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1
00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,084
Previously
on "Future Man"...
2
00:00:05,108 --> 00:00:07,960
These three have stolen
a time travel device.
3
00:00:07,984 --> 00:00:10,171
They can be anytime, anywhere.
4
00:00:10,195 --> 00:00:11,422
‐ I got a ping.
Someone just invented
5
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:13,508
sliced bread
700 years too early.
6
00:00:13,532 --> 00:00:16,349
Wolf‐Hart just decapitated
Shoji the Honorable,
7
00:00:16,373 --> 00:00:20,264
wiping out an entire line
of noble warriors.
8
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:21,807
‐ Da, da!
9
00:00:21,831 --> 00:00:24,227
Check out this book.
It's got to be Wolf‐Hart.
10
00:00:24,251 --> 00:00:26,187
He set her humanity aflame.
11
00:00:26,211 --> 00:00:27,563
They're hiding in Russia.
12
00:00:27,587 --> 00:00:29,065
‐ Two timelines
just momentarily merged.
13
00:00:29,089 --> 00:00:30,526
I think we're looking
at temporal decay.
14
00:00:30,550 --> 00:00:32,777
Future and past
existing simultaneously,
15
00:00:32,801 --> 00:00:33,868
space‐time collapsing
in on itself.
16
00:00:33,892 --> 00:00:35,071
‐ Are you there, God?
17
00:00:35,095 --> 00:00:36,072
Please don't call me that.
18
00:00:36,096 --> 00:00:37,532
‐ What should I call you, then?
19
00:00:37,556 --> 00:00:40,368
How about "friend?"
You must come to me.
20
00:00:40,392 --> 00:00:42,828
I will give you
the coordinates to find me.
21
00:00:42,852 --> 00:00:45,206
‐ Hey, give me that.
‐ No, I got it!
22
00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:46,249
I'm taking us somewhere safe.
23
00:02:12,153 --> 00:02:13,628
‐ What's going on?
24
00:02:13,652 --> 00:02:17,632
You piss yourself in moments
half as tense as that.
25
00:02:17,656 --> 00:02:20,885
‐ I had faith,
and my faith was rewarded.
26
00:02:20,909 --> 00:02:22,887
My destiny is not back there.
27
00:02:26,915 --> 00:02:29,285
It's up there.
28
00:02:31,044 --> 00:02:34,065
Yes, Josh.
You are close.
29
00:02:34,089 --> 00:02:36,067
‐ What's on top of the mountain?
30
00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:38,903
‐ Home.
31
00:02:38,927 --> 00:02:40,863
We're off to see
the all‐knowing,
32
00:02:40,887 --> 00:02:44,408
benevolent, the great,
the powerful‐‐
33
00:03:26,391 --> 00:03:28,915
Josh, my friend,
I have been patient.
34
00:03:28,939 --> 00:03:31,539
I have waited
for your scratch to heal.
35
00:03:31,563 --> 00:03:33,374
‐ It's not a scratch.
36
00:03:33,398 --> 00:03:35,584
Okay, the scent
of my leg repels animals.
37
00:03:35,608 --> 00:03:37,795
Except for vultures,
who just keep following me.
38
00:03:37,819 --> 00:03:40,634
Today,
you must climb the mountain.
39
00:03:40,658 --> 00:03:42,675
‐ I can barely walk.
40
00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:45,177
You keep pushing me to climb,
and every time that I do,
41
00:03:45,201 --> 00:03:49,432
the wound just opens up again,
and it's making it worse.
42
00:03:49,456 --> 00:03:51,475
Why can't you just
come meet me here?
43
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,060
The mountain
will not come to you,
44
00:03:53,084 --> 00:03:55,020
you must come to the mountain.
45
00:03:55,044 --> 00:03:57,609
Don't give up,
not when you are so close.
46
00:03:57,633 --> 00:03:58,777
‐ Exactly, exactly.
47
00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:01,735
Doesn't close count
for anything?
48
00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:04,363
Look, I just want to go home.
49
00:04:04,387 --> 00:04:06,615
I thought we were friends.
50
00:04:06,639 --> 00:04:08,784
It turns out
I'm just that sad Bible guy
51
00:04:08,808 --> 00:04:10,619
who God keeps on testing
over and over again.
52
00:04:10,643 --> 00:04:11,620
You know the one.
53
00:04:11,644 --> 00:04:14,206
Uh... Jesus?
54
00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:16,500
‐ No! Job.
55
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,002
Right?
56
00:04:18,026 --> 00:04:20,026
If you say so.
57
00:04:29,329 --> 00:04:31,724
‐ Oh. What took you so long?
58
00:04:31,748 --> 00:04:34,935
‐ Oh, you know, I just kept
falling and crying.
59
00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:36,729
‐ Mm‐hmm.
60
00:04:36,753 --> 00:04:39,482
‐ Oh, yeah.
61
00:04:39,506 --> 00:04:41,025
Goddamn it.
62
00:04:41,049 --> 00:04:44,195
I asked for King Boletes.
These are Death Caps.
63
00:04:44,219 --> 00:04:45,866
You want to guess what happens
if you eat these?
64
00:04:45,890 --> 00:04:48,493
This is fine dining,
not college improv.
65
00:04:48,517 --> 00:04:50,993
‐ I'm sorry, okay?
I'm doing my best.
66
00:04:51,017 --> 00:04:53,829
Just cut me some slack.
I'm going to my room.
67
00:04:56,231 --> 00:04:58,918
Oh, well,
if it isn't little Miss
68
00:04:58,942 --> 00:05:00,379
"Haven't Been Home
in Three Days."
69
00:05:00,403 --> 00:05:02,401
‐
70
00:05:04,447 --> 00:05:07,802
Oh, yeah, my chin is a‐barkin'.
71
00:05:07,826 --> 00:05:09,595
‐ No one's making you
wear that thing.
72
00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:11,889
‐ Yeah, well, I'm sick
of killing would‐be rapers.
73
00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:12,932
Hey, boy?
74
00:05:12,956 --> 00:05:14,517
Boy?
‐ What?
75
00:05:14,541 --> 00:05:15,936
‐ Why'd you have to bring us
to yet another time
76
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,436
where women are treated
like garbage?
77
00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:20,940
‐ Well, I'm so sorry.
It's called "all of history."
78
00:05:20,964 --> 00:05:22,991
What do you want me
to do about it?
79
00:05:25,802 --> 00:05:27,488
Those are bear traps.
80
00:05:27,512 --> 00:05:29,368
‐ Yep, and they need a‐mendin'.
81
00:05:29,392 --> 00:05:30,658
Rabbit's ten away.
82
00:05:30,682 --> 00:05:33,209
I made sous‐vide bags
out of elk bladders.
83
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,954
It locks in the flavor.
84
00:05:34,978 --> 00:05:36,125
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's food.
85
00:05:36,149 --> 00:05:39,667
- Who gives a shit?
- Ooh, careful.
86
00:05:42,318 --> 00:05:46,465
Okay, so how was your day?
87
00:05:46,489 --> 00:05:49,385
‐ Well, I beat my PR
on beaver pelts.
88
00:05:49,409 --> 00:05:51,470
97.
‐ Oh, wow.
89
00:05:51,494 --> 00:05:54,350
‐ Yeah, pretty good
considering those Mohawk dicks
90
00:05:54,374 --> 00:05:55,899
are messing with my traps.
91
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:58,602
‐ Oh, well,
you know, if you like,
92
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,187
I can speak with the Mohawk.
93
00:06:00,211 --> 00:06:03,486
They're allied with the French,
and they don't take too kindly
94
00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:06,485
to independent operators
moving in on their territory,
95
00:06:06,509 --> 00:06:09,280
but if I were to communicate
our neutrality‐‐
96
00:06:09,304 --> 00:06:10,701
You know what?
‐ And then we can‐‐
97
00:06:10,725 --> 00:06:13,039
Stop you right there
Mr. "Tell Morning Not to Come."
98
00:06:13,063 --> 00:06:15,995
‐ I gave you no cause
to retrieve the book.
99
00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:18,789
Boy.
Read it.
100
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,124
Do I have to?
101
00:06:20,148 --> 00:06:22,585
Read the passage.
102
00:06:22,609 --> 00:06:24,670
"Climax upon climax.
103
00:06:24,694 --> 00:06:27,756
"A cascade that had
no beginning and no end.
104
00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:30,307
"I knew I must tell the world
what happened
105
00:06:30,331 --> 00:06:33,345
between those
beet‐stained sheets."
106
00:06:33,369 --> 00:06:34,638
‐ I mean, you could've just‐‐
107
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,809
finger‐blasted her,
called it a day.
108
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:39,602
But no, you had to
go ahead and inspire
109
00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:42,396
a whole new genre
of literary erotic fiction.
110
00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:45,235
‐ I only do things one way,
and that's all the way.
111
00:06:45,259 --> 00:06:47,610
‐ And that is why
you are on a soft lockdown
112
00:06:47,634 --> 00:06:49,653
till further notice, soldier.
113
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,071
I like it here.
114
00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:53,282
The air is clear,
the killin's good.
115
00:06:53,306 --> 00:06:55,200
And I don't need you
messing it up
116
00:06:55,224 --> 00:06:57,369
by putting your
stupid mark on history again.
117
00:06:57,393 --> 00:06:58,958
‐ You're treating me
like a goddamn Josh.
118
00:06:58,982 --> 00:06:59,913
Hey.
119
00:06:59,937 --> 00:07:01,206
‐ Don't act like
such a prisoner.
120
00:07:01,230 --> 00:07:03,417
You go to the trading post
and sell my furs.
121
00:07:03,441 --> 00:07:05,169
‐ Yeah, once a week.
122
00:07:05,193 --> 00:07:07,050
You're running around
free doing whatever you like
123
00:07:07,074 --> 00:07:09,385
while I'm stuck here
changing the Josh's bandages.
124
00:07:09,409 --> 00:07:11,008
‐ I change them, too.
‐ Once.
125
00:07:11,032 --> 00:07:12,468
And half‐way through,
you gave up,
126
00:07:12,492 --> 00:07:14,139
and you handed them to me.
127
00:07:14,163 --> 00:07:17,556
Hey, Tiger.
128
00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:20,017
The Mohawk did not
destroy your traps.
129
00:07:20,041 --> 00:07:24,188
There's no human
that can bend iron like this.
130
00:07:24,212 --> 00:07:25,648
‐ Whitey.
131
00:07:25,672 --> 00:07:30,235
‐ Oh, Lord.
Not this again.
132
00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:33,030
‐ Albino bear of legend.
133
00:07:33,054 --> 00:07:36,909
Ten feet tall, snow‐white fur.
134
00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:40,996
Eyes as red as the devil.
Heart as black as...
135
00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:41,997
also the devil.
136
00:07:42,021 --> 00:07:43,999
‐ Whitey is a myth.
137
00:07:44,023 --> 00:07:46,420
Tall tale told by trappers
to scare each other
138
00:07:46,444 --> 00:07:47,509
around the campfire.
139
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,171
No, he is real,
140
00:07:49,195 --> 00:07:51,632
and if I do nothing else
on this Earth,
141
00:07:51,656 --> 00:07:53,634
I will kill Whitey.
142
00:07:58,246 --> 00:08:00,683
Hunter's log, day 187.
143
00:08:00,707 --> 00:08:02,104
Having thinned
the beaver population
144
00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:03,686
to near extinction levels,
145
00:08:03,710 --> 00:08:06,397
I direct my gaze
to more elusive quarry.
146
00:08:06,421 --> 00:08:08,818
In nature, there can only be
one apex predator.
147
00:08:08,842 --> 00:08:10,359
My mission?
148
00:08:10,383 --> 00:08:13,120
To kill my way to the very
top of this food chain.
149
00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:15,531
Failure is not an option.
150
00:08:15,555 --> 00:08:18,492
I rely on keen instinct,
finely‐honed skills,
151
00:08:18,516 --> 00:08:21,370
and whatever savagery
this hunt requires..
152
00:08:21,394 --> 00:08:24,498
Ursine maggot.
153
00:08:24,522 --> 00:08:26,959
Hmm.
154
00:08:26,983 --> 00:08:30,170
Clue...
155
00:08:30,194 --> 00:08:33,414
and a snack.
156
00:08:37,285 --> 00:08:40,431
Female.
In heat.
157
00:08:40,455 --> 00:08:42,705
Same here, sister.
158
00:08:44,459 --> 00:08:46,419
There she is.
159
00:08:50,214 --> 00:08:52,985
Five minutes.
Maybe ten.
160
00:08:53,009 --> 00:08:55,009
Looks like a bear
does shit in the woods.
161
00:09:03,478 --> 00:09:06,915
‐ Ah. We are having
reindeer sweetbreads,
162
00:09:06,939 --> 00:09:08,083
wild asparagus,
163
00:09:08,107 --> 00:09:11,378
a salad of chickweed,
peppergrass‐‐
164
00:09:11,402 --> 00:09:13,912
Hunting.
Need protein.
165
00:09:17,742 --> 00:09:19,792
‐ That's it.
I can't live like this.
166
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,527
I just need to feel seen.
167
00:09:35,551 --> 00:09:37,029
Yeah, well, buy a mirror.
168
00:09:37,053 --> 00:09:38,697
‐
169
00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:43,243
Oh, God, the stench.
170
00:09:43,267 --> 00:09:46,705
It's‐‐it's bad today.
171
00:09:46,729 --> 00:09:50,269
‐ All right, someone needs
to change the Josh.
172
00:09:55,905 --> 00:09:58,275
Fine.
I'll do it.
173
00:10:03,371 --> 00:10:05,371
‐
174
00:10:07,625 --> 00:10:11,375
‐ All right,
let's have a look at this.
175
00:10:12,964 --> 00:10:16,693
Oh, yowzer me.
Yikes.
176
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,737
‐ I am not liking
the color of that ooze.
177
00:10:18,761 --> 00:10:19,947
You know, it's like chicken.
178
00:10:19,971 --> 00:10:22,199
You want the juices
to run clear.
179
00:10:22,223 --> 00:10:24,159
‐ Yep, well,
it's about that time.
180
00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:26,498
‐ No, no!
No one is cutting my leg off.
181
00:10:26,522 --> 00:10:28,415
‐ Yeah,
to get through that femur,
182
00:10:28,439 --> 00:10:30,334
I'm definitely
gonna have to saw.
183
00:10:30,358 --> 00:10:31,708
‐ No, no sawing, either.
184
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:34,006
‐ I heard tale
of a medicine woman
185
00:10:34,030 --> 00:10:36,046
at the trading post
who works wonders.
186
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,467
I bet I could
get you in to see her.
187
00:10:37,491 --> 00:10:39,716
‐ No, no medicine woman.
188
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,718
Okay, my leg is going to heal.
189
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,929
Okay, I know it will.
190
00:10:43,953 --> 00:10:44,930
Why would somebody put me
through this
191
00:10:44,954 --> 00:10:46,974
if I can't overcome it?
192
00:10:46,998 --> 00:10:48,433
Pretty shitty thing
for a friend to do.
193
00:10:48,457 --> 00:10:49,768
I'm shitty?
You're shitty!
194
00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:51,792
‐ Uh‐‐
195
00:10:54,881 --> 00:10:55,858
Okay, buddy.
196
00:10:55,882 --> 00:10:57,943
‐
197
00:10:59,594 --> 00:11:02,564
Hold him steady.
He'll be a‐thrashin'.
198
00:11:04,515 --> 00:11:05,784
‐ No, no,
please, please, please!
199
00:11:05,808 --> 00:11:07,035
Please, please,
don't cut my leg off, please.
200
00:11:07,059 --> 00:11:09,580
I swear I will go see
the medicine woman.
201
00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:11,878
‐ See what happens when you set
some firm boundaries?
202
00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:13,898
‐ Don't even start.
‐ You coddle him.
203
00:11:17,862 --> 00:11:19,298
So what does this
medicine woman do?
204
00:11:19,322 --> 00:11:21,346
More like
what doesn't she do?
205
00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:23,260
She's a therapist,
frontier doctor,
206
00:11:23,284 --> 00:11:25,470
weight‐loss guru.
207
00:11:25,494 --> 00:11:27,351
She helped me drop
the Frontier Fifteen,
208
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:30,559
and cured
my seasonal affective disorder.
209
00:11:30,583 --> 00:11:33,353
Turns out, it's okay to be sad.
210
00:11:33,377 --> 00:11:35,689
‐ Good. I thought it was like
a religious thing.
211
00:11:35,713 --> 00:11:37,983
Religion?
Hell no.
212
00:11:38,007 --> 00:11:40,277
‐ Yeah, yeah, I know.
You and Tiger don't believe.
213
00:11:40,301 --> 00:11:42,029
‐ How could we?
214
00:11:42,053 --> 00:11:43,870
Growing up in the sewer
with the Biotics
215
00:11:43,894 --> 00:11:46,575
sending down
those toddler bombs.
216
00:11:46,599 --> 00:11:48,577
‐ I'm sorry, the what bombs?
217
00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:50,625
I've told you
about the toddler bombs.
218
00:11:50,649 --> 00:11:52,206
Human children
genetically engineered
219
00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:53,999
to blow up when you hug them.
220
00:11:54,023 --> 00:11:55,334
‐ No. That's fucked up.
221
00:11:55,358 --> 00:11:56,877
Well,
that's not the fucked up part.
222
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:58,629
We could always spot
the toddler bombs
223
00:11:58,653 --> 00:12:02,137
because any actual sewer child
was far too emotionally damaged
224
00:12:02,161 --> 00:12:04,053
to yearn for physical affection.
225
00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:05,219
Holy shit.
226
00:12:05,243 --> 00:12:06,470
‐ Again, not the fucked up part.
227
00:12:06,494 --> 00:12:08,271
‐ How is that not
the fucked up part?
228
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:12,559
‐ Eventually,
us older kids captured the TBs
229
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:15,270
and forced them to perform
for us in a makeshift circus.
230
00:12:15,294 --> 00:12:18,304
‐ Okay,
just cut to the fucked up part.
231
00:12:20,591 --> 00:12:24,238
‐ We laughed at one
of the toddler bombs' poetry.
232
00:12:24,262 --> 00:12:26,240
It was bad.
233
00:12:26,264 --> 00:12:29,493
He had the mind
of a three‐year‐old.
234
00:12:29,517 --> 00:12:32,871
But we didn't have to laugh.
235
00:12:32,895 --> 00:12:35,415
He took it pretty hard,
236
00:12:35,439 --> 00:12:39,628
ended up hugging himself
and self‐detonating.
237
00:12:39,652 --> 00:12:41,719
All the other TBs
realized that they, too,
238
00:12:41,743 --> 00:12:45,842
were just there
for our amusement.
239
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:50,866
Pop, pop, pop, pop.
240
00:12:52,707 --> 00:12:57,688
Mass toddler suicide.
241
00:12:57,712 --> 00:13:00,774
That's when I realized
there was no God.
242
00:13:00,798 --> 00:13:02,985
He was just some sky genie
people made up
243
00:13:03,009 --> 00:13:04,194
to give them hope.
244
00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:23,463
You doubled back.
245
00:13:23,487 --> 00:13:25,487
Why?
246
00:13:27,408 --> 00:13:30,304
Why here?
247
00:13:30,328 --> 00:13:32,764
So visible.
248
00:13:32,788 --> 00:13:34,788
So exposed.
249
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:40,884
The fuck were you looking for?
250
00:13:44,508 --> 00:13:46,403
Oh.
251
00:13:47,803 --> 00:13:51,103
Is this bear something,
or is this bear something?
252
00:13:53,476 --> 00:13:55,037
You're looking at me.
253
00:13:55,061 --> 00:13:57,456
Okay.
254
00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,623
Okay.
255
00:13:58,647 --> 00:14:01,710
You want to dance?
Huh?
256
00:14:01,734 --> 00:14:03,962
You want to dance?
257
00:14:03,986 --> 00:14:06,106
Let's fucking Lindy Hop.
258
00:14:09,825 --> 00:14:12,471
The old trading post.
259
00:14:12,495 --> 00:14:16,016
Burned to the ground
by the outlaw Wild Sam Bladden.
260
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,226
Folks here
are gonna have the last laugh.
261
00:14:18,250 --> 00:14:21,566
We're rebuilding this
trading center to be stronger,
262
00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:22,939
more vibrant than ever.
263
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,133
Wait, did you say "we?"
264
00:14:28,427 --> 00:14:30,427
What's happening?
265
00:14:35,351 --> 00:14:38,080
How do you know
all these people?
266
00:14:38,104 --> 00:14:41,671
Wolf, did you build a thriving
international hub of commerce?
267
00:14:41,695 --> 00:14:43,418
‐ No.
268
00:14:43,442 --> 00:14:45,128
I served
in a consulting capacity.
269
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,130
Nothing formal.
I'm nobody here.
270
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:50,133
‐
271
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,094
‐ Just go on.
272
00:14:52,118 --> 00:14:54,179
He's just confused.
273
00:14:54,203 --> 00:14:57,766
Trust me, around here,
I'm a ghost, a shadow.
274
00:14:57,790 --> 00:14:59,830
My name's on nothing.
275
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,013
‐ Your brand is.
276
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:09,867
‐ Wolves were sacred
to the Mohawk
277
00:15:09,891 --> 00:15:12,114
long before I got here.
278
00:15:12,138 --> 00:15:15,700
I just need to talk to Acona
about the new inventory.
279
00:15:15,724 --> 00:15:18,734
Fall is all about beavers.
280
00:15:20,271 --> 00:15:22,207
You're doing it again.
You're gonna get us caught.
281
00:15:22,231 --> 00:15:24,191
‐
282
00:15:31,615 --> 00:15:33,385
‐ Wolf, you promised‐‐
283
00:15:33,409 --> 00:15:35,305
‐ Josh I'm gonna
stop you right there.
284
00:15:35,329 --> 00:15:37,514
Selling fur is all about
building relationships,
285
00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:39,599
So, yes,
when I come to the post,
286
00:15:39,623 --> 00:15:41,351
I kibitz a bit.
287
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,311
As Lew Wasserman said,
288
00:15:43,335 --> 00:15:44,563
"Every conversation
289
00:15:44,587 --> 00:15:46,690
is a business meeting
in disguise."
290
00:15:46,714 --> 00:15:48,650
But don't you worry about me.
291
00:15:48,674 --> 00:15:51,570
I learned my lesson with Dasha.
292
00:15:51,594 --> 00:15:55,115
That's why I've only
been taking illiterate lovers.
293
00:15:55,139 --> 00:15:58,535
‐ Wolf, that was not
the lesson, and you know it.
294
00:15:58,559 --> 00:16:00,416
‐ Shall we go see
the medicine woman?
295
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,955
Okay.
296
00:16:01,979 --> 00:16:04,319
Don't push me.
Don't push me.
297
00:16:10,863 --> 00:16:13,675
‐
298
00:16:13,699 --> 00:16:18,013
‐ She says it's not your leg
that's the source of your pain.
299
00:16:18,037 --> 00:16:20,515
‐ Of course it is.
What else would it be?
300
00:16:24,919 --> 00:16:27,355
‐ A spiritual crisis.
301
00:16:27,379 --> 00:16:31,379
‐ What?
That's ridiculous.
302
00:16:33,219 --> 00:16:35,826
What would be the nature
of that crisis,
303
00:16:35,850 --> 00:16:37,926
in her opinion?
304
00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:50,545
‐ Did she just say
something profound?
305
00:16:50,569 --> 00:16:53,506
‐ She always does.
306
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:56,134
Speak freely.
307
00:16:56,158 --> 00:16:59,908
This is a judgment‐free yurt.
308
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:05,579
‐ I've been talking with God
for the last eight months.
309
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:11,650
He lives inside my ear,
and he tells me what to do.
310
00:17:11,674 --> 00:17:12,861
We're, like, super, super close.
311
00:17:12,885 --> 00:17:15,111
He even has me call him friend.
312
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,988
But right now,
we're in, like, a fight,
313
00:17:17,012 --> 00:17:18,823
and I don't know
what to make of it anymore.
314
00:17:18,847 --> 00:17:20,325
I'm starting to think
it's all in my head,
315
00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:21,993
and I'm just going crazy.
316
00:17:22,017 --> 00:17:23,745
Josh,
do not go down this road.
317
00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:25,956
Remember the Miracle of the Goo?
318
00:17:25,980 --> 00:17:28,792
‐ Goo?
It was a knob.
319
00:17:28,816 --> 00:17:30,752
Okay,
I found a knob with my hand.
320
00:17:30,776 --> 00:17:32,170
That's something I could've
done on my own completely.
321
00:17:32,194 --> 00:17:34,914
I'm not an idiot.
322
00:17:37,199 --> 00:17:38,927
Sorry.
323
00:17:38,951 --> 00:17:41,096
‐ It's okay.
324
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:44,891
What's...
tiny ear God saying now?
325
00:17:44,915 --> 00:17:47,435
‐ He's telling me
that he's real.
326
00:17:47,459 --> 00:17:50,188
But what kind of God knows
less about the Bible than me?
327
00:17:50,212 --> 00:17:52,357
I mean, isn't he
supposed to be omniscient?
328
00:17:52,381 --> 00:17:54,528
What kind of God would let my
leg get caught in a bear trap?
329
00:17:54,552 --> 00:17:57,550
That's so on you, bro.
330
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:04,494
Whoa, it's happening.
331
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,204
Don't fight it, Josh.
332
00:18:07,563 --> 00:18:09,541
Let her in.
333
00:18:17,865 --> 00:18:20,719
‐ She's right.
334
00:18:20,743 --> 00:18:21,890
I don't believe in myself.
335
00:18:21,914 --> 00:18:24,431
I am a salmon
swimming against a tide
336
00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:26,766
of my own self‐doubt.
337
00:18:26,790 --> 00:18:29,728
I created a sky genie
just to give me hope.
338
00:18:29,752 --> 00:18:33,069
Josh, don't abandon me
when we are this close.
339
00:18:33,093 --> 00:18:36,151
‐ You know what, bro?
340
00:18:36,175 --> 00:18:39,112
I'm done.
341
00:18:39,136 --> 00:18:41,531
I release you.
342
00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:43,283
You release me?
343
00:18:43,307 --> 00:18:45,744
You know what?
Fine, be that way.
344
00:18:48,479 --> 00:18:51,319
‐ A real God
wouldn't have to slam a door.
345
00:18:54,526 --> 00:18:56,526
Hello?
346
00:18:58,656 --> 00:19:00,342
He's gone.
347
00:19:00,366 --> 00:19:01,760
I'm free.
348
00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:09,184
‐
349
00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:10,935
‐ She's asking
if we want to stay
350
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,521
for a shave in a sweat lodge.
351
00:19:13,545 --> 00:19:15,273
Tuesdays are pretty slow
around here.
352
00:19:15,297 --> 00:19:17,717
Oh.
Yeah, that sounds great.
353
00:19:21,470 --> 00:19:22,822
‐ I feel lighter.
354
00:19:22,846 --> 00:19:24,324
Well, you are lighter.
355
00:19:24,348 --> 00:19:26,284
I usually drop three to four LBs
356
00:19:26,308 --> 00:19:28,370
of a liquid stress
after a good schvitz.
357
00:19:28,394 --> 00:19:30,538
Yeah.
358
00:19:30,562 --> 00:19:31,919
Yeah, and you know what?
It was just nice to talk
359
00:19:31,943 --> 00:19:34,125
to somebody
who was actually there.
360
00:19:34,149 --> 00:19:37,212
‐ Well, now that you realize
you're never going home,
361
00:19:37,236 --> 00:19:39,214
you can focus on being happy
in the here and now.
362
00:19:39,238 --> 00:19:41,716
‐ I wouldn't say "never."
You know, never say never.
363
00:19:41,740 --> 00:19:42,887
Normally, I'd agree with you,
364
00:19:42,911 --> 00:19:44,719
except in this case.
365
00:19:44,743 --> 00:19:47,555
We are history's
most wanted fugitives.
366
00:19:47,579 --> 00:19:50,016
A couple of five‐Os
are definitely stationed
367
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,477
outside of every Futturman
household in the universe.
368
00:19:52,501 --> 00:19:55,897
Did tiny ear God give
you a plan to get past them?
369
00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:57,399
‐ No.
370
00:19:57,423 --> 00:20:00,238
I guess he was more of, like,
a big picture sort of God.
371
00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:03,156
‐ Yet another reason
you should've called bullshit.
372
00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:04,535
God is in the details.
373
00:20:04,559 --> 00:20:08,618
Huh.
Yeah, I mean, I guess that...
374
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,328
every other Futturman house
375
00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:11,788
would have another
version of me.
376
00:20:11,812 --> 00:20:13,589
So you would have to kill
to take their place,
377
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:16,084
and that's
the best‐case scenario.
378
00:20:16,108 --> 00:20:19,671
No, more likely, time
constables kill your parents,
379
00:20:19,695 --> 00:20:21,881
turn them into cyborgs,
and use them to torture you.
380
00:20:21,905 --> 00:20:24,676
So in that version
you technically could go home,
381
00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,597
but your robot parents
would kill you.
382
00:20:26,621 --> 00:20:28,680
Is that what you want, Josh?
383
00:20:28,704 --> 00:20:31,891
Your robot parents to kill you?
384
00:20:31,915 --> 00:20:33,955
‐ No.
385
00:20:35,836 --> 00:20:38,022
Wait.
386
00:20:38,046 --> 00:20:40,442
I've just had an idea
that'll change everything.
387
00:20:40,466 --> 00:20:41,443
‐ Wait?
Tell me.
388
00:20:41,467 --> 00:20:44,404
‐ Vegan carnitas.
389
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,118
These are King Boletes.
390
00:20:50,142 --> 00:20:51,499
They have the perfect density
391
00:20:51,523 --> 00:20:55,248
to make faux‐Mex
taste like "Fuck yes."
392
00:20:55,272 --> 00:20:57,759
So to sum up,
you're never going home,
393
00:20:57,783 --> 00:21:01,087
your God is dead,
and taco Tuesday is on.
394
00:21:08,035 --> 00:21:10,430
Whitey, Whitey, Whitey.
395
00:21:10,454 --> 00:21:13,651
Looks like someone's not
smarter than the average bear,
396
00:21:13,675 --> 00:21:16,561
because you've just
wandered into a sea
397
00:21:16,585 --> 00:21:21,107
of my very best
398
00:21:21,131 --> 00:21:23,131
traps?
399
00:21:51,620 --> 00:21:54,185
‐ Looks like Tiger's gonna be
a little late.
400
00:21:54,209 --> 00:21:55,767
Just go ahead and start.
401
00:21:55,791 --> 00:21:56,976
‐ Not hungry.
402
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,438
These King Bs
marinated for hours.
403
00:22:00,462 --> 00:22:03,483
They bleed like real meat.
404
00:22:03,507 --> 00:22:05,485
Just...
405
00:22:05,509 --> 00:22:06,694
take a bite.
406
00:22:06,718 --> 00:22:08,363
- ‐ I don't want to.
- No, just try it.
407
00:22:08,387 --> 00:22:09,614
Wolf, I don't want to.
‐ No, just‐‐
408
00:22:09,638 --> 00:22:11,407
‐ Stop it!
409
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:13,287
Just stop pretending
we're family.
410
00:22:13,311 --> 00:22:15,328
I could not be farther away
from my family.
411
00:22:15,352 --> 00:22:16,454
All right, Tiger gets it.
412
00:22:16,478 --> 00:22:17,875
She knows that
we're just three people
413
00:22:17,899 --> 00:22:19,332
going insane in the wilderness.
414
00:22:19,356 --> 00:22:23,211
Our only future is running,
and I can't even stand up.
415
00:22:23,235 --> 00:22:26,405
So just leave me alone.
416
00:22:29,867 --> 00:22:30,844
What are you doing?
417
00:22:30,868 --> 00:22:32,804
‐ Going out.
‐ Where?
418
00:22:32,828 --> 00:22:35,473
‐ Do you know
what I've sacrificed
419
00:22:35,497 --> 00:22:36,724
to support the two of you?
420
00:22:36,748 --> 00:22:40,103
The dreams I've put on hold?
421
00:22:40,127 --> 00:22:42,230
Tell Tiger...
422
00:22:42,254 --> 00:22:43,690
I went out to buy a mirror.
423
00:22:43,714 --> 00:22:45,108
‐ What?
424
00:22:45,132 --> 00:22:47,406
‐ It relates
to an earlier conversation
425
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:49,320
that you weren't privy to,
but trust me,
426
00:22:49,344 --> 00:22:51,911
it is a devastating retort,
so just tell her.
427
00:22:51,935 --> 00:22:54,993
‐ That you bought a mirror.
428
00:22:55,017 --> 00:22:59,038
‐ No, not in past tense.
Just‐‐
429
00:22:59,062 --> 00:23:00,540
say it like I said it.
430
00:23:00,564 --> 00:23:02,131
I'm not your messenger boy.
431
00:23:02,155 --> 00:23:03,877
When are you coming back?
432
00:23:03,901 --> 00:23:06,129
‐ Never.
433
00:23:06,153 --> 00:23:07,470
I give you two days,
maybe three,
434
00:23:07,494 --> 00:23:09,424
before those vultures
lose their patience
435
00:23:09,448 --> 00:23:11,175
and start pecking away
at what's left of you.
436
00:23:11,199 --> 00:23:15,199
Now, if you'll excuse me,
daddy's going dancing.
437
00:23:17,831 --> 00:23:19,726
‐ Oh, yeah?
438
00:23:19,750 --> 00:23:21,352
Well...
439
00:23:21,376 --> 00:23:23,187
there's no point in making tacos
440
00:23:23,211 --> 00:23:27,051
if you're in a time period
that doesn't have avocados!
441
00:23:32,095 --> 00:23:33,865
Don't worry, fellas,
442
00:23:33,889 --> 00:23:36,409
your patience
will soon be rewarded.
443
00:23:36,433 --> 00:23:39,273
I know you're
around here somewhere.
444
00:24:22,980 --> 00:24:24,980
Death cap.
445
00:24:49,631 --> 00:24:52,527
Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
446
00:24:52,551 --> 00:24:55,613
I'm so sorry.
I knew that you were real.
447
00:24:55,637 --> 00:24:59,200
I don't know
why I ever doubted you.
448
00:24:59,224 --> 00:25:01,327
I see it now.
449
00:25:01,351 --> 00:25:02,787
It's clear.
450
00:25:02,811 --> 00:25:06,499
I will yield!
451
00:25:06,523 --> 00:25:10,211
Good.
Tell me what I want to hear.
452
00:25:10,235 --> 00:25:13,235
‐ You want me to climb
that mountain?
453
00:25:14,698 --> 00:25:16,718
I'll climb that mountain.
454
00:25:16,742 --> 00:25:20,346
Yes, Josh.
Now you get it.
455
00:25:59,117 --> 00:26:00,928
I'm coming, God.
456
00:26:00,952 --> 00:26:03,181
Only a few more vertical miles.
457
00:26:03,205 --> 00:26:04,307
Yes, Josh, but go faster.
458
00:26:04,331 --> 00:26:05,433
Dig deep.
459
00:26:05,457 --> 00:26:09,228
- Yeah.
- Life is hard.
460
00:26:09,252 --> 00:26:13,357
Full of violence
and struggle to survive.
461
00:26:13,381 --> 00:26:15,698
It's enough
to drive a good man mad.
462
00:26:15,722 --> 00:26:19,614
But I believe this can be
a new world for everyone
463
00:26:19,638 --> 00:26:22,742
where we coexist in peace,
464
00:26:22,766 --> 00:26:25,119
but more importantly...
465
00:26:25,143 --> 00:26:26,454
in prosperity.
466
00:26:26,478 --> 00:26:29,957
That's why we've gathered here
on this historic day
467
00:26:29,981 --> 00:26:32,168
to redraw the map
of the New World,
468
00:26:32,192 --> 00:26:35,549
and to sign this lasting
peace and trade agreement.
469
00:26:41,576 --> 00:26:45,264
Everyone who has an interest
in this bountiful new land
470
00:26:45,288 --> 00:26:48,226
is taken care of
in this document.
471
00:26:48,250 --> 00:26:49,977
All the tribes of the Northeast,
472
00:26:50,001 --> 00:26:52,980
English, French, Spanish.
473
00:26:53,004 --> 00:26:54,861
And I want to thank
our new friends,
474
00:26:54,885 --> 00:26:59,112
the Norse, Japanese, Russians,
475
00:26:59,136 --> 00:27:02,115
whose angel investment
will pay significant returns
476
00:27:02,139 --> 00:27:06,035
as we extend
our reach around the globe.
477
00:27:11,106 --> 00:27:14,377
Once again, the world is round.
478
00:27:14,401 --> 00:27:18,548
Yep, that's right.
It's a sphere.
479
00:27:18,572 --> 00:27:20,675
Now, come on up here.
480
00:27:20,699 --> 00:27:23,427
Take your ceremonial
souvenir pen,
481
00:27:23,451 --> 00:27:27,411
and make your mark on history.
482
00:27:57,861 --> 00:28:01,424
Please, I'm just a humble
backstage power broker.
483
00:28:01,448 --> 00:28:05,052
My presence is to be felt,
not seen.
484
00:28:05,076 --> 00:28:08,639
Okay, okay, please.
485
00:28:08,663 --> 00:28:12,977
Making my mark on history is
486
00:28:13,001 --> 00:28:16,898
I guess inevitable.
487
00:28:16,922 --> 00:28:20,406
Just gonna tuck my name
in the corner here, real small.
488
00:28:20,430 --> 00:28:22,403
Guess
who killed Whitey?
489
00:28:35,607 --> 00:28:40,296
Turns out, she was a dame.
490
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,650
And so am I.
491
00:29:27,909 --> 00:29:29,428
Of course.
492
00:29:29,452 --> 00:29:31,472
He lives in a humble shack.
493
00:29:31,496 --> 00:29:34,536
He's real.
It's all real.
494
00:29:37,335 --> 00:29:40,564
I come to you on my knees,
495
00:29:40,588 --> 00:29:44,986
but I will greet you on my feet.
496
00:30:08,742 --> 00:30:10,761
God?
497
00:30:10,785 --> 00:30:13,806
No, my friend.
498
00:30:21,504 --> 00:30:23,482
‐ Osama Bin Laden?
499
00:30:23,506 --> 00:30:27,862
‐ Guilty as charged.
500
00:30:27,886 --> 00:30:29,822
‐ No.
501
00:30:29,846 --> 00:30:31,574
Oh, no.
502
00:30:31,598 --> 00:30:33,268
Oh, no, no, no.
35933
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