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1
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All right, it's report card day.
2
00:00:10,961 --> 00:00:12,928
The least fun day when I was your age,
3
00:00:12,997 --> 00:00:15,722
but the most fun day now.
4
00:00:15,747 --> 00:00:16,946
Hand them over.
5
00:00:17,968 --> 00:00:19,501
I think you'll be pleased.
6
00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:24,073
Ooh, A, B, B, A. ABBA.
7
00:00:24,141 --> 00:00:27,009
My favorite band and my favorite grades.
8
00:00:27,078 --> 00:00:29,578
Wow. Nice report card, Katie.
9
00:00:29,647 --> 00:00:32,144
Is it good enough to go to Harvard? No.
10
00:00:32,169 --> 00:00:36,171
Can we afford Harvard? No.
Right in the sweet spot.
11
00:00:38,253 --> 00:00:41,508
I remember what you said, Dad,
any college that ends in State.
12
00:00:45,298 --> 00:00:48,232
Wow, all smiley faces.
13
00:00:48,301 --> 00:00:51,032
What can I say? People love me.
14
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:53,952
Okay, girls, great work.
15
00:00:53,977 --> 00:00:55,105
Keep those grades up.
16
00:00:55,174 --> 00:00:58,024
Excellent job, ladies.
Let's get out of here.
17
00:01:00,479 --> 00:01:02,613
Teddy.
18
00:01:02,939 --> 00:01:05,039
Yes, Father?
19
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,750
Where's your report card?
20
00:01:06,819 --> 00:01:10,254
Oh, my school's not
doing grades anymore.
21
00:01:10,323 --> 00:01:12,590
It's just based on how we feel,
22
00:01:12,658 --> 00:01:14,258
and I feel great.
23
00:01:15,070 --> 00:01:17,328
I saw you shove it in
your pocket. Hand it over.
24
00:01:18,836 --> 00:01:20,085
Come on, tight pants.
25
00:01:24,925 --> 00:01:27,526
Good God, a "Z"?
26
00:01:27,673 --> 00:01:30,274
I tried to change a
"D" to a "B" on the bus.
27
00:01:30,299 --> 00:01:31,631
It was bumpy.
28
00:01:32,741 --> 00:01:34,812
Your teachers say you're
not doing your homework.
29
00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,714
Look, your grades don't
have to be perfect.
30
00:01:36,782 --> 00:01:39,311
We just expect you to try your best,
31
00:01:39,336 --> 00:01:41,093
but this looks like
you're not trying at all.
32
00:01:41,117 --> 00:01:42,686
Explain yourself, mister.
33
00:01:43,289 --> 00:01:45,456
I'm just looking for
a different lifestyle.
34
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,192
A different lifestyle?
35
00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:51,495
Look, date who you want,
but do your homework.
36
00:01:52,211 --> 00:01:54,698
Homework's a bummer,
man. I want to be free.
37
00:01:55,672 --> 00:01:57,234
Teddy, go to your room.
38
00:01:57,303 --> 00:01:58,535
That's right.
39
00:01:58,604 --> 00:02:00,738
We need some privacy to
talk about your punishment,
40
00:02:00,806 --> 00:02:03,807
and I'll just say this...
everything is on the table.
41
00:02:07,957 --> 00:02:09,090
That was good.
42
00:02:09,115 --> 00:02:11,515
"Everything's on the table." Scary.
43
00:02:11,584 --> 00:02:13,317
It's from a Liam Neeson movie.
44
00:02:14,524 --> 00:02:15,985
Did he think we were gonna buy
45
00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:18,032
- that lifestyle stuff?
- Ugh.
46
00:02:18,057 --> 00:02:19,181
I mean, if you blow off your homework,
47
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,105
you say you lost it or the dog ate it.
48
00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:23,027
- They're classics for a reason.
- Yeah.
49
00:02:23,095 --> 00:02:25,562
Well, we learned with
Katie, at some point,
50
00:02:25,631 --> 00:02:27,064
kids stop doing their homework,
51
00:02:27,133 --> 00:02:29,433
so we're gonna threaten to send Teddy
52
00:02:29,502 --> 00:02:31,039
where we threatened to send her.
53
00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:33,270
Military school.
54
00:02:33,339 --> 00:02:35,673
It's a bluff, but he doesn't know that.
55
00:02:35,741 --> 00:02:38,665
Remember, as soon as Kate heard
the words "military school,"
56
00:02:38,690 --> 00:02:40,688
her eyes got big and her lip trembled.
57
00:02:40,713 --> 00:02:42,838
That's when we knew we had her.
58
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,264
- We should write parenting books.
- Yeah.
59
00:02:45,405 --> 00:02:48,807
You know, someday they're
gonna be too old to scare.
60
00:02:48,954 --> 00:02:50,421
Let's enjoy it while we can.
61
00:02:52,367 --> 00:02:54,034
Your father and I have discussed
62
00:02:54,059 --> 00:02:55,993
the consequences of your report card.
63
00:02:56,085 --> 00:02:58,352
And we've decided what needs to be done.
64
00:02:58,464 --> 00:03:00,531
This is very hard for a mother,
65
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,357
so forgive me if I get
emotional, it's just
66
00:03:03,469 --> 00:03:05,436
I'm gonna miss you so much.
67
00:03:05,504 --> 00:03:06,615
Get ahold of yourself, Andi.
68
00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:08,237
- It's for his own good.
- I know.
69
00:03:08,262 --> 00:03:10,708
Teddy, if you don't
start doing your homework,
70
00:03:10,776 --> 00:03:12,649
we're gonna send you to military school.
71
00:03:12,674 --> 00:03:14,878
- What?
- That's right.
72
00:03:15,822 --> 00:03:18,048
Runcrest Military Academy.
73
00:03:18,117 --> 00:03:20,918
They call it Runcrest
because they make you run
74
00:03:20,986 --> 00:03:22,152
to a crest.
75
00:03:22,855 --> 00:03:24,354
That's a hill.
76
00:03:26,252 --> 00:03:28,792
Just thinking about my baby running up
77
00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:33,787
that scorpion-infested hill,
it just, it breaks my heart.
78
00:03:33,899 --> 00:03:35,899
So what's it gonna be, Teddy, huh?
79
00:03:36,162 --> 00:03:38,863
Homework or military school?
80
00:03:39,277 --> 00:03:40,147
Well, that's easy.
81
00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:41,905
- Hmm.
- Military school.
82
00:03:42,879 --> 00:03:44,879
- Come again?
- What's that now?
83
00:03:45,621 --> 00:03:47,978
I could use the structure.
When do I ship out?
84
00:03:51,550 --> 00:03:53,484
Teddy, go to your room.
85
00:03:54,091 --> 00:03:55,658
This is my room.
86
00:03:56,099 --> 00:03:58,422
Then go to a different
part of your room.
87
00:03:58,491 --> 00:04:00,290
You heard your father.
88
00:04:00,359 --> 00:04:02,926
There, in-in the dusty corner
where the vacuum can't reach.
89
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:10,074
FaceTime with British Models 24/7
www.saucytime.com
90
00:04:17,846 --> 00:04:20,513
"Go to a different part of your room"?
91
00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:22,382
I actually said that.
92
00:04:22,450 --> 00:04:26,565
It's like a dragon opened its
mouth and jelly beans shot out.
93
00:04:27,589 --> 00:04:30,356
Don't blame yourself. We were in shock.
94
00:04:30,425 --> 00:04:33,971
What kind of kid wants
to go to military school?
95
00:04:33,996 --> 00:04:36,495
That trick used to
work so well on Katie.
96
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,424
Yeah, but Teddy didn't give
us the big-eye lip tremble.
97
00:04:39,504 --> 00:04:43,825
I want our child sad and scared,
so we know we're good parents.
98
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,630
Sad and Scared... that's
a good title for our book.
99
00:04:47,927 --> 00:04:49,827
Well, he called our bluff.
100
00:04:49,852 --> 00:04:51,852
Yeah, if the kids know we're bluffing,
101
00:04:51,877 --> 00:04:54,078
the wheels come off
this whole family, Andi,
102
00:04:54,233 --> 00:04:55,866
so there's only one thing left to do.
103
00:04:55,935 --> 00:04:58,135
We're gonna actually send
him to military school.
104
00:04:58,204 --> 00:05:01,004
Okay, Runcrest Military Academy.
105
00:05:01,029 --> 00:05:03,674
Whoa-whoa, what-what?
What about Scorpion Hill?
106
00:05:03,743 --> 00:05:05,559
You made that up.
107
00:05:05,598 --> 00:05:07,545
Oh, it's so real to me now.
108
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,680
Okay, look.
109
00:05:09,749 --> 00:05:12,750
Tuition, $300, we can swing that.
110
00:05:13,075 --> 00:05:16,442
That's the application
fee. This is the tuition.
111
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,089
Oh.
112
00:05:19,292 --> 00:05:21,992
He's gonna flunk out of school
and live with us forever.
113
00:05:22,685 --> 00:05:25,262
I don't want to be that
lady walking around Target
114
00:05:25,287 --> 00:05:27,807
with her giant son begging
her for hot dog money.
115
00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:30,367
I can't do it, Adam.
116
00:05:30,776 --> 00:05:32,517
Oh, sorry, Andi, didn't you hear?
117
00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:34,228
He wants a different lifestyle.
118
00:05:34,253 --> 00:05:36,941
Well, he's got to learn that
there is only one lifestyle:
119
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Work hard, then die.
120
00:05:38,845 --> 00:05:40,911
It's the American dream.
121
00:05:41,346 --> 00:05:44,281
We can fix this, okay?
We're still in charge here.
122
00:05:44,810 --> 00:05:46,550
Okay, yeah, you're right.
123
00:05:46,619 --> 00:05:49,587
We'll, uh, we'll just
give Teddy a preview
124
00:05:49,655 --> 00:05:52,523
of what happens to kids who
don't do their homework, yeah.
125
00:05:52,592 --> 00:05:55,025
- And we'll make it look real bad.
- Yes.
126
00:05:55,849 --> 00:05:57,605
I mean, he can't be
that hard to outsmart.
127
00:05:57,630 --> 00:05:58,919
I mean, we saw his report card.
128
00:05:58,944 --> 00:06:00,731
Yeah, yeah, and the best part is,
129
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,434
there's two of us and
there's only one of him.
130
00:06:03,503 --> 00:06:06,036
You can never tell Mom
and Dad I'm helping you.
131
00:06:06,565 --> 00:06:09,073
I won't. You're getting me
out of homework, I owe you.
132
00:06:09,347 --> 00:06:11,542
I got to know, what
happened when you said
133
00:06:11,611 --> 00:06:13,478
you wanted to go to military school?
134
00:06:13,744 --> 00:06:16,247
Dad's eyes got big
and Mom's lip trembled.
135
00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:19,316
This is so great.
136
00:06:19,341 --> 00:06:22,442
I fell for all their tricks
and now I get payback.
137
00:06:23,048 --> 00:06:24,155
So what's next?
138
00:06:24,423 --> 00:06:27,091
Nothing. We just blew
up their biggest move.
139
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:30,327
They might try one or two
other things, but it won't last.
140
00:06:30,396 --> 00:06:33,791
Every day they get a little
older and a little tireder.
141
00:06:35,408 --> 00:06:38,156
All right, smart guy,
military school's off.
142
00:06:38,181 --> 00:06:40,171
They weren't as strict
as I wanted them to be.
143
00:06:40,239 --> 00:06:42,072
They started letting people smile.
144
00:06:42,447 --> 00:06:44,074
But I can straighten you out right here.
145
00:06:44,143 --> 00:06:45,869
You won't do homework,
you'll do work-work.
146
00:06:45,894 --> 00:06:49,299
Meet me in the driveway and
get ready to sweat. Hi, honey.
147
00:06:52,018 --> 00:06:55,025
Work? These are video game
hands, not real-life hands.
148
00:06:55,361 --> 00:06:58,255
Relax. I know how to deal with this.
149
00:06:58,324 --> 00:06:59,275
How'd he look?
150
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:00,869
Remember when he was going
down the hill on his bicycle
151
00:07:00,893 --> 00:07:02,166
and the handlebars came off?
152
00:07:02,191 --> 00:07:04,258
He looked like that.
153
00:07:04,768 --> 00:07:07,965
Okay, your job is to take this
messy pile of bricks over here
154
00:07:08,034 --> 00:07:11,302
and turn it into a neat stack of
bricks on the pallet over there.
155
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:14,104
- That sounds hard.
- Because it is.
156
00:07:14,307 --> 00:07:15,908
If you can't be bothered to do homework,
157
00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:18,753
the only thing people are gonna
trust you with is grunt work.
158
00:07:18,778 --> 00:07:20,095
And the kids who did homework
159
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,687
will get nice, cushy office
jobs with free muffins.
160
00:07:22,882 --> 00:07:26,483
Free muffins, Teddy. Think
about what you're giving up.
161
00:07:27,909 --> 00:07:29,331
So I'm gonna be a bricklayer?
162
00:07:29,356 --> 00:07:32,366
No, no, my friend, you're a brick mover.
163
00:07:32,391 --> 00:07:34,325
You're one step above the brick.
164
00:07:34,393 --> 00:07:36,036
If the brick had legs,
it wouldn't need you.
165
00:07:36,060 --> 00:07:37,593
Get cracking.
166
00:07:41,793 --> 00:07:43,234
Look at him out there in the sun,
167
00:07:43,302 --> 00:07:45,402
full of sweat and regret.
168
00:07:45,471 --> 00:07:46,870
Ooh!
169
00:07:46,939 --> 00:07:48,989
He just dropped a brick on his foot.
170
00:07:49,014 --> 00:07:50,794
- This is going great.
- Yeah.
171
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:55,357
He's really... not doing that right.
172
00:07:55,427 --> 00:07:58,089
Th-Th-There's gaps,
Andi, gaps in the stack.
173
00:07:58,114 --> 00:07:59,442
Well, he's just getting started.
174
00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:01,618
Yeah, but the beginning is
where you have to be perfect
175
00:08:01,642 --> 00:08:03,354
or everything else is out of whack.
176
00:08:03,422 --> 00:08:06,323
Look at his edges...
they're all cattywampus.
177
00:08:06,890 --> 00:08:07,961
Hey.
178
00:08:08,359 --> 00:08:10,728
That's-that's-that's-that's
not how you do it.
179
00:08:10,796 --> 00:08:12,730
If you got gaps, your
corners aren't square.
180
00:08:12,755 --> 00:08:15,189
Have you never paid attention
to me when I talk about bricks?
181
00:08:16,394 --> 00:08:18,594
We'll just have to start
this whole thing over.
182
00:08:22,108 --> 00:08:24,174
- Hmm?
- That looks good, Dad.
183
00:08:24,243 --> 00:08:26,915
Oh, you think it looks good
now, you just wait till I'm done.
184
00:08:33,925 --> 00:08:34,929
You were right.
185
00:08:34,954 --> 00:08:37,755
I messed the first few
up and he just took over.
186
00:08:37,941 --> 00:08:39,590
Yup, I'm good.
187
00:08:39,659 --> 00:08:42,371
If they gave grades for this,
I would get into Harvard.
188
00:08:47,634 --> 00:08:50,701
Look at that perfect stack of bricks.
189
00:08:50,770 --> 00:08:53,404
Now we accomplished something today.
190
00:08:53,472 --> 00:08:56,384
Did we? 'Cause Teddy's
not even here anymore.
191
00:08:56,409 --> 00:08:58,108
Good, he was slowing me down.
192
00:08:58,657 --> 00:09:01,157
Adam, we were supposed to
be teaching him a lesson,
193
00:09:01,182 --> 00:09:03,157
but instead you did all the work.
194
00:09:03,182 --> 00:09:04,448
It's like he taught us a lesson.
195
00:09:04,472 --> 00:09:06,151
But you saw it, he had gaps.
196
00:09:06,176 --> 00:09:08,643
When Teddy sees this, he will know.
197
00:09:08,668 --> 00:09:12,103
The only thing he'll know is how
to get out of stacking bricks.
198
00:09:12,325 --> 00:09:15,645
Wait a minute, do you think
he messed up on purpose,
199
00:09:15,670 --> 00:09:16,927
knowing I would take over?
200
00:09:16,996 --> 00:09:19,897
Ah, that would require
Teddy taking one thought,
201
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:21,565
putting it together
with another thought,
202
00:09:21,634 --> 00:09:22,900
and making a new thought.
203
00:09:22,968 --> 00:09:25,169
Can he do that?
204
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,238
I would have said no,
but I'm the chump out here
205
00:09:28,307 --> 00:09:29,506
covered in brick dust.
206
00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:34,945
Getting kids to do homework
is a never-ending struggle.
207
00:09:35,014 --> 00:09:36,814
My girls are in their
fifth year of Chinese,
208
00:09:36,839 --> 00:09:38,773
but they still speak like fourth-years,
209
00:09:38,798 --> 00:09:41,332
so I punish them by
taking away their cellos.
210
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:45,155
Our kids are gonna be
working for his kids.
211
00:09:45,224 --> 00:09:46,457
Joke's on them.
212
00:09:46,525 --> 00:09:48,839
Our kids'll be terrible employees.
213
00:09:49,328 --> 00:09:50,817
If Teddy doesn't get his act together,
214
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,808
he's gonna wind up in
summer school like I did.
215
00:09:53,032 --> 00:09:55,766
Hey, that's right.
216
00:09:55,835 --> 00:09:58,469
Don, maybe you could talk
some sense into Teddy, huh?
217
00:09:58,494 --> 00:09:59,627
You learned your lesson.
218
00:10:00,505 --> 00:10:02,339
That summer, all my
friends went to camp,
219
00:10:02,408 --> 00:10:05,008
and I had to sit in the
library with Mrs. Branch,
220
00:10:05,077 --> 00:10:08,178
a lady so boring she
was named after a tree.
221
00:10:09,715 --> 00:10:11,544
You know, that could work on Teddy.
222
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,369
He'd hate the idea of summer school.
223
00:10:13,394 --> 00:10:15,130
Yeah. Take him to lunch, Don.
224
00:10:15,155 --> 00:10:16,701
Tell him what happened when
you didn't do your homework.
225
00:10:16,725 --> 00:10:19,000
He'll listen to you. He thinks
you're cool for some reason.
226
00:10:19,024 --> 00:10:20,286
I am cool.
227
00:10:20,311 --> 00:10:22,911
I hate to break it to you,
but you got old and I didn't.
228
00:10:24,341 --> 00:10:26,029
Then take my girls to lunch.
229
00:10:26,098 --> 00:10:27,996
Maybe you can find out
why they've fallen behind
230
00:10:28,021 --> 00:10:29,541
in their Russian literature book club.
231
00:10:30,959 --> 00:10:33,061
You know what, Lowell?
Just go home for the day.
232
00:10:36,434 --> 00:10:39,402
A woman so boring she
was named after a tree.
233
00:10:41,380 --> 00:10:43,113
Mrs. Branch.
234
00:10:44,617 --> 00:10:45,912
Nothing?
235
00:10:46,574 --> 00:10:48,174
Anyway, that's what can happen to you.
236
00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:50,387
See, the thing is, Uncle Don,
237
00:10:50,412 --> 00:10:52,645
- Teddy wants a different lifestyle.
- Yeah.
238
00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:53,935
I'm not climbing the corporate ladder
239
00:10:53,959 --> 00:10:55,526
just 'cause The Man wants me to.
240
00:10:55,875 --> 00:10:58,451
The Man. I hate that guy.
241
00:10:59,764 --> 00:11:01,598
But you work for The Man.
242
00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:03,451
You're his stooge.
243
00:11:03,795 --> 00:11:06,003
You take that back.
244
00:11:06,639 --> 00:11:08,052
If you know a way off
this hamster wheel,
245
00:11:08,076 --> 00:11:09,263
I'm listening.
246
00:11:12,677 --> 00:11:14,545
So, did you get through to Teddy?
247
00:11:14,613 --> 00:11:16,380
No, but Teddy got through to me.
248
00:11:16,449 --> 00:11:19,383
He's really zigging
where the rest of us zag.
249
00:11:19,927 --> 00:11:22,085
What? What does that mean?
250
00:11:22,154 --> 00:11:23,666
Well, it means that Kate
and Teddy's philosophy
251
00:11:23,690 --> 00:11:24,888
really spoke to me.
252
00:11:25,299 --> 00:11:27,510
So, I'm gonna zag on
home and take a nap.
253
00:11:28,635 --> 00:11:30,694
Wait. Kate was there?
254
00:11:30,719 --> 00:11:33,351
Yeah. When I went to pick up
Teddy, she hopped in the car.
255
00:11:33,376 --> 00:11:36,783
She said lunch was on her,
so I stopped asking questions.
256
00:11:39,377 --> 00:11:41,275
Teddy and Katie never hang out together.
257
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:42,983
Why would she be at that lunch?
258
00:11:43,008 --> 00:11:44,478
Good question.
259
00:11:45,541 --> 00:11:47,377
- And you know something else?
- Hmm?
260
00:11:47,446 --> 00:11:49,313
She was in his room yesterday.
261
00:11:49,338 --> 00:11:51,338
She hasn't been in there since
she caught him trying to twerk
262
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:52,666
in front of his mirror.
263
00:11:53,369 --> 00:11:54,952
Something's up.
264
00:11:57,015 --> 00:11:58,648
You don't think...
265
00:12:01,142 --> 00:12:02,726
She's helping him.
266
00:12:02,795 --> 00:12:04,761
Why do I feel so scared right now?
267
00:12:05,111 --> 00:12:07,397
Because this is Jurassic Park,
268
00:12:07,466 --> 00:12:09,967
and we just found out they
learned how to work in packs.
269
00:12:16,717 --> 00:12:19,098
So Teddy and Kate formed
a criminal conspiracy.
270
00:12:21,030 --> 00:12:23,236
It is nice they're spending
time together, though.
271
00:12:24,194 --> 00:12:25,505
Snap out it, Andi.
272
00:12:25,573 --> 00:12:27,551
- I'm gonna put an end to this.
- Wait-wait-wait, stop.
273
00:12:27,575 --> 00:12:30,910
Why? I'm all fired up!
274
00:12:30,979 --> 00:12:33,613
Okay. What happens if you
go up there and yell at 'em?
275
00:12:33,638 --> 00:12:36,239
I feel better. And then I watch TV.
276
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:38,986
Yeah, but that won't get
Teddy to do his homework
277
00:12:39,011 --> 00:12:40,953
and it won't stop Kate from helping him.
278
00:12:41,022 --> 00:12:43,727
Look, our only advantage is
that they don't know we know,
279
00:12:43,752 --> 00:12:46,119
and we have to use that
to take back control.
280
00:12:47,328 --> 00:12:48,794
I want control.
281
00:12:48,863 --> 00:12:50,963
Why did I have kids if I
can't tell 'em what to do?
282
00:12:51,032 --> 00:12:52,365
Yeah.
283
00:12:52,433 --> 00:12:54,759
Everything flows from
problem number one:
284
00:12:54,784 --> 00:12:57,384
how do we get Teddy to do his homework?
285
00:12:58,531 --> 00:12:59,797
Hey, Dad.
286
00:12:59,822 --> 00:13:00,840
"Hey, Dad"?
287
00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:04,413
Why'd you leave a stack
of bricks in your driveway?
288
00:13:04,438 --> 00:13:06,824
Are you trying to tell the whole
neighborhood you've given up?
289
00:13:06,848 --> 00:13:09,615
I... I was teaching Teddy a lesson.
290
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,563
The only lesson he learned
is, his father gives up.
291
00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:15,468
- Did you hear that?
- I certainly did.
292
00:13:15,623 --> 00:13:17,557
My dad can get Teddy into shape.
293
00:13:17,625 --> 00:13:19,747
Just like he did with
me when I got bad grades.
294
00:13:19,772 --> 00:13:21,308
He was a terrible student.
295
00:13:21,333 --> 00:13:23,663
All he wanted to do was
sit in his teacher's lap.
296
00:13:23,688 --> 00:13:24,514
Aw.
297
00:13:24,539 --> 00:13:25,622
He was 13.
298
00:13:26,968 --> 00:13:28,301
Oh.
299
00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:32,140
Yep. There was no estrogen
in the chicken back then.
300
00:13:32,165 --> 00:13:34,131
I was a full man in middle school.
301
00:13:35,219 --> 00:13:36,881
When Dad heard about that,
302
00:13:36,914 --> 00:13:39,014
he made me water the whole front yard
303
00:13:39,039 --> 00:13:41,498
- with a tiny Dixie cup.
- Yeah, it's the slowest,
304
00:13:41,523 --> 00:13:44,016
most painful way to water a lawn,
305
00:13:44,085 --> 00:13:46,052
but delightful to watch.
306
00:13:47,234 --> 00:13:49,835
Joe, we-we've got homework
problems with Teddy.
307
00:13:49,867 --> 00:13:51,695
Can you take him to your
place and fix him up?
308
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,157
- Sure.
- That's good, yeah.
309
00:13:53,182 --> 00:13:54,514
He'll be separated from Katie.
310
00:13:54,562 --> 00:13:56,274
She's the brains of the operation.
311
00:13:56,299 --> 00:13:59,100
Sounds like a job for Old Tough Nuts.
312
00:14:00,024 --> 00:14:02,212
That's what he used to call
himself when I was in trouble.
313
00:14:02,236 --> 00:14:03,798
And I was in trouble a lot.
314
00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:05,756
I had a full mustache in fifth grade.
315
00:14:06,731 --> 00:14:08,391
He looked like Sonny Bono.
316
00:14:12,428 --> 00:14:14,537
Since we can't get you
to do your homework,
317
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,529
we're turning you over
to your grandfather.
318
00:14:16,684 --> 00:14:18,250
We're sorry it's come to this.
319
00:14:18,510 --> 00:14:20,544
That's okay. I like Grandpa.
320
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,670
Our relationship has changed.
321
00:14:26,628 --> 00:14:29,729
So, I have to water the lawn
with this, or do my homework?
322
00:14:29,797 --> 00:14:32,965
No, homework's out. This
is just your life now.
323
00:14:34,387 --> 00:14:36,158
Can I talk to Grandma?
324
00:14:37,342 --> 00:14:38,704
I sent her to Atlantic City
325
00:14:38,773 --> 00:14:40,272
with a coffee can full of quarters.
326
00:14:40,341 --> 00:14:41,941
No one can save you now.
327
00:14:45,225 --> 00:14:46,936
All right.
328
00:14:47,850 --> 00:14:49,959
The lawn is watered.
329
00:14:50,702 --> 00:14:52,195
Where's my Dixie cup?
330
00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:54,387
It fell apart. I was
out there for hours.
331
00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:56,455
That was my favorite cup!
332
00:14:57,959 --> 00:15:00,414
All right, you can pay me
back with some elbow grease.
333
00:15:00,439 --> 00:15:01,971
You see those shoes?
334
00:15:01,996 --> 00:15:05,498
Make 'em shiny so I can
see my beautiful face.
335
00:15:09,344 --> 00:15:11,170
Dinnertime, grunt.
336
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,640
A can of shrimp?
337
00:15:15,846 --> 00:15:17,946
If you can open it, you can eat it.
338
00:15:21,439 --> 00:15:22,859
Finally done with the dishes.
339
00:15:22,884 --> 00:15:24,165
Can we watch TV now?
340
00:15:24,359 --> 00:15:25,758
Bedtime.
341
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,754
But it's only 6:30.
342
00:15:28,866 --> 00:15:30,833
You're gonna need that sleep.
343
00:15:30,858 --> 00:15:33,626
Tomorrow you're digging
holes in the backyard.
344
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,238
For what?
345
00:15:35,263 --> 00:15:37,063
To have a place to
put all your questions.
346
00:15:44,003 --> 00:15:46,003
Rise and shine, cadet.
347
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:48,674
It's 4:00 in the morning.
348
00:15:48,743 --> 00:15:51,377
I let you sleep in because I'm a softy.
349
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:01,664
Morning, fellas.
350
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:05,462
Oh. He's got you
counting toothpicks, huh?
351
00:16:06,634 --> 00:16:07,931
There's supposed to be a thousand,
352
00:16:07,955 --> 00:16:09,807
but Grandpa says they
always short him a couple.
353
00:16:09,831 --> 00:16:10,840
Yeah.
354
00:16:10,865 --> 00:16:13,365
He made me do that after
I asked the school nurse
355
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,723
to the eighth grade formal.
356
00:16:16,459 --> 00:16:18,537
All right. Keep an eye on him.
357
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:21,250
I'm going out back to
string some barbed wire
358
00:16:21,275 --> 00:16:22,708
for the obstacle course.
359
00:16:23,497 --> 00:16:25,673
If he makes it through,
he earns a can opener.
360
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:32,752
You've got to get me out
of here. I'll do anything.
361
00:16:32,888 --> 00:16:33,930
Even your homework?
362
00:16:33,955 --> 00:16:35,325
I promise.
363
00:16:35,442 --> 00:16:37,128
Mmm, I don't know.
364
00:16:37,153 --> 00:16:39,158
Maybe you should still
try the obstacle course.
365
00:16:39,227 --> 00:16:40,537
Grandpa went all the way across town
366
00:16:40,561 --> 00:16:42,027
to get that barbed wire.
367
00:16:42,189 --> 00:16:45,013
No. I'll do all my homework forever.
368
00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:46,171
I swear.
369
00:16:46,777 --> 00:16:49,044
Okay. Deal.
370
00:16:49,069 --> 00:16:50,697
You will thank me for
this when you're sitting
371
00:16:50,721 --> 00:16:52,772
in your cushy office,
eating free muffins.
372
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,299
I know. Can we please
leave before he comes back?
373
00:16:55,407 --> 00:16:56,407
Sure.
374
00:16:57,078 --> 00:16:59,211
Now we're both graduates
of Camp Tough Nuts.
375
00:16:59,236 --> 00:17:01,151
Did he give you a can of
shrimp and no way to open it?
376
00:17:01,175 --> 00:17:02,175
Yep.
377
00:17:02,199 --> 00:17:04,236
Ugh, he's been doing
that since the '70s.
378
00:17:04,819 --> 00:17:06,485
Might even be the same can of shrimp.
379
00:17:14,552 --> 00:17:15,751
Okay.
380
00:17:15,776 --> 00:17:17,108
It's time, Teddy.
381
00:17:17,331 --> 00:17:19,042
You need to give up your accomplice.
382
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:21,267
Who was helping you?
383
00:17:21,292 --> 00:17:23,726
You're the body of the
snake, we want the head.
384
00:17:24,738 --> 00:17:27,705
We already have a suspect, so
you might as well come clean.
385
00:17:28,950 --> 00:17:31,043
I don't know what you're talking about.
386
00:17:31,653 --> 00:17:34,146
Maybe you can't remember
because you're so hungry
387
00:17:34,215 --> 00:17:35,581
from Grandpa's house.
388
00:17:36,739 --> 00:17:37,650
I am.
389
00:17:37,718 --> 00:17:39,755
Then let us jog your memory.
390
00:17:39,824 --> 00:17:41,256
Do it, Andi.
391
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:45,302
It was Kate. It was all Kate.
I never wanted to lie to you.
392
00:17:45,326 --> 00:17:46,446
I love you, Mommy and Daddy.
393
00:17:52,278 --> 00:17:54,543
You're back. What happened?
Are you in trouble?
394
00:17:54,568 --> 00:17:56,034
I'm not.
395
00:17:57,171 --> 00:17:59,903
What do you mean? Hey, Teddy?
396
00:18:00,559 --> 00:18:01,574
Teddy!
397
00:18:01,642 --> 00:18:02,942
Teddy, wh-what happened?
398
00:18:03,010 --> 00:18:04,677
Teddy, open the door!
399
00:18:05,424 --> 00:18:07,557
He's not gonna answer, Kate.
400
00:18:07,814 --> 00:18:09,255
Oh, no.
401
00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:13,085
Oh, look. We finally got
our big-eyed lip tremble.
402
00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:15,577
- Hmm.
- Ooh. She added a knee wobble.
403
00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:16,755
Well, that's new.
404
00:18:16,824 --> 00:18:18,290
I like it.
405
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,708
Sad and scared. Now we
know we're good parents.
406
00:18:24,536 --> 00:18:25,802
I'm really sorry.
407
00:18:25,827 --> 00:18:29,229
But isn't the guilt I'm feeling
punishment enough? I think so.
408
00:18:31,301 --> 00:18:32,972
Is it enough for you, Adam?
409
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,974
Your punishment isn't up to us.
410
00:18:35,278 --> 00:18:36,645
What do you mean?
411
00:18:40,129 --> 00:18:41,280
Grandpa?
412
00:18:41,349 --> 00:18:43,476
Our relationship has changed.
413
00:18:44,919 --> 00:18:46,185
Start running.
414
00:18:46,254 --> 00:18:48,711
I've got a Dixie cup at
home with your name on it.
415
00:18:52,812 --> 00:18:55,022
Hey, if the kids can
work in packs, so can we.
416
00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:56,128
That's right.
417
00:18:56,297 --> 00:18:58,968
And our pack is scarier
'cause we got the T. rex.
418
00:19:05,170 --> 00:19:08,199
There you are. So, you're
not coming to work anymore?
419
00:19:08,224 --> 00:19:09,323
It's been two days.
420
00:19:09,392 --> 00:19:11,169
Well, some people are worker bees,
421
00:19:11,194 --> 00:19:12,677
some people are butterflies.
422
00:19:12,739 --> 00:19:14,262
Me and Teddy are butterflies.
423
00:19:15,177 --> 00:19:17,031
Well, you have to make up those hours.
424
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:19,220
And I found just the right
person to make sure you do.
425
00:19:24,419 --> 00:19:26,040
Mrs. Branch?
426
00:19:26,634 --> 00:19:29,510
Mm-hmm. Still working at the library.
427
00:19:29,579 --> 00:19:31,267
Here. Have a seat.
428
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:35,900
Have a good summer, Don.
31915
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