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1
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Limon, do I love Jim again?
2
00:00:01,706 --> 00:00:03,528
- Yes.
- Shit!
3
00:00:03,530 --> 00:00:05,552
Previously on "Brockmire"...
4
00:00:05,554 --> 00:00:06,935
- Oh, Jules.
- Hi!
5
00:00:06,937 --> 00:00:09,100
Jim said you two were
working together again.
6
00:00:09,102 --> 00:00:11,293
We just had sex,
so he's a little tuckered out,
7
00:00:11,295 --> 00:00:12,896
but I'll see if I can razz him.
8
00:00:12,898 --> 00:00:14,016
Like if I'm emotional,
9
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it's cause I'm proud of you, darling.
10
00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:17,624
Let me tell you, your mother,
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she'd be very, very
proud of you as well.
12
00:00:21,178 --> 00:00:22,428
- How's it going in there?
- _
13
00:00:22,430 --> 00:00:23,929
Give me some privacy.
14
00:00:23,931 --> 00:00:27,110
Left a wide variety of
menstrual options for you.
15
00:00:27,112 --> 00:00:30,324
Pads are easiest, panty
liners if it's a light flow.
16
00:00:30,326 --> 00:00:32,201
And I've been hearing a
lot of good chatter lately
17
00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:34,286
in my moms' group about the Diva cub.
18
00:00:34,288 --> 00:00:37,540
I don't wanna bleed
into a tiny bucket, Dad.
19
00:00:37,542 --> 00:00:39,458
Just let me use a tampon in peace.
20
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:42,211
You know, the ancient
Egyptians used a tampon.
21
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It was reed wrapped in soft papyrus.
22
00:00:45,216 --> 00:00:47,258
These "pessarions" as they were called
23
00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:49,725
were a luxury of the upper class.
24
00:00:49,727 --> 00:00:52,317
The unrelenting Egyptian
sun combined with the...
25
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:54,265
well, the less-than-absorbent papyrus
26
00:00:54,267 --> 00:00:56,851
meant that you had to change
the thing once every hour.
27
00:00:56,853 --> 00:01:00,062
Well, if you could afford
to do that, let's just say
28
00:01:00,064 --> 00:01:02,765
you probably owned
yourself a boatload of Jews.
29
00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:06,269
Stop, please. It's done, okay?
30
00:01:06,271 --> 00:01:09,887
Let's never talk about this again.
31
00:01:09,889 --> 00:01:11,683
Hey.
32
00:01:13,528 --> 00:01:17,282
Oh, sweetie, did you
leave the applicator in?
33
00:01:18,033 --> 00:01:19,949
You did, didn't ya?
34
00:01:19,951 --> 00:01:22,618
Gonna have to work out a better
system than this, darling,
35
00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:24,203
'cause it's only the beginning.
36
00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:26,039
I mean, what's gonna happen
when we need to discuss
37
00:01:26,041 --> 00:01:27,582
your upcoming sexual awakening?
38
00:01:27,584 --> 00:01:30,460
I mean, your fertile
years, they are upon us.
39
00:01:30,462 --> 00:01:32,295
- Dad.
- What?
40
00:01:32,297 --> 00:01:33,880
Very treacherous road and, boy,
41
00:01:33,882 --> 00:01:36,007
I'm not wearing the proper shoes for it.
42
00:01:36,009 --> 00:01:38,217
Is there a woman I can talk to?
43
00:01:38,219 --> 00:01:39,761
Oh, I wish.
44
00:01:39,763 --> 00:01:43,725
I wish I knew some sex-positive
woman with enough knowledge...
45
00:01:44,582 --> 00:01:46,313
Oh, shit, I do.
46
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:49,919
So if you have any
questions about anal sex
47
00:01:49,921 --> 00:01:54,105
or oral sex or any sex, you just ask.
48
00:01:54,107 --> 00:01:56,691
So, you've had all the sex?
49
00:01:56,693 --> 00:01:58,859
All that can be had.
50
00:01:58,861 --> 00:02:00,236
But that's who I am.
51
00:02:00,238 --> 00:02:03,531
There are asexual people out
there who are just as satisfied
52
00:02:03,533 --> 00:02:05,866
with their lives as I am with mine.
53
00:02:05,868 --> 00:02:09,704
You know what, I just want you
to know the important thing is
54
00:02:09,706 --> 00:02:12,732
sex doesn't have to be bad or scary,
55
00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:14,776
and it should...
56
00:02:14,778 --> 00:02:16,111
always feel good.
57
00:02:16,113 --> 00:02:18,918
Oh, I can see that you're
getting overwhelmed.
58
00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,740
We are getting ahead of ourselves.
59
00:02:20,742 --> 00:02:23,577
Look, I brought you something.
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00:02:23,579 --> 00:02:25,203
This is very basic.
61
00:02:25,205 --> 00:02:28,206
It just has three settings,
but for my money,
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00:02:28,208 --> 00:02:31,042
number two hits the sweet spot.
63
00:02:31,044 --> 00:02:34,462
So we're just gonna put
this right over on the shelf,
64
00:02:34,464 --> 00:02:37,257
and one day, when you are ready,
65
00:02:37,259 --> 00:02:42,721
it will be waiting for you
to begin your own exploration.
66
00:02:42,723 --> 00:02:45,309
Okay?
67
00:02:48,415 --> 00:02:50,063
What happened to "I haven't dated
68
00:02:50,065 --> 00:02:51,605
since I became a single father"?
69
00:02:51,607 --> 00:02:53,273
Who's dating?
70
00:02:53,275 --> 00:02:55,887
- After Lucy's first little visit there,
- _
71
00:02:55,889 --> 00:02:58,591
she would stop by every time
she was in town, and you know...
72
00:02:58,593 --> 00:03:00,699
- We formed an ecosystem.
- Yeah.
73
00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:02,823
Beth needed a maternal figure,
74
00:03:02,825 --> 00:03:06,036
I longed for a sense of family
that didn't feel like a trap,
75
00:03:06,038 --> 00:03:09,204
and Jim was pent up with years
76
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:12,140
of incredible untapped sexual energy.
77
00:03:12,142 --> 00:03:14,072
Oh, well, hey now, please
don't sell yourself short,
78
00:03:14,074 --> 00:03:16,867
because it was your prowess
that ignited that cannon.
79
00:03:16,869 --> 00:03:18,243
It was.
80
00:03:18,245 --> 00:03:21,400
It's not flattery, Jim,
ask around the sex club.
81
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:24,541
Your powerful orgasms
have quite the reputation.
82
00:03:24,543 --> 00:03:26,501
- Sex club?
- It's nothing weird.
83
00:03:26,503 --> 00:03:28,712
Look, Lucy and I, we're platonic exes
84
00:03:28,714 --> 00:03:30,547
who occasionally have sex in public,
85
00:03:30,549 --> 00:03:32,966
and sometimes we raise
a daughter together.
86
00:03:32,968 --> 00:03:35,969
- It really is that simple.
- Is it, Lucy?
87
00:03:35,971 --> 00:03:38,597
Can I remind you please,
that, earlier today,
88
00:03:38,599 --> 00:03:42,184
you yelled "boo" right into
my face when I suggested
89
00:03:42,186 --> 00:03:44,019
the possibility of a future together?
90
00:03:44,021 --> 00:03:46,062
I mean, something changed?
91
00:03:46,064 --> 00:03:48,315
Look how sweaty and frazzled she is.
92
00:03:48,317 --> 00:03:53,040
She clearly ran here to
confess her love for you.
93
00:03:53,042 --> 00:03:54,317
Holy shit.
94
00:03:54,319 --> 00:03:55,550
That's not true, is it?
95
00:03:56,743 --> 00:03:59,201
I just listened to you two go on
96
00:03:59,203 --> 00:04:00,869
about your hole filling sessions
97
00:04:00,871 --> 00:04:04,164
like a couple of goddamn
weekly pickup basketball games.
98
00:04:04,166 --> 00:04:07,657
I'm not exactly in the
mood to profess my love.
99
00:04:07,659 --> 00:04:09,724
You love me?
100
00:04:09,726 --> 00:04:13,375
Speech, speech, speech.
101
00:04:13,377 --> 00:04:16,051
I know you mean well,
but that is not gonna help
102
00:04:16,053 --> 00:04:17,636
untangle this clusterfuck.
103
00:04:17,638 --> 00:04:19,831
You're right, I am so sorry.
104
00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:22,098
This is so great. I'm
gonna leave you two
105
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:26,019
to enjoy this beautiful
moment in private.
106
00:04:26,021 --> 00:04:28,855
Oh, oh, oh, you know, I thought
I had all the Jim out of me,
107
00:04:28,857 --> 00:04:30,941
but it's like a lava
lamp just broke in there.
108
00:04:30,943 --> 00:04:32,025
Excuse me.
109
00:04:32,027 --> 00:04:34,527
I just need to use the restroom.
110
00:04:34,529 --> 00:04:35,894
I'm gonna go now.
111
00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:37,758
Whoa, whoa!
112
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,321
Jules, wait, Jules, hey, come on.
113
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:43,787
Why can't we just have one
normal chapter in our love story?
114
00:04:43,789 --> 00:04:45,830
'Cause I'm not a normal man, Jules,
115
00:04:45,832 --> 00:04:47,332
and you are not a normal woman.
116
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:48,541
You are exceptional.
117
00:04:48,543 --> 00:04:50,085
Now I want you to trust me, please.
118
00:04:50,087 --> 00:04:52,194
There is nothing going
on between Lucy and I.
119
00:04:52,196 --> 00:04:53,213
Watch this.
120
00:04:53,215 --> 00:04:56,466
Lucy, we can never, ever have sex again!
121
00:04:56,468 --> 00:04:57,884
Totally fine!
122
00:04:57,886 --> 00:04:59,928
And I like the way things
are trending out there.
123
00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:01,346
Now, please, please,
124
00:05:01,348 --> 00:05:03,306
I'll make whatever commitment
you want me to make.
125
00:05:03,308 --> 00:05:04,542
Gimme that speech
126
00:05:04,544 --> 00:05:06,226
you were itching to
deliver on my doorstep.
127
00:05:06,228 --> 00:05:07,894
I have never been on the receiving end
128
00:05:07,896 --> 00:05:10,607
of a declaration of love before.
129
00:05:21,785 --> 00:05:24,411
Wanna do this thing or not?
130
00:05:24,413 --> 00:05:26,288
I feel like there had to
be more to it than that
131
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,206
because we are the Sid
and Nancy of baseball,
132
00:05:28,208 --> 00:05:29,916
we are reuniting, I mean,
there's a story there...
133
00:05:29,918 --> 00:05:33,280
I am being so cool right
now, all things considered!
134
00:05:33,282 --> 00:05:34,587
You really are. You really are.
135
00:05:34,589 --> 00:05:36,589
And of course I would love
to give things another shot.
136
00:05:36,591 --> 00:05:38,508
You know, in the past,
we never worked out
137
00:05:38,510 --> 00:05:41,094
because I always made
you take care of me, ugh.
138
00:05:41,096 --> 00:05:43,430
I just really wanna
take care of you now.
139
00:05:43,432 --> 00:05:45,056
Well, that's a little better.
140
00:05:45,058 --> 00:05:47,043
Little more of that,
little more of this,
141
00:05:47,045 --> 00:05:48,810
and the three of us might make
it out of this thing alive.
142
00:05:48,812 --> 00:05:51,187
Well, four of us,
'cause my daughter, Beth,
143
00:05:51,189 --> 00:05:52,814
is due here any minute for the weekend.
144
00:05:52,816 --> 00:05:55,230
Boy, I cannot wait for
my two favorite people
145
00:05:55,232 --> 00:05:56,401
to finally meet each other.
146
00:05:56,403 --> 00:05:58,153
Yeah, we don't have to
rush right into that.
147
00:05:58,155 --> 00:05:59,529
Kinda do, because we're coming out
148
00:05:59,531 --> 00:06:00,831
of a little bit of a rough patch.
149
00:06:00,833 --> 00:06:02,574
I need to prove to
her that I have a life
150
00:06:02,576 --> 00:06:04,617
independent of just being her father,
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00:06:04,619 --> 00:06:07,787
so, well, I need her to
sign off on the relationship.
152
00:06:07,789 --> 00:06:09,706
- What now?
- Hey, Dad.
153
00:06:09,708 --> 00:06:11,458
Beth, hey. Hey, darling.
154
00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:14,002
I'd like for you to meet Julia...
155
00:06:14,004 --> 00:06:16,254
- Oh, Beth!
- Lucy!
156
00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:18,388
Hi, oh, my God!
157
00:06:18,390 --> 00:06:20,339
- You're so beautiful.
- Hi.
158
00:06:20,341 --> 00:06:23,470
- Oh, I'm so proud of you.
- Oh, I missed you so much.
159
00:06:23,472 --> 00:06:26,014
- When did you get in?
- Oh, just a few hours ago.
160
00:06:26,016 --> 00:06:29,071
Look at you, you're so
radiant. I'm so proud of you.
161
00:06:29,073 --> 00:06:31,770
Oh, my God, I have so
much to catch you up on.
162
00:06:31,772 --> 00:06:32,886
So much I have to tell you.
163
00:06:32,888 --> 00:06:34,170
Can you, like, do brunch tomorrow?
164
00:06:34,172 --> 00:06:35,395
- Can you do brunch?
- I wish.
165
00:06:35,397 --> 00:06:37,359
- I'm just in and out.
- No!
166
00:06:37,361 --> 00:06:39,402
No, can you stay a little bit longer?
167
00:06:39,404 --> 00:06:40,844
You can't talk?
168
00:06:40,846 --> 00:06:42,180
I can...
169
00:06:43,189 --> 00:06:44,670
Have brunch tomorrow.
170
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,111
Who are you?
171
00:06:46,113 --> 00:06:49,825
This is Julia James, who
I told you about so often.
172
00:06:51,090 --> 00:06:52,299
O-okay.
173
00:06:53,293 --> 00:06:56,211
And Beth Brockmire's lukewarm "okay"
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00:06:56,213 --> 00:06:58,671
puts brunch on the table!
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00:06:58,673 --> 00:07:00,884
Yeah!
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00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,295
Give it up for Envy!
177
00:07:07,912 --> 00:07:10,736
All right, everyone, enjoy your brunch,
178
00:07:10,738 --> 00:07:14,892
and don't forget...
it's bottomless mimosas.
179
00:07:16,818 --> 00:07:18,229
You use cash?
180
00:07:18,231 --> 00:07:19,795
You know you can pay for everything
181
00:07:19,797 --> 00:07:21,588
with your phone now, right?
182
00:07:21,590 --> 00:07:23,006
I know, I just think there's something
183
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:24,549
more honest about a fistful of singles.
184
00:07:24,551 --> 00:07:26,400
You know, we could have just gone to
185
00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:28,178
a normal brunch place.
186
00:07:28,180 --> 00:07:31,890
This place is a little, uh, 2010s.
187
00:07:31,892 --> 00:07:35,729
Yeah, I asked Limon what
a good place would be
188
00:07:35,731 --> 00:07:38,563
that would be memorable, and, uh...
189
00:07:38,565 --> 00:07:40,816
Oh.
190
00:07:40,818 --> 00:07:45,605
So tell me about, uh, school.
What grade are you in?
191
00:07:45,607 --> 00:07:48,442
Uh, 15th, I guess.
192
00:07:48,444 --> 00:07:51,208
If you wanna call it that.
193
00:07:51,210 --> 00:07:52,250
Yeah.
194
00:07:52,252 --> 00:07:54,129
And what are your favorite subjects.
195
00:07:54,131 --> 00:07:56,298
- Do you like...
- Why are we doing this?
196
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:59,092
I just... we're just... two girls
197
00:07:59,094 --> 00:08:01,958
having a super fun
girls' bonding brunch.
198
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,306
Excuse me, I'm a little dry here!
199
00:08:04,308 --> 00:08:07,400
Why do I need to bond with you?
200
00:08:07,402 --> 00:08:10,237
I don't know, why do you
need to bond with Lucy?
201
00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:14,399
Well, I mean, Lucy,
she's a feminist pioneer,
202
00:08:14,401 --> 00:08:19,001
she's a sex educator,
she's an entrepreneur.
203
00:08:19,003 --> 00:08:22,817
I actually tried that mojito
flavored lube she invented
204
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:25,779
and... couldn't get a buzz.
205
00:08:25,781 --> 00:08:27,412
Are you and my dad
getting back together?
206
00:08:27,414 --> 00:08:29,647
Is that something you'd be okay with?
207
00:08:29,649 --> 00:08:31,625
That's what this is?
208
00:08:31,627 --> 00:08:33,168
You need my stamp of approval?
209
00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:35,087
God, we're two different people,
210
00:08:35,089 --> 00:08:37,417
with two completely different lives.
211
00:08:37,419 --> 00:08:38,858
When is he gonna start seeing that?
212
00:08:38,860 --> 00:08:40,008
Aren't you being a little dramatic?
213
00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:41,293
I mean, there are worse things.
214
00:08:41,295 --> 00:08:43,789
I'm sure the people of The
Disputed Lands would kill
215
00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,013
for their biggest problem to be
216
00:08:45,015 --> 00:08:46,431
that their daddies love them too much.
217
00:08:46,433 --> 00:08:47,891
You know, my dad always talked about
218
00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:50,022
how great you were, but I don't know.
219
00:08:50,024 --> 00:08:52,219
From where I'm sitting, you're
just a washed up alcoholic
220
00:08:52,221 --> 00:08:54,537
- who blew up a magician.
- He blew himself up.
221
00:08:54,539 --> 00:08:58,787
So because you dated my
dad for a couple months,
222
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:02,364
like, 15 years ago, you think
you have all of the answers?
223
00:09:02,366 --> 00:09:03,812
I don't know if I have all the answers,
224
00:09:03,814 --> 00:09:06,618
but I'm pretty sure I can solve
your most pressing problem.
225
00:09:06,620 --> 00:09:08,772
- Yeah?
- How 'bout trying to not be
226
00:09:08,774 --> 00:09:12,332
such a bitch all the time?
227
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:13,500
Help me?
228
00:09:13,502 --> 00:09:15,889
Limon, I really want this place to feel
229
00:09:15,891 --> 00:09:17,879
like a home for all three of us.
230
00:09:17,881 --> 00:09:19,548
That's very thoughtful, Jim.
231
00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:21,968
Probably need to make it
more female-friendly in here.
232
00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:24,720
Tell you what, why don't you
get me a case of Chardonnay,
233
00:09:24,722 --> 00:09:27,524
some magazines about awful, terrible,
234
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:30,641
horrible, stupid people,
and two more throw pillows
235
00:09:30,643 --> 00:09:32,519
than the common sense
amount for each room.
236
00:09:32,521 --> 00:09:34,604
That's very sexist, Jim.
237
00:09:34,606 --> 00:09:37,941
Yeah, well, so is your mother, Limon.
238
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:43,447
Occupied.
239
00:09:43,449 --> 00:09:44,823
It's Beth.
240
00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:46,408
Walk away Beth.
241
00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:48,436
You were talking shit back there
242
00:09:48,438 --> 00:09:50,624
like someone who's never
been in a fight before,
243
00:09:50,626 --> 00:09:52,831
and unless you wanna
rectify that right now,
244
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:55,625
a face-to-face is unwise.
245
00:09:55,627 --> 00:09:58,005
I really have to pee, though, please.
246
00:10:01,967 --> 00:10:04,678
Huh, whoa, okay. Thank God.
247
00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:11,767
Look, I'm not going anywhere
248
00:10:11,769 --> 00:10:13,513
and your dad's not gonna change,
249
00:10:13,515 --> 00:10:15,520
so how's about we just
tell him we fuckin' bonded
250
00:10:15,522 --> 00:10:16,813
and call it a day.
251
00:10:16,815 --> 00:10:17,861
Yeah, sounds great.
252
00:10:17,863 --> 00:10:19,556
Anything to end this nightmare brunch.
253
00:10:19,558 --> 00:10:20,934
Great.
254
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,905
And how do you know if I've
never been in a fight before?
255
00:10:24,907 --> 00:10:26,257
You're a talker, just like he is.
256
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,636
I'm a fighter. Fighters always know.
257
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:33,277
Hey, let me hit that.
258
00:10:33,279 --> 00:10:34,905
Please.
259
00:10:36,391 --> 00:10:37,934
Good call.
260
00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:43,924
I like to drink on the toilet, too.
261
00:10:43,926 --> 00:10:47,094
Why do you even wanna
get back with my dad?
262
00:10:47,096 --> 00:10:51,431
I mean, in all the stories
he told, he was awful.
263
00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:54,893
Come on, I actually wanna know.
264
00:10:54,895 --> 00:10:56,230
He sees me.
265
00:10:57,763 --> 00:11:01,931
My schemes, my stubbornness,
266
00:11:01,933 --> 00:11:03,604
the drinking, the rage,
267
00:11:03,606 --> 00:11:06,289
and he doesn't just see these as flaws.
268
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,710
He actually finds them delightful.
269
00:11:09,743 --> 00:11:12,994
He's the only one who's
ever loved all of me.
270
00:11:17,292 --> 00:11:19,211
That's kinda sweet.
271
00:11:27,052 --> 00:11:29,636
We never even got a food order in.
272
00:11:29,638 --> 00:11:32,472
By food do you mean booze?
273
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,516
It's how I eat three meals a day.
274
00:11:34,518 --> 00:11:38,353
- All right.
- Okay, okay.
275
00:11:38,355 --> 00:11:41,358
Mmm.
276
00:11:44,778 --> 00:11:46,447
Okay, Dolly!
277
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:49,531
Can I have another mimosa please?
278
00:11:49,533 --> 00:11:50,782
You got it, sugar.
279
00:11:50,784 --> 00:11:53,493
Hey, what do you say
we get some real drinks,
280
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:56,663
and turn this brunch into a "drunch".
281
00:11:56,665 --> 00:11:59,283
A Long Island ice tea, please.
282
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:01,668
Nope, she won't... she won't have that.
283
00:12:01,670 --> 00:12:03,295
Hold on.
284
00:12:03,297 --> 00:12:07,924
Okay, uh, do you guys do Jagerbombs?
285
00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:10,173
Okay, you just give me five minutes,
286
00:12:10,175 --> 00:12:13,096
and bring me a scotch
while I deal with this.
287
00:12:13,098 --> 00:12:14,766
- Okay.
- Yeah?
288
00:12:16,185 --> 00:12:17,392
Are you cutting me off?
289
00:12:17,394 --> 00:12:19,436
What is going on?
290
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:22,068
You walk into a bar
with the name Brockmire,
291
00:12:22,070 --> 00:12:24,357
people expect a certain
level of professionalism.
292
00:12:24,359 --> 00:12:25,901
Instead it's amateur hour.
293
00:12:25,903 --> 00:12:28,487
Well, I don't know, I never got to meet
294
00:12:28,489 --> 00:12:31,009
Jim Brockmire, legendary drunk.
295
00:12:31,011 --> 00:12:34,632
All I had was my dad,
who's a teetotaling hawk
296
00:12:34,634 --> 00:12:37,454
who would sniff my breath
anytime I came home after dark.
297
00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:39,789
Did nobody ever teach you how to drink?
298
00:12:39,791 --> 00:12:41,875
Especially not someone
who could pick it all up
299
00:12:41,877 --> 00:12:43,502
on their corporate credit card.
300
00:12:43,504 --> 00:12:44,836
Credit card? Don't you know
301
00:12:44,838 --> 00:12:47,223
you can pay for everything
on your phone now?
302
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,101
Okay, baseball, baseball,
303
00:12:49,103 --> 00:12:51,735
baseball, baseball... this is
now officially a business meeting.
304
00:12:51,737 --> 00:12:54,201
so let's reach for that top shelf.
305
00:12:54,203 --> 00:12:55,517
- Yeah?
- Yes, okay.
306
00:12:55,519 --> 00:12:57,182
- Here's the thing.
- Mm-hmm.
307
00:12:57,184 --> 00:13:00,227
The alcohol you drink
is who you wanna be.
308
00:13:00,229 --> 00:13:02,412
When you order a Long Island ice tea,
309
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:04,457
you're telling the world,
"I'm gonna suck your dick,
310
00:13:04,459 --> 00:13:07,751
but then I'm gonna puke all
over it afterwards", all right?
311
00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:09,192
Now, I used to drink white wine
312
00:13:09,194 --> 00:13:10,950
'cause I wanted to be
day drunk all night long.
313
00:13:10,952 --> 00:13:11,999
Now I drink whiskey
314
00:13:12,001 --> 00:13:13,784
'cause I just prefer
to be mean and numb.
315
00:13:13,786 --> 00:13:15,369
That sounds sad.
316
00:13:15,371 --> 00:13:18,335
I want something fun, like, vodka?
317
00:13:18,337 --> 00:13:21,861
Vodka's too clean.
It's like for girls on diets
318
00:13:21,863 --> 00:13:25,170
and doctors getting drunk
in hospital parking lots.
319
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,256
You seem like a gin girl.
320
00:13:27,258 --> 00:13:31,594
Yeah, comes on strong,
great finish, distinct,
321
00:13:31,596 --> 00:13:33,285
not for everybody.
322
00:13:33,287 --> 00:13:34,643
Gin it is.
323
00:13:34,645 --> 00:13:35,980
Two Pimm's cups!
324
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,168
Oh, wait, can I just get the scotch?
325
00:13:40,305 --> 00:13:42,153
♪ I'm gonna show you ♪
326
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,280
♪ What a woman can do ♪
327
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:48,284
♪ Ooh ♪
328
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:53,705
♪ 'Cause I've got a fashion,
let me shine it on you ♪
329
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,563
Congrats on shutting this place down,
330
00:13:55,565 --> 00:13:58,002
but can y'all please settle
up when you get a chance?
331
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,451
Mm, we just started bonding.
332
00:13:59,453 --> 00:14:01,021
I just need a little bit more time.
333
00:14:01,023 --> 00:14:03,266
Girl, I got places to be,
334
00:14:03,268 --> 00:14:04,999
and these shoes are giving me corns.
335
00:14:05,001 --> 00:14:08,306
Understood, we do not
want those corns to pop.
336
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,269
- Hey, Beth!
- Huh?
337
00:14:11,271 --> 00:14:12,836
What's the magic words?
338
00:14:12,838 --> 00:14:17,060
Baseball, baseball,
baseball, baseball, baby!
339
00:14:17,062 --> 00:14:19,318
We just would like this
business meeting to continue
340
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,008
for another hour
341
00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:24,061
by renting this room for 5K.
342
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:25,102
One hour.
343
00:14:25,104 --> 00:14:26,780
♪ I'm gonna give you something ♪
344
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,491
- Hm.
- ♪ That you never forget ♪
345
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:32,912
♪ You better take cover
'cause I'm coming for you ♪
346
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:37,708
♪ On a high wire, I'm a live wire ♪
347
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:42,702
The hell are they, Limon?
They've been gone for hours.
348
00:14:42,704 --> 00:14:44,574
They have their privacy settings on.
349
00:14:44,576 --> 00:14:45,992
I can tell you they're safe.
350
00:14:45,994 --> 00:14:48,447
Nobody's safe in this world.
Are you stupid?
351
00:14:48,449 --> 00:14:50,587
Are you a stupid, stupid robot?
352
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:53,500
Keep yelling at me, Jim.
It'll make you feel better.
353
00:14:53,502 --> 00:14:55,241
I'm not yelling, Limon,
354
00:14:55,243 --> 00:14:56,889
and please don't tell me what to do,
355
00:14:56,891 --> 00:14:58,913
you stupid little piss-colored
356
00:14:58,915 --> 00:15:00,674
know-it-all piece of shit!
357
00:15:00,676 --> 00:15:02,300
I'm sorry you feel that way.
358
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:07,222
You're a smug little smiling
bastard, you know that?
359
00:15:07,224 --> 00:15:09,092
I'm sorry, Limon, I'm a little on edge.
360
00:15:09,094 --> 00:15:11,013
I'm just kinda freaking out.
361
00:15:12,896 --> 00:15:14,523
Where are they?
362
00:15:15,399 --> 00:15:17,982
You know what, Jules?
363
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:20,276
I think you're pretty cool.
364
00:15:20,278 --> 00:15:24,598
I give you permission
to date my dad, yes.
365
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,790
Oh, but never tell me what to do,
366
00:15:26,792 --> 00:15:29,332
because I do not need a mom,
and I am a grown woman.
367
00:15:29,334 --> 00:15:31,033
I can make my own terrible decisions.
368
00:15:31,035 --> 00:15:32,997
Speaking of, how's film school?
369
00:15:32,999 --> 00:15:35,834
Oh, so I'm working on
my first film, right,
370
00:15:35,836 --> 00:15:38,465
and it's this long form
found footage essay.
371
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:42,215
It's kind of like Adam Curtis's
"HyperNormalisation"
372
00:15:42,217 --> 00:15:46,052
except I use clips from
rom-coms from the early 2000s
373
00:15:46,054 --> 00:15:48,119
to show how love was sold
374
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:50,181
at the start of late stage capitalism.
375
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:54,084
So it's eight hours of, like,
socialism and Kate Hudson?
376
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:57,147
That sounds awful,
never show that to me.
377
00:15:57,149 --> 00:15:58,982
You sound just like my dad.
378
00:15:58,984 --> 00:16:00,608
Hey, he's honest.
379
00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:01,985
Mm-hmm.
380
00:16:01,987 --> 00:16:03,873
Yeah, I guess that's something.
381
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:07,021
I mean, he's smothering
and he's codependent,
382
00:16:07,023 --> 00:16:09,910
and he spent way more time doing my hair
383
00:16:09,912 --> 00:16:11,925
than I would ever admit to my therapist,
384
00:16:11,927 --> 00:16:15,665
but he keeps it straight with me,
385
00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:17,419
even when it's hard.
386
00:16:18,503 --> 00:16:20,628
Cheers, Dad.
387
00:16:20,630 --> 00:16:23,147
Oh, and just for the
record it's nine hours,
388
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,415
and just for that I'm gonna play it
389
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,301
at your goddamn rehearsal dinner.
390
00:16:26,303 --> 00:16:27,761
You need to understand.
391
00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:28,928
Hey, I know them.
392
00:16:28,930 --> 00:16:31,222
What's happening in The Disputed Lands
393
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:32,682
is only natural.
394
00:16:32,684 --> 00:16:35,643
The desert takes what it is owed.
395
00:16:35,645 --> 00:16:37,862
- So you know a death cult?
- Uh-huh.
396
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:41,900
Every loss of life
to natural disaster...
397
00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:44,861
is another offer
398
00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:46,443
of repentance.
399
00:16:46,445 --> 00:16:48,445
Hey!
400
00:16:48,447 --> 00:16:51,263
My mom died in a super typhoon,
401
00:16:51,265 --> 00:16:54,623
and you're saying she's
some kind of sacrifice?
402
00:16:55,499 --> 00:16:57,793
I'm saying your mother had it coming.
403
00:16:58,668 --> 00:17:00,835
We all have it coming.
404
00:17:12,390 --> 00:17:13,642
Oh, shit.
405
00:17:15,811 --> 00:17:18,061
Gotta work on your exit strategy.
406
00:17:18,063 --> 00:17:19,562
Okay.
407
00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:22,830
God, Jules, you know, you're right.
408
00:17:22,832 --> 00:17:24,909
That felt so much
better than just talking.
409
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:25,985
Right?
410
00:17:27,966 --> 00:17:30,198
Jules, we should really
411
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,616
do this again, right?
412
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:32,826
Oh.
413
00:17:32,828 --> 00:17:36,329
You know, my mom died,
too, when I was young.
414
00:17:36,331 --> 00:17:37,999
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
415
00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:40,274
I don't know if I have any
memories of her, though.
416
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:41,968
And the ones that I have are so faded,
417
00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:43,670
I don't even know if
they really happened.
418
00:17:43,672 --> 00:17:47,090
Oh, no, that's so sad for you.
419
00:17:47,092 --> 00:17:49,926
I'm so sorry 'cause, see,
420
00:17:49,928 --> 00:17:53,471
I feel like I remember my mom,
421
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:56,766
like, really well, 'cause my dad told me
422
00:17:56,768 --> 00:18:01,521
all these stories of them,
in their time together.
423
00:18:01,523 --> 00:18:04,860
He says I remind him of her every day.
424
00:18:06,361 --> 00:18:09,447
I know her. I'm so sorry.
425
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:12,993
Whoa.
426
00:18:14,536 --> 00:18:16,202
Whoa. Ha ha ha.
427
00:18:16,204 --> 00:18:18,623
Mama needs to nap.
428
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:27,898
Hi!
429
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,341
Um, where the hell have you been?
430
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,385
Bonding.
431
00:18:32,387 --> 00:18:35,221
Why are you wearing fake tits?
432
00:18:35,223 --> 00:18:40,310
Oh, right, this are,
it's a business expense.
433
00:18:40,312 --> 00:18:41,676
- Very baseball, baseball.
- Baseball, baseball,
434
00:18:41,678 --> 00:18:43,284
- baseball, baseball.
- Baseball, baseball.
435
00:18:43,286 --> 00:18:46,268
It's just... you heard us
say baseball, so that's...
436
00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:48,502
It's...
437
00:18:48,504 --> 00:18:50,443
Oh, wow.
438
00:18:50,445 --> 00:18:51,821
Oh, that's...
439
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,202
Mission accomplished.
440
00:18:57,425 --> 00:19:00,615
Did you get a chance to...
clean the Lucy juice
441
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,242
off the sheets?
442
00:19:02,244 --> 00:19:04,494
The hell is the matter with you?
443
00:19:04,496 --> 00:19:09,416
And so we close the sign of...
444
00:19:09,418 --> 00:19:12,627
Beth, you okay? Honey?
445
00:19:13,756 --> 00:19:15,088
Honey!
446
00:19:16,498 --> 00:19:18,020
The hell did ya do to her?
447
00:19:18,022 --> 00:19:20,571
Going drink for drink with
me is always a bad idea.
448
00:19:20,573 --> 00:19:22,869
You know that.
449
00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:26,112
Honey, what's the big deal?
450
00:19:26,114 --> 00:19:28,729
Uh, the big deal is
I'm an alcoholic, okay?
451
00:19:28,731 --> 00:19:30,241
My greatest fear in life is that,
452
00:19:30,243 --> 00:19:32,041
the awful gift that my father gave me,
453
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:33,350
I'm gonna pass it along to her.
454
00:19:33,352 --> 00:19:35,079
I mean, I've never seen
her like that before.
455
00:19:35,081 --> 00:19:37,456
- It's frickin' terrifying.
- Okay.
456
00:19:37,458 --> 00:19:39,409
You asked me to take her to brunch.
457
00:19:39,411 --> 00:19:40,815
And, to me, brunch is just an excuse
458
00:19:40,817 --> 00:19:42,336
to publicly drink in the mornings.
459
00:19:42,338 --> 00:19:45,039
But I will be very careful
with her and alcohol
460
00:19:45,041 --> 00:19:46,757
in the future.
461
00:19:46,759 --> 00:19:48,968
All right, okay, look,
the important thing is
462
00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:52,206
you're both safe and
everybody's okay, I guess.
463
00:19:52,208 --> 00:19:53,989
For the record, I
think the fight thing's
464
00:19:53,991 --> 00:19:56,350
gonna be really good for her.
465
00:19:56,352 --> 00:19:58,352
I'm sorr... the fight thing?
What fight thing?
466
00:19:58,354 --> 00:20:01,397
She punched a cult leader in the balls.
467
00:20:01,399 --> 00:20:06,277
I was so proud of her.
I get parenting now.
468
00:20:06,279 --> 00:20:08,571
Beth punched a cult leader in the balls?
469
00:20:08,573 --> 00:20:10,865
Relax, nobody got hurt.
470
00:20:10,867 --> 00:20:12,283
I had my sweet baby on me.
471
00:20:12,285 --> 00:20:14,201
You flashed a gun on
a New York City street?
472
00:20:14,203 --> 00:20:16,162
Prospect Park, and I just shot one off
473
00:20:16,164 --> 00:20:17,746
in the air to escape among the scatter.
474
00:20:17,748 --> 00:20:19,206
- Okay.
- You can take the girl
475
00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:20,833
- out of Morristown...
- Get out, get out.
476
00:20:20,835 --> 00:20:22,174
- What?
- You know my daughter
477
00:20:22,176 --> 00:20:24,032
less than 24 hours, you already got her
478
00:20:24,034 --> 00:20:26,589
into a drunken brawl
that ended in gunplay.
479
00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,330
Can't have anybody around my family
480
00:20:28,332 --> 00:20:29,986
with this poor impulse control.
481
00:20:29,988 --> 00:20:31,768
Get outta here.
482
00:20:31,770 --> 00:20:35,544
Uh, I've got 500 boxes of
tampons for Jim Brockmire.
483
00:20:35,546 --> 00:20:38,237
Ah, Jesus Christ.
484
00:20:38,239 --> 00:20:40,526
Why'd you order 500 boxes of tampons?
485
00:20:40,528 --> 00:20:42,301
And a case of Pamprins.
486
00:20:42,303 --> 00:20:43,526
In a moment of weakness, I thought
487
00:20:43,528 --> 00:20:45,234
we all might actually
have a life here together,
488
00:20:45,236 --> 00:20:46,299
but I was insane.
489
00:20:46,301 --> 00:20:48,045
500 boxes?
490
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:50,529
I'm beating down menopause's door.
491
00:20:50,531 --> 00:20:52,156
Well, you know what,
you can take 'em with ya
492
00:20:52,158 --> 00:20:55,367
as a lovely parting gift.
Just get outta here, please.
493
00:20:55,369 --> 00:20:57,161
You wanna be the hero of this story?
494
00:20:57,163 --> 00:20:59,330
Well, while you're on your high horse,
495
00:20:59,332 --> 00:21:00,539
answer me this.
496
00:21:00,541 --> 00:21:01,957
How'd all your memories of Manila
497
00:21:01,959 --> 00:21:03,501
suddenly come flooding back to you?
498
00:21:03,503 --> 00:21:05,127
You told me you couldn't
remember anything.
499
00:21:05,129 --> 00:21:07,755
Your goal, in those days,
was to drink to forget
500
00:21:07,757 --> 00:21:09,381
as soon as you could remember to try.
501
00:21:09,383 --> 00:21:10,966
What was I supposed to say?
"Sorry, Beth,
502
00:21:10,968 --> 00:21:12,066
I don't remember your mother.
503
00:21:12,068 --> 00:21:14,220
I was black out drunk the
night you were conceived".
504
00:21:14,222 --> 00:21:16,138
'Cause I know, that's
great parenting advice.
505
00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:20,017
Great parenting is not lying
to your daughter every day.
506
00:21:20,019 --> 00:21:22,520
You don't know shit about that woman.
507
00:21:22,522 --> 00:21:24,146
So stop making up stories
508
00:21:24,148 --> 00:21:26,440
just so you can feel
like you're a good dad.
509
00:21:26,442 --> 00:21:28,743
You know what, this was
a really big mistake.
510
00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:30,289
Yeah, huge.
511
00:21:42,605 --> 00:21:45,605
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37827
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