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1
00:03:06,683 --> 00:03:10,519
Headquarters, we are still
in pursuit of the black Lamborghini.
2
00:03:10,604 --> 00:03:13,480
Car 42,
you've been in pursuit for two hours.
3
00:03:13,565 --> 00:03:16,108
Another five minutes
and you'll be in Arizona.
4
00:03:16,192 --> 00:03:20,112
Yeah, and we're gonna
stay in pursuit until we catch him.
5
00:03:20,196 --> 00:03:23,866
It didn't take us that long to catch Dillinger.
6
00:03:46,849 --> 00:03:49,726
Hi, guys. JJ?
7
00:03:53,564 --> 00:03:54,856
- JJ?
- Victor!
8
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:57,567
Ooh! Um...
9
00:03:57,652 --> 00:04:00,278
- You're two hours late.
- I'm... I'm-I'm sorry.
10
00:04:00,363 --> 00:04:02,364
- Where the hell you been?
- Oh...
11
00:04:03,407 --> 00:04:04,824
I'm sorry.
12
00:04:06,994 --> 00:04:09,913
The fuel-injection system.
It's driving me crazy.
13
00:04:09,997 --> 00:04:13,584
I'm really sorry I'm late, but one of
my hamsters had an anxiety attack.
14
00:04:13,669 --> 00:04:15,628
I couldn't leave him
till he was settled down.
15
00:04:15,712 --> 00:04:18,631
He was acting so crazy,
he ate a piece of tail,
16
00:04:18,715 --> 00:04:21,092
and Henrietta
wasn't even bothering him.
17
00:04:21,176 --> 00:04:23,844
Then he ate his treadmill. Whoo!
18
00:04:27,599 --> 00:04:30,518
They got vets for that.
We got other things to worry about.
19
00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:32,812
Hamsters are a big responsibility.
20
00:04:34,106 --> 00:04:36,941
Let me paint you a mental picture,
all right, Victor?
21
00:04:37,025 --> 00:04:40,027
I want you to think of your hamsters
as a little army
22
00:04:40,112 --> 00:04:42,238
marching along on a treadmill,
23
00:04:42,322 --> 00:04:45,741
running their little legs off,
just running as fast as they can,
24
00:04:45,826 --> 00:04:48,869
making that engine
just purr right along the road.
25
00:04:48,954 --> 00:04:52,707
Oh, JJ.
What a wonderful way to put it.
26
00:04:52,791 --> 00:04:53,874
Hm!
27
00:04:56,128 --> 00:05:00,424
Wouldn't it be great if we could share the glory
of winning the Cannonball with them?
28
00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:05,554
That would be a real team effort.
You, me, the hamsters and... him.
29
00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:24,448
Don't start with him.
I don't want to talk about him.
30
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:28,285
- If you need any help...
- Damn it, I don't want to talk about him!
31
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:29,578
OK.
32
00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,126
Sir James!
33
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,086
Oh, my God. You again?
34
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,130
Fenderbaum, do me a favor.
35
00:05:40,214 --> 00:05:42,300
You're drawing flies.
Get the hell out of here.
36
00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:45,052
No. Wait a minute, Greek.
Only thing I want to know is,
37
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:48,723
how are you figuring the odds
on this Cannonball cockamamie?
38
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,392
It takes brilliance
and years of hard work.
39
00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,394
And you wouldn't understand
any part of that.
40
00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:56,439
Do me a favor.
A race is a race, right?
41
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,400
The only thing you gotta do
in the Cannonball is drive steady,
42
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,486
stay out of trouble
and have a good cover.
43
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:04,781
3,000 miles,
averaging 85 miles an hour.
44
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,699
Do you know what that is?
45
00:06:06,784 --> 00:06:09,619
You want to talk
or do you want a bet?
46
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:15,416
Anti-radar paint, turbo-charged.
JJ, nobody can stop us now.
47
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:16,667
Nobody.
48
00:06:32,101 --> 00:06:36,021
What are you, some kind of nut?
Who do you think you are?
49
00:06:36,105 --> 00:06:38,440
Dun-dun-dah!
50
00:06:38,525 --> 00:06:41,109
I am Captain Chaos.
51
00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:47,449
And this -
this is my faithful companion, Cato.
52
00:06:47,534 --> 00:06:49,618
Say hello, Cato.
53
00:06:51,371 --> 00:06:53,330
Been a cop long?
54
00:06:56,084 --> 00:06:57,668
That's funny.
55
00:06:57,752 --> 00:07:00,504
- You wanna talk or you wanna bet?
- You've got 50-1.
56
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:04,216
And you know what you got?
You got yourself a bet.
57
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:07,678
Twenty big, large ones.
58
00:07:07,762 --> 00:07:11,850
That's a million dollars.
Ha-ha! If you win.
59
00:07:11,934 --> 00:07:16,187
I don't know if you know my partner.
Jamie, you remember Jimmy the Greek.
60
00:07:16,272 --> 00:07:19,315
- Hmmm!
- Ha! Jamie Blake.
61
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,985
You used to drive that Formula One.
62
00:07:22,069 --> 00:07:24,237
When high-buttoned shoes
were in style.
63
00:07:24,321 --> 00:07:28,575
Let me tell you something, Greek.
We got a secret weapon.
64
00:07:28,659 --> 00:07:30,577
God is our copilot.
65
00:07:30,661 --> 00:07:32,495
You'll need him.
66
00:07:36,417 --> 00:07:39,502
- God is our copilot?
- Mm-hm.
67
00:07:39,587 --> 00:07:40,795
Remember our car?
68
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,922
- Yeah.
- Two seats.
69
00:07:43,007 --> 00:07:44,799
Two seats.
70
00:07:44,884 --> 00:07:47,051
Where's he gonna sit?
71
00:07:47,136 --> 00:07:48,261
Where?
72
00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:52,056
Listen to me, el Porko.
73
00:07:52,141 --> 00:07:54,309
We're not in the Indianapolis 500.
74
00:07:54,393 --> 00:07:56,353
We can't have a car with numbers on it.
75
00:07:56,438 --> 00:08:00,107
- We have to camouflage the car somehow.
- Like what, JJ?
76
00:08:00,191 --> 00:08:03,694
How about a limousine with diplomatic plates?
77
00:08:03,778 --> 00:08:04,778
- Nah.
- No.
78
00:08:04,863 --> 00:08:07,531
I know. A bloodmobile.
79
00:08:07,616 --> 00:08:10,200
- Never stop a bloodmobile, would they?
- Nah.
80
00:08:10,285 --> 00:08:14,914
Ice-cream truck. An ice-cream truck.
You know, they got to get there before it melts.
81
00:08:14,998 --> 00:08:16,165
Nah.
82
00:08:19,085 --> 00:08:21,795
Terrific.
We're out of beer, Victor.
83
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:22,838
Sorry.
84
00:08:22,923 --> 00:08:26,634
Take it easy! You're acting crazy
since this Cannonball thing.
85
00:08:26,718 --> 00:08:30,179
I'm gonna pull in here
and get some beer, all right?
86
00:08:32,849 --> 00:08:37,686
How about an armored personnel carrier?
They wouldn't stop that, would they?
87
00:08:51,410 --> 00:08:56,039
Hey, don't bother to park!
I'll be right out.
88
00:09:06,968 --> 00:09:07,926
Thank you.
89
00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:11,054
We could get a black Trans Am.
No, that's been done.
90
00:09:35,455 --> 00:09:38,666
Hello, Mother.
I trust you had a pleasant day.
91
00:09:39,376 --> 00:09:44,046
A nightmare. A living nightmare.
You are killing me, Seymour.
92
00:09:44,131 --> 00:09:48,718
Killing me a slow death
with this idiot spy business.
93
00:09:48,802 --> 00:09:52,596
- Mother, you don't understand.
- What is there to understand?
94
00:09:52,681 --> 00:09:56,642
I'm looking at my son,
Seymour Goldfarb Jr,
95
00:09:56,727 --> 00:09:59,645
son of Seymour Goldfarb,
God rest his soul,
96
00:09:59,730 --> 00:10:02,690
and heir to the Goldfarb Girdles fortune.
97
00:10:02,774 --> 00:10:04,692
And what is he doing?
98
00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:06,819
Walking around, acting,
99
00:10:06,903 --> 00:10:10,282
like he was some goy movie star
named Roger Moore.
100
00:10:10,366 --> 00:10:13,452
And for this
I sent you to the best schools?
101
00:10:13,536 --> 00:10:16,705
For this I'm spending 8,000
on orthodontia work?
102
00:10:16,789 --> 00:10:20,375
For this I'm going broke,
paying that Beverly Hills analyst?
103
00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:21,877
And now... Ha-ha!
104
00:10:21,961 --> 00:10:23,920
.. this.
105
00:10:24,005 --> 00:10:27,924
The sleep-in maid found it
under your pillow this morning.
106
00:10:28,009 --> 00:10:30,218
What is the meaning of this?
107
00:10:30,303 --> 00:10:33,138
The meaning, Mother dear,
is a quick death.
108
00:10:33,222 --> 00:10:35,974
I warned you
not to interfere in my affairs.
109
00:10:36,059 --> 00:10:38,769
Seymour, put that away.
It's liable to go off.
110
00:10:39,937 --> 00:10:44,357
I'm terribly sorry, Mother,
but you know too much.
111
00:10:44,442 --> 00:10:46,151
You see, in my business,
112
00:10:46,235 --> 00:10:50,572
even the deepest family relationships
aren't worth a farthing.
113
00:10:50,656 --> 00:10:52,825
Farthing, schmarthing.
114
00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:57,663
- No.
- Zei gezunt, Mama.
115
00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:02,543
Oy! Where did I go wrong?
116
00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:05,129
You know something, Mama?
You're too Jewish.
117
00:11:06,673 --> 00:11:09,717
We could always
go with a nice, plain-Jane Chevy,
118
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:12,011
with a truckload of Sidewinder missiles!
119
00:11:12,096 --> 00:11:14,764
Maybe you should slow this down
just a little bit!
120
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,934
- I can't hear you!
- I said, you're making waves!
121
00:11:18,018 --> 00:11:19,685
You're bothering the people!
122
00:11:19,770 --> 00:11:24,732
What the hell has going too fast
got to do with being in the Cannonball?
123
00:11:24,817 --> 00:11:26,859
JJ, you're making very big waves!
124
00:11:26,944 --> 00:11:30,321
Hi. How are ya?
125
00:11:30,405 --> 00:11:31,572
Aaargh!
126
00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:45,087
You guys are lucky.
You tore the heck out of that boat.
127
00:11:46,297 --> 00:11:49,091
- You all right, Victor?
- Oh, I'm fine, JJ.
128
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:51,051
It only hurts when I point.
129
00:11:52,262 --> 00:11:54,346
You know,
maybe it would've been better,
130
00:11:54,430 --> 00:11:57,349
if you didn't pay so much attention
to those girls.
131
00:11:57,433 --> 00:11:59,268
- Nobody's perfect.
- That's true.
132
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,354
Nobody's perfect, but him.
133
00:12:05,275 --> 00:12:06,233
Sorry.
134
00:12:06,317 --> 00:12:07,943
How far is it to the hospital?
135
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:09,903
- About ten miles.
- Oh, yeah?
136
00:12:09,988 --> 00:12:13,407
- How long will it take us to get there?
- About four or five minutes.
137
00:12:13,491 --> 00:12:17,536
You can smoke through traffic
like shot through a gun in this thing.
138
00:12:32,887 --> 00:12:33,845
Argh!
139
00:12:44,148 --> 00:12:46,149
Jackie Chan.
140
00:12:46,984 --> 00:12:49,319
Here's Johnny!
141
00:13:06,338 --> 00:13:08,589
Jackie Chan.
142
00:13:12,802 --> 00:13:14,762
Godzilla movie.
143
00:13:17,641 --> 00:13:19,475
Michael Hui.
144
00:13:41,873 --> 00:13:42,831
Excuse me.
145
00:14:11,904 --> 00:14:13,196
Camel.
146
00:14:13,281 --> 00:14:15,615
Not the Camel, schmuck.
Winston.
147
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:17,075
Ah!
148
00:14:48,066 --> 00:14:51,485
Starting tomorrow, you and George
will be riding in the car with me.
149
00:14:51,570 --> 00:14:53,487
Yes, sir.
150
00:15:01,038 --> 00:15:03,039
How goes your driving, my brother?
151
00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:05,291
Allah be praised, dear sister.
152
00:15:05,375 --> 00:15:09,503
My speed is rivaled only by the lightning bolts
from the heavens!
153
00:15:14,634 --> 00:15:19,556
And I suppose you still intend to go through
that race with the infidel Americans.
154
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,935
The Cannonball will fall to the forces of Islam!
155
00:15:24,020 --> 00:15:26,980
My dear sister. I pledge it!
156
00:15:27,774 --> 00:15:29,900
Drink! Drink!
157
00:15:29,984 --> 00:15:32,235
- The car will be there, correct?
- Yes, Mr. Compton.
158
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,780
Don't forget to cancel
the board meeting on Monday.
159
00:15:34,864 --> 00:15:38,033
I'm going to spend a week in Spain
at the castle.
160
00:15:38,117 --> 00:15:39,076
Yes, Mr. Compton.
161
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:43,288
I want you to find an old friend
of mine, a Mr. Shakey Finch.
162
00:15:43,373 --> 00:15:47,000
He is the finest long-distance
motorcycle rider in this nation.
163
00:15:47,085 --> 00:15:49,086
- You got it?
- Yes, Mr. Compton.
164
00:15:50,463 --> 00:15:54,800
The board has asked me
to express their concern one more time.
165
00:15:54,884 --> 00:15:57,719
- Please reconsider.
- Not possible, Arthur.
166
00:15:57,804 --> 00:16:02,182
The board will have to permit me
this one indulgence to my ego.
167
00:16:27,292 --> 00:16:30,461
- Boy, ain't he something?
- Are you kidding?
168
00:16:30,546 --> 00:16:34,674
That is the dumbest thing I've seen since
that dimwit tried to jump the Grand Canyon.
169
00:16:39,555 --> 00:16:41,639
He's still on our ass.
170
00:16:41,723 --> 00:16:44,934
I don't think... I don't think...
I don't think he's a-bluffing, either.
171
00:16:45,018 --> 00:16:46,727
Now, don't you worry, son.
172
00:16:46,813 --> 00:16:49,148
I'm gonna lose him
right up here at the motel.
173
00:16:49,232 --> 00:16:51,942
Hey, I remember.
There's a spot...
174
00:16:52,026 --> 00:16:56,947
There... There's a spot in... right in back,
and it's a perfect spot to hide.
175
00:16:57,031 --> 00:16:59,366
All right. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
176
00:16:59,451 --> 00:17:00,993
Take a... Take...
177
00:17:01,077 --> 00:17:02,035
- Left.
- Oh, hell.
178
00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:03,454
- Take a left.
- Left.
179
00:17:06,374 --> 00:17:10,377
- I can't see shit. Can you?
- No problem, son. No problem.
180
00:17:13,381 --> 00:17:14,715
What was that?
181
00:17:26,853 --> 00:17:28,645
That's... That's...
182
00:17:28,730 --> 00:17:31,858
That's p-p-p-p-perfect.
183
00:17:33,194 --> 00:17:36,404
That's better than hiding it...
That's better than hiding it out back.
184
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:39,240
I know.
But the only problem we got now,
185
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:41,868
is we have to go and retune it.
186
00:17:41,952 --> 00:17:42,994
All right?
187
00:17:43,078 --> 00:17:44,329
Let's go get a beer first.
188
00:17:44,413 --> 00:17:46,539
Yeah, let's go get a... Let's... Beer.
189
00:17:49,251 --> 00:17:52,128
I'd like to thank Mona Corson of Westport
190
00:17:52,213 --> 00:17:56,132
for that wonderful luncheon of
hemp sandwiches and woodchip consomm�.
191
00:17:57,301 --> 00:18:01,429
And now,
the moment you've all been waiting for.
192
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:05,725
This is a titty turn...
Terrific turnout for the meeting.
193
00:18:05,809 --> 00:18:07,894
- Yes, terrific.
- He led the campaign
194
00:18:07,978 --> 00:18:12,106
to ban the use of electric toothbrushes
during peak load hours,
195
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:13,942
and to sound the alarm...
196
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:18,280
I suppose you, uh...
came here to hear me speak.
197
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:21,534
No, no, not really. I'm into trees.
198
00:18:22,494 --> 00:18:23,911
Ah.
199
00:18:23,995 --> 00:18:25,371
Trees.
200
00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:30,960
Friends of Nature love trees,
so I come to the meetings.
201
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:33,504
That's very interesting.
202
00:18:33,588 --> 00:18:36,173
I love anybody who loves trees.
203
00:18:36,258 --> 00:18:39,802
Well, they happen
to be a great passion of mine.
204
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:42,179
You know what I like best about trees?
205
00:18:42,264 --> 00:18:43,430
No, what?
206
00:18:43,515 --> 00:18:46,141
That you can lie under them
on a moonlit night
207
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:47,851
with the breeze blowing,
208
00:18:47,936 --> 00:18:49,603
bawl your brains out.
209
00:18:49,688 --> 00:18:52,690
Mr. Arthur J Foyt.
210
00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:58,195
Mr. Foyt. Mr. Foyt.
211
00:19:03,286 --> 00:19:05,495
Give that sucker some juice.
212
00:19:05,580 --> 00:19:10,250
The only thing hiding it... hiding it...
hiding it in the... pool
213
00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:13,378
did was... m-make it p-purty.
214
00:19:13,462 --> 00:19:15,672
It ain't running worth a shit.
And it's wet.
215
00:19:15,756 --> 00:19:18,508
I know that.
Just hit it one more time, all right?
216
00:19:20,094 --> 00:19:22,304
Hold it! Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!
217
00:19:22,388 --> 00:19:23,430
I know what's wrong.
218
00:19:23,514 --> 00:19:25,432
Don't think for a minute...
219
00:19:25,516 --> 00:19:29,019
.. that we in Washington
220
00:19:29,103 --> 00:19:31,646
don't appreciate your Mothers' March
221
00:19:31,731 --> 00:19:35,233
to ban the sale
of colored toilet paper
222
00:19:35,318 --> 00:19:39,237
to, uh, help reduce irritation of the, uh...
223
00:19:39,322 --> 00:19:41,239
rectum!
224
00:19:43,826 --> 00:19:48,247
But today,
I want to direct my remarks
225
00:19:48,332 --> 00:19:52,209
to an old and familiar enemy.
226
00:19:54,004 --> 00:19:55,254
The automobile.
227
00:19:55,339 --> 00:19:57,465
All right. One more time.
Let me hear it.
228
00:20:01,637 --> 00:20:03,054
Ha! It's...
229
00:20:03,138 --> 00:20:09,435
I- It reminds me of a, uh... a poem I wrote.
230
00:20:09,519 --> 00:20:12,271
The automobile, the automobile...
231
00:20:23,659 --> 00:20:27,161
Who was that?
Get your hand out of my face.
232
00:20:27,245 --> 00:20:28,997
Are you all right?
233
00:20:29,082 --> 00:20:31,625
They picked on the wrong one this time!
234
00:20:31,709 --> 00:20:33,794
I guarantee
they're gonna pay for this,
235
00:20:33,878 --> 00:20:38,131
because when the going gets tough,
the tough get going!
236
00:20:40,426 --> 00:20:42,260
She's running good now, buddy.
237
00:20:43,262 --> 00:20:45,222
I still think we ought to paint it.
238
00:20:45,306 --> 00:20:48,684
If we're gonna paint it, let's go ahead
and Midasize it, all right?
239
00:20:52,897 --> 00:20:54,272
Hey, there's the motel.
240
00:20:54,357 --> 00:20:57,317
Look at the parking lot.
The Cannonballers have it all jammed up.
241
00:20:57,402 --> 00:21:00,070
Man, I can't handle this traffic.
242
00:21:00,154 --> 00:21:01,446
Hold on to your lunch pail.
243
00:21:01,531 --> 00:21:04,116
- This may get a little weird.
- Wait a minute.
244
00:21:06,202 --> 00:21:07,160
Slow down!
245
00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:17,463
- Hey, you the one running this fleabag?
- Huh-uh!
246
00:21:17,548 --> 00:21:19,882
- Where the hookers?
- What?
247
00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:22,301
Hookers, man. Where the hookers?
248
00:21:22,386 --> 00:21:24,178
Excuse me. Excuse me.
249
00:21:26,140 --> 00:21:28,057
- Hello, Mad Dog.
- Hey, JJ.
250
00:21:28,142 --> 00:21:30,601
You probably didn't realize,
but the parking lot's outside.
251
00:21:30,686 --> 00:21:33,938
- I know. Brakes went out.
- Do you think you're the President?
252
00:21:34,022 --> 00:21:37,984
Well, let me make one thing perfectly clear.
253
00:21:38,068 --> 00:21:42,196
We feel terrible about it.
And if they can't take a joke...
254
00:21:44,283 --> 00:21:46,826
Thank goodness.
We just had a terrible accident.
255
00:21:46,910 --> 00:21:51,456
- We'd like to help you, but we're off duty.
- This man looks bad. Maybe he's dead.
256
00:21:51,540 --> 00:21:54,584
You should call the coroner.
JJ, he don't look too good.
257
00:21:54,668 --> 00:21:55,793
Nah.
258
00:21:57,964 --> 00:22:00,507
- He's just had his bell rung.
- Can't you do something?
259
00:22:00,592 --> 00:22:04,344
- I mean, you're professionals.
- This is our day off.
260
00:22:04,429 --> 00:22:06,013
Will you guys do something?
261
00:22:06,097 --> 00:22:08,557
This man's life is hanging by a thread!
262
00:22:10,685 --> 00:22:12,269
Victor.
263
00:22:17,233 --> 00:22:20,861
You have to be very scientific about this.
It could go up the nostrils, affect the sinuses.
264
00:22:20,945 --> 00:22:22,196
That's true.
265
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:23,405
Hm?
266
00:22:32,081 --> 00:22:33,415
There.
267
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,000
Don't bother about the bill.
268
00:22:35,084 --> 00:22:38,504
Just give him a couple of enemas
and call me in the morning.
269
00:22:41,382 --> 00:22:42,550
Hi. How's it going?
270
00:22:42,635 --> 00:22:44,677
- Perfect.
- We'd like two singles.
271
00:22:44,762 --> 00:22:46,304
JJ McCIure, Victor Prinzim.
272
00:22:46,388 --> 00:22:47,722
I'll be in the bar.
273
00:22:48,724 --> 00:22:51,059
I always like a couple of drinks
right after surgery.
274
00:22:58,192 --> 00:23:00,443
I wonder why that guy
parked his truck in the lobby.
275
00:23:00,528 --> 00:23:02,821
Only in America.
Get me 12 suites.
276
00:23:02,905 --> 00:23:05,532
- Better yet, the entire floor.
- Yes, sir.
277
00:23:07,117 --> 00:23:08,701
Ah! Too much couscous.
278
00:23:10,287 --> 00:23:12,288
I sure as H
would like to get my hands on
279
00:23:12,373 --> 00:23:14,916
those Hell's Angels
who were driving that truck.
280
00:23:16,502 --> 00:23:18,253
But it's probably just as well,
281
00:23:18,337 --> 00:23:21,381
because I am a wild bull
when I lose my temper.
282
00:23:23,843 --> 00:23:26,679
- I love wild bulls.
- Oh!
283
00:23:29,266 --> 00:23:32,726
It's really funny that you should...
Oh, my God. It's them.
284
00:23:32,811 --> 00:23:34,770
- "Them" who?
- Those Hell's Angels.
285
00:23:34,855 --> 00:23:38,524
- They could be part of a terrorist group.
- I don't know.
286
00:23:39,276 --> 00:23:45,406
But this place is filling up...
with some real hoodlums.
287
00:23:46,116 --> 00:23:48,492
Did you see anything weird back there?
288
00:23:48,577 --> 00:23:51,161
- No.
- I'm gonna find out.
289
00:24:02,799 --> 00:24:05,843
Why is it so difficult for you
to find a doctor?
290
00:24:05,927 --> 00:24:07,511
It's very, very hard.
291
00:24:07,596 --> 00:24:10,223
It's not easy finding a doctor
to take off like that.
292
00:24:10,308 --> 00:24:14,185
- Dr. Gay doesn't even leave his house.
- If you're gonna win the Cannonball
293
00:24:14,270 --> 00:24:17,564
driving an ambulance,
you have to have a doctor in the...
294
00:24:17,648 --> 00:24:18,899
What does Dr. Gay do?
295
00:24:18,983 --> 00:24:22,027
He's my shrink.
He was committed yesterday.
296
00:24:22,111 --> 00:24:24,446
- Why?
- He was smoking bananas.
297
00:24:25,573 --> 00:24:28,700
He gets very upset when he talks to...
him.
298
00:24:28,784 --> 00:24:30,785
- So do I.
- Oh.
299
00:24:31,621 --> 00:24:34,122
Sorry.
I don't want fruit in my drink.
300
00:24:38,753 --> 00:24:41,963
Congratulations. Here's to you.
Good luck.
301
00:24:42,048 --> 00:24:44,341
- Much obliged.
- And to you, Father.
302
00:24:45,509 --> 00:24:46,801
You dumb shits.
303
00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:50,847
They haven't got a chance.
You know what?
304
00:24:50,932 --> 00:24:54,602
I think I'm gonna call the Greek
and put another 10,000 on us.
305
00:24:57,397 --> 00:24:58,522
- JJ.
- Mm.
306
00:24:58,607 --> 00:25:00,024
What about those two?
307
00:25:00,108 --> 00:25:03,444
Maybe... Maybe one of those beauties
could be our patient.
308
00:25:03,528 --> 00:25:05,196
- Both of them could be.
- Woof!
309
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:11,661
Hm. I could be very patient with those patients.
They're very lickable... very likeable.
310
00:25:11,745 --> 00:25:15,289
Tell you what. Let's, the two of us,
go over there and talk to them.
311
00:25:15,374 --> 00:25:17,792
- OK.
- I'll do all the talking.
312
00:25:17,876 --> 00:25:20,962
- Victor, you just think about the doctor.
- OK.
313
00:25:25,050 --> 00:25:26,926
Argh! Ooh!
314
00:25:27,010 --> 00:25:28,719
Oh!
315
00:25:31,264 --> 00:25:33,057
- Good evening, ladies.
- Evening.
316
00:25:33,141 --> 00:25:36,769
My name is JJ McClure.
This is Victor Prinzim, my executive assistant.
317
00:25:36,853 --> 00:25:38,814
- Hi...
- I'll do the talking, Victor.
318
00:25:38,898 --> 00:25:41,149
Terrorists, my dimpled ass.
319
00:25:41,234 --> 00:25:45,696
These people make terrorists
look like the Sisters of Charity.
320
00:25:45,780 --> 00:25:49,032
These guys are Cannonballers.
321
00:25:51,953 --> 00:25:53,829
What is that, a bowling team?
322
00:25:53,913 --> 00:25:56,415
We're the favorites
to win the Cannonball tomorrow,
323
00:25:56,499 --> 00:25:58,458
and I was wondering if one of you,
or both of you,
324
00:25:58,543 --> 00:26:00,627
might like to ride in the winning vehicle.
325
00:26:00,712 --> 00:26:02,879
That would be very exciting.
326
00:26:02,964 --> 00:26:04,548
Exciting.
327
00:26:04,632 --> 00:26:06,800
But we're Cannonballers ourselves.
Thank you.
328
00:26:06,884 --> 00:26:09,011
They're Cannonballers?
329
00:26:09,095 --> 00:26:13,140
And, as for the winning vehicle, well,
we'll just have to wait and see.
330
00:26:13,224 --> 00:26:15,225
You haven't seen our equipment.
331
00:26:17,103 --> 00:26:18,103
Equipment?
332
00:26:20,523 --> 00:26:21,857
Equipment.
333
00:26:48,135 --> 00:26:49,135
Hi.
334
00:26:50,262 --> 00:26:51,262
Hi.
335
00:26:53,057 --> 00:26:55,725
Don't tell me your name.
Let me guess.
336
00:26:58,687 --> 00:26:59,687
Melissa.
337
00:27:00,773 --> 00:27:01,898
No.
338
00:27:04,151 --> 00:27:05,610
Juliette.
339
00:27:05,694 --> 00:27:08,489
- No.
- Betty?
340
00:27:08,573 --> 00:27:10,032
No.
341
00:27:12,077 --> 00:27:13,702
I'll just call you Beauty, OK?
342
00:27:13,787 --> 00:27:16,038
Aw. That's nice.
343
00:27:16,122 --> 00:27:17,372
Thank you.
344
00:27:17,457 --> 00:27:18,749
Sit down.
345
00:27:23,546 --> 00:27:26,799
- Are you one of those volleyballers?
- Cannonballers.
346
00:27:26,883 --> 00:27:29,009
- No.
- Why are you dressed up like that?
347
00:27:30,053 --> 00:27:32,221
Humanitarian reasons.
348
00:27:32,305 --> 00:27:35,557
I'm a wealthy philanthropist.
349
00:27:35,642 --> 00:27:38,477
Me and my partner,
we just ride around in an ambulance,
350
00:27:38,561 --> 00:27:40,896
looking for accidents,
trying to help people.
351
00:27:42,023 --> 00:27:44,358
I don't think we were put on this earth
to hurt people,
352
00:27:44,442 --> 00:27:47,277
I think we were put on this earth
to help people.
353
00:27:47,362 --> 00:27:49,822
- That's beautiful.
- Thank you.
354
00:27:50,824 --> 00:27:53,660
You must be a sensitive person.
355
00:27:53,744 --> 00:27:57,247
- I try to be.
- I bet you're a fan of Rod McKuen's.
356
00:27:57,331 --> 00:27:58,957
I listen to him every night.
357
00:27:59,041 --> 00:28:00,500
I'm into trees.
358
00:28:01,836 --> 00:28:04,462
- Have you ever heard of Joyce Kilmer?
- Yeah.
359
00:28:04,547 --> 00:28:08,216
- She wrote a really terrific poem about a tree.
- Uh... He.
360
00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:09,634
Who?
361
00:28:09,718 --> 00:28:12,011
- He.
- He is a she?
362
00:28:12,096 --> 00:28:14,764
- She's a he.
- Oh!
363
00:28:14,849 --> 00:28:18,810
Well, he wrote a really terrific poem
about a tree.
364
00:28:18,894 --> 00:28:19,853
Yeah.
365
00:28:19,937 --> 00:28:22,730
- You know what I like best about trees?
- No, what?
366
00:28:22,815 --> 00:28:25,775
That you can lie under them
on a moonlit night,
367
00:28:25,860 --> 00:28:28,778
the leaves gently blowing...
368
00:28:30,197 --> 00:28:32,782
- Sorry about that.
- It's all right.
369
00:28:34,702 --> 00:28:36,328
What were you saying about trees?
370
00:28:36,413 --> 00:28:40,291
I was saying,
what I like best about trees is that,
371
00:28:40,375 --> 00:28:43,502
on a moonlit night
you can lie under them,
372
00:28:43,587 --> 00:28:45,713
- with the leaves gently blowing...
- JJ?
373
00:28:45,797 --> 00:28:49,425
Hey, JJ, you'll never believe
what just happened to him!
374
00:28:49,509 --> 00:28:51,760
- I don't want to talk about it.
- He had the most wonderful time.
375
00:28:51,845 --> 00:28:55,347
I don't want to talk about...
Victor, Beauty. Beauty, Victor.
376
00:28:55,432 --> 00:28:57,516
- Hello, Victor.
- You really are.
377
00:28:57,601 --> 00:29:00,686
- You wanna hear about the doc?
- He can tell me about the doctor.
378
00:29:00,770 --> 00:29:03,689
- Oh, it's about the doctor.
- It's really important.
379
00:29:03,773 --> 00:29:05,441
- We need a doc for the ambulance.
- It'll keep!
380
00:29:05,525 --> 00:29:08,819
- I'll just leave you two alone.
- But, listen, I think you should hear...
381
00:29:08,904 --> 00:29:12,114
- It'll keep!
- It's really important.
382
00:29:12,199 --> 00:29:14,491
I want to talk to her.
383
00:29:14,576 --> 00:29:15,910
Who?
384
00:29:18,038 --> 00:29:20,790
- Now do you wanna hear about the doc?
- No!
385
00:29:20,875 --> 00:29:21,917
It'll keep.
386
00:29:24,462 --> 00:29:27,297
Hey, Brad, old buddy! Ha-ha!
How the hell are you?
387
00:29:27,381 --> 00:29:31,635
Shakey. My God, it is you.
Hello, Shakey!
388
00:29:34,263 --> 00:29:37,057
Shakey, it's kind of tough
to get close to you.
389
00:29:37,141 --> 00:29:40,518
- Last time I saw you, you were more svelte.
- What can I tell you?
390
00:29:40,603 --> 00:29:44,356
In the pizza business, when things are slow,
you tend to eat the inventory.
391
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,608
Listen, that's not good for the Cannonball.
392
00:29:46,692 --> 00:29:49,861
You know that. You don't need a motorcycle.
You need the Super Chief.
393
00:29:49,946 --> 00:29:54,115
Even with the extra tonnage,
I'm still the best there is.
394
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,493
Yeah? Well, I'll tell you what.
395
00:29:56,577 --> 00:29:59,829
I got a throttle that's been sticking.
Why don't you fix that?
396
00:29:59,914 --> 00:30:05,836
Boss, this is the biggest coup
in the history of the Safety Enforcement Unit.
397
00:30:05,921 --> 00:30:09,215
We're gonna blow
this Cannonball thing wide open
398
00:30:09,299 --> 00:30:11,884
and then we're gonna hit Congress
for a real budget
399
00:30:11,969 --> 00:30:14,345
that will allow us
to play some real hardball.
400
00:30:14,429 --> 00:30:18,849
I mean, this is our Three Mile Island
and Love Canal combined.
401
00:30:18,934 --> 00:30:20,977
Oooh!
402
00:30:21,061 --> 00:30:22,061
Unnnnh!
403
00:30:22,145 --> 00:30:25,523
- What's wrong?
- Look at the chicks.
404
00:30:27,192 --> 00:30:30,111
- What is it?
- Look at those chicks.
405
00:30:30,195 --> 00:30:32,780
Boy, if we were Methodists,
406
00:30:32,864 --> 00:30:36,325
what a shot we could have
of getting laid right here.
407
00:30:37,911 --> 00:30:41,414
Listen, I want to get up there.
I don't want to miss a thing.
408
00:30:41,498 --> 00:30:42,915
No. Yes. Yes.
409
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,458
All right. There you go.
410
00:30:44,543 --> 00:30:46,377
Just as good as new.
Give her a try.
411
00:30:46,461 --> 00:30:48,504
- That's it?
- That's it.
412
00:30:48,588 --> 00:30:50,048
All right.
413
00:30:51,092 --> 00:30:52,759
We'll see.
414
00:30:53,886 --> 00:30:56,847
I don't think it's the throttle!
I think it's the clutch!
415
00:30:56,931 --> 00:30:59,141
Goodbye.
416
00:30:59,225 --> 00:31:00,726
Look out!
417
00:31:00,810 --> 00:31:03,353
Hey, watch out! Watch out!
418
00:31:04,981 --> 00:31:07,065
Coming through!
419
00:31:14,741 --> 00:31:16,408
What in the hell was that?!
420
00:31:16,492 --> 00:31:19,953
Oh! That must be the entry
of the National Safety Council.
421
00:31:52,529 --> 00:31:53,738
Good day.
422
00:31:53,822 --> 00:31:57,116
I am here to participate
in your little jaunt to California.
423
00:31:57,201 --> 00:31:59,827
Well, of course.
If you would sign in here, please.
424
00:32:04,124 --> 00:32:06,292
Hold still, Petey. Say cheese.
425
00:32:08,087 --> 00:32:12,507
I realize the novelty of a major celebrity
entering your little race,
426
00:32:12,591 --> 00:32:16,844
but kindly resist the temptation and keep
the media coverage to a minimum.
427
00:32:16,929 --> 00:32:17,888
Thank you.
428
00:32:17,972 --> 00:32:19,515
Will you hurry the hell up?
429
00:32:34,030 --> 00:32:37,366
- Got it?
- I got it. Hurry up, will ya?
430
00:32:51,214 --> 00:32:54,550
Man does not live on... on bread alone.
431
00:32:55,718 --> 00:32:58,470
What concerns me is,
do we have enough ice for all this beer?
432
00:32:58,555 --> 00:33:01,682
- P-p-p-p! Plenty.
- Mm-hm.
433
00:33:01,766 --> 00:33:04,853
Yeah, well, how about food, son?
Did you bring enough food?
434
00:33:05,938 --> 00:33:09,023
- Plenty.
- Get serious. Give me the rest of that beer.
435
00:33:19,743 --> 00:33:21,619
Excuse me, good sisters, if you will.
436
00:33:21,704 --> 00:33:25,039
Father, we do have a race to run,
and we're running a little late.
437
00:33:25,124 --> 00:33:27,625
So, come on.
Will you excuse him, good sisters?
438
00:33:29,378 --> 00:33:32,422
- Bye-bye.
- Don't run off. Tonight's the night.
439
00:33:33,549 --> 00:33:35,717
OK. I'd like to welcome you all
440
00:33:35,801 --> 00:33:38,094
to an event
that's sometimes been called
441
00:33:38,179 --> 00:33:40,847
the automotive counterpart
to the Bay of Pigs.
442
00:33:42,141 --> 00:33:45,101
You all are certainly
the most distinguished group
443
00:33:45,186 --> 00:33:50,191
of highway scofflaws and degenerates
ever gathered together in one place.
444
00:33:50,275 --> 00:33:51,734
We're gonna have a lot of fun.
445
00:33:51,818 --> 00:33:53,611
Of course, certain skeptics note
446
00:33:53,695 --> 00:33:57,823
that perhaps 10,000 of the nation's
most elite highway patrolmen
447
00:33:57,908 --> 00:34:01,368
are out there waiting for us after we start,
but let's think positively.
448
00:34:01,453 --> 00:34:04,747
Think of the fact
that there is not one state in the 50
449
00:34:04,831 --> 00:34:07,166
that has the death penalty
for speeding.
450
00:34:07,250 --> 00:34:10,211
Although I'm not so sure about Ohio.
451
00:34:10,295 --> 00:34:13,088
Everybody is gonna get a card like this.
452
00:34:13,173 --> 00:34:16,717
When you leave, you're gonna
punch out here at this time clock.
453
00:34:16,801 --> 00:34:19,094
3,000 miles, roughly, away from here
454
00:34:19,179 --> 00:34:22,056
is another time clock just like that
at the Portofino Inn.
455
00:34:22,140 --> 00:34:26,018
The difference between the two times
is your time across the country.
456
00:34:26,102 --> 00:34:30,147
The record stands at
32 hours and 51 minutes.
457
00:34:30,232 --> 00:34:31,316
Believe it or not,
458
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,361
those guys did break
the 55-mile-an-hour speed limit.
459
00:34:37,323 --> 00:34:40,825
Let's get that first car up here.
We're gonna get this thing under way.
460
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:57,008
Go!
461
00:35:00,846 --> 00:35:03,223
Victor.
I know.
462
00:35:03,307 --> 00:35:04,849
All right. Where is the doctor?
463
00:35:04,934 --> 00:35:07,018
- I got everything else.
- Where's the doctor?
464
00:35:07,103 --> 00:35:09,312
- I got 60 gallons of gasoline.
- Read my lips.
465
00:35:09,397 --> 00:35:10,438
Where is the doctor?
466
00:35:10,523 --> 00:35:13,567
- The auxiliary tanks are full...
- I gave you one responsibility,
467
00:35:13,651 --> 00:35:16,404
to get a doctor. Now, where is he?
468
00:35:16,488 --> 00:35:18,281
He got sick.
469
00:35:18,365 --> 00:35:20,199
Listen to what I'm telling you.
470
00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:22,743
You go find a doctor. Get me Dr. Kildare,
471
00:35:22,828 --> 00:35:24,745
get me Dr. Livingstone,
get me Dr. Frankenstein.
472
00:35:24,830 --> 00:35:27,582
Just get me a doctor.
Go where the doctors hang out.
473
00:35:27,666 --> 00:35:29,709
- Where's that?
- Bars, golf courses.
474
00:35:29,793 --> 00:35:32,295
Golf course, bar. Where else? Hospital!
475
00:35:32,379 --> 00:35:33,629
Try there too.
476
00:35:33,714 --> 00:35:36,382
My jet will take you to California.
477
00:35:36,466 --> 00:35:38,551
It's time for you to punch out.
478
00:35:42,764 --> 00:35:45,725
I'll see you in California.
I love you!
479
00:35:51,982 --> 00:35:55,026
A toast to us, you and me.
We're gonna win the whole thing.
480
00:35:55,110 --> 00:35:56,068
It's a cinch.
481
00:35:56,153 --> 00:36:00,449
The more I look around
and see these turkeys, I have...
482
00:36:03,536 --> 00:36:06,705
While you're drinking,
that truck to the left.
483
00:36:06,789 --> 00:36:08,957
Isn't that JJ McCIure?
484
00:36:09,959 --> 00:36:13,670
He's nothing.
Don't worry about him.
485
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:15,964
It's the blimp next to him.
The blimp.
486
00:36:16,049 --> 00:36:20,802
When he puts on that mask,
he'll blow your goddamn doors off.
487
00:36:20,887 --> 00:36:23,555
You understand that? The blimp!
488
00:36:32,774 --> 00:36:36,151
- Is that weird?
- Wow!
489
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,491
It's a Nevada license plate.
490
00:36:42,575 --> 00:36:46,913
And that's whiskey, zebra, alpha,
491
00:36:46,997 --> 00:36:49,374
niner, fiver, zero.
492
00:36:49,458 --> 00:36:51,668
- You got that?
- What?
493
00:36:51,752 --> 00:36:55,046
It's...
Just write WZA 9...
494
00:36:55,130 --> 00:36:56,756
Here. Will you let me do it?
495
00:36:56,840 --> 00:37:00,927
WZA 950. See?
496
00:37:01,011 --> 00:37:02,804
Whiskey, zebra, alpha,
497
00:37:02,888 --> 00:37:05,098
- niner, fiver, zero.
- Oh.
498
00:37:06,058 --> 00:37:07,308
Oh.
499
00:37:10,396 --> 00:37:14,190
OK, so it's Interstate 80
through Pennsylvania.
500
00:37:14,274 --> 00:37:18,277
- Pick up...
- Oh, that's a good-looking piece.
501
00:37:18,362 --> 00:37:22,031
And cunningly disguised
so it won't look like a racing car.
502
00:37:22,116 --> 00:37:25,702
You know, the cops would never
give that a second glance.
503
00:37:25,786 --> 00:37:29,248
220 miles an hour, and they
aren't gonna get a second glance.
504
00:37:29,332 --> 00:37:34,253
Hey, when we get to California,
I got a place out at Palos Verdes...
505
00:37:34,337 --> 00:37:37,840
You boys gonna start this thing
or just sit there and wait for that paint to dry?
506
00:37:39,175 --> 00:37:40,384
Yes, sir.
507
00:37:43,054 --> 00:37:44,346
How long till we stop?
508
00:37:44,431 --> 00:37:48,308
- Eight hours!
- Damn! I... I gotta go to the john!
509
00:37:56,651 --> 00:37:57,860
Go.
510
00:38:02,282 --> 00:38:05,784
Mad Dog, you are gonna take
the shortcut to the interstate, aren't you?
511
00:38:05,869 --> 00:38:07,953
We're here to win, ain't we?
512
00:38:08,037 --> 00:38:11,957
If you gonna be a bear, be a grizzly!
513
00:38:18,466 --> 00:38:22,051
My God, Pamela. Did you see that?
514
00:38:22,136 --> 00:38:25,388
They drove right through those trees.
515
00:38:25,473 --> 00:38:27,015
I love trees. Did I tell you...
516
00:38:27,099 --> 00:38:28,725
We are going right down there
517
00:38:28,809 --> 00:38:31,728
and bring this thing
to a screeching halt, right now.
518
00:38:31,812 --> 00:38:34,230
Buckle up. We're going into action.
519
00:38:36,817 --> 00:38:38,026
Would you mind?
520
00:38:39,195 --> 00:38:40,153
Very civil.
521
00:38:40,237 --> 00:38:42,113
Might be easier with your lights on.
522
00:38:42,198 --> 00:38:43,823
Why advertise?
523
00:38:45,534 --> 00:38:47,827
- Wait a minute, Father.
- What?
524
00:38:47,912 --> 00:38:51,498
That's a no-no. They haven't allowed that
for nearly 2,000 years.
525
00:38:51,582 --> 00:38:56,628
No, look. I'm a liberal wing,
way out, on the other part of the church.
526
00:38:56,713 --> 00:38:58,672
- It's nothing at all.
- Keep flying, Father.
527
00:38:58,757 --> 00:39:00,591
"Keep flying. "
528
00:39:03,887 --> 00:39:05,763
How about just one of you?
529
00:39:08,767 --> 00:39:11,101
Who says cops
won't stop honeymooners?
530
00:39:11,186 --> 00:39:13,103
Anyhow, why do I have to be the bride?
531
00:39:13,188 --> 00:39:15,272
Shut up, sweetie, and punch the clock.
532
00:39:16,107 --> 00:39:20,528
- OK, go slow until I get my wig on.
- Yes, dear.
533
00:39:23,949 --> 00:39:26,534
Old pal of mine,
are we all set for California?
534
00:39:26,618 --> 00:39:30,871
Damn you. Next time, Methodist.
You understand? Methodist!
535
00:39:30,956 --> 00:39:34,166
- All right, pal of mine.
- OK, OK. You're all right.
536
00:39:34,251 --> 00:39:36,669
OK, now, who's driving?
537
00:39:36,753 --> 00:39:38,212
- You're driving.
- You are.
538
00:39:38,296 --> 00:39:41,049
- I can't drive.
- Then I'm driving.
539
00:39:41,133 --> 00:39:42,884
- Yeah, I think you are.
- OK.
540
00:39:42,969 --> 00:39:44,719
All right. Put me down.
541
00:39:46,222 --> 00:39:48,723
You drive. You hold this.
I'll get in the car.
542
00:39:55,731 --> 00:39:57,190
- Come on.
- I'm coming.
543
00:39:58,568 --> 00:40:00,569
Somebody's hat.
544
00:40:06,284 --> 00:40:08,076
Hold my drink.
545
00:40:20,339 --> 00:40:21,715
Hit it!
546
00:40:28,473 --> 00:40:30,141
Thank you, good sisters.
547
00:40:31,435 --> 00:40:35,062
May the good Lord take a liking to you,
but not too soon.
548
00:40:35,147 --> 00:40:36,606
Bless you, my children.
549
00:40:36,690 --> 00:40:39,692
Those guys are more juiced up
than that Ferrari.
550
00:40:53,624 --> 00:40:56,709
- JJ! JJ, wait! I got the doc!
- Terrific.
551
00:40:56,793 --> 00:41:00,004
No, wait. He's in the ambulance.
This way.
552
00:41:00,088 --> 00:41:01,672
Come on!
553
00:41:01,757 --> 00:41:04,216
Before I open this,
don't get your hopes up too high.
554
00:41:04,301 --> 00:41:06,344
- I was pressed for time.
- No problem.
555
00:41:10,767 --> 00:41:12,100
Holy shit.
556
00:41:12,185 --> 00:41:14,144
I'm honored, sir!
557
00:41:14,228 --> 00:41:16,438
I'm Doctor Nikol...
558
00:41:16,522 --> 00:41:19,566
Nikolas Van Helsing,
professor of proctology
559
00:41:19,651 --> 00:41:21,401
and other related tendencies.
560
00:41:21,486 --> 00:41:25,572
Graduate of the University of Rangoon
and assorted night classes
561
00:41:25,657 --> 00:41:29,284
at the Knoxville, Tennessee,
College of Faith Healing.
562
00:41:29,369 --> 00:41:32,329
You may be a little overqualified
for this job.
563
00:41:32,413 --> 00:41:33,997
You got your equipment with you?
564
00:41:34,082 --> 00:41:36,583
I never go anywhere without it.
565
00:41:36,668 --> 00:41:41,713
However, in my particular line of work,
I seldom need more than this.
566
00:41:42,757 --> 00:41:44,675
Or this.
567
00:41:51,349 --> 00:41:53,266
We'll talk about this later, huh?
568
00:41:53,351 --> 00:41:56,646
Now, sir,
before we commence this odyssey,
569
00:41:56,730 --> 00:41:59,774
which I understand will carry us
across this grand nation,
570
00:41:59,858 --> 00:42:01,734
from sea to shining sea,
571
00:42:01,819 --> 00:42:04,153
there's the matter of my compensation.
572
00:42:05,072 --> 00:42:09,409
I've determined that my services
will require the payment of $2,000.
573
00:42:12,997 --> 00:42:16,082
I was thinking
more along the lines of $200.
574
00:42:16,166 --> 00:42:21,170
For... Fortunately,
my practice allows me a certain flexibility.
575
00:42:23,507 --> 00:42:26,843
After checking my schedule,
I find I'll be able to make the journey.
576
00:42:26,927 --> 00:42:29,554
As far as the money's concerned,
you got a deal.
577
00:42:33,100 --> 00:42:34,642
We're off.
578
00:42:37,604 --> 00:42:38,856
- Here we go.
- Here we go.
579
00:42:38,940 --> 00:42:41,900
3,000 carefree,
madcap miles to California.
580
00:42:41,985 --> 00:42:46,613
California, here we come,
right back where we started from.
581
00:42:46,698 --> 00:42:50,034
Thanks to you, Victor,
we do not have a female patient in the back.
582
00:42:50,118 --> 00:42:56,206
- Thanks to your wonderful cousin Tessie.
- It's not my fault she didn't fit in the stretcher.
583
00:42:56,291 --> 00:42:59,918
- Doesn't fit in the ambulance.
- I got the doc here, didn't I?
584
00:43:01,755 --> 00:43:03,839
Don't you ever tell me where you got him.
585
00:43:03,923 --> 00:43:06,592
- I don't want to know where you got him.
- OK.
586
00:43:06,676 --> 00:43:08,844
I was just surprised
that all the animals there were...
587
00:43:08,928 --> 00:43:11,305
- I don't want to know where you got him!
- OK.
588
00:43:11,389 --> 00:43:14,391
Hey, maybe I could be the patient.
589
00:43:14,476 --> 00:43:17,478
That's a good idea.
Everybody would believe you were sick.
590
00:43:17,562 --> 00:43:20,773
- Wouldn't you believe he's sick?
- Want me to examine him?
591
00:43:20,857 --> 00:43:25,278
JJ. Him doesn't like it
when you say bad things about me,
592
00:43:25,362 --> 00:43:26,946
and you know that.
593
00:43:27,782 --> 00:43:30,617
Thanks to you, though,
we don't have a female patient.
594
00:43:30,701 --> 00:43:32,786
And we've got to find a female...
595
00:43:33,871 --> 00:43:35,371
JJ.
596
00:43:35,456 --> 00:43:36,998
Damn Cannonballers.
597
00:43:40,377 --> 00:43:43,171
- Hi. I'm so happy you're here.
- Hi.
598
00:43:43,255 --> 00:43:46,466
- Can you help me with Mr, um...
- Foyt.
599
00:43:46,550 --> 00:43:49,511
- Foyt.
- Sure. That's what I'm here for.
600
00:43:49,595 --> 00:43:52,722
Mr. Foyt, go around
and get in the emergency entrance.
601
00:43:53,808 --> 00:43:55,225
Come on right here.
602
00:43:55,309 --> 00:43:57,143
There we go. Hit it!
603
00:43:57,228 --> 00:43:58,686
Wait, I'm not...
604
00:43:58,771 --> 00:44:00,021
Ow!
605
00:44:01,732 --> 00:44:03,608
This is really terrific,
606
00:44:03,692 --> 00:44:06,319
the way you guys
go around helping people.
607
00:44:06,403 --> 00:44:10,783
Next year we're going for the Nobel Prize.
That's where the big bucks are.
608
00:44:13,787 --> 00:44:15,079
You forgot Mr...
609
00:44:15,163 --> 00:44:16,705
Uh... Mr...
610
00:44:16,790 --> 00:44:18,457
- Foyt.
- .. Foyt!
611
00:44:18,542 --> 00:44:20,417
Mm. Well, we got you.
612
00:44:20,502 --> 00:44:23,212
We're batting. 500. Nobody's perfect.
613
00:44:23,296 --> 00:44:25,548
I think you have to go back and pick him up.
614
00:44:27,759 --> 00:44:30,636
We'd really like to,
but we're on a tight schedule.
615
00:44:30,720 --> 00:44:32,263
We're on our way to California.
616
00:44:32,347 --> 00:44:35,683
You'd be amazed how many sick people
there are out there.
617
00:44:35,767 --> 00:44:38,686
They need our help.
We could pick him up on the way back.
618
00:44:42,315 --> 00:44:44,733
Victor, can you help me?
619
00:44:44,818 --> 00:44:47,611
No, I can't. I can't do anything.
620
00:44:47,696 --> 00:44:50,156
But... he can.
621
00:44:50,240 --> 00:44:51,825
Who can?
622
00:44:51,909 --> 00:44:53,326
Him.
623
00:45:03,129 --> 00:45:04,546
Excuse me.
624
00:45:05,631 --> 00:45:07,174
Excuse me.
625
00:45:08,885 --> 00:45:10,260
Doctor...
626
00:45:15,474 --> 00:45:17,642
My God, the perfect specimen.
627
00:45:18,519 --> 00:45:21,771
JJ, you want me
to start the examination right away?
628
00:45:21,856 --> 00:45:24,191
I'm gonna like this job.
Right here, honey.
629
00:45:24,275 --> 00:45:26,526
No, thank you. Not right now.
630
00:45:35,077 --> 00:45:37,246
Of course, man. This took 30 years.
631
00:45:45,714 --> 00:45:49,300
Never be able to see us,
the son of a guns.
632
00:46:11,073 --> 00:46:14,200
I'm really sorry
about that little lapse, Officer.
633
00:46:14,284 --> 00:46:16,577
Normally,
I drive right around the speed limit.
634
00:46:16,662 --> 00:46:20,958
We all make mistakes, miss, but 160?
That's a little more than a lapse.
635
00:46:30,593 --> 00:46:33,720
What the hell is going on here?
Everybody's driving like maniacs.
636
00:46:33,805 --> 00:46:35,305
I don't know, Officer.
637
00:46:35,390 --> 00:46:37,557
Let me see your driver's license, please.
638
00:46:50,405 --> 00:46:55,826
Ah, what the hell? I can't penalize
nice girls like you for a little indiscretion
639
00:46:55,910 --> 00:46:59,037
with the whole road
packed with speed-crazy lunatics.
640
00:47:00,665 --> 00:47:03,083
Here. You girls have a nice trip.
641
00:47:03,167 --> 00:47:05,586
- Drive carefully and take it easy.
- Thank you.
642
00:47:05,671 --> 00:47:08,673
- Come back and see us next year.
- Bye.
643
00:47:10,134 --> 00:47:11,384
Take care.
644
00:47:11,468 --> 00:47:13,261
Keep it in the road.
645
00:47:16,974 --> 00:47:19,517
I don't know why you're pouting.
I mean, look,
646
00:47:19,601 --> 00:47:22,228
we're taking a nice,
leisurely trip to California.
647
00:47:22,313 --> 00:47:24,564
And we're picking up the bills.
This could be fun.
648
00:47:24,648 --> 00:47:26,774
I can't believe this is happening to me.
649
00:47:26,859 --> 00:47:28,818
This is not a joke anymore.
I'm being kidnapped.
650
00:47:28,902 --> 00:47:31,029
You can call it kidnapping,
if you want to be rude.
651
00:47:31,113 --> 00:47:33,990
Just think, we have a professional
physician on board
652
00:47:34,074 --> 00:47:36,784
in case somebody gets swamp fever.
653
00:47:38,579 --> 00:47:40,455
You guys are strange.
654
00:47:44,043 --> 00:47:45,877
- JJ?
- Yeah?
655
00:47:45,961 --> 00:47:48,087
- We got company.
- Yeah, I hear.
656
00:47:49,466 --> 00:47:51,759
OK, Beauty. You lie down
and be a patient for the police.
657
00:47:51,843 --> 00:47:53,385
- No.
- Come on.
658
00:47:53,470 --> 00:47:57,222
Don't! I'm not gonna help you.
You didn't even help Mr...
659
00:47:57,766 --> 00:47:59,183
- Foyt.
- .. Foyt.
660
00:48:00,393 --> 00:48:02,686
Maybe I can help.
661
00:48:03,521 --> 00:48:04,980
Dear God.
662
00:48:05,065 --> 00:48:06,982
It's all right, miss.
It doesn't hurt.
663
00:48:07,067 --> 00:48:08,776
Give it to myself all the time.
664
00:48:08,860 --> 00:48:10,903
Yeah. He gives it to himself all the time.
665
00:48:13,281 --> 00:48:15,240
Show her.
666
00:48:17,077 --> 00:48:19,161
Come on, Doc. Show her.
667
00:48:20,997 --> 00:48:22,456
Show her.
668
00:48:36,097 --> 00:48:38,223
There. You see?
669
00:48:38,307 --> 00:48:39,557
That didn't hurt.
670
00:48:41,394 --> 00:48:43,228
- JJ?
- No, thanks.
671
00:48:43,312 --> 00:48:44,437
Victor?
672
00:48:44,522 --> 00:48:45,939
Oh, no thanks.
673
00:48:47,149 --> 00:48:48,608
No.
674
00:49:10,172 --> 00:49:12,382
Hi, guys. What's up?
675
00:49:12,466 --> 00:49:13,675
- What's up?
- Huh.
676
00:49:13,759 --> 00:49:17,471
You guys are running 120, your little lights
are flashing all over. That's what's up.
677
00:49:17,556 --> 00:49:21,100
- We've got a patient in there.
- You were still speeding.
678
00:49:21,184 --> 00:49:25,396
- She's, uh... She's very sick.
- There's not a hospital within 50 miles.
679
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:27,106
- Where you headed?
- UCLA.
680
00:49:27,190 --> 00:49:28,441
UCLA?
681
00:49:28,525 --> 00:49:30,776
- UCLA Medical Center.
- LA.
682
00:49:30,861 --> 00:49:32,153
California?
683
00:49:33,447 --> 00:49:38,284
This is gonna sound like a dumb question,
but if she's that sick, why didn't you fly her?
684
00:49:38,368 --> 00:49:40,161
Why didn't we fly her?
685
00:49:43,039 --> 00:49:46,208
I'm just the driver.
We have to ask the doc.
686
00:49:46,293 --> 00:49:47,460
No.
687
00:49:47,544 --> 00:49:50,337
That's a good idea.
Why don't we ask the doc?
688
00:49:51,756 --> 00:49:53,215
I'm sorry.
689
00:49:56,761 --> 00:49:59,889
What's going on out here?
What is this crude interruption?
690
00:50:04,770 --> 00:50:07,939
The patient.
Why can't she be flown to California?
691
00:50:08,024 --> 00:50:12,235
Cysts. On the walls of her lungs.
Very rare.
692
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:15,655
You see, airplanes are only pressurized
at 10,000 feet.
693
00:50:15,740 --> 00:50:19,910
Anybody who knows anything about medicine
knows that she can't fly.
694
00:50:19,994 --> 00:50:22,245
We couldn't even go through Denver
it's so high.
695
00:50:22,330 --> 00:50:26,208
Tell them to go back and pick up Mr...
696
00:50:27,126 --> 00:50:28,376
Foyt.
.. Foyt.
697
00:50:28,461 --> 00:50:29,920
Is that lady all right?
698
00:50:30,004 --> 00:50:31,588
She's in great pain.
699
00:50:31,672 --> 00:50:35,133
Causes her to make certain delirious...
drememium...
700
00:50:35,218 --> 00:50:37,177
I'm deliri...
701
00:50:39,096 --> 00:50:43,642
- Sounds like she's on something to me.
- Let me explain something to you.
702
00:50:43,726 --> 00:50:47,647
We have to get the senator's wife
to California in 72 hours.
703
00:50:47,731 --> 00:50:49,941
Do you understand what I'm saying? We ha...
704
00:50:51,652 --> 00:50:56,614
We have to get the senator's wife
to California in 72 hours.
705
00:50:56,698 --> 00:50:58,783
We're very close.
706
00:51:00,035 --> 00:51:04,205
Well, as long as you're in New Jersey,
I want you fellas to take it easy.
707
00:51:04,289 --> 00:51:06,791
- You got that?
- We sure do.
708
00:51:08,544 --> 00:51:11,212
- Thanks a lot.
- Get this rig outta here.
709
00:51:13,507 --> 00:51:16,509
I'm glad there's no cupcakes like that
in New Jersey.
710
00:51:16,593 --> 00:51:19,136
You haven't met my brother-in-law, Ralph.
711
00:51:28,021 --> 00:51:30,524
I thought that cop
was gonna have a cardiac arrest
712
00:51:30,608 --> 00:51:32,693
when we said
we were going to California.
713
00:51:34,654 --> 00:51:36,321
Wasn't Beauty terrific?
714
00:51:36,406 --> 00:51:38,198
The lady was splendid.
715
00:51:38,283 --> 00:51:41,868
She should have her picture
on the cover of the AMA journal.
716
00:51:41,953 --> 00:51:44,705
AMA journal.
717
00:51:47,333 --> 00:51:49,751
I'm sure that doctor's
a very sweet man, basically.
718
00:51:49,836 --> 00:51:50,836
Thanks.
719
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:53,505
But don't you ever tell me
where you found him.
720
00:51:53,590 --> 00:51:55,382
Ever.
721
00:51:55,883 --> 00:51:58,135
it's the damn Cannonball for sure.
722
00:51:58,219 --> 00:52:00,512
They blasted away
right in front of my eyes.
723
00:52:00,597 --> 00:52:03,307
And they kidnapped a girl
named Pamela Glover,
724
00:52:03,391 --> 00:52:06,310
just like it was the goddamn
Red Brigade or something.
725
00:52:06,394 --> 00:52:08,437
But I...
No, I've got them.
726
00:52:08,521 --> 00:52:10,897
This time I've got them.
727
00:52:10,982 --> 00:52:14,026
Ohio? Yes. Ohio has been notified.
728
00:52:14,110 --> 00:52:16,863
Yeah. Ohio has been notified.
729
00:52:16,947 --> 00:52:20,366
And Missouri. And California.
730
00:52:20,451 --> 00:52:23,494
We'll get them,
and I'm gonna be there to handle it.
731
00:52:24,330 --> 00:52:25,788
You can count on it.
732
00:52:26,749 --> 00:52:27,749
Yeah.
733
00:52:27,833 --> 00:52:31,711
Listen, I've got two minutes
to catch my flight. Yeah. Bye.
734
00:52:35,341 --> 00:52:37,216
Hey. Hey!
735
00:52:38,594 --> 00:52:40,303
- Madam. Madam!
- Madam?
736
00:52:40,387 --> 00:52:42,972
I'm no madam.
I'm a decent, respectable woman.
737
00:52:43,057 --> 00:52:45,433
I don't even own a house.
I live in an apartment.
738
00:52:45,517 --> 00:52:47,769
Now get off my case.
I'm late for my plane.
739
00:52:53,984 --> 00:52:55,693
Oh!
740
00:53:01,993 --> 00:53:05,287
- Well, then, after my career in the RAF...
- The what?
741
00:53:05,372 --> 00:53:07,790
- The Royal Air Force.
- Oh.
742
00:53:07,874 --> 00:53:11,377
- Do you mind if I have a cigarette?
- Go ahead. They're your lungs.
743
00:53:11,461 --> 00:53:14,713
Well, I had a chestful of citations,
medals, that sort of thing,
744
00:53:14,798 --> 00:53:17,383
and then I drifted in
playing a rather popular...
745
00:53:17,467 --> 00:53:19,009
Not that one, darling, please.
746
00:53:19,094 --> 00:53:22,805
We don't want you leaving so shortly
after the trip has begun, do we?
747
00:53:22,889 --> 00:53:24,848
No, of course not.
748
00:53:24,933 --> 00:53:29,687
Then I drifted into playing a rather
popular character on a television series.
749
00:53:29,771 --> 00:53:31,772
It's still in syndication, you know.
750
00:53:33,274 --> 00:53:34,858
Puff away.
751
00:53:36,027 --> 00:53:39,488
Thanks a lot, ladies.
But I would take it a little easier.
752
00:53:39,572 --> 00:53:43,158
Some of the officers up the road
might not be as understanding.
753
00:53:43,244 --> 00:53:47,872
Thank you so much, Officer.
We really do appreciate that warning.
754
00:53:47,957 --> 00:53:51,042
And if you're ever up in Duluth,
remember to look me up.
755
00:53:52,670 --> 00:53:56,297
I got the number.
You can count on it.
756
00:54:07,601 --> 00:54:09,644
How's the patient?
757
00:54:13,357 --> 00:54:14,899
She's alive.
758
00:54:14,984 --> 00:54:17,736
Looks like she survived the procedure.
759
00:54:17,820 --> 00:54:19,154
What procedure?
760
00:54:19,238 --> 00:54:22,407
If you guys laid a finger on me...
761
00:54:26,495 --> 00:54:29,165
No, I just gave her a little prick.
762
00:54:30,584 --> 00:54:32,460
With this.
763
00:54:32,544 --> 00:54:36,046
Super Chief, lean forward
so I can get the front wheel on the ground.
764
00:54:36,131 --> 00:54:38,966
Stop kidding. I am.
765
00:54:54,191 --> 00:54:58,527
Pull over!
We want to give you our blessings.
766
00:54:58,612 --> 00:55:02,156
JJ. There are two priests
in that car over there.
767
00:55:02,240 --> 00:55:03,449
What?
768
00:55:05,994 --> 00:55:07,828
They want us to pull over.
769
00:55:07,913 --> 00:55:09,497
- Victor.
- Yeah.
770
00:55:09,581 --> 00:55:11,624
They're two priests driving a Ferrari.
771
00:55:11,708 --> 00:55:14,711
When's the last time you saw
two priests driving a Ferrari?
772
00:55:14,796 --> 00:55:18,173
- They taking the bingo money home?
- They're doing the work of the Lord.
773
00:55:18,257 --> 00:55:20,759
In a Ferrari, they can do it faster, that's all.
774
00:55:21,761 --> 00:55:24,679
Pull over!
775
00:55:24,764 --> 00:55:27,057
We want to bless you!
776
00:55:29,310 --> 00:55:30,644
- Victor.
- Yeah?
777
00:55:30,728 --> 00:55:32,854
One of the priests is black.
778
00:55:32,939 --> 00:55:35,732
- Oh, yeah. They have black priests.
- They do?
779
00:55:35,817 --> 00:55:37,651
Oh, sure. They have a black cardinal.
780
00:55:37,735 --> 00:55:42,489
Oh! They do want us to pull over.
They want to bless us. Can we?
781
00:55:42,573 --> 00:55:45,033
Let me get this straight.
782
00:55:45,117 --> 00:55:51,248
You want us to pull over and be blessed
by a black priest in a red Ferrari?
783
00:55:51,332 --> 00:55:52,332
Couldn't hurt.
784
00:55:53,626 --> 00:55:55,085
Oy vey!
785
00:56:03,387 --> 00:56:05,972
- Nice car, Father.
- Thank you, asshole.
786
00:56:07,599 --> 00:56:09,809
Hello, Father. Nice-looking car.
787
00:56:09,893 --> 00:56:12,520
That's what everybody...
He even said it.
788
00:56:12,604 --> 00:56:14,981
I want to thank you for stopping, son,
789
00:56:15,065 --> 00:56:20,236
'cause we always stop the ambulance
so we can bless whosever's in there.
790
00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:23,656
And you paramedics
are doing such a wonderful job.
791
00:56:23,740 --> 00:56:26,951
We're in kind of a hurry,
so if you can just bless it and then we can...
792
00:56:28,662 --> 00:56:33,040
- Oh. I gotta bless her.
- I'm sorry, Father. She's a Zen Buddhist.
793
00:56:33,125 --> 00:56:37,837
- You're not, so you can't bless her.
- We specialize in blessing Zen Buddhists.
794
00:56:37,921 --> 00:56:39,255
Yeah.
795
00:56:41,801 --> 00:56:44,595
- Oh...
- Yes?
796
00:56:45,597 --> 00:56:48,140
Second thought, Father,
you want to bless him?
797
00:56:48,224 --> 00:56:51,643
We need all the help we can get.
Just give him a little shot.
798
00:56:54,647 --> 00:56:57,482
- Thank you, Father.
- You're quite welcome.
799
00:56:57,567 --> 00:56:59,401
- You did a good job.
- Thank you.
800
00:57:03,281 --> 00:57:04,823
Thank you, Father.
801
00:57:05,617 --> 00:57:09,202
Why don't you take that piece of shit
back to the junkyard?
802
00:57:15,752 --> 00:57:19,087
- Ooh! JJ, we got a...
- Flat.
803
00:57:19,172 --> 00:57:22,507
- Yeah. And those priests...
- Weren't fathers.
804
00:57:22,592 --> 00:57:24,259
- They were...
- Mothers.
805
00:57:24,929 --> 00:57:26,638
- Come here.
- Oh, jeez.
806
00:57:26,722 --> 00:57:29,599
Ah, shit!
807
00:57:33,687 --> 00:57:36,856
So there you have it,
a rather simple story, actually.
808
00:57:36,941 --> 00:57:40,568
International film star,
ruthless assassin,
809
00:57:40,653 --> 00:57:43,571
Casanova, poet, philosopher.
810
00:57:43,656 --> 00:57:45,949
You might say
a legend in my own time.
811
00:57:46,033 --> 00:57:48,952
In fact, you can.
Not that one, darling.
812
00:57:49,036 --> 00:57:51,663
I'm afraid this car is full of surprises.
813
00:57:51,747 --> 00:57:54,082
This is something I've noticed.
814
00:57:54,166 --> 00:57:56,042
How about some champagne, darling?
815
00:57:56,126 --> 00:58:01,381
Little silver four-wheeler that
just flew past, with the good-lookin' seat cover.
816
00:58:01,465 --> 00:58:05,009
Son, back that thing down.
You got smokeys all over my back door.
817
00:58:06,053 --> 00:58:07,762
If you are referring to me,
818
00:58:07,846 --> 00:58:12,059
I request that you speak more clearly
in the Queen's English.
819
00:58:12,143 --> 00:58:14,979
That is, if we are
going to converse on this wireless.
820
00:58:15,063 --> 00:58:17,481
Ah. Bless your heart.
821
00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:19,274
Cheers.
822
00:58:19,359 --> 00:58:21,235
Down the hatch.
823
00:58:50,932 --> 00:58:54,269
What do you think you're doing?
You can't come in here.
824
00:58:54,353 --> 00:58:55,395
You're a man.
825
00:58:55,479 --> 00:58:58,773
- 7-Eleven. How can I help?
- Pumps one and two, hit 'em.
826
00:58:58,858 --> 00:59:02,444
What are you, some kind of nut?
You got one unleaded and one premium.
827
00:59:03,446 --> 00:59:05,572
She goes both ways.
828
00:59:05,656 --> 00:59:08,908
The round orange moon pie
with the white hat on, he'll pay for it.
829
00:59:08,993 --> 00:59:11,995
I'm a doctor, and if I may be
permitted the indelicacy,
830
00:59:12,079 --> 00:59:14,748
you seen one, you've seen 'em all.
831
00:59:21,797 --> 00:59:26,217
A thousand miles on one wheel?
We're trying to win a race, not set a record.
832
00:59:43,945 --> 00:59:45,321
Victor, what have you got?
833
00:59:45,405 --> 00:59:48,616
A lot of goodies for you guys
and a Big Gulp Dr Pepper for me.
834
00:59:53,205 --> 00:59:56,082
- Will you get in here?!
- OK. Here you go.
835
01:00:04,633 --> 01:00:06,092
Officer.
836
01:00:10,222 --> 01:00:12,264
Do you take your law and order
in this town seriously?
837
01:00:12,349 --> 01:00:13,474
Are you kidding?
838
01:00:19,106 --> 01:00:20,731
Excuse me for asking.
839
01:00:20,816 --> 01:00:23,151
Greek! But...
840
01:00:23,236 --> 01:00:25,529
Would you shut up a minute
and listen to me?
841
01:00:39,752 --> 01:00:42,337
Oh, by the way, Greek.
842
01:00:42,421 --> 01:00:45,966
What's the odds on the Japanese team
not finishing?
843
01:00:46,050 --> 01:00:48,635
There's gonna be a red Ferrari
come flying through here
844
01:00:48,719 --> 01:00:52,848
and the two men driving are responsible
for the victim in this ambulance.
845
01:00:52,932 --> 01:00:55,892
- Victim?
- A flasher victim.
846
01:00:56,978 --> 01:00:58,979
- You want to know the worst part?
- What's that?
847
01:00:59,063 --> 01:01:01,314
- They're dressed as priests.
- Go on.
848
01:01:01,399 --> 01:01:04,568
I guess they think it's a little kinkier,
dressed as priests.
849
01:01:04,652 --> 01:01:06,612
Goddamn, that's sick.
850
01:01:06,697 --> 01:01:09,115
- I'll handle this.
- One more thing.
851
01:01:09,199 --> 01:01:10,408
I think they're armed.
852
01:01:11,618 --> 01:01:13,202
Damn, I hope so.
853
01:01:14,121 --> 01:01:15,538
It'll give me an excuse.
854
01:01:24,548 --> 01:01:26,132
Flashers!
855
01:01:27,259 --> 01:01:28,718
Bye-bye!
856
01:01:28,802 --> 01:01:30,803
JJ, you son of a...!
857
01:01:30,888 --> 01:01:32,847
Out of the car, both of you.
858
01:01:32,931 --> 01:01:34,307
Now!
859
01:01:37,769 --> 01:01:39,562
All right, hit it.
860
01:01:39,646 --> 01:01:41,105
- Hit it?
- Hit it?
861
01:01:48,322 --> 01:01:51,825
- Freeze, or name your beneficiary.
- Beneficiary?
862
01:01:51,910 --> 01:01:55,787
- Officer, I sincerely hope you're not a Catholic.
- Pay no attention to him.
863
01:01:55,872 --> 01:01:59,791
He's been locked up for six years in that
monastery. He don't know what he's doing.
864
01:01:59,876 --> 01:02:02,085
I don't think both of his paddles
are in the water.
865
01:02:02,170 --> 01:02:04,129
Six years is gonna seem
like a summer vacation
866
01:02:04,214 --> 01:02:06,632
when the state of Missouri
gets through with you.
867
01:02:06,716 --> 01:02:09,718
You, shorty.
Where'd you get all that jewelry?
868
01:02:11,095 --> 01:02:13,764
- Why'd he call me shorty?
- 'Cause you're small.
869
01:02:13,848 --> 01:02:17,017
- Small. S-M-all.
- Oh.
870
01:02:18,561 --> 01:02:20,354
I suggest you take another route, good buddy.
871
01:02:20,438 --> 01:02:24,524
The smokeys have got traffic all tied up on 40
looking for them Cannonballers.
872
01:02:24,609 --> 01:02:26,693
That's a big ten-four.
873
01:02:26,778 --> 01:02:27,861
- Hey, JJ.
- Yeah?
874
01:02:27,946 --> 01:02:30,864
There's a lot of talk on the CB
about the roadblock ahead.
875
01:02:30,949 --> 01:02:31,990
What do you think?
876
01:02:32,075 --> 01:02:36,704
I think we're in deep you-know-what.
The transmission is slipping.
877
01:02:36,789 --> 01:02:39,540
We lost a lot of time
because of your two phony priests.
878
01:02:39,625 --> 01:02:41,876
Oh. I'm sorry.
879
01:02:42,628 --> 01:02:44,754
If the transmission does hold together,
880
01:02:44,838 --> 01:02:47,590
you think we're gonna be able to bluff our way
through the roadblock?
881
01:02:47,675 --> 01:02:51,344
I don't know.
Give me a minute to gather my thoughts.
882
01:02:58,936 --> 01:03:00,853
I gathered my thoughts.
883
01:03:00,938 --> 01:03:03,898
Hey, Lowboy!
Look in your rearview mirror.
884
01:03:03,983 --> 01:03:05,775
See this ambulance back here?
885
01:03:05,859 --> 01:03:08,027
We need a piggyback ride.
886
01:03:09,655 --> 01:03:12,323
This one can go by.
There's no problem here.
887
01:03:12,408 --> 01:03:17,161
Uh... Let's just have this one
and that one.
888
01:03:17,246 --> 01:03:18,997
Um...
889
01:03:20,834 --> 01:03:24,420
Yeah, that one's OK. Let it go.
890
01:03:28,341 --> 01:03:29,842
Excuse me.
891
01:03:29,926 --> 01:03:31,635
You look very familiar.
Do I know you?
892
01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:33,887
It's quite possible.
Is this going to take long?
893
01:03:33,972 --> 01:03:36,598
You see, we're on our honeymoon,
and she can't wait.
894
01:03:36,683 --> 01:03:38,517
Thank God. Normal people.
895
01:03:38,601 --> 01:03:40,519
We were just looking for Cannonb...
896
01:03:40,603 --> 01:03:42,938
It's not important.
Move along, if you would.
897
01:03:43,023 --> 01:03:45,566
- What is this, anyway?
- It's a stakeout.
898
01:03:45,650 --> 01:03:47,026
Oh. Bon app�tit.
899
01:03:48,737 --> 01:03:50,446
English humor.
900
01:03:51,489 --> 01:03:54,283
Come on, guys, keep moving,
will you, please?
901
01:03:57,037 --> 01:03:58,495
Let's see...
902
01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:03,918
Quiet, Victor.
You're gonna blow our cover.
903
01:04:04,003 --> 01:04:09,090
JJ, this is not a nine-to-five job.
I wish him were here.
904
01:04:09,175 --> 01:04:10,884
Hi.
905
01:04:10,968 --> 01:04:12,302
Hello.
906
01:04:16,307 --> 01:04:20,101
- You look tired.
- Ah, more frustrated than tired.
907
01:04:20,186 --> 01:04:22,270
Think you're gonna win this crazy race?
908
01:04:23,189 --> 01:04:24,481
Damn right I am.
909
01:04:25,608 --> 01:04:29,527
I'm sitting here, having a conversation
with somebody who kidnapped me.
910
01:04:29,612 --> 01:04:34,157
Hm! Who can blame anybody
for kidnapping you?
911
01:04:35,159 --> 01:04:36,951
You gave me laughing gas.
912
01:04:37,036 --> 01:04:39,913
Well, you have an awful beautiful laugh.
913
01:04:39,997 --> 01:04:43,041
You made me forget my favorite skirt
back at the motel...
914
01:04:43,125 --> 01:04:46,127
Doesn't matter.
You look terrific without it.
915
01:04:54,513 --> 01:04:55,971
What'd you expect, anyway?
916
01:04:59,059 --> 01:05:02,478
- A gangbang or something like that.
- A gangbang?
917
01:05:02,562 --> 01:05:04,980
We're racers, not rapists.
918
01:05:05,982 --> 01:05:08,109
- Why?
- Why what?
919
01:05:10,487 --> 01:05:13,948
Why all this speed
and trouble and risk and...
920
01:05:14,032 --> 01:05:15,699
I mean, what for?
921
01:05:15,784 --> 01:05:17,201
For the hell of it.
922
01:05:19,788 --> 01:05:22,206
Didn't you ever do anything
just for the hell of it?
923
01:05:22,290 --> 01:05:23,707
I guess so.
924
01:05:23,792 --> 01:05:26,460
My father used to work in the coal mines.
925
01:05:29,089 --> 01:05:30,673
43 years.
926
01:05:32,927 --> 01:05:34,511
He was gonna retire.
927
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:39,099
Buy a houseboat.
Move down to Florida.
928
01:05:40,726 --> 01:05:44,312
Fish on the back of the boat
and tell my mom lies.
929
01:05:47,650 --> 01:05:49,985
He died two days
before he was gonna retire.
930
01:05:50,069 --> 01:05:51,069
Oh.
931
01:05:52,071 --> 01:05:53,905
I guess you just never know.
932
01:05:54,699 --> 01:05:56,158
Yeah.
933
01:05:57,452 --> 01:06:02,164
I made up my mind right then,
I was gonna go for it.
934
01:06:02,248 --> 01:06:05,709
I mean, everything I wanted,
I was gonna go for it right then,
935
01:06:07,086 --> 01:06:10,172
'cause you never know when
something's gonna happen to you.
936
01:06:11,215 --> 01:06:13,049
Like talking to you, you know?
937
01:06:14,177 --> 01:06:15,594
I mean, it's really nice.
938
01:06:18,724 --> 01:06:22,643
Uh... Excuse me.
Where are you guys going?
939
01:06:22,728 --> 01:06:26,731
We're just... We're just out-out-out
looking for a pack of cigarettes.
940
01:06:26,815 --> 01:06:30,485
With North Carolina plates,
you're driving to Missouri for cigarettes?
941
01:06:32,321 --> 01:06:33,696
How about a beer?
942
01:06:33,780 --> 01:06:36,699
How about the fact that your paint job
is coming off?
943
01:06:36,783 --> 01:06:40,536
You want to take these guys away?
The good guys strike back.
944
01:06:40,621 --> 01:06:44,874
What is that? Five, eight, three...
Five, eight, three, six...
945
01:06:46,210 --> 01:06:50,463
Hold on. Hold on. Let it go. Come on.
946
01:06:50,547 --> 01:06:52,882
Come on, guys,
keep moving, will you, please?
947
01:06:57,346 --> 01:06:59,722
Howdy, sir.
What seems to be the problem?
948
01:06:59,806 --> 01:07:03,644
You didn't think you'd get away with this?
We're gonna get the whole lot of you now.
949
01:07:03,728 --> 01:07:06,730
Not here, you won't.
The word is out about your roadblock.
950
01:07:06,814 --> 01:07:09,233
They're talking about it
all up and down the "super slab".
951
01:07:09,317 --> 01:07:12,736
Come on, get these traitors
out of here, will you?
952
01:07:12,820 --> 01:07:14,738
You think you're so big.
953
01:07:15,532 --> 01:07:19,493
Do some of you people want to come over
and push this thing out of the way?
954
01:07:19,577 --> 01:07:21,662
Come on. I'll put it in neutral.
955
01:07:22,705 --> 01:07:25,666
Who did that? Make it stop!
956
01:07:41,266 --> 01:07:43,475
Thanks a lot. Keep on truckin'!
957
01:07:57,157 --> 01:08:00,118
George, you remember the good old days
before they got radar?
958
01:08:00,202 --> 01:08:03,496
- We used to chase speeders?
- Yeah. This is really boring.
959
01:08:22,057 --> 01:08:24,809
Smokey. Sayonara. Bye-bye!
960
01:08:24,893 --> 01:08:26,311
What the hell was that?
961
01:08:26,395 --> 01:08:29,063
I don't know, but whatever it was,
it was doing 125.
962
01:08:44,372 --> 01:08:46,832
That's the first time
we took an order by phone.
963
01:08:46,916 --> 01:08:51,503
- It was hard to understand you.
- When I called, I was doing 140 miles an hour.
964
01:08:51,588 --> 01:08:53,964
That was six lamb burgers,
four shish kebabs,
965
01:08:54,049 --> 01:08:56,467
a side order of couscous, and...
966
01:08:56,551 --> 01:08:58,177
two milk.
967
01:08:58,261 --> 01:09:00,054
No! How much?
968
01:09:00,138 --> 01:09:02,222
Six seventy-five.
969
01:09:02,307 --> 01:09:04,308
Here, my desert blossom.
970
01:09:04,392 --> 01:09:06,018
Keep the change.
971
01:09:06,102 --> 01:09:08,520
Have you ever considered
joining a harem?
972
01:09:09,981 --> 01:09:12,650
I shall return for you after the race.
973
01:09:21,535 --> 01:09:24,913
Get a physical.
I shall return, my little fig.
974
01:09:24,997 --> 01:09:26,581
I love you!
975
01:09:32,797 --> 01:09:33,963
Victor...
976
01:09:35,174 --> 01:09:36,966
I don't know how to ask you this.
977
01:09:38,719 --> 01:09:42,180
Isn't it strange having that guy
running around inside your head?
978
01:09:42,264 --> 01:09:44,933
Oh! He's not in here.
979
01:09:45,017 --> 01:09:47,936
He's out there somewhere,
helping people.
980
01:09:48,020 --> 01:09:50,605
- Oh!
- He's always helping people.
981
01:09:50,690 --> 01:09:53,274
- He'd help you.
- He would?
982
01:09:53,359 --> 01:09:55,402
He likes you.
983
01:09:57,530 --> 01:10:01,158
Well, how did he find you?
I mean, how did you two get together?
984
01:10:01,243 --> 01:10:03,577
Well, when I was real young,
985
01:10:03,662 --> 01:10:06,122
I didn't have any friends
like I do now.
986
01:10:06,206 --> 01:10:07,915
Like JJ...
987
01:10:09,084 --> 01:10:10,167
Like JJ.
988
01:10:13,296 --> 01:10:17,967
One day I was in the schoolyard,
and nine guys were beating me up pretty good.
989
01:10:18,051 --> 01:10:19,677
There he was.
990
01:10:19,761 --> 01:10:21,637
Dun-dun-dah!
991
01:10:21,722 --> 01:10:24,390
- Captain Chaos?
- Yeah. Out of the blue.
992
01:10:24,474 --> 01:10:28,644
Pow! Slam! Bam! Boff!
993
01:10:30,063 --> 01:10:31,355
I sure was grateful.
994
01:10:31,440 --> 01:10:33,107
- That's great!
- Yeah.
995
01:10:33,191 --> 01:10:35,776
Nobody bothered me at school after that.
996
01:10:35,861 --> 01:10:37,695
I wish I had a friend like that.
997
01:10:37,779 --> 01:10:40,740
Well, first,
you need a mask and a cape.
998
01:10:40,824 --> 01:10:43,577
I think I'd like mine to be pink.
999
01:10:43,661 --> 01:10:45,412
Almost everything I wear is pink.
1000
01:10:45,496 --> 01:10:46,621
Everything?
1001
01:10:47,540 --> 01:10:49,458
Even...? Uh...
1002
01:10:49,542 --> 01:10:51,001
Oh, I don't wear any.
1003
01:10:51,085 --> 01:10:52,836
- You don't?
- Uh-uh.
1004
01:10:53,713 --> 01:10:55,005
Wow.
1005
01:10:57,258 --> 01:11:01,678
Victor, I'd like to be your friend.
'Cause I like you.
1006
01:11:01,763 --> 01:11:03,597
Oh.
1007
01:11:03,681 --> 01:11:05,682
I like you too, Beauty.
1008
01:11:05,767 --> 01:11:07,434
Thank you.
1009
01:11:21,199 --> 01:11:23,450
New Mexico.
1010
01:11:33,128 --> 01:11:35,671
Texas! Stupid!
1011
01:12:05,494 --> 01:12:07,829
I'll take care of this one.
1012
01:12:19,551 --> 01:12:21,593
Well, hello, hot pants.
1013
01:12:21,678 --> 01:12:25,806
I don't suppose you have a driver's license
tucked down in there somewhere, do you?
1014
01:12:25,890 --> 01:12:27,766
Yes, Officer.
1015
01:12:36,484 --> 01:12:39,069
That policeman
seems to want us to stop, darling.
1016
01:12:39,153 --> 01:12:42,447
Yes. He must be rather upset
with our rapid rate.
1017
01:12:42,532 --> 01:12:45,284
Funny. They don't have any sense of humor
about that sort of thing.
1018
01:12:45,368 --> 01:12:48,412
- Aren't you going to pull over?
- I'd rather not.
1019
01:12:48,496 --> 01:12:51,623
Can be such a bore, talking to those chaps.
1020
01:12:51,708 --> 01:12:53,959
Tell you what.
We'll just... slip away.
1021
01:12:54,043 --> 01:12:57,463
- Hit that button, will you?
- Like in your movies!
1022
01:13:02,678 --> 01:13:05,471
And now a little oil, right, darling?
1023
01:13:17,067 --> 01:13:19,944
Well, well.
We are full of tricks, aren't we?
1024
01:13:20,029 --> 01:13:22,113
It's all part of my business, really.
1025
01:13:22,197 --> 01:13:24,991
I've been meaning to ask you,
what movie...?
1026
01:13:25,075 --> 01:13:27,577
Wait a minute.
Can you see where you're going?
1027
01:13:27,661 --> 01:13:30,788
- Perfectly.
- This is ridiculous.
1028
01:13:36,921 --> 01:13:41,759
Good sport, isn't it? Would you
mind rolling the window down, old girl?
1029
01:13:41,843 --> 01:13:44,053
We're getting done
like a couple of kippers here.
1030
01:13:44,137 --> 01:13:47,806
- Next time, I bring my mask.
- Like a foggy day in London town.
1031
01:13:59,444 --> 01:14:02,363
You are about to witness
the ravishment of a woman
1032
01:14:02,447 --> 01:14:03,781
who has been abducted.
1033
01:14:03,865 --> 01:14:09,078
A woman whose initial fear
has mellowed into curious expectation.
1034
01:14:09,162 --> 01:14:12,915
In the morning, she will be set free,
unaware of anything,
1035
01:14:12,999 --> 01:14:15,834
except that she has been loved
as never before...
1036
01:14:25,179 --> 01:14:27,097
Oh, no! Please...
1037
01:14:27,181 --> 01:14:30,100
Oh, yes, there! There!
1038
01:14:42,780 --> 01:14:45,740
I've never seen a damn Rolls-Royce
that'd do 140 miles an hour.
1039
01:14:45,825 --> 01:14:47,534
What you fellas got in that thing?
1040
01:14:47,618 --> 01:14:49,786
- Stock.
- Sign here.
1041
01:14:49,870 --> 01:14:52,163
I guess you must have
misconstrued my remark
1042
01:14:52,248 --> 01:14:54,958
about my mother planning to purchase
Southern California
1043
01:14:55,042 --> 01:14:57,919
as an attempt to influence
your giving me a ticket, Officer.
1044
01:14:58,004 --> 01:15:03,091
I am sure that she will still consider keeping
you all on as a member of the Highway Patrol,
1045
01:15:03,175 --> 01:15:05,802
regardless of how shabbily
you treated her son!
1046
01:15:05,886 --> 01:15:08,638
You might want to tell that to the judge, sir.
1047
01:15:20,152 --> 01:15:22,945
This is for you and the judge!
1048
01:15:23,030 --> 01:15:24,989
Goddamn camel jockey!
1049
01:15:34,249 --> 01:15:37,752
Oh, shit.
We got a smokey on our tail.
1050
01:15:37,836 --> 01:15:39,628
Watch this.
1051
01:15:42,007 --> 01:15:43,382
- Officer.
- Pull it over.
1052
01:15:43,467 --> 01:15:45,092
We got no brakes!
1053
01:15:45,177 --> 01:15:48,304
No brakes! Help us!
Yes, thank you.
1054
01:15:48,388 --> 01:15:50,473
Damn "no brake" gag works every time.
1055
01:15:53,186 --> 01:15:56,521
Oh, no!
We really don't have any brakes!
1056
01:15:56,606 --> 01:15:58,690
- Quit kidding, will you?
- Hang on!
1057
01:16:06,866 --> 01:16:12,537
Evel Knievel...
you've got yourself some competition!
1058
01:16:53,956 --> 01:16:56,207
Route 66. Ha-ha!
1059
01:17:20,649 --> 01:17:22,234
Secret weapon.
1060
01:17:41,421 --> 01:17:43,088
Ready, fire!
1061
01:17:58,563 --> 01:18:00,939
How long we been here?
1062
01:18:01,024 --> 01:18:03,400
20 minutes.
We could have been there by now.
1063
01:18:03,484 --> 01:18:06,112
The road will be open in five minutes, Father.
1064
01:18:10,534 --> 01:18:13,077
Gah!
1065
01:18:15,623 --> 01:18:17,957
Hey, Father Putz.
1066
01:18:18,834 --> 01:18:20,835
Albert Schweitzer.
1067
01:18:20,920 --> 01:18:24,297
I want to thank you
for being so sweet and so nice,
1068
01:18:24,381 --> 01:18:28,259
and telling those people all about us,
back in Missouri,
1069
01:18:28,344 --> 01:18:31,930
that we were both flashers
and sex maniacs.
1070
01:18:34,850 --> 01:18:37,310
Well, I just wanted to return the favor
1071
01:18:37,394 --> 01:18:40,271
that you and the chocolate monk did for us
back in Ohio.
1072
01:18:41,273 --> 01:18:42,941
"The chocolate monk"?
1073
01:18:46,320 --> 01:18:47,403
He can say that.
1074
01:18:47,488 --> 01:18:49,322
He can say that, he can say that
1075
01:18:49,406 --> 01:18:52,785
'cause he's riding around
with the Goodyear blimp!
1076
01:18:52,869 --> 01:18:55,955
- The Goodyear blimp?
- He can say that. He can say that.
1077
01:18:56,039 --> 01:18:59,541
- Yeah, I can say that.
- Because if I had the time,
1078
01:18:59,626 --> 01:19:03,212
I would take those rosary beads
and stuff 'em up your nose.
1079
01:19:03,296 --> 01:19:05,631
- These rosary beads? My rosary beads?
- Yeah.
1080
01:19:05,715 --> 01:19:09,009
- You're gonna shove 'em up this nose?
- Up that nose, yeah.
1081
01:19:10,971 --> 01:19:13,806
- He can do that.
- He can do that?
1082
01:19:13,890 --> 01:19:15,808
- You take a little advice?
- Sure.
1083
01:19:17,602 --> 01:19:19,228
Bring friends.
1084
01:19:24,776 --> 01:19:27,027
A lot of 'em.
1085
01:19:30,407 --> 01:19:33,200
He wants me to bring...
1086
01:19:35,162 --> 01:19:36,204
Blimp?
1087
01:19:50,553 --> 01:19:53,722
Ah, the bride and groom Cannonballer.
1088
01:19:53,806 --> 01:19:56,016
I told you this honeymoon scheme would work.
1089
01:19:56,100 --> 01:19:58,226
Good.
Now you wear the wig, sweetheart.
1090
01:19:58,311 --> 01:20:00,270
- It's hot.
- Oh, I don't know.
1091
01:20:00,354 --> 01:20:03,189
When I was in Egypt making
The Fly Who Bugged Me
1092
01:20:03,274 --> 01:20:06,735
it was at least 180 in the shade,
not that there was much shade.
1093
01:20:06,819 --> 01:20:09,029
If CBS woulda had their cameras there
1094
01:20:09,113 --> 01:20:12,991
we'd have made Sports Spectacular.
We just zoomed right over that train.
1095
01:20:13,075 --> 01:20:14,367
You want to try it again?
1096
01:20:35,557 --> 01:20:37,099
All right.
1097
01:20:39,061 --> 01:20:42,188
Don't you look precious?
All dressed up like that.
1098
01:20:42,272 --> 01:20:45,232
And wearing a wig too. Ha-ha!
Ain't he cute?
1099
01:20:45,317 --> 01:20:47,610
Those guys scare me.
1100
01:20:47,694 --> 01:20:50,613
You just stay close to Moore.
There won't be any trouble.
1101
01:20:51,740 --> 01:20:54,450
He looks like Gregory Peck
in that blue flannel suit.
1102
01:20:58,121 --> 01:21:01,374
This is my friend Shakey.
Allow me to present myself.
1103
01:21:01,458 --> 01:21:04,378
I'm on Wall Street.
Maybe we can have lunch sometime.
1104
01:21:04,462 --> 01:21:06,671
We don't ride in Wall Street.
1105
01:21:06,756 --> 01:21:09,174
Nah, we don't ride in Wall Street.
1106
01:21:09,258 --> 01:21:10,926
Why don't we go and help 'em out?
1107
01:21:11,010 --> 01:21:12,219
What do you mean, "we"?
1108
01:21:12,303 --> 01:21:16,306
If we do, then that road opens up
and you're long gone.
1109
01:21:16,391 --> 01:21:18,141
Now, why don't you, huh?
1110
01:21:18,226 --> 01:21:20,685
You're the Good Samaritan.
1111
01:21:21,854 --> 01:21:23,313
Besides, I'm wearing these.
1112
01:21:23,398 --> 01:21:25,690
Maybe you would like
to complete your ensemble.
1113
01:21:25,775 --> 01:21:28,235
No. There's something else
of yours that I want.
1114
01:21:28,319 --> 01:21:29,945
Oh, really? What's that?
1115
01:21:30,029 --> 01:21:31,363
Your ass!
1116
01:21:35,952 --> 01:21:38,078
Dun-dun-dah!
1117
01:21:41,040 --> 01:21:43,041
Oh, shit.
1118
01:21:44,043 --> 01:21:46,002
Well, shall we join the fracas?
1119
01:22:04,731 --> 01:22:06,983
Step back, my dear.
1120
01:22:07,067 --> 01:22:09,193
I must warn you, I'm Roger Moore.
1121
01:22:09,278 --> 01:22:10,528
Who?
1122
01:22:10,612 --> 01:22:11,863
Roger Moore.
1123
01:22:15,492 --> 01:22:16,951
We'll run in there.
1124
01:22:17,035 --> 01:22:19,078
Boom-boo-boom, pow! Pow! Pow!
1125
01:22:19,163 --> 01:22:20,872
Knock 'em flat out.
1126
01:22:20,956 --> 01:22:23,875
- Then we go. We could still win it, OK?
- We can do that.
1127
01:22:23,959 --> 01:22:26,252
- We can do that. Yeah.
- We can do that.
1128
01:22:30,007 --> 01:22:32,593
You'll be sorry! Let me down!
1129
01:22:32,677 --> 01:22:35,179
Dun-dun-dah!
1130
01:22:35,889 --> 01:22:37,556
Take that!
1131
01:22:49,194 --> 01:22:51,028
You're so macho.
1132
01:22:51,112 --> 01:22:52,654
Watch this!
1133
01:22:54,949 --> 01:22:56,074
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
1134
01:23:03,041 --> 01:23:04,791
- Need some help, Father?
- Nah.
1135
01:23:07,879 --> 01:23:09,421
Wah! Give me somebody!
1136
01:23:09,506 --> 01:23:10,923
Waaargh!
1137
01:23:11,007 --> 01:23:13,050
What, are you crazy, Greek?
1138
01:23:13,134 --> 01:23:16,261
How could you possibly change odds
in the middle of things?
1139
01:23:18,265 --> 01:23:21,643
Hold it. You wouldn't last five minutes
in the New York subway.
1140
01:23:23,729 --> 01:23:25,230
That's the way it's done.
1141
01:23:35,282 --> 01:23:38,284
- Is that good to drink?
- I don't know. I never tried it.
1142
01:23:50,422 --> 01:23:52,799
Hold it, hold it.
You wanna try this side?
1143
01:23:52,883 --> 01:23:54,259
Yeah.
1144
01:23:57,179 --> 01:23:58,763
Need some help?
1145
01:23:58,847 --> 01:24:01,350
- Get out of here.
- Right.
1146
01:24:01,434 --> 01:24:03,769
Dun-dun-dah!
1147
01:24:05,105 --> 01:24:06,480
Fool!
1148
01:24:10,652 --> 01:24:13,821
- Thanks, Shakey. Excuse me.
- Get this guy, Shakey!
1149
01:24:17,242 --> 01:24:20,619
- Excuse me, Father, the road's open.
- Oh, thanks.
1150
01:24:21,746 --> 01:24:24,248
Fenderbaum, the road's open!
1151
01:24:27,711 --> 01:24:29,044
Bye.
1152
01:24:37,220 --> 01:24:38,846
Let's go! Hit it!
1153
01:24:57,950 --> 01:24:59,242
Ah-so!
1154
01:25:35,906 --> 01:25:37,948
Come on, come on. Faster, faster!
1155
01:25:38,033 --> 01:25:39,325
- I'm trying.
- Faster!
1156
01:25:39,409 --> 01:25:42,286
- Drive it like Captain Chaos would.
- I'll try.
1157
01:25:42,371 --> 01:25:45,915
- What d'you take off the mask for?
- I didn't. He took off the mask.
1158
01:25:57,719 --> 01:25:59,679
- We need him.
- I don't know where he is.
1159
01:25:59,763 --> 01:26:02,598
Very interesting fellow.
I'd like to probe his case.
1160
01:26:02,683 --> 01:26:06,268
Don't want him around, he's around.
When we want him, he's not around.
1161
01:26:06,353 --> 01:26:07,478
I'm gonna get a beer!
1162
01:26:07,562 --> 01:26:09,814
Dun-dun-dah!
1163
01:26:41,973 --> 01:26:47,769
It's only ten blocks to the finish!
I feel very confident that we will be triumphant!
1164
01:26:53,818 --> 01:26:55,485
Ah-ha-ha!
1165
01:27:03,829 --> 01:27:05,121
What the hell was that?
1166
01:27:05,205 --> 01:27:08,166
- A Lamborghini.
- Is it in the race?
1167
01:27:08,250 --> 01:27:09,250
Catch it!
1168
01:27:13,630 --> 01:27:16,007
- Will you go faster? Come on!
- I'm trying!
1169
01:27:17,301 --> 01:27:21,220
I've seen every single one of your movies
at least three or four times.
1170
01:27:21,305 --> 01:27:22,513
Four times?
1171
01:27:22,598 --> 01:27:26,350
- I think we got it goin', baby.
- Yeah, we're looking good.
1172
01:27:26,435 --> 01:27:28,519
The Greek's gonna pay us money!
1173
01:27:28,604 --> 01:27:30,813
Gosh! Wait till I tell my friends
1174
01:27:30,898 --> 01:27:34,567
I was sitting next to George Hamilton!
1175
01:27:34,651 --> 01:27:36,944
George Hamilton?
1176
01:27:41,617 --> 01:27:43,035
- We got 'em!
- We got 'em!
1177
01:27:44,537 --> 01:27:45,829
We're not losin' it!
1178
01:27:48,666 --> 01:27:49,792
Aargh!
1179
01:27:49,876 --> 01:27:51,460
Look out!
1180
01:27:52,796 --> 01:27:54,463
- Waah!
- OK, it's a foot race!
1181
01:27:54,547 --> 01:27:56,381
- I've got the card.
- No, give me that, Doc.
1182
01:27:56,466 --> 01:27:58,425
Come on! It's a foot race!
1183
01:27:58,510 --> 01:28:02,805
Have no fear, Chaos is here!
Dun-dun-dah!
1184
01:28:02,889 --> 01:28:04,807
Take it and win, Captain!
1185
01:28:05,350 --> 01:28:07,726
Come on, Chaos, you can do it!
1186
01:28:08,978 --> 01:28:11,605
Anyone need medical attention?
1187
01:28:11,689 --> 01:28:15,442
Ah! Ah! Go! Go, Chaos!
1188
01:28:17,821 --> 01:28:18,904
We're gonna win!
1189
01:28:18,988 --> 01:28:21,990
It's not a very sporting way to win.
What do you say, Father?
1190
01:28:22,075 --> 01:28:24,076
No, it's a shitty way to win.
1191
01:28:28,290 --> 01:28:29,624
We're gonna win!
1192
01:28:29,708 --> 01:28:33,002
Help! Help!
Somebody save my baby!
1193
01:28:33,087 --> 01:28:34,712
He's drowning!
1194
01:28:34,797 --> 01:28:37,090
No, Chaos! No!
1195
01:28:38,050 --> 01:28:41,970
No problem, fair lady.
I will save your baby. Have no fe-e-e-ear!
1196
01:28:49,353 --> 01:28:51,688
Oh, my baby, my baby!
1197
01:28:51,772 --> 01:28:54,482
Thank you. You're such a brave man.
1198
01:28:54,567 --> 01:28:58,653
You don't know what this means to me.
Oh, my baby, I love you.
1199
01:28:59,780 --> 01:29:03,116
JJ, I saved that woman's dog.
1200
01:29:04,994 --> 01:29:09,497
Victor, we could have won that race.
You understand? We could have won it!
1201
01:29:09,582 --> 01:29:13,002
You understand that?
You had to go and pull that stupid stunt.
1202
01:29:13,086 --> 01:29:15,129
He's right, Victor.
1203
01:29:15,213 --> 01:29:17,006
We are sick of Captain Chaos.
1204
01:29:17,090 --> 01:29:19,800
We are so sick of Captain Chaos
that we could throw up.
1205
01:29:19,885 --> 01:29:23,512
So, you know what, Victor? There's not
gonna be any more Captain Chaos.
1206
01:29:23,597 --> 01:29:25,347
No more!
1207
01:29:25,432 --> 01:29:31,061
You see what I'm telling you?
No more! No more Captain Chaos ever!
1208
01:29:31,146 --> 01:29:33,981
Now, what do you think of that?
1209
01:29:37,068 --> 01:29:39,695
I don't care... because...
1210
01:29:40,947 --> 01:29:45,326
I've always wanted to be...
Captain USA!
1211
01:29:45,410 --> 01:29:46,994
Dun-dun-dah!
1212
01:29:50,040 --> 01:29:53,250
It's a dirty job,
but somebody's got to do it.
1213
01:30:05,932 --> 01:30:08,600
- Who won the race?
- What do you get for last?
1214
01:30:11,896 --> 01:30:14,105
Well... Well...
1215
01:30:14,190 --> 01:30:18,234
How do you all feel, now that you
have raped the American highways?
1216
01:30:18,319 --> 01:30:19,903
- Beautiful. Wonderful.
- Great.
1217
01:30:19,987 --> 01:30:24,866
Old chap, I suggest you get a grip
on yourself or better, on one of these.
1218
01:30:24,951 --> 01:30:26,284
I'll take anything.
1219
01:30:26,369 --> 01:30:29,913
And feel free to use the lighter
in my car, Mr...
1220
01:30:29,997 --> 01:30:31,331
Foyt.
1221
01:30:31,415 --> 01:30:33,500
F- F-F-Foyt.
1222
01:30:33,584 --> 01:30:36,378
Wait till he touches that lighter.
1223
01:30:42,886 --> 01:30:45,096
Ain't nothin' happening.
1224
01:30:46,723 --> 01:30:48,975
That's funny. Excuse me.
1225
01:30:53,522 --> 01:30:56,565
Mr. Foyt, how did you light that?
1226
01:30:57,484 --> 01:31:00,486
Well, with the lighter, of course.
1227
01:31:01,822 --> 01:31:03,114
That's odd.
1228
01:31:04,700 --> 01:31:06,742
Oy vey!
1229
01:31:13,500 --> 01:31:16,836
If I'm not filming next year,
we'll do this again.
1230
01:31:20,966 --> 01:31:23,676
Oh, JJ, didn't we do good?
1231
01:31:23,760 --> 01:31:25,929
Wah! Wah-ha-ha-ha!
1232
01:31:57,378 --> 01:31:59,046
- Stop it.
- Ready?
1233
01:32:02,383 --> 01:32:05,969
- Will you stop it?
- OK. OK.
1234
01:32:07,513 --> 01:32:09,182
What's wrong with you?
1235
01:32:09,266 --> 01:32:10,933
Wait a minute. I got something.
1236
01:32:11,018 --> 01:32:13,352
- No, this will help you.
- No, don't hit me.
1237
01:32:13,437 --> 01:32:17,732
No. I'm not gonna hit you. Listen to me.
1238
01:32:17,816 --> 01:32:19,901
I swear to God.
I'm not gonna hit you.
1239
01:32:19,985 --> 01:32:21,527
Watch. Watch.
1240
01:32:21,612 --> 01:32:23,237
Ah!
1241
01:32:23,322 --> 01:32:28,159
- OK.
- OK. I'm ready now. Here we go.
1242
01:32:34,792 --> 01:32:36,584
Look at that shit.
1243
01:32:38,837 --> 01:32:40,880
I'm ready.
I swear to God, I'm ready!
1244
01:32:41,465 --> 01:32:43,466
We're off.
1245
01:32:48,138 --> 01:32:50,640
Where's he gonna sit?
1246
01:32:51,683 --> 01:32:53,685
Where's he gonna sit?
1247
01:32:55,480 --> 01:32:58,190
I warned you
not to interfere in my affairs.
1248
01:32:58,274 --> 01:33:01,485
Steven, put away...
Seymour. Excuse me.
1249
01:33:01,569 --> 01:33:04,113
That's all right.
I'll answer to anything.
1250
01:33:04,197 --> 01:33:07,616
You see, even in the deepest
family relations...
1251
01:33:09,035 --> 01:33:12,788
my business is not worth a...
1252
01:33:13,790 --> 01:33:15,207
Thank you, Victor.
1253
01:33:15,291 --> 01:33:16,792
Mark.
1254
01:33:16,876 --> 01:33:19,044
As you probably know, we're...
1255
01:33:19,129 --> 01:33:20,587
We're the favorites to...
1256
01:33:20,672 --> 01:33:24,258
be the winning racers tomorrow
in the Cannonball race,
1257
01:33:24,342 --> 01:33:26,009
which is gonna be poured...
1258
01:33:28,138 --> 01:33:30,597
- Good evening, ladies.
- Evening.
1259
01:33:30,682 --> 01:33:33,142
My name is JJ McCIure.
And this is my...
1260
01:33:36,271 --> 01:33:40,650
- Next year we're going for the nu-nu-nu...
- Yes? Ooh!
1261
01:33:46,574 --> 01:33:48,741
Perfect. Perfect.
1262
01:33:49,785 --> 01:33:51,244
Hey!
1263
01:33:51,328 --> 01:33:52,787
- Better than...
- Cut!
1264
01:33:52,872 --> 01:33:55,373
We have to get this woman,
1265
01:33:55,457 --> 01:33:56,916
the senator's wife,
1266
01:33:57,001 --> 01:33:58,793
to Philadelphia by...
1267
01:33:58,878 --> 01:34:00,837
Make that California, will you?
1268
01:34:02,923 --> 01:34:05,008
We're very close.
1269
01:34:10,055 --> 01:34:11,681
Don't hit me.
1270
01:34:13,350 --> 01:34:15,518
Because if I had enough time...
1271
01:34:15,603 --> 01:34:19,606
I would take those rosary bleeds
and stuff 'em up your nose.
1272
01:34:19,690 --> 01:34:22,193
- These bleeds?
- Those bleeds, yeah.
1273
01:34:22,277 --> 01:34:24,195
You're gonna take these...
and shove 'em up...
1274
01:34:24,279 --> 01:34:26,697
I'll take these bleeds here...
1275
01:34:26,781 --> 01:34:27,740
Mark.
1276
01:34:27,824 --> 01:34:29,783
I don't care...
1277
01:34:33,580 --> 01:34:35,915
- I don't care...
- Stop laughing!
1278
01:34:36,917 --> 01:34:38,459
I don't care, because...
1279
01:34:40,003 --> 01:34:41,587
You're gonna get a slap.
1280
01:34:41,671 --> 01:34:45,299
I always wanted to be
Captain America!
1281
01:34:49,346 --> 01:34:50,888
It's a living.
1282
01:34:52,432 --> 01:34:54,642
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1283
01:34:54,726 --> 01:34:59,021
He laughed...
He laughed... He laughed first.
1284
01:34:59,105 --> 01:35:01,106
Mr. Martin laughed first.
1285
01:35:04,194 --> 01:35:06,154
Why were you laughing?
1286
01:35:06,239 --> 01:35:08,698
He laughed and you hit me!
1287
01:35:09,450 --> 01:35:10,992
Cut it.
99131
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