All language subtitles for My Uncle Benjamin 1969 EN

Translation: Goupil66
August 2011

At the time I�m taking you back to,

morals were full of charming
self-indulgence and lovely simplicity.

The characteristic of that
happy age was carelessness.

Everybody was yielding with their
eyes closed to the currents of life

without thinking twice
about where they would land.

Benjamin Rathery
was a fine example.

Benjamin! Benjamin!

Benjamin! Benjamin..

Madam... There�s nothing
wrong with you.

Treat me anyway.

Very well. Shall I bleed you?
No? I�ll cup you then.

You�re right: no circles
on such a pretty back.

But what to do?
What to do...?

Nothing.
Nothing, of course.

A doctor has done more than enough
when he didn�t kill his patient.

That is not my husband�s opinion.

Dear Dr Fata. He kills lots
of them, that�s a fact.

But I like him. Next to him,
I can almost feel handsome.

But you�re more than
handsome, Dr. Rathery.

Now that�s true enough.

I�m cheerful, poor, witty,

not too dumb,

affectionate, strong, eager...

and in a hurry.

My Uncle Benjamin.
The Man in the Red Coat.

I drink to the divine medicine
of urine. I drink...

He drinks!

Let�s drink our glass,
goddam it, goddam you,

Let�s drink our glass,
let�s drink generously

Let�s drink our glass,
goddam it, goddam you,

Let�s drink our glass,
we�ll piss heavily!

Benjamin!

- Manette, it�s awful!
- What is it?

- Well, you�re a virgin.
- Please don�t always talk about that.

The trouble is you value
the silly little thing too much.

- Not that much.
- Well?

- Well, marry me!
- You maidens think only of marriage.

It gets old after a while.

- My father...
- A damn thief!

No one else sells Chablis
for two louis a bottle!

He�s right anyway.
You only want my flower.

Your small capital, as he says.

Your small treasure.
Your only dowry.

Tell you what: I�m going to
abduct you right now.

- And marry me?
- Again!

Well I won�t be abducted.

Good! Abductions are tiring affairs
and I�m exhausted.

I spent the whole afternoon
cupping sick people.

So you say.

- The whole company has arrived?
- Yes.

- A nice bunch of drunks your friends are.
- A noble bunch of epicureans,

carrying philosophy
as far as drunkenness.

That�s my point: drunks!

Let�s drink our glass,
goddam it, goddam you,

Let�s drink our glass,
let�s drink generously

Let�s drink our glass,
goddam it, goddam you,

Let�s drink our glass,
we�ll piss heavily!

Do you know, gentlemen, that some
people call us common drunks?

You, Dr Minxit, my esteemed
colleague from Corvol. A drunk?

You, Parenta, the only poet bailiff
in the country! A drunk?

Let�s sing, let�s laugh and be noisy,

let�s drink all night and make merry,
so much that dawn,

- in the morning, will find us all here
still feasting. - Bravo!

And you, Machecourt, my most
excellent brother-in-law,

- joy of my sister... a drunk?
- Never!

And you, dear Mr. Fata, the
husband of such a beautiful wife,

- would you just be a drunk?
- Slander!

On your knees, Christians!
On your knees, Christians!

My friends! Oh, you, men of fork,
drainers of barrels, I tell you this:

drunkenness is one of Heaven�s
greatest gifts.

Drunkenness and celibacy!
And I�m now drunk and a bachelor.

Benjamin. You�re joking about
this celibacy of yours.

I assure you I�m not.

There are marriages and marriages.

My daughter just came back
from the convent

and you didn�t come
and see us yet.

I keep running from one patient
to the next one.

- But you�ll come, won�t you?
- As soon as I've time, that�s a promise.

Benjamin... I�ve been studying
urines for forty years

and I can barely distinguish the
clear ones from the murky ones.

But I�m rich anyway.
So mark my words:

you will marry Arabelle
and succeed me.

- Thus I�ll die in peace.
- We�re not there yet, Mr. Minxit.

What about Arabelle? Does she
still make you good creamcheese?

Creamcheese... fish stew...

fattened chicken...
And the rest...

A woman who�s good in the kitchen
always makes a happy marriage.

My poor Machecourt, how badly
you hold your drink.

Whether the woman is good or not, the
cooking is more varied at the inn and...

you can eat on credit.

Speaking of that, here�s my little
reminder, Mr. Rathery.

You big oaf, I�m defending
your practice.

If I understand correctly,
you�re insulting your sister

who gave me five little
Machecourt girls?

- Me, insulting your wife?
- Her cooking. That�s the same thing.

- Her cooking is excellent!
- Yes, but you�d rather eat at the inn.

- Did I say that? - You did!
And you�re going to answer for it.

- But she�s my sister.
- And she�s my wife.

True. I�m your man.

Since we just have one sword here,
mine, I give it to you.

And I�ll use Mr. Minxit�s walking stick.

- Let�s share, my dear colleague.
- Don�t we always?

Oh, no! No! My ham!
My... My ham!

Oh, no...

I killed him. I�m a scoundrel.

The little Machecourt girls
lost their uncle.

Let�s go.

Brothers, humans who�ll
live after us,

Please do not harden
your heart against us,

For if He has mercy on
our damned soul,

God will have more on yours
that are less foul...

Drunken dogs!
Home!

- But, my very good friend...
- Home! Go!

Let�s drink our glass,
goddam it, goddam you,

Let�s drink our glass,
we�ll piss heavily!

Wine and wenches. Do you know
where those lead, Benjamin?

- To the paupers� grave!
- Yes. But I�ll save you against your will.

Since Mr. Minxit wants you
as his son-in-law, you�ll marry Arabelle.

You�ll ask her tomorrow!

Here you are at last, Mr. Rathery.

You must come to Sanb�re.
My son is very ill.

Sanb�re?
That is halfway to Heaven.

All right, I�ll come and see
you tomorrow.

If you don�t come tonight, the priest
with his black cross will come tomorrow.

My son has anthrax.

Of course you can�t afford
to pay a doctor?

In that case, it�s a job for me.

Did you hear?
Miss Arabelle will wait.

Let�s drink our glass,
goddam it, goddam you...

You drunk! Go home!

What will happen to the lad?
Yeah...

- What�s your name?
- Gaspard.

- Do you know how to find birds
in the nest? - Yes, sir.

- To make a catapult?
- Yes, sir.

- To fish crawfish?
- Yes, sir.

Just like me when I was your age.

- Tell me: can you read?
- The big letters.

- Write? Count?
- Is it hard?

Don�t worry: I never could either.

Just like me when I was
your age, I tell you.

Are you going, sir?

Hector of Pontcass�, of the
King�s chamber.

Guillaume of Vallombreuse,
of His Majesty�s guards.

Benjamin Rathery, a doctor
in Clamecy.

Gaspard, a bird finder.

My sword misled you, gentlemen.

I�m no nobleman...
and wouldn�t want to be.

Between you and me, gentlemen,

why do you value so much the two
letters you put before your name?

Does the particle preserve you from
diarrhoea when you�ve eaten too much?

It doesn�t, does it?
So...

Gentlemen! Your servant!

- What if we chastised him?
- No. Leave him be.

- Such an insolent.
- Yes. But it�s so uncommon.

- What is this?
- Gaspard.

Come. Go in my bedroom.
Lie down and sleep. You need it.

Who is he?

The son of the poor devil
who died in my arms last night.

- And the old woman? - She went
back to her village, where she starves.

- What does that mean?
- Just that Gaspard will now live with us.

Look, Benjamin, this is not possible.
Or you�ve become mad.

Yes, I know: it�s hard to have
another mouth to feed.

But don�t worry: I�ll take
care of that.

- But money is not all. - He can do
a lot of things. He�ll be useful to you.

If he�s a good learner, we�ll make
a doctor out of him:

- when I�m old, he�ll have my practice.
- What practice?

And you�ve only got five daughters
anyway. They need a brother.

I need a nephew
and you need a son.

- I give him to you.
- How good of you!

- Little sister...
- Leave me alone.

You know, I couldn�t leave
him up there.

You can act generous all you want...

you�re forgetting about
your creditors.

When you�ve got credit,
you as good as rich.

And what do I need to get back
on my feet anyway?

A good little epidemic. God is good.
He won�t let me down.

You can marry all the same!

And why would I marry, tweedledum,
tweedledum, tweeddledee.

Mr. Minxit wants to give you
his daughter.

- And miss Arabelle is very pretty.
- I saw her from afar the other day.

She looks nice, albeit
somewhat flat-chested.

Flat-chested? You saw her
from afar indeed.

Believe me: it�s good to have a fresh
and plump woman in your bed,

- and one who knows your ways.
- Why don�t you marry Arabelle.

You�re old enough to
settle down, after all.

And Mr. Minxit will leave you
his practice.

I don�t want to die a country doctor.

It�s a great big world.
And I don�t know it.

- You know where you�ll end up!
- Yes. In the paupers� grave.

Oh no, no, no tears!

All right, I�ll go and see
Mr. Minxit tomorrow.

But I�ll do it just to please you.

I�ll go with you, in order to
make you brave.

Good old Parenta. Do you,
by any chance, come to sing:

"On your knees, Christians!
On your knees!"

Of games and songs, Alas!
The time has gone.

To wait for their money,
creditors are not prone.

Good heavens! It�s verse!

It is! I must indeed soften
with poetry,

Of my harsh office the
oh so painful duty.

You�ll tell us all about it but, first,
have a taste of this little Volnay.

Oh! If it is Volnay...

It�s neat.

If you�re thirsty, help yourself,
I still have two barrels of it.

Which, of course, haven�t
been paid for.

And here is exactly the news
that I must give.

Be the judge of my pain,
and my sadness forgive.

But I have to warn you that
with the morning new,

I�ll come back here and with my
lawful hands seize you.

- What does he say? - He�s right.
What does this gibberish mean?

Benjamin, your creditors
are getting restless.

For three years, you�ve been delaying
the payment of your debts,

waiting for I don�t know
which epidemic.

Am I to blame if the kingdom
is so healthy?

I�m warning you. I�ll come back
tomorrow. Officially, this time.

And I�ll be escorted by
two constables.

I�m not twenty years old anymore,
you know. How about stopping the game?

As you wish, father. Don�t you
want to sit down?

No, let�s walk a little.

Little Arabelle, now that you�re
back from the convent,

life opens before you.
Life is a long road.

So you must choose your
traveling companion carefully.

And that�s not an easy thing.

Can you remember my
young colleague

but nevertheless old friend,
Benjamin Rathery?

Sir! Here are two noblemen who
want to pay you their respects.

The Viscount of Pontcass� and
the Knight of Vallombreuse.

Pontcass�?

I studied his father�s urines once but
we never consorted with the family.

- Tell him... - The Viscount is brother
to Sabine, my best friend at the convent.

She often told me about him, and we
even glimpsed each other a few times.

In that case, let him come.

Oh, the fat bourgeois! One should
think he wetted his pants.

Mr. Minxit waits for
Mr. Viscount and Mr. Knight.

I�m glad, sir, to salute
the doctor who,

in the old times, attended so well
to my revered father�s illness,

as well as the happy sire
of miss Arabelle

whom my sister Sabine�s praise
gave me an insane urge to meet.

- Miss...
- Sir.

I could escape from Versailles
for a few days.

His Majesty went to
Chambord for a rest.

I took the opportunity to accept
a hunting invitation

from the Marquis of Cambise,
Lord of Clamecy.

My friend, the Knight of Vallombreuse,
was good enough to escort me.

It�s very nice of you to
visit us, gentlemen.

You�ll honour me by accepting
a glass of my Champagne.

Please excuse me a moment.

- Vallombreuse, you still like roses,
don�t you? - Roses? Who, me?

Yes, you. There are beautiful ones
there, at the end of the garden.

Oh! Oh, the roses there! Oh, yes,
indeed... Indeed, they�re superb.

Will it be enough?

Slap my back.

Harder, stupid!

Oh, Mr. Parenta!

She�s got a superb cleavage,
I tell you! A delight!

- Her husband won�t be bored,
believe me. - Good for him.

Hey, no joke! Don�t forget that I promised
Bettine to walk you to Arabelle�s.

Oh! Shots on Cambise�s estate.

Usually, the dirty rats hunt
with falcons or dogs.

- Help! - I think I know the voice.
Wait for me here.

Benjamin!

Benjamin!

Get the hell away from here!
I�m the Lord of Cambise�s steward,

and I caught this maiden
and her sheep on our estate.

My friend, you�re mistaken:
she�s certainly not a maiden.

But that is no reason to rape her.

Benjamin!

I�ll have you caned, peasant!
We�ll meet again.

How strong you are!
A regular titan!

Aren�t you ashamed of stealing
a few blades of grass

- from one of the richest men in France?
- I didn�t know I was on his estate.

- But what are you doing?
- You�re right, it�s silly.

Fontenoy! Be nice, Fontenoy,
he�s a fellow countryman!

- What is this? - The dreadful hound
wants to eat my calves!

Come on, Fontenoy,
come on, come on...

What do you say, gentlemen?

I�m coming back to Corvol after
35 years in the service of the king

and I�m forced to poach in order
to feed us, Fontenoy and I.

- Fontenoy?
- That�s his name.

Because during the battle
of Fontenoy,

he bit on an English captain�s
coat-tails and made him a prisoner.

His Majesty was good
enough to tell me:

"That�s an excellent animal
you�ve got here, sergeant!"

But I didn�t get the epaulette!

To make an officer out of the son
of a saddler is unheard of.

Ah, should I have been noble...

Nobility is the most useless
of all things...

How dumb must the people be
to bow to it.

That�s telling them!

To think that I followed Marshal de Saxe
during all his campaigns.

And women! I had more than
the Marshal himself.

And he was a randy devil!

- Oh, gentlemen! Polish women!
- Are you a bachelor?

Oh, certainly! There are too many
pretty arses on Earth!

I was saying the exact same thing
not ten minutes ago!

Can you imagine they want
to marry me?

Benjamin... We�re expected.

What if we bought a lunch
at Manette�s

for this good man and his
glorious quadruped?

You can�t be serious:
we promised Bettine.

Oh, damn! You don�t meet every day a dog
who made an English captain prisoner.

- You accept, of course?
- A real meal? At the inn? Oh, by Jove, yes!

What about you, Fontenoy?
He who doesn�t talk agrees.

Machecourt, there are three
of us against you.

Nothing is stronger than majority,
you see, my friend.

Put ten philosophers on one side
and eleven morons on the other,

the morons will win.

So you were saying that
Polish women...

Oh, wait, wait, Polish women
are not the only ones...

- There are also Flemish women...
- You don�t say?

Oh, the Flemish women!

Let drink our glass,
we�ll piss heavily!

Gentlemen and dear quadruped, please
allow me to kiss our pretty innkeeper.

A modest deposit for the good meal
she�s going to serve us.

Mr. Benjamin, with your beautiful suit,
you�re not made for peasant girls.

Go and kiss miss Arabelle!

Come in, gentlemen!
Leave the menu to me!

To kiss Arabelle... You�re crazy.

Why do you think
I come here so often?

Because you want me.

I want you too, Benjamin.
You�ll see when we�re married.

Let go of me, you�re burning me.

I like you.

I feel like a may pole which
you�re trying to climb.

If God allowed me to always
stay like this,

I wouldn�t ask any other
eternity of Him.

Benjamin! Will you order the meal?
Mr. Minxit is waiting for us.

That�s right! Soup�s on!

Manette! Manette... Your poor
Benjamin is drunk as a skunk!

How could I go to Corvol
in such a condition?

I put at your service two good arms,
spared by the cannonball.

The arms are all right...
but the legs...

Come... come... don�t fear
for your virtue.

Right now, I can�t do
more than this.

Tally ho, lad! Pull up her skirt,
so we can see her legs!

You�re having fun while
my back is turned.

- But when you�re here, we yawn.
- Go to your room.

And should I see you again
with this scoundrel...

Who just wants your flower!

A girl�s virginity is nothing
to joke about.

Yes it is, Sir!
The Marshal of Saxe used to say:

a virgin is like a bottle, you must not
let go of her before you see her bottom.

Isn�t that a joke?

Drunken dogs!
I�m just back from Corvol!

Mr. Minxit waited for you all day!

Congratulations, Machecourt.

To think that I let this wineskin
make five daughters to me!

Five virgins? Damn!

Machecourt is not to blame,
my dearest sister.

The truth is that we met this
illustrious soldier

and his no less illustrious companion.

These militaries gave their blood
to our country. It was worth a lunch.

But meanwhile, Mr. Minxit
is pacing in his living room.

We will not make him wait any
further. Let�s go, Machecourt!

In such a condition?
Are you crazy, Benjamin?

You will visit Mr. Minxit
on another day,

- and I�ll go with you this time.
- No! I promised to go and see him today,

- I�ll go and see him today.
- No, no.. And by the way,

- Mr. Chapel wants you.
- The husband of pretty Mrs. Chapel?

The cuckold!
I�ll bleed him like a swine!

Go on!

Where�s my patient?

Give him to me so I can bleed him!
I love bleeding cuckolds!

Shut up, Benjamin!

- So your husband is not home?
- No, he�s in Nevers.

Oh, I didn�t know.

He told me the other day
that his side hurt him.

That�s true. The poor man
hurts a lot.

- And I don�t feel so well myself.
- But... this is not Mr. Chapel.

This is pretty Mrs. Chapel.
I don�t want to bleed her,

- no, no, I don�t want to bleed her.
- Benjamin will put you back on your feet.

He could cure a wooden leg. Here!
I entrust the big dummy to you!

By God!

- Where is my patient?
- Here.

But I insist: I don�t want
to bleed you.

- Your husband is ill, not you.
- It�s the same thing.

- Husband and wife are one flesh.
- Unfortunately.

Thus, examining me,
you examine him as well.

All right. Lie down.

Madam...
Doctors are made to cure.

But Mr. Chapel is already
a profusely cheated on husband.

You wouldn�t want me to increase
his illness, would you?

Not your servant, madam!

Mr. Marquis!

Let�s go, Mouleau.

I�ll definitely never like this.

What about going through
the wet branches of the woods?

Nicely put but that is out of
the question.

This dirt road leads straight
to the inn

and I want you to be sober
in order to ask Mr. Minxit.

Yes but this road leads straight
to Cambise�s castle,

and the very view of
that building makes me angry.

- Oh, the wolf is out of the woods.
- No trouble, do you hear?

- Well, don�t you bow to me?
- Bow to me and I�ll bow to you.

I am the Marquis of Cambise,
Lord of the area.

I am Benjamin Rathery,
a doctor in Clamecy.

You�re a sawbones?
What a nice title!

It�s as good as yours.

The King can make
twenty Marquis a day.

I dare him to make a single doctor.

Ah, here�s a pleasant eccentric.
I�d rather have met him than a deer.

And at least, this one
won�t escape us.

Insolent! I�ll teach you to be
disrespectful to My lord.

And you to be disrespectful
to shepherdesses.

To me, all of you!

What a character!

Well... to the castle!

Mouleau? Come and confer
with your master.

Let�s see if you�ve got anything
to say in your defense.

Give me back my sword
and you�ll see.

Justice, after pondering the case,
sentences the defendant to kiss me

in whatever place it will
please me to offer him.

- The arse!
- I pity you!

Very well. I�m happy with you.

Now you can boast of
having kissed a Marquis.

Marquis! We�re not even!

Cambise! We�re not even!
Can you hear me?

Uncle Benjamin! Uncle Benjamin!
There�s a revolution in Corvol.

Aunt Bettine told everything. Mr. Minxit
is raising an army to avenge you.

Let�s go. But we�re not even.

Attention!
Present arms!

Heads right!
Forward, march!

One, two, one, two...

About turn... left!

Left! Left!...

But... Oh, at ease...

Indulge yourselves, my friends!
This is on Mr. Minxit!

My friends! My friends!

You took up arms not only
to give his freedom

back to my future
son-in-law Benjamin

but also to rid the country
of an oppressing tyrant

who crushes your fields and
dishonours your women.

- Death to Cambise!
- Death to Cambise!

Long Live Benjamin!
Long Live Benjamin!

Bravo, Mr. Minxit!
That was a really neat speech.

It sounded like something by Livy.

Thank you, my friends, thank you,
but believe me: put down your arms.

- What are you saying, Benjamin?
- Mr. Minxit, war is a serious business.

And a general uselessly
dragging his troops

in those slaughterhouses,
the battlefields, is a murderer.

Benjamin is right, good people.

Where you see only
just retaliation,

justice will see breaking and entering,
fence jumping, trespassing,

and all of it against a Marquis.

The least of those crimes
is punishable by the galleys!

Come on, sheathe your sword.

But do not fear, my friends,
you haven�t seen the end of it.

Hear me! I won�t marry Arabelle
before I avenge my honour.

You can avenge it after your
wedding as well as before it.

Mr. Minxit, poor Arabelle could be
a widow on the day after her wedding.

You have too high an idea of honour,
but I didn�t expect anything less of you.

Soldiers! War has just
been postponed.

But you won�t have come here
for nothing:

please go on enjoying
my wine cellar!

- Fall out!
- You�re staying for dinner?

I respect your vow but be warned:

there�re going to be orange
blossoms in the air anyway.

Manette!

- Two ill men are waiting for you, Sir.
- Did you make them talk?

Yes, the first one is a farmer.
He brings his wife�s urine.

She fell on her front steps
and rolled down five of them.

Perfect. And the other one?

The young girl from Samb�re
who already came to see you.

You�re going to see what�s
an urine-studying doctor. Come.

- What a horrid trip! I�m broken!
- Mr. Minxit...

- No, thank you! My bed!
- Mr. Minxit, please! My poor wife...

Oh, your wife, your wife,
when I can barely stand up.

Peasants...

Oh, from what I can see,
she fell down.

What do you know?
You guessed right!

- Down front steps.
- Are you a wizard, Mr. Minxit?

- And she rolled down four steps.
- Not right this time, Mr. Minxit.

- She rolled down five of them.
- Oh, come on, that�s impossible.

Go and count your front steps:
you�ll see there are only four.

I can assure you there are five, Sir.

You amaze me. I can see
only four steps in this.

But... did you bring all
of your wife�s urine?

I left some: the vial was full.

You threw away the fifth step,
you bungling idiot.

That�s why it doesn�t show.

We�ll therefore treat your wife
as having rolled down five steps:

with this, she�ll feel better
in two days.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Minxit.

I told my wife that, with you, she
would be out of the woods in no time.

Don�t thank me: you�ll pay the
consultation to my servant.

- Yes, Sir.
- Next!

Come in.
How is your mother?

She can�t get her strength
back, Mr. Minxit.

And I bet you don�t have any
money to buy remedies?

My father has been out of a job
for eight days.

Why the hell is it, that your mother
chooses to be ill then?

As soon as my father gets another job,
you�ll be paid for your ministrations.

Who does he think I am?
Go to the kitchen.

You�ll be given a basket of wine
bottles and a quarter of mutton.

That�s what your mother
needs right now.

If her strength is not back
in two or three days,

- you�ll let me know. Go now, child.
- Mr. Minxit...

Don�t thank me...

What do you think of the
medicine of urines?

You�re a good man, Mr. Minxit.

But you�ll never have me cure
a fall on front steps that way.

You�re just a foot soldier
of medicine then.

- Come in.
- Excuse me, Sir,

- but the Viscount of Pontcass�
just arrived. - Why is that?

- Miss Arabelle invited him for supper.
- Did she?

- Who�s the nobleman?
- A courtier.

Even if I hadn�t chosen you
to be my son-in-law,

I wouldn�t give my daughter
to such a clown.

What if Arabelle loves the clown?

Arabelle is too sensible to
fall in love with a viscount.

Let�s see what he looks like.

I know him. I met him already.
He�s a friend of Cambise�s.

So this feather-hatted lobster
is the Viscount of Pontcass�?

- In the flesh. - Arabelle has
good taste. He�s handsome.

It�s an opinion. Come, I�ll introduce
you officially to Arabelle.

Let�s postpone that sweet moment.

I still have a patient to bleed
before supper.

Sir, I know you want to marry
Arabelle. I strictly forbid it.

- You again, Mr. Rathery!
- Yes, me again.

You come to see Manette?
Well you won�t see her.

Won�t I?

I locked her in her bedroom.

And that�s where she�s going to stay
until you jump in Miss Arabelle�s bed.

If you must deflower a girl
for her dowry,

I�d rather you take Mr. Minxit�s
money than mine.

Her dowry? I didn�t know
Manette had one?

So they�re right when
they say you�re rich?

Rich? What with all the taxes
piled upon us!

- No: Manette just owns one possession.
- Yes, I know: her virginity.

A girl�s virginity is not
to be joked about!

- So you�re not with Arabelle?
- I wanted to see you.

You went away mad, earlier,
and I don�t like that.

- But later you�re going to see her?
- True: I�m due for supper.

Yes. A beautifully laid table,
glittering silverware,

eager servants, all of those
wait for you.

A friend of freedom is not
so easily chained.

Miss Arabelle is a cute thing.

I must say I wouldn�t mind
looking for a flea in her shirt.

Come here.

Have you ever put your hands
on my waist like this?

Have you caressed me here?

You look like a stopped clock.

Have you kissed my lips?

Well if you haven�t, do it, because
from now on, I�m through with you.

Manette.

Miss! Your dinner!

- To Fontenoy!
- To Fontenoy!

The other morning, just when he got up,
the King was good enough to tell me...

- Good evening everybody!
- Benjamin!

I�m late, I beg your pardon.

A patient who wouldn�t
let me bleed him.

I was forced to knock him out.

Then, I had to revive him
with smelling salts...

Your seat is ready, Benjamin,
next to my daughter.

- may I introduce Dr Rathery.
- You were right, Machecourt.

A storm is brewing.

Well, as I was saying, the other
morning, just when he got up,

the King told me he was thinking
about me for a high position.

La Rochelle will soon need another
governor and it�s very possible that...

It seems, Sir, that His Majesty�s
words do not happen to interest you.

Well, Sir, I�m hungry so I do
the most urgent thing first.

- Your name is Rathery, I think?
- Yes.

I knew... well, I saw, because
you don�t know such people,

a Rathery among the King�s
stable lads.

Could he be, by chance, of your kin?

Hector... since it appears you were
burdened with such a name... Hector,

no Rathery ever was a servant,
under whichever livery...

including the livery of a courtier.

This is a great p�t�! I bet the hare
that it�s made of wasn�t noble.

What do you mean with your hare?

That a nobleman wouldn�t
make good p�t�.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, your talk
mustn�t go beyond joking.

My sentiment, exactly.

Do you know there are more
parallels in our two trades

than you could suspect, Mr. Rathery?

Let me now wager that you killed
more people this year

than I did during my last campaign.

You�d win, Sir. I was unfortunate
enough to lose one patient this year.

He died of anthrax the day
before yesterday.

- Now this is too much.
- You�re right, Vallombreuse.

Mr. Minxit, since this strange
customer is your guest,

I agree to cross swords with him.

If that is not generosity,
I don�t know what is.

I hope you�ll be worthy of
the honour I bestow upon you.

Certainly. Would you like
tomorrow, at dawn,

- in the place called "the Iron Cross"?
- Done.

There�s at least one topic on which
Mr. Rathery and I are in perfect agreement:

this is a great p�t�.

Listen to me, Benjamin, you�re not
going to let this Pontcass� cripple you

just because he picked a quarrel
with you, are you?

I certainly don�t want
to let him cripple me.

I�m very fond of the regularity
of my being.

But he�s supposed to be
a dreaded swordsman.

Have no fear: my obituary is
already written:

Here lies Benjamin Rathery, who resisted
for 99 years to all the wines in Burgundy!

And I�m only 35.

For you, if you�re killed, everything
will be over, but for us...

For us, it will be far from over.

Don�t listen to them. I�m going to
teach you a thrust

with which you could disarm
a whole regiment.

Dear Arabelle, I�ll rid you of a
dowry hunter whose not even born.

Only after his death will people
realize that he once lived.

Don�t do it. I can�t allow you
to kill my father�s best friend.

You have charming scruples,
Arabelle.

Well, in order to avoid upsetting you,
I�ll just wound him.

But you, Hector, if you
should go down...

You�re joking! I trust my sword
like you trust your needle.

Let�s see... Choose yourself the spot
where you want him to be pierced...

I�ll be happy to oblige as
a courtesy to you.

- Oh!
- But they say that, after that,

a gentleman never thinks about
marriage anymore.

I�d like to talk to you
privately, Miss.

I�ll be brief. I�d just like you
to tell me,

in the very innocence of your soul,

if you really love the
Viscount of Pontcass�.

What can I say?

If a woman is not always happy
with a man she loves,

she�s always unhappy with one
she doesn�t love.

I now know what I must do.

- Just one word.
- If it�s just one word,

I�m willing to waste one second
listening to it.

Well-meaning people want
to prevent our duel,

so I suggest that we meet,
not at the "Iron Cross"

but at the "Pierced Stone"
on the road to Nevers.

- We won�t be disturbed.
- Fine. I know the place.

Indeed, it�s a very good place
to send you to the afterworld.

So it�s true, Uncle Benjamin,
you�re going to fight?

So they say. The sergeant is waiting for me
outside to teach me a thrust he invented.

I want to go with you.
Please, Uncle Benjamin.

Well... come. You might find it useful
when you�ve grown-up!

Your eyes! Don�t take your eyes off me.
Come on: on guard! Your turn!

Push your attacks!
Push your attacks!

Lunge further! Come on, come on,
don�t give me time to breathe.

Head, legs, head! Always twice!
Up, down, right, left!

Again! All right!
Now I�ll be aggressive.

In order to disorient your adversary,
don�t ward off all attacks,

jump back and dodge. For a start, just
ward off the cuts and dodge the thrusts.

Now, if you only ward off thrusts,
you must unbalance the enemy.

Dodge!

- Was it good?
- Very good.

All right. My thrust now.

As you walk, cross swords twice,

wait for a while,
keeping them touching,

then cross again in order to
puzzle your adversary,

then a big invitation,
jumping on both feet.

One thing out of two can happen:
either the other bloke wards off

and you start all over again,
or he attacks and then you act!

Come in. Make yourself at home.

- A drop?
- Gladly. It�s chilly.

Can you give me salami?

If I go down, I don�t want to go
with an empty stomach.

With my thrust, it�s the other one
who�ll go, up there.

Well, you see, this is the bloody hole
where I�ll spend the rest of my life.

All I've got left.
A dog and memories...

And a nice collection of
memories I have.

Drums beating the charge,

walks so long that you
get bloody feet,

friends dying in your arms...
Well: war...

But I�m not complaining:
Corvol is not big.

I wanted to see the world
and I saw it.

Wherever I went,
houses were burning,

harvests were destroyed,
women and children crying.

On the subject of women,
I was like you, Benjamin.

I didn�t want to get married.
One woman, just one, always the same,

every evening in bed with her
curlpaper in her hair? Certainly not!

There were too many girls to screw.
So I screwed a lot:

small ones, fat ones, tall ones,

beautiful ones, plain ones,
really ugly ones... Ah, pity!

What is it to me now?

Nobody warms me between the sheets
and I have to cook my own soup.

Think about it, Benjamin.
At some point, a man must stop.

Think about it too, kid.

- Unbelievable!
- Unbelievable.

At last!

...swords in the cemeteries,

As true as St Peter
gets bored in Paradise.

On my funeral stone,
I would like them to write:

without anger he died,
Benjamin Rathery.

- Gentlemen.
- Gentlemen.

We�ve been waiting for
twenty minutes, Sir.

What are twenty minutes, next to
the eternity waiting for one of us.

Sir, I�m at your command..

Oh damn oh damn oh damn!

Ah, ah! Holy shit,
that was well done!

I could very well kill you, Sir.

Kill, Sir.
You�re only here for that.

I�d rather die than see Arabelle
in your hands.

Is it possible?
Can you really love her?

I know she loves you.
Be happy.

There is no dishonour
in losing to you.

You�re not noble but you deserve
a hundred times to be.

If my friendship means anything,

I offer it to you and ask for yours
in exchange.

Now that we�re friends,
I can confess it:

I like Arabelle a lot but I have
no taste for marriage.

I thought I had none either.

I spent years running as fast
as I could from the institution.

But love caught up with me
and I am its prisoner.

Bloody hell!
That was well put.

- Are you the Viscount of Pontcass�?
- Yes I am.

- Where is Benjamin?
- He�s having his breakfast, Miss.

- Weren�t you supposed to kill him?
- I was. But I didn�t succeed.

And Mr. Rathery and I have
become fast friends.

The comings and goings of my friend
Benjamin seem really important to you.

I love him but my father
doesn�t want me to see him.

He even locked me up in the inn.
Fortunately, I could escape.

If I understand correctly, Miss,
your father is working as an innkeeper?

- Yes he is.
- And he dares denying you Benjamin?

Benjamin is poor. And he thinks he�s
rather happy-go-lucky.

Well, I hope your father
will eventually relent.

Benjamin is a match like
you seldom meet one.

- He is, isn�t he? - Go, Miss,
you�ll find him in perfect health.

Farewell, Gentlemen.

- A charming cleavage.
- Charming.

But don�t you think it�s preposterous
that a common innkeeper

opposes the loves of someone with
whom I consented to cross swords?

Simply intolerable.

Why shouldn�t we go and quench
our thirst at this innkeeper�s?

There are several ways
to drink Benjamin�s health!

- Benjamin!
- Benjamin!

- Benjamin, brother!
- I was so frightened, Benjamin!

Innkeeper! We�re thirsty!

Forgive me, gentlemen! I was emptying
a barrel and failed to hear you.

What may I have the honour
to bring you?

A stupid question!
Your best wine!

- Of course, of course. Red or white?
- White, dummy.

Do we look like we could drink
red wine so early in the morning?

Certainly not, my lord!
Certainly not.

I�d almost regret having sent
poor Benjamin to the afterworld.

- They say he drank as much as I do.
- What? You killed Benjamin?

- Less than one hour ago.
- Then this is on the house.

You did a great job: Benjamin was a
dowry hunter, a virgin predator.

- I can do without your opinion.
- Certainly, my lord, I was only saying...

- Is this abomination your best wine?
- I can assure you, my lord.

I�m sure you keep your
best wine for yourself.

- Come on, lead us to your cellar.
- Very well, my lord...

What are you doing, my lord?
I have here a little Montrachet...

They say you keep your
daughter locked-up?

Yes, my lord, it�s true, but I�m going
to free her, now that Benjamin is dead.

He would have taken her maidenhood
as fast as I can uncork a bottle.

- He�s absolutely ignoble.
- Abject.

But the Montrachet is excellent.

Get inside!

That is not possible, my lord.
A joke, no doubt?

Oh, not at all. I�m as serious
as the holy father. Now get inside.

- Oh, no.
- Come on, get inside.

- Oh, no!
- Will you get inside!

- Inside!
- My lord, I beseech you.

Inside!
The cover.

My only child�s maidenhood,
my lord.

- As I uncork a bottle, I tell you.
- Come on, inside!

And now, Diogenes, you just have
to pray for poor Benjamin�s soul.

- You�ll be freed when it�s in Paradise.
- It won�t be any time soon.

Shut up and pray!

Go see Mr. Minxit and bring back
a cart with two solid servants.

I am at my lord�s command.

Meanwhile...

I�ll have a taste of this cellar.

Your document.

That�s 40 louis, 10 sous and 6 deniers
you�ve owed me for three years!

You�ll hear from me this afternoon.

Should you tell me that you�re ill,
at last, I�ll be delighted.

I�ve got a legal order of seizure
against you.

You�ll go to jail, Mr. Rathery!

Oh, Mr. Minxit!

- So you�re not dead.
- Well observed, Mr. Minxit.

- What about Pontcass�? (broken bridge)
- As healthy as the Pont Neuf (new bridge).

I�m not bloodthirsty, but you could
have scratched the damn nobleman a bit.

I would have regretted it till
the end of my days.

- Mr. Minxit, you do trust me, don�t you?
- More than I trust myself, you know it.

In that case, know that the Viscount
of Pontcass� became my friend

and that he�s worthy of
becoming your son-in-law.

- You�re joking?
- I�ve never been more serious.

The Viscount is a very good lad. He�s
got good humour, imagination, wit.

In a word, he�s like us.

If that is true, I�m a very
bad father.

Come on, come on...

The Viscount is impatient to talk to you.
It would be cruel to make him wait.

Come on, Pontcass�, come on...
come on now.

Oh, Sir... dear Sir...
Please allow me...

- I can�t. - I know what you�re
going to say, my friend.

Don�t bother. You want my daughter�s
hand? Well, I give it to you.

Mr. Minxit, if there�s a moment in life
when a man can feel perfectly happy,

it�s when a father agrees
to make him his son-in-law.

I can see that you didn�t doubt my
answer and celebrated it without delay.

Indeed, but I have other
reasons to rejoice. Come.

- Can you guess what this is?
- A barrel. A good big barrel.

- And inside, there is...?
- There is?

Enough to make Benjamin
a happy man.

Benjamin! Mr. Bontin went
to see the bailiff...

And you have the sad duty
to arrest me?

Alas! I can�t always let you
slip through my hands.

Don�t worry: I�ll go with you.

I had a lot of exercise recently: the
quiet of the prison will do me good.

And I�ll have quality company
there: Ronsard is with me.

Ah, Ronsard! "Of an infant
you still had the countenance... "

"... the speech and walk,
beautiful was your mouth... "

Our prison is welcoming but I never
saw anybody in such a hurry to get there...

Well, you can�t marry in prison.

If I have to die, let it be of rapture

On my faithful friends,
my heart will be leaning,

If I have to die, let it be tenderness,

cause dying of love is only half dying

I want my life to die before
it becomes old,

Between the bottoms
of wenches and bottles.

- Benjamin! You�re free! - So soon?
But I�ve not been here one hour!

I saw the bailiff and paid
all of your debts.

And had it been necessary, I would
have asked His Majesty for your pardon.

You can�t possibly have paid...
all my debts!

Don�t thank me. It was selfish.

Now that my daughter is
engaged to the Viscount,

what would I become
without my best friend?

Let�s go, I don�t like
this place, come.

As you can see, I don�t have a choice.
Do not be sad, my friends,

we�ll certainly meet again since, for you
and for me, money... doesn�t exist.

- Holy mackerel! What is that?
- The Marchioness of Cambise.

Such a marvel in that arsehole�s bed?

- Can you picture the scene?
- I�d rather not think about it.

The Marchioness was virtually sold
to Cambise by her father.

She�s got an amazing bosom!

There�s a party at the castle tonight,
I can�t wait for the show.

- Son-in-law!
- True. I�m engaged.

So there�s a party at
the castle tonight?

The Viscount of Pontcass�!
The Knight of Vallombreuse!

Reverend father Vlaeminck!

Where have you been,
my good friends?

We were caught under a storm
and found shelter in a shed.

I hope, madam, that you�ll be good
enough to forgive us for being late.

You�re always forgiven, Viscount.

And I dare say I�m happy to be late,

since it allowed me to meet
this holy man,

who took shelter in the same shed.

The reverend is none other than
the confessor and private doctor

of the Marshal of Saxe who met him
in Flanders while he was campaigning.

Oh, yes, a great man of war is
the Marshal, but also a great sinner.

Father Vlaeminck is on his
way to Chambord,

where the Marshal of Saxe
is quartered.

I took the liberty of offering
him hospitality for tonight.

You were right.
A chair for the Reverend! Quick!

All the pleasures of the world.

Exquisite... but ephemeral.

I hope you don�t forget
about Heaven.

Certainly not. I�m very preoccupied
with the salvation of my soul.

Every year, at Christmas,
at Easter and on Ascension Day,

I give a substantial sum
to our Church.

What about Trinity Day,
my son? No gift?

No... But I�ll make sure
to change that from now on.

So you�re the Marshal�s confessor?

May I?

Frankly, Marquis, can you hear
grave words?

Yes.

I�ve been studying zoology
for a long time...

...which allows me to tell you that
I�m very concerned about your health.

Your rosacean complexion,

your bloodshot eye,

your vermillion nose,

your stale and unhealthy
perspiration...

Your halitosis...

- Tell me, my child...
- Yes...

Are you very diligent in
the Marchioness' bedroom?

I couldn�t be more.

Well you must curb your
legitimate ardor.

From now on, you�ll only honour
your wife on every other day,

and then only if you dine on
a soup and some vegetables.

Your pulse tells me that
your heart is affected.

The pleasure of such a beautiful
woman�s bed could be your doom.

And on the nights when
I renounce conjugal duty,

- might I at least feast as I like?
- That goes without saying.

Tonight, for instance, better go on
quietly stuffing yourself.

- Oh, it�s you, father!
- You, my son!

- Aren�t you asleep? - Not before
I avenge myself. What about you?

I conquered the favour of
a girlfriend of the Marchioness'

and am going to pay her
my respects.

I congratulate you, although
my frock incites me to blame you.

Today is my last night as a bachelor.
Will you forgive me, father?

Yes, and even bless you, my son.

Who is it?

The very holy man whom you
were good enough to welcome.

- What is it?
- Alas, madam, the Marquis is quite ill.

- And his condition is about to worsen.
- How do you mean?

You�ll understand directly.

Don�t be afraid: you, I won�t hurt.

I am Benjamin Rathery.

The man on whom Cambise inflicted
an unseemly humiliation.

Yes, Sir, I recognize you now.

I thought for a long time about
the best way to avenge my honour.

When I saw you, I knew.

You�re beautiful. So your husband
is going to be a cuckold.

- Sir!
- I absolutely want it.

He won�t know about it.

But it will be such
a sweet consolation

to know that I planted horns
on Cambise�s stupid head.

Should you hesitate, madam,

then I would be forced this very minute
to go and challenge the Marquis to a duel.

Think that he�s fat and heavy:

he couldn�t possibly resist my assault.

Sir... I know where my duty lies.

Shhh, Benjamin.

Madam! Madam!
The Marquis is terribly hurt.

Quick, madam! Madam, quick!

Benjamin!

- Father! Thank God!
- What�s happening, my son?

The Marquis is choking.

He so voraciously attacked a salmon
that a fishbone stuck in his throat.

The poor man followed
my advice too literally...

But if my humble science
can be of any help to him.

No doubt, Father

Oh, my sweet!

Sir, this is a huge and probably
infectious fishbone.

Your larynx is visibly inflating.

I don�t despair of performing
the operation but..

what would my science be without
the benevolence of the Almighty?

That�s why I�ll thank you to
assemble your guests

and your staff and
instruct them to pray.

Mouleau! Mouleau!
The bell!

Go to the Marquis!
Go to the Marquis!

Everybody go to the Marquis!

Now, I can operate.

Nevertheless there�s a last
small formality.

Yes? Which one?

Do you remember, Sir, the man whom
you submitted to a bloody insult

because he refused to salute you?

Oh, yes, the one I made
kiss my... Well?

Well that man, Benjamin Rathery, is I!

I kissed you, Marquis.
You must kiss me in turn.

I thought forgiveness was sweeter
than vengeance, Mr. Rathery.

Oh, madam, should I have kissed you
in the same spot,

I would have felt a plump
satisfaction.

Accept, my friend, I beseech you.

You wouldn�t want me, so young,
to become a widow.

- Everybody out, then!
- Don�t!

The insult was public,
the compensation must be too.

And that�s not all.

There is someone here who�s
deeply opposed to me.

- His presence could upset me.
- Go, Mouleau!

Indeed. But I want him to go
through the window.

I said through the window.
Let someone rid me of this man!

Obey the doctor.

No! No, no, no, not the window,
no, no, not the window. No!

Viscount, would you be so good
as to assist me?

Willingly, Father... Dr Rathery...

Your servant...
Madam...

My friends, here is the sword
that avenged Benjamin.

Bravo!

You�ve been rotting inside this barrel
for 24 hours, innkeeper.

Since you had nothing special to do,

I hope you prayed a lot
for the soul of poor Benjamin.

- Well? Are you mute?
- Is this my lord talking to me?

In the flesh. So, will you answer?
Did you pray?

I did nothing but pray.
But let me out, I beseech you!

You�ll get out.

But, first, tell me if you�ll let your
daughter marry whomever she chooses.

- Yes, whomever, whomever!
As long as you free me. - Not yet!

You must also swear to give her a
beautiful dowry on the day she marries.

Come on, we know you�re rich.
You�ll give her ten thousand crowns!

Yes, ten thousand crowns,
that�s fine. Ten thousand crowns.

Aren�t you ashamed? You�ll give
her twenty thousand crowns.

Fine, fine, twenty thousand crowns.
But not one penny more.

- Cross your heart and hope to die?
- Cross my heart and hope to die!

Gentlemen!

Here we are, Benjamin. We wanted to
make you a happy man in spite of yourself.

Benjamin, you know I love you
as if you were my own son,

but listen to me: you must
marry Manette.

If you go on fluttering, you�ll be
an old man before you know it.

Mr. Minxit is damn right, Benjamin.

Can't you see where
fluttering got me?

My sight is ailing. Soon I won�t
be able to study urines,

even should they be as clear
as spring water.

You�ll succeed me, as I�ve always
wanted you to.

Your place is here, Benjamin.

- Jean-Pierre, I have the honour
of asking you... - Sir!

Three men at arms are here,
asking for Mr. Rathery.

- Benjamin Rathery.
- That�s me.

What can I do for you,
gentlemen?

In the name of the King, following
a complaint by the Marquis of Cambise,

Lord of Corvol and Clamecy,
accusing you of trespassing,

fence breaking as well as assault
and battery of his steward,

His Majesty�s prosecutor
decided your arrest.

- Take him away.
- Good bye, Manette.

- Benjamin!
- Don�t do that, wench!

- Pay some respect, sergeant!
- How is this your business?

I�m the Viscount of Pontcass� of
the King�s chamber and I order you...

Sorry, Viscount, but I take orders
only from the prosecutor.

Take him away.

This is serious business.
Cambise is powerful at court.

Benjamin could be sentenced
to the galleys.

Isn�t there anything to do?

His Majesty sometimes does me
the honour of listening to me.

"I would like to,
of a rich yellow becoming,

In a gold rain pour down,
drop by drop, forever

In the glorious breast
of lovely Cassander

When, in her eyes, the shadow
of sleep goes slipping.

I want to change into
a white bull for my lass,

In order to, oh most
elegantly, take her!

When, in April, among
the tenderest of grass,

She goes... "

"If you press me to say
why I loved him,

I can say no more than

because it was he,
because it was I."

Father!

Little Arabelle, go and
bring me Benjamin, hurry!

But he�s in prison.

The prosecutor is an old friend
of mine: he�ll allow him to go out.

Hurry. Go and fetch him.

Viscount of Pontcass�,
His Majesty is waiting for you.

Benjamin, how long shall I live?

You�re somewhat tired, Mr. Minxit.

A few days in bed, sipping Pommard,

and you�ll be back
on your feet in no time.

No, the evening cold is
seeping through me.

It�s time to say goodbye
to this house, to this garden,

to these old trees.

I kept it from you but my heart
has been exhausted for several months.

Do you understand now why I was
in such a hurry to make you happy?

All right, Benjamin,
how long shall I live?

Speak frankly:

a traveler must know the time of
his departure so he can pack his luggage.

Mr. Minxit, today is Thursday.

On Saturday there will be
a mourning house in Corvol.

That is what I diagnosed too.

- But, is Friday mine?
- Fully.

In that case, invite all of
my friends to a last dinner.

I don�t want to part with life
on bad terms.

I intend to bid farewell to it
with a glass in my hand.

Sit down, my friends. Please.

I want my last glances to be of
laughing faces and full glasses.

If you want to please me, just give
free rein to your usual merriment.

Your health, my friends!
Your health, Benjamin.

Damn! This is bloody good stuff!

It�s good stuff.

I don�t want my death
to be mourned.

Instead of a black suit, you�ll wear
a rose on your lapel.

After dipping it into a glass
of Champagne,

you�ll pull its petals off
over my grave,

which will be dug in my field,
on the bank of the stream.

You�ll plant on it a cradle
of vine and honeysuckle.

You�ll say my funeral oration.

I wouldn�t mind hearing,
now that I still live,

what posterity will think of me.

The man we bury under this canopy
leaves unanimous regrets.

No man leaves unanimous regrets.

Would you rather have: friends
who�ll long mourn his death?

No, that's not true either.

Well... He lived as a philosopher,

enjoying life and making it enjoyable
for all of those who loved him.

And he died the same way,
following a great feast,

with his friends around him.

Passers-by! Throw a flower
on his grave.

- Benjamin, I saw the King.
- Hector.

His Majesty agreed to listen to me

- and accepts your release from prison.
- Long live the King!

But His Majesty thinks
that a public insult

to the Marquis of Cambise
can�t go unpunished.

The sentence to the galleys
that should have been yours

will be changed to banishment.
You must leave the country.

Let�s go.

You�re free.

I already brought you
with me once, so...

- How to tell you...?
- Don�t thank me, Benjamin.

You could have killed me
and you didn�t.

Mr. Minxit wanted to give
you Arabelle...

I�m twice your debtor.

- Where will you go?
- Straight ahead.

- You may go far that way.
- I certainly hope so.

- Goodbye, my friend.
- Goodbye.

- Can you see the stream,
Gaspard? - Yes.

I bet it�s full of crayfish.

Go and fetch us some.
Meanwhile, Manette will rest.

Right now, Uncle Benjamin.

Tell me, Manette, what your father
called your small capital...

What about it?

What about eating it now,
before we eat the crayfish?