Original subtitles

Yo.

[Wheels screeching on tracks]

Hey, man, what's up with that?

You know me? You talkin' to me?

Yo, homey, you gettin' bad with me?

You want me to fuck you up?

Fuck him up, man.

Jump on him, man.

You couldn't fuck up your own mother.

For that, motherfucker, you die.

Come here, man.

Come here, man.

[Blows landing]

Ow, I'm hurting.

[Laughing]

Get off the floor, man.

[English accent] Ladies and gentlemen,

thank you for attending another performance

of ghetto theater.

Return with us next week as we perform our rendition

of Romeo and latoya.

Thank you.

*i've got the power *

* I've got the power

* the power

* the power

* the power

* the power

* like a thief when I'm steamin' *

* like the groove I'm schemin'

* let the opposition follow, we're free men *

* bring a skill with the Lyric *

*breakin' our balls *

* steal your soul with the tone of the microphone *

* in this game of life, i will thrive, survive *

* you take a dive

* your brain is on no jive, miracle strong *

* even in the last hour

* snap, Jack

* 'cause I got the power

* I got the power

* like the turn of the whip, i snap attack *

* front to back

* in this thing called rap

* dig it like a shovel, rhyme devil *

* on a heavenly level

* bang the bass

* turn up the treble

* radical mind, day and night all the time *

* 7 to 14, wise divine *

* maniac brainiac, winning the game *

* I'm the lyrical Jesse James *

* I got the power

* the power

* the power

* the power

[car horn honking]

[Man shouting in Spanish]

[Rock music playing]

Woman: did the mailman come?

[Latin music playing]

P.A.: Maria to the front counter, please.

Maria to the front counter.

Johnny, Monday's the deadline

on that hispanic scholarship

that I've been telling you about.

Remember?

Oh, yeah, right. I forgot about that.

My son got his in 2 weeks already,

so you better get moving.

Yeah, ok, I will.

Ok.

[Train brakes screeching]

Hey, how--how you doing, daria?

Oh, hi, Johnny.

How you doing?

Tsh, I don't know.

I'm doing-- I'm doing all right.

Haven't seen you in the store in a long time,

you know?

Oh, yeah.

I've been feeling kind of lazy.

You know?

Just not wanting to shop.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, i--i know-- i know that feeling.

Hey, you know, I was-- i was wondering,

you know,

if--if you're not doing anything tomorrow night,

would you maybe like to go out or something?

No, sorry.

I've got plans.

Well, I'll be seeing you.

All right, I'll be seeing you.

Maybe next week.

Ok?

Oh, yeah, next week. That sounds terrific.

Ok. bye.

All right. Bye.

God bless you.

I'll get her.

I'll get her.

[Telephone ringing, people talking]

[Baby fussing]

Look, Mr. Stevens,

we're quite fed up with your behavior.

We've sent you out to several work programs

and you never show up.

If you don't want your welfare checks terminated,

you'd better straighten up.

This is 'cause I'm black, right?

What are you talking about?

Look, you can be honest with me.

You're doing this to me 'cause I'm black, right?

Fine.

I'll be honest.

I'm doing this because i think you're a bum.

Oh, I'm a bum. Oh, I'm a bum.

Oh, you calling me a bum because I'm black, right?

See, if I was a white guy, I'd be eccentric,

but now I got to be a bum, right?

No, if you were a white guy,

you'd be a white bum.

I don't think that's funny.

It wasn't meant to be. I think you're not

showing up to our work programs

because you don't want to be involved in them,

which would simply lead

to a termination of your checks.

Oh, no. Oh, whatever gave you that idea?

Oh, I love your work programs.

Especially the one you sent me on last week.

You know, the one where I'm supposed to clean the toilets.

Oh, I love that type of stuff.

Oh, I do that type of stuff all the time at home.

I mean, that's what you'd expect a black man to do, right?

Look, this conversation is over.

I'm sending you to one last program.

It's in Brooklyn.

Brooklyn? that's like

on the other side of the world, man.

If you don't go,

your case will be terminated.

You're doing this because I'm black, right?

We have several kinds of magazines to choose from, sir.

Even magazines specific to your occupation.

By the way, sir, what is your occupation?

Well, we have several kinds of magazines, sir.

Even magazines specific to your occupation.

May I ask what your occupation is?

Oh, that's wonderful.

Yes, we have all kinds of magazines, sir.

Even magazines specific to your occupation.

What is your occupation, sir?

Oh, you're an agent. Oh, really?

You mean, like in movies?

Oh, well, my name is Thomas mcneal,

and I'm an actor.

Yeah, really.

What have I done?

Uh, well, did you see rain man?

I was up to play a part of a waiter in rain man,

but they wrote out the scene.

Yeah, that happens sometimes.

Uh, listen.

Look, forget about the magazines.

They suck. Just take my word for it.

Uh, do you think I could get your name or your address--

ahem.

Uh, yes, we have excellent magazines, sir.

Uh, all sorts of magazines.

Even magazines specific to your occupation, sir.

[Alarm beeping]

[Stops beeping]

[Siren in distance]

[Ringing]

Hello.

He-e-e-e-e-e-y.

Candy, how you doing?

Yeah.

I'm fine.

No, I'm fine.

When, tonight?

I can't. I'm hanging out with the fellas.

No.

When? when did I promise that?

Oh, come on, baby. You know

you can't count on anything i say when I'm doing that.

[Click, dial tone]

Hello?

[Telephone rings]

Hello.

He-e-e-e-e-e-e-y.

Wendy, how you doing?

I'm ok.

What?

No, I can't, not tonight.

I'm hanging out with the fellas.

No.

I know, Wendy, but--

when did I promise that?

[Sighs]

It figures.

Well, I'm sorry, Wendy, but I can't.

I told you--

but, Wendy, but listen--

but, Wendy, but listen--

but, Wendy, but--

all right, forget it. All right.

So I lied, ok? So forget--

[dial tone]

[Telephone rings]

Oh, shit.

What the fuck happened to you?

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Heh heh heh heh heh!

Heh heh heh heh!

Oh, shit!

[Doorbell rings]

Huh?

[Groans]

Damn.

Aah!

It's me, man.

Oh, thank god. At first,

I thought white people moved in the neighborhood.

Heh heh heh!

Hey, man, I'm a little short on cash tonight.

I was hoping you could lend me a couple of bucks.

Come on, man, a few dollars.

How much you owe me already?

I don't know. $20, $30.

$137.86.

Come on, man. I mean,

what do you care anyway? You don't work for it.

You get it from your girlfriends.

Hey, what difference does it make

where I get it from, man?

That's how much you owe me.

[Doorbell rings]

Look, you be honest with me.

You're doing this 'cause I'm black, right? I know.

I'm doing this 'cause you're an ugly motherfucker.

Do me a favor,

could you get the door for me, please?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please.

This is because I'm black.

Because I'm a black man in a white land.

I'm answering doors for you. Next thing you know,

I'll be driving motherfucking miss Daisy.

What?!

I-I'm looking for vinny.

Who?

Vinny.

The guy who lives here.

Vinny?

Oh, you must be talking about Fernando.

No, man, she means vinny, man. Vinny.

Come on in, baby.

How are you doing?

Good.

Look, I brought you dinner.

It's pork chops with yellow rice.

I made it myself.

That's beautiful.

Oh, baby, that's so nice.

That's so sweet.

I wish everybody was so nice to me.

Come on in.

You know, I wanted to ask you something, sweetie.

If it's possible,

you think you could give me

a couple of dollars tonight,

'cause I'm running a little short.

I thought we were staying in tonight.

Well, you know what happened was this.

You know, Willie-- Willie's--Willie's--

Willie's father ran into a little problem,

and he's like really, really sick.

And so, all the fellas, we're all gonna get together

and we're gonna go visit him.

Right, Willie?

Huh?

Right, Willie?

Oh, um, yeah. Um, he's gonna die.

And if we--we don't visit him,

you know, he's gonna die.

And--and death hurts.

You see...

Willie has been so taken,

he's so stunned with what's been going on,

that he says crazy things sometimes, right, Willie?

Yeah, that's right, um, fernan--

fer-vinny.

See what I mean?

You're so sweet.

How much do you need?

[Latin music playing]

Damn, man, what are you,

dumb, stupid, retarded, or all of the above?

I didn't do anything.

You did enough, bro. Do me a favor.

From now on, if ever i ask you a question,

don't say anything, man.

Just nod, all right, just nod.

I was just trying to help you.

Yeah, and don't help. Don't help, bro.

Because if I need help from you,

I know I'm in big trouble, all right?

Do me a favor, just nod.

Ok, ok.

All right. So cut the shit.

Where are we going, bro?

We're gonna go pick up Johnny.

Johnny? Johnny?

We just hung out

with that sad-sack motherfucker.

We're gonna hang out with him again?

Johnny's my best friend.

I know that, man, but...

You know, that guy, he gets so depressing

and shit, man, you know.

He's--he's like fucking Mr. Spock and shit.

Look, Johnny ain't going, i ain't going,

'cause that's my boy, all right?

Well, that's cool, man, but, you know,

I mean, just tell the guy to lighten up,

that's all.

Ok, Fernando.

Fern-- do me a favor, man.

I can't believe you're calling me Fernando.

From now on, do me a favor,

please, especially in front of a woman,

you got to call me vinny.

Do me a favor, man. Promise me.

Call me vinny, all right?

Ok, I'll call you vinny pantagalini

if you want me to, all right?

All right, man, because if I hear

one of you motherfuckers call me Fernando,

I swear to god, I'm gonna die of a heart attack.

What's up, John?

Hey, Willie, how you doing, man?

What's up?

Yo, man.

Hey, Fernando. ¿que pasa?

It's vinny.

My name's vinny.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, right, right.

Vinny. I forgot. I'm sorry.

It's all right. It's all right.

So, what are you guys doing here tonight, man?

Yo, man, it's Friday night,

hang out night. Time to have some fun.

Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

You see that, man. The guy's depressed.

You don't wanna take a chance

on ruining the guy's depressed state, man.

I'm serious and shit.

Look, can you do me a favor, vincente,

and stay out of this? I'm talking to my friend.

That's fine. That's fine.

The only thing I'm saying is,

you know, the guy's, he's not feeling--

maybe we should just, you know,

not twist his arm and stuff.

Could you do me a favor and go over there or something?

I'm talking to my friend, all right?

No, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna--

I'm just saying, you know,

that's it.

I'm not saying any more.

Don't worry about it, Willie, man.

Look, man, it's not gonna be the same without you.

I don't know, man. I don't know.

I don't--i--i got--

I gotta wake up early tomorrow.

I gotta open up the store tomorrow.

You know, i don't know.

If you're not gonna do it for yourself,

do it for me, all right?

Please don't let me

hang out with that clown all night.

Ah, I don't know.

Oh, man, I don't know.

All right, all right. You got me, you got me.

All right, I'm gonna go check out, ok?

Give me a minute.

All right. Ok, man?

You owe me.

[Chuckles]

He's not gonna go, right?

He's going.

He's gonna go?

He's going.

Ahh, all right.

Pay attention to me, ok? Do I have your attention?

You wanted him to come, right?

You understand what I just said?

You wanted him to come, right?

You. nobody else. The magic word is you.

Get to the point.

You wanted him to come.

Then you are responsible for him.

What? that's right.

If, by any chance, I should have a boring, depressing evening

because of him,

you are responsible.

You. nobody else.

You, all right?

You.

You.

[Train passing]

Whew.

Jesus. I wear this stupid outfit so much,

I think one morning it's gonna jump out of this locker

and meet me at my front door.

Hello.

I know what you're talking about, man.

I got 5 of these ugly suckers myself at home.

[Sighs]

Well, here's the scholarship form.

You better take it because Monday's the deadline.

Ah, Pedro.

What?

I don't know, man.

I'm just not the college type, all right?

No, what type are you?

The supermarket type?

Don't be stupid. You got a good shot at this.

You got excellent grades in high school.

You did. Nah.

Yeah. I can't understand

how you wasted 2 years

hanging around this joint.

'Cause...i--i...

Oh, man, I'll do it next year, all right?

No. next year will be too late

because you'll be too old to qualify.

Take it.

What are you afraid of?

Take it.

Why Johnny, man? Why him?

What's up, guys? Where we goin'? Come on.

We're gonna go pick up Tommy, man.

Oh, yeah. Ok. Come on, let's go, Willie.

Vamanos, Fernando.

It's you. You.

All right, would you just shut up?

Did you call Tommy

to let him know you were coming?

Willie: nah, man. I'm sure it's cool.

Nah, man. You can't just go barging

into people's houses like that.

That's ridiculous, man. That's not right.

Shh. shh.

[Music playing]

Watch this.

Open up! It's the police.

Open up! I know you got

that 9-year-old girl in there.

Wh--oh, man!

[Laughing]

You big imitation Italian motherfucker.

Come on in, y'all.

What y'all doin' here?

Willie: yo, man. It's Friday night.

Hang out night, man.

Y'all should think about calling somebody

before you just come over to their house.

Why, man? What's up?

I made plans with my lady for tonight.

Aha! see, I told you. I told you, man.

Oh, come on, bro!

Come on, man. You don't want

to hang out with the fellas?

Y'all should call me or something.

You'd have called earlier,

maybe I could change my plans.

But it's too late now.

I told you. Didn't i tell you, guys?

I told you you shouldn't be barging

into people's houses like that.

If he ain't goin', he ain't goin'. That's it.

What do you mean, "if he's not goin', he's not goin'.

That's it. That's it"?

That's bullshit! What's the matter?

That's bullshit, man.

Vinny, it's like you said, man.

You shouldn't have to force somebody

to do something they don't want to do.

You know, twist their arm and all that.

This is different, ok? Tommy's got to go.

He's got to.

Oh, yeah? Why?

Why? because Tommy's got something

that you and me and Willie ain't got

all put together.

Willie: what's that?

Tom has a car!

Come on, bro. We need you

and your secondhand cop car, bro.

You got to come. What's the matter with you?

There's my lady.

Come on, man. You gonna give up

a night on the town, man,

to go hang out with some girl?

She ain't just some girl, man.

She's an incredibly beautiful

and wonderful girl, all right?

I tell you what.

This time, I think it's really love.

All right, man.

[Whistles]

Come on, man!

When did cupid shoot you in your ass?

Come on!

You gonna give up a night

of hangin' out with your homeboys, man,

your bestest friends for years and years

just so you can hang out with some ugly girl?

She ain't ugly, man. She's beautiful,

incredibly beautiful.

Come on, man. I know your taste in women.

She probably looks like a duck. Ohh!

Yeah. that's what you think.

This girl's so fine, when you meet her

you be beggin' to drink her bath water, motherfucker.

Right here, i got $10

that says your girl is ugly.

I'm talkin' "ug."

I'm talkin' fucking "ly."

Can you back it up?

Yeah, I'll back it up.

Ok, who here's with me?

Who's with me?

Come on, man!

You guys know Tommy's taste in women.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

I got a $10 food stamp

that says this girl's ugly with a capital "ug."

All right. I got $10 right here

on that ugly person, man.

That's $30 I got to back up, man.

That's not fair.

You're the one that says she's so fine.

I mean, you're the one--

what, are you afraid she's ugly,

and you gonna lose? What?

Nobody afraid she's ugly, man.

I know the girl's fine.

Just people have different opinions

what fine is.

Now how we gonna handle this?

I got it. I got it, man.

Why don't we judge it like a miss America pageant?

We vote on a scale of 1-10, bro.

Your girlfriend's got to be at least a 9.

A 9?! Come on, man. 9's too high.

If we vote, she gotta be at least a 5.

A 5?

My grandmother's a 5, and she's dead.

I don't care, man.

9 is just too high.

She's gotta be at least a 7. A 7.

There you go, man. 7. 7 is cool.

I could do that. How about you?

Tommy: fine. You want to know what fine is?

I'm gonna show you fine.

This girl is fine.

F-i-n-e. fine.

In fact, that should be her last name.

Vanessa fine.

And another thing, y'all, don't be so obvious.

Don't be staring at her like she's odd,

'cause she's not only beautiful, but she's smart,

and she'll pick up on that.

Vanessa: who is it?

It's Tommy.

Oh, hi, baby. How you doing?

Honey, what you doing? How come you ain't dressed?

I thought we was goin' out tonight.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm really sick.

It just came over me this morning.

How come you ain't call me or something?

Oh, I'm sorry. I've been asleep all day.

I just forgot.

I guess that means tonight is off, huh?

Oh, yeah. I'm really sorry.

Oh, ok. All right, well,

I hope you feel better.

Thanks, babe.

Ok. ok.

Both: bye-bye.

She's beautiful, ain't she?

She looks like a duck.

Where's my money, man?

Come on, man. She's gorgeous.

Willie, tell him, man.

I give the ho a 2.

A 2?! Where do you keep your eyes? In your ass?

That's how I feel.

Come on, man. Y'all got to be fair now.

Cough up the dillies, bro.

Cough up the dillies?

Wait a second. That's 2 for your side.

I happen to think she's gorgeous.

That means Johnny here has the deciding vote.

No, man. No, no.

I--i don't want to be deciding vote.

Vinny: what are you afraid of, bro?

I'm not afraid, man.

I'm not afraid. I just--

it was--i didn't get a good look at her.

That's what happened.

That's it. He didn't get a good look at her.

So that means we're all even.

Even?! bring the girl back out here, bro.

What?! oh, that's stupid.

I ain't bringin' her back out here.

All right. Then I guess that means we won, then.

Because it's still 2 against one, right?

$30 is $30.

[Knocks on door]

Hi, sweetie.

What are you still doing here?

Oh, you know, I was just worried about you, baby.

Look, I was just wondering,

you want me to get you some aspirin

or something from he store?

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just admiring your beautiful skin.

You know I always like your skin.

Aw, you're such a romantic.

No, I don't need anything.

I just need to get back to sleep, ok?

Ok. you go on and get your beauty rest, darlin'.

Ok. all right.

Bye, lover. Bye-bye.

Bye.

Oh, no. Oh, no, guys. No, no.

I--i don't want to be the deciding vote, ok?

Willie: just--just be honest.

All right.

Ok? all right.

She was--she was sort of like, um...

I don't know. She was...

'Cause she had, um...

You know...

Hell, man...

She--she--she was an 8.

All right! An 8!

Ha ha ha! An 8!

Make out all checks

to Mr. Thomas mcneal. Thank you.

You told me to be honest, man.

I was just being honest.

You was honest, Johnny.

Actually, you weren't honest.

She's really a 9.

You know who's responsible for this, right?

You know who's responsible for this?

You're responsible for this.

[Swingin' playing]

* jammin' on the Mike that's who I am *

* this I dig, and I thank you, man *

* for the time you're waiting *

* anticipating, collaborating *

* and time to admit it

* heard the words of the new man and artist *

* listen to the beat he started *

* jammin', slammin' *

* bass line banging in your ear *

* never fear, 'cause I'm here *

* me, the p-r-i-n-c-e

*rakeem, double-e in the middle *

* ought to come see me

* dancin', movin', with a line starts checkin'...*

all right. Where's the first up, y'all.

Wherever the girlies are, bro.

Wherever the girlies are.

You're crazy, vinny, man. You're crazy.

You keep messin' with them girls like that, man,

and one day, you're going to come down

with something strange--

nah, nah, nah, nah. Not me. Not me.

Let me show you something, man.

You see this here?

You see this?

Do you know what this is?

What? what is this?

What?

What is this?

I know what it is.

What is this? I know.

What is this?

It's--it's a condom, man.

Wrong. it's a super-condom.

With this thing here,

this thing has an ingredient in it called nonoxynol-9.

You hear what I said? I said--

[both] nonoxynol-9.

All right. With that, no matter who you're with,

no matter what they got,

with this...

Knock that shit right out.

You can fuck an elephant with this condom.

I'm sure you have, vinny.

Oh, man, please.

Don't bring your girlfriend into the conversation.

Johnny, I didn't know you liked fat women.

Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Look at that.

The perfect opportunity for me to use my super-condom, man.

Slow the car down, man. Slow it down.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Yo, baby. Yo, yo, yo.

Yo, yo, vinny, man.

Get your ass out of my face, man.

What's your name, man? My name is--

my name is vinny.

I'm from Italy.

I'm trying to drive here.

Get your hairy, pimply anus in here, man.

Damn. this is hazardous to my driving, man.

Come on, baby,

why don't you come in the car for a ride?

What are you doing, man?

You trying to pick up my daughters, huh?

Trying to pick up my daughters?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit, man. Let's get the fuck out of here.

You don't pick up my daughters, habe!

You're a puto. I'll kill you, man!

I--i kill you!

Come on, Tommy. Move the car, man!

Oh, shit!

[Tires screech]

Yo, look, man.

If them bottles would have hit my car,

I'd get out and kick your ass, man.

Oh, man, it wasn't my fault.

It was your fault. You're the one who made

that crazy puerto rican come over here.

Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Come on.

Watch it with that "crazy puerto rican" stuff, man.

Don't say stuff about my people.

What stuff? I just said "crazy puerto rican."

You said it again.

I just told you not to say it, and you said it again, man.

Don't talk about my people like that, all right?

Yo, vinny, man.

Did you hear the way

he's talking about our people, man?

Yo, vinny, man. Don't you care?

Say, man, what am I supposed to say to that shit?

Come on, man. Say anything.

Say something, man.

You don't even think you're puerto rican, do you?

Hey, yo, he's Italian.

Hey, no, man. I can't believe you said that.

It's not true, man.

I don't think I'm Italian, all right?

Are there any more brews back there?

No, Tommy, man, you had the last one.

Oh, damn. We got to stop.

I'm going to get some more.

Yo, Johnny, put another dollar in, man.

Here's my 2.

Thanks.

Hey, man. You ain't got nothin'?

You can't even put in 50 cent?

Damn. Willie, man, you're pitiful.

Come on, y'all. Put me down.

Yeah, I'll put you down, man.

You're an ugly motherfucker.

How's that?

[All laugh]

I'm sorry.

Come on. Don't worry about it.

We all got your way, man--

no, no, no, don't count me in that.

No more, man. I've had it.

Oh, come on. Come on, vinny.

Willie would do it for you if he had it.

That's the point, man. That's the point.

Willie never had--

that boy never has any money,

and I'm tired of it.

'Cause that's a black thing, you see?

That's the white man oppressing me,

keeping me down.

Yo, man, forget it.

I'll put in the difference.

I just want to get some brew.

You see, you're--you're being brainwashed by the white man

into thinking that all minorities got to be poor.

Willie, please, please, shut the fuck up.

Boy's always got to be

coming up with something.

"Put me down."

White man, black man.

Shit.

Do yourself a favor, man.

Get a job. Stop bothering people.

Do you have a job, vinny, huh?

Yeah!

We're talking about him, man, not me.

And I know, man. Did you have a job?

There it is.

Ain't none of your business

if I got a job or not.

That's because--it's because you don't have a job, man.

It's because all the money you've gotten

and all the food you've ever gotten,

everything you've ever gotten in your life,

you've gotten from poor innocent women.

That's why, man.

Because you're a leech and a parasite.

You know who's responsible for this, right?

Look at me.

You know who's responsible for this?

Yo.

Let's hit the road.

Yo, man. That looks like Louie-Louie over there.

Oh, shit. That's him.

Louie! Louie!

Lou-Lou. he's dope.

[Laughs]

Hey, what's up, man?

Yo! what's up? What's going on, man?

Man, what you doing around here?

Just chillin', workin'. Doing the same old.

Tommy: tell me something, man.

Any parties? Anything going out tonight?

Nah, not in the boogie down Bronx, homeboy.

Bronx is dead..

But y'all should check out Manny-hatty.

Oh, yeah?

Manhattan's what's happening tonight?

No, I don't feel like going to Manhattan tonight.

Yo, Manhattan is where it's at.

That's why I won't even be hangin' in the Bronx, chief.

Manhattan is the life, b.

Yo, let's just hang out in the Bronx tonight, all right?

Well, whatever, home piece.

I got to tip.

Take care, man.

Lou-Lou is bad, bro.

He's dope and all that.

That boy's got dollars on his dollars.

[Rap music plays]

All right. Here we go all around.

One for Johnny.

Can I check your i.D. Please?

One for Willie...

Who didn't put in a fucking dime as usual.

And one for my man Tommy here.

Thank you, brother.

Excuse--excuse me, Tommy.

How may beers did you already have, man?

I don't know. 2 or 3.

You had 2 or 3, man? Well, you--

you shouldn't have another beer

if you're going to be driving. I'm sorry.

Man--please, man. Give me that goddamn--

no, no, man. I'm--I'm serious, man.

You can't be drinking and driving.

You can't do that.

Yo, man, you're going to be drinking and walking

if you don't give me that fucking beer, man.

What the fuck's wrong with you?

Come on, man. We got 6 of them here.

No, vinny, don't give them to him, man.

Get the fuck out of here man. Please.

What's the matter with you?

You got to grow up, Johnny, man.

Acting like a little kid--

you are.

I don't know what you're afraid of, man.

What the fuck are you afraid of, man?

Oh, shit. Look. Look at that.

And Louie-Louie said

there ain't nothing happening in the Bronx.

Oh, my god!

Tommy: before you say anything,

make sure there ain't no big, fat,

hairy motherfuckers

with beer bottles our there, man.

Whoo! baby! Whoo!

Pull the car over.

Chill out, man. Shit.

Whoo! oh!

Whoo! oh!

Vinny: come here!

[Laughs] oh!

Whoo! mama!

Come on, man. Pull over. Pull over.

The last motherfucker, man,

was throwing shit at my car, man.

Just calm down.

Vinny: pull over, man. Pull over.

Tommy: what the fuck are you talking to little girls, man?

Vinny: pull over.

Tommy: I'm pulling over.

You're an asshole, man. Damn!

Johnny: come on out of here, Tommy.

Vinny: where'd them women go, man?

Where'd they go?

[Music playing]

Hey, you hear that?

Where's that coming from, man?

Where's that music coming from?

Look. look right there. The window.

You see that window right there?

Vinny: oh, shit.

There's a party going on up there.

Come on. Let's go.

Tommy: no, man. Nobody knows you up there.

I'll just knock on the door and say, "Jose sent us."

Jose, man?

You don't know no Jose, vinny, man.

Man, it's a puerto rican party.

There's got to be at least one Jose up there, right?

Vinny, man, it's not going to work, man.

Shh. quiet.

What's the matter with you?

It's coming from over there.

It's right here.

It's not going to work, man.

Stop it, will you, man?

I'm telling you, this is going to work, all right?

Just let me do the talking.

I'll get us in.

[Knocks on door]

[Whispering] act natural.

Hey. how you doing?

Can I help you?

Jose sent us.

Uh...yeah, well, ok.

Come in.

Thank you.

Man, I hate house parties.

I always feel like

I'm locked in a closet or something.

Hey, man, you're the last guy

'cause you ain't got no money.

You got in here for free, so shut the fuck up.

Where's the food?

You can get yourself some food, man.

I'm going to get me a woman.

Damn, man, I love Latin music, man.

Yeah, Tommy? I didn't know that, man.

Well, great. Why don't you go ahead and dance?

Oh, no, I love the music,

but I could never dance to it, man.

I just can't get it.

Oh, sure you could, man. It's real easy.

Anybody can dance. Here, I'll show you.

Watch this. Watch.

Nah, nah. That's ok.

Come on. Try it, man.

No, man, I'm afraid to.

Why, man?

Well, because that's how it starts, man.

That's how what starts.

You know, Johnny. That's how it starts.

No, I don't know, man.

Tell me. That's how what starts?

It starts with the dancing, man.

Then if I like that, next thing you know

I'll be wearing polyester suits

with bell-bottom pants eating rice and beans.

It's all right.

Yo, Tommy,

man, I take that as a racist statement, man.

No, man, that ain't no racist statement.

It's just a fact. I don't look good in bell-bottoms.

Oh, hi, baby, come here.

You know, you're very, very attractive.

Come here. I just want to tell you something.

Come here for a second.

Come here.

Ugly bitch.

Yo. who invited you here, man?

Jose.

Jose?

Jose.

Which Jose, huh?

Point him out.

Um...

Um, he's probably not here.

He's probably late or something.

What's his last name,

this Jose?

[Latin music playing, sung in Spanish]

That's it, Tommy. You're getting it, man.

Oh, my god, man.

I think I feel my pants

expanding at the bottom already.

Oh, cut the shit, man, and just keep dancing.

Am I rocking it, huh?

Yeah, you're rocking it, man. You're rocking it.

Just keep it loose. That's it.

Keep it flowing.

Hey, Johnny, you're pretty good at this, man.

What you should do is get on that dance floor

and find you one of those hot Spanish mamas, man.

You might find your future wife in here tonight.

You never know.

Not me, man.

I'm not going to go that far.

I've already got my mind on a special girl.

Oh, yeah? Who is he?

Oh, Tommy, this girl,

she's innocent and virginal.

Oh, man, is this the same girl

you've been talking about for weeks?

You still ain't got that Booty yet?

This girl's not about Booty, man.

She's a shy and sensitive thing..

Oh, she's innocent, virginal,

shy, and sensitive.

I don't know about you, man,

but to me, she sounds like she's a drag.

Ah.

Yeah, so you know, after I finished law school,

I decided I didn't want to, you know,

devote my entire life to just one thing.

So I was trying to find something in my life

that I could do like on, you know,

those dull spaces, like on the weekends and on holidays.

That's when I decided to become an astronaut.

Mendez. it was Mendez.

Mendez.

No, no, it wasn't Mendez.

It wasn't Mendez. It was...

Perez. Perez?

No, it wasn't-- it wasn't Perez.

Couldn't have been Perez.

Um...

Vasquez.

Jose vasquez.

You know what i think, bro?

I think you're full of shit, black boy.

[Laughs]

Is that what you think I am?

I'm not black. I'm Dominican.

You're a Dominican?

Sí.

Get the fuck out of here! Let's go!

[Yelling]

[Yelling]

You guys come back here again,

I'm going to get my gun.

Fucking pendejo.

[Door closes]

Goddamn, man!

What the fuck's the matter with you guys?!

What the hell did you guys do?

What? who?

What? who? Come on, man. You guys know.

You must have done something

to get our asses kicked out of there.

You want to know what the fuck I did?

You want to know what the fuck I did?

I was born black, motherfucker!

That's what I did!

Stop with that black shit.

They threw me out of that goddamn party

because I was black, that's what!

Hey, hold up, man.

They said that to you in there?

Yeah, that's right. That's your people for you.

Yo, wait a second, Willie.

Wait a second, man.

I was in that party, man.

I was in there.

I was fighting for you, man.

You going to go say that shit now?

That wasn't right, man. I didn't do shit.

I didn't do shit.

Yo, Willie. Are you ok, man?

Yeah, man.

Y'all just stop thinking about it, man.

Those guys were assholes, all right?

Willie: wait a second. Where you going?

I'm driving into Manhattan, man.

Louie-Louie was right.

The Bronx is wack tonight.

Well, when you get to Harlem, you can let me out.

What you got against Manhattan?

Look, I wait all week to hang out with you guys.

I'm usually in my damn, funky apartment

sitting there doing nothing,

bored all week. Bored to death.

I die for these Fridays.

I want to hang out with you guys.

I want to hang out with my homeboys,

not some white people from Manhattan.

Well, I'm driving into Manhattan

and that's that, man,

so just grow up and deal with it.

[Hangin' with the homeboys and Dr. feelgood playing]

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we're going to have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's going to make us feel all right *

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we're gonna have some fun tonight... *

all right! Manhattan!

Let's get some rich white women.

Yeah, that's what you need, a white woman.

That'll make you feel just great, won't it?

Yo, yo, yo, fellas.

Y'all see that building right there.

I auditioned for a part in a TV movie

right there just last week.

Seriously, Tommy? So what happened, man?

They loved me, man.

They said I was the best thing

that they've seen in a long time.

They told you that?

When I was in college, man,

I was the best actor in my acting class.

They all looked up to me like I was...

William shatner.

College? Tommy, I didn't know you went to college, man.

Yeah, man, i went to college.

I got a degree and everything, boy.

Johnny: did you like it?

No. to tell you the truth, it sucked.

It's like a big stall, you know?

Big nothing.

I'll tell you, man, i agree with Tommy, man.

I went to college.

What? you?

You went to college, man? Ha ha.

What? hey, man. I went-- I'm a college man.

Pffft. what?

I'm serious, man.

And I'll tell you something, man.

It was the most miserable, frustrating,

humiliating 2 weeks of my life.

Yeah.

Yo, Tommy, man,

if--if somebody came up to you, you know,

and said, uh, you know,

"I'm--I'm interested in going to college,"

and you know, and all that,

blah, blah, blah, blah...

What--what would you tell him?

I'd tell them not to waste their time, man.

I mean, you go to school for 4 years,

you get that stupid degree,

then you get out and get the same lousy jobs

for the same lousy pay, man.

It just ain't worth it, man.

Yeah. yeah.

Yeah, you know, I see what you're saying.

Oh, look where we're at!

Ha ha ho!

Tommy: yeah! Manny-hanny!

[Laughs]

This is the life! Bing! Yes!

Man: come on in. It ain't no sin.

Yo, man. You got a quarter?

Yeah, yeah, i--i got a quarter.

You got a quarter?

Yeah, yeah, i got a quarter.

I got a quarter.

Ow! man, watch it.

Ow!

Well, damn, they got a little TV here

and everything. That's cool, man.

Johnny, shut the fuck up. Put the quarter in.

Cool it, man. Watch your leg.

Johnny: I'm trying to get the quarter in, all right?

Yo, man. Somebody's rubbing up against me.

I don't like that shit.

Vinny: Tommy, you want to borrow my super-condom

with nonoxynol-9 on it?

That shit ain't funny, man.

Hey, man! Watch it!

Oh, great, man.

This is great, Tommy, man.

What happened?

Tommy knocked the quarter out of my hand, man.

It's lying there right by his foot.

Hey, Tommy, why don't you bend down

and pick up the quarter, man.

Yo, man, fuck you.

Come on, man.

I ain't bending down in this fucking place.

You're crazy.

I'll get it, man. I'll get it.

I can reach it. I can reach it.

Oh, man!

Whoa! whoa!

Hey, yo, watch your hand, man!

Oh, man, this is stupid, man!

Come on, everybody out of the fucking booth!

Come on. Get out of the fucking booth.

Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

Out of the fucking booth.

Let's go. Out of the fucking booth.

[Sighs] Johnny?

Johnny.

Did you get the quarter, man?

Yeah, i--i got the quarter.

Good.

Let's go. In the fucking booth.

Let's go.

In the fucking booth.

You in yet, man?

Lock the door.

Put it in.

Oh!

[Passionate moaning]

That girl looks familiar.

Damn.

She's working it.

[Laughs]

Tommy: ohh!

What a gyp.

Gyp. gyp.

Hey, come on. What the fuck?

We'll get another quarter, man.

What the matter? Come on.

Yo, Johnny.

Yo, man, what's up?

Damn, man. I knew that boy was scared of pussy,

but this is ridiculous.

Yo, man. You want to talk about it?

Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.

What happened? Did vinny fart in the booth?

[Laughing]

That's funny. That's funny.

I'm gonna tell you what happened.

What happened was the boy saw a pussy

and went into stitches, and you know what?

He ain't never gonna recover either.

Come on, vinny.

Everybody's seen a pussy by the time they're 18.

Nah. nah, man. I'm serious.

There's a lot of real late bloomers out there, man.

Watch this, watch this.

Hey, Johnny. Johnny.

Which way do a pussy go, man?

Do it go like this or like this?

[Laughing]

What are you afraid of?

Aah!

[Horn blaring]

[Country music] * you don't have to die

* to go to heaven...

Fucking asshole!

You could've got us killed, you fucking asshole!

[Engine won't start]

Fuck!

Shit.

Man.

Fuck!

Ha ha!

You really fucked it up this time, man.

Yo, man. Fuck you, vinny, all right?

Fuck you!

Find a phone so I can call a towing place.

You see that, huh?

He's gonna start with that depression shit.

I give him 5 minutes before he starts talking

about people starving in China and shit.

Watch.

Man, would you leave him alone?

Watch.

You all right, man?

He's a fucking asshole, man. He's a fucking asshole!

He could've got us all fucking killed, man!

All right, man. Take it easy.

It's ok. We're all alive.

It's cool.

I--i just feel stupid, man.

I'm just over here

caught up in my own problems

when, hell, there's people in China

who are starving to death,

and I'm over here

feeling sorry for myself.

Willie, tell me, man. Just tell me.

Did you ever know somebody

that you thought...

Was better than the rest of the world

and looked different,

then you came to find out that they're not,

that they're actually even worse?

Who you talking about? Fernando?

Hey, vinny, man. It's vinny, all right?

Come on!

Now would you shut the fuck up?

I'm not worried about that clown, man.

I'm talking about a girl, man,

a girl that I was once really crazy about.

That's what I'm talking about.

What made you think of her?

'Cause i saw her tonight.

She was in that x-rated movie

we saw at the peep show.

Ooh.

Was that the innocent and virginal girl

you've been telling us about for weeks?

Yeah.

That's her. That's daria.

What made you think she was innocent and virginal?

I don't know. What do you mean?

What are you talking about?

Did she come up to you and tell you

that she was innocent and virginal?

No, man. Come on. Who's gonna come up to you

and say shit like that?

That's what I'm trying to say.

You can't hate this girl

'cause she's not what you want her to be.

Yeah, but--you don't understand, man.

The way she was acting, the way--

I just thought she was--

yeah, but that's what you're thinking.

You can't blame her for what you're thinking.

Stop trying to turn this girl

into something that she's not.

She's probably still a good person.

I mean, if I was a girl

and I hated working the way I do now,

I could see myself up on that screen,

you know, naked, shaking my ass.

Fuck that. You make a lot of money doing that shit.

Sure beats cleaning toilets.

You're crazy, man.

You're crazy.

Come on.

Tommy.

This is gonna cost me a fortune, man.

I know it.

All right. So who's Thomas mcneal?

Right here.

Here you go, Thomas. We're open 24 hours.

You call me later,

and I'll give you an estimate.

All right.

So where are the keys?

I left them in the ignition.

All right.

So what's the move?

We're going to the subway or what?

Man: hey! Pay the fare! Pay the fare!

Yeah, you over there!

The fare ain't fair, uncle Tom!

[All yelling]

Help me! Help me!

Help me!

Help me! Help me!

Ok, fellas, let's see some I.D.

What a night. Ha ha!

[Both snickering]

Is there something funny?

Hey, you guys, cut it out, man!

[Laughing]

You find this amusing?

Thomas mcneal.

Yeah?

What's your profession?

I'm an actor.

Vinny: yeah. Can't you tell?

He's acting like he's terrified.

Yo, vinny, man. Stop that shit. Damn, vinny!

[All laughing]

I have in my hand an I.D. Card

with your picture on it.

But it says Fernando cuevas.

Yeah, so?

So your friend over here just called you vinny.

Yeah. so that's a nickname,

that's all.

What's your nationality?

I'm puerto rican, man.

Oh, my god!

I can't believe it! I never thought

I'd live to hear you say that.

Why your friends

call you vinny?

It's a nickname, that's all.

From Fernando to vinny?

Why isn't it something like ferman

or fur ball or something?

[Laughing]

It's vinny, that's all.

Is he telling the truth?

Well, I ain't say nothin'. I don't know nothin'.

I asked you a question!

Why do you call him vinny

if his name is Fernando?

He thinks he's Italian.

Thinks he's Italian?

[Laughing]

So you think you're Italian, huh?

Let me tell you something.

I'm Italian, ok?

You see that name? Saninelli?

I'm Italian,

and I'm gonna tell you something.

No matter what you do,

no matter what you say,

you will never be Italian.

Scum like you could never be

in the same company as me.

Now I'm gonna write you a summons.

Vinny: i got to tell you.

It's so easy, man, to be a tough guy

when you got a gun on one side

and a badge on the other.

But I'm gonna tell you something, man,

and I mean this.

They're nothing but a bunch of punks to me.

You know, i tell you what.

They're nothing but a bunch of thugs

with a license,

and I hate 'em.

I swear to god,

I hate cops.

I fucking hate cops.

Yeah, me, too.

Could you pass me the ketchup there,

Fernando cuevas.

Oh, you think you're funny, right?

You think that's funny, right,

you penniless motherfucker.

Tommy: come on, y'all.

Let's leave fur ball alone.

[All laughing]

You gonna gang up on me and shit, right?

[Johnny laughing]

[Stammering] anybody want to donate

to the united negro--

vinny: would you mind--

Johnny, don't encourage him.

The guy needs some money.

Hey, Willie, what'd I tell you

about letting your father out at night?

[Johnny and Tommy laughing]

Please. let's go. Please.

Man: I just wanted something to eat.

See that there, Willie?

Yeah. that there is your future, man.

What?

That's right, man. You keep up

with that putting me down thing

and then your white man, black man thing

and they oppress them.

You keep that up, man.

That's exactly the way you're gonna wind up.

You think that shit's funny, man?

Come on, Willie. He's just goofing on you

'cause you goofed on him, man.

I can't laugh that shit off.

You think that shit is funny?

You think I like being the way I am?

You think I like being scared not knowing

if I'm gonna make it through the goddamn week?

That's not funny, man. Don't play like that.

What is it with you, man, huh?

What is it? Hmm?

What?

What. ha ha! What is it with you?

You feel like there's this beam of light

that shines on you from god,

and then the rest of us, we're all just fucked up?

Is that what you feel?

Yeah, I feel that way sometimes.

You're an asshole.

Your mother's an asshole.

Yo, man, you're the fucking asshole.

Your whole family's a fucking asshole!

Menu?

Girl: no, thanks. 2 coffees.

Second girl: I'm so tired.

I've been working all day.

Yeah, I know. I'm so glad it's over.

We should go play pool.

I love watching you play.

You know, you're really good at it.

I just like to show off. That's why.

Vinny: hey.

How you doing?

So, being that, um...

That you're the most beautiful woman

sitting at this table,

you know what I'm gonna do for you?

I'm gonna devote all my time,

all my attention just to you.

Hey, hey!

You know, now that i got rid of her,

you and I can talk,

because you're the one

I was really eyeing all the time anyway.

No, thanks.

I have herpes.

Wait, wait, wait!

Nonoxynol-9...

Knock that shit right out.

He a friend of yours?

No. well--no, no, not really.

Uh-uh.

That's good to know,

'cause he's a real asshole.

Well, you know what?

I just tried telling him that a few minutes ago,

but he wouldn't believe me.

I guess we think alike.

Yeah, maybe,

or just maybe the whole world

thinks he's an asshole, you know?

[Laughing]

What's your name?

What?

Do you have a name?

Oh, yeah. Um, my name is--is Johnny.

Johnny, I'm Luna.

Hi. it's nice to meet you.

You look kind of familiar to me.

Haven't I seen you in here before?

No. I doubt that.

Didn't I see you come in here once with your girlfriend?

I doubt that, too.

So you don't have a girlfriend.

No, not really.

Look, uh...

Lila and I are gonna go shoot some pool

down the street.

Want to come?

Well, i--i gotta ask my friends--

just talk to my friends--

look, Johnny,

I don't want to marry you.

I just want to play pool with you.

Come on.

[Music playing]

* I don't think that the color's right *

* red, blue, red, black into the light *

* someone tell me why people change *

* I need vapor at closer range... *

so tell me your life story, Johnny.

You want to know my life story?

My life story.

Well, uh...

There's actually not much to tell at all, actually.

Do you like girls?

Yeah, I like girls.

Yeah, I like girls. I like girls a lot.

I like girls.

Why do you got to ask that for?

It's a start.

Wow. you're really good at this, aren't you?

I didn't invite you to play pool

so you could watch me lose.

See, I paid for half my college tuition

by beating the pants off guys

who thought they were hot shit.

Uh-huh. I see.

You're a college girl, huh?

That's right.

Well, you know, i know a lot of people

who said that college really isn't

all that it's hyped up to be.

They even actually said

that it's this big waste of time.

Serious.

What idiots told you that?

Well...

Those idiots over there.

You know you're perpetrating

a fraud, right?

Excuse me?

You're perpetrating a fraud.

You are what I call a sad excuse

for a fine African sister.

And what's that supposed to mean?

What I mean is you're dressing like a white--

you're hanging out with this white girl,

and you even smell like a white person.

You trying to call me an uncle Tom?

Nah, nah. I'm calling you aunt tomini.

You know, you got a lot of balls.

Yeah, right.

You're saying that 'cause I'm black, right?

If I was a white guy, I'd be speaking my mind.

Because I'm black,

got to have these big, gigantic balls, right?

Look, man, I want you to realize

that there's something very, very strange

going on here tonight,

something very, very strange.

Fucking telling me, man.

Look at the situation, ok?

Out of this whole damn stuck-up place,

you got 2 girls who could speak english.

One of them is talking to Johnny,

and the other one's talking to Willie.

No, no, no, no, no.

There's something strange going on here.

Fuck these people, man.

So where are you from, Luna?

Luna: all over.

I'm an army brat.

My dad was in the service,

so we traveled around a lot.

Oh, yeah? Where?

Germany, France,

Hawaii.

Wow!

Th-th-that's great.

Yeah. kind of teaches you

there's this big, beautiful world

out there just waiting for you

to take a bite out of it.

You know what I mean?

No, I don't know.

Tell me.

You got a lot of nerve coming up to me,

someone you don't even know,

pointing your goddamn finger,

and you ain't done shit to help yourself and nobody else.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute!

Have you gone to any demonstrations?

No, but--

have you signed any petitions?

I didn't have a pen, so I didn't--

have you even bothered to get off your lazy ass

and join any organizations?

Never did. But--

tell me. Do you vote?

No. i--i missed this year

'cause dinkins wasn't running.

But I'll catch--

and you're gonna tell me I'm perpetrating a fraud?

You're the one that's perpetrating a fraud.

I know what this place needs,

a jammie.

Do a jammie?

Right here?

Right now?

Yeah!

[Laughing]

As usual,

I'm winning.

Must feel great to, like, always win, huh?

Yeah. it feels great.

I need something like that.

I need something that every time I did it,

I won, you know?

You know what I think?

I think everybody's got that.

Just got to open up

and allow yourself to find it.

Go ahead.

What are you afraid of?

Vinny: you fucked my wife!

Huh? you son of a bitch!

You fucked my wife, didn't you?

How dare you speak to me in such an outrageous--

don't fucking point at me!

Come on, you motherfucker!

Come on! Come on!

What is going on?

Let's go out for a little bit, huh?

What?

Vinny: get the fuck out of here!

Get the fuck out of--

what? what?

Yeah, yeah! That's the guy! That's the guy!

He fucked your wife! I was there!

And when he was done, i fucked her.

Well, I guess

I'll have to give you my number...

Or else we'll never finish the game.

Yeah, well, y-you-- you would've won anyway.

I mean, you were just--

just very good at it, you know?

Never know.

Your luck might change.

Here.

Why don't we...

Be friends.

How's that sound?

Sounds--sounds nice.

Sounds very, very nice.

Please make sure you call the right number.

[Laughing]

All right, yeah.

I won't call the wrong number,

I promise you. Ha ha!

[Door opens]

I will never forgive you

for leaving me in there

with those idiots. Never!

Lila!

I'm sorry!

There's no excuse for this. None!

Hey! hey!

[Whistles]

Did you ever figure out where you saw me before?

Huh?

Remember you said that i looked familiar to you?

What am I? A piece of gum...

I've never seen you before.

See, forget it. Now you steal...

Lila!

Lila, come on!

Come on...

[Boys laughing]

Oh, shit!

Man, did you see me in there?

I was brilliant, man. Excellent.

What? you sucked.

What was all that Shakespeare shit?

All that wither, hither, yonder bullshit?

You sucked!

You wouldn't know the difference

between a good actor and a bad actor.

Yeah. but I know the difference

between a bad actor

and an actor that sucked.

Hey, Johnny! Johnny, Johnny, Johnny!

What happened with that chick, man?

She's gonna be my friend, man.

She gonna be a what?

She's gonna be my friend.

Willie: get out of here!

[Tommy and Willie laughing]

Friend?

Fucking...

You see, a good actor reacts to a situation.

Did you see my eyes when we were in there?

The way they kind of twitched around when I was in the moment?

Your actin' sucks. Your shit is fake.

Fuck you. Your mama's fake, all right?

I almost had a part in rain man.

Did you almost have a part in rain man? No.

I almost played a waiter in rain man.

By now I'd be famous, man.

People'd be stoppin' in the streets goin',

"oh, shit. Ain't that the brother

who played the waiter in rain man?"

Tom: Vanessa.

Vanessa!

Yo, relax, Tom. Be cool.

Tommy, no!

Don't do it, Tommy! Don't do it!

Be mature about it, man.

Tommy?!

Yo, who the hell is this guy, baby?

Baby?! baby?!

Tommy, stop it!

You're supposed to be sick, Vanessa.

You look really sick.

Yo, what is it?

Just leave her alone, all right, man?

Yo, I'm all right. I'm all right.

Y'all can let me go.

Vanessa.

Can we go somewhere and talk about this?

Look, let me have a minute with him, ok?

You know this guy?!

Yeah.

You know, if there's something going on,

why don't you just tell me, all right?

Come on, please? Just let me talk to him.

Ok. yeah, go ahead.

If you want me, I'll be on the corner, all right?

Vanessa, I just--

I mean, i don't understand.

I come out...

Guys, me and Vanessa would like to talk.

Absolutely.

Sorry, man.

Sorry about that.

Look, Vanessa, I mean,

make me understand, all right? I--

guys, can we have some privacy?!

Let's go in this building over here.

[Opera music plays]

Man, Vanessa, i don't understand.

I mean, i know I cared about you.

I don't know what's happened.

You're not being fair.

Man, I've been totally faithful to you.

Look, Tommy...

I'm not trying to be a bitch, you know?

[Whispering] she's a bitch.

Tommy, I really like Frederick.

Frederick?

[Laughing]

I'm sorry.

Really.

Oh, shit!

Hey, man, it'll take some time,

but you'll get over it, man.

We always do.

Yeah, don't worry about it, man.

All you gotta do is just--

you go home. You relax.

You chill out for a little while.

Home? wait. No, no, no. Wait a second, man.

That's the last thing he needs to do.

He's gotta do the exact opposite.

You gotta get out there,

see there's more women out there,

pretty women, too, man,

because that Vanessa nothing to scream at.

No, man, that's not what he needs.

Not what he needs. What you need, man, is--

look, if anybody knows about depression,

it's me, right, man?

How do you know what he needs, man?!

You don't know what he needs.

You ain't never been through

what he's been through, all right?

'Cause you ain't never had a girl in your life!

Heh heh heh.

So...why you gonna go back into that shit again?

That's right, man. Look at you tonight,

over there in that pool hall with that girl, man.

She looked like she was gettin' ready

to sit on your face.

You talkin' about, she's gonna be your--

man, get the fuck outta here.

You know, you wouldn't know what to do with a girl

if she was standin' in front of you naked.

See, now, i know all about women.

I've been that route, man,

and I know what Tommy's goin' through.

Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, right, man.

Well, you think you know

what Tommy's goin' through, man.

But--but you never cared for any of them,

so you have no idea

what Tommy's going through either, all right?

You think I've always been like this, bro?

Yeah.

No, no, way, bro.

I used to fall head over heels for women, man...

Every time.

You know what I got in return?

Hurt...every time.

No more of that shit.

Those days are over.

Shit. I used to end up lookin' all pitiful

like Tommy over here and shit. Ha ha.

Yo, bartender, get my pitiful ass another beer.

Oh, no, Tommy, you don't need all that, man.

Come on. Let me take you home. Come on, man.

Come on, Tommy, let's get out of here.

Hey, man, why don't you let the guy finish his drink, man.

What are you worried about, man?

Let the boy finish his drink.

Let's go home, man.

Hey, man. Let him finish his beer.

We going dancin'.

Look, it's 3:00 in the morning.

Fuck dancing. Let's just go home.

Yeah, dude, Willie's right, man.

Come on, Tommy. Let's go. Let's get out of here.

Hey! hey, man! This is my moment, all right?

I'm the one that's upset here, man.

My girlfriend leaves me, man. My car gets wrecked.

I'm the one that needs my friends to console me.

This is my moment, man. Mine.

Would y'all give me my fuckin' moment

without one stupid fight?

He's right.

He's right, man.

This is Tommy's moment, man. We forgot about that.

I mean, he's the guy who's feelin' all depressed.

He's the guy who's feelin' all bad and shit,

and we're over here thinkin' about what we wanted.

We should want to do whatever Tommy wants to do,

am I right?

I guess so.

Yeah.

Sure, man.

Tommy. Tommy. Tommy, come here.

What?

Tommy, you're right, man. This is your moment, man.

Whatever you want to do-- what do you want to do?

Huh? you want to go home to an empty bed

feelin' sorry for yourself all miserable...

Depressed?

Or you wanna go out to a club, meet a new girl,

fuck the shit out of her,

and forget about Vanessa's stink hole ass?

What do you wanna do?

I wanna get me some pussy.

Hey, man, what's happening?

So what's the cover charge tonight?

All of you guys are together?

Yeah, we're together.

Ok, I wanna see 3 pieces of I.D. From everybody.

3 pieces of I.D.?

Who the hell carries 3 pieces of I.D.?!

Word, man. We got busted by the cops.

We didn't need but one piece of I.D.

All right, look, fellas.

You're blockin' the door, huh?

Now please leave.

This is racist bullshit!

I--i might have 3 pieces of I.D.

What do you guys have?

Yo, Johnny, man, you can have a signed statement from god.

You're not gettin' in this place tonight.

Oh, yeah? Let's see. Let's see.

I got 3 pieces of I.D. Right here.

You want to check 'em out?

None of those are valid I.D., huh?

What are you talkin' about, they're not valid, man?

They're valid.

This is racist fuckin' bullshit.

Come on. Let's go.

No, I'm not gonna stand for this.

I'm not going for this no more.

This is fuckin' racist bullshit!

Hey, you better put this dog back on his leash

before I hurt him. You understand?

Fuck you! Fuck you and your fuckin' club!

I'm organizing a rally,

and I'm fuckin' callin' al sharpton tomorrow!

Yeah, get the hell outta here, huh?

Get him outta here, will you?

I'm organizing a rally! I'm marchin'!

I'm marchin' all over your fuckin' head!

Get off me, man!

Take it easy, bro! Man!

No, I'm serious. I'm calling fat-ass al right now.

Where's a phone?

Yo, man, chill out, man.

Somebody give me a quarter. I ain't got no money.

Psst!

Come here, man.

Ah! come on, man.

Well, you guys want to get into the club tonight, man?

Vinny: yeah.

Well, I can get you in, man.

I know a way.

Willie: yeah? How?

It'll cost you $5.00 apiece, man.

Oh, come on, guys. Let's go, man.

It'll cost you 18 at the door, my brother.

And that's if they let you in at all, man.

Yeah, but how can we be sure that your way's gonna work?

I give back your money, man.

I'm not a crook. Just a businessman.

Ok, everybody, give up 5.

Um...fellas...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. I hear you.

I got it. I got it.

Ok, let's go party, hmm?

Come on.

Oh, now, what is this?

You guys want to get in or not?

Yeah.

Damn. look at all this rust.

Man.

Go ahead.

In there?!

Yeah, go ahead in there.

Where's the rasta man, man?

I don't know.

I hear some music. Hold on.

You hear it?

Come on.

[Music grows louder]

All right!

Word, man. Let's have a good time.

No, man. Fuck a good time.

I want some pussy.

Let's have fun, all right, this time?

Yo, man, fuck fun.

I want some pussy.

That's my boy. That's my boy.

Come on. Let's go.

Excuse me.

I was just standing right over there,

and I took one look at you,

and I thought, "man. What a beautiful woman,"

but it was more than that, you know?

It was style.

Hello, darling.

You're looking quite lovely tonight.

Would you care to dance?

No. thank you.

And I'm thinking, man, you know,

you're the only person in this place

that I'd even waste my time talking to, you know?

Because beauty is anybody, but style is--

excuse me. Excuse me.

You know, I was just standing right over there,

and I took one look at you, and i--

hey, would you like to join me in a dance, sweetheart?

No, thank you.

A screwdriver and I want a Tom Collins, ok?

Ok. $15.

Excuse me?

$15.

$15 for 2 drinks?

Damn. what do they put in there?

Diamonds and shit?

You want the drinks or not?

How do you expect a poor man to pay for drinks like this?

That's class discrimination.

Well, that's appropriate.

You look like you have no class.

Oh, I guess you think i want to dance with you, huh?

Well, guess what, big head, i wouldn't dance with you

even if you didn't look like a saber-toothed tiger, bitch!

What do you think about that?!

Oh, shit. Fuckin' movie star.

Now, you know, baby,

you know you gotta give me a dance, right?

Sure. love to.

Come on.

All right. Ok, bye.

Hey, rasta man.

What's happenin', man?

Hey, man. How you doin', man?

So I could drive the fellows home tonight.

Oh, yeah?

Well, where you live, man?

[Rap music playing]

Ah, man! Go!

Get 'em, vinny!

Yeah!

No! vinny! Go, vinny!

Go, vinny!

Motherfucker!

Get off her, man.

Johnny, get out of here, man.

Get off her, man.

Johnny, what the fuck you doing?!

Johnny!

What the fuck is the matter with you, man?!

You want me to kick your ass or what?!

Yeah, come on. Kick my fuckin' ass.

Johnny, what are you doing?!

What the fuck am I doing?! What the fuck am i--

what the fuck are you doing?!

What are you talking about?! You don't own me!

What the fuck is the matter with you, man?!

You want me to kick your ass, motherfucker?!

Fuck you, man! Fuck all of you!

Oh, you motherfucker! Come on. Get off me, man!

You know who's responsible for this?

I said, get the fuck off me!

Cool out! Get off me!

I ain't lettin' you go till you calm the fuck down.

Now, chill out!

All right. I'm ok. I'm all right. I'm all right.

You all right?

I'm fine. Let me go. I'm ok. Thanks a lot.

I'm all right. Thanks.

Hey, Johnny, come here.

Hey, come here, Johnny.

Stay away from me, man. I'm not playin' with you.

What was that shit all about, man?

Huh? what was that shit all about?

I'm talkin' to you, bro! What was that all about?!

I'm talkin' to you, man!

Man, the girl you were dancing with?

That's the girl I'm crazy about, all right?!

She's the girl i cared about, man,

so just leave me the fuck alone, all right?

I'm really angry. Just leave me the fuck alone.

That's the girl you were crazy about?!

Fuckin' girl works for x-rated movies, man.

You can see her fuckin' guys for 25 cents.

25 cents! Least she could do is charge a full dollar!

Man, why don't you go back

and dance with her, all right, man?!

I don't need her. Why don't you go back?

You can have her.

Just leave me the fuck alone, all right?!

Now you saying that shit after you fucked up my whole night!

Why don't we just take the whole fuckin' night

and keep recycling that shit over and over again, man!

Don't mean nothin' to you, all right?

'Cause I deserve a lot fuckin' better,

but you don't, motherfucker!

I'll tell you what you deserve, motherfucker.

Get off me, man!

What you deserve is a fuckin' kick in the ass.

Who the fuck do you think you are, man?!

What? do you think you're better than me, man?!

You think you're better than me?!

You're just a fuckin' piece of shit!

You're just like the fuckin' rest of us, man.

You're just a fuckin' piece of shit.

What are you afraid of?!

Not you, Fernando!

Oh, you motherfucker. Come here!

$10, my brother.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

Man, I can't believe Johnny and vinny just left us

in that club all by ourselves, man.

Yo, Bobby, what's happenin'?

What's up, Bobby?

Yo, fellas, what'll it be?

Uh, let me get a ham and egg on a roll, man.

Make that to go.

Right.

I'll have a...

Yo, Tom, man.

You know.

No, I don't know, man, what?

You not gonna put me down, man?

Didn't you just see me give the rasta $10?

You didn't put nothing in that.

I've been paying for shit for you all night.

You got it, you got it.

Well, how do you think i get it, man? I work for it!

So what you saying?

You want me to go work for the white man, right?

You think the white man's the only man hiring?

You give me no consideration, man.

Man, I gotta pay rent.

I gotta get my damn car fixed.

I'm an actor. I gotta get my head shots, man.

I--i can't be-- i can't afford to be

paying for shit for you every week.

Yo, man, I suggest you forget about that actin' shit,

'cause you ain't got no real talent anyway.

And with that money you could buy me an egg sandwich.

What kind of shit is that to say, man?

What kind of friend are you?

You hang out with me just to bum money,

then you tell me i can't act?!

You and vinny, man,

y'all ain't nothing but a bunch of users.

Who needs this shit, man? Fuck all y'all.

Who needs a friend like you?

You need a friend like me,

so I can teach you how to be a real black man,

'cause I knew your name was Tom for a reason.

Yo, Willie, you are just a bum, man, all right?

A fuckin' bum!

I'm sick and tired of your phony militant ass,

and I'm sick of vinny's fuckin' put-downs.

And if Johnny wants to be my friend, that's fine.

But if he doesn't, then fuck him too, all right?

'Cause I'm a grown man,

and I can stand on my own two feet.

Fuckin' bum!

Yo, I'm a bum? I'm a bum?

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you and your fake actor bullshit!

Let me tell you something, man.

I'm gonna fuckin' make it.

You hear me? I'm gonna make it.

And if by some small chance i don't make it,

then I'm gonna die trying.

Which is more than I can say about anything

you've ever done in your life, motherfucker.

Fuck you!

Fuck you! You ain't gonna make shit!

Just a piece of shit like the rest of us!

Fuck you!

* lord have mercy

* my heart's in misery

* crazy about my baby

* yeah, yeah, yeah, send her back to me *

oh, shit.

Excuse me. Yo, yo, baby, come here.

I want to talk to you for a second. Come here.

You know, you're lookin' mighty good this morning,

but it's more than that. You know what you got?

You got style. Really.

I mean, even your dog's got style.

See, that's why i wouldn't bother to talk...

Check it out, check it out

* down and dirty, partners in crime *

* you got the rock, and I got the rhyme *

* I got your back if you got mine *

* so let's swap our girls one at a time *

* hangin' out with one another *

* me and the dawgs, the blue-eyed soul brothers *

* I drink Colt and old english in 6 packs *

* you got a hog with a fifth of Jack *

* my newfound friends and homies to the end *

* let's find some freaks and commit sin *

* in one room, out the other *

* I ain't comin' round 'cause the girl's a great lover *

* shake my hand, man, and be my friend *

* and together we could make it to the promised land *

* and get dead-ass drunk and buck-ass wild *

* and kick it in the dark for a while *

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we gonna have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's gonna make us feel all right *

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we gonna have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's gonna make us feel all right *

* coolin' in a crib with nothin' to do *

* got on the telephone and called the crew *

* who's flippin' out? Makin' plenty of noise *

* just another night hangin' with the boys *

* lookin' for the girl to treat us all *

* the type of girl to do it all *

* in the heat of the night or the early morn *

* she gotta be right, you know the one *

* who sittin' at a table drinkin' out of the keg *

* lets us do what we want, don't have to beg *

* she did us all one crew at a time *

* the only girl to make the sun shine *

* from the top of her head to the shoes on her feet *

* she's the girl we wanted to meet *

* so we did her like bad boys should *

* she did the nasty to Dr. feelgood *

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we gonna have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's gonna make us feel all right *

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we gonna have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's gonna make us feel all right *

listen to that bass.

How do you like them guitars?

Do you like them drums?

I think it's about time for my man Mr. mixx...

To cut it up!

Mixx.

Mixx.

Just mixx.

Just mixx.

Just mixx.

Just mixx.

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we gonna have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's gonna make us feel all right *

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we gonna have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's gonna make us feel all right *

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we gonna have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's gonna make us feel all right *

* hangin' with the homeboys *

* we gonna have some fun tonight *

* hangin' with Dr. feelgood *

* he's gonna make us feel all right *

Dr. feelgood, 2 live crew hangers,

see ya!