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(CHEERING)
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Thank you.
3
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,979
Hello, and welcome
to The Grand Tour,
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00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:21,549
which this week
comes to you from Nashville!
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- There it is.
- (CHEERING)
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It was er... It's a city that
was named after General Nash.
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Big war hero,
kicked the British out.
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- He got er...
- (CHEERING)
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You ended up with
independence. And how's
that working out for you?
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I only ask because we were
looking the other day
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at the bestselling cars
in America these days.
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This is the top five.
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There you go, that's
independence... working well.
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Toyota, Honda, Toyota,
Nissan, Honda.
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So what is actually made
in Detroit these days, then?
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Er... Well, mostly
they just grow sustainable
organic peace beans.
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00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,192
- (LAUGHTER)
- It's just women with
armpit hair growing kale.
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00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,626
That's all
that's going on there--
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00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,229
municipal farms
for the community.
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00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,831
Now, the reason
we've come to Nashville
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00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,500
is very simple, in fact.
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It's because I've been
to all 50 of the US states,
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00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:16,270
but I'd never
been here before.
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And what a town!
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- Yeah.
- (CHEERING)
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00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,444
JAMES: Love it.
JEREMY: Who knew?
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- We are loving it.
- Who knew?
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It is a great place,
we're loving it,
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00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,949
and the music is amazing.
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- Loving that... very much.
- (CHEERING)
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JAMES: Well...
RICHARD: What?
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- Not really.
- Mate, you can't...
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This is known as
Music City USA.
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- That's what it is.
- But it isn't, is it?
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Because Detroit is.
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Oh, no. Listen... No.
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- (JEERING)
- JEREMY: It is.
38
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,700
Motown... Motown
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00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,102
is just three minutes
of jangly nonsense.
40
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,104
- Oh, come on, Hammond!
- It is!
41
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,606
Hammond, it just isn't!
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You cannot possibly say that.
43
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Country and western music
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is designed
to make you miserable.
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Motown is designed
to make you happy.
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No, he's absolutely right.
Motown is happier music.
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00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,950
I mean, take something like
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00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,152
Martha Reeves
"Dancing In The Streets", OK?
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00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:06,754
Listen to how happy
the words are.
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00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:10,023
"Every guy, grab a girl,
everywhere around the world."
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00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,260
Isn't that what Donald
was telling us to do?
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00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,561
(LAUGHTER)
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00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,333
Well, he was, wasn't he?
He did. He did.
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00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,502
No, he said,
"Every guy, grope a girl."
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- A very different thing.
- (LAUGHTER)
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00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,506
Detroit isn't just Motown.
Bob Seger's from Detroit.
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It's just housewives' music.
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00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,643
- Ted Nugent
- Mad!
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00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,012
- Iggy Pop.
- Ridiculous.
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00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,180
- Madonna.
- Annoying.
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- Eminem.
- Can't sing.
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00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,784
- Alice Cooper.
- Ridiculous again.
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00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,619
- Half of The Eagles.
- Which half?
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00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,388
- Glenn Frey.
- I don't like that half.
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00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:44,892
Nashville. Right, what's come
out of here? Miley Cyrus.
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00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,126
Brilliant!
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00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,596
(LAUGHTER)
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- You just said that
out loud on television.
- I did.
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00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,033
And...
And The Allman Brothers.
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00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,102
- Never heard of them.
- (GASPS AND LAUGHTER)
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00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,504
JEREMY: You have.
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00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,838
The Allman Brothers,
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00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,640
they had that one hit,
instrumental.
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00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,442
- What was it called?
MAN: Jessica.
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00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,476
- Jennifer.
- (LAUGHTER)
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00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,744
Oh, I hated that.
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00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,313
You never hear it
any more, do you?
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00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:06,414
JAMES: No. Rubbish.
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00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,748
RICHARD: Weirdest thing.
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00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,149
Weirdest thing.
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00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,318
- Oh, hello.
- A message.
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00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,585
Oh, sorry.
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00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,186
This is a message
from Mr Wilman.
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00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,388
We've gone a bit off topic.
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00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,889
He might be cross.
We have a bit.
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00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,991
There is a car thing here
we ought to talk about.
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00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,728
It's called coal rolling.
Are you familiar with this?
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00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,897
It has its origins in a sport
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00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,700
where people go with their
pickup trucks into a field
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00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,202
and see who can tow
the heaviest thing.
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00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,139
- Yep. Oh, yep.
- We've got some footage
here of it happening.
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00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:35,042
Look at that!
The man in a pickup truck
towing a heavy thing.
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00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,610
RICHARD: There you go.
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00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,646
Things you will never hear
said at that event:
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00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,881
"Got to rush, lads. I'm
late for a poetry reading."
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00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,550
(LAUGHTER)
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00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,184
JAMES:
That's truck number three--
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00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,719
Bernie Sanders, everybody.
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00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:46,754
(LAUGHTER)
100
00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,422
Anyway, the thing is,
they worked out
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00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:49,923
they could pull
more heavy things
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00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,360
if they fiddled with the ECU
on the diesel engines,
103
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,562
because that would
generate more power,
104
00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:56,597
and, as a by-product,
more smoke,
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00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,499
cos that's why it's
called coal rolling.
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00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:01,735
And now, various kids
have started to do it
out on the highway.
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00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,704
What they do is go
out on the street
108
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,639
and then do it when they
overtake a Toyota Prius.
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00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,576
Look at this. Here we go.
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00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:12,680
RICHARD: Oh, for God's sake!
Really?! Oh, come on!
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00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,448
Really?!
112
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,950
- Now, I...
- That's just...
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I just... I know,
I know I shouldn't say this.
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But every time
I overtake a Prius,
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00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,725
I always think,
"I could do this in fourth...
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00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,494
"but I'm gonna use
second instead
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00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,462
to annoy them even more."
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You do know
you are 56 years old?
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00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,434
- Yeah, but I've got
a mental age of nine.
- Oh, yeah.
120
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,936
- Shall we get on with
the show?
- Yeah, it's time.
121
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:39,640
On with the show.
In our car show this week...
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James runs over
a sun lounger.
123
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Richard has a beer.
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And I go on a thing.
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Jesus!
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Anyway, before all that,
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00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,925
we've been having
a bit of a debate.
128
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:01,128
You see, I say you don't
need to buy a BMW M3
129
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:06,199
because for £11,000 less
you can have a Jaguar XE S,
130
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,935
which is nicer to drive,
131
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,337
more comfortable
and just as fast.
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00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,072
- It isn't just as fast.
- Yes, it is.
133
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,875
- No, it isn't.
- They both do 155mph.
134
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,646
Yes, because the BMW
has been electronically
limited to 155.
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00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,347
The Jag is just... limited.
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- (LAUGHTER)
- Sorry to interrupt.
137
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,884
It's just that both my
colleagues are wrong.
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00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,754
Because if you want a small,
fast saloon car,
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00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,255
what you absolutely
have to have--
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00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,690
If you're gonna start going on
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00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,259
about that Alfa Romeo
Giulia Quadrifoglio,
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00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:35,796
I am gonna stab you
in the eye with this pen.
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00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,631
- No, he's--
- A number of times.
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He's right. Alfa Romeo
have not made a decent car
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for 30 years.
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- Erm...
- "Erm" nothing,
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because we need to get
back to the point.
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James and I have decided
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00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,809
it was time to sort out
this Jaguar-BMW debate
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00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:52,145
with a proper old-school
road test in Scotland.
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00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,758
Hello, and welcome to Wales,
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00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,895
where I've come with all of
our film crews and this,
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00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:14,568
the brand-new Alfa Romeo
Giulia... Quadrifoglio.
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I think.
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00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,305
Whatever.
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Let's get on now
and see what's what.
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00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,517
Now, for this to be
a proper Alfa Romeo,
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there must be...
something wrong with it.
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00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:34,555
Think about it.
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00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,524
A person
who's kind to his mother
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00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:41,128
and punctual and sober and
well-dressed, he's an Audi.
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00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:44,832
And nobody
wants a friend like that.
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If you're going to form
a relationship with a car,
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00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:50,370
if you're gonna develop
a bond,
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00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,540
it's got to have
human qualities.
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00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,708
And if it's gonna have
human qualities,
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00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,845
it's got to have faults.
168
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:02,049
And this car, I'm delighted
to say, has a big one.
169
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,220
I don't know quite how
they've managed this,
170
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,389
but it's not very easy
to get out of.
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00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,592
You've got this pillar here,
then the wheel here,
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00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,226
and there isn't
enough of a...
173
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:16,730
of a gap between the two.
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00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,231
Hang on a minute. Hang on.
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00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,870
How Alfa Romeo is that?
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00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,573
They put the door in the
wrong place. It should be...
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00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,040
It should be further back.
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00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,710
That is brilliant.
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00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,781
There's more, too.
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00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:36,016
It's not a particularly
handsome car.
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00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,751
The wheels are too small.
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00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,186
And for some reason,
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00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,288
they've chosen
to make the front
184
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:42,289
look like a Wolseley.
185
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,427
Now, in the recent past--
James is quite right--
186
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,796
Alfas have had their faults
187
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,998
and then no good bits
to compensate.
188
00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,500
They've just been
wrong-wheel-drive Fiats
189
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,902
with the word "Fiat"
crossed out
190
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,771
and "Alfa Romeo"
written in in crayon.
191
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,940
That, though...
192
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,909
...that's
a very different animal.
193
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,812
This is a fabulous car,
194
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,413
an epic car.
195
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,515
Probably
because it's the love child
196
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:46,687
of the same man who
engineered the Ferrari 458.
197
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:57,965
He's given it
a carbon-fibre propshaft,
198
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,267
a carbon-fibre roof,
199
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,002
a carbon-fibre bonnet,
200
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,571
a proper limited-slip
differential,
201
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:08,275
telepathic steering
and a clever gearbox.
202
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,011
But the most impressive bit
of this car
203
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:15,615
is its turbocharged
2.9L V6 engine.
204
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:21,588
An engine that wobbles
when you close the door.
205
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:24,024
That is brilliant.
Look at that.
206
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,928
You don't get that sort of
thing from an Audi, do you?
207
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,797
Ferrari, which, of course,
208
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,765
is part of the same company
as Alfa Romeo,
209
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,633
is very keen to point out
210
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,370
that this is not the engine
they use in the California
211
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,272
with two cylinders removed.
212
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,108
They say
it's a complete coincidence
213
00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:44,644
that both engines have the
same bore/stroke and V-angle.
214
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:49,750
They're adamant that this is
all Alfa Romeo's own work.
215
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,184
So, there we are.
216
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,421
It is, then.
217
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,728
And what work it is.
218
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:05,498
You get 503 brake horsepower.
219
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:10,738
That is 60 more than you get
from a BMW M3. 60!
220
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,977
It's 175 more
221
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,545
than you get from that Jag
222
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,148
that James would be
droning on about now,
223
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:24,785
had I not stepped in
and saved the day.
224
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,220
And then there's
the way it revs.
225
00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,827
Ha!
226
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,567
Most turbocharged engines are
a bit wheezy at the top end,
227
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:44,037
but because
the twin-scroll turbo in this
228
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,407
is mounted in the V
of the engine...
229
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,210
...just like it is
in a Ferrari California,
230
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,845
coincidentally,
231
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,647
the rev counter
is still a blur
232
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,083
right up to the red zone.
233
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,370
This engine is...
234
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,707
...it's a masterpiece.
235
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,509
An absolute gem.
236
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:28,081
So, while this may
look like a Wolseley,
237
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,083
it certainly doesn't
go like one.
238
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:38,391
It has a top speed,
in fact, of 191mph.
239
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,595
What this car is
240
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,997
is a Ferrari...
241
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,434
...wearing
four-door sensi-panties.
242
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:54,607
And that brings me onto
this car's party piece.
243
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,445
At normal speeds, it's very
quiet and very civilised.
244
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,580
And even though
it's running on wheels
245
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,616
that appear to have come off
the bottom of a sofa,
246
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,885
it's very comfortable,
247
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,854
even if you push this,
248
00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,122
you put it in
bumpy-suspension mode.
249
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,726
The only setting
I haven't yet tried
250
00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,395
is this one-- "race".
251
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,331
But I think I should.
252
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,499
Sadly, however,
253
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,768
before I found somewhere
to try it out,
254
00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,604
I received a telephone call.
255
00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,406
(PHONE RINGING)
256
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,979
Oh, no. What?
257
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,382
- (WHISPERS) Hammond.
- Have you got our
film crew somewhere?
258
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:39,219
- Yes, I have.
- Are you using them
to film an Alfa?
259
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,988
- Yes, I am.
- Where are you?
260
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,223
- Wales.
- Wales?!
261
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,392
JAMES: You can't just arrange
that we go to Scotland
262
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,027
and then disappear
off to Wales.
263
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,428
I didn't tell you
to go to Scotland.
264
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,898
You decided to go
to Scotland on your own.
265
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,332
(CLATTERING)
266
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,901
RICHARD: We've come
all the way to Scotland
267
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,402
to do this with
these two cars.
268
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:58,338
This is the test.
You trying to shoehorn...
269
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,307
It's wonderful there are
Alfa Romeos in the world.
270
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,342
That's a lovely thing
that we can all...
271
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,911
JAMES: It doesn't matter
how good you think
272
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,712
the Alfa Romeo is.
This is a car programme.
273
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:08,515
RICHARD: Concepts, dreams,
imagining things.
274
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,051
...Scotland, with two cars
that are credible, relevant,
275
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,920
important, work and are real.
276
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,422
JEREMY: They were still
shouting at me as I arrived
277
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,925
with all of the film crews
at our track.
278
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,692
RICHARD: ...itch, that
you've managed to scratch
279
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,928
over the last ten years.
280
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,462
I don't know how. Why...
281
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,531
JEREMY: (MIMICS RADIO CRACKLE)
It's breaking up!
282
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,599
Oh, I've lost you!
283
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,975
Race mode.
284
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,946
Here we go.
285
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,493
In race mode, everything
is in a tensed-up state:
286
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,863
the throttle response,
the gearbox, the steering.
287
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:59,566
And the traction control
is off!
288
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,435
(YELLS AND LAUGHS)
289
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,255
This has now been transformed
290
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,657
from something
that was brilliant...
291
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:27,594
into something
that is sensational.
292
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:41,574
Of course, you'd never drive
in race mode on the road,
293
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:45,478
in the same way
you'd never take your
wristwatch into space.
294
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:50,617
But it's nice to know that it
would still work if you did.
295
00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,320
(CHUCKLES) And this does.
296
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,155
Oh, boy, this does.
297
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:03,163
I've always said you can't
be a true petrolhead
298
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:06,133
until you've owned
an Alfa Romeo.
299
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,900
And the trouble is,
I've always known
300
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,336
there's no Alfa Romeo
301
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:12,472
a true petrolhead
would actually want to buy.
302
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,042
There is now, though.
303
00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,144
(CHUCKLES) Oh, there is now.
304
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:33,593
And so I decided
to do something
I've never done
305
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:37,197
with any car I've ever
filmed in my entire life.
306
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,299
I decided,
when the test was over,
307
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,668
to go to the nearest
Alfa Romeo dealer...
308
00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,337
...and buy one.
309
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,643
(GRUNTS)
310
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,826
(CHEERING)
311
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,128
RICHARD: What?
312
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,235
- What?
- You total cock.
313
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:16,836
You stole our film.
314
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,338
Well, not really.
315
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,607
You didn't actually buy one,
did you?
316
00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,342
Well, no, cos I couldn't
make my mind up
317
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,776
between that and the 4C.
318
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,812
It was like watching an ape
return to its cage
319
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:28,681
and finding there was
an apple and a banana.
320
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:31,118
"Oh, I like apple,
but I like bananas.
321
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:33,286
So do I want the apple
or a banana?"
322
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,654
You would
have had both, obviously.
323
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,189
Hammond, that car
is brilliant,
324
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,957
and it only costs £60,000.
325
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,527
Yeah, but honestly, Jeremy,
that doesn't mean anything.
326
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,129
If Alfa Romeo
launched a dog turd,
327
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,263
you'd say it was brilliant.
328
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,031
It is! I'm not making it up!
329
00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:48,135
You heard it. You saw it.
It's a fantastic car.
330
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,569
Anyway, listen,
we must find out
331
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:54,441
how fast the Quadri-thingy
goes round the Eboladrome.
332
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,842
That, of course,
means handing it over
333
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,278
to a man who thinks
that tennis is something
334
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,680
that was invented by Stalin.
335
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,782
He's actually
a local boy this week,
336
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,151
from the next state along.
337
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,018
It's the American!
338
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,454
(CHEERING)
339
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,290
There he is.
340
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,558
And even he will enjoy
341
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,160
this magnificent machine,
342
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,527
I'm sure of that.
343
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,763
And he's off
with a glorious bark
344
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,899
and a pop
from that sensational V6.
345
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,067
Oh, it's wet!
346
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:25,472
OK. Alfa Romeo Julie Quad Bike
347
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,174
something or another.
348
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,210
I can't say it,
can't pronounce it.
349
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,479
I don't really like
driving it.
350
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:34,381
Oh, for God's sake!
351
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:39,452
So, the tall one thinks
this is a good car.
352
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,789
I still think he was dropped
on his head as a child.
353
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,058
Yeah, but at least
I don't wear a cowboy hat
to weddings.
354
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:49,796
Right, now,
powering majestically
into Your Name Here.
355
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,732
This could be the single
greatest lap we'll ever see.
356
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,267
RICHARD:
What are you on about?
357
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,502
JEREMY: It's
beautifully balanced,
358
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:56,836
hard on the power.
359
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,638
A bit of a wobble there!
Some oversteer,
360
00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,972
but it was
designed to do that.
361
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,508
RICHARD: No, it wasn't!
362
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,009
JEREMY: Stop saying
things, Hammond.
363
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,211
I'm busy.
364
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,745
This is just a BMW
365
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,914
for people
who like fancy coffee.
366
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:11,684
No, it's a BMW for people
with taste and discernment.
367
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,286
RICHARD:
No, it's a BMW for idiots.
368
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,587
JEREMY: Hammond, be quiet!
369
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,088
Look at the way it's dealing
370
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,924
with Old Lady's House.
371
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,592
Almost no problems at all.
372
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,228
Now he can really turn it up
373
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,429
for the sprint to Substation.
374
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,664
Such power! Such pedigree!
375
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,267
RICHARD: Such bollocks.
JEREMY: Just be quiet!
376
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,001
Just two corners left.
377
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,738
Glorious poise in the rain
through there.
378
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:32,939
Field Of Sheep.
379
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:35,275
Another master class
in suspension control.
380
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,676
And across the line!
381
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,678
(CHEERING)
382
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,481
- RICHARD:
Well, come on, then.
- Well, no...
383
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,015
Come on. What did it do?
384
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,817
- What?
- Time.
385
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,253
No, it was wet,
386
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,054
so there's no point
putting it on the board.
387
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,689
It'll just wear
the computer out
388
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,491
- for no reason.
- Get on with it!
389
00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,260
- We haven't got time!
- Get on with it!
390
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,861
I'm gonna do it.
Let's look at the time.
391
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,830
Time for Jeremy's
Alfa Quadriplogio.
392
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,267
(LAUGHTER)
393
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,134
That's not quick, mate!
I'm sorry.
394
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:03,470
JAMES: That's rubbish!
395
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,705
In the dry,
it would have done a 1:15.
396
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,307
- No, it wouldn't.
- Yes, it would.
397
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,675
- No, it wouldn't.
- It would!
398
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,377
There's no point
arguing anyway.
399
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,211
He's got the Alfa Romeo
thing out of his system,
400
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,180
which is good,
because it's time now
401
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,715
for us to enjoy
a gentle stroll
402
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,486
along the sunlit sidewalks
of Conversation Street.
403
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:20,987
(MELLOW JAZZ)
404
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,389
(LAUGHTER)
405
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,563
- That's a good one.
- I like that one.
406
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,898
It is. Right, now...
407
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,403
OK. And we start with this.
408
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,538
It's the new
Alfa Romeo Stelvio.
409
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,708
- RICHARD: For God's sake!
- This is important news.
410
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:45,312
It's not important news.
It's niche news for morons.
411
00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,447
It's not!
It's a superb car,
412
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,781
because you can have it
413
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,650
with the same
500 horsepower engine
414
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,519
that you get
in the Quadriplegio.
415
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:55,488
And with that... with that
you get four-wheel-drive.
416
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,824
So that one will work
in the wet, will it?
417
00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,192
Hammond,
when somebody has a baby,
418
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:01,728
OK, do you go up to it and...
419
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:03,396
"Oh, look at my new
baby that I've...
420
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,964
Eurgh! It's really ugly!"
421
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,966
Well, only if it's ugly.
422
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:10,337
You see, you can't be cruel
about Alfa Romeos.
423
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,838
- Yes, I can.
- They're trying so hard!
424
00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:14,574
Well, let's just move it on.
Forget the Alfa, then.
425
00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:17,043
Now, we should talk
about where we are,
426
00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:21,213
OK, Tennessee, because
this is the bestselling
vehicle in the state.
427
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,583
- OK.
- (CHEERING)
428
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:26,152
Yeah, we've got a picture
of the police car.
429
00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:27,354
(LAUGHTER)
430
00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:29,088
And an ambulance.
431
00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,823
- And a hearse.
- RICHARD: Yeah.
432
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,893
I'm detecting...
detecting a theme here.
433
00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,662
The pickup truck,
I think I'm right,
434
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:37,930
is very popular in this
neck of the woods, yes?
435
00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:39,899
I'm sure you may
be amazed to hear
436
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:42,369
they really haven't
caught on at all in the UK.
437
00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:44,003
I mean,
almost nobody has one.
438
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,672
You hardly see them,
which is a shame,
439
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:47,407
because I love a pickup truck.
440
00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:49,376
JAMES: Yeah, we know.
- I like a truck.
441
00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,677
- (CHEERING)
- You know?
442
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:53,279
I can say that here.
I can say that here.
443
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:56,516
That's fine, you can say
that, but they're not
actually very sensible.
444
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:57,884
Look, mate,
that's not everything.
445
00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,786
Anyway, you drive around
in your Ferrari, OK,
446
00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:02,021
and happily put up with
the compromises
that that imposes.
447
00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:04,256
So you put up with the cost,
the inconvenience,
448
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:06,793
and it's not very comfortable
because it's a fast car.
449
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:09,128
Same with a pickup.
You put up with compromises:
450
00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:11,130
the weight, the size,
the fuel consumption...
451
00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:12,432
But what's the upside?
452
00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:14,166
It's a pickup truck!
You can use it...
453
00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,602
You can put logs in it
454
00:22:15,602 --> 00:22:18,405
and tow... tow trees
out of the woods with it.
455
00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:19,972
You could put a bear in it.
456
00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:22,975
Hammond, you work...
you work in the media!
457
00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:24,811
The only thing you have to
put in the back of a vehicle
458
00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:27,313
are invitations
to gala lunches.
459
00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:28,581
- Well...
- That's all you ever do.
460
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,116
The problem,
actually, in Britain
461
00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:31,918
with a pickup truck--
I'm sorry to admit this--
462
00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:34,854
is that if you pulled up
at a set of traffic lights
463
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,423
and you had your cement mixer
464
00:22:36,423 --> 00:22:37,857
and your chainsaw
in the back,
465
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,992
they would be stolen
immediately.
466
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:42,194
Anything left
in the open in Britain,
467
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,731
it's like nuts at a party,
you just help yourself.
468
00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:46,933
- (LAUGHTER)
- So why doesn't
that happen here?
469
00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:48,935
Who's got
a pickup truck here?
470
00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:51,303
- Holy cow!
That's unbelievable.
- (LAUGHTER)
471
00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:53,706
When you go shopping
and put things in the back,
472
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,808
why doesn't someone
just help themselves?
473
00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:57,544
Because they shoot them here.
474
00:22:57,544 --> 00:22:58,711
(LAUGHTER)
475
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,448
RICHARD: Well, there is that.
476
00:23:01,448 --> 00:23:05,885
There is that.
Thank you, Donald!
477
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,854
But why... Have you ever
had anything stolen
478
00:23:07,854 --> 00:23:09,456
when you were at a red light?
479
00:23:09,456 --> 00:23:11,323
Never? Has anyone
ever had anything...?
480
00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,025
- AUDIENCE: No.
- No?
481
00:23:13,025 --> 00:23:14,494
I thought this was
supposed to be
482
00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:16,362
crime-ridden in America.
483
00:23:16,362 --> 00:23:17,564
Maybe people are honest.
484
00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:18,998
I don't know, it's possible.
485
00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:20,032
If I was in Britain
486
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:21,501
and saw a pickup truck
with a lawnmower,
487
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:22,802
"I'll have that."
488
00:23:23,970 --> 00:23:27,474
Now,
yesterday we went to erm...
489
00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:29,275
It was like a big
classic-car museum,
490
00:23:29,275 --> 00:23:32,211
just out of town here,
where you could also
buy the exhibits.
491
00:23:32,211 --> 00:23:34,581
- It's great fun.
- It was a fantastic day out.
492
00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:35,815
Really enjoyed ourselves
in there.
493
00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:37,316
I mean, it was full
of, you know,
494
00:23:37,316 --> 00:23:38,885
Mustangs and Camaros
and stuff.
495
00:23:38,885 --> 00:23:40,687
Stuff like this.
We've got a picture
496
00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:42,321
of this sort of thing--
'60s and '70s stuff.
497
00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:45,892
Now, we know that cars like
this are horrible to drive.
498
00:23:45,892 --> 00:23:46,893
Terrible.
499
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:48,661
But they're tremendous
to look at.
500
00:23:48,661 --> 00:23:52,364
There was so much joy
in car design back then,
501
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:54,166
and you see it
in that car there.
502
00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:56,569
It actually made us slightly
sad in a way, though,
503
00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:58,871
because as we were
leaving, we suddenly
started wondering,
504
00:23:58,871 --> 00:24:00,573
"Well, what are they gonna
put in that museum
505
00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:02,241
in 40 years' time?"
506
00:24:02,241 --> 00:24:03,375
- Yeah.
- What?
507
00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:04,544
The Nissan-bloody-Juke.
508
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:05,845
- Exactly.
- (LAUGHTER)
509
00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,580
I don't want to look
at that now.
510
00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:10,082
- No, exactly.
Or the Dodge Dart.
- (AUDIENCE GROANING)
511
00:24:10,082 --> 00:24:12,919
Well, what child's gonna
say, "Oh, Daddy!
512
00:24:12,919 --> 00:24:16,322
Daddy, let's go and
look at the 40-year-old
Dart in the museum"?
513
00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:17,790
Nobody is!
514
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,225
It's true that car design
515
00:24:19,225 --> 00:24:20,392
has become so dreary lately.
516
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:21,794
And I think part of it,
517
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,696
it's almost as if
the people who design cars
518
00:24:23,696 --> 00:24:25,264
don't actually like
cars that much.
519
00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:27,266
Exactly. But they did then.
You can tell.
520
00:24:27,266 --> 00:24:30,002
There was a Cuda in there
next to a Plymouth Fury,
521
00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:33,105
and I just stood for about an
hour, just soaking them in.
522
00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,675
I saw a 1966 Cadillac.
523
00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:37,276
We've got a picture
of it here. Look.
524
00:24:37,276 --> 00:24:38,811
Now, what I like about this
525
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:40,647
is that the bloke
who designed the bonnet,
526
00:24:40,647 --> 00:24:42,414
he thought, "I've finished
with the bonnet.
527
00:24:42,414 --> 00:24:43,916
I'll do the grill."
528
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:45,552
But he didn't tell
the blokes doing the wings,
529
00:24:45,552 --> 00:24:47,954
and they kept going, so it
goes like another foot.
530
00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:50,823
No, but this is fantastic
with a fantastic-looking car.
531
00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:53,225
The Buick Riviera, they had
one of those in there.
532
00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:54,661
- Look at that!
- That is glorious!
533
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:55,928
I had one of those
534
00:24:55,928 --> 00:24:57,630
as a toy when I was little.
535
00:24:57,630 --> 00:24:59,298
If you put your finger
over the back window,
536
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:01,033
it flashed its lights.
537
00:25:01,033 --> 00:25:02,569
And you just look and you go,
538
00:25:02,569 --> 00:25:04,871
"How can Buick have gone
from doing that
539
00:25:04,871 --> 00:25:06,806
"in, what, 30-40 years,
to doing this,
540
00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:08,174
whatever this brown..."
Look at...
541
00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:10,442
- (LAUGHTER)
- How have they done that?!
542
00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:12,144
And it's the same
as Chevrolet.
543
00:25:12,144 --> 00:25:14,380
There was an Impala
in there, 1960.
544
00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:16,949
RICHARD: Look at that!
That is exciting not moving!
545
00:25:16,949 --> 00:25:19,118
JEREMY: That's a Chevy
Impala from the '60s.
546
00:25:19,118 --> 00:25:20,953
Let's have a look at one
from today.
547
00:25:20,953 --> 00:25:22,589
- RICHARD: Oh, for God's sake!
- (LAUGHTER)
548
00:25:22,589 --> 00:25:24,857
How do they even have the
nerve to call that an Impala?
549
00:25:24,857 --> 00:25:26,325
Because it isn't one.
550
00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:27,694
I was looking at a Corvette,
551
00:25:27,694 --> 00:25:28,895
a '70s Corvette.
552
00:25:28,895 --> 00:25:29,996
That's the C3 model,
553
00:25:29,996 --> 00:25:31,463
if you're a Corvette nerd.
554
00:25:31,463 --> 00:25:32,699
This was a car
that was driven
555
00:25:32,699 --> 00:25:34,000
by all of the astronauts.
556
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,603
- JAMES: Exactly.
- And Dirk Diggler.
557
00:25:36,603 --> 00:25:37,870
- JAMES: Yep.
- (LAUGHTER)
558
00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:39,606
Ah, so it's a car
559
00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:41,774
for porn stars
and astronauts.
560
00:25:41,774 --> 00:25:44,010
- What a strapline!
- What car is there today
561
00:25:44,010 --> 00:25:45,912
that could be driven by
porn stars and astronauts?
562
00:25:45,912 --> 00:25:48,114
- There isn't one.
MAN: An Alfa!
563
00:25:48,114 --> 00:25:50,650
An Alfa?!
564
00:25:50,650 --> 00:25:52,852
Actually, he's right!
565
00:25:52,852 --> 00:25:55,688
No, astronauts
have to get there.
566
00:25:55,688 --> 00:25:57,156
He's right! That's exactly
567
00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:59,358
- what the Quadriplegio is!
- No!
568
00:25:59,358 --> 00:26:02,695
For porn stars and astronauts,
which is what I am.
569
00:26:02,695 --> 00:26:04,063
Now, I would like to have
570
00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:07,299
a conversation about
the Nürburgring.
571
00:26:07,299 --> 00:26:08,901
- Go on.
- Because this is important.
572
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:10,402
Last year, I was delighted.
573
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,204
The people who run
the Nürburgring in Germany,
574
00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:15,041
they said they were gonna
ban car manufacturers
575
00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,043
from setting
lap records there.
576
00:26:17,043 --> 00:26:19,846
Sorry, why were you
delighted about that?
577
00:26:19,846 --> 00:26:21,147
Because that's
an excellent idea.
578
00:26:21,147 --> 00:26:23,249
If you make a car
that is excellent
579
00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:25,117
for doing a fast lap
of the Nürburgring,
580
00:26:25,117 --> 00:26:27,920
it would be useless as a car
everywhere else in your life.
581
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,389
It's like... It's like
setting your house up
582
00:26:30,389 --> 00:26:31,658
to play Laser Quest.
583
00:26:31,658 --> 00:26:33,993
It will be brilliant
for playing Laser Quest,
584
00:26:33,993 --> 00:26:35,561
but it'll be rubbish
for a dinner party
585
00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:36,896
because it's full of lasers,
586
00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:38,364
darkness, fog
and music that goes...
587
00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:39,431
(BEATBOXES)
588
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:40,667
...and people running around
589
00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:41,834
thinking that they're
in Star Wars.
590
00:26:41,834 --> 00:26:43,169
Or you could get a dog...
591
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:45,104
You could train a dog
as an attack dog,
592
00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:47,674
which is fantastic
if you own a scrapyard
593
00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:49,141
and you need
the dog to guard it,
594
00:26:49,141 --> 00:26:52,011
but take it home as a pet,
it will eat your children.
595
00:26:52,011 --> 00:26:53,445
- (LAUGHTER)
- It's completely useless.
596
00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,047
That's what happens
597
00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:56,883
when you set a car up
for the Nürburgring.
598
00:26:56,883 --> 00:26:58,584
This isn't really
a conversation, James.
599
00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:01,220
No, I think we've
accidentally turned down
Rant Lane this week.
600
00:27:01,220 --> 00:27:02,689
- (LAUGHTER)
- Well, there's more.
601
00:27:02,689 --> 00:27:03,856
- He's off again.
- No, no.
602
00:27:03,856 --> 00:27:06,358
But the thing is,
the bad news in all this
603
00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:07,694
is that they've decided
604
00:27:07,694 --> 00:27:09,561
that they will allow
car manufacturers
605
00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:11,230
to set lap records again.
606
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,164
Well, that's good.
607
00:27:12,164 --> 00:27:13,800
- No, it's bad!
- OK.
608
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,201
Think of the cars
that have come out recently
609
00:27:15,201 --> 00:27:17,003
that we've driven
that have been developed
610
00:27:17,003 --> 00:27:18,805
so that they would go fast
around the Nürburgring.
611
00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:20,707
BMW M4 GTS,
612
00:27:20,707 --> 00:27:22,742
you can't deny it,
it's a terrible car.
613
00:27:22,742 --> 00:27:24,744
Nissan GT-R,
the Track Edition,
614
00:27:24,744 --> 00:27:26,278
that is a terrible car.
615
00:27:26,278 --> 00:27:29,548
Even SEAT--
the SEAT Leon Cupra 280,
616
00:27:29,548 --> 00:27:32,218
that's got a hatchback
record for going around
the Nürburgring,
617
00:27:32,218 --> 00:27:33,619
and it's rubbish!
618
00:27:33,619 --> 00:27:35,454
The Nürburgring ruins cars.
619
00:27:35,454 --> 00:27:37,456
I'm developing an app
for the smart phone
620
00:27:37,456 --> 00:27:38,758
called Bomb The Nürburgring
621
00:27:38,758 --> 00:27:40,626
where you guide
a Dornier 17 over it
622
00:27:40,626 --> 00:27:42,228
and blow it up.
623
00:27:42,228 --> 00:27:44,096
What are you doing
on this programme?
624
00:27:44,096 --> 00:27:45,597
- Talking sense!
- (LAUGHTER)
625
00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,399
RICHARD: Good question.
I don't know.
626
00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:50,269
We have this old woman who
has a baking show in Britain.
627
00:27:50,269 --> 00:27:51,771
She's called Mary Berry.
628
00:27:51,771 --> 00:27:53,572
It would be...
You probably know her.
629
00:27:53,572 --> 00:27:54,941
It's probably the same
630
00:27:54,941 --> 00:27:56,943
as her saying, "I hate cakes!"
631
00:27:56,943 --> 00:27:58,110
- Yes.
- (LAUGHTER)
632
00:27:58,110 --> 00:27:59,611
Mary Berry
would agree with me,
633
00:27:59,611 --> 00:28:00,980
because if she made a cake
634
00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:02,749
that had been developed
on the Nürburgring,
635
00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:05,084
someone would put
fried onions on the top
636
00:28:05,084 --> 00:28:07,319
and completely ruin it.
You'd have a Victoria sponge
637
00:28:07,319 --> 00:28:09,856
with onion on the top
for no reason!
638
00:28:09,856 --> 00:28:11,423
James, you know
you're weird, don't you?
639
00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:13,325
That's not weird. That's
the most sensible thing
640
00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:14,961
that's ever been said
on this show.
641
00:28:14,961 --> 00:28:16,462
- You are weird.
- I'm not weird.
642
00:28:16,462 --> 00:28:18,765
He is weird! We were coming
through the airport
643
00:28:18,765 --> 00:28:20,166
here the other day,
coming through Chicago,
644
00:28:20,166 --> 00:28:22,168
and he went,
"Jeremy, smell my jacket."
645
00:28:22,168 --> 00:28:23,402
- He said what?!
- (LAUGHTER)
646
00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:24,871
- Yeah.
- He did.
647
00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:26,638
He said, "Smell my jacket."
I said, "Why?"
648
00:28:26,638 --> 00:28:29,108
He said, "Because it smells
of old record players."
649
00:28:29,108 --> 00:28:32,011
- Mate, that is weird.
- But it did!
650
00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:34,346
You know record players
don't smell of anything?
651
00:28:34,346 --> 00:28:35,782
They do. Old ones do.
652
00:28:35,782 --> 00:28:37,116
They smell of old
record players.
653
00:28:37,116 --> 00:28:38,885
Who knows
what they smell like?
654
00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:40,452
- I'd like us--
- The decaying...
655
00:28:40,452 --> 00:28:41,788
I'd like us to move it on
656
00:28:41,788 --> 00:28:43,255
because it's getting
scary now.
657
00:28:43,255 --> 00:28:44,791
That's not the record player!
658
00:28:44,791 --> 00:28:46,058
What are you on about?
659
00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:47,794
Does anybody have
an old record player,
660
00:28:47,794 --> 00:28:49,061
or anything old electrical?
661
00:28:49,061 --> 00:28:50,362
They smell, don't they?
662
00:28:50,362 --> 00:28:52,064
Has anybody ever smelled
an old record player?
663
00:28:52,064 --> 00:28:54,100
Really? You think you have?
664
00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:55,835
You've smelled an old...
665
00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:57,236
God, strewth!
666
00:28:59,371 --> 00:29:02,641
Did it have a wax cylinder on
it, your old record player?
667
00:29:02,641 --> 00:29:05,011
They smell like old plastic
and warm rubber.
668
00:29:05,011 --> 00:29:06,312
JAMES: Yeah, exactly.
669
00:29:06,312 --> 00:29:09,215
That smells like a party
at James's house.
670
00:29:10,917 --> 00:29:13,019
You're actually talking
to Thomas Edison there.
671
00:29:16,055 --> 00:29:17,456
RICHARD: In person.
672
00:29:17,456 --> 00:29:18,858
Well done, sir.
673
00:29:18,858 --> 00:29:20,459
Now, as we're told
674
00:29:20,459 --> 00:29:23,162
almost every day
these days, really,
675
00:29:23,162 --> 00:29:26,332
the world's coral reefs
are all dying.
676
00:29:26,332 --> 00:29:29,201
And we're told that this
is the fault of the car.
677
00:29:29,201 --> 00:29:31,437
Well,
since we host a car show,
678
00:29:31,437 --> 00:29:34,240
we thought it would be
our duty and responsibility
679
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,108
to do something about it.
680
00:29:43,449 --> 00:29:47,486
Here in the Caribbean,
all appears to be well.
681
00:29:47,486 --> 00:29:49,521
But under
the shimmering blue sea,
682
00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:52,524
there's just miles
and miles of sand.
683
00:29:54,293 --> 00:29:56,128
It's an underwater desert.
684
00:29:57,930 --> 00:29:59,698
And even when
you do find a reef,
685
00:29:59,698 --> 00:30:02,835
most of the coral
is dead or dying.
686
00:30:06,839 --> 00:30:08,207
Thirty-eight years ago,
687
00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:10,142
the local government
sank a ship
688
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:12,979
to encourage the coral
to come back.
689
00:30:13,980 --> 00:30:15,982
And it's working.
690
00:30:15,982 --> 00:30:18,484
It's already
an oasis of life.
691
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,456
And that gave us an idea.
692
00:30:24,456 --> 00:30:27,593
Why use a ship as the hub
or your coral reef?
693
00:30:27,593 --> 00:30:30,662
Why not use cars?
There are millions of them.
694
00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:33,265
So that's exactly what we've
done. We've got five cars.
695
00:30:33,265 --> 00:30:35,201
And rather than go
through all the expense
696
00:30:35,201 --> 00:30:37,103
and complication
of recycling them,
697
00:30:37,103 --> 00:30:38,905
we've stripped them,
taken the engines out,
698
00:30:38,905 --> 00:30:41,373
removed the paint,
and they're ready
to go in the sea.
699
00:30:41,373 --> 00:30:43,409
JAMES: This really does
make perfect sense,
700
00:30:43,409 --> 00:30:45,244
because when the car
is in the water,
701
00:30:45,244 --> 00:30:46,545
it will start to corrode,
702
00:30:46,545 --> 00:30:47,947
and that attracts
all the things
703
00:30:47,947 --> 00:30:49,381
that help the coral grow.
704
00:30:49,381 --> 00:30:51,617
And then the car itself
just rusts away
705
00:30:51,617 --> 00:30:53,119
to absolutely nothing.
706
00:30:53,119 --> 00:30:54,887
So this one,
which started life
707
00:30:54,887 --> 00:30:56,122
as a pretty horrible Peugeot
708
00:30:56,122 --> 00:30:57,423
and was always
a terrible car,
709
00:30:57,423 --> 00:31:00,826
will eventually become
a beautiful coral reef.
710
00:31:00,826 --> 00:31:02,962
And all this happens
quite quickly.
711
00:31:02,962 --> 00:31:04,463
So in just a few years' time,
712
00:31:04,463 --> 00:31:07,099
the BBC will be able to make
a wildlife documentary
713
00:31:07,099 --> 00:31:08,734
just in this wheel arch.
714
00:31:08,734 --> 00:31:09,969
Anyway, we've got the cars.
715
00:31:09,969 --> 00:31:11,137
I've got a crane.
716
00:31:11,137 --> 00:31:12,504
All we need now is a boat,
717
00:31:12,504 --> 00:31:14,173
which is a job
we gave to Jeremy.
718
00:31:14,173 --> 00:31:15,441
That's his responsibility.
719
00:31:15,441 --> 00:31:17,276
He'll have overdone it,
won't he?
720
00:31:17,276 --> 00:31:20,046
Well, he'll have made a
statement of some sort, so...
721
00:31:20,046 --> 00:31:22,481
Freight ship.
Full-on freight ship.
722
00:31:22,481 --> 00:31:23,950
Or a tanker.
723
00:31:27,153 --> 00:31:29,221
(HORN BLARES)
724
00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,395
Oh. He hasn't overdone it.
725
00:31:36,395 --> 00:31:38,330
Is that him?
726
00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:42,134
What is the point of that?
727
00:31:42,134 --> 00:31:44,270
Will you come and tie it up?
728
00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:51,677
JAMES: That's the worst boat
I've ever seen. That's awful!
729
00:31:51,677 --> 00:31:54,346
- What's the matter with it?
- Well, it...
730
00:31:54,346 --> 00:31:57,149
We gave you $5,000
to buy a boat.
731
00:31:57,149 --> 00:31:59,085
Boats are expensive!
732
00:31:59,085 --> 00:32:00,987
You didn't spend
all five grand on this.
733
00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:02,654
- That is not a five thou--
- Yes!
734
00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:04,023
I've got toothache. Be kind.
735
00:32:04,023 --> 00:32:06,558
Irrelevant.
That is not a $5,000 boat.
736
00:32:06,558 --> 00:32:08,794
- It is!
- It's barely a boat.
Look at it!
737
00:32:08,794 --> 00:32:11,097
It's brilliant!
You'll get a car on this.
738
00:32:11,097 --> 00:32:13,465
- Er... Where?
- On the back!
739
00:32:13,465 --> 00:32:15,401
- Who did you buy it from?
- A man.
740
00:32:15,401 --> 00:32:17,769
- Was he laughing?
- No, he wasn't.
741
00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:19,305
- Can I come aboard?
- No.
742
00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:22,041
I don't think
it can take two.
743
00:32:22,041 --> 00:32:23,275
(LAUGHS) Look! It's terrible!
744
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:24,676
Instead of just
standing there,
745
00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:27,413
criticising a man
who's got toothache,
746
00:32:27,413 --> 00:32:31,050
why don't you go and get
a car on the crane
747
00:32:31,050 --> 00:32:32,351
and start loading it?
748
00:32:34,586 --> 00:32:39,558
Soon, our first car was ready
to be lifted onto the boat.
749
00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:42,128
It's just nice to be putting
something back, really.
750
00:32:42,128 --> 00:32:44,130
It genuinely is.
It's a little old Corsa,
751
00:32:44,130 --> 00:32:45,897
and it's gonna be
full of coral.
752
00:32:45,897 --> 00:32:47,466
Mr Coral coming,
swimming along.
753
00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:48,834
"Ooh, there's something
to latch on to."
754
00:32:48,834 --> 00:32:49,901
Then his friend comes along.
755
00:32:49,901 --> 00:32:51,170
His friend comes along.
756
00:32:51,170 --> 00:32:52,871
This is a genuinely
brilliant idea.
757
00:32:52,871 --> 00:32:54,873
That doesn't fill me with...
758
00:32:54,873 --> 00:32:56,108
total confidence.
759
00:32:56,108 --> 00:32:57,509
(WHIRRING)
760
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,916
JEREMY: Down a bit! Down!
761
00:33:04,916 --> 00:33:06,885
You'll have to...
762
00:33:06,885 --> 00:33:08,387
Boom out!
763
00:33:08,387 --> 00:33:10,122
Is that the sign for
"boom out"?
764
00:33:10,122 --> 00:33:12,891
JEREMY: That. Yeah, that.
765
00:33:12,891 --> 00:33:15,094
It's like being guided
by The Village People.
766
00:33:15,094 --> 00:33:16,862
It's working now. Unless--
767
00:33:16,862 --> 00:33:19,098
On! On!
768
00:33:19,098 --> 00:33:21,200
- The next danger--
- You're really helping.
769
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,102
- I've got the guideline.
- Right, go!
770
00:33:29,775 --> 00:33:32,844
- JEREMY: Down a bit, James.
- Watch for the wind.
771
00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:34,280
Hammond,
can you swing it around?
772
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,747
Do you want me to swing it?
773
00:33:35,747 --> 00:33:37,083
Yeah, try and get it...
774
00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:38,284
Oh, shit!
775
00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:41,920
JAMES: Who pulled that?
776
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,457
We've got to save the car!
It's a reef! Save it!
777
00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:47,326
Oh, it's gone! It's gone!
778
00:33:47,326 --> 00:33:48,727
JAMES: Who pulled the...
779
00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,662
That's to release it,
you Muppet!
780
00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:52,698
Well, I thought
it was a guide rope.
781
00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:56,168
No, I steer it!
You just release it
when it's on there!
782
00:33:56,168 --> 00:33:57,569
He told me to steer it.
783
00:33:57,569 --> 00:33:59,305
He said,
"Pull the rope to steer it."
784
00:33:59,305 --> 00:34:01,373
This is a £400,000 crane!
785
00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:03,309
Why would you steer it
with a piece of string?!
786
00:34:03,309 --> 00:34:04,810
It's got all these
knobs and buttons.
787
00:34:04,810 --> 00:34:08,147
I steer it, you release it!
788
00:34:08,147 --> 00:34:10,116
So that's a quick release?
789
00:34:10,116 --> 00:34:11,483
- Yes!
- Got it.
790
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,856
What if we just said
we only had four cars?
791
00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:20,326
So we've taken four cars,
removed the engines
792
00:34:20,326 --> 00:34:22,128
and the paint, and they're ready
to go in the sea.
793
00:34:22,128 --> 00:34:25,331
- We'll do that piece
to camera again.
- Yeah, yeah.
794
00:34:25,331 --> 00:34:28,267
The thing is, why use a ship
as the hub of your reef?
795
00:34:28,267 --> 00:34:29,835
Why not use cars?
There are millions.
796
00:34:29,835 --> 00:34:33,272
So we've taken four cars,
removed the engines,
797
00:34:33,272 --> 00:34:37,209
stripped them down
and they're ready
to go in the sea.
798
00:34:37,209 --> 00:34:38,977
(MUTTERS) And then James...
Oh, yeah.
799
00:34:38,977 --> 00:34:40,512
And then... And then,
800
00:34:40,512 --> 00:34:42,648
this Peugeot
was no good as a car,
801
00:34:42,648 --> 00:34:46,152
but will be... but the coral
will just stick to it,
802
00:34:46,152 --> 00:34:47,819
oxidising and algae.
803
00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:49,155
Doesn't take very long.
804
00:34:49,155 --> 00:34:51,890
One day, BBC documentary,
wheel arch.
805
00:34:51,890 --> 00:34:54,393
Yeah, from just four cars.
That's all we had.
806
00:34:54,393 --> 00:34:56,328
Four cars. That's all
you need for a reef.
807
00:34:56,328 --> 00:34:58,063
Right, here's the boat
we've selected.
808
00:34:58,063 --> 00:34:59,365
It's a little bit damaged.
809
00:35:01,367 --> 00:35:02,968
With the release rope stowed,
810
00:35:02,968 --> 00:35:05,737
we managed to get
the first of our four cars
811
00:35:05,737 --> 00:35:09,275
onto the boat, which had
come with a broken roof.
812
00:35:11,042 --> 00:35:13,044
- Yeah. Oh, yes!
- (LAUGHS)
813
00:35:13,044 --> 00:35:15,314
- Yes!
- Yeah!
814
00:35:15,314 --> 00:35:17,949
Good! Result.
815
00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:20,786
And then we had to
secure it in place.
816
00:35:23,189 --> 00:35:25,557
I don't understand
ratchet straps.
817
00:35:25,557 --> 00:35:28,827
Er... There's water
coming into the boat.
818
00:35:28,827 --> 00:35:31,697
- No, there was some in
when I bought it.
- It's leaking.
819
00:35:31,697 --> 00:35:34,333
There's always a bit of water
in the bilges.
820
00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,768
It's why boats
have bilge pumps.
821
00:35:36,768 --> 00:35:38,470
No, it's coming in.
822
00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:41,207
It's not just like it's in,
it's coming in.
823
00:35:41,207 --> 00:35:43,542
- Well, there's none here.
- There's holes! It's leaking!
824
00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:47,379
Oh, shit! No, there is!
Well, attach us to the crane.
825
00:35:47,379 --> 00:35:49,215
RICHARD: Er...
It's gone down.
826
00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,317
It has gone...
It is going down.
827
00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:53,051
JEREMY: If you attach us
to the crane,
828
00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,320
it won't sink, will it?
829
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,654
RICHARD: We're tied on.
830
00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:58,657
JEREMY: James, can you
just take the slack?
831
00:35:58,657 --> 00:35:59,625
(CRANE WHIRRING)
832
00:35:59,625 --> 00:36:01,493
Sadly, James misunderstood
833
00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:02,961
this simple instruction.
834
00:36:02,961 --> 00:36:04,963
- (CLATTERING)
- Oh, the whole thing
835
00:36:04,963 --> 00:36:06,232
has collapsed at the back!
836
00:36:06,232 --> 00:36:07,566
Oh, dear God!
837
00:36:07,566 --> 00:36:09,468
JEREMY: Wait! Stop!
Whoa! Whoa! What?
838
00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:10,936
RICHARD: It's falling over!
839
00:36:10,936 --> 00:36:12,538
JEREMY: James, it's falling!
840
00:36:12,538 --> 00:36:13,972
- What do you want?
- Holy Mother of God!
841
00:36:13,972 --> 00:36:16,908
It's going down!
Abandon ship! Save yourself!
842
00:36:21,247 --> 00:36:22,781
Catch it, James!
843
00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:24,550
JEREMY: Save it!
844
00:36:24,550 --> 00:36:25,817
Stop!
845
00:36:25,817 --> 00:36:27,753
What are you doing?
846
00:36:27,753 --> 00:36:29,521
JEREMY: Oh, God.
847
00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:31,623
The French Secret Service
848
00:36:31,623 --> 00:36:35,261
didn't do a job
as good as this.
849
00:36:35,261 --> 00:36:36,895
RICHARD: I'm not talking
to any of you.
850
00:36:36,895 --> 00:36:38,830
No. Come on,
it was May's fault.
851
00:36:38,830 --> 00:36:40,266
You bought a crap boat,
852
00:36:40,266 --> 00:36:42,268
you put an idiot spaniel
on the crane,
853
00:36:42,268 --> 00:36:44,270
and, also, think
what we were gonna do
854
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:45,637
for the conception
of the car.
855
00:36:45,637 --> 00:36:47,273
People would love the car.
They would see it
856
00:36:47,273 --> 00:36:50,476
as a friendly,
coral-loving thing.
857
00:36:50,476 --> 00:36:51,843
You're swimming
like an old woman.
858
00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:54,580
I don't like being
in the bloody water!
859
00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:59,551
Fact! I'm not comfortable!
I'm from Birmingham!
860
00:36:59,551 --> 00:37:01,787
Having sunk a boat
and two cars
861
00:37:01,787 --> 00:37:03,889
where the cruise liners
normally park,
862
00:37:03,889 --> 00:37:08,927
the port authorities
suggested we go away.
863
00:37:08,927 --> 00:37:11,630
So we took
our three remaining cars
864
00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,098
to a nearby marina,
865
00:37:13,098 --> 00:37:14,600
built ourselves a raft,
866
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:15,967
and hired a boat
867
00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:17,769
which had a crane
on the front.
868
00:37:22,308 --> 00:37:23,542
- JEREMY: May!
- What?
869
00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:26,077
You're not operating
the crane.
870
00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:28,347
You are operating the crane.
871
00:37:28,347 --> 00:37:29,381
RICHARD: Yeah.
872
00:37:29,381 --> 00:37:30,582
I'd just like to point out
873
00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:32,318
that I've been
fired from a job
874
00:37:32,318 --> 00:37:33,485
that I was doing perfectly.
875
00:37:33,485 --> 00:37:35,521
- (THUD)
- Meant that.
876
00:37:35,521 --> 00:37:37,856
I can't get the crane
working. Is there a switch?
877
00:37:37,856 --> 00:37:40,359
Don't come to me for help.
I'm rubbish at cranes.
878
00:37:40,359 --> 00:37:43,529
I didn't, did I? Did I?
879
00:37:43,529 --> 00:37:46,465
Soon, we were ready
to load our first car.
880
00:37:48,033 --> 00:37:49,100
You're miles away!
881
00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,201
You've got to be spot-on.
882
00:37:50,201 --> 00:37:51,670
I can only lift it to there.
883
00:37:51,670 --> 00:37:53,905
This way, this way,
this way, this way.
884
00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:55,941
No, up, up, up.
885
00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:58,143
I can't... Jeremy,
you'll have to go back.
886
00:37:58,143 --> 00:38:00,646
I can't do it if you keep
moving the boat!
887
00:38:00,646 --> 00:38:03,181
If I want to go backwards,
I should go that way.
888
00:38:03,181 --> 00:38:05,016
JAMES: Right, this way. You've
got to... I can't move it...
889
00:38:05,016 --> 00:38:06,452
RICHARD: I can't go
that way! He's driving!
890
00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:08,620
I can't move it!
891
00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:10,622
Why don't we pick it...
Oh, God.
892
00:38:12,758 --> 00:38:14,826
RICHARD: Where are we going?!
893
00:38:14,826 --> 00:38:17,496
The bad things...
It's the wind!
894
00:38:17,496 --> 00:38:19,365
RICHARD:
Why are we over here?
895
00:38:19,365 --> 00:38:20,699
JEREMY: Wind!
896
00:38:20,699 --> 00:38:23,435
RICHARD: Here he comes!
This is it! This is it!
897
00:38:23,435 --> 00:38:25,471
We're coming in hot!
898
00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:27,072
Stop... chasing me
with the bloody crane!
899
00:38:27,072 --> 00:38:28,707
May, will you do something
quickly in your life?
900
00:38:28,707 --> 00:38:31,076
I'm going to kill him!
901
00:38:31,076 --> 00:38:33,779
Here we go! Yes!
Run away! Run away!
902
00:38:33,779 --> 00:38:34,713
(CHEERING)
903
00:38:34,713 --> 00:38:36,548
JEREMY:
We have hooked the apple!
904
00:38:38,784 --> 00:38:40,786
JAMES: In a bit, in a bit.
JEREMY: We are good.
905
00:38:40,786 --> 00:38:43,389
We are so good,
it's almost incredible.
906
00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:46,925
Now we had our eye in...
907
00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:51,430
- (THUD)
- Oh, Jesus.
908
00:38:51,430 --> 00:38:55,701
...loading the second car
was the work of a moment.
909
00:38:55,701 --> 00:38:57,769
JAMES: We're on.
RICHARD: Oh, my God! Yes.
910
00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:01,573
JAMES: That's it. That'll do.
911
00:39:01,573 --> 00:39:05,076
This is the manliest thing
I've ever done.
912
00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:07,813
RICHARD: I'm just gonna rest
my big balls on my crane.
913
00:39:07,813 --> 00:39:09,748
- (GRUNTS)
- (JEREMY LAUGHS)
914
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:15,521
With our raft full,
915
00:39:15,521 --> 00:39:16,922
we headed out to the spot
916
00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:19,124
identified by
marine biologists
917
00:39:19,124 --> 00:39:23,194
as having the perfect depth,
current and temperature
918
00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:24,796
for a reef to form.
919
00:39:26,297 --> 00:39:27,833
Release the reef!
920
00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:30,135
RICHARD: Yes!
JEREMY: There it goes!
921
00:39:30,135 --> 00:39:32,438
- The reef is born!
- RICHARD: That's our reef!
922
00:39:32,438 --> 00:39:34,906
- Sink!
- Come, coral! Come!
923
00:39:34,906 --> 00:39:38,444
Yeah!
924
00:39:38,444 --> 00:39:40,546
JEREMY: Go!
RICHARD: Yes!
925
00:39:40,546 --> 00:39:43,449
JEREMY:
Oh, I'm pleased with that!
926
00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:45,617
The Peugeot 206.
927
00:39:45,617 --> 00:39:46,952
That is brilliant.
928
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,490
Next, we had to anchor
the cars in place,
929
00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:55,694
which was a job for the only
qualified diver among us.
930
00:39:55,694 --> 00:39:57,763
He'd even brought
his own equipment.
931
00:39:59,598 --> 00:40:01,366
Right. Back a bit.
932
00:40:01,366 --> 00:40:02,534
Back... That's on my nose.
933
00:40:02,534 --> 00:40:04,035
JEREMY: Stop moaning!
934
00:40:04,035 --> 00:40:05,170
Ow!
935
00:40:17,182 --> 00:40:18,517
If he were a heart surgeon,
936
00:40:18,517 --> 00:40:20,185
he would turn up
with an old leather bag
937
00:40:20,185 --> 00:40:22,187
with a saw and hammer in it,
wouldn't he?
938
00:40:22,187 --> 00:40:24,289
"I'm ready to do your
operation. Here I am."
939
00:40:24,289 --> 00:40:26,758
(MUFFLED YELLS)
940
00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:28,393
(GROANS)
941
00:40:28,393 --> 00:40:31,229
It's like his old table with
his Bakelite telephone on it.
942
00:40:31,229 --> 00:40:33,832
- Yes.
- "Hello. Hammersmith 37 here."
943
00:40:35,567 --> 00:40:37,302
James's suit was so old,
944
00:40:37,302 --> 00:40:40,405
it didn't come with
air tanks, so, annoyingly,
945
00:40:40,405 --> 00:40:43,475
it was our responsibility
to keep him alive.
946
00:40:45,611 --> 00:40:47,879
How long
have we got to do this for?
947
00:40:47,879 --> 00:40:50,281
Well, for as long
as he's done there.
948
00:40:50,281 --> 00:40:52,918
- Honestly, I'm exhausted.
- I'm getting dizzy.
949
00:40:54,319 --> 00:40:55,954
We should keep going.
950
00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:58,023
No. Look, there's a generator.
951
00:40:58,023 --> 00:41:00,091
Why don't we just
connect it to the generator?
952
00:41:00,091 --> 00:41:01,727
(AIR HISSING)
953
00:41:07,232 --> 00:41:08,399
Now. Now.
954
00:41:08,399 --> 00:41:10,101
- Yeah.
- You're an idiot.
955
00:41:10,101 --> 00:41:12,604
(GROANING)
956
00:41:14,072 --> 00:41:16,575
- (HISSING)
- RICHARD: Life-saving air.
957
00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:19,845
- (GENERATOR STARTS)
- Oh, there we go.
958
00:41:21,046 --> 00:41:23,081
On. And relax.
959
00:41:35,994 --> 00:41:38,063
(CRIES OUT)
960
00:41:41,099 --> 00:41:42,133
Nearly!
961
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,287
(GENERATOR CHUGGING)
962
00:42:10,495 --> 00:42:12,831
Come in, James.
963
00:42:12,831 --> 00:42:15,901
When our colleague
finally surfaced...
964
00:42:15,901 --> 00:42:17,903
he was very angry.
965
00:42:19,771 --> 00:42:22,073
That was nowhere near
the cars. Nowhere near.
966
00:42:22,073 --> 00:42:23,909
What was nowhere near
the cars?
967
00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:26,277
You might as well have
dropped me off the coast
of Los Angeles!
968
00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:28,647
- I couldn't even see them!
- Just stop. Stop.
969
00:42:28,647 --> 00:42:30,248
What do you...
What do you mean?
970
00:42:30,248 --> 00:42:31,917
How did you manage...
You're the boat expert,
971
00:42:31,917 --> 00:42:33,284
as you're forever telling us.
972
00:42:33,284 --> 00:42:35,086
How did you manage
to put the cars there
973
00:42:35,086 --> 00:42:37,823
and then move the boat
about 100 yards away?
974
00:42:37,823 --> 00:42:39,090
- We drifted.
- We drifted a bit.
975
00:42:39,090 --> 00:42:41,760
- Have you done the job?
- No.
976
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,829
- What?
- The cars are not anchored.
977
00:42:43,829 --> 00:42:45,130
Because when I got there,
978
00:42:45,130 --> 00:42:48,466
your drifting, stupid,
orange biscuit-tin boat
979
00:42:48,466 --> 00:42:49,735
yanked me back off it!
980
00:42:49,735 --> 00:42:51,102
We don't have an afternoon
981
00:42:51,102 --> 00:42:53,038
to just throw away
while you go paddling.
982
00:42:53,038 --> 00:42:55,807
You're saying... I'm gonna
have to do it, aren't I?
983
00:42:57,643 --> 00:43:01,747
RICHARD: Soon, James Bond
was ready to go in the water.
984
00:43:03,815 --> 00:43:05,984
- Do I look like Roger Moore?
- Yeah, you do.
985
00:43:05,984 --> 00:43:08,854
- You do, yeah. Yeah.
- Roger Moore,
the greengrocer.
986
00:43:08,854 --> 00:43:12,357
- Let go. Yes!
- Yay!
987
00:43:12,357 --> 00:43:15,526
RICHARD: I've just handed
Jeremy a welding iron.
988
00:43:15,526 --> 00:43:17,062
Oh, dear God.
989
00:43:21,733 --> 00:43:24,870
I'm not sure I trust Jeremy
to do welding.
990
00:43:24,870 --> 00:43:26,972
I wouldn't trust Jeremy
991
00:43:26,972 --> 00:43:30,275
to watch a YouTube guide
to welding.
992
00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:33,411
RICHARD: Oh!
JAMES: What's that?
993
00:43:33,411 --> 00:43:35,914
RICHARD: That's gone wrong.
JAMES: Jeremy?
994
00:43:35,914 --> 00:43:37,716
RICHARD:
Badly, horribly wrong.
995
00:43:44,089 --> 00:43:46,257
JAMES: Ah!
996
00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:48,694
- How did that go?
- Very well.
997
00:43:48,694 --> 00:43:49,761
- Did it?
- Oh, yeah.
998
00:43:49,761 --> 00:43:51,162
- Did it?
- Yeah.
999
00:43:51,162 --> 00:43:52,297
That was all...
1000
00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:53,965
They are not going
anywhere in a hurry.
1001
00:43:58,369 --> 00:44:01,306
JEREMY:
We headed back to shore
for an agreeable dinner,
1002
00:44:01,306 --> 00:44:04,575
happy that our important
environmental work
1003
00:44:04,575 --> 00:44:06,812
was, at last, going well.
1004
00:44:11,182 --> 00:44:14,986
But are the coral
starting now?
1005
00:44:14,986 --> 00:44:16,621
- Yeah.
- So they're down there now.
1006
00:44:16,621 --> 00:44:20,025
- A bit of coral's gonna...
- Yeah, it will have done.
1007
00:44:20,025 --> 00:44:21,392
It's not a big coral reef,
1008
00:44:21,392 --> 00:44:23,261
but it's the start
of a coral reef.
1009
00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:25,263
Well done, chaps.
We have done...
1010
00:44:25,263 --> 00:44:26,965
I don't clink glasses,
as you know,
1011
00:44:26,965 --> 00:44:29,300
but we can raise a glass
to our success today.
1012
00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:30,936
Yes. Well done, us.
1013
00:44:33,104 --> 00:44:34,205
(CHEERING)
1014
00:44:34,205 --> 00:44:36,174
Maybe that's what
Volkswagen were doing--
1015
00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,242
building a reef.
1016
00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:39,410
That could be it.
That could be it.
1017
00:44:39,410 --> 00:44:43,214
We're gonna pick up
our important marine biology
work later on.
1018
00:44:43,214 --> 00:44:47,418
But now it's time to play
Celebrity Brain Crash!
1019
00:44:47,418 --> 00:44:49,354
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
1020
00:44:54,659 --> 00:44:56,094
That doesn't get any better.
1021
00:44:56,094 --> 00:44:57,996
That really doesn't get
any better, that sting.
1022
00:44:57,996 --> 00:45:01,332
But anyway,
my guest tonight is from...
1023
00:45:01,332 --> 00:45:03,068
Well, how can I describe it,
really?
1024
00:45:03,068 --> 00:45:04,302
...the second biggest
1025
00:45:04,302 --> 00:45:06,204
and most important
part of the world,
1026
00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:09,775
as far as music is concerned:
the Northeast of England.
1027
00:45:09,775 --> 00:45:11,342
- Oh, come on!
- (LAUGHTER)
1028
00:45:11,342 --> 00:45:12,811
Well, hello?!
1029
00:45:12,811 --> 00:45:14,612
Mark Knopfler, Paul Rodgers,
1030
00:45:14,612 --> 00:45:17,548
Gordon Sting, a couple of
people out of Little Mix.
1031
00:45:17,548 --> 00:45:20,318
- Lindisfarne. Mm, lovely.
- Yes, Lindisfarne.
We'll gloss over that.
1032
00:45:20,318 --> 00:45:22,854
But then we've also got...
(CLEARS THROAT)
...the main man.
1033
00:45:22,854 --> 00:45:26,792
The man we have
lined up for you,
he is the lead singer
1034
00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:29,795
of the biggest rock band
in the world, AC/DC.
1035
00:45:29,795 --> 00:45:32,263
Ladies and gentlemen,
Brian Johnson!
1036
00:45:32,263 --> 00:45:34,099
(CHEERING)
1037
00:45:34,099 --> 00:45:35,700
- There he is!
- RICHARD: There he is!
1038
00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:37,268
There he is! Here he comes!
1039
00:45:37,268 --> 00:45:40,005
What are we gonna
talk to him about?
1040
00:45:40,005 --> 00:45:42,273
- Well, he's taken up
motor racing.
- Yeah.
1041
00:45:42,273 --> 00:45:44,542
- He's got a new TV show.
- Yes, on the road.
1042
00:45:44,542 --> 00:45:46,177
JEREMY: He's on the road.
1043
00:45:46,177 --> 00:45:48,079
JAMES: I'm gonna talk to him
about being at the front
1044
00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:49,815
of the world's
biggest rock band.
1045
00:45:49,815 --> 00:45:51,817
- Where is he?
- He's Brian Johnson.
1046
00:45:51,817 --> 00:45:53,418
- Here he comes!
- Oh, there he is!
1047
00:45:53,418 --> 00:45:56,321
- There he is.
- The man himself.
What a legend!
1048
00:45:56,321 --> 00:45:58,957
I can't... I've always wanted
to meet him. I'm thrilled.
1049
00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,325
- Yeah.
- That is a legend. Proper...
1050
00:46:00,325 --> 00:46:02,260
- Oh, hello.
- Oh, hello.
1051
00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:03,628
- What?
- Oh, my...
1052
00:46:03,628 --> 00:46:05,430
(LAUGHTER)
1053
00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:06,731
Oh, God!
1054
00:46:06,731 --> 00:46:09,367
(APPLAUSE)
1055
00:46:09,367 --> 00:46:12,403
- (MUMBLES) We killed him.
- We've killed Brian Johnson.
1056
00:46:12,403 --> 00:46:14,539
That's...
1057
00:46:14,539 --> 00:46:16,707
OK.
1058
00:46:16,707 --> 00:46:18,276
Brian Johnson
has been run over
1059
00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:21,412
by some people who think
they are playing football.
1060
00:46:21,412 --> 00:46:23,648
But they're not.
It's not football, is it?
1061
00:46:23,648 --> 00:46:25,050
Cos they don't use their feet.
1062
00:46:25,050 --> 00:46:26,684
That's not football.
1063
00:46:26,684 --> 00:46:29,254
That's just people
dressing up.
1064
00:46:29,254 --> 00:46:30,721
(JEERING)
1065
00:46:30,721 --> 00:46:32,123
- That's...
- We play football.
1066
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:34,092
- We play football.
- Yeah, with our feet.
1067
00:46:34,092 --> 00:46:35,861
- (JEERING CONTINUES)
- We play football.
1068
00:46:35,861 --> 00:46:37,695
- MEN: Soccer! It's soccer!
- What?!
1069
00:46:37,695 --> 00:46:39,564
It's not soccer!
It's football that we play!
1070
00:46:39,564 --> 00:46:44,469
It's 6.75 billion people in
the world call it football!
1071
00:46:44,469 --> 00:46:45,570
(JEERING CONTINUES)
1072
00:46:45,570 --> 00:46:47,372
You can moan and shout
all you like.
1073
00:46:47,372 --> 00:46:49,307
The fact is, we're British
and we edit this show,
1074
00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:50,876
and you'll just get cut out.
1075
00:46:50,876 --> 00:46:52,277
You will.
1076
00:46:53,178 --> 00:46:54,946
This is a rugby ball!
1077
00:46:54,946 --> 00:46:56,147
Look on the screen.
1078
00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:57,448
They're only playing
1079
00:46:57,448 --> 00:46:59,918
with the padding
they were born with!
1080
00:46:59,918 --> 00:47:01,619
This is not a football!
1081
00:47:01,619 --> 00:47:03,454
They call it football.
1082
00:47:03,454 --> 00:47:05,090
(JEERING)
1083
00:47:07,358 --> 00:47:11,596
(CHANTING)
USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!
1084
00:47:13,932 --> 00:47:15,300
So...
1085
00:47:15,300 --> 00:47:18,569
Brian Johnson
has been run over by erm...
1086
00:47:18,569 --> 00:47:21,639
...some supremely brave
and talented footballers.
1087
00:47:21,639 --> 00:47:23,174
(CHEERING)
1088
00:47:23,174 --> 00:47:25,376
(APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH)
1089
00:47:26,744 --> 00:47:28,779
Er...
1090
00:47:28,779 --> 00:47:31,016
JAMES: Does that mean
he's not coming on, then?
1091
00:47:31,016 --> 00:47:32,783
Well, James,
he's been hammered
1092
00:47:32,783 --> 00:47:34,219
to the thickness
of an envelope
1093
00:47:34,219 --> 00:47:37,088
and his spine is now
a jigsaw, so that is a no.
1094
00:47:37,088 --> 00:47:38,623
- Fine.
- (LAUGHTER)
1095
00:47:38,623 --> 00:47:40,926
Right, so what are we
gonna do to fill the time?
1096
00:47:40,926 --> 00:47:41,927
I've got nothing.
1097
00:47:41,927 --> 00:47:43,194
We could get back
1098
00:47:43,194 --> 00:47:44,996
to our important
marine biology work.
1099
00:47:44,996 --> 00:47:46,697
- Plan. Do it.
- Yes, let's do that.
1100
00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:48,166
So when we left the action,
1101
00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:50,335
erm... I'd successfully
1102
00:47:50,335 --> 00:47:52,703
welded two cars
to the seabed,
1103
00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:54,139
and that was good.
1104
00:47:54,139 --> 00:47:56,942
Yeah, and we pick up
the action the next day,
1105
00:47:56,942 --> 00:47:59,344
as we go back
to finish the job.
1106
00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:05,016
JEREMY: On our way
to get the last car,
1107
00:48:05,016 --> 00:48:06,384
we stopped at the reef site
1108
00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:08,319
to make sure
everything was OK.
1109
00:48:10,388 --> 00:48:11,489
Tom Daley!
1110
00:48:16,427 --> 00:48:17,963
(WHIMPERS)
1111
00:48:18,964 --> 00:48:20,598
I don't like it.
1112
00:48:20,598 --> 00:48:22,200
Oh. Oh.
1113
00:48:25,303 --> 00:48:27,973
And after a few moments
in the water,
1114
00:48:27,973 --> 00:48:30,775
we discovered it wasn't.
1115
00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:33,979
Where the bloody hell
are they? There's the buoy.
1116
00:48:33,979 --> 00:48:35,546
RICHARD:
This is the wrong place.
1117
00:48:35,546 --> 00:48:37,248
JEREMY: Yes,
that marks the spot.
1118
00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:39,250
They're just not here.
1119
00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:42,420
Why did we trust you
to fix them in place?
1120
00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:44,655
- I didn't... Listen.
- Of all people.
1121
00:48:44,655 --> 00:48:46,591
Well, I don't understand it,
1122
00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:48,559
cos I don't normally
make a mess of...
1123
00:48:48,559 --> 00:48:50,595
Oh, you must have made
a good job of it.
1124
00:48:50,595 --> 00:48:51,629
That's why they've gone!
1125
00:48:51,629 --> 00:48:53,398
There is evidence,
or a lack of it,
1126
00:48:53,398 --> 00:48:55,400
to suggest you can't weld.
1127
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,168
- Oh, shit.
- Maybe a shark...
1128
00:48:57,168 --> 00:48:59,237
- Er...
- What?
1129
00:48:59,237 --> 00:49:01,706
- What?
- Look.
1130
00:49:01,706 --> 00:49:03,274
RICHARD: Oh, brilliant!
1131
00:49:03,274 --> 00:49:04,875
JAMES: How the hell
did they do that, though?
1132
00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:07,578
JEREMY: You know this current
that's whizzing us about?
1133
00:49:07,578 --> 00:49:10,715
RICHARD: Look at them!
They're not gonna make
a reef, are they?!
1134
00:49:10,715 --> 00:49:12,450
Well, maybe it could be
1135
00:49:12,450 --> 00:49:14,752
like a play area
for the privileged.
1136
00:49:14,752 --> 00:49:16,021
RICHARD: Some rusty cars?
1137
00:49:16,021 --> 00:49:17,155
JEREMY: That doesn't
work, does it?
1138
00:49:17,155 --> 00:49:18,389
OTHERS: No.
1139
00:49:21,226 --> 00:49:23,361
Obviously,
we had to retrieve them,
1140
00:49:23,361 --> 00:49:25,096
which meant moving the raft
1141
00:49:25,096 --> 00:49:27,232
to the stern
of our crane boat.
1142
00:49:29,334 --> 00:49:31,136
RICHARD: James,
have you untied that end?
1143
00:49:31,136 --> 00:49:35,540
Yeah. Get ready to catch
this rope. Here we go.
1144
00:49:35,540 --> 00:49:37,875
Pull it along a bit and get
it sort of squared up.
1145
00:49:37,875 --> 00:49:39,544
I'll have a nice ride.
1146
00:49:39,544 --> 00:49:42,047
RICHARD: Right.
Repositioning raft.
1147
00:49:42,047 --> 00:49:44,382
(CREAKING)
1148
00:49:44,382 --> 00:49:46,284
That's a reassuring noise.
1149
00:49:46,284 --> 00:49:50,488
RICHARD: Er... Where...
Where's that come from?
1150
00:49:50,488 --> 00:49:51,822
James. James.
1151
00:49:51,822 --> 00:49:53,624
- What?
- What's that doing
over there?
1152
00:49:53,624 --> 00:49:55,060
What's what doing?
1153
00:49:55,060 --> 00:49:56,694
All this bamboo's come off.
1154
00:49:56,694 --> 00:49:58,129
What have you untied?
1155
00:49:58,129 --> 00:50:00,365
I've untied the piece
of string at the front.
1156
00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:04,602
But, look, half the craft
is disappearing.
1157
00:50:04,602 --> 00:50:07,738
JAMES: As the raft
was disintegrating fast,
1158
00:50:07,738 --> 00:50:10,508
we had to get it
to shore quickly.
1159
00:50:10,508 --> 00:50:12,510
JEREMY:
Firing up the machine!
1160
00:50:15,246 --> 00:50:17,882
Sadly, though,
Jeremy's turn of speed
1161
00:50:17,882 --> 00:50:19,784
only made things worse.
1162
00:50:19,784 --> 00:50:21,952
Power! Power! Come on!
1163
00:50:21,952 --> 00:50:23,254
Slow down!
1164
00:50:24,322 --> 00:50:26,924
It's falling apart!
1165
00:50:26,924 --> 00:50:29,560
RICHARD:
Look, he's going down!
JAMES: Slow down!
1166
00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:32,029
Slow! (YELLS)
1167
00:50:39,470 --> 00:50:42,340
RICHARD: You can't put cars
on that, can you?
1168
00:50:42,340 --> 00:50:44,809
JEREMY:
After we'd rescued James,
1169
00:50:44,809 --> 00:50:47,712
he stupidly suggested that,
to solve the problem,
1170
00:50:47,712 --> 00:50:50,815
we should ruin
everyone's holiday.
1171
00:50:50,815 --> 00:50:52,117
(ENGINE REVVING)
1172
00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:03,494
I think these people
should move out of the way.
1173
00:51:03,494 --> 00:51:06,564
My plan was to tow the cars
off the beach
1174
00:51:06,564 --> 00:51:10,135
and back to the harbour
so we could start again.
1175
00:51:10,135 --> 00:51:14,038
Which meant I'd need the help
of the man from Atlantis.
1176
00:51:14,038 --> 00:51:17,242
Hold my hand! There! There!
There! Now, let me go.
1177
00:51:17,242 --> 00:51:18,676
Yeah, that's me.
You have to let...
1178
00:51:18,676 --> 00:51:21,979
Oh, mind my arm!
Let me go now. I'm fine.
1179
00:51:21,979 --> 00:51:23,214
I don't like it!
1180
00:51:27,685 --> 00:51:29,320
Move!
1181
00:51:36,194 --> 00:51:39,830
Hammond, tie both of them to
this and give me a thumbs up.
1182
00:51:39,830 --> 00:51:42,066
If James gets those
onto the road,
1183
00:51:42,066 --> 00:51:43,768
all the way back up to
the harbour,
1184
00:51:43,768 --> 00:51:47,438
build another raft,
get them loaded on...
1185
00:51:47,438 --> 00:51:50,275
...bring them back,
it's gonna take days.
1186
00:51:53,544 --> 00:51:55,813
- OK.
- Don't stand near the back.
1187
00:51:55,813 --> 00:51:56,781
The brakes don't work.
1188
00:52:00,518 --> 00:52:02,187
Yeah!
1189
00:52:14,699 --> 00:52:17,435
- Well, now what?
- That was rubbish.
1190
00:52:18,803 --> 00:52:21,639
I then said we should
use my brilliant boat
1191
00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:24,442
to tow the cars back
to the reef site,
1192
00:52:24,442 --> 00:52:26,644
which would be quicker
and easier.
1193
00:52:32,116 --> 00:52:35,052
JEREMY: They're in the water!
1194
00:52:35,052 --> 00:52:36,921
(YELLS)
1195
00:52:36,921 --> 00:52:39,224
Ha-ha! Power!
1196
00:52:39,224 --> 00:52:40,691
Power! Come on!
1197
00:52:42,627 --> 00:52:44,229
Yes!
1198
00:52:44,229 --> 00:52:46,931
Eat my boat, James May!
1199
00:52:49,900 --> 00:52:51,035
Come on!
1200
00:52:51,035 --> 00:52:52,670
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
1201
00:52:55,039 --> 00:52:56,807
Victory is the boat's!
1202
00:53:00,110 --> 00:53:02,313
James May's hopeless plan...
1203
00:53:04,148 --> 00:53:05,450
What was that?
1204
00:53:07,418 --> 00:53:10,321
With two rusty Peugeots
in his swimming area
1205
00:53:10,321 --> 00:53:12,657
and his beach furniture
in ruins,
1206
00:53:12,657 --> 00:53:15,025
the hotel manager
had had enough
1207
00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:16,761
and ordered us to leave.
1208
00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:22,667
We'd now lost four cars,
a boat and our raft.
1209
00:53:22,667 --> 00:53:25,970
But on the plus side,
we still had one car left,
1210
00:53:25,970 --> 00:53:30,007
and most importantly,
the crane boat.
1211
00:53:30,007 --> 00:53:32,977
But that night,
there was bad news.
1212
00:53:37,515 --> 00:53:41,452
The man who owns it
is not best pleased with us.
1213
00:53:41,452 --> 00:53:44,389
- Because?
- He has off-hired it.
1214
00:53:44,389 --> 00:53:47,292
- We've not got
the crane boat?
- No.
1215
00:53:47,292 --> 00:53:50,795
- That was the most
useful thing we had.
- Yeah.
1216
00:53:50,795 --> 00:53:54,665
So what can we possibly do
with a Land Rover?
1217
00:53:54,665 --> 00:53:57,067
JAMES: Well...
RICHARD: Well, what?
1218
00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:59,404
If I can be positive...
1219
00:53:59,404 --> 00:54:01,005
The Land Rover's
largely aluminium,
1220
00:54:01,005 --> 00:54:04,309
which is actually even better
for creating a reef.
1221
00:54:04,309 --> 00:54:05,576
- True.
- But it's on the land!
1222
00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:07,812
Yes, it is true.
The Land Rover is--
1223
00:54:07,812 --> 00:54:09,947
It's irrelevant.
We've lost everything else.
1224
00:54:09,947 --> 00:54:11,849
Yes, but it's good if...
1225
00:54:14,319 --> 00:54:16,120
I've had a brainwave.
1226
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:17,555
Oh, God.
1227
00:54:20,391 --> 00:54:22,360
JEREMY:
And so, the next morning,
1228
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:24,762
the people of Barbados
were treated
1229
00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,497
to the magnificent spectacle
1230
00:54:26,497 --> 00:54:28,966
of a Land Rover
gliding majestically
1231
00:54:28,966 --> 00:54:30,568
on a bed of inner tubes
1232
00:54:30,568 --> 00:54:33,338
across the Caribbean Sea.
1233
00:54:33,338 --> 00:54:36,073
Here we are on our final car,
and it's a classic.
1234
00:54:36,073 --> 00:54:37,642
It's a Series I Land Rover.
1235
00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:39,477
No, it's a Series II.
1236
00:54:39,477 --> 00:54:41,346
It's a Series I. The lights
are close together.
1237
00:54:41,346 --> 00:54:43,213
No, it's got the barrel
rolls on the doors.
1238
00:54:43,213 --> 00:54:44,582
It's a Series II.
1239
00:54:44,582 --> 00:54:45,983
- That makes it a Series II?
- Yeah.
1240
00:54:45,983 --> 00:54:47,852
I thought Series IIs
had the lights angled.
1241
00:54:47,852 --> 00:54:49,654
I think we're getting
stuck on this.
1242
00:54:49,654 --> 00:54:51,656
- It's a Land Rover.
- It's an old Land Rover.
1243
00:54:51,656 --> 00:54:53,090
The good thing about it is
1244
00:54:53,090 --> 00:54:54,792
it corrodes much less
quickly than the steel car.
1245
00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:57,362
We've also glued these limestone
tiles to it,
1246
00:54:57,362 --> 00:55:01,466
because porous limestone is
the perfect base, foundation,
1247
00:55:01,466 --> 00:55:03,468
for coral to start a reef.
1248
00:55:03,468 --> 00:55:06,771
This is a coral-reef-making
machine.
1249
00:55:06,771 --> 00:55:09,807
In fact, the only fly
in the ointment
1250
00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:12,777
was its propulsion system.
1251
00:55:12,777 --> 00:55:15,546
- Can I go a bit faster?
- OTHERS: No!
1252
00:55:15,546 --> 00:55:17,682
RICHARD: It's filling with
water the faster you go.
1253
00:55:17,682 --> 00:55:19,116
We'll sink it
in the wrong place.
1254
00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:22,553
This is our last car,
our last chance.
1255
00:55:22,553 --> 00:55:25,723
They're bleating on.
"Oh, don't go too fast!"
1256
00:55:25,723 --> 00:55:28,393
RICHARD: You're going faster
again, Jeremy!
1257
00:55:28,393 --> 00:55:30,928
You're pulling it under!
1258
00:55:30,928 --> 00:55:32,497
Relax!
1259
00:55:32,497 --> 00:55:33,964
JAMES: Am I
the same species as that?
1260
00:55:33,964 --> 00:55:35,165
RICHARD: No.
1261
00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:37,167
Jeremy, don't sink it
1262
00:55:37,167 --> 00:55:39,003
before we get there!
1263
00:55:39,003 --> 00:55:41,806
Mother of God!
Have you seen that?
1264
00:55:41,806 --> 00:55:43,408
- What?
- Guys, look!
1265
00:55:43,408 --> 00:55:46,611
RICHARD: Oh, my God!
JEREMY: Holy cow! Look at it!
1266
00:55:47,712 --> 00:55:49,447
RICHARD: That is phenomenal!
1267
00:55:49,447 --> 00:55:51,682
JEREMY: Yeah! Racing!
1268
00:55:51,682 --> 00:55:54,652
Jeremy, you're going to
sink us! Don't race it!
1269
00:55:54,652 --> 00:55:57,722
Catch the... Oh, I haven't
got time for these two.
1270
00:55:57,722 --> 00:56:00,791
Right. Let's go catch
that sailing boat!
1271
00:56:02,860 --> 00:56:04,929
Oh, brilliant!
1272
00:56:17,107 --> 00:56:18,476
Watch this, sunshine.
1273
00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:24,649
That is the fastest thing
I've...
1274
00:56:24,649 --> 00:56:26,617
Why is it faster than me?
1275
00:56:34,258 --> 00:56:38,496
They're so good, breeze is
beating brake horsepower.
1276
00:56:38,496 --> 00:56:40,130
I cannot keep up with it.
1277
00:56:44,469 --> 00:56:47,371
RICHARD: When do we drink
our own urine?
1278
00:56:47,371 --> 00:56:49,073
Look at that thing now!
1279
00:56:57,247 --> 00:56:58,549
Bloody Nora!
1280
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:08,192
That is just... fabulous!
1281
00:57:15,966 --> 00:57:19,203
I could have buzzed around
this amazing machine all day,
1282
00:57:19,203 --> 00:57:22,673
but there was still important
environmental work to do.
1283
00:57:22,673 --> 00:57:24,909
So, reluctantly, I broke off
1284
00:57:24,909 --> 00:57:27,712
to rejoin
my stranded colleagues.
1285
00:57:31,882 --> 00:57:33,818
- Are you all right?
- Well, no!
1286
00:57:33,818 --> 00:57:36,420
We've just been left
to drift in a Land Rover!
1287
00:57:36,420 --> 00:57:39,023
Fortunately for you, none of
these ceramic tiles is loose,
1288
00:57:39,023 --> 00:57:40,891
otherwise I'd chuck it
at your head.
1289
00:57:48,365 --> 00:57:50,668
Do you know, I think
it actually handles better
1290
00:57:50,668 --> 00:57:52,102
than it does on land.
1291
00:57:52,102 --> 00:57:55,172
Soon, we will reach
the reef site,
1292
00:57:55,172 --> 00:57:57,174
puncture the inner tubes,
the Land Rover will sink,
1293
00:57:57,174 --> 00:58:00,244
and it will become
a safe haven for cod
1294
00:58:00,244 --> 00:58:03,948
and haddock and...bream.
1295
00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:08,352
Eventually,
we reached the site
1296
00:58:08,352 --> 00:58:11,556
and said about scuttling
our reef machine.
1297
00:58:19,463 --> 00:58:21,632
JEREMY: Fire!
1298
00:58:21,632 --> 00:58:24,101
JAMES: Yes!
JEREMY: Yes!
1299
00:58:28,338 --> 00:58:30,440
JEREMY: Here we go!
1300
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,476
Down! Sink!
1301
00:58:32,476 --> 00:58:33,778
JAMES: Whoo!
1302
00:58:41,986 --> 00:58:44,822
In truth, all great
environmental projects
1303
00:58:44,822 --> 00:58:47,024
are beset with problems.
1304
00:58:47,024 --> 00:58:50,194
And ours, through no fault
of our own, except James's,
1305
00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:51,295
was no exception.
1306
00:58:54,765 --> 00:58:56,901
Save it! Stop!
1307
00:59:00,204 --> 00:59:03,608
(YELLS)
1308
00:59:03,608 --> 00:59:05,242
So, in the end, our new reef
1309
00:59:05,242 --> 00:59:08,779
wasn't quite as spectacular
as we'd hoped.
1310
00:59:08,779 --> 00:59:10,247
But it was a start,
1311
00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:12,449
and one day it'll be
the core of something
1312
00:59:12,449 --> 00:59:14,619
a thousand miles long--
1313
00:59:14,619 --> 00:59:16,486
a new and beautiful home
1314
00:59:16,486 --> 00:59:19,990
for the cod and the haddock
of the Caribbean.
1315
00:59:43,914 --> 00:59:46,283
- (CHEERING)
- Thank you so much.
1316
00:59:46,283 --> 00:59:48,853
And a very big thank you
to the government of Barbados
1317
00:59:48,853 --> 00:59:50,354
for helping us
with that film.
1318
00:59:50,354 --> 00:59:53,290
And we'd just like to say
no coral was damaged
1319
00:59:53,290 --> 00:59:55,059
while we were
building our reef.
1320
00:59:55,059 --> 00:59:59,063
No. Or, if we're
perfectly honest, created.
1321
00:59:59,063 --> 01:00:01,098
However, we came back
with a brilliant idea.
1322
01:00:01,098 --> 01:00:02,967
You see, we liked it
in the Caribbean.
1323
01:00:02,967 --> 01:00:04,869
Our crews liked it
in the Caribbean.
1324
01:00:04,869 --> 01:00:06,871
So we thought it would be
a good idea, next week,
1325
01:00:06,871 --> 01:00:08,172
to make a film
1326
01:00:08,172 --> 01:00:10,875
comparing the motoring
cultures of the French,
1327
01:00:10,875 --> 01:00:12,376
the Dutch
and the British Islands.
1328
01:00:12,376 --> 01:00:14,411
- Yeah, it was a great idea.
- Brilliant idea.
1329
01:00:14,411 --> 01:00:15,813
But Mr Wilman, our producer,
1330
01:00:15,813 --> 01:00:17,715
he decided it wasn't
a brilliant idea,
1331
01:00:17,715 --> 01:00:19,216
and that, instead,
1332
01:00:19,216 --> 01:00:21,185
we should go to northern
France with three old cars
1333
01:00:21,185 --> 01:00:23,287
- and drive around in the rain.
- (LAUGHTER)
1334
01:00:23,287 --> 01:00:25,055
So that's what
we're actually doing.
1335
01:00:25,055 --> 01:00:27,157
And on that
terrible disappointment,
it's time to end.
1336
01:00:27,157 --> 01:00:28,793
Thank you so much
for watching.
1337
01:00:28,793 --> 01:00:31,395
Thank you for coming.
See you soon. Take care.
1338
01:00:31,395 --> 01:00:33,097
- RICHARD: See you next time.
- (CHEERING)
99161
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