01:08:25,016
Take cover in the trench!
1591
01:08:25,101 --> 01:08:27,393
All right, men! Human Shield up front,
1592
01:08:27,478 --> 01:08:29,479
then Operation Get Behind the Darkies.
1593
01:08:29,563 --> 01:08:33,483
Remember, Human Shield,
protect our tanks and planes, too!
1594
01:08:37,530 --> 01:08:39,114
Holy mother of Jehoshaphat!
1595
01:08:39,198 --> 01:08:40,156
Fire on my command!
1596
01:08:40,241 --> 01:08:42,992
All right, squad, just like I told you.
1597
01:08:43,744 --> 01:08:46,287
One, two...
1598
01:08:46,372 --> 01:08:48,248
Yousa people gonna die?
1599
01:08:48,332 --> 01:08:49,874
- Fire!
- ... three!
1600
01:08:50,709 --> 01:08:51,918
What in the...
1601
01:08:52,795 --> 01:08:56,214
- Great plan, Chef!
- Operation Human Shield, my ass!
1602
01:08:58,717 --> 01:09:01,136
My God, this is terrible!
1603
01:09:01,220 --> 01:09:02,929
This is what we wanted!
1604
01:09:03,055 --> 01:09:07,308
We wanted our children to be
brought up in a smut-free environment!
1605
01:09:07,393 --> 01:09:09,602
SHARON: But we didn't want this!
1606
01:09:09,687 --> 01:09:11,479
Where are you going?
1607
01:09:11,564 --> 01:09:13,273
We're going to find our boys!
1608
01:09:13,357 --> 01:09:16,818
For God's sake, Sheila,
we're going to get them killed!
1609
01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:25,410
Kyle, all those times I said
you were a big, dumb Jew,
1610
01:09:25,494 --> 01:09:27,245
I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew.
1611
01:09:27,329 --> 01:09:28,329
(SOLDIER YELPING)
1612
01:09:28,414 --> 01:09:30,665
Yes, I am! I am a Jew, Cartman!
1613
01:09:30,749 --> 01:09:33,501
No, no, Kyle,
don't be so hard on yourself.
1614
01:09:33,586 --> 01:09:35,837
What the hell am I still holding this for?
1615
01:09:35,921 --> 01:09:38,131
MR. GARRISON: Mr. Hat! No!
1616
01:09:38,215 --> 01:09:41,050
Fuck this, dude. I'm getting out of here
before I get in really big trouble.
1617
01:09:41,135 --> 01:09:43,094
- I heard that.
- Stan!
1618
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:44,179
Dude, I found the clitoris,
1619
01:09:44,263 --> 01:09:46,181
so now I think I can get Wendy
to like me again.
1620
01:09:46,265 --> 01:09:47,473
Oh! That's swell, Stan.
1621
01:09:47,558 --> 01:09:49,058
Yeah, I guess all's well
that ends well, huh?
1622
01:09:49,143 --> 01:09:50,727
We can go home now, you dipshit!
1623
01:09:50,811 --> 01:09:51,853
Ow!
1624
01:09:51,937 --> 01:09:53,521
- What's wrong with this thing?
- Come on.
1625
01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:57,275
We can't let Terrance and Phillip die
or else the whole world's gonna end!
1626
01:09:58,611 --> 01:10:00,695
- Terrance, look!
- There they are!
1627
01:10:00,779 --> 01:10:02,530
Oh! Phillip, we're done for!
1628
01:10:02,615 --> 01:10:04,699
All right, men, fire!
1629
01:10:04,783 --> 01:10:05,742
Goodbye, Terrance.
1630
01:10:05,826 --> 01:10:07,327
(GUNS COCKING)
1631
01:10:10,998 --> 01:10:13,208
- What is this?
- Don't shoot!
1632
01:10:13,667 --> 01:10:17,128
I'll take care of this.
Kids, get out of the way now!
1633
01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:25,887
- Kyle!
- I'm not gonna let you kill them, Mom!
1634
01:10:25,971 --> 01:10:27,180
What? What? What?
1635
01:10:27,264 --> 01:10:28,848
I'm not moving!
1636
01:10:31,310 --> 01:10:32,435
Stand down, children.
1637
01:10:32,519 --> 01:10:34,687
You can still see fart jokes
on Nickelodeon.
1638
01:10:34,772 --> 01:10:37,273
No! This is about more than fart jokes!
1639
01:10:37,358 --> 01:10:41,903
This is about freedom of speech,
about censorship and stuff.
1640
01:10:41,987 --> 01:10:43,196
What about Ike, huh, Mom?
1641
01:10:43,280 --> 01:10:45,698
Did you forget that your own
adopted son is Canadian?
1642
01:10:45,783 --> 01:10:46,991
(ALL GASPING)
1643
01:10:47,076 --> 01:10:50,912
I'm doing very important things.
1644
01:10:50,996 --> 01:10:53,581
But, Mom, you never took the time
to talk to me.
1645
01:10:53,666 --> 01:10:56,960
Whenever I get in trouble,
you go off and blame everybody else,
1646
01:10:57,044 --> 01:10:59,462
but I'm the one to blame. Deal with me.
1647
01:10:59,546 --> 01:11:01,965
You keep going off
and fighting all these causes,
1648
01:11:02,049 --> 01:11:05,009
but I don't want a fighter.
I want my mom.
1649
01:11:08,681 --> 01:11:10,932
(CRYING) Poor little fellow.
1650
01:11:11,350 --> 01:11:12,433
No!
1651
01:11:12,518 --> 01:11:13,518
(GUN FIRES)
1652
01:11:13,602 --> 01:11:14,602
Terrance!
1653
01:11:15,062 --> 01:11:16,437
(GUN FIRING)
1654
01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:19,816
- Holy shit, dude!
- Young man, you watch your mouth!
1655
01:11:21,735 --> 01:11:23,111
(RUMBLING)
1656
01:11:26,573 --> 01:11:27,991
(EXCLAIMS)
1657
01:11:28,075 --> 01:11:30,034
My time has come!
1658
01:11:30,119 --> 01:11:32,370
You are really fucked now!
1659
01:11:32,454 --> 01:11:34,872
It's Saddam Hussein! Shoot him!
1660
01:11:35,207 --> 01:11:36,291
(LAUGHING)
1661
01:11:36,375 --> 01:11:38,001
What a dumbass!
1662
01:11:41,297 --> 01:11:43,881
You have spilled
the blood of the innocent!
1663
01:11:43,966 --> 01:11:46,926
Now begins two million years
of darkness!
1664
01:11:47,011 --> 01:11:49,345
Good job, Ms. Broflovski! Thanks a lot!
1665
01:11:49,430 --> 01:11:52,807
I was just trying to make the world
a better place for children.
1666
01:11:52,891 --> 01:11:54,934
Yeah, and you brought
enough intolerance
1667
01:11:55,019 --> 01:11:56,644
to the world to allow my coming.
1668
01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:59,647
Now, everyone bow down to me!
1669
01:12:00,524 --> 01:12:02,608
(SADDAM LAUGHING EVILLY)
1670
01:12:02,693 --> 01:12:03,985
Bend over!
1671
01:12:04,069 --> 01:12:06,029
Whoa! What have we done?
1672
01:12:06,113 --> 01:12:08,740
Saddam, I am the dark ruler, not you.
1673
01:12:08,824 --> 01:12:10,700
Relax, bitch.
You're better seen, not heard.
1674
01:12:10,784 --> 01:12:11,909
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1675
01:12:11,994 --> 01:12:13,411
I can't.
1676
01:12:13,495 --> 01:12:16,122
Let's start by building a big statue of me
1677
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:18,166
right over there
where that fat kid is standing.
1678
01:12:18,250 --> 01:12:20,918
Hey, don't call me fat, butt-fucker!
1679
01:12:21,003 --> 01:12:22,670
(GROANING)
1680
01:12:26,717 --> 01:12:28,593
Yeah, Cartman, do it!
1681
01:12:28,677 --> 01:12:31,929
Damn! Shit!
Respect my fucking authority!
1682
01:12:32,014 --> 01:12:33,389
(GROANS)
1683
01:12:33,474 --> 01:12:34,474
Yes!
1684
01:12:34,558 --> 01:12:37,226
Hey! You need to
watch your mouth, brat!
1685
01:12:37,311 --> 01:12:39,103
Dog shit taco!
1686
01:12:43,609 --> 01:12:45,234
Quick, Satan, do something!
1687
01:12:45,319 --> 01:12:47,278
Try this on for size.
1688
01:12:47,821 --> 01:12:51,115
Blood-drenched
frozen tampon Popsicle!
1689
01:12:53,118 --> 01:12:57,622
Hey, buddy, I know I was mean before,
but don't worry, I can change.
1690
01:12:57,915 --> 01:12:58,956
Oh!
1691
01:12:59,124 --> 01:13:00,375
Okay.
1692
01:13:00,793 --> 01:13:01,793
(ALL GASP)
1693
01:13:01,877 --> 01:13:02,960
Not!
1694
01:13:03,045 --> 01:13:04,253
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1695
01:13:04,338 --> 01:13:06,631
Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner,
1696
01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:09,050
bitch, muff, pussy, cock, butthole,
1697
01:13:09,134 --> 01:13:10,885
Barbra Streisand!
1698
01:13:10,969 --> 01:13:12,220
(YELPING)
1699
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:19,060
What are you waiting for, bitch?
Destroy him.
1700
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,813
Come on, you weak,
stupid come-bucket! Save me!
1701
01:13:21,897 --> 01:13:23,398
That's it!
1702
01:13:24,066 --> 01:13:26,150
I have had enough of you!
1703
01:13:26,235 --> 01:13:28,236
(SCREAMING)
1704
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:31,489
Hey, guy, relax!
1705
01:13:34,076 --> 01:13:35,368
(EXHALES)
1706
01:13:40,374 --> 01:13:43,876
He spent so much time convincing me
I was weak and stupid
1707
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:46,254
that I believed it myself.
1708
01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:49,298
I have you to thank, little one.
1709
01:13:49,383 --> 01:13:51,926
You showed me
that I had to get away from him.
1710
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:55,304
Just make any wish you want,
and I shall grant it.
1711
01:13:55,514 --> 01:13:56,973
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1712
01:13:57,057 --> 01:13:58,099
(CHILDREN GASP)
1713
01:13:58,183 --> 01:14:00,226
- Are you sure, Kenny?
- What did he say?
1714
01:14:00,310 --> 01:14:02,979
He said that his wish is for everything
to go back to the way it was
1715
01:14:03,063 --> 01:14:04,939
before this horrible war.
1716
01:14:05,023 --> 01:14:08,276
Kenny, you realize that means
you'd go back, too?
1717
01:14:08,360 --> 01:14:10,194
(MUFFLED CHATTERING)
1718
01:14:18,036 --> 01:14:21,289
Oh! Very well, then.
I will pull all my minions back.
1719
01:14:21,373 --> 01:14:24,667
I guess I'm destined to live in hell.
Alone.
1720
01:14:26,378 --> 01:14:28,296
Hello. What's this?
1721
01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:33,050
Hi, there, little guy.
Would you like to go to hell with me?
1722
01:14:33,802 --> 01:14:37,472
Sure. I bet we could be
best friends, Mr. Satan.
1723
01:14:37,556 --> 01:14:40,475
Feel free to come back and visit us
any time you want, Satan.
1724
01:14:40,559 --> 01:14:42,310
I just might do that.
1725
01:14:42,394 --> 01:14:43,394
Thank you, Kenny.
1726
01:14:43,479 --> 01:14:44,729
Yeah, thanks for going
back to hell for us.
1727
01:14:44,813 --> 01:14:46,647
You're a real pal.
1728
01:14:51,069 --> 01:14:52,862
Goodbye, you guys.
1729
01:14:55,949 --> 01:14:58,826
(SCREECHING)
1730
01:15:05,417 --> 01:15:07,376
I'm alive. Where's Mr. Hat?
1731
01:15:07,461 --> 01:15:10,087
Wow! We were all dying
and now we're fine!
1732
01:15:10,172 --> 01:15:11,756
That's super!
1733
01:15:11,840 --> 01:15:14,008
What the fuck's going on?
1734
01:15:17,930 --> 01:15:19,138
You see, Mom? After all that,
1735
01:15:19,223 --> 01:15:21,849
it was Cartman's filthy fucking mouth
that saved us all.
1736
01:15:21,934 --> 01:15:24,977
I'm sorry I didn't pay attention
to you, Kyle.
1737
01:15:25,979 --> 01:15:27,355
(VOMITS)
1738
01:15:27,439 --> 01:15:29,106
But, Wendy, what about Gregory?
1739
01:15:29,191 --> 01:15:31,025
Stan, I never really cared for Gregory.
1740
01:15:31,109 --> 01:15:32,818
- You didn't?
- No, dude. Fuck Gregory!
1741
01:15:32,903 --> 01:15:36,197
- Fuck him right in the ear!
- Yay! Thank you, clitoris.
1742
01:15:36,281 --> 01:15:39,867
(SINGING) Everything worked out
What a happy end
1743
01:15:39,952 --> 01:15:44,163
Americans and Canadians
are friends again
1744
01:15:44,248 --> 01:15:47,208
So let's all join hands
and knock oppression down
1745
01:15:47,292 --> 01:15:48,376
Good Lordy, I'm found
1746
01:15:48,460 --> 01:15:51,254
Don't you know our little lives
are now complete?
1747
01:15:51,338 --> 01:15:53,422
'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet
1748
01:15:53,507 --> 01:15:54,799
Super sweet!
1749
01:15:54,883 --> 01:15:57,635
Thank God we live in this quiet
1750
01:15:57,719 --> 01:16:01,222
Little, pissant, redneck
Podunk, jerkwater
1751
01:16:01,306 --> 01:16:03,558
Greenhorn, one-horse
Mudhole, peckerwood
1752
01:16:03,642 --> 01:16:06,143
Right-wing, whistle-stop
Hobnail, truck-driving
1753
01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:08,354
Old-fashioned, hayseed
Inbred, unkempt
1754
01:16:08,438 --> 01:16:10,189
Out-of-date, out-of-touch, white-trash
1755
01:16:10,274 --> 01:16:15,403
Kick-ass, mountain
1756
01:16:15,487 --> 01:16:19,407
Town!
1757
01:16:20,784 --> 01:16:22,034
Look!
1758
01:16:36,258 --> 01:16:41,304
(WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO?
PT. ll PLAYING)
1759
01:18:21,113 --> 01:18:23,155
(EYES OF A CHILD PLAYING)
1760
01:21:04,734 --> 01:21:06,110
(SQUEAKING)
1761
01:21:07,779 --> 01:21:09,822
Guys, up there is Hodun.
135364
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