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1
00:00:20,785 --> 00:00:23,030
NARRATOR:
Berlin, 1944.
2
00:00:23,155 --> 00:00:25,298
A secret radio message
from Adolf Hitler
3
00:00:25,421 --> 00:00:27,767
personally to his spies
in Great Britain.
4
00:00:27,891 --> 00:00:32,471
"Kill General MacKenzie-Smith,
please."
5
00:00:33,165 --> 00:00:35,142
There was terrible headaches,
you know.
6
00:00:35,268 --> 00:00:38,044
Here in London, this is how
the message was passed on.
7
00:00:38,169 --> 00:00:40,715
It's only now that we of
British Military Intelligence
8
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:44,006
have been able to
piece together fully
9
00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:48,055
from captured German documents.
10
00:00:48,180 --> 00:00:49,922
We thank Paramount Pictures
in Hollywood
11
00:00:50,047 --> 00:00:52,260
for having the courage
to put this on the screen.
12
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,995
I know we wouldn't.
13
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,162
The German Secret Service
didn't hesitate a moment
14
00:00:56,287 --> 00:00:58,432
in placing Hitler's orders
into effect.
15
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,302
MacKenzie-Smith
was drawing up the plans
16
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:02,037
for the Allied invasion
of Europe
17
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:05,207
and had to be stopped
at all costs.
18
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:08,609
Here come General Eisenhower,
Field Marshall Montgomery,
19
00:01:08,734 --> 00:01:10,012
General de Gaulle,
20
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,747
and Sir Lawrence
MacKenzie-Smith himself
21
00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:15,455
wearing
the familiar eye patch.
22
00:01:16,274 --> 00:01:18,754
MAN:
Stop! Stop or I'll shoot!
23
00:01:18,881 --> 00:01:21,822
( gunfire )
24
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:25,085
( dramatic theme playing )
25
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:29,159
NARRATOR:
Dear, dear. We don't seem to be
catching up.
26
00:02:29,282 --> 00:02:31,361
Well, after all, the Germans
are in a Rolls Royce
27
00:02:31,486 --> 00:02:33,798
and our lads
only have American Jeeps.
28
00:02:33,924 --> 00:02:35,333
Not that we're not grateful,
mind you.
29
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:38,427
Uh, it is better
than walking.
30
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,274
( gunshots )
31
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,046
( tires screech )
32
00:02:47,170 --> 00:02:51,149
Oh, come, come. Let's get those
ruddy names off the screen
33
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:54,683
Never heard of any
of those chaps. Have you?
34
00:02:54,809 --> 00:02:56,954
( police siren wailing )
35
00:02:57,079 --> 00:02:58,992
MAN ( over speaker ):
This camp area is now sealed.
36
00:02:59,117 --> 00:03:02,827
NARRATOR:
That night MacKenzie sealed
every military area in Britain.
37
00:03:02,953 --> 00:03:04,729
Nothing could move
in or out.
38
00:03:04,855 --> 00:03:07,664
Not even two American soldiers
assigned to a British base.
39
00:03:07,790 --> 00:03:09,901
MAN ( over speaker ):
...permitted to leave this base
40
00:03:10,027 --> 00:03:13,358
by personal order
of the General Officer
41
00:03:14,865 --> 00:03:17,243
MacKenzie-Smith,
that so and so.
42
00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:18,844
Boy,
you can say that again.
43
00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:22,300
Cheer up, Joe.
So we can't leave for home
44
00:03:23,106 --> 00:03:25,717
Pack up your troubles
in your old kit bag and smile.
45
00:03:25,841 --> 00:03:27,419
Smile. Smile.
46
00:03:27,545 --> 00:03:31,461
Sure. After all the trouble
to get the Red Cross
47
00:03:33,182 --> 00:03:35,296
My poor wife having
48
00:03:37,555 --> 00:03:39,964
My mother isn't desperately ill.
She's on Miami Beach.
49
00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:43,736
She sent me a picture of her
in a bathing suit,
50
00:03:43,862 --> 00:03:45,138
My poor sister
51
00:03:45,262 --> 00:03:47,274
works for the Red Cross.
Want to get her in trouble?
52
00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:49,106
No, I don't wanna
get her in trouble.
53
00:03:49,231 --> 00:03:51,143
How many times have I told you
I'm on the salt-free,
54
00:03:51,267 --> 00:03:53,848
fat-free, high-protein
low-calorie diet?
55
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:55,749
What's so difficult
about that?
56
00:03:55,874 --> 00:03:58,851
It's not easy
to get it on a shingle.
57
00:03:58,978 --> 00:04:00,320
No.
58
00:04:00,445 --> 00:04:02,155
We don't even belong
in this teabag outfit.
59
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,624
Well, I know that.
The, the--
60
00:04:03,748 --> 00:04:05,491
Our company was just loaned
to the British Army
61
00:04:05,617 --> 00:04:07,258
to show them how to open spam
or something.
62
00:04:07,384 --> 00:04:09,130
All right.
Why don't we see the captain?
63
00:04:09,256 --> 00:04:10,997
We'll explain
the whole situation to him.
64
00:04:11,123 --> 00:04:12,933
He's a nice fellow.
He'll cut some orders for us,
65
00:04:13,058 --> 00:04:14,735
and then in a couple of days,
we'll be home.
66
00:04:14,860 --> 00:04:16,401
Ernie, this is the army,
remember?
67
00:04:16,527 --> 00:04:18,304
There are a couple of boys
68
00:04:18,431 --> 00:04:20,275
trying to get home
from Gettysburg.
69
00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:22,401
They'll make it.
70
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,219
Inspecting something,
I guess.
71
00:04:32,344 --> 00:04:34,054
Why ain't they
out fighting the war?
72
00:04:34,179 --> 00:04:35,957
What do you want?
Why aren't we fighting the war?
73
00:04:36,082 --> 00:04:37,758
Because we want our
side to win. That's why.
74
00:04:37,883 --> 00:04:38,992
Sit down, chaps.
75
00:04:39,118 --> 00:04:40,727
We're all
in the same leaky boat.
76
00:04:40,852 --> 00:04:43,997
Not us. We're supposed
to be sailing on one tonight.
77
00:04:44,123 --> 00:04:45,465
Our sick ones
are waiting for us.
78
00:04:45,591 --> 00:04:47,902
( all chuckle )
79
00:04:48,027 --> 00:04:49,937
This military camp
is now sealed
80
00:04:50,062 --> 00:04:52,308
by order
of the general commanding
81
00:04:52,433 --> 00:04:53,907
by order of
His Majesty's government,
82
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:55,476
and by order of
the Prime Minister.
83
00:04:55,601 --> 00:04:57,179
Uh-huh.
84
00:04:57,304 --> 00:04:59,348
( imitating MacKenzie ):
Hey! We shall fight them
85
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:02,116
on the beaches. We shall
fight them on the streets.
86
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:04,219
But, uh,
how can we fight them
87
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:07,511
if we can't get out
of this ruddy camp?
88
00:05:07,947 --> 00:05:09,757
Quiet, will you?
I've gotta think.
89
00:05:09,883 --> 00:05:11,460
Now, there must be
somebody we know
90
00:05:11,584 --> 00:05:13,861
that's got enough influence
to get us out of here tonight.
91
00:05:13,986 --> 00:05:16,999
( in normal voice ):
There's only one man.
92
00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:18,400
( imitates Hitler ):
Sieg heil!
93
00:05:18,524 --> 00:05:19,601
( all chuckle )
94
00:05:19,726 --> 00:05:20,968
( speaking in German )
95
00:05:21,095 --> 00:05:23,005
Now he'll run his whole
Luftwaffe for you.
96
00:05:23,130 --> 00:05:27,209
He has a gamut of three.
97
00:05:27,334 --> 00:05:32,335
It's because he was raised in
the German section of Brooklyn.
98
00:05:33,842 --> 00:05:35,151
( all chuckling )
99
00:05:35,277 --> 00:05:36,987
( in English ):
There'll always be an England,
100
00:05:37,112 --> 00:05:38,953
but they will be
driving Volkswagens.
101
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:40,256
We will have the--
102
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:43,726
Ernie, your mustache fell
in the potatoes.
103
00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:44,961
It looks right at home.
104
00:05:45,085 --> 00:05:46,295
( in normal voice ):
Yeah, well...
105
00:05:46,419 --> 00:05:48,064
See, without my patch,
I have one good eye
106
00:05:48,188 --> 00:05:50,231
with 20/20 vision
and one bad eye
107
00:05:50,356 --> 00:05:52,300
uh, in case of
extreme myopia, you see.
108
00:05:52,427 --> 00:05:54,905
And, uh, I wrote a letter
to my draft board about it,
109
00:05:55,031 --> 00:05:57,006
He's jolly good, you know?
110
00:05:57,131 --> 00:05:59,342
The life of the party.
111
00:05:59,468 --> 00:06:00,944
Do an imitation
of the boat sailing
112
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,442
for the States
without us.
113
00:06:05,807 --> 00:06:08,852
( in rough voice):
When the saints go marching in.
114
00:06:08,976 --> 00:06:10,053
Will you quit
fooling around?
115
00:06:10,178 --> 00:06:11,389
( all chuckling )
116
00:06:11,514 --> 00:06:13,257
( normal ):
Honestly, we'll get going.
117
00:06:13,381 --> 00:06:15,191
Of course.
118
00:06:15,318 --> 00:06:16,827
I can just see
MacKenzie Smith,
119
00:06:16,951 --> 00:06:18,195
that one-eyed
old slave driver
120
00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:19,662
giving you permission
to go.
121
00:06:19,789 --> 00:06:22,466
Yeah, so can I.
Yeah, here.
122
00:06:22,592 --> 00:06:25,301
( clears throat )
123
00:06:25,428 --> 00:06:28,940
( imitates MacKenzie ):
Uh, um, speak up, young man.
124
00:06:29,065 --> 00:06:32,043
Huh, what's his mother doing
around in Rip Rolls. What?
125
00:06:32,168 --> 00:06:33,379
Nuh-uh.
Good heavens, man.
126
00:06:33,504 --> 00:06:34,845
Why didn't you
speak up sooner?
127
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:37,749
Oh, yes.
I say unseal Britain,
128
00:06:37,874 --> 00:06:39,417
and let my people go.
129
00:06:39,543 --> 00:06:40,951
Don't encourage him,
please.
130
00:06:41,075 --> 00:06:43,861
Oh, that's the old bird
to a tee.
131
00:06:45,282 --> 00:06:47,859
your duty is merely
to do your duty.
132
00:06:47,986 --> 00:06:50,583
Do you understand?
Obey orders.
133
00:06:52,255 --> 00:06:54,366
Now yours
is not to reason why.
134
00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:56,769
Ours is not to reason
why either.
135
00:06:56,893 --> 00:06:58,170
If any stops to reason why,
136
00:06:58,295 --> 00:07:00,307
we should all be
in Miami Beach with Mother.
137
00:07:00,431 --> 00:07:02,808
Ha, ha, I say,
that's a rather witty one.
138
00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:04,502
Well, uh, what?
139
00:07:08,772 --> 00:07:10,985
Carry on.
140
00:07:11,108 --> 00:07:12,383
Come on, chaps.
141
00:07:12,509 --> 00:07:14,412
On the double.
142
00:07:16,181 --> 00:07:17,873
Ernie.
143
00:07:20,015 --> 00:07:21,193
Well, what for?
144
00:07:21,318 --> 00:07:22,495
We're going out
to the motor pool.
145
00:07:22,619 --> 00:07:24,130
Grab a car. You'll sit
in the back seat
146
00:07:24,255 --> 00:07:26,838
and I'll drive you out,
General.
147
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,239
I won't be impersonating
an officer.
148
00:07:31,364 --> 00:07:33,272
That's what I mean.
I'll impersonate an officer.
149
00:07:33,399 --> 00:07:34,674
Ernie,
it's dark outside.
150
00:07:34,799 --> 00:07:38,710
Don't you see how you fooled
that limey captain?
151
00:07:38,836 --> 00:07:40,245
wearing all that brass.
152
00:07:40,371 --> 00:07:42,016
I'll make like your chauffeur.
It's a cinch.
153
00:07:42,142 --> 00:07:43,316
You must be out of your mind.
154
00:07:43,442 --> 00:07:46,108
You don't even know
how to drive.
155
00:07:46,412 --> 00:07:50,578
The incredible just takes
just a little bit longer.
156
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:54,094
and categorically
no, no, no.
157
00:07:54,219 --> 00:07:56,354
( tires screeching )
158
00:07:58,625 --> 00:08:00,869
MAN 1: Hey!
159
00:08:00,993 --> 00:08:02,068
( tires screeching )
160
00:08:02,192 --> 00:08:03,944
MAN 2:
Who goes there?
161
00:08:06,933 --> 00:08:08,775
Oh, sorry, sir.
162
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:10,912
I didn't know you were
visiting the camp, sir.
163
00:08:11,037 --> 00:08:14,080
But I have strict orders, sir.
Your orders not to let anyone
164
00:08:14,205 --> 00:08:16,418
Quiet, sergeant.
165
00:08:16,542 --> 00:08:18,020
( imitates MacKenzie ):
Um, very good.
166
00:08:18,144 --> 00:08:19,920
But I've just revoked
the order,
167
00:08:20,044 --> 00:08:21,790
and I am in a bit
of a rush.
168
00:08:21,914 --> 00:08:23,490
Open the barrier.
There's a good man.
169
00:08:23,616 --> 00:08:27,282
Sorry, sir, but you must
prove your identity.
170
00:08:27,853 --> 00:08:30,299
Blasted man,
I have urgent business
171
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:31,835
at Supreme Headquarters.
172
00:08:31,959 --> 00:08:34,334
I have no time to play
Tin Soldier. Never have.
173
00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:36,204
Now you know who I am.
174
00:08:36,328 --> 00:08:38,073
Open the barrier
or I shall have my man
175
00:08:38,199 --> 00:08:40,676
drive through it!
176
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,135
Open.
177
00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:46,608
( engine revs )
178
00:08:52,277 --> 00:08:55,426
( in normal voice ):
Once we get out of sight,
I'll take the wheel.
179
00:08:55,550 --> 00:08:57,192
I've got to hand it to you.
Maybe it was you
180
00:08:57,316 --> 00:08:58,926
who had the IQ of 185.
181
00:08:59,053 --> 00:09:00,129
( tire bursts )
182
00:09:00,254 --> 00:09:02,430
I guess it was mine.
183
00:09:02,556 --> 00:09:04,300
Listen, you better get out
and change that tire
184
00:09:04,425 --> 00:09:05,834
before they try
to come and help us.
185
00:09:05,959 --> 00:09:07,703
Where do they hide the tools
in these things?
186
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:11,329
I don't even know
where they put the motor.
187
00:09:11,498 --> 00:09:13,177
I can't do that.
I'm the general.
188
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:14,676
So, be democratic.
189
00:09:14,802 --> 00:09:16,812
Oh, stop worrying.
They didn't even notice us.
190
00:09:16,938 --> 00:09:19,716
Hey, I think I found the jack.
Heh, look.
191
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,777
( car horn honking )
192
00:09:30,617 --> 00:09:32,295
Look, I think I found a fuse.
193
00:09:32,421 --> 00:09:35,298
( siren wailing )
194
00:09:35,423 --> 00:09:37,938
( both nervously chattering )
195
00:09:39,893 --> 00:09:41,004
Oh, what fender.
196
00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:42,806
What to do?
197
00:09:42,931 --> 00:09:44,341
Let me get out of here!
198
00:09:44,466 --> 00:09:47,881
Lift up, so I can
put the jack under here.
199
00:09:57,579 --> 00:10:00,425
( screams ):
Yeah, oh, God!
200
00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:02,358
Get this thing up--
201
00:10:02,484 --> 00:10:04,361
We have transport
for you, sir. Please get in.
202
00:10:04,486 --> 00:10:06,898
We'll take you
to Supreme Headquarters.
203
00:10:07,022 --> 00:10:09,400
I've got a better idea.
204
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,337
Take me to jail.
205
00:10:12,462 --> 00:10:14,070
( dramatic theme playing )
206
00:10:14,195 --> 00:10:18,111
MAN:
Yes, yes. A remarkable
resemblance to the general.
207
00:10:18,235 --> 00:10:20,243
But we must be
absolutely certain.
208
00:10:20,367 --> 00:10:22,680
The Nazis,
I'm sorry to say, escaped.
209
00:10:22,806 --> 00:10:26,220
They've slipped through
our fingers again,
210
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,391
up our sleeve as
a last resort.
211
00:10:31,515 --> 00:10:32,891
Finally, we seem to have
stumbled on a man
212
00:10:33,017 --> 00:10:34,728
who has a chance
of carrying it off.
213
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:37,129
Yes, but yeah, you've seen
the report on this fellow?
214
00:10:37,254 --> 00:10:39,265
He's a hypochondriac,
a malingerer,
215
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,500
a confirmed grouser,
he's got flat feet--
216
00:10:41,624 --> 00:10:44,235
But it made a monkey
out of the Sergeant Le Garde.
217
00:10:44,359 --> 00:10:46,737
Nonsense. At night,
and for a few seconds only.
218
00:10:46,862 --> 00:10:48,074
Colonel.
219
00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:51,946
We're both in intelligence
and both understand
220
00:10:53,404 --> 00:10:55,315
that could get us committed
to a booby hatch
221
00:10:55,441 --> 00:10:56,848
There's something in that.
222
00:10:56,972 --> 00:10:59,784
Now sometimes the long chance
is the only chance.
223
00:10:59,911 --> 00:11:01,086
Perhaps you're right.
224
00:11:01,212 --> 00:11:02,454
Well, I'll tell you
what we'll do.
225
00:11:02,580 --> 00:11:03,989
We'll have this fellow,
Private Williams,
226
00:11:04,114 --> 00:11:06,492
brought in tomorrow and leave it
to the general to make
227
00:11:06,617 --> 00:11:08,027
the final decision.
How's that?
228
00:11:08,152 --> 00:11:09,727
The general himself?
229
00:11:09,852 --> 00:11:12,032
Heh, one thing we've learned
from you Americans,
230
00:11:12,157 --> 00:11:14,201
my boy, the higher
you pass the buck,
231
00:11:14,326 --> 00:11:16,067
the longer it takes
to come back to you.
232
00:11:16,194 --> 00:11:19,330
( upbeat theme playing )
233
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:26,499
NARRATOR:
Our code name for this chap
was to be Dead Pigeon.
234
00:11:27,005 --> 00:11:29,923
Goodness, do you think
he heard me?
235
00:11:39,452 --> 00:11:42,754
Okay, Corporal.
We'll take it from here.
236
00:11:43,890 --> 00:11:45,623
Come along.
237
00:11:49,562 --> 00:11:53,972
Sir Lawrence,
this is Project 402.
238
00:11:58,804 --> 00:12:00,381
Good heavens.
239
00:12:00,507 --> 00:12:01,783
Oh, please don't judge by
240
00:12:01,907 --> 00:12:03,783
his present unprepossessing
appearance, sir.
241
00:12:03,909 --> 00:12:05,985
Z-2 has investigated him
thoroughly, sir.
242
00:12:06,111 --> 00:12:08,391
This man has an amazing
ability for mimicry.
243
00:12:08,515 --> 00:12:10,425
Oh, jolly, we'll have
to make sure.
244
00:12:10,550 --> 00:12:12,394
Step forward, man.
245
00:12:12,518 --> 00:12:13,995
Step forward, damn it!
246
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,194
Uh...
247
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,034
Turn around.
248
00:12:18,157 --> 00:12:19,368
Faster!
249
00:12:19,493 --> 00:12:20,900
I can't turn around
any faster, sir.
250
00:12:21,026 --> 00:12:22,370
If I turn around fast,
I get dizzy
251
00:12:22,494 --> 00:12:24,639
and nauseous
and everything, sir.
252
00:12:24,763 --> 00:12:27,341
Yes, sir.
253
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:28,944
It's like this, sir.
You see, sir.
254
00:12:29,069 --> 00:12:31,478
It's a form
allergenic vertigo, sir.
255
00:12:31,604 --> 00:12:33,081
It's, uh, a deviation
of the inner ear.
256
00:12:33,206 --> 00:12:34,951
It's quite an interesting
problem medically.
257
00:12:35,075 --> 00:12:37,452
I wrote a letter to draft board,
explaining the whole thing.
258
00:12:37,576 --> 00:12:40,788
MACKENZIE:
What is this ruddy nonsense?
I say, stop it, you hear.
259
00:12:40,914 --> 00:12:42,549
Halt!
260
00:12:45,819 --> 00:12:49,998
I say there is a vague physical
resemblance, but I do say,
261
00:12:50,125 --> 00:12:53,168
chaps, don't you think we're
going a bit near the knuckle?
262
00:12:53,293 --> 00:12:56,038
Oh, excuse me. MI-5 have also
investigated this man, sir.
263
00:12:56,163 --> 00:12:57,974
Tested him thoroughly.
264
00:12:58,099 --> 00:13:00,845
His impersonation of you
is skillful even uncanny.
265
00:13:00,971 --> 00:13:03,179
Please don't judge
too hastily, sir.
266
00:13:03,303 --> 00:13:05,281
Yes, yes, yes.
Of course.
267
00:13:05,405 --> 00:13:06,850
Mm, uh.
268
00:13:06,976 --> 00:13:08,784
Uh ,what did you say
this chap's name was?
269
00:13:08,909 --> 00:13:11,721
Williams.
Private Ernest Williams.
270
00:13:11,845 --> 00:13:15,458
MACKENZIE:
Yes, of course. Uh, you.
271
00:13:15,582 --> 00:13:18,228
Let me hear you play
General MacKenzie-Smith
272
00:13:18,353 --> 00:13:21,030
in your uncanny
and skillful way.
273
00:13:21,155 --> 00:13:23,133
( coughing and gibbering )
274
00:13:23,259 --> 00:13:25,437
Would you mind
putting out that cigar, sir?
275
00:13:25,563 --> 00:13:27,002
I'm allergic to tobacco.
276
00:13:27,127 --> 00:13:32,243
My sinuses simply are not
equipped to handle it, sir.
277
00:13:32,368 --> 00:13:38,350
It's all in that letter,
page four, paragraph three.
278
00:13:38,474 --> 00:13:40,316
Look here, man!
I haven't got all day!
279
00:13:40,442 --> 00:13:41,984
General Eisenhower
is waiting.
280
00:13:42,109 --> 00:13:44,423
Oh, tell him not to, sir.
I don't do him.
281
00:13:44,546 --> 00:13:46,424
( sneezes )
282
00:13:46,549 --> 00:13:48,994
Of all the blithering idiots,
I give you exactly five seconds
283
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:51,361
to comply with my order
or I'll ruddy well have you
284
00:13:51,486 --> 00:13:52,797
taken out and shot!
285
00:13:52,921 --> 00:13:55,834
Or are you allergic
to that too?
286
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,902
( imitates Mackenzie ) :
Of all the blithering idiots,
287
00:13:58,027 --> 00:14:00,639
I give you exactly five seconds
to comply with my order
288
00:14:00,764 --> 00:14:02,974
or I'll ruddy well have you
taken out and shot!
289
00:14:03,099 --> 00:14:06,616
Or are you allergic
to that too?
290
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,718
Rather good, me boy.
Rather good.
291
00:14:12,843 --> 00:14:15,820
I say, that's quite
a remarkable resemblance.
292
00:14:15,945 --> 00:14:18,089
I'm glad you think so, sir.
293
00:14:18,215 --> 00:14:19,291
Yes, I do.
294
00:14:19,416 --> 00:14:22,362
My congratulations,
dear fellow.
295
00:14:22,487 --> 00:14:24,663
Yes, yes.
Quite remarkable.
296
00:14:24,787 --> 00:14:26,733
Blast me
if I don't think he'll do.
297
00:14:26,856 --> 00:14:30,003
( in normal voice ):
You're not going to shoot me
298
00:14:30,127 --> 00:14:31,703
Have you been told about
your assignment?
299
00:14:31,828 --> 00:14:33,740
Assignment?
300
00:14:33,865 --> 00:14:35,940
We'll take care of that later.
He hasn't been told a thing.
301
00:14:36,066 --> 00:14:38,109
Face the general.
302
00:14:38,236 --> 00:14:39,955
Oh, excuse me,
Sir.
303
00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:43,316
Uh, what will you have?
304
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:44,783
What?
305
00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:46,620
I'm on a salt-free,
fat-free, high-protein,
306
00:14:46,745 --> 00:14:48,155
low-calorie,
low-cholesterol diet, sir.
307
00:14:48,279 --> 00:14:49,955
Blast it, man!
Anyone who wants to step into
308
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,257
my shoes better learn
to drink my brandy.
309
00:14:52,383 --> 00:14:54,108
Yes, sir.
310
00:14:55,351 --> 00:14:57,764
Oh, yes, sir. I think
they let me keep it, sir.
311
00:14:57,888 --> 00:15:00,902
I have it. Oh, uh.
No, that's the Hitler mustache.
312
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:03,774
I can tell by
the mashed potatoes.
313
00:15:08,566 --> 00:15:11,512
( imitates MacKenzie ):
All leaves casual forthwith
for the fortnight.
314
00:15:11,636 --> 00:15:14,047
That's the wrong eye,
you idiotic nincompoop!
315
00:15:14,171 --> 00:15:15,949
A mistake like that
might be tragic.
316
00:15:16,074 --> 00:15:17,685
Well, you see, sir,
I have one good eye
317
00:15:17,809 --> 00:15:19,054
and one eye
with very poor vision.
318
00:15:19,178 --> 00:15:21,155
When I imitate you, sir,
I always put the patch
319
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,824
on the bad eye
so I can see.
320
00:15:22,948 --> 00:15:27,780
But if you insist on it, sir,
I can put it on the good eye,
321
00:15:27,951 --> 00:15:29,997
Here, man.
Here's your drink. Drink up.
322
00:15:30,121 --> 00:15:31,667
Sir, I have
a liver condition--
323
00:15:31,791 --> 00:15:34,902
There'll be steel
through it if you don't.
324
00:15:35,026 --> 00:15:37,103
Alcohol makes the enzymes
in my blood have their own--
325
00:15:37,229 --> 00:15:39,073
Be quiet, man,
or I'll have you hanged
326
00:15:39,198 --> 00:15:41,042
for insubordination!
327
00:15:41,167 --> 00:15:42,944
( stammers ):
Yes, sir. Very good, sir.
328
00:15:43,069 --> 00:15:46,620
If that's
what you really want.
329
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:48,716
Sorry, sir.
330
00:15:48,842 --> 00:15:51,119
I, uh, can't see a thing,
so I should always wear it on.
331
00:15:51,244 --> 00:15:54,378
Ooh, uh, say, huh...
332
00:15:55,516 --> 00:15:56,793
For heaven's sake, man,
drink up
333
00:15:56,917 --> 00:15:59,089
and get out
of my sight.
334
00:16:01,888 --> 00:16:04,130
Oh, uh, excuse me, sir.
335
00:16:04,257 --> 00:16:05,499
( Ernest gibbering )
336
00:16:05,624 --> 00:16:07,370
Yes, sir.
337
00:16:07,495 --> 00:16:09,671
Uh, yes.
338
00:16:09,795 --> 00:16:13,743
Take him out and try
to persuade him to desert.
339
00:16:13,868 --> 00:16:15,379
Yes, sir.
340
00:16:15,503 --> 00:16:18,169
Come along.
You've got him, Jeff.
341
00:16:26,246 --> 00:16:29,058
MAN:
The enemy expect
the invasion here.
342
00:16:29,182 --> 00:16:30,894
Now, at all costs,
we must confuse
343
00:16:31,018 --> 00:16:33,629
the German high command as to
where the blow will really fall.
344
00:16:33,754 --> 00:16:34,996
Already we've sent
an actor
345
00:16:35,122 --> 00:16:36,866
who resembles
Field Marshal Montgomery
346
00:16:36,991 --> 00:16:39,801
on a tour of North Africa
to convince the enemy
347
00:16:39,927 --> 00:16:42,304
that the attack will be
launched from there.
348
00:16:42,429 --> 00:16:43,772
Sound thinking.
349
00:16:43,897 --> 00:16:45,309
Thank you,
Private Williams.
350
00:16:45,434 --> 00:16:46,910
Very kind of you.
351
00:16:47,035 --> 00:16:49,478
Now, General MacKenzie-Smith
will shortly take off by air
352
00:16:49,603 --> 00:16:51,016
for Yugoslavia
353
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:52,882
where the second front
will really begin.
354
00:16:53,007 --> 00:16:55,886
He must travel, of course,
in complete secrecy, disguised.
355
00:16:56,012 --> 00:16:59,355
Disguised perhaps as a private
in the American army.
356
00:16:59,481 --> 00:17:01,392
Private Ernest Williams.
357
00:17:01,516 --> 00:17:03,195
I see.
358
00:17:03,319 --> 00:17:05,028
And you want me
to impersonate the general
359
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,030
for a while so that
the German high command
360
00:17:07,154 --> 00:17:09,366
will believe
he is still in London?
361
00:17:09,491 --> 00:17:10,667
Sound thinking.
362
00:17:10,793 --> 00:17:12,803
Uh, thank you, sir.
Very kind of you.
363
00:17:12,929 --> 00:17:14,805
Uh, I've been doing
some more sound thinking, sir
364
00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:19,233
and, uh, ah, I don't think
I want the job, uh, sir.
365
00:17:20,269 --> 00:17:22,380
ERNIE:
Well, sir, doing it for
the fellows is one thing
366
00:17:22,504 --> 00:17:27,017
but in real life, day after day
uh, heh, I'm not even British.
367
00:17:27,143 --> 00:17:29,685
I honestly don't think
I could carry it off.
368
00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:31,087
In that case, soldier,
I'll arrange
369
00:17:31,213 --> 00:17:32,822
for your Court-Martial
immediately.
370
00:17:32,949 --> 00:17:35,494
Thank you, sir.
Uh, Court-Martial, sir?
371
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:37,695
Uh, Court-Martial?
372
00:17:37,820 --> 00:17:40,964
Impersonating an officer
is a capital offense.
373
00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:42,435
I think the fellow
is quite right.
374
00:17:42,559 --> 00:17:46,838
An American. How could he be
convincing as an Englishman?
375
00:17:46,961 --> 00:17:48,271
You did, of course.
376
00:17:48,397 --> 00:17:50,777
When does a colonel
listen to a private, sir?
377
00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:52,709
I mean, uh, I've been doing
a lot of sound thinking
378
00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:54,113
and I don't think
there's anybody else
379
00:17:54,237 --> 00:17:56,264
You don't?
380
00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:58,416
Yes, sir.
Uh, certainly on the surface
381
00:17:58,541 --> 00:18:01,656
I may appear American to you
but dash it all, underneath,
382
00:18:01,779 --> 00:18:05,456
my roots go back
to the Pilgrim fathers.
383
00:18:05,582 --> 00:18:08,895
( imitating MacKenzie-Smith ):
You do realize I play cricket
every Whitsuntide?
384
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,928
For old Genenid...
385
00:18:11,054 --> 00:18:14,794
( Ernest gibbering )
386
00:18:18,528 --> 00:18:21,941
I don't know, sir,
but I do know I'd like the job.
387
00:18:22,064 --> 00:18:23,842
Under those circumstances,
388
00:18:23,966 --> 00:18:25,712
I'll be happy
to see that you get it.
389
00:18:25,836 --> 00:18:27,113
You have nothing
to worry about.
390
00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:28,679
We'll give you
a complete make up job.
391
00:18:28,804 --> 00:18:30,282
Gray your hair.
392
00:18:30,408 --> 00:18:32,751
We'll put you through
a whale of a training program.
393
00:18:32,876 --> 00:18:34,119
You'll study
the general's actions,
394
00:18:34,245 --> 00:18:35,955
appearance, friends,
the whole works.
395
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,894
When we get through, you'll
not only look like the general
396
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,762
That may be necessary too.
397
00:18:41,886 --> 00:18:43,162
I can't do that.
You see, Colonel?
398
00:18:43,287 --> 00:18:44,998
I'm on a salt-free,
fat-free, high-protein,
399
00:18:45,123 --> 00:18:47,789
low-cholesterol
low-calorie diet.
400
00:18:48,326 --> 00:18:51,472
We'll cross that alcoholic
bridge when we come to it.
401
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:52,972
Uh, I want you both
402
00:18:53,097 --> 00:18:55,943
to know that
I'm very happy to do anything
403
00:18:56,067 --> 00:18:58,646
that will make sure that
the government of the people
404
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:00,679
by the people
and for the people
405
00:19:00,804 --> 00:19:02,683
shall not perish
from this earth.
406
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:04,818
Thank you, Honest Abe.
407
00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,754
Four score
and seven years ago,
408
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,423
or forefathers brought forth
upon this land a low-calorie,
409
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:10,757
( sad theme playing )
410
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:14,089
cottage cheese,
which is the only--
411
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,297
( sighs )
412
00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:20,801
Don't you think
perhaps we ought to tell him?
413
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:22,170
Tell him what?
414
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,338
That a spy ring of German agents
are operating
415
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:25,805
within our own headquarters?
416
00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,708
That's already made
three attempts
417
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,912
on MacKenzie-Smith's life.
418
00:19:30,037 --> 00:19:31,380
It may be wise
to risk someone else's life
419
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,981
for the generals but--
I don't altogether agree
420
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:36,442
with you Americans,
you know?
421
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:41,924
ought to be told the truth
and allowed to volunteer.
422
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:43,458
Colonel, in two years
of army service
423
00:19:43,584 --> 00:19:45,194
Private First Class
Ernest Williams
424
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,697
has never volunteered
for anything
425
00:19:47,821 --> 00:19:49,832
including volleyball.
426
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,901
My only regret is he only has
but one life
427
00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:53,368
to give to his country.
428
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,575
Consider him
our rebuttal for Britain.
429
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,074
All right, Jeff, my boy.
You may be right.
430
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,307
Here you are, then.
431
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,913
Heh. To Lend Lease.
432
00:20:03,038 --> 00:20:06,173
( upbeat theme playing )
433
00:20:50,518 --> 00:20:53,096
Will you be needing the car
again this evening, sir?
434
00:20:53,222 --> 00:20:55,365
Uh, no.
That will be all.
435
00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:57,402
You're dismissed, sergeant.
Thank you.
436
00:20:57,527 --> 00:21:00,236
Yes, sir. Uh, the usual tonight,
I assume, sir?
437
00:21:00,362 --> 00:21:02,708
Uh, yes, yes.
Yes, of course.
438
00:21:02,833 --> 00:21:04,475
Very good.
439
00:21:04,599 --> 00:21:06,644
You certainly fooled
the general's driver.
440
00:21:06,768 --> 00:21:08,112
Yeah.
441
00:21:08,239 --> 00:21:10,482
How's the contact lens
we fitted for you?
442
00:21:10,606 --> 00:21:12,783
I had a little bit of difficulty
with it at first, sir,
443
00:21:12,908 --> 00:21:14,652
but I see out of it
wonderfully now.
444
00:21:14,776 --> 00:21:16,488
Oh, good, good.
445
00:21:16,613 --> 00:21:17,753
I was wondering, sir.
446
00:21:17,879 --> 00:21:20,626
Can I have this contact lens
after I finish this job?
447
00:21:20,751 --> 00:21:22,762
Don't quite know how we'd be
able to get it away from you.
448
00:21:22,885 --> 00:21:25,398
By the way, have you got
the spare lens we gave you?
449
00:21:25,522 --> 00:21:26,897
Yes. Yes.
I have it right here.
450
00:21:27,023 --> 00:21:28,100
Where is it?
Don't lose it.
451
00:21:28,224 --> 00:21:29,300
The general's suite
452
00:21:29,425 --> 00:21:30,835
Yes?
453
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,072
Sergeant Twickenham and
his bad manners is waiting.
454
00:21:33,196 --> 00:21:34,473
He's been told everything.
455
00:21:34,598 --> 00:21:35,972
Tomorrow you make your
456
00:21:36,099 --> 00:21:37,843
I do?
457
00:21:37,968 --> 00:21:40,888
Launching the Joint
Allied Red Cross
458
00:21:41,137 --> 00:21:42,646
with General Zlinkov
of the Red Army.
459
00:21:42,772 --> 00:21:43,949
Don't forget
460
00:21:44,074 --> 00:21:45,900
No, I won't, sir.
461
00:21:46,878 --> 00:21:48,087
Go straight upstairs.
462
00:21:48,211 --> 00:21:50,601
No, I won't.
463
00:21:52,949 --> 00:21:54,293
Good night.
464
00:21:54,417 --> 00:21:56,586
Good night.
465
00:22:10,269 --> 00:22:12,161
I said "evening."
466
00:22:15,073 --> 00:22:17,017
Pretty good, huh.
467
00:22:17,141 --> 00:22:18,485
You should have caught me
at the airport.
468
00:22:18,609 --> 00:22:22,609
Ahem! Men, we have
an enormous job of work to do.
469
00:22:25,250 --> 00:22:27,895
the Allied victories
there is nothing in the world
470
00:22:28,020 --> 00:22:31,030
that we must value
as highly as discipline.
471
00:22:31,157 --> 00:22:32,464
Heh, pretty cute, huh?
472
00:22:32,589 --> 00:22:34,935
The resemblance
is absolutely astounding, sir.
473
00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:37,073
But if I might suggest?
474
00:22:37,897 --> 00:22:38,971
Head back.
475
00:22:39,097 --> 00:22:40,474
Not too far, sir.
476
00:22:40,598 --> 00:22:42,343
Uh, slight trace of a limp
in the left leg.
477
00:22:42,467 --> 00:22:43,743
Wounded in France.
478
00:22:43,869 --> 00:22:44,946
Oh!
479
00:22:45,071 --> 00:22:46,980
No, sir. Paris.
480
00:22:47,105 --> 00:22:48,248
Lady in a spiked heel.
481
00:22:48,373 --> 00:22:51,017
The general was barefoot
at the time.
482
00:22:51,143 --> 00:22:52,654
They told me
he was married.
483
00:22:52,780 --> 00:22:53,856
Yes, sir. That too.
484
00:22:53,980 --> 00:22:55,088
Lady Margaret,
lovely girl.
485
00:22:55,213 --> 00:22:56,290
She's in Canada, you know,
486
00:22:56,415 --> 00:22:58,191
on a war savings
bond drive.
487
00:22:58,316 --> 00:23:00,528
That's good. I'll have
to remember to keep my shoes on.
488
00:23:00,653 --> 00:23:05,290
( doorbell buzzes )
489
00:23:13,232 --> 00:23:15,678
You forgot your briefcase, sir.
490
00:23:15,802 --> 00:23:16,879
As usual.
491
00:23:17,002 --> 00:23:18,480
Yes. Thank you.
492
00:23:18,603 --> 00:23:20,816
Uh, yes, uh, quite.
Thank you very much.
493
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:23,483
Good night. Pip, pip.
Cheerio.
494
00:23:23,608 --> 00:23:25,233
Thank you.
495
00:23:27,182 --> 00:23:29,416
Thank you very much indeed.
496
00:23:30,650 --> 00:23:34,063
You may go back
to the motor pool, Sergeant.
497
00:23:34,188 --> 00:23:35,896
Beastly night, though,
isn't it, sir?
498
00:23:36,023 --> 00:23:39,001
Double beastly, actually.
Well, good night, sergeant.
499
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:40,335
Carry on. Press on.
Pip, pip.
500
00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,738
Tally ho,
and, uh, you may fall out.
501
00:23:42,863 --> 00:23:44,071
What?
502
00:23:44,197 --> 00:23:46,094
What's wrong with you?
503
00:23:47,835 --> 00:23:50,146
Of course, Larry.
You're the general.
504
00:23:50,270 --> 00:23:51,515
Yes, of course.
Quite.
505
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,283
I must investigate
this absolutely thoroughly.
506
00:23:54,408 --> 00:23:57,152
I think you'll find everything
where it should be.
507
00:23:57,278 --> 00:23:59,656
Good night,
sergeant.
508
00:23:59,780 --> 00:24:01,816
Good night, general.
509
00:24:02,984 --> 00:24:04,127
Sergeant!
510
00:24:04,253 --> 00:24:07,465
As usual.
511
00:24:07,588 --> 00:24:10,201
( romantic theme playing )
512
00:24:10,325 --> 00:24:13,169
Twickenham!
513
00:24:13,293 --> 00:24:15,332
Comman--!
514
00:24:17,832 --> 00:24:20,999
What's wrong with you tonight,
darling?
515
00:24:22,437 --> 00:24:24,083
You're acting a little cold,
aren't you?
516
00:24:24,207 --> 00:24:26,016
Cold.
517
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:27,718
Yes, that's what I have.
A beastly...
518
00:24:27,843 --> 00:24:30,780
( coughs )
519
00:24:32,181 --> 00:24:33,723
You had better leave.
You might catch it.
520
00:24:33,849 --> 00:24:37,229
I know a lovely way
to break up a cold, Larry
521
00:24:37,352 --> 00:24:39,987
or have you forgotten?
522
00:24:41,824 --> 00:24:43,333
You were very distant
towards me
523
00:24:43,459 --> 00:24:44,803
in the car tonight,
darling.
524
00:24:44,926 --> 00:24:47,105
I, uh, hope you're not holding
what happened
525
00:24:47,230 --> 00:24:50,373
last Thursday PM
against me.
526
00:24:50,498 --> 00:24:52,075
Not at all.
Not a bit.
527
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,145
Not a smidgen.
Not a wit.
528
00:24:54,269 --> 00:24:56,881
No, no.
Not even Wednesday AM.
529
00:24:57,005 --> 00:24:58,316
Wednesday AM?
530
00:24:58,441 --> 00:25:02,212
( both chuckles )
531
00:25:08,184 --> 00:25:10,262
Larry, you mad fool!
532
00:25:10,387 --> 00:25:14,332
( moaning )
533
00:25:14,458 --> 00:25:20,598
Ah, you haven't change a bit,
after all, heh.
534
00:25:24,066 --> 00:25:25,879
( both sigh )
535
00:25:26,003 --> 00:25:28,574
( both kiss )
536
00:25:36,214 --> 00:25:37,690
Do...
537
00:25:37,816 --> 00:25:40,158
Do you really think she has
a cure for the common cold?
538
00:25:40,283 --> 00:25:42,428
I wouldn't doubt it
for a moment, sir.
539
00:25:42,553 --> 00:25:44,097
That's what my speech
is about tomorrow.
540
00:25:44,221 --> 00:25:45,833
I did try to warn you,
sir.
541
00:25:45,957 --> 00:25:47,200
Yeah. Well.
542
00:25:47,324 --> 00:25:49,302
Uh, what am I gonna do?
543
00:25:49,427 --> 00:25:51,103
It would be dangerous
to arouse suspicion, sir.
544
00:25:51,228 --> 00:25:54,005
After all, the general has got
a reputation with the ladies.
545
00:25:54,131 --> 00:25:55,909
I know that, but I'm on
a salt-free, fat-free,
546
00:25:56,033 --> 00:25:58,979
high-protein, low-calorie
low-cholesterol diet.
547
00:25:59,104 --> 00:26:00,645
You better get me
out of here.
548
00:26:00,771 --> 00:26:02,281
Tell her anything.
Tell her something.
549
00:26:02,405 --> 00:26:03,683
Tell her
I've, uh, gone to visit a war.
550
00:26:03,809 --> 00:26:05,318
I'm engaged
in a secret conference.
551
00:26:05,442 --> 00:26:06,919
Tell her anything.
I've got to get out.
552
00:26:07,044 --> 00:26:09,539
( doorbell buzzes )
553
00:26:10,814 --> 00:26:15,356
Oh, no, sir.
I once asked her.
554
00:26:17,790 --> 00:26:19,164
( panting )
555
00:26:19,289 --> 00:26:22,069
It's Lady Margaret, sir.
The general's wife.
556
00:26:22,195 --> 00:26:26,944
Lady Margaret? You told me
she's in Canada on a bond tour.
557
00:26:27,633 --> 00:26:29,812
What kind of a war
is this, anyway?
558
00:26:29,935 --> 00:26:31,812
I thought we were fighting
the Germans.
559
00:26:31,938 --> 00:26:37,488
Hey, you keep Margaret busy.
I'll get rid of Dr. Cronkite.
560
00:26:38,211 --> 00:26:40,722
Sergeant. Sergeant?
Where are you?
561
00:26:40,848 --> 00:26:43,091
Sergeant?
I say, Sergeant, where are you?
562
00:26:43,216 --> 00:26:44,525
STANHOPE:
In here, Larry.
563
00:26:44,651 --> 00:26:46,952
What? Oh!
564
00:26:54,261 --> 00:26:56,429
Ah.
565
00:26:58,532 --> 00:26:59,843
You impetuous beast.
566
00:26:59,967 --> 00:27:03,467
I'm sorry, your baggage.
My wife, you know.
567
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,849
What am I supposed to do?
568
00:27:07,973 --> 00:27:09,049
( panting )
569
00:27:09,175 --> 00:27:12,009
Out of the bath,
into your clothes,
570
00:27:12,912 --> 00:27:15,290
Hm, the usual.
571
00:27:15,414 --> 00:27:17,896
( sighs )
572
00:27:18,020 --> 00:27:19,353
Larry.
573
00:27:23,123 --> 00:27:24,198
Maggie!
574
00:27:24,324 --> 00:27:25,901
( gibbers )
575
00:27:26,026 --> 00:27:29,672
I say it's absolutely wizard
to have you back, old girl.
576
00:27:29,798 --> 00:27:31,140
Larry!
577
00:27:31,266 --> 00:27:32,807
I--
Don't I do that to you?
578
00:27:32,933 --> 00:27:36,646
I'm terribly sorry. I was
absolutely overcome, you see.
579
00:27:36,770 --> 00:27:40,115
Been ghastly lonely, you know.
Just me and Ike and Monty
580
00:27:40,239 --> 00:27:41,650
and Charlie de Gaulle.
581
00:27:41,774 --> 00:27:43,820
Larry, you know I don't
find you amusing any longer.
582
00:27:43,946 --> 00:27:47,257
If you don't mind,
I'd like to take a bath
583
00:27:47,382 --> 00:27:48,458
( pants )
584
00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:50,058
What?
585
00:27:50,184 --> 00:27:54,266
I mean, there's been awful
trouble with the plumbing.
586
00:27:54,389 --> 00:27:56,033
I had to pitch in myself,
you see.
587
00:27:56,158 --> 00:27:59,769
Do you realize that all the good
plumber are in intelligence now?
588
00:27:59,895 --> 00:28:02,338
That, ha, ha...
That's a rather good one.
589
00:28:02,464 --> 00:28:05,715
Rather I'll have it fixed
straight away.
590
00:28:08,036 --> 00:28:10,640
Now what, darling?
591
00:28:12,307 --> 00:28:14,285
Oh, you are a bit slower
this evening.
592
00:28:14,409 --> 00:28:16,823
Quickly, dear.
On the double.
593
00:28:18,580 --> 00:28:21,358
Oh!
594
00:28:21,484 --> 00:28:23,317
You seem so different.
595
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:25,262
You've changed.
596
00:28:25,387 --> 00:28:27,165
What's happened
to all the passion?
597
00:28:27,289 --> 00:28:29,100
Passion. Poetry.
598
00:28:29,224 --> 00:28:31,434
Yes. Good night.
Good night.
599
00:28:31,559 --> 00:28:32,705
Parting
is such sweet sorrow
600
00:28:32,830 --> 00:28:34,305
that I say good night
till it be morrow.
601
00:28:34,430 --> 00:28:35,505
Oh, Larry!
602
00:28:35,631 --> 00:28:37,341
In dreams
I kiss your hand, madame.
603
00:28:37,465 --> 00:28:39,277
But drink to me
only with thine eyes.
604
00:28:39,403 --> 00:28:41,280
I'd be down to get you
in a taxi, honey,
605
00:28:41,404 --> 00:28:43,413
but you'd better be ready
606
00:28:49,980 --> 00:28:53,184
Yes! Here, dear!
607
00:29:06,597 --> 00:29:07,973
Sorry, I took so long.
608
00:29:08,097 --> 00:29:12,098
I had a bit of difficult,
but it's all fixed now.
609
00:29:12,936 --> 00:29:15,749
Eh, dreeded it for.
Uh, drewed it for you.
610
00:29:15,874 --> 00:29:18,206
Difficult language,
isn't it?
611
00:29:20,042 --> 00:29:21,320
Oh, capital idea.
612
00:29:21,446 --> 00:29:22,722
Absolutely capital.
Yes.
613
00:29:22,847 --> 00:29:24,791
Uh, I'm a bit
fagged out myself.
614
00:29:24,916 --> 00:29:27,583
I think I should turn in myself.
615
00:29:28,419 --> 00:29:30,197
Come over here, Larry.
Come here.
616
00:29:30,321 --> 00:29:31,397
What ever for?
617
00:29:31,523 --> 00:29:33,798
Well, I want to talk to you.
618
00:29:33,924 --> 00:29:36,462
Yes.
619
00:29:39,130 --> 00:29:40,239
( sighs )
620
00:29:40,363 --> 00:29:42,708
How are Toronto Maple Leafs
doing this season?
621
00:29:42,833 --> 00:29:44,744
( sighs )
622
00:29:44,870 --> 00:29:47,203
And how is your dear mother?
623
00:29:50,406 --> 00:29:51,983
Gears lock.
Absolutely smashing.
624
00:29:52,109 --> 00:29:53,987
Received a letter
only yesterday.
625
00:29:54,114 --> 00:29:57,657
My dear Larry, your mother has
been dead for over two years.
626
00:29:57,782 --> 00:30:02,206
Well, the mails are terribly
slow these days.
627
00:30:04,623 --> 00:30:07,000
and traffic lights
and that sort of thing.
628
00:30:07,124 --> 00:30:10,126
Who are you?
What are you doing here?
629
00:30:10,830 --> 00:30:13,642
Twickenham!
630
00:30:13,767 --> 00:30:14,843
Twickenham!
631
00:30:14,967 --> 00:30:17,244
Your Ladyship.
632
00:30:17,368 --> 00:30:20,749
You'll excuse my forwardness but
I took the liberty of calling
633
00:30:20,874 --> 00:30:22,818
MI-5 military intelligence.
634
00:30:22,944 --> 00:30:25,686
Colonel Somerset's on the line
he'll explain everything to you.
635
00:30:25,810 --> 00:30:27,290
Well, I certainly
hope so.
636
00:30:27,413 --> 00:30:29,998
Don't let him out
of your sight.
637
00:30:35,887 --> 00:30:38,867
I guess
I didn't fool her at all.
638
00:30:38,993 --> 00:30:39,869
Don't worry, sir.
639
00:30:39,994 --> 00:30:41,936
The general
never does either.
640
00:30:42,062 --> 00:30:47,241
Larry's where?
Yes, I did return unexpectedly.
641
00:30:47,366 --> 00:30:49,411
Project 402?
642
00:30:49,537 --> 00:30:51,480
Dead Pigeon?
643
00:30:51,604 --> 00:30:54,523
What is this soldier
supposed to do?
644
00:30:55,943 --> 00:30:58,521
Now, Colonel Somerset,
are you serious?
645
00:30:58,647 --> 00:31:00,799
Does he know this?
646
00:31:02,315 --> 00:31:04,827
He should be told.
647
00:31:04,951 --> 00:31:07,062
Well ,yes, Colonel,
if you say it's top secret,
648
00:31:07,188 --> 00:31:09,549
not a word.
649
00:31:13,526 --> 00:31:16,063
Poor unfortunate fool.
650
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:18,809
Uh, her Ladyship.
651
00:31:18,934 --> 00:31:20,842
Ah, sorry, sir.
She'll expect this.
652
00:31:20,966 --> 00:31:22,245
That will be all,
Twickenham.
653
00:31:22,370 --> 00:31:24,949
Ah, yes, my lady.
654
00:31:25,074 --> 00:31:27,389
I'm sorry
about all this.
655
00:31:28,410 --> 00:31:31,120
or I was supposed to try
to convince you I was Larry or--
656
00:31:31,244 --> 00:31:32,420
Oh.
657
00:31:32,547 --> 00:31:34,191
You may
put your hands down.
658
00:31:34,316 --> 00:31:35,825
Oh, thank you.
659
00:31:35,950 --> 00:31:37,793
I, uh, wouldn't like
to cause any embarrassment.
660
00:31:37,918 --> 00:31:41,836
I could sleep outside
on the couch or something.
661
00:31:42,058 --> 00:31:43,733
No, heh, we'll play
the game to the hilt.
662
00:31:43,858 --> 00:31:48,026
You sleep in Larry's bed.
He seldom used it anyway.
663
00:31:49,096 --> 00:31:50,974
I still have
the gun, soldier.
664
00:31:51,100 --> 00:31:52,343
( chuckles )
665
00:31:52,467 --> 00:31:56,717
I hope you'll forgive my
being a bit shaky, but, uh,
666
00:31:57,439 --> 00:32:00,391
I mean
I've met a lady, but
667
00:32:02,945 --> 00:32:04,689
I had a peculiar idea
668
00:32:04,814 --> 00:32:06,825
that you'd be wearing
a crown or
669
00:32:06,950 --> 00:32:10,728
coronet or a halo.
Something like that.
670
00:32:10,853 --> 00:32:14,200
Oh, I haven't worn a halo
in years.
671
00:32:15,390 --> 00:32:17,535
You could have
fooled me.
672
00:32:17,661 --> 00:32:21,238
Lady Margaret, I'm curious
about something.
673
00:32:21,363 --> 00:32:23,743
Did I play the part
well enough to fool you?
674
00:32:23,867 --> 00:32:25,142
I wouldn't mean
permanently,
675
00:32:25,267 --> 00:32:27,978
but momentarily
when we first met.
676
00:32:28,104 --> 00:32:29,982
Oh, that's when you made
your first mistake.
677
00:32:30,106 --> 00:32:32,283
Because Larry hasn't kissed
me hello in ages.
678
00:32:32,407 --> 00:32:34,270
He hasn't?
679
00:32:35,010 --> 00:32:37,722
he never bothered
to hide them from me.
680
00:32:37,848 --> 00:32:41,927
That might be an expression
of an inferiority complex.
681
00:32:42,051 --> 00:32:44,964
It could mean that he loves
you very much.
682
00:32:45,088 --> 00:32:46,998
I wish I could
be as forgiving as that
683
00:32:47,124 --> 00:32:48,501
but I came back
from Canada
684
00:32:48,625 --> 00:32:50,704
to ask Larry
to give me a divorce.
685
00:32:50,828 --> 00:32:52,471
War hero or no.
686
00:32:52,595 --> 00:32:56,242
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that.
687
00:32:56,367 --> 00:32:59,978
Maybe all he needs is to go
and see a psychoanalyst.
688
00:33:00,103 --> 00:33:02,080
I once had an uncle
who hated my aunt.
689
00:33:02,206 --> 00:33:04,751
He went to see an analyst
every day for six months
690
00:33:04,876 --> 00:33:06,252
at $25 a visit.
691
00:33:06,377 --> 00:33:09,460
He learned to love her
all over again.
692
00:33:10,247 --> 00:33:12,760
Then he ran out of money,
so she divorced him.
693
00:33:12,885 --> 00:33:15,194
I don't know why I'm
telling you all this,
694
00:33:15,319 --> 00:33:17,665
except that it has
absolutely nothing to do
695
00:33:17,788 --> 00:33:20,266
with your
situation at all.
696
00:33:20,391 --> 00:33:22,668
If you're supposed to have
fooled Larry's friends
697
00:33:22,794 --> 00:33:24,171
and I presume you are,
698
00:33:24,296 --> 00:33:26,005
you've got an
awful lot to learn.
699
00:33:26,131 --> 00:33:27,974
You have?
700
00:33:28,100 --> 00:33:29,676
Yes. I've been down
to the headquarters,
701
00:33:29,801 --> 00:33:31,545
and they've been showing
newsreels of him
702
00:33:31,669 --> 00:33:33,079
and I've been
reading biographies
703
00:33:33,203 --> 00:33:35,683
and I've been
practicing too.
704
00:33:35,809 --> 00:33:36,885
Yes.
705
00:33:37,009 --> 00:33:38,116
Limping and
swagger-sticking.
706
00:33:38,241 --> 00:33:39,654
I ever put a mark
on my eye
707
00:33:39,778 --> 00:33:41,421
where the patch is
supposed to go over, heh.
708
00:33:41,547 --> 00:33:43,791
Larry doesn't need any patch
any more than you do.
709
00:33:43,916 --> 00:33:45,294
He doesn't?
710
00:33:45,418 --> 00:33:47,228
It's just that
one eye has a tendency
711
00:33:47,352 --> 00:33:50,831
to become quite bloodshot
after five or six brandies,
712
00:33:50,957 --> 00:33:52,623
his usual condition.
713
00:33:54,326 --> 00:33:57,204
I don't like
officers like that
714
00:33:57,329 --> 00:34:00,162
They think
they're winning the war.
715
00:34:00,801 --> 00:34:03,044
You're winning the war,
Private Williams.
716
00:34:03,169 --> 00:34:04,745
No, not me.
717
00:34:04,870 --> 00:34:06,781
I'm not doing
anything much.
718
00:34:06,907 --> 00:34:09,343
I'll be finished
in a few days.
719
00:34:11,345 --> 00:34:13,721
I think you'd better
get some sleep
720
00:34:13,845 --> 00:34:16,490
Yeah.
721
00:34:16,616 --> 00:34:19,729
Uh, good night,
Your Ladyship.
722
00:34:19,853 --> 00:34:23,898
Good night,
Project 402.
723
00:34:24,023 --> 00:34:29,941
NARRATOR:
Our man from Brooklyn remained
a perfect gentleman all night.
724
00:34:33,499 --> 00:34:36,403
( suspenseful theme
playing )
725
00:34:57,592 --> 00:34:59,994
( speaking in Russian )
726
00:35:06,669 --> 00:35:08,010
What'd I say?
727
00:35:08,136 --> 00:35:09,713
Ah, you said, "My old
friend, Marshall Zlinkov.
728
00:35:09,836 --> 00:35:14,117
It's been a long time since
those gay old days in Moscow."
729
00:35:14,242 --> 00:35:15,953
Yes, I've got that phrase
down pretty pat, but
730
00:35:16,078 --> 00:35:18,054
suppose the general asks me
something else in Russian.
731
00:35:18,180 --> 00:35:20,189
I can't keep telling him about
the gay old days in Moscow.
732
00:35:20,315 --> 00:35:21,691
I shall be on
the platform with you,
733
00:35:21,817 --> 00:35:23,226
and I shall tap you
when you must answer.
734
00:35:23,351 --> 00:35:25,430
Once for nyet, meaning no.
735
00:35:25,554 --> 00:35:28,478
Twice for da, meaning--
736
00:35:29,223 --> 00:35:30,969
Three times for mozhet byt,
meaning yes.
737
00:35:31,094 --> 00:35:33,236
We're getting close to the area.
Once for nyet, meaning da.
738
00:35:33,362 --> 00:35:37,041
Once for da. Two nyets for
mozhet, meaning--
739
00:35:37,164 --> 00:35:39,342
Here, here. How about a spot
of brandy for the nerves?
740
00:35:39,467 --> 00:35:40,945
No, thank you. I don't.
741
00:35:41,070 --> 00:35:42,714
You don't happen to have
any yogurt in there?
742
00:35:42,839 --> 00:35:44,114
Yeah.
743
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:45,482
None.
744
00:35:45,606 --> 00:35:50,187
You better have the brandy
yourself. Ah, twice for yeah.
745
00:35:50,312 --> 00:35:51,857
I get out of the car
and everybody cheers.
746
00:35:51,982 --> 00:35:54,058
I step on the platform.
Everybody cheers.
747
00:35:54,184 --> 00:35:56,361
I deliver the speech.
Everybody cheers.
748
00:35:56,485 --> 00:35:57,528
I get back in the car,
749
00:35:57,654 --> 00:36:01,406
and they go out of their
minds, cheering, heh.
750
00:36:03,992 --> 00:36:05,068
We're here.
751
00:36:05,194 --> 00:36:06,769
Ah, Twig, we're here.
752
00:36:06,896 --> 00:36:08,107
Ah, Twickenham.
753
00:36:08,230 --> 00:36:09,508
It's no time
to fall asleep.
754
00:36:09,634 --> 00:36:11,878
I've got to remember
the nyets and the--
755
00:36:12,001 --> 00:36:15,084
Twickenham!
Twickenham, say something.
756
00:36:16,173 --> 00:36:18,086
Take him out.
Hurry, they're cheering you.
757
00:36:18,210 --> 00:36:20,000
What's the matter?
758
00:36:22,211 --> 00:36:25,282
Yes, yes.
759
00:36:26,317 --> 00:36:27,392
Poor Twickenham.
760
00:36:27,517 --> 00:36:29,861
High blood pressure.
And a touch of malaria.
761
00:36:29,987 --> 00:36:31,164
Malaria, I believe.
762
00:36:31,288 --> 00:36:33,365
But he had such
a good complexion.
763
00:36:33,489 --> 00:36:36,401
But he also had cirrhosis
of the liver and a weak heart.
764
00:36:36,528 --> 00:36:37,936
Cirrhosis.
765
00:36:38,062 --> 00:36:40,005
You never know who's gonna go
next, do you?
766
00:36:40,129 --> 00:36:41,408
Sometimes you do.
767
00:36:41,532 --> 00:36:42,742
You take care of him.
768
00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:44,111
Go on. They're waiting.
Good luck.
769
00:36:44,234 --> 00:36:45,477
Uh, maybe if he'd been
on a fat-free--
770
00:36:45,602 --> 00:36:47,247
I don't think
that would have helped.
771
00:36:47,370 --> 00:36:50,183
Look, I can't go out there.
Look at that crowd.
772
00:36:50,307 --> 00:36:51,316
You've got to.
773
00:36:51,442 --> 00:36:53,119
You can fool some of the people
all of the time
774
00:36:53,245 --> 00:36:54,554
and all of the people
some of the time.
775
00:36:54,679 --> 00:36:58,261
But the first fellow
who said that was shot.
776
00:36:59,016 --> 00:37:01,433
( suspenseful theme playing )
777
00:37:09,993 --> 00:37:13,042
MAN ( over PA ):
May I welcome you on behalf
of the United States Army.
778
00:37:13,166 --> 00:37:15,010
Also on behalf of our
distinguished visitors,
779
00:37:15,135 --> 00:37:18,477
Marshall Gregory Zlinkov of
the Army of the Soviet Union,
780
00:37:18,602 --> 00:37:20,815
General Sir Lawrence
MacKenzie-Smith
781
00:37:20,939 --> 00:37:22,482
of the British General Staff.
782
00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:25,087
( all cheering )
783
00:37:25,211 --> 00:37:27,721
We gather here
on the eve of the invasion.
784
00:37:27,845 --> 00:37:29,289
You men will
spearhead the attack
785
00:37:29,414 --> 00:37:30,758
and rest assured
in the knowledge
786
00:37:30,883 --> 00:37:32,928
that today
as we launch a new drive
787
00:37:33,053 --> 00:37:34,794
for the plasma
that will bring to the floor--
788
00:37:34,919 --> 00:37:36,696
Tovarish, doctor.
789
00:37:36,822 --> 00:37:40,122
( speaking in Russian )
790
00:37:41,795 --> 00:37:43,670
( speaking in Russian )
791
00:37:43,796 --> 00:37:46,276
General MacKenzie-Smith, you
speak the marshal's language.
792
00:37:46,399 --> 00:37:49,222
Would you explain
to your old friend
793
00:37:50,002 --> 00:37:51,881
We're not taking
any blood samples.
794
00:37:52,006 --> 00:37:54,440
( both speaking in Russian )
795
00:38:06,150 --> 00:38:08,863
I believe he said
this reminds him
796
00:38:08,988 --> 00:38:10,467
of the gay
old days in Moscow.
797
00:38:10,590 --> 00:38:13,595
I say, what are they
doing there?
798
00:38:15,862 --> 00:38:18,308
Da.
799
00:38:18,434 --> 00:38:20,468
( groans )
800
00:38:21,602 --> 00:38:23,369
( chuckles )
801
00:38:24,238 --> 00:38:25,933
MAN:
Hero.
802
00:38:29,109 --> 00:38:30,852
Carry on.
803
00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:32,786
Men, we have
further good news.
804
00:38:32,913 --> 00:38:34,290
After intensive research,
805
00:38:34,415 --> 00:38:36,026
the medical corps
of the United States Army
806
00:38:36,151 --> 00:38:38,565
is passing along
to its allies
807
00:38:40,153 --> 00:38:42,232
Those two enemies
of seaborne landings
808
00:38:42,357 --> 00:38:45,770
mild burn exposure
have finally been conquered.
809
00:38:45,895 --> 00:38:48,037
One shot
of serum D-104,
810
00:38:48,161 --> 00:38:50,806
and seasickness
becomes an old wives' tale.
811
00:38:50,930 --> 00:38:53,523
( speaks in Russian )
812
00:38:55,203 --> 00:38:58,239
( speaking in Russian )
813
00:39:03,946 --> 00:39:05,681
( chuckles )
814
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:12,094
We have also developed S-604,
a new anti-influenza vaccine.
815
00:39:12,221 --> 00:39:14,466
Gentlemen,
816
00:39:14,591 --> 00:39:17,801
never has the army had two
such distinguished guinea pigs.
817
00:39:17,927 --> 00:39:19,904
Not at all.
818
00:39:20,029 --> 00:39:22,740
Ready? Oh, yes.
819
00:39:22,865 --> 00:39:24,074
Uh, pardon me.
820
00:39:24,199 --> 00:39:26,210
Ah, no, sir.
These are in the arm.
821
00:39:26,336 --> 00:39:29,139
Oh, terribly sorry.
822
00:39:31,643 --> 00:39:33,932
I say, do be gentle.
823
00:39:34,976 --> 00:39:36,921
Thank you.
824
00:39:37,047 --> 00:39:38,557
Uh...
825
00:39:38,682 --> 00:39:40,281
( grunts )
826
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:48,426
Molodets, heh.
827
00:39:51,825 --> 00:39:55,174
Men of the invasion forces,
the hero of Dunkirk,
828
00:39:55,298 --> 00:39:57,311
El Alamein and Tobruk,
829
00:39:57,436 --> 00:39:59,978
General Sir Lawrence
MacKenzie-Smith.
830
00:40:00,104 --> 00:40:03,748
( all applauding )
831
00:40:03,874 --> 00:40:05,717
As you are, men.
832
00:40:05,843 --> 00:40:07,945
Men...
833
00:40:12,348 --> 00:40:15,528
no longer the discomfort
of seasickness.
834
00:40:15,653 --> 00:40:21,233
As you men are the spearhead
of the invasion
835
00:40:21,357 --> 00:40:24,671
disembarked
from your landing craft,
836
00:40:24,795 --> 00:40:29,340
you will be so healthy
and so fit
837
00:40:29,466 --> 00:40:32,011
that your condition will come
as a complete surprise
838
00:40:32,137 --> 00:40:34,813
to the German army.
839
00:40:34,939 --> 00:40:39,852
And so I say
to our gallant allies, hip, hip.
840
00:40:39,978 --> 00:40:42,155
Achoo! Pardon.
841
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,125
Let me hip, hip, achoo.
842
00:40:44,249 --> 00:40:47,219
( gunshots )
843
00:40:51,023 --> 00:40:53,326
( man groaning )
844
00:40:58,062 --> 00:40:59,440
I'm afraid
I'm not much of a cook,
845
00:40:59,565 --> 00:41:01,876
but this is the best
I could do without Twickenham.
846
00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:03,512
Twickenham.
847
00:41:03,637 --> 00:41:06,080
That was the fastest case
of cirrhosis I've ever seen
848
00:41:06,204 --> 00:41:07,547
in my whole life.
849
00:41:07,672 --> 00:41:10,318
What about that stray bullet
that knocked my hat off?
850
00:41:10,444 --> 00:41:13,267
Boy, that was really close.
851
00:41:17,082 --> 00:41:19,998
You'd better
eat properly.
852
00:41:24,223 --> 00:41:27,534
I'm supposed to ride through
Trafalgar Square in an open car.
853
00:41:27,659 --> 00:41:28,904
They want me to sit up
on the back
854
00:41:29,030 --> 00:41:30,973
so that the people can
see me when they cheer.
855
00:41:31,098 --> 00:41:33,333
I'm a symbol,
you know.
856
00:41:34,233 --> 00:41:35,309
You're a target.
857
00:41:35,434 --> 00:41:36,845
A target.
858
00:41:36,970 --> 00:41:38,079
A sitting duck.
859
00:41:38,205 --> 00:41:41,619
Do you know what
the code name for you is?
860
00:41:41,808 --> 00:41:43,686
German Secret Service
861
00:41:43,810 --> 00:41:45,386
has been trying
to kill my husband
862
00:41:45,511 --> 00:41:47,289
and you've been set up
to take his place.
863
00:41:47,414 --> 00:41:51,026
No, no. He's going to Yugoslavia
to open a second front.
864
00:41:51,151 --> 00:41:54,129
All the English troops are going
to Yugoslavia because he said
865
00:41:54,254 --> 00:41:57,267
that when he went to Yugoslavia,
all the troops would be able to
866
00:41:57,391 --> 00:42:01,937
be able to attack
behind the Danube.
867
00:42:02,062 --> 00:42:03,407
Dead Pigeon?
868
00:42:03,531 --> 00:42:05,273
Do you know why we're giving
that party tonight
869
00:42:05,399 --> 00:42:06,808
for the officers of
Larry's old regiment?
870
00:42:06,935 --> 00:42:11,078
No. You mean the MacKenzie
First Highlanders? No.
871
00:42:11,203 --> 00:42:14,123
They've learned
that the chief agent
872
00:42:15,844 --> 00:42:17,454
And tonight,
they've invited everyone
873
00:42:17,579 --> 00:42:19,689
they suspect of wanting
to kill you.
874
00:42:19,814 --> 00:42:21,390
( objects clatter )
875
00:42:21,516 --> 00:42:24,360
I'm sorry. I'm getting out
of here right now.
876
00:42:24,485 --> 00:42:27,862
I'm turning in my eye patch,
sir. And my mustache.
877
00:42:27,987 --> 00:42:30,098
I figured out your
whole cold-blooded scheme.
878
00:42:30,225 --> 00:42:31,368
Pretty clever, wasn't it?
879
00:42:31,493 --> 00:42:34,137
If they don't get me
at the party,
880
00:42:34,262 --> 00:42:35,337
at Trafalgar Square.
881
00:42:35,463 --> 00:42:36,973
You can have your pips back.
882
00:42:37,098 --> 00:42:39,176
I'd rather be a private
in the front lines under fire
883
00:42:39,302 --> 00:42:40,743
from shot and shell, sir.
884
00:42:40,870 --> 00:42:42,980
Don't take that literally,
too, sir.
885
00:42:43,106 --> 00:42:46,415
I'm sorry, Colonel Somerset.
I suppose I've broken security
886
00:42:46,539 --> 00:42:48,686
but I couldn't
let you do it to him.
887
00:42:48,811 --> 00:42:50,155
That's all right.
888
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:51,556
I understand how you feel,
of course
889
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:53,691
but it's a matter
of military necessity.
890
00:42:53,816 --> 00:42:56,359
But there's been a change
in the situation.
891
00:42:56,484 --> 00:42:59,029
Why? Are they
switching to knives?
892
00:42:59,153 --> 00:43:00,697
No.
893
00:43:00,823 --> 00:43:02,467
I'm sorry to have to break
this news to you,
894
00:43:02,591 --> 00:43:03,668
under these circumstances.
895
00:43:03,794 --> 00:43:05,937
What's wrong,
Colonel Somerset?
896
00:43:06,062 --> 00:43:09,240
The aircraft that was taking
General MacKenzie-Smith
897
00:43:09,366 --> 00:43:10,877
supposedly to Yugoslavia
898
00:43:11,002 --> 00:43:14,077
was in point of fact headed for
invasion headquarters in Kent.
899
00:43:14,202 --> 00:43:17,181
He was going a roundabout
route to confuse the enemy.
900
00:43:17,305 --> 00:43:19,306
It was, I regret to say,
901
00:43:21,245 --> 00:43:26,272
Everybody lost, including
I'm afraid, your husband.
902
00:43:28,384 --> 00:43:33,331
You have my very deepest
sympathy, Lady Margaret.
903
00:43:33,456 --> 00:43:36,133
Are you all right?
904
00:43:36,259 --> 00:43:38,677
Yes, thank you.
I'm all right.
905
00:43:40,796 --> 00:43:42,741
It's strange
that at a time like this
906
00:43:42,867 --> 00:43:45,970
you only remember
the good moments.
907
00:43:48,573 --> 00:43:50,782
So you understand our strategy
has completely changed.
908
00:43:50,906 --> 00:43:54,159
The sad death of
General MacKenzie Smith
909
00:43:55,014 --> 00:43:58,095
will delay
the second front for weeks.
910
00:43:58,414 --> 00:44:01,361
You must be at the party tonight
for the general's old regiment.
911
00:44:01,485 --> 00:44:02,896
Even though you think
somebody at the party
912
00:44:03,021 --> 00:44:04,730
is going to try to
knock me off?
913
00:44:04,855 --> 00:44:06,867
We're sure of it, but this will
make the whole thing work.
914
00:44:06,991 --> 00:44:08,967
When they expose themselves,
915
00:44:09,091 --> 00:44:11,338
that will give us opportunity
of breaking the spy ring.
916
00:44:11,463 --> 00:44:13,273
I see. Before or after
they try to kill me?
917
00:44:13,397 --> 00:44:15,944
Oh, before, naturally, heh.
We hope.
918
00:44:16,067 --> 00:44:18,411
Oh, look, sir.
I like to go to parties,
919
00:44:18,535 --> 00:44:19,778
but I'd like
to go home afterwards.
920
00:44:19,903 --> 00:44:21,414
Under the circumstances,
Williams,
921
00:44:21,539 --> 00:44:24,150
the decision must be yours.
This is not an order.
922
00:44:24,275 --> 00:44:25,486
Oh. well, in that case--
923
00:44:25,611 --> 00:44:27,353
But you must realize
thousands of Allied lives
924
00:44:27,479 --> 00:44:29,144
may depend upon you.
925
00:44:30,381 --> 00:44:32,828
We have no right to ask you to
commit what might be suicide.
926
00:44:32,953 --> 00:44:34,096
Well, in that case--
927
00:44:34,219 --> 00:44:36,061
But the whole of the
United States Army is at stake.
928
00:44:36,186 --> 00:44:39,334
Williams, what do you say?
929
00:44:39,459 --> 00:44:41,860
Help!
930
00:45:01,814 --> 00:45:04,226
Don't forget for a moment
that you're in danger.
931
00:45:04,350 --> 00:45:05,951
Be careful.
932
00:45:06,919 --> 00:45:09,966
Heh.
933
00:45:10,091 --> 00:45:12,332
Don't trust anyone.
934
00:45:12,456 --> 00:45:15,504
Um, ahem.
935
00:45:15,629 --> 00:45:17,105
Remember, if you want
to convince them
936
00:45:17,229 --> 00:45:18,306
you're really Larry.
937
00:45:18,431 --> 00:45:19,508
Fine.
938
00:45:19,634 --> 00:45:21,010
How's it going, vicar?
939
00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:24,445
At the end of the evening
you'll get boring drunk.
940
00:45:24,570 --> 00:45:26,214
And you and I must have
a large family brawl.
941
00:45:26,339 --> 00:45:27,417
How do you do?
942
00:45:27,541 --> 00:45:29,751
We may even strike
each other.
943
00:45:29,877 --> 00:45:33,022
You must try.
944
00:45:33,146 --> 00:45:34,489
How do you do?
945
00:45:34,615 --> 00:45:36,225
Mm-hm?
946
00:45:36,349 --> 00:45:37,928
If anything happens
to me tonight,
947
00:45:38,052 --> 00:45:40,228
I want you to know these
have been nicest two days
948
00:45:40,354 --> 00:45:41,829
I've ever had
in my whole life.
949
00:45:41,954 --> 00:45:43,691
Mm-hm.
950
00:46:07,316 --> 00:46:09,485
( car horn honks )
951
00:46:13,690 --> 00:46:15,732
MAN: And there he was
General Biff Browningham
952
00:46:15,857 --> 00:46:17,968
with only one chukka
to play.
953
00:46:18,092 --> 00:46:19,862
And I.
954
00:46:21,330 --> 00:46:23,199
Pardon me.
955
00:46:24,899 --> 00:46:27,509
Excuse me. Who's the gentleman
that just arrived in?
956
00:46:27,636 --> 00:46:29,480
Oh.
957
00:46:29,605 --> 00:46:30,914
He was in the
MacKenzie Highlanders.
958
00:46:31,038 --> 00:46:32,798
Just an acquaintance
of Larry's -Mm-hm.
959
00:46:34,210 --> 00:46:35,383
Been in the Middle East.
960
00:46:35,509 --> 00:46:37,053
Hmm.
961
00:46:37,178 --> 00:46:40,257
Well, that's good because
I couldn't stand all details.
962
00:46:40,383 --> 00:46:41,458
MAN:
A drink, your ladyship?
963
00:46:41,583 --> 00:46:43,427
No, thank you.
964
00:46:43,553 --> 00:46:45,552
Um, look here, sergeant.
965
00:46:48,223 --> 00:46:49,967
( coughs )
966
00:46:50,093 --> 00:46:51,170
( gulps )
967
00:46:51,295 --> 00:46:52,935
WOMAN: That's General
Brown Wiffingham.
968
00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:55,171
Commanding South Hampton
Staging Area.
969
00:46:55,296 --> 00:46:57,676
Oh, yes. I recognize him
from the regimental photo.
970
00:46:57,801 --> 00:47:01,133
Uh, we're supposed to be
very good chaps.
971
00:47:04,240 --> 00:47:06,484
And he calls me, oh,
um, he calls me Binky,
972
00:47:06,609 --> 00:47:07,888
and I call him Puffy.
973
00:47:08,011 --> 00:47:09,021
Puffy.
974
00:47:09,147 --> 00:47:10,522
It's kind of nauseating.
Isn't it?
975
00:47:10,648 --> 00:47:11,722
Well, you're very
fond of him.
976
00:47:11,847 --> 00:47:13,256
But you're not crazy about him.
977
00:47:13,381 --> 00:47:14,526
Oh.
978
00:47:14,651 --> 00:47:17,249
Binky, heh!
979
00:47:18,321 --> 00:47:19,830
Hello, Penelope.
980
00:47:19,955 --> 00:47:21,334
How are
all the children?
981
00:47:21,458 --> 00:47:22,868
Didn't you get my letter
from New Delhi?
982
00:47:22,991 --> 00:47:24,937
Oh, yes.
That was too bad.
983
00:47:25,062 --> 00:47:25,938
What is too bad?
984
00:47:26,064 --> 00:47:27,473
I mean,
I was absolutely overjoyed.
985
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:29,375
About what?
986
00:47:29,499 --> 00:47:32,079
Em, eh, I save stamps,
you know.
987
00:47:32,203 --> 00:47:34,410
( all laughing )
988
00:47:35,505 --> 00:47:40,251
You can have you head blown off
and still say something witty.
989
00:47:40,378 --> 00:47:42,459
Have your head blown off?
990
00:47:45,851 --> 00:47:47,093
Oh.
991
00:47:47,216 --> 00:47:49,561
Good evening.
992
00:47:49,687 --> 00:47:50,998
It's a pleasure,
Lady Margaret.
993
00:47:51,123 --> 00:47:52,766
I don't think
you or the general know my wife.
994
00:47:52,891 --> 00:47:54,068
How do you do?
995
00:47:54,193 --> 00:47:56,336
Head blown off.
996
00:47:56,461 --> 00:47:57,571
We intercepted
a radio message.
997
00:47:57,696 --> 00:47:58,906
They've changed their plan.
998
00:47:59,030 --> 00:48:00,473
I don't know
what they're trying now.
999
00:48:00,597 --> 00:48:01,808
No, no, no, no.
1000
00:48:01,932 --> 00:48:03,043
Uh, I'm following it up.
1001
00:48:03,167 --> 00:48:04,512
Nothing could possibly
happen.
1002
00:48:04,638 --> 00:48:05,945
Oh.
1003
00:48:06,072 --> 00:48:07,480
I know everything
about everybody.
1004
00:48:07,603 --> 00:48:08,714
Oh, my dear.
1005
00:48:08,839 --> 00:48:10,283
Now, what can we
do for you, eh?
1006
00:48:10,409 --> 00:48:11,952
What would you like?
1007
00:48:12,078 --> 00:48:13,153
Oh, the usual.
1008
00:48:13,278 --> 00:48:14,355
( thuds )
1009
00:48:14,479 --> 00:48:15,554
WOMAN: Good heavens.
1010
00:48:15,679 --> 00:48:17,348
Lady Vivian.
1011
00:48:21,153 --> 00:48:23,230
I was hoping she wouldn't
find out about the party.
1012
00:48:23,356 --> 00:48:24,464
She'll ruin everything.
1013
00:48:24,589 --> 00:48:25,864
Come on. Let's meet her.
1014
00:48:25,990 --> 00:48:27,326
Yes.
1015
00:48:30,563 --> 00:48:31,740
Yes?
1016
00:48:31,865 --> 00:48:33,308
What have you got
to say for yourself?
1017
00:48:33,433 --> 00:48:34,508
Head blown off.
1018
00:48:34,634 --> 00:48:36,076
Oh, Aunt Vivian,
I'm so sorry.
1019
00:48:36,201 --> 00:48:37,512
Larry's favorite aunt
1020
00:48:37,635 --> 00:48:39,048
and I forgot
to invite you.
1021
00:48:39,172 --> 00:48:41,982
Yes. A complete oversight,
but my apologies, dear auntie.
1022
00:48:42,107 --> 00:48:43,416
Auntie?
1023
00:48:43,543 --> 00:48:45,018
You've never referred
to me as auntie.
1024
00:48:45,144 --> 00:48:46,021
I didn't?
1025
00:48:46,145 --> 00:48:49,024
Old Iron Drawers
was the kindest word
1026
00:48:49,149 --> 00:48:50,025
Yes. Iron Drawers.
1027
00:48:50,151 --> 00:48:51,926
I know this was
a deliberate slight.
1028
00:48:52,050 --> 00:48:53,561
It wasn't at all,
Auntie Drawers.
1029
00:48:53,685 --> 00:48:55,064
I mean the Larry,
what's wrong with you?
1030
00:48:55,189 --> 00:48:58,771
Wrong with me? There's
nothing wrong at all.
1031
00:48:59,359 --> 00:49:02,303
You know when I walk into a room
your eye always twitches.
1032
00:49:02,429 --> 00:49:04,740
You see there I finally managed
to over come it.
1033
00:49:04,864 --> 00:49:06,141
I don't twitch at all
now that.
1034
00:49:06,266 --> 00:49:07,844
There's something strange
about you.
1035
00:49:07,969 --> 00:49:10,718
I can't quite
put my finger on it.
1036
00:49:11,172 --> 00:49:13,180
Well, you see,
Iron Drawers, I mean auntie,
1037
00:49:13,306 --> 00:49:14,850
I'm not quite
myself tonight.
1038
00:49:14,974 --> 00:49:16,719
Oh, I have
noticed improvement.
1039
00:49:16,843 --> 00:49:18,453
( stammering ):
Yes. I, uh, um...
1040
00:49:18,578 --> 00:49:20,054
A drink?
1041
00:49:20,181 --> 00:49:21,834
Well, I can't have.
1042
00:49:23,383 --> 00:49:24,961
Where's the bar?
1043
00:49:25,086 --> 00:49:26,196
What's wrong?
1044
00:49:26,321 --> 00:49:27,799
My contact lens.
She knocked it out.
1045
00:49:27,922 --> 00:49:29,129
No. Who are you?
1046
00:49:29,254 --> 00:49:31,100
Head blown off.
1047
00:49:31,224 --> 00:49:33,237
Must have gone under the
table. -Everybody's looking.
1048
00:49:33,362 --> 00:49:35,004
Drop your earrings
so we can go after it.
1049
00:49:35,130 --> 00:49:37,104
My goodness. I lost my
hearing. -Oh, you clumsy fool.
1050
00:49:37,230 --> 00:49:38,506
You've dropped
your earring?
1051
00:49:38,631 --> 00:49:39,709
Oh, where's the table?
1052
00:49:39,833 --> 00:49:41,510
Left rudder, you fool.
1053
00:49:41,634 --> 00:49:43,212
( cat meowing )
1054
00:49:43,337 --> 00:49:45,440
Pss. Pss. Pss.
1055
00:49:48,141 --> 00:49:49,819
Puss, come on.
Give me that lens.
1056
00:49:49,944 --> 00:49:51,222
I'll buy you a monocle.
1057
00:49:51,347 --> 00:49:52,390
( meowing )
1058
00:49:52,515 --> 00:49:55,291
Would you gimme. Gimme.
Pss. Pss. Pss. Pss.
1059
00:49:55,418 --> 00:49:57,585
What are you?
A German spy?
1060
00:50:33,122 --> 00:50:35,565
There you are.
Did you find it?
1061
00:50:36,192 --> 00:50:38,693
Where's the other
contact lens?
1062
00:50:39,297 --> 00:50:40,472
But wait a minute.
1063
00:50:40,597 --> 00:50:42,305
There's a car in the street
blinking its light
1064
00:50:42,429 --> 00:50:44,241
and I think it's a signal
of some kind.
1065
00:50:44,368 --> 00:50:46,478
Don't worry. I'll see to it.
Go and get the lens first.
1066
00:50:46,603 --> 00:50:47,812
You join the others.
1067
00:50:47,937 --> 00:50:49,414
Yes. I will.
Oh, good heavens. The cat.
1068
00:50:49,540 --> 00:50:51,904
Ooh.
1069
00:50:53,276 --> 00:50:55,687
No.
1070
00:50:55,812 --> 00:50:57,290
Where have you been
all this time?
1071
00:50:57,415 --> 00:50:58,522
I have
your drink ready.
1072
00:50:58,648 --> 00:50:59,790
No, but I'm not
thirsty actually.
1073
00:50:59,916 --> 00:51:01,092
Yes.
1074
00:51:01,217 --> 00:51:02,694
A toast?
1075
00:51:02,818 --> 00:51:04,454
Eh, to the king.
1076
00:51:06,458 --> 00:51:10,260
ALL:
To the king. God bless him.
1077
00:51:10,860 --> 00:51:11,938
( coughs )
1078
00:51:12,062 --> 00:51:13,405
I shall be going
back there then.
1079
00:51:13,531 --> 00:51:15,635
Come back.
1080
00:51:18,002 --> 00:51:19,944
God bless him.
1081
00:51:20,070 --> 00:51:21,246
I've forgotten, sir.
1082
00:51:21,372 --> 00:51:23,483
Eh, favorite what?
1083
00:51:23,608 --> 00:51:24,850
Why Captain Patterson,
1084
00:51:24,977 --> 00:51:27,253
everyone knows Sir Lawrence
only smokes these.
1085
00:51:27,377 --> 00:51:28,688
Eh.
1086
00:51:28,813 --> 00:51:30,556
( gibbers )
1087
00:51:30,681 --> 00:51:33,692
Binky, you always had the finest
taste in cigars and women.
1088
00:51:33,819 --> 00:51:36,061
Another toast.
1089
00:51:36,186 --> 00:51:37,964
To the, uh, regiment.
1090
00:51:38,088 --> 00:51:40,434
No.
1091
00:51:40,558 --> 00:51:42,237
To the regiment.
1092
00:51:45,665 --> 00:51:48,900
( all singing indistinctly )
1093
00:51:54,005 --> 00:51:55,282
You have to sing
something.
1094
00:51:55,406 --> 00:51:56,483
Okay.
1095
00:51:56,607 --> 00:51:58,553
The regimental song,
Larry.
1096
00:51:58,677 --> 00:51:59,753
Don't you remember
it, sir?
1097
00:51:59,879 --> 00:52:01,123
Of course I do.
1098
00:52:01,246 --> 00:52:02,557
Yes. He always
leads us into it.
1099
00:52:02,682 --> 00:52:03,890
( mumbling )
1100
00:52:04,016 --> 00:52:06,428
Come on, love.
1101
00:52:06,552 --> 00:52:09,531
( all singing indistinctly )
1102
00:52:09,656 --> 00:52:11,957
( coughs )
1103
00:52:38,552 --> 00:52:40,302
♪ Drink a toast ♪
1104
00:52:40,955 --> 00:52:43,698
A toast, Larry.
To the regiment!
1105
00:52:43,823 --> 00:52:44,900
ALL:
To the regiment!
1106
00:52:45,025 --> 00:52:47,162
( speaking indistinctly )
1107
00:53:01,041 --> 00:53:02,116
To the regiment.
1108
00:53:02,242 --> 00:53:04,052
ALL:
To the regiment!
1109
00:53:04,177 --> 00:53:06,449
( band playing music )
1110
00:53:27,901 --> 00:53:30,007
( crowd laughing )
1111
00:54:10,412 --> 00:54:12,823
I tell you.
I think he's marvelous.
1112
00:54:12,948 --> 00:54:14,350
Yes. Isn't he?
1113
00:54:21,924 --> 00:54:24,694
Gracious heaven.
1114
00:55:21,085 --> 00:55:22,830
Larry! Larry!
1115
00:55:22,956 --> 00:55:26,065
( woman speaking
indistinctly )
1116
00:55:26,189 --> 00:55:27,657
Stop, Larry! Stop!
1117
00:55:31,163 --> 00:55:33,005
You're making a travesty
of the regiment.
1118
00:55:33,130 --> 00:55:35,308
And of our native land.
1119
00:55:35,434 --> 00:55:38,110
One thing you never made fun of,
Larry, was Scotland.
1120
00:55:38,236 --> 00:55:39,981
Well, look at me.
1121
00:55:40,106 --> 00:55:42,115
What?
1122
00:55:42,241 --> 00:55:45,072
There's something
strange going on.
1123
00:55:47,379 --> 00:55:49,155
WOMAN:
Do you know what I think?
1124
00:55:49,282 --> 00:55:50,858
I think you're not even--
1125
00:55:50,983 --> 00:55:52,192
Not even sober.
1126
00:55:52,318 --> 00:55:53,861
Larry. How can you
disgrace me like this?
1127
00:55:53,986 --> 00:55:55,294
Night after night?
1128
00:55:55,420 --> 00:55:57,231
Look here old girl.
I've had about enough of this.
1129
00:55:57,356 --> 00:55:59,475
I'll drink how I want,
1130
00:56:02,862 --> 00:56:04,137
Oh!
1131
00:56:04,263 --> 00:56:06,543
You sober fish wife.
1132
00:56:06,667 --> 00:56:09,434
No, I.
1133
00:56:15,043 --> 00:56:18,479
How dare you do that to me!
1134
00:56:22,081 --> 00:56:25,387
( crowd speaking
indistinctly )
1135
00:56:34,327 --> 00:56:37,186
Ooh, that's our Larry,
all right.
1136
00:56:38,332 --> 00:56:42,916
One thing Scotland knows how
to make and that's whiskey.
1137
00:56:45,941 --> 00:56:49,315
( chuckles )
1138
00:56:50,511 --> 00:56:53,757
and you missed me
and you hit Lady Vivian.
1139
00:56:53,882 --> 00:56:56,192
No, I was cheating.
I could see a little.
1140
00:56:56,317 --> 00:56:58,293
Heh, and what was the
last thing I hit you with?
1141
00:56:58,418 --> 00:57:00,418
( in low voice):
The cat.
1142
00:57:02,057 --> 00:57:04,467
( both laughing )
1143
00:57:10,499 --> 00:57:13,142
Yes.
1144
00:57:13,267 --> 00:57:15,568
Uh, is your eye
all right?
1145
00:57:16,303 --> 00:57:18,048
Oh, no.
No, it's quite all right.
1146
00:57:18,171 --> 00:57:20,544
Just like old times.
1147
00:57:26,112 --> 00:57:27,391
( coughs )
1148
00:57:27,516 --> 00:57:30,528
Em, do you know that
song I coughed tonight?
1149
00:57:30,653 --> 00:57:33,262
Yes.
1150
00:57:33,388 --> 00:57:35,568
It, eh, it's very much
like a song
1151
00:57:35,691 --> 00:57:37,434
we used to sing
in the 4h grade.
1152
00:57:37,558 --> 00:57:38,902
Well, that's quite possible.
1153
00:57:39,027 --> 00:57:40,705
Many of these old Scottish
heroes were used
1154
00:57:40,831 --> 00:57:43,540
over the years
with different person.
1155
00:57:43,665 --> 00:57:46,344
How did it go back
in the 4th grade?
1156
00:57:46,469 --> 00:57:49,578
I wonder
If I can remember it.
1157
00:57:49,704 --> 00:57:52,284
♪ When the fine mist of
Scotland ♪
1158
00:57:52,408 --> 00:57:55,087
♪ Is over the land ♪
1159
00:57:55,211 --> 00:58:03,227
♪ I am dreaming of making
And remembering when ♪
1160
00:58:03,352 --> 00:58:07,120
♪ We would stroll
Here together ♪
1161
00:58:11,361 --> 00:58:15,306
♪ With her eyes
Like the heather ♪
1162
00:58:15,431 --> 00:58:21,713
♪ She had sole my heart ♪
1163
00:58:21,837 --> 00:58:25,485
♪ Many the year
That has past us ♪
1164
00:58:25,609 --> 00:58:29,254
♪ Since we've been apart ♪
1165
00:58:29,378 --> 00:58:33,259
♪ But my wee darlin',
Maggie ♪
1166
00:58:33,384 --> 00:58:38,164
♪ Is still in my heart ♪
1167
00:58:38,290 --> 00:58:44,435
♪ With her eyes
Like the heather ♪
1168
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:50,142
♪ And skin fresh as dew ♪
1169
00:58:50,266 --> 00:58:57,049
♪ To my wee darling Maggie ♪
1170
00:58:57,174 --> 00:59:05,317
♪ I will e'er be true ♪
1171
00:59:15,661 --> 00:59:16,770
Why not?
1172
00:59:16,895 --> 00:59:19,623
Well, it was all
right before,
1173
00:59:21,701 --> 00:59:24,144
I don't think I should
sleep in this room.
1174
00:59:24,269 --> 00:59:26,312
That doesn't make
any sense at all.
1175
00:59:26,437 --> 00:59:27,715
It's not supposed to.
1176
00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:30,950
( phone rings )
1177
00:59:31,075 --> 00:59:33,520
MacKenzie Smith here.
1178
00:59:33,644 --> 00:59:35,896
Oh, hello,
Colonel Somerset.
1179
00:59:36,616 --> 00:59:37,959
Well, that's wonderful.
1180
00:59:38,083 --> 00:59:40,551
Fine.
1181
00:59:41,221 --> 00:59:42,988
Good work. Yeah.
1182
00:59:44,591 --> 00:59:46,134
Well, I think
they've got their man.
1183
00:59:46,258 --> 00:59:47,971
Tomorrow at this time,
1184
00:59:48,094 --> 00:59:49,403
they think I'll be able
1185
00:59:49,528 --> 00:59:53,279
to back to being
Private Ernie Williams again.
1186
00:59:56,536 --> 00:59:58,846
Just a minute.
Will you tell me something?
1187
00:59:58,972 --> 01:00:02,316
Do you want to go back
to being Private Ernie Williams?
1188
01:00:02,443 --> 01:00:06,379
You can get used
to almost anything.
1189
01:00:16,256 --> 01:00:17,924
( cat meows )
1190
01:00:19,460 --> 01:00:23,365
Sorry. Go find a louse.
1191
01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:28,852
Yes.
1192
01:00:30,271 --> 01:00:33,554
the entire show
magnificently.
1193
01:00:34,607 --> 01:00:36,053
would ever have been.
1194
01:00:36,177 --> 01:00:37,254
No, no, no, no.
1195
01:00:37,378 --> 01:00:39,612
I'm not as brave as Larry
1196
01:00:42,218 --> 01:00:44,892
I'd be brave enough to do
what I really want to do.
1197
01:00:45,017 --> 01:00:48,374
And what do you
really want to do?
1198
01:00:52,493 --> 01:00:55,571
But I'm too much of
a coward to do that.
1199
01:00:55,696 --> 01:01:00,410
This.
1200
01:01:00,535 --> 01:01:03,414
( bell rings )
1201
01:01:03,539 --> 01:01:05,314
ERNIE:
Who is it?
1202
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:06,784
Sergeant Stanhope, sir.
1203
01:01:06,909 --> 01:01:09,120
An urgent message
from Major Houston.
1204
01:01:09,245 --> 01:01:10,320
Ernie.
1205
01:01:10,446 --> 01:01:12,778
The eye patch.
The moustache.
1206
01:01:17,285 --> 01:01:19,154
Thank you, sergeant.
1207
01:01:22,958 --> 01:01:23,833
Hmm.
1208
01:01:23,959 --> 01:01:25,703
Ordered to headquarters
immediately.
1209
01:01:25,829 --> 01:01:27,505
The car's waiting down below
1210
01:01:27,630 --> 01:01:28,972
with the major, sir.
1211
01:01:29,097 --> 01:01:33,431
I'll be down directly.
Thank you, sergeant. Press on.
1212
01:01:33,569 --> 01:01:36,196
Well, I guess they got him.
1213
01:01:37,909 --> 01:01:42,585
and the general's eye patch
and the general's wife.
1214
01:01:46,016 --> 01:01:50,595
Well, for taking advantage
of the situation just now.
1215
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:55,995
I, uh, I guess we both had
a little too much to drink.
1216
01:01:57,159 --> 01:01:59,905
Oh, uh, would you
do me a great favor?
1217
01:02:00,029 --> 01:02:01,806
Of course.
1218
01:02:01,931 --> 01:02:04,745
Well, after the war,
if you ever get to Brooklyn,
1219
01:02:04,869 --> 01:02:06,544
Yes?
1220
01:02:06,670 --> 01:02:11,509
Don't look me up.
Nobody'll ever believe it.
1221
01:02:21,252 --> 01:02:23,555
( engine revs )
1222
01:02:25,491 --> 01:02:27,692
( door closes )
1223
01:02:29,427 --> 01:02:30,871
I say, this is
silly bother,
1224
01:02:30,995 --> 01:02:33,540
scurrying about at night
like a ruddy obstetrician.
1225
01:02:33,664 --> 01:02:35,875
I'll wager there's no
emergency at all.
1226
01:02:36,001 --> 01:02:38,635
Would you care to risk
a fiver?
1227
01:02:40,004 --> 01:02:41,782
Three sheets
of the wind, eh?
1228
01:02:41,906 --> 01:02:45,085
Aw, what you need, young man,
is some, uh, tomato juice,
1229
01:02:45,211 --> 01:02:48,514
raw egg,
Worcestershire sauce and...
1230
01:02:49,547 --> 01:02:52,191
Head blown off.
1231
01:02:52,317 --> 01:02:54,394
I say, the Major is dead.
1232
01:02:54,520 --> 01:02:56,462
Uh, would you stop...
The Major...
1233
01:02:56,587 --> 01:02:57,896
I say. Would you...
1234
01:02:58,022 --> 01:03:01,033
Uh, the Major is quite dead,
you know.
1235
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:02,601
I say. Would you stop...
1236
01:03:02,725 --> 01:03:04,071
Uh, look, the man...
1237
01:03:04,196 --> 01:03:07,613
Well, here, please.
You're out of uniform.
1238
01:03:08,436 --> 01:03:09,577
Uh, um...
1239
01:03:09,702 --> 01:03:12,479
The Major is quite...
Say something.
1240
01:03:12,606 --> 01:03:15,950
Say something else.
1241
01:03:16,073 --> 01:03:20,576
Don't attempt to escape
or the Major will have company.
1242
01:03:21,281 --> 01:03:23,290
but not quite clever enough.
1243
01:03:23,415 --> 01:03:24,926
You'll never get away
with this.
1244
01:03:25,052 --> 01:03:28,648
I say, Stanhope,
turn the car around.
1245
01:03:30,857 --> 01:03:33,168
Not tonight, General.
1246
01:03:33,294 --> 01:03:38,840
But if you turn the car around,
I'd promise you the usual.
1247
01:03:38,966 --> 01:03:41,376
I hated every minute of it.
1248
01:03:41,500 --> 01:03:44,470
Good show there.
1249
01:03:45,572 --> 01:03:47,482
( dramatic theme playing )
1250
01:03:47,607 --> 01:03:52,857
NARRATOR:
I never suspected her for
a moment. This is terrible.
1251
01:04:25,981 --> 01:04:28,116
( dramatic theme playing )
1252
01:04:30,319 --> 01:04:32,930
Welcome to Berlin,
General MacKenzie Smith.
1253
01:04:33,054 --> 01:04:35,464
You are now the guest
of the Third Reich.
1254
01:04:35,591 --> 01:04:38,502
Now, all we wish
is a little information.
1255
01:04:38,627 --> 01:04:40,302
And we shall see
that you are given
1256
01:04:40,429 --> 01:04:41,837
a charming house
in the country,
1257
01:04:41,963 --> 01:04:44,975
servants, wine, frauleins.
Whatever you may wish.
1258
01:04:45,099 --> 01:04:47,710
And you will be able to sit
out the rest of the war
1259
01:04:47,835 --> 01:04:49,181
in complete comfort.
1260
01:04:49,304 --> 01:04:52,049
All we ask is that
you tell us the truth.
1261
01:04:52,173 --> 01:04:54,852
MAN: Precisely.
1262
01:04:56,278 --> 01:04:57,987
You see, uh,
I'm an American soldier
1263
01:04:58,112 --> 01:05:00,357
and my name is Private First
Class Ernie Williams,
1264
01:05:00,483 --> 01:05:02,961
serial number, uh, 347236.
1265
01:05:03,085 --> 01:05:04,729
And I was supposed to go
back to America
1266
01:05:04,853 --> 01:05:06,297
because my mother
is very sick.
1267
01:05:06,423 --> 01:05:07,565
Only she isn't very sick.
1268
01:05:07,691 --> 01:05:09,199
She's in Miami Beach
with a bathing--
1269
01:05:09,324 --> 01:05:12,138
Oh! Oh!
1270
01:05:12,263 --> 01:05:13,971
What happened to the house
in the country?
1271
01:05:14,096 --> 01:05:17,443
My dear General, you have
a reputation for playing games.
1272
01:05:17,567 --> 01:05:19,010
We have not.
1273
01:05:19,135 --> 01:05:23,114
Unless you answer our questions
honestly and quickly,
1274
01:05:23,239 --> 01:05:26,384
we will have no alterative
but to order you shot.
1275
01:05:26,510 --> 01:05:27,842
Oh!
1276
01:05:29,379 --> 01:05:30,888
MAN;
And we are waiting to hear it.
1277
01:05:31,013 --> 01:05:32,357
You see this eye patch?
1278
01:05:32,484 --> 01:05:34,572
MAN:
Oh. General.
1279
01:05:35,253 --> 01:05:37,836
And, uh, look at that
moustache.
1280
01:05:38,356 --> 01:05:40,065
Oh. What ha...
1281
01:05:40,188 --> 01:05:42,836
Ugh. Must be the glue.
It got stuck in the sea air.
1282
01:05:42,959 --> 01:05:46,542
You see I haven't had it off
for a few days.
1283
01:05:46,863 --> 01:05:48,407
( screams )
1284
01:05:48,533 --> 01:05:49,975
Forget it . It's mine.
1285
01:05:50,102 --> 01:05:52,445
But you simply have to believe
how it all got started.
1286
01:05:52,569 --> 01:05:55,515
You see, I was doing imitations
for a couple of the fellas.
1287
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:58,017
And uh, heh, I do imitations,
you see.
1288
01:05:58,141 --> 01:06:00,387
Well, look. Maybe I can
explain it to you better.
1289
01:06:00,511 --> 01:06:01,854
( clears throat )
1290
01:06:01,980 --> 01:06:04,055
We survive them on
the beaches.
1291
01:06:04,181 --> 01:06:06,325
We survive them
in the villages.
1292
01:06:06,450 --> 01:06:07,760
We will never surrender.
1293
01:06:07,886 --> 01:06:10,194
( grunts )
1294
01:06:10,321 --> 01:06:11,897
Uh, I got a better one.
1295
01:06:12,022 --> 01:06:13,974
Oh, when the saints--
1296
01:06:16,028 --> 01:06:17,801
Ahem. Well, maybe this one
will do it.
1297
01:06:17,928 --> 01:06:20,307
I got a real good one here.
We have, hmm...
1298
01:06:20,431 --> 01:06:21,507
( speaks German )
1299
01:06:21,632 --> 01:06:23,243
ALL:
Heil Hitler!
1300
01:06:23,369 --> 01:06:25,412
( grunting )
1301
01:06:25,537 --> 01:06:28,983
Oh. Well, I...
1302
01:06:29,108 --> 01:06:31,940
Heh, nobody seems
to like that one.
1303
01:06:32,210 --> 01:06:34,520
MAN:
General MacKenzie Smith.
1304
01:06:34,647 --> 01:06:37,793
Perhaps you do not
understand us.
1305
01:06:37,918 --> 01:06:40,460
You have vital information
on the timing
1306
01:06:40,586 --> 01:06:42,394
and location
of the second front.
1307
01:06:42,519 --> 01:06:44,275
I have?
1308
01:06:45,123 --> 01:06:47,135
But because of your respect
for you,
1309
01:06:47,259 --> 01:06:49,570
I do not with
to see you reduced
1310
01:06:49,697 --> 01:06:52,684
to a shattered hulk
of a man.
1311
01:06:54,166 --> 01:06:57,335
MAN:
Are you trying to
make us believe
1312
01:06:57,703 --> 01:07:00,948
That's right. It was all a phony
and you fellas fell for it.
1313
01:07:01,072 --> 01:07:02,716
You see this grey stuff
they put in my hair?
1314
01:07:02,841 --> 01:07:04,252
It washes out with soap
and water.
1315
01:07:04,376 --> 01:07:06,354
Look. I'll show you.
I told them it was no good.
1316
01:07:06,479 --> 01:07:07,821
I have to touch it up
every night.
1317
01:07:07,946 --> 01:07:10,457
Even in the rain
it comes out.
1318
01:07:10,584 --> 01:07:12,217
Here. I'll show you.
1319
01:07:16,956 --> 01:07:20,369
Maybe they used a new brand
It...
1320
01:07:20,493 --> 01:07:21,803
Oh, it's me.
1321
01:07:21,929 --> 01:07:23,004
I've turned white.
1322
01:07:23,128 --> 01:07:24,507
See you've done it.
1323
01:07:24,631 --> 01:07:27,244
Poisoning Twickenham
and that shot through my head
1324
01:07:27,369 --> 01:07:28,845
and, uh, the submarine.
1325
01:07:28,970 --> 01:07:31,080
Oh, if you fellas only knew
what I've been through.
1326
01:07:31,204 --> 01:07:32,414
Oh, you do know.
Don't you?
1327
01:07:32,540 --> 01:07:34,515
It is only the beginning
my dear, General.
1328
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:35,717
Take him away.
1329
01:07:35,841 --> 01:07:36,919
Throw him in a cell.
1330
01:07:37,043 --> 01:07:38,888
Use the usual methods.
1331
01:07:39,012 --> 01:07:41,489
Not the usual.
1332
01:07:41,614 --> 01:07:42,892
MAN:
One more thing.
1333
01:07:43,018 --> 01:07:45,828
Our operatives in England
are everywhere.
1334
01:07:45,952 --> 01:07:48,263
You understand?
Everywhere.
1335
01:07:48,388 --> 01:07:51,033
And they are led by a man
so highly placed
1336
01:07:51,159 --> 01:07:53,302
British intelligence
would never suspect.
1337
01:07:53,426 --> 01:07:57,341
It is not only your life
that is in jeopardy.
1338
01:07:57,464 --> 01:08:00,977
But that of your wife.
Lady Margaret.
1339
01:08:01,103 --> 01:08:05,139
( speaking in German )
1340
01:08:08,844 --> 01:08:09,919
Heil Hitler.
1341
01:08:10,043 --> 01:08:11,587
You'll never get away...
1342
01:08:11,712 --> 01:08:13,849
( dramatic theme playing )
1343
01:08:20,255 --> 01:08:21,732
NARRATOR:
The news spread through
1344
01:08:21,858 --> 01:08:24,034
the German high command
like wildfire.
1345
01:08:24,159 --> 01:08:25,735
MacKenzie Smith had
broken down
1346
01:08:25,860 --> 01:08:27,070
and agreed to talk
1347
01:08:27,197 --> 01:08:29,172
after being tortured
continuously
1348
01:08:29,297 --> 01:08:32,699
for three solid minutes.
1349
01:08:33,137 --> 01:08:35,145
MAN:
Good evening here, General.
1350
01:08:35,270 --> 01:08:37,781
Let us get this filthy
business over with.
1351
01:08:37,906 --> 01:08:40,084
MAN:
This is a great moment
for the Third Reich.
1352
01:08:40,209 --> 01:08:42,253
We have broken
MacKenzie Smith.
1353
01:08:42,378 --> 01:08:45,156
Heh, this will please
the Fuehrer immensely.
1354
01:08:45,281 --> 01:08:49,526
I presume, gentlemen,
he will go into his dance again.
1355
01:08:49,652 --> 01:08:51,597
Be careful, general.
1356
01:08:51,723 --> 01:08:53,230
May I remind you
once more.
1357
01:08:53,354 --> 01:08:56,567
We have many operatives
in England. Many of them.
1358
01:08:56,693 --> 01:08:58,302
The one who leads them
1359
01:08:58,427 --> 01:09:00,738
is a very good friend
of your family.
1360
01:09:00,863 --> 01:09:03,141
And of your wife.
1361
01:09:03,267 --> 01:09:06,879
It doesn't matter.
She will be safe enough.
1362
01:09:07,004 --> 01:09:08,412
If you talk.
1363
01:09:08,537 --> 01:09:09,781
Now, here, General.
1364
01:09:09,908 --> 01:09:13,518
We have here a most
interesting map.
1365
01:09:13,643 --> 01:09:16,588
England, German, France.
1366
01:09:16,712 --> 01:09:20,593
All military objectives
carefully indicated.
1367
01:09:20,717 --> 01:09:22,094
You shall be
the professor
1368
01:09:22,218 --> 01:09:24,197
and we will be
your willing students.
1369
01:09:24,321 --> 01:09:26,565
The time, the location
and the strength
1370
01:09:26,690 --> 01:09:28,734
of the allied invasion.
1371
01:09:28,858 --> 01:09:31,170
Gentlemen,
when I finish
1372
01:09:31,294 --> 01:09:33,740
you will know as much about
this blasted invasion
1373
01:09:33,864 --> 01:09:37,331
as I do.
Perhaps even more.
1374
01:09:42,406 --> 01:09:45,085
Sorry. I was carried away,
old chap.
1375
01:09:45,209 --> 01:09:47,520
Uh, bit of tear in the eye
and that sort of thing.
1376
01:09:47,644 --> 01:09:50,728
I say, it's a bit of a blur
to realize
1377
01:09:51,249 --> 01:09:54,094
ERNIE: Righto.
1378
01:09:54,218 --> 01:09:56,364
Well, a concentration of troops
in Southern England
1379
01:09:56,487 --> 01:09:57,996
actually is a ruse,
you see.
1380
01:09:58,122 --> 01:10:00,131
Uh, we shall do
the main attack
1381
01:10:00,256 --> 01:10:02,869
in the soft underbelly
of Monte Carlo, right here.
1382
01:10:02,993 --> 01:10:05,105
You see. I say.
Surprise, eh?
1383
01:10:05,228 --> 01:10:08,148
Caught you on a sticky
wicket. What?
1384
01:10:08,434 --> 01:10:11,411
Well, you see actually,
um, mm, right here
1385
01:10:11,535 --> 01:10:14,783
is where we're going to a small
attack of naval vessels.
1386
01:10:14,906 --> 01:10:18,252
The LCTs, the BBDs,
the LSMFTs,
1387
01:10:18,377 --> 01:10:22,220
the IRT and the CIO and
the, uh, SMFR are our IUT.
1388
01:10:22,346 --> 01:10:25,459
What artillery? What infantry?
Who are their commanders?
1389
01:10:25,584 --> 01:10:27,295
What are their immediate
objectives?
1390
01:10:27,421 --> 01:10:28,762
Okay.
Write this down over there.
1391
01:10:28,888 --> 01:10:30,898
( speaking German )
1392
01:10:31,023 --> 01:10:32,467
I shall tell you
in a minute.
1393
01:10:32,592 --> 01:10:34,835
You see, Captain, Brigadier
General, Father Ingrad,
1394
01:10:34,961 --> 01:10:36,371
( gibbering ):
the Argyle Highlanders,
1395
01:10:36,497 --> 01:10:38,038
have taken the largest one
of the troops
1396
01:10:38,163 --> 01:10:39,374
as a haven for...
1397
01:10:39,500 --> 01:10:41,508
And of course, there's...
Tech here,
1398
01:10:41,633 --> 01:10:45,948
which, hmm, of course will
terminate at the edge or tip.
1399
01:10:46,072 --> 01:10:47,947
And here,
regarding the subways,
1400
01:10:48,073 --> 01:10:50,085
they will have
a remarkable incentive,
1401
01:10:50,211 --> 01:10:52,586
and, of course, the troops
are all employed
1402
01:10:52,711 --> 01:10:56,191
and all the frontal assault
which have nothing...
1403
01:10:56,316 --> 01:10:58,826
I suppose they...
Busy...
1404
01:10:58,952 --> 01:11:00,727
( blithering )
1405
01:11:00,853 --> 01:11:04,465
Than bottom, you see.
1406
01:11:04,589 --> 01:11:08,676
What have I done to England?
I simply can't go on.
1407
01:11:11,129 --> 01:11:13,041
Control yourself, General.
1408
01:11:13,167 --> 01:11:15,344
You are a military man
as we are.
1409
01:11:15,468 --> 01:11:17,179
We didn't understand
a word.
1410
01:11:17,305 --> 01:11:21,017
It doesn't matter.
Above all the signal.
1411
01:11:21,140 --> 01:11:23,017
Which signal do you mean?
1412
01:11:23,144 --> 01:11:24,819
Do not pretend, General.
1413
01:11:24,945 --> 01:11:26,555
Counter intelligence
has told us
1414
01:11:26,681 --> 01:11:29,158
a signal is to be
broadcast over the BBC
1415
01:11:29,282 --> 01:11:31,427
two days before D Day.
A meaningless phrase.
1416
01:11:31,552 --> 01:11:32,895
To the French
underground
1417
01:11:33,020 --> 01:11:36,021
to announce the date
of the invasion.
1418
01:11:37,291 --> 01:11:41,003
I'll be down to get you
in a taxi, honey.
1419
01:11:41,128 --> 01:11:42,904
And the hour.
1420
01:11:43,030 --> 01:11:44,407
The hour of the attack?
1421
01:11:44,532 --> 01:11:47,944
You'd better be ready
about half past eight.
1422
01:11:48,069 --> 01:11:51,280
We'll be ready.
1423
01:11:51,406 --> 01:11:55,451
I wish I could be there
when the band starts playing.
1424
01:11:55,578 --> 01:11:58,048
But you won't.
1425
01:11:59,711 --> 01:12:02,258
If I had a gun,
I would shoot myself.
1426
01:12:02,382 --> 01:12:05,761
It's the only
decent way left.
1427
01:12:05,887 --> 01:12:08,356
( speaking in German )
1428
01:12:22,906 --> 01:12:25,696
( dramatic theme playing )
1429
01:12:34,050 --> 01:12:36,476
( waltz theme playing )
1430
01:12:40,691 --> 01:12:43,547
( dramatic theme playing )
1431
01:12:51,701 --> 01:12:52,911
( knocking on door )
1432
01:12:53,036 --> 01:12:55,339
Einen moment.
1433
01:13:01,879 --> 01:13:04,314
Einen moment.
1434
01:13:09,854 --> 01:13:12,188
( speaking in German )
1435
01:13:23,232 --> 01:13:25,370
( all speaking in German )
1436
01:13:47,925 --> 01:13:50,069
( speaking indistinctly )
1437
01:13:50,193 --> 01:13:52,028
( truck horn honking )
1438
01:13:57,537 --> 01:13:58,979
( speaking indistinctly )
1439
01:13:59,105 --> 01:14:01,181
( whistle blowing )
1440
01:14:01,306 --> 01:14:04,418
( gunshot )
1441
01:14:04,543 --> 01:14:06,021
( indistinct chattering )
1442
01:14:06,144 --> 01:14:07,288
( woman screams )
1443
01:14:07,412 --> 01:14:09,996
( people speaking
indistinctly )
1444
01:14:21,427 --> 01:14:23,538
( speaks in German )
1445
01:14:26,399 --> 01:14:27,942
( screams )
1446
01:14:28,068 --> 01:14:29,511
( alarm wailing )
1447
01:14:29,637 --> 01:14:32,372
( people speaking
indistinctly )
1448
01:14:44,083 --> 01:14:45,960
( whistle blowing )
1449
01:14:46,086 --> 01:14:48,255
( speaking in German )
1450
01:14:52,292 --> 01:14:54,661
( all speaking
in German )
1451
01:15:01,268 --> 01:15:03,871
( speaking in German )
1452
01:15:13,014 --> 01:15:14,124
Goodbye.
1453
01:15:14,247 --> 01:15:15,324
( speaks in German )
1454
01:15:15,450 --> 01:15:17,027
( whistle blowing )
1455
01:15:17,151 --> 01:15:19,454
( indistinct chattering )
1456
01:15:42,311 --> 01:15:45,447
( woman speaking in German )
1457
01:15:53,921 --> 01:15:55,556
( crowd screaming )
1458
01:16:01,329 --> 01:16:04,334
( all speaking in German )
1459
01:16:18,181 --> 01:16:19,924
( dramatic theme playing )
1460
01:16:20,050 --> 01:16:22,403
( speaking indistinctly )
1461
01:16:29,960 --> 01:16:31,402
( gunshot )
1462
01:16:31,528 --> 01:16:33,864
( women singing in German )
1463
01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:43,107
( speaks in German )
1464
01:16:51,683 --> 01:16:55,064
( audience applauding
and cheering )
1465
01:16:59,423 --> 01:17:02,560
( band playing music )
1466
01:17:04,663 --> 01:17:07,579
( audience applauding
and cheering )
1467
01:17:19,476 --> 01:17:25,060
NARRATOR:
The German notes on this point
were somewhat fragmentary.
1468
01:17:26,417 --> 01:17:31,335
But bear in mind that Sigmund
Freud came from this country.
1469
01:17:35,293 --> 01:17:37,293
( man speaks in German )
1470
01:17:38,297 --> 01:17:41,195
( women screaming )
1471
01:17:45,604 --> 01:17:48,382
( speaking in German )
1472
01:17:48,507 --> 01:17:51,296
( audience applauding )
1473
01:17:55,314 --> 01:17:58,366
MAN:
Fraulein Lilly.
1474
01:18:00,152 --> 01:18:02,654
( band playing music )
1475
01:18:09,128 --> 01:18:11,598
( singing in German )
1476
01:18:25,344 --> 01:18:27,715
( audience laughing )
1477
01:18:48,369 --> 01:18:50,244
( audience applauding )
1478
01:18:50,368 --> 01:18:52,541
( speaking in German )
1479
01:18:55,175 --> 01:18:56,452
( chuckles )
1480
01:18:56,577 --> 01:18:58,555
( indistinct chattering )
1481
01:18:58,680 --> 01:19:01,456
( singing in German )
1482
01:19:01,582 --> 01:19:03,986
( audience laughing )
1483
01:19:09,523 --> 01:19:11,694
( audience applauding )
1484
01:19:18,697 --> 01:19:21,537
( man speaking in German )
1485
01:19:24,307 --> 01:19:25,975
( chuckles )
1486
01:19:41,358 --> 01:19:43,660
( chuckles )
1487
01:20:14,524 --> 01:20:16,193
Oh!
1488
01:20:19,896 --> 01:20:21,307
( audience applauding )
1489
01:20:21,431 --> 01:20:24,174
( all speaking in German )
1490
01:20:24,300 --> 01:20:27,192
( all singing in German )
1491
01:20:43,154 --> 01:20:44,865
( dramatic theme playing )
1492
01:20:44,988 --> 01:20:47,626
( all speaking in German )
1493
01:21:19,658 --> 01:21:22,128
( man speaking in German )
1494
01:21:29,868 --> 01:21:31,946
I have to start
the machine.
1495
01:21:32,072 --> 01:21:34,273
( all speaking in German )
1496
01:21:41,248 --> 01:21:42,383
( gunfire )
1497
01:21:51,757 --> 01:21:53,841
( plane engine whirring )
1498
01:21:59,600 --> 01:22:02,069
( all speaking in German )
1499
01:22:37,740 --> 01:22:40,208
( gunfire )
1500
01:22:51,387 --> 01:22:53,931
( gunfire )
1501
01:22:54,057 --> 01:22:56,224
( dramatic theme playing )
1502
01:22:57,891 --> 01:23:02,439
ERNIE ( speaking in English ):
Stop! Stop! Let me outta here.
1503
01:23:02,565 --> 01:23:04,409
Just in time.
1504
01:23:04,533 --> 01:23:06,733
( speaking in German )
1505
01:23:33,262 --> 01:23:36,141
Don't shoot. Oh.
1506
01:23:36,266 --> 01:23:39,537
( Ernie speaking
indistinctly )
1507
01:23:47,043 --> 01:23:49,421
Sir, we've captured
a German paratrooper
1508
01:23:49,546 --> 01:23:51,789
attempting to infiltrate
this headquarters.
1509
01:23:51,914 --> 01:23:53,024
He's demanded
the right to see
1510
01:23:53,149 --> 01:23:54,859
the commanding officer
personally.
1511
01:23:54,986 --> 01:23:57,254
MAN:
Very well. Bring him in.
1512
01:24:00,925 --> 01:24:03,058
Bring in the prisoner.
1513
01:24:04,260 --> 01:24:08,206
Heh, Puffy!
Puffy, am I glad to see you.
1514
01:24:08,332 --> 01:24:10,108
All right.
I'll talk to the prisoner.
1515
01:24:10,232 --> 01:24:12,812
Prisoner? Puffy, don't you
know me? I'm Binky.
1516
01:24:12,935 --> 01:24:15,269
ERNIE: I'm not really Binky.
1517
01:24:16,274 --> 01:24:18,418
Ernie. Yes. Private First Class
Ernie Williams.
1518
01:24:18,542 --> 01:24:21,667
Heh, I fooled you.
I fooled the Germans.
1519
01:24:22,213 --> 01:24:23,889
Heh, call Somerset.
He'll tell you.
1520
01:24:24,016 --> 01:24:26,894
Wilson. This seems to be
a top secret matter.
1521
01:24:27,017 --> 01:24:28,759
I'd like to get to the bottom
of this alone.
1522
01:24:28,885 --> 01:24:30,263
Dismissed.
1523
01:24:30,389 --> 01:24:32,199
Oh, Puffy, if you know
what I've been through.
1524
01:24:32,324 --> 01:24:34,400
I've been in submarines,
airplanes. I've been in Berlin.
1525
01:24:34,525 --> 01:24:36,536
I've even been at
the Gestapo headquarters.
1526
01:24:36,661 --> 01:24:38,370
Know what I did?
I stole some of the papers
1527
01:24:38,495 --> 01:24:41,074
out of the secret files naming
all the agents in England.
1528
01:24:41,198 --> 01:24:43,511
People you would never suspect.
I've got them right here.
1529
01:24:43,635 --> 01:24:47,546
General Carleton Brown
Wiffingham. Sergeant, er...
1530
01:24:47,672 --> 01:24:50,490
General Carleton Brown...
1531
01:24:51,209 --> 01:24:53,626
Yes, my dear
Private Williams.
1532
01:24:55,880 --> 01:24:57,257
If that is who you are!
1533
01:24:57,382 --> 01:24:59,192
You'll never get away
with this, Puffy.
1534
01:24:59,317 --> 01:25:00,194
Um, hello?
1535
01:25:00,318 --> 01:25:02,029
( dramatic theme playing )
1536
01:25:02,153 --> 01:25:03,631
Open up, please, sentry.
Urgent.
1537
01:25:03,756 --> 01:25:05,833
I'm sorry, sir. You can't
enter this headquarters.
1538
01:25:05,957 --> 01:25:07,635
Colonel Somerset
is general staff.
1539
01:25:07,760 --> 01:25:08,835
He has my identification.
1540
01:25:08,960 --> 01:25:10,204
I'm sorry, sir.
1541
01:25:10,328 --> 01:25:13,162
Where's the Sergeant
of the Guards?
1542
01:25:13,532 --> 01:25:15,509
This is a matter of life
and death, Sergeant.
1543
01:25:15,633 --> 01:25:17,077
Open up, please.
1544
01:25:17,200 --> 01:25:18,980
Sorry, sir.
All entry permits
1545
01:25:19,104 --> 01:25:20,248
have been cancelled
for the day.
1546
01:25:20,373 --> 01:25:21,817
Orders of
General Brown Wiffingham.
1547
01:25:21,942 --> 01:25:23,217
We've had
General Brown Wiffingham
1548
01:25:23,341 --> 01:25:24,783
under surveillance for weeks.
1549
01:25:24,910 --> 01:25:26,318
Wilson!
Hold that man.
1550
01:25:26,444 --> 01:25:28,257
The whole project,
the Dead Pigeon.
1551
01:25:28,382 --> 01:25:29,459
Or I will be.
Yeah, hello?
1552
01:25:29,582 --> 01:25:31,260
This German paratrooper
is masquerading
1553
01:25:31,384 --> 01:25:33,094
as an allied soldier.
Under the king's rules
1554
01:25:33,218 --> 01:25:35,063
and regulations
he is guilty of espionage
1555
01:25:35,188 --> 01:25:38,021
and subject to immediate
execution.
1556
01:25:40,228 --> 01:25:42,203
CARLETON:
Wilson, the penalty for
insubordination
1557
01:25:42,327 --> 01:25:45,440
is still the same. Take that
spy out and have him shot.
1558
01:25:45,566 --> 01:25:47,143
Shot? Uh...
1559
01:25:47,267 --> 01:25:50,345
But Puffy, you and I played
Rukka together for Scotland.
1560
01:25:50,469 --> 01:25:53,749
Ah, the MacKenzie Smith
Highlanders.
1561
01:25:53,874 --> 01:25:55,153
( dramatic theme playing )
1562
01:25:55,276 --> 01:25:58,109
WILSON:
Firing squad is ready, sir.
1563
01:26:00,914 --> 01:26:02,583
Dismissed.
1564
01:26:03,984 --> 01:26:05,987
No. Not you.
1565
01:26:13,261 --> 01:26:15,604
Maybe she's forgotten
who I am.
1566
01:26:15,729 --> 01:26:17,239
You will tell her,
won't you?
1567
01:26:17,365 --> 01:26:20,075
I mean you'll tell her that
I wasn't scared at all.
1568
01:26:20,200 --> 01:26:22,446
I'll get word
to Lady Margaret.
1569
01:26:22,570 --> 01:26:23,780
Cigarette?
1570
01:26:23,905 --> 01:26:25,874
No. No, thank you.
1571
01:26:28,443 --> 01:26:32,312
But I don't think
one could hurt me.
1572
01:26:38,952 --> 01:26:41,089
Match?
1573
01:26:44,494 --> 01:26:46,695
( coughs )
1574
01:26:50,300 --> 01:26:53,337
That won't be necessary.
1575
01:26:59,206 --> 01:27:02,421
Prepare to aim!
1576
01:27:02,546 --> 01:27:05,180
Squad ready!
1577
01:27:06,649 --> 01:27:08,534
Aim!
1578
01:27:09,585 --> 01:27:13,196
Just a minute. I think I will
have that blind fold.
1579
01:27:13,321 --> 01:27:17,327
WILSON:
Squad rest. Rest. Rest!
1580
01:27:22,431 --> 01:27:28,172
Uh, not too tight.
I get dizzy. See?
1581
01:27:36,211 --> 01:27:41,543
Squad ready! Aim!
1582
01:27:50,161 --> 01:27:52,463
( upbeat theme playing )
1583
01:27:59,536 --> 01:28:01,548
MAN ( over radio ):
It is only fitting
1584
01:28:01,672 --> 01:28:04,818
that Britain today
should do honor
1585
01:28:04,943 --> 01:28:06,053
( door bell rings )
1586
01:28:06,177 --> 01:28:07,353
to the valiant heroes
1587
01:28:07,479 --> 01:28:10,484
who have made this day
possible.
1588
01:28:13,419 --> 01:28:16,128
are already familiar
to you.
1589
01:28:16,253 --> 01:28:18,597
General Eisenhower
forthwith...
1590
01:28:18,723 --> 01:28:20,200
Good afternoon,
Lay Margaret.
1591
01:28:20,325 --> 01:28:22,436
Lovely day for England.
1592
01:28:22,561 --> 01:28:24,439
Huh? Thank you, madam.
1593
01:28:24,563 --> 01:28:26,170
Oh, I'm sorry.
1594
01:28:26,297 --> 01:28:28,208
I couldn't tell you before.
Security reasons.
1595
01:28:28,332 --> 01:28:30,111
Anyhow we dashed down to
the South Hampton
1596
01:28:30,236 --> 01:28:32,145
staging area hoping
to get there on time.
1597
01:28:32,270 --> 01:28:33,914
By jove, that's a pretty dress
you've got on.
1598
01:28:34,039 --> 01:28:35,115
Never mind about the dress.
1599
01:28:35,239 --> 01:28:36,450
We were held up
at the gate.
1600
01:28:36,576 --> 01:28:38,218
The firing party had
raised their rifles.
1601
01:28:38,342 --> 01:28:39,620
I heard the command,
1602
01:28:39,745 --> 01:28:40,921
Yes?
1603
01:28:41,046 --> 01:28:42,522
Good Lord.
I'd love a cup of tea.
1604
01:28:42,649 --> 01:28:43,990
Oh, yes. Oh, tea.
1605
01:28:44,115 --> 01:28:45,759
Yes.
1606
01:28:45,883 --> 01:28:47,127
And what then?
1607
01:28:47,253 --> 01:28:50,586
Um, some milk and sugar
if I may, please.
1608
01:28:51,490 --> 01:28:52,767
Private Williams.
Oh, yes.
1609
01:28:52,892 --> 01:28:54,067
Yeah. He's absolutely fine.
1610
01:28:54,193 --> 01:28:55,602
We only got there
in the nick of time.
1611
01:28:55,728 --> 01:28:56,803
It was a bit of a do.
1612
01:28:56,928 --> 01:28:58,006
Where is he?
When can I see him?
1613
01:28:58,130 --> 01:28:59,608
How many lumps you put
in here?
1614
01:28:59,732 --> 01:29:01,545
He can see you any time.
He's at the base hospital.
1615
01:29:01,671 --> 01:29:03,543
Not much matter with him.
Just shock and fatigue
1616
01:29:03,668 --> 01:29:05,078
and the after effects
of smoking.
1617
01:29:05,203 --> 01:29:06,581
( man speaking indistinctly
over radio )
1618
01:29:06,705 --> 01:29:10,017
Wonder if you'd mind
if I turned up your radio.
1619
01:29:10,142 --> 01:29:12,953
MAN ( over radio ):
General Sir Lawrence
MacKenzie Smith.
1620
01:29:13,078 --> 01:29:15,288
The architect of the invasion.
1621
01:29:15,413 --> 01:29:16,991
The master planner
1622
01:29:17,118 --> 01:29:19,195
whom we had believed
killed
1623
01:29:19,321 --> 01:29:21,361
in performance
of his duties,
1624
01:29:21,486 --> 01:29:23,131
actually survived
1625
01:29:23,255 --> 01:29:26,203
and was taken prisoner
by the Nazis.
1626
01:29:26,327 --> 01:29:30,271
I rejoice along
with all of England
1627
01:29:30,395 --> 01:29:33,207
that he was liberated
in the first among...
1628
01:29:33,333 --> 01:29:35,303
MARGARET:
Larry.
1629
01:29:40,606 --> 01:29:42,084
We've just heard
the news that--
1630
01:29:42,209 --> 01:29:43,419
Yes. I know.
1631
01:29:43,545 --> 01:29:46,190
Do try to control
your joyous hysteria
1632
01:29:46,314 --> 01:29:48,489
at my return
from the grave, Maggie.
1633
01:29:48,614 --> 01:29:50,994
I know how pleased
you are to see me.
1634
01:29:51,118 --> 01:29:53,294
Oh, sir, Lawrence, you can't
even begin to realize--
1635
01:29:53,419 --> 01:29:55,064
Oh, come off it,
Somerset.
1636
01:29:55,188 --> 01:29:57,938
You were just as
pleased to see me
1637
01:29:58,559 --> 01:29:59,935
Oh, no, please, please.
Lawrence.
1638
01:30:00,060 --> 01:30:01,604
Will you
get out of here!
1639
01:30:01,730 --> 01:30:04,540
I have a few matters of
a very intimate nature
1640
01:30:04,666 --> 01:30:07,644
to discuss with
my dearly beloved.
1641
01:30:07,769 --> 01:30:10,513
You may listen
at the keyhole.
1642
01:30:10,637 --> 01:30:13,651
If you'll pardon me,
I'm going over to the enemy.
1643
01:30:13,776 --> 01:30:15,452
Heil Hitler!
1644
01:30:15,576 --> 01:30:18,889
I see you haven't lost
your charming ways
1645
01:30:19,012 --> 01:30:20,525
with your subordinates.
1646
01:30:20,648 --> 01:30:24,628
I hear you haven't either,
my dear.
1647
01:30:24,752 --> 01:30:28,764
What's this I hear about you
and that American private?
1648
01:30:28,891 --> 01:30:30,000
It's all true.
1649
01:30:30,126 --> 01:30:32,003
Oh, come now.
1650
01:30:32,128 --> 01:30:34,037
A penniless common soldier.
1651
01:30:34,162 --> 01:30:35,438
A complete nonentity.
1652
01:30:35,565 --> 01:30:38,475
I've had my fill
of entities.
1653
01:30:38,602 --> 01:30:39,778
Next thing
you'll be saying
1654
01:30:39,903 --> 01:30:41,412
you're in love with
the blighter.
1655
01:30:41,536 --> 01:30:44,036
I am in love
with the blighter.
1656
01:30:48,979 --> 01:30:50,054
Heh.
1657
01:30:50,179 --> 01:30:51,356
( romantic theme playing )
1658
01:30:51,481 --> 01:30:53,124
How did you manage?
I mean, how...
1659
01:30:53,248 --> 01:30:55,593
Well, look, you see.
1660
01:30:55,718 --> 01:30:57,294
They wanted to give me
a medal,
1661
01:30:57,420 --> 01:30:58,829
but all I asked for was
a smart technician
1662
01:30:58,955 --> 01:31:01,432
from the Signal Corp with
a recorder and a microphone.
1663
01:31:01,558 --> 01:31:04,235
That's why you heard
what you did on the radio.
1664
01:31:04,361 --> 01:31:06,303
General Lawrence
McKenzie Smith,
1665
01:31:06,429 --> 01:31:10,241
the architect of the invasion,
the master planner.
1666
01:31:10,367 --> 01:31:12,652
I just had to make sure
1667
01:31:14,170 --> 01:31:16,506
Did you mean it?
1668
01:31:22,310 --> 01:31:23,954
And I had you fooled
every minute.
1669
01:31:24,081 --> 01:31:25,984
Every minute.
1670
01:31:37,730 --> 01:31:41,227
NARRATOR:
For those of you
who are curious on what's going on in.. (?)
1671
01:31:42,300 --> 01:31:44,604
it's just the usual.
166026
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