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1
00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:06,050
Hey, Baxter.
2
00:00:06,052 --> 00:00:08,344
Working hard or hardly working?
3
00:00:08,346 --> 00:00:09,554
Go back to:
4
00:00:09,556 --> 00:00:11,982
"Whazzup!"
5
00:00:11,984 --> 00:00:13,400
You know, I was going through
6
00:00:13,402 --> 00:00:15,918
the company manual
looking for reasons why...
7
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,562
why Joe would be up here.
8
00:00:17,564 --> 00:00:19,314
Yep, nah, nothing there.
9
00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:22,200
I'm sure there's prob...
No, nothing there, either.
10
00:00:22,202 --> 00:00:24,135
Should I go through all the...
11
00:00:24,137 --> 00:00:25,945
Nothing in... Oh, wait
a minute, there it is.
12
00:00:25,947 --> 00:00:28,840
Oh. Yeah. Joe should
never be up in the office.
13
00:00:29,868 --> 00:00:32,335
It doesn't say that.
14
00:00:32,337 --> 00:00:35,154
Oh, oh, oh, there she is!
15
00:00:35,156 --> 00:00:36,247
Lay it on me.
16
00:00:36,249 --> 00:00:39,000
What's the theme for the
chili contest this year?
17
00:00:39,002 --> 00:00:41,228
Why did I take the stairs?
18
00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:44,380
You know, when she's older,
I'm gonna have her piggyback me
19
00:00:44,382 --> 00:00:47,091
for nine months... ha...
see how she likes it.
20
00:00:47,093 --> 00:00:49,226
All due respect,
21
00:00:49,228 --> 00:00:51,405
she's not due for another few weeks.
22
00:00:51,407 --> 00:00:53,389
The chili contest is now.
23
00:00:53,391 --> 00:00:54,932
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
24
00:00:54,934 --> 00:00:56,994
You'll have to let it go. He's a novice.
25
00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:59,070
He hasn't won it four times, you know?
26
00:00:59,072 --> 00:01:00,414
When you win it that many times,
27
00:01:00,416 --> 00:01:04,192
you realize the contest
actually... comes to you.
28
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,861
He may be a novice, but as I recall...
29
00:01:06,863 --> 00:01:09,781
Chuck won the Golden Apron last year.
30
00:01:09,783 --> 00:01:12,116
Wait a minute, Joe.
31
00:01:12,118 --> 00:01:14,844
If I won last year,
32
00:01:14,846 --> 00:01:17,697
why-why, that would
mean that Baxter lost.
33
00:01:17,699 --> 00:01:18,748
Oh-ho-ho!
34
00:01:18,750 --> 00:01:20,241
Which is something
35
00:01:20,243 --> 00:01:22,560
he's gonna have to live with
for the rest of his life.
36
00:01:22,562 --> 00:01:23,920
Yeah? Yeah?
37
00:01:23,922 --> 00:01:26,064
Those judges all reeked of bourbon.
38
00:01:27,192 --> 00:01:28,850
Everybody thought that your chili
39
00:01:28,852 --> 00:01:31,695
tasted like bad meat
just drenched in ketchup.
40
00:01:32,689 --> 00:01:34,222
Sorry.
41
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,548
Okay. Okay.
42
00:01:35,550 --> 00:01:38,910
Uh, the twist for this year is:
43
00:01:38,912 --> 00:01:42,684
all of the chili needs
to be Asian-influenced.
44
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,191
- Oh.
- I love these twists.
45
00:01:45,193 --> 00:01:48,427
Ah. When I won my, uh,
second... or was it third?...
46
00:01:48,429 --> 00:01:50,029
maybe the fourth time I won,
47
00:01:50,031 --> 00:01:52,123
we had to use pork shoulder.
48
00:01:52,125 --> 00:01:55,451
So my kitchen just
had that delicate aroma
49
00:01:55,453 --> 00:01:59,214
of boiled tomatoes
and pulled pork shank.
50
00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:08,169
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
51
00:02:10,635 --> 00:02:12,760
Hey, Jen. What are you up to?
52
00:02:12,762 --> 00:02:16,055
Uh, studying for my AP History exam.
53
00:02:16,057 --> 00:02:17,997
Boy, that Genghis Khan,
54
00:02:17,999 --> 00:02:19,841
- what a Grumpy Gus.
- Yeah.
55
00:02:20,854 --> 00:02:22,579
And a Pillaging Pete.
56
00:02:23,557 --> 00:02:25,116
Well, I'm sure you'll do well.
57
00:02:25,118 --> 00:02:28,377
You actually excel at
anything you put your mind to.
58
00:02:29,538 --> 00:02:30,921
What do you want?
59
00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:35,828
Chili cook-off is coming
up, and it's an Asian theme.
60
00:02:35,830 --> 00:02:37,243
And I was thinking...
61
00:02:37,245 --> 00:02:39,120
remember the other night
you gave us that Chinese dish
62
00:02:39,122 --> 00:02:40,921
with that unbelievably good smoked pork?
63
00:02:40,923 --> 00:02:42,974
I wonder if you could just
give me the recipe for that?
64
00:02:42,976 --> 00:02:44,834
You mean my family's recipe
65
00:02:44,836 --> 00:02:47,187
that we've kept secret for 200 years?
66
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,691
Give it to me.
67
00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:53,426
Interesting.
68
00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:55,404
You need some information
69
00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:59,116
and I happen to have said information.
70
00:03:03,062 --> 00:03:05,438
Maybe we could come up with a...
71
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,607
mutually beneficial transaction?
72
00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:09,150
A little, uh...
73
00:03:09,152 --> 00:03:11,920
quid pro ro, if you will.
74
00:03:13,364 --> 00:03:14,756
Ro is Chinese for meat.
75
00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:18,565
I wonder what Chinese is
76
00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:21,087
for "get your feet off the damn table".
77
00:03:21,089 --> 00:03:25,398
Okay, the National Spelling
Bee is on this whole week,
78
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,169
and I need to record
it on your DVR. Deal?
79
00:03:28,171 --> 00:03:30,671
Quid pro no.
80
00:03:30,673 --> 00:03:33,424
I just have the one DVR, and it's full.
81
00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:36,243
Full of old stuff. Who
the heck is Matlock,
82
00:03:36,245 --> 00:03:38,980
and why do you need 20 hours of him?
83
00:03:38,982 --> 00:03:42,308
He's the best country lawyer ever,
84
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:45,871
and he's dead, and they're
not making any more like him.
85
00:03:45,873 --> 00:03:47,146
Well...
86
00:03:47,148 --> 00:03:49,816
good luck in your...
87
00:03:49,818 --> 00:03:52,294
Tournament of Meat, or whatever.
88
00:03:54,489 --> 00:03:57,332
All right, all right, all
right, all right, all right.
89
00:03:57,334 --> 00:03:59,919
Goodbye, Matlock.
90
00:03:59,921 --> 00:04:01,777
Nobody looked better
91
00:04:01,779 --> 00:04:04,473
in a seersucker powder
blue suit than you.
92
00:04:06,295 --> 00:04:08,476
_
93
00:04:08,478 --> 00:04:10,617
I don't know what it is about tapas,
94
00:04:10,619 --> 00:04:13,464
but it is the only thing this
baby doesn't toss back up.
95
00:04:13,466 --> 00:04:15,827
Well, that is because it's delicious.
96
00:04:15,829 --> 00:04:18,486
Or, as they would thay in Barthelona,
97
00:04:18,488 --> 00:04:19,846
delith-ioth.
98
00:04:19,848 --> 00:04:23,057
Mom, that accent is
so good I can feel it.
99
00:04:23,059 --> 00:04:24,818
I'm sorry.
100
00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:27,436
You know, I just... I just
love our weekly get-togethers.
101
00:04:27,438 --> 00:04:29,289
You know, what we need is more...
102
00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:30,749
thangria.
103
00:04:32,986 --> 00:04:35,575
- Mom's the best.
- She's the greatest.
104
00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:37,506
We have to stop these weekly lunches.
105
00:04:37,508 --> 00:04:40,567
I know. I mean, I love
Mom's sangria dance
106
00:04:40,569 --> 00:04:42,967
as much as anyone else, but every week?
107
00:04:42,969 --> 00:04:44,770
I'm swamped with work right now.
108
00:04:44,772 --> 00:04:47,164
Me too. And I'm pregnant.
I should be spending
109
00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:50,126
all of my free time in a bathtub.
110
00:04:50,128 --> 00:04:51,510
So, wait, what are we gonna do?
111
00:04:51,512 --> 00:04:52,612
I have an idea.
112
00:04:52,614 --> 00:04:54,097
- Uh, just play along.
- No, no. But I don't know
113
00:04:54,099 --> 00:04:55,390
what you're doing...
I'm not good at this.
114
00:04:55,392 --> 00:04:57,767
Guys, guys, guys, uh, is it me,
115
00:04:57,769 --> 00:05:00,862
or does our waiter look
just like Antonio Banderas?
116
00:05:01,857 --> 00:05:05,099
It's the sangria goggles. Mm.
117
00:05:05,101 --> 00:05:07,151
Uh, hey, Mom, Mandy
and I were just talking
118
00:05:07,153 --> 00:05:09,353
- about how much we love these weekly lunches.
- Oh...
119
00:05:09,355 --> 00:05:11,791
She was talking.
I was just playing along.
120
00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:13,157
But, uh...
121
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:16,068
... sadly, there are two
people who feel left out.
122
00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:17,111
Really? Who?
123
00:05:17,113 --> 00:05:18,321
Ryan and Kyle.
124
00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:19,956
- Hmm.
- They really miss seeing you.
125
00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:22,375
I-I bet they would love to
have lunch with you, too.
126
00:05:22,377 --> 00:05:25,119
Yes. That's it. I love this now.
127
00:05:25,121 --> 00:05:27,955
Well, that is... That
is really sweet, Kris.
128
00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:30,082
Why don't you guys bring
'em along next time?
129
00:05:30,084 --> 00:05:32,043
- No.
- What she means is,
130
00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:33,836
uh, no...
131
00:05:33,838 --> 00:05:36,672
they should have you all to themselves.
132
00:05:36,674 --> 00:05:40,235
That's what I mean 100%.
133
00:05:40,237 --> 00:05:43,313
Oh, I see. Um, okay.
134
00:05:43,315 --> 00:05:46,504
Well, you know, next time
it'll just be me and the boys.
135
00:05:46,506 --> 00:05:47,609
Cool.
136
00:05:47,611 --> 00:05:51,362
Oh, grathiath, Antonio.
137
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:55,542
♪ Sangria! ♪
138
00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:02,573
Get 'em while they're
hot. And they are hot.
139
00:06:02,575 --> 00:06:05,743
I like to call this Baxter's
Chili Chili Bang Bang.
140
00:06:05,745 --> 00:06:07,827
Hmm. All right.
141
00:06:07,829 --> 00:06:09,163
- Here we go. Thank you.
- Buh, buh, buh, buh!
142
00:06:09,165 --> 00:06:10,423
Just one per customer,
143
00:06:10,425 --> 00:06:12,166
just enough to haunt you in your dreams,
144
00:06:12,168 --> 00:06:13,968
- get you begging for more.
- Okay.
145
00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:16,061
Just settle down, Mike.
146
00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:18,726
This is chili, not
Sophia Loren, all right?
147
00:06:18,728 --> 00:06:21,017
For God's sake. Huh,
what's the big deal?
148
00:06:21,019 --> 00:06:23,636
It's just... just a...
149
00:06:23,638 --> 00:06:25,179
Damn!
150
00:06:25,181 --> 00:06:26,689
Oh-ho-hoo!
151
00:06:26,691 --> 00:06:29,934
This is Sophia Loren
and Gina Lollobrigida.
152
00:06:29,936 --> 00:06:31,936
Yes, sir. Mmm.
153
00:06:31,938 --> 00:06:35,439
All swirled together in one tiny cup.
154
00:06:35,441 --> 00:06:37,441
Oh, boy, that's good. Boy, that's good.
155
00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:39,586
But it's more...
156
00:06:39,588 --> 00:06:41,546
Margaret Thatcher and Madame Curie.
157
00:06:43,258 --> 00:06:45,658
I like 'em tough and brainy, you know?
158
00:06:45,660 --> 00:06:48,494
What are you up to with
these samples, Baxter?
159
00:06:48,496 --> 00:06:49,745
Well, I made too much last night.
160
00:06:49,747 --> 00:06:51,239
I wasn't gonna throw it out.
161
00:06:51,241 --> 00:06:54,208
I mean, would Michelangelo
toss it away if he sculpted
162
00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:56,210
too much David?
163
00:06:56,212 --> 00:06:58,421
I've seen that statue, Mikey.
164
00:06:58,423 --> 00:07:01,890
Believe me, he did not sculpt too much.
165
00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:03,092
- Give it a shot.
- Mm-hmm.
166
00:07:03,094 --> 00:07:04,116
See what it tastes like
167
00:07:04,118 --> 00:07:05,344
when you don't get your recipe
168
00:07:05,346 --> 00:07:06,721
off the back of a ketchup bottle.
169
00:07:06,723 --> 00:07:08,389
Hey, hey, don't knock ketchup.
170
00:07:08,391 --> 00:07:11,368
In a pinch, it makes a great hair gel.
171
00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:15,229
You know what I say about this, Baxter?
172
00:07:15,231 --> 00:07:16,447
Here it comes.
173
00:07:16,449 --> 00:07:19,358
- It's fantastic!
- Yeah.
174
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,373
What? Don't mock me with your praise.
175
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,578
I will not be praise-mocked.
176
00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:24,872
No, no... no, no, I'm
serious. This time, you...
177
00:07:24,874 --> 00:07:27,908
you really brought your A game.
178
00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:30,411
Yeah. The only thing that would
make this more delicious is
179
00:07:30,413 --> 00:07:32,666
- watching you go down in flames.
- Mm.
180
00:07:32,668 --> 00:07:35,066
Unfortunately, that is not gonna happen.
181
00:07:35,068 --> 00:07:36,810
- Oh, yeah, I think it will.
- Because I'm dropping out.
182
00:07:36,812 --> 00:07:38,228
Oh, yeah. What?
183
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,757
This chili made you drop out?
184
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:46,486
I should send this to Bernie Sanders.
185
00:07:52,351 --> 00:07:54,769
What do you mean you're
dropping out? You can't quit.
186
00:07:54,771 --> 00:07:57,472
I'm not. I'm retiring as champion.
187
00:07:57,474 --> 00:07:58,579
- Wh-what?
- And to tell you the truth,
188
00:07:58,581 --> 00:08:00,274
I only stayed in this long to, you know,
189
00:08:00,276 --> 00:08:02,068
motivate you to raise your game.
190
00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:05,193
You know what you remind
me of is old canned chili.
191
00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:07,007
Gassy and full of beans.
192
00:08:07,009 --> 00:08:09,241
- Hey, you got to admit, Baxter, it worked.
- What?
193
00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:11,419
Last year's chili was... meh.
194
00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:13,763
But this is meh-nificent.
195
00:08:16,949 --> 00:08:18,796
The only reason you're dropping out
196
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,252
is you don't think you can beat me.
197
00:08:20,254 --> 00:08:21,420
You know... you know,
198
00:08:21,422 --> 00:08:23,005
you're what I would never put in chili.
199
00:08:23,007 --> 00:08:25,066
- Hmm?
- Chicken.
200
00:08:25,068 --> 00:08:27,694
Why are you so upset?
201
00:08:27,696 --> 00:08:29,970
With me out, you're a slam dunk to win.
202
00:08:29,972 --> 00:08:32,538
You kn-you know... you
remember when Frazier quit?
203
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:35,434
Ali only had to fight Trevor Berbick.
204
00:08:35,436 --> 00:08:36,977
Who cares if you beat a dude
205
00:08:36,979 --> 00:08:39,855
named Trevor?
206
00:08:39,857 --> 00:08:42,492
- I don't care what you say, I'm done.
- No, you're not done.
207
00:08:42,494 --> 00:08:44,584
- No, no, no. And unlike the champ...
- No, no, no.
208
00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:45,876
... I'm going out on top.
209
00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:47,571
I don't buy it. You're not a quitter.
210
00:08:47,573 --> 00:08:49,031
He's not a quitter. He doesn't quit.
211
00:08:49,033 --> 00:08:51,867
Except golf. He should quit that.
212
00:08:51,869 --> 00:08:54,453
Hey, I-I got a question.
213
00:08:54,455 --> 00:08:56,172
If it's hot...
214
00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:59,291
why do they call it chili?
215
00:08:59,293 --> 00:09:03,045
You're a deep thinker, Joe.
216
00:09:03,047 --> 00:09:05,397
Probably why you're such
good friends with Chuck.
217
00:09:05,399 --> 00:09:06,572
Oh, yeah, we're really close.
218
00:09:06,574 --> 00:09:09,630
In fact, he doesn't know it,
but he's godfather to my cats.
219
00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,210
That's why I'm gonna
have you do something
220
00:09:12,212 --> 00:09:13,305
no one would suspect.
221
00:09:13,307 --> 00:09:15,775
I'm gonna have you
gather some intelligence.
222
00:09:15,777 --> 00:09:18,111
Okay.
223
00:09:18,113 --> 00:09:21,581
And while you're at it,
gather some for yourself.
224
00:09:27,015 --> 00:09:28,454
- This place is great.
- Yeah.
225
00:09:28,456 --> 00:09:29,864
And the gazpacho was,
226
00:09:29,866 --> 00:09:31,657
to quote my favorite mother-in-law,
227
00:09:31,659 --> 00:09:34,160
"delith-ioth".
228
00:09:34,162 --> 00:09:36,846
Well, I am glad you enjoyed it.
229
00:09:36,848 --> 00:09:39,048
You know, what a great
idea the girls had, huh?
230
00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:42,018
Yeah. Turns out I love
tapas. I'm so relieved.
231
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:44,187
I thought Mandy said, "Mom
wants to take you and Ryan
232
00:09:44,189 --> 00:09:46,523
to a... topless bar".
233
00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:49,981
And yet you showed up.
234
00:09:56,785 --> 00:10:00,769
So, Ryan... talk.
235
00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:03,606
Uh, well, it is really nice
getting out of the house.
236
00:10:03,608 --> 00:10:06,200
- Kris has been a little...
- Oh, hey, dude,
237
00:10:06,202 --> 00:10:08,535
it's not polite to complain
about your wife
238
00:10:08,537 --> 00:10:09,653
to her mother.
239
00:10:09,655 --> 00:10:11,488
Have you even read Emily Post?
240
00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:13,324
No, no, no, no, no. That's okay, Kyle.
241
00:10:13,326 --> 00:10:14,834
Look, I raised Kristin,
242
00:10:14,836 --> 00:10:16,702
so I know exactly what
Ryan's dealing with.
243
00:10:16,704 --> 00:10:18,424
You-you dish, girlfriend.
244
00:10:19,757 --> 00:10:23,334
Okay, it's just... the
mornings are particularly hard.
245
00:10:23,336 --> 00:10:24,769
You know, Kris can be just...
246
00:10:24,771 --> 00:10:26,003
- A total monster? Yeah, yeah.
- Yes.
247
00:10:26,005 --> 00:10:28,306
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She needs an hour
248
00:10:28,308 --> 00:10:30,108
before she becomes a human being again.
249
00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:31,601
- Yes.
- I know.
250
00:10:31,603 --> 00:10:33,144
I finally feel heard.
251
00:10:33,146 --> 00:10:35,261
You know, Mike and I used
to have a nickname for her
252
00:10:35,263 --> 00:10:36,323
when she was a girl.
253
00:10:36,325 --> 00:10:38,482
We called her "Partly Cloudy".
254
00:10:43,924 --> 00:10:45,697
Why?
255
00:10:45,699 --> 00:10:49,265
Well, because it would take
forever for the sun to come out.
256
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,444
Oh.
257
00:10:50,446 --> 00:10:52,920
- Yeah.
- Oh, Emily Post is wrong.
258
00:10:52,922 --> 00:10:54,716
Gossiping is a hoot.
259
00:10:54,718 --> 00:10:56,283
Do Mandy now.
260
00:10:56,285 --> 00:10:57,618
- Oh, yeah.
- Of course.
261
00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:59,828
Ah, ooh. But first...
262
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:02,640
♪ Sangria! ♪
263
00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:09,089
Greetings, my good sir.
264
00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:11,698
What's with the old-timey talk?
265
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,723
Oh, it's just something
I'm experimenting with.
266
00:11:13,725 --> 00:11:17,012
I always felt I was meant
to live in a bygone era.
267
00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:20,283
Probably, 'cause you sure
weren't meant for this one.
268
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,912
Hey, be nice to me. I got your intel.
269
00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:26,789
Or as the French call it, "information".
270
00:11:28,609 --> 00:11:31,341
No, they don't.
271
00:11:31,343 --> 00:11:33,783
So, what's going on? I-I suspect
272
00:11:33,785 --> 00:11:35,882
he's working on a secret
recipe. Is that what it is?
273
00:11:35,884 --> 00:11:37,992
No. No, he's definitely out
of it. I've confirmed it.
274
00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:39,645
Well, what's he doing?
275
00:11:39,647 --> 00:11:42,450
Look, I don't want to betray
Chuck's confidence, okay?
276
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,335
I mean, who's gonna take
care of my cats when I'm gone?
277
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,677
Joe, they're cats.
278
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,227
They're all just counting
the minutes until we die.
279
00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:52,690
Spill it.
280
00:11:52,692 --> 00:11:56,264
Okay, okay. A couple of months
ago, Chuck had an angioplasty.
281
00:11:56,266 --> 00:11:58,297
Really?
282
00:11:58,299 --> 00:12:00,113
Well, why didn't he say that?
283
00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:03,159
Oh, I don't know. Why do
you think, Mr. "Bwok-bwok"?
284
00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:05,978
Luckily, it was just a partial blockage,
285
00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,446
and he's just gonna change his diet.
286
00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:11,358
So certainly no more of
his great double-meat chili
287
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,544
with all that bacon and
nacho cheese in it, huh?
288
00:12:13,546 --> 00:12:16,405
Apparently. I guess
that's bad for you, huh?
289
00:12:16,407 --> 00:12:18,073
Oh, it's bad for you.
290
00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:19,366
You know how I know?
291
00:12:19,368 --> 00:12:21,627
'Cause it's delicious.
292
00:12:21,629 --> 00:12:23,537
You know, his dad died of heart disease.
293
00:12:23,539 --> 00:12:25,706
- Yeah, I know.
- Yeah.
294
00:12:25,708 --> 00:12:28,963
But, hey, Chuck's making
some changes to his lifestyle.
295
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,150
He's gonna live a healthier life.
296
00:12:33,099 --> 00:12:35,132
You look a little nauseous.
297
00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:36,759
It's not nausea.
298
00:12:36,761 --> 00:12:38,844
It's-it's... it's worse.
299
00:12:38,846 --> 00:12:41,281
It's... empathy.
300
00:12:48,314 --> 00:12:50,939
So Chuck didn't say anything
to you about this heart problem?
301
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:53,376
Yeah, well, to be honest,
I'm not quite sure.
302
00:12:53,378 --> 00:12:55,586
You know, my hearing's not
as good as it used to be.
303
00:12:55,588 --> 00:12:59,081
I just hope if he did, I
didn't say, "Great story!" Yeah.
304
00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:01,881
Hey, we having a drink
before we head home?
305
00:13:01,883 --> 00:13:03,574
Yeah, we were just talking
about it. Do you want, uh,
306
00:13:03,576 --> 00:13:06,094
some carrot juice or just the
hot water with lemon in it?
307
00:13:06,096 --> 00:13:09,467
Oh. Joe told you?
308
00:13:09,469 --> 00:13:12,503
Yeah. Damn it, when were
you gonna say something?
309
00:13:12,505 --> 00:13:13,969
I was just waiting for a time
310
00:13:13,971 --> 00:13:16,465
when I was in the mood
to be savagely mocked.
311
00:13:16,467 --> 00:13:19,444
Really? You think I'd make
fun of something this serious?
312
00:13:21,138 --> 00:13:22,721
Right. Right.
313
00:13:22,723 --> 00:13:24,723
This isn't like my golf game
314
00:13:24,725 --> 00:13:26,887
or my turtleneck sweaters
315
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,811
or the hundred other
things you ride me about.
316
00:13:28,813 --> 00:13:31,814
This is about mortality,
Mike. This is about
317
00:13:31,816 --> 00:13:34,733
me coming to grips with
the idea that I could die.
318
00:13:34,735 --> 00:13:36,502
Great story!
319
00:13:37,571 --> 00:13:40,781
Ed, lean in a little closer.
320
00:13:40,783 --> 00:13:44,304
So after the procedure,
are you okay now?
321
00:13:44,306 --> 00:13:46,328
Oh, yeah, and I plan
on staying that way.
322
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:48,831
I'm eating better, getting
exercise. I feel great.
323
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,165
Good for you.
324
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:52,292
Who cares if anyone mocks you?
325
00:13:52,294 --> 00:13:55,638
Yeah, you know, three nights
a week, Bonnie and I go vegan.
326
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,192
So three nights a week,
you don't eat anything?
327
00:14:00,219 --> 00:14:02,143
What about you, Baxter?
328
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:04,515
What are you doing to-to
fend off the Grim Reaper?
329
00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,849
I don't think of death
as the Grim Reaper.
330
00:14:06,851 --> 00:14:09,535
I think of death as a for-sure
way of keeping me from dancing.
331
00:14:10,604 --> 00:14:12,330
Come on, Mikey.
332
00:14:12,332 --> 00:14:14,565
Chuck and I are opening
up. Show us you're human.
333
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,334
Okay. Get this.
334
00:14:16,336 --> 00:14:19,173
- I've started meditating.
- Oh.
335
00:14:19,175 --> 00:14:21,113
Mike Baxter meditates!
336
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:26,135
He also owns a gun store.
337
00:14:26,137 --> 00:14:28,328
Okay.
338
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:29,963
Why can't you still be in the contest
339
00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:31,564
and just not eat that stuff?
340
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:34,751
No way, man. When I started
making my test batch, it hit me.
341
00:14:34,753 --> 00:14:37,653
This does not fit into my new lifestyle.
342
00:14:37,655 --> 00:14:38,797
I wish it could.
343
00:14:38,799 --> 00:14:41,216
You know, there are plenty
of vegan chili recipes. Yeah.
344
00:14:41,218 --> 00:14:43,469
Yeah. Bonnie just made
one the other night.
345
00:14:43,471 --> 00:14:44,979
Our dog loved it.
346
00:14:46,671 --> 00:14:48,652
You can't make a healthy chili
347
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:51,339
that can compete with the
kind that will kill you.
348
00:14:52,914 --> 00:14:55,022
You can't.
349
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:56,607
What are you saying, Baxter?
350
00:14:56,609 --> 00:14:58,188
I'm saying, the next best thing
351
00:14:58,190 --> 00:15:00,128
to whipping your butt in a competition
352
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:03,464
is dragging you with me
into the winner's circle.
353
00:15:06,452 --> 00:15:09,328
Oh. Hey, it's my girls.
354
00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:11,121
What a nice surprise.
355
00:15:11,123 --> 00:15:13,499
Oh, this beautiful day just got better.
356
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,084
Really, Mom? Is it a beautiful day?
357
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:17,903
You sure it's not partly cloudy?
358
00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:23,234
Yeah, with a chance of
Princess Poopy Pants?
359
00:15:25,155 --> 00:15:28,055
Sorry, but my nickname
doesn't have a weather theme.
360
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,382
I see. You are upset
361
00:15:30,384 --> 00:15:33,200
because I shared some childhood
nicknames with your husbands.
362
00:15:33,202 --> 00:15:35,365
Yeah. Nicknames that
probably should have stayed
363
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,822
within the family, Mom.
364
00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:39,229
So Kyle and Ryan aren't family?
365
00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:42,870
No. They are just two
guys with strong genes
366
00:15:42,872 --> 00:15:44,872
we dragged home to
mate with. It's science.
367
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:48,468
Yeah, they're in-laws.
368
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,386
We're... laws.
369
00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:53,306
All right, well, I'm sorry.
370
00:15:53,308 --> 00:15:56,041
I will try to be less
gabby with your husbands
371
00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:58,019
the next time you both want to ditch me.
372
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:00,804
What?
373
00:16:00,806 --> 00:16:04,341
Mom, no. God, we would never ditch you.
374
00:16:04,343 --> 00:16:07,456
Yeah, especially if we knew
we were gonna get caught.
375
00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:10,148
Look, Mom, I'm really sorry,
376
00:16:10,150 --> 00:16:11,713
but we're both really busy right now.
377
00:16:11,715 --> 00:16:13,058
Well, that's fine.
378
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:15,102
You know what? You
could have just told me.
379
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,145
We don't have to have lunch every week.
380
00:16:17,147 --> 00:16:18,560
You're not gonna hurt my feelings.
381
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:19,940
We're all adults here.
382
00:16:19,942 --> 00:16:23,310
Even you, Princess Poopy Pants.
383
00:16:23,312 --> 00:16:26,895
Okay, well, in that case,
I-I can't do lunch next week,
384
00:16:26,897 --> 00:16:28,646
and the week after is iffy.
385
00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:31,451
Yeah, same. I'm just...
I'm really swamped.
386
00:16:31,453 --> 00:16:33,353
Okay. Okay. Well, you know what?
387
00:16:33,355 --> 00:16:35,652
Thanks for telling me. See?
388
00:16:35,654 --> 00:16:37,925
It didn't kill me.
389
00:16:37,927 --> 00:16:40,019
But... but I am wounded.
390
00:16:40,021 --> 00:16:42,713
Because, you know,
391
00:16:42,715 --> 00:16:45,340
I'm only the woman who...
392
00:16:45,342 --> 00:16:47,193
gave you both life.
393
00:16:49,330 --> 00:16:51,186
There she goes.
394
00:16:51,188 --> 00:16:53,372
Melodramatic Martha.
395
00:16:58,230 --> 00:16:59,730
- Hey.
- Uh.
396
00:16:59,732 --> 00:17:02,024
Sorry I'm late. I was watching TV.
397
00:17:02,026 --> 00:17:05,494
You were right. Matlock is great!
398
00:17:05,496 --> 00:17:07,720
"I'd sooner eat a live chicken
399
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:09,740
than be your lawyer!"
400
00:17:09,742 --> 00:17:12,376
"The Debt", season seven.
401
00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:15,714
Is the contest over?
402
00:17:15,716 --> 00:17:16,757
- Who won?
- I don't know.
403
00:17:16,759 --> 00:17:18,966
Oh, uh, Kristin's, uh, tallying
up the votes right now,
404
00:17:18,968 --> 00:17:20,976
but to tell you the truth, I think
405
00:17:20,978 --> 00:17:23,337
Baxter and I have a pretty good
chance of winning this thing.
406
00:17:23,339 --> 00:17:25,179
- You're working together?
- Yeah.
407
00:17:25,181 --> 00:17:28,216
What the ding-dang-dog is going on here?
408
00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:31,341
- You've had enough Matlock.
- Yeah, it-it was actually
409
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:33,096
- Baxter's idea for us to work together.
- Yeah.
410
00:17:33,098 --> 00:17:35,515
We came up with one
amazing batch, which we call
411
00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,976
- "Chili Chili Bwok Bwok".
- That's right.
412
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:40,437
- Okay, everyone.
- All right.
413
00:17:40,439 --> 00:17:42,522
The results for the
chili contest are in,
414
00:17:42,524 --> 00:17:44,066
and the winner is...
415
00:17:44,068 --> 00:17:45,863
Oh, God, so much pork in the air.
416
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:47,778
Uh...
417
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:51,406
Joe Leonard and his Seven-Meat Chili.
418
00:17:51,408 --> 00:17:52,842
- Hey.
- What?
419
00:17:54,411 --> 00:17:55,761
Yeah.
420
00:17:55,763 --> 00:17:58,139
- Oh, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
421
00:17:58,141 --> 00:18:00,290
Well, put my leg in a tea kettle.
422
00:18:00,292 --> 00:18:02,393
Justice has not been served.
423
00:18:03,754 --> 00:18:06,570
Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
424
00:18:06,572 --> 00:18:10,064
If I won, that means you two lost,
425
00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:12,644
which is... something
you'll have to live with
426
00:18:12,646 --> 00:18:14,262
for the rest of your lives.
427
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,640
How the hell did you win this?
428
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:19,559
Yeah, the only thing you
know how to make is cat food.
429
00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:21,728
- And tell me that's not the seventh meat.
- No, no.
430
00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:24,481
I just wrote down all the
foods people shouldn't eat,
431
00:18:24,483 --> 00:18:25,958
and I put it in the pot.
432
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,235
- What about the Asian theme?
- Yeah.
433
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:31,363
I threw in some of my
old soy sauce packets.
434
00:18:31,365 --> 00:18:33,457
Uh, some of them from the '90s.
435
00:18:33,459 --> 00:18:36,802
The name "Chun King" ring a bell?
436
00:18:36,804 --> 00:18:38,954
Hold on, everyone.
437
00:18:38,956 --> 00:18:41,493
Uh, since I currently
find pork disgusting,
438
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:45,168
I am offering a spot on the
menu for a healthier option.
439
00:18:45,170 --> 00:18:47,959
Congratulations, Mike
Baxter and Chuck Larabee.
440
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,758
Hey. Yes!
441
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,927
Now if you'll excuse
me, I need to go outside
442
00:18:53,929 --> 00:18:55,738
and vomit into a bush.
443
00:18:57,632 --> 00:18:59,229
Looks like we're both winners.
444
00:18:59,231 --> 00:19:00,540
Yeah, man.
445
00:19:00,542 --> 00:19:02,972
I know I say "not cool" a lot,
446
00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:04,813
but cool.
447
00:19:04,815 --> 00:19:06,540
- Thanks for doing this with me, Baxter.
- Yeah.
448
00:19:06,542 --> 00:19:09,067
I mean... you got a good heart.
449
00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:10,600
Nah. I got to be honest with you.
450
00:19:10,602 --> 00:19:13,418
I actually physically
do not have a heart.
451
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,217
That's why I can eat
whatever I want to eat.
452
00:19:23,393 --> 00:19:25,653
Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man,
453
00:19:25,655 --> 00:19:26,936
where we don't just sell gear.
454
00:19:26,938 --> 00:19:28,170
We sell a way of life.
455
00:19:28,172 --> 00:19:30,881
And you know the one thing
you need more than anything
456
00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:33,216
to enjoy our outdoor way of life?
457
00:19:33,218 --> 00:19:35,552
Life.
458
00:19:35,554 --> 00:19:37,596
Yep, if you're dead,
459
00:19:37,598 --> 00:19:40,107
you just won't appreciate all
the cool stuff we have to offer.
460
00:19:40,109 --> 00:19:42,151
Or the amazing discounts.
461
00:19:42,153 --> 00:19:43,594
The only good thing about death...
462
00:19:43,596 --> 00:19:46,288
you don't got to pay taxes.
463
00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:47,981
Well, I guess you actually do.
464
00:19:47,983 --> 00:19:49,383
There's the death tax, isn't there?
465
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,695
Damn it. Some of the things
that make life worth living
466
00:19:53,697 --> 00:19:56,281
can actually make our lives
a little or a lot shorter.
467
00:19:56,283 --> 00:19:59,418
For each of these things, you
got to decide, is it worth it?
468
00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:01,606
Now, sure, riding a
motorcycle without a helmet
469
00:20:01,608 --> 00:20:03,163
is a lot more fun than
squeezing your nugget
470
00:20:03,165 --> 00:20:05,382
into a carbon fiber bucket.
471
00:20:05,384 --> 00:20:08,251
Full helmet like the Wild Hogs,
472
00:20:08,253 --> 00:20:09,739
or wind blowing through your hair,
473
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,805
going full Captain America
in Easy Rider.
474
00:20:11,807 --> 00:20:14,612
Ooh. Good choice, but I like 'em both.
475
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,578
But then, you split lanes,
476
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,973
and the old lady in the
Oldsmobile Delta 88 decides
477
00:20:18,975 --> 00:20:20,555
to change lanes, too.
478
00:20:20,557 --> 00:20:22,048
You go over the handlebars.
You're thinking,
479
00:20:22,050 --> 00:20:24,401
"You know what would be fun
right now is that helmet!"
480
00:20:26,313 --> 00:20:28,822
You get older, you're forced
to give up more and more.
481
00:20:28,824 --> 00:20:30,824
Your doctor. Remember
those doctors you'd...
482
00:20:30,826 --> 00:20:33,735
- actually smoke with you?
- "You know, Bob..."
483
00:20:33,737 --> 00:20:36,988
"... you should give up
these lung darts. Wow".
484
00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:38,990
You roll out of bed one morning.
485
00:20:38,992 --> 00:20:42,503
Your knees tell you to retire
from the annual 5K race.
486
00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:45,824
And finally, finally,
they come for a man's grub.
487
00:20:45,826 --> 00:20:49,376
When did kale get a publicist?
488
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:52,862
They come for our belly-busted
food, comfort food.
489
00:20:52,864 --> 00:20:54,728
The German philosopher
Friedrich Nietzsche said,
490
00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:56,216
"Time is a flat circle".
491
00:20:56,218 --> 00:20:58,569
He believed time was an
endless loop like this,
492
00:20:58,571 --> 00:21:00,762
a repetition.
493
00:21:00,764 --> 00:21:04,408
Freddy, as I like to
call him, died at 55.
494
00:21:04,410 --> 00:21:07,152
So it didn't repeat very
long, did it, Friedrich, huh?
495
00:21:07,154 --> 00:21:09,152
Probably wished that
circle was a little wider,
496
00:21:09,154 --> 00:21:11,742
included one last bratwurst
and sausage, right?
497
00:21:11,744 --> 00:21:14,485
All the stuff we give
up as we get older,
498
00:21:14,487 --> 00:21:15,982
there's one thing
we're never quite ready
499
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,696
to part with is our friends.
500
00:21:17,698 --> 00:21:19,656
Studies show the more
time you spend with them
501
00:21:19,658 --> 00:21:22,218
being active in the outdoors,
the longer they'll live.
502
00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:24,962
And if you have a friend
who rides a motorcycle,
503
00:21:24,964 --> 00:21:27,139
buy him a helmet.
504
00:21:27,141 --> 00:21:29,875
We'd hate for you to lose a friend,
505
00:21:29,877 --> 00:21:31,560
or for me to lose a customer.
506
00:21:33,088 --> 00:21:35,147
Take care of yourselves. Baxter out.
507
00:21:38,319 --> 00:21:41,336
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37671
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