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1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:08,069
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,161 --> 00:00:11,230
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,281 --> 00:00:14,200
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,251 --> 00:00:18,120
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,205 --> 00:00:21,073
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,627 --> 00:00:23,161
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:24,576
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,644 --> 00:00:28,415
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:28,416 --> 00:00:31,916
♪ Family Guy 10x05 ♪
Back to the Pilot
Original Air Date on November 13, 2011
11
00:00:31,917 --> 00:00:35,417
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:35,418 --> 00:00:36,349
Oh, hey,
there you are.
13
00:00:36,350 --> 00:00:38,384
Hey, listen, I got something
really cool I want you to see.
14
00:00:38,452 --> 00:00:39,485
What is it?
15
00:00:39,553 --> 00:00:41,420
This.
I found it in the yard.
16
00:00:41,488 --> 00:00:42,455
A tennis ball.
17
00:00:42,522 --> 00:00:44,657
That's very impressive, Brian.
18
00:00:44,725 --> 00:00:46,459
Yeah, but don't tell the other
dogs in the neighborhood.
19
00:00:46,526 --> 00:00:47,493
They'll be jealous.
20
00:00:47,561 --> 00:00:49,362
You son of a bitch.
21
00:00:49,429 --> 00:00:50,529
And this is nothing.
22
00:00:50,597 --> 00:00:51,797
There's one tennis
ball out there
23
00:00:51,865 --> 00:00:53,366
that's even cooler
'cause I peed on it.
24
00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:54,500
Buried it years ago.
25
00:00:54,568 --> 00:00:55,868
I just can't
remember where.
26
00:00:55,936 --> 00:00:57,370
I'd give anything
to find it, though.
27
00:00:57,437 --> 00:00:59,438
Well, if you could recall
exactly when you buried it,
28
00:00:59,506 --> 00:01:00,873
I suppose I could
help you out.
29
00:01:00,941 --> 00:01:02,341
I remember the exact day.
30
00:01:02,409 --> 00:01:04,644
January 31, 1999.
31
00:01:04,711 --> 00:01:06,646
Very well, follow me, Brian.
32
00:01:06,713 --> 00:01:08,481
Watch out for Ernie.
33
00:01:08,548 --> 00:01:11,350
He's getting a CAT scan.
34
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,568
Well, here we are.
35
00:01:29,636 --> 00:01:31,137
That's odd.
36
00:01:31,204 --> 00:01:33,639
It's our house, but somehow
it looks a little different.
37
00:01:33,707 --> 00:01:35,441
Mom, my lips
are too thin.
38
00:01:35,509 --> 00:01:37,243
Can I please get
collagen injections?
39
00:01:37,311 --> 00:01:39,445
Meg, you don't need
to change the way you look.
40
00:01:39,513 --> 00:01:41,047
You know, most of
the world's problems
41
00:01:41,114 --> 00:01:42,949
stem from poor self-image.
44
00:01:45,953 --> 00:01:47,820
who's about to give up
a huge opportunity.
45
00:01:47,888 --> 00:01:49,322
That's nothing.
Look at you.
46
00:01:49,389 --> 00:01:52,058
You look like a prize at some
Mexican church carnival.
47
00:01:52,125 --> 00:01:53,292
Excellent.
48
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,027
The mind control device
is nearing completion.
49
00:01:55,095 --> 00:01:57,630
Stewie, I said
no toys at the table.
50
00:01:57,698 --> 00:01:58,898
Damn you, vile woman!
51
00:01:58,966 --> 00:02:00,533
You've impeded my work
since the day
52
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,268
I escaped from
your wretched womb.
53
00:02:02,336 --> 00:02:03,803
Oh, don't pout, honey.
54
00:02:03,870 --> 00:02:06,605
You know, when you were born,
the doctor said you were
55
00:02:06,673 --> 00:02:09,041
the happiest looking baby
he'd ever seen.
56
00:02:09,109 --> 00:02:10,076
But of course.
57
00:02:10,143 --> 00:02:11,544
That was my victory day.
58
00:02:11,611 --> 00:02:13,512
The fruition
of my deeply-laid plans
59
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:16,215
to escape from that cursed
ovarian bastille.
60
00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:17,750
Return the device, woman!
61
00:02:17,818 --> 00:02:19,919
Geez. What, did you carry
a thesaurus around with you?
62
00:02:19,987 --> 00:02:21,754
You know, it's amazing
I could speak at all
63
00:02:21,822 --> 00:02:23,289
with that circumcision
still healing.
64
00:02:23,357 --> 00:02:24,423
Hey, wait a minute, Stewie.
65
00:02:24,491 --> 00:02:25,591
That's the spot!
66
00:02:25,659 --> 00:02:26,926
That's where I buried
my tennis ball!
67
00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:28,027
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
68
00:02:28,095 --> 00:02:29,028
Brian, what
are you doing?
69
00:02:29,096 --> 00:02:30,429
You can't dig
it up here.
70
00:02:30,497 --> 00:02:32,298
Just make a mental note
of where you buried it,
71
00:02:32,366 --> 00:02:33,532
and as soon as we're
back in the present,
72
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:34,633
you can dig it up then.
73
00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:36,168
- Why?
- Because we can't risk
74
00:02:36,236 --> 00:02:37,937
doing anything that
alters the past.
75
00:02:38,005 --> 00:02:39,271
You know, I never got that.
76
00:02:39,339 --> 00:02:41,707
I mean, w-wouldn't you want
to alter the past?
77
00:02:41,775 --> 00:02:43,943
I mean, you could make life
better for yourself.
78
00:02:44,011 --> 00:02:45,945
And not just for yourself,
for everyone.
79
00:02:46,013 --> 00:02:47,980
You-You could stop 9/11.
80
00:02:48,048 --> 00:02:50,483
Brian, there's one rule
of time travel, and that is:
81
00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:52,451
Do not alter the past in any way
82
00:02:52,519 --> 00:02:54,186
or the consequences
could be dire.
83
00:02:54,254 --> 00:02:55,187
Yeah, where'd
you hear that?
84
00:02:55,255 --> 00:02:56,389
Quantum Leap.
85
00:02:56,456 --> 00:02:58,290
That guy changed the past
all the time!
86
00:02:58,358 --> 00:02:59,558
Whoa, ass ahoy.
87
00:03:00,861 --> 00:03:01,994
Hey, Peter, it's 7:00
88
00:03:02,062 --> 00:03:03,295
and you've still
got your pants on.
89
00:03:03,363 --> 00:03:04,263
What's the occasion?
90
00:03:04,331 --> 00:03:05,631
Ew, I remember this.
91
00:03:05,699 --> 00:03:07,566
Peter's eye did
that weird creepy thing
92
00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:09,135
where it went
over his nose.
93
00:03:09,202 --> 00:03:11,103
Come on, you're
worrying about nothing.
94
00:03:11,171 --> 00:03:12,972
Oh? Remember when
you got drunk
95
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,707
off the communion wine
at church?
96
00:03:14,775 --> 00:03:15,808
Ah! Ew! Gross!
97
00:03:15,876 --> 00:03:16,942
Look at that.
98
00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:19,345
Wait, what are
they doing?
99
00:03:19,413 --> 00:03:20,513
I don't know.
100
00:03:20,580 --> 00:03:22,481
They're just standing there
like zombies.
101
00:03:22,549 --> 00:03:23,916
Do you think
they're all right?
102
00:03:23,984 --> 00:03:26,352
I-I'm not sure.
103
00:03:26,420 --> 00:03:28,954
And then there was that time
at the ice cream store.
104
00:03:31,191 --> 00:03:32,558
They're doing it again.
What the hell?
105
00:03:32,626 --> 00:03:33,926
I-I'm at a loss.
106
00:03:33,994 --> 00:03:35,761
I mean, I know we're not
supposed to mess with
107
00:03:35,829 --> 00:03:38,130
the timeline, but should
we call an ambulance?
108
00:03:38,198 --> 00:03:42,034
That is so creepy.
109
00:03:42,102 --> 00:03:43,969
And remember you had
an Irish coffee
110
00:03:44,037 --> 00:03:46,539
the day we went
to see Philadelphia?
111
00:03:46,606 --> 00:03:48,874
Oh. They're do-- they're
setting up (bleep) cutaways.
112
00:03:48,942 --> 00:03:50,876
Oh, my God, is that
what we did back then?
113
00:03:50,944 --> 00:03:52,311
Yeah, I mean,
now, we just like
114
00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:54,780
return text messages
and screw around and whatnot.
115
00:03:54,848 --> 00:03:56,916
Lois, I'm not going
back to work tomorrow.
116
00:03:56,983 --> 00:03:58,617
That new boss
has it in for me.
117
00:03:58,685 --> 00:04:00,986
He's meaner than
a shifty salesman.
118
00:04:08,228 --> 00:04:09,728
You sure you got time
to smoke?
119
00:04:09,796 --> 00:04:11,163
Oh, yeah,
it's an Al Harrington.
120
00:04:11,231 --> 00:04:12,798
It goes on for a while.
121
00:04:12,866 --> 00:04:15,000
All right, look, we found out
where your ball is buried.
122
00:04:15,068 --> 00:04:16,502
Now let's get back
to our own time.
123
00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:17,937
Okay, get the return pad.
Let's go.
124
00:04:18,004 --> 00:04:19,004
Not out here
in the open.
125
00:04:19,072 --> 00:04:20,272
Someone could see us.
126
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:22,041
Remember? No altering
the timeline?
127
00:04:22,109 --> 00:04:24,243
Come on, let's
get up to my room.
128
00:04:24,311 --> 00:04:26,445
Hey, wait a minute, Stewie,
I got to take a leak.
129
00:04:26,513 --> 00:04:27,813
Will it screw up
the timeline
130
00:04:27,881 --> 00:04:29,782
if my future pee goes
in a past toilet?
131
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,984
Uh, no, as long as
it goes in the toilet.
132
00:04:32,052 --> 00:04:33,719
One splash on
a magazine in there,
133
00:04:33,787 --> 00:04:36,122
and we're getting
chased by dinosaurs.
134
00:04:38,058 --> 00:04:39,992
Huh. Looks more or less
the same.
135
00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:42,094
Oh, my God, my Japanese
children's books.
136
00:04:42,162 --> 00:04:43,629
I forgot about these.
137
00:04:43,697 --> 00:04:45,197
You Poop Now.
138
00:04:45,265 --> 00:04:47,433
Horton Hears a Suicide.
139
00:04:47,501 --> 00:04:50,236
The Little Engine That Will,Or Get Great Shame.
140
00:04:50,303 --> 00:04:51,303
Oh, there you are.
141
00:04:51,371 --> 00:04:52,338
All right,
come on, Brian.
142
00:04:52,405 --> 00:04:53,439
Let's get
out of here.
143
00:04:53,507 --> 00:04:54,707
Blast, that draggle-tailed,
144
00:04:54,774 --> 00:04:56,208
blunt-edged,
matriarchal despot!
145
00:04:56,276 --> 00:04:58,177
Who the deuce
does she think she is?!
146
00:04:58,245 --> 00:04:59,178
Quick, Brian, hide!
147
00:05:01,081 --> 00:05:04,216
I shall cleverly disguise this
lethal plasma disruptor device
148
00:05:04,284 --> 00:05:06,552
as a tuna fish sandwich,
whereupon I shall end
149
00:05:06,620 --> 00:05:08,921
that wretched woman's
Draconian reign of tyranny!
150
00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:18,831
Oh. Hey.
151
00:05:18,899 --> 00:05:20,132
Who the deuce
are you?
152
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,269
Uh, well, I'm, uh...
I'm you.
153
00:05:23,336 --> 00:05:25,871
You look like me, but
that's utterly impossible.
154
00:05:25,939 --> 00:05:27,239
I'm afraid it's true.
155
00:05:27,307 --> 00:05:28,574
I'm you from the future.
156
00:05:28,642 --> 00:05:29,842
I've traveled back in time.
157
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,210
That's absurd.
158
00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:33,612
Look, I can prove to you
that I'm you from the future.
159
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,215
I know about
the Eddie Bauer catalog.
160
00:05:36,283 --> 00:05:37,816
It is you!
161
00:05:37,884 --> 00:05:39,818
Okay, bye, Lois.
162
00:05:39,886 --> 00:05:42,354
I'm going to the stag party.
163
00:05:42,422 --> 00:05:43,856
Brian, you might as well
come out now.
164
00:05:43,924 --> 00:05:44,890
He knows everything.
165
00:05:48,562 --> 00:05:49,528
Uh-oh.
166
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:09,114
Brian, are you
all right?
167
00:06:09,182 --> 00:06:10,115
Yeah, I'm fine.
168
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:11,217
Where'd you get that?
169
00:06:11,284 --> 00:06:12,484
The Stewie from
the past has
170
00:06:12,552 --> 00:06:14,186
a lot more gadgets
and things than I do.
171
00:06:14,254 --> 00:06:15,588
I've kind of slacked
off a little bit.
172
00:06:15,655 --> 00:06:17,590
How's the party?
Looks like fun.
173
00:06:17,657 --> 00:06:19,425
Hey, who wants to play
"Drink the Beer"?
174
00:06:19,492 --> 00:06:20,459
Right here.
175
00:06:20,527 --> 00:06:21,894
- You win!
- All right!
176
00:06:21,962 --> 00:06:23,862
- What do I win?
- Another beer!
177
00:06:23,930 --> 00:06:26,799
Okay, take a last look,
'cause we're out of here.
178
00:06:26,866 --> 00:06:28,267
Oh, look at that.
179
00:06:28,335 --> 00:06:30,135
There's the old gang
we've gotten to know
180
00:06:30,203 --> 00:06:31,604
so well over the years.
181
00:06:34,507 --> 00:06:36,108
TV's not even
plugged in.
182
00:06:41,982 --> 00:06:43,015
What is this?
183
00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:44,350
Where the
hell are we?
184
00:06:44,417 --> 00:06:45,784
The air is electric
185
00:06:45,852 --> 00:06:48,254
here at Super Bowl 33 tonight.
186
00:06:48,321 --> 00:06:49,888
- Stewie, what's going on?
- I don't know.
187
00:06:49,956 --> 00:06:51,223
For some reason,
the time machine
188
00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:52,458
didn't take us
back to the present.
189
00:06:52,525 --> 00:06:53,959
We're still in 1999.
190
00:06:54,027 --> 00:06:55,628
Wait a minute.
I remember this.
191
00:06:55,695 --> 00:06:57,396
I think I'm up
in that blimp.
192
00:06:59,666 --> 00:07:01,333
Amazing. You can
barely drive a car,
193
00:07:01,401 --> 00:07:03,202
and yet you were
allowed to fly a blimp?
194
00:07:03,270 --> 00:07:04,236
Yeah, America's
great, isn't it?
195
00:07:04,304 --> 00:07:05,638
'Cept for the South.
196
00:07:05,705 --> 00:07:08,307
Oh, no wonder the return pad
didn't take us all the way.
197
00:07:08,375 --> 00:07:10,009
The batteries
are almost depleted.
198
00:07:10,076 --> 00:07:11,277
Are those D batteries?
199
00:07:11,344 --> 00:07:12,945
Yes, ever since we had
that trouble in Germany,
200
00:07:13,013 --> 00:07:14,380
I found a way to convert it
201
00:07:14,447 --> 00:07:16,482
so it takes D batteries
instead of uranium.
202
00:07:16,549 --> 00:07:18,617
Only problem is, I didn't
bring any cash with me.
203
00:07:18,685 --> 00:07:19,952
Did you?
204
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,320
I don't think that's
gonna be a problem.
205
00:07:23,023 --> 00:07:24,556
Oh, my God!
Quick, grab some money!
206
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,494
Do you, do you
have pockets?
207
00:07:28,561 --> 00:07:29,995
Are you putting that
in pockets?
208
00:07:30,063 --> 00:07:31,230
That's so cute.
209
00:07:35,535 --> 00:07:37,269
The crowd is storming the field!
210
00:07:37,337 --> 00:07:38,637
This is pandemonium!
211
00:07:51,685 --> 00:07:53,552
Quick, Brian, get on!
212
00:07:59,392 --> 00:08:00,926
Whoa, crash ahoy.
213
00:08:04,831 --> 00:08:07,132
Oh, God!
Now where are we?
214
00:08:09,436 --> 00:08:12,738
Well, you know, I figured
the sooner I cashed the check,
215
00:08:12,806 --> 00:08:14,573
the sooner they'd, uh,
catch their mistake.
216
00:08:16,176 --> 00:08:18,077
Look, why are we making
a federal case out of this?
217
00:08:18,144 --> 00:08:19,478
Oh, man, this
is the day
218
00:08:19,546 --> 00:08:21,347
Peter went to court
for his welfare fraud.
219
00:08:24,551 --> 00:08:25,484
Hey.
220
00:08:25,552 --> 00:08:27,086
Huh? Oh, hey.
221
00:08:27,153 --> 00:08:28,287
You're the Kool-Aid Guy.
222
00:08:28,355 --> 00:08:29,321
Yeah.
223
00:08:29,389 --> 00:08:30,489
What are you doing?
224
00:08:30,557 --> 00:08:31,557
Just waiting.
225
00:08:31,624 --> 00:08:32,758
For what?
226
00:08:32,826 --> 00:08:34,193
I'm just waiting,
dude-- relax.
227
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,662
Hey, is there any place around
here that sells batteries?
228
00:08:36,730 --> 00:08:37,896
Guys, d-don't
distract me, all right?
229
00:08:37,964 --> 00:08:39,365
I gotta really be up.
230
00:08:39,432 --> 00:08:42,334
Mr. Griffin, I think your
words have touched us all.
231
00:08:42,402 --> 00:08:45,037
I'm sentencing you
to 24 months in prison!
232
00:08:45,105 --> 00:08:46,472
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
233
00:08:46,539 --> 00:08:47,706
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
234
00:08:50,377 --> 00:08:52,378
So there's no organs
or glands or anything, right?
235
00:08:52,445 --> 00:08:53,612
It's just the liquid?
236
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:54,947
Yeah. Yeah, it's
just the liquid.
237
00:08:55,014 --> 00:08:57,182
Um, I don't know
if this is a weird question,
238
00:08:57,250 --> 00:08:59,318
but... can I have some?
239
00:08:59,386 --> 00:09:00,919
All right, fine.
Tilt your head back,
240
00:09:00,987 --> 00:09:02,821
and I'll lean my liquid
down into your mouth.
241
00:09:02,889 --> 00:09:04,289
Oh, now I don't want it.
242
00:09:04,357 --> 00:09:05,691
Oh, crap!
Did I miss it?!
243
00:09:05,759 --> 00:09:09,027
Look, my husband may be
a bit thoughtless at times;
244
00:09:09,095 --> 00:09:12,064
he may even be downright,
well, stupid,
245
00:09:12,132 --> 00:09:15,634
but I know he only accepted
that money because he...
246
00:09:15,702 --> 00:09:18,070
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Yeah!
247
00:09:28,481 --> 00:09:29,782
You guys did this!
248
00:09:29,849 --> 00:09:31,517
You guys (bleep) did this!
249
00:09:31,584 --> 00:09:32,918
Talking about my guts?!
250
00:09:32,986 --> 00:09:34,353
me up?!
you!
251
00:09:40,428 --> 00:09:41,333
Okay, this is good.
252
00:09:41,334 --> 00:09:42,467
We got the
D batteries.
253
00:09:42,535 --> 00:09:43,535
Let's get back
to the present.
254
00:09:43,603 --> 00:09:45,103
All right, get on.
255
00:09:51,644 --> 00:09:53,078
We made it.
256
00:09:53,145 --> 00:09:54,546
Yeah, the Super Bowl
was cool,
257
00:09:54,614 --> 00:09:57,449
but frankly, no Tommy Brady,
no Stewie likey.
258
00:09:57,516 --> 00:09:58,884
Brian, there you are!
259
00:09:58,951 --> 00:10:00,385
Come quick,
they're about to announce
260
00:10:00,453 --> 00:10:02,520
the unveiling of
your statue on the news.
261
00:10:02,588 --> 00:10:04,022
Statue?! For what?
262
00:10:04,090 --> 00:10:06,157
What do you think,
Mr. National Hero?
263
00:10:06,225 --> 00:10:09,828
For stopping the 9/11 terrorist
attacks and saving our country.
264
00:10:09,896 --> 00:10:11,263
Oh, you--
265
00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:14,633
I can't even express
how mad I am at you right now.
266
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,001
If it wasn't for you,
267
00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:18,436
those planes would've hit
the World Trade Center.
268
00:10:18,504 --> 00:10:20,071
Brian, what the hell
did you do?!
269
00:10:20,139 --> 00:10:23,942
I, uh, may have told my
former self about 9/11.
270
00:10:24,010 --> 00:10:25,944
What did I tell you
about altering the past?!
271
00:10:26,012 --> 00:10:27,579
Wait-Wait, when did you
even do that?
272
00:10:27,647 --> 00:10:29,748
Well, you remember when I said
I was going to take a leak?
273
00:10:29,815 --> 00:10:31,283
Brian, you shouldn't
have done that.
274
00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:33,919
Who knows what unforeseen
consequences are awaiting us.
275
00:10:33,986 --> 00:10:35,720
Saddam Hussein
could be president.
276
00:10:35,788 --> 00:10:38,089
Mexico could be the world's
dominant super power.
277
00:10:38,157 --> 00:10:40,191
Cookie Monster could have
invented Facebook!
278
00:10:40,259 --> 00:10:41,726
What is this?
279
00:10:41,794 --> 00:10:43,161
Cookiebook.
280
00:10:43,229 --> 00:10:44,129
Brian!
281
00:10:44,196 --> 00:10:45,530
Hurry, it's starting!
282
00:10:47,667 --> 00:10:48,633
Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.
283
00:10:48,701 --> 00:10:50,201
And I'm Joyce Kinney.
284
00:10:50,269 --> 00:10:52,938
Our top story: Quahog prepares
to unveil a new statue
285
00:10:53,005 --> 00:10:54,906
commemorating perhaps
its greatest hero ever.
286
00:10:54,974 --> 00:10:56,608
That's right, Tom.
287
00:10:56,676 --> 00:10:59,377
It was ten years ago that an
almost inconceivable plot
288
00:10:59,445 --> 00:11:00,979
to destroy the
World Trade Center
289
00:11:01,047 --> 00:11:03,648
was thwarted by Quahog's
own Brian Griffin.
290
00:11:03,716 --> 00:11:06,184
This amateur video
captured Griffin's heroism
291
00:11:06,252 --> 00:11:08,687
in the face of a shadowy
terrorist organization called--
292
00:11:08,754 --> 00:11:10,588
holy (bleep),
look at all those vowels--
293
00:11:10,656 --> 00:11:13,992
Al Qua-aye-eeda.
294
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,227
Here.
Make sure you get all this.
295
00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:21,066
Time to terrorize
the terrorists.
296
00:11:21,133 --> 00:11:23,535
Ugh. You prepared
catch phrases for yourself?
297
00:11:23,602 --> 00:11:25,437
No. Not necessarily.
298
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,941
Mohammed Atta stayed home.
299
00:11:30,009 --> 00:11:31,343
Nobody knows
that guy's name yet.
300
00:11:31,410 --> 00:11:33,645
You're using information
that nobody knows.
301
00:11:35,081 --> 00:11:37,482
Houston, we have a solution.
302
00:11:37,550 --> 00:11:40,085
Houston's for space,
not everyday air travel.
303
00:11:40,152 --> 00:11:42,620
Tell them to ground every plane
out of the East Coast.
304
00:11:42,688 --> 00:11:44,022
Seacrest out.
305
00:11:48,361 --> 00:11:49,894
Wow. What a hero.
306
00:11:49,962 --> 00:11:51,663
Coming up next in sports:
307
00:11:51,731 --> 00:11:53,465
Arizona Cardinal
Pat Tillman
308
00:11:53,532 --> 00:11:55,533
tackled by his own team?
309
00:11:55,601 --> 00:11:57,202
Oh, Brian,
we're so proud of you.
310
00:11:57,269 --> 00:11:58,403
Yeah, buddy.
311
00:11:58,471 --> 00:11:59,838
Great job stopping
those terrorists.
312
00:11:59,905 --> 00:12:01,339
And thank God
their follow-up attack
313
00:12:01,407 --> 00:12:03,141
on St. Louis was a bust.
314
00:12:05,044 --> 00:12:06,344
We missed!
315
00:12:06,412 --> 00:12:09,080
Brian, I promise you,
all of this can only end badly.
316
00:12:09,148 --> 00:12:10,382
Stewie, it's fine.
317
00:12:10,449 --> 00:12:11,850
I prevented 9/11.
318
00:12:11,917 --> 00:12:13,718
How could that possibly
be a bad thing?
319
00:12:13,786 --> 00:12:15,920
I mean, come on, I-I
saved, like, 200 lives.
320
00:12:15,988 --> 00:12:16,988
3,000.
321
00:12:17,056 --> 00:12:18,523
Wow! 3,000?!
322
00:12:18,591 --> 00:12:20,625
Oh, you knew what you
were doing there.
323
00:12:20,693 --> 00:12:22,660
This major
breaking news just in.
324
00:12:22,728 --> 00:12:24,229
Nine Southern states
have declared
325
00:12:24,296 --> 00:12:26,064
that they are seceding
from the United States.
326
00:12:26,132 --> 00:12:27,265
The announcement came
327
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:29,234
from former President
George W. Bush,
328
00:12:29,301 --> 00:12:30,769
who reformed
the Confederacy
329
00:12:30,836 --> 00:12:34,105
after a bitter loss in
his 2004 reelection bid.
330
00:12:34,173 --> 00:12:35,807
Bush lost in 2004?
331
00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:36,941
Yeah, he probably
couldn't
332
00:12:37,009 --> 00:12:39,044
exploit people's
fears with no 9/11.
333
00:12:39,111 --> 00:12:40,278
Bush appeared
before the press today
334
00:12:40,346 --> 00:12:41,880
to make this brief statement.
335
00:12:41,947 --> 00:12:43,214
If anyone out there can get
336
00:12:43,282 --> 00:12:44,983
their hands
on a clown's suitcase,
337
00:12:45,051 --> 00:12:47,285
I'd very much like to see
what's inside of there.
338
00:12:47,353 --> 00:12:49,587
I think we have the wrong clip.
339
00:12:49,655 --> 00:12:51,923
What? No?
340
00:12:51,991 --> 00:12:53,758
It... this...?
341
00:12:53,826 --> 00:12:55,927
Uh, okay,
that was George W. Bush
342
00:12:55,995 --> 00:12:58,063
declaring civil war
on the Northern states.
343
00:12:58,130 --> 00:13:00,165
Oh, my God!
Civil war?
344
00:13:00,232 --> 00:13:01,566
See, Brian?
345
00:13:01,634 --> 00:13:03,001
This is exactly
what I was talking about.
346
00:13:03,069 --> 00:13:04,569
Look, Stewie, this
doesn't necessarily mean
347
00:13:04,637 --> 00:13:06,104
things are going
to turn out badly.
348
00:13:06,172 --> 00:13:07,806
In fact, I bet, five
years from now,
349
00:13:07,873 --> 00:13:10,041
the world will still be
better off for what I did.
350
00:13:10,109 --> 00:13:11,409
Is that so?
351
00:13:11,477 --> 00:13:13,078
Well, Brian, if you're
that sure of yourself,
352
00:13:13,145 --> 00:13:15,080
then let's go five years
into the future,
353
00:13:15,147 --> 00:13:16,915
and you can prove me wrong.
Fine.
354
00:13:28,561 --> 00:13:30,228
Wow. This is
the future?
355
00:13:30,296 --> 00:13:32,163
Everything
looks slicker.
356
00:13:32,231 --> 00:13:33,998
Hey, Lois, I found some
double-sided tape.
357
00:13:34,066 --> 00:13:35,967
I think I can do about
seven minutes worth
358
00:13:36,035 --> 00:13:37,435
of funny stuff
with it.
359
00:13:37,503 --> 00:13:39,204
That should get us to the
Meg kissing booth story.
360
00:13:39,271 --> 00:13:41,773
Wow. Things have gotten
kind of lazy, huh?
361
00:13:41,841 --> 00:13:43,074
Hey, Peter.
362
00:13:43,142 --> 00:13:45,243
Thanks for letting me
borrow your screwdriver set.
363
00:13:45,311 --> 00:13:47,712
You know, I just want to say
how nice it is
364
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:50,048
to be back here with y'all
on Spooner Street.
365
00:13:50,116 --> 00:13:52,617
Oh, I guess things
didn't work out in Virginia.
366
00:13:52,685 --> 00:13:54,853
Chris, I heard you got a
"D" on your report card.
367
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,187
Here's a cutaway.
368
00:13:56,255 --> 00:13:58,990
Matthew McConaughey is terrible.
369
00:13:59,058 --> 00:14:00,358
Good Lord!
What's happened to us?
370
00:14:00,426 --> 00:14:01,993
Okay, maybe things
seem a little off,
371
00:14:02,061 --> 00:14:03,895
but other than that,
the world seems okay.
372
00:14:03,963 --> 00:14:05,330
Which proves my point.
373
00:14:05,397 --> 00:14:07,932
Me stopping 9/11 led to a
world that's just fine.
374
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,034
Well, I'll see y'all tomorrow.
375
00:14:17,710 --> 00:14:20,245
Brian, you might want
to look outside.
376
00:14:20,312 --> 00:14:22,113
Oh, my God!
377
00:14:30,523 --> 00:14:32,390
Oh, oh! Pebble in my shoe!
378
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:34,859
Pebble in my shoe.
Pebble in my shoe.
379
00:14:34,927 --> 00:14:36,327
Nice work, Bri.
380
00:14:36,395 --> 00:14:38,096
Whoops.
381
00:14:38,164 --> 00:14:40,298
Well, at least Joe
gets to be a cyborg.
382
00:14:47,706 --> 00:14:49,007
Freeze, Frogmire.
383
00:14:49,074 --> 00:14:51,009
You are out past curfew,
384
00:14:51,076 --> 00:14:53,745
and therefore, in violation
of local ordinance.
385
00:14:53,812 --> 00:14:54,646
Ribbity.
386
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,487
What the hell happened?
387
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,589
Could I really have
caused all this?
388
00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:08,758
It says here that the new
American civil war
389
00:15:08,826 --> 00:15:10,860
you set into motion
ended up in a series
390
00:15:10,928 --> 00:15:13,863
of concentrated nuclear strikes
all along the Eastern Seaboard.
391
00:15:13,931 --> 00:15:16,265
It killed 17 million people.
392
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,600
Oh.
393
00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:19,235
- Including Cesar Millan.
- No!
394
00:15:19,303 --> 00:15:21,103
Okay, okay, I get it--
Stewie, I screwed up.
395
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,738
All right? I shouldn't
have altered the past.
396
00:15:22,806 --> 00:15:24,073
Is there anything
we can do?
397
00:15:24,141 --> 00:15:26,142
Well, the only way
to fix this is to return
398
00:15:26,210 --> 00:15:28,377
to the moment when we
first arrived in the past
399
00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:30,713
and stop you from spilling
the beans about 9/11.
400
00:15:30,781 --> 00:15:32,415
Okay. Okay,
let's do it.
401
00:15:38,388 --> 00:15:39,622
Whoa, ass ahoy.
402
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,023
All right, look,
there we are.
403
00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:42,491
Hey, uh,
Peter, it's 7:00
404
00:15:42,559 --> 00:15:43,926
and you've still
got your pants on.
405
00:15:43,994 --> 00:15:44,861
What's the
occasion?
406
00:15:44,928 --> 00:15:45,928
Stop!
Both of you!
407
00:15:45,996 --> 00:15:47,129
What the hell?
Who are you?
408
00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:48,497
We're you,
from the future.
409
00:15:48,565 --> 00:15:50,266
Oh, boy, this can't
be good news.
410
00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:52,168
Who screwed up?
Take a wild guess.
411
00:15:52,236 --> 00:15:54,237
- What did I do?
- Well, nothing yet, but listen.
412
00:15:54,304 --> 00:15:55,805
Whatever you do,
you cannot tell
413
00:15:55,873 --> 00:15:58,374
your former self--
that Brian-- about 9/11.
414
00:15:58,442 --> 00:16:01,444
If you do, America as you
know it will cease to exist.
415
00:16:01,511 --> 00:16:02,678
My God, Brian.
What the hell?
416
00:16:02,746 --> 00:16:03,880
We've been here
two minutes,
417
00:16:03,947 --> 00:16:05,581
and already you've
destroyed America.
418
00:16:05,649 --> 00:16:07,550
Okay, okay. I promise
I won't say anything.
419
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:10,586
Also, if you don't give
that Stewie a back rub,
420
00:16:10,654 --> 00:16:12,388
it really messes
everything up.
421
00:16:14,892 --> 00:16:16,692
All right,
can we go now?
422
00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:22,999
Did that do it?
423
00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:24,066
Did we restore
the past?
424
00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:25,101
Well, let's check.
425
00:16:25,168 --> 00:16:27,670
"9/11."
426
00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:29,005
Oh, there it is.
427
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,339
We did it, Brian.
428
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:31,774
We made 9/11 happen.
429
00:16:31,842 --> 00:16:33,109
High five! All right!
All right!
430
00:16:33,176 --> 00:16:34,443
Yeah!
High five!
431
00:16:34,511 --> 00:16:35,578
Wow, that...
that probably
432
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,313
wouldn't look very good
out of context.
433
00:16:37,381 --> 00:16:39,916
There's the writer
of the Harry Potter series.
434
00:16:39,983 --> 00:16:42,752
Must be weird hanging out
with us Muggles, huh, Brian?
435
00:16:42,819 --> 00:16:43,753
Yeah.
436
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:45,521
Well, laundrium insertum.
437
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:46,889
Huh?
438
00:16:46,957 --> 00:16:48,324
Oh, my God.
439
00:16:48,392 --> 00:16:49,825
All right, you obviously
have no self-control,
440
00:16:49,893 --> 00:16:52,228
so we've got to go back
and do this again.
441
00:16:54,865 --> 00:16:55,698
Whoa, ass ahoy.
442
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:56,799
All right, let's go.
443
00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:58,067
Hey, uh, Peter,
it's 7:00
444
00:16:58,135 --> 00:16:59,435
and you've still
got your pants on.
445
00:16:59,503 --> 00:17:01,070
Oh, yeah, that's right.
We were just here.
446
00:17:01,138 --> 00:17:02,538
Wait!
447
00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:04,073
Who the devil
are you?
448
00:17:04,141 --> 00:17:05,641
We're from the future.
So are we.
449
00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:06,876
We're from
the further future.
450
00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:08,144
We came to stop you.
451
00:17:08,211 --> 00:17:09,445
Why?
What they did
452
00:17:09,513 --> 00:17:11,280
actually turns out
to be damage-free.
453
00:17:11,348 --> 00:17:13,082
It's what you're about to do--
stopping them--
454
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:14,917
that causes utter bedlam.
455
00:17:14,985 --> 00:17:16,552
Oh, come on.
456
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,787
Wait!
Stop!
457
00:17:17,854 --> 00:17:19,522
We're from the further
further future.
458
00:17:19,589 --> 00:17:21,524
What you guys do
eventually works out.
459
00:17:21,591 --> 00:17:23,092
It's what you two
are about to do
460
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,493
that ruins everything!
461
00:17:24,561 --> 00:17:25,695
Stop!
Don't do anything!
462
00:17:25,762 --> 00:17:27,096
Oh, for
God's sake.
463
00:17:27,164 --> 00:17:29,031
We're from the further
further further future.
464
00:17:29,099 --> 00:17:30,599
What these two do
is fine.
465
00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:33,024
It's what you two do
that makes things worse.
466
00:17:33,025 --> 00:17:34,092
- Stop!
- Wait!
467
00:17:34,117 --> 00:17:34,737
- Hold it!
- Stop!
468
00:17:34,738 --> 00:17:36,038
- Wait!
- No!
469
00:17:36,106 --> 00:17:37,173
Hold it!
Stop!
470
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,341
I don't know what
I'm doing here.
471
00:17:38,408 --> 00:17:39,308
I'm just looking
for the can.
472
00:17:39,376 --> 00:17:40,676
- Don't move!
- Hold it!
473
00:17:40,744 --> 00:17:41,677
- Freeze!
- Stop!
474
00:17:41,745 --> 00:17:42,745
- Wait!
- No!
475
00:17:42,813 --> 00:17:44,146
Oh, for God's sake, why?
476
00:17:44,214 --> 00:17:45,514
This is why!
477
00:17:45,582 --> 00:17:46,882
- Don't move!
- Hold it!
478
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:48,050
- Freeze!
- Stop!
479
00:17:48,118 --> 00:17:49,452
- No!
- Wait!
480
00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:51,554
Oh, my God.
What's that?
481
00:17:51,621 --> 00:17:52,955
I don't know
what happened.
482
00:17:53,023 --> 00:17:54,824
This is life
for some reason.
483
00:17:54,891 --> 00:17:56,659
Don't do whatever
you're about to do.
484
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,027
God help us.
485
00:17:58,095 --> 00:17:59,895
This is no
way to live.
486
00:18:04,601 --> 00:18:06,302
No, don't do it!
Halt!
487
00:18:15,946 --> 00:18:19,415
All right, everybody,
shut the hell up!
488
00:18:19,483 --> 00:18:21,417
All right, this is (bleep),
all right?
489
00:18:21,485 --> 00:18:22,985
I can't follow
what's going on anymore,
490
00:18:23,053 --> 00:18:25,121
and I'm assuming
the rest of you can't, either.
491
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:27,089
So let's make this easy
and take a vote.
492
00:18:27,157 --> 00:18:29,025
How many think
we should prevent 9/11?
493
00:18:29,092 --> 00:18:31,494
Raise your hands.
494
00:18:31,561 --> 00:18:33,362
One, two, three, four, five
six, seven, eight, nine...
495
00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:35,064
Okay, all right, looks like 42.
496
00:18:35,132 --> 00:18:36,732
All right, who votes "yes 9/11?"
497
00:18:40,937 --> 00:18:42,104
Okay, all right, 57.
498
00:18:42,172 --> 00:18:43,339
All right, 9/11 wins.
499
00:18:43,407 --> 00:18:44,974
Wait, wait, shouldn't it
be an even number?
500
00:18:45,042 --> 00:18:46,442
Why is the total
an odd number?
501
00:18:46,510 --> 00:18:48,577
Oh, yeah, I think one
of the Brians died.
502
00:18:48,645 --> 00:18:50,513
What? What do you mean?
I don't know-- one of them
503
00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:51,814
landed here
with its throat slit.
504
00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:53,449
But wait,
if one of me is dead,
505
00:18:53,517 --> 00:18:54,917
then shouldn't all
the me's be dead?
506
00:18:54,985 --> 00:18:56,919
Brian, I-I don't...
I... it's...
507
00:18:56,987 --> 00:18:58,387
I don't... I don't
know anymore. I-I...
508
00:18:58,455 --> 00:19:00,189
You know what?
I guess not. A-All right?
509
00:19:00,257 --> 00:19:02,158
Okay, listen up--
everybody, get back
510
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,393
in your individual time machines
very carefully.
511
00:19:04,461 --> 00:19:05,795
Nobody touch anything.
512
00:19:05,862 --> 00:19:07,129
No Harry Potter novels.
513
00:19:07,197 --> 00:19:08,631
Don't step on a bug.
514
00:19:08,698 --> 00:19:10,633
Don't give earlier yous
investment advice.
515
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,069
Just go back to where you
came from, and stay there!
516
00:19:32,322 --> 00:19:33,489
There.
517
00:19:33,557 --> 00:19:34,857
Now, we're going
to do what we
518
00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:36,258
should have done
in the first place.
519
00:19:36,326 --> 00:19:37,760
Get on.
520
00:19:41,031 --> 00:19:43,365
Wait a minute.
Isn't this where we just were?
521
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,500
Where are
the other two us's?
522
00:19:44,568 --> 00:19:46,001
They're not here yet.
523
00:19:46,069 --> 00:19:48,237
Just to make sure there are
absolutely no loose ends,
524
00:19:48,305 --> 00:19:50,139
I've sent us back in time
to the moment
525
00:19:50,207 --> 00:19:52,241
just before you and I
originally arrived.
526
00:19:52,309 --> 00:19:53,976
Why?
You'll see.
527
00:19:54,044 --> 00:19:55,945
Get the (bleep) back
in your time machine!
528
00:19:56,012 --> 00:19:57,313
Aah!
Who are you?
529
00:19:57,380 --> 00:19:58,614
Never mind who I am!
530
00:19:58,682 --> 00:20:00,116
Just get back
in your time machine,
531
00:20:00,183 --> 00:20:02,051
get back to the present,
and stay there!
532
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,953
Look, just calm down.
Aah!
533
00:20:04,020 --> 00:20:05,855
You gonna flap your lips
or you gonna do what I said?
534
00:20:05,922 --> 00:20:06,989
Okay, okay!
535
00:20:07,057 --> 00:20:09,125
All right! God!
536
00:20:09,192 --> 00:20:10,526
You just talked
to yourself.
537
00:20:10,594 --> 00:20:11,727
Won't that
alter the past?
538
00:20:11,795 --> 00:20:13,162
Don't worry, Brian.
539
00:20:13,230 --> 00:20:15,231
If I was successful
in restoring the past just now,
540
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:16,999
you and I will never
have existed.
541
00:20:17,067 --> 00:20:18,801
The chronological tangent
that created us
542
00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:19,969
will have been erased.
543
00:20:20,036 --> 00:20:21,904
Oh. Is it going to hurt?
544
00:20:21,972 --> 00:20:23,873
Just a little.
545
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:25,508
Ow.
546
00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:33,916
Oh, God, my leg
is killing me.
547
00:20:33,984 --> 00:20:35,751
Well, time travel
is risky.
548
00:20:35,842 --> 00:20:37,576
Every time you step
into that machine,
549
00:20:37,644 --> 00:20:38,744
you invite the
possibility
550
00:20:38,812 --> 00:20:40,579
of altering the
world as we know it.
551
00:20:40,647 --> 00:20:41,947
Thankfully, the
alternate versions of us
552
00:20:42,015 --> 00:20:43,482
were there to prevent
us from doing
553
00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:44,784
whatever it is we
apparently did.
554
00:20:45,265 --> 00:20:47,133
I wonder what it was.
We'll never know.
555
00:20:47,698 --> 00:20:49,065
But look on the
bright side.
556
00:20:49,133 --> 00:20:51,301
You might be sitting here
with a hole in your leg,
557
00:20:51,369 --> 00:20:53,136
but at least our present
universe hasn't been affected.
558
00:20:53,204 --> 00:20:54,805
Sorry, guys.
I'm gonna need the couch.
559
00:20:54,872 --> 00:20:57,006
The gang and I
are gonna watch the game.
560
00:20:57,379 --> 00:20:59,999
All right, let's unplug
the TV and get going.
561
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:04,000
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
40206
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