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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,655 (CHEERING) 2 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,507 Thank you. 3 00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,979 Hello, and welcome to The Grand Tour, 4 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:21,549 which this week comes to you from Nashville! 5 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,217 - There it is. - (CHEERING) 6 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:29,157 It was er... It's a city that was named after General Nash. 7 00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,592 Big war hero, kicked the British out. 8 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,027 - He got er... - (CHEERING) 9 00:01:34,027 --> 00:01:37,731 You ended up with independence. And how's that working out for you? 10 00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:41,535 I only ask because we were looking the other day 11 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,405 at the bestselling cars in America these days. 12 00:01:44,405 --> 00:01:46,440 This is the top five. 13 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,743 There you go, that's independence... working well. 14 00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:52,846 Toyota, Honda, Toyota, Nissan, Honda. 15 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,449 So what is actually made in Detroit these days, then? 16 00:01:55,449 --> 00:02:00,788 Er... Well, mostly they just grow sustainable organic peace beans. 17 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:04,192 - (LAUGHTER) - It's just women with armpit hair growing kale. 18 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,626 That's all that's going on there-- 19 00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,229 municipal farms for the community. 20 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,831 Now, the reason we've come to Nashville 21 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,500 is very simple, in fact. 22 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,602 It's because I've been to all 50 of the US states, 23 00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:16,270 but I'd never been here before. 24 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,938 And what a town! 25 00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:19,407 - Yeah. - (CHEERING) 26 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:23,444 JAMES: Love it. JEREMY: Who knew? 27 00:02:23,444 --> 00:02:25,513 - We are loving it. - Who knew? 28 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:27,215 It is a great place, we're loving it, 29 00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,949 and the music is amazing. 30 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:31,652 - Loving that... very much. - (CHEERING) 31 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,654 JAMES: Well... RICHARD: What? 32 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,489 - Not really. - Mate, you can't... 33 00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:37,658 This is known as Music City USA. 34 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,127 - That's what it is. - But it isn't, is it? 35 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,362 Because Detroit is. 36 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:43,597 Oh, no. Listen... No. 37 00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,233 - (JEERING) - JEREMY: It is. 38 00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,700 Motown... Motown 39 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,102 is just three minutes of jangly nonsense. 40 00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,104 - Oh, come on, Hammond! - It is! 41 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,606 Hammond, it just isn't! 42 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,007 You cannot possibly say that. 43 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,243 Country and western music 44 00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:56,544 is designed to make you miserable. 45 00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,146 Motown is designed to make you happy. 46 00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,415 No, he's absolutely right. Motown is happier music. 47 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,950 I mean, take something like 48 00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:05,152 Martha Reeves "Dancing In The Streets", OK? 49 00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:06,754 Listen to how happy the words are. 50 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:10,023 "Every guy, grab a girl, everywhere around the world." 51 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,260 Isn't that what Donald was telling us to do? 52 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,561 (LAUGHTER) 53 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,333 Well, he was, wasn't he? He did. He did. 54 00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,502 No, he said, "Every guy, grope a girl." 55 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,271 - A very different thing. - (LAUGHTER) 56 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,506 Detroit isn't just Motown. Bob Seger's from Detroit. 57 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,308 It's just housewives' music. 58 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:29,643 - Ted Nugent - Mad! 59 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,012 - Iggy Pop. - Ridiculous. 60 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,180 - Madonna. - Annoying. 61 00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,848 - Eminem. - Can't sing. 62 00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,784 - Alice Cooper. - Ridiculous again. 63 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,619 - Half of The Eagles. - Which half? 64 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,388 - Glenn Frey. - I don't like that half. 65 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:44,892 Nashville. Right, what's come out of here? Miley Cyrus. 66 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,126 Brilliant! 67 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,596 (LAUGHTER) 68 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:51,031 - You just said that out loud on television. - I did. 69 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:53,033 And... And The Allman Brothers. 70 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,102 - Never heard of them. - (GASPS AND LAUGHTER) 71 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,504 JEREMY: You have. 72 00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,838 The Allman Brothers, 73 00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,640 they had that one hit, instrumental. 74 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,442 - What was it called? MAN: Jessica. 75 00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,476 - Jennifer. - (LAUGHTER) 76 00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,744 Oh, I hated that. 77 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,313 You never hear it any more, do you? 78 00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:06,414 JAMES: No. Rubbish. 79 00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,748 RICHARD: Weirdest thing. 80 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,149 Weirdest thing. 81 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,318 - Oh, hello. - A message. 82 00:04:10,318 --> 00:04:11,585 Oh, sorry. 83 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,186 This is a message from Mr Wilman. 84 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,388 We've gone a bit off topic. 85 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,889 He might be cross. We have a bit. 86 00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:17,991 There is a car thing here we ought to talk about. 87 00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,728 It's called coal rolling. Are you familiar with this? 88 00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,897 It has its origins in a sport 89 00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,700 where people go with their pickup trucks into a field 90 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,202 and see who can tow the heaviest thing. 91 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,139 - Yep. Oh, yep. - We've got some footage here of it happening. 92 00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:35,042 Look at that! The man in a pickup truck towing a heavy thing. 93 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,610 RICHARD: There you go. 94 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,646 Things you will never hear said at that event: 95 00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,881 "Got to rush, lads. I'm late for a poetry reading." 96 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,550 (LAUGHTER) 97 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,184 JAMES: That's truck number three-- 98 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,719 Bernie Sanders, everybody. 99 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:46,754 (LAUGHTER) 100 00:04:46,754 --> 00:04:48,422 Anyway, the thing is, they worked out 101 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:49,923 they could pull more heavy things 102 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:52,360 if they fiddled with the ECU on the diesel engines, 103 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,562 because that would generate more power, 104 00:04:54,562 --> 00:04:56,597 and, as a by-product, more smoke, 105 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,499 cos that's why it's called coal rolling. 106 00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:01,735 And now, various kids have started to do it out on the highway. 107 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,704 What they do is go out on the street 108 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,639 and then do it when they overtake a Toyota Prius. 109 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,576 Look at this. Here we go. 110 00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:12,680 RICHARD: Oh, for God's sake! Really?! Oh, come on! 111 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,448 Really?! 112 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,950 - Now, I... - That's just... 113 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:20,020 I just... I know, I know I shouldn't say this. 114 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,122 But every time I overtake a Prius, 115 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,725 I always think, "I could do this in fourth... 116 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,494 "but I'm gonna use second instead 117 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,462 to annoy them even more." 118 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:31,064 You do know you are 56 years old? 119 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:33,434 - Yeah, but I've got a mental age of nine. - Oh, yeah. 120 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,936 - Shall we get on with the show? - Yeah, it's time. 121 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:39,640 On with the show. In our car show this week... 122 00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,677 James runs over a sun lounger. 123 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,781 Richard has a beer. 124 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,985 And I go on a thing. 125 00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:55,122 Jesus! 126 00:05:55,122 --> 00:05:56,457 Anyway, before all that, 127 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:57,925 we've been having a bit of a debate. 128 00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:01,128 You see, I say you don't need to buy a BMW M3 129 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:06,199 because for £11,000 less you can have a Jaguar XE S, 130 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,935 which is nicer to drive, 131 00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:10,337 more comfortable and just as fast. 132 00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:12,072 - It isn't just as fast. - Yes, it is. 133 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,875 - No, it isn't. - They both do 155mph. 134 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:18,646 Yes, because the BMW has been electronically limited to 155. 135 00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,347 The Jag is just... limited. 136 00:06:20,347 --> 00:06:22,215 - (LAUGHTER) - Sorry to interrupt. 137 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,884 It's just that both my colleagues are wrong. 138 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,754 Because if you want a small, fast saloon car, 139 00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,255 what you absolutely have to have-- 140 00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,690 If you're gonna start going on 141 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,259 about that Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio, 142 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:35,796 I am gonna stab you in the eye with this pen. 143 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,631 - No, he's-- - A number of times. 144 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,233 He's right. Alfa Romeo have not made a decent car 145 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:42,135 for 30 years. 146 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,471 - Erm... - "Erm" nothing, 147 00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,172 because we need to get back to the point. 148 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,474 James and I have decided 149 00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,809 it was time to sort out this Jaguar-BMW debate 150 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:52,145 with a proper old-school road test in Scotland. 151 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:04,758 Hello, and welcome to Wales, 152 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,895 where I've come with all of our film crews and this, 153 00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:14,568 the brand-new Alfa Romeo Giulia... Quadrifoglio. 154 00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:16,937 I think. 155 00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:18,305 Whatever. 156 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,509 Let's get on now and see what's what. 157 00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,517 Now, for this to be a proper Alfa Romeo, 158 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:33,353 there must be... something wrong with it. 159 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:34,555 Think about it. 160 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,524 A person who's kind to his mother 161 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:41,128 and punctual and sober and well-dressed, he's an Audi. 162 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:44,832 And nobody wants a friend like that. 163 00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,768 If you're going to form a relationship with a car, 164 00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:50,370 if you're gonna develop a bond, 165 00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,540 it's got to have human qualities. 166 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,708 And if it's gonna have human qualities, 167 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,845 it's got to have faults. 168 00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:02,049 And this car, I'm delighted to say, has a big one. 169 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:07,220 I don't know quite how they've managed this, 170 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,389 but it's not very easy to get out of. 171 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:11,592 You've got this pillar here, then the wheel here, 172 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,226 and there isn't enough of a... 173 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:16,730 of a gap between the two. 174 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,231 Hang on a minute. Hang on. 175 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,870 How Alfa Romeo is that? 176 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:25,573 They put the door in the wrong place. It should be... 177 00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,040 It should be further back. 178 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,710 That is brilliant. 179 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,781 There's more, too. 180 00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:36,016 It's not a particularly handsome car. 181 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,751 The wheels are too small. 182 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,186 And for some reason, 183 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,288 they've chosen to make the front 184 00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:42,289 look like a Wolseley. 185 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,427 Now, in the recent past-- James is quite right-- 186 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,796 Alfas have had their faults 187 00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:50,998 and then no good bits to compensate. 188 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,500 They've just been wrong-wheel-drive Fiats 189 00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,902 with the word "Fiat" crossed out 190 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,771 and "Alfa Romeo" written in in crayon. 191 00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,940 That, though... 192 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,909 ...that's a very different animal. 193 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,812 This is a fabulous car, 194 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,413 an epic car. 195 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,515 Probably because it's the love child 196 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:46,687 of the same man who engineered the Ferrari 458. 197 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:57,965 He's given it a carbon-fibre propshaft, 198 00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:00,267 a carbon-fibre roof, 199 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,002 a carbon-fibre bonnet, 200 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,571 a proper limited-slip differential, 201 00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:08,275 telepathic steering and a clever gearbox. 202 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,011 But the most impressive bit of this car 203 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:15,615 is its turbocharged 2.9L V6 engine. 204 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:21,588 An engine that wobbles when you close the door. 205 00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:24,024 That is brilliant. Look at that. 206 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:27,928 You don't get that sort of thing from an Audi, do you? 207 00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,797 Ferrari, which, of course, 208 00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:31,765 is part of the same company as Alfa Romeo, 209 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,633 is very keen to point out 210 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,370 that this is not the engine they use in the California 211 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,272 with two cylinders removed. 212 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,108 They say it's a complete coincidence 213 00:10:41,108 --> 00:10:44,644 that both engines have the same bore/stroke and V-angle. 214 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:49,750 They're adamant that this is all Alfa Romeo's own work. 215 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,184 So, there we are. 216 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:54,421 It is, then. 217 00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,728 And what work it is. 218 00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:05,498 You get 503 brake horsepower. 219 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:10,738 That is 60 more than you get from a BMW M3. 60! 220 00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:16,977 It's 175 more 221 00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,545 than you get from that Jag 222 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:21,148 that James would be droning on about now, 223 00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:24,785 had I not stepped in and saved the day. 224 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,220 And then there's the way it revs. 225 00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,827 Ha! 226 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,567 Most turbocharged engines are a bit wheezy at the top end, 227 00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:44,037 but because the twin-scroll turbo in this 228 00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:47,407 is mounted in the V of the engine... 229 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,210 ...just like it is in a Ferrari California, 230 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,845 coincidentally, 231 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,647 the rev counter is still a blur 232 00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,083 right up to the red zone. 233 00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,370 This engine is... 234 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,707 ...it's a masterpiece. 235 00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,509 An absolute gem. 236 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:28,081 So, while this may look like a Wolseley, 237 00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,083 it certainly doesn't go like one. 238 00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:38,391 It has a top speed, in fact, of 191mph. 239 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,595 What this car is 240 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,997 is a Ferrari... 241 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,434 ...wearing four-door sensi-panties. 242 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:54,607 And that brings me onto this car's party piece. 243 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,445 At normal speeds, it's very quiet and very civilised. 244 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,580 And even though it's running on wheels 245 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,616 that appear to have come off the bottom of a sofa, 246 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:04,885 it's very comfortable, 247 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,854 even if you push this, 248 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,122 you put it in bumpy-suspension mode. 249 00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,726 The only setting I haven't yet tried 250 00:13:13,726 --> 00:13:15,395 is this one-- "race". 251 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,331 But I think I should. 252 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,499 Sadly, however, 253 00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,768 before I found somewhere to try it out, 254 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:24,604 I received a telephone call. 255 00:13:24,604 --> 00:13:26,406 (PHONE RINGING) 256 00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,979 Oh, no. What? 257 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,382 - (WHISPERS) Hammond. - Have you got our film crew somewhere? 258 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:39,219 - Yes, I have. - Are you using them to film an Alfa? 259 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,988 - Yes, I am. - Where are you? 260 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:43,223 - Wales. - Wales?! 261 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,392 JAMES: You can't just arrange that we go to Scotland 262 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,027 and then disappear off to Wales. 263 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,428 I didn't tell you to go to Scotland. 264 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,898 You decided to go to Scotland on your own. 265 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,332 (CLATTERING) 266 00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,901 RICHARD: We've come all the way to Scotland 267 00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,402 to do this with these two cars. 268 00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:58,338 This is the test. You trying to shoehorn... 269 00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,307 It's wonderful there are Alfa Romeos in the world. 270 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,342 That's a lovely thing that we can all... 271 00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,911 JAMES: It doesn't matter how good you think 272 00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:05,712 the Alfa Romeo is. This is a car programme. 273 00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:08,515 RICHARD: Concepts, dreams, imagining things. 274 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,051 ...Scotland, with two cars that are credible, relevant, 275 00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,920 important, work and are real. 276 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,422 JEREMY: They were still shouting at me as I arrived 277 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,925 with all of the film crews at our track. 278 00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:19,692 RICHARD: ...itch, that you've managed to scratch 279 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,928 over the last ten years. 280 00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,462 I don't know how. Why... 281 00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,531 JEREMY: (MIMICS RADIO CRACKLE) It's breaking up! 282 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,599 Oh, I've lost you! 283 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,975 Race mode. 284 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,946 Here we go. 285 00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:53,493 In race mode, everything is in a tensed-up state: 286 00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:56,863 the throttle response, the gearbox, the steering. 287 00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:59,566 And the traction control is off! 288 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,435 (YELLS AND LAUGHS) 289 00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:22,255 This has now been transformed 290 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,657 from something that was brilliant... 291 00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:27,594 into something that is sensational. 292 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:41,574 Of course, you'd never drive in race mode on the road, 293 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:45,478 in the same way you'd never take your wristwatch into space. 294 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:50,617 But it's nice to know that it would still work if you did. 295 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:53,320 (CHUCKLES) And this does. 296 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,155 Oh, boy, this does. 297 00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:03,163 I've always said you can't be a true petrolhead 298 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:06,133 until you've owned an Alfa Romeo. 299 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,900 And the trouble is, I've always known 300 00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:09,336 there's no Alfa Romeo 301 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:12,472 a true petrolhead would actually want to buy. 302 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:15,042 There is now, though. 303 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,144 (CHUCKLES) Oh, there is now. 304 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:33,593 And so I decided to do something I've never done 305 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:37,197 with any car I've ever filmed in my entire life. 306 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,299 I decided, when the test was over, 307 00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:41,668 to go to the nearest Alfa Romeo dealer... 308 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,337 ...and buy one. 309 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:50,643 (GRUNTS) 310 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,826 (CHEERING) 311 00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,128 RICHARD: What? 312 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,235 - What? - You total cock. 313 00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:16,836 You stole our film. 314 00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,338 Well, not really. 315 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:20,607 You didn't actually buy one, did you? 316 00:17:20,607 --> 00:17:22,342 Well, no, cos I couldn't make my mind up 317 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,776 between that and the 4C. 318 00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,812 It was like watching an ape return to its cage 319 00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:28,681 and finding there was an apple and a banana. 320 00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:31,118 "Oh, I like apple, but I like bananas. 321 00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:33,286 So do I want the apple or a banana?" 322 00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,654 You would have had both, obviously. 323 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,189 Hammond, that car is brilliant, 324 00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,957 and it only costs £60,000. 325 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:40,527 Yeah, but honestly, Jeremy, that doesn't mean anything. 326 00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,129 If Alfa Romeo launched a dog turd, 327 00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,263 you'd say it was brilliant. 328 00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:45,031 It is! I'm not making it up! 329 00:17:45,031 --> 00:17:48,135 You heard it. You saw it. It's a fantastic car. 330 00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,569 Anyway, listen, we must find out 331 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:54,441 how fast the Quadri-thingy goes round the Eboladrome. 332 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,842 That, of course, means handing it over 333 00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:58,278 to a man who thinks that tennis is something 334 00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:00,680 that was invented by Stalin. 335 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,782 He's actually a local boy this week, 336 00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:04,151 from the next state along. 337 00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,018 It's the American! 338 00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:07,454 (CHEERING) 339 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,290 There he is. 340 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:11,558 And even he will enjoy 341 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,160 this magnificent machine, 342 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,527 I'm sure of that. 343 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:16,763 And he's off with a glorious bark 344 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,899 and a pop from that sensational V6. 345 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,067 Oh, it's wet! 346 00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:25,472 OK. Alfa Romeo Julie Quad Bike 347 00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:27,174 something or another. 348 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,210 I can't say it, can't pronounce it. 349 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,479 I don't really like driving it. 350 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:34,381 Oh, for God's sake! 351 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:39,452 So, the tall one thinks this is a good car. 352 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,789 I still think he was dropped on his head as a child. 353 00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:46,058 Yeah, but at least I don't wear a cowboy hat to weddings. 354 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:49,796 Right, now, powering majestically into Your Name Here. 355 00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,732 This could be the single greatest lap we'll ever see. 356 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,267 RICHARD: What are you on about? 357 00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,502 JEREMY: It's beautifully balanced, 358 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:56,836 hard on the power. 359 00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,638 A bit of a wobble there! Some oversteer, 360 00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,972 but it was designed to do that. 361 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,508 RICHARD: No, it wasn't! 362 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,009 JEREMY: Stop saying things, Hammond. 363 00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,211 I'm busy. 364 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,745 This is just a BMW 365 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,914 for people who like fancy coffee. 366 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:11,684 No, it's a BMW for people with taste and discernment. 367 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,286 RICHARD: No, it's a BMW for idiots. 368 00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,587 JEREMY: Hammond, be quiet! 369 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,088 Look at the way it's dealing 370 00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:17,924 with Old Lady's House. 371 00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,592 Almost no problems at all. 372 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:21,228 Now he can really turn it up 373 00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,429 for the sprint to Substation. 374 00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:24,664 Such power! Such pedigree! 375 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,267 RICHARD: Such bollocks. JEREMY: Just be quiet! 376 00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,001 Just two corners left. 377 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,738 Glorious poise in the rain through there. 378 00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:32,939 Field Of Sheep. 379 00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:35,275 Another master class in suspension control. 380 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:36,676 And across the line! 381 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,678 (CHEERING) 382 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,481 - RICHARD: Well, come on, then. - Well, no... 383 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,015 Come on. What did it do? 384 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,817 - What? - Time. 385 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,253 No, it was wet, 386 00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,054 so there's no point putting it on the board. 387 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,689 It'll just wear the computer out 388 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,491 - for no reason. - Get on with it! 389 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,260 - We haven't got time! - Get on with it! 390 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,861 I'm gonna do it. Let's look at the time. 391 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,830 Time for Jeremy's Alfa Quadriplogio. 392 00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,267 (LAUGHTER) 393 00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,134 That's not quick, mate! I'm sorry. 394 00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:03,470 JAMES: That's rubbish! 395 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,705 In the dry, it would have done a 1:15. 396 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,307 - No, it wouldn't. - Yes, it would. 397 00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,675 - No, it wouldn't. - It would! 398 00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,377 There's no point arguing anyway. 399 00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:12,211 He's got the Alfa Romeo thing out of his system, 400 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,180 which is good, because it's time now 401 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,715 for us to enjoy a gentle stroll 402 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:19,486 along the sunlit sidewalks of Conversation Street. 403 00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:20,987 (MELLOW JAZZ) 404 00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,389 (LAUGHTER) 405 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,563 - That's a good one. - I like that one. 406 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,898 It is. Right, now... 407 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,403 OK. And we start with this. 408 00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:38,538 It's the new Alfa Romeo Stelvio. 409 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,708 - RICHARD: For God's sake! - This is important news. 410 00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:45,312 It's not important news. It's niche news for morons. 411 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,447 It's not! It's a superb car, 412 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,781 because you can have it 413 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,650 with the same 500 horsepower engine 414 00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,519 that you get in the Quadriplegio. 415 00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:55,488 And with that... with that you get four-wheel-drive. 416 00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:57,824 So that one will work in the wet, will it? 417 00:20:57,824 --> 00:21:00,192 Hammond, when somebody has a baby, 418 00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:01,728 OK, do you go up to it and... 419 00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:03,396 "Oh, look at my new baby that I've... 420 00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,964 Eurgh! It's really ugly!" 421 00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,966 Well, only if it's ugly. 422 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:10,337 You see, you can't be cruel about Alfa Romeos. 423 00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,838 - Yes, I can. - They're trying so hard! 424 00:21:11,838 --> 00:21:14,574 Well, let's just move it on. Forget the Alfa, then. 425 00:21:14,574 --> 00:21:17,043 Now, we should talk about where we are, 426 00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:21,213 OK, Tennessee, because this is the bestselling vehicle in the state. 427 00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:23,583 - OK. - (CHEERING) 428 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:26,152 Yeah, we've got a picture of the police car. 429 00:21:26,152 --> 00:21:27,354 (LAUGHTER) 430 00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:29,088 And an ambulance. 431 00:21:29,088 --> 00:21:30,823 - And a hearse. - RICHARD: Yeah. 432 00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,893 I'm detecting... detecting a theme here. 433 00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:35,662 The pickup truck, I think I'm right, 434 00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:37,930 is very popular in this neck of the woods, yes? 435 00:21:37,930 --> 00:21:39,899 I'm sure you may be amazed to hear 436 00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:42,369 they really haven't caught on at all in the UK. 437 00:21:42,369 --> 00:21:44,003 I mean, almost nobody has one. 438 00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:45,672 You hardly see them, which is a shame, 439 00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:47,407 because I love a pickup truck. 440 00:21:47,407 --> 00:21:49,376 JAMES: Yeah, we know. - I like a truck. 441 00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:50,677 - (CHEERING) - You know? 442 00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:53,279 I can say that here. I can say that here. 443 00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:56,516 That's fine, you can say that, but they're not actually very sensible. 444 00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:57,884 Look, mate, that's not everything. 445 00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,786 Anyway, you drive around in your Ferrari, OK, 446 00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:02,021 and happily put up with the compromises that that imposes. 447 00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:04,256 So you put up with the cost, the inconvenience, 448 00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:06,793 and it's not very comfortable because it's a fast car. 449 00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:09,128 Same with a pickup. You put up with compromises: 450 00:22:09,128 --> 00:22:11,130 the weight, the size, the fuel consumption... 451 00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:12,432 But what's the upside? 452 00:22:12,432 --> 00:22:14,166 It's a pickup truck! You can use it... 453 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,602 You can put logs in it 454 00:22:15,602 --> 00:22:18,405 and tow... tow trees out of the woods with it. 455 00:22:18,405 --> 00:22:19,972 You could put a bear in it. 456 00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:22,975 Hammond, you work... you work in the media! 457 00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:24,811 The only thing you have to put in the back of a vehicle 458 00:22:24,811 --> 00:22:27,313 are invitations to gala lunches. 459 00:22:27,313 --> 00:22:28,581 - Well... - That's all you ever do. 460 00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,116 The problem, actually, in Britain 461 00:22:30,116 --> 00:22:31,918 with a pickup truck-- I'm sorry to admit this-- 462 00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:34,854 is that if you pulled up at a set of traffic lights 463 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,423 and you had your cement mixer 464 00:22:36,423 --> 00:22:37,857 and your chainsaw in the back, 465 00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,992 they would be stolen immediately. 466 00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:42,194 Anything left in the open in Britain, 467 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,731 it's like nuts at a party, you just help yourself. 468 00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:46,933 - (LAUGHTER) - So why doesn't that happen here? 469 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:48,935 Who's got a pickup truck here? 470 00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:51,303 - Holy cow! That's unbelievable. - (LAUGHTER) 471 00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:53,706 When you go shopping and put things in the back, 472 00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,808 why doesn't someone just help themselves? 473 00:22:55,808 --> 00:22:57,544 Because they shoot them here. 474 00:22:57,544 --> 00:22:58,711 (LAUGHTER) 475 00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,448 RICHARD: Well, there is that. 476 00:23:01,448 --> 00:23:05,885 There is that. Thank you, Donald! 477 00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,854 But why... Have you ever had anything stolen 478 00:23:07,854 --> 00:23:09,456 when you were at a red light? 479 00:23:09,456 --> 00:23:11,323 Never? Has anyone ever had anything...? 480 00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:13,025 - AUDIENCE: No. - No? 481 00:23:13,025 --> 00:23:14,494 I thought this was supposed to be 482 00:23:14,494 --> 00:23:16,362 crime-ridden in America. 483 00:23:16,362 --> 00:23:17,564 Maybe people are honest. 484 00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:18,998 I don't know, it's possible. 485 00:23:18,998 --> 00:23:20,032 If I was in Britain 486 00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:21,501 and saw a pickup truck with a lawnmower, 487 00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:22,802 "I'll have that." 488 00:23:23,970 --> 00:23:27,474 Now, yesterday we went to erm... 489 00:23:27,474 --> 00:23:29,275 It was like a big classic-car museum, 490 00:23:29,275 --> 00:23:32,211 just out of town here, where you could also buy the exhibits. 491 00:23:32,211 --> 00:23:34,581 - It's great fun. - It was a fantastic day out. 492 00:23:34,581 --> 00:23:35,815 Really enjoyed ourselves in there. 493 00:23:35,815 --> 00:23:37,316 I mean, it was full of, you know, 494 00:23:37,316 --> 00:23:38,885 Mustangs and Camaros and stuff. 495 00:23:38,885 --> 00:23:40,687 Stuff like this. We've got a picture 496 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:42,321 of this sort of thing-- '60s and '70s stuff. 497 00:23:42,321 --> 00:23:45,892 Now, we know that cars like this are horrible to drive. 498 00:23:45,892 --> 00:23:46,893 Terrible. 499 00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:48,661 But they're tremendous to look at. 500 00:23:48,661 --> 00:23:52,364 There was so much joy in car design back then, 501 00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:54,166 and you see it in that car there. 502 00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:56,569 It actually made us slightly sad in a way, though, 503 00:23:56,569 --> 00:23:58,871 because as we were leaving, we suddenly started wondering, 504 00:23:58,871 --> 00:24:00,573 "Well, what are they gonna put in that museum 505 00:24:00,573 --> 00:24:02,241 in 40 years' time?" 506 00:24:02,241 --> 00:24:03,375 - Yeah. - What? 507 00:24:03,375 --> 00:24:04,544 The Nissan-bloody-Juke. 508 00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:05,845 - Exactly. - (LAUGHTER) 509 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,580 I don't want to look at that now. 510 00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:10,082 - No, exactly. Or the Dodge Dart. - (AUDIENCE GROANING) 511 00:24:10,082 --> 00:24:12,919 Well, what child's gonna say, "Oh, Daddy! 512 00:24:12,919 --> 00:24:16,322 Daddy, let's go and look at the 40-year-old Dart in the museum"? 513 00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:17,790 Nobody is! 514 00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,225 It's true that car design 515 00:24:19,225 --> 00:24:20,392 has become so dreary lately. 516 00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:21,794 And I think part of it, 517 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,696 it's almost as if the people who design cars 518 00:24:23,696 --> 00:24:25,264 don't actually like cars that much. 519 00:24:25,264 --> 00:24:27,266 Exactly. But they did then. You can tell. 520 00:24:27,266 --> 00:24:30,002 There was a Cuda in there next to a Plymouth Fury, 521 00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:33,105 and I just stood for about an hour, just soaking them in. 522 00:24:33,105 --> 00:24:35,675 I saw a 1966 Cadillac. 523 00:24:35,675 --> 00:24:37,276 We've got a picture of it here. Look. 524 00:24:37,276 --> 00:24:38,811 Now, what I like about this 525 00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:40,647 is that the bloke who designed the bonnet, 526 00:24:40,647 --> 00:24:42,414 he thought, "I've finished with the bonnet. 527 00:24:42,414 --> 00:24:43,916 I'll do the grill." 528 00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:45,552 But he didn't tell the blokes doing the wings, 529 00:24:45,552 --> 00:24:47,954 and they kept going, so it goes like another foot. 530 00:24:47,954 --> 00:24:50,823 No, but this is fantastic with a fantastic-looking car. 531 00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:53,225 The Buick Riviera, they had one of those in there. 532 00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:54,661 - Look at that! - That is glorious! 533 00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:55,928 I had one of those 534 00:24:55,928 --> 00:24:57,630 as a toy when I was little. 535 00:24:57,630 --> 00:24:59,298 If you put your finger over the back window, 536 00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:01,033 it flashed its lights. 537 00:25:01,033 --> 00:25:02,569 And you just look and you go, 538 00:25:02,569 --> 00:25:04,871 "How can Buick have gone from doing that 539 00:25:04,871 --> 00:25:06,806 "in, what, 30-40 years, to doing this, 540 00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:08,174 whatever this brown..." Look at... 541 00:25:08,174 --> 00:25:10,442 - (LAUGHTER) - How have they done that?! 542 00:25:10,442 --> 00:25:12,144 And it's the same as Chevrolet. 543 00:25:12,144 --> 00:25:14,380 There was an Impala in there, 1960. 544 00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:16,949 RICHARD: Look at that! That is exciting not moving! 545 00:25:16,949 --> 00:25:19,118 JEREMY: That's a Chevy Impala from the '60s. 546 00:25:19,118 --> 00:25:20,953 Let's have a look at one from today. 547 00:25:20,953 --> 00:25:22,589 - RICHARD: Oh, for God's sake! - (LAUGHTER) 548 00:25:22,589 --> 00:25:24,857 How do they even have the nerve to call that an Impala? 549 00:25:24,857 --> 00:25:26,325 Because it isn't one. 550 00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:27,694 I was looking at a Corvette, 551 00:25:27,694 --> 00:25:28,895 a '70s Corvette. 552 00:25:28,895 --> 00:25:29,996 That's the C3 model, 553 00:25:29,996 --> 00:25:31,463 if you're a Corvette nerd. 554 00:25:31,463 --> 00:25:32,699 This was a car that was driven 555 00:25:32,699 --> 00:25:34,000 by all of the astronauts. 556 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,603 - JAMES: Exactly. - And Dirk Diggler. 557 00:25:36,603 --> 00:25:37,870 - JAMES: Yep. - (LAUGHTER) 558 00:25:37,870 --> 00:25:39,606 Ah, so it's a car 559 00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:41,774 for porn stars and astronauts. 560 00:25:41,774 --> 00:25:44,010 - What a strapline! - What car is there today 561 00:25:44,010 --> 00:25:45,912 that could be driven by porn stars and astronauts? 562 00:25:45,912 --> 00:25:48,114 - There isn't one. MAN: An Alfa! 563 00:25:48,114 --> 00:25:50,650 An Alfa?! 564 00:25:50,650 --> 00:25:52,852 Actually, he's right! 565 00:25:52,852 --> 00:25:55,688 No, astronauts have to get there. 566 00:25:55,688 --> 00:25:57,156 He's right! That's exactly 567 00:25:57,156 --> 00:25:59,358 - what the Quadriplegio is! - No! 568 00:25:59,358 --> 00:26:02,695 For porn stars and astronauts, which is what I am. 569 00:26:02,695 --> 00:26:04,063 Now, I would like to have 570 00:26:04,063 --> 00:26:07,299 a conversation about the Nürburgring. 571 00:26:07,299 --> 00:26:08,901 - Go on. - Because this is important. 572 00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:10,402 Last year, I was delighted. 573 00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,204 The people who run the Nürburgring in Germany, 574 00:26:12,204 --> 00:26:15,041 they said they were gonna ban car manufacturers 575 00:26:15,041 --> 00:26:17,043 from setting lap records there. 576 00:26:17,043 --> 00:26:19,846 Sorry, why were you delighted about that? 577 00:26:19,846 --> 00:26:21,147 Because that's an excellent idea. 578 00:26:21,147 --> 00:26:23,249 If you make a car that is excellent 579 00:26:23,249 --> 00:26:25,117 for doing a fast lap of the Nürburgring, 580 00:26:25,117 --> 00:26:27,920 it would be useless as a car everywhere else in your life. 581 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,389 It's like... It's like setting your house up 582 00:26:30,389 --> 00:26:31,658 to play Laser Quest. 583 00:26:31,658 --> 00:26:33,993 It will be brilliant for playing Laser Quest, 584 00:26:33,993 --> 00:26:35,561 but it'll be rubbish for a dinner party 585 00:26:35,561 --> 00:26:36,896 because it's full of lasers, 586 00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:38,364 darkness, fog and music that goes... 587 00:26:38,364 --> 00:26:39,431 (BEATBOXES) 588 00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:40,667 ...and people running around 589 00:26:40,667 --> 00:26:41,834 thinking that they're in Star Wars. 590 00:26:41,834 --> 00:26:43,169 Or you could get a dog... 591 00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:45,104 You could train a dog as an attack dog, 592 00:26:45,104 --> 00:26:47,674 which is fantastic if you own a scrapyard 593 00:26:47,674 --> 00:26:49,141 and you need the dog to guard it, 594 00:26:49,141 --> 00:26:52,011 but take it home as a pet, it will eat your children. 595 00:26:52,011 --> 00:26:53,445 - (LAUGHTER) - It's completely useless. 596 00:26:53,445 --> 00:26:55,047 That's what happens 597 00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:56,883 when you set a car up for the Nürburgring. 598 00:26:56,883 --> 00:26:58,584 This isn't really a conversation, James. 599 00:26:58,584 --> 00:27:01,220 No, I think we've accidentally turned down Rant Lane this week. 600 00:27:01,220 --> 00:27:02,689 - (LAUGHTER) - Well, there's more. 601 00:27:02,689 --> 00:27:03,856 - He's off again. - No, no. 602 00:27:03,856 --> 00:27:06,358 But the thing is, the bad news in all this 603 00:27:06,358 --> 00:27:07,694 is that they've decided 604 00:27:07,694 --> 00:27:09,561 that they will allow car manufacturers 605 00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:11,230 to set lap records again. 606 00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,164 Well, that's good. 607 00:27:12,164 --> 00:27:13,800 - No, it's bad! - OK. 608 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,201 Think of the cars that have come out recently 609 00:27:15,201 --> 00:27:17,003 that we've driven that have been developed 610 00:27:17,003 --> 00:27:18,805 so that they would go fast around the Nürburgring. 611 00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:20,707 BMW M4 GTS, 612 00:27:20,707 --> 00:27:22,742 you can't deny it, it's a terrible car. 613 00:27:22,742 --> 00:27:24,744 Nissan GT-R, the Track Edition, 614 00:27:24,744 --> 00:27:26,278 that is a terrible car. 615 00:27:26,278 --> 00:27:29,548 Even SEAT-- the SEAT Leon Cupra 280, 616 00:27:29,548 --> 00:27:32,218 that's got a hatchback record for going around the Nürburgring, 617 00:27:32,218 --> 00:27:33,619 and it's rubbish! 618 00:27:33,619 --> 00:27:35,454 The Nürburgring ruins cars. 619 00:27:35,454 --> 00:27:37,456 I'm developing an app for the smart phone 620 00:27:37,456 --> 00:27:38,758 called Bomb The Nürburgring 621 00:27:38,758 --> 00:27:40,626 where you guide a Dornier 17 over it 622 00:27:40,626 --> 00:27:42,228 and blow it up. 623 00:27:42,228 --> 00:27:44,096 What are you doing on this programme? 624 00:27:44,096 --> 00:27:45,597 - Talking sense! - (LAUGHTER) 625 00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,399 RICHARD: Good question. I don't know. 626 00:27:47,399 --> 00:27:50,269 We have this old woman who has a baking show in Britain. 627 00:27:50,269 --> 00:27:51,771 She's called Mary Berry. 628 00:27:51,771 --> 00:27:53,572 It would be... You probably know her. 629 00:27:53,572 --> 00:27:54,941 It's probably the same 630 00:27:54,941 --> 00:27:56,943 as her saying, "I hate cakes!" 631 00:27:56,943 --> 00:27:58,110 - Yes. - (LAUGHTER) 632 00:27:58,110 --> 00:27:59,611 Mary Berry would agree with me, 633 00:27:59,611 --> 00:28:00,980 because if she made a cake 634 00:28:00,980 --> 00:28:02,749 that had been developed on the Nürburgring, 635 00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:05,084 someone would put fried onions on the top 636 00:28:05,084 --> 00:28:07,319 and completely ruin it. You'd have a Victoria sponge 637 00:28:07,319 --> 00:28:09,856 with onion on the top for no reason! 638 00:28:09,856 --> 00:28:11,423 James, you know you're weird, don't you? 639 00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:13,325 That's not weird. That's the most sensible thing 640 00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:14,961 that's ever been said on this show. 641 00:28:14,961 --> 00:28:16,462 - You are weird. - I'm not weird. 642 00:28:16,462 --> 00:28:18,765 He is weird! We were coming through the airport 643 00:28:18,765 --> 00:28:20,166 here the other day, coming through Chicago, 644 00:28:20,166 --> 00:28:22,168 and he went, "Jeremy, smell my jacket." 645 00:28:22,168 --> 00:28:23,402 - He said what?! - (LAUGHTER) 646 00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:24,871 - Yeah. - He did. 647 00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:26,638 He said, "Smell my jacket." I said, "Why?" 648 00:28:26,638 --> 00:28:29,108 He said, "Because it smells of old record players." 649 00:28:29,108 --> 00:28:32,011 - Mate, that is weird. - But it did! 650 00:28:32,011 --> 00:28:34,346 You know record players don't smell of anything? 651 00:28:34,346 --> 00:28:35,782 They do. Old ones do. 652 00:28:35,782 --> 00:28:37,116 They smell of old record players. 653 00:28:37,116 --> 00:28:38,885 Who knows what they smell like? 654 00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:40,452 - I'd like us-- - The decaying... 655 00:28:40,452 --> 00:28:41,788 I'd like us to move it on 656 00:28:41,788 --> 00:28:43,255 because it's getting scary now. 657 00:28:43,255 --> 00:28:44,791 That's not the record player! 658 00:28:44,791 --> 00:28:46,058 What are you on about? 659 00:28:46,058 --> 00:28:47,794 Does anybody have an old record player, 660 00:28:47,794 --> 00:28:49,061 or anything old electrical? 661 00:28:49,061 --> 00:28:50,362 They smell, don't they? 662 00:28:50,362 --> 00:28:52,064 Has anybody ever smelled an old record player? 663 00:28:52,064 --> 00:28:54,100 Really? You think you have? 664 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:55,835 You've smelled an old... 665 00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:57,236 God, strewth! 666 00:28:59,371 --> 00:29:02,641 Did it have a wax cylinder on it, your old record player? 667 00:29:02,641 --> 00:29:05,011 They smell like old plastic and warm rubber. 668 00:29:05,011 --> 00:29:06,312 JAMES: Yeah, exactly. 669 00:29:06,312 --> 00:29:09,215 That smells like a party at James's house. 670 00:29:10,917 --> 00:29:13,019 You're actually talking to Thomas Edison there. 671 00:29:16,055 --> 00:29:17,456 RICHARD: In person. 672 00:29:17,456 --> 00:29:18,858 Well done, sir. 673 00:29:18,858 --> 00:29:20,459 Now, as we're told 674 00:29:20,459 --> 00:29:23,162 almost every day these days, really, 675 00:29:23,162 --> 00:29:26,332 the world's coral reefs are all dying. 676 00:29:26,332 --> 00:29:29,201 And we're told that this is the fault of the car. 677 00:29:29,201 --> 00:29:31,437 Well, since we host a car show, 678 00:29:31,437 --> 00:29:34,240 we thought it would be our duty and responsibility 679 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,108 to do something about it. 680 00:29:43,449 --> 00:29:47,486 Here in the Caribbean, all appears to be well. 681 00:29:47,486 --> 00:29:49,521 But under the shimmering blue sea, 682 00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:52,524 there's just miles and miles of sand. 683 00:29:54,293 --> 00:29:56,128 It's an underwater desert. 684 00:29:57,930 --> 00:29:59,698 And even when you do find a reef, 685 00:29:59,698 --> 00:30:02,835 most of the coral is dead or dying. 686 00:30:06,839 --> 00:30:08,207 Thirty-eight years ago, 687 00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:10,142 the local government sank a ship 688 00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:12,979 to encourage the coral to come back. 689 00:30:13,980 --> 00:30:15,982 And it's working. 690 00:30:15,982 --> 00:30:18,484 It's already an oasis of life. 691 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:24,456 And that gave us an idea. 692 00:30:24,456 --> 00:30:27,593 Why use a ship as the hub or your coral reef? 693 00:30:27,593 --> 00:30:30,662 Why not use cars? There are millions of them. 694 00:30:30,662 --> 00:30:33,265 So that's exactly what we've done. We've got five cars. 695 00:30:33,265 --> 00:30:35,201 And rather than go through all the expense 696 00:30:35,201 --> 00:30:37,103 and complication of recycling them, 697 00:30:37,103 --> 00:30:38,905 we've stripped them, taken the engines out, 698 00:30:38,905 --> 00:30:41,373 removed the paint, and they're ready to go in the sea. 699 00:30:41,373 --> 00:30:43,409 JAMES: This really does make perfect sense, 700 00:30:43,409 --> 00:30:45,244 because when the car is in the water, 701 00:30:45,244 --> 00:30:46,545 it will start to corrode, 702 00:30:46,545 --> 00:30:47,947 and that attracts all the things 703 00:30:47,947 --> 00:30:49,381 that help the coral grow. 704 00:30:49,381 --> 00:30:51,617 And then the car itself just rusts away 705 00:30:51,617 --> 00:30:53,119 to absolutely nothing. 706 00:30:53,119 --> 00:30:54,887 So this one, which started life 707 00:30:54,887 --> 00:30:56,122 as a pretty horrible Peugeot 708 00:30:56,122 --> 00:30:57,423 and was always a terrible car, 709 00:30:57,423 --> 00:31:00,826 will eventually become a beautiful coral reef. 710 00:31:00,826 --> 00:31:02,962 And all this happens quite quickly. 711 00:31:02,962 --> 00:31:04,463 So in just a few years' time, 712 00:31:04,463 --> 00:31:07,099 the BBC will be able to make a wildlife documentary 713 00:31:07,099 --> 00:31:08,734 just in this wheel arch. 714 00:31:08,734 --> 00:31:09,969 Anyway, we've got the cars. 715 00:31:09,969 --> 00:31:11,137 I've got a crane. 716 00:31:11,137 --> 00:31:12,504 All we need now is a boat, 717 00:31:12,504 --> 00:31:14,173 which is a job we gave to Jeremy. 718 00:31:14,173 --> 00:31:15,441 That's his responsibility. 719 00:31:15,441 --> 00:31:17,276 He'll have overdone it, won't he? 720 00:31:17,276 --> 00:31:20,046 Well, he'll have made a statement of some sort, so... 721 00:31:20,046 --> 00:31:22,481 Freight ship. Full-on freight ship. 722 00:31:22,481 --> 00:31:23,950 Or a tanker. 723 00:31:27,153 --> 00:31:29,221 (HORN BLARES) 724 00:31:34,726 --> 00:31:36,395 Oh. He hasn't overdone it. 725 00:31:36,395 --> 00:31:38,330 Is that him? 726 00:31:39,731 --> 00:31:42,134 What is the point of that? 727 00:31:42,134 --> 00:31:44,270 Will you come and tie it up? 728 00:31:48,740 --> 00:31:51,677 JAMES: That's the worst boat I've ever seen. That's awful! 729 00:31:51,677 --> 00:31:54,346 - What's the matter with it? - Well, it... 730 00:31:54,346 --> 00:31:57,149 We gave you $5,000 to buy a boat. 731 00:31:57,149 --> 00:31:59,085 Boats are expensive! 732 00:31:59,085 --> 00:32:00,987 You didn't spend all five grand on this. 733 00:32:00,987 --> 00:32:02,654 - That is not a five thou-- - Yes! 734 00:32:02,654 --> 00:32:04,023 I've got toothache. Be kind. 735 00:32:04,023 --> 00:32:06,558 Irrelevant. That is not a $5,000 boat. 736 00:32:06,558 --> 00:32:08,794 - It is! - It's barely a boat. Look at it! 737 00:32:08,794 --> 00:32:11,097 It's brilliant! You'll get a car on this. 738 00:32:11,097 --> 00:32:13,465 - Er... Where? - On the back! 739 00:32:13,465 --> 00:32:15,401 - Who did you buy it from? - A man. 740 00:32:15,401 --> 00:32:17,769 - Was he laughing? - No, he wasn't. 741 00:32:17,769 --> 00:32:19,305 - Can I come aboard? - No. 742 00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:22,041 I don't think it can take two. 743 00:32:22,041 --> 00:32:23,275 (LAUGHS) Look! It's terrible! 744 00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:24,676 Instead of just standing there, 745 00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:27,413 criticising a man who's got toothache, 746 00:32:27,413 --> 00:32:31,050 why don't you go and get a car on the crane 747 00:32:31,050 --> 00:32:32,351 and start loading it? 748 00:32:34,586 --> 00:32:39,558 Soon, our first car was ready to be lifted onto the boat. 749 00:32:39,558 --> 00:32:42,128 It's just nice to be putting something back, really. 750 00:32:42,128 --> 00:32:44,130 It genuinely is. It's a little old Corsa, 751 00:32:44,130 --> 00:32:45,897 and it's gonna be full of coral. 752 00:32:45,897 --> 00:32:47,466 Mr Coral coming, swimming along. 753 00:32:47,466 --> 00:32:48,834 "Ooh, there's something to latch on to." 754 00:32:48,834 --> 00:32:49,901 Then his friend comes along. 755 00:32:49,901 --> 00:32:51,170 His friend comes along. 756 00:32:51,170 --> 00:32:52,871 This is a genuinely brilliant idea. 757 00:32:52,871 --> 00:32:54,873 That doesn't fill me with... 758 00:32:54,873 --> 00:32:56,108 total confidence. 759 00:32:56,108 --> 00:32:57,509 (WHIRRING) 760 00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,916 JEREMY: Down a bit! Down! 761 00:33:04,916 --> 00:33:06,885 You'll have to... 762 00:33:06,885 --> 00:33:08,387 Boom out! 763 00:33:08,387 --> 00:33:10,122 Is that the sign for "boom out"? 764 00:33:10,122 --> 00:33:12,891 JEREMY: That. Yeah, that. 765 00:33:12,891 --> 00:33:15,094 It's like being guided by The Village People. 766 00:33:15,094 --> 00:33:16,862 It's working now. Unless-- 767 00:33:16,862 --> 00:33:19,098 On! On! 768 00:33:19,098 --> 00:33:21,200 - The next danger-- - You're really helping. 769 00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,102 - I've got the guideline. - Right, go! 770 00:33:29,775 --> 00:33:32,844 - JEREMY: Down a bit, James. - Watch for the wind. 771 00:33:32,844 --> 00:33:34,280 Hammond, can you swing it around? 772 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,747 Do you want me to swing it? 773 00:33:35,747 --> 00:33:37,083 Yeah, try and get it... 774 00:33:37,083 --> 00:33:38,284 Oh, shit! 775 00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:41,920 JAMES: Who pulled that? 776 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:45,457 We've got to save the car! It's a reef! Save it! 777 00:33:45,457 --> 00:33:47,326 Oh, it's gone! It's gone! 778 00:33:47,326 --> 00:33:48,727 JAMES: Who pulled the... 779 00:33:48,727 --> 00:33:50,662 That's to release it, you Muppet! 780 00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:52,698 Well, I thought it was a guide rope. 781 00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:56,168 No, I steer it! You just release it when it's on there! 782 00:33:56,168 --> 00:33:57,569 He told me to steer it. 783 00:33:57,569 --> 00:33:59,305 He said, "Pull the rope to steer it." 784 00:33:59,305 --> 00:34:01,373 This is a £400,000 crane! 785 00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:03,309 Why would you steer it with a piece of string?! 786 00:34:03,309 --> 00:34:04,810 It's got all these knobs and buttons. 787 00:34:04,810 --> 00:34:08,147 I steer it, you release it! 788 00:34:08,147 --> 00:34:10,116 So that's a quick release? 789 00:34:10,116 --> 00:34:11,483 - Yes! - Got it. 790 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,856 What if we just said we only had four cars? 791 00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:20,326 So we've taken four cars, removed the engines 792 00:34:20,326 --> 00:34:22,128 and the paint, and they're ready to go in the sea. 793 00:34:22,128 --> 00:34:25,331 - We'll do that piece to camera again. - Yeah, yeah. 794 00:34:25,331 --> 00:34:28,267 The thing is, why use a ship as the hub of your reef? 795 00:34:28,267 --> 00:34:29,835 Why not use cars? There are millions. 796 00:34:29,835 --> 00:34:33,272 So we've taken four cars, removed the engines, 797 00:34:33,272 --> 00:34:37,209 stripped them down and they're ready to go in the sea. 798 00:34:37,209 --> 00:34:38,977 (MUTTERS) And then James... Oh, yeah. 799 00:34:38,977 --> 00:34:40,512 And then... And then, 800 00:34:40,512 --> 00:34:42,648 this Peugeot was no good as a car, 801 00:34:42,648 --> 00:34:46,152 but will be... but the coral will just stick to it, 802 00:34:46,152 --> 00:34:47,819 oxidising and algae. 803 00:34:47,819 --> 00:34:49,155 Doesn't take very long. 804 00:34:49,155 --> 00:34:51,890 One day, BBC documentary, wheel arch. 805 00:34:51,890 --> 00:34:54,393 Yeah, from just four cars. That's all we had. 806 00:34:54,393 --> 00:34:56,328 Four cars. That's all you need for a reef. 807 00:34:56,328 --> 00:34:58,063 Right, here's the boat we've selected. 808 00:34:58,063 --> 00:34:59,365 It's a little bit damaged. 809 00:35:01,367 --> 00:35:02,968 With the release rope stowed, 810 00:35:02,968 --> 00:35:05,737 we managed to get the first of our four cars 811 00:35:05,737 --> 00:35:09,275 onto the boat, which had come with a broken roof. 812 00:35:11,042 --> 00:35:13,044 - Yeah. Oh, yes! - (LAUGHS) 813 00:35:13,044 --> 00:35:15,314 - Yes! - Yeah! 814 00:35:15,314 --> 00:35:17,949 Good! Result. 815 00:35:17,949 --> 00:35:20,786 And then we had to secure it in place. 816 00:35:23,189 --> 00:35:25,557 I don't understand ratchet straps. 817 00:35:25,557 --> 00:35:28,827 Er... There's water coming into the boat. 818 00:35:28,827 --> 00:35:31,697 - No, there was some in when I bought it. - It's leaking. 819 00:35:31,697 --> 00:35:34,333 There's always a bit of water in the bilges. 820 00:35:34,333 --> 00:35:36,768 It's why boats have bilge pumps. 821 00:35:36,768 --> 00:35:38,470 No, it's coming in. 822 00:35:38,470 --> 00:35:41,207 It's not just like it's in, it's coming in. 823 00:35:41,207 --> 00:35:43,542 - Well, there's none here. - There's holes! It's leaking! 824 00:35:43,542 --> 00:35:47,379 Oh, shit! No, there is! Well, attach us to the crane. 825 00:35:47,379 --> 00:35:49,215 RICHARD: Er... It's gone down. 826 00:35:49,215 --> 00:35:51,317 It has gone... It is going down. 827 00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:53,051 JEREMY: If you attach us to the crane, 828 00:35:53,051 --> 00:35:54,320 it won't sink, will it? 829 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,654 RICHARD: We're tied on. 830 00:35:55,654 --> 00:35:58,657 JEREMY: James, can you just take the slack? 831 00:35:58,657 --> 00:35:59,625 (CRANE WHIRRING) 832 00:35:59,625 --> 00:36:01,493 Sadly, James misunderstood 833 00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:02,961 this simple instruction. 834 00:36:02,961 --> 00:36:04,963 - (CLATTERING) - Oh, the whole thing 835 00:36:04,963 --> 00:36:06,232 has collapsed at the back! 836 00:36:06,232 --> 00:36:07,566 Oh, dear God! 837 00:36:07,566 --> 00:36:09,468 JEREMY: Wait! Stop! Whoa! Whoa! What? 838 00:36:09,468 --> 00:36:10,936 RICHARD: It's falling over! 839 00:36:10,936 --> 00:36:12,538 JEREMY: James, it's falling! 840 00:36:12,538 --> 00:36:13,972 - What do you want? - Holy Mother of God! 841 00:36:13,972 --> 00:36:16,908 It's going down! Abandon ship! Save yourself! 842 00:36:21,247 --> 00:36:22,781 Catch it, James! 843 00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:24,550 JEREMY: Save it! 844 00:36:24,550 --> 00:36:25,817 Stop! 845 00:36:25,817 --> 00:36:27,753 What are you doing? 846 00:36:27,753 --> 00:36:29,521 JEREMY: Oh, God. 847 00:36:29,521 --> 00:36:31,623 The French Secret Service 848 00:36:31,623 --> 00:36:35,261 didn't do a job as good as this. 849 00:36:35,261 --> 00:36:36,895 RICHARD: I'm not talking to any of you. 850 00:36:36,895 --> 00:36:38,830 No. Come on, it was May's fault. 851 00:36:38,830 --> 00:36:40,266 You bought a crap boat, 852 00:36:40,266 --> 00:36:42,268 you put an idiot spaniel on the crane, 853 00:36:42,268 --> 00:36:44,270 and, also, think what we were gonna do 854 00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:45,637 for the conception of the car. 855 00:36:45,637 --> 00:36:47,273 People would love the car. They would see it 856 00:36:47,273 --> 00:36:50,476 as a friendly, coral-loving thing. 857 00:36:50,476 --> 00:36:51,843 You're swimming like an old woman. 858 00:36:51,843 --> 00:36:54,580 I don't like being in the bloody water! 859 00:36:54,580 --> 00:36:59,551 Fact! I'm not comfortable! I'm from Birmingham! 860 00:36:59,551 --> 00:37:01,787 Having sunk a boat and two cars 861 00:37:01,787 --> 00:37:03,889 where the cruise liners normally park, 862 00:37:03,889 --> 00:37:08,927 the port authorities suggested we go away. 863 00:37:08,927 --> 00:37:11,630 So we took our three remaining cars 864 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,098 to a nearby marina, 865 00:37:13,098 --> 00:37:14,600 built ourselves a raft, 866 00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:15,967 and hired a boat 867 00:37:15,967 --> 00:37:17,769 which had a crane on the front. 868 00:37:22,308 --> 00:37:23,542 - JEREMY: May! - What? 869 00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:26,077 You're not operating the crane. 870 00:37:26,077 --> 00:37:28,347 You are operating the crane. 871 00:37:28,347 --> 00:37:29,381 RICHARD: Yeah. 872 00:37:29,381 --> 00:37:30,582 I'd just like to point out 873 00:37:30,582 --> 00:37:32,318 that I've been fired from a job 874 00:37:32,318 --> 00:37:33,485 that I was doing perfectly. 875 00:37:33,485 --> 00:37:35,521 - (THUD) - Meant that. 876 00:37:35,521 --> 00:37:37,856 I can't get the crane working. Is there a switch? 877 00:37:37,856 --> 00:37:40,359 Don't come to me for help. I'm rubbish at cranes. 878 00:37:40,359 --> 00:37:43,529 I didn't, did I? Did I? 879 00:37:43,529 --> 00:37:46,465 Soon, we were ready to load our first car. 880 00:37:48,033 --> 00:37:49,100 You're miles away! 881 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:50,201 You've got to be spot-on. 882 00:37:50,201 --> 00:37:51,670 I can only lift it to there. 883 00:37:51,670 --> 00:37:53,905 This way, this way, this way, this way. 884 00:37:53,905 --> 00:37:55,941 No, up, up, up. 885 00:37:55,941 --> 00:37:58,143 I can't... Jeremy, you'll have to go back. 886 00:37:58,143 --> 00:38:00,646 I can't do it if you keep moving the boat! 887 00:38:00,646 --> 00:38:03,181 If I want to go backwards, I should go that way. 888 00:38:03,181 --> 00:38:05,016 JAMES: Right, this way. You've got to... I can't move it... 889 00:38:05,016 --> 00:38:06,452 RICHARD: I can't go that way! He's driving! 890 00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:08,620 I can't move it! 891 00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:10,622 Why don't we pick it... Oh, God. 892 00:38:12,758 --> 00:38:14,826 RICHARD: Where are we going?! 893 00:38:14,826 --> 00:38:17,496 The bad things... It's the wind! 894 00:38:17,496 --> 00:38:19,365 RICHARD: Why are we over here? 895 00:38:19,365 --> 00:38:20,699 JEREMY: Wind! 896 00:38:20,699 --> 00:38:23,435 RICHARD: Here he comes! This is it! This is it! 897 00:38:23,435 --> 00:38:25,471 We're coming in hot! 898 00:38:25,471 --> 00:38:27,072 Stop... chasing me with the bloody crane! 899 00:38:27,072 --> 00:38:28,707 May, will you do something quickly in your life? 900 00:38:28,707 --> 00:38:31,076 I'm going to kill him! 901 00:38:31,076 --> 00:38:33,779 Here we go! Yes! Run away! Run away! 902 00:38:33,779 --> 00:38:34,713 (CHEERING) 903 00:38:34,713 --> 00:38:36,548 JEREMY: We have hooked the apple! 904 00:38:38,784 --> 00:38:40,786 JAMES: In a bit, in a bit. JEREMY: We are good. 905 00:38:40,786 --> 00:38:43,389 We are so good, it's almost incredible. 906 00:38:45,457 --> 00:38:46,925 Now we had our eye in... 907 00:38:49,461 --> 00:38:51,430 - (THUD) - Oh, Jesus. 908 00:38:51,430 --> 00:38:55,701 ...loading the second car was the work of a moment. 909 00:38:55,701 --> 00:38:57,769 JAMES: We're on. RICHARD: Oh, my God! Yes. 910 00:38:59,270 --> 00:39:01,573 JAMES: That's it. That'll do. 911 00:39:01,573 --> 00:39:05,076 This is the manliest thing I've ever done. 912 00:39:05,076 --> 00:39:07,813 RICHARD: I'm just gonna rest my big balls on my crane. 913 00:39:07,813 --> 00:39:09,748 - (GRUNTS) - (JEREMY LAUGHS) 914 00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:15,521 With our raft full, 915 00:39:15,521 --> 00:39:16,922 we headed out to the spot 916 00:39:16,922 --> 00:39:19,124 identified by marine biologists 917 00:39:19,124 --> 00:39:23,194 as having the perfect depth, current and temperature 918 00:39:23,194 --> 00:39:24,796 for a reef to form. 919 00:39:26,297 --> 00:39:27,833 Release the reef! 920 00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:30,135 RICHARD: Yes! JEREMY: There it goes! 921 00:39:30,135 --> 00:39:32,438 - The reef is born! - RICHARD: That's our reef! 922 00:39:32,438 --> 00:39:34,906 - Sink! - Come, coral! Come! 923 00:39:34,906 --> 00:39:38,444 Yeah! 924 00:39:38,444 --> 00:39:40,546 JEREMY: Go! RICHARD: Yes! 925 00:39:40,546 --> 00:39:43,449 JEREMY: Oh, I'm pleased with that! 926 00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:45,617 The Peugeot 206. 927 00:39:45,617 --> 00:39:46,952 That is brilliant. 928 00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,490 Next, we had to anchor the cars in place, 929 00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:55,694 which was a job for the only qualified diver among us. 930 00:39:55,694 --> 00:39:57,763 He'd even brought his own equipment. 931 00:39:59,598 --> 00:40:01,366 Right. Back a bit. 932 00:40:01,366 --> 00:40:02,534 Back... That's on my nose. 933 00:40:02,534 --> 00:40:04,035 JEREMY: Stop moaning! 934 00:40:04,035 --> 00:40:05,170 Ow! 935 00:40:17,182 --> 00:40:18,517 If he were a heart surgeon, 936 00:40:18,517 --> 00:40:20,185 he would turn up with an old leather bag 937 00:40:20,185 --> 00:40:22,187 with a saw and hammer in it, wouldn't he? 938 00:40:22,187 --> 00:40:24,289 "I'm ready to do your operation. Here I am." 939 00:40:24,289 --> 00:40:26,758 (MUFFLED YELLS) 940 00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:28,393 (GROANS) 941 00:40:28,393 --> 00:40:31,229 It's like his old table with his Bakelite telephone on it. 942 00:40:31,229 --> 00:40:33,832 - Yes. - "Hello. Hammersmith 37 here." 943 00:40:35,567 --> 00:40:37,302 James's suit was so old, 944 00:40:37,302 --> 00:40:40,405 it didn't come with air tanks, so, annoyingly, 945 00:40:40,405 --> 00:40:43,475 it was our responsibility to keep him alive. 946 00:40:45,611 --> 00:40:47,879 How long have we got to do this for? 947 00:40:47,879 --> 00:40:50,281 Well, for as long as he's done there. 948 00:40:50,281 --> 00:40:52,918 - Honestly, I'm exhausted. - I'm getting dizzy. 949 00:40:54,319 --> 00:40:55,954 We should keep going. 950 00:40:55,954 --> 00:40:58,023 No. Look, there's a generator. 951 00:40:58,023 --> 00:41:00,091 Why don't we just connect it to the generator? 952 00:41:00,091 --> 00:41:01,727 (AIR HISSING) 953 00:41:07,232 --> 00:41:08,399 Now. Now. 954 00:41:08,399 --> 00:41:10,101 - Yeah. - You're an idiot. 955 00:41:10,101 --> 00:41:12,604 (GROANING) 956 00:41:14,072 --> 00:41:16,575 - (HISSING) - RICHARD: Life-saving air. 957 00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:19,845 - (GENERATOR STARTS) - Oh, there we go. 958 00:41:21,046 --> 00:41:23,081 On. And relax. 959 00:41:35,994 --> 00:41:38,063 (CRIES OUT) 960 00:41:41,099 --> 00:41:42,133 Nearly! 961 00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,287 (GENERATOR CHUGGING) 962 00:42:10,495 --> 00:42:12,831 Come in, James. 963 00:42:12,831 --> 00:42:15,901 When our colleague finally surfaced... 964 00:42:15,901 --> 00:42:17,903 he was very angry. 965 00:42:19,771 --> 00:42:22,073 That was nowhere near the cars. Nowhere near. 966 00:42:22,073 --> 00:42:23,909 What was nowhere near the cars? 967 00:42:23,909 --> 00:42:26,277 You might as well have dropped me off the coast of Los Angeles! 968 00:42:26,277 --> 00:42:28,647 - I couldn't even see them! - Just stop. Stop. 969 00:42:28,647 --> 00:42:30,248 What do you... What do you mean? 970 00:42:30,248 --> 00:42:31,917 How did you manage... You're the boat expert, 971 00:42:31,917 --> 00:42:33,284 as you're forever telling us. 972 00:42:33,284 --> 00:42:35,086 How did you manage to put the cars there 973 00:42:35,086 --> 00:42:37,823 and then move the boat about 100 yards away? 974 00:42:37,823 --> 00:42:39,090 - We drifted. - We drifted a bit. 975 00:42:39,090 --> 00:42:41,760 - Have you done the job? - No. 976 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,829 - What? - The cars are not anchored. 977 00:42:43,829 --> 00:42:45,130 Because when I got there, 978 00:42:45,130 --> 00:42:48,466 your drifting, stupid, orange biscuit-tin boat 979 00:42:48,466 --> 00:42:49,735 yanked me back off it! 980 00:42:49,735 --> 00:42:51,102 We don't have an afternoon 981 00:42:51,102 --> 00:42:53,038 to just throw away while you go paddling. 982 00:42:53,038 --> 00:42:55,807 You're saying... I'm gonna have to do it, aren't I? 983 00:42:57,643 --> 00:43:01,747 RICHARD: Soon, James Bond was ready to go in the water. 984 00:43:03,815 --> 00:43:05,984 - Do I look like Roger Moore? - Yeah, you do. 985 00:43:05,984 --> 00:43:08,854 - You do, yeah. Yeah. - Roger Moore, the greengrocer. 986 00:43:08,854 --> 00:43:12,357 - Let go. Yes! - Yay! 987 00:43:12,357 --> 00:43:15,526 RICHARD: I've just handed Jeremy a welding iron. 988 00:43:15,526 --> 00:43:17,062 Oh, dear God. 989 00:43:21,733 --> 00:43:24,870 I'm not sure I trust Jeremy to do welding. 990 00:43:24,870 --> 00:43:26,972 I wouldn't trust Jeremy 991 00:43:26,972 --> 00:43:30,275 to watch a YouTube guide to welding. 992 00:43:30,275 --> 00:43:33,411 RICHARD: Oh! JAMES: What's that? 993 00:43:33,411 --> 00:43:35,914 RICHARD: That's gone wrong. JAMES: Jeremy? 994 00:43:35,914 --> 00:43:37,716 RICHARD: Badly, horribly wrong. 995 00:43:44,089 --> 00:43:46,257 JAMES: Ah! 996 00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:48,694 - How did that go? - Very well. 997 00:43:48,694 --> 00:43:49,761 - Did it? - Oh, yeah. 998 00:43:49,761 --> 00:43:51,162 - Did it? - Yeah. 999 00:43:51,162 --> 00:43:52,297 That was all... 1000 00:43:52,297 --> 00:43:53,965 They are not going anywhere in a hurry. 1001 00:43:58,369 --> 00:44:01,306 JEREMY: We headed back to shore for an agreeable dinner, 1002 00:44:01,306 --> 00:44:04,575 happy that our important environmental work 1003 00:44:04,575 --> 00:44:06,812 was, at last, going well. 1004 00:44:11,182 --> 00:44:14,986 But are the coral starting now? 1005 00:44:14,986 --> 00:44:16,621 - Yeah. - So they're down there now. 1006 00:44:16,621 --> 00:44:20,025 - A bit of coral's gonna... - Yeah, it will have done. 1007 00:44:20,025 --> 00:44:21,392 It's not a big coral reef, 1008 00:44:21,392 --> 00:44:23,261 but it's the start of a coral reef. 1009 00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:25,263 Well done, chaps. We have done... 1010 00:44:25,263 --> 00:44:26,965 I don't clink glasses, as you know, 1011 00:44:26,965 --> 00:44:29,300 but we can raise a glass to our success today. 1012 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:30,936 Yes. Well done, us. 1013 00:44:33,104 --> 00:44:34,205 (CHEERING) 1014 00:44:34,205 --> 00:44:36,174 Maybe that's what Volkswagen were doing-- 1015 00:44:36,174 --> 00:44:37,242 building a reef. 1016 00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:39,410 That could be it. That could be it. 1017 00:44:39,410 --> 00:44:43,214 We're gonna pick up our important marine biology work later on. 1018 00:44:43,214 --> 00:44:47,418 But now it's time to play Celebrity Brain Crash! 1019 00:44:47,418 --> 00:44:49,354 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 1020 00:44:54,659 --> 00:44:56,094 That doesn't get any better. 1021 00:44:56,094 --> 00:44:57,996 That really doesn't get any better, that sting. 1022 00:44:57,996 --> 00:45:01,332 But anyway, my guest tonight is from... 1023 00:45:01,332 --> 00:45:03,068 Well, how can I describe it, really? 1024 00:45:03,068 --> 00:45:04,302 ...the second biggest 1025 00:45:04,302 --> 00:45:06,204 and most important part of the world, 1026 00:45:06,204 --> 00:45:09,775 as far as music is concerned: the Northeast of England. 1027 00:45:09,775 --> 00:45:11,342 - Oh, come on! - (LAUGHTER) 1028 00:45:11,342 --> 00:45:12,811 Well, hello?! 1029 00:45:12,811 --> 00:45:14,612 Mark Knopfler, Paul Rodgers, 1030 00:45:14,612 --> 00:45:17,548 Gordon Sting, a couple of people out of Little Mix. 1031 00:45:17,548 --> 00:45:20,318 - Lindisfarne. Mm, lovely. - Yes, Lindisfarne. We'll gloss over that. 1032 00:45:20,318 --> 00:45:22,854 But then we've also got... (CLEARS THROAT) ...the main man. 1033 00:45:22,854 --> 00:45:26,792 The man we have lined up for you, he is the lead singer 1034 00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:29,795 of the biggest rock band in the world, AC/DC. 1035 00:45:29,795 --> 00:45:32,263 Ladies and gentlemen, Brian Johnson! 1036 00:45:32,263 --> 00:45:34,099 (CHEERING) 1037 00:45:34,099 --> 00:45:35,700 - There he is! - RICHARD: There he is! 1038 00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:37,268 There he is! Here he comes! 1039 00:45:37,268 --> 00:45:40,005 What are we gonna talk to him about? 1040 00:45:40,005 --> 00:45:42,273 - Well, he's taken up motor racing. - Yeah. 1041 00:45:42,273 --> 00:45:44,542 - He's got a new TV show. - Yes, on the road. 1042 00:45:44,542 --> 00:45:46,177 JEREMY: He's on the road. 1043 00:45:46,177 --> 00:45:48,079 JAMES: I'm gonna talk to him about being at the front 1044 00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:49,815 of the world's biggest rock band. 1045 00:45:49,815 --> 00:45:51,817 - Where is he? - He's Brian Johnson. 1046 00:45:51,817 --> 00:45:53,418 - Here he comes! - Oh, there he is! 1047 00:45:53,418 --> 00:45:56,321 - There he is. - The man himself. What a legend! 1048 00:45:56,321 --> 00:45:58,957 I can't... I've always wanted to meet him. I'm thrilled. 1049 00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,325 - Yeah. - That is a legend. Proper... 1050 00:46:00,325 --> 00:46:02,260 - Oh, hello. - Oh, hello. 1051 00:46:02,260 --> 00:46:03,628 - What? - Oh, my... 1052 00:46:03,628 --> 00:46:05,430 (LAUGHTER) 1053 00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:06,731 Oh, God! 1054 00:46:06,731 --> 00:46:09,367 (APPLAUSE) 1055 00:46:09,367 --> 00:46:12,403 - (MUMBLES) We killed him. - We've killed Brian Johnson. 1056 00:46:12,403 --> 00:46:14,539 That's... 1057 00:46:14,539 --> 00:46:16,707 OK. 1058 00:46:16,707 --> 00:46:18,276 Brian Johnson has been run over 1059 00:46:18,276 --> 00:46:21,412 by some people who think they are playing football. 1060 00:46:21,412 --> 00:46:23,648 But they're not. It's not football, is it? 1061 00:46:23,648 --> 00:46:25,050 Cos they don't use their feet. 1062 00:46:25,050 --> 00:46:26,684 That's not football. 1063 00:46:26,684 --> 00:46:29,254 That's just people dressing up. 1064 00:46:29,254 --> 00:46:30,721 (JEERING) 1065 00:46:30,721 --> 00:46:32,123 - That's... - We play football. 1066 00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:34,092 - We play football. - Yeah, with our feet. 1067 00:46:34,092 --> 00:46:35,861 - (JEERING CONTINUES) - We play football. 1068 00:46:35,861 --> 00:46:37,695 - MEN: Soccer! It's soccer! - What?! 1069 00:46:37,695 --> 00:46:39,564 It's not soccer! It's football that we play! 1070 00:46:39,564 --> 00:46:44,469 It's 6.75 billion people in the world call it football! 1071 00:46:44,469 --> 00:46:45,570 (JEERING CONTINUES) 1072 00:46:45,570 --> 00:46:47,372 You can moan and shout all you like. 1073 00:46:47,372 --> 00:46:49,307 The fact is, we're British and we edit this show, 1074 00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:50,876 and you'll just get cut out. 1075 00:46:50,876 --> 00:46:52,277 You will. 1076 00:46:53,178 --> 00:46:54,946 This is a rugby ball! 1077 00:46:54,946 --> 00:46:56,147 Look on the screen. 1078 00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:57,448 They're only playing 1079 00:46:57,448 --> 00:46:59,918 with the padding they were born with! 1080 00:46:59,918 --> 00:47:01,619 This is not a football! 1081 00:47:01,619 --> 00:47:03,454 They call it football. 1082 00:47:03,454 --> 00:47:05,090 (JEERING) 1083 00:47:07,358 --> 00:47:11,596 (CHANTING) USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! 1084 00:47:13,932 --> 00:47:15,300 So... 1085 00:47:15,300 --> 00:47:18,569 Brian Johnson has been run over by erm... 1086 00:47:18,569 --> 00:47:21,639 ...some supremely brave and talented footballers. 1087 00:47:21,639 --> 00:47:23,174 (CHEERING) 1088 00:47:23,174 --> 00:47:25,376 (APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH) 1089 00:47:26,744 --> 00:47:28,779 Er... 1090 00:47:28,779 --> 00:47:31,016 JAMES: Does that mean he's not coming on, then? 1091 00:47:31,016 --> 00:47:32,783 Well, James, he's been hammered 1092 00:47:32,783 --> 00:47:34,219 to the thickness of an envelope 1093 00:47:34,219 --> 00:47:37,088 and his spine is now a jigsaw, so that is a no. 1094 00:47:37,088 --> 00:47:38,623 - Fine. - (LAUGHTER) 1095 00:47:38,623 --> 00:47:40,926 Right, so what are we gonna do to fill the time? 1096 00:47:40,926 --> 00:47:41,927 I've got nothing. 1097 00:47:41,927 --> 00:47:43,194 We could get back 1098 00:47:43,194 --> 00:47:44,996 to our important marine biology work. 1099 00:47:44,996 --> 00:47:46,697 - Plan. Do it. - Yes, let's do that. 1100 00:47:46,697 --> 00:47:48,166 So when we left the action, 1101 00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:50,335 erm... I'd successfully 1102 00:47:50,335 --> 00:47:52,703 welded two cars to the seabed, 1103 00:47:52,703 --> 00:47:54,139 and that was good. 1104 00:47:54,139 --> 00:47:56,942 Yeah, and we pick up the action the next day, 1105 00:47:56,942 --> 00:47:59,344 as we go back to finish the job. 1106 00:48:02,547 --> 00:48:05,016 JEREMY: On our way to get the last car, 1107 00:48:05,016 --> 00:48:06,384 we stopped at the reef site 1108 00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:08,319 to make sure everything was OK. 1109 00:48:10,388 --> 00:48:11,489 Tom Daley! 1110 00:48:16,427 --> 00:48:17,963 (WHIMPERS) 1111 00:48:18,964 --> 00:48:20,598 I don't like it. 1112 00:48:20,598 --> 00:48:22,200 Oh. Oh. 1113 00:48:25,303 --> 00:48:27,973 And after a few moments in the water, 1114 00:48:27,973 --> 00:48:30,775 we discovered it wasn't. 1115 00:48:30,775 --> 00:48:33,979 Where the bloody hell are they? There's the buoy. 1116 00:48:33,979 --> 00:48:35,546 RICHARD: This is the wrong place. 1117 00:48:35,546 --> 00:48:37,248 JEREMY: Yes, that marks the spot. 1118 00:48:37,248 --> 00:48:39,250 They're just not here. 1119 00:48:39,250 --> 00:48:42,420 Why did we trust you to fix them in place? 1120 00:48:42,420 --> 00:48:44,655 - I didn't... Listen. - Of all people. 1121 00:48:44,655 --> 00:48:46,591 Well, I don't understand it, 1122 00:48:46,591 --> 00:48:48,559 cos I don't normally make a mess of... 1123 00:48:48,559 --> 00:48:50,595 Oh, you must have made a good job of it. 1124 00:48:50,595 --> 00:48:51,629 That's why they've gone! 1125 00:48:51,629 --> 00:48:53,398 There is evidence, or a lack of it, 1126 00:48:53,398 --> 00:48:55,400 to suggest you can't weld. 1127 00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,168 - Oh, shit. - Maybe a shark... 1128 00:48:57,168 --> 00:48:59,237 - Er... - What? 1129 00:48:59,237 --> 00:49:01,706 - What? - Look. 1130 00:49:01,706 --> 00:49:03,274 RICHARD: Oh, brilliant! 1131 00:49:03,274 --> 00:49:04,875 JAMES: How the hell did they do that, though? 1132 00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:07,578 JEREMY: You know this current that's whizzing us about? 1133 00:49:07,578 --> 00:49:10,715 RICHARD: Look at them! They're not gonna make a reef, are they?! 1134 00:49:10,715 --> 00:49:12,450 Well, maybe it could be 1135 00:49:12,450 --> 00:49:14,752 like a play area for the privileged. 1136 00:49:14,752 --> 00:49:16,021 RICHARD: Some rusty cars? 1137 00:49:16,021 --> 00:49:17,155 JEREMY: That doesn't work, does it? 1138 00:49:17,155 --> 00:49:18,389 OTHERS: No. 1139 00:49:21,226 --> 00:49:23,361 Obviously, we had to retrieve them, 1140 00:49:23,361 --> 00:49:25,096 which meant moving the raft 1141 00:49:25,096 --> 00:49:27,232 to the stern of our crane boat. 1142 00:49:29,334 --> 00:49:31,136 RICHARD: James, have you untied that end? 1143 00:49:31,136 --> 00:49:35,540 Yeah. Get ready to catch this rope. Here we go. 1144 00:49:35,540 --> 00:49:37,875 Pull it along a bit and get it sort of squared up. 1145 00:49:37,875 --> 00:49:39,544 I'll have a nice ride. 1146 00:49:39,544 --> 00:49:42,047 RICHARD: Right. Repositioning raft. 1147 00:49:42,047 --> 00:49:44,382 (CREAKING) 1148 00:49:44,382 --> 00:49:46,284 That's a reassuring noise. 1149 00:49:46,284 --> 00:49:50,488 RICHARD: Er... Where... Where's that come from? 1150 00:49:50,488 --> 00:49:51,822 James. James. 1151 00:49:51,822 --> 00:49:53,624 - What? - What's that doing over there? 1152 00:49:53,624 --> 00:49:55,060 What's what doing? 1153 00:49:55,060 --> 00:49:56,694 All this bamboo's come off. 1154 00:49:56,694 --> 00:49:58,129 What have you untied? 1155 00:49:58,129 --> 00:50:00,365 I've untied the piece of string at the front. 1156 00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:04,602 But, look, half the craft is disappearing. 1157 00:50:04,602 --> 00:50:07,738 JAMES: As the raft was disintegrating fast, 1158 00:50:07,738 --> 00:50:10,508 we had to get it to shore quickly. 1159 00:50:10,508 --> 00:50:12,510 JEREMY: Firing up the machine! 1160 00:50:15,246 --> 00:50:17,882 Sadly, though, Jeremy's turn of speed 1161 00:50:17,882 --> 00:50:19,784 only made things worse. 1162 00:50:19,784 --> 00:50:21,952 Power! Power! Come on! 1163 00:50:21,952 --> 00:50:23,254 Slow down! 1164 00:50:24,322 --> 00:50:26,924 It's falling apart! 1165 00:50:26,924 --> 00:50:29,560 RICHARD: Look, he's going down! JAMES: Slow down! 1166 00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:32,029 Slow! (YELLS) 1167 00:50:39,470 --> 00:50:42,340 RICHARD: You can't put cars on that, can you? 1168 00:50:42,340 --> 00:50:44,809 JEREMY: After we'd rescued James, 1169 00:50:44,809 --> 00:50:47,712 he stupidly suggested that, to solve the problem, 1170 00:50:47,712 --> 00:50:50,815 we should ruin everyone's holiday. 1171 00:50:50,815 --> 00:50:52,117 (ENGINE REVVING) 1172 00:51:00,558 --> 00:51:03,494 I think these people should move out of the way. 1173 00:51:03,494 --> 00:51:06,564 My plan was to tow the cars off the beach 1174 00:51:06,564 --> 00:51:10,135 and back to the harbour so we could start again. 1175 00:51:10,135 --> 00:51:14,038 Which meant I'd need the help of the man from Atlantis. 1176 00:51:14,038 --> 00:51:17,242 Hold my hand! There! There! There! Now, let me go. 1177 00:51:17,242 --> 00:51:18,676 Yeah, that's me. You have to let... 1178 00:51:18,676 --> 00:51:21,979 Oh, mind my arm! Let me go now. I'm fine. 1179 00:51:21,979 --> 00:51:23,214 I don't like it! 1180 00:51:27,685 --> 00:51:29,320 Move! 1181 00:51:36,194 --> 00:51:39,830 Hammond, tie both of them to this and give me a thumbs up. 1182 00:51:39,830 --> 00:51:42,066 If James gets those onto the road, 1183 00:51:42,066 --> 00:51:43,768 all the way back up to the harbour, 1184 00:51:43,768 --> 00:51:47,438 build another raft, get them loaded on... 1185 00:51:47,438 --> 00:51:50,275 ...bring them back, it's gonna take days. 1186 00:51:53,544 --> 00:51:55,813 - OK. - Don't stand near the back. 1187 00:51:55,813 --> 00:51:56,781 The brakes don't work. 1188 00:52:00,518 --> 00:52:02,187 Yeah! 1189 00:52:14,699 --> 00:52:17,435 - Well, now what? - That was rubbish. 1190 00:52:18,803 --> 00:52:21,639 I then said we should use my brilliant boat 1191 00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:24,442 to tow the cars back to the reef site, 1192 00:52:24,442 --> 00:52:26,644 which would be quicker and easier. 1193 00:52:32,116 --> 00:52:35,052 JEREMY: They're in the water! 1194 00:52:35,052 --> 00:52:36,921 (YELLS) 1195 00:52:36,921 --> 00:52:39,224 Ha-ha! Power! 1196 00:52:39,224 --> 00:52:40,691 Power! Come on! 1197 00:52:42,627 --> 00:52:44,229 Yes! 1198 00:52:44,229 --> 00:52:46,931 Eat my boat, James May! 1199 00:52:49,900 --> 00:52:51,035 Come on! 1200 00:52:51,035 --> 00:52:52,670 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 1201 00:52:55,039 --> 00:52:56,807 Victory is the boat's! 1202 00:53:00,110 --> 00:53:02,313 James May's hopeless plan... 1203 00:53:04,148 --> 00:53:05,450 What was that? 1204 00:53:07,418 --> 00:53:10,321 With two rusty Peugeots in his swimming area 1205 00:53:10,321 --> 00:53:12,657 and his beach furniture in ruins, 1206 00:53:12,657 --> 00:53:15,025 the hotel manager had had enough 1207 00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:16,761 and ordered us to leave. 1208 00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:22,667 We'd now lost four cars, a boat and our raft. 1209 00:53:22,667 --> 00:53:25,970 But on the plus side, we still had one car left, 1210 00:53:25,970 --> 00:53:30,007 and most importantly, the crane boat. 1211 00:53:30,007 --> 00:53:32,977 But that night, there was bad news. 1212 00:53:37,515 --> 00:53:41,452 The man who owns it is not best pleased with us. 1213 00:53:41,452 --> 00:53:44,389 - Because? - He has off-hired it. 1214 00:53:44,389 --> 00:53:47,292 - We've not got the crane boat? - No. 1215 00:53:47,292 --> 00:53:50,795 - That was the most useful thing we had. - Yeah. 1216 00:53:50,795 --> 00:53:54,665 So what can we possibly do with a Land Rover? 1217 00:53:54,665 --> 00:53:57,067 JAMES: Well... RICHARD: Well, what? 1218 00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:59,404 If I can be positive... 1219 00:53:59,404 --> 00:54:01,005 The Land Rover's largely aluminium, 1220 00:54:01,005 --> 00:54:04,309 which is actually even better for creating a reef. 1221 00:54:04,309 --> 00:54:05,576 - True. - But it's on the land! 1222 00:54:05,576 --> 00:54:07,812 Yes, it is true. The Land Rover is-- 1223 00:54:07,812 --> 00:54:09,947 It's irrelevant. We've lost everything else. 1224 00:54:09,947 --> 00:54:11,849 Yes, but it's good if... 1225 00:54:14,319 --> 00:54:16,120 I've had a brainwave. 1226 00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:17,555 Oh, God. 1227 00:54:20,391 --> 00:54:22,360 JEREMY: And so, the next morning, 1228 00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:24,762 the people of Barbados were treated 1229 00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,497 to the magnificent spectacle 1230 00:54:26,497 --> 00:54:28,966 of a Land Rover gliding majestically 1231 00:54:28,966 --> 00:54:30,568 on a bed of inner tubes 1232 00:54:30,568 --> 00:54:33,338 across the Caribbean Sea. 1233 00:54:33,338 --> 00:54:36,073 Here we are on our final car, and it's a classic. 1234 00:54:36,073 --> 00:54:37,642 It's a Series I Land Rover. 1235 00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:39,477 No, it's a Series II. 1236 00:54:39,477 --> 00:54:41,346 It's a Series I. The lights are close together. 1237 00:54:41,346 --> 00:54:43,213 No, it's got the barrel rolls on the doors. 1238 00:54:43,213 --> 00:54:44,582 It's a Series II. 1239 00:54:44,582 --> 00:54:45,983 - That makes it a Series II? - Yeah. 1240 00:54:45,983 --> 00:54:47,852 I thought Series IIs had the lights angled. 1241 00:54:47,852 --> 00:54:49,654 I think we're getting stuck on this. 1242 00:54:49,654 --> 00:54:51,656 - It's a Land Rover. - It's an old Land Rover. 1243 00:54:51,656 --> 00:54:53,090 The good thing about it is 1244 00:54:53,090 --> 00:54:54,792 it corrodes much less quickly than the steel car. 1245 00:54:54,792 --> 00:54:57,362 We've also glued these limestone tiles to it, 1246 00:54:57,362 --> 00:55:01,466 because porous limestone is the perfect base, foundation, 1247 00:55:01,466 --> 00:55:03,468 for coral to start a reef. 1248 00:55:03,468 --> 00:55:06,771 This is a coral-reef-making machine. 1249 00:55:06,771 --> 00:55:09,807 In fact, the only fly in the ointment 1250 00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:12,777 was its propulsion system. 1251 00:55:12,777 --> 00:55:15,546 - Can I go a bit faster? - OTHERS: No! 1252 00:55:15,546 --> 00:55:17,682 RICHARD: It's filling with water the faster you go. 1253 00:55:17,682 --> 00:55:19,116 We'll sink it in the wrong place. 1254 00:55:19,116 --> 00:55:22,553 This is our last car, our last chance. 1255 00:55:22,553 --> 00:55:25,723 They're bleating on. "Oh, don't go too fast!" 1256 00:55:25,723 --> 00:55:28,393 RICHARD: You're going faster again, Jeremy! 1257 00:55:28,393 --> 00:55:30,928 You're pulling it under! 1258 00:55:30,928 --> 00:55:32,497 Relax! 1259 00:55:32,497 --> 00:55:33,964 JAMES: Am I the same species as that? 1260 00:55:33,964 --> 00:55:35,165 RICHARD: No. 1261 00:55:35,165 --> 00:55:37,167 Jeremy, don't sink it 1262 00:55:37,167 --> 00:55:39,003 before we get there! 1263 00:55:39,003 --> 00:55:41,806 Mother of God! Have you seen that? 1264 00:55:41,806 --> 00:55:43,408 - What? - Guys, look! 1265 00:55:43,408 --> 00:55:46,611 RICHARD: Oh, my God! JEREMY: Holy cow! Look at it! 1266 00:55:47,712 --> 00:55:49,447 RICHARD: That is phenomenal! 1267 00:55:49,447 --> 00:55:51,682 JEREMY: Yeah! Racing! 1268 00:55:51,682 --> 00:55:54,652 Jeremy, you're going to sink us! Don't race it! 1269 00:55:54,652 --> 00:55:57,722 Catch the... Oh, I haven't got time for these two. 1270 00:55:57,722 --> 00:56:00,791 Right. Let's go catch that sailing boat! 1271 00:56:02,860 --> 00:56:04,929 Oh, brilliant! 1272 00:56:17,107 --> 00:56:18,476 Watch this, sunshine. 1273 00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:24,649 That is the fastest thing I've... 1274 00:56:24,649 --> 00:56:26,617 Why is it faster than me? 1275 00:56:34,258 --> 00:56:38,496 They're so good, breeze is beating brake horsepower. 1276 00:56:38,496 --> 00:56:40,130 I cannot keep up with it. 1277 00:56:44,469 --> 00:56:47,371 RICHARD: When do we drink our own urine? 1278 00:56:47,371 --> 00:56:49,073 Look at that thing now! 1279 00:56:57,247 --> 00:56:58,549 Bloody Nora! 1280 00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:08,192 That is just... fabulous! 1281 00:57:15,966 --> 00:57:19,203 I could have buzzed around this amazing machine all day, 1282 00:57:19,203 --> 00:57:22,673 but there was still important environmental work to do. 1283 00:57:22,673 --> 00:57:24,909 So, reluctantly, I broke off 1284 00:57:24,909 --> 00:57:27,712 to rejoin my stranded colleagues. 1285 00:57:31,882 --> 00:57:33,818 - Are you all right? - Well, no! 1286 00:57:33,818 --> 00:57:36,420 We've just been left to drift in a Land Rover! 1287 00:57:36,420 --> 00:57:39,023 Fortunately for you, none of these ceramic tiles is loose, 1288 00:57:39,023 --> 00:57:40,891 otherwise I'd chuck it at your head. 1289 00:57:48,365 --> 00:57:50,668 Do you know, I think it actually handles better 1290 00:57:50,668 --> 00:57:52,102 than it does on land. 1291 00:57:52,102 --> 00:57:55,172 Soon, we will reach the reef site, 1292 00:57:55,172 --> 00:57:57,174 puncture the inner tubes, the Land Rover will sink, 1293 00:57:57,174 --> 00:58:00,244 and it will become a safe haven for cod 1294 00:58:00,244 --> 00:58:03,948 and haddock and...bream. 1295 00:58:06,684 --> 00:58:08,352 Eventually, we reached the site 1296 00:58:08,352 --> 00:58:11,556 and said about scuttling our reef machine. 1297 00:58:19,463 --> 00:58:21,632 JEREMY: Fire! 1298 00:58:21,632 --> 00:58:24,101 JAMES: Yes! JEREMY: Yes! 1299 00:58:28,338 --> 00:58:30,440 JEREMY: Here we go! 1300 00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,476 Down! Sink! 1301 00:58:32,476 --> 00:58:33,778 JAMES: Whoo! 1302 00:58:41,986 --> 00:58:44,822 In truth, all great environmental projects 1303 00:58:44,822 --> 00:58:47,024 are beset with problems. 1304 00:58:47,024 --> 00:58:50,194 And ours, through no fault of our own, except James's, 1305 00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:51,295 was no exception. 1306 00:58:54,765 --> 00:58:56,901 Save it! Stop! 1307 00:59:00,204 --> 00:59:03,608 (YELLS) 1308 00:59:03,608 --> 00:59:05,242 So, in the end, our new reef 1309 00:59:05,242 --> 00:59:08,779 wasn't quite as spectacular as we'd hoped. 1310 00:59:08,779 --> 00:59:10,247 But it was a start, 1311 00:59:10,247 --> 00:59:12,449 and one day it'll be the core of something 1312 00:59:12,449 --> 00:59:14,619 a thousand miles long-- 1313 00:59:14,619 --> 00:59:16,486 a new and beautiful home 1314 00:59:16,486 --> 00:59:19,990 for the cod and the haddock of the Caribbean. 1315 00:59:43,914 --> 00:59:46,283 - (CHEERING) - Thank you so much. 1316 00:59:46,283 --> 00:59:48,853 And a very big thank you to the government of Barbados 1317 00:59:48,853 --> 00:59:50,354 for helping us with that film. 1318 00:59:50,354 --> 00:59:53,290 And we'd just like to say no coral was damaged 1319 00:59:53,290 --> 00:59:55,059 while we were building our reef. 1320 00:59:55,059 --> 00:59:59,063 No. Or, if we're perfectly honest, created. 1321 00:59:59,063 --> 01:00:01,098 However, we came back with a brilliant idea. 1322 01:00:01,098 --> 01:00:02,967 You see, we liked it in the Caribbean. 1323 01:00:02,967 --> 01:00:04,869 Our crews liked it in the Caribbean. 1324 01:00:04,869 --> 01:00:06,871 So we thought it would be a good idea, next week, 1325 01:00:06,871 --> 01:00:08,172 to make a film 1326 01:00:08,172 --> 01:00:10,875 comparing the motoring cultures of the French, 1327 01:00:10,875 --> 01:00:12,376 the Dutch and the British Islands. 1328 01:00:12,376 --> 01:00:14,411 - Yeah, it was a great idea. - Brilliant idea. 1329 01:00:14,411 --> 01:00:15,813 But Mr Wilman, our producer, 1330 01:00:15,813 --> 01:00:17,715 he decided it wasn't a brilliant idea, 1331 01:00:17,715 --> 01:00:19,216 and that, instead, 1332 01:00:19,216 --> 01:00:21,185 we should go to northern France with three old cars 1333 01:00:21,185 --> 01:00:23,287 - and drive around in the rain. - (LAUGHTER) 1334 01:00:23,287 --> 01:00:25,055 So that's what we're actually doing. 1335 01:00:25,055 --> 01:00:27,157 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 1336 01:00:27,157 --> 01:00:28,793 Thank you so much for watching. 1337 01:00:28,793 --> 01:00:31,395 Thank you for coming. See you soon. Take care. 1338 01:00:31,395 --> 01:00:33,097 - RICHARD: See you next time. - (CHEERING) 99161

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