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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,002
Man with a Plan #407-063
"Dude, Where's My Boat?"
Closed Captioned
2
00:00:03,128 --> 00:00:05,756
So, Andi, maybe we should have
dinner on my new boat tonight.
3
00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:09,551
I worry she feels lonely
out there in the driveway.
4
00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,428
Adam, a boat doesn't
have feelings.
5
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,639
It's a boat.
6
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,641
That's not very nice.
7
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,601
She never says
anything bad about you.
8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,187
Hey, Mom.
9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,605
Could you drop me
at the mall after school?
10
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,357
I picked up an extra shift
at the store.
11
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:25,400
Aw, of course I can,
my little working girl.
12
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,861
(chuckles)
13
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:30,489
Maybe we don't call our
daughter a working girl.
14
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,826
I am so proud of you
for getting this job.
15
00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:37,579
You made me do it.
Yeah.
16
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,915
You know, this job
is gonna look great
17
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,458
on your college applications.
18
00:00:41,458 --> 00:00:43,460
So you can thank me now
or when you're accepting
19
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:46,213
your Nobel Prize-- your choice.
20
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,215
Thank you, Mom.
21
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,051
I am so excited for her.
22
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,552
Yeah, you know
who I'm excited for?
23
00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,013
Me-- I have a boat.
24
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:57,224
I'm gonna go spend some time
with her before work.
25
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,810
Wait, you're just gonna go sit
on it alone in the driveway?
26
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:02,854
Yeah, so the neighbors see me.
27
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,231
You thought you were
the coolest guy
28
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,983
in the neighborhood,
Dune Buggy Steve?
29
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,985
Not anymore!
30
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,822
Hey, Teddy.
31
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,699
How's it feel to be
the son of a boat owner?
32
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,158
No, thanks, I'm not hungry.
33
00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:20,622
What?!
34
00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:23,041
Where's my boat?!
35
00:01:23,041 --> 00:01:25,919
What?! Oh!
36
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,087
Oh!
37
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:30,924
Oh!
38
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,634
Oh!
39
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:35,429
Teddy, she's gone!
40
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,097
Fine, I'll have a bagel.
41
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,307
(stammers)
42
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:43,979
What?
43
00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:44,980
My boat is gone, Andi!
44
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,189
I can't find it!
45
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,820
Andi, we're running!
Oh!
46
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,451
Look, Andi, no boat!
47
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,748
What about that boat?
48
00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:08,086
What?
49
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:11,965
But it was gone.
50
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:14,092
And now it's here.
51
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,804
What's happening?
Something's happening.
52
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,932
Something seems
to be happening to you.
53
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:23,060
Teddy was here--
he'll tell you.
54
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,520
Teddy, did you see
who took the boat?
55
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,064
The boat's right there.
56
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:32,611
I'll bet you Dune Buggy
Steve's kid saw something!
57
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,207
Hey, Lowell.
58
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,583
Where's Don?
59
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,085
He took your dad
to Happy Burger.
60
00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:49,294
Again?
61
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,670
He said he wanted
to share
62
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,589
the best burger
in the world with family.
63
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,757
But I'm in that family.
64
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,425
Why didn't they invite me?
65
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,427
You don't want
any part of that.
66
00:02:57,427 --> 00:03:00,389
It's 9:00 in the morning--
who eats burgers for breakfast?
67
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:02,432
Yeah, after Don started
eating ice cream sandwiches
68
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:05,394
as regular sandwiches,
there were no more rules.
69
00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:07,354
Listen, I got a problem.
70
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,690
Someone took my boat last night
and then they brought it back.
71
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:13,026
Whoa, that's weird.
Yeah.
72
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:15,195
Well, maybe it's not such a big
deal since it's home again.
73
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,822
Well, it is a big deal.
74
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,198
I feel violated.
75
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,491
Imagine if someone
came to your house
76
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:20,909
and took something you loved.
77
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:21,952
Someone did.
78
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,286
He took my wife.
79
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,288
Yes.
80
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:27,666
Now, imagine if your wife
was as fun as a boat.
81
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,210
I got to figure out
who did this.
82
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,294
Well, I'd be
happy to help.
83
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,796
I love a good
mystery.
84
00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,631
After my divorce,
I was alone so much,
85
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,384
I watched every episode
of Murder, She Wrote.
86
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:41,263
Lowell, please, I am
depressed enough as it is.
87
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,474
Don't be. With your good looks
and my hours of lonely research,
88
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,269
there's no mystery
we can't solve.
89
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:49,479
Come on, Detective Handsome,
90
00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,940
let's crack this case.
91
00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,609
Solid nickname.
92
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,533
Hold on, Lowell--
check this out.
93
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,701
It's a hat.
94
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:03,785
I can do better.
95
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,204
It's a hat!
96
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,331
This is my dad's hat.
97
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:11,334
Oh, so your dad
took your boat.
98
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,461
It makes perfect sense.
99
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,920
My dad loves night fishing.
100
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,046
There's your motive.
101
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,174
Yeah, I just need
to make sure this is his.
102
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,633
I can't accuse him
without proof.
103
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,428
But he is definitely
suspect number one.
104
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:24,598
I think what you mean is,
when it comes to suspects,
105
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:29,060
it looks like your dad just
threw his hat into the ring.
106
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,647
Okay, if we're gonna be
partners,
107
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:34,149
you can't say stuff like that.
108
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,446
All right, no one's home.
I'm gonna check and see
109
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,655
if my dad's hat is here.
110
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:41,907
If it's not, we'll have proof
111
00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,200
he's the boat thief.
112
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,202
Oh, look at this.
113
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,662
My dad and Don
at a Steelers game.
114
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:48,705
Geez.
115
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,248
Wait a minute.
116
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,667
I was in this picture.
117
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,294
(gasps) That's my arm!
118
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,087
They cropped me out!
119
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:57,964
And you were
in the middle.
120
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,049
That's hard to do.
121
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,091
This was no accident.
122
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,638
Lowell, the hat's
not here.
123
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:08,183
Which means this is my dad's
hat, which means we got him.
124
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,481
What are we doing, boys?
125
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,816
All right, we're
here because
126
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,360
someone took my boat out,
and I thought
127
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,903
it was you because
I found your hat.
128
00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:21,821
But now you're
wearing it, which means
129
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,657
this is bigger than I thought.
130
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,325
Or smaller.
131
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,702
Or the same.
132
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:29,287
I didn't take your boat.
133
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,623
If I wanted to use it,
I'd make you hitch it up,
134
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:34,251
drive me to the lake,
and pay for everything.
135
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,712
Yeah, that sounds right to me.
136
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,257
So, whose hat is this?
137
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,425
A tale of two hats.
138
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:43,760
That's what they would
call the episode
139
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,095
if it was
Murder, She Wrote.
140
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,346
Great show.
141
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,683
I love a foxy, young detective.
142
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:55,105
Hey.
Mom?
143
00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:57,023
What are you doing here?
You just dropped me off.
144
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,651
Don't think of me as Mom, just
think of me as a random customer
145
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:02,696
who's here to take pictures
of you she can post on Facebook.
146
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:05,574
Ooh, pretend like you're saying
something into your headset.
147
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:08,201
Security, we've got a crazy mom
in junior accessories.
148
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,494
Ah!
149
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,038
Ma'am, can I help you
find something?
150
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,748
Like a store that's
more age-appropriate?
151
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,626
Excuse me?
152
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:19,129
Mom, this is
my boss Karen.
153
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,297
Oh!
154
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,048
Well, then, no, thank you.
155
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,176
I am already being helped
by the best salesperson ever.
156
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:29,014
Who said I'm the perfect age
for this store.
157
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:33,059
So, how's your shift going?
158
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,519
Oh, you are not gonna
believe what happened.
159
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,229
Karen told me
if I keep up the good work,
160
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,690
I could be assistant manager
in a year.
161
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,775
Oh. Okay, but i-in a year,
162
00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:43,069
you're gonna be getting
ready to go to college.
163
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,821
Or will I?
164
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:47,866
See, normally people go
to college to get a job,
165
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,951
but I already have one,
so I don't need college.
166
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:52,704
Oh, bonus-- I won't have
to take the SATs next week.
167
00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,290
Looks like someone gets
to sleep in on Saturday.
168
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,628
But, but, but, but, but
wh-what about your future?
169
00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:02,922
Huh? I mean, this job isn't
gonna pay you enough to...
170
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,466
I don't know, buy a house, huh?
171
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:07,260
I mean, where are you
gonna raise your kids?
172
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,304
Relax, I have a plan.
173
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,640
You give me the money you were
gonna give me to go to college.
174
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,516
I'll use that to buy a house.
175
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:16,645
That's college-level thinking
without college-level work.
176
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:19,105
On second thought,
maybe you don't want kids.
177
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,275
They're too stressful.
178
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,277
Okay, so it's not my dad.
179
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,737
Did you see anything
else up there?
180
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,364
I found a gray hair
that seemed promising,
181
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,616
but then I remembered.
182
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:38,541
Remembered what?
183
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:42,379
Well, you know...
184
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:45,131
What I know is, the
most majestic mountains
185
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,925
are covered in snow.
186
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:51,971
And that this thing
did me no good.
187
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,057
Hey!
188
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,350
Look at this.
Don't eat that.
189
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,352
It's covered in germs.
Wha...?
190
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,646
No, this is from Happy Burger.
191
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,231
Don's favorite place.
192
00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,983
In my trash, next to my boat.
193
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,860
Case closed-- we got him.
194
00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,655
Oh.
195
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:11,074
Don, there you are.
196
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:12,826
Look what I found
in the trash next to my boat.
197
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,285
A Happy Burger wrapper!
198
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:17,872
So you know.
199
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:18,873
I know everything.
200
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:20,417
(chuckles)
201
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:21,835
Fine, I admit it.
202
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,795
Sometimes in the afternoon,
I leave work
203
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:26,589
and take a nap in your bed.
204
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,675
You what?
205
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,678
And usually on the way,
I pick up a burger.
206
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,556
They're delicious
and they make me sleepy.
207
00:08:34,556 --> 00:08:37,934
I'm talking about you snuck
my boat out last night.
208
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:38,977
I would never do that.
209
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,019
I'm not a boat stealer.
210
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:41,354
I'm a sneaky sleeper.
211
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,022
That's the worst
you can pin on me.
212
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,275
Give it up, Don.
I know you took it.
213
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:46,901
I didn't do it.
214
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,278
If you don't believe me,
ask Dad.
215
00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,696
What does Dad know about it?
216
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,947
We were up late last night
217
00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:52,323
watching kung fu movies
together.
218
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,284
Well...
Now, if you'll excuse me,
219
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,620
this conversation has
made me very sleepy.
220
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,247
You know where to find me.
221
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,544
So, your dad's his alibi.
222
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,088
Well, of course he is.
They're always together.
223
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:09,174
(scoffs)
224
00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:10,633
Wait a minute.
225
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,178
Do you think they took
your boat together?
226
00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,973
That would make sense.
227
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,975
Yeah, Dad doesn't want to do
the work, but Don will.
228
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:22,312
And Don doesn't know how to do
the work, but Dad can tell him.
229
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,646
Together they make one
230
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,065
boat-stealing, burger-eating,
231
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,150
kung-fu-watching criminal!
232
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,694
So, we finally
cracked the case.
233
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,529
They were in on it together.
234
00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:33,198
It figures--
you know, this is
235
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,075
just another thing
they're doing without me.
236
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,660
(groans) And that's
why there's two hats.
237
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,954
One for Dad and one
for his favorite son.
238
00:09:39,954 --> 00:09:43,249
Boy, I got to tell you,
Lowell, this really hurts.
239
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,169
We could get matching hats if
that would make you feel better.
240
00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:50,423
It might make me feel worse.
241
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:52,133
Buy 'em anyway,
though. We'll see.
242
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,850
What are you doing?
243
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,852
I'm cutting my dad and Don
out of family photos.
244
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:03,978
What are you doing?
245
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,942
Well, that's from
Don's wedding.
246
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,236
So, now it just looks
like you married Marcy.
247
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:15,406
She wishes. (laughs)
248
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,576
My dad and Don have found
249
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:21,746
a new and even more hurtful way
of excluding me.
250
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,165
They're the ones that took
my boat out last night.
251
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,458
Without me.
252
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,378
My boat, no me.
253
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:30,797
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.
254
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,591
Yeah-- no, I'm just sick of
their fun little club for two.
255
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:36,344
It's so-- it's stupid, and
I don't even want to be in it,
256
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,638
but I want to be in it so bad.
257
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,598
(exhales)
258
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:44,978
Well, I know this isn't a great
time, but I have more bad news.
259
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,938
Kate doesn't want
to go to college.
260
00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:50,358
What? G-- Where did
that come from?
261
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:53,778
Well, she has a job now, so she
says she doesn't need college.
262
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,738
She made the whole
decision without me.
263
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:59,033
I gave her confidence
and then she uses it against me.
264
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,035
That's what family does.
265
00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:03,079
They hurt us, Andi.
266
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,914
You know what?
You shouldn't stand for it.
267
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:08,251
You're a great son and a great
brother, and you deserve better.
268
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:11,379
Well, you're a great mom
and you deserve better.
269
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:14,340
Wait a minute, why are we taking
this lying down?
270
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:15,884
Yeah.
271
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,093
What are we, doormats?
272
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,804
No. We are not doormats.
We are...
273
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,973
What's the opposite of doormats?
274
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,600
Doors?
275
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,601
That's right. We're doors.
276
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:27,770
Yeah. And we're sturdy.
277
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,940
And if you want to get anywhere,
you got to come through us.
278
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,401
(chuckles)
Yeah, but be careful,
279
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,236
or we'll slam your fingers.
280
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:37,822
That's right, honey...
Yeah. Okay.
281
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,032
Let's go slam some fingers!
282
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,992
Yes.
283
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,536
Dad? I want to talk to you-- Oh.
284
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,205
Of course, you're together.
285
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,749
We're watching Finding Bigfoot.
286
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,543
So far, nothing.
287
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,421
But that's my favorite show, and
I always have to watch it alone.
288
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:54,881
You know, one day
they'll find him,
289
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,175
and I won't have anybody
to celebrate with.
290
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,886
What's wrong, boy, you
got a burr in your butt?
291
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,597
I'll tell you what's
in my butt-- the two of you.
292
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,767
I know you took my boat out
last night,
293
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,561
and I know you got matching blue
hats to wear when you did it.
294
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,355
Because you exclude me.
295
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,148
We don't exclude you.
Yeah, you do.
296
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:15,944
And I'm not gonna take it
anymore, because I am a door.
297
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,779
Someone's at the door?
298
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,199
I mean, look at this picture.
299
00:12:21,199 --> 00:12:23,201
Huh? You cropped me out.
300
00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:24,410
Look.
301
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,829
Cropped: to exclude.
302
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,414
I've never seen that before.
303
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:29,540
Yeah, right.
304
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,125
You know what? From now on,
305
00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,877
I am excluding the two of you.
306
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,587
So when you don't call,
307
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:35,880
I won't be available.
308
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,385
What was that about?
309
00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:43,805
I think he's mad because
I sleep in his bed sometimes.
310
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,143
Oh, good. You're back.
311
00:12:49,143 --> 00:12:51,145
That's right.
312
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,522
'Cause you're quitting this job.
313
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,940
No, I'm not.
314
00:12:53,940 --> 00:12:56,734
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
315
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:59,153
Attention. I, Kate Burns,
hereby quit this job
316
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:01,030
because I have to
go to college. Ha!
317
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,700
It's official.
That's a verbal contract.
318
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,744
Look, Kate,
319
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,162
I just want you to understand
320
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,206
that the world is tough,
all right?
321
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:12,208
You need to give yourself
every advantage.
322
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,210
I mean, look,
this might not last.
323
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,546
Stores close, Karens get fired,
324
00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:18,798
I hope.
325
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,801
Look, just keep
your options open.
326
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,929
Mom, you need to leave.
You're making a scene.
327
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:27,932
I know how to handle this.
I see it all the time.
328
00:13:27,932 --> 00:13:30,852
Senior women get mad about
the cute clothes we have.
329
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:34,480
Back off, Karen. You know,
you, you are a bad influence.
330
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:38,067
How dare you see potential
in my daughter?
331
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,444
Ma'am, you're causing
332
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,487
a disturbance,
and I called security.
333
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,115
They'll be here as soon
as their Segway's done charging.
334
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,951
Mom, I've made my decision,
and all your yelling
335
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,953
is just convincing me
even more that I'm right.
336
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,955
So please just go.
337
00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,957
Fine. I'll go.
338
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,752
But I will leave you
with this final thought.
339
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,092
Little something for you.
340
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,055
ADAM:
Don and my dad
341
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:09,932
acted like they didn't even know
what I was talking about.
342
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,060
I just have to accept the fact
that I am an outsider
343
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,020
in my own family.
344
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,605
Oh, honey, that's not true.
Okay-- Andi,
345
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:19,484
the only proof I exist
is a picture of my arm.
346
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:24,697
I mean, even Bigfoot has
pictures of his whole body.
347
00:14:26,741 --> 00:14:29,452
You know that's just
a guy in a furry suit.
348
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:34,582
Don't do this to me
tonight, Andi.
349
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,000
I am on edge.
350
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,835
Yeah, well, I'm on edge, too.
351
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,462
Our daughter still
isn't going to college.
352
00:14:39,462 --> 00:14:41,255
She won't even take the SATs.
353
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,548
(sighs)
And me freaking out
354
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,301
just made Kate dig her
heels in even more.
355
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,762
I think I really
screwed this up.
356
00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,014
You want me to talk to her?
357
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:53,893
No, thanks. I-I started this
and I'm gonna finish it.
358
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,396
Okay. Well, just know
that I'm here for you.
359
00:14:57,396 --> 00:14:58,606
Hmm? Come here.
360
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:00,274
Aw. You're sweet.
Come on.
361
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:01,484
(both chuckle)
362
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:04,695
(engine whirring)
363
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:07,990
Get off me!
They're taking my boat again!
364
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,912
Ha! I got you!
365
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,501
Lowell?
366
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:19,669
You caught me.
367
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,295
Inside.
368
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:23,089
I don't even know what
to say. We were together
369
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:26,259
all day trying to figure out
who took my boat.
370
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,010
I know, it was so fun.
371
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:33,015
Apart from the crippling guilt.
372
00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,767
What were you thinking?
373
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,519
Oh, I've just been so lonely.
374
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:38,604
Then buy your own boat.
375
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:41,691
No, please, listen.
376
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,819
Last week, I met this amazing
woman who was into boats,
377
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:48,072
so to make her like me,
I told her I had a boat.
378
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,908
Then last night I invited her
over to see my boat,
379
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:54,620
at which point I needed a boat.
380
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:57,874
Look, I-I'm not proud
of what I did,
381
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,500
but I was desperate.
382
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:02,879
And to think I almost wore
matching hats with you.
383
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,090
I'm so sorry.
Oh, are you?
384
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,925
If you're so sorry,
then why are you here
385
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,386
trying to steal it again?
386
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,597
Because tonight she surprised me
with a booty call.
387
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:15,057
I knew I couldn't get the booty
without the boat.
388
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:18,686
So I told her
I loaned it to you.
389
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,690
You saw how upset I was
about my dad and my brother,
390
00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,234
and you still didn't
say anything!
391
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,235
You know what that is, Lowell?
392
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:27,403
That is unforgivable.
393
00:16:27,403 --> 00:16:28,404
WOMAN:
Lowell,
394
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,907
I'm getting lonely out here.
395
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,994
Thanks for letting me
borrow your boat.
396
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:53,721
Morning, honey.
397
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,223
Hey, Mom.
398
00:16:55,223 --> 00:17:00,061
Listen, I owe you an apology.
399
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:03,105
I-I've been putting too much
pressure on you about college.
400
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,523
That became clear to me
401
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:07,568
when mall security
followed me to my car.
402
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,239
So... I'm just gonna say
403
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:14,867
I believe in you, and I support
you no matter what.
404
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,745
That means a lot, Mom.
405
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:20,206
And I thought
about what you said.
406
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:23,834
At first, I was really mad
that you embarrassed me.
407
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,504
But then I thought you wouldn't
have made such a big deal
408
00:17:26,504 --> 00:17:29,423
if it wasn't important.
409
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:32,927
Anyway, can you give me a ride
to the SATs Saturday?
410
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,429
You're going?
411
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,516
Don't get too excited.
412
00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,226
I'm just keeping
my options open.
413
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,978
Too late, I'm excited.
414
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:45,398
Hugging is coming.
415
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,983
Mom.
416
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,986
I feel the hug train
leaving the station.
417
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,988
(chugging noises)
418
00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:56,909
Please,
419
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,036
please don't do the train thing.
420
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,913
All aboard!
421
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,332
(groans)
Hug, hug!
422
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,418
(laughs)
423
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,671
Okay, but you can't come
to my work anymore.
Deal.
424
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:11,048
No, really.
There's a letter from security.
425
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:19,181
"Dark hair, belligerent,
mid-30s."
426
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,017
(breathless):
Mid-30. Mid...
427
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,226
(muttering)
428
00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:26,731
I'm gonna frame this.
429
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,153
Lowell took your boat?
430
00:18:32,153 --> 00:18:33,821
Yeah, so I'm sorry
431
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,240
I accused you of that.
432
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:43,414
And now is when you apologize
for always excluding me.
433
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:45,583
Dad and I have to have
a private meeting about that.
434
00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,376
Can you give us
a couple minutes alone?
435
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:50,004
Don, cut it out.
436
00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:52,673
Look, maybe Don and I
hang out more than you,
437
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:55,009
but we don't mean
anything by it.
438
00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:57,511
All right, well, what about that
picture you cropped me out of?
439
00:18:57,511 --> 00:19:00,431
According to that, you have
one son with three arms.
440
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:03,809
I did that. I put it on Dad's
shelf a month ago as a joke.
441
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,311
There's another one
in your wallet.
442
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:07,521
Shows you how little
you pick up a check, by the way.
443
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,523
Fine, forget the picture.
444
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:12,818
Dad, you're always inviting
Don over here to do stuff.
445
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,654
I don't invite him.
He's just always here.
446
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,947
He's like a cat I fed one time.
447
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:20,993
Well, then I'll just stay, too.
448
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:26,832
Yeah. Huh.
449
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:40,638
Don, give Adam your snacks.
450
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,099
But I invented these.
451
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:44,934
It's Tater Tots
with cheese and hot sauce.
452
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,769
I call 'em Tater Dons.
453
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,437
Hand 'em over, Donny.
454
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:56,695
Yeah. This is nice, the three
of us hanging out together.
455
00:19:56,695 --> 00:19:59,323
Yeah. We're family.
(chuckles)
456
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:01,033
You want a beer, son?
457
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,035
I would love one, Dad.
458
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,162
Grab three while you're up.
459
00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:10,000
You know, I was thinking,
I-I'm not sure the opposite
460
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,628
of doormat is door.
461
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,298
The point is, it worked. Okay?
462
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,843
You got Katie back
on board with college.
463
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,469
Yeah. And you figured out
who took your boat.
464
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,304
Mm. Yeah-- th-the only thing
I can't figure out
465
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:25,683
is where'd that second
blue captain's hat come from?
466
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,017
Oh, you found that?
467
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,561
I got that for you
as a surprise.
468
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,188
I thought it'd be cute if you
and your dad had matching hats.
469
00:20:33,816 --> 00:20:37,027
So Dad and I have hats,
and Don doesn't.
470
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:38,195
Ha, ha.
471
00:20:38,195 --> 00:20:40,823
Nice job, honey.
472
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:42,158
(chuckles)
473
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:49,748
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
474
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,751
Captioned by
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