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Gather around, people.
2
00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:14,585
Welcome to Brooklyn Hood's Legends Tour.
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I'm your guide, Tray Barker.
4
00:00:16,214 --> 00:00:18,729
I was born and raised on
these Brooklyn streets,
5
00:00:18,731 --> 00:00:21,030
and I'm gonna transport
you back into a time
6
00:00:21,031 --> 00:00:24,130
before boba tea and double-foam lattes.
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00:00:24,131 --> 00:00:27,046
This spot right here,
the police arrested
8
00:00:27,048 --> 00:00:31,870
the most infamous stickup
kid in Brooklyn... Mezzo Mike.
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00:00:31,871 --> 00:00:33,810
- He was the ladies' choice.
- _
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A stickup kid with a golden voice.
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00:00:36,411 --> 00:00:40,137
♪ Everybody, get on the
motherfuckin' ground ♪
12
00:00:40,139 --> 00:00:42,950
♪ I'm so sorry I have to do this ♪
13
00:00:42,951 --> 00:00:45,005
♪ Run me yo' shit, nigga ♪
14
00:00:45,007 --> 00:00:46,520
♪ Run me yo' shit ♪
15
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♪ Bitch, you know what it is ♪
16
00:00:49,161 --> 00:00:52,830
♪ Run me yo' shit,
nigga, run me yo' shit ♪
17
00:00:52,831 --> 00:00:56,430
♪ Bitch, you know what it is ♪
18
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,500
Who I got to rob around here to
get a half-pound of roast beef?
19
00:00:59,501 --> 00:01:02,500
Legend has it Mike could
sing your pockets dry
20
00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:04,809
and your girl's panties wet.
21
00:01:04,811 --> 00:01:08,010
Sometimes at the same time.
22
00:01:08,011 --> 00:01:09,810
♪ Ooh, I want your wallet ♪
23
00:01:09,811 --> 00:01:14,350
♪ I want your jewels and
the keys to your car ♪
24
00:01:14,351 --> 00:01:16,850
♪ And don't you try to run from me ♪
25
00:01:16,851 --> 00:01:20,559
♪ 'Cause you won't get very fa-a-a-a-r ♪
26
00:01:25,861 --> 00:01:29,030
Police finally caught up to
him when, during a getaway,
27
00:01:29,031 --> 00:01:32,170
Mike couldn't resist one
last shoobie-doobie-doo.
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00:01:32,171 --> 00:01:35,139
♪ They're never gonna find me ♪
29
00:01:35,141 --> 00:01:38,140
♪ They're never gonna find me ♪
30
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:42,080
♪ No, they're never gonna find me ♪
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♪ These motherfuckas found me ♪
32
00:01:45,211 --> 00:01:46,980
Even at his trial,
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he tried to serenade his
way out of a conviction.
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00:01:49,891 --> 00:01:54,090
♪ Your Honor, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
35
00:01:54,091 --> 00:01:58,275
♪ And to the victims,
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
36
00:01:58,277 --> 00:02:03,830
♪ And to my family, I'm
sorry, sorry, sorry ♪
37
00:02:03,831 --> 00:02:07,070
Are you done?
38
00:02:07,071 --> 00:02:09,240
How does the jury find the defendant?
39
00:02:09,241 --> 00:02:12,070
We find the defendant...
40
00:02:12,071 --> 00:02:15,740
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ Guilty as charged ♪
41
00:02:15,741 --> 00:02:22,250
- What?
- ♪ You gonna go to jail for 15 years ♪
42
00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:25,920
Mike didn't let
incarceration end his dream.
43
00:02:25,921 --> 00:02:27,790
For his latest prison performance,
44
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"Scam-ilton", he received a Tony.
45
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Hi. I'm Tony.
46
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Oh, shit.
47
00:02:38,571 --> 00:02:41,780
♪ My friends on the team
broke like me, too ♪
48
00:02:41,782 --> 00:02:44,570
♪ So you might get stumped,
that's crazy glue ♪
49
00:02:44,571 --> 00:02:47,042
♪ They want bass
when they come through ♪
50
00:02:47,044 --> 00:02:48,645
Makin' me so sad, girl.
51
00:02:48,647 --> 00:02:50,309
♪ 'Cause it takes two ♪
52
00:02:50,311 --> 00:02:52,150
Oh.
53
00:02:52,151 --> 00:02:53,450
Perfect.
54
00:02:53,451 --> 00:02:55,780
Hi! Sorry, hi.
55
00:02:55,781 --> 00:02:57,223
I'm sorry to bring the whole crew over.
56
00:02:57,225 --> 00:02:58,920
Uh, this one has a tendency to run off.
57
00:02:58,921 --> 00:03:01,314
Hey, I'm... I'm Paul
from across the hall.
58
00:03:01,316 --> 00:03:02,960
Hey, Paul from across the hall.
59
00:03:02,961 --> 00:03:04,629
I'm Tray from around the way.
60
00:03:04,631 --> 00:03:07,799
Nostrand and Halsey, right
up the block from the A Train.
61
00:03:07,801 --> 00:03:09,460
You do know you have a baby
62
00:03:09,461 --> 00:03:10,969
sticking out of your body, right?
63
00:03:10,971 --> 00:03:12,930
You look like a marsupial.
64
00:03:12,931 --> 00:03:14,651
I learned that word in a law library.
65
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,248
Oh, yeah, this is my... my son, Ace.
66
00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:17,840
We're doing attachment parenting.
67
00:03:17,841 --> 00:03:19,040
Oh, that is cool.
68
00:03:19,041 --> 00:03:21,110
- Hey, princess!
- My name is Max.
69
00:03:21,111 --> 00:03:24,010
- Oh, Maxine?
- No. Max.
70
00:03:24,011 --> 00:03:26,434
My wife and I don't believe
in traditional gender roles.
71
00:03:26,436 --> 00:03:28,874
Uh, that's part of the reason why
she's off pursuing her passion.
72
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:31,320
- Right.
- She's the C.E.O. of a Fortune 500 company.
73
00:03:31,321 --> 00:03:32,990
Good for her. I think that's great.
74
00:03:32,991 --> 00:03:35,402
And then I'm tasked with
raising the next generation
75
00:03:35,404 --> 00:03:37,290
of empathetic men and empowered women.
76
00:03:37,291 --> 00:03:38,760
We're a partnership.
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00:03:38,761 --> 00:03:40,699
Oh, I know that's right.
78
00:03:40,701 --> 00:03:43,730
So you're the white Stedman.
79
00:03:43,731 --> 00:03:45,130
Wow, that's...
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00:03:45,131 --> 00:03:47,300
He's a... Oh, that means a lot to me.
81
00:03:47,301 --> 00:03:49,170
He's... He's a personal hero of mine.
82
00:03:49,171 --> 00:03:50,640
Um... Oh, I'm so sorry.
83
00:03:50,641 --> 00:03:52,510
This my wife calling.
84
00:03:52,511 --> 00:03:54,010
Uh, go for Paul.
85
00:03:54,011 --> 00:03:56,380
Uh, yes, ma'am.
86
00:03:56,381 --> 00:03:57,480
I know it's 8:05.
87
00:03:57,481 --> 00:03:59,850
It's... We're just running
a little bit behind.
88
00:03:59,851 --> 00:04:02,220
Yes, no, I'm... I'm talking to him now.
89
00:04:02,221 --> 00:04:04,989
Okay, bye-bye. I lo...
90
00:04:04,991 --> 00:04:08,015
Anyway, uh, so, we're
running a little late
91
00:04:08,017 --> 00:04:09,869
for a naptime, but my wife was wondering
92
00:04:09,871 --> 00:04:11,163
if maybe you could turn down the music.
93
00:04:11,165 --> 00:04:13,277
- She can hear it on the nanny cam.
- Yeah, I'm so sorry, sir.
94
00:04:13,279 --> 00:04:15,475
Say less. I got it.
95
00:04:15,477 --> 00:04:16,932
I'll take this outside.
96
00:04:16,934 --> 00:04:19,330
I was going outside to
get some fresh air anyway.
97
00:04:19,331 --> 00:04:20,617
- Okay.
- But I want you to know
98
00:04:20,619 --> 00:04:22,040
I'm the new handyman, okay?
99
00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:25,769
And if you and yours need
anything fixed, you call me,
100
00:04:25,771 --> 00:04:28,640
and I'm gonna come quicker
than Superman on Ex-Lax.
101
00:04:28,641 --> 00:04:29,833
That's fast.
102
00:04:29,835 --> 00:04:31,580
And you know that
deliciousness you smelling?
103
00:04:31,581 --> 00:04:33,469
- Mmm.
- That's for the housewarming tonight
104
00:04:33,471 --> 00:04:35,693
to meet my... all my
new neighbors, you know?
105
00:04:35,695 --> 00:04:36,887
You are the first invite.
106
00:04:36,889 --> 00:04:39,193
You should ask your wife
to come with you, you know?
107
00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:40,559
'Cause once y'all taste that,
108
00:04:40,561 --> 00:04:42,490
y'all gonna be an attachment couple.
109
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,260
Y'all might even start
making more babies.
110
00:04:44,261 --> 00:04:46,190
Okay. Well, we'll...
we'll play it by ear.
111
00:04:46,191 --> 00:04:47,560
Okay.
112
00:04:47,561 --> 00:04:49,430
Take care, Princess.
113
00:04:49,431 --> 00:04:50,630
My name's Max.
114
00:04:50,631 --> 00:04:52,130
Oh, okay.
115
00:04:52,131 --> 00:04:53,870
Alexa, check today's traffic.
116
00:04:53,871 --> 00:04:57,040
Right now, traffic on
your commute looks good.
117
00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,237
The fastest route takes about 40 minutes
118
00:04:59,239 --> 00:05:01,740
via Atlantic Avenue and 6th Avenue.
119
00:05:01,741 --> 00:05:03,110
What's for breakfast?
120
00:05:03,111 --> 00:05:05,510
Oats. Where's your brother?
121
00:05:05,511 --> 00:05:07,080
Upstairs, trying to get cute.
122
00:05:07,081 --> 00:05:09,220
He's changed his outfit like five times.
123
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:10,675
Too bad he can't change his face.
124
00:05:10,677 --> 00:05:13,050
Uh, careful. I helped make that face.
125
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,090
Shahzad! Get down here!
126
00:05:15,091 --> 00:05:17,029
Don't make me have to
come up there an get you!
127
00:05:17,031 --> 00:05:18,229
With your ugly face.
128
00:05:18,231 --> 00:05:20,461
I... What did I say about that?
129
00:05:23,301 --> 00:05:25,270
Oh!
130
00:05:25,271 --> 00:05:27,939
Who is she and what is her name?
131
00:05:27,941 --> 00:05:30,140
Nobody.
132
00:05:30,141 --> 00:05:32,570
Her name is Symone, and
she's in his science class.
133
00:05:32,571 --> 00:05:34,550
Oh, Symone!
134
00:05:34,552 --> 00:05:36,897
That is a cute name.
Tell me all about her.
135
00:05:36,899 --> 00:05:38,687
There's really nothing to tell.
136
00:05:38,689 --> 00:05:40,071
She likes him and he likes her,
137
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,953
but all they do is act
weird around each other.
138
00:05:41,955 --> 00:05:44,029
No, we don't! You don't
know what you're talking about.
139
00:05:44,031 --> 00:05:47,920
It's okay. Getting to know someone
can be awkward for anybody.
140
00:05:47,921 --> 00:05:50,594
So, what do I talk to her about?
141
00:05:50,596 --> 00:05:51,887
Whatever you have in common.
142
00:05:51,889 --> 00:05:53,111
Movies, music.
143
00:05:53,113 --> 00:05:55,025
Dancing? Yeah, we both like dancing.
144
00:05:55,027 --> 00:05:57,004
Okay, well, show her some of your moves.
145
00:05:57,006 --> 00:05:59,958
You know what? You should have
her come by the house after school.
146
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,269
- Really?
- Yeah.
147
00:06:01,271 --> 00:06:03,570
- I'd love to meet her.
- I think it's a great idea.
148
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:05,270
And I'll be sure to bring popcorn.
149
00:06:05,271 --> 00:06:09,010
Just remember, okay, when
it comes to the ladies,
150
00:06:09,011 --> 00:06:10,880
use the word "Queen".
151
00:06:10,881 --> 00:06:12,250
It's about respect.
152
00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:14,045
And if you want to
give her a compliment,
153
00:06:14,047 --> 00:06:15,399
do that from the neck up.
154
00:06:15,401 --> 00:06:17,356
I don't want you out
here objectifying women.
155
00:06:17,358 --> 00:06:20,381
And please don't use no
lame-ass pickup lines like,
156
00:06:20,383 --> 00:06:22,960
"Oh, heaven must be missing an angel".
157
00:06:22,961 --> 00:06:25,190
Hey, that's Tray.
158
00:06:25,191 --> 00:06:26,530
Is that the one he used to get you?
159
00:06:26,531 --> 00:06:28,330
No.
160
00:06:28,331 --> 00:06:31,200
Okay, yes, but I was
a different woman then.
161
00:06:32,401 --> 00:06:33,539
Finish y'all breakfast.
162
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:37,109
Yeah. You better tell your
man to hold your hand tight.
163
00:06:37,111 --> 00:06:39,070
The big bad wolf is out there.
164
00:06:39,071 --> 00:06:41,540
Ooh.
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00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:42,780
Whoa.
166
00:06:42,781 --> 00:06:45,047
What if I told you heaven
must be missing an angel?
167
00:06:45,049 --> 00:06:47,241
'Cause I'm looking at one
standing right in front of me now.
168
00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:49,084
I would say you must
be missing a chromosome
169
00:06:49,086 --> 00:06:50,774
if you think that tired-ass
line is gonna work.
170
00:06:50,776 --> 00:06:51,850
But wait!
171
00:06:51,851 --> 00:06:54,124
You sassy, I'm sweet, so we go together
172
00:06:54,126 --> 00:06:55,860
like grape juice and dill pickles.
173
00:06:55,861 --> 00:06:57,932
How about a smile?
174
00:06:57,934 --> 00:06:59,816
I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn,
175
00:06:59,818 --> 00:07:01,199
got on a subway where I was sandwiched
176
00:07:01,201 --> 00:07:04,016
in between a human fart
and a horny 15-year-old
177
00:07:04,018 --> 00:07:07,162
just so I can go to work where
I'm paid 30% less than a man,
178
00:07:07,164 --> 00:07:09,040
and I had to stand on my
feet for 10 hours a day,
179
00:07:09,041 --> 00:07:10,651
trying to dismantle the patriarchy,
180
00:07:10,653 --> 00:07:12,450
just so no woman has
to answer the question,
181
00:07:12,452 --> 00:07:13,804
"Can I get a smile?"
182
00:07:13,806 --> 00:07:15,240
I'll take that as a "no".
183
00:07:15,241 --> 00:07:18,049
So at least let me get the door for you.
184
00:07:18,051 --> 00:07:19,965
I don't know what bunker
you just crawled out of,
185
00:07:19,967 --> 00:07:21,080
but it's a new day.
186
00:07:21,081 --> 00:07:23,589
Women are capable of
opening their own doors.
187
00:07:23,591 --> 00:07:24,743
Share the memo.
188
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,889
You know there's an expiration
date on that attitude.
189
00:07:27,891 --> 00:07:30,060
Damn, she Scary Spice.
190
00:07:30,061 --> 00:07:32,130
- Who you here for?
- Paul Tilman.
191
00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:34,230
Oh, he upstairs putting
his kids to sleep.
192
00:07:34,231 --> 00:07:37,030
- Yo, Paul!
- What is it?
193
00:07:37,031 --> 00:07:38,400
You got a package down here!
194
00:07:38,401 --> 00:07:40,370
Okay, thanks. I'll buzz him up.
195
00:07:40,371 --> 00:07:42,070
- What?!
- I'll buzz him up!
196
00:07:42,071 --> 00:07:44,570
Oh, oh!
197
00:07:44,571 --> 00:07:47,410
You ain't gonna get no tip,
man. You just woke his kids up.
198
00:07:49,081 --> 00:07:50,710
Oh, that's my joint.
199
00:07:50,711 --> 00:07:53,080
♪ I never been tooken out ♪
200
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,320
Yeah, but my soul mate left me,
201
00:07:55,321 --> 00:07:57,769
and I've been trying
to consciously uncouple,
202
00:07:57,771 --> 00:08:00,150
but my birth mother refuses
to give me my birth time
203
00:08:00,151 --> 00:08:01,590
so I can't even do my natal chart.
204
00:08:01,591 --> 00:08:04,729
So you'll send someone
to fix my sink today?
205
00:08:04,731 --> 00:08:07,006
Oh, thank you, Mr. Kelley.
206
00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:08,060
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
207
00:08:08,061 --> 00:08:11,169
Namaste. Okay.
208
00:08:11,171 --> 00:08:13,100
♪ Enough to make or break
and shake your... ♪
209
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,440
♪ As I create rhymes
good as a tastycake makes ♪
210
00:08:15,441 --> 00:08:17,740
♪ Bring it on back, yeah ♪
211
00:08:17,741 --> 00:08:20,640
♪ Shame on you, when
you step through to ♪
212
00:08:20,641 --> 00:08:21,980
Hey, Mr. Kelley.
213
00:08:21,981 --> 00:08:25,010
Huh? A clogged drain in apartment 2A?
214
00:08:25,011 --> 00:08:26,919
Yes, sir, okay.
215
00:08:26,921 --> 00:08:29,820
One.
216
00:08:29,821 --> 00:08:32,550
♪ Shame on you, when
you step through to ♪
217
00:08:32,551 --> 00:08:36,190
This door. Looks like this
isn't working very well.
218
00:08:36,191 --> 00:08:38,290
♪ Shame on you, when
you step through to ♪
219
00:08:39,931 --> 00:08:42,160
♪ Shame on you, when
you step through to ♪
220
00:08:42,161 --> 00:08:43,769
♪ The Ol' Dirty Bastard ♪
221
00:08:43,771 --> 00:08:46,970
♪ In your face like
a can of mace, baby ♪
222
00:08:46,971 --> 00:08:48,200
♪ Is it burning? Well... ♪
223
00:08:51,441 --> 00:08:53,587
My body is mine! It belongs to me!
224
00:08:53,589 --> 00:08:56,199
Can we please keep it
down? What is going on?
225
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:58,610
He followed me inside when I
was waiting for the handyman.
226
00:08:58,611 --> 00:09:00,880
He is the handyman.
227
00:09:00,881 --> 00:09:03,181
Oh.
228
00:09:05,369 --> 00:09:07,302
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
229
00:09:07,304 --> 00:09:10,629
- Snacks, thank you.
- Ah, that's for Shahzad and Symone.
230
00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:13,631
- Oh, wow, you are so excited.
- Of course I am.
231
00:09:13,633 --> 00:09:14,686
- Aren't you?
- Yeah.
232
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:15,960
Yeah, I can't wait to meet the girl
233
00:09:15,961 --> 00:09:18,430
who inspired him to cut his fingernails.
234
00:09:18,431 --> 00:09:20,800
I just hope she ain't no
ghetto, twerkin' hoochie.
235
00:09:22,001 --> 00:09:23,740
I'll get it.
236
00:09:23,741 --> 00:09:25,170
Here we go.
237
00:09:26,981 --> 00:09:30,841
Mom, Dad, this is my queen.
238
00:09:32,181 --> 00:09:33,819
Hi.
239
00:09:37,521 --> 00:09:40,351
Oh, this is gonna be good.
240
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:45,134
What kind of military-grade
pepper spray is this?
241
00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:47,428
Oh, you could crush a citizen uprising.
242
00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:49,919
Y'all need to send this
to Hong Kong right now!
243
00:09:49,921 --> 00:09:52,873
Uh, Tray, you'll actually
be happy to know that
244
00:09:52,875 --> 00:09:54,420
that is not real pepper spray.
245
00:09:54,421 --> 00:09:57,020
That is a product I'm
reviewing for Goop.
246
00:09:57,021 --> 00:10:00,004
- Ooh!
- Yeah, the new, um, Yoni tea mist with, uh,
247
00:10:00,006 --> 00:10:01,560
lemon grass and tea tree oil.
248
00:10:01,561 --> 00:10:03,590
Actually, while I have you,
249
00:10:03,591 --> 00:10:05,299
did you find the scent awakening?
250
00:10:05,301 --> 00:10:06,930
Ugh, I find it burning!
251
00:10:06,931 --> 00:10:08,130
Good to know.
252
00:10:08,131 --> 00:10:09,469
Well, that's alkaline water,
253
00:10:09,471 --> 00:10:10,900
so it should neutralize the sting a bit.
254
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:14,470
Oh, okay, I'm feeling better.
255
00:10:14,471 --> 00:10:16,444
You might want to put
these back in the freezer.
256
00:10:16,446 --> 00:10:18,840
Um, no, they're all yours.
257
00:10:18,841 --> 00:10:20,140
Okay.
258
00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:22,649
Oh, what am I supposed to fix now?
259
00:10:22,651 --> 00:10:24,680
The sink. It's been clogged for days.
260
00:10:24,681 --> 00:10:27,194
Okay. This'll be a cinch.
261
00:10:27,196 --> 00:10:29,049
What I'm gonna need
is a jug of lemonade,
262
00:10:29,051 --> 00:10:30,931
some baking soda, and a box of perm.
263
00:10:30,933 --> 00:10:32,968
Well, uh, I've got some lemonade.
264
00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,870
And I have baking soda.
265
00:10:38,831 --> 00:10:41,401
Why would you assume
I have a box of perm?
266
00:10:47,371 --> 00:10:49,741
My grandma sends me one every month.
267
00:10:54,518 --> 00:10:56,400
Okay, all done.
268
00:10:56,402 --> 00:10:58,125
Thank you so much!
269
00:10:58,127 --> 00:10:59,599
Do you want anything to drink?
270
00:10:59,601 --> 00:11:01,189
Do you want a green tea, a bone broth?
271
00:11:01,191 --> 00:11:02,689
Ooh, I have Kombucha.
272
00:11:02,691 --> 00:11:05,459
Oh, no, thank you. I got a little rule.
273
00:11:05,461 --> 00:11:07,990
If I can't pronounce
it, I don't drink it.
274
00:11:07,991 --> 00:11:09,290
That's why you never see me drinking
275
00:11:09,291 --> 00:11:10,649
that Pigio Grigio stuff.
276
00:11:10,651 --> 00:11:12,043
- Okay.
- But this here...
277
00:11:12,045 --> 00:11:13,660
I'm having a little
housewarming tonight,
278
00:11:13,661 --> 00:11:15,700
and I'd like to invite you ladies.
279
00:11:15,701 --> 00:11:18,500
Ladies, my Mercedes.
280
00:11:18,502 --> 00:11:20,700
- Maybe.
- Alright, man, okay.
281
00:11:20,701 --> 00:11:22,063
Hey, Paul is coming.
282
00:11:22,065 --> 00:11:23,547
Oh, I'm playing it by ear.
283
00:11:23,549 --> 00:11:25,563
- I'm playing it by ear.
- Okay.
284
00:11:25,565 --> 00:11:27,144
Alright. Bye, Tray.
285
00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:29,624
I'd rather spray that
Yoni mist in my Yoni.
286
00:11:29,626 --> 00:11:31,148
Have you guys seen my phone?
287
00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:32,602
No. You sure you brought it inside?
288
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:33,650
Yeah, I'm sure.
289
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,720
- I'll just call it.
- Yeah, wait, no. It's on silent.
290
00:11:36,721 --> 00:11:38,420
Okay, well, where did you have it last?
291
00:11:38,421 --> 00:11:40,425
Uh, okay, I came in the door,
292
00:11:40,427 --> 00:11:41,775
I put my bags down over there,
293
00:11:41,777 --> 00:11:45,060
and then I put my phone
down right next to...
294
00:11:45,061 --> 00:11:48,200
Tray.
295
00:11:48,201 --> 00:11:51,470
Do you guys think he maybe,
like, accidentally stole it?
296
00:11:51,471 --> 00:11:53,170
- Oh.
- Why?
297
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,809
- Because he's black?
- No.
298
00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:56,570
Uh, you're profiling again.
299
00:11:56,571 --> 00:11:58,018
Just because Tray's an ex-con
300
00:11:58,020 --> 00:11:59,241
does not mean he stole your phone.
301
00:11:59,243 --> 00:12:01,017
Wait, wait, Tray's an ex-con?
302
00:12:01,019 --> 00:12:02,232
How... How do you know that?
303
00:12:02,234 --> 00:12:03,610
Just a little routine background check.
304
00:12:03,611 --> 00:12:05,250
Oh, God, I got it, so
now you're profiling.
305
00:12:05,251 --> 00:12:06,720
No, that's not what this is.
306
00:12:06,721 --> 00:12:08,455
I do a background check on everybody
307
00:12:08,457 --> 00:12:09,520
who moves in the building.
308
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,341
And, Paul, you should
probably tell your wife
309
00:12:11,343 --> 00:12:12,859
she needs to check on
that speeding ticket.
310
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:14,429
Oh, okay. Uh, I'll let her know.
311
00:12:14,431 --> 00:12:16,390
Actually, we should get
going. Max, let's go.
312
00:12:16,391 --> 00:12:17,599
Max? Where's my daughter?
313
00:12:17,601 --> 00:12:19,161
I lost my daughter. Max?
314
00:12:19,163 --> 00:12:20,600
Okay, you don't have it that bad.
315
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:21,900
Stick with Daddy!
316
00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:24,339
Your dad seems like a really nice guy.
317
00:12:24,341 --> 00:12:26,700
- Thank you.
- Thanks so much for inviting me.
318
00:12:26,701 --> 00:12:28,809
I'm having a great time.
319
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:33,317
Hey. What's the matter?
320
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:34,510
You seem upset.
321
00:12:34,511 --> 00:12:37,080
I didn't think she was
gonna show up white.
322
00:12:37,081 --> 00:12:38,619
Okay.
323
00:12:38,621 --> 00:12:40,068
Well, I hate to be the bearer
324
00:12:40,070 --> 00:12:42,102
of what is apparently bad news,
325
00:12:42,104 --> 00:12:43,820
but you're married to a white guy.
326
00:12:43,821 --> 00:12:47,790
I know, but this caught
me off guard, you know?
327
00:12:47,791 --> 00:12:50,999
I was... I was expecting to see Moesha,
328
00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:52,830
not Marcia Brady.
329
00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:55,700
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I get it.
330
00:12:55,701 --> 00:12:58,670
Who is Marcia Brady?
331
00:12:58,671 --> 00:13:01,940
That's why I married you.
332
00:13:01,941 --> 00:13:04,640
We've built an Earthship this year.
333
00:13:04,641 --> 00:13:06,289
I'm really excited about it.
334
00:13:06,291 --> 00:13:07,980
That's cool. Who's your partner?
335
00:13:07,981 --> 00:13:10,480
- Melody Swanson.
- Oh, lucky you.
336
00:13:10,481 --> 00:13:12,319
She's the prettiest girl in school.
337
00:13:12,321 --> 00:13:14,950
I mean, she's okay.
338
00:13:14,951 --> 00:13:20,288
But I think you're the
prettiest girl in the school.
339
00:13:20,290 --> 00:13:22,152
- Really?
- Yeah.
340
00:13:22,154 --> 00:13:25,830
I mean, you're beautiful.
341
00:13:25,831 --> 00:13:30,000
Your hair i-is so soft and silky.
342
00:13:30,001 --> 00:13:31,500
Your eyes...
343
00:13:31,501 --> 00:13:34,340
i-it's like a big, blue ocean.
344
00:13:34,341 --> 00:13:36,640
And your skin, wow.
345
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:38,879
I-It's like porcelain.
346
00:13:38,881 --> 00:13:40,440
I got you guys snacks.
347
00:13:40,441 --> 00:13:41,949
Thank you, Mrs. Birkeland.
348
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,950
Here, let me get that for you.
349
00:13:43,951 --> 00:13:44,951
Oh.
350
00:13:44,952 --> 00:13:47,050
At your service, my queen.
351
00:13:47,051 --> 00:13:48,489
You're so nice.
352
00:13:53,521 --> 00:13:55,860
What's up? I'm Tray.
353
00:13:55,861 --> 00:13:58,299
I got a request to repair your toilet.
354
00:13:58,301 --> 00:14:00,160
Oh, yeah, you must
be the handyman, right?
355
00:14:00,161 --> 00:14:03,030
Nope. I'm a black man
who happened to be handy.
356
00:14:03,031 --> 00:14:05,138
- I didn't mean to offend you.
- It's alright, man.
357
00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:07,870
I just got sprayed in the face
by some skinny blonde chick.
358
00:14:07,871 --> 00:14:10,710
Ah, yeah, you met Luna.
359
00:14:10,711 --> 00:14:12,379
Yeah, she's a little high-strung,
360
00:14:12,381 --> 00:14:14,040
but totally harmless.
361
00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:16,380
And as beautiful as a butterfly.
362
00:14:16,381 --> 00:14:17,880
Y'all a couple?
363
00:14:17,881 --> 00:14:20,703
No, she reminds me of a reindeer
364
00:14:20,705 --> 00:14:22,720
I once met in Finland, you know?
365
00:14:22,721 --> 00:14:26,220
Wild, majestic.
366
00:14:26,221 --> 00:14:29,930
But as I coaxed the milk
from her reindeer teat,
367
00:14:29,931 --> 00:14:33,230
I just thought, you
know, "Too much work".
368
00:14:33,231 --> 00:14:34,769
Yeah, I know.
369
00:14:34,771 --> 00:14:37,014
Sometimes sucking reindeer
titties could be...
370
00:14:37,016 --> 00:14:38,474
Hey, could I come in, man?
371
00:14:38,476 --> 00:14:40,500
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, okay.
372
00:14:44,511 --> 00:14:47,210
Yo! This is tight!
373
00:14:47,211 --> 00:14:48,805
You got your own Dave & Buster's.
374
00:14:48,807 --> 00:14:50,450
Yeah. This is Miles.
375
00:14:50,451 --> 00:14:52,380
He sets it all up, so...
376
00:14:52,381 --> 00:14:55,120
What's up, Miles?
377
00:14:55,121 --> 00:14:57,450
Yeah, Miles isn't much for
human interaction, so...
378
00:14:57,451 --> 00:14:58,890
The form is too limiting.
379
00:14:58,891 --> 00:15:00,929
I prefer to transfer my
consciousness to the cloud.
380
00:15:00,931 --> 00:15:03,430
Well, he's a walking,
talking Stephen Hawking.
381
00:15:03,431 --> 00:15:04,830
Let's get to this bathroom.
382
00:15:04,831 --> 00:15:06,661
Yeah.
383
00:15:08,971 --> 00:15:10,430
This is not the bathroom.
384
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:12,940
No, no, that's my place.
385
00:15:12,941 --> 00:15:15,172
- Oh, you's locked up.
- No, no.
386
00:15:15,174 --> 00:15:18,610
See, I've adopted a
minimalist lifestyle.
387
00:15:18,611 --> 00:15:20,896
- That's what you call it?
- Yeah, yeah.
388
00:15:20,898 --> 00:15:24,118
I just don't assign meaning
to money or things, you know?
389
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,843
I just, uh, keep myself
in peak condition,
390
00:15:26,845 --> 00:15:27,943
so I'm ready for adventure.
391
00:15:27,945 --> 00:15:30,898
You know, the elation,
jumping out of an airplane.
392
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:34,258
Or... Or the ecstasy of...
of the conquest of reaching
393
00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:37,078
the very top of the snow
peaks of Mount Kilimanjaro.
394
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,630
Or... Or the thrill of
swimming with the sharks
395
00:15:39,631 --> 00:15:40,860
in South Africa.
396
00:15:40,861 --> 00:15:42,130
You know, these...
397
00:15:42,131 --> 00:15:44,839
these are the things that I live for.
398
00:15:44,841 --> 00:15:47,000
You know what all those
things have in common?
399
00:15:47,001 --> 00:15:48,470
- What?
- White people.
400
00:15:49,671 --> 00:15:52,440
I knew I was gonna get him.
401
00:15:52,441 --> 00:15:55,449
Mm, yep, yep, there it is,
there it is, right there.
402
00:15:55,451 --> 00:15:56,550
I knew it.
403
00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:58,980
Yep, just like I thought.
404
00:15:58,981 --> 00:16:01,289
You got a crack, but it
ain't leaking through yet.
405
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:03,650
I'm going to run to the
store and get some supplies.
406
00:16:03,651 --> 00:16:05,290
I'm gonna come back tomorrow morning
407
00:16:05,291 --> 00:16:06,990
- and patch it all up for you, alright?
- Right, yeah.
408
00:16:06,991 --> 00:16:08,490
But if y'all are not
doing nothing tonight,
409
00:16:08,491 --> 00:16:09,583
why don't you swing by?
410
00:16:09,585 --> 00:16:10,938
- I'm having a little get-together.
- Yeah?
411
00:16:10,940 --> 00:16:13,051
Okay, yeah, I got this
fine chick coming to.
412
00:16:13,053 --> 00:16:15,230
She got a glass leg with Kool-Aid in it.
413
00:16:15,231 --> 00:16:16,500
You might like that.
414
00:16:16,501 --> 00:16:18,339
What?
415
00:16:22,971 --> 00:16:25,840
I can't believe he's acting
like a servant for her.
416
00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:28,280
Uh, I think he's just
trying to be a gentleman.
417
00:16:28,281 --> 00:16:30,713
You were the one that told
him to treat her like a queen.
418
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:32,544
That's when I thought
it was a black queen.
419
00:16:32,546 --> 00:16:34,420
You are being really
hypocritical right now.
420
00:16:34,422 --> 00:16:36,420
You just don't understand.
421
00:16:36,421 --> 00:16:38,859
I'm trying to get this dance
down, but I just can't.
422
00:16:38,861 --> 00:16:40,360
Really? It's easy.
423
00:16:40,361 --> 00:16:42,160
I'll show you. Look.
424
00:16:42,161 --> 00:16:44,699
It's like an angry pirate processor.
425
00:16:44,701 --> 00:16:46,530
Here's how you do it.
426
00:16:49,601 --> 00:16:52,300
You got it.
427
00:16:52,301 --> 00:16:53,540
Keep going.
428
00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:57,170
You were the one that told
him to show her those moves.
429
00:16:57,171 --> 00:16:59,379
I know what I said! I
was there when I said it.
430
00:16:59,381 --> 00:17:01,211
Give me this.
431
00:17:03,579 --> 00:17:06,131
Sorry to barge in on you guys.
432
00:17:06,133 --> 00:17:07,985
So, we noticed that Tray
just left your apartment,
433
00:17:07,987 --> 00:17:09,330
and we were wondering.
434
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,500
Did you notice anything missing?
435
00:17:11,501 --> 00:17:13,800
No. Why?
436
00:17:13,801 --> 00:17:15,300
Okay, so, something happened
437
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:18,040
that's gonna make me
sound racist.
438
00:17:18,041 --> 00:17:20,840
But I mean, you of all
people know I'm not racist.
439
00:17:20,841 --> 00:17:22,476
I mean, come on, I have a
picture of Colin Kaepernick
440
00:17:22,478 --> 00:17:23,580
as my screensaver.
441
00:17:23,581 --> 00:17:25,068
- Luna.
- What?
442
00:17:25,070 --> 00:17:26,103
What's your point?
443
00:17:26,105 --> 00:17:28,180
I think that Tray may have
accidentally stolen my phone.
444
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,680
Have you asked him if he has it?
445
00:17:29,681 --> 00:17:31,219
No, I can't ask him that.
446
00:17:31,221 --> 00:17:32,489
Then I would sound racist.
447
00:17:32,491 --> 00:17:34,350
Why not use the Find My iPhone app?
448
00:17:34,351 --> 00:17:36,690
We can find its location, make it ring.
449
00:17:36,691 --> 00:17:38,683
If it's on his person, we'll hear it.
450
00:17:38,685 --> 00:17:40,690
Ooh! That's a good idea.
451
00:17:40,691 --> 00:17:42,518
Okay, um, how can we do that?
452
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,173
We just need to get inside
his apartment somehow.
453
00:17:44,175 --> 00:17:46,336
Well, he has that, uh, party
tonight. We can all go.
454
00:17:46,338 --> 00:17:48,339
Yeah. I guess he can't kill all of us.
455
00:17:48,341 --> 00:17:51,000
Okay, Isis, you just
got mad at me for that.
456
00:17:51,001 --> 00:17:53,170
What? Paul was thinking it, too.
457
00:17:53,171 --> 00:17:55,110
This guy was thinking the same thing.
458
00:17:57,511 --> 00:18:00,049
I'm embarrassed about the way I acted.
459
00:18:00,051 --> 00:18:02,850
Symone's a nice girl.
460
00:18:02,851 --> 00:18:04,603
It's just hard for me to understand why
461
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:05,704
Shahzad wouldn't want
462
00:18:05,706 --> 00:18:08,719
to be with a girl that
looks like his mother.
463
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:12,738
Well, why don't you
go ask him, you know?
464
00:18:12,740 --> 00:18:14,260
I'm sure he's still up.
465
00:18:16,561 --> 00:18:18,430
You know what?
466
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,400
I will.
467
00:18:20,401 --> 00:18:22,400
Thanks.
468
00:18:26,771 --> 00:18:28,979
You find the best videos.
469
00:18:28,981 --> 00:18:30,280
I love hanging out with you.
470
00:18:30,281 --> 00:18:32,080
I love hanging out with you.
471
00:18:32,081 --> 00:18:34,096
I got to go.
472
00:18:34,098 --> 00:18:37,120
I'll see you tomorrow at school.
473
00:18:37,121 --> 00:18:38,950
So...
474
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,320
did you have fun today?
475
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,590
Yeah, I did.
476
00:18:42,591 --> 00:18:43,790
Thank you, Ma.
477
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:45,590
For everything.
478
00:18:45,591 --> 00:18:47,130
You're welcome.
479
00:18:47,131 --> 00:18:49,799
Um, let me ask you something.
480
00:18:49,801 --> 00:18:51,800
What do you see in Symone?
481
00:18:51,801 --> 00:18:54,070
Don't get me wrong. I like her.
482
00:18:54,071 --> 00:18:58,770
I'm just curious as to
what you like about her.
483
00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:03,410
Well, she's not like other girls.
484
00:19:03,411 --> 00:19:06,280
She doesn't care about
looking cute all the time.
485
00:19:06,281 --> 00:19:09,580
She knows she's pretty without makeup.
486
00:19:09,581 --> 00:19:10,950
She's funny.
487
00:19:10,951 --> 00:19:13,790
I can talk to her about a lot of things.
488
00:19:13,791 --> 00:19:15,459
She's smart.
489
00:19:15,461 --> 00:19:18,090
She's nice to everyone.
490
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:22,199
But tough when she needs to be, too.
491
00:19:22,201 --> 00:19:26,430
Actually, Ma, she kind
of reminds me of you.
492
00:19:32,941 --> 00:19:36,980
Son, that's why I like her, too.
493
00:19:36,981 --> 00:19:39,180
- Good night.
- Good night.
494
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:47,476
You're bringing your baby
to a housewarming party?
495
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:50,050
Oh, uh, he missed his nap today,
so he's gonna be up for a while.
496
00:19:50,052 --> 00:19:52,990
- Okay.
- At least Laura and Max will get some sleep.
497
00:19:52,991 --> 00:19:54,660
- Okay.
- Okay, I'm gonna turn on the alert.
498
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,030
- Yeah.
- Yes.
499
00:19:58,001 --> 00:20:00,930
Hmm. It's saying it's right here.
500
00:20:03,915 --> 00:20:06,107
Oh, no, no, no.
501
00:20:06,109 --> 00:20:07,878
I didn't... I didn't take it. I swear.
502
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:09,840
Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh.
503
00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:12,310
Oh, okay.
504
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,895
Well, look at what Ace took.
505
00:20:13,897 --> 00:20:15,980
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Thief!
506
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,108
- Thief!
- I'm so sorry.
507
00:20:17,110 --> 00:20:18,534
Uh, he must've taken it off the counter.
508
00:20:18,536 --> 00:20:20,002
He's in a very grabby stage.
509
00:20:20,004 --> 00:20:22,174
You guys, we almost
just made a huge mistake.
510
00:20:22,176 --> 00:20:23,968
The only mistake would've
been getting stuck
511
00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:25,722
at this stupid party.
512
00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:28,230
Yo, what's up? Y'all made it.
513
00:20:28,231 --> 00:20:29,860
Come on.
514
00:20:32,915 --> 00:20:35,339
- So primal.
- I know it is.
515
00:20:35,341 --> 00:20:37,440
That's a beef patty
between that girl's legs.
516
00:20:37,441 --> 00:20:40,340
She could make a Sprite can
disappear with her mouth.
517
00:20:40,341 --> 00:20:41,879
It's on Google. Check it out.
518
00:20:44,541 --> 00:20:45,733
Hey, listen!
519
00:20:45,735 --> 00:20:48,009
I really appreciate y'all
coming out like this.
520
00:20:48,011 --> 00:20:50,880
Okay, most of the time when you
move into a new neighborhood,
521
00:20:50,881 --> 00:20:53,096
your neighbors are usually suspicious
522
00:20:53,098 --> 00:20:54,390
or very judgmental of you.
523
00:20:54,391 --> 00:20:55,520
But not y'all.
524
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,820
You've been treating
me good since I met you.
525
00:20:57,821 --> 00:20:59,647
That's friendship, and I need it,
526
00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:01,544
and I don't want to get
too sentimental here,
527
00:21:01,546 --> 00:21:03,129
so that's why I'm
gonna turn the music on.
528
00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:04,573
It's right over there.
I got some music, y'all.
529
00:21:04,575 --> 00:21:05,600
Let's get down.
530
00:21:05,601 --> 00:21:07,204
I want to see somebody
do the Funky Chicken.
531
00:21:07,206 --> 00:21:09,336
Somebody do it!
38676
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