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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,140
Hey, beautiful.
2
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:09,543
Hey yourself.
3
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:10,744
Mmm.
4
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:11,745
Mmm.
5
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:13,780
Wow, I must
have been a good girl.
6
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:19,786
Frannie, this Saturday,
we'll have been living
together exactly 6 months.
7
00:00:19,786 --> 00:00:20,621
Ohh.
8
00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:23,456
So I've got a little
surprise for you.
9
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,158
Ohh.
10
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:28,829
I think
I'm gonna like it.
11
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,063
Watch your step.
12
00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:32,766
Ok, hee hee hee.
13
00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:33,667
Are you ready?
14
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,469
Ready? I'm halfway there.
15
00:00:36,469 --> 00:00:39,139
(gasps) Oh, my god!
16
00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:41,474
It's a shoe
carousel.
I built it.
17
00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:43,443
It moves your shoes
so you can get
to them easily.
18
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:47,581
It's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
19
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:50,083
I'll put it in
your closet later.
20
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,317
There's
even a remote.
21
00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:52,352
Here. Try it.
22
00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:55,722
Honey, this
is better than pie.
23
00:00:57,524 --> 00:00:59,292
Ohhh.
24
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:00,861
Look at my little babies.
25
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:05,165
They're, like, on a ride
at Coney Island.
26
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,568
Well, it is our
6‐month anniversary.
27
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,135
I knew we weren't
gonna let that go by
28
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:11,404
without doing
something special
for each other.
29
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:15,876
Oh, wait till you see
what I got you.
30
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,343
Mmm.
31
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:19,613
What the hell
am I'm gonna get him?
32
00:01:22,315 --> 00:01:24,117
♪ And I ♪
33
00:01:24,117 --> 00:01:26,319
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
34
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,322
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
35
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:32,158
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
36
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:34,127
♪ And life ♪
37
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:36,496
♪ Gets better every day ♪
38
00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:39,499
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
39
00:01:39,499 --> 00:01:41,234
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
40
00:01:41,234 --> 00:01:45,271
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
41
00:01:50,376 --> 00:01:51,444
What am I gonna do?
42
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,278
I don't have a clue
43
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:54,480
what to give Riley
for our anniversary.
44
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,649
What did you
used to get Dad?
45
00:01:55,649 --> 00:02:00,521
Well, for our last anniversary,
I had his alimony raised.
46
00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:03,790
But that was really
more for me.
47
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:08,629
Allison, Riley built me
a shoe carousel
for my shoes.
48
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,831
And if you have
any of my genes,
49
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,433
you will understand
my dilemma.
50
00:02:13,433 --> 00:02:15,636
Mom, it's not a competition.
51
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,504
Oh, you are so young.
52
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:19,840
Well, I'll help you
think of a gift
53
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,644
if you help me
think of a project
for my stupid art class.
54
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,379
Hey, maybe I can
get him a sweater.
55
00:02:26,379 --> 00:02:29,182
A sweater?
What am I, his mother?
56
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,918
I could knit him a sweater.
57
00:02:31,918 --> 00:02:34,220
What am I, his grandmother?
58
00:02:34,220 --> 00:02:35,455
No sweaters.
59
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:37,591
The assignment
is express yourself,
60
00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:41,227
like any adult
wants to hear what
a teenager has to say.
61
00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:43,429
(gasps) I could
get him a puppy.
62
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:44,631
Puppies are special.
63
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:47,400
Oh, puppies chew things.
Puppies chew shoes.
64
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,669
No puppies.
65
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,403
Maybe I'll
just phone in sick.
66
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:52,773
Maybe I'll get him
a leather jacket.
67
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,609
Ooh, I shouldn't
be hearing this,
68
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:59,212
but, since I did,
I'm a 40 regular.
69
00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:01,715
You're a 36 short.
70
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,518
And she was talking
about Riley.
71
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:05,619
Nice cover.
72
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:08,655
Look, we all know
my birthday's
coming up on sunday,
73
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:11,491
and we all agreed not to
make a big deal out of it.
74
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:13,493
Josh, we're not
making a big deal.
75
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:15,361
We're gonna go to
Mongolian barbecue,
76
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:16,797
and then we'll go
to Aunt Doris'.
77
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,566
She'll
give you a potpie
with 5 bucks in it.
78
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:22,368
Good. As long
as we keep it low‐key,
79
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:23,904
because in the past,
you've always‐‐
80
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,507
Joshie,
it's gonna be low‐key.
81
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,473
Don't worry.
82
00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:31,311
We're not gonna
tell either
of your friends.
83
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,478
Hi, all. Josh.
84
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:36,517
Can't wait for
Mongolian barbecue Sunday.
85
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:38,552
Oh! Riley,
that reminds me.
86
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,621
Is your CD player
still under warranty?
87
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,788
No. I don't think so.
88
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:44,490
Well, if you're wondering
what to get me
for my birthday,
89
00:03:44,490 --> 00:03:45,959
get me a CD player
just like yours‐‐
90
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,695
Only waterproof‐‐
and then keep it.
91
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:53,033
So, Fran, enjoying
your carousel?
92
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:58,639
Oh, not as much as
you're gonna enjoy your gift.
93
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,306
Tell me, what is it?
94
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,543
I can't tell you.
95
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:05,912
I really can't tell you.
96
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:09,349
Hey, I just came back
from Austin Street,
97
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:12,452
and you know the Korean guy
who owns the grocery?
98
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:13,820
Well, he told me...
99
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:17,390
(thinking)What am I gonna dofor this stupid art project?
100
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:18,692
And I got in line...
101
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:20,393
(thinking) I bet Frannie'sgonna get mesomething great.
102
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:21,394
DUANE: Groceries, so...
103
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,930
(thinking) What the hellam I gonna get him?
104
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:24,831
And when I looked...
105
00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:27,501
(thinking) Mongolianbarbecue, my butt.
106
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:30,436
They've got somethin'
up their sleeves.
107
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,605
(thinking)
They love this.
108
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,407
I'm the best
storyteller ever.
109
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:41,481
Hi, Alli.
What are you doing?
110
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:44,618
My art project blows.
111
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:48,655
It's just a picture.
I want it to make
some sort of statement.
112
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:50,624
What?
It's a nice turtle.
113
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,759
It's a self‐portrait.
114
00:04:52,759 --> 00:04:55,862
Oh, well, why don't you
try drawing a turtle?
115
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:58,599
Maybe it will come out
looking more like you.
116
00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,666
Ha ha ha.
117
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:03,737
Anyhoo, I came up
with the perfect gift
for Riley.
118
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,005
I'm taking
a specialized class in‐‐
119
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:09,910
well, let's just say
it's interpretive dance
for his enjoyment.
120
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,746
You're taking
a stripping class?
121
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,347
Allison,
how do you know?
122
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:18,351
Kelly's mom is taking
aerobic stripping
at her gym.
123
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:19,686
Yeah. She's lost 10 pounds
124
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:23,356
and she can take her shirt off
using her teeth.
125
00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,725
Yeah, well...
126
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:27,661
It's always good to
free up your hands.
127
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,730
So when are you gonna
give Riley his gift?
128
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:32,098
Well, Saturday night.
Could you make yourself
scarce?
129
00:05:32,098 --> 00:05:36,069
Saturday's the dumb art show.
You definitely don't
have to go to that.
130
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,805
Oh, but wait a minute,
Alli, are you sure?
131
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:41,374
Because I could
change my plans.
You come first.
132
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,878
I never want you to think
that you're not a priority
in my life.
133
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:47,080
Relax.
You're a great mom.
134
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,750
Stay home. Strip.
135
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:51,518
Ahh, now
if I could just
136
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,521
figure out a way
to get Josh out
on Saturday night.
137
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,723
Why?
What's Saturday?
138
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:57,991
Uh...
Mom's going‐‐
139
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:01,595
Hey, don't you
have a turtle
to draw?
140
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,030
So...
141
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:04,998
Saturday...
Uh, yeah.
142
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:08,068
I have a bunch
of my girlfriends
coming over.
143
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,671
We have a, uh,
book club.
144
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:11,838
Oh, yeah?
145
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:12,839
What book
are you reading?
146
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:14,107
First rule of book club:
147
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,777
Do not talk
about book club.
148
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,881
Hey, man,
you wanna hear my story
149
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,849
about the Korean grocer
again?
150
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:26,152
Why don't you save it
for Saturday?
151
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,754
What's Saturday?
152
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:28,922
My surprise
birthday party.
153
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:32,492
I know she's planning
something special.
It's her style.
154
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:33,827
It's your birthday?
155
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:36,096
Oh, come on, Duane.
You know I know.
156
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,698
Oh, but don't
tell Mom I know
157
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,600
because it's gonna
ruin it for her.
158
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:40,667
I'm gonna play along.
159
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:42,869
What's goin' on?
160
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:44,805
I have no clue.
161
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:47,641
Hey, that's my mug.
162
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,875
(chuckles) Your mug.
163
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,745
It has my picture on it.
Under my picture's
the word "Riley.".
164
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:57,417
Don't tell Cap'n Crunch,
but I ate some of his cereal
this morning.
165
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,964
Alan?
166
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,199
"Ah‐lan.".
167
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,935
"Ah‐lan"?
168
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:18,839
Indeed.
Your dance instructor.
169
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,774
Well, I'm "Fra‐han,"
170
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,876
your willing student.
171
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,912
Well, let's see what
I've got to work with.
172
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,814
Ok.
173
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:35,021
Oh! I see that Sheena Easton
had a garage sale.
174
00:07:35,021 --> 00:07:41,127
Hey, I'm paying you,
Ah‐lan Rabinowitz.
175
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,563
I used to baby‐sit
for you.
176
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:45,031
That's right.
I used to do your hair.
177
00:07:45,031 --> 00:07:48,569
No. I used
to do your hair.
178
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,603
Anyway...
179
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:53,006
What do we wanna
get out of this
little exercise?
180
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,340
Oh, I'll tell you.
181
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:58,011
I want to have the most
perfect anniversary
gift for my boyfriend.
182
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,012
Oh!
183
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:02,583
Yeah. He built me
this fantastic
shoe carousel.
184
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,817
He did not.
Did, too.
185
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,919
Pull over!
My hand to God.
186
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,220
He is just
like that:
187
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,623
loving, sweet,
thoughtful, sexy.
188
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,157
Stop.
Hating you now.
189
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,159
Oh, don't be a hater.
190
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:17,931
He's also 6'3", blonde,
and 28!
191
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,833
Bitch!
192
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:25,238
Do you think
he has a brother,
'cause I am gay.
193
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,807
Really?
194
00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,241
Yeah, but
don't tell my mother.
195
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,977
She still thinks
I'm a Navy SEAL.
196
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,816
All right.
Let's get busy.
197
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:36,950
Let's get down.
198
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,786
Next stop:
Funky Town.
199
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:43,156
(music playing)
200
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:11,077
Josh, what are you
still doing here?
201
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,212
You're supposed
to be gone.
202
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,047
Everyone is
supposed to be gone.
203
00:10:14,047 --> 00:10:15,849
You know
I have my, uh...
204
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,750
Uh...
205
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:17,784
Book club?
206
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:18,752
No. That's not it.
207
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:21,121
Oh, yes, of course,
the book club. That's it.
208
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:25,091
So, come on. Uh...
I'll see you later, ok?
209
00:10:25,091 --> 00:10:26,392
Ok, uh, but, uh...
210
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,228
What time should I return?
211
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,196
Oh, I don't know.
Well, I have to‐‐
212
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:33,133
and then up to, uh,
him‐‐ me shower.
213
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,802
Uh... 8:30.
214
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,070
Ok.
215
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,705
8:30.
216
00:10:38,705 --> 00:10:39,740
Hey, guys.
Hi.
217
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,207
Josh, you took up
the whole driveway
again.
218
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:43,243
I had to unload my truck
from the street.
219
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,111
I know where
this is coming from.
220
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,880
It's about the mug,
right?
221
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:47,748
I'm over the mug.
222
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:50,450
Good because it broke
in the dishwasher.
223
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,886
I tried to glue it
back together,
224
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,154
and then
I got kinda bored.
225
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:59,025
Anyway, I'll see you guys
tonight at 8:30.
226
00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:01,361
Oh, sweetie,
227
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:02,428
don't ask any questions.
228
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,831
Just go back outside,
wait 10 seconds,
229
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,734
and then come
back in through
the kitchen door.
230
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:08,935
What's in the kitchen?
231
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:11,905
Only one way
to find out.
232
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:22,048
Ok, Fran.
233
00:11:22,048 --> 00:11:26,152
Why are you
dressed like
a naughty cowgirl?
234
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,790
(music playing)
235
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,927
This is new.
236
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,932
Happy anniversary, baby.
237
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:56,316
Ow, ow, ow!
Chafing. Chafing.
238
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:57,317
Sorry, sweetie.
239
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,220
No, no. Don't stop.
240
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:33,353
This isn't happening.
241
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:40,160
I'm going to hell.
242
00:12:49,536 --> 00:12:52,372
I forgot my keys.
243
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:56,109
Believe me,
I wish I hadn't.
244
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,444
Oh, Josh, wait!
245
00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:01,114
Oh, we have
to talk to him.
246
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,116
I can't.
Why not?
247
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,418
Because.
248
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:10,256
Boy, that Ah‐lan really
knows his business. Here.
249
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,960
Josh, wait!
250
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,461
No. I really
should be going now.
251
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:16,429
Oh, please, I'm sorry.
252
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:19,332
I thought you weren't
coming back until 8:30.
253
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,434
No. I'm the one
who's sorry.
254
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:22,869
Boy, am I sorry.
255
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:25,271
Josh, can't
we deal with this
like a family?
256
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:26,406
Like a family.
257
00:13:26,406 --> 00:13:28,041
What kind of family?
258
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,910
(telephone rings)
259
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,613
Hello. Moms Gone Wild.
260
00:13:32,613 --> 00:13:35,582
Don't worry, Fran.
Josh is an adult.
261
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:36,617
He can handle this.
262
00:13:36,617 --> 00:13:38,519
Are you kidding? This
is Josh we're talking about.
263
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:42,088
He used to blush
when I breast‐fed him.
264
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,324
Allison got in trouble
at school.
265
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,425
What happened?
I don't know.
266
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,293
It's something
about the art show.
267
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,428
Oh, my god! Let's go.
268
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,230
Frannie.
What?
269
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,632
You're naked
under there.
270
00:13:51,632 --> 00:13:53,466
Oh. Oh! Oh.
271
00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:00,240
Allison,
what is going on?
272
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,408
Oh, let's not
talk about me.
273
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,477
How was your evening?
274
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:06,947
Memorable.
275
00:14:06,947 --> 00:14:08,314
All right, all right.
276
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,150
We talked about this
in the car.
277
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:14,454
You talked. I tried
to go back in time.
278
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,422
Please come in.
279
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,359
Hello, Mrs. Reeves.
280
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,961
Hello. How are you?
281
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,028
Fine.
Thank you.
282
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,565
I take it
these are your sons?
283
00:14:24,565 --> 00:14:26,232
My son and boyfriend.
284
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:29,302
They make a handsome couple.
285
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:36,042
My wife's cousin David
is married to a man
named David.
286
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:39,345
We've had them over
on several occasions.
287
00:14:39,345 --> 00:14:43,016
He's not my boyfriend.
He's my mother's boyfriend.
288
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:45,552
I will make a note.
289
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:50,423
The reason I called
you in was because of
Allison's art project.
290
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:54,294
He said my piñata
of the school mascot
was inappropriate,
291
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:55,461
so he hauled me
in here.
292
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:58,932
It's a pöpier‐maché
of a bulldog.
293
00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:00,500
What is the big whoop?
294
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,436
Well, the big whoop,
Mrs. Reeves,
295
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:07,508
is that the piñata,
when struck by
unsuspecting students,
296
00:15:07,508 --> 00:15:09,576
released a shower
of prophylactics
297
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:12,613
as well
as some Thin Mints.
298
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,518
Not exactly a shower.
299
00:15:17,518 --> 00:15:20,554
There was a mad scramble.
300
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,355
I was
making a statement.
301
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:23,524
The school
dropped Sex Ed
302
00:15:23,524 --> 00:15:26,492
so that the stupid
football team could
get new equipment.
303
00:15:26,492 --> 00:15:30,063
So I get it.
The bulldog
represents the jocks
304
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:32,999
and the condoms
is Sex Ed.
305
00:15:33,534 --> 00:15:35,702
What's with
the Thin Mints?
306
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,404
It is a piñata,
Mom.
307
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:40,507
Perhaps we wouldn't even
be having this conversation
308
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:44,477
if you'd taken
a keener interest
in your daughter.
309
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,580
Excuse me?
310
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:48,649
Principal Meechum,
I know this woman.
311
00:15:48,649 --> 00:15:50,416
She cares deeply
about her daughter,
312
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,218
deeply about
her whole family.
313
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:54,588
Heh heh!
314
00:15:54,588 --> 00:15:56,590
Now, wait
a minute, Josh.
315
00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:57,724
You just put that to bed.
316
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:01,361
You've been to medical school.
You've seen naked bodies.
317
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:04,130
Yes, I have,
but not in my kitchen.
318
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,532
Why were you
in the kitchen?
319
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:07,167
We eat in the kitchen.
320
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:13,006
Because Ah‐lan said
the kitchen is the new bedroom.
321
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:15,876
Josh walked in?
322
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:20,747
Oh, man, I didn't
think he could get
more screwed up.
323
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,415
Joshie, I'm sorry.
324
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:26,086
I was just
trying to give Riley
his anniversary gift.
325
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,522
What about my surprise
birthday party?
326
00:16:28,522 --> 00:16:31,491
What are you talking about?
327
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,328
All the secret stuff
that was going on‐‐
328
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,497
I thought it was
for my birthday party.
329
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:40,601
But you told me
you didn't want a party.
330
00:16:40,601 --> 00:16:42,569
You said you wanted to
keep everything low‐key.
331
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,471
Oh, Mom, everyone knows
when you you say
you don't want one,
332
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:48,208
that means
you really want one,
333
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,375
right, Mr. Meechum?
334
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:52,546
Well, I'm
a little lost here.
335
00:16:52,546 --> 00:16:54,515
Who was naked?
336
00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:59,319
Fran. She was stripping
because we've been together
for 6 months.
337
00:16:59,319 --> 00:17:01,254
He made me
a shoe carousel.
338
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,356
It revolves
and everything.
339
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,792
Who cares about
the shoe carousel?
340
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:07,528
What happened to the mother
I grew up with?
341
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:10,330
She's been replaced by
an Atlantic City show girl.
342
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:13,233
Oh, Joshie,
she wasn't replaced.
343
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:14,400
I threw that woman out.
344
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,438
I was a stepford wife,
from the original,
not the remake.
345
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:21,508
Josh, we're all
makin' adjustments here.
346
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:25,779
I don't like it
when you use my stuff,
but do I say anything?
347
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:26,680
No, I don't.
348
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,550
I keep it inside.
I keep it to myself.
349
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:30,651
Right, like right now.
350
00:17:30,651 --> 00:17:32,719
You broke my mug, man.
351
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,121
You see what I'm dealing
with, Mr. Meechum?
352
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:38,559
Allison, in light of
everything I've seen here,
353
00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:40,761
that piñata
is small potatoes.
354
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:48,569
You're pretty well‐adjusted,
considering your dysfunctional
family dynamic.
355
00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:49,836
Dysfunctional?
356
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:52,673
You know, we might
not be typical,
357
00:17:52,673 --> 00:17:56,543
but I'll have you know
we function just fine.
358
00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:59,345
And you guys,
I am sorry
about tonight,
359
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:03,116
but all this
new family stuff,
it's hard.
360
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,751
It's just gonna
take a little time,
361
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,252
but I'm
willing to do
362
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:07,588
whatever it takes
to make it work.
363
00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,255
Me, too.
364
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,791
How about you, Josh?
365
00:18:10,791 --> 00:18:15,361
Well, I guess I could
try a little harder.
366
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:18,331
I'm sorry
I broke your mug.
367
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:21,167
I'm sorry
I saw your jugs.
368
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:22,703
Ahem.
369
00:18:22,703 --> 00:18:24,705
Well, I think
that we've taken up
more than enough
370
00:18:24,705 --> 00:18:27,240
of Mr. Meechum's time.
Thank you very much.
371
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,041
Let's go home.
372
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:29,910
Mom,
you want to know
what I think?
373
00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:31,277
Not now, sweetie.
374
00:18:31,277 --> 00:18:35,315
I'm still wearin'
a rhinestone g‐string
that's beginning to ride up.
375
00:18:41,655 --> 00:18:44,791
Interesting night.
376
00:18:45,659 --> 00:18:48,394
What makes you
say that?
377
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,201
Look, uh, Mom...
378
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,302
I just...
379
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,838
I just want
to say I'm sorry.
380
00:18:57,838 --> 00:18:59,540
Um, this is your house,
381
00:18:59,540 --> 00:19:02,809
and whatever
you want to do in it
is fine by me.
382
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:06,412
Oh, Josh,
it's your home, too,
383
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:08,715
and I want you to
be comfortable in it,
384
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:12,719
just not when
I'm having my book club.
385
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:15,321
Surprise!
Surprise!
Surprise!
386
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,122
Oh‐ho!
387
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:20,627
You guys, you didn't
have to do this.
388
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,496
Who are you?
389
00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:27,267
I'm the Korean guy
from Duane's story.
390
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,503
I'm the grocer.
391
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,841
Yeah. He's the one
I told you about.
392
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:39,279
(thinking]
3 years until I get to
move away to college.
393
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,681
And all
the free groceries...
394
00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:45,451
(thinking] I wonder when
I have to return that
naughty cowgirl costume.
395
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:50,724
(thinking] I wonder when
she has to return that
naughty cowgirl costume.
396
00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:51,758
You get
a free box...
397
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,728
(thinking]
I'm never eating
in that kitchen again.
398
00:19:58,732 --> 00:20:01,902
Oh! Oh! Riley!
The shoe carousel's
gone berserk!
399
00:20:01,902 --> 00:20:03,637
Oh! Oh! Oh! Ow! Ow!
400
00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:07,508
Ow! Ow!
Oh, I forgot I had these.
401
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:19,385
Captioned by the National
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