All language subtitles for Confessions of a Window Cleaner.Dvdrip

Ever thought about window cleaners?

They spend their days
looking into hundreds of little boxes,

many of which have got people In.
AH sorts of people.

That's mo!
What about that physique, eh? Oo?

A bit Steve McQueen, Isn't It?

No wonder the birds go crazy for mo.

Favourite gear
I: a white nylon T-shlrt.

Because when you wet It, you can
press It up against the window.

And then give them a little smile.

Well, nlce for the old ones.
Makes ll sort of Remembrance Day.

[MI]

Still, you can't expect to go potty
on your first day, can you?

Cor, cop a load of that, eh?
What a knocker factory!

She's obviously a pushover
for my brand of animal magnetism.

[MOUTHING]
Plss off!

Whoops! Lost mo balance.

And me bucket.

[MI]

Some of the things you see
are quite an education.

I mean, just look at that shower!
Btlmey, they're big for their age.

They're also Mg for my age.

[YELLS]
[GLASS BREAKS]

[MI]

But aii this was nothing to what I saw
in a shop down the high street.

It aii started with a iittie bit
of window undressing.

I 'vo hoard of your work gelling on lop of
you, but not you gelling on lop of your work!

What a diabolical way
to start a new career.

Flat on me back,
staring up blokes' trouser legs.

And along comes this bird. If It hadn't been
for her, I might have jacked It In right away.

Because she awoke In mo deep-rooted
feelings of senslllvlly and delicacy

I never knew! had.
Never knew I could say.

In fact, one look at Elizabeth
and I fell like a pal! of lead knickers.

She was the type of girl you say,
"Please, may I?� before you give her one.

A card, I mean.

Because Sid did promise me a piece of
the action with any new customers. Cori

Wouldn't have minded
a place of her action.

What are you trying to do, ruln ma?

One broken window,
one bucketed traffic warden

threatening to sue, and now you
tell me you lost your squeegee.

I muet've dropped It under the crowd.
And that': another thlng.

I pay you
to clean windows.

If you wanna Ila on the floor and look up
skirts, you do It In your own time, right?

But I told you, It was shock. They
were having It off In the window.

So? Have you got
a sax hang-up or something?

Ho, but I thought
she had three lags.

Look, Tlmmy boy, In our business
you've got to be Immune from shocks,

especially from hlrds,
three-lagged or one-lagged.

As long as they are
satisfied customers...

they hrlng In new ones.

Hay, I mot a real
knockout this morning.

Fabulous face, fantastic body,
lag: rlght up to her armpits.

What about her windows?
Windows?

Oh, I gave her a card.

It': no good
just chatting up dolly hlrds.

You've gotta grease the old hag: too.
Ta.

It': not all Raquel Walch pulling
you onto her dumplings, you know.

[CAR APPROACHES]

Christ, what also
did you do?

Hello. As we were pssslng, I just thought
I'd stop and see If you were all rlght.

Thou fall: can sometime:
have delayed affects.

Oh, yes. I mean, no!

Thank you,
I'm all rlght.

Flna. Wall, I have to get hack
on patrol now. Good nlght.

What's all that, than?
It was her.

Who?
The hlrd, I told you.

Have you gone stark raving bonkers,
trying to chat up female fuzz?

I didn't know who she was. But I don't care, Sld.
Oh, Isn't she a knockout?

Oh, yeah, you picked
the rlght word, boy.

What I wouldn't do for her.

Wall, I'm more worrlad about what
you wouldn't do for my customers.

What do you mean, ah?

I mean, I've got to he sure, If some
hlrd offer: to squeeze out your chamole,

you don't go
retracting your ladder!

Christ, anyone would thlnk
I was a bloody vlrglnl

I do. And so doe: Rosla.

What doe: she know, ah?

Sister: always know.

I don't know what you're on about.
Rasponslhllltlas, that': what.

You taking over
some of mlna.

I mean, with Roele pregnant, I feel It':
only proper I should cut It out for a whlle.

Window cleaning?

Not cleaning,
you hark!

Servicing, keeping
the customers happy.

Oh. Anything
I can do, Sld?

Yeah, wall, that': what worrlu ma.
Can you do?

Oh, coma off It, Sldl

Never mlnd 'Coma off It.'
Have you aver been on It?

Of course I have!

Yeah? I don't reckon you could dlp your
tassel In a fira bucket without instructions.

Vary funny, Sld.

All rlght, Tlmmo. After dlnnar,
you and ma are going out.

What for?

To get a professional
opinion.

Tim�: Mind you, I didn't like
id admii ii, but Sid was right.

My sex Hfe held as much sensation
as a concrete contraceptive.

In fact, I could describe myself as
the walking answer to contraception.

I don't do It!

With mo, It': more a can of good
kiss, good fool and good night.

NM ilk! Sid.

I mean, he really deserved
the Queen's Award for Industry.

Oh, God. I don't know why your old man
works In tho lost property off loo.

Might just a: wall move
the whole lot hare!

Dad's working on It.

I wouldn't mlnd If ha nicked
something worthwhile.

WOMAN: That you, boys?
Yes, Mum.

How did It all go, dear?
Oh, flna, Mum.

You could say It was a great day In the
history of British window cleaning.

Oh, that': nlca. Rosla could
hardly walt for you to get hack.

Oh, that': nlca too.

Yeah, she's been dreaming about
that chocolate fudge all day.

Oh, Sidney,
you didn't forget It?

She told you she'd got a
craving for chocolate fudge.

Yeah, wall, I know.
I'm sorry. I forgot.

ROSIE: Sidney!
Hare, love!

Ah! And how's llttla
earth mother tonight, ah?

I'm starving.
Ha forgot It.

You didn't.

Sorry, love, It slipped ma mlnd. I'll go after dlnnar.
The nawngant stock: It.

One llttla thlng. I ask you
to do one llttla thlngl

I'm sorry, Rosla, love. It': not
the and of the world. I'll go now.

I don't want It now!

All rlght, I won't go
and got It now!

Rosla, all I want to do
I: make you happy.

Than plu off.
Roslal

Yes, uh... Well, I thlnk I'll have a wash
before the thieving magpie gets home.

Tlmmy, I won't have you
talking Ilka that.

Your father never take:
anything that anyone wants.

Not even us.

[ROSIE SOBS]

It': tlma I forked
the potatoes.

Rosie, love, I said I was sorry, but with Timmy
and everything, I had a lot on me mind today.

Oh, I'll but. And not
only on your mlnd.

Don't he Ilka that.

My friend: get
around too, you know.

They nu a lot of your ladder,
but not so much of you.

Rosla, sometime:
I've got to he sociable.

You don't thlnk I Ilka drinking
all them cup: of tea, do you?

It's part of hulldlng up
the huslnsss, Rosls.

I'm dolng It all
for you, love.

Oh, all rlght. I'll forgive you.

That's a glrl.

But watch It, because,
Sidney Noggatt,

one extramarital
and I'll cut It off.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Don't answer It.

They've probably
coma about the tally.

Isn't It working?

Dad won't pay the instalments.
Ha can't got colour.

I keep talllng hlm
It's a black-and-whlta sat!

It I: Dad.

So, what's the matter
with hl: key?

He': got hl: arm: full.

Oh, God. More colourful crap.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hera!

Harpoon It yourself,
did you?

Ha, bloody ha.

Oh, God.

It was left on the Pullman Express.
Look nlca over the fira, won't It?

Look hatter on It.
Who asked for your opinion?

Now, don't you two start.

Hang on! I've got some rights hare!
As a regular rant-payer"

Rent? It don't even pay
our window cleaner.

Glva over, Dad. Sld': told you
why he doesn't do our windows.

Rlght. It': had to hrlng your work home.
It only cause: trouble.

You can't clean your own, Ilka a
psychiatrist never treat: hl: own famllyl

I don't Interfere
In your business,

so don't try to tall ma
what to do with my moon.

Oh, coma on, Dad.
I was only kidding.

I thlnk ha': great.
Do you?

Sure. We'll call hlm
Clarence.

Clarence?

Good evening, Clarence.
What do you thlnk of Dad?

'I thlnk ha': a stupid old glt.' You thlnk
ha': a stupid old glt? That's funny--

Wall, I still thlnk you're nothing
but a no-good spongar.

ISOBs]

Now, now. Your dad didn't moan It.
Say you're sorry, Dad.

All rlght. I'm sorry.

Ha uh!
ha': sorry, Rush.

It': not hlml

Wall, I nld I was sorry.
It': not you!

Wall, what I: It, dear?

That bloody thing's
laarlng at ma!

Don't do that!
You'll break hl: antlers!

TIIIIIY: Ysah, but what's this
'professional opinion' bit?

You're not taking ma
to the doctor, are you?

[sun LAUGHS]

Lil's not a doctor,
but she's certainly a specialist.

Who's LII?

My vary obliging second-removed
cousin, Llly Lamour.

The biggest sensation
slnce natural gas.

[BURLESQUE MUSIC PLAYS]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[CHEERING AND WHISTLING]

WOMAN:
I can't get It on rlght.

What's It Ilka
tonight?

Four man and a dog. Ouch!

Hope nobody': decent!
Evening, pueeycatel

Hallo, darling.
How are you?

Good show tonight, glrls.
Hallo, love, how are you? HI, Ill.

And to what do we owe
this royal vlslt?

I need help, Ill.

What? Have you
worn It out?

No, not ma.

Thl: I: for the family. I'd Ilka you
to meat my hrothar-In-law Tlmmy.

Please, Sld--.

HI, Tlmmy.
HI.

MAN [OVER PA]:
Baby dolls, please. Baby dolls.

So, what's
the problem?

Well, there's been a slight gap
in Timmy': education.

Yes, but I don't want
to fill It hare.

You're not hunt,
are you?

Of course I'm not bent.

Between you and me, he': etlll
got a blue how tled to It!

Ha: ha, now?
Please, Sid--

Wall, drlnk up
and tall Ill all about It.

Oh, LII, Ill.
You're a doll.

And you're
a bastard.

Sld, where are you going?
Sld, where are you going?!

To get some
chocolate fudge.

Relax, Tlmmy.
I won't hlta. Relax!

I can't.
They'll he hack In a mlnuta.

Not a: long
a: that music's playing.

Ooh!
I: my hand cold?

Uh, no, It was
just that you-- Aahl

Wall, hallo.

You've left ma.

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.

You got ovaraxcltad.

Yes, yes,
that': what It was, yes.

[enumme]

We're not dolng too well,
are we?

No.

Would It help If I wore
the llon tamer': gear?

No. I don't know
what's coma over ma.

Wall, It Isn't ma.

Ooh...

Ooh...

Oh!

Now, that': hatter.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

[CREAKING AND IIOANING]

Ohh...l

Oh, that was tarrlflc.
That was absolutely tarrlflc.

I'm glad, Tlmmy. But there's
something you ought to know.

Yes?

I moan, I don't want you to go
through llfa with a fatlsh.

What do you mean?

You've just had
my suspandar halt.

[MI]

TIIIIIY: Another night of mad,
passionate failure.

AH that and the fetish bit.

I mean, Imagine having lo say
lo a blrd, "Sorry, love,

I can only get It together If you wear
gum boots and a gas mask.

And also, would you mind terribly
If I had a feather up me us?�

I never thought of meself as belng unnatural.
Bloody unlucky, yes, but not unnatural.

"Timothy gets terribly confused
when It comes to sex. "

SIDNEY: Hare': a llst of today's jobs. I'm
starting you oft' with another chance.

Not with LII?

Huh! You won't he nalng Ill
again, not If she no: you first.

Mrs. Jacqueline Brown.
Oh, 47 Lyndhurst.

Rlght, Bluabaard.
She's a bit of a nympho.

And If you fall there, you may as well buy a
bacon slicer and joln the Vienna Boys' Cholr.

[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Coma on, son, get It off.
Hare, coma on.

Sld.
Morning, Jacqul.

You're early.

Sorry, love. Had to
rearrange the schedule.

At least you'll get
done before the raln.

Oh, I'm breaking In
some new help.

Slnce when
did you need help?

Wall, you know how thlng: are.
You gotta expand.

And Is this
the expansion?

Yeah. Ma new mate Tlmmy.
Nlca to meat you, Tlmmy.

Me too.
He hasn't had much experience yet.

But I'm sort of letting
hlm feel hle way around

with a few understanding
customers.

You were always
thoughtful, Sld.

Yeah. Well, I'll leave
hlm to get on with It, then.

Won't I he nalng you
again?

Oh, sure. I'll he In
and out, now and than.

Good job, now, Tlmmo.

Right?
Rlght.

[cumeme]

You won't be needing that inside.
The rooms are qulte small.

Oh, yes, of course.
Sorry, madam.

[THUNDER CRASHES]

Oh, It': so humld today.
Aren't you hot?

JACQUI: You, you are.
You're sweating.

Yes, I am a bit, yes.

How about a cold drlnk?
Some tea or coffee?

Oh, I'm easy.

I wouldn't have thought so.

Uh-- Wall, a Coke
would he flna, yes.

One Coke coming up.

Yes, well, I thlnk
I'd better get started.

What's the rush?

Are you aiming to he the fastest
window cleaner In the West?

No. I just thought--

Look, just slt down
and have your drlnk first.

Oh, rlght.

I hope you're not In such
a hurry about everything.

I won't joln you. I have
to watch my flgura.

You must have
plenty of company.

Oh, I nu
you're another Sld.

Oh, no, not qulta.

Ara you married?
Oh, you're joking.

You?

Mm-hmm. He': abroad
with the services.

Oh, what's he In?

Anything that moves.

No, I'm halng unkind. He': In the
navy, so you can't blame hlm.

Or us.

[CRASH OF THUNDER]

Oh, God, qulck, the window!
There's one over the elnk.

Rlght.

Don't worry,
we'll soon clear up-- Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm
afraid I've made a man.

Already?

No, you us,
I've upset the� Oh!

[MI]

[TABLE RATTLES]

[BUBBLES POP]

[SLURPING NOISE]

[HANDEUS 'HALLELUJAH
CHORUS' PLAYS]

Well, Jacqui had certainly
taught me how to come clean.

New I know what they mean
by the ultimate detergent.

Talk about soft hands
and forever blowing bubbles!

Taught me something eise too:
it's just iike ielrning to ride a bike.

Once you find you can stay up,
there's no problem.

In fact, right there and than, I couldfire
won the Tour do France, ladder and all.

[MI]

Hallo.
Oh, hl.

Hard at It?
Yeah, on and off, yes.

You hatter pull over.
Oh, rlght.

Sorry, mate.

[GLASS SMASHES]

Oh, God.

What the bloody hall
do you thlnk you're dolng?

Complete accident, slr.

Wall, I shall want your name
and address.

Falr enough, yes.

Uh, I clean them too.

Please, you must move
out of the road.

Oh, rlght.

Ara you all rlght, slr?
No thank: to hlm.

Sorry about that.

I'm afraid I shall have
to take a law particulars.

Fabulous.
Name?

Tlmmy.
Tlmmy what?

Lea. And yours?

I mean, I can't go through llfa
calling you WPC 49, can I?

Radlatt. Elizabeth Radlatt.
Address?

Scruggs Lana, 63.

Uh... WIII you come
to the movies tonight?

Ara you trying to hrlha ma?

Yes.

Than I accept.

[SHOUTS]
Yahoo!

[MI]

What a day!

With this kind of iuck, I could even
seii return tickets to kamikaze piiots.

I could hardly wilt for me next client,
Ills: Prendergast.

A new customer,
so Sld said to take It easy.

Now?
Now.

Oh, thank you. It's the mattress
that makes It so heavy.

Be even heavier
If we were on It.

Now I can flnleh my
housework before I go out.

I'm afraid my daily':
gone off with a hernia.

Ah, wall, my auntla want off
with a Lithuanian.

[cuumme]

Oh, no.
I've dropped me leather.

Do you know who you ramlnd ma of?
Humphrey Bogart.

Oh, you're taking
the mickey.

No, It': your body.

You haven't nan my body.

I mean the way you walk.

You mean the way he held Lauren
Bacall In To Have and lo Have Not?

'If you want anything,
whistle.'

[WHISTLES BADLY]

You can fill your bucket
In there.

Yes, ma'am.

[WHISTLES CHEERFULLY]

You a movla fan, than?
I nu all the old stuff on the tally.

Wall, I go a: much a: possible
when I'm not teaching.

TIMMY:
Get away. What do you teach?

Biology-

Ooh! Wlsh I was In your clan.

You don't have to he gallant.
I wouldn't say It unless I meant It.

In fact, you ramlnd ma
a bit of Marilyn Monroe.

In these glasses? New
you're taking the mickey.

Ho, really. In that fllm
where she was short-sighted.

How lo Marry a Millionaire.
Yeah.

I flnd you vary attractive,
Ills: Prandargast,

and I wanna klu you. Dustin
Hoffman In The Graduate.

It was Mrs. Robinson.

So?

I don't know how to put this. I moan,
I'm rather shy and I hardly know you.

Don't worry, love,
I'm way ahead of you.

Would you no If you can flx
the flush In the bathroom?

The flush?

I'd hate you to thlnk
I was taking advantage,

but sometime: It work:
and sometime: It doesn't.

Oh... Yeah.
Thank you.

I'll have a go.

Meanwhile, If you don't mlnd,
I'll go and get ready.

Well, this was a puzzler
and no mistake.

Get ready for what?

I'd feel such a bark
bursting In Markers,

only to find her
dressed to go shopping.

I was getting confused again.

Birds unfunny things, you know.

One minute they give you the "No, no, you mustn't" bit.
Then suddenly It's "Yes, you must, you randy bugger. "

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Should he all rlght now.
I, uh--

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]

Uh... Had to adjust
the ballcock.

I wlsh I was clever
with my hands.

Bat you could he
If you trlad.

No, no, you mustn't.
It': wicked.

Oh, that': not what
Lauren Bacall aald.

[IN AMERICAN ACCENT] I want to
klu thou beautiful breasts.

That's Clark Gable In Rod Dust.
Ha never nld that.

[IN AMERICAN ACCENT] Because Jean
Harlow': weren't a: beautiful a: yours.

You can't stay long, you know.
Her father coma: homo for lunch.

Then the quicker we reach
the Alamo, the better!

John Wayne.

True Grit.

[BELT suns]

He': getting naughty now.

Naughty and Impatient.

[scmmas]

What's-J?
Oh!

Scissors. Sclssorsl Have
you got any scissors?

It': all rlght. I've done It.

Oh, good.

Right,
lat': take It off.

No, she doesn't want to.
She's shy.

Under hare. It': nlcar.
Oh. Rlght.

No, no, ha': got to say
hallo to her first.

Oh-.

TIMMY:
Hallo. Hallo.

Oh, yes, oh,
she Ilka: that.

L: he enjoying It too?

[TIMMY MUMBLES]

Mmm. Talk to her.
Talk to her.

[TIIIIIY YELPS]

Ha nld
he can't Walt any longer.

[noon ovens]

MAN:
Carola?

MAN:
You upstairs?

Just finishing the carpet.
Ba rlght with you.

MAN:
I'll coma and help.

Where are my knickers?

Sod your knickers.
Stop hlm coming up.

BB!� Th! hi!�!

Ooh!

Ma leather?

Hallo. They lat ma
off early. Oh.

Morning.
Morning.

Wall, that': It, than. Don't worry about
the payment. We'll and an account.

Thank you.

Extraordinary way
to clean windows.

Oh, he'll coma hack
and do the rut later.

No, I mean he was cleaning
them with knickers.

Knickers?

[amenae]

TIMMY:
How's that?

Bloody marvellous.

Bloody horrible. I just hope It
doesn't affect the baby, that's all.

Evening, all.

There! I didn't forget
this time, did I?

Oh, you are good to ma.
But I nld plnaappla.

Pineapple?

Never mlnd.
It': the thought that counts.

Rosla, you
distinctly said--

MR. LEA: It's not In the centre.
TIIIIIY: Yes, It ls.

Oh, God.

You know what you
can do, don't you?

Sld, can I ask
a favour?

It depends.
Hare, how did It go today?

Oh, you would have been
proud of ma, Sld.

Can I borrow the minivan tonight?
What for?

I've got a very special date.
Not with one of my customers?

Of course not.

Because that would he
highly unethical.

Ara window cleaner: struck off?

You us,
she's off duty tonight and--

Hang on. Off duty? You
mean Fanny the Fuzz?

Her name I: Elizabeth.

I don't care If It':
Sherlock Holmes.

You can't hrlng her
hack hare.

Why not? She's a nlca glrl.
Nlca glrl?! She's a copper!

I don't nu why
I can't hrlng her hack.

Because most of this let's
probably on her llst, that': why.

Now what are we
fighting about?

Timmy': got himself
involved with the law.

Tlmmy, what have you done?
Nothing, Mum.

Just because I've got a date with a
glrl that happens to be a policewoman.

Policewoman? Oh...

She's a smashing hlrd, Mum.
Intelligent, wall-spoken.

Oh, yeah. She's passed all
her cross-examinations.

You can all relax,
because I'm not bringing her back.

Oh, I thlnk that': wise, dear.
We don't want to refurnish.

Oh, and I won't he In for grub.
All rlght.

Take your bucket, than.
It shouldn't he In hare.

Hallo, what's this?

Well, from memory, I'd say
they were a palr of knickers.

They're for hl: collection.
Collection?

Didn't you know your son's the demon
knlckar nlckar of Scruggs Lana?

Why don't you halt up.

It': not true.
Tlmmy?

Of course It': not.
He': having you on.

All rlght, It' you're all so
Interested, uh... I bought them.

You bought
knickers?

He': dead klnky too.

Disgusting.
Go on.

Drop your trousers. Show
them what you're wearing.

I bought them for a glrlfrland.
[CHUCKLES]

L: It a crlma to he found
with a palr of knickers?

Not If you're
a window cleaner.

And what I: that
supposed to mean?

Wall,
If the cap fits--

[cumznnae]

[ROSIE YELLS]

Quick, ambulance!
It's coming!

[BELCHES]

Wind.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[euusuors]

[HORSES GALLOPING]

Oh, sorry, I was trying
to look for the, um--

Oh! Tlmmyl

Sorry, just dropped
a bit of popcorn.

You won't flnd It
up there.

Behave yourself.

WOMAN:
Shh!

[euusuors]

[HORSES GALLOPING]

I'm gonna have to put
you In handcuffs.

I don't know.
You can't wln, can you?

You make s pass, It's wrong. You don't
make s pass, you've insulted them.

Who': Imam�;

You wouldn't Ilka to thlnk
I didn't fancy you, would you?

No, I'm glad you do. It': just that
there's a proper tlme and a proper place.

Yeah, but what happen: when you've got
the tlme but can't afford the place?

Oh, Tlmmy.

It': not a question of money. It':
just getting to know each other.

That's what I was trying to do.

You're sweet.
But you're impossible.

That's what Sld says.
Impossible, I mean.

And you're too good
for that sort of job.

What's wrong
with cleaning windows?

Nothing, but you should he dolng
something a llttla more--

A llttla more rewarding.

Such as?

Wall, you'd, uh, make
a good policeman.

It' you thought
about it seriously.

What's so funny?

The family. If I told them I was gonna
he a copper, they'd go berserk!

What's wrong
with halng a copper?

Nothing. It': all rlght for
some, I suppose.

If you're
the officious type.

Oh, wall, thank: a lot.

Oh, I didn't-- I didn't mean you.

I thlnk It': tlma I want
homo now, anyway.

Llz. Llzl

You don't have to drlva ma.
I can get a cab.

Of course I'll drlva you.

Llzl Llzl

Excuse ma, slr.
�1, please.

Oh, yes.
Llz, Walt a mlnutal

Excuse ma, slr.
Plck It up, please.

Without service.

Thank you.

[ENGINE STOPS]

I've enjoyed It, Tlmmy.
Really, I have.

Trust ma to put
ma hlg flat foot In It.

Oh, I didn't mean
your kind--

I know what you meant.

Ilka to coma In
for a good-nlghtar?

Would I? Oh, yes!

[THUDDING]

Ta.

How many of you llva hare?
Just ma and my parents.

Early-to-haddars, ah?

No, they're out at one
of Daddy's dlnnere.

What doe: your, uh,
dad do, than?

He': an Inspector.

Income tax?
Pollca.

He': not
that frightening.

Wall, won't he mlnd ma
halng hare, than?

Why should ha? Any more than
your parent: would object to ma.

Oh-.

So you see, Tlmmy, If ever you did decide
to change jobs, I mlght be able to help.

Tlmmy,
I'm talking to you.

Llz.

Handcuffs.

[noon ovens]

MAN: I'm extremely glad to he hack.
WOMAN: Oh, It wasn't so had, dear.

It': all rlght.
Don't panlc.

WOMAN: Ara you In, Elizabeth?
Yes, Mummy.

Oh, I didn't know
you had company.

Mummy, this
ls Tlmmy.

Oh, how nlce.
Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Radlett.

How long ha:
that van been outside?

Oh, It': mlna, slr.

Oh, I: It?
Yes, slr.

Wall, the tyre: are worn. It really
shouldn't he on the road at all.

I'm sorry, slr.

Have you been In a fight?
No, slr.

Why': your mouth bleeding?

How was the dlnnar, Daddy?

RADLETT:
Absolutely dreadful.

The chlef constable ha: got verbal dlarrhoea.
I need a brandy.

How about Mr...?

No, thanks.
I have to he going.

Tlmmy just dropped me
home from the movies.

MOTHER:
How nlca.

I take It you're conversant
with the tyre tut.

Tyre tut?

Yes. You, uh, put a coln
In the tread.

And ll' It fall: out,
the tyre': Illegal.

Oh, I'll do that,
slr.

Good. And I should put some Dattol
on your mouth If I were you.

Oh, yes, I'll do that too, slr.
Good nlght, ma'am.

Oh, yes, wall,
good nlght.

So nlca.

He's lylng, of course.
Lying?

Oh, yes.

You can't got all that blood round your
mouth unlau you've been In a fight.

It wasn't blood, John.
It was lipstick.

Lipstick? Oh, Christ,
I: he one of thou?

I take It you're also conversant
with the cost of four bloody tyros.

Only you could screw your
way Into a fuzz nut!

How was I to know
about her old man?

You better pull your finger out and get
some new clients to pay for this lot!

And I don't mean Scotland
Yard, the Old Bailey or Hi5!

What Std didn't know was the only thing I'd
screwed out of Elizabeth was another date.

As for the job, welt, It was a relief to find that some
people only expected the window cleaner to clean windows.

[TOILET FLUSHES]

[MI]

Although there was never
a dull moment,

and mostly ll was
a good, healthy outdoor Hfo,

there were times I fell
the job was gelling on top of me.

One marshmallow for you,
for halng a good boy,

and one for ma,
for halng a good customer.

Oh!

What's the matter?

Nothing. Clrculatlon
will come back.

But I have been a good customer,
though, haven't I, Tlm?

I mean, who also gives you
a two-year contract?

No one.
Wall, than, act grateful.

I did.
That was 10 mlnutu ago!

Oh! Walt, I've got
to finish thl: first.

Oh, excuses, excuses.

You sound Ilka my late husband.
Didn't know he was dead.

Wall, he ls.
From the waist down.

Walt, Walt. Ha won't
suddenly hurtla In, wlll ha?

Oh, not untll the batting
shop closes.

Than all he'll want I:
more money, the bastard.

[MAN WHISTLES]

Not there!
MAN: Brenda?

Go away!
I'm resting.

MAN:
It': Important, Brenda!

Not there! The rug.

TIMMY:
The rug?

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Look, you're wasting your tlma.
I don't have any money.

Oh, with you looking llke that,
Brenda, who need: money?

BRENDA: Oh, you? And what do
you thlnk you're going to do?

You, Brenda, you.

Wall, you've got another thlnk coming.
And get off ma marshmallows.

Oh, now, Brenda, you know
how I foal about you.

BRENDA:
Oh, yes, with your clammy hands.

BRENDA: Look, I'm warning you!
MAN: Oh, coma on, Bran.

Right! You asked for this.

How would you Ilka
to meat my husband?

Wall-- What--

BRENDA:
All rlght. You can coma out now.

Coma out?

Ah! Uh!

Ha hasn't gone
for a gun, ha: ha?

[LAUGHING]

[noon sums]

Brenda,
for God's sake!

You thought that he was
my husband!

What?
And ha thought that you were.

You mean he wasn't your husband?
Ha was the landlord.

That's the way he Ilka: hl: rant.

You wicked cowl

[BRENDA SCREAMS]

Std had warned me about
the next call, Vtllters House.

"Hygiene-mad,� he said. "Wipe
your feet, newspapers on the carpet.

And you even have to wash your
hands before you touch the soap!�

In fact, Std said, "Better be safe. Don't touch
anything, and certainly not Mrs. Vtllters.�

Because her old man owned
this block of ?ats we serviced.

Hallo. Uh, window cleaner.

[HEAVY ACCENT] Please?
Uh, windows.

Ah, Mrs. Vllllar: Instruct ma
to lat you do It.

Dld she, now?

You start up or down, please?
Oh, that': up to Mrs. Vllllars.

Oh, I: no matter.
She Isn't home.

Oh. Wall, I thlnk I'd Ilka to start
at the top and work ma way down.

Top. Okay.

TIMMY:
Cor!

Thl: I: top.
No shoe: hare.

You're kidding.
No. It I: so there I: no dlrt for feat.

And Mrs. Vllllar: say
to use newspapers.

She sound:
Ilka a rlght klnk to ma.

Hare, what about
that mirror?

Ah. Mrs. Vllllar: Ilka:
to nu everything.

Oh, you mean It': a two-way?
Please?

A two-way mirror. You know, one way you
look In, the other way you look out?

Oh, I am sorry.
My English.

Ah. Wall, say you and
ma were having it--

Batter not say that.

Suppose you wars
Mug �m: ?anks� and--

I'll start the windows.

Okay.
Ah... A moment.

L: good?
Oh, vary good.

Good. Also, she say
to cover hooks.

I should'va worn glove:
for thl: job.

Mrs. Vllllar: Ilka
everything vary clean.

Hay, she I: kinky. Look at this.
Body Discipline.

It': whlp: and things,
Isn't It?

No, I: yoga.
She I: hlg yoga-dour.

Naked Yoga.
Naked yoga!

L: hatter
with free body.

You mean you do this?
Of course.

'The toe-hold lotus posture.'
She must be on hinges to do that.

After practice, I: not difficult.
You slt, I show.

SH?
SH.

Oh, slt.

Hr�, you do so.

So.
Coma.

Ma?

INGRID:
Sl?

NOW lo.

And so.

[enums]

You try agaln.

Try agaln? I can't move.

I got rlgor mortls.

That's because you are
not yet circulating.

Look, I thlnk I should go
and circulate thou windows.

Ah, but first, we must
uncramp you.

Mrs. Vllllar: wlll not Ilka
If you fall off ladder.

Yeah, well, the Idea doesn't
grab me much either.

So...

Thl: I: for
clrculatlng your head.

TIMMY: You're having ma on!

Evan you can't do that.

Without clothes, of course.
Oh!

So I: good.
I: releasing all tension.

You speak for yourself.

Make: blood to the head.
It': the beet cure. Come on.

Watch It! I had a llttla
bit of zlp trouble yesterday.

Okay. You do It.

Rlght. Don't blame ma If thl:
get: hlggar than both of us.

Maybe thl: I: aular for you.

Uh, couldn't we just lle
on the bed and meditate?

The had!
I: good Idea.

Ilka so. And I hold your lag: up. Oh, coma.
You're spollt by clothes.

Yes, wall, I'd rather he spollt
than do manlf an Injury.

Rlght.

[enums]

Hope I'm not elck
on her carpet.

Vary qulat. Balance.

Concentrate.
I am!

I count three and I let go.
One, two--

How dare you?

OW! Oh-..

Um, I was just--
Get off my had at once!

And you, get out.
Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am, I was--

She was only
rallavlng my tensions.

Out!
Out. Yeah.

I'll speak to you later, lngrld.
Yea, madam.

I forgot ma ladder.
I sald, get out.

But my ladder--

You don't get out of thl: house,
I shall call the pollca.

Out of thl: house.
Yes, ma'am.

And put a clean cover
on my had Immediately.

Immediately!

[MI]

You coma hack hare, no ladder,
no bucket, no shoe: and socks,

and you tall ma
It': because you've got cramp?

What are you, some sort
of congenial ldlot or something?

It was
thl: naked yoga, Sld.

You realise old man Vllllers will probably
cancel our whole office contract.

I'm sure
If you apologised--

Ma?! Was I standing on ma
head half-knackar: naked?!

I was wearing ma shorts!

I don't care If you was
wearing a frog sultl

No, I meant apologise for ma, Sld.

I mean, when It come: to charm chat,
no one': more experienced than you.

Wall, I suppose, ll' you look at It
that way. Rlght.

I need my bloody head examined.
Come on.

Oh, could we stop off
and get me some shoe: first?

[CAR APPROACHING]

Mos manna

Oh, no.

What are you standing there for?
Coma on!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ah, Mrs. Vllllars.

I've come round here in person to
apologise for the inexcusable behaviour

of my young hrothar-In-law hare.

Basically, ha': a good boy.
Honest, klnd to animals.

And hl: parents. But emotionally,
ha': a shade retarded.

However, I feel sure that
someone of your warmth,

your intuitive grasp
of the situation

facing young
Pnopla today,

will have no difficulty in deciding

that thl: was just
a chlldlsh ascapada.

Have you flnlshad, Mr. Noggatt?
I have Indeed, Mrs. Vllllars.

And what have you
got to say?

Oh, I agree.

Oh, I mean,
I'll do anything to make up for It.

Then the incident I: closed. And
you may proceed with the windows.

Thank you, Mr. Noggatt.
Thank you, Mrs. Vllllars.

Leave thou thing: out there. You can coma
In and flx up a llght bulb for ma first.

A llght bulb?
Oh, yes, of course.

And wlpa your feat.
Than coma Into the house.

There's a broken one
down In the cellar.

Rlght.

Oh, It': the coal cellar.

The light': up there
on the left-hand wall.

Oh.

Ah. I need something
to stand on.

Thll'll do.

Must say, I never thought
of you In a coal cellar.

And how did you
thlnk of ma?

Wall, you Ilka everything
so clean, don't you?

Oh, ta.

You have a �rm young body.

Oh, no. Tha-- The top':
coma off. Look.

[YELLs]

Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry.
It sort of came off In my hand.

You're just a dlrty llttla boy,
aren't you.

Don't worry.
It': only coal.

Look. Hera.
Lat ma put It on for you.

Stay where you are.
You're filthy.

Oh, It'll rlnn off.

You're not going to walk
through my house Ilka that.

Oh, of course not.
I'll take ma shoe: off.

You'll take your clothe: off.
Pardon?

Every stitch. Off.

Than we'll glva you a hath.

Oh, now, Walt a mlnuta.
All I need I: a tap.

There must he one
In the garden.

I hope you're not going
to cause more trouble.

No, of course not.

All I'm saying ls, If we put
newspaper: on the carpet--

Ara you refusing
to take a hath?

Yes! I-- No.

I'll take one
when I get home.

Vary wall. ll' you're going
to hahava Ilka a chlld,

[LIGHT BULB SHATTERS]

We'll just have to
treat you Ilka one.

Wh-- What are you dolng?
I'm undressing you.

No, you're not.
Get off!

[IN SPANISH ACCENT] I hrlng thee present:
from the myetlcal shore: of a distant land.

Ara you smashed agaln?
Oh, Roslal

That's not nlce, when he':
remembered your pineapple.

Thanks, Mum.
Tlmmy hack yet?

He': up having a hath.
Glva u: a klu, than.

That's hatter, ah?
Coma on.

Mmm, you small good.
What I: It?

[IN GERMAN ACCENT] 'From the
mystical shore: of a distant land.'

What's all this, than?
All what?

The gear. We going to
a party or something?

Ho, It's just nlca
to dress up now and than.

Walt a mlnuta.

What day I: It?
Wednesday. Why?

He': been, than, ha: ha?
Who, dear?

The window cleaner, that's who! So
that's why you're all puffed up, la It?

I don't know what you're on about.

There's nothing wrong with
window cleaners. You keep tailing ma.

All rlghtl All rlghtl But I know that
randy bastard that does this street!

Really, Sidney.
If you're Inferring--

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh. That'll he Dad
with another armful.

It': not Dad. It': the law.
Oh, my God. Now what?

Ho, relax. It's only
Timmy': bluebird.

Uh-huh.

Hallo. Uh, sorry
you had to Walt.

Sorry to call unannounced.
I: Tlmmy In?

He': having a hath.

I can't ask you In. The place
ha: just been fumlgatad.

Fumlgatad?
Yeah. Had a plague of flying ants.

Oh, how awful.
Can I glva hlm a manage?

We had a data tonight, but a: you
can no, I had to go on duty.

Okay, I'll tall hlm.
I'll no hlm tomorrow.

Lucky old hlm.

You don't remember me, do you? I
used to clean your school windows.

A: a matter of fact, I do remember,
but I didn't thlnk you did.

Wall, I didn't tlll just now.
It': the way you nld 'How awful.'

How awful. Oh-- I haven't changed
much slnca school, have I?

Oh, I don't know.
Wall, good luck with the flying ants.

Yeah. Yeah.

Tlmmo?
What?

Got a manage for you.
A manage?

Christi You got hlackwatar favor
or something?

Have you ever been interfered
with In a coal cellar?

Interfered with?
Mrs. Vllllers.

I don't thlnk It': funny.

[LAUGHS]
I'm sorry--

What's the manage?
What's the manage?

Tonight's data': tomorrow. Your
copper knickers I: on duty.

Just a: wall. Glva you tlma to
get the coal out your Y-frontsl

[MI]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Llzl Llzl

[YELLs]

HAN: Bloody fool! Why don't
you look whore you're going?

I'm tarrlhly sorry.
I was just--

Never mlnd about that.
Coma out of the way.

I'm glad I found you.
I don't thlnk he was.

Sld gave ma your manage. Tomorrow's flna.
Where shall we go?

Do you Ilka spaghetti?
Yeah.

I'll cook you some.

What, at your place?

The family's dining out
In the country.

Oh, LIZ!

Tlmmyl
I'm on duty.

I don't care, Llz. I just don't care.
I've just got to klu you.

[I.lz cusps]

Tlmmy,
control yourself.

HAN [OVER 'IiliALKIE-TALKIE]: Message to aii units.
Disturbance outside discotheque, 23 King Street.

Repeat, discotheque, 23 King Street.
Message ends.

Forty-nine proceeding
to Klng Strut.

'EMMY: Spaghetti belegnese at her
place. Parents In Cewsvllle.

Curl What a turn-up.

Aii next day, I kept thinking
of the evening to come.

Al inst sile was showing signs of
succumbing lo my irresistible magnetism.

I mean, faced with my suave, debonair
charm, what chance did she stand?

[wmsruue]

WOMAN [OVER INTERCOM]:
Who I: It?

Oh, It': Noggatt': Window
Cleaning. Good morning.

[auzzme]

Hallo, I'm sorry, It': ma agaln.
Uh, wlll I need my ladder?

WOMAN:
No.

Oh, ta.

Hallo, ma agaln. Could you pres:
the knob for ma again?

[auzzme]

No, It': not Sld. I'm
Tlmmy, hl: hrothar-In-law.

Batter Identify manlf. Can't he
too careful than days, can you?

[WHISTLING CHEERFULLY]

Uh, where can I get
ma water? Oh, rlght.

Cosy llttla pad
you've got hare.

[wmsruue]

Oh, God! Sorry about that.
I'll get another one.

[sesame]

Uh... Look, ml...

I know It's none of my business,
but If there's anything I can do--

Don't touch ma!

Okay. I just thought
I mlght help.

How could you help?

Wall, I don't know
what It ls, do I?

Have you aver been
In love?

L: that all? I thought
it was something nrlous.

Serious? I've glvan four
year: of my llfa to Ronnla.

I've made a home, cooked, cleaned, scrubbed.
And all for what?

So some bleached hitch--
Of course It': nrlousl

I-- I wouldn't get In an uproar, glrl.
I mean, than thlng: happen.

Ronnie's a bastard.

Yeah, wall, It': probably a touch
ol' the old four-year Itch.

Ha need: shaking up,
a hlt of hl: own madlclna.

What do you mean?

Wall, Ronnie's made
you jealous, right?

You return
the compliment.

Do you really thlnk
It would work?

It': worth a try. Nothing
to Ion, have you?

[CAR APPROACHING]

It': Ronnla.
I'd hatter get on with the windows.

[wmsruue]

I'm going
to take your advice.

Good for you.

Hay, that': tarrlflc.
It': a had.

Get In It.

Pardon?

I thought you offered
to help ma.

Ya-- Yes, I did.

Ron won't Ilka It
If I'm In had with you.

It': your Ideal

Oh, God!

Coma on, quickly, get undressed!

Yes, yes, all rlght.

Cor! Yes.

There we go.

Ooh! What's the ma--?
Owl What's the matter?

We're only simulating.

Oh. Oh, sorry, mlu.
Sorry.

[KEYS JANGLING]

WOMAN:
Elvlal

Oh, hallo, Ronnla.

Elvlal Elvla, how could you do thl: to ma?
And with a man!

I can explain, madam.
Get out! You male chauvinist plgl

Look, I can
axplaln everything!

[ALL YELLING]

Uh, hallo, Mum? Look, I've, uh,
run Into a slight problem.

Do you know
where I can flnd Sld?

What's he dolng In hospital?

SID:
Hallo, Smllar.

Hello, Smiler. Listen to hlm. Hey,
how long before he can say Dada?

We've dacldad not to tall hlm who
you are untll ha': stronger.

Full of wlt today, aren't we, ah?
He': got my ayes, you know.

A: long a: It': only your
ayes, ha': all rlght.

Who's a beautiful
llttla diddums?

SID:
Eh, diddums?

[cumznnae]

Oh, sorry.

[BABIES CRYING]

Hallo, Rosla, congratulations.
You too, Sld.

�Hm pounds, B ounces.
mu!

It': nlca of you
to coma, Tlmmy.

I bought than for you.

Oh, look, Sidney.
Weren't they lovely?

Hare, what's the matter
with your aye?

Oh, nothing.
Uh, hanged It on a wall.

ROSIE: Glve them to the nurse, Sidney.
She'll put them In water.

She'll have to put them
In splints.

Isn't he great?
Look: just Ilka Sld.

I hope not.
That's not our baby.

Oh.
Wall, hack to the old treadmill, love.

Tlmmo can Walt for a whlla.
Mum's coming In after lunch.

I'll nu you later, than. Sober.

Oh, she's full
of qulp: today, ah?

Hay, and for God's sake, don't lat hlm hold the baby.
It': odds-on he'll drop hlm.

Ta-ra, Noggatt Junior. Ta-ra.
Ta-ra, love.

Isn't he fantastic?

I mean, I just thought of you
a: a great hlg lump.

Oh, charming.
No, no--

Ho, what I meant ls that I never
thought about the baby belng inside.

It': amazing.

Walt untll you have
one of your own.

Yeah. I might, mightn't I?

Oh! That was fantastic.

More?
Oh, you're joking.

I feel Ilka Rosla did.

Wall, so long a: It':
only the spaghetti.

We don't want you
making medical history.

Do you know something, Llz?
What?

I thlnk you're the most
smashing hlrd I've aver mat.

I don't exactly flnd you
repulsive either.

When you're not trying
to emulate Sld.

Oh, Sid': all rlght
once you get to know hlm.

I do know hlm.
What?

Met hlm when I was at school.
You never told me.

I didn't thlnk
It was that Important.

Dld you...?
No, I didn't.

You fancied hlm?
I want out with hlm once.

He lost, three fall:
out of three.

You don't know
how glad I am, Llz.

Do you Ilka talavlslon?
Talavlslon?

There's a great Charlie
Snowgardan concert on.

Oh, that': nlca.

Unfortunately, the at down hero's broken.
Do you mlnd going upstairs?

Upstairs?

You. My mum and dad have got a
at at the bottom of thalr had.

Charlla Snow-- Charlla Snowgardan?
That's tarrlflcl

Only If you Ilka
hl: muslc, though.

Love It. Especially when
It's upstairs.

[MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]

No!
Why not?

Because I can't
concentrate.

[GASPS]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Hallo? Oh, hallo, Mummy.
No, I was just watching the tally.

Yes? Oh, poor you.

So that mean: you'll he
staying the nlght, than?

LIZ: Of course. It': not the first
tlma I've been alone, I: It? Okay.

You too.

Thalr car's broken down.

Aw...

That's too had.
Now, Tlmmy, that doesn't mean--

Oh, Llz, I want you
more than aver.

Oh, I know, Tlmmy. And It was wrong
of ma to lat you go thl: far.

But why, Llz?

Because I don't want to
he just another easy lay.

But you're not
an easy lay. I mean--

I don't want to sound
old-fashioned, Tlmmy,

but I have to he able
to llva with myself.

I want to feel that when
I finally get married--

Wall, why don't we.

Tlmmy,
I: that a proposal?

Uh...

Yes. I suppose It ls.

[MI]

Hey, we're In thelr bed.

That's all rlght. We'll make It
before they get hack.

Yeah. Yeah.
We'd better.

Slowly, Tlmmy. Slowly.
It': not a race.

Oh, rlght, yes.

What's the matter?

Um... Nothing.
Nothing.

I thought
you wanted ma.

I do. I do, I do.

Tlmmy?

I'll he all rlght In a mlnuta.
I musfva wanted you too much.

Don't worry. We've got a
llfatlma ahead of us.

They're coming hack
In the morning.

I mean when
we're married, ellly.

Married?

To a copper?

When did thl: happen?

A few day: ago. I didn't know
how you'd all take It.

Never mlnd how we're gonna take It. How I:
ehe gonna take It, living In your attic?

TIII we flnd a flat, her old
man say: we can stay there.

What, In the pollca station?

[LAUGHING]

No, In their house.

To thlnk I'm going to Ion
my llttla baby boy.

Oh, turn It up, Mum!
He': not going to war.

No, but It':
the next but thlng.

Wall, thank you and
goodbye, Sldnay Noggatt.

Oh, come on. I was only kidding. it's a good ides.
Give him a ssnss of responsibility.

I thlnk every man
should have a wife.

Hmm.
Preferably hl: own.

L: It going to he
a church wedding?

Yeah. But It': all rlght. They're
taking care of everything.

Can't Walt to nu Dad
In a gray topper.

Hay, you're rlght. I shall have
to watch out for one of them.

[MI]

SID:
Coma on, for God's sake!

It': llke trying to get a hunch
of performing seal: on the road!

I can't flnd
my gloves.

What do you want glove: for? He':
helng married, not knighted. Mum!

I thlnk I'm going to cry.

[SNIFFS]

So am I It' I don't get you lot out
In that Rolls. Coma on, love.

Stop crying. You'll lose your eyelashes.
Just get In there and relax, glrll

Now, where the hell
I: Dad? Dad?

Hera. Not a had flt, I: It?

Christ, you look Ilka the cover of Butch Male.
Got In the car. Go on.

Walt. I've gotta get ma hat.
Tlmmy?

TIMMY: I'm In the karzyl
Hay, I'd hatter do that a: wall.

Oh, God.

I'm sure
I've forgotten something.

You've got everything but the bleeding wand.
Get In the car!

Sidney, you're so uncouth.
Oh, go on.

[WHISTLING 'BRIDAL CHORUS']

Oh, hl, Did.

Hare, a qulck one
for the road.

Oh, ta, Dad.
I'll get ma tooth mug.

I've got butterflies
In the old tum.

I had the same thlng, eon, only
mlne were bloody great hate.

[LAUGHS]

Ta.
Rlght.

Wall, hero's to
the first baby.

Oh, turn It up, Dad.
Don't rush It.

I shall never forget the day you were horn.
It was Guy Fawkes Night.

I know.
How do you know?

It': my birthday.
Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I remember walking home from the hospital.
All the rocket: and firework: are going off.

I remember wondering what you were gonna he llke.
You know, what you were gonna do.

I never thought
about marriage then.

Ma nalthar.

Dad, what the bloody hall
are you dolng?

I'm toasting the bridegroom.
You want for a pea, not a plus-up!

Go on. They're waiting for you downstairs.
You're coming with ma. Coma on.

Oh, God, now I want to go!
Hay! Walt for u: In the Mlnll

Hay, Fred, how about that
for a nlca place of crumpat, ah?

FRED:
Where?

Sea-through charlie:
and all.

Yeah. Wonder If she want:
a llft to Bristol.

Her Bristol: don't need no lifting, matai Coma on.
Give u: a hand with this.

I often wonder why some of them bother
to wear anything at all than days.

I'm glad they don't,
mate.

[LAUGHS]

You would.

Tlmmol

Right, off we go.

Now what?

[CHURCH ORGAN PLAYS]

I'm glad you're all rlght. I was
afraid thara'd been an accident.

Wall, we had to atop
because Dad nearly had one.

Lovely day for It.

Better still If we'd got the groom.
He's rlght behind. Sld's bringing hlm.

I can't understand It.
He': such a dependable boy.

If he say: ha': going to do
something, he always doe: It.

It': a little more than saying he': going
to do something. He': going to get married.

Hare they coma.
About bleeding tlma too.

Dad!
Wall, It bloody ls.

Where's Tlmmy, than?
I was hoping he was hare.

But you were bringing hlm.
Yeah, but I lost hlm.

Don't worry, love.
Ha can't he far away.

[MI]

He': probably
just lost hl: way, dear.

Hare he comes.

I'm afraid that's
the next wedding.

But we haven't
flnlshad thl: one yet.

I fear you're
wall over your time, slr.

Can't you sllda us
down one, vicar?

Well, I mlght just
squeeze you In at 4:00.

If you thlnk I'm
sitting hare untll 4:00--

Ho, no, no. Of course not. Besides,
my man have to go on duty later on.

There are lot: of criminal:
abroad, you know.

Not only abroad.

It': so
unllka Tlmmy.

L: It?
MRS. LEA: Oh, yes.

I mean, I'm sure he hasn't sloped.

Elopad, madam? Tall ma,
how many glrls ls ha engaged to?

Uh, okay, uh, why don't we go hack to the reception hall.
At least he know: where that le.

He, no, look, you see, reporting It to the
engineers Isn't gonna get me married, ls It?

What?

Hallo?

No W"?

Bloody reception-hall
phone's out of order.

1.20, Including the phone.

Um, how far I: It to London?
Oh, about, uh, 60 mllu.

Oh...

MANAGER:
We still haven't served the wlne, slr.

Look, I really don't thlnk we should open
the champagne untll we've had the wedding.

Quito rlght. I'm only hers
for the hear anyway.

And I'm only hare, slr, because your
son I: supposed to marry my daughter.

Don't worry. He'll he hare. Unless,
of course, ha': been arrested.

What would he he arrested for?
I don't know.

Your mob don't always
glva reasons, do they?

"Y mob, a: you..

No of fence.
Yes, all rlght.

Just a flgura of speech.

I've got a lot of respect
for the police.

Thank you, yes.

Anybody aver call: them
bastards, I always deny It.

I'm sure the commissioner wlll he
most happy to know about that.

Now, ll' you'll excuse ma,
I'd Ilka a word with my wlfa.

Wall,
your health.

Down the hatch.

ISOBs]

Ah, John, dear, I was
just talllng Mrs. Lea,

If Timothy had been
Involved In an accident,

the pollca would he the
first to hear about It.

Oh, yes, certainly,
certainly. My mob--

Man...
[LAUGHS]

Have already checked
the hospitals.

Mind you, he could'va
lost hl: memory.

Or hle nerve.
Oh, no, he': plenty of nerve.

Wall, you have to,
cleaning windows.

Timmy': like Sidney.
He'll go up anything.

Here we are, ladlee.
Reinforcement.

Oh, ta. Sidney,
do you remember

when you was an hour
late for our wedding?

Do I? I broke the
zlp on ma trousers!

[sun LAUGHS]

Yes, well, one hour's
a little different to three hours.

Oh...

Oh, God. It': baby's feeding tlma.
I've gotta take than hack.

Right, love,
coma on, than.

You can do It style
In the Rolls.

Oh-- I won't say nu rovolr,
because I'll nu you agaln later.

Coma on.

Look, darling, why don't you go and
have a llttla chat with Aunt Malsla.

She's In qulta good form
for a change.

I have nothing to say
to Aunt Malsla.

Wall, I don't Ilka to nu you
sitting hare by yourself.

Daddy, do stop
fussing. I'm okay.

Hallo, Johnny. Hora, did you
hear the one about the fella

who gave up drlnk for the
sake of hl: wlfa and kidneys?

[LAUGHS]

That's bloody
marvellous!

[CIGARETTE LIGHTER CLICKING]

[SIGHS]

HI.

I brought you some grub.
You're getting slashed.

Wouldn't you
get slashed?

Yeah, but you ought to
soak it up with something.

Apart from anything else, I feel
such a twlt In thl: wedding dress.

You look gorgeous.

Stood up at tho
bloody altar. Ho!

Yeah, well.
Maybe It': for the beet.

And what
doe: that mean?

Well, I don't honestly thlnk
Tlmmy was ready for marriage.

So you told hlm
to run for hl: llfa?

Ma? Christ, no!
I was all for It.

Okay, I had ma doubt: to hagln with.
Than I began to envy hlm.

Why, you're a vary
attractive woman, Llz.

It' I wasn't married,
I'd he tempted meeelt'.

You really are a smooth
bastard, aren't you?

What did I say?

You can't even talk to a jilted
brlde without trying to pull her.

I was only commlnratlng.
I don't want commlnratlon.

I just want to got out of thl:
bloody place and thl: bloody outfit.

So, what's stopping you?

I'll nlp round the slda. I've got my van outside.
I'll run you homo.

I can't leave just Ilka that.

Now, why not?

I'll coma straight hack hare
and tall them--

You had an attack
of the vapours. Hmm?

Coma on. Coma on.

[MI]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

It could only happen to me. I even
get seasick looking at boats!

Talk about "Get me
to the church on time. "

I'll probably turn up
and throw up.

Church? Ha! I didn't even
make the reception!

I thought of calling the house, but I might've
got her old man and a coln up me tread.

A: for me fut, well,
I'd worn them off.

They felt like the end
of me legs turned up.

[MI]

The house looked even darker
than me matrimonial future.

They were either aii asieep or inspector Radiett was
iuririhg behind the door, his truncheon in his hand.

Terrific wedding night.
Everyone In bed but the groom.

And up there was
me place of nuptial bliss.

Question was, how could Romeo get to
Juliet without his bleeding ladder?

Sld,
behave yourself!

I sald, I'm going to have
to put you In handcuffs.

[YELLING AND SCREAMING]

[LIZ SCREAMING]

[sun YELLING]

No hard feelings,
than, Tlmmy, ah?

Of course not, Sld. Probably saved ma
from a fate worn than death anyway.

Yeah, wall, I won't he up
any ladder: for a whlla.

Hot to worry, Sld.
I got It all fixed up.

Got a new boy
starting tomorrow.

Owl

And remember,
In our business,

you gotta be Immune from
shocks, especially from blrds.

A: long a: they're eatletled customers,
they hrlng In the new ones, rlght?

Rlght.
Rlght.

[BICYCLE BELL CLANGS]

If you aver want
your window: cleaned...

I llva on a houseboat.

Falr enough. I mlght even
do your porthole for nothing.