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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:06,050 Hey, Baxter. 2 00:00:06,052 --> 00:00:08,344 Working hard or hardly working? 3 00:00:08,346 --> 00:00:09,554 Go back to: 4 00:00:09,556 --> 00:00:11,982 "Whazzup!" 5 00:00:11,984 --> 00:00:13,400 You know, I was going through 6 00:00:13,402 --> 00:00:15,918 the company manual looking for reasons why... 7 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,562 why Joe would be up here. 8 00:00:17,564 --> 00:00:19,314 Yep, nah, nothing there. 9 00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:22,200 I'm sure there's prob... No, nothing there, either. 10 00:00:22,202 --> 00:00:24,135 Should I go through all the... 11 00:00:24,137 --> 00:00:25,945 Nothing in... Oh, wait a minute, there it is. 12 00:00:25,947 --> 00:00:28,840 Oh. Yeah. Joe should never be up in the office. 13 00:00:29,868 --> 00:00:32,335 It doesn't say that. 14 00:00:32,337 --> 00:00:35,154 Oh, oh, oh, there she is! 15 00:00:35,156 --> 00:00:36,247 Lay it on me. 16 00:00:36,249 --> 00:00:39,000 What's the theme for the chili contest this year? 17 00:00:39,002 --> 00:00:41,228 Why did I take the stairs? 18 00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:44,380 You know, when she's older, I'm gonna have her piggyback me 19 00:00:44,382 --> 00:00:47,091 for nine months... ha... see how she likes it. 20 00:00:47,093 --> 00:00:49,226 All due respect, 21 00:00:49,228 --> 00:00:51,405 she's not due for another few weeks. 22 00:00:51,407 --> 00:00:53,389 The chili contest is now. 23 00:00:53,391 --> 00:00:54,932 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 24 00:00:54,934 --> 00:00:56,994 You'll have to let it go. He's a novice. 25 00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:59,070 He hasn't won it four times, you know? 26 00:00:59,072 --> 00:01:00,414 When you win it that many times, 27 00:01:00,416 --> 00:01:04,192 you realize the contest actually... comes to you. 28 00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,861 He may be a novice, but as I recall... 29 00:01:06,863 --> 00:01:09,781 Chuck won the Golden Apron last year. 30 00:01:09,783 --> 00:01:12,116 Wait a minute, Joe. 31 00:01:12,118 --> 00:01:14,844 If I won last year, 32 00:01:14,846 --> 00:01:17,697 why-why, that would mean that Baxter lost. 33 00:01:17,699 --> 00:01:18,748 Oh-ho-ho! 34 00:01:18,750 --> 00:01:20,241 Which is something 35 00:01:20,243 --> 00:01:22,560 he's gonna have to live with for the rest of his life. 36 00:01:22,562 --> 00:01:23,920 Yeah? Yeah? 37 00:01:23,922 --> 00:01:26,064 Those judges all reeked of bourbon. 38 00:01:27,192 --> 00:01:28,850 Everybody thought that your chili 39 00:01:28,852 --> 00:01:31,695 tasted like bad meat just drenched in ketchup. 40 00:01:32,689 --> 00:01:34,222 Sorry. 41 00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,548 Okay. Okay. 42 00:01:35,550 --> 00:01:38,910 Uh, the twist for this year is: 43 00:01:38,912 --> 00:01:42,684 all of the chili needs to be Asian-influenced. 44 00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,191 - Oh. - I love these twists. 45 00:01:45,193 --> 00:01:48,427 Ah. When I won my, uh, second... or was it third?... 46 00:01:48,429 --> 00:01:50,029 maybe the fourth time I won, 47 00:01:50,031 --> 00:01:52,123 we had to use pork shoulder. 48 00:01:52,125 --> 00:01:55,451 So my kitchen just had that delicate aroma 49 00:01:55,453 --> 00:01:59,214 of boiled tomatoes and pulled pork shank. 50 00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:08,169 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 51 00:02:10,635 --> 00:02:12,760 Hey, Jen. What are you up to? 52 00:02:12,762 --> 00:02:16,055 Uh, studying for my AP History exam. 53 00:02:16,057 --> 00:02:17,997 Boy, that Genghis Khan, 54 00:02:17,999 --> 00:02:19,841 - what a Grumpy Gus. - Yeah. 55 00:02:20,854 --> 00:02:22,579 And a Pillaging Pete. 56 00:02:23,557 --> 00:02:25,116 Well, I'm sure you'll do well. 57 00:02:25,118 --> 00:02:28,377 You actually excel at anything you put your mind to. 58 00:02:29,538 --> 00:02:30,921 What do you want? 59 00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:35,828 Chili cook-off is coming up, and it's an Asian theme. 60 00:02:35,830 --> 00:02:37,243 And I was thinking... 61 00:02:37,245 --> 00:02:39,120 remember the other night you gave us that Chinese dish 62 00:02:39,122 --> 00:02:40,921 with that unbelievably good smoked pork? 63 00:02:40,923 --> 00:02:42,974 I wonder if you could just give me the recipe for that? 64 00:02:42,976 --> 00:02:44,834 You mean my family's recipe 65 00:02:44,836 --> 00:02:47,187 that we've kept secret for 200 years? 66 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,691 Give it to me. 67 00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:53,426 Interesting. 68 00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:55,404 You need some information 69 00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:59,116 and I happen to have said information. 70 00:03:03,062 --> 00:03:05,438 Maybe we could come up with a... 71 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,607 mutually beneficial transaction? 72 00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:09,150 A little, uh... 73 00:03:09,152 --> 00:03:11,920 quid pro ro, if you will. 74 00:03:13,364 --> 00:03:14,756 Ro is Chinese for meat. 75 00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:18,565 I wonder what Chinese is 76 00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:21,087 for "get your feet off the damn table". 77 00:03:21,089 --> 00:03:25,398 Okay, the National Spelling Bee is on this whole week, 78 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,169 and I need to record it on your DVR. Deal? 79 00:03:28,171 --> 00:03:30,671 Quid pro no. 80 00:03:30,673 --> 00:03:33,424 I just have the one DVR, and it's full. 81 00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:36,243 Full of old stuff. Who the heck is Matlock, 82 00:03:36,245 --> 00:03:38,980 and why do you need 20 hours of him? 83 00:03:38,982 --> 00:03:42,308 He's the best country lawyer ever, 84 00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:45,871 and he's dead, and they're not making any more like him. 85 00:03:45,873 --> 00:03:47,146 Well... 86 00:03:47,148 --> 00:03:49,816 good luck in your... 87 00:03:49,818 --> 00:03:52,294 Tournament of Meat, or whatever. 88 00:03:54,489 --> 00:03:57,332 All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. 89 00:03:57,334 --> 00:03:59,919 Goodbye, Matlock. 90 00:03:59,921 --> 00:04:01,777 Nobody looked better 91 00:04:01,779 --> 00:04:04,473 in a seersucker powder blue suit than you. 92 00:04:06,295 --> 00:04:08,476 _ 93 00:04:08,478 --> 00:04:10,617 I don't know what it is about tapas, 94 00:04:10,619 --> 00:04:13,464 but it is the only thing this baby doesn't toss back up. 95 00:04:13,466 --> 00:04:15,827 Well, that is because it's delicious. 96 00:04:15,829 --> 00:04:18,486 Or, as they would thay in Barthelona, 97 00:04:18,488 --> 00:04:19,846 delith-ioth. 98 00:04:19,848 --> 00:04:23,057 Mom, that accent is so good I can feel it. 99 00:04:23,059 --> 00:04:24,818 I'm sorry. 100 00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:27,436 You know, I just... I just love our weekly get-togethers. 101 00:04:27,438 --> 00:04:29,289 You know, what we need is more... 102 00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:30,749 thangria. 103 00:04:32,986 --> 00:04:35,575 - Mom's the best. - She's the greatest. 104 00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:37,506 We have to stop these weekly lunches. 105 00:04:37,508 --> 00:04:40,567 I know. I mean, I love Mom's sangria dance 106 00:04:40,569 --> 00:04:42,967 as much as anyone else, but every week? 107 00:04:42,969 --> 00:04:44,770 I'm swamped with work right now. 108 00:04:44,772 --> 00:04:47,164 Me too. And I'm pregnant. I should be spending 109 00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:50,126 all of my free time in a bathtub. 110 00:04:50,128 --> 00:04:51,510 So, wait, what are we gonna do? 111 00:04:51,512 --> 00:04:52,612 I have an idea. 112 00:04:52,614 --> 00:04:54,097 - Uh, just play along. - No, no. But I don't know 113 00:04:54,099 --> 00:04:55,390 what you're doing... I'm not good at this. 114 00:04:55,392 --> 00:04:57,767 Guys, guys, guys, uh, is it me, 115 00:04:57,769 --> 00:05:00,862 or does our waiter look just like Antonio Banderas? 116 00:05:01,857 --> 00:05:05,099 It's the sangria goggles. Mm. 117 00:05:05,101 --> 00:05:07,151 Uh, hey, Mom, Mandy and I were just talking 118 00:05:07,153 --> 00:05:09,353 - about how much we love these weekly lunches. - Oh... 119 00:05:09,355 --> 00:05:11,791 She was talking. I was just playing along. 120 00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:13,157 But, uh... 121 00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:16,068 ... sadly, there are two people who feel left out. 122 00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:17,111 Really? Who? 123 00:05:17,113 --> 00:05:18,321 Ryan and Kyle. 124 00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:19,956 - Hmm. - They really miss seeing you. 125 00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:22,375 I-I bet they would love to have lunch with you, too. 126 00:05:22,377 --> 00:05:25,119 Yes. That's it. I love this now. 127 00:05:25,121 --> 00:05:27,955 Well, that is... That is really sweet, Kris. 128 00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:30,082 Why don't you guys bring 'em along next time? 129 00:05:30,084 --> 00:05:32,043 - No. - What she means is, 130 00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:33,836 uh, no... 131 00:05:33,838 --> 00:05:36,672 they should have you all to themselves. 132 00:05:36,674 --> 00:05:40,235 That's what I mean 100%. 133 00:05:40,237 --> 00:05:43,313 Oh, I see. Um, okay. 134 00:05:43,315 --> 00:05:46,504 Well, you know, next time it'll just be me and the boys. 135 00:05:46,506 --> 00:05:47,609 Cool. 136 00:05:47,611 --> 00:05:51,362 Oh, grathiath, Antonio. 137 00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:55,542 ♪ Sangria! ♪ 138 00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:02,573 Get 'em while they're hot. And they are hot. 139 00:06:02,575 --> 00:06:05,743 I like to call this Baxter's Chili Chili Bang Bang. 140 00:06:05,745 --> 00:06:07,827 Hmm. All right. 141 00:06:07,829 --> 00:06:09,163 - Here we go. Thank you. - Buh, buh, buh, buh! 142 00:06:09,165 --> 00:06:10,423 Just one per customer, 143 00:06:10,425 --> 00:06:12,166 just enough to haunt you in your dreams, 144 00:06:12,168 --> 00:06:13,968 - get you begging for more. - Okay. 145 00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:16,061 Just settle down, Mike. 146 00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:18,726 This is chili, not Sophia Loren, all right? 147 00:06:18,728 --> 00:06:21,017 For God's sake. Huh, what's the big deal? 148 00:06:21,019 --> 00:06:23,636 It's just... just a... 149 00:06:23,638 --> 00:06:25,179 Damn! 150 00:06:25,181 --> 00:06:26,689 Oh-ho-hoo! 151 00:06:26,691 --> 00:06:29,934 This is Sophia Loren and Gina Lollobrigida. 152 00:06:29,936 --> 00:06:31,936 Yes, sir. Mmm. 153 00:06:31,938 --> 00:06:35,439 All swirled together in one tiny cup. 154 00:06:35,441 --> 00:06:37,441 Oh, boy, that's good. Boy, that's good. 155 00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:39,586 But it's more... 156 00:06:39,588 --> 00:06:41,546 Margaret Thatcher and Madame Curie. 157 00:06:43,258 --> 00:06:45,658 I like 'em tough and brainy, you know? 158 00:06:45,660 --> 00:06:48,494 What are you up to with these samples, Baxter? 159 00:06:48,496 --> 00:06:49,745 Well, I made too much last night. 160 00:06:49,747 --> 00:06:51,239 I wasn't gonna throw it out. 161 00:06:51,241 --> 00:06:54,208 I mean, would Michelangelo toss it away if he sculpted 162 00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:56,210 too much David? 163 00:06:56,212 --> 00:06:58,421 I've seen that statue, Mikey. 164 00:06:58,423 --> 00:07:01,890 Believe me, he did not sculpt too much. 165 00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:03,092 - Give it a shot. - Mm-hmm. 166 00:07:03,094 --> 00:07:04,116 See what it tastes like 167 00:07:04,118 --> 00:07:05,344 when you don't get your recipe 168 00:07:05,346 --> 00:07:06,721 off the back of a ketchup bottle. 169 00:07:06,723 --> 00:07:08,389 Hey, hey, don't knock ketchup. 170 00:07:08,391 --> 00:07:11,368 In a pinch, it makes a great hair gel. 171 00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:15,229 You know what I say about this, Baxter? 172 00:07:15,231 --> 00:07:16,447 Here it comes. 173 00:07:16,449 --> 00:07:19,358 - It's fantastic! - Yeah. 174 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,373 What? Don't mock me with your praise. 175 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,578 I will not be praise-mocked. 176 00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:24,872 No, no... no, no, I'm serious. This time, you... 177 00:07:24,874 --> 00:07:27,908 you really brought your A game. 178 00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:30,411 Yeah. The only thing that would make this more delicious is 179 00:07:30,413 --> 00:07:32,666 - watching you go down in flames. - Mm. 180 00:07:32,668 --> 00:07:35,066 Unfortunately, that is not gonna happen. 181 00:07:35,068 --> 00:07:36,810 - Oh, yeah, I think it will. - Because I'm dropping out. 182 00:07:36,812 --> 00:07:38,228 Oh, yeah. What? 183 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,757 This chili made you drop out? 184 00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:46,486 I should send this to Bernie Sanders. 185 00:07:52,351 --> 00:07:54,769 What do you mean you're dropping out? You can't quit. 186 00:07:54,771 --> 00:07:57,472 I'm not. I'm retiring as champion. 187 00:07:57,474 --> 00:07:58,579 - Wh-what? - And to tell you the truth, 188 00:07:58,581 --> 00:08:00,274 I only stayed in this long to, you know, 189 00:08:00,276 --> 00:08:02,068 motivate you to raise your game. 190 00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:05,193 You know what you remind me of is old canned chili. 191 00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:07,007 Gassy and full of beans. 192 00:08:07,009 --> 00:08:09,241 - Hey, you got to admit, Baxter, it worked. - What? 193 00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:11,419 Last year's chili was... meh. 194 00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:13,763 But this is meh-nificent. 195 00:08:16,949 --> 00:08:18,796 The only reason you're dropping out 196 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,252 is you don't think you can beat me. 197 00:08:20,254 --> 00:08:21,420 You know... you know, 198 00:08:21,422 --> 00:08:23,005 you're what I would never put in chili. 199 00:08:23,007 --> 00:08:25,066 - Hmm? - Chicken. 200 00:08:25,068 --> 00:08:27,694 Why are you so upset? 201 00:08:27,696 --> 00:08:29,970 With me out, you're a slam dunk to win. 202 00:08:29,972 --> 00:08:32,538 You kn-you know... you remember when Frazier quit? 203 00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:35,434 Ali only had to fight Trevor Berbick. 204 00:08:35,436 --> 00:08:36,977 Who cares if you beat a dude 205 00:08:36,979 --> 00:08:39,855 named Trevor? 206 00:08:39,857 --> 00:08:42,492 - I don't care what you say, I'm done. - No, you're not done. 207 00:08:42,494 --> 00:08:44,584 - No, no, no. And unlike the champ... - No, no, no. 208 00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:45,876 ... I'm going out on top. 209 00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:47,571 I don't buy it. You're not a quitter. 210 00:08:47,573 --> 00:08:49,031 He's not a quitter. He doesn't quit. 211 00:08:49,033 --> 00:08:51,867 Except golf. He should quit that. 212 00:08:51,869 --> 00:08:54,453 Hey, I-I got a question. 213 00:08:54,455 --> 00:08:56,172 If it's hot... 214 00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:59,291 why do they call it chili? 215 00:08:59,293 --> 00:09:03,045 You're a deep thinker, Joe. 216 00:09:03,047 --> 00:09:05,397 Probably why you're such good friends with Chuck. 217 00:09:05,399 --> 00:09:06,572 Oh, yeah, we're really close. 218 00:09:06,574 --> 00:09:09,630 In fact, he doesn't know it, but he's godfather to my cats. 219 00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,210 That's why I'm gonna have you do something 220 00:09:12,212 --> 00:09:13,305 no one would suspect. 221 00:09:13,307 --> 00:09:15,775 I'm gonna have you gather some intelligence. 222 00:09:15,777 --> 00:09:18,111 Okay. 223 00:09:18,113 --> 00:09:21,581 And while you're at it, gather some for yourself. 224 00:09:27,015 --> 00:09:28,454 - This place is great. - Yeah. 225 00:09:28,456 --> 00:09:29,864 And the gazpacho was, 226 00:09:29,866 --> 00:09:31,657 to quote my favorite mother-in-law, 227 00:09:31,659 --> 00:09:34,160 "delith-ioth". 228 00:09:34,162 --> 00:09:36,846 Well, I am glad you enjoyed it. 229 00:09:36,848 --> 00:09:39,048 You know, what a great idea the girls had, huh? 230 00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:42,018 Yeah. Turns out I love tapas. I'm so relieved. 231 00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:44,187 I thought Mandy said, "Mom wants to take you and Ryan 232 00:09:44,189 --> 00:09:46,523 to a... topless bar". 233 00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:49,981 And yet you showed up. 234 00:09:56,785 --> 00:10:00,769 So, Ryan... talk. 235 00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:03,606 Uh, well, it is really nice getting out of the house. 236 00:10:03,608 --> 00:10:06,200 - Kris has been a little... - Oh, hey, dude, 237 00:10:06,202 --> 00:10:08,535 it's not polite to complain about your wife 238 00:10:08,537 --> 00:10:09,653 to her mother. 239 00:10:09,655 --> 00:10:11,488 Have you even read Emily Post? 240 00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:13,324 No, no, no, no, no. That's okay, Kyle. 241 00:10:13,326 --> 00:10:14,834 Look, I raised Kristin, 242 00:10:14,836 --> 00:10:16,702 so I know exactly what Ryan's dealing with. 243 00:10:16,704 --> 00:10:18,424 You-you dish, girlfriend. 244 00:10:19,757 --> 00:10:23,334 Okay, it's just... the mornings are particularly hard. 245 00:10:23,336 --> 00:10:24,769 You know, Kris can be just... 246 00:10:24,771 --> 00:10:26,003 - A total monster? Yeah, yeah. - Yes. 247 00:10:26,005 --> 00:10:28,306 Yeah, yeah, yeah. She needs an hour 248 00:10:28,308 --> 00:10:30,108 before she becomes a human being again. 249 00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:31,601 - Yes. - I know. 250 00:10:31,603 --> 00:10:33,144 I finally feel heard. 251 00:10:33,146 --> 00:10:35,261 You know, Mike and I used to have a nickname for her 252 00:10:35,263 --> 00:10:36,323 when she was a girl. 253 00:10:36,325 --> 00:10:38,482 We called her "Partly Cloudy". 254 00:10:43,924 --> 00:10:45,697 Why? 255 00:10:45,699 --> 00:10:49,265 Well, because it would take forever for the sun to come out. 256 00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,444 Oh. 257 00:10:50,446 --> 00:10:52,920 - Yeah. - Oh, Emily Post is wrong. 258 00:10:52,922 --> 00:10:54,716 Gossiping is a hoot. 259 00:10:54,718 --> 00:10:56,283 Do Mandy now. 260 00:10:56,285 --> 00:10:57,618 - Oh, yeah. - Of course. 261 00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:59,828 Ah, ooh. But first... 262 00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:02,640 ♪ Sangria! ♪ 263 00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:09,089 Greetings, my good sir. 264 00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:11,698 What's with the old-timey talk? 265 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,723 Oh, it's just something I'm experimenting with. 266 00:11:13,725 --> 00:11:17,012 I always felt I was meant to live in a bygone era. 267 00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:20,283 Probably, 'cause you sure weren't meant for this one. 268 00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,912 Hey, be nice to me. I got your intel. 269 00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:26,789 Or as the French call it, "information". 270 00:11:28,609 --> 00:11:31,341 No, they don't. 271 00:11:31,343 --> 00:11:33,783 So, what's going on? I-I suspect 272 00:11:33,785 --> 00:11:35,882 he's working on a secret recipe. Is that what it is? 273 00:11:35,884 --> 00:11:37,992 No. No, he's definitely out of it. I've confirmed it. 274 00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:39,645 Well, what's he doing? 275 00:11:39,647 --> 00:11:42,450 Look, I don't want to betray Chuck's confidence, okay? 276 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,335 I mean, who's gonna take care of my cats when I'm gone? 277 00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,677 Joe, they're cats. 278 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,227 They're all just counting the minutes until we die. 279 00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:52,690 Spill it. 280 00:11:52,692 --> 00:11:56,264 Okay, okay. A couple of months ago, Chuck had an angioplasty. 281 00:11:56,266 --> 00:11:58,297 Really? 282 00:11:58,299 --> 00:12:00,113 Well, why didn't he say that? 283 00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:03,159 Oh, I don't know. Why do you think, Mr. "Bwok-bwok"? 284 00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:05,978 Luckily, it was just a partial blockage, 285 00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,446 and he's just gonna change his diet. 286 00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:11,358 So certainly no more of his great double-meat chili 287 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,544 with all that bacon and nacho cheese in it, huh? 288 00:12:13,546 --> 00:12:16,405 Apparently. I guess that's bad for you, huh? 289 00:12:16,407 --> 00:12:18,073 Oh, it's bad for you. 290 00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:19,366 You know how I know? 291 00:12:19,368 --> 00:12:21,627 'Cause it's delicious. 292 00:12:21,629 --> 00:12:23,537 You know, his dad died of heart disease. 293 00:12:23,539 --> 00:12:25,706 - Yeah, I know. - Yeah. 294 00:12:25,708 --> 00:12:28,963 But, hey, Chuck's making some changes to his lifestyle. 295 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,150 He's gonna live a healthier life. 296 00:12:33,099 --> 00:12:35,132 You look a little nauseous. 297 00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:36,759 It's not nausea. 298 00:12:36,761 --> 00:12:38,844 It's-it's... it's worse. 299 00:12:38,846 --> 00:12:41,281 It's... empathy. 300 00:12:48,314 --> 00:12:50,939 So Chuck didn't say anything to you about this heart problem? 301 00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:53,376 Yeah, well, to be honest, I'm not quite sure. 302 00:12:53,378 --> 00:12:55,586 You know, my hearing's not as good as it used to be. 303 00:12:55,588 --> 00:12:59,081 I just hope if he did, I didn't say, "Great story!" Yeah. 304 00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:01,881 Hey, we having a drink before we head home? 305 00:13:01,883 --> 00:13:03,574 Yeah, we were just talking about it. Do you want, uh, 306 00:13:03,576 --> 00:13:06,094 some carrot juice or just the hot water with lemon in it? 307 00:13:06,096 --> 00:13:09,467 Oh. Joe told you? 308 00:13:09,469 --> 00:13:12,503 Yeah. Damn it, when were you gonna say something? 309 00:13:12,505 --> 00:13:13,969 I was just waiting for a time 310 00:13:13,971 --> 00:13:16,465 when I was in the mood to be savagely mocked. 311 00:13:16,467 --> 00:13:19,444 Really? You think I'd make fun of something this serious? 312 00:13:21,138 --> 00:13:22,721 Right. Right. 313 00:13:22,723 --> 00:13:24,723 This isn't like my golf game 314 00:13:24,725 --> 00:13:26,887 or my turtleneck sweaters 315 00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,811 or the hundred other things you ride me about. 316 00:13:28,813 --> 00:13:31,814 This is about mortality, Mike. This is about 317 00:13:31,816 --> 00:13:34,733 me coming to grips with the idea that I could die. 318 00:13:34,735 --> 00:13:36,502 Great story! 319 00:13:37,571 --> 00:13:40,781 Ed, lean in a little closer. 320 00:13:40,783 --> 00:13:44,304 So after the procedure, are you okay now? 321 00:13:44,306 --> 00:13:46,328 Oh, yeah, and I plan on staying that way. 322 00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:48,831 I'm eating better, getting exercise. I feel great. 323 00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,165 Good for you. 324 00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:52,292 Who cares if anyone mocks you? 325 00:13:52,294 --> 00:13:55,638 Yeah, you know, three nights a week, Bonnie and I go vegan. 326 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,192 So three nights a week, you don't eat anything? 327 00:14:00,219 --> 00:14:02,143 What about you, Baxter? 328 00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:04,515 What are you doing to-to fend off the Grim Reaper? 329 00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,849 I don't think of death as the Grim Reaper. 330 00:14:06,851 --> 00:14:09,535 I think of death as a for-sure way of keeping me from dancing. 331 00:14:10,604 --> 00:14:12,330 Come on, Mikey. 332 00:14:12,332 --> 00:14:14,565 Chuck and I are opening up. Show us you're human. 333 00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,334 Okay. Get this. 334 00:14:16,336 --> 00:14:19,173 - I've started meditating. - Oh. 335 00:14:19,175 --> 00:14:21,113 Mike Baxter meditates! 336 00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:26,135 He also owns a gun store. 337 00:14:26,137 --> 00:14:28,328 Okay. 338 00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:29,963 Why can't you still be in the contest 339 00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:31,564 and just not eat that stuff? 340 00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:34,751 No way, man. When I started making my test batch, it hit me. 341 00:14:34,753 --> 00:14:37,653 This does not fit into my new lifestyle. 342 00:14:37,655 --> 00:14:38,797 I wish it could. 343 00:14:38,799 --> 00:14:41,216 You know, there are plenty of vegan chili recipes. Yeah. 344 00:14:41,218 --> 00:14:43,469 Yeah. Bonnie just made one the other night. 345 00:14:43,471 --> 00:14:44,979 Our dog loved it. 346 00:14:46,671 --> 00:14:48,652 You can't make a healthy chili 347 00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:51,339 that can compete with the kind that will kill you. 348 00:14:52,914 --> 00:14:55,022 You can't. 349 00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:56,607 What are you saying, Baxter? 350 00:14:56,609 --> 00:14:58,188 I'm saying, the next best thing 351 00:14:58,190 --> 00:15:00,128 to whipping your butt in a competition 352 00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:03,464 is dragging you with me into the winner's circle. 353 00:15:06,452 --> 00:15:09,328 Oh. Hey, it's my girls. 354 00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:11,121 What a nice surprise. 355 00:15:11,123 --> 00:15:13,499 Oh, this beautiful day just got better. 356 00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,084 Really, Mom? Is it a beautiful day? 357 00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:17,903 You sure it's not partly cloudy? 358 00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:23,234 Yeah, with a chance of Princess Poopy Pants? 359 00:15:25,155 --> 00:15:28,055 Sorry, but my nickname doesn't have a weather theme. 360 00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,382 I see. You are upset 361 00:15:30,384 --> 00:15:33,200 because I shared some childhood nicknames with your husbands. 362 00:15:33,202 --> 00:15:35,365 Yeah. Nicknames that probably should have stayed 363 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,822 within the family, Mom. 364 00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:39,229 So Kyle and Ryan aren't family? 365 00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:42,870 No. They are just two guys with strong genes 366 00:15:42,872 --> 00:15:44,872 we dragged home to mate with. It's science. 367 00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:48,468 Yeah, they're in-laws. 368 00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,386 We're... laws. 369 00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:53,306 All right, well, I'm sorry. 370 00:15:53,308 --> 00:15:56,041 I will try to be less gabby with your husbands 371 00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:58,019 the next time you both want to ditch me. 372 00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:00,804 What? 373 00:16:00,806 --> 00:16:04,341 Mom, no. God, we would never ditch you. 374 00:16:04,343 --> 00:16:07,456 Yeah, especially if we knew we were gonna get caught. 375 00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:10,148 Look, Mom, I'm really sorry, 376 00:16:10,150 --> 00:16:11,713 but we're both really busy right now. 377 00:16:11,715 --> 00:16:13,058 Well, that's fine. 378 00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:15,102 You know what? You could have just told me. 379 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,145 We don't have to have lunch every week. 380 00:16:17,147 --> 00:16:18,560 You're not gonna hurt my feelings. 381 00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:19,940 We're all adults here. 382 00:16:19,942 --> 00:16:23,310 Even you, Princess Poopy Pants. 383 00:16:23,312 --> 00:16:26,895 Okay, well, in that case, I-I can't do lunch next week, 384 00:16:26,897 --> 00:16:28,646 and the week after is iffy. 385 00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:31,451 Yeah, same. I'm just... I'm really swamped. 386 00:16:31,453 --> 00:16:33,353 Okay. Okay. Well, you know what? 387 00:16:33,355 --> 00:16:35,652 Thanks for telling me. See? 388 00:16:35,654 --> 00:16:37,925 It didn't kill me. 389 00:16:37,927 --> 00:16:40,019 But... but I am wounded. 390 00:16:40,021 --> 00:16:42,713 Because, you know, 391 00:16:42,715 --> 00:16:45,340 I'm only the woman who... 392 00:16:45,342 --> 00:16:47,193 gave you both life. 393 00:16:49,330 --> 00:16:51,186 There she goes. 394 00:16:51,188 --> 00:16:53,372 Melodramatic Martha. 395 00:16:58,230 --> 00:16:59,730 - Hey. - Uh. 396 00:16:59,732 --> 00:17:02,024 Sorry I'm late. I was watching TV. 397 00:17:02,026 --> 00:17:05,494 You were right. Matlock is great! 398 00:17:05,496 --> 00:17:07,720 "I'd sooner eat a live chicken 399 00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:09,740 than be your lawyer!" 400 00:17:09,742 --> 00:17:12,376 "The Debt", season seven. 401 00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:15,714 Is the contest over? 402 00:17:15,716 --> 00:17:16,757 - Who won? - I don't know. 403 00:17:16,759 --> 00:17:18,966 Oh, uh, Kristin's, uh, tallying up the votes right now, 404 00:17:18,968 --> 00:17:20,976 but to tell you the truth, I think 405 00:17:20,978 --> 00:17:23,337 Baxter and I have a pretty good chance of winning this thing. 406 00:17:23,339 --> 00:17:25,179 - You're working together? - Yeah. 407 00:17:25,181 --> 00:17:28,216 What the ding-dang-dog is going on here? 408 00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:31,341 - You've had enough Matlock. - Yeah, it-it was actually 409 00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:33,096 - Baxter's idea for us to work together. - Yeah. 410 00:17:33,098 --> 00:17:35,515 We came up with one amazing batch, which we call 411 00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,976 - "Chili Chili Bwok Bwok". - That's right. 412 00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:40,437 - Okay, everyone. - All right. 413 00:17:40,439 --> 00:17:42,522 The results for the chili contest are in, 414 00:17:42,524 --> 00:17:44,066 and the winner is... 415 00:17:44,068 --> 00:17:45,863 Oh, God, so much pork in the air. 416 00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:47,778 Uh... 417 00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:51,406 Joe Leonard and his Seven-Meat Chili. 418 00:17:51,408 --> 00:17:52,842 - Hey. - What? 419 00:17:54,411 --> 00:17:55,761 Yeah. 420 00:17:55,763 --> 00:17:58,139 - Oh, thank you. - Mm-hmm. 421 00:17:58,141 --> 00:18:00,290 Well, put my leg in a tea kettle. 422 00:18:00,292 --> 00:18:02,393 Justice has not been served. 423 00:18:03,754 --> 00:18:06,570 Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 424 00:18:06,572 --> 00:18:10,064 If I won, that means you two lost, 425 00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:12,644 which is... something you'll have to live with 426 00:18:12,646 --> 00:18:14,262 for the rest of your lives. 427 00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,640 How the hell did you win this? 428 00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:19,559 Yeah, the only thing you know how to make is cat food. 429 00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:21,728 - And tell me that's not the seventh meat. - No, no. 430 00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:24,481 I just wrote down all the foods people shouldn't eat, 431 00:18:24,483 --> 00:18:25,958 and I put it in the pot. 432 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,235 - What about the Asian theme? - Yeah. 433 00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:31,363 I threw in some of my old soy sauce packets. 434 00:18:31,365 --> 00:18:33,457 Uh, some of them from the '90s. 435 00:18:33,459 --> 00:18:36,802 The name "Chun King" ring a bell? 436 00:18:36,804 --> 00:18:38,954 Hold on, everyone. 437 00:18:38,956 --> 00:18:41,493 Uh, since I currently find pork disgusting, 438 00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:45,168 I am offering a spot on the menu for a healthier option. 439 00:18:45,170 --> 00:18:47,959 Congratulations, Mike Baxter and Chuck Larabee. 440 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,758 Hey. Yes! 441 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,927 Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go outside 442 00:18:53,929 --> 00:18:55,738 and vomit into a bush. 443 00:18:57,632 --> 00:18:59,229 Looks like we're both winners. 444 00:18:59,231 --> 00:19:00,540 Yeah, man. 445 00:19:00,542 --> 00:19:02,972 I know I say "not cool" a lot, 446 00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:04,813 but cool. 447 00:19:04,815 --> 00:19:06,540 - Thanks for doing this with me, Baxter. - Yeah. 448 00:19:06,542 --> 00:19:09,067 I mean... you got a good heart. 449 00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:10,600 Nah. I got to be honest with you. 450 00:19:10,602 --> 00:19:13,418 I actually physically do not have a heart. 451 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,217 That's why I can eat whatever I want to eat. 452 00:19:23,393 --> 00:19:25,653 Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man, 453 00:19:25,655 --> 00:19:26,936 where we don't just sell gear. 454 00:19:26,938 --> 00:19:28,170 We sell a way of life. 455 00:19:28,172 --> 00:19:30,881 And you know the one thing you need more than anything 456 00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:33,216 to enjoy our outdoor way of life? 457 00:19:33,218 --> 00:19:35,552 Life. 458 00:19:35,554 --> 00:19:37,596 Yep, if you're dead, 459 00:19:37,598 --> 00:19:40,107 you just won't appreciate all the cool stuff we have to offer. 460 00:19:40,109 --> 00:19:42,151 Or the amazing discounts. 461 00:19:42,153 --> 00:19:43,594 The only good thing about death... 462 00:19:43,596 --> 00:19:46,288 you don't got to pay taxes. 463 00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:47,981 Well, I guess you actually do. 464 00:19:47,983 --> 00:19:49,383 There's the death tax, isn't there? 465 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,695 Damn it. Some of the things that make life worth living 466 00:19:53,697 --> 00:19:56,281 can actually make our lives a little or a lot shorter. 467 00:19:56,283 --> 00:19:59,418 For each of these things, you got to decide, is it worth it? 468 00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:01,606 Now, sure, riding a motorcycle without a helmet 469 00:20:01,608 --> 00:20:03,163 is a lot more fun than squeezing your nugget 470 00:20:03,165 --> 00:20:05,382 into a carbon fiber bucket. 471 00:20:05,384 --> 00:20:08,251 Full helmet like the Wild Hogs, 472 00:20:08,253 --> 00:20:09,739 or wind blowing through your hair, 473 00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,805 going full Captain America in Easy Rider. 474 00:20:11,807 --> 00:20:14,612 Ooh. Good choice, but I like 'em both. 475 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,578 But then, you split lanes, 476 00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,973 and the old lady in the Oldsmobile Delta 88 decides 477 00:20:18,975 --> 00:20:20,555 to change lanes, too. 478 00:20:20,557 --> 00:20:22,048 You go over the handlebars. You're thinking, 479 00:20:22,050 --> 00:20:24,401 "You know what would be fun right now is that helmet!" 480 00:20:26,313 --> 00:20:28,822 You get older, you're forced to give up more and more. 481 00:20:28,824 --> 00:20:30,824 Your doctor. Remember those doctors you'd... 482 00:20:30,826 --> 00:20:33,735 - actually smoke with you? - "You know, Bob..." 483 00:20:33,737 --> 00:20:36,988 "... you should give up these lung darts. Wow". 484 00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:38,990 You roll out of bed one morning. 485 00:20:38,992 --> 00:20:42,503 Your knees tell you to retire from the annual 5K race. 486 00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:45,824 And finally, finally, they come for a man's grub. 487 00:20:45,826 --> 00:20:49,376 When did kale get a publicist? 488 00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:52,862 They come for our belly-busted food, comfort food. 489 00:20:52,864 --> 00:20:54,728 The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, 490 00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:56,216 "Time is a flat circle". 491 00:20:56,218 --> 00:20:58,569 He believed time was an endless loop like this, 492 00:20:58,571 --> 00:21:00,762 a repetition. 493 00:21:00,764 --> 00:21:04,408 Freddy, as I like to call him, died at 55. 494 00:21:04,410 --> 00:21:07,152 So it didn't repeat very long, did it, Friedrich, huh? 495 00:21:07,154 --> 00:21:09,152 Probably wished that circle was a little wider, 496 00:21:09,154 --> 00:21:11,742 included one last bratwurst and sausage, right? 497 00:21:11,744 --> 00:21:14,485 All the stuff we give up as we get older, 498 00:21:14,487 --> 00:21:15,982 there's one thing we're never quite ready 499 00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,696 to part with is our friends. 500 00:21:17,698 --> 00:21:19,656 Studies show the more time you spend with them 501 00:21:19,658 --> 00:21:22,218 being active in the outdoors, the longer they'll live. 502 00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:24,962 And if you have a friend who rides a motorcycle, 503 00:21:24,964 --> 00:21:27,139 buy him a helmet. 504 00:21:27,141 --> 00:21:29,875 We'd hate for you to lose a friend, 505 00:21:29,877 --> 00:21:31,560 or for me to lose a customer. 506 00:21:33,088 --> 00:21:35,147 Take care of yourselves. Baxter out. 507 00:21:38,319 --> 00:21:41,336 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 37671

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