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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:41,027 --> 00:00:50,087 THE WALL 2 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:12,001 Today, on the 5th November, I begin my report. 3 00:01:13,864 --> 00:01:17,984 I will write everything as accurately as possible. 4 00:01:19,203 --> 00:01:23,924 But I do not know even if today is the 5th November. 5 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:29,204 During the past winter, a few days have gone missing. 6 00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:32,918 Even the day of the week, I can not tell you. 7 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:37,067 But I think this is not important. 8 00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:41,093 I must rely on sparse notes. 9 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:45,987 Sparse, because I never reckoned to write this report. 10 00:01:46,146 --> 00:01:51,987 I fear that my memory is very different from what I experienced. 11 00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:56,706 So all my reports may be vague. 12 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,986 I am not writing for the joy of writing. 13 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,599 It just so happened that I must write 14 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:07,028 to avoid losing my mind. 15 00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:11,609 There no one here to think and care for me. 16 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:15,236 I'm all alone, and I must try 17 00:02:15,384 --> 00:02:18,944 to surivive the long dark winter months. 18 00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:23,937 I have taken this upon myself, because it will save me 19 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:27,662 from staring into the twilight and being afraid. 20 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:33,401 Because I am afraid. From all sides fear creeps up on me 21 00:02:33,569 --> 00:02:37,930 and I do not want to wait for it to catch up and overwhelm me. 22 00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,474 I will write until it is dark. 23 00:02:40,617 --> 00:02:44,739 And this new, unfamiliar work will make my mind 24 00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:47,312 tired, empty and sleepy. 25 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:52,019 I'm not afraid in the morning, only in the long, gloomy afternoons. 26 00:03:50,854 --> 00:03:53,975 I write on the back of old calendars 27 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:56,790 and aged business paper. 28 00:03:56,944 --> 00:04:02,865 The paper comes from Hugo Rüttlinger, a great collector and hypochondriac. 29 00:04:03,032 --> 00:04:06,234 Actually, this report should begin with Hugo, 30 00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:11,931 for, without his acquisitiveness and hypochondria, I would not be sitting here today. 31 00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:15,805 I probably would not even be alive. 32 00:05:49,975 --> 00:05:53,694 It wasn't until three clock that we reached the hunting lodge. 33 00:05:55,605 --> 00:05:59,644 After a snack, Hugo was just starting to doze off. 34 00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:04,017 Louise suggested that he go with her back to the village. 35 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,446 Come now! 36 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:18,707 We won't stay long, we're going hunting tomorrow very early. 37 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,838 The car key is in the ignition if you want to meet us. 38 00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:26,461 - Come now. - Yes. 39 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,755 Where is it Luchs? Luchs? 40 00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:34,490 The dog's over there. The stupid dog doesn't listen. 41 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:42,564 Luchs? Luchs, come! 42 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,082 Heel! 43 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:54,293 Come, Luchs. 44 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:58,055 - Walk with us. Come, Luchs. - Don't be so strict. 45 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:03,209 Luchs, if you don't walk with us you stay up here. Go back! 46 00:07:03,338 --> 00:07:06,060 Go. Go. 47 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:20,307 At nine clock, I decided to to go to bed. 48 00:09:20,475 --> 00:09:25,037 I locked the door and took the key to my room. 49 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,578 So, Luchs? What's up? 50 00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:41,111 They both must have stayed in the village. I was surprized by that. 51 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,121 Hugo hated the short inn beds. 52 00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:47,047 And he would never been so inconsiderate 53 00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,886 to leave me alone in the lodge overnight. 54 00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:55,072 Then, I set off with Luchs to the village. 55 00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:03,484 I couldn't imagine what had happened. 56 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:06,960 I barely noticed how cold and damp the canyon was 57 00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:12,221 as I was wondering what had become of the Rüttlingers. 58 00:12:12,355 --> 00:12:15,677 Maybe Hugo had suffered a heart attack. 59 00:12:15,817 --> 00:12:21,817 As happens with hypochondriacs, we no longer took his states seriously. 60 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:27,183 I quickened my step and sent Luchs ahead. 61 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,289 I hadn't thought to wear my hiking boots 62 00:12:30,456 --> 00:12:34,937 and stumbled awkwardly on the loose stones. 63 00:13:06,033 --> 00:13:08,995 Luchs! Luchs? 64 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,842 Luchs, what is it? 65 00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:19,354 What do you have? Are you hurt? 66 00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:27,032 Did you bite your tongue? 67 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,634 Luchs come! 68 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,413 Come! 69 00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:42,610 Luchs, what is it? 70 00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,701 Come. 71 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:33,568 Then I heard a loud knocking sound and looked around, before realizing 72 00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:38,466 it was my own heartbeat ringing in my ears. 73 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:44,495 My heart had sensed fear before I realized it. 74 00:14:46,884 --> 00:14:50,165 Hesitantly, I tried once more. 75 00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:54,905 And again, rested my hand against glass just like a window. 76 00:15:31,303 --> 00:15:36,985 Suddenly I figured out what had been troubling me the whole time: 77 00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,692 the road was completely deserted. 78 00:15:40,855 --> 00:15:44,777 Someone should have sounded the alarm long ago. 79 00:15:44,942 --> 00:15:47,063 It would have been natural 80 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:51,115 for curious villagers to accumulate in front of the wall. 81 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,524 Even if none of them had discovered the wall 82 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,662 Hugo and Louise would surely have run into it. 83 00:15:57,831 --> 00:16:03,831 That not a single person was to be seen, was even more puzzling than the wall. 84 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:36,705 I tried again and convinced myself that, three meters in front of me, 85 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:41,671 there really was something, invisible, smooth, cool, 86 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:45,062 that hindered my path. 87 00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:51,763 I thought it might be an illision, but of course knew that it was nothing of the kind. 88 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,888 I had to reconcile my own senses with a little craziness 89 00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:59,537 at this terrible, invisible thing. 90 00:17:19,954 --> 00:17:23,675 The first little farmstead, really just a cottage, 91 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,554 was just around the next bend. 92 00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:29,271 Finally I could see the cottage. 93 00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:34,103 It was very still in the sunlight. A peaceful, familiar picture. 94 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:38,516 Excuse me! Excuse me, I... 95 00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,954 Come Luchs. Come. 96 00:19:19,615 --> 00:19:23,896 We were caught in a bad situation, Luchs and I, 97 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:27,917 and we did not know at the time how bad it was. 98 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:32,364 But we were not completely lost, because we were two. 99 00:19:36,048 --> 00:19:41,170 It couldn't be true. Such things simply did not happen. 100 00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:45,224 And if they did happen, not in a small village in the mountains. 101 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,792 Not in upper Austria and not in Europe. 102 00:19:49,395 --> 00:19:52,396 I know how ridiculous this idea was 103 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:56,486 but it is exactly what I thought and I will not hide it. 104 00:22:45,239 --> 00:22:49,519 I awoke at six o'clock, as the birds began to sing. 105 00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:54,460 Although I'd hardly moved Luchs knew I was awake 106 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:57,542 and came to my bed to greet me. 107 00:23:01,962 --> 00:23:07,683 Suddenly it seemed quite impossible that I would survive this fine day in May. 108 00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:11,805 At the same time, I knew I must survive 109 00:23:11,972 --> 00:23:14,973 and there was, for me, no way out. 110 00:23:15,144 --> 00:23:19,864 I must stay calm and simply survive. 111 00:23:25,944 --> 00:23:31,185 It wasn't the first time in my life I'd had to survive. 112 00:23:31,326 --> 00:23:35,846 The less I resisted, the more bearable it would be. 113 00:24:00,896 --> 00:24:05,377 I do not remember what I did that morning. 114 00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:11,958 Maybe the following hours were so bad, that I had to forget them. 115 00:24:12,115 --> 00:24:17,916 Maybe I went into a kind of anesthesia. I do not remember. 116 00:25:25,355 --> 00:25:28,997 I re-emerged at two clock in the afternoon, 117 00:25:29,153 --> 00:25:32,272 and with Luchs went through the gorge. 118 00:25:32,404 --> 00:25:37,246 This time I was better prepared. Also I brought Hugo's binoculars with me. 119 00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:23,453 If the man at the well was dead, then I couldn't doubt that 120 00:26:23,624 --> 00:26:28,183 all the people in the valley must be dead. And not only the people. 121 00:26:28,336 --> 00:26:31,096 Everything that lived was dead. 122 00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:35,935 If that was death, it came quickly and smoothly, 123 00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:38,575 in an almost loving way. 124 00:26:41,642 --> 00:26:46,642 Perhaps it would have been wiser to go with Hugo and Louise. 125 00:27:12,545 --> 00:27:13,525 Luchs! 126 00:27:14,089 --> 00:27:16,971 What's wrong? Luchs? 127 00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:21,316 Here, Mr. Luchs! 128 00:27:22,097 --> 00:27:23,898 Luchs! 129 00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:20,758 Come. 130 00:28:22,115 --> 00:28:23,676 Yes, come. 131 00:28:28,413 --> 00:28:30,734 Presently, it become clear to me 132 00:28:30,875 --> 00:28:35,195 that this cow was indeed a blessing but also a heavy burden. 133 00:28:35,337 --> 00:28:41,618 This animal needs to be fed and milked, and also a stable master. 134 00:28:42,304 --> 00:28:45,864 I was the owner and the prisoner of the cow. 135 00:28:47,017 --> 00:28:50,297 Of course, I also thought of the cow. 136 00:28:50,435 --> 00:28:54,277 If I were very lucky, she would be expecting a calf. 137 00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:57,441 But I couldn't rely on that. 138 00:28:57,611 --> 00:29:02,530 I could only hope my cow gave milk for as long as possible. 139 00:29:02,699 --> 00:29:07,538 Still I thought of my situation as temporary 140 00:29:07,702 --> 00:29:10,624 or, at least, I tried to do so. 141 00:29:15,252 --> 00:29:20,094 I thought of a name for my cow and named her Bella. 142 00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:23,818 Actually, she didn't need any name. 143 00:29:23,971 --> 00:29:26,770 She was the only cow in the forest. 144 00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:29,731 Perhaps, the only cow in the land. 145 00:29:34,605 --> 00:29:36,566 Until tomorrow, Bella. 146 00:33:25,836 --> 00:33:31,517 Ten days had passed, and nothing had changed in my situation. 147 00:33:31,674 --> 00:33:37,355 For ten days I had worked stunned, but the wall was still there, 148 00:33:37,516 --> 00:33:40,516 and no one had come to get me. 149 00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:48,529 There was nothing left but to face reality. 150 00:34:13,217 --> 00:34:18,538 I could kill myself or try to dig under the wall, 151 00:34:18,681 --> 00:34:23,762 which would probably only be a strenuous form of suicide. 152 00:34:24,938 --> 00:34:30,338 Of course I could stay here and try to stay alive. 153 00:34:35,532 --> 00:34:40,411 To think seriously about suicide, I was no longer young enough. 154 00:34:40,579 --> 00:34:45,298 What kept me from those thoughts were Luchs and Bella. 155 00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:50,898 Thanks to Hugo's foresight, I had provisions to last the Summer, 156 00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:55,527 a home, a lifetime supply of wood and a cow. 157 00:35:43,016 --> 00:35:46,775 I resolved to wind the clocks every day 158 00:35:46,936 --> 00:35:49,976 and strike off the days on the calendar. 159 00:35:50,148 --> 00:35:53,108 This seemed at the time very important. 160 00:35:53,275 --> 00:35:58,835 I clung to the almost scant remains of human order. 161 00:36:00,032 --> 00:36:02,512 I don't know why I'm doing this. 162 00:36:02,661 --> 00:36:06,380 It is almost an inner compulsion that drives me. 163 00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:09,858 Maybe I'm afraid if I did otherwise 164 00:36:10,001 --> 00:36:13,201 I would slowly stop being a person 165 00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:16,577 and would crawl about dirty and stinking 166 00:36:16,715 --> 00:36:19,556 and emit unintelligible sounds. 167 00:36:20,344 --> 00:36:25,905 Not that I feared becoming an animal. That wouldn't be so bad. 168 00:36:26,059 --> 00:36:29,778 But a man can never become an animal. 169 00:36:29,938 --> 00:36:33,057 He rushes beyond into an abyss. 170 00:36:36,068 --> 00:36:39,188 I do not want this to be my future. 171 00:36:39,364 --> 00:36:43,284 Lately this has been my greatest fear. 172 00:36:43,451 --> 00:36:47,291 And this fear lets me write my report. 173 00:36:50,791 --> 00:36:56,711 On 30 May, it rained all day a warm, fertile rain, 174 00:36:56,880 --> 00:37:02,121 that forced me to stay in the hut, if I did not want to be soaked. 175 00:37:38,380 --> 00:37:41,621 That evening the cat came to my house. 176 00:37:43,219 --> 00:37:48,539 We were then four. The cow, the cat, Luchs and me. 177 00:37:50,309 --> 00:37:52,590 Luchs was the closest to me. 178 00:37:52,728 --> 00:37:56,329 He soon became not only my dog, but my friend. 179 00:37:56,483 --> 00:38:00,922 My only friend in a world of troubles and loneliness. 180 00:38:57,085 --> 00:38:59,005 It's okay, Luchs. 181 00:40:05,527 --> 00:40:08,927 Although I was confined by Bella to the cabin, 182 00:40:09,072 --> 00:40:13,632 I wanted to take a little look around the area. 183 00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:18,585 I remembered a path the led to a hunting cabin higher up, 184 00:40:18,750 --> 00:40:22,070 and from there down into the opposite valley. 185 00:40:22,210 --> 00:40:24,610 I wanted to go there. 186 00:41:32,322 --> 00:41:34,802 Luchs! Heel. 187 00:42:01,226 --> 00:42:04,186 Wait, Luchs. 188 00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:09,480 Now I had researched the valleys that I could reach 189 00:43:09,628 --> 00:43:12,829 without staying away for days. 190 00:43:12,965 --> 00:43:17,844 I was able to ascend to the pasture and from there survey the land. 191 00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:22,731 But further into the mountain range I did not dare. 192 00:43:22,891 --> 00:43:26,931 Of course, someone would find me, if there were no wall. 193 00:43:27,105 --> 00:43:31,224 I would have to say, they would have found me long ago. 194 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,880 I could calmly sit at home and wait. 195 00:43:35,027 --> 00:43:38,268 But again and again I felt driven to do 196 00:43:38,407 --> 00:43:41,927 something against the uncertainty. 197 00:45:22,887 --> 00:45:26,527 At one o'clock in the afternoon I rested. 198 00:45:26,681 --> 00:45:29,681 The forest laid misty in the midday sun, 199 00:45:29,851 --> 00:45:34,052 and warm scent from the pines ascended to me. 200 00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:37,844 It was now much quieter than in the moon-light, 201 00:45:37,985 --> 00:45:41,905 as if the forest lay sleeping under the yellow sun. 202 00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:45,472 A bird of prey circled above in the blue sky. 203 00:45:46,827 --> 00:45:49,467 Luchs slept with twitching ears, 204 00:45:49,621 --> 00:45:53,902 and the great silence descended like a bell over me. 205 00:46:06,847 --> 00:46:10,086 I wished to sit here forever, 206 00:46:10,226 --> 00:46:13,465 in the warmth, in the light, 207 00:46:13,603 --> 00:46:18,284 with the dog at my feet and the birds above my head. 208 00:46:33,498 --> 00:46:37,858 When I had to leave, it was with deep regret, 209 00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:43,364 and slowly I changed back into the only creature 210 00:46:43,509 --> 00:46:47,548 that did not belong, into a person, 211 00:46:47,722 --> 00:46:53,802 whose chaotic mind and clumsy shoes broke the branches 212 00:46:53,936 --> 00:46:56,815 and engaged in the bloody business of hunting. 213 00:48:06,592 --> 00:48:10,791 It strikes me that I I never recorded in my diary 214 00:48:10,929 --> 00:48:13,210 when I shot a deer. 215 00:48:13,766 --> 00:48:19,166 Now I also remember I was simply too disgusted to write. 216 00:48:19,313 --> 00:48:22,432 It was enough already, that I had to do it. 217 00:50:14,177 --> 00:50:19,018 I called the cat Pearl, because she was so white and bright. 218 00:50:20,266 --> 00:50:25,706 In a few weeks I realized that Pearl, the scruffy little thing, 219 00:50:25,856 --> 00:50:29,735 was transforming into a beauty. 220 00:50:30,527 --> 00:50:33,407 Pearl was a small miracle 221 00:50:33,572 --> 00:50:37,891 but even then I knew that she was born in the wrong place. 222 00:50:38,034 --> 00:50:43,155 A long-haired, white cat in the forest is doomed to early death. 223 00:50:44,041 --> 00:50:46,280 She had no chance. 224 00:50:47,878 --> 00:50:50,878 Maybe that's why I liked her so much. 225 00:50:51,507 --> 00:50:54,347 When I think back to the first Summer, 226 00:50:54,510 --> 00:50:58,230 it is overshadowed by concern for my animals 227 00:50:58,389 --> 00:51:01,389 rather than my own desperate situation. 228 00:51:02,016 --> 00:51:06,376 The catastrophe had taken away many responsibilities, 229 00:51:06,521 --> 00:51:10,641 and, without me noticing it right away, imposed new burdens. 230 00:51:10,775 --> 00:51:13,655 When I could finally comprehend the situation 231 00:51:13,820 --> 00:51:18,221 I was unable to do anything to alter it. 232 00:51:18,992 --> 00:51:24,873 I don't believe my behavior sprang from weakness or sentimentality. 233 00:51:25,039 --> 00:51:28,920 I just followed a drive that was implanted 234 00:51:29,085 --> 00:51:34,445 and I could not fight it, without also destroying myself. 235 00:51:34,592 --> 00:51:37,831 I cannot see why it should be dishonorable, 236 00:51:37,969 --> 00:51:41,210 to carry the load, like any animal, 237 00:51:41,347 --> 00:51:44,588 to ultimately die like one in the end. 238 00:51:45,476 --> 00:51:48,077 I don't even know what is honor. 239 00:51:49,398 --> 00:51:53,077 To be born and to die is not honorable. 240 00:51:53,235 --> 00:51:58,554 It happens to every creature and has no meaning. 241 00:52:04,538 --> 00:52:07,458 On 20th July I started with the hay. 242 00:54:00,652 --> 00:54:04,653 I spent three weeks reaping the meadow. 243 00:54:04,824 --> 00:54:08,385 It was not only the weather to blame 244 00:54:08,536 --> 00:54:12,817 but my clumsiness and physical weakness. 245 00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:44,701 I was overcome with discouragement 246 00:54:44,864 --> 00:54:50,385 and saw for the first time with full clarity what a terrible blow had hit me. 247 00:54:50,536 --> 00:54:54,856 I do not know what would have happened if the responsibility for my animal 248 00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:59,880 had not forced me to do the necessary things. 249 00:55:04,635 --> 00:55:07,875 I look back only reluctantly on this time. 250 00:55:08,429 --> 00:55:12,909 It took 14 days before I could finally rouse myself 251 00:55:13,059 --> 00:55:15,539 and again start to live. 252 00:59:07,835 --> 00:59:11,476 The Autumn was always my favorite time of year, 253 00:59:11,630 --> 00:59:14,871 though I didn't feel very well. 254 00:59:15,010 --> 00:59:18,329 By day, I was tired and yet watchful. 255 00:59:18,472 --> 00:59:22,072 At night, I lay for hours in a troubled half sleep 256 00:59:22,224 --> 00:59:25,224 and dreamt confusing and vivid dreams. 257 00:59:25,728 --> 00:59:29,568 The flu did not spare me even here in the woods. 258 00:59:29,733 --> 00:59:34,213 But I could hardly allow myself to succumb to it. 259 00:59:34,362 --> 00:59:39,121 Maybe I did not have time to give it attention. 260 00:59:39,284 --> 00:59:42,244 Luchs was exhilarated and happy, 261 00:59:42,411 --> 00:59:46,972 but a stranger probably wouldn't notice any difference. 262 00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:49,724 He was always cheerful. 263 00:59:49,878 --> 00:59:53,717 I never saw him stay grumpy more than three minutes. 264 00:59:53,882 --> 00:59:59,001 He could simply not resist the call to be happy. 265 00:59:59,137 --> 01:00:02,697 And life in the forest was a constant lure for him. 266 01:00:02,849 --> 01:00:06,289 Sun, snow, wind, rain. 267 01:00:06,436 --> 01:00:09,275 Everything was a cause for excitement. 268 01:00:09,981 --> 01:00:13,621 I couldn't stay sad next to Luchs for very long. 269 01:00:13,777 --> 01:00:19,257 It was almost shaming that being with me made him so happy. 270 01:00:19,407 --> 01:00:23,646 Perhaps man owes his great self-regard to the dog. 271 01:00:23,786 --> 01:00:29,186 Sometimes I even imagined there was something special about me, 272 01:00:29,333 --> 01:00:33,574 since Luchs became so overjoyed at the sight of me. 273 01:00:33,713 --> 01:00:37,112 Of course, nothing was special about me. 274 01:00:37,259 --> 01:00:40,858 Luchs was, like all dogs, simply addicted people. 275 01:00:41,471 --> 01:00:44,510 Yes, you're my Luchs. Yes. 276 01:00:45,306 --> 01:00:47,108 You're a good dog. 277 01:01:05,036 --> 01:01:09,596 Sometimes now, when I'm alone walking in wintry forest 278 01:01:09,748 --> 01:01:11,869 I speak to Luchs as I did before. 279 01:01:12,835 --> 01:01:15,315 I don't realize when I do it 280 01:01:15,463 --> 01:01:19,583 until something startles me and I fall silent. 281 01:01:19,759 --> 01:01:24,518 I turn my head and catch sight of the glimmer of a reddish brown coat. 282 01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:29,400 But the path is empty, bare shrubs and wet stones. 283 01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:44,070 It does not surprise me that I hear branches crackling behind me 284 01:01:44,242 --> 01:01:46,961 under the light tread of his soles. 285 01:01:47,119 --> 01:01:52,119 Where else should his little dog soul haunt, if not my track? 286 01:01:53,043 --> 01:01:57,083 It's a friendly ghost, and I do not fear him. 287 01:01:59,215 --> 01:02:04,335 Luchs, beautiful, good dog, my dog. 288 01:02:05,889 --> 01:02:10,568 Probably only my poor head make the sound of your footsteps, 289 01:02:10,726 --> 01:02:12,567 the glimmer of your coat. 290 01:02:14,940 --> 01:02:20,139 As long as I exist, you'll follow my tracks, hungry and yearning, 291 01:02:20,277 --> 01:02:25,398 as I myself, hungry and yearning, follow invisible tracks. 292 01:02:27,034 --> 01:02:29,954 We will neither of us catch our prey. 293 01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:08,134 On 27th October came the first snow. 294 01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:12,681 The onset of Winter lasted only a few days. 295 01:03:12,831 --> 01:03:17,670 After that came warm winds, that licked the young snow from the mountains. 296 01:03:18,545 --> 01:03:20,585 It became uncomfortably warm, 297 01:03:20,755 --> 01:03:25,034 and the wind blew night and day snarling at the little house. 298 01:03:27,554 --> 01:03:31,474 I slept badly and listened to the roaring of the stags 299 01:03:31,641 --> 01:03:35,081 that, in the rutting season, descended from the heights. 300 01:03:35,228 --> 01:03:39,427 Both cats were drawn out into the warm, damp forest. 301 01:03:39,565 --> 01:03:43,126 I lay awake and worried about Pearl. 302 01:03:44,152 --> 01:03:49,873 The roaring of the stags sounded sad, threatening and sometimes desperate. 303 01:03:59,335 --> 01:04:02,735 I hoped only for the wind to not last too long 304 01:04:02,880 --> 01:04:06,521 and the Winter to bring us a little peace. 305 01:04:06,675 --> 01:04:09,916 The wind actually only lasted three days, 306 01:04:10,054 --> 01:04:12,815 just long enough for Pearl to die. 307 01:04:46,215 --> 01:04:48,775 Pearl was buried, 308 01:04:48,927 --> 01:04:53,847 and the wind died overnight, as if it had fulfilled its task. 309 01:04:55,056 --> 01:04:57,418 I have not forgotten Pearl. 310 01:04:58,393 --> 01:05:02,195 Her death was the first loss in the forest. 311 01:05:04,192 --> 01:05:07,952 Once, it must have been the first winter, 312 01:05:08,112 --> 01:05:10,992 I saw a fox by the stream. 313 01:05:11,157 --> 01:05:15,516 I could have shot it. I had the gun with me. 314 01:05:15,661 --> 01:05:17,702 But I did not. 315 01:05:18,706 --> 01:05:24,146 Pearl had to die because her forefathers were overbred Angora cats. 316 01:05:24,295 --> 01:05:27,215 She was always destined to be a victim. 317 01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:32,240 Should I therefore punish the beautiful vivid fox? 318 01:05:32,887 --> 01:05:35,887 Pearl was dealt an injustice. 319 01:05:36,056 --> 01:05:40,056 But this injustice was also dealt to her victims. 320 01:05:40,228 --> 01:05:43,068 Should I again pass it on to the fox? 321 01:05:44,898 --> 01:05:50,778 The only creature in the woods that can do right or wrong, am I. 322 01:05:50,947 --> 01:05:53,586 And I can only practice mercy. 323 01:05:53,739 --> 01:05:58,460 Sometimes I wish the burden of this decision would not fall to me. 324 01:05:58,621 --> 01:06:04,181 But I'm a person. And I can only think and act as a person. 325 01:06:04,335 --> 01:06:07,094 From which only death will free me. 326 01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:13,001 Whenever I think of Winter, I see a tired fox by the snow-covered stream. 327 01:06:13,177 --> 01:06:18,418 A lonely, adult animal, his path already laid down. 328 01:06:19,349 --> 01:06:24,110 It's as if this image means something important to me. 329 01:06:24,271 --> 01:06:27,672 It stands for something else. 330 01:06:28,358 --> 01:06:31,358 But I cannot recognize the meaning. 331 01:06:37,242 --> 01:06:39,242 So. 332 01:06:43,333 --> 01:06:45,773 Yes, my Bella. 333 01:06:47,085 --> 01:06:49,806 Yes, beautiful you are. 334 01:06:52,509 --> 01:06:55,389 Bella had become rounded 335 01:06:55,552 --> 01:06:59,952 but I could not tell whether she expected a calf. 336 01:07:03,311 --> 01:07:06,231 After all we have experienced together, 337 01:07:06,396 --> 01:07:09,516 Bella is, to me, more than my cow. 338 01:07:09,692 --> 01:07:15,012 A poor, patient sister, who copes with more dignity than do I. 339 01:09:05,850 --> 01:09:09,970 In the night I heard the wood crackling in the fire. 340 01:09:11,814 --> 01:09:17,694 I refuelled, but I shivered under the blanket and could not sleep. 341 01:09:18,779 --> 01:09:22,500 Sometimes a log crackled into flame and went out again, 342 01:09:22,658 --> 01:09:24,859 and I felt ill. 343 01:09:25,828 --> 01:09:30,307 I knew it was that I had to go and kill again. 344 01:09:30,457 --> 01:09:35,858 I imagined what a person who enjoys killing may feel. 345 01:09:36,671 --> 01:09:38,792 I did not succeed. 346 01:09:38,966 --> 01:09:41,886 The hairs stood up on my arms, 347 01:09:42,051 --> 01:09:45,412 and my mouth was dry in disgust. 348 01:09:45,555 --> 01:09:48,435 One must be born like that. 349 01:09:49,394 --> 01:09:54,514 I could bring myself to do it as quickly and skillfully as possible 350 01:09:54,689 --> 01:09:57,530 but I would never get used to it. 351 01:09:59,319 --> 01:10:03,279 Long I lay awake in the crackling darkness 352 01:10:03,448 --> 01:10:05,649 and thought of the little heart 353 01:10:07,036 --> 01:10:10,916 that froze in the room above me into a block of ice. 354 01:10:29,600 --> 01:10:34,840 After the cold broke, a wave of humid, warmer air set in. 355 01:10:35,980 --> 01:10:41,061 Bella was restless and I had see to her ten times a day. 356 01:10:42,238 --> 01:10:45,637 On 11th January Bella was bleeding a little. 357 01:10:45,783 --> 01:10:47,903 It was after the evening feeding 358 01:10:48,077 --> 01:10:52,317 and I decided to stay the night in the barn. 359 01:10:55,752 --> 01:10:58,872 Come on, Bella! Hard! 360 01:11:04,761 --> 01:11:07,121 Hard! 361 01:11:34,332 --> 01:11:36,851 Come on, Bella, come on! 362 01:11:45,926 --> 01:11:49,487 So much had happened lately. 363 01:11:49,639 --> 01:11:54,118 Pearl had been killed, a little bull was born into the world, 364 01:11:54,268 --> 01:11:59,587 deer were frozen and the predators had a fat winter. 365 01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:07,217 I myself had had a lot of excitement and now I was tired. 366 01:12:08,073 --> 01:12:12,634 And when I closed my eyes, I saw snowy mountains on the horizon, 367 01:12:12,787 --> 01:12:16,306 white flakes, which fell on my face, 368 01:12:16,457 --> 01:12:18,817 in a vast, bright stillness. 369 01:12:20,417 --> 01:12:24,538 There were no thoughts, no memories, 370 01:12:25,631 --> 01:12:28,953 only the great, silent, snowy light. 371 01:12:30,595 --> 01:12:36,155 I knew that these thoughts were dangerous for a lonely person 372 01:12:36,310 --> 01:12:40,750 but I could not muster the strength to resist. 373 01:13:24,734 --> 01:13:28,213 Luchs did not leave for long in peace. 374 01:13:28,362 --> 01:13:32,921 Always he came and nudged me with his nose. 375 01:13:33,073 --> 01:13:37,595 I sighed and stood up and went to my daily work. 376 01:13:40,041 --> 01:13:44,600 Now Luchs is no more my friend and guardian 377 01:13:44,752 --> 01:13:49,113 and the desire to step into the white, painless silence 378 01:13:49,256 --> 01:13:52,018 is sometimes very strong. 379 01:13:52,176 --> 01:13:57,417 I must look after myself and be stricter than before. 380 01:14:01,435 --> 01:14:03,917 Luchs was my sixth sense. 381 01:14:04,774 --> 01:14:09,014 Since he died, I feel like an amputee. 382 01:14:10,488 --> 01:14:14,448 Something left me, and will always be missing. 383 01:14:15,493 --> 01:14:20,332 It's not just hunting and tracking where I miss him, 384 01:14:20,497 --> 01:14:24,938 and the long hours spent finding game. 385 01:14:26,045 --> 01:14:28,164 That alone isn't it. 386 01:14:29,756 --> 01:14:35,277 The worst is, without Luchs, I feel truly alone. 387 01:14:55,032 --> 01:15:00,351 The idea of moving to the meadow occupied me more every day. 388 01:15:00,496 --> 01:15:03,615 The undertaking seemed terribly arduous, 389 01:15:03,747 --> 01:15:06,548 even if I only took the bare essentials 390 01:15:06,711 --> 01:15:10,310 and lived primitively on the mountain. 391 01:15:10,462 --> 01:15:15,264 After I realized that I'd already decided to move, 392 01:15:15,426 --> 01:15:19,948 when I saw the first green meadows, 393 01:15:20,099 --> 01:15:22,139 I became calm. 394 01:15:22,309 --> 01:15:27,429 And on 25th May came the day of departure from the cabin. 395 01:15:36,282 --> 01:15:40,841 The road was well maintained, but it still took four hours 396 01:15:40,993 --> 01:15:45,194 for our strange procession to reach the pasture. 397 01:15:45,332 --> 01:15:49,171 It was about noon. I was completely exhausted, 398 01:15:49,587 --> 01:15:54,987 not so much from the physical effort but from nervous tension. 399 01:15:56,886 --> 01:16:01,166 Something new had started. I did not know what it would bring. 400 01:16:01,305 --> 01:16:06,306 But my homesickness and concern for the future slowly left me. 401 01:16:08,145 --> 01:16:12,947 I began to see the beautiful pasture, strange and dangerous. 402 01:16:13,527 --> 01:16:17,167 But, like everything foreign, full of allure. 403 01:16:17,698 --> 01:16:21,898 It was a strange feeling unhindered by mountains and trees 404 01:16:22,036 --> 01:16:25,036 a wide area to overlook. 405 01:16:25,206 --> 01:16:28,525 And it was not immediately pleasant and liberating. 406 01:16:28,667 --> 01:16:32,027 My eyes had to get used to the distance, 407 01:16:32,171 --> 01:16:36,291 after a year that I spent in the narrow valley. 408 01:16:42,055 --> 01:16:46,296 So long as I was on the mountain, I made no notes. 409 01:16:46,435 --> 01:16:51,114 I had the calender with me and dutifully struck off every day, 410 01:16:51,273 --> 01:16:56,273 but I was not even recording important events such as the harvest. 411 01:16:56,403 --> 01:17:00,203 The memories of this time remain fresh 412 01:17:00,364 --> 01:17:03,485 and it is not hard for me to write about it. 413 01:17:03,618 --> 01:17:06,658 The Summer scent, the thunderstorms 414 01:17:06,831 --> 01:17:11,711 and the star-filled evenings I will never forget. 415 01:19:38,148 --> 01:19:41,707 For the first time in my life I was appeased. 416 01:19:41,859 --> 01:19:46,100 Not satisfied or happy, but appeased. 417 01:19:47,032 --> 01:19:53,391 It was as if a large hand had stopped the clock in my mind. 418 01:20:22,024 --> 01:20:25,345 Sometimes my thoughts grew confused 419 01:20:25,487 --> 01:20:30,247 as if the forest laid down roots inside me 420 01:20:30,408 --> 01:20:34,969 and with my brain was thinking its old, eternal thoughts. 421 01:20:36,497 --> 01:20:41,497 Back then, in the second summer, it was not so far along. 422 01:20:41,670 --> 01:20:44,430 The boundaries were still strictly drawn. 423 01:20:44,590 --> 01:20:46,189 It is difficult for me, 424 01:20:46,341 --> 01:20:51,061 when writing my earlier and my new self, to tell them apart. 425 01:20:51,220 --> 01:20:54,140 My new self, I am not even sure 426 01:20:54,306 --> 01:20:58,908 that it isn't slowly being absorbed into a greater We. 427 01:20:59,063 --> 01:21:02,783 But even so, the transformation has begun. 428 01:21:04,693 --> 01:21:06,813 The pasture was to blame. 429 01:21:07,904 --> 01:21:11,625 It was almost impossible in the buzzing stillness of the meadow 430 01:21:11,783 --> 01:21:17,623 under the big sky stay to remain an isolated, separate self. 431 01:21:17,788 --> 01:21:21,109 A small, blind, stubborn self, 432 01:21:21,251 --> 01:21:25,530 that did not want to fit into the greater community. 433 01:21:26,296 --> 01:21:31,137 Once it had been a source of pride that I lived such a life. 434 01:21:31,301 --> 01:21:36,422 But on the mountain, it suddenly seemed to me pathetic and ridiculous. 435 01:21:37,265 --> 01:21:39,907 An inflated nothing. 436 01:22:12,926 --> 01:22:16,807 On 16th October, after I was back from the pasture, 437 01:22:16,974 --> 01:22:19,814 I again made regular notes. 438 01:22:19,975 --> 01:22:23,377 Almost throughout October the weather was beautiful. 439 01:22:23,520 --> 01:22:28,921 I used the time well to double my wood supply. 440 01:22:29,069 --> 01:22:32,548 All Saints day was suddenly warm, and I knew 441 01:22:32,698 --> 01:22:35,818 that this heralded in the winter. 442 01:22:41,497 --> 01:22:45,217 On 1Oth December I find a strange entry: 443 01:22:46,502 --> 01:22:49,063 "Time goes by so fast." 444 01:22:49,631 --> 01:22:53,350 I don't remember having written that. 445 01:22:53,510 --> 01:22:57,390 I do not know what happened on the 10th of December 446 01:22:57,555 --> 01:23:00,315 that led me to write under "New snow" 447 01:23:00,654 --> 01:23:02,615 and "Fetched hay", to write 448 01:23:03,479 --> 01:23:05,759 "Time goes by so fast." 449 01:23:06,648 --> 01:23:10,207 Did the time pass so fast back then... 450 01:23:10,359 --> 01:23:14,159 I cannot remember and cannot give an account. 451 01:23:14,323 --> 01:23:19,523 It's not true. The time only seemed to pass quickly. 452 01:23:19,661 --> 01:23:23,661 I believe the time stands still and I move around in it. 453 01:23:23,832 --> 01:23:28,271 Sometimes slow and sometimes with furious speed. 454 01:23:28,921 --> 01:23:33,921 I do something, things go ahead, and I forget the time. 455 01:23:34,635 --> 01:23:38,515 And then, suddenly, it surrounds me again. 456 01:23:39,721 --> 01:23:45,802 I'll have to get used to it. Its indifference and omnipresence. 457 01:23:50,649 --> 01:23:54,690 Since Luchs died, I feel it more keenly. 458 01:23:54,863 --> 01:23:58,422 I sit at the table, and time stands still. 459 01:23:59,368 --> 01:24:03,807 I cannot see it, nor smell nor hear, 460 01:24:03,956 --> 01:24:06,836 but it surrounds me on all sides. 461 01:24:07,917 --> 01:24:11,557 Its silence and stillness is terrible. 462 01:24:16,801 --> 01:24:20,841 ln fact, these thoughts are without meaning. 463 01:24:21,014 --> 01:24:23,854 I pity animals and I pity people 464 01:24:24,015 --> 01:24:27,817 because they were born, unasked, into this life. 465 01:24:28,939 --> 01:24:32,219 Maybe people are more deserving 466 01:24:32,359 --> 01:24:34,798 because they have just enough understanding, 467 01:24:34,944 --> 01:24:39,505 to resist the natural course of things. 468 01:24:39,658 --> 01:24:44,858 This makes them wicked and desperate and somewhat unlovable. 469 01:24:46,582 --> 01:24:50,702 But it would be possible to live differently. 470 01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:55,319 There is no impulse as rational as love. 471 01:24:56,047 --> 01:25:00,488 It makes the lover's and the loved one's lives more bearable. 472 01:25:00,636 --> 01:25:03,957 Only, we have to recognize in time, 473 01:25:04,099 --> 01:25:07,738 that this is our only possibility. 474 01:25:07,894 --> 01:25:11,453 Our only hope for a better life. 475 01:25:12,189 --> 01:25:14,789 For an endless army of dead 476 01:25:14,943 --> 01:25:19,302 have missed the only possibility forever. 477 01:25:19,448 --> 01:25:22,207 Time and again I think about that. 478 01:25:22,367 --> 01:25:27,367 I can not understand why we had to take the wrong path. 479 01:25:27,497 --> 01:25:29,856 I only know that it is too late. 480 01:25:39,009 --> 01:25:42,408 In this Autumn a white crow has appeared. 481 01:25:43,889 --> 01:25:46,889 She always flies a little behind the others 482 01:25:47,059 --> 01:25:52,059 and settles alone on a tree, avoided by her companions. 483 01:25:57,819 --> 01:26:01,939 I can't understand why the other crows do not like her. 484 01:26:02,073 --> 01:26:04,833 For me she is a particularly beautiful bird, 485 01:26:04,993 --> 01:26:08,313 but for their kind, she is repugnant. 486 01:26:08,453 --> 01:26:12,814 A sad absurdity that shouldn't exist. 487 01:26:12,957 --> 01:26:14,878 A white crow. 488 01:26:16,462 --> 01:26:21,023 She remains sitting, while the whole flock flies away, 489 01:26:21,176 --> 01:26:24,695 and I bring her a little food. 490 01:26:24,845 --> 01:26:27,966 She can not know why she is rejected. 491 01:26:28,140 --> 01:26:30,900 She knows no other life. 492 01:26:31,060 --> 01:26:34,621 Always she will be rejected, and so alone 493 01:26:34,773 --> 01:26:39,773 that she will fear people less than her black brothers. 494 01:26:56,420 --> 01:27:01,739 Every day I wait for the white crow and call. 495 01:27:02,384 --> 01:27:06,904 And she looks at me attentively out of her reddish eyes. 496 01:27:07,055 --> 01:27:09,614 I can do very little for her. 497 01:27:09,765 --> 01:27:15,765 My scraps may prolong a life that should not be prolonged. 498 01:27:16,564 --> 01:27:21,284 But I want the white crow to live, and sometimes I dream 499 01:27:21,444 --> 01:27:26,805 that there is a second one in the forest and the two will find each other. 500 01:27:27,658 --> 01:27:31,698 I do not believe it, I only wish it very much. 501 01:27:39,337 --> 01:27:43,537 Gradually, I began to give up my past 502 01:27:43,675 --> 01:27:46,795 and accept the new order. 503 01:28:28,176 --> 01:28:32,497 By the time the weather really improved, it was May already. 504 01:28:32,640 --> 01:28:36,280 Two years had passed in the forest, and it struck me 505 01:28:36,435 --> 01:28:41,275 that I hardly ever thought that anyone would find me. 506 01:28:41,733 --> 01:28:45,052 I decided to set off for the pasture. 507 01:29:03,755 --> 01:29:08,835 In early June I was finally ready. I got used to the pasture. 508 01:29:08,969 --> 01:29:11,769 But it was not the same as last year. 509 01:29:11,930 --> 01:29:16,210 That first summer on the mountain was gone forever. 510 01:29:16,350 --> 01:29:21,350 I did not want a weak imitation of it, and so held myself back 511 01:29:21,479 --> 01:29:24,400 from falling for the old magic. 512 01:29:25,652 --> 01:29:28,452 But the meadow didn't make it difficult. 513 01:29:28,613 --> 01:29:33,533 It closed itself off to me and showed an unfamililar face. 514 01:29:35,118 --> 01:29:40,359 I often sat, as I did a year ago, on the bench overlooking the meadow. 515 01:29:40,832 --> 01:29:45,673 It was no different than before and smelled just as sweet 516 01:29:45,837 --> 01:29:49,798 but I never got the old enjoyment from it. 517 01:29:55,055 --> 01:29:57,935 I took no more long trips, 518 01:29:58,100 --> 01:30:02,140 for I had set my limits last Summer. 519 01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:05,713 It was irrelevant to me where the wall was. 520 01:30:12,282 --> 01:30:17,601 In that Summer I quite forgot that Luchs was a dog and I a human. 521 01:30:17,746 --> 01:30:22,265 I knew it, but it had now ceased to have any meaning. 522 01:30:24,877 --> 01:30:27,318 Luchs also had changed. 523 01:30:28,256 --> 01:30:30,775 Since I was with him so much, 524 01:30:30,926 --> 01:30:34,525 he was calm and did not seem to constantly worry 525 01:30:34,679 --> 01:30:39,359 that I would dissolve into thin air after five minutes of being away from him. 526 01:30:40,518 --> 01:30:43,717 When I think about it today, I believe 527 01:30:43,854 --> 01:30:48,095 that this was the only big fear in the dog's life: 528 01:30:48,234 --> 01:30:50,753 to be left all alone. 529 01:30:52,697 --> 01:30:55,697 I had learned a lot 530 01:30:55,867 --> 01:30:59,667 and understood almost every one of his movements and sounds. 531 01:31:00,622 --> 01:31:05,702 Now, between us, there was a tacit understanding. 532 01:36:42,712 --> 01:36:45,154 I carried Luchs to the hut 533 01:36:46,634 --> 01:36:49,113 and laid him on the bench. 534 01:36:52,724 --> 01:36:56,243 He was suddenly small and light. 535 01:36:59,520 --> 01:37:05,162 And then I heard, as if from afar, Bella roaring. 536 01:37:06,237 --> 01:37:08,636 She was roaring in fear. 537 01:37:09,739 --> 01:37:12,421 I tried to calm her down. 538 01:37:13,993 --> 01:37:16,755 Only then did I think of the man again. 539 01:37:21,210 --> 01:37:23,810 I knew that he must be dead. 540 01:37:24,921 --> 01:37:30,282 He'd been such a large target I couldn't have missed. 541 01:37:34,180 --> 01:37:36,662 I was glad that he was dead. 542 01:37:37,475 --> 01:37:42,277 It would've been difficult to have to kill a fallen man. 543 01:37:42,439 --> 01:37:45,640 And yet I couldn't have let him live. 544 01:37:45,777 --> 01:37:49,016 Or maybe. I do not know. 545 01:37:51,948 --> 01:37:55,229 I didn't want him lying in the meadow, 546 01:37:55,368 --> 01:37:59,329 not next to the dead bull and on the innocent grass. 547 01:38:00,625 --> 01:38:05,625 So I grabbed him by the legs and dragged him to a lookout point. 548 01:38:06,005 --> 01:38:11,284 There, where the rock drops steeply to the scree 549 01:38:11,426 --> 01:38:16,106 and the apine roses bloom in June, I let him roll down. 550 01:38:21,938 --> 01:38:25,057 For Luchs I dug a grave that evening. 551 01:38:25,983 --> 01:38:29,983 I made the hole deep, lay Luchs in it, 552 01:38:30,154 --> 01:38:34,033 covered him with earth and trod down the grass above. 553 01:38:34,867 --> 01:38:37,306 And then, I was very tired. 554 01:38:38,412 --> 01:38:40,733 Tired as never before. 555 01:39:54,988 --> 01:40:00,109 Then I sat down on the bench and waited for the long night. 556 01:40:00,243 --> 01:40:03,203 It was a bright starry night, 557 01:40:03,372 --> 01:40:06,492 and the wind blew down from the cold rocks. 558 01:40:07,335 --> 01:40:11,654 But I was colder than the wind and felt nothing. 559 01:40:15,801 --> 01:40:20,600 At first light I got up and with Bella left the meadow. 560 01:40:22,600 --> 01:40:27,039 The next day I resumed my usual work. 561 01:40:27,188 --> 01:40:30,908 October came, and I harvested potatoes and fruit. 562 01:40:32,318 --> 01:40:37,917 The straw had to be mowed, but that took only a week. 563 01:40:39,242 --> 01:40:43,481 Finally, physically beaten and broken, 564 01:40:43,621 --> 01:40:48,381 I gave up the flight and stayed with my thoughts. 565 01:40:52,880 --> 01:40:55,720 Nothing came to me. 566 01:41:11,314 --> 01:41:16,074 I would like to know why the strange man killed my animals. 567 01:41:16,779 --> 01:41:21,578 I'll never find out and maybe it's better so. 568 01:41:24,537 --> 01:41:26,976 Now I am peaceful. 569 01:41:28,038 --> 01:41:30,560 I see a little further. 570 01:41:31,252 --> 01:41:34,372 l see that this is not the end. 571 01:41:35,421 --> 01:41:37,662 Everything goes on. 572 01:41:38,384 --> 01:41:42,344 The bull, Pearl and Luchs will never be again. 573 01:41:43,555 --> 01:41:48,475 But something new will come and I cannot hide from it. 574 01:41:49,435 --> 01:41:54,957 The memory the sorrow and the fear will remain 575 01:41:55,109 --> 01:41:58,588 and the hard work, so long as I live. 576 01:42:08,412 --> 01:42:14,734 Today, the 25th February is the end of my report. 577 01:42:17,212 --> 01:42:20,573 There's not a sheet of paper left. 578 01:42:22,051 --> 01:42:25,813 It's now about five clock in the evening and still so light 579 01:42:25,971 --> 01:42:28,853 I can write without a lamp. 580 01:42:29,769 --> 01:42:34,609 The crows have risen crying and circling above the forest. 581 01:42:35,564 --> 01:42:37,886 When they are no longer in sight, 582 01:42:38,027 --> 01:42:42,466 I will go into the clearing and feed the white crow. 583 01:42:43,448 --> 01:42:45,729 She's waiting for me. 48619

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