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1
00:00:02,936 --> 00:00:05,405
(telephone rings)
2
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,440
(ring)
3
00:00:08,374 --> 00:00:10,744
(British accent)
Hello, Fran Reeves interiors.
4
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:13,647
Can I help you?
5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,648
Hold on one moment.
6
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:19,119
I'll see if Fran Reeves
is available. Thank you.
7
00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:22,656
♪ Hmm hmm hmm ♪
8
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:26,292
♪ Hmm hmm hmm hmm ♪
9
00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:28,795
♪ Hmm hmm hmm ♪
10
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:29,830
(beep)
11
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,099
(normal voice)
Hi, Mrs. Carter.
12
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,069
Oh, you like it?
Did I not tell you
13
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,338
light walls
make a room bigger
14
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,406
and you smaller.
15
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:43,109
Oh, no, not that
you need it, doll.
16
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:44,511
I'm home, babe!
17
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:48,081
Oh, my 2:00 appointment
is here.
18
00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:49,315
OK, you're so kind.
19
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:51,284
Tell a friend, honey, bye.
20
00:00:51,317 --> 00:00:52,185
(beep)
21
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:56,189
Hi, sweetie!
22
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,423
Muwah!
Muwah!
23
00:00:57,457 --> 00:01:00,260
Hello? Mom? Allison?
24
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:01,227
Anybody home?
25
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:03,163
Josh! Oh, my God!
26
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:05,799
What are you dong here?
What a surprise! Wait
one sec, OK?
27
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,433
That's my son Josh.
28
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:08,368
Quick, get upstairs.
29
00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:10,771
Why? You did tell him
about me, didn't you?
30
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,272
Riley, I'm insulted.
31
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:15,275
You're the love
of my life, but, um‐‐
32
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:16,810
I'm sweaty, right?
33
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:19,513
Good! Yes!
34
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:22,883
You only have one chance
to make a first impression.
35
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,718
Go freshen up.
36
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,622
My baby!
37
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,423
Hi, sweetie!
38
00:01:30,456 --> 00:01:32,192
Oh, are you
a doctor yet?
39
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:33,760
Is this
a house call?
40
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:34,761
Is something wrong?
41
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,362
No, no.
I'm not a doctor.
42
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,765
Can't a guy
just miss his family?
43
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,667
Oh, well, now I know
something is wrong.
44
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,503
I mean, I haven't
seen much of you
45
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,770
since the divorce.
46
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,673
Yeah, I know you think
I sided with dad.
47
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,709
Well, only because
you said,
48
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:52,178
"I'm siding
with dad."
49
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,915
I'll show you the
e‐mail if ya like.
50
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:56,817
Maybe this wasn't
such a good idea.
51
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:57,818
Oh, no, no, no.
52
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:58,852
I‐I'm sorry, honey.
I'm sorry.
53
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:02,656
Th‐the important
thing is is that
you're back home
54
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,591
and that's
what counts.
55
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,692
Thank you, Mom,
56
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,529
because I have something
kind of important to tell you.
57
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,698
And I have something
to tell you.
You go first.
58
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:12,766
Oh, no, no, no.
You go first.
59
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,169
Hey! What's ass clown
doin' here?
60
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:20,206
Oh, Allison, how did
I survive the last two years
61
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:23,777
without my loving sister's
gentle jibes?
62
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:27,213
By the way, they have
drugs now that induce
puberty.
63
00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,516
OK, knock it off, you two.
64
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,952
Now tell me, Josh,
what did you want to say?
65
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:35,288
Uh, well, there's no
easy way to say this,
66
00:02:35,321 --> 00:02:36,723
So, um...
67
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:39,292
I got kicked out
of medical school.
68
00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:43,229
Oh, no! How?
What happened?
69
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:48,201
Well, you know how
some guys really thrive
under the pressure
70
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:51,471
whereas others tend to snap
after a 72‐hour shift
71
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:55,909
and chase a smart‐ass
male nurse with a bone saw?
72
00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:59,913
Ohh, sweetie,
I'm so sorry.
73
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,948
So are you OK?
74
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,884
I mean, is there
something I can do?
75
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:04,785
Do you need
a doctor?
76
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,853
No, no. I've already
been through all that.
77
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,054
The doctor said
what I need now
78
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:13,527
is to relax and regroup
in a safe, stress‐free
environment.
79
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,696
Joshua, welcome home!
80
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:22,969
Um, M‐Mom, why is this
large man embracing me?
81
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,304
You didn't tell him?
82
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,572
You didn't
tell him?
83
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,573
Tell me what?
84
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:27,541
Oh, Frannie.
85
00:03:27,574 --> 00:03:29,910
Now, we can stand here
a point fingers all day,
86
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,579
but the point is
he knows now.
87
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:33,680
I know what?
88
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,315
About mom's boyfriend.
89
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:36,717
Riley, the contractor.
90
00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,255
What?
91
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,289
Ah‐heh!
92
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:47,493
♪ And I ♪
93
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,696
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
94
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,566
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
95
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:55,435
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
96
00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:57,403
♪ And life ♪
97
00:03:57,437 --> 00:03:59,673
♪ Gets better every day ♪
98
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:02,743
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
99
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,377
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
100
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:08,582
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
101
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:17,390
I am sorry you had
to find out this way,
but I want you to know
102
00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,026
I have no intention
of replacing your
father.
103
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:20,727
What?
104
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,763
Ya know, because
he lives here.
105
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,497
You live here?
106
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,600
Yeah, he sleeps
in Mom's bed‐‐
107
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:27,901
with Mom.
108
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:31,572
Allison, would you mind
going upstairs, please?
109
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,006
Why can't I watch
him go mental?
110
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:34,675
Get upstairs!
111
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,543
Ohh, man!
112
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,945
I know this is
disconcerting,
Joshua...
113
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,647
Usually, people
just call me Josh.
114
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,949
That's cool.
You can call me "Ri"
115
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,751
or "R‐Dawg."
116
00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:47,688
Hey‐‐ hey,
you hungry?
117
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:48,755
Let me fix ya
a snack.
118
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:49,590
Thanks, I'm good.
119
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,925
By the way, we have
a little soy milk
120
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,762
in the fridge
for your irritable
bowel syndrome.
121
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,602
What do ya think?
122
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:02,869
Cute, huh?
123
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,842
Wow, that was awkward.
124
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:10,310
Ya think?
125
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,546
Oh, sweetie,
126
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,715
it's just a very
delicate situation
127
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,983
and I was waiting
for the perfect time.
128
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:20,721
You told all your
girlfriends about me
after the first date.
129
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:25,091
Well, if you can't
see the difference...
130
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:29,596
Ya know, in a way,
I'm glad this happened.
131
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,665
This'll be good for us.
132
00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:34,735
Ya know, they say
that's how you deal
with the real problems
133
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,537
that define
a relationship.
134
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:39,940
Ohh. You are
the perfect man.
135
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,975
The only thing perfect
in this kitchen
136
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,009
is your ass.
137
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,513
Ow!
138
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,350
When you're right,
you're right.
139
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:55,421
Allison, we have...
140
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,524
a situation here.
141
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,726
No, you have
a situation here.
142
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:00,661
I'm fine with it.
143
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,929
You're the one
who comes home
out of nowhere
144
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,398
and starts judging
everybody.
145
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:07,901
All I wanted to do
was come home,
relax,
146
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,603
and reconnect
with my family.
147
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:12,873
Ya know, Josh,
nobody's stopping ya!
148
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,475
Well, if only
it were that easy...
149
00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,144
But, uh, why would
I expect you to
understand?
150
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,680
You're only 15.
151
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,681
Only 15?
152
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,915
My life is not
all food courts
153
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,784
and Buffy reruns,
ya know?
154
00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:26,019
Au contraire.
I am losing my job at IHOP
155
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,589
'cause I won't sleep
with the waffle foreman,
156
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:31,825
suzie collins wants me
to forge her parents'
signatures
157
00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:32,893
so she can get a boob job,
158
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,529
and if my S.A.T.S
don't improve,
159
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,532
I'm gonna end up
a 25‐year‐old head case
160
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,133
living with my mom.
161
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:42,703
How pathetic is that?
162
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:43,704
(door opens)
163
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:47,440
Oh! I just had a vision.
164
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,576
I'm gonna end up
working at IHOP
165
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,912
and you're gonna have
seniority.
166
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:54,515
I gotta lie down.
167
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,684
What the hell happened
to my room?
168
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,686
Isn't it great?
169
00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,088
Mom designed it
and Riley built it.
170
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,524
That's how they met.
171
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,691
Where's my bed?
172
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:08,995
I mean, didn't the boy
ever learn how to use
a telephone?
173
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,598
"Hi, Mom. I got
thrown out of medical school
174
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:12,899
because I had
a nervous breakdown
175
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,234
and I'm movin' home
tomorrow."
176
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,837
I mean, what's so hard
to dial a number?
177
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,004
Unless‐‐ ooh‐‐
178
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:21,141
he was in a straitjacket.
179
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,178
Hey, it's like
he had any warning, either.
180
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,080
He's trying to return
to the comfort of the womb
181
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,682
only to discover
a total stranger
182
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:30,784
that his mom's
been hiding from him.
183
00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,485
I wasn't hiding you.
184
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:33,787
I was saving you...
185
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:36,489
Like a surprise.
186
00:07:36,523 --> 00:07:38,692
Ohh, all right,
it was a mistake.
187
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:41,762
Ya know, he had a little
murmur when he was a kid.
188
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,531
I should know better.
189
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:47,200
Well, he's handling it
a lot better than I would.
190
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,570
You're different,
the house is different,
191
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,738
it's not exactly
the comfort zone
192
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:52,939
he was told to seek out.
193
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,041
Well, what do you think
I should do, sweetie?
194
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:58,645
Well, for starters,
maybe you should tell him
195
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:00,547
that we turned his bedroom
into a gym...
196
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:03,784
And that there's a guy
living in his closet.
197
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,052
Aah!
Aah!
198
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,989
All right, I think
we got that covered...
199
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:11,758
Well, right now, Fran,
200
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,059
maybe you just
need to be his mom.
201
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,762
Ohh, sweetie,
you are so right.
202
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:19,199
I should serve him
a home‐cooked dinner.
203
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,233
(sighs)
204
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:23,904
Giorgio's
still delivers, right?
205
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,074
Hey, Mom, is there
anybody else living here
206
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,242
that I should know about?
207
00:08:29,275 --> 00:08:32,012
Because this house
is starting to look
like a clown car.
208
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,880
Oh, I guess
you met Duane.
209
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,148
He's cool, isn't he?
210
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,717
I met him
at an ozzfest.
211
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,952
You never let me
go to Ozzfest.
212
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:40,286
Well, and rightfully so.
213
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,187
I mean, with your asthma?
214
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,957
You really shouldn't be
moshing, sweetie.
215
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:45,692
W‐what's going on?
216
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:46,827
You're having
new boyfriends,
217
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,128
you're taking in strays.
218
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,264
Listen, Duane is a very
talented bass player.
219
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:53,199
I couldn't just
leave him out on the street.
220
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:58,238
It would be the equivalent
of letting Mozart freeze.
221
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,006
OK, who are you?
222
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,875
Oh, sweetie, ya know,
223
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:04,745
did ya think everything
was gonna stay the same?
224
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:05,812
I mean, things change.
225
00:09:05,846 --> 00:09:07,147
I've changed.
226
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:08,982
That's what life
is about.
227
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,717
You know, mom,
there's change like,
228
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:11,818
"Oh, look,
new furniture,
229
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,053
and then
there's change like,
230
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:13,854
oh, new furniture,
231
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,590
and it's sleeping
with my mom."
232
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,259
Ohh, sweetie,
233
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:23,263
you're such a little wreck.
Muwah, muwah, muwah!
234
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,898
Ya know what you need?
235
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,166
A fork in my eye?
236
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,670
No. A little soupy.
237
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,038
Now you sound like my mom.
238
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,676
No. Now I sound
like my mom.
239
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:36,810
So, tell me...
240
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,612
What did your father
say about all this?
241
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,313
I don't even wanna
talk about Dad.
242
00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:43,149
Turns out he's your best friend
when you're on the dean's list.
243
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,686
But call him collect
from a psych ward,
and suddenly he's off‐‐
244
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:46,987
screwing his nurse.
245
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,657
I was going to say golfing.
246
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:53,059
Eh, potayto‐potahto.
247
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,762
You know, sweetie,
you're a smart,
successful kid.
248
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:58,632
Your only problem
was that you're
trying too hard
249
00:09:58,665 --> 00:09:59,600
to please
your father.
250
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,201
Yeah, I know. I don't even
think it's possible.
251
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:05,071
Not unless you're
double‐jointed.
252
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:06,640
Excuse me?
253
00:10:06,673 --> 00:10:09,676
Oh, um, I was saying
the point is...
254
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,377
That I'm glad
to have you back.
255
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,346
Thank you, Mom. This is
exactly what I needed.
256
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,749
And this soup is even better
than I remembered.
257
00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:18,785
I didn't make it
too spicy, did I?
258
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,722
No. He loves it,
and so do I.
259
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,657
Oh, you like everything.
260
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:24,991
Thanks anyway, babe.
261
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,159
Well, I'd better
get upstairs.
262
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,194
Oh, please don't go, Josh.
263
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:30,330
We were having
such a good time.
264
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,065
Yeah, we were.
265
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:33,199
I've got a great idea.
266
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:36,169
Why don't we all go grab
a drink later at O'Malley's,
267
00:10:36,202 --> 00:10:37,738
watch the big game?
268
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,405
What big game?
269
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:42,743
Uh, I don't know.
It's a sports bar.
They'll know.
270
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,011
How about it, Joshua?
I'm buying.
271
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,212
I'm not much
of a sports fan.
272
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,249
No rush. We're gonna be
together for years.
273
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,051
Hah.
274
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:52,118
What?
275
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:56,356
You really don't get what's
going on, do ya, R‐Dawg?
276
00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:00,694
You're only here
because my mother is
having a midlife crisis.
277
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:04,130
If she was a guy,
you'd be a Porsche.
278
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,232
Look, you say what
you want about me,
279
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:10,236
but disrespect
your mother one more time,
we're gonna tussle.
280
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:13,239
OK. OK. You see what
just happened there?
281
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:15,809
Your little goy toy
just threatened me.
282
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,377
I did not threaten you.
283
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,780
All right, time out
over here, you two.
284
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,047
Now, get in your corners.
285
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,248
We're one big happy family,
286
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:28,388
so why don't we just
sit down and have some
damn egg salad?
287
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,723
I'll say what I want
about her.
288
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:31,925
Not while I'm here.
That's the point.
289
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:32,826
You shouldn't be here.
290
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:37,263
(Fran gasps)
OK. Well, that
is it, mister.
291
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:40,233
Son, or no son,
I have had it
with you.
292
00:11:40,266 --> 00:11:43,804
While you're
under my roof,
you give me respect.
293
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,306
Oh, my God. Now I
really sound like
my mother.
294
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:50,243
Mom, this isn't your fault.
Your hormones are making
you crazy.
295
00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:52,378
Don't you be talking
about my hormones.
296
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:56,149
I'll have you know
that I am in
my sexual peak.
297
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,018
I'll say.
298
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,855
What do you think
your friends are saying?
299
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,890
"Does he have
a brother?"
300
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:08,494
Mom... Trust me.
We studied this in school.
301
00:12:08,529 --> 00:12:12,999
Riley is simply a manifestation
of your temporary insanity.
302
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,802
Hey, I warned you
about that, Joshua.
303
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,003
It's Josh!
304
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:20,173
Why can't you remember that,
you big Zoolander‐looking
ape?
305
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:24,444
That is it, Josh!
Go to your... Gym!
306
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:32,919
Hello, Allison.
307
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,120
Congratulations.
308
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,221
You're home
less than a day,
309
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,458
and you've already
pissed off everyone
in the house.
310
00:12:40,326 --> 00:12:43,363
Josh, could you
come here a minute?
311
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,165
I wanna talk to you.
312
00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:46,933
What?
313
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,034
I've been giving it
a lot of thought,
314
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:51,505
what you said earlier today,
and I've made a decision.
315
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:55,208
This situation with Riley
has gotta stop.
316
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:56,577
Oh, thank you.
317
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:59,012
Come on, we'll break
the news together.
318
00:12:59,045 --> 00:13:02,583
No. That's not
what I meant.
319
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,885
Riley is in my life,
320
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,821
and you are going to
have to accept that.
321
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:08,955
But why? Why him?
322
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,391
He's like the total opposite
of everything you ever were.
323
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,594
Yeah, well, that's
the point, isn't it?
324
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:15,596
I mean,
look at your sister.
325
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:19,299
That was me
when I had you.
326
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:23,570
I went straight
from my parents house
to my husband's house.
327
00:13:23,604 --> 00:13:25,539
And that was
a big mistake.
328
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:27,240
But I'm trying to
correct that now.
329
00:13:27,273 --> 00:13:32,012
I'm trying new things.
I started a decorating
business.
330
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,848
It's a very
exciting time for me.
331
00:13:34,881 --> 00:13:38,418
And Riley is a big part
of that.
332
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:42,556
He is very spontaneous
and open‐minded.
333
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:45,892
And he's the only man
that has ever made me‐‐
334
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,293
Mom.
335
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:51,164
I was going
to say laugh.
336
00:13:51,197 --> 00:13:56,036
Now, Josh, I want
to be here for you.
337
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,103
I really do.
338
00:13:57,137 --> 00:14:00,140
But you are going
have to accept me
for who I am,
339
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:05,245
and that includes
the part of me that's
in love with Riley.
340
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,246
I don't know if I can.
341
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:09,883
Why is it so hard
for you to do this,
Joshie?
342
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:15,121
I spent the better part
of my life taking care
of you,
343
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:18,625
devoting myself
to you completely
and willingly.
344
00:14:18,659 --> 00:14:22,195
But now I found somebody
that makes me happy.
345
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,898
Why can't you just
give it a chance?
346
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,067
Is that so much to ask?
347
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,403
OK. Mom, I'll give it
a chance.
348
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:35,942
Oh, thank you, sweetie.
Thank you.
You're a good son.
349
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:36,977
OK?
350
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,279
Yes.
Thank you.
351
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,047
Thank you.
352
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:47,353
Jewish guilt.
It works every time.
353
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,194
Oh, Riley, you've really
outdone yourself.
354
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,663
Everything looks
so delicious.
355
00:14:56,697 --> 00:14:57,998
It was
a team effort.
356
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,332
Duane braised the meat.
357
00:14:59,365 --> 00:15:01,001
Allison made the salad.
358
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,203
Josh set the table.
359
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:05,639
Way to chip in, buddy.
360
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:10,310
Allison, why don't you
tell your brother
about your day today?
361
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:11,678
Like he cares?
362
00:15:11,712 --> 00:15:12,579
No. I do.
363
00:15:12,613 --> 00:15:15,716
Uh, so, you're in
eighth grade now, right?
364
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:16,950
Tenth.
365
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:18,552
Oh, that's a great age.
366
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,721
Are you a mathlete?
I was a mathlete.
367
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:24,257
No. And we call them
mathholes.
368
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,695
I wanted to be a mathlete,
but they met during
football practice.
369
00:15:28,729 --> 00:15:30,631
Oh, yeah. It was
a tough choice for me, too,
370
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:36,069
but, you know, football,
irritable bowel syndrome,
371
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,005
quite a worrisome combo.
372
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,443
So, ally, whatever happened
with kendra and bobby?
373
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:45,211
Who's Kendra and Bobby?
374
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:48,148
Slutty cheerleader,
Ally's ex.
375
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:49,249
Riley. It was so great.
376
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,985
Kenra comes around the corner
from gym this morning,
377
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:54,988
and guess who she sees
bobby scamming on?
378
00:15:55,021 --> 00:15:55,756
Courtney?
379
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:56,723
Best girlfriend.
380
00:15:56,757 --> 00:15:58,158
Sarah?
The rival.
381
00:15:58,191 --> 00:15:59,459
Christa?
Who's Christa?
382
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:01,261
No, me.
383
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,162
(Riley laughs)
384
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:05,699
Aahh, no, you didn't!
385
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,768
Oh, yes, I did.
386
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:11,004
I finally got
that bitch back.
387
00:16:11,037 --> 00:16:12,138
Language, Allison.
388
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:16,109
Yes. In this house
we say "bee‐yotch."
389
00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:18,244
Honey, can you
pass the peas?
390
00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,145
Sure.
391
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:20,146
Oh. I got it.
392
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,214
It's all right,
man, I got it.
393
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:22,282
No. I got it.
394
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,216
I got it.
395
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,317
Boys, please.
396
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:25,451
Honey, can you
not call me boy?
397
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,319
It's a little
creepy.
398
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,088
Boy, can you not call
my mother "honey"?
399
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,489
It's a lot creepy.
400
00:16:29,523 --> 00:16:31,424
OK?
401
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:35,729
Wow. I was just
gonna ask for those.
402
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,731
You know, I'll get those.
You're the guest.
403
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,733
No. I'm not the guest.
You're the guest.
404
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:40,634
No one is the guest.
405
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,803
I'm just saying I've
been here for a while.
406
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,037
You just got here.
407
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:44,938
I was here for 20 years.
408
00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:48,274
Excuse me, Riley.
Don't poke the bear.
409
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,143
Shut up, Allison.
410
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,011
Josh, chill out.
411
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:52,478
Is this your idea of
giving it a chance?
412
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:54,214
I did.
I gave it a chance.
413
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:55,716
I even tried to communicate,
414
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,117
but I just can't get in.
415
00:16:57,150 --> 00:17:00,286
So, here's to you,
Mrs. Robertson.
416
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,388
That's Robinson.
417
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,124
Who's Mrs. Robinson?
418
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,527
Must be a family friend.
419
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,094
All right, now you're
all annoying me.
420
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,663
Josh, sit. You're acting
like an infant.
421
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:14,200
Oh, OK. If I'm an "infant,"
then he's a fetus.
422
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:17,103
So enjoy your new "family,"
because I'm out of here.
423
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:22,809
All right, fine. Go,
and take your stupid
air quotes with you.
424
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:29,149
These peas are delicious.
425
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:35,856
I'm telling you, Riley,
I have had it with him.
426
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,190
It's over.
427
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,191
Uh‐huh.
428
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:38,925
I don't need
my son's approval.
429
00:17:38,959 --> 00:17:41,762
He's the child.
I'm the parent.
430
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:42,663
Uh‐huh. I know.
431
00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:45,431
He could stay away forever
for all I care.
432
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:47,200
He doesn't approve? Fine.
433
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:48,502
He's on his own.
434
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,370
I've got my own life
to lead.
435
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,139
You wanna go look
for him, don't you?
436
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,541
Yeah.
437
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,611
Sweetie, how'd you
get so wise?
438
00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:58,712
Family Ties.
439
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,548
You watch Family Ties, too?
440
00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:02,816
I love nick at nite.
441
00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:03,750
Oh, get dressed.
442
00:18:03,784 --> 00:18:06,587
As soon as I
dry off.
443
00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:09,322
Uh, let me just help.
444
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:15,161
You doing OK over here?
445
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,397
Another beer, please.
446
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:18,599
There he is.
447
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:20,266
Hi, sweetie.
448
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,401
What are you two doing here?
449
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,237
You run out of places
to have sex?
450
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,239
Ha ha. Very funny.
451
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,741
We were very
worried about you.
452
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,876
Running all over
town loOKing.
453
00:18:29,910 --> 00:18:30,877
Two beers.
454
00:18:30,911 --> 00:18:32,345
I'm gonna need
to see some I. D.
455
00:18:32,378 --> 00:18:36,717
Oh, I am so sick
of always having
to do this.
456
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,384
Oh. I meant him.
457
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:39,252
Oh.
458
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,587
But I'll check yours, too.
459
00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,589
Thanks, doll.
460
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:44,558
And how 'bout you,
sugar?
461
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:47,861
Anything more
I can do for you?
462
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:50,697
I'm fine.
463
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,869
Bartender just
hit on you, man.
464
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:58,438
Impossible. Girls
don't hit on me.
465
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:02,275
No. She likes you.
I'm gonna go get her number.
466
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,343
No, Mom.
467
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,546
Thank me later.
468
00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:07,914
She's a force of nature.
469
00:19:07,948 --> 00:19:10,517
Her voice is the last thing
I wanna hear at night
470
00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:13,654
and the first thing I
wanna hear in the morning.
471
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,421
Her voice?
472
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:18,925
I know. That's how crazy
I am about her.
473
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:21,161
Seriously, Josh...
474
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,397
If you could only see
your mom like I do.
475
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:27,467
Uh, please. I have
stomach problems as it is.
476
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,470
Got the digits.
477
00:19:30,504 --> 00:19:32,205
You know, Joshie,
it's really funny
478
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:34,908
that you should pick
this place to come to.
479
00:19:34,941 --> 00:19:36,643
This is where we came
on our first date.
480
00:19:36,677 --> 00:19:40,213
That's right.
We sat right there
in that back booth.
481
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,748
And then we closed
this place down.
482
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:43,817
Mm‐hmm. We didn't want
the date to end,
483
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:48,655
so we just walked
and talked. What?
484
00:19:48,689 --> 00:19:50,557
Oh. Nothing.
I just...
485
00:19:50,591 --> 00:19:52,993
I never saw you smile
like that with Dad.
486
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:58,398
Well, I never did.
Except the day
I kicked him out.
487
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:02,335
You know, Riley,
this may just be
the booze talking,
488
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:06,372
but I'm really sorry
for how I treated you.
489
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,475
That's not me. At least,
I don't think.
490
00:20:09,510 --> 00:20:12,478
Well, frankly,
I have no idea who I am
491
00:20:12,513 --> 00:20:14,447
or where I'm going.
492
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:15,982
Oh, don't worry,
sweetie.
493
00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:16,917
Give yourself time.
494
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:18,118
You'll find
your purpose.
495
00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:20,787
I meant tonight.
I don't know where
I'm going tonight.
496
00:20:20,821 --> 00:20:25,592
Well, that's easy.
You're gonna come
home with us.
497
00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:27,427
Yeah.
Oh, thank God.
498
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,428
Closing time.
499
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,631
I'll take that.
He's my son.
500
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,899
Our son.
501
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:39,706
I'm never gonna get
out of therapy.
502
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,281
What do you have?
503
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:49,850
Jobless.
504
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:55,455
By the way, until you
get on your feet,
505
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:58,058
here's a little
walking‐around money.
506
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,293
Don't tell your mom.
507
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:05,666
If I wasn't so hard up,
I'd be insulted. Thanks...
508
00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:10,871
Dad.
509
00:21:10,904 --> 00:21:13,874
Captioned by the National
Captioning Institute
35831
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