All language subtitles for The.Year.Of.Spectacular.Men.2017.HDRip.AC3.X264-CMRG.HI

[jazz music]

[Aaron] Izzy was the
first girl I met in,

I mean, years

who was, uh,

insecure enough

to think that I was
right for her.

Who could I possibly
be right for?

I'm a fucking mental patient.

She was insistent that
I-I told her how I felt.

Can you believe that?
Who does that?

[Logan] I started tallying
up all this stuff

I loved about her.

I mean, shit, dude, she's
my fabric softener.

I don't know, man, she's,
she's kind of sexy in,

like, a really goofy,
Special Olympics way.

[Charlie] I think for
the first time, I was,

I actually met someone
who was more depressed

and neurotic than me.

And that felt really good.

I think I loved that girl.

[guitar music]

Look at you, big sister. Now,
get off that herpes bench.

I mean, quickly, I'll
walk you to class

before I go to work, okay?

Come on, take my hand, let's go.

Okay.

Just finish college, okay?

And then why don't you take
the year for yourself?

You're a millennial, you
could try the whole, like,

having-fun-in-your-20s thing.
They're all doing it.

- Except for me.
- Wait. Work?

I thought you were just
here for a fashion thing.

Just a fashion thing?

Oh. Oh, my God, Sabrina,
can I get a pic?

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

It's a three-week
long Vogue shoot

that involves a giraffe,

an insanely famous actor,

and a car bomb, any of
which could kill me.

Just be safe.

Dude, I am, I'm doing my best

to not die in a car
accident like dad, okay?

Yeah. Yeah, right.

Why are you always so
involved in that thing?

You're clutching it like
it's, like, an infant.

Oh, I don't know, just
writing and reading,

reading, writing, writing.

- Sorry, it's a habit.
- You're weird.

Iz. Iz.

I know that we've had a rough
go these past few years, okay?

But I go to therapy
and shit, you know?

You never even cried about dad.

I don't want to get upset,
I just want to move on

and find the thing.

What thing?

The thing that makes
me feel better.

I know you're trying.

What is that?

It's a salad.

There's a whole
cucumber in that.

But it's also a juice.
It's a salad juice.

Those are separate things.

We live in a modern world, Izzy.
Jesus.

- Do you wanna try it?
- No, I don't want...

No.

Ugh, you're impossible. Ow.

[man] I'd like to remind
you all that my production

of The Mouse And The Minotaur,

which I directed and co-wrote,
is opening this Saturday

right here in the theater.
Please support the arts.

If you don't,
you're getting a D.

Have a great weekend.

Izzy, may I speak
to you, please?

Uh, just leave that, I'll...

- I'm sorry, that... Hi.
- Hi.

I need to talk to you a little
bit about some class stuff.

Right, okay.

You've gotta do,
like, one thing,

but if you don't pass my
class, you don't graduate.

- You're right.
- Then here we go.

Midsummer Night's Dream.

- Um, you know what?
- Yes. No, right here.

Is there a world in which...

No, there is, like, not a world.
Take it.

Shakespeare?

Ross, please.

Now, Ross Wyatt, Izzy Klein.

Uh, Ross is minoring in theater
and you're majoring in?

Molecular biophysics
and biochemistry.

I thought it would be great
if you guys do the scene

where Titania has fallen
in love with Bottom.

- Oh.
- The donkey.

Actually, the girl
kisses him at the end.

If you guys could
have it on its feet

in the next couple of weeks...

Excuse me. Belinda?

What... Oh, number?

- Izzy, right?
- Yeah.

It's gonna be a real challenge,

but I'm looking
forward to exploring

this opportunity with you.

♪ We can't dismiss this ♪

♪ Deep breath out ♪

[Izzy] I've never been good at
seeing where I should go next

or steps, middles
and last chapters.

I mean, they're literally
all a struggle.

In matters of the
heart, in my path,

I'm either frozen or taking aim
blindly at my latest guess.

I've just never had that moment,

you know, where everything
falls into the perfect spot,

the sun shining just
right on your face

and you find the thing.

Not a guess, not a lie
and not a secret,

but a thing that gives
you your ending.

Look, I don't mean
ending in the bad way.

I mean, my dad killed himself,

and he didn't say goodbye.

So it's up to me
to look at endings

like they could actually,
potentially be happy things.

I don't, I don't know
much, but I do know

that I need roots,
I need answers.

Hey, do you want all
the extra stuff?

Uh, whatever, do your thing.

♪ Gonna feel so in pain ♪

Just not too cheesy.

♪ It took us hours
to fix the injury ♪

[Izzy] Who knows, maybe
this'll be the year.

Maybe this year I'll get
a really good ending.

♪ Oh signal is better now ♪

♪ Hold tight ♪

It's too cheesy.

Well, maybe there's, like, a
less cheesy zone in here.

Fingers crossed.

Hey, I'm thinking
about going to LA.

Wait, you're not, like, you're
not, like, trying to go

for the whole summer or
something weird, right?

I was actually thinkin',
um, maybe to, like, live.

You live in New York.

You live here, you live
in my apartment with me.

[siren wailing]

Y-yeah.

- Um, I kind of have to go back.
- Pack up your shit.

- Whoa. Wait, what?
- You said you want to move back.

That's the beginning of a
conversation about this.

- I mean, you could come with me.
- Oh, Jesus-fucking-Christ.

Okay, or, no, then, then
we can do long distance

and FaceTime, I mean,
I can, I can send you

those fruit-bouquet things with
the pineapple on a stick...

Pineapple? What are you...
This is not...

We're ta... We're not
talking about pineapple.

- Have you been planning this?
- You know I just can't plan.

- I ran out of cash.
- Get a job.

That is what a normal
person would do,

but you're talking to
me about pineapples!

How did I even fucking
do this for three years?

You and your phases,
Brazilian drumming

or this, I-I made a salad once.

Your fucking ceramics
which are tragic.

- That's rude.
- So what's this phase?

This is the, uh, this is...

Okay, you're taking
acting classes,

so this is the
I'm-going-back-to-Hollywood

to-become-a-big-star-like
my-sister phase, right, phasey?

- I made salad twice.
- Whatever, I, I...

- Twice I made salad, Aaron!
- I knew this was gonna happen.

I knew you were gonna leave,
it's just like the band.

It's no... It's the same shit.

It's not the same shit. I'm
not leaving you on purpose.

I still think we
can work this out.

[upbeat music]

[Aaron] You need therapy!

[Izzy] You mean,
couple's therapy?

Unbelievable.

♪ Fuck the world ♪

♪ It's just us now ♪

♪ We'll breathe it in ♪

♪ We'll live on somehow ♪

♪ Take a hint it's
time to give up ♪

♪ Patience ain't a
virtue I count ♪

♪ Who cares what we gotta do ♪

♪ You know this is our youth ♪

♪ Fuck the world ♪

[Sabrina] Izzy, I'm home.

Jesus Christ.

Rise and grind,
hurricane Isabel.

- Look at this mess.
- [Sebastian] Honey?

Hey. It's late as balls.

- [Sebastian] Honey. Hey, hey.
- Coffee?

Here. Hanging on
on my own sister.

[Sebastian] Are you still there?
All I see is green.

You owe me 20 bucks.

- Is she really still sleeping?
- Yeah.

Dammit! Hi, Iz.

How do you feel about getting
your third wheel back?

- Just like old times.
- Oh, I'm honored, I can't wait.

Hey, Sebastian, they're
ready for you.

Yeah, yeah, okay,
okay, five minutes.

Sorry, I gotta go, this AD is
bugging the shit out of me.

- I love you. Bye.
- [Sebastian] Love you, baby.

Oh... Thank God you're
still in New York.

Thanks for letting me
crash at your hotel.

Tell me what
happened last night.

Um... I think it's over.

You can never trust a guy who
has 20 of the same shirt

in the same color.
It's not natural.

- That's not okay.
- It's not.

I want you to know,
Sebastian and I

are absolutely stoked you're
coming to stay with us in LA.

As long as you do your dishes,

and you remember to flush the
toilet when you take a poo.

- What? I flush.
- Like...

California's not in
that much of a drought.

Once again, to clarify,
I definitely do flush

when I poo, Sabrina.

I love you so much.

I'm sorry.

Have a good one.

This is disgusting by the
way, what you've done here.

This is horrible. You should
be ashamed of yourself.

♪ Do I cage a bird
that bores me ♪

♪ Or do I look to
the sky and wait? ♪

♪ You are new to me
as you grew on me ♪

♪ I then thought of fate ♪

♪ When the sun goes down
you're in my mind ♪

♪ When the day
breaks I am fine ♪

♪ At night you come to me ♪

♪ Good woman that I
could not find ♪

♪ You say ♪

[Aaron] I mean, she can't
stick with anything.

I-I-I'm amazed that we were
together that long, you know?

Yeah, I know, I hope she
fucking moves on or whatever.

But look, my career
is blowing up.

I don't have time for this shit.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, I
can't make the gig.

I got, like, a stomach thing.
No, it's fucked me up.

[Izzy] Hey, how was
the Vogue shoot?

Oh, my God, please
tell me you got me

what I wanted and not some
tree-bark peel-off dirt shit?

Holler! Thank you.

Oh, how was the, the giraffe?

He was being really
difficult today, actually.

Hm. Are you gonna leave
all that on or...

I wanted to eat my
greens in character.

Oh.

I walked by Aaron's
on my way here.

How many times did you
call me and you were like,

"He's a lunatic?"
He is a lunatic.

I'm doing, um, a scene with a
really hot new guy from class.

When I said there were
other fishies in the sea,

I meant, like, look through
the sea, not immediately

at the first person
that shows up.

All I said was that he's
good looking, that's it.

Don't do it, Izzy.

- All I...
- Don't.

- That's...
- Do...

- Sab...
- It...

It's like, don't do it at all.

[knocking on door]

Hey, scene partner. Come on in.

Okay.

[upbeat music]

Wow, the view is incredible.

Thank you.

Oh, you mean that.

[Izzy laughs]

Um, so, you know, I thought
that we could start

by, by just, like,
reading it through.

- A few times.
- Yeah, good.

Or we can just jump right
in and start rehearsing.

- Great.
- Yeah.

- Where are we?
- Um...

God, I want to say
it's, like, act four.

Wow, that's a bold, bold move.

Acting without
relaxation is chaos

and this is an exceptionally
chill strain of indica.

It'll help us go deeper.

[cell phone ringing]

[Ross groans]

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.

- Hi. Hey, good morning.
- Hi.

Good morning.

You know, lots of girls tell
me I'm an exceptional cuddler.

[laughs]

For sure.

Um, okay. That's, um...

Izzy, what's the rush?

Stay for a cappuccino
and a biscotta.

I have class, so...

- Hey.
- Ah. Whoo.

Really, really great work last night.
Seriously.

Oh, it's...

[upbeat music]

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

- So?
- Whoa!

- Car-bomb photo shoot.
- Oh.

- Aaron-related offense?
- No.

But I got rubbed up on
by a Ken-doll boner

and then offered an
Italian coffee drink.

Are you okay?

You're asking me that right now?

It's avant-garde, but I like it.

[cell phone vibrates]

Ma with the exclamation points.

- What's she saying? Can I see?
- Sabrina, stop.

- Dude.
- Sabrina!

Oh, that's just lush.

What, that mom's dating a woman?

No, it's that she's dating
Britney's stand-in.

- From the Mickey Mouse Club.
- [cell phone vibrates]

- No, no, no, no, no!
- What?

Aaron's gonna throw
away my ceramics. Ugh.

Where are you going? How can
you be so casual about this?

- [Izzy] What, about mom?
- This is, like, so weird to me.

You're really weird about
everybody mom dates.

Not ev-everyone.

Honestly, if dad was alive,

he probably would've
thought it was hot.

- I said it. I gotta go.
- [Sabrina] Izzy, no, don't go.

[instrumental music]

- Hi.
- Those.

[sighs] Oh, okay, cool.

Hey, um, we're not
together anymore, right?

It's just that you never
actually said, like,

"We're breaking up,"
or "This is over."

So I just want to make sure

that you're not
still my boyfriend.

You know, you know what's
always, uh, pissed me off?

It's that.

No one should love that
show as much as you do.

And I just realized that
I feel the same way

about you as I do this poster,

which is that I'm sick
of looking at it.

I am not your boyfriend.

Yeah, despite what
you might think,

that was rude, by the way.

I'm not hurt that you want
to get rid of my poster,

but those, I left
here for a reason.

Why would I keep anything
here that reminds me of you?

Because I thought that
eventually you could

look at them and think
about us in a good way.

I just want you to get
rid of this stuff.

I don't wanna stare
at it anymore.

Well, you could've
just sent them to me.

Oh, wow. Wow.

- Wow, what? What?
- You...

You have some nerve to leave me

and then waltz back in here

and insinuate that
this is about sex.

- No, I...
- I don't need you, Izzy.

I don't, I-I've been
with plenty of girls

in the last couple of
weeks, it's not a big deal.

And you know what?
It's even better.

Because they don't stay over.

What does that mean,
like, you never slept

when I was here? I lived here.

You don't actually
ever leave the house,

so you must have been
really tired, you psycho!

You're the fucking psycho, okay?

- Why am I the psycho?
- Who, who...

Because who has a
top-sheet phobia?

- I have a top-sheet phobia.
- Who?

Besides you, name one
person who has...

I do! I feel like
they're strangling me!

- That's insane!
- That's not insane!

- It is insane.
- Insane?

That's insane! You're the
Rain Man of T-shirts!

There's like 900 million
T-shirts right there.

You're insane!

You know what? No, no,
no, we shouldn't.

- Yeah, we should.
- No, no. Stop it!

Stop it!

We really shouldn't,
we're not together.

You just said you're not my
boyfriend, we shouldn't...

- Shut up. Shut up!
- What?

Don't you wanna see
it one more time?

- What?
- You wanna see it one more time?

- Who says that?
- I do.

Yes!

[instrumental music]

[moaning]

[panting]

[Izzy] Fuck.

[ceramics shattering]

Fuck!

[Izzy screams]

Dammit!

I hate you. Ah!

I hate you so much.
I hate you so...

[panting]

That's it, right?

Yeah.

[instrumental music]

[cell phone ringing]

Oh.

Ross? Hey.

Yeah, I can rehearse, okay.

♪ Floating around like a
planet in a fishbowl ♪

♪ I'm down in the clouds ♪

- Do you mind?
- Oh.

♪ I'm in a time lock ♪

♪ Looking for a hand to hold ♪

[Ross] Now, if we're gonna talk
about postmodern BK grassroots

which I do believe we are,
you have to look no further

than Bhuchung
mustache's trajectory.

- Izzy.
- Hi.

Hello.

Izzy, this is everybody.
Everybody, this is Izzy.

- [woman] Hey.
- Hi.

We're working a scene from
A Midsummer Night's Dream

Yeah, I mean, we're
trying, so...

"I know a place where
the wild thyme blows,

"where oxlips and the
nodding violet groves.

"Quite over-canopied
with luscious woodbine

with sweet musk roses,
and eglantine."

Beautiful, Ross.

It's gonna be a revelation

when we're through with it.

To the summer, may it be the
greatest of our young lives.

[glasses clinking]

[Ross] Salut. [woman] Cheers.

I'm sorry, did I, like,
bump you with this?

- No, no.
- No? It's just...

It's a lot, it's a lot of vase.
I try not to travel with it.

I got in a bit of a situation.
I'm sorry.

- I didn't mean to bump you.
- Izzy, let's-let's...

- Let's get you a drink. Great.
- Okay.

♪ We are the champions ♪

- Whoo!
- We're hot diggity, Ross.

- Yeah.
- [laughing] What's up? Oh!

Oh, it's King Ross,
king of darts,

resident darts champion.

- Yeah, fake it, asshole.
- Being dethroned.

Hey, Prescott, good luck
with the merger, asshole.

Whoo! Whoo!

All right, one second, Rocco.

- Yeah, ah!
- Oh, shit, it's...

- It's fine, it's fine.
- Let's go. Let's go.

Okay, but the train's that way.

- I know.
- Wha...

- Wha...
- Okay.

Yeah, isn't there, like, a kiss

that we have to work on?

Uh...

I mean, you know,
just 'cause our lines

are a little shaky doesn't
mean the kiss should be.

Okay, yeah, uh, do
you wanna take it

from the top of the scene

or no, more towards
the middle, right?

- Okay.
- Okay.

I say something about dried peas

and then, "But I pray you,
let not your people stir me,

there's an exposition
of sleep come upon me."

"Fairies be gone in
all the ways, away,

"so doth the woodbine

and the barky
fingers of thee..."

- Something.
- [slow rock music]

♪ It's too deep ♪

♪ It keeps me starved ♪

Wanna, like, do that one
more time for safety or...

That was good.

I'm okay with that one.

Um, I mean, you left
the bar with me

you brought me back here and
well, we just kissed now

and it was, like...

Great acting.

These rehearsals are
really coming along.

Let's have a sleepover.

[Ross sighs]

[Ross] Whoa, we can
watch something else.

- [Ross] Iz?
- Mmm!

[retching]

[coughing]

[retching]

[sniffles] Oh.

[spits]

Oh, my God.

Hey, wait, who was Ross?

He's the, the theater guy.

Huh, but you didn't
sleep with him?

- No, no, no, no.
- Yes or no?

You sleep with him or you
didn't sleep with him?

- No, I slept with Aaron.
- So it was Aaron.

- Yeast infection.
- You got a yeasty?

From having sex with him
for, like, six mins?

- Such a bad one, too.
- Sorry, sir.

That is God striking you down.

I don't know, false promise
is also a contender.

You know, it's a
really good thing

that you're not actually
crushing on this Ross character

because if I Irish goodbye
just to blow chunks

outside of his apartment door,

I'd be hiding under
a rock right now.

- Yeah.
- No.

Izzy, don't tell me, you are actually?
Izzy, come on.

What, he leads you in a
totally heartless way

and is shallower
than a kiddie pool.

You're post-break up,
you're pre-real world.

Save a little face while
you still have some.

That's, uh... harsh, Sabrina.

I'll tell you what's
even harsher.

One, you're not staying here
for my college graduation

because you are...
mean-spirited.

[Sabrina] No, it's 'cause
I don't wanna see mom

and her adorable child bride...

- That's not even, like, a thing.
- Two.

I don't think you remember
that I have a boyfriend

at home whose show
just went on hiatus

and if I leave him
alone for too long,

he starts heating up his takeout

by leaning it
against a radiator.

- No.
- Yeah.

Oh, oh, and this stuff,

this stuff right here...

is literally made of crackers.

I'm gonna itch my
vagina off of my body.

- Give me your hands.
- Uh-uh, not again.

- We've talked about this.
- I really don't wanna do this.

There's nothing on the box.

If you can imagine, people
come to this specific spot

they put their, their stranger
vagina hands all over these...

Stop, there's no
vagina on my box!

Vagina in your thumb,
vagina in your fingernail.

We received a glowing
review from you, professor.

Uh, it says here I'm
miscast as donkey. No...

No chemistry with scene partner.

I'm assuming the scene
went badly, then?

- It was...
- [lighter flicks]

I blacked out, that's what happened.
I blacked out.

[grunts]

Do you think the teacher's
gonna pass you?

I mean, I walked in
on him making out

with one of his students,
aptly named Belinda Hooker,

in the utility closet last week.

So, yeah, I mean, I
think he will pass me.

[Sabrina] If you're gonna
go to LA and do this,

you've to start taking the
work seriously, like,

you're not always gonna
have Belinda Hooker

to fall back on.

I don't know what I wanna do,

I don't know why I'm going home,

I don't know anything, so...

Well, maybe you need
to take a moment

to think about
that type of shit.

Did you learn that in your
sensitivity training course,

Sabrina, or...

[cell phone vibrates]

- [Izzy clears throat]
- [Sabrina] My car's here.

I suggest that you shove
a t-pon up there quick.

All right? Have a
good graduation.

- Bye.
- I love you.

- [Sabrina] Say hi to mom.
- Have a safe flight.

- [Sabrina] Say bye!
- Bye.

[Sabrina] Thank you.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

Oh, my God, look at
this piece of shit.

- [xylophone music]
- [woman laughing]

[woman] It's so amazing,
I'm-I'm just...

[indistinct chatter]

- Hi.
- Oh, Isabel Klein.

- Mmm.
- Oh, my moon and my stars.

- You're a college graduate.
- Daw, it's so true, though.

- Check it out.
- Oh, look at this.

- Ah. A Bachelor of Arts.
- Yeah.

- Wow, this costs...
- Yeah.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

You know, honey, I could
feel your father's spirit

with us during the
whole ceremony

and I could tell
that he is so proud.

So proud.

Of course, he would have rather
you graduated from Yale,

but this is okay.

Thanks, mom. Uh,
where's Amythyst?

Oh, she had to run uptown to
the International Yoga Center

to get some Bodhi-yaya
wind chimes in F sharp.

They're very, very special.

But she's gonna
join us for vegan.

What? No, mom, vegan,
please, just no.

Honey, honey, honey,
honey, Sabrina told me

you had waffles for
dinner the other night.

Why are you, you and Sabrina

have conversations
about my diet?

It's a concern of the family's.

You know, maybe you should
just let the vegan go.

Please, don't do this
to me, that's not...

- Hey, honey.
- Oh, hi.

- You got the chimes?
- Hey.

- [Amythyst] Hi, how are you?
- Hi.

- So nice to finally meet you.
- Oh, my God, yeah.

Ah, let's go in, let's go in.

Your graduation
was so beautiful.

Thank you so much.

- [Amythyst] Oh.
- I love this place.

[Amythyst] I know.
It's my favorite.

Oh, you know what,

they have the most amazing

beet-zucchini quinoa salad.

- Do you wanna split that?
- Ooh, yeah, let's do it.

- Okay.
- What is quinoa?

[man] You ladies ready to order?

Hi, can I have, like, a coffee?

- With six sugars?
- [man] Okay.

We'll have a pot of
matcha warrior, no stems.

- [man] All right.
- Thank you very much.

[man] You're welcome.
Be right back.

[Deb] I hear that, uh,

you broke up with Aaron.

I'm really sorry to
hear about that.

I wish you would
have told me sooner.

I did. I left you,
like, 74 voicemails.

- No.
- Oh, Deb.

You do kind of go off the grid.

- When you're on retreats.
- I know.

[Izzy] Mom, how can
that be more important

than the quarter-life crisis
I'm in the middle of?

Seriously, I mean,
you're her girlfriend

for, uh, what, a year, right?

Can you do me a solid here
and alert her to shit, like,

her child is clearly suffering?

- We're not girlfriends, honey.
- We're soul walkers.

[Deb] We're not defined
by societal conventions,

we're not in anything.

We're on a journey.

We are, I love it.

I don't think I'll understand
anything you just said

until I'm, like,
past enlightenment.

Oh, so I hear you're moving back
to LA to live with your sister.

Yup, just go in right
for the jugular.

Look, mom, moving back
home after college

is a totally legitimate
rite of passage.

Like, wearing a choker
made from old tights.

- I totally did that.
- Or owning a Furby backpack.

Did you have the old black one

or the spotted one
with the pink beak?

I had the old black one.

[laughs] Too nostalgic.

Yeah, I know, they were radical.

Honey, I know you just graduated

and life might seem a bit,
you know, overwhelming.

And you've always been
a little bit confused

about your purpose. The
ceramics were a low point.

But no one's path
is a straight line.

It's more like a squiggle.

[upbeat rock music]

Yes. Okay.

- Hi, uh, JFK?
- [man] Hey, hi.

[Izzy] Yeah. [man] Good.

♪ Here's the thing
I'd love an answer ♪

♪ For my weak heart and
my astral projections ♪

♪ Telling me all about you ♪

♪ Chasin' her out of my... ♪

No, no, no, no, I'm not
giving you anything today.

Hi, Izzy. Go away, guys.

[man] Oh, come on,
Sabrina, we're your buds.

We know you have somebody in there.
Who is it?

Yeah, yeah, is it
Zac or Sebastian?

It's Sunday.

We agreed we wouldn't
do this on Sundays.

Right, right, guys, she's right.

- Sorry.
- Sorry, sorry, come on.

Just sayin', we're just sayin'.
That's the sister.

[Marg] Are you the sister?
[man] Hey!

[Marg] Are you someone?
[man] Hey, guys.

- Hello?
- We made an agreement.

- Smile.
- Pack it up.

Did you, did you not help her

with her bags?

- I got it.
- Hi. Oh.

- Jeez, how you doing?
- How are you?

[Sebastian] So sorry I didn't
pick you up at the airport.

- That's okay.
- Work is crazy.

- That's fine.
- I'm glad you're here, though.

You're just glad I'm
here 'cause you know

I'll buy you alcohol.

Oh, my God, I'm no rogue, okay?

[stutters] I'm genuinely
happy that you're here,

but if you got me
a six-pack of IPA

at the end of the
day, even better.

[Izzy] I see you.

- Did you see...
- Hi, Izzy!

- Hi.
- Hi.

Whoa, this bitch has
gone full Martha Stew.

She's churning her
own butter now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

[instrumental music]

Um, hey, when can I move into
the downstairs, by the way?

Oh, no, I forgot to tell you.

Um, we've been on
location so much

that we started renting it out.
Sorry.

And just so you know,
we're keeping you up here

for your own safety,
those rapscallion PFFs

are relentless.

Tell me you mean paparazzi
friends forever?

Guys, come on, sit
down, the food's hot.

And for the record,
that is not my fault,

that situation, okay?

TMZ came up with this story

that I was cheating on
Sebastian with Zac Efron

when we were shooting
Crazy Youth.

And because the movie's
about to come out,

they want me to vaguely
perpetuate it.

I guess it could be worse,
he's a really nice guy.

But what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry.

- They're more like super fans.
- See what I have to put up with?

Mwah.

Butter?

Um, yeah.

[upbeat music]

The depression has set
in hard, I see. One.

[Izzy] I'm confused
about my purpose.

- Three. Iz?
- [Izzy groans]

You have to do something in life

more useful with your time.

- My path is a squiggle.
- Oh, God.

This isn't a suicide suggestion,

just open up a fucking box.

[jazz music]

[sighs]

She ruined everything, um,
she ruined everything.

I can't even sleep with a
fucking top sheet anymore.

[music continues]

[Aaron] You know,
sometimes, I don't know,

we'd sit there, and watch TV

and, you know, eat popcorn,

and just, like, be a couple.

And I, in, in those
moments, I-I loved her.

I think I did.

[music continues]

She was, uh, almost animal.

And every time she
would come around,

I just, I just wanted
to, like, help her out

and say, "What are you doing right now?
Who are you?"

Too much.

What was her name?

I... Izzy, yeah.

Izzy, yeah.

She was, uh...

She was always
eating those M&Ms.

- Season six, episode three.
- No.

Yes, at the end of episode three

on season six of the X-files,

Mulder finally tells Scully

that he loves her.

But she doesn't hear him.

Well, maybe she does hear him,

but, you know, she
doesn't absorb it

or take it seriously
or something.

I-it just, it's-it's got
me thinking how many times

does that happen in
a person's life,

that you don't see
what's directly

in front of you, that
you don't hear people.

I don't know.

I guess I'm just wondering how
you ever meet the right person.

Maybe it's just luck.

That's a shitty answer.

Maybe you have to be ready.

[sighs] They can't just
walk right into your life

and command you
to pay attention?

Maybe they already have,
maybe they already did,

like, a thousand times,
but like Scully,

see, I was listening,

you weren't ready
to see them yet.

Oh, this is actually
really weird.

Izzy, do you wanna
come with me to this?

- You're not serious.
- Izzy.

You have to leave the
house at some point.

If you spend one more second

moping over those pussy-ass
bitches, Ross and Aaron,

I'm gonna hit you over the
head with a cast-iron skillet.

I'm going to Fox Mulder's
poetry party book launch?

This is incredible timing,
this is such good news.

So many important
questions, namely,

I've been wanting to ask
him about that kid,

Gibson Frayes, who
just disappears

at the end of season five,
with no explanation.

And it's like, what
happens to him?

So is that a yes?

- [Izzy] Yes!
- That was a yes.

- [door slams]
- Hm.

[Sabrina] She's looking
for David Duchovny.

[Izzy] Oh, thanks.

Oh, so my agent, uh, Joey,
he's gonna be here today.

And I know we talked
about this in New York,

but he said that he'd send
you on a few auditions.

Just go talk to her,
okay, you'll be fine.

- See how you do.
- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.
- Cool, cool.

- So when he gets here...
- Yeah?

- Chat him up.
- Right.

- Right?
- Okay.

Um, yeah, chat 'em, whoa,
totally chatting that up.

- On two...
- [Sabrina] Izzy, don't.

- It'll get grease on my dress.
- That's not even like a...

- Oh, my God, oh...
- Whoa, are you okay?

- Whoa!
- I'm sorry.

- Wait, that was kinda...
- That was hard.

You, you're the drum...

- I'm the... No.
- Oh, my God!

- You're Aaron Ezra's girlfriend!
- You're Aaron's drummer!

- No.
- No. Oh, no, no.

We don't date anymore, we...

- I'm solo.
- We broke up, yeah.

- This is my band now, this.
- Okay.

- You wanna...
- I'll go... You wanna go first?

- I'll go first. Okay.
- You go first.

- I'm Izzy Klein, I'm sorry.
- I'm Logan Holts.

- Nice-nice to meet you.
- Nice to officially meet you.

- Officially meet you.
- Yeah.

It looks like you

folded on that one.

- Folded?
- The slang, folded?

Yeah, I mean, I can, I
can, um, make it up to you

later on, if you're down
for, like, the In-N-Out?

- I love In-N-Out.
- One, two, three, burger?

- One, two, three, burger!
- Burger!

- Yeah.
- So I'mma see you in a minute.

- Okay.
- All right.

Was I supposed to pound?

But I clapped...

I mean, she used to
date my friend, Aaron.

She was dating my
friend, Aaron, I mean,

we played in a band
together, you know,

of course, now I
got my own band.

Gravy, you know?

She was beautiful, I
mean, I never looked...

I looked at her, you know,
she was my friend's,

friend's, uh, girl, so...

So you guys are the producers

of all nine seasons

of The X-Files?

So my sister is gonna freak out.

- Yeah.
- She's obsessed.

Excuse me, I'm so sorry.

I'm leaving with the drummer.

- Oh, that a girl. Yeah.
- Yeah.

You don't wanna meet Fox Mulder?

No, no, I do wanna
meet Fox Mulder,

but, uh, you know, he's
at the point right now

of being unfashionably late.

Listen, Izzy, don't
get into a car

with a stranger, that's
rule number-one of life.

No, no, no, no, no, I know him.

He wants to buy me
a cheeseburger.

- Oh, then it's fine.
- Mm...

CTFO.

The chill, the chill... Does
that mean "Chill The Fuck Out?"

Yeah, which makes me wonder,
is she on mushrooms?

- Oh, TBH, honey...
- Oh, my God.

We're doing way too
much acronym-ing.

- Not enough mushrooms.
- Mm...

So, um, what's the deal
with you and Aaron lately?

Uh, I don't know, we left things

on a very janky note.

You're beautiful.

No, uh-uh.

Yeah, you are. You
don't believe me?

I mean, I don't
know you, really.

I know you.

- How?
- Band's rehearsals.

Uh, how could, how could
you have noticed me?

I just, like, sat in the corner

and did dumb school stuff.

Yeah, I noticed you,

but you didn't
notice me noticing.

Wow.

Yeah, that confirms it.

- Fine.
- [laughs]

Game!

[Izzy] There's a game?
[Logan] No.

[Logan] We should go. [Izzy] Oh.

[Logan] That was my
way of inviting you.

Mm, we should have sex, we
should definitely have sex.

- Let's have sex.
- Yeah, let's have sex.

Yeah, sex, okay.
Do you have a...

Um, do you have a...

- A condom. Yeah, of course.
- Yeah.

Oh, Izzy, there we go.

- Which color should we...
- Don't care, any color, any.

- Okay, I'm gonna go blue...
- Put it on.

I'mma go blue. Just
fuck it, just...

Here, you put it on.
You wanna put it on?

- Okay.
- It's hot as shit, okay.

Uh, yeah, right there, oh.

Okay, okay.

- Oh, oh. Oh, my.
- Oh. Okay.

Okay.

Mm, do you have any, like, lube?

It's just, like, so
rubbery down there.

- Wait, wait, wait.
- Do you have lube?

- You need lube?
- Yeah, lube.

[Izzy] There's a thing...
[Logan] Yeah.

[Logan] Is it too big, is it?
[Izzy] No.

It's great, it's
great, it's good.

Okay. Ah.

- Ah. Okay. Okay.
- Ah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you are.

All right, all right, all right.

Yeah.

Okay, okay, do you think,
can I, can I get on top?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- On top?

- Yeah? Okay?
- Just...

Okay, we should probably
get on the floor.

- Okay, the floor?
- On the floor.

Stay in, stay in,
stay in, stay in.

Oh, that's, yeah. Whoa, that...
Oh, my God.

- There's some sweat everywhere.
- What, sweat?

Oh, no, sweat is what's so good.

Okay. Ah, oh, my God, but
okay, can I get on top?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
get on top, please.

- Did you need me to take it?
- Yeah, no, no, I got it.

- You might be...
- Yeah, yeah, all right.

Wait, okay, is it...
Is it too big?

No, no, it's big, I mean, it's big.
Yeah.

- How big is it?
- It's super big.

- It's too big?
- Yeah, yeah, really big.

What, what the, what's on me?

Wait, is it, what... I
should, we should come.

Yeah, no, no, you go, you go.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Yeah.

Gravy, whoo!

Whoo. Ooh.

- It's hot.
- [Izzy panting]

That's the best sex I ever had.

[Logan panting]

- [Izzy] Okay.
- Oh, kiss me.

- Kiss me, kiss me. Mwah.
- Yeah. Yeah.

- Are you guys up?
- [gasps]

[Izzy] I need some advice.

My day honestly cannot continue.

- Until it's talked through.
- It's 6:30 a.m., Izzy.

Traffic, it's dead, then alive

between the hours of 5:00
and 10:00, but, you know,

it's just how the
cookie crumbled, so.

- How many cups?
- Four.

And if my math's correct,
that'd make it 24 sugars.

I had sex with the drummer.
His name's Logan.

- We know.
- What do you mean, you know?

I smell like sex, don't I?

No, it's the same dress
from last night.

- Oh, okay.
- [Sebastian sighs]

So, uh, I have some
technical issues

that I need to discuss.
Can I go?

- You can go.
- You can go.

We were using lube,

and, uh, it exploded.

And then we got on the floor
and then I got on top

and then he kept
asking me to tell him,

uh, how big his peen is.
And that was awkward.

Oh, that's everything to a guy.
You just gotta lie.

- Yeah, I agree.
- [Izzy] Yeah, okay.

[Izzy] Uh, a-and also,
he sweats a lot,

like, it was dripping
off his nose

onto my forehead,
like, right there.

- I think you have to go.
- No, be quiet.

- [sighs]
- I need you to, Izzy...

So this guy, are you gonna

see him again or no?

Okay, well, that's the thing.

I mean, I decided
I should try out

this having-fun-
in-your-20s thing.

And... you know, I really
wanna give it a go

and [stammers] he's awesome.

Well, if you can deal
with the sweating,

I say, you know, give
it another shot.

You never have mind-blowing sex
in your first time, anyway.

Well, not according
to him, he said

it was the best sex
he'd ever had.

- Poor bastard.
- Yeah.

- Wait, okay, I'm mad at you.
- [Izzy] What did I do?

You completely dropped
the ball last night.

I mean, Joey was doing
you a huge favor,

and you literally left
before he even got there.

Do I, like, call him or?

Mm, I'm thinking more
like a carrier pigeon,

like, a message in a
bottle, telegraph.

Yeah, Izzy, you should call him.

Not at 6:30 in the morning.

Right.

- [woman] Izzy Klein.
- [indistinct chatter]

Mm, no, the producers
thought she was lovely.

She just wasn't black enough.
Okay.

- [woman] Uh, Izzy Klein.
- Hi, how are you?

- You okay with nudity?
- Uh...

Side boob, half
nip, you're fine.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Did ya prepare all four scenes?

- Yeah.
- We're gonna do the first one.

The-the one where she's being
killed by the King Zombieber?

- That's what I said.
- Oh, yeah.

And...

No, no, no, no, no, no,
don't come any closer!

You stop right there,
Bieber, back it up, back!

[Izzy] I, I got a knife, Bieber.

Oh, my leg! Oh, God, no!

[Logan] I mean, she was
beautiful, awkward.

I mean, we both were
artists kind of, like,

you know, it's like I'm
a musician, she acts.

I don't know, it was just,
we kind of had a connection,

you know?

She loved my sweat.

[instrumental music]

August, gross. When
did that happen?

M&Ms?

You must really like me.

You know it, and I
just got a tour.

- What? Whoa.
- Yes.

Oh, my God! Are you
so, um, excited?

Yeah, definitely,
really excited.

Yeah, that's, um,
how long is it?

Three-and-a-half months.

I mean, I leave August,
what, August 30th.

Wow, that's, um...

- [Sven] Good morning, Iz!
- She's not back yet.

- She is still on a press tour!
- Right here. Right here.

Oh, shit! I could have got
Charlize and that baby today.

[man] That little
Jackson's very present

in front of the camera.
Thanks for letting us know.

I wasn't telling you
that to be nice.

I just want you all to get
off the fucking lawn!

- Bad day, eh?
- Yeah, yes.

- Do you wanna talk about it?
- Yeah.

I don't know you people.

[Sven] Uh, I'm Sven.
[Marg] Marg.

- Sketch.
- What's wrong, honey?

I don't know, I just...

I feel like I've been making
all the wrong choices.

I've been circling
all the shit answers

and I also just
really like this guy.

And he's leaving
for three months.

And I'm feeling so hangry.

[Marg] Oh, wait, wait,
wait, you know,

we got an extra
Coffee Bean here.

Hon, would that make
you feel better?

That's not extra, that's mine.

Well, it's fine, give her the...

It's, it's, it's hazelnut.

No, no, it's a pure
chocolate blended.

- Oh.
- [stammers] It's yours.

Really? That's my favorite.

Wow.

I don't know, I-I just...

I'm just thinking, like, maybe,

when I get back, I'm
gonna take you on a trip

to Cabo, Ohi.

Van Nuys. That's right
within my budget.

- That's. [laughs]
- Logan.

- Logan!
- What?

When are you gonna
play some music?

Oh, just in a minute,
in a minute.

- Got it.
- All right.

Hey, um, really quick.

I know that we haven't talked

about being, like,
exclusive or anything.

I just want you to know
that, like, if you...

sleep with someone, if you
spend the night with someone

while you're on the
road, totally cool.

- I'm not going to.
- No, no, no.

I-I want you to know that I'm,
no, like, stage-five clinger.

I wouldn't freak
out or anything.

And you want me to be
faithful or do you want me...

- Huh, wait, what?
- Go, go, go.

- All right. All right.
- It's fine, it's fine.

[man] Come on, everybody,
let's hear it for Logan.

[indistinct chatter]

[instrumental music]

"I mean, I know she's
still in love with you,

"even if you're not
still in love with her.

I mean, she's my best friend."

Honey, I love that you're
so obviously method.

- Sorry?
- [man] You know the greasy hair.

The bags under your eyes,
the next-day clothes.

- Oh, thank, thank you.
- You're welcome.

The thing is, the scene
needs more punch!

Punch?

You're supposed to
be dry humping him.

Do me a favor, next
time you do the scene,

uh, pretend Chad is the chair.

I need to see more physicality

on the tape.

- You ready?
- Okay.

- And go.
- Um...

Okay.

- This, right.
- All right, okay.

- Right, right.
- This good?

- Uh-huh, go.
- Okay.

Um, "Chad

"I don't think this
is a good idea.

You're still dating Sarah..."

Yeah, more, more, I
don't believe you.

- Well...
- Give me a scream!

Ah, but she's still
my best friend!

You know, I think we got
it, I think we got it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Thanks so much for coming in.

- Okay.
- All right, I'll see you.

Say hi to your sister for me.

Oh, hey, Joey, how's
things in agent land?

[Joey on phone] Not great.
Listen, we need to talk.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

I just can't get jobs
for you anymore.

Okay, uh, did I do
something wrong?

No, no, the casting
director is not responding.

You didn't ever hear
anything about Dumb Beavers?

- I mean, that one seemed to go...
- [Joey] No, not really.

- Okay. No.
- Listen. No more auditions.

All right, um, uh,
there's nothing I can...

[Joey] No. Happy
Friday, though, huh?

- Yeah.
- Chin up.

Thanks.

[indistinct chatter]

[Sketch] Ah, it's Izzy.
Hey, hey!

- Hey, Izzy.
- Iz.

What's the excitement
today, weirdos?

Well, I guess you haven't heard.

No. Heard what?

Come on, come on,
Sabrina just broke

the huge best-seller Warner
Brothers is adapting.

[Sven] She's already a big deal,
but this'll be her transition

into adulthood as a film star.

Industry's gonna take her
very seriously in a big way.

I know we don't wanna
speak too soon,

but the three of us
think she's gonna get

nominated, huh?

And another thing...

Mooch your hand out of here.

What about the, what about the,
it's like a succulent garden.

No, I know that
that's, that's, like,

the responsible,
drought-resistant thing to do,

but I want tulips. I
want those big, fat...

Well, like these guys,
like those ones?

- Juicy, fatty...
- The domestic grind commences.

Hi, I'd hug you,

but I'm very busy

with this situation. [laughs]

- All of this.
- How was the tour?

[Sabrina] It was horrible,
it was just, like,

one giant mall after another

filled with screaming,
miniature people,

and all they wanted to do

was touch Zac's abs

and tell me I'm a cunt.

Do tweens use the word cunt?

Actually, he kind of made it,

Zac made it... tolerable,
and even fun sometimes,

'cause he's, like, such
a sweet guy, you know?

Hm?

You just got a new
one, right, Sab?

- Ow, ow, I'm literally dying.
- Got it.

- Oh, yeah, that's big.
- Juicy.

Well, congrats.

I'll, uh, give you
guys some privacy.

Oh, um, I'm not gonna go
on auditions anymore.

- Why?
- Just not cut out for it.

You never try, you never know.

Ten points in the
back end, he's done,

like, two-and-a-half movies.

Iz? Shh.

- Izzy, are you gonna come?
- [Izzy] No.

[Izzy] I'm re-watching
season five, episode 15.

- Are you sure?
- [Izzy] Yeah, I'm sure.

It's the one where Mulder's
father is involved

in the conspiracy.

It's my sister. I'm
worried about her.

- Hm...
- [Izzy] Oh, Scully!

How could you reach under there?

Hm. Up.

[Sabrina laughs]

[Izzy] Sabrina, I really need
you to reset the Internet.

- Izzy!
- Like, now.

[Izzy] Scully, Mulder,
don't you guys realize

you're soulmates by this point?

I mean, a 100% pure-squeezed,

not from concentrate soulmates.
It's just ridiculous.

Hey, it's December, fuckhead,

and I am absolutely dreading
this holiday season!

And because you're forcing
me to go visit mom

and that creature, not
even excited to hang up

my goose-with-real-
goose-feathers ornament.

[Izzy] You have better ones.

That boyfriend of yours

is about to come back into town?

- [Izzy] He's not my boyfriend.
- So what?

You said, "We don't
have to be exclusive."

- I was scared.
- Pussy!

You can't blame this all on him!

You've also been too
scared, apparently,

to get a job or a personality

or a packet of floss for
the last three months?

[Izzy] Well, you promised
mom that you'd go to Tahoe.

I'll make you a deal.

I will go to Tahoe
semi-willingly

if you get the actual
fuck out of this room

and do something with yourself!

But if I hear Sculder
talking to Skinny,

talking to Mulder,
talking to Scully,

talking to Skinny one more time,

deal's off.

[instrumental music]

[Izzy] Somewhere in the
middle of all this,

I think I realized how
much I hate being alone

and how much I really
hate goodbyes.

So it didn't matter how
sweet Logan's was,

it still left me on
depression island,

due north of Internet stockage

and slightly west
of acid reflux,

with the thing

floating somewhere out
there in the water.

I gotta find it. I
gotta fix this.

I gotta get my ending.

[upbeat music]

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Well the sun is shining ♪

♪ There's an angel
lying on the floor ♪

♪ There's a suitcase ♪

Izzy. Hm.

Aaron, is that... a, um...

Navy blue shirt.

[imitates brain exploding]

- Totally.
- Hm.

- Wow!
- Yeah.

Um, I'm sorry, what are
you doing in-in LA?

Oh, I'm just, you know,
here for the main show.

- Yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Gonna go to the
Fender custom shop,

and check out this, um,
butterscotch Tele relic,

you know, a baseball
bat neck, jumbo frets,

black pick guard, preferably,
preferably a black guard.

That's, like,
hieroglyphics to me,

but very hip and
cool of you, yeah.

How do you know Logan?

Um, we've been, uh, going out,

yeah, since the beginning
of summer, actually.

- You and Logan?
- Yeah, me and Logan.

Funny. [laughs]

- Wow.
- Yeah, not really.

Um, how is your acting going?

- It's good, it's going so great.
- Good? Really good?

- Izzy, Izzy.
- Yeah, it's...

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- How are you?

- Hi. How are you?
- I'm good. Yo, um, crazy, um...

- Hey, buddy.
- Blue shirt?

I know.

The only constant
is change, man.

- It is what it is.
- Dope party, though, right?

- Thank you for having me. Yeah.
- Of course, of course.

You know, you know what, can
I talk to you for a second?

Yes, please, yeah, yeah,
yeah, let's, um...

All right.

♪ When you see his face ♪

♪ Those eyes will cut
you to the bone ♪

How creep-tastic is
it that Aaron's here?

How did he even know you
were having a party?

Uh, I invited him.

Um, that's a little weird.

Yeah, I wasn't, like,
thinking about, you know,

I was, about...

- Um, are you okay?
- I saw my ex.

Um, did something happen?

Did you... You guys
slept together.

Fuck, how do I say this?

Um, we're, we're back together.

Together together?

Yeah, I mean, what, I...

You said I can do whatever
I want on the road.

Despite whatever Jedi
mind garbage I told you

before you left, I actually
waited for you for three months

because I like you... a lot.

This just sucks.

What? Are you... Izzy!

[rock music]

Oh, Jesus!

- Leaving already?
- Yeah, I'm super tired.

I just think it's
really fucked up,

and you know what you did,

and you're a piece
of shit for it.

What did I do? You wanna
tell me what I did, huh?

You were a slut and a whore.

And don't even try to lie to me

about the fact that
you just walked away

from a conversation with me
to go suck Logan's dick.

And also, when you talk
about your acting,

it's nauseating,
and you're a brat.

And you're pretentious,
and nobody gives a fuck.

Oh, wait, I'm remembering
something right now.

Oh, my God, it's a crazy thing!
You're not my boyfriend!

You don't get to say shit
like that to me anymore.

You left me in New York.

You kissed him in front of me.

What is this, the
Cabbage Patch Kids?

Yes, I kissed him
in front of you.

No, I didn't suck
his dick for, like,

one-and-a-half minutes.

I'm pretty sure you know

that's not how that works.

Also, as far as New
York's concerned,

I don't know, Aaron,
I don't know.

Karma must be a real bitch

because Logan just
dumped me for his ex

and Sabrina's agent
stopped sending me

on auditions months ago

because I was making
him look bad.

So I'd definitely say
that I'm not pretentious,

and you're right, no
one gives a fuck!

You gotta stop feeling
bad for yourself.

What? No, I get to
feel sorry for myself.

That's something I can do
because I have an ex-boyfriend

who thinks it's acceptable
to call me a whore!

What's wrong with you?

We were always a disaster

and we should not
get back together.

This is an attempt to
try and get me back?

I thought maybe that
we could have sex,

but, but, no, uh, it's not.

We should not talk anymore.

We don't ever talk, but okay.

Well, I don't wanna
see you again.

I don't wanna see you, either.

And I'm sorry about...

that just now.

That's not really a
good-enough apology.

- Well, I'm sorry!
- You know what?

I'm not the crazy one!

You're the fucking
crazy one, Aaron.

[Sebastian] Sabrina, this is
part of the deal you made

with your sister. You can handle it.
Hold these, please.

[packages clattering]

Do you ever consider...

that you might actually
like your mother's partner?

No.

Okay, please buckle
your seatbelt, okay?

Buckle your seatbelt, okay?

Buckle your seatbelt.
Stop it, please stop it.

Buckle your seatbelt, buck...
Goddammit, just...

- Ow!
- Oh, oh, ow.

- I'm sorry, did I get you?
- Ow.

Ow. No, inside, inside, inside.

Jeez, no, no more, un-un...
No. Keep your hands in.

Merry Christmas.

No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no.

Let's stay, I don't wanna go,
I don't wanna go, no, no, no!

[Amythyst] You know, we
got this, uh, tofurkey

at the farmer's market in town.

- [Sebastian] Cool.
- So you were born Amythyst?

- Or...
- [Amythyst] No.

- Actually, my given name is Amy.
- No? Oh.

Yeah, that's why I spell it

A-M-Y-T-H-Y-S-T,

instead of

A-M-E-T-H-Y-S-T.

So your last name is Stone?

- Don't.
- Yeah.

And you thought
that that would be

a good idea to make...

Cabernet, honey?

I got an amethyst bolo tie,

um, uh, from a
healer in Santa Fe.

That's too wild.

[Sebastian] Yeah.

That's it, that's all. [laughs]

Honey, you want some quinoa?
It's good.

Mom, I actually still
don't know what that is.

It's gluten free and
really high in protein.

[Deb] It is.

Is that something that you bake

or fry? I mean, you fry it.

If you fry it, then maybe.

I wanted to ask, how
did you guys meet?

I don't think I've... She never
told me the story, so I...

- [Amythyst chuckles]
- [mouths] What the fuck?

[Amythyst] Well, uh, after
college, I bounced around

for a few years and started
doing yoga on my own.

- She does yoga.
- [Amythyst] Oh, cool.

Loves it.

[Amythyst] And from there,

I got into Deb's podcasts.

And then I found out
she was living here,

just, like, a block away.

Too cosmic.

I did a retreat
about a year later.

- Yeah, yeah.
- And, [laughs] yeah.

[Sebastian] That's great.
I love that story.

- That's great. Isn't that great?
- Yeah, that's really nice.

I wanna make a toast to Amythyst

and all our loved
ones, near and far.

- Cheers.
- [Sebastian] Cheers, to love.

- Right?
- [Sabrina] Sure.

[Amythyst] To love.

Super wishing you were
here right now, dad.

Mm.

Oh, Sabrina, I read your script.
It's quite wonderful.

But I was wondering,
i-it's set in Las Vegas,

why are you shooting
it in San Francisco?

I love how you're switching
the subject, mom,

that's great.

I have to pee, for real.

[Sebastian] Sabrina, Sab...

- Ah...
- Do you know what?

We've been watching
Bad To The Bone.

- Really?
- It's bad.

- That's very sweet.
- And-and there's...

Um, there's not,
there's no bones.

It's been, um...

Would you excuse
me for one second?

[jazz music on stereo]

[clears throat]

Do you eat each little
individual quinoa

or do you do, like,

a whole... big bite

of all the quin-wee together?

Sabrina?

[Sabrina] Not in the mood.

- Goodnight, baby.
- Bye. Thanks, sweetie.

[Izzy] Ew, mom!

- You, too?
- Mom, I'm kidding.

Well, your sister isn't.

Dude, why is she being
such a honey badger?

I don't know.

Maybe because she
treasured her father,

and he loved her
the most, and...

You know, it's kind of like when
you're the teacher's favorite

in third grade, and
then in fourth grade,

shit gets real, like,
you just lost an ally?

I don't know.

I'm not gonna tell Sabrina.

[sighs] About dad?

Are you?

No.

[sighs] So we're hitting
the slopes tomorrow.

You coming?

Totes hilar, Debra.

VV funny, XOXO, your
super-athletic child.

Bring it in.

I'm so tired. Will you
do the dishes, please?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah, of course.
- Will you finish?

- I can't take it.
- Okay, I got it.

- Here.
- Thanks.

Hey, mom?

- Hm?
- You seem happy.

[mellow music]

That makes me really happy.

- Whoo!
- [Deb] You know, Amythyst?

This is steeper than I remember.

Yo, peeps.

Mom, I didn't actually think
that we were going skiing.

Honey, you went skiing all the
time when you were a kid.

It's like riding a
bike, right, you guys?

- Totally.
- Yeah, but...

All right, try to
keep up, suckers.

- Whoo!
- [Amythyst] See you down there.

Will you stay with me?

Absolutely.

Let Sebastian be responsible

for Amythyst's deadly
pine-tree collusion.

You kids go on ahead!

- You guys good to ski?
- Hundred percent.

- No, I don't ski.
- Whoo! All right, let's do it!

- I do not ski.
- [Amythyst] Bye, guys.

[Sabrina] All right, you ready?
Go!

[Izzy] I am not ready
at all, actually.

That's not... All right.

- [screams]
- Oh, my God.

Grab my, grab my pole.

Ah, no. [grunts]

[Izzy] That's not
the way, you know?

I feel like that's,
that's not the way up.

- Uh, maybe this is. Oh, okay.
- Come here.

Hey, look at my skis. You
want to do a French fry.

And you want to go pizza.

French fry. Izzy?

- Yeah. No.
- Izzy, Izzy, French fry.

- No, no, no, no.
- Pizza.

So what happened there is,
is that you didn't do pizza.

You just had French frying.

You don't know how
to do this, do you?

I'm a world-champion
skier, Sabrina.

Obviously, I know, I
just told everyone,

like, 97 times, I
don't know how!

Where's the best place
to learn how to ski?

On the top of a
devil-back diamond.

- We can do this.
- I can't get down this hill.

- Ma'am, are you okay?
- Huh?

We're fine, sir. Thank you.

Oh, no, nope. No, not okay.

I've been a participant in the
Downhill for Down Syndrome

celebrity charity event
the last few years.

- We'll be fine.
- Are you sure you're okay?

I'm required to take anyone
down that's in pain.

Yeah, huge pain.
It's all-over pain.

All...

- You guys sisters?
- [Izzy] Yeah.

We were sisters.

Good luck to both of you.

Stop!

♪ Let me take the lead ♪

♪ Would you trust in me? ♪

♪ I got everything ♪

- I'm Mikey.
- Mikey McCarthy.

No. Mikey McAllen. How'd
you get so close?

You know, it's a funny
thing, I actually barter

psychic information

for a 100 percent

guaranteed mountain removal.

Yeah! Ow! Whoo-hoo!

- [Sabrina] Classy.
- [Izzy laughs]

Smooth move.

I bet you get a lot of girls
on their backs every day.

I'll work on that one somewhere.

Yeah, can I get a gurney down here?
I've got...

Whoa, gurney! Geez,
no, I'm fine.

- [man] What's that, Mikey?
- Seriously, I'm good.

- It's protocol.
- No, no, no, sarge.

I've got a deep-seated
fear of gurneys, a phobia,

really, that and sheets.

[chuckles] Sheets?

Yeah, yeah, sheets. Hm...

I'll call you back.

Maybe a beer at some
point would persuade you

to take me outta this thing,
I feel like the Michelin man

dressed as the world's largest

banana split.

Thank you. Whoo.

- Bridge Tender Tavern.
- When?

- Tonight.
- Okay. Where?

- It's off the old service road.
- Okay.

What's your name?

You have to guess.

[Sebastian] Now you're just
being irrational, this is

a completely
irrational behavior.

Why are you being
so nice to her?

[Sebastian] I'm not being... She
hasn't done anything wrong.

[Sabrina] What the fuck
are you talking about?

She literally ruined everything

that my mother ever
had with my father.

[Sebastian] Your father's
accident was four years ago,

and your mother
wants to be happy,

and Amythyst makes her happy.

[Sabrina] Okay, no, I get it.
You think she's cute.

You think I didn't see that you
liked her Instagram picture?

I-I liked her Instagram picture
because it was a picture...

- 10:36 p.m.
- And, and your mother...

Quite a late time to be looking
at Amythyst's Instagram.

They're in a relationship,
if anyone is guilty

of outside interests
in this relationship,

it's you with your never-ending,

tacky, fucking publicity
stunts that you're doing.

Um, hi.

Hi, Izzy, can you just...
Not now, please.

So the guy that took
me down the mountain,

I, I promised him that
I'd buy him a beer

at Ye Old Shenanigans,
something or other.

Anyway, um, you guys wanna come?

- No.
- No.

Okay, let me try that again.

Um, I actually need
you to go with me

on the off chance that this
is one of those, like,

Nightline, Craigslisty
type of situations.

- So what do you need, like, 40...
- It's a winter boot.

It's a winter boot, honey.
It takes a lot.

Forty nine, forty nine minutes...
All right.

Why don't we give him a fucking
hour to get his shoes on?

Hooks. It's got a lot of hooks.

[Izzy] I'm just asking,
are you guys okay?

[Sabrina] Yes, we're okay.
Four years, we're always okay.

Hey, where'd mom and that
precious gem run off to?

[Izzy] I don't know. Some
exclusive holiday party.

- Yeah, I knew that was gonna...
- Hey!

I skipped the loop.
Okay? Let's go.

In, in. Thank you.

Oh, there's people here.

Potentially, I might
live tonight.

Oh, this is it, this is the
party, I just remembered.

- Oh!
- Whoo!

No, no, no, no, no.
This is unacceptable.

Mom, mom, what are you doing?

Oh. Whoo!

No shots. no, no, no, no shots.
No, no shots.

No. One more... She
doesn't want to.

I don't like it, and
I don't want it.

♪ ...I need to succeed ♪

Hey, guys, it's nice to see you.
Didn't know you'd be here.

I didn't know you
were gonna be here.

[Deb] I'm so sorry you
got here so late.

I have to go, I
have a 7:30 class.

But hot toddies are
two-for-one in five minutes.

[Deb] Oh, I'll be fine.

- [Mikey] Hey, guys.
- Oh, my God.

- You guys, this is Mikey.
- Mikey, the rescue man.

She told us she could
ski, but apparently...

No, I literally never said that.

Yes, you did, you
said you could ski.

Oh, Mikey, thanks for
getting her down the hill.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm gonna
come with you, mom.

Hey, honey, look, just look.

I know, I know you're mad
and I know that I'm mad...

- You're mad?
- Shh.

I don't wanna fight, okay? Look
at me, I don't wanna fight.

I should have been more
sensitive about your dad.

- You really should have.
- I know...

Hey, come here. Come here,
come here, come here.

- For you troubles.
- Thank you.

- All right, troubles.
- Cheers!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

♪ We've got it right all
you boys can leave ♪

♪ I like the way
you're staring ♪

♪ Like I'm in your dreams ♪

♪ Give you inner space ♪

♪ Let us hear you scream ♪

[blues music]

- Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.
- Hey, buddy.

That's cool that you
save lives, man.

- Yeah?
- I've played people plays.

Plays save lives.

Come again?

You know, you know,
you fucking know.

All right, good luck with that.

[Sebastian] Oh, fuck.

I'm sorry that my sister was
giving you such a hard time.

You know, I think that
you're super-duper nice.

- I know.
- Yeah.

I'm, like, really trying
to meditate through this,

but it does make me,
like, super-duper sad.

For sure. Bring it in. Okay.

- Well, that's loving.
- I love you.

That's a lot of emotion, don't...
Have a Tums.

Tums is... Tums helps
with everything.

Uh, Amythyst, catch
you on the flip side.

Peace out, Girl Scout.

They're going somewhere. I
think they're gonna have sex.

You think? I think
they're gonna have sex.

- Is that...
- They could, they could do it.

It's, it's a free country.

Is that the bolo tie
you told me about?

- This one? Yeah.
- That's so crazy.

- Bethany?
- No...

No. What... I may... No.

- Tammy.
- Tammy?

Yeah, a little rough,
Tammy's a little rough.

Okay, Tam, I'm from Los Angeles.

- All right, fine.
- Not, like...

Tacoma, Washington.

- Just tell me your name.
- I can't tell you.

[Mikey] Is it Britney?
[Izzy] Like, Britney Spears?

Yes, you know I'm a Britney fan.

- Oh, oh, God. Oh.
- Oh!

Oh, ow.

[Mikey] How about Dana?

[Izzy] Dana, like Dana Scully?

How'd you know I'm
an X-Files fan?

[Mikey] I barter
psychic information.

[Izzy screaming]

♪ Skyline twilight ♪

Okay, I'm... This
time I'm gonna go.

- I'm gonna go this time.
- No, don't.

Come on, don't leave.

You're being very dramatic
for having met me yesterday.

I'm Izzy.

♪ Maybe in the morning ♪

♪ Indigo skyline ♪

[Mikey] Have a good one.

♪ Twilight ♪

♪ Tell me what are
you afraid of ♪

♪ Why do you hide? ♪

♪ Show me everything you feel ♪

♪ And feel inside ♪

♪ What are you afraid of ♪

- Hey, what's up?
- [Sebastian] Hey.

- What's up?
- Nothing, just, you know.

Did you sleep with
Amythyst last night?

Uh, well, yeah, yeah, I just
passed out on the couch.

Oh, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.

Hey, you guys are
up early today.

[Izzy] Ah, uh-uh, I
chitchatted all night

with search-and-rescue guy,
Seb crashed at Amythyst's.

- Oh, well, that's nice of her.
- [Izzy] Yeah.

[Izzy] Yeah. [Sebastian] Yeah.
Yeah.

Hi, hon.

Dude, you look so wrecked.

On a scale from one to hungover,
how hungover are you?

Ah, really?

We slept together last night.

- [Izzy] Oh, stop.
- Are you kidding me right now?

- Oh, Jesus.
- But we did.

You slept with my
daughter's boyfriend?

We were both so drunk, and
I-I haven't been straight

since I met you, Deb, but
I've been wondering...

I'm sorry. You fucked him? Are
you fucking me right now?

Taking back the super-duper
nice comment right now.

You could be my mother-in-law!

She's right, you could
be her mother-in-law!

- Jesus Christ!
- [Sebastian] Deb.

I don't remember exactly
what happened...

Did you put your
penis in her vagina?

- Mom!
- [Sabrina] Oh, my God! No!

What do you expect, Sabrina?
Look at this shit.

Look at it, how am I supposed...

You fucked Zac, right? You
must have fucked him.

Or you fucked someone else,
or you just got lonely

on the road because ever
since you got back,

you've been pushing me
away, little by little,

and you don't push away
someone that you love

unless you want out, unless
you fucked up first.

Uh, to be fair,
Sabrina, you know,

I think that maybe
you drove him...

[all clamoring]

I can't believe you would
say something like that!

- [Sebastian] Stay out of it!
- Let me get this straight.

So you did this to get
back at me for something

that I never did,
is that correct?

This is as much my
fault as it is his.

Dude, fucking right
it is, dude, really.

You're a real homewrecker,
you know that, Amythyst?

That's right, I said it,
because your real dumb name

is Amy.

You turned my mother into a dyke

and then you decided,
"Oh, you know what,

I wanna go have
some non-dykey fun

with my boyfriend
for the holidays."

No, Sabrina, I actually
do think that I am gay.

This whole thing has been
very clarifying for me.

And no offense, Sebastian, now
that I'm not blackout drunk,

I'm endlessly
unattracted to you.

Mazel, mazel. Best way to
get clarity, hands down.

There you go, Izzy
Klein, being funny.

I mean, no one's even gonna stay

with you long enough
to cheat on you.

Okay, you know what, dick...

I have not got the time
to listen to you assholes

hurling insults at each other!

It is 7:45,

and my entire group is already

in Virabhadrasana I
right now without me!

And you guys just all gotta get,

get your shit together!

You, you have to leave.

[Amythyst] Bye.

[mellow music]

I never cheated on you.

I never hid anything from you.

I gave my whole life to you.

[Sabrina sobbing]

Ladies.

This is how we deal
with heartbreak,

and I am telling you
that it eases the pain.

Take one.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

[sobs] What now?

I'll go do my yoga class

and you'll go to San Francisco
and make your movie,

and you will go to LA and
get some kind of job.

No, I'm gonna go
to San Francisco.

- What?
- You are?

Yeah, I mean, you
drink a lot of juice,

so somebody has to be
buying juice full-time.

Bitches need bitches.

We don't got much
of an option now,

all we got is bitches.

Fuck 'em.

- Fuck 'em.
- Fuck 'em.

[upbeat music]

[Izzy] Come on. So
welcome to Las Vegas.

- No?
- Ugh!

Okay.

♪ Alone with yourself ♪

That dreck texted me, texted.

I'm gonna be honest here, Sab.

I don't want you to
be honest here, Iz.

Honestly, you gave up
on him pretty quickly.

I can see why he might
want to start small.

He gave up on me. Then
I gave up on him.

I'm tired, Iz, I'm
still watching him

and watching you, it's tiring.

But I, I don't... I mean,
you, you love him, that's...

I don't want to talk about this.

Whatever happened
to the meatloaf?

- Hamburger?
- Yeah, dry-aged rib eye.

- Ah, you mean Mikey.
- Yeah.

I don't know, it's
just a having fun

in your 20s thing, I guess,
like a casual, fun, chill time.

Oh, okay.

Huh, feast your
eyes, Casual Klein.

Hey, I bet these are
production's way of apologizing

for putting us on
Full House street,

where Sven, Sketch,
and Marg are sure

to appear there at
any given moment.

- Hi! Hello!
- Hi!

I didn't even think about that.

Huh, 'cause I feel
like those are from...

[narrator on TV] This
week on Bad To The Bone,

Nathan finally found Old Blue.

No, change it, dude. Change it.

I got it, got it, got it.

[narrator on TV]
And he's hurtin',

hurting bad.

[Izzy] Oh, okay, I'm... I
got it, I'm changing it.

I'm... Okay, I'm
sorry, I got it.

No!

If I'm nice, I'm too nice.

If I'm mean, I'm too mean.

Don't walk under ladders on set,

it's the same as in real life.
Don't be stupid.

What you got going over there?

Trail mix.

Why, why don't you just
get a bag of M&Ms?

I like a challenge.

Then what do you do
about all the raisins,

the peanuts, all the other
stuff that's in there?

Um, I mean, you could
have it if you want.

No, no, no, I just like M&Ms.

I'm, um, I'm Sabrina's
sister, by the way.

- Oh. Why are you here?
- Yeah. Um...

Assistants must be a bunch of
hoo-has running this operation,

'cause apparently, I'm getting
paid a legit amount of money

to just sit here and
eat free stuff.

That's, uh, that's funny.

So, um, I didn't
catch your name.

- Well, I'm Izzy.
- Izzy, Charlie.

- Hi, nice to meet you.
- Reed.

I'm the director of, uh,
of this hoo-ha operation.

You're the director?

Yeah. And you're in my chair.

That's my name.

M&Ms?

[upbeat music]

Yeah, no, it was a
great, great first week.

Thank you, guys, for, uh,
for all the hard work.

[Izzy] Hey, have you
guys seen Sabrina?

- No.
- No, nobody?

[music continues]

- [Sabrina] Just a second!
- Dude, oh, it's you. Let me in.

I have to pee so bad.
Sabrina, Sabrina!

Oh, my God.

Oh. Thank God. Oh.

Oh, my God.

I forgot to tell you

that I got caught sitting
in your director's chair.

Are you okay?

You feel bad about a guy.

Ugh, well, welcome to my world.

What is wrong with you?

Can you not make this
about you, for once?

Can you try to be my big sister

for one second of
your life, please?

This whole thing. I feel
terrible about mom.

She's gonna die alone now
because I'm a nightmare

and this fucking boy can't keep
it in his drop-crotch pants.

You know what I mean?
It's just not fair.

Because she wanted to be happy.

We should do a song, Sabrina.

- Song and dance?
- A song and dance.

Mom, you watching?

- Uh-huh.
- [Izzy] Six, seven, eight.

♪ Give my regards to Broadway ♪

♪ Remember me to Herald Square ♪

♪ Tell all the gang
on 42nd Street ♪

♪ That I will soon be there ♪

♪ Whisper of how I'm yearning ♪

♪ To mingle with the
old-time throng ♪

Five, six.

♪ Give my regards to Broadway ♪

♪ And tell 'em I'll
be there e'er long ♪

- How's that, mom?
- Oh, my gosh!

- Who do you love more?
- [Deb] I, I love you both.

Oh, you're the cutest, mom.
I love you, too.

[Izzy] Mom, did you see my boob?

[Deb] No, I didn't
see your boob.

- Boob!
- I declared it!

[Charlie] 'Cause it's my star's
sister, I've gotta stay away.

If I'm feeling
something, I should...

- Hi.
- You came to visit me?

No, I, I'm staying, I'm staying
right down the street, you know?

- [chuckles] Do you want to...
- Yeah, I kind of want to.

- Okay.
- Hi.

Hi.

I was, I was looking at that.

I like when the
buds aren't open,

but they just look like
they're working so hard.

- Yeah.
- You know?

They want to live.

They want to live.

My dad didn't want to live.

Your dad?

Uh, dad killed himself.

But we weren't that
close, so it's...

Well, it's your dad,
your dad's your dad.

She doesn't kn-know.
Please, don't...

- No, no, I wouldn't tell...
- Yeah.

Me and my mom just decided

not to tell Sabrina

'cause she was 15, and she
thought he was the...

greatest thing since
sliced bread.

But, you know, we didn't
wanna ruin it for her.

Selfish of you.

- Selfish?
- Well, it's her dad, too.

Have you ever, have you
ever told anybody that?

No.

- Sorry.
- No, thank you, I mean...

No, that's...

So...

- What, what is that?
- Uh, it's...

♪ You can trust me 'cause
tonight I'm your only friend ♪

♪ Baby ♪

Bye.

♪ ...as an excuse ♪

♪ Whatever I never say ♪

♪ Is the real truth ♪

♪ Standing close
just an excuse ♪

♪ No I don't know you ♪

♪ And you don't know me ♪

♪ But you must be good ♪

♪ 'Cause you got me
weak in the knees ♪

I don't want these
flowers, so I'm just gonna

put them right there, thank you.

♪ And you don't know why ♪

♪ But we're living proof ♪

- Will you take this?
- Oh...

- Hey.
- Hi.

We need to rehearse i-in my
trailer in ten, if that's cool.

- [woman] Excuse me.
- We'll go over 63.

- Uh, no.
- These are from Sebastian.

Yes, no. Charlie, yes. No.

Wait, sorry.

- Um, hi, Izzy.
- Hey.

It's good to see, both
of you, but... Yeah.

- Izzy?
- I'm here for you right now.

I am here for you right now.

I am assisting, that's my job.

Hi, I'm Izzy. I
assist, I big sister.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yup. Thirsty?

I knew it, that's
what I thought.

♪ Fighting on a feeling that
melts in before it fades ♪

- Hi.
- Hi.

- You look nice.
- So do you.

♪ We don't feel the same ♪

- Okay, bye.
- Okay, bye.

♪ But we be throwing down ♪

[Charlie] No, I wanna know,
you-you have to just

give me word by word
why it's a great show.

Okay, it's... Well, part
of it is their chemistry.

Because, you know,
they're so different,

they're, like, polar opposites.
Scully is a skeptic and...

♪ No I don't know you ♪

♪ And you don't know me ♪

♪ But you must be ♪

Vegas isn't for losers, Howard.

Vegas isn't for losers, Howard.

Vegas isn't for losers,
Howard, darling.

Darling, Howard, darling,
Vegas isn't for losers.

♪ But the living proof ♪

[Izzy] It made your day.
[Charlie] Well, it did.

[Izzy] You wanna get a drink?
[Charlie] No.

You wanna watch a hit
mix in Bears Ears...

- No.
- You wanna...

Um... this.

- They're from Sebastian.
- Um...

♪ Fix your hands put your
feet on the ground ♪

- They're irises.
- No, I don't, I don't want them.

Oh, sure. Okay.

- Yes.
- Thank you. Sorry.

♪ They wanna go ♪

♪ No I don't know you ♪

♪ And you don't know me ♪

♪ But you must be good ♪

♪ 'Cause you got me
weak in the knees ♪

♪ No I don't know how ♪

♪ And you don't know why ♪

♪ But we're living proof ♪

♪ Things will go right ♪

- [Izzy] Aah!
- Sorry, it's...

My carpet is slippery.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

- Izzy, Izzy.
- No, what?

- We should stop.
- No, what? Why, why, why?

- We need to stop, stop.
- Why, why?

- I, uh...
- What's wrong?

- Fucking came, I came.
- What?

- I just came.
- Oh.

Um...

- That's okay.
- I'm just gonna...

- I'm just gonna roll over.
- That's fine.

Do you want, do you
want to, like,

wait a... couple of minutes
and, and try again?

Oh, fuck.

- Fuck.
- I honestly...

- I-I don't care, at all.
- No, seri...

No, h-honestly, thank you.

I like you, okay?

- I'm so embarrassed.
- Don't be.

I don't care. I don't
fucking care, okay?

Okay?

Oh, fuck.

Uh, I, I have to take a shower.

- Okay.
- I can just feel it everywhere.

- You can shower.
- I just gotta clean it up.

- But then we'll hang.
- Whatever you want.

I, like, filled up. I mean,
it's a lot, so that's good.

It's, like, a compliment,
but it's just...

That is a compliment.

- Thank you. Don't...
- A ton of... semen.

I don't know why I'm
fucking weird, though.

I'm weird about this stuff.

[Charlie] Ah, fucker.

Don't get annoyed at yourself
for your real thoughts,

y-your thoughts are your thoughts.
End memo.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I, uh, I got you something.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, just the M&Ms.

[Charlie] That's hilarious.
[Izzy] What's up? How are you?

I'm good, we're good,
Um, yeah, I'm good.

Just, uh, like, going
through just...

I'm actually in the
middle of a meeting

with these guys right now, so...

Yeah, we're just trying
to figure it out.

Right, okay.

- Great, okay.
- Yeah, I'll talk to you later.

- [Izzy] Yeah.
- All right.

Um...

[Izzy] I was wondering
if you could talk.

Do you wanna come outside or...

I-I'm here now, so...

[Charlie] Hey.

Hi, come down.

I'm just in my socks.

- Um... Hey.
- Hi.

This is different now,

which is dumb, and
it shouldn't be.

No, I-I'm just, uh...

I've been so exhausted,
I'm just trying

to get through these
last few days, you know?

You were right about the jizz
thing, that was a compliment...

It wasn't about that.
I like being alone.

No one likes being alone.

I do, and I'm, I'm
gonna go to sleep,

but that's what I need
to do right now...

Charlie.

I felt like you saw me...

and I saw you.

You saw who I was, that
we could be ourselves.

And then that was really great.

Tell me I didn't
make this all up.

[mellow music]

No. You know what?

It's okay.

I don't need that.

I don't need it.

♪ All the stuff
that we carried ♪

What about the phone?

It's all the things I can't say.

♪ A place where
I'll be paralyzed ♪

♪ Make an honest decision ♪

♪ Will you keep or confide ♪

Fuck!

What do I say? What do I say?

Oh, I see, you want answers
to questions, you want...

Uh, then I'll tell you answers,

like, I haven't ever been fucking
laid before, not really.

Or that I can't fall, I
can't fall like you...

I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how you
just go all the way in.

It-it scares me and
I'm bad at it,

and I don't...

And I want to...

I want to give you an
answer, like, I love you.

I do see you, I see you
right now, I saw you.

I love you.

I can't. I can't.

♪ Will you leave me here? ♪

♪ Will you make it clear ♪

♪ That it's in love ♪

♪ And I'm in love ♪

♪ You reminded me ♪

♪ That is silently ♪

♪ The truth is it's in love ♪

♪ And I'm in love ♪

♪ Though it's hard to see ♪

♪ I am where I'm supposed ♪

♪ To be ♪

- I see those made the cut.
- Yeah.

You wanna know what the card says?
It says...

"Sabrina, I wanna give
my whole life to you.

Love, Sebastian." Like, ew.

- Kind of great.
- That is super sweet.

Can I, um... Can I
read you something?

Uh, yeah, I mean, yeah.

There's nothing accidental
about anything for us.

Me to men is no accident.

Mom to moving on,
it's no accident.

"Your disquiet, your distrust

"to Sebastian, to us all.

"I'm sure now that, um, secrets
are lies we tell ourselves,

"I'm just not sure how
long you could feel it...

"that there was no car accident.

"Nothing is an accident,
not the length of my lie

"or the sureness
of dad's choice,

not the curve of the planet or
the days in a year, and..."

[sniffles]

I'm selfish.

And I had to tell you.

I had to read it because...

I'm not a good big sister.

[door shuts]

Come on, sister, Full House
street never lost its creep,

and I am RDY to Space Jam.

- Let's go.
- Come here.

Okay, so, Iz,

if you thought that
vagina hands were bad,

this is AIDS feet and dog
wormies and SARS, so...

Come on, come on, Sabrina.

You want me to sit
on the ground?

[Izzy] Yes, on the ground.

I'll use this only
because I love you.

- No more wormies.
- Ugh!

[Sabrina] This is gross. Uh-huh.

I feel like this stuff will
feel better if we yell it.

What stuff?

I miss you, dad!

Oh, okay, so that's
what we're doing.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I miss you, Sebastian!

I'm sorry, Sabrina!

About what?

Dad killed himself?

Yeah.

He didn't say goodbye.

I hate it when people
don't say goodbye!

I hate it!

You've been big-sister-ing
this whole time.

Can I small-sister real quick?

Okay, whoa. [sobbing]

I ready your notebook.

I read all your stories.

[chuckles]

It's your year of
spectacular men.

I never thought
about it that way.

- What do you mean?
- I mean...

Don't stories have endings?

I mean, you'd think
I'd have an ending

because that's what I
wanted, I wanted endings,

I wanted answers to
questions, but...

Ugh! Look!

Here we are.

Look at those flowers,
there's a million answers.

That's Aaron and Mikey
and Logan and mom.

- And dad.
- And dad.

And Charlie and Ross.

Amythyst.

And Sebastian.

And they're all attached
to the roots...

to mine and yours, they,
they're the answers,

and I don't want endings.

More.

Aren't we privileged that
we get to have more?

You're fucking good,
Isabel Klein!

And you're my big sister.

And you're right.

Things do feel better
when you yell them.

[instrumental music]

[Izzy] I kept thinking
that this year

would tell me a story,

but it turns out,

I wrote one, instead.

One with sum totals
and struggles

and selfishness and squiggles

and sistering.

Do your thing.

One where certain people

really should get their ending.

Everything falling
into the perfect spot,

the sun shining just
right on their faces,

a moment of togetherness

where you have the
extraordinary privilege

of saying hello...

and not goodbye.

I've never been good at seeing
where I should go next,

and that's funny to me
now because, I mean,

the real secret is
that nobody knows...

- Catch it!
- Halt!

And everyone's just guessing.

And there is no thing...

except for the one
tiny thing I do know,

the one small thing I know
for sure, which is that

in every story, every single
person gets an ending.

It's just that now...

it's my beginning.

♪ Place looks fine ♪

♪ It's so good to see you ♪

♪ You look very nice ♪

♪ Are you listening? ♪

♪ I want to tell you
everywhere I've been ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ 'Cause there are no answers ♪

♪ And there are no ends ♪

Sex was great. [laughs]

There's always that,
I mean, that's just,

like, a guy thing to say, but...

♪ ...are alive ♪

I don't know how
she's doing now,

but I wish her the best, right?

♪ ...to find the end ♪

♪ But it was hiding from me ♪

I wish it could have worked.

♪ So I started over again ♪

♪ Counted till I could see ♪

Yeah, this girl couldn't
ski to save her life.

I saw her fucking snowballing
down the mountain.

I had to take her
down on a gurney.

♪ Are you listening? ♪

I don't know why I'm so weird.

I don't know why I-I had
to be weird with her.

♪ Where I've been ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ 'Cause there are no answers ♪

♪ And there are no ends ♪

♪ Your place looks fine ♪

♪ Dance with me dance with me ♪

♪ We are alive ♪

♪ We are ♪

♪ Alive ♪

♪ We are alive ♪

♪ We are alive ♪

♪ We are alive ♪

♪ We are alive ♪

♪ Your place looks fine ♪

♪ It's so good to see you ♪

♪ You look very nice ♪

♪ Are you listening? ♪

♪ I wanna tell you
everywhere I've been ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ 'Cause there are no answers ♪

♪ And there are no ends ♪

♪ Your place looks fine ♪

♪ Dance with me dance with me ♪

♪ We are alive ♪

♪ We are ♪

♪ Alive ♪

♪ We are alive ♪