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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,840 This programme contains strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,480 COMMENTATOR SPEAKS IN DISTANCE 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:17,560 And the routine total for Plymouth A is 78.700. 4 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:18,600 APPLAUSE 5 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:24,640 This is start number four, representing Rushmore A. 6 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:25,680 APPLAUSE 7 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:34,680 MUSIC: Dancing On My Own by Robyn 8 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,240 MUSIC GROWS DISTANT 9 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:26,640 Ray? Oh, my God! Ray! 10 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,720 PANICKED VOICES 11 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:11,520 Bom dia, meu gatao. Dormiu bem? 12 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,120 WOMAN MOANS IN VIDEO 13 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:39,840 VIDEO STOPS 14 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:43,760 Bollocks. 15 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,280 PHONE RINGS 16 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,800 Tell me you're almost home. 17 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,240 You may need to start without me. I got...I got held up. 18 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,640 I have started without you. 19 00:02:57,640 --> 00:02:59,480 I mean start the interview. 20 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,880 Are you watching...? 21 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,760 Yeah, it's what I expected... 22 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:05,960 You're a reckless idiot. 23 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,800 Next time, hero, let the grandma fall down the stairs. 24 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,400 Get dressed. 25 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,680 He's on his way, Gemma. 26 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,320 Use the siren. 27 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,800 It's not an emergency. 28 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,160 It is an emergency. I don't see you any more. 29 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,240 That's an exaggeration. 30 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,520 I don't want a lodger. 31 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,760 There's barely enough room for us. 32 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,000 Yeah, well, we need the money, so... 33 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,560 Can't we just declare bankruptcy? 34 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,800 Fake our deaths, move to Bali? 35 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:33,960 I miss you. 36 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,240 How close are you? 37 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,400 MOANING RESUMES 38 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,480 How close are YOU? 39 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:45,720 I could get there. 40 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,000 Don't hang up. 41 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,680 SHE MOANS 42 00:03:58,080 --> 00:03:59,880 Seriously, dude, marry her. 43 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,560 999 mode activated. SIREN WAILS 44 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,000 SHE CHUCKLES 45 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:12,920 Oh, my God. 46 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:31,000 Voce quer um cafe da manha? Do you want some breakfast? Hm? 47 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,040 CAT MEOWS 48 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:49,960 Excuse me! 49 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,760 I'm Ray. 50 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,880 Ray. Yes, hi. 51 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,080 Hi... Hi, hi. 52 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,520 Erm... 53 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,120 Yeah. 54 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,560 Hm! 55 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,760 The girl's coming to view the room, so we're going to have to be quick. 56 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:08,800 Fuck! 57 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:11,760 And that's Gemma. 58 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:19,840 Ray... 59 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:23,280 Er... Coffee? Tea? 60 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,680 Erm, tea. 61 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:25,920 Tea. 62 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,720 Great. One tea for Ray. 63 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,920 Sorry. 64 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,640 She's just getting dressed and screaming into a pillow. 65 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,240 Sorry, I'm always early. 66 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,040 No, no, this is actually probably a good ice-breaker for the right 67 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,760 person - seeing your prospective landlord's vagina. 68 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,680 I wasn't referring to Gemma as... 69 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,560 Not calling it an ice-breaker, or... 70 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,920 So, er, do you work nearby or...? 71 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:04,240 Erm, I'm retired. 72 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:06,760 Oh, OK, really? 73 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,880 Yeah. And you are, erm, a florist? 74 00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:11,240 I'm trousered now, so... 75 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,640 You have every right to be untrousered in your own flat. 76 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,360 If you take the room, I promise you'll never have to see that again. 77 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,160 Yeah. We'll make it part of the tenancy agreement. Is that an offer? 78 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,480 We should interview you first. 79 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,160 You can't interview someone who's just seen your vagina... Stop. 80 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,560 ..Gem, the best you can ask for is an informal chat, right? 81 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,240 Can we all just forget about my vagina? 82 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,120 Yes. No. 83 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,080 Seriously! What do we need to ask? 84 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:33,760 Er, you want me to interview myself? 85 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,120 He's just come off a night shift and I'm flustered for no reason. 86 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,840 Yeah, plus everyone else we've met has been clinically insane. 87 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:42,000 Are you clinically insane, Ray? 88 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,200 Erm... Does pyromania count? 89 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,480 That's a joke. It's funny, 90 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,840 We're clicking. This is going well. 91 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:53,800 So, I can make the rent, I can give you deposit, I don't smoke, 92 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,920 I'm tidy, I'm respectful, I'm quiet, 93 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,760 I try to be a good person, 94 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:02,040 I'm 30 years old and I still live with my parents, so... 95 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,480 ..desperate. 96 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,440 Yeah, and you promise not to mention anything about Gemma's vagina? 97 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:07,520 I promise nothing. 98 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,000 Fuck both of you guys! 99 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,520 Do you have any questions for us? 100 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:14,560 Er, no. 101 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:17,760 I already know too much. 102 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,080 Yeah. 103 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,720 What can she mean she's retired? 104 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,440 See her bruises? 105 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,400 She might have a bad boyfriend. 106 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:32,680 Or girlfriend. 107 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,680 I'm just saying. She might have. 108 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:37,960 We had phone sex. 109 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,040 I had phone sex! 110 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,760 Whoa! 111 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,920 For fuck's sake, Kieran, again? 112 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,200 What? Oh, yeah. You should see the other guy. 113 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:56,440 It was an old lady, Gem, and she's fine now, all right? 114 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,080 Saviour of the fucking needy...! 115 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,520 How is that a bad thing, though? 116 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,880 Course you want to give this battered woman the room, 117 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,920 fucking damsel in distress. Just your type. 118 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,720 Oh, says the woman with her knickers off 119 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,240 hoping our new lodger's a lesbian? 120 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,760 Oh, yeah, you're right. 121 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,880 I can't keep living this lie. 122 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:17,000 This six-year hetero blip is over and I'm back on the muff! 123 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,600 I'm late for work. We'll argue when we get back. 124 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,840 Yeah, sure. 125 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,280 What else would we do? 126 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:23,600 Not fuck. 127 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,400 You're too injured and I'm too gay, apparently. 128 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,840 WOMAN MOANS IN VIDEO 129 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,160 VIDEO STOPS 130 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,440 The hell is this? 131 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,640 Oh, this is Asher, Chef. My cousin. Can he hang out here? 132 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,760 I'll end up training more people than I'm serving. 133 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,200 Are you smoking weed? 134 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,240 No. No, no. 135 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,920 Oh...it's 8am! 136 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,720 I haven't been to sleep yet. 137 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:19,920 Oh, thank you, Tom. Hi. Here you go. 138 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,560 See you on Tuesday. Cheers. Bye. 139 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:33,480 All right, Asher, take off your jacket and help me with the chairs. 140 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,320 Right, grab the last two, yeah? 141 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,800 MUSIC: Witness (1 Hope) by Roots Manuva 142 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,800 OK, Gemma, this is all mad. 143 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,880 You've heard this before. 144 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:55,960 No. 145 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,840 I was born in 2002. 146 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,000 What? No, you weren't cos... 147 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,320 No, I was. 148 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,200 Oh, my God, I'm old... 149 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,240 This is to remind you that you're mortal, 150 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,800 next time you feel like being a reckless twat... 151 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,480 Oh! 152 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,560 Dick. 153 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:54,160 We won't be able to argue when the lodger moves in. 154 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:55,280 ALARM BEEPS 155 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,400 Better make the most of it, then. 156 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,200 Another night shift? 157 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:05,280 If we can't even make time to argue, then what even are we? 158 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:09,640 I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean, but I have to go. 159 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,080 Don't be too brave. 160 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:42,440 Good morning. 161 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,000 PEACEFUL PIANO MUSIC 162 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,720 Goodnight. 163 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,680 SHE EXHALES 164 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,520 IN FRENCH: 165 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,000 Oh, my God... 166 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:46,760 Pull yourself together, Mick. 167 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:48,200 OK. OK. 168 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,920 MUSIC: May You Never by John Martyn 169 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:33,400 Well, Moira does have a flair for the dramatic. 170 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,640 It's a big change for Moira and the team. 171 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:43,760 It's a big change for everyone. 172 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:52,480 It's too fussy. 173 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,880 It needs to be simple. 174 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,720 The point is the food and the people and that 175 00:14:56,720 --> 00:15:01,480 this isn't yet another overpriced hipster gentrification nightmare. 176 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,280 Not that I don't want those customers, I just don't want to 177 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,120 you know, price out the locals or be part of the problem. PHONE RINGS 178 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,240 Chef, someone's here for an interview. 179 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:11,760 Oh... Victor can you get the phone? 180 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,200 Properly, like I taught you. 181 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,840 Erm... Hi. Hiya. 182 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,920 You're a student? Yeah, postgrad, Goldsmiths. 183 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,920 Design, but I've worked in cafes before. 184 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,640 What do you think...of this? 185 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,400 It's too fussy, right? 186 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,800 I'm just... I'm here for a waitressing job. 187 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,600 You're over-qualified. 188 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,680 How is that...? How is that a problem? 189 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,320 All right, so, we'll go simpler. 190 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:36,960 We'll paint the walls, new lighting... 191 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,000 Er, it's that front you need to sort, cos I just... 192 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,640 ..I just walked right past the place. 193 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,560 Exactly. People still think we're a lawyer's. 194 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,040 OK, then, start at the front. 195 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,760 You could... Yeah, OK, Nick, can you just let me...? 196 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,000 Can you work a coffee machine? 197 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,160 Yeah. 198 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,120 OK, tell me... 199 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,680 ..how much are we talking? 200 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:05,400 Just don't understand! How - HOW - can this cost £500?! 201 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,560 Yeah, well, if you want it done properly, Gemma! 202 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,360 To paint a sign! If you want a professional job! 203 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:15,160 Ugh! You must know I can't afford that, Caroline! 204 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,920 No! What the hell is happening?! Perfect. 205 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,360 Gemma, if you don't want me to die at work, 206 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,360 I need to sleep between shifts! 207 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,160 Gem, she's not trying to screw you... 208 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,960 Why does everything cost money?! 209 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,840 Here, let me... 210 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,240 I've got this. 211 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,680 You know, for what you're paying, 212 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,800 you can have a place to yourself in Aldershot. 213 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:28,320 I don't need reminders that I have wasted my life... 214 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,360 You're an Olympian. 215 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,400 You've met the Queen. 216 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,720 You've achieved more in your 30 years 217 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,880 than some have achieved in their entire lives. 218 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,200 You should have stopped me. 219 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,640 If you're looking for ways to blame your problems 220 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:50,920 on supportive parents... 221 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,040 ..then you SHOULD see a therapist. 222 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:58,920 And we'll send you the cheque as we always do. 223 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,560 Jesus, Mathilde. 224 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,000 What? What did I say? 225 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,160 Maman... 226 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,200 Mon bebe... 227 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,080 What is this stuff? 228 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:25,720 Very niche sex toys. 229 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,400 It was very nice meeting you...both. 230 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,280 We'll take good care of her. 231 00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,440 Bye. 232 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:41,480 Bye. 233 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:49,400 What are you doing? 234 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,520 Station. 235 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,960 Mick wants you to have the car. 236 00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,200 You use it more than I do. 237 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,520 Dad, I won't need a car in London. 238 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,160 Drive safe, Momo. 239 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,440 Thank you. 240 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,000 You are a silly, soft man. Come on. 241 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,200 We should tell her about the broadband. 242 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,000 That it's too slow for pornography? 243 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,360 The password, you pervert. 244 00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,320 Hi. Hey, hey. 245 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,320 Hi, welcome home! Thank you. 246 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:50,760 Are there any more boxes outside? 247 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,240 No. I'm going to... 248 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,160 I need to...prep for lunch. Yep. 249 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,440 Erm, do you want help with that box? I'm OK. 250 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,400 Hey, your new lodger is seriously... I will kill you. 251 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,760 Again? You're taking the mick, you know! 252 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:30,120 Hi, is everything OK for you guys? 253 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,800 So, I seem to be working here now, 254 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,800 but we haven't talked about hours or pay. 255 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,000 Long hours, low pay. Just give me one second. 256 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,520 Are we going to address the way you just looked at her? 257 00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:50,960 Should we address the way YOU just looked at her? 258 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:56,880 I don't expect you to not notice that she's obviously... 259 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,360 ..objectively... 260 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:02,600 ..aesthetically... 261 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,360 I've noticed that. 262 00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,080 It's not going to be a problem for me. 263 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,320 Is it going to be a problem for you? 264 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:13,880 Answer quicker. 265 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,000 Are you...unhappy? 266 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,160 It just shouldn't be this hard. 267 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:22,360 We're working every waking minute and can't afford to put up a sign 268 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,240 or pay our mortgage without taking in a stranger. 269 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,920 I...feel like we're at breaking point. 270 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:30,400 What, us? 271 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,680 No, everything. 272 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,720 THUD UPSTAIRS 273 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,200 I need to go out for a bit. 274 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:38,520 Don't. 275 00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,640 Please don't just disappear...! 276 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,440 WOMAN ON PHONE: You could've moved onto my aunt's houseboat 277 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,760 if you wanted somewhere cramped and cluttered. 278 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:53,200 It isn't that cramped. Look. 279 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,200 Hey, that's my lamp! 280 00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,600 I thought you gave it to me? 281 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,560 CLATTERING Careful. You'll lose the deposit on your cupboard. 282 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:02,680 It's not a cupboard. 283 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:04,800 Do you have all the details about the job tomorrow? 284 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,200 Moi? 285 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,480 Ray? Ray? 286 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:08,800 Moira? 287 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,000 Are you there? 288 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:11,360 The Wi-Fi is crap. 289 00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,840 Ray, if you can hear me, I'll meet you there at ten. 290 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:31,680 MOIRA: Wilson? Am I in your shirt? 291 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:37,160 Sorry, I didn't know how to mute you and someone just came in. 292 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,840 Kind of intense to be thrust into your belly button. 293 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,840 How is everybody? 294 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,760 The same! Everyone's always the same! 295 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:46,920 Forget them! 296 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,000 Forget us all! You've escaped! 297 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,400 You're in London having adventures! 298 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:52,880 You're an adventuress! 299 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,800 I'll see you tomorrow, OK? Don't be late. 300 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,600 Love you. Shave your legs. 301 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:16,760 MUSIC: Stay Low by DLK 302 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,240 Totally insane. 303 00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,160 CHATTER 304 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,520 That's it. Loose up a little. 305 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,680 Right, no, come on, you three. 306 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:35,880 Three? Yes, you. 307 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,400 Kitchen duties now. 308 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,920 Wash your hands. 309 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,760 I want to show you something useful. 310 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:54,520 Hey. Hey. 311 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,080 Thank you. 312 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:04,000 Are you sure you don't mind? Nan gave it to you. 313 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,240 Yeah, so Mum couldn't pawn it. 314 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,120 Nan would fully endorse this decision. 315 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:11,640 Don't you want to...? If a man wants to take on me and Danny, 316 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,280 he can damn well by me a new one. 317 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,240 Ah! 318 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:16,560 There you go. 319 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:30,640 We used to play weddings, do you remember? Yeah. 320 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:31,920 Pillowcase on my head! 321 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:33,360 Didn't I marry... 322 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:35,600 ..Ricky P...in the first placement? 323 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,520 Ricky P, yeah, I officiated! 324 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,880 Well, I hope she says yes. 325 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:47,080 You are an arsehole. 326 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,280 I hope she can overlook your many, many flaws! 327 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,760 OK. Enough of that. 328 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,600 No, I put loads of flour and it's still not working. No, listen to me. 329 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,440 Are you wanting to do it properly or not? Yes. 330 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:07,600 OK. "Yes, Chef." Yes, Chef. 331 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,160 Pass that to me. Yep. Unless you want to have a go at this? 332 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,000 Do you want to have a go at this? Yeah. 333 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:16,720 Do this. OK. There. Yes. Don't pull it up. 334 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,480 You can put the spoon... Oh, and then just tuck it out. 335 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,920 ..through the back, tuck it underneath. 336 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,600 But you need to throw this away, guys, please. Concentrate. 337 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,560 We're going to chuck this away, like I said, 338 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,360 because you don't need to use this any more because you've ruined it. 339 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:06,520 Right, chuck this out. 340 00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,080 Asher's going to get your apprenticeship, Victor. 341 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:10,200 Pay attention, yeah? 342 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:16,360 SLOW-PACED MUSIC PLAYS 343 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,800 Hey, um, thanks for today, Chef. 344 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:30,680 You are so welcome, Asher. 345 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:35,640 Where have you been? 346 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,280 No, wait. I smell like fish guts! 347 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,960 When do you finish? 348 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,680 I'm done. Can we go out? What, now? Aren't you exhausted? 349 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,480 Yeah, I'm practically dead, but I miss you. 350 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,400 Somewhere cheap? Mm-hm. 351 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:54,760 Oh! Well, yeah, fish guts. 352 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:56,960 Ah! Hey! Hey! 353 00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,800 You've got a date. I'm taking you out. 354 00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,200 Oh! Va-va-voom! Va-va... Va-va... Ha! 355 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,120 TV: At this stage, though... 356 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,360 Hey! Hey. Hey! 357 00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:13,920 How are you settling in? Great. I'm watching a wildlife documentary. 358 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:15,080 It's quite traumatic. 359 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:20,840 We love this show! We call it Nature's Bastards. 360 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,680 We're going for a drink. That sounds amazing. I'm so bored! 361 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,320 Do I have time to shower? 362 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,760 Um... Yeah. Mm-hm. 363 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:35,560 Of course. 364 00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:40,040 Yo! We need... 365 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,840 We need a night of just us, we need to talk! 366 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:46,920 I know! 367 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:51,040 This is the situation that we find ourselves in. 368 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:52,560 Oh... Now? Yeah. 369 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:53,600 Quickly! 370 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,080 And quietly. 371 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:06,600 THEY BOTH MOAN 372 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:12,000 I'll be five minutes. 373 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,560 Okey dokey! SHE GIGGLES 374 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,080 Jesus, Maria, Jose! 375 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,360 OK, I need to... More... 376 00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:38,400 Put on face... 377 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,400 Where are we going? Oh, this place Gemma used to work at. 378 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:47,960 It's nice. 379 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,000 It's really quiet. 380 00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,440 MUSIC PLAYS 381 00:28:58,200 --> 00:28:59,560 Should we...? 382 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:00,920 Should we go for a quieter drink? 383 00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,640 Do you want to go somewhere else? Great, guys. Stay? 384 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:06,520 Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. 385 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:11,640 I am guessing that this is your first night out in London? 386 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,080 Ahh, everyone looks amazing! 387 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:17,280 Look, that's Jason! Gemma knows him. 388 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,960 That's great! Oh, wow. 389 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:27,200 Oh, my God! We finally made it out, babe, thank you! 390 00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,240 They're really good. Shall we stay? 391 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,760 Let's stay, let's stay. Let's stay, let's stay, yeah. 392 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,120 I love you, Gem. Love you. 393 00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:43,640 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 394 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:54,680 I have to wash my hands, actually. 395 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:56,160 Oh, sorry... 396 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:57,360 No, you are not in my way. 397 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:58,400 What did I do? 398 00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,920 Oh, my God, what have you done! 399 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:04,720 Oh, your hair is so knotty... 400 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:07,960 Oh, shit! 401 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,640 Oh! Are you OK, hon? What did you lose? 402 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,000 A ring. 403 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,240 Nobody move! Nobody move! 404 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:15,320 Loose jewellery! 405 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,800 Gemma? Jason! 406 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:22,760 What happened here? 407 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,120 They were going to close and they let me do a drag night on a Friday 408 00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,040 and we smashed it, now it's the whole weekend! 409 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,880 I used to work here with Jason. 410 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:33,280 Ray. Hi. 411 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:34,800 Hi, nice to meet you. 412 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,480 So, did you and Kieran finally...? 413 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:43,600 She's our lodger, you twat...! 414 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,320 Excuse me. I'm sorry. I am sorry. 415 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,760 Oh! Check under my skirt... 416 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:57,160 Is it...? No. No. 417 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,440 I DO! 418 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:04,680 GENTLE LAUGHTER 419 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,120 Oh, thank you! You're amazing. 420 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,480 Now you may kiss the bride. 421 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:11,160 Congratulations! 422 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,680 Gem, I want to talk to you about something. 423 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:28,960 You pillock... 424 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:32,120 Can we go somewhere quieter? 425 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,240 What? 426 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:41,440 Thank God! She's a dork, just like us. 427 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:44,480 Speak for yourself, dork. 428 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:48,720 I've never been to a drag night before and it's really fun! 429 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,040 Never used to be like this. 430 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:51,440 We haven't been here in ages. 431 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,040 Haven't been anywhere in ages. 432 00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:58,680 Oh, my God... I have crashed your date. 433 00:31:58,680 --> 00:31:59,800 I am so sorry. 434 00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:02,880 Ray, you haven't. I'm an idiot, I am so sorry. 435 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:04,360 Don't be silly, Ray, come on. 436 00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:05,480 I'm going back to the flat. 437 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:07,600 What? What? No. Stay. Stay. 438 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,640 CHEERING 439 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,480 All right, all right. 440 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,960 Welcome. Welcome. Welcome, friends and lovers. 441 00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,000 You're all very welcome. 442 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:27,200 Even this adorable trio of interlopers. 443 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,840 Tell me, which one of you's the unicorn? 444 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:34,040 Only kidding, only kidding, I don't really care. 445 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,720 What does that mean - "unicorn"? Now I wouldn't be here, and none 446 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:43,440 of you glorious queens would be here if it wasn't for the legendary, 447 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,640 the pioneering Ms Nina Fahrenheit! 448 00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,760 ALL: MOVE OVER! 449 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,320 What does that mean? I have no fucking idea. 450 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,200 The UK drag scene owes her a huge debt. 451 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,880 Come say a few words, Midge. 452 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:07,960 Hello, all. 453 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:09,880 GREETINGS FROM CROWD 454 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:15,200 Some of you may know that Nina Fahrenheit was known 455 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,760 to her family as Graham Buchanan. 456 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,640 I am Graham's sister. 457 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:28,520 Two days ago, we scattered some of Graham's ashes on the Heath. 458 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:34,040 But we've yet to say goodbye to Nina. 459 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:41,920 CHEERING 460 00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,080 MUSIC: You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) by Sylvester 461 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:05,760 I feel like shit. 462 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,280 I really appreciate you not making fun of me. 463 00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:14,760 Why would we? 464 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:21,080 People think it's camp and stupid. 465 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,640 Have you seriously not googled me? 466 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,520 That's kind of irresponsible. 467 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:35,880 It's none of our business. 468 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,080 I couldn't find anything. 469 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,000 You googled Ray, not Ramona. 470 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:50,120 You're a spy. 471 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:53,600 Let's get this over with. 472 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,800 I am going to get whatever cocktails take the longest to make. 473 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:04,160 What if we just don't look? 474 00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:05,880 Yeah. We could just not look at it. 475 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:12,560 You got any lash glue, Jason? I've sweated these right off. 476 00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:14,840 Must be going through the change. 477 00:35:16,880 --> 00:35:18,600 I am, I'm sorry about your friend. 478 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,280 I told her, skydiving's for the young. 479 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,240 So, you live with them? 480 00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:37,280 I moved in today. 481 00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,720 Oh, shit. There's a whole team of her. 482 00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:45,760 Babe... 483 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:47,840 She was awesome... 484 00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:52,840 A unicorn is... 485 00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,760 ..you know how the odd-one-out is a lemon? 486 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,040 You mean a gooseberry? 487 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:01,400 A unicorn is the opposite. 488 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:05,440 I don't understand. 489 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:11,440 It's the third party who makes it, you know... 490 00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:14,680 ..a party. 491 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:17,000 Oh. 492 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:20,640 Oh. 493 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:25,920 What's that one? "Accident"? 494 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,640 What happened? Oh, God. 495 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,160 Is she going to be OK? Is she going to be OK? 496 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:39,440 Those are on me. 497 00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,000 It's rare to meet a unicorn. 498 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,720 That's because they're mythical. 499 00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:50,880 The way they're looking at you, you're definitely not a lemon. 500 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:18,280 Do you believe in signs? 501 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,400 What, like from the universe? 502 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:24,200 Do you? 503 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,240 Yes. No. 504 00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,720 I should have quit after the Olympics. 505 00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,440 I could have gone to college. 506 00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,800 Retrained. 507 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:36,040 Had a life. 508 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:37,120 You have a life. 509 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,120 Not like you two. 510 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,080 You've been places, done stuff. 511 00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,120 Had adventures. 512 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,760 And I've been in a pool the whole time. 513 00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:51,480 I ignored every sign saying stop. 514 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:54,800 Not any more. 515 00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,760 Next instruction I get from the universe, I am going to listen. 516 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:06,160 Oh, my God. 517 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:08,400 Oh. 518 00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:14,120 Wait, don't rub it, I know this! 519 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:17,200 It was crazy. 520 00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:19,600 Fuck. 521 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:22,120 So, this for hair. 522 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:24,600 And coconut oil for the skin. 523 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:29,480 I can't believe this knowledge has a real-world application! 524 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,440 Am I doing this right? Yeah. Then what? 525 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:34,880 And then with water. I'll end up like a mermaid. 526 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:36,880 Is it coming off? No. 527 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:38,760 You've gotta put oil on first. 528 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,320 I shouldn't have got in the pool that day. 529 00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:57,520 I knew it. 530 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:00,640 I'd been pushing too hard for too long. 531 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:03,840 I couldn't keep up. 532 00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,280 Does it hurt? 533 00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,240 No, it's OK... It's like yours. 534 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,040 Angry drunks, falling grannies... 535 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:22,360 He's kind of a hero. 536 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:26,600 Yeah. Mine's less heroic. 537 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:30,160 Bigger, though. 538 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:41,880 How about you? 539 00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:45,280 Or is she perfect? 540 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:53,720 Sorry... It's fine. She is. 541 00:39:57,840 --> 00:39:59,120 She is perfect. 542 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:32,200 Err, I... I'd better... 543 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,480 Yeah. We'll let you get to it. 544 00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:39,120 Goodnight. Night. Thanks for the tip. 545 00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:40,840 Goodnight, Ray. Yeah. 37832

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