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1
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THE WALL
2
00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:12,001
Today, on the 5th November,
I begin my report.
3
00:01:13,864 --> 00:01:17,984
I will write everything
as accurately as possible.
4
00:01:19,203 --> 00:01:23,924
But I do not know
even if today is the 5th November.
5
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:29,204
During the past winter,
a few days have gone missing.
6
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,918
Even the day of the week,
I can not tell you.
7
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:37,067
But I think
this is not important.
8
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:41,093
I must rely on sparse notes.
9
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:45,987
Sparse, because I never reckoned
to write this report.
10
00:01:46,146 --> 00:01:51,987
I fear that my memory
is very different from what I experienced.
11
00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:56,706
So all my reports may be vague.
12
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,986
I am not writing
for the joy of writing.
13
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,599
It just so happened
that I must write
14
00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:07,028
to avoid losing my mind.
15
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:11,609
There no one here
to think and care for me.
16
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:15,236
I'm all alone,
and I must try
17
00:02:15,384 --> 00:02:18,944
to surivive
the long dark winter months.
18
00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:23,937
I have taken this upon myself,
because it will save me
19
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:27,662
from staring into the twilight
and being afraid.
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00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:33,401
Because I am afraid.
From all sides fear creeps up on me
21
00:02:33,569 --> 00:02:37,930
and I do not want to wait
for it to catch up and overwhelm me.
22
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,474
I will write until it is dark.
23
00:02:40,617 --> 00:02:44,739
And this new, unfamiliar work
will make my mind
24
00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:47,312
tired, empty and sleepy.
25
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:52,019
I'm not afraid in the morning,
only in the long, gloomy afternoons.
26
00:03:50,854 --> 00:03:53,975
I write
on the back of old calendars
27
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,790
and aged business paper.
28
00:03:56,944 --> 00:04:02,865
The paper comes from Hugo Rüttlinger,
a great collector and hypochondriac.
29
00:04:03,032 --> 00:04:06,234
Actually, this report should begin with Hugo,
30
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:11,931
for, without his acquisitiveness and hypochondria,
I would not be sitting here today.
31
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:15,805
I probably would
not even be alive.
32
00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:53,694
It wasn't until three clock
that we reached the hunting lodge.
33
00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:59,644
After a snack,
Hugo was just starting to doze off.
34
00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:04,017
Louise suggested that he go with her
back to the village.
35
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,446
Come now!
36
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,707
We won't stay long,
we're going hunting tomorrow very early.
37
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,838
The car key is in the ignition
if you want to meet us.
38
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:26,461
- Come now.
- Yes.
39
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,755
Where is it Luchs?
Luchs?
40
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:34,490
The dog's over there.
The stupid dog doesn't listen.
41
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:42,564
Luchs? Luchs, come!
42
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Heel!
43
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Come, Luchs.
44
00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:58,055
- Walk with us. Come, Luchs.
- Don't be so strict.
45
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:03,209
Luchs, if you don't walk with us
you stay up here. Go back!
46
00:07:03,338 --> 00:07:06,060
Go. Go.
47
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:20,307
At nine clock, I decided to
to go to bed.
48
00:09:20,475 --> 00:09:25,037
I locked the door
and took the key to my room.
49
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,578
So, Luchs? What's up?
50
00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:41,111
They both must have stayed in the village.
I was surprized by that.
51
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,121
Hugo hated
the short inn beds.
52
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:47,047
And he would never
been so inconsiderate
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00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,886
to leave me alone in the lodge overnight.
54
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:55,072
Then, I set off with Luchs
to the village.
55
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:03,484
I couldn't imagine
what had happened.
56
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:06,960
I barely noticed
how cold and damp the canyon was
57
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:12,221
as I was wondering
what had become of the Rüttlingers.
58
00:12:12,355 --> 00:12:15,677
Maybe Hugo had
suffered a heart attack.
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00:12:15,817 --> 00:12:21,817
As happens with hypochondriacs,
we no longer took his states seriously.
60
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:27,183
I quickened my step
and sent Luchs ahead.
61
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,289
I hadn't thought
to wear my hiking boots
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00:12:30,456 --> 00:12:34,937
and stumbled awkwardly
on the loose stones.
63
00:13:06,033 --> 00:13:08,995
Luchs! Luchs?
64
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,842
Luchs, what is it?
65
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:19,354
What do you have?
Are you hurt?
66
00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:27,032
Did you bite your tongue?
67
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,634
Luchs come!
68
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,413
Come!
69
00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:42,610
Luchs, what is it?
70
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,701
Come.
71
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,568
Then I heard a loud knocking sound
and looked around, before realizing
72
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:38,466
it was my own heartbeat
ringing in my ears.
73
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:44,495
My heart had sensed fear
before I realized it.
74
00:14:46,884 --> 00:14:50,165
Hesitantly, I tried once more.
75
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:54,905
And again, rested my hand
against glass just like a window.
76
00:15:31,303 --> 00:15:36,985
Suddenly I figured out
what had been troubling me the whole time:
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the road was completely deserted.
78
00:15:40,855 --> 00:15:44,777
Someone should have
sounded the alarm long ago.
79
00:15:44,942 --> 00:15:47,063
It would have been natural
80
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:51,115
for curious villagers to
accumulate in front of the wall.
81
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,524
Even if none of them
had discovered the wall
82
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,662
Hugo and Louise
would surely have run into it.
83
00:15:57,831 --> 00:16:03,831
That not a single person was to be seen,
was even more puzzling than the wall.
84
00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:36,705
I tried again and convinced myself
that, three meters in front of me,
85
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:41,671
there really was something,
invisible, smooth, cool,
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00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,062
that hindered my path.
87
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:51,763
I thought it might be an illision, but
of course knew that it was nothing of the kind.
88
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,888
I had to reconcile my own senses
with a little craziness
89
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:59,537
at this terrible,
invisible thing.
90
00:17:19,954 --> 00:17:23,675
The first little farmstead,
really just a cottage,
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00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,554
was just around the next bend.
92
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:29,271
Finally I could see the cottage.
93
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:34,103
It was very still in the sunlight.
A peaceful, familiar picture.
94
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:38,516
Excuse me!
Excuse me, I...
95
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,954
Come Luchs. Come.
96
00:19:19,615 --> 00:19:23,896
We were caught in a bad situation,
Luchs and I,
97
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:27,917
and we did not know at the time
how bad it was.
98
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:32,364
But we were not completely lost,
because we were two.
99
00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:41,170
It couldn't be true.
Such things simply did not happen.
100
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:45,224
And if they did happen,
not in a small village in the mountains.
101
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,792
Not in upper Austria
and not in Europe.
102
00:19:49,395 --> 00:19:52,396
I know
how ridiculous this idea was
103
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:56,486
but it is exactly what I thought
and I will not hide it.
104
00:22:45,239 --> 00:22:49,519
I awoke at six o'clock,
as the birds began to sing.
105
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:54,460
Although I'd hardly moved
Luchs knew I was awake
106
00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:57,542
and came to my bed
to greet me.
107
00:23:01,962 --> 00:23:07,683
Suddenly it seemed quite impossible
that I would survive this fine day in May.
108
00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:11,805
At the same time, I knew
I must survive
109
00:23:11,972 --> 00:23:14,973
and there was, for me,
no way out.
110
00:23:15,144 --> 00:23:19,864
I must stay calm
and simply survive.
111
00:23:25,944 --> 00:23:31,185
It wasn't the first time in my life
I'd had to survive.
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00:23:31,326 --> 00:23:35,846
The less I resisted,
the more bearable it would be.
113
00:24:00,896 --> 00:24:05,377
I do not remember
what I did that morning.
114
00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:11,958
Maybe the following hours were so bad,
that I had to forget them.
115
00:24:12,115 --> 00:24:17,916
Maybe I went into a kind of anesthesia.
I do not remember.
116
00:25:25,355 --> 00:25:28,997
I re-emerged
at two clock in the afternoon,
117
00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:32,272
and with Luchs
went through the gorge.
118
00:25:32,404 --> 00:25:37,246
This time I was better prepared.
Also I brought Hugo's binoculars with me.
119
00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:23,453
If the man at the well was dead,
then I couldn't doubt that
120
00:26:23,624 --> 00:26:28,183
all the people in the valley must be dead.
And not only the people.
121
00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:31,096
Everything that lived was dead.
122
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:35,935
If that was death,
it came quickly and smoothly,
123
00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:38,575
in an almost loving way.
124
00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:46,642
Perhaps it would have been wiser
to go with Hugo and Louise.
125
00:27:12,545 --> 00:27:13,525
Luchs!
126
00:27:14,089 --> 00:27:16,971
What's wrong? Luchs?
127
00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:21,316
Here, Mr. Luchs!
128
00:27:22,097 --> 00:27:23,898
Luchs!
129
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:20,758
Come.
130
00:28:22,115 --> 00:28:23,676
Yes, come.
131
00:28:28,413 --> 00:28:30,734
Presently,
it become clear to me
132
00:28:30,875 --> 00:28:35,195
that this cow was indeed a blessing
but also a heavy burden.
133
00:28:35,337 --> 00:28:41,618
This animal needs to be fed and milked,
and also a stable master.
134
00:28:42,304 --> 00:28:45,864
I was the owner
and the prisoner of the cow.
135
00:28:47,017 --> 00:28:50,297
Of course, I also thought
of the cow.
136
00:28:50,435 --> 00:28:54,277
If I were very lucky,
she would be expecting a calf.
137
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:57,441
But I couldn't rely on that.
138
00:28:57,611 --> 00:29:02,530
I could only hope my cow
gave milk for as long as possible.
139
00:29:02,699 --> 00:29:07,538
Still I thought of my situation
as temporary
140
00:29:07,702 --> 00:29:10,624
or, at least, I tried to do so.
141
00:29:15,252 --> 00:29:20,094
I thought of a name for my cow
and named her Bella.
142
00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:23,818
Actually, she didn't need any name.
143
00:29:23,971 --> 00:29:26,770
She was the only cow in the forest.
144
00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:29,731
Perhaps, the only cow in the land.
145
00:29:34,605 --> 00:29:36,566
Until tomorrow, Bella.
146
00:33:25,836 --> 00:33:31,517
Ten days had passed, and nothing
had changed in my situation.
147
00:33:31,674 --> 00:33:37,355
For ten days I had worked
stunned, but the wall was still there,
148
00:33:37,516 --> 00:33:40,516
and no one had come
to get me.
149
00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:48,529
There was nothing left
but to face reality.
150
00:34:13,217 --> 00:34:18,538
I could kill myself or try
to dig under the wall,
151
00:34:18,681 --> 00:34:23,762
which would probably only be
a strenuous form of suicide.
152
00:34:24,938 --> 00:34:30,338
Of course I could stay here
and try to stay alive.
153
00:34:35,532 --> 00:34:40,411
To think seriously about suicide,
I was no longer young enough.
154
00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:45,298
What kept me from those thoughts
were Luchs and Bella.
155
00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:50,898
Thanks to Hugo's foresight,
I had provisions to last the Summer,
156
00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:55,527
a home, a lifetime supply of wood
and a cow.
157
00:35:43,016 --> 00:35:46,775
I resolved to wind the clocks every day
158
00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:49,976
and strike off the days on the calendar.
159
00:35:50,148 --> 00:35:53,108
This seemed at the time very important.
160
00:35:53,275 --> 00:35:58,835
I clung to the almost
scant remains of human order.
161
00:36:00,032 --> 00:36:02,512
I don't know why I'm doing this.
162
00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:06,380
It is almost an inner compulsion
that drives me.
163
00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:09,858
Maybe I'm afraid
if I did otherwise
164
00:36:10,001 --> 00:36:13,201
I would slowly stop
being a person
165
00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:16,577
and would crawl about dirty and stinking
166
00:36:16,715 --> 00:36:19,556
and emit unintelligible sounds.
167
00:36:20,344 --> 00:36:25,905
Not that I feared becoming an animal.
That wouldn't be so bad.
168
00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:29,778
But a man
can never become an animal.
169
00:36:29,938 --> 00:36:33,057
He rushes beyond into an abyss.
170
00:36:36,068 --> 00:36:39,188
I do not want this to be my future.
171
00:36:39,364 --> 00:36:43,284
Lately this has been
my greatest fear.
172
00:36:43,451 --> 00:36:47,291
And this fear
lets me write my report.
173
00:36:50,791 --> 00:36:56,711
On 30 May, it rained all day
a warm, fertile rain,
174
00:36:56,880 --> 00:37:02,121
that forced me to stay in the hut,
if I did not want to be soaked.
175
00:37:38,380 --> 00:37:41,621
That evening
the cat came to my house.
176
00:37:43,219 --> 00:37:48,539
We were then four.
The cow, the cat, Luchs and me.
177
00:37:50,309 --> 00:37:52,590
Luchs was the closest to me.
178
00:37:52,728 --> 00:37:56,329
He soon became not only my dog,
but my friend.
179
00:37:56,483 --> 00:38:00,922
My only friend
in a world of troubles and loneliness.
180
00:38:57,085 --> 00:38:59,005
It's okay, Luchs.
181
00:40:05,527 --> 00:40:08,927
Although I was confined by Bella
to the cabin,
182
00:40:09,072 --> 00:40:13,632
I wanted to take
a little look around the area.
183
00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:18,585
I remembered a path the led to
a hunting cabin higher up,
184
00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:22,070
and from there down
into the opposite valley.
185
00:40:22,210 --> 00:40:24,610
I wanted to go there.
186
00:41:32,322 --> 00:41:34,802
Luchs! Heel.
187
00:42:01,226 --> 00:42:04,186
Wait, Luchs.
188
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:09,480
Now I had researched the valleys
that I could reach
189
00:43:09,628 --> 00:43:12,829
without staying away for days.
190
00:43:12,965 --> 00:43:17,844
I was able to ascend to the pasture
and from there survey the land.
191
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:22,731
But further into the mountain range
I did not dare.
192
00:43:22,891 --> 00:43:26,931
Of course, someone would find me,
if there were no wall.
193
00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:31,224
I would have to say,
they would have found me long ago.
194
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,880
I could calmly sit at home
and wait.
195
00:43:35,027 --> 00:43:38,268
But again and again
I felt driven to do
196
00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:41,927
something against the uncertainty.
197
00:45:22,887 --> 00:45:26,527
At one o'clock in the afternoon I rested.
198
00:45:26,681 --> 00:45:29,681
The forest laid misty in the midday sun,
199
00:45:29,851 --> 00:45:34,052
and warm scent from the pines
ascended to me.
200
00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:37,844
It was now much quieter
than in the moon-light,
201
00:45:37,985 --> 00:45:41,905
as if the forest lay sleeping
under the yellow sun.
202
00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:45,472
A bird of prey
circled above in the blue sky.
203
00:45:46,827 --> 00:45:49,467
Luchs slept with twitching ears,
204
00:45:49,621 --> 00:45:53,902
and the great silence
descended like a bell over me.
205
00:46:06,847 --> 00:46:10,086
I wished
to sit here forever,
206
00:46:10,226 --> 00:46:13,465
in the warmth, in the light,
207
00:46:13,603 --> 00:46:18,284
with the dog at my feet
and the birds above my head.
208
00:46:33,498 --> 00:46:37,858
When I had to leave,
it was with deep regret,
209
00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:43,364
and slowly I changed
back into the only creature
210
00:46:43,509 --> 00:46:47,548
that did not belong,
into a person,
211
00:46:47,722 --> 00:46:53,802
whose chaotic mind and clumsy shoes
broke the branches
212
00:46:53,936 --> 00:46:56,815
and engaged in the bloody business
of hunting.
213
00:48:06,592 --> 00:48:10,791
It strikes me that I
I never recorded in my diary
214
00:48:10,929 --> 00:48:13,210
when I shot a deer.
215
00:48:13,766 --> 00:48:19,166
Now I also remember
I was simply too disgusted to write.
216
00:48:19,313 --> 00:48:22,432
It was enough already,
that I had to do it.
217
00:50:14,177 --> 00:50:19,018
I called the cat Pearl,
because she was so white and bright.
218
00:50:20,266 --> 00:50:25,706
In a few weeks I realized
that Pearl, the scruffy little thing,
219
00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:29,735
was transforming into a beauty.
220
00:50:30,527 --> 00:50:33,407
Pearl was a small miracle
221
00:50:33,572 --> 00:50:37,891
but even then I knew
that she was born in the wrong place.
222
00:50:38,034 --> 00:50:43,155
A long-haired, white cat in the forest
is doomed to early death.
223
00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:46,280
She had no chance.
224
00:50:47,878 --> 00:50:50,878
Maybe that's why I liked her so much.
225
00:50:51,507 --> 00:50:54,347
When I think back to the first Summer,
226
00:50:54,510 --> 00:50:58,230
it is overshadowed by
concern for my animals
227
00:50:58,389 --> 00:51:01,389
rather than my own
desperate situation.
228
00:51:02,016 --> 00:51:06,376
The catastrophe had taken
away many responsibilities,
229
00:51:06,521 --> 00:51:10,641
and, without me noticing it right away,
imposed new burdens.
230
00:51:10,775 --> 00:51:13,655
When I could finally comprehend the situation
231
00:51:13,820 --> 00:51:18,221
I was unable to do anything
to alter it.
232
00:51:18,992 --> 00:51:24,873
I don't believe my behavior
sprang from weakness or sentimentality.
233
00:51:25,039 --> 00:51:28,920
I just followed a drive
that was implanted
234
00:51:29,085 --> 00:51:34,445
and I could not fight it,
without also destroying myself.
235
00:51:34,592 --> 00:51:37,831
I cannot see
why it should be dishonorable,
236
00:51:37,969 --> 00:51:41,210
to carry the load, like any animal,
237
00:51:41,347 --> 00:51:44,588
to ultimately die
like one in the end.
238
00:51:45,476 --> 00:51:48,077
I don't even know what is honor.
239
00:51:49,398 --> 00:51:53,077
To be born and to die
is not honorable.
240
00:51:53,235 --> 00:51:58,554
It happens to every creature
and has no meaning.
241
00:52:04,538 --> 00:52:07,458
On 20th July
I started with the hay.
242
00:54:00,652 --> 00:54:04,653
I spent three weeks
reaping the meadow.
243
00:54:04,824 --> 00:54:08,385
It was not only
the weather to blame
244
00:54:08,536 --> 00:54:12,817
but my clumsiness
and physical weakness.
245
00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:44,701
I was overcome with
discouragement
246
00:54:44,864 --> 00:54:50,385
and saw for the first time with full clarity
what a terrible blow had hit me.
247
00:54:50,536 --> 00:54:54,856
I do not know what would have happened
if the responsibility for my animal
248
00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:59,880
had not forced me to do
the necessary things.
249
00:55:04,635 --> 00:55:07,875
I look back only reluctantly
on this time.
250
00:55:08,429 --> 00:55:12,909
It took 14 days
before I could finally rouse myself
251
00:55:13,059 --> 00:55:15,539
and again start to live.
252
00:59:07,835 --> 00:59:11,476
The Autumn was always
my favorite time of year,
253
00:59:11,630 --> 00:59:14,871
though I didn't feel very well.
254
00:59:15,010 --> 00:59:18,329
By day, I was tired and yet watchful.
255
00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:22,072
At night, I lay for hours
in a troubled half sleep
256
00:59:22,224 --> 00:59:25,224
and dreamt confusing
and vivid dreams.
257
00:59:25,728 --> 00:59:29,568
The flu did not
spare me even here in the woods.
258
00:59:29,733 --> 00:59:34,213
But I could hardly allow myself
to succumb to it.
259
00:59:34,362 --> 00:59:39,121
Maybe I did not have time
to give it attention.
260
00:59:39,284 --> 00:59:42,244
Luchs was exhilarated and happy,
261
00:59:42,411 --> 00:59:46,972
but a stranger probably wouldn't
notice any difference.
262
00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:49,724
He was always cheerful.
263
00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:53,717
I never saw him stay grumpy
more than three minutes.
264
00:59:53,882 --> 00:59:59,001
He could simply
not resist the call to be happy.
265
00:59:59,137 --> 01:00:02,697
And life in the forest
was a constant lure for him.
266
01:00:02,849 --> 01:00:06,289
Sun, snow, wind, rain.
267
01:00:06,436 --> 01:00:09,275
Everything was a cause for excitement.
268
01:00:09,981 --> 01:00:13,621
I couldn't stay sad next to Luchs
for very long.
269
01:00:13,777 --> 01:00:19,257
It was almost shaming
that being with me made him so happy.
270
01:00:19,407 --> 01:00:23,646
Perhaps man owes
his great self-regard to the dog.
271
01:00:23,786 --> 01:00:29,186
Sometimes I even imagined
there was something special about me,
272
01:00:29,333 --> 01:00:33,574
since Luchs became so overjoyed
at the sight of me.
273
01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:37,112
Of course, nothing was special about me.
274
01:00:37,259 --> 01:00:40,858
Luchs was, like all dogs,
simply addicted people.
275
01:00:41,471 --> 01:00:44,510
Yes, you're my Luchs. Yes.
276
01:00:45,306 --> 01:00:47,108
You're a good dog.
277
01:01:05,036 --> 01:01:09,596
Sometimes now, when I'm alone
walking in wintry forest
278
01:01:09,748 --> 01:01:11,869
I speak to Luchs as I did before.
279
01:01:12,835 --> 01:01:15,315
I don't realize when I do it
280
01:01:15,463 --> 01:01:19,583
until something startles me
and I fall silent.
281
01:01:19,759 --> 01:01:24,518
I turn my head and catch sight of
the glimmer of a reddish brown coat.
282
01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:29,400
But the path is empty,
bare shrubs and wet stones.
283
01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:44,070
It does not surprise me that I
hear branches crackling behind me
284
01:01:44,242 --> 01:01:46,961
under the light tread of his soles.
285
01:01:47,119 --> 01:01:52,119
Where else should his little dog soul
haunt, if not my track?
286
01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:57,083
It's a friendly ghost,
and I do not fear him.
287
01:01:59,215 --> 01:02:04,335
Luchs, beautiful, good dog,
my dog.
288
01:02:05,889 --> 01:02:10,568
Probably only my poor head
make the sound of your footsteps,
289
01:02:10,726 --> 01:02:12,567
the glimmer of your coat.
290
01:02:14,940 --> 01:02:20,139
As long as I exist, you'll follow my tracks,
hungry and yearning,
291
01:02:20,277 --> 01:02:25,398
as I myself, hungry and yearning,
follow invisible tracks.
292
01:02:27,034 --> 01:02:29,954
We will neither of us catch our prey.
293
01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:08,134
On 27th October came the first snow.
294
01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:12,681
The onset of Winter
lasted only a few days.
295
01:03:12,831 --> 01:03:17,670
After that came warm winds,
that licked the young snow from the mountains.
296
01:03:18,545 --> 01:03:20,585
It became uncomfortably warm,
297
01:03:20,755 --> 01:03:25,034
and the wind blew night and day
snarling at the little house.
298
01:03:27,554 --> 01:03:31,474
I slept badly
and listened to the roaring of the stags
299
01:03:31,641 --> 01:03:35,081
that, in the rutting season,
descended from the heights.
300
01:03:35,228 --> 01:03:39,427
Both cats were drawn out
into the warm, damp forest.
301
01:03:39,565 --> 01:03:43,126
I lay awake
and worried about Pearl.
302
01:03:44,152 --> 01:03:49,873
The roaring of the stags sounded sad,
threatening and sometimes desperate.
303
01:03:59,335 --> 01:04:02,735
I hoped only for
the wind to not last too long
304
01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:06,521
and the Winter
to bring us a little peace.
305
01:04:06,675 --> 01:04:09,916
The wind
actually only lasted three days,
306
01:04:10,054 --> 01:04:12,815
just long enough
for Pearl to die.
307
01:04:46,215 --> 01:04:48,775
Pearl was buried,
308
01:04:48,927 --> 01:04:53,847
and the wind died overnight,
as if it had fulfilled its task.
309
01:04:55,056 --> 01:04:57,418
I have not forgotten Pearl.
310
01:04:58,393 --> 01:05:02,195
Her death was the first loss
in the forest.
311
01:05:04,192 --> 01:05:07,952
Once,
it must have been the first winter,
312
01:05:08,112 --> 01:05:10,992
I saw a fox by the stream.
313
01:05:11,157 --> 01:05:15,516
I could have shot it.
I had the gun with me.
314
01:05:15,661 --> 01:05:17,702
But I did not.
315
01:05:18,706 --> 01:05:24,146
Pearl had to die because her forefathers
were overbred Angora cats.
316
01:05:24,295 --> 01:05:27,215
She was always destined to be a victim.
317
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:32,240
Should I therefore
punish the beautiful vivid fox?
318
01:05:32,887 --> 01:05:35,887
Pearl was dealt an injustice.
319
01:05:36,056 --> 01:05:40,056
But this injustice
was also dealt to her victims.
320
01:05:40,228 --> 01:05:43,068
Should I again pass it on to the fox?
321
01:05:44,898 --> 01:05:50,778
The only creature in the woods that can
do right or wrong, am I.
322
01:05:50,947 --> 01:05:53,586
And I can only practice mercy.
323
01:05:53,739 --> 01:05:58,460
Sometimes I wish the burden of
this decision would not fall to me.
324
01:05:58,621 --> 01:06:04,181
But I'm a person.
And I can only think and act as a person.
325
01:06:04,335 --> 01:06:07,094
From which only death will free me.
326
01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:13,001
Whenever I think of Winter,
I see a tired fox by the snow-covered stream.
327
01:06:13,177 --> 01:06:18,418
A lonely, adult animal,
his path already laid down.
328
01:06:19,349 --> 01:06:24,110
It's as if this image
means something important to me.
329
01:06:24,271 --> 01:06:27,672
It stands
for something else.
330
01:06:28,358 --> 01:06:31,358
But I cannot recognize the meaning.
331
01:06:37,242 --> 01:06:39,242
So.
332
01:06:43,333 --> 01:06:45,773
Yes, my Bella.
333
01:06:47,085 --> 01:06:49,806
Yes, beautiful you are.
334
01:06:52,509 --> 01:06:55,389
Bella had become rounded
335
01:06:55,552 --> 01:06:59,952
but I could not tell
whether she expected a calf.
336
01:07:03,311 --> 01:07:06,231
After all
we have experienced together,
337
01:07:06,396 --> 01:07:09,516
Bella is, to me, more than my cow.
338
01:07:09,692 --> 01:07:15,012
A poor, patient sister,
who copes with more dignity than do I.
339
01:09:05,850 --> 01:09:09,970
In the night
I heard the wood crackling in the fire.
340
01:09:11,814 --> 01:09:17,694
I refuelled, but I
shivered under the blanket and could not sleep.
341
01:09:18,779 --> 01:09:22,500
Sometimes a log crackled into flame
and went out again,
342
01:09:22,658 --> 01:09:24,859
and I felt ill.
343
01:09:25,828 --> 01:09:30,307
I knew it was that
I had to go and kill again.
344
01:09:30,457 --> 01:09:35,858
I imagined what a person
who enjoys killing may feel.
345
01:09:36,671 --> 01:09:38,792
I did not succeed.
346
01:09:38,966 --> 01:09:41,886
The hairs stood up
on my arms,
347
01:09:42,051 --> 01:09:45,412
and my mouth
was dry in disgust.
348
01:09:45,555 --> 01:09:48,435
One must be born like that.
349
01:09:49,394 --> 01:09:54,514
I could bring myself
to do it as quickly and skillfully as possible
350
01:09:54,689 --> 01:09:57,530
but I would never get used to it.
351
01:09:59,319 --> 01:10:03,279
Long I lay awake
in the crackling darkness
352
01:10:03,448 --> 01:10:05,649
and thought of the little heart
353
01:10:07,036 --> 01:10:10,916
that froze in the room above me
into a block of ice.
354
01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:34,840
After the cold broke,
a wave of humid, warmer air set in.
355
01:10:35,980 --> 01:10:41,061
Bella was restless and I had
see to her ten times a day.
356
01:10:42,238 --> 01:10:45,637
On 11th January Bella was bleeding a little.
357
01:10:45,783 --> 01:10:47,903
It was after the evening feeding
358
01:10:48,077 --> 01:10:52,317
and I decided to
stay the night in the barn.
359
01:10:55,752 --> 01:10:58,872
Come on, Bella! Hard!
360
01:11:04,761 --> 01:11:07,121
Hard!
361
01:11:34,332 --> 01:11:36,851
Come on, Bella, come on!
362
01:11:45,926 --> 01:11:49,487
So much had
happened lately.
363
01:11:49,639 --> 01:11:54,118
Pearl had been killed,
a little bull was born into the world,
364
01:11:54,268 --> 01:11:59,587
deer were frozen and the predators
had a fat winter.
365
01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:07,217
I myself had had a lot of excitement
and now I was tired.
366
01:12:08,073 --> 01:12:12,634
And when I closed my eyes,
I saw snowy mountains on the horizon,
367
01:12:12,787 --> 01:12:16,306
white flakes,
which fell on my face,
368
01:12:16,457 --> 01:12:18,817
in a vast, bright stillness.
369
01:12:20,417 --> 01:12:24,538
There were no thoughts, no memories,
370
01:12:25,631 --> 01:12:28,953
only the great, silent, snowy light.
371
01:12:30,595 --> 01:12:36,155
I knew that these thoughts
were dangerous for a lonely person
372
01:12:36,310 --> 01:12:40,750
but I could not muster the strength
to resist.
373
01:13:24,734 --> 01:13:28,213
Luchs did not leave for long in peace.
374
01:13:28,362 --> 01:13:32,921
Always he came
and nudged me with his nose.
375
01:13:33,073 --> 01:13:37,595
I sighed and stood up
and went to my daily work.
376
01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:44,600
Now Luchs is no more
my friend and guardian
377
01:13:44,752 --> 01:13:49,113
and the desire to step into
the white, painless silence
378
01:13:49,256 --> 01:13:52,018
is sometimes very strong.
379
01:13:52,176 --> 01:13:57,417
I must look after myself
and be stricter than before.
380
01:14:01,435 --> 01:14:03,917
Luchs was my sixth sense.
381
01:14:04,774 --> 01:14:09,014
Since he died,
I feel like an amputee.
382
01:14:10,488 --> 01:14:14,448
Something left me,
and will always be missing.
383
01:14:15,493 --> 01:14:20,332
It's not just hunting and tracking
where I miss him,
384
01:14:20,497 --> 01:14:24,938
and the long hours
spent finding game.
385
01:14:26,045 --> 01:14:28,164
That alone isn't it.
386
01:14:29,756 --> 01:14:35,277
The worst is,
without Luchs, I feel truly alone.
387
01:14:55,032 --> 01:15:00,351
The idea of moving to the meadow
occupied me more every day.
388
01:15:00,496 --> 01:15:03,615
The undertaking
seemed terribly arduous,
389
01:15:03,747 --> 01:15:06,548
even if I only
took the bare essentials
390
01:15:06,711 --> 01:15:10,310
and lived primitively
on the mountain.
391
01:15:10,462 --> 01:15:15,264
After I realized that I'd
already decided to move,
392
01:15:15,426 --> 01:15:19,948
when I saw the first green meadows,
393
01:15:20,099 --> 01:15:22,139
I became calm.
394
01:15:22,309 --> 01:15:27,429
And on 25th May came the day
of departure from the cabin.
395
01:15:36,282 --> 01:15:40,841
The road was well maintained,
but it still took four hours
396
01:15:40,993 --> 01:15:45,194
for our strange procession
to reach the pasture.
397
01:15:45,332 --> 01:15:49,171
It was about noon.
I was completely exhausted,
398
01:15:49,587 --> 01:15:54,987
not so much from the physical effort
but from nervous tension.
399
01:15:56,886 --> 01:16:01,166
Something new had started.
I did not know what it would bring.
400
01:16:01,305 --> 01:16:06,306
But my homesickness and concern
for the future slowly left me.
401
01:16:08,145 --> 01:16:12,947
I began to see the beautiful pasture,
strange and dangerous.
402
01:16:13,527 --> 01:16:17,167
But, like everything foreign,
full of allure.
403
01:16:17,698 --> 01:16:21,898
It was a strange feeling
unhindered by mountains and trees
404
01:16:22,036 --> 01:16:25,036
a wide area
to overlook.
405
01:16:25,206 --> 01:16:28,525
And it was not immediately
pleasant and liberating.
406
01:16:28,667 --> 01:16:32,027
My eyes had to
get used to the distance,
407
01:16:32,171 --> 01:16:36,291
after a year
that I spent in the narrow valley.
408
01:16:42,055 --> 01:16:46,296
So long as I was on the mountain,
I made no notes.
409
01:16:46,435 --> 01:16:51,114
I had the calender with me
and dutifully struck off every day,
410
01:16:51,273 --> 01:16:56,273
but I was not even recording
important events such as the harvest.
411
01:16:56,403 --> 01:17:00,203
The memories of this time
remain fresh
412
01:17:00,364 --> 01:17:03,485
and it is not hard for me
to write about it.
413
01:17:03,618 --> 01:17:06,658
The Summer scent, the thunderstorms
414
01:17:06,831 --> 01:17:11,711
and the star-filled evenings
I will never forget.
415
01:19:38,148 --> 01:19:41,707
For the first time in my life
I was appeased.
416
01:19:41,859 --> 01:19:46,100
Not satisfied or happy,
but appeased.
417
01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:53,391
It was as if a large hand
had stopped the clock in my mind.
418
01:20:22,024 --> 01:20:25,345
Sometimes my thoughts grew confused
419
01:20:25,487 --> 01:20:30,247
as if the forest
laid down roots inside me
420
01:20:30,408 --> 01:20:34,969
and with my brain
was thinking its old, eternal thoughts.
421
01:20:36,497 --> 01:20:41,497
Back then, in the second summer,
it was not so far along.
422
01:20:41,670 --> 01:20:44,430
The boundaries were still strictly drawn.
423
01:20:44,590 --> 01:20:46,189
It is difficult for me,
424
01:20:46,341 --> 01:20:51,061
when writing my earlier
and my new self, to tell them apart.
425
01:20:51,220 --> 01:20:54,140
My new self,
I am not even sure
426
01:20:54,306 --> 01:20:58,908
that it isn't slowly
being absorbed into a greater We.
427
01:20:59,063 --> 01:21:02,783
But even so,
the transformation has begun.
428
01:21:04,693 --> 01:21:06,813
The pasture was to blame.
429
01:21:07,904 --> 01:21:11,625
It was almost impossible
in the buzzing stillness of the meadow
430
01:21:11,783 --> 01:21:17,623
under the big sky stay
to remain an isolated, separate self.
431
01:21:17,788 --> 01:21:21,109
A small, blind, stubborn self,
432
01:21:21,251 --> 01:21:25,530
that did not want to fit into the
greater community.
433
01:21:26,296 --> 01:21:31,137
Once it had been a source of pride
that I lived such a life.
434
01:21:31,301 --> 01:21:36,422
But on the mountain, it suddenly seemed to me
pathetic and ridiculous.
435
01:21:37,265 --> 01:21:39,907
An inflated nothing.
436
01:22:12,926 --> 01:22:16,807
On 16th October,
after I was back from the pasture,
437
01:22:16,974 --> 01:22:19,814
I again made
regular notes.
438
01:22:19,975 --> 01:22:23,377
Almost throughout October
the weather was beautiful.
439
01:22:23,520 --> 01:22:28,921
I used the time well
to double my wood supply.
440
01:22:29,069 --> 01:22:32,548
All Saints day was suddenly warm,
and I knew
441
01:22:32,698 --> 01:22:35,818
that this heralded in the winter.
442
01:22:41,497 --> 01:22:45,217
On 1Oth December
I find a strange entry:
443
01:22:46,502 --> 01:22:49,063
"Time goes by so fast."
444
01:22:49,631 --> 01:22:53,350
I don't remember
having written that.
445
01:22:53,510 --> 01:22:57,390
I do not know
what happened on the 10th of December
446
01:22:57,555 --> 01:23:00,315
that led me to write under
"New snow"
447
01:23:00,654 --> 01:23:02,615
and "Fetched hay",
to write
448
01:23:03,479 --> 01:23:05,759
"Time goes by so fast."
449
01:23:06,648 --> 01:23:10,207
Did the time pass so fast back then...
450
01:23:10,359 --> 01:23:14,159
I cannot remember
and cannot give an account.
451
01:23:14,323 --> 01:23:19,523
It's not true.
The time only seemed to pass quickly.
452
01:23:19,661 --> 01:23:23,661
I believe the time stands still
and I move around in it.
453
01:23:23,832 --> 01:23:28,271
Sometimes slow
and sometimes with furious speed.
454
01:23:28,921 --> 01:23:33,921
I do something, things go ahead,
and I forget the time.
455
01:23:34,635 --> 01:23:38,515
And then, suddenly,
it surrounds me again.
456
01:23:39,721 --> 01:23:45,802
I'll have to get used to it.
Its indifference and omnipresence.
457
01:23:50,649 --> 01:23:54,690
Since Luchs died,
I feel it more keenly.
458
01:23:54,863 --> 01:23:58,422
I sit at the table,
and time stands still.
459
01:23:59,368 --> 01:24:03,807
I cannot see it,
nor smell nor hear,
460
01:24:03,956 --> 01:24:06,836
but it surrounds me on all sides.
461
01:24:07,917 --> 01:24:11,557
Its silence and stillness
is terrible.
462
01:24:16,801 --> 01:24:20,841
ln fact, these thoughts are
without meaning.
463
01:24:21,014 --> 01:24:23,854
I pity animals
and I pity people
464
01:24:24,015 --> 01:24:27,817
because they were born, unasked,
into this life.
465
01:24:28,939 --> 01:24:32,219
Maybe people are
more deserving
466
01:24:32,359 --> 01:24:34,798
because they have
just enough understanding,
467
01:24:34,944 --> 01:24:39,505
to resist the natural course
of things.
468
01:24:39,658 --> 01:24:44,858
This makes them wicked and desperate
and somewhat unlovable.
469
01:24:46,582 --> 01:24:50,702
But it would be possible
to live differently.
470
01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:55,319
There is no impulse as rational
as love.
471
01:24:56,047 --> 01:25:00,488
It makes the lover's
and the loved one's lives more bearable.
472
01:25:00,636 --> 01:25:03,957
Only, we have
to recognize in time,
473
01:25:04,099 --> 01:25:07,738
that this is our only possibility.
474
01:25:07,894 --> 01:25:11,453
Our only hope
for a better life.
475
01:25:12,189 --> 01:25:14,789
For an endless army of dead
476
01:25:14,943 --> 01:25:19,302
have missed the only possibility
forever.
477
01:25:19,448 --> 01:25:22,207
Time and again I think about that.
478
01:25:22,367 --> 01:25:27,367
I can not understand why we
had to take the wrong path.
479
01:25:27,497 --> 01:25:29,856
I only know that it is too late.
480
01:25:39,009 --> 01:25:42,408
In this Autumn
a white crow has appeared.
481
01:25:43,889 --> 01:25:46,889
She always flies a little
behind the others
482
01:25:47,059 --> 01:25:52,059
and settles alone on a tree,
avoided by her companions.
483
01:25:57,819 --> 01:26:01,939
I can't understand
why the other crows do not like her.
484
01:26:02,073 --> 01:26:04,833
For me she is
a particularly beautiful bird,
485
01:26:04,993 --> 01:26:08,313
but for their kind,
she is repugnant.
486
01:26:08,453 --> 01:26:12,814
A sad absurdity
that shouldn't exist.
487
01:26:12,957 --> 01:26:14,878
A white crow.
488
01:26:16,462 --> 01:26:21,023
She remains sitting,
while the whole flock flies away,
489
01:26:21,176 --> 01:26:24,695
and I bring her
a little food.
490
01:26:24,845 --> 01:26:27,966
She can not know
why she is rejected.
491
01:26:28,140 --> 01:26:30,900
She knows no other life.
492
01:26:31,060 --> 01:26:34,621
Always she will be rejected,
and so alone
493
01:26:34,773 --> 01:26:39,773
that she will fear people less
than her black brothers.
494
01:26:56,420 --> 01:27:01,739
Every day I wait
for the white crow and call.
495
01:27:02,384 --> 01:27:06,904
And she looks at me attentively
out of her reddish eyes.
496
01:27:07,055 --> 01:27:09,614
I can do very little for her.
497
01:27:09,765 --> 01:27:15,765
My scraps may prolong a
life that should not be prolonged.
498
01:27:16,564 --> 01:27:21,284
But I want the white crow to live,
and sometimes I dream
499
01:27:21,444 --> 01:27:26,805
that there is a second one in the forest
and the two will find each other.
500
01:27:27,658 --> 01:27:31,698
I do not believe it,
I only wish it very much.
501
01:27:39,337 --> 01:27:43,537
Gradually, I began to
give up my past
502
01:27:43,675 --> 01:27:46,795
and accept the new order.
503
01:28:28,176 --> 01:28:32,497
By the time the weather really improved,
it was May already.
504
01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:36,280
Two years had passed in the forest,
and it struck me
505
01:28:36,435 --> 01:28:41,275
that I hardly ever thought
that anyone would find me.
506
01:28:41,733 --> 01:28:45,052
I decided to set off for the pasture.
507
01:29:03,755 --> 01:29:08,835
In early June I was finally ready.
I got used to the pasture.
508
01:29:08,969 --> 01:29:11,769
But it was not the same
as last year.
509
01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:16,210
That first summer on the mountain
was gone forever.
510
01:29:16,350 --> 01:29:21,350
I did not want a weak imitation of it,
and so held myself back
511
01:29:21,479 --> 01:29:24,400
from falling for the old magic.
512
01:29:25,652 --> 01:29:28,452
But the meadow didn't make it difficult.
513
01:29:28,613 --> 01:29:33,533
It closed itself off to me
and showed an unfamililar face.
514
01:29:35,118 --> 01:29:40,359
I often sat, as I did a year ago,
on the bench overlooking the meadow.
515
01:29:40,832 --> 01:29:45,673
It was no different than before
and smelled just as sweet
516
01:29:45,837 --> 01:29:49,798
but I never got
the old enjoyment from it.
517
01:29:55,055 --> 01:29:57,935
I took no more long trips,
518
01:29:58,100 --> 01:30:02,140
for I had set my limits last Summer.
519
01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:05,713
It was irrelevant to me
where the wall was.
520
01:30:12,282 --> 01:30:17,601
In that Summer I quite forgot
that Luchs was a dog and I a human.
521
01:30:17,746 --> 01:30:22,265
I knew it, but it had now ceased
to have any meaning.
522
01:30:24,877 --> 01:30:27,318
Luchs also had changed.
523
01:30:28,256 --> 01:30:30,775
Since I was with him so much,
524
01:30:30,926 --> 01:30:34,525
he was calm
and did not seem to constantly worry
525
01:30:34,679 --> 01:30:39,359
that I would dissolve into thin air
after five minutes of being away from him.
526
01:30:40,518 --> 01:30:43,717
When I think about it today,
I believe
527
01:30:43,854 --> 01:30:48,095
that this was the only big fear
in the dog's life:
528
01:30:48,234 --> 01:30:50,753
to be left all alone.
529
01:30:52,697 --> 01:30:55,697
I had learned a lot
530
01:30:55,867 --> 01:30:59,667
and understood
almost every one of his movements and sounds.
531
01:31:00,622 --> 01:31:05,702
Now, between us, there was
a tacit understanding.
532
01:36:42,712 --> 01:36:45,154
I carried Luchs to the hut
533
01:36:46,634 --> 01:36:49,113
and laid him on the bench.
534
01:36:52,724 --> 01:36:56,243
He was suddenly
small and light.
535
01:36:59,520 --> 01:37:05,162
And then I heard,
as if from afar, Bella roaring.
536
01:37:06,237 --> 01:37:08,636
She was roaring in fear.
537
01:37:09,739 --> 01:37:12,421
I tried to calm her down.
538
01:37:13,993 --> 01:37:16,755
Only then did I think of the man again.
539
01:37:21,210 --> 01:37:23,810
I knew that he must be dead.
540
01:37:24,921 --> 01:37:30,282
He'd been such a large target
I couldn't have missed.
541
01:37:34,180 --> 01:37:36,662
I was glad that he was dead.
542
01:37:37,475 --> 01:37:42,277
It would've been difficult
to have to kill a fallen man.
543
01:37:42,439 --> 01:37:45,640
And yet I couldn't have let him live.
544
01:37:45,777 --> 01:37:49,016
Or maybe.
I do not know.
545
01:37:51,948 --> 01:37:55,229
I didn't want him
lying in the meadow,
546
01:37:55,368 --> 01:37:59,329
not next to the dead bull
and on the innocent grass.
547
01:38:00,625 --> 01:38:05,625
So I grabbed him by the legs
and dragged him to a lookout point.
548
01:38:06,005 --> 01:38:11,284
There, where the rock drops
steeply to the scree
549
01:38:11,426 --> 01:38:16,106
and the apine roses bloom in June,
I let him roll down.
550
01:38:21,938 --> 01:38:25,057
For Luchs
I dug a grave that evening.
551
01:38:25,983 --> 01:38:29,983
I made the hole deep,
lay Luchs in it,
552
01:38:30,154 --> 01:38:34,033
covered him with earth
and trod down the grass above.
553
01:38:34,867 --> 01:38:37,306
And then, I was very tired.
554
01:38:38,412 --> 01:38:40,733
Tired as never before.
555
01:39:54,988 --> 01:40:00,109
Then I sat down on the bench
and waited for the long night.
556
01:40:00,243 --> 01:40:03,203
It was a bright starry night,
557
01:40:03,372 --> 01:40:06,492
and the wind
blew down from the cold rocks.
558
01:40:07,335 --> 01:40:11,654
But I was colder than the wind
and felt nothing.
559
01:40:15,801 --> 01:40:20,600
At first light I got up
and with Bella left the meadow.
560
01:40:22,600 --> 01:40:27,039
The next day I resumed
my usual work.
561
01:40:27,188 --> 01:40:30,908
October came,
and I harvested potatoes and fruit.
562
01:40:32,318 --> 01:40:37,917
The straw had to be mowed,
but that took only a week.
563
01:40:39,242 --> 01:40:43,481
Finally,
physically beaten and broken,
564
01:40:43,621 --> 01:40:48,381
I gave up the flight
and stayed with my thoughts.
565
01:40:52,880 --> 01:40:55,720
Nothing came to me.
566
01:41:11,314 --> 01:41:16,074
I would like to know why
the strange man killed my animals.
567
01:41:16,779 --> 01:41:21,578
I'll never find out
and maybe it's better so.
568
01:41:24,537 --> 01:41:26,976
Now I am peaceful.
569
01:41:28,038 --> 01:41:30,560
I see a little further.
570
01:41:31,252 --> 01:41:34,372
l see
that this is not the end.
571
01:41:35,421 --> 01:41:37,662
Everything goes on.
572
01:41:38,384 --> 01:41:42,344
The bull, Pearl and Luchs
will never be again.
573
01:41:43,555 --> 01:41:48,475
But something new will come
and I cannot hide from it.
574
01:41:49,435 --> 01:41:54,957
The memory
the sorrow and the fear will remain
575
01:41:55,109 --> 01:41:58,588
and the hard work,
so long as I live.
576
01:42:08,412 --> 01:42:14,734
Today, the 25th February
is the end of my report.
577
01:42:17,212 --> 01:42:20,573
There's not a sheet of paper left.
578
01:42:22,051 --> 01:42:25,813
It's now about five clock in the evening
and still so light
579
01:42:25,971 --> 01:42:28,853
I can write without a lamp.
580
01:42:29,769 --> 01:42:34,609
The crows have risen
crying and circling above the forest.
581
01:42:35,564 --> 01:42:37,886
When they are no longer in sight,
582
01:42:38,027 --> 01:42:42,466
I will go into the clearing
and feed the white crow.
583
01:42:43,448 --> 01:42:45,729
She's waiting for me.
48619
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