Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,642 --> 00:00:04,911
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:08,341
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,393 --> 00:00:11,812
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,863 --> 00:00:14,782
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:17,915
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,430 --> 00:00:21,582
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,650 --> 00:00:23,184
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,235 --> 00:00:24,586
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,670 --> 00:00:26,719
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:30,220
♪ Family Guy 10x09 ♪
Grumpy Old Man
Original Air Date on December 11, 2011
11
00:00:30,245 --> 00:00:33,745
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:35,414 --> 00:00:36,515
Good morning.
I'm Tom Tucker.
13
00:00:36,582 --> 00:00:38,850
Coming up, we talk
to a man on the street
14
00:00:38,918 --> 00:00:41,486
while a man further back
on the street flips you off.
15
00:00:41,554 --> 00:00:44,055
But first, Quahog was hit by
a major blizzard last night.
16
00:00:44,123 --> 00:00:45,690
Here with more details
on the snowstorm
17
00:00:45,758 --> 00:00:47,459
is Asian correspondent
Tricia Nakahoma.
18
00:00:47,527 --> 00:00:49,461
That's wrong.
That's wrong.
19
00:00:49,529 --> 00:00:51,429
You're not doing
good so far.
20
00:00:51,497 --> 00:00:54,833
I'm standing here surrounded
by snowdrifts, stalled cars,
21
00:00:54,901 --> 00:00:56,801
and the one douchebag
who wears a tank top
22
00:00:56,869 --> 00:00:58,737
every time there's a blizzard.
23
00:00:58,804 --> 00:01:00,138
Yeah, this is nothin'.
24
00:01:00,206 --> 00:01:02,307
Guy at work drank a
quart of motor oil once
25
00:01:02,375 --> 00:01:03,742
and didn't even
die from it.
26
00:01:03,809 --> 00:01:05,560
Put that on the
news, but you won't.
27
00:01:08,664 --> 00:01:09,998
Hey, guys, check it out.
28
00:01:10,082 --> 00:01:11,883
I peed my name in the snow.
29
00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:15,737
- Geez, Joe.
- That's normal.
30
00:01:15,805 --> 00:01:17,839
Wow, looks like the whole
neighborhood's out here.
31
00:01:17,924 --> 00:01:19,341
Yeah, I just hope
that weird albino
32
00:01:19,408 --> 00:01:20,775
up the street doesn't show up.
33
00:01:20,843 --> 00:01:22,077
That guy creeps me out.
34
00:01:22,144 --> 00:01:23,545
- Hello, Peter.
- Dah! Dah!
35
00:01:23,613 --> 00:01:25,363
H-Hey. Hey, Bill.
36
00:01:25,431 --> 00:01:27,449
What are you doing out
here in all this snow?
37
00:01:27,516 --> 00:01:29,317
Just taking my rabbit
to the vet.
38
00:01:31,604 --> 00:01:34,239
Well, I'm all done shoveling
your walk, Mr. Herbert.
39
00:01:34,307 --> 00:01:37,859
Thanks, Chris, but
there's some in here, too.
40
00:01:37,944 --> 00:01:40,178
Hey, check
it out-- lemon snow.
41
00:01:40,246 --> 00:01:41,863
- What?
- Yeah, that stuff's delicious.
44
00:01:46,302 --> 00:01:48,136
- You gonna have some?
- Nah, I'm already full.
45
00:01:48,204 --> 00:01:51,006
But you should have some before
the other kids get to it.
46
00:01:51,073 --> 00:01:52,374
What is it?
Like Italian ice?
47
00:01:52,441 --> 00:01:54,242
Yeah, exactly,
like a sorbet.
48
00:01:55,778 --> 00:01:57,112
Ugh! That's not lemon!
49
00:01:57,179 --> 00:01:58,780
- No, it's not.
- You bastard!
50
00:01:58,848 --> 00:02:01,883
I was having fun playing in the
snow, and now you've ruined it,
51
00:02:01,951 --> 00:02:03,585
like a pizza place
ruins a salad.
52
00:02:03,653 --> 00:02:05,120
Okay, four pizzas
and a salad.
53
00:02:05,187 --> 00:02:06,771
Salad? How do
you make a salad?
54
00:02:06,839 --> 00:02:09,007
First, you throw in
the whole head of lettuce.
55
00:02:09,075 --> 00:02:10,859
Even the hard-to-eat
white part at the bottom?
56
00:02:10,926 --> 00:02:12,761
That's what the people want!
Now, what else?
57
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,546
I got a can of
whole black olives.
58
00:02:14,614 --> 00:02:15,797
Should I slice them up?
59
00:02:15,865 --> 00:02:17,899
What are you, crazy?
No, you keep 'em whole.
60
00:02:17,984 --> 00:02:20,585
You're gonna want to know you've
got an olive in your mouth.
61
00:02:20,653 --> 00:02:22,387
What about this tomato?
Cut it into thirds.
62
00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:24,990
It should be big enough
to pretend you've got red teeth.
63
00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:26,992
How about this carrot?
Should I cut it up?
64
00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:28,376
Yes, but very thin lengthwise.
65
00:02:28,461 --> 00:02:29,828
The whole length
of the carrot.
66
00:02:29,895 --> 00:02:32,080
One thin slice.
Okay, what else do we got?
67
00:02:32,164 --> 00:02:34,749
Well, we got these hot peppers,
but you can't really eat them.
68
00:02:34,817 --> 00:02:36,301
No problem. Dump 'em all in.
69
00:02:36,368 --> 00:02:38,086
Now, should we
put it in a bowl?
70
00:02:38,154 --> 00:02:39,921
No, let's put it
in a lasagna tray.
71
00:02:39,989 --> 00:02:41,323
Okay, great, I'll take it.
72
00:02:41,390 --> 00:02:43,692
Oh, and make sure to stick it
right on top of the pizzas
73
00:02:43,759 --> 00:02:45,427
so it stays nice and warm.
74
00:02:46,545 --> 00:02:47,946
Hello, every pizza place.
75
00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,485
All right, Stewie, you
all set to spend the day
76
00:02:53,552 --> 00:02:54,769
with Grandma and Grandpa?
77
00:02:54,837 --> 00:02:56,488
Ugh, I hate being around
old people.
78
00:02:56,555 --> 00:02:59,057
They've always got weird stuff
in their refrigerator.
79
00:02:59,108 --> 00:03:00,959
Ah, I'm hungry.
What do we got?
80
00:03:01,027 --> 00:03:03,928
Let's see. Eye drops,
baking soda and some film.
81
00:03:03,996 --> 00:03:05,463
Close the door.
82
00:03:05,531 --> 00:03:07,899
You're running up
long distance charges!
83
00:03:09,935 --> 00:03:11,720
Ah, sorry.
Thought I had more time.
84
00:03:11,787 --> 00:03:13,355
Hi, Daddy.
Stewie's all ready.
85
00:03:13,422 --> 00:03:14,723
You boys have fun.
86
00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,458
There's my little guy.
87
00:03:16,525 --> 00:03:19,127
♪ Well, Grandpa's here. ♪
88
00:03:19,195 --> 00:03:20,829
Oh, God, it's
the song again.
89
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,180
♪ Yes, Grandpa's here! ♪
90
00:03:22,248 --> 00:03:24,065
It doesn't even
rhyme at all.
91
00:03:24,133 --> 00:03:27,535
♪ He's going to buy you a soda
and drive you around. ♪
92
00:03:27,603 --> 00:03:28,970
Let's go.
93
00:03:33,859 --> 00:03:37,145
Hey, just so you know, we're not
listening to a radio station.
94
00:03:37,229 --> 00:03:40,065
We're listening to the hiss
between two radio stations.
95
00:03:41,784 --> 00:03:43,651
Whoa. Watch your driving!
96
00:03:45,454 --> 00:03:47,438
Is he... Is he sleeping?
97
00:03:47,490 --> 00:03:49,741
Hey! Hey, wake up! Wake up!
98
00:03:49,792 --> 00:03:51,159
You, lady, wake him up!
99
00:03:51,243 --> 00:03:53,461
You like the Tom and Jerry,
do you, dear?
100
00:03:53,546 --> 00:03:55,780
Well, we'll dial them up
when we get home.
101
00:03:55,831 --> 00:03:57,999
What the hell are you talking
about?! We're about to...
102
00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:02,387
What happened?
103
00:04:02,455 --> 00:04:04,189
Where are my
knitting needles?
104
00:04:06,659 --> 00:04:09,127
Goodness, dear, I'm so sorry.
105
00:04:09,195 --> 00:04:11,295
No worries.
Now I can work at Hot Topic
106
00:04:11,347 --> 00:04:13,598
and make people sick
as I ring up their purchases.
107
00:04:21,707 --> 00:04:23,992
Oh, damn it.
108
00:04:24,076 --> 00:04:25,460
Dude, bad news.
109
00:04:25,528 --> 00:04:26,728
You're dead.
110
00:04:26,796 --> 00:04:28,546
What? But I'm Death!
111
00:04:28,614 --> 00:04:30,148
Sorry, dude.
Super Death.
112
00:04:30,216 --> 00:04:31,482
You're done.
113
00:04:31,534 --> 00:04:33,251
So what now?
I go to Heaven?
114
00:04:33,319 --> 00:04:35,553
Nope, when a Death dies,
he gets reincarnated.
115
00:04:35,621 --> 00:04:39,624
You're being reincarnated as
a Chinese baby right... now!
116
00:04:42,161 --> 00:04:43,895
- Girl?
- Girl.
117
00:04:45,064 --> 00:04:46,564
Oh, no!
118
00:04:46,632 --> 00:04:49,100
The egg that I was supposed
to take care of
119
00:04:49,168 --> 00:04:50,668
for my high school project!
120
00:04:50,736 --> 00:04:52,170
Mr. Burke was right.
121
00:04:52,238 --> 00:04:54,272
I'm not ready to be a parent.
122
00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:55,523
Wait a minute.
123
00:04:55,591 --> 00:04:57,192
I'm not in high school anymore.
124
00:04:57,259 --> 00:04:59,561
Maybe this is all a dream.
125
00:04:59,628 --> 00:05:01,729
Aah! It was a dream!
126
00:05:01,797 --> 00:05:03,698
I need a glass of water.
127
00:05:03,783 --> 00:05:05,300
Wait a minute.
128
00:05:05,367 --> 00:05:07,569
I moved out of the desert
years ago.
129
00:05:07,636 --> 00:05:09,471
Maybe this is a dream!
130
00:05:09,538 --> 00:05:11,306
Aah!
131
00:05:11,373 --> 00:05:12,874
Phew.
132
00:05:12,942 --> 00:05:15,410
I am ready
to be a parent, Mr. Burke.
133
00:05:19,415 --> 00:05:21,483
Daddy, I'm so happy
you're all right.
134
00:05:21,550 --> 00:05:23,351
We're lucky
it wasn't more serious.
135
00:05:23,419 --> 00:05:25,503
Hey, how's
the old guy doing?
136
00:05:25,554 --> 00:05:26,838
Ugh, now here's Joe.
137
00:05:26,906 --> 00:05:28,973
Why is everybody
we know depressing?
138
00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:31,743
Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm afraid
I have some bad news.
139
00:05:31,811 --> 00:05:33,812
I'm gonna have to revoke
your driver's license.
140
00:05:33,879 --> 00:05:35,213
What?!
141
00:05:35,281 --> 00:05:37,515
It's obvious your advanced age
has impaired your ability
142
00:05:37,583 --> 00:05:39,050
to drive safely.
143
00:05:39,118 --> 00:05:41,052
Please, Joe, I know he had
an accident,
144
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:42,720
but can't you look the
other way
145
00:05:42,788 --> 00:05:44,389
this one time
as a friend?
146
00:05:44,456 --> 00:05:46,424
Yeah, you know, Joe,
you owe this family.
147
00:05:46,492 --> 00:05:49,460
I didn't tell anyone about
your Fiona Apple tribute video.
148
00:05:49,528 --> 00:05:50,862
♪ ♪
149
00:05:50,913 --> 00:05:54,749
♪ I've been a bad, bad girl ♪
150
00:05:56,519 --> 00:06:01,673
♪ I've been careless
with a delicate man ♪
151
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:05,409
♪ And it's a sad, sad world ♪
152
00:06:07,046 --> 00:06:10,798
♪ When a girl will break a boy,
just because she can. ♪
153
00:06:10,883 --> 00:06:12,100
I'm brok.
154
00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:13,985
Joe, open the garage.
155
00:06:14,053 --> 00:06:16,521
I've earned this private time!
156
00:06:16,589 --> 00:06:18,256
Listen, I don't
have time for this.
157
00:06:18,307 --> 00:06:20,508
I'm late for a hostile
takeover of a jelly factory.
158
00:06:20,576 --> 00:06:22,343
I'll show those Smuckers.
159
00:06:22,411 --> 00:06:24,646
That's fine,
but you can't drive.
160
00:06:24,713 --> 00:06:26,080
Oh, don't be
ridiculous!
161
00:06:26,148 --> 00:06:27,732
Driver Pete at
your service, sir.
162
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,467
- Peter, we're not doing that.
- Aw.
163
00:06:29,535 --> 00:06:31,536
Carter, you work
too much as it is.
164
00:06:31,603 --> 00:06:33,354
You're not a young
man anymore.
165
00:06:33,422 --> 00:06:35,023
You need to slow down.
166
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,758
Slow down?! I
can't slow down.
167
00:06:36,825 --> 00:06:38,426
I'm running a six-billion-
dollar company.
168
00:06:38,494 --> 00:06:40,712
If I slow down, the
company goes under.
169
00:06:40,779 --> 00:06:42,447
It just seems
to me that perhaps
170
00:06:42,514 --> 00:06:45,183
it's time to think
about retirement.
171
00:06:45,251 --> 00:06:47,085
Never! Retirement's
for old people.
172
00:06:47,152 --> 00:06:48,720
I can work till I die.
173
00:06:48,787 --> 00:06:50,104
Maybe even after that.
174
00:06:50,172 --> 00:06:51,606
Mr. Pewterschmidt, the
gentlemen from Zurich
175
00:06:51,674 --> 00:06:53,474
are here for your 10:00.
176
00:06:56,011 --> 00:06:58,146
Will you need
anything else?
177
00:06:58,213 --> 00:07:00,231
Mr. Pewterschmidt!
178
00:07:00,299 --> 00:07:02,467
But, dear, we are old.
179
00:07:02,534 --> 00:07:04,986
We can't keep pretending
that nothing's changed.
180
00:07:05,054 --> 00:07:07,622
I mean, we almost injured
our grandchild today.
181
00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:09,457
Besides, you're always
complaining
182
00:07:09,525 --> 00:07:11,893
that you don't have
enough time to play polo
183
00:07:11,961 --> 00:07:14,662
or sit in a chair
and moisten your mouth.
184
00:07:14,730 --> 00:07:16,197
That is true.
185
00:07:16,265 --> 00:07:18,917
It does sometimes take me
a while to moisten my mouth.
186
00:07:25,741 --> 00:07:27,792
There we go, all moist.
187
00:07:27,860 --> 00:07:29,227
You see, dear?
188
00:07:29,295 --> 00:07:30,561
And that's only
the beginning.
189
00:07:30,629 --> 00:07:32,847
Retirement will be
a wonderful adventure,
190
00:07:32,915 --> 00:07:34,182
and we'll do it together.
191
00:07:34,249 --> 00:07:35,483
You're gonna retire?
192
00:07:35,551 --> 00:07:36,651
From what?
193
00:07:36,719 --> 00:07:38,453
There, isn't it fun already?
194
00:07:39,855 --> 00:07:42,490
Okay. I'll retire.
195
00:07:42,558 --> 00:07:45,126
Oh, Daddy, I think
that's for the best.
196
00:07:45,194 --> 00:07:47,562
I need a doctor!
Is there a doctor?!
197
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,842
We now return to
The Superfriends' Accountant.
198
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,611
Look, you guys
are hemorrhaging money.
199
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,813
This Hall of Justice is sitting
on five acres
200
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:01,847
of commercial real estate.
201
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,082
How do you afford this?
202
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,383
We're the Superfriends.
203
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,252
Yeah, but you guys
have no income.
204
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,587
You owe four million dollars
in back property taxes.
205
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,489
We fight evil
wherever we find it.
206
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:12,074
Well, that's not
gonna be enough.
207
00:08:12,142 --> 00:08:13,776
Look, you may
need to reach out
208
00:08:13,843 --> 00:08:15,928
to some wealthy benefactors
for financial backing.
209
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,863
Do any of you know
billionaire Bruce Wayne?
210
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,365
No. None of us do.
211
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,901
And he wouldn't want to lend
us money anyway... I hear.
212
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:23,435
Hey, hey, hey!
213
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:26,138
What's up, Ginas...
'g-'ginas... vaginas?
214
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,039
What's up,
vaginas?!
215
00:08:27,107 --> 00:08:28,274
Ah-ha, gotcha!
216
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,959
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
what are you doing here?
217
00:08:30,026 --> 00:08:32,795
I'm retired now. Got
a lot of free time.
218
00:08:32,862 --> 00:08:34,513
So what do you guys
do here?
219
00:08:34,598 --> 00:08:37,016
Well, we usually just sit here
and complain about our lives.
220
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,518
Like this morning, Lois was such
a pain in the ass...
221
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,687
Hey! That's my daughter
you're talking about!
222
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:44,556
Oh. I mean this, um,
redheaded lady
223
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:48,160
who lives in my bed was a real
pain in the ass this morning.
224
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,728
Oh, she sounds like a bitch.
225
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:50,896
Yeah, what a bitch.
226
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,097
Bitchazoid, right, guys?
227
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,666
Yeah. I hope you're doing her.
228
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:54,566
Oh, big time.
229
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:56,101
Yeah, that's hot.
230
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,770
That's hot. I'm gonna think
about that tonight.
231
00:08:57,837 --> 00:08:59,822
Oh, we do all kinds
of crazy stuff.
232
00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:01,624
Sometimes
we even have phone sax.
233
00:09:01,691 --> 00:09:02,958
Don't you mean
phone sex?
234
00:09:03,026 --> 00:09:04,526
No, Joe.
Phone sax.
235
00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:05,894
Are you ready?
236
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,730
You better believe it.
237
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,648
(playing "Baker Street")
238
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,406
Oh, Peter!
239
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,575
Yeah. Now your turn.
240
00:09:19,643 --> 00:09:21,377
And do it how I like.
241
00:09:21,444 --> 00:09:23,662
Okay.
242
00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:33,822
Yeah. Don't wash
the mouthpiece.
243
00:09:37,193 --> 00:09:38,694
Good news, guys.
244
00:09:38,762 --> 00:09:40,162
Now that Grandpa's retired,
245
00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:42,298
he's gonna have more time
to spend with us.
246
00:09:42,365 --> 00:09:43,332
Oh!
247
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,900
We don't want to do that, Mom.
248
00:09:44,968 --> 00:09:46,986
Yeah, all he ever does is
ask you what you want to do
249
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:49,221
so he can shoot it down and
tell you what he wants to do.
250
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,389
Hey, there's
my family!
251
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,624
So, what do you guys
want to do today?
252
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:54,393
I'd like to go
to the mall, Grandpa.
253
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,627
No parking at the mall.
254
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,096
It's a terrible place.
What else?
255
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:58,197
Um, how about
the zoo?
256
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,598
Too much walking.
Too much noise.
257
00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,000
You can't have
any good conversation.
258
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,234
Not like at Chili's.
Where else?
259
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:03,569
Well, there's always the beach.
260
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:05,771
No, you got to sit
on the ground to eat.
261
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,173
I need a cushioned chair with
back support like at Chili's.
262
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,559
Okay, well...
how about Chili's?
263
00:10:10,627 --> 00:10:12,044
Maybe, maybe.
264
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,612
Let's get in the car
and see where it takes us.
265
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:18,584
Hey, Carter.
266
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:19,918
Hello, Quandary.
267
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,086
It's, uh...
It's Quagmire.
268
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,454
You looking for Peter?
269
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:23,889
No, he's at work. Lame.
270
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,407
Oh. Well, what
do you want?
271
00:10:25,475 --> 00:10:27,276
I hear you're kind of
a cool guy.
272
00:10:27,344 --> 00:10:28,761
Thought maybe
we could hang out.
273
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,162
Uh... okay.
274
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,997
Okay! Carter and Quandary,
hanging out.
275
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:35,367
All right, I just got to go take
a misty, stop-and-go piss
276
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,603
in your bathroom,
then we'll be good to go.
277
00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:44,724
Lois, how the hell much
longer is your dad gonna
278
00:10:44,749 --> 00:10:45,949
be hanging around here?
279
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:48,330
- He's starting to drive me crazy.
- I know, Peter,
280
00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:50,816
but he's my father and I
don't know what else to do.
281
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,918
Well, I don't know how
much more I can take.
282
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,686
I can't even get
any sleep with him here.
283
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:57,990
Hey.
284
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,259
- Hey.
- Wha-Wha-Wha-Wha- What is it?
285
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,561
I can't sleep.
I'm scared of ghosts.
286
00:11:02,629 --> 00:11:04,680
Carter, there's
no such thing as ghosts.
287
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:06,115
Are you sure?
288
00:11:06,182 --> 00:11:08,450
Well, now I'm not.
Come on, get in here!
289
00:11:09,686 --> 00:11:10,853
It's safe under
here, right?
290
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,588
I think so,
but I'm not sure.
291
00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:14,823
I just recently started
believing in ghosts.
292
00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:19,561
Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy.
293
00:11:19,629 --> 00:11:22,097
Lois! What are
you two doing here?
294
00:11:22,165 --> 00:11:24,400
Well, we wanted to talk
to you about something.
295
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:25,701
Hmm. What's that?
296
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,169
Well, we were just thinking,
297
00:11:27,237 --> 00:11:30,172
now that Daddy's retired
that you and he might be happier
298
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:33,142
in a place where you can be
with people your own age.
299
00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:35,377
You know, make some new friends.
300
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,226
What are you talking about?
301
00:11:36,251 --> 00:11:38,280
Well, we actually
brought you a few brochures
302
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,582
of some lovely retirement
communities in Florida.
303
00:11:40,650 --> 00:11:42,184
And I helped.
304
00:11:42,252 --> 00:11:43,285
Florida?!
305
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:45,421
Mm, this one's even
got the word "sunset"
306
00:11:45,422 --> 00:11:47,289
four times in
the name of it.
307
00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:49,858
Huh. These people are
biking without helmets.
308
00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:51,794
Must be a pretty
kick-back place.
309
00:11:51,861 --> 00:11:53,545
These actually
look quite nice,
310
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:56,915
and we could finally get away
from these dreadful winters.
311
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,984
Yeah. We'll even help you
move in and get settled.
312
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,336
Wait a minute, why would
I want to live in Florida?
313
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,205
Black people's votes go
right in the garbage.
314
00:12:03,273 --> 00:12:04,656
All right!
We're moving to Florida!
315
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:07,092
Oh, Carter,
this is wonderful!
316
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,994
Aw, look at
that smile, Lois.
317
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,861
Reminds of that guy
who was way too happy he
318
00:12:10,886 --> 00:12:12,549
didn't get killed on 9/11.
319
00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:15,100
I'm ten minutes
late for work!
320
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,119
Look at that!
I stayed up late
321
00:12:17,187 --> 00:12:19,655
watching Monday Night Football
and that saved my life, huh?
322
00:12:19,722 --> 00:12:20,889
Isn't that awesome?
323
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:23,091
Oh, but oh...
324
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,167
Hi there. Welcome.
325
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:34,219
I'm Ryan, the manager
here at Oceanside,
326
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,054
and I'll be showing
you around today.
327
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:37,456
First question, though:
328
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,858
are you two old enough
to be here?
329
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,226
Oh, dear!
330
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,928
I like you, Ryan.
331
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:43,996
You're cool.
332
00:12:48,384 --> 00:12:51,103
Over there is our statue
of Angela Lansbury.
333
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,008
Protect us, oh, Lansbury,
from rude teenagers,
334
00:12:56,075 --> 00:12:59,111
from soup that is both
too hot and too cold,
335
00:12:59,179 --> 00:13:02,414
and from anyone who calls,
but please have people call.
336
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,852
Our state-of-the-art movie
theater is equipped
337
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,788
with some terrific innovations
to cater to our residents,
338
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:12,558
including a button on every seat
that will pause the film
339
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,393
whenever anyone
has a question.
340
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,961
Hey, guys.
341
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,931
- Why is he blue now?
- Is it cold on that planet?
342
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,465
Why are they mumbling?
343
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,234
Why does everyone
in pictures today mumble?
344
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,335
I can't hear!
345
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:24,937
♪ ♪
346
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,605
Is that Sig-nory Weaver?
347
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,340
That's not how you say it.
348
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,142
Well, she shouldn't be smoking.
349
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:33,011
She's a handsome woman,
and that'll ruin her fast.
350
00:13:33,079 --> 00:13:34,346
♪ ♪
351
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:37,149
Is Unobtainium
very easy to obtain?
352
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,817
Well, I hope you
enjoyed the tour.
353
00:13:38,885 --> 00:13:40,285
Oh, yeah, it was great.
354
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,854
Except for that lady who
kept yelling "Byaah! Byaah!"
355
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:45,240
Well, we'll just need you
to fill out this paperwork,
356
00:13:45,308 --> 00:13:47,976
and then we'll get you
moved into your condo.
357
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:49,912
Oh, isn't this
wonderful, dear!
358
00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:51,897
No! No, it's not
wonderful at all!
359
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,999
There's no way in hell
I'm gonna live here!
360
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:58,220
This place is nothing but old
people marching to their deaths!
361
00:13:58,288 --> 00:14:00,472
You hear me?
I'm not one of you!
362
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,474
And I never will be!
363
00:14:05,194 --> 00:14:06,662
Hey, look, it's
old man Withers,
364
00:14:06,729 --> 00:14:08,513
the guy who owns
the amusement park!
365
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,832
But let's see who's
really under there.
366
00:14:12,235 --> 00:14:13,402
A skeleton!
367
00:14:13,469 --> 00:14:15,504
- Can I have my face back?
- No!
368
00:14:15,572 --> 00:14:16,939
You're going to jail!
369
00:14:24,477 --> 00:14:25,778
Oh, this is dreadful.
370
00:14:25,845 --> 00:14:28,547
I thought Carter and I were
going to be so happy here.
371
00:14:28,615 --> 00:14:30,983
I'll tell you what, Babs,
let me have a talk with him.
372
00:14:32,185 --> 00:14:33,485
Hey there, buddy.
373
00:14:33,553 --> 00:14:34,753
Go away!
374
00:14:34,821 --> 00:14:37,689
You know, you remind
me of a guy I know.
375
00:14:37,757 --> 00:14:40,526
This guy worked and worked
and never wanted to retire,
376
00:14:40,593 --> 00:14:43,295
even though it would've been
the best thing for him.
377
00:14:43,363 --> 00:14:45,297
You know what that
man's name was?
378
00:14:45,365 --> 00:14:47,199
Jon Benet Ramsey.
379
00:14:48,401 --> 00:14:49,768
I-I-I think.
380
00:14:49,836 --> 00:14:51,370
I think that's the guy.
381
00:14:51,437 --> 00:14:53,272
- What?
- You're darn right what.
382
00:14:53,339 --> 00:14:55,107
Now, let's get
back in there.
383
00:14:55,175 --> 00:14:57,776
Peter, get lost! I'm not gonna
retire, and that's that!
384
00:14:57,844 --> 00:15:00,412
Come on, Carter, everybody's
got to retire at some point.
385
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,447
Like that drill sergeant
with Alzheimer's.
386
00:15:03,616 --> 00:15:05,450
Looks like we got
a joker here.
387
00:15:05,518 --> 00:15:06,785
What's your
name, soldier?
388
00:15:06,853 --> 00:15:08,253
Sir, McArdle, sir!
389
00:15:08,321 --> 00:15:09,521
Well, no!
390
00:15:09,589 --> 00:15:12,024
You look like some
kind of joker to me.
391
00:15:12,091 --> 00:15:13,125
What's your
name, soldier?
392
00:15:13,193 --> 00:15:14,593
Sir, McArdle, sir!
393
00:15:14,661 --> 00:15:16,495
Are you me?
394
00:15:16,563 --> 00:15:18,130
Probably some
kind of joker.
395
00:15:18,198 --> 00:15:19,498
What's your
name, soldier?
396
00:15:19,566 --> 00:15:20,866
Sir, McArdle, sir!
397
00:15:20,934 --> 00:15:22,668
Well, la-dee da!
398
00:15:22,735 --> 00:15:25,671
I guess we got some
kind of joker here!
399
00:15:25,738 --> 00:15:27,873
Look, Carter, I'll
make a deal with you.
400
00:15:27,941 --> 00:15:30,021
You give me just one day
to show you how great retired
401
00:15:30,046 --> 00:15:31,486
life can be for an old fella,
402
00:15:32,178 --> 00:15:34,213
and I'll let you honk
the horn one time.
403
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,914
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
404
00:15:37,483 --> 00:15:39,251
I'm pretending
there's traffic.
405
00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:40,652
There you go, that's...
406
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,222
- Once!
- God, I wasn't even gonna do it!
407
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:47,576
So, how do you
win this game?
408
00:15:47,644 --> 00:15:49,811
Just fill this out when they
say the letter and the numbers?
409
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:50,979
Eh, that's a sucker's bet.
410
00:15:51,047 --> 00:15:52,731
There's only one way
to win this game--
411
00:15:52,799 --> 00:15:54,833
wait for someone else to win
and steal his card.
412
00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:56,635
G-27.
413
00:15:56,703 --> 00:15:58,103
Bingo!
414
00:15:58,171 --> 00:16:00,505
- It's go time.
- What do we do, sneak up behind him?
415
00:16:00,573 --> 00:16:02,391
No, he's got cataracts.
Follow my lead.
416
00:16:06,946 --> 00:16:08,480
Bingo, bitches!
417
00:16:09,966 --> 00:16:11,133
Bingo.
418
00:16:15,872 --> 00:16:17,372
All right, Carter,
now that you're retired,
419
00:16:17,457 --> 00:16:18,990
you're gonna need a
whole new wardrobe.
420
00:16:19,042 --> 00:16:22,294
And what better place to start
than the Slightly Open Robery?
421
00:16:22,362 --> 00:16:24,079
♪ Hey, hobo man ♪
422
00:16:24,147 --> 00:16:27,983
♪ Hey, Dapper Dan,
you've both got your style ♪
423
00:16:28,051 --> 00:16:30,018
♪ But, brother,
you're never fully dressed ♪
424
00:16:30,086 --> 00:16:32,387
♪ Without a smile... ♪
425
00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:35,557
Yes. The penis one.
426
00:16:37,193 --> 00:16:38,894
All right, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
now, you know how
427
00:16:38,962 --> 00:16:40,195
in your building
your office temperature
428
00:16:40,263 --> 00:16:41,830
was controlled
by a central air system
429
00:16:41,898 --> 00:16:44,399
that you had nothing to do with?
Yeah, I hated that.
430
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:46,935
Well, check it out-- this room
has its very own thermostat
431
00:16:47,003 --> 00:16:48,370
that you can fiddle with.
- Really?
432
00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:49,988
I can change the
temperature in here?
433
00:16:50,039 --> 00:16:51,957
You're retired-- you
can do anything you want.
434
00:16:52,025 --> 00:16:54,192
Well, I am kind of warm.
I'll try it out.
435
00:16:54,243 --> 00:16:56,011
Oh, that's perfect.
436
00:16:56,079 --> 00:16:58,664
Now I'm cold.
Crank up the thermostat.
437
00:16:58,731 --> 00:17:00,332
Ah, wonderful.
438
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,967
Hotter than
blazes in here.
439
00:17:02,035 --> 00:17:04,319
But wait-- I can
turn the heat down.
440
00:17:04,387 --> 00:17:05,587
He's learning.
441
00:17:07,390 --> 00:17:08,607
Bye, you guys.
442
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:10,375
We'll be down
to visit real soon.
443
00:17:10,443 --> 00:17:12,894
Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm glad you
finally came around about this place.
444
00:17:12,962 --> 00:17:15,180
Peter, I got to admit,
it's not bad at all.
445
00:17:15,248 --> 00:17:17,049
Never thought I'd get
used to the idea
446
00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:19,818
of giving up work and just
devoting my life to leisure.
447
00:17:19,886 --> 00:17:22,571
I guess this is what people
mean by the word "relax."
448
00:17:22,639 --> 00:17:23,772
Take care, dear.
449
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,741
We'll see you soon.
Yeah, have fun.
450
00:17:25,808 --> 00:17:28,276
Just remember not to go out
into actual Florida.
451
00:17:28,344 --> 00:17:30,212
You don't want
to meet those people.
452
00:17:31,614 --> 00:17:33,615
Hi. I just moved
into the neighborhood,
453
00:17:33,683 --> 00:17:37,119
and I'm required by law to inform
you that I am a sex offender.
454
00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:39,121
Oh, don't worry
about it-- so am I.
455
00:17:39,188 --> 00:17:40,756
This whole block
is S.O.'s.
456
00:17:40,823 --> 00:17:43,825
We use the abbreviation "S.O's"
because it saves a lot of time
457
00:17:43,893 --> 00:17:46,461
over saying "Sex Offender," because
that's all we talk about.
458
00:17:46,529 --> 00:17:48,530
Well, I'm also into football.
Don't care.
459
00:17:48,598 --> 00:17:51,166
No time for F.B.
All about S.O.
460
00:17:51,234 --> 00:17:54,236
Make no mistake, Florida
is the South's trash can.
461
00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:00,676
Boy, these eggs
are delicious.
462
00:18:00,743 --> 00:18:02,010
Good job, Lois.
463
00:18:02,078 --> 00:18:03,729
Good job, local hen.
464
00:18:03,796 --> 00:18:05,597
Aw, bucka bucka baw.
465
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:09,134
Hello?
466
00:18:09,202 --> 00:18:10,569
Hi, Mom.
467
00:18:10,636 --> 00:18:11,737
What?
468
00:18:11,804 --> 00:18:13,405
Oh, my God!
469
00:18:13,473 --> 00:18:16,575
Oh, my God, o-okay, we'll be
down there as soon as we can.
470
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:17,826
Mom, what's wrong?
471
00:18:17,894 --> 00:18:19,261
We're going
to Florida.
472
00:18:19,328 --> 00:18:20,629
Why? What happened?
473
00:18:20,697 --> 00:18:22,831
There's something horribly wrong
with your grandpa.
474
00:18:28,788 --> 00:18:30,105
Oh, Lois!
475
00:18:30,173 --> 00:18:32,074
I'm so glad
you made it.
476
00:18:32,141 --> 00:18:34,242
He's been like this for days.
477
00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:35,944
Oh, my God!
478
00:18:37,213 --> 00:18:38,647
...cream of wheat.
479
00:18:39,982 --> 00:18:41,016
...Jeopardy.
480
00:18:42,652 --> 00:18:44,186
...butterscotch pudding.
481
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,187
This is awful!
482
00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:46,655
What's happened to him?
483
00:18:46,723 --> 00:18:48,390
I don't know, dear.
484
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:51,626
He sleeps 18 hours a day,
he refuses to bathe,
485
00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:53,729
and he's stopped
making any sense.
486
00:18:53,796 --> 00:18:55,492
Aw, that sounds like
the sad little fat girl
487
00:18:55,517 --> 00:18:57,117
who lives in all of us
488
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,500
and is struggling
to get out.
489
00:19:00,336 --> 00:19:02,037
Did my parents
call yet?
490
00:19:02,105 --> 00:19:03,972
Nobody's looking for you!
Now, stay in there!
491
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,141
Sometimes she tries
to get out the other way.
492
00:19:06,209 --> 00:19:08,243
That's why I keep
a cork in my bum.
493
00:19:08,311 --> 00:19:09,745
Daddy?
494
00:19:09,812 --> 00:19:11,847
Daddy, can you hear me?
495
00:19:11,914 --> 00:19:14,249
Oh, God, we should never
have brought him here.
496
00:19:14,317 --> 00:19:15,450
You're right, dear.
497
00:19:15,518 --> 00:19:17,919
I can't stand
to see him like this.
498
00:19:17,987 --> 00:19:19,454
Well, we got
to do something.
499
00:19:19,522 --> 00:19:22,224
Don't worry, you guys, I think
I might know how to fix this.
500
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:25,327
But first look-- I turned
him into Groucho Marx.
501
00:19:25,394 --> 00:19:27,662
That's hilarious.
502
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,351
Peter, what is this
supposed to accomplish?
503
00:19:33,402 --> 00:19:35,554
Don't you see, Lois?
When we forced him to retire,
504
00:19:35,621 --> 00:19:37,456
we took all the challenge
out of his life.
505
00:19:37,523 --> 00:19:40,125
Perhaps some people aren't
meant to retire at all.
506
00:19:40,193 --> 00:19:43,411
Exactly! Now, let's see if we
can put some fire back into him.
507
00:19:43,496 --> 00:19:46,498
Margot, it's time to take this
company in a new direction--
508
00:19:46,566 --> 00:19:49,351
starting with being honest with
the IRS about our profits.
509
00:19:51,571 --> 00:19:54,005
We're also gonna stop
reading employee e-mails.
510
00:19:54,073 --> 00:19:56,441
...our servers.
511
00:19:56,509 --> 00:19:58,276
And from now on it's
against the rules
512
00:19:58,344 --> 00:20:00,462
to pat female employees
on the fanny.
513
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:03,315
...like touching butts!
514
00:20:03,382 --> 00:20:05,383
And tell the African-American
elevator attendant
515
00:20:05,451 --> 00:20:07,252
he no longer has to
wear white gloves.
516
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,405
Why don't you just tell him
he can sleep with my wife, too?!
517
00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:11,490
Daddy!
518
00:20:11,557 --> 00:20:12,941
Oh, Carter!
You're back!
519
00:20:13,009 --> 00:20:14,726
You're damn
right I am!
520
00:20:14,794 --> 00:20:16,539
Don't you ever try to
stick me in one of those
521
00:20:16,564 --> 00:20:18,176
retirement places again!
522
00:20:18,764 --> 00:20:22,100
I plan on sitting behind this desk
until the day I die.
523
00:20:22,168 --> 00:20:24,136
Getting old is right
for some people,
524
00:20:24,203 --> 00:20:26,471
but not for me.
- I know, Daddy.
525
00:20:26,539 --> 00:20:28,590
You were right,
and we're sorry.
526
00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:32,093
Hey, Mom.
527
00:20:32,161 --> 00:20:34,529
No, Mom, you're staying
in the nursing home.
528
00:20:34,597 --> 00:20:36,598
I... I don't care.
529
00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:38,200
I-I don't care.
530
00:20:38,267 --> 00:20:40,936
M-Mom, believe me, no one
is touching you in your sleep.
531
00:20:41,003 --> 00:20:42,437
'Cause you're gross.
532
00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:44,222
And even if they are, so what,
who are you saving yourself for?
533
00:20:45,817 --> 00:20:48,532
Hey, look, I-I got to go.
I don't know if we're coming
534
00:20:48,533 --> 00:20:51,017
to Thanksgiving.
Because I don't know!
535
00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:53,931
- She's staying in there.
- I know.
536
00:20:53,982 --> 00:20:57,982
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
39565
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
